My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 572: Sky Captain and the World of Giamatti

Episode Date: August 9, 2021

We've always wanted to run one of the themed rides in Magic Kingdom. It turns out we can! Right now! Sit back, relax, and we’ll take you on a Jungle Cruise of the Mind. Suggested talking points: Nude glued and totally rude, Business Objects, All I wanted was to kill Lincoln on my birthday, Pacino and Bambino, Gentleman Chicken SaboteursSupport AAPI communities and those affected by anti-Asian violence: https://www.gofundme.com/c/act/stop-aapi-hate For resources on anti-racism and fighting police violence: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? To a precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach My life, it feels like

It's better, it's better with you My life, it's better, it's better with you This is true, it's better, it's better with you My life, it's better with you Hello and welcome to my brother, my brother me and advice show for the Modular, I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy I'm your manliest brother, Travis, big dog woof woof McElroy I'm your sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy I don't know that I have the same level of energy as my two brothers

Rarely, rarely did it together I mean, here's what I'll say Okay I watched Jungle Cruise Yes you did But I don't feel like I saw it And here's why Because you experienced it in your blood

No, it's bad What? It's negative And honestly, I blame the filmmakers And Diz I blame Bob J. Pack all the way down The whole Diz family I blame them

Because ten minutes into this fucking flick Right Gia-Madi pops up You're fucking kidding me Now my kids, obviously, from that point on, that's all they can talk about Big Gia-Madi fans Dad, when's Gia-Madi coming back? Yeah, when's the G-Man back?

Dad, what's with Gia-Madi's accent? Dad, do you think Gia-Madi made scale for this? Or do you think it's a payday? Or do you think it was a favor to do the rock? Do you think he shot out in one day? Or do you think he was there for a while? Yeah, do you think they just gang shot all the Gia-Madi stuff, daddy? Then it's like 30 minutes into this fucker

And Gia-Madi's not hiding her hair Of Gia-Madi Not even a post credit sequence Not even a hint that Gia-Madi will return In Jungle Cruise 2, Jungle 2s You don't even get that bit where he reaches in and grabs the gauntlet And he puts it on and he slides some infinity gems in it And he's like, it looks like it's time for Gia-Madi to go to work

What was interesting to me is so I watched it And my 18-month-old dad, all she was wondering was like, we haven't seen Gia-Madi in a while How much of this is makeup? Something she kept asking like, it's been a while since I've seen Gia-Madi How much of that is just his look now? Because not all of it's bad, frankly The problem is with COVID interrupting, they had to do a lot of it with computers So about 70% of it is Gia-Madi

Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah You got Gia-Madi? No, it's better when you say it faster, honestly The first time Gia-Madi Gia-Madi Gia-Madi There you go

And Dot kept asking me like, how much of this do you think is just Gia-Madi's single shot With him like looking at a tennis ball But then they like cut together with the rock scenes, how much was he on set Right In these scenes, you know what I mean? Because there's a lot of single shots, you know, not a lot of doubles Yeah, it's like Sky Captain in the world of Gia-Madi Yeah, right, right, right, right, right, right

And that's the episode title of today's episode We got that out two minutes in He didn't even fly out from what I heard Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah He didn't even fly out Here's what happened, Gia-Madi put on one of those tennis ball mode cap suits Yeah, yeah, yeah He said, Gia-Madi, we can do with ping pong balls

And he said, no, I only work with tennis balls No, I only work with tennis balls because I want my movements to be very specific Yeah, yeah, yeah So the balls need to be much larger and yellow But he didn't do this movie specifically So what Gia-Madi did, and this is smart Yeah He stood in front of a camera and said every word

Yeah, in the dictionary, not just English Yeah Gia-Madi said all the work Because China's the future Right And he also did all the Future of Entertainment He did all the movements, too

And he was nude T-posing the entire time He was fully naked Yeah, what tennis balls glued to his nude body Right, and he just said, and just use this however you want Yeah, and he kept saying, I'm nude, glued, and totally rude Which was weird You can't stay in that over and over again 75 years after his death, Paul Gia-Madi will be the only actor that is in the public domain

Yeah So you can use a Gia-Madi performance in anything Welcome to the Library of Congress Let me show you around I'm hollow Gia-Madi You can use him to basically advertise anything at that point True I didn't see the fucking flick

Yeah But I have been on the Jungle Cruise ride Yeah So is most of the film Dwayne cutting up point and hat things in the water? Yes, hey bud I know that you're having some fun here Not But this is the danger of having fun when you don't have the context

It's a lot of the Absolutely It's like a lot of the movie It is one of the most accurate Fiend Park ride to movie adaptations I have ever seen So much of it is a Jungle Cruise Yeah First of all

You would expect the cruise to be the first half hour, right? No, no, no, no, no No, no, no, there's probably more Jungle Cruise in this than there are pirates in Pirates of the Caribbean Absolutely You know how in Pirates of the Caribbean when they made the movie, if you've seen it nine times in theaters, which I did There will be like little winks at the ride where it's like, oh now the pirates are trying to tempt the dog with a bone, right? It's like what Jungle Cruise they said, what if we did that but it's hints at a movie within the ride adaptation that we made Okay

And like to the point where like I felt at one point that much like they do sometimes like where Disney would be like We stared at Lions for two weeks before making Lion King I imagine that Dwayne The Rock Johnson rode Jungle Cruise endlessly for like a week to prepare for this role Cause he was nailing it I mean I did I did dead ass read that he, he led some Jungle Cruise rides Hell Which like how lucky do you have that has to make a way

I mean it's like, okay, but here's the problem with what you just said is it's not true Oh it's not No, but here's the weird thing about it I watched this Jungle Cruise, it's like behind the attraction or whatever, right? Yes, yes Of course you know I'm loving that Right Later for it

And The Rock said to get to prepare for this role, I've actually led several Jungle Cruises This is what I saw Okay, but here's the thing that he said right after that in this special and he says, and if you're wondering why you never saw anybody talking about The Rock doing that It's because it all happened in my mind Oh Oh that's interesting Dwayne So Isn't that interesting

So he, huh, isn't that interesting So like you can picture him like sitting in his bathtub, eyes closed, like just pointing And he has like put little like tape marks everywhere where he's supposed to point And he's practiced until he can just nail it eyes closed every time And if someone walked into the room they would get really worried about The Rock Yeah He's like, he's just, I mean it's just what he's, I mean Just like laying in bed surrounded by his crystals and just saying like, and there's the back of the water

And everybody's like, yeah I didn't even know how complete the visualization was Yes To what extent was Dwayne, you know, imagining all of it every second of it? Yeah Did he do the cue? Because he can get up there, you know He can make in a lot, yeah, sure

Dwayne picture himself as a scrawny teenager leading it with a little bit of apathy, frankly It's possible, possible Hey, is there a scene in the movie where Dwayne points over the side of the boat and is like And there's a, check out that wily witch doctor with his shrunken head That's no way to get ahead in business And then Emily Blunt is sitting in the front of the boat and she's like This feels bad, like that feels probably bad Not quite that griffin, but not far off

Like this feels like a pretty problematic portray Like I'm not here to tell you your job, The Rock But even the Disney ride is starting to sort of leave some of this stuff on the old cutting room floor Hey guys, I don't want you to think I'm fucking with you So I just went ahead, the bar is sitting here having some fun I cued up this exact joint because I want you to hear it Cool, cool I have had a chance to skipper many Jungle Cruise boats

Over the years in multiple parks Oh, hopefully not like this And you're probably thinking, wow, I don't remember ever seeing you there, Rock He's absolutely right Of course you didn't, because it all happened in my mind And it's so good It's one of the wilder things I've ever heard a human being rock or non-rock say You know, it's like, it's a very wild thing to say from The Rock

Can I tell you, with that context, Justin, thank you very much It's not like he's saying in preparing for this role, I pictured myself He says in multiple parks over the years Over the years Why even add that detail? It's such a specific, it would be as though he said I remember actually in the, it was July 13th, 2017 I did one

That's when I did the Tokyo Disney ride I did Tokyo Disney July 13th of 2017 Yeah, whenever I get really stressed out on set I just close my eyes and picture myself leading one of the Jungle Cruises Jungle Cruises, take me away I just don't know why that would be the case I'm so happy it was the case But I don't know why it would be the case, you know what I'm saying?

Have you guys seen the clip of Emily Blunt and The Rock doing like a press tour, you know, press day for Jungle Cruises And like a reporter asked him about Vin Diesel talking about like getting the best performance out of The Rock through like Did we not talk about that? We talked about this because it was after the Oh yeah, and then Emily Blunt We talked, I told you this, but it was after the episode Oh yeah, yeah, yeah We hate that the two of them are fighting

And it's so, it makes us so sad that we don't want to Well, they're kind of, they're the Pacino and that other guy of the modern day, you know what I mean? But Bambino? Yeah, Pacino and Bambino This is of course the, an advice show I only want to talk about The Rock imagining that he, he's The Rock, he looks like that His body's crazy and strong And he's affable and charming and famous

Incredible body And incredible body And he also has dream visions where he is the skipper of the Jungle Cruises ride at Disney At several parks Well, you know, Griffin, you've made me realize over the years You've made me realize that like while many a celeb by putting on perhaps a low-hanging hat and some sunglasses Might be led on a VIP experience through a park and ride the Jungle Cruises When you are a living mountain as The Rock is

You have to imagine that it's tough to blend in He might have never been able to ride it What could The Rock do? I'm not detracting from The Rock who is, I think of more of a movie star first And an actor second So I'm not trying to denigrate his talent He absolutely has his superpowers That said, what could The Rock do to where he could host your Jungle Cruises ride

And it would, and you would not instantly just be like, is everyone seeing this? The Rock is in charge of my Jungle Cruises ride Like, I think what you're actually seeing is like They would probably do that, right? You don't even have to write your own gags You choose from a selection of different gags to be a Jungle Cruises Yeah, you think The Rock would do that? You think The Rock would go, stay on script, Justin?

No, I'm just saying it's not that hard You know what I mean? Like, The Rock could do it They would write some gags for him if he was nervous about it It doesn't seem like he would be But I'm saying it would be doable But like, he can't And this is sort of the, what's sad about this

Is it's a prison Yes The Rock's life is a prison Yeah Like, he could do this And he has the juice to get it done But he actually couldn't Because people would be hurling themselves into the boat

Like a fucking scene from World War Z You know what I mean? Just like catapulting themselves into this Jungle Cruise boat I'd swim up to the next one You know, if I see The Rock through the backside of water In another boat, I'm jumping out It's going down It's going down

It's gotta be so rough for him to be on The Jungle Cruise And by the Jungle Cruise, I mean Any entertainment experience ever And he's sitting there and the skipper's like And look over there at that hippo Those hippos don't lie And The Rock is like

I'm stronger than this person I'm funnier than this person I'm more handsome than this person I'm more affable I'm more philanthropic, I bet The Rock is saying I should be the skipper Because I'm stronger, faster, smarter And funnier than this person

But also everybody else on the boat is like I'm having fun on The Jungle Cruise with my shit kids But fuck, wouldn't it be so much cooler if The Rock Who is sitting across from me Was doing the skip Like it's wild they're not letting him skip this one Since he was the guy in the moon of the off-air Yeah, why isn't Disney let

Disney let Johnny Depp hide out in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride Maybe one of the pirates Why aren't they letting The Rock live there? It sucks The poor The Rock, man It's such a bummer that he should be allowed to Do what he wants Just let him do what he wants

If he wants to do the boat Just let him do it I trust him This is the thing too of like sometimes you know Like if you're ever getting on the tram ride at Universal You're getting The Jungle Cruise Where so much of it is about Man, even like a fucking ghost tour

I would love to have The Rock I'd love to have The Rock We'd do anything But you get on it and it's like Well, The Ride is the same every time It's all about the energy that the host is being through If I saw that it was The Rock I would be like

Oh, fuck it, strap in everybody This is gonna change our lives This is gonna be like senior year of high school level Like change our lives everybody Everyone in this boat is gonna want to exchange Contact information so that ten years from now We can talk to each other We didn't dream it, did we?

It was real, right? What happened to you? Well, after that I cleaned up I got my life together That was the kick in the pants that I've been waiting for That's what I needed I called Deborah I got her back

We're a happy family again Got my kids back from The Rock We've been watching them And that was so chill of it I really appreciated that You know, honey, I've been thinking I think actually The Rock should be the dad of our children Because he's stronger than you are

And smarter and funnier and cooler I have raised children in all the Disney parks Over the years And it all happened in my mind Yeah Hey, honey You know how we met and fell in love On that jungle cruise that The Rock led?

Maybe we should ask him to officiate No, we should ask him to be your best man Well, maybe we should ask him to be the groom Yeah, that sounds great That's great See you later Bye Let's be in a truffle with The Rock

A bunch of marriages in all the parks Right Over the years Yeah, over the years In my mind In my mind? I just love The Rock so much Let's do some questions

Yeah, I don't want... We should have a... There should be a name And a specific numeric distinction for like... The event horizon Yeah, right, the goof horizon Where it's like, well, if we've talked about it for 20 minutes At some point it has to be the entire episode

Yeah, it's the war with Grandpa It's the war with Grandpa Continue him, yeah Right This is an advice show Not of The Rock fancasts Unless the advice you need is, who's great? Yeah, it seems like...

That would be a fun show to do Although I bet it probably exists, doesn't it? Of The Rock fancast? Probably Rocking out I've recently started a new job In accounting where I have my own office How do I decorate to make my peers think

I'm a badass big business boy? That's from corporate capitalist in Kentucky Congratulations on your new level of responsibility Great job And opportunities for failure Yeah So that's fun That's the other sign of that coin

What about the balls? What? Oh, the swing... Oh, the clicky clackies Big clicky-clacky balls Except here's the twist They're really big And there's only three of them

That's cool That's cool, right? Yeah, so somebody can be having a meeting In the other room It's like, I think we're going to have to let go Six or seven people Clack, clack, clack, clack Jeremy

Sorry, is that too loud? That would be a power play They're like, I'm going to start these balls of clackin' If they lose inertia Yeah By that time Like you have until then To impress your business

Justin, can I take it and turn it a little bit? Okay The balls are very tiny Hold on, let me think Because this is something that I've been at This idea is a big one for me It's something I've worked on for a long time The big three balls is like...

It's huge Go ahead, Traff Okay, it's a lot of balls And they're very small So you have, let's say, 35 Very small Like marble sized balls Spread out in a line

Across the desk But you set it up So of that 35, 17 starts swinging Hits one in the middle And then the other 17 Oh, yeah, that's physics, baby That's how it looks Yeah

Definitely for sure I love that But can I... I don't even want to take it and turn it I want to just add some spice on it Which is sort of what I do here, I think Why just stop at that... The ball swinging desk object

Why not go to Spencer's Gifts And like... Finally cash in that $100 gift card That you've been sitting on since your high school graduation And get the plasma ball Get a lava lamp Get that thermometer That's like a tube of water

With the different balls inside of it That float up and down It's like density or something Yeah, get the bird that dips in And get the dips into the water And then dips back up Get a little... Oh, you could get a small little water

Feature fountain on your desk Like really turn your desk Into a little amusement park I love that That's so fun That's fun, because then people... Disarms people, right? First of all, people want to come in your office

Because they want to see all your cool stuff They want to touch the plasma ball And they want to touch the plasma ball That's the only thing, right? That's the only reason people go into Spencer's Gifts It's like, hey, I wonder how it feels to touch the plasma ball And you touch it And then you're like, that was cool

Does that towel have... Press like a ball Does that towel have breasts on it? I'll buy that And that's how they get you So they're going to come in your office And be like, cool stuff, cool toys And you're like, they're not toys, they're business objects

And then they are disarmed And now you're the bad-ass big business boy It'll be like if you had a nerf hoop on the door And then you just left a prominent nerf basketball And then the first time someone picks it up And you're like, what are you doing in your office? This is a place of business How dare you?

You could also, if you just wanted to... Like, you know... The virtue posters, right? Dude, that would make them a little whimsical To go with the same thing, you know what I mean? So it's just like, you put fun on there And they're like, fun and like business fun And you're just like, what?

What did you say? I said business fun This is an office Yeah, you could also get those posters But instead of it being things like Dedication and diligence Working hard means, you know what I mean? Instead of that, have it say like Abstinence

And people are like, what is that? Religious chastity What does your poster say? Cowardice Does that say cowardice? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Disrespect That's the melancholy

What? Hygiene Wash those pits, Carl You could put out all the toys All across your desk And then when someone... Instead of shaming When someone picks one of them up

And starts fiddling with it You pull out a clipboard From a drawer And make a small note Then put the clipboard on a silent light And go, huh! Interesting Alright, no one's ever done that before

Interesting That one! Okay Oh 50 mugs What? 50 mugs Each one more fun

And whimsical than the one before So you have one that just has the like Minions on it Yeah, obviously Then a Garfield one Yeah And then one that says like Do not meddle in the affairs

Or dragons for your crunchy And taste good with ketchup You know what I'm saying? That's a pass Love that Love that Man, can I tell you something that was actually I saw that on

Someone's mug one time When I was in college And it's actually kind of It was kind of traumatizing for me Because it was the uncoolest thing I've ever seen Right And it was actually hard for me To vocalize just then

I was like feeling bad Saying it Because I found the experience Of seeing it the first time So painful Yeah Well, let's dive into that Because maybe it's just that

You're unwilling to open yourself up I don't want to unpack it Well, what about you get one mug For every person that works in the office And you write their name on the bottom of it But you keep them all in your office Oh, so they have to come to you To get their mug

Well, so that they have the option Right, because you go to the Oh, you go to the sink Ah, Derek, use my mug My mug's there Well, I know Tom has an extra mug With my name on it For me, yeah

I could go buy a backup mug I could go get my backup mug from Tom Yeah Don't worry, none of our stuff is helpful You don't think that's helpful? I just feel like if you did any of this It would just make you a bad coworker Take the door off your office

Yeah, that Yeah, do that yourself Like in office space If you just do all the stuff Like the office space man Everybody liked that guy at the end I loved office space man He thought it was funny

Everybody else did too And they just kept giving him more money Yeah I don't know if you remember that part But everybody really loved that guy He really did And the people who were working hard They were getting fired

Yeah, and he was hardly working And he kept climbing up the walls Anyway, here's the plot of office space Yeah, yeah, yeah A man gets hit inside And in the middle, a man dies So I got a call from the wizard yesterday He said he got some good stuff for me

Oh, and drugs? He actually drove by my house And he dropped off this WikiHow article And he said, he said, he said, don't tell And then he, yeah And then he drove I said it like that And then guys, I swear to God

His car drove up Okay Wait, did he make you walk outside And meet him in his car? Yeah So he drove over to your house Well, my You come outside and get it

My, my, our infant is home And so like, I didn't want him to come in To come inside Do you know what I mean? He already knows where you live, you're done Yeah I guess so But anyway, his car drove up

He drove him in You haven't invited him in That's very important That's all that matters You drove up into the clouds And here's a WikiHow that was Like at the end of Grease? Yep, by Graham Roebuck

Thanks, Graham It's a great, it's a really good one And this one's fresh off the press This one's from June, June 2 So it's a hot one Because the title of this one Is How to Become a Civil War Corpse Whoa

What? And it's not like No, wait, hold on Just give me a second Yeah Okay Get in a time machine And do a bad job at

Gettysburg Is one of them, for sure One of the big ones Charging up a hill, defending a post Maneuvering a flank Everyone wants to be the hero Of civil war reenactments No?

Yeah But one thing is always in short supply Corpses Clutching your chest and falling down Doesn't exactly cut it In terms of historical accuracy This article will help you Get started

Okay They didn't even have chests back then A lot of people didn't No Here's what I would like Before you even continue This is giving me the idea That I would like to be

A corpse at a civil war reenactment But I would like to be there When everyone else gets there And my corpse is part of A different thing I mean, it's still part I'm still kind of like Playing the game, right?

But I just happen to be a corpse On the battlefield When they showed up to fight Which had to happen At least one time Right So often, way more than one time Somebody trips over a corpse

In the middle of like A fresh new battle And they're like Stop, guys, stop the battle Stop the battle Who? Do you think they ever Yeah

Can we do this mystery? Please? Please? Someone's been murdered? Is this one of yours? It's not one of ours It was a This cat's wearing orange

He's not one of us I don't think he works here I don't think he works here, guys We have Hey Hey, other team Stop war for a second We have to come together

To get all the clues To solve this one Then we can go back To us saying Slavery is obviously bad And you guys supporting it But first We gotta first

Yeah Travis, it was about heritage A lot of people I was Listen I used to be confused too But I saw a lot of t-shirts Around here and there

For me it was about heritage Not hate So I see I see, I see, I see Okay You don't actually believe that, do you, Justin? No

It's especially irritating In West Virginia Yes Where it's like Okay Even if I take you at face value You know that we Literally like

We're like Well, we're just gonna Scooch over here so far That we become our own state So we don't have to be on your team Yeah It's definitely not a good fit For West Virginians

So for you We can rule that out, right? So it's definitely about Just the racist It's just the others Just the racist I don't know how to tell you guys this You're all Yankees

Yeah, you are definitely Yankees And you just don't like Black people Like that year So it's just racism Cool, cool Okay Cool, cool, cool

What would be a Like It's hard to be a fun corpse, isn't it? Well, here's my suggestion Gangrene Okay You get shot You pretend to get shot in the leg

And then you just spend the rest of the battle Just going like Slowly Slowly expiring Does anyone have to This is never gonna get better Who's that medicine? Anyone?

Oh, shoot Oh, God I'm up shit creek over here I always need invented penicillin Oh, damn it All right, so the first two steps Find your unit Do a Google search

Find out where Battles are taking place Find out when It's a lot of work It's a lot of work Make sure you have a Period accurate uniform It says

Remember this American Civil War Was fought between The Union and Confederate armies Knights and stormtroopers Were not at the battle of the Shiloh Lolo Lolo Lolo Lolo Lolo And then march in a battle

Some reenactors march in columns With their units Other run onto the battlefield Waving their arms and screaming It's your call The next step is I'm doing that second one Are you kidding me?

Yeah I'm gonna make myself look big To intimidate you The next step seems like The most important one Step five Get shot Make sure you're falling over

Just as your enemy shoots Nothing's more embarrassing Than falling over to silence You'll look like The world's stupidest soldier Also, take care not to fall over After the sound of your own Side's guns

Lest you look like You got fried Okay Now, Griffin Do they give instructions On how to You hear the shot You fall down

But then you're like I was just faking it To get your guard down Now I'm shooting you And then what to do If the other side is like I fell down But I was faking it too

And I've got an invisible grenade Yes Right And then you're like Okay, well I have a chainsaw And it's like Well, I have an invisible force field Well, my chainsaw is magic

And cut through force fields Well, my force field is scientific So it's not affected by magic That kind of thing Is that in there? Yeah, that's Step six through 19 Is all that stuff you just said

Clutch your wound Spectators need to know Where you've been shot And that it hurts Hence the clutching It doesn't seem Oh, my balls Yeah, it shows a person clutching the chest

But the copy doesn't say the chest So like No You could have gotten shot Right in your beepers And say like Well, that's the thing In 1860, rifles were very inaccurate

They didn't have Very good tooling on that So chances are You're not getting shot in the chest And as Travis has said Dan Green A very Very genuine

You You know, doing some homerun Accidentally Getting a nail It's in your hand You're fucking dead, dude Like, you're not gonna You're Donzo

They don't have a thing They don't have medicine for that yet So clutch it anywhere That's not saying you could get shot in the toe Yeah And go down and you're fucked And you're dead This one's

While prepare your death cry This area is open to the most artistic interpretation Most people go with Ah! But the more elaborate death cries Could build backstory into your character Hell yeah Oh yeah

For example This one's for you, Aunt B Ah! Or No, you're not dying for your Aunt B Or This one's wild I'm coming for you, Mr. Lincoln

Ah! Oh! Sorry, what? I'm coming for you, Mr. Lincoln Ah! I'm coming to heaven to kill you What? I also am pretty sure that

During the Civil War Lincoln was still He was still alive He was still alive That would be a weird How about Not again? This is what the province

He warned me about Not again Oh no! And on my day of retirement And on my birthday It would be a good one Yeah It's my birthday

And all I wanted was To kill Mr. Lincoln Ah! And also I had a coupon For a free scuba basket Rub it The most important thing With the death cries

You must interrupt Whatever you're saying with Ah! Fall down? Except it takes a long time to die Yeah Fall down If you're in the front rank

Fall forward so you don't Knock over the guy behind you And if you're in the rear range Fall backward Very thoughtful What if you're in the middle? Out! Fucking asshole

You bumped into me I'm sorry All I wanted was To kill Lincoln On my birthday And also Your bayonet Is now for real in my shoulder

So That's a problem For sure You scuffed my Fucking 18th century Pumas Ah, I'm sorry But I'm dead

Fall down I'm coming for you What was his name? Guys, guys What's the guy with the hat? He's got the hat and the beard What was his name? Lincoln

Lincoln? Professor Coolhat? No, that wasn't him I'm coming for you, Professor Coolhat I'll be straight with you guys It would be a lot easier To think about this If I didn't have a bullet

In my-in my toes Lay there You must remain still Until the battle is over An exception to the rule Is if the reenactment Allows zombies C-Tips section

I believe I will Zip, zip, zip, zip, zip Just-just-just a quick question Do you think that it would be Get you in trouble If, like, you fall down And then you just kind of Slowly pop your airpods in

And you're just like And then you just go back To laying there while you listen To, like, this American life Or something If I could get a time machine That I was doing my death card You know what I'm saying?

What? And I'd get killed in Civil War And I'd rather not get killed Than to feel the way to fake it But, like, I would just shout I'm inventing Spider-Man! Oh, that's cool And so every-

And at the first People wouldn't get it Like, there would be, like, Probably 20 people who were like No, the craziest thing I ever saw in a war This dude was like After he got shot This-this-this dude

Fell over and he was like I'm inventing Spider-Man, right? Yeah And it was-it was A lot of things I ever saw And their kids would hear it And then eventually They'd hear about Spider-Man, right?

And they'd be like Hold on a second I don't think you actually came up With this Stanley and Steve Wickel I don't think it's your baby I think actually what happened is I think actually Justin McElroy An old Civil War soldier

Invented him as he died And then Who was that? Your battle with Justin Was Robert E. Lee And a century later His grandson His great-grandson

Excuse me Stanley Was like My papa- My papa's papa told me Once about a man A brave man Who invented Spider-Man

So I'm gonna steal that From that dead fool Because he didn't copyright that shit But I'm gonna add a hyphen So it's legally different It could be I have no interest in LARPing as a

As a Confederate general That's not something that Appeals to me in the least But in the same vein It could be fun to Cosplay as, say, Stonewall Jackson And just be out there And get shot instantly

And fall down And be like Oh, I landed on my little beeper And I shit my pants And I have shit Like if there's a high school there Like, oh no My always diarrhea that I have

And I'm going to pass down To all my ancestors Oh no The only good thing about being On the Confederate side In a Civil War reenactment Is that you know The exact picture that will be used

Of you when you get canceled Oh yeah, sure, sure It's nice to have that kind of Image control, I think Cos, like, that's the one They're running, right? Like, that's the one That's the one

You know, that's the shot Is you charging for a Saber aloft Defending the whole Racism That's the image But then you look closer At the picture

And does he have his hand Down the front of his pants And he's wincing Like his balls always hurt And he shit his pants Like he's making fun Of Stonewall Jackson That's fucking funny, actually

Look here with a magnifying glass That is pocket Is that a note that says I'm inventing Spider-Man? That's wild This is a picture Of Griffin dressed up Of Stonewall Jackson

Fuck, wait a minute But look, his pants fell down And he's wearing a diaper That says I'm an idiot on it Oh, man I guess he fucking got it Oh, shit, is this a Griffin did a protest

Griffin did a protest, everybody What's he protesting? Stonewall Jackson, I guess? Wait, but he was in the reenactment Yeah Yeah, I know That's the weird thing He was wearing a shitty diaper

That he had drawn the words I'm an idiot on it with Sharpie Wow, that's a powerful statement, huh? It really makes you think about family The place where you people Fuck up in Civil War reenactments Is that they get out of their Yaris and they walk to

Where the fight is Yeah If it's me Kind of the bad boy of reenactments As you are now I drive the Yaris right up to it Yeah I'm like, hey, guys, I fucking invented cars

Let's go Yeah Let's go Let's plow through the Confederates In my Toyota Yaris Hey, everybody, get in I'm sick of this bloody battle We're gonna go have an eating competition

Yes, let's settle this With food eating With food eating, as they say Come on That's how my great, great, great grandfather Joey Chestnut Sr. Sr. Sr. was invented Excuse me, Joseph? Yes

People don't get invented Yes, that's a good point Oh, excellent I guess I'm fucking high on hot dogs right now I gotta let them tell you Out of my mind, not sliders Ain't too many I got too many sulfates

I don't know what's happening Too many sulfates, bro I don't know what to tell you I'm in a hard head space right now I don't know if you saw, but I ate Four pounds of Flamin' Hot Cheetos So I'm having a pretty bad day I just lied about my family

I'm sorry And now I'm gonna give you some Oracle of Delphi-style Prophecies I was like, how have these leaner for you? I wanna be straight with you I don't know where the food goes So my brain My brain creates these elaborate lies

To try to justify it But I mean, to be straight with you I haven't pooped in five years I don't know where it goes But I got lumpy arms Help me The ripples of Joey Chestnut's Bonkers actions every July 4th

In its country Radiates out away from the impact event So much so that I feel like we spend The run up to July 4th And also the rest of the summer after it Talking about Joey Chestnut a lot Around Christmas time That dude's as good as dead

But if it's hot outside Yeah, the thermometer goes up As does our awareness of Joey Chestnut Exactly, it will be like sweating outside And I'll be like, man, I sure am sweaty It's hot It's hot like the summer months July is a summer month

The 4th of July is a day in this month of July Hey, Joey Chestnut sure eats a lot of hot dogs, huh? The poor man every year Every year it seems like he's breaking the record And that's gotta be I bet there's some July 4th where Joey wakes up And says, I don't actually feel like eating a lot of hot dogs today You know what?

I'm not actually in the mood for hot dogs I want to post up a respectable number But I don't I bet he wishes the first time he won He had won by one hot dog A little... He shouldn't have pushed it so hard You could just eat one more than the other person

Because then you could break your record consistently By like a hot dog every year Not by several He could just stop Wait for the other person to be done And be like, what did you get up to? Okay, boop, I'm done Yeah, I'm done

I eat one more than you Let's take a... We need to take a break And serve the corporate overlords Sure I want to tell you about stamps.com Do it So here's what happens, right?

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That's stamps.com, promo code, my brother Stamps.com, never go to the post office again It's totally safe Food waste is a massive problem in this nation And there's a lot of different ways You can address the problem Well, here's one great way, it's imperfect foods You know, every day, delicious groceries

They don't look so good They don't look like in the test books Oh, like the weird ones, where you look at And you're like, what is that? I prefer to use the term imperfect, Travis Yeah, but I mean like a durian or like a star fruit No, no, no, no, not the intrinsically weird ones Like the sort of like off-brand ones

You know, the imperfect foods is turning this around By sourcing quirky but delicious foods And delivering them in a way proven to reduce emissions Did you know? In 2019, this is shocking, 35% of the food supply Went unsold or uneaten That's wild, that's a wild amount of waste So you could get these delivered to you

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Isn't that all of them? Tell me about it Video games Video games Video games You like them? Maybe you wish you had more time for them Maybe you want to know the best ones to play

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And listen at MaximumFun.org Bye Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah What? Huh? Oh, yeah Oh, it's been too long I want a Munch Squad

I want a Munch Squad Welcome to Munch Squad It's a very brief podcast Within the podcast, we're spending a lot of time Talking about Jungle Curse Which in hindsight was the right move Yeah I have

If we don't talk about it now When are we gonna talk about it? When, if not, now when Last week when it was released No Don't be crazy, we can't go back in time Don't be silly We were busy talking about Halloween

We were talking about Halloween Very, very briefly Marble Slab Creamery Has Hot Cheetos milkshakes But that, I don't have a story I just want to let you know that that's happening Okay, thank you You could, if you have one of those around you You can go get some hot ice cream

So there you go Bojangles Now, you guys know the sad tale of Bojangles It pertains to me personally Just to remember That the one near you closed No, sir The one near me got extremely popular

So popular in fact That they had to redirect traffic As I detailed in an episode of My Brother, My Brother Me They had to redirect traffic Because there was such a massive line To go to Bojangles And then they opened another one And everybody's like, well, fuck this

There's two of them And somehow they cannibalize Each other's businesses To an extent that they both shut down And now if I want to go to Bojangles Got to drive two hours to Lexington Hard pass So they, this is why I'm angry about it

Because Bojangles has unleashed A new hand-breaded chicken sandwich And it's just like Popeyes just last week Said, we're sorry to start the war We're ending it now Let there be peace And Bojangles just stumbles drunkenly

With no appreciation For what balance The delicacies fire That they are unsettling They're just like charging in here Like, we got a new one too It's big like the others To be fair to Bojangles

I would say There's no need for them to close But here's what I'm saying Is if I was in the war And I really wanted to kill somebody There was someone I really wanted to kill And the other side was like Hey, how about a ceasefire

I'd be like Give me one second One quick Let me just I need one quick thing That can't be counted as a murder And then the war came over Because I hate my friend Doug so much

I'll definitely sign that paper in just a second I'll sign it But they probably did that Like, hey, we're about to quit And give up the war Does anybody have anybody They really, really, really wanted to kill Before it will be a murder in a second

Yeah, I'd like to Okay, you have ten minutes Okay, but that's it How many months after it Do you think people would kill people They didn't like and just be like Oh, the war The war is over

Over? Oh, sorry Oh, man We don't have TV or internet Or anything yet I just hadn't I just, I hate my cousin Doug From Georgia so much

And I swear I heard him saying some stuff He said he wanted to start He said actually the words I'm starting it back up Yeah, and I was like, no And I'm a hero I'm confused then And I felt like I was doing a good thing

Shoot Yeah Do you think when like The people were having this terrible civil war That was pitting American against American brother versus brother Do you think Dad versus dad

One of the things they thought Dad versus dad Do you think one of the things they thought It's like, well, this is so sad No one will make jokes about it at least Yeah Okay, so Boach Okay, this is

I've just been reading the press release verbatim To this point It's several pages long Let me skip Let me see Civil war Civil war Civil war

Brother versus brother Dad versus dad Bojangles knows a thing or two about delicious Perfectly flavored chicken served right So who better to give fans A chicken sandwich that is sure to please That's from Chef Marshall Scarborough Vice president of menu and culinary innovation

For Bojangles And we could say with confidence That Bo's chicken sandwich is so clucking good Oh God You know it could only be Bojangles I have One of my pet peeves is when people do that And they like take an obvious curse word

And change it a little bit Because like it's clearly there so that everyone knows That he meant fucking good Right, so all you're doing is just muddying the waters Just say hey in this press release for a Bojangles Chicken sandwich It's fucking good You're gonna

You're not gonna like the rest of the press release Listen to this extra description of the same chicken sandwich Everyone has been releasing since Popeyes Pillowed between a toasted and buttered I don't think you can I don't think that counts I don't think you can pillow it Nope

It's pillowed between a toasted and buttered Bakery bun So the bakery Okay, so it was baked in a bakery Well that's a hell of a thing What a bun Pillowed between a toasted and buttered bakery bun Is a juicy marinated chicken breast

Juicy Juicy Marinated chicken breast Hand breaded With crispy buttermilk coating And dusted with a secret mix of bold It's a fucking chicken sandwich I get it

Accompanying the chicken Is a layer of creamy Zesty mayonnaise A fixed A fixed I say With thick cut dill pickles It's a chicken sandwich Our team had a blast perfect

Whee Whee Hand me your pickle buddy You got it Whee Oh man, I've eaten 12 of these things I don't have the time of my fucking life Whee

They had a blast perfecting the sandwich We can't wait I don't miss my kids at all I'm not going home I sleep here I'm gonna pillow myself on this bun for a pillow I'm pillowing myself on this pillow One flavor packed bite

Will have even the most well mannered person saying That's so fucking good Jesus Christ What the fuck did you just say? You're usually so well mannered I'm sorry I'm sorry I was just so fucking good I'm kicking you out of seminary

Get out of here This is actually this next one Maybe one of the most sort of soul crunching things I've read on Munch Squad And it's a pretty high bar at this point But I think I can't believe I had to say the thing about Middling in the affairs of dragons and so this

Staying one step ahead of the quote You could put it on a t-shirt End quote reaction This sandwich is bound to elicit Bojangles did put it on a t-shirt Annotope bag and a bucket hat Fans of the brand can snag theirs here And it is a non-functioning link

It's not linked to anything So I guess I had to go to their actual Just like website And they have like a bag And it says so fucking good on it And then there's a A Bojangles retractable pen for 95 cents So I can't

I do have to credit them for their reasonable prices On this stuff They got an airbrush koozie That says biscuit beach on it I do like that It's pretty good They got a t-shirt that says where the real dill And then there's like a lot of biscuit beach march

That I actually need Greetings from biscuit beach It's a yellow type Man, I'm getting this Please Anyway, I can't try these So let me know You know, if you want to fuel

The chicken sandwich wars Stir them back up again Head on over to Bojangles Or get it at the app You know, everybody's going to have an app now Just real quick before we move on to the rest of the show I'm workshopping a new game in my head Called Would You Rather

And it's where Justin and Griffin Get into the mindset of Dan Rather And then I ask them if Dan Rather would do something And then they answer me as to whether or not Dan Rather They think as Dan Rather if they would do it So I just need people to tweet at me Things that they would want to know If Dan Rather would do or not

Yeah, I think our audience definitely knows who Dan Rather is Yeah, so if you want to send me those You can just tweet at me And just add the hashtag Would You Rather Thank you so much for listening to our podcast We hope you've enjoyed yourselves Man, we helped less people than normal And that's saying a fuck a lot

You know what, actually? Real quick, let's just do one more Because I feel so guilty Last year my wife and I moved up a state And bought some chickens Embracing that gay farm life My family and hers have been watching and cheering On our chicken raising journey all along

Which has been great But the other day I got a text saying My cousin just got chickens, too And they're the really fancy kind You know, with fluffy legs Now my family always brings up her chickens When I try to talk about mine Brothers, how can I get my family to see

That mine are the superior birds That's from high class hens in the Hudson Valley Man, I was about to make like a Pokemon joke Right? Or it's like, you gotta make a battle And I realized like, that's cock fighting And then I was like, wait a minute It's Pokemon, wait a minute

Uh-oh! Geodude, I'm sorry Hold up guys, let me get on my I gotta get on my game point Geodude, I'm so sorry, dude, I didn't know I gotta let go a lot of Well, I can't let go of my Geodude He's my strongest one

Okay, Pidgey, you're free Buy two dozen eggs from the store Put two dozen eggs underneath your chicken Send a video of your family like Anyway, I'm doing my regular stuff today Going to get the eggs from the chickens And then you lift the chicken There's two dozen fucking eggs out of this battle

But you don't, don't, just be like Ah, the normal number Oh, oh, a regular whole today Good average work, Joan The chicken Could you shave the other chickens? Not pluck, that sounds terrible But just like, trim the feathers back

On these fluffy birds So they look a little dumb, you know Like when a dog gets wet And all their hair goes flat And you know, are you talking about Sabotage? Oh, I talk about sabotage A little bit of sabotage

Are you talking about indulging In the nefarious art of sabotage? Perhaps I am, trust me What's going on? Well, that's just a, oh, because Of sabotage Just a wee whiff Of the old sabotage

A little under-the-table leger mane That goes by the name of sabotage Perhaps I am, if you are Rapscallian enough Some ill-intentioned leger mane Which I like to think of as All sabotage Perhaps I am, trust me

Griffon! Yeah Did you hear the news? Yeah, I did Travis, your brother Yeah Has suggested sabotage Do you have any thoughts about this

A most intriguing development? I was just thinking it would be pretty cool If former Red Star Yeah, we're almost there Wait, we're on, we're on Tinder I can't wait to hear how you employ sabotage So far we have two gentlemen chicken saboteurs Yeah

How will our third brother Figure into our machinations of sabotage I was just wondering if it would be badass If former Cincinnati Reds third baseman Chris Sabo released a hip-hop album Called Sabotage That would be cool I'm telling all of y'all it's Sabotage

Jum-jum! Jum-jum! Chris, do you have to do all the guitar sounds with your mouth? I don't know how to play the instruments Do you need a ball thrown? I'm also writing another song called Sabo Name It's the best I've got Sabo Name

Sabo Name, Sabo Name Hey Chris, we're gonna have to let you go I get it Sorry Chris Yeah, now it makes sense I thought this was my thing after baseball But it's not, you know, whatever Do you think that's the first joke we've ever done

On the show that Jesse Thorne liked? Blending Finally blending his passions for hip-hop and baseball Hey, thanks so much for listening to our program Now this is the end And we helped that person with the chicken So now we've earned our rest But we really appreciate you being here with us

It's always such a joy And a treat, which is a joy Yeah, it is a joy We've got some new merch over at macroemerge.com Our pin of the month is Work of Fart It is wonderful And it benefits One Tree Planner Which is dedicated to making it easier

For individuals and businesses To give back to the environment They asked us to keep When we told them what the pin was They were like, huh Well, huh Thank you Thank you, I guess

It helps create a healthier climate Protect biodiversity And help reforestation efforts Around the world There's also some pixel art figures Of their brothers and everything else And my life is better with you By Montaigne Music Video

Premieres Friday the 13th And that will be at bit.ly Montaigne MBAM And thanks to Montaigne, of course Of course Hey, y'all want the final yahoo? Yes, please Absolutely

Awesome This one was sent by Randy Oh, what'd it get? Quaid Oh Sorry, did you say Quaid or Quaid? Randy Quaid That's what it says

This is from Randy Quaid At gmail.business And it's You know, why did you do that? Why did you do that? I don't usually do that Fuck, I shouldn't have said that He lives

Alright, it's also asked by Randy Quaid Why did he He sent his own question? His own question Yeah, and it looks like Randy Quaid Asks Looks like Randy Quaid asks

Hold on, it's loading What? Time just ponderosa steakhouse clothes My name is Justin McAvoy I'm Griffin McElroy It's been my brother and my brother me Kiss your dad, square on the lips It's better with you

My life, ah, ah It's better, it's better with you It's better My life, ah, ah It's better, it's better with you This is true, ah, ah It's better It's better with you

My life, ah, ah It's better with you