My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 573: Bro's Better, Bro's Best: Ch. 200 - 216

Episode Date: August 16, 2021

We weren’t able to record this week for a variety of reasons, and so we invite you to once again hop on the Time Boat to re-visit a few classic goofs and bits. Before you ask, yes, the answer to more than one question featured here is “have you tried faking a ghost about it”?Suggested talking points: The Character Arc of DJ Jazzy Jeff, All-purpose Goof Rom, Where's Your Power?, Travis's Special Underwear, Omnipotent Ice Cream Truck Drivers, Munchables, The Legality of Forest MazesSupport AAPI communities and those affected by anti-Asian violence: https://www.gofundme.com/c/act/stop-aapi-hateFor resources on anti-racism and fighting police violence: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up you cool, baby? Precious friendship Could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better

It's better it's better It's better it's better Starting next month through my friends and I will be moving into a new house together Each of us will have our own bedroom, but there's an extra medium-sized room downstairs No one will be using the room has no egress window So we don't want to make it into a bedroom got some code issues there Take it, but we are at a loss for what we should do with it I was hoping the brothers could come give us ideas about what we could do with sex or space any thoughts

That's for many problem in Minneapolis PS for what it's worth. We're all guys hot guys sincerely Chad Braden Blaze Blizz three and blaze three hot bros blizz blaze and Blance Just kidding two of us is the goofy one. Yeah, the goofy Super fucking hot great work Blance Blunt's he's Austria guys. I didn't know I

Didn't know egress windows were a thing because when the first apartment we lived in in the 13th story Which is great just for starters just in terms of fiery luck We made Eric sleep in that one room that didn't have any windows in it I think once you're on the 13th for Griffin, you don't have to worry about egress windows Yeah, I don't think that's gonna do you much good at that point. So how about this? Lock the door to said room after filling it with like like child's bedroom furniture that you've covered in dust and cobweb You're just leaving a little surprise for the next person that tries to remodel this place every time your friends come I want a tour of your house. We have this is the kitchen. He's living here more bedrooms upstairs. What's in that room?

We don't go in we don't go in that going there and not sense the boat accident Can you to make this the longest and best con Travis? You just took that idea to 10 I'm about to take it just a little bit farther to 11 Can you wallpaper over the door to that room because then nobody's gonna then nobody's gonna find it for 40 goddamn years And it's gonna have a level of authenticity at that point that I think it's just in the center of the room copy of Jumanji The movie yeah, you lost me That's great. That's real great. That's too funny That can be where you smoke all your pot

That's always important. Drug room. This is our drug room Laziest panic room Just go in there Close the door you do this is tricky because I've worked from home for a long time And in a couple of places including like the house that I I now own with my wife One of the bedrooms is where I sleep and the other one is where I work because it's my office And it's like I get two rooms. That doesn't really seem fair. It doesn't really seem like an equitable Situation you could trade off and say like Monday Wednesday Friday

The room can be whatever guy a once but then Tuesday Thursday Saturday It's whatever guy be once and then Sunday You share it free for all party room if you guys had an extra room in the house as you live in now What would you do with it yoga studio? Did you say yogurt studio because then maybe? Yeah, it's where I paint yogurt I think gosh I don't know we just did like a big purge of all our stuff We had one extra room and that's that was for the kids. So I guess I don't have any extra rooms anymore now

I don't know what I would do with it. Maybe like just a More storage. Oh, man, you really shot the cannon indoors with that one Here's what I would do. Okay I'd put a bunch of newspaper clippings and pictures of people around town on the wall All right, and then with thumbtacks and pieces of Yeah, that's it like what does it all mean where the money go what what happened with the case, you know just all over it That's just there for people to walk into and go what what is and like I I've almost got it

I've almost got it. It's it's it's right there in the tip of my tongue I've almost solved it and then usher them out of the room So basically Travis you want an all-purpose goof room Yeah, I want like a room of requirement that every time you open the door. It's a different punch line to a joke sure Okay, and a team of people that changes it out but twix the goofs, okay, and they live there Can we just please have a bedroom here? Please you call us in here? No, you can't this is our all-purpose goof room We will sleep on the inflatable mattress in the dining room because that's I mean

We gotta have our goofs Well, we're human human we're supposed to do not goof Human humans have to goof humans got a goof always be goofing. That's us I work on a history ship. No ghosts. Sorry not to be fair. Justin. It does a historic ship. Not a Hop along on my history ship. We're going back to 1512 What's up in 1512 nothing it sucks hop on the boat here comes the time dock Shit we miss the time to pay your fees to disembark. We miss the time dock now. It's 1314 it gets worse as you go back Now we're gonna charge you all a premium for the smallpox vaccine

That's how they get you on history timeship how they extort you on the history ship. I work on a historic ship No ghosts. Sorry prove that and also that you can see and that have made them their presence known Yeah, I mean, let's let's qualify a little bit. They're all Also live in one of the state rooms that used to be officers quarters The deal is that I live here for free as long as I agree to be the after-hours security guard The problem is I have a hard time kicking people off who snuck on late at night. I'm not a naturally intimidating person I'm a young early 20s woman usually very cheerful sort of plumb and I like nearly everyone I meet What are some things I can do to scare trespassers so they'll get lost without putting up a fight and that's from

Scarcely scary sailing your last sentence your last sentence is answered by your first one. Yes You have thousand times. Yes, you have to pretend a ghost you got a ghost them You have to ghost them All you have to do walk up in like oh like a old-timey dress and said like have you seen my child? Oh God Travis you just put a chill up my spine. Yeah, right a ghostly chill me. I'm chillers. Who have you seen my husband? He'd mean to be in the lifeboats Tropic chillers I'm cool. I

Had shrimp at the buffet. Oh, no, I've had the norovirus for three days I don't have any fluid in my body or my bowels I I booped everywhere The border lost my trunk. That's not ectoplasm. It's my pushing diarrhea again. Oh, no, I've gotta go by I What if you What if you are too good is my worry and they stab you because they don't know how ghosts work and they bust you No, and they know they call the ghostbusters. Here's my question. Okay. You're a very convincing ghost Yeah, all right the ghostbusters show up to bust you. Mm-hmm. You tell them. Oh, sorry. I understand a confusion

I'm a human pretending to be a ghost. Yeah ghost cat fishing. I'm ghost fishing They say ha ha ghost all this trick in the book You don't think slime or trying that shit. We've tried this one We've seen this one many many times before you are a ghost buster makes me feel good Add it up. I wouldn't a and and those proton beams those Those don't just like make you twirl around and when and sparks shoot off of you those will laze you in half Okay, so we can all agree that there is a circumstance in which the ghostbusters have accidentally murdered people almost certainly Almost break into the bus bus in HQ late at night and and Winston's jumpy

He's like whoa, who's that and then he opens his bedroom door blast oops oops. Sorry I know why would you jump on just the Winston who is my favorite ghost? Yeah, yeah, Justin you want to explain that? Why I just I thought he might be near the front door Make sense. I don't know what cuz he was the last ghost buster So I'll say that there should be as bad. Yeah, she did bad Everybody else wants to be on the second floor above so they can use the pole You know what and they know immediately when they fucked up too, right? Because you kill you kill the woman and then she's just there again

But in a different form now you do need to bust that because she she has been murdered in a horrible manner And then it goes down in the books as a preemptive busting. Yeah That's a good point Travis. It's a causal busting Not premeditated not premeditated accidental causal busting So we hope you you know what you don't need to scare people off. Just be cool Listen honest to God I've never snuck into anything ever but I can imagine that if I snuck onto something and somebody with a flashlight Period we're just a hey get off. I'd be like, oh, yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. You guys

Cursing a lot is good too. That one's on me. I'm not supposed to be here and I recognize that I am a dork Yeah, it's just weird that people wouldn't just like Leave I don't know. I would be so frightened. I'm sure anyone who tries to argue like no, I'm I'm supposed to be here I'm on the list I'm on the historic boat list if you could take a look. I just think you throw a good throaty curse at him and They're gone, so what's more scary if somebody shines a flashlight on you in a place You're not supposed to be like hey get out of here. Like hey get the fuck out of here. You're gone. You've vanished out You're done. I'll eat your fucking eyeballs. They hired a Frankenstein. Yeah

Yeah, no noise that scared that they captured they took the history ship back in time to win Frankenstein was 1991 I Frankenstein had that hit song I'm too sexy for my shirt, right? That's how you know that's how you know you're a child in the 90s You remember when Frankenstein was alive. It's one reason to know if you were a child in the 90s Frankenstein killed your sister. I Will say that kicking it at Cheesecake Factory on Sunday morning The day of the morning of my brother's wedding, which was kind of a weird experience for me

I was the most dressed up anyone's ever been inside a Cheesecake Factory ever Felt a little bit out of place a little bit fish out of water Was that before after I made you drive back to my house to get my special Travis made us get his special wedding night underwear And I had to look at them. I had to get them I had to get them from the underwear spot where he kept all of the things and I had to get it And I touched them to he had to acknowledge that they I had to I had to okay. Here's the order I learned about them. I said that's terrible. Then I learned that I would have to retrieve touch. No feel believe hold grasp acknowledge

become Embrace absorb and now you guys are doing that at home. They were silky as fuck No, they were silky and they were black and they were black just a little bit sheer just a little bit sheer Just like I'm a little bit dead now. I acknowledge that they existed I had to touch my balls went into thought about Travis thought about Travis's balls how they would feel inside of them I had to acknowledge the moment where Travis decided to get special wedding underwear Then go to a store possibly with his bride to be had to think had to learn a lot about Travis's more of an impulse buy It was a lot more than impulse buy where I looked at it said, you know, that's gonna feel real good

A lot about Teresa that I didn't know and the things that she prefers there around there Terrific best wedding ever here. Let me rewrite all of my best man's speech because I have new fucking subjects I need to address Oh wait, I'm gonna go pop up music behind the behind the music for a minute. Don't say pop up Pop up video behind the music. I bought the wedding underpants not for a sexy bent But because I knew the silky smooth material would prevent any chafing day up Which I didn't want to deal with as I'm walking down the aisle. I walk a little bit on you Travis The the decision to buy special sexy wedding underwear may have been an impulse buy

The decision to send your brother to go get your special wedding was And it was malicious It was a combination of because I knew that if I didn't I would think about it all day because that's the way my brain works Like I would rather I think about it all day and then to all life. It was funny to me to make Griffin. Yeah, it sure was I guess Your kids in here man. You sit here ever you want to go get your special wedding underwear But now it's it's kind of nice because for the times like when we get sick or one of us is ill and we move the TV into the Bedroom it really does become an anchor. No, yeah Keeps you in bed or brings you to bed early and you don't really do a lot of shit at least in the living room

You do more stuff like I can work on the computer while the TV is on or I feel like at least I'm sitting out I'm walking around the terrifying What if the darkness creeps up on you while you're in your bedroom and you're trying to get dressed like what do you do then I? Sing a little song to myself about how lucky I am to be alive Thank God, I'm not dead because the world would be empty without me Usually kind of then devolves from there into how awesome about how great you are. Yeah, sure sure boy I think we're all pretty lucky Travis is still kicking. I just assume everyone sings a song like that Where would I be with the sun in the sky and the stars at night who guides me home on the chop

PCs thank Jesus for Travis Travis is Jesus and Travis for Travis his all-seeing power People don't write them hymns about themselves Open up to the first stands of him 341 thank Travis for Travis and Travis is Travis our hearts are all Travis and brains are Travis to third stanza I need some fake Travis for Travis propaganda posters You know Travis, I feel like there's been this narrative Among some of our listenership that you don't get the respect that you deserve on this show

So like I'm all about like I don't know canonizing you Don't I also want to point out one of the reasons that happens is I don't really need it I take care of that on my own. Yeah, the other thing is like That it is a little bit of that on Travis goes quite a long way Visit Travis McRoy.com a little dabble Travis McRoy needs In a moment of weakness and lacking insight from the brothers wise I agreed to let my nephew move into my basement He's in a band. He pays no rent eats all our food leaves messes and generally acts like a 14 year old How can I get him to pack up his bags and move away? That's from Carl the grumpy old man in Lincoln, Nebraska

Is he 14 years old? That's a really good question. I don't understand how all this lines up Okay, there's a if he's 32 Yeah, there's a much different question than if he's like 19, you know It's so rare that you get to do something nice for somebody like this You could I could connive a few ways for you to get rid of them, you know, like I Mean, there's fake ghosts fake haunting the race is on it. That's easy Gaslight them gas light them. That's just every day remove one article of something from their room and put it Like in storage or move it to an apartment. There's gonna be a really long-term plan

But like just one sock, you know on one day and then like a CD on Tuesday and just slowly move them out of the house Can you start an even louder band? On the top floor. Do you know what I mean? Like if he just if he's rocking all day and night on his his strat Then maybe you buy an even bigger marshal stack point that towards the ground and just start like laying down some like Kidney stone rattling base riffs. Oh, I love this and if whatever their band is called you call your band that but bigger Right now if his band is perfect death. It was like we're perfect or death. Oh

Oh More perfect death and then you get incredibly popular you buy him his own house Behind your house. Oh, no, I don't entourage this shit Why would you want it if you went to all the trouble buying him another house? You don't have money to buy another plot of land so you can only build him a small dollhouse in your blood You still love him. You don't want to be you love him You don't want to be too far away, but you will have you will have a witch cast a spell on him to make him little enough to live In a dollhouse. Basically, this is this is called the candor is what is that we have you put him in a bottle city

That you keep in your den. Why have you not told him to stop being a dipshit? Yeah, life has to tell you that you know the guy who owns your house gets to tell you that I'm pretty sure Like our dad always told us when we were being idiots You're his dad now because you own his hat you own the house, correct Like any sitcom in which like a non-direct family member or friend moves in You you now are responsible for them like a parent. That's what the Matthews did for Corey. I'm sorry Sean Cory was their son or like in in a step-by-step. I believe it was Cody and then flash You gotta treat them like even better your child fresh Prince of Bel-Arem

There you go You've got you're the uncle Phil to his fresh Prince of Bel-Arem got an uncle Phil him with your love But you kind of want to help you grow sounds to me like you want to DJ Jazzy Jeff That's what you okay. This is the conversation you sit down say you need to make a decision right now Are you gonna be my fresh Prince of Bel-Arem? Are you going to be my DJ Jazzy Jeff? I'm I can if he doesn't get the reference out. He goes out. He goes. He's obviously Jeff. This is what I'm saying. It is Will Smith the I said fresh will was his name just will in the show. Yeah, that's some bullshit He couldn't remember William William Enium. That was his name

William Enium had represented a pretty tremendous you go back and watch that show pretty tremendous amount of character growth Mm-hmm. Oh throughout the run of fresh Prince DJ Jazzy Jeff was was almost belligerently stagnant Well, to be fair. He was thrown on his head several times, right? So, I mean I there definitely is a physiological element to it. I'm just saying that DJ Jazzy Jeff By the end and the series finale like we're going to go to college now And he was like, I just want to party all night long And then he'll put some line over she's all night long because he's like fucking stuck. You know, I mean, right? Yes, no, he has no opportunity for he has nothing. Also, did he ever DJ on that show fucking once ever?

I never I don't think so. I believe he did There is a an episode in which we'll rinse out the house for a music video And I believe DJ Jazzy Jeff sneaks in and he's doing a little mixing on the old ones and twos That's fun. Hey, that's a fun. That's a fun episode How frustrating must it be to be a genuine like actual musical artist, but for a Generation of white people you are that guy that got thrown out of the house Like no, I had like a whole career before this you got And

Before we get right in I just remembered that I believe it was not will that rented out the house He was trying to stop it from happening. In fact Carlton rented out the house. That seems not like Carlton Not was that was that the same episode? Was that the same episode where Carlton bought a gun? Yeah, that was a real good one that was Carlton's like breaking bad the entire series in one episode for him The best episode I think is the one where will has to convince Carlton that racism exists Did you guys ever I do remember that yeah? He was driving slowly and he got pulled over and he thought it's cuz he was driving so slowly and well So there's like no

Racism exists and it blows Carlton's mind because he's never experienced it before in his life No, that's like a that's not like a fun. That's not like a laugh a minute episode. That's not it goes like really hard It's actually pretty they go fucking hard on that show. We give that show. I'm just saying that like we goof Be goof about that show because it's called Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and there's a character on it called DJ Jazzy Jeff They tackle some fucking heady heady subjects There's an amazing episode in which will goes off about like his dad leave it. It's oh, yeah, they'll rock you to your very core I have a problem speaking up. I Frequently have to repeat myself and people often tell me that I talk too quietly when I increase the volume

It feels like I'm yelling or that my voice takes on an unpleasant or harsh tone What can I do to make sure that I'm being heard without feeling as though I'm shouting in people's faces? That's from whispering in Wisconsin. I know that problem No, you don't know no, no, no, here's the thing surprising to most While I am very loud and verbose when like telling a story or a joke or entertaining people are ordering food at a restaurant or But here's the thing Half the time I mumble out my order or half the time if I want to ask somebody a question

I don't like Annunciate I say a really quiet and kind of mumbly and it's either one of those two is I'm either super loud or like really Awkward and quiet and mumbley and Teresa calls me on this all the time and it's like there is no middle ground for me Yeah, you never sound normal. Yeah, no never not really. I'm surprised you you have found a Fair amount of success. I would say In this audio only medium while my phone turned down to 1% Yeah, and even now like even that when you said percent you're popping your plosives You're shouting you don't even know that you're shouting right now, but the people listening like is he mad at me

This is not a fun podcast listening experience for me Travis is basically three-quarters of the way to an SNL character, right? Correct. I Mean it looks like Chris tan. That's not fair Travis. I'm sorry. I said that no You got a whole beer going on he can't grow a beard. Yeah, take that tan not since the fire Just talk a little louder. You guys don't need us for these. No, here's the thing No, here's the thing I think there's an I can infer a problem here, and I think the problem is not that they're jumping from like Quiet to loud. It's that when he speaks at a normal volume or she speaks at a normal volume. They feel loud

Which I think that that point is more of a self-confidence About either your speaking voice because you feel like it's harsh and unpleasant Or you feel like you're yelling and being boisterous I think that it comes from an inherent fear of voicing your opinions and saying what you need Let me help you out here. Your problem is that you you're yelling from your your head You need it your is your power a lot people ask me that Justin. Where's my power in my vagina? Okay? Uh, it's it's down deep in your diaphragm. That's where you got to push the sound from right now You can't see it, but I've got

Several leather restraints wrapped around my stomach to help me Remember to always be pushing air out of my diaphragm. I literally have no room to exhale I'm waiting until after the show to exhale. I wait to exhale. I'm waiting to exhale, correct Oh, they're also there for sex stuff. There are sex stuff related adjacent. There's sex adjacent I would say yeah sex adjacent. It's amazing. Those two things don't have to be mutually exclusive It can both be good for your support and for your sex stuff This helps me talk good in public and also the chafing does things visa fee boners Mm-hmm. That is a good, you know sex stuff

That is a good point of his a you learn in theater the ability to like support and not yell Like you can reject and you can be confident without like yelling to the back of the theater So I think that's it. Just support yourself with air feel confident what you say Let me uh, let me let me perform a quick demonstration terrific. I can't wait for this This is me speaking with my normal voice. You can hear all of this sound is coming from my mouth and my neck This shit in your neck meat that makes the sound way neck meat is filtering the sound waves out through what? Scientists call this the shout hole your your moist your moist cords are slapping together like two fish

Just throwing together at a fish market. So this is just my normal. This is all with it without any other support. Yeah Justin I'm in the back of the theater. I'm in the back of the theater, and I'm hearing every word of that Yeah, diaphragm have an accent. It's just from the sound being pushed out Oh, that's painful. Yeah, I think I It hurts to act that's why they pay him so much. It's not easy Hey everyone, it's Griffin and I'm here to tell you about some stuff important stuff like zip recruiter You know how they do jobs well No, you have the job zip recruiters the one that finds the people for the jobs

Or maybe you're the people looking for the jobs and you can find the jobs is it anyway zip recruiter You can find the perfect candidate for you for you for your business They got this thing called invite to apply where you look at some folks and you're like ooh, they got the skills that I need for To synergies for to synergies and you send them a little like friend request basically and they're like, oh hell Yeah, and then they get the job and and and then you you know, you guys you guys do good business together They they're just they're so great at helping you fulfill those holes in your heart and your business roster And they have a great website that lets you do all that

So see for yourself go to zip recruiter.com slash My b-r-o-t-h-e-r. That's my brother to try zip recruiter for free That's zip recruiter comm slash my brother speaking of business and websites I also am here to tell you about Squarespace Squarespace is the place that lets you build the beautiful websites to do whatever the heck you wanted to do You can showcase your work on these websites. You can sell products and services of all kinds You can promote your physical or online businesses and more what's in more? I don't know Flash games, I don't even know if you can even do flash on the internet still, but if so I you can probably make a game where

Like stickman have very violent fights to each other You've got beautiful customizable templates those haven't gone away And they were created by some real schmuck. Nobody's just kidding world-class designers made them Everything is optimized for mobile right out of the box They got analytics to help you grow in real-time and hey, they got free and secure hosting so no, you know red-pilled matrix Dudes are gonna jack into your shit So go to Squarespace comm slash my brother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer code My brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain Squarespace build it

Beautiful couple of announcements. We got a pin of the month and the pin of the month is for work of fart and That one that one slipped through my dragnet usually, you know If there's a piece of merch coming down the pipe that I'm like that's this isn't a fancy elegant like adult way like adult kit Then I will you know, I have veto power, but this one I was you know I was playing a lot of Final Fantasy 14 I was busy and I didn't even see it and and then I looked on our website and said work of fart right there and I went to I went to Travis and I went to Sarah our merch designer and I was like hey What what's up and they were like it's it's really funny

And then I looked at it and you know what they were right and so then I learned a little something about myself And guess what work of fart the pin it sails for that benefit one tree planted Which is dedicated to making it easier for individuals and businesses to give back to the environment create a healthier climate protect Biodiversity and help reforestation efforts around the world And I'm sure they're stoked That Travis is ongoing fart joke is helping to put trees in the world man

Life has gotten so complicated. Hasn't it we also have pixel art stickers of our faces You can buy them individually or you can buy them all as a set And if you buy them individually, we will know and we'll know which ones get the least sales And then that that brother's gonna feel pretty bad about themselves. So just get the set pleads And hey, we got the new music video from Montaigne for our new theme song. My life is better with you You can find it at bit.ly slash Montaigne mbm. Bam. That's m-o-n-t-a-i G&E mbm b-a-m that came out on Friday. It's so good. We're really We're really happy with it. Oh, and the whole song is out there now, too

You've only heard the first verse and I guess the ending but there's a middle part that you're just gonna go wild for That's it. Enjoy the rest of them. The bros better. We'll be back with a new episode next week until then our rivader chi From the internationally acclaimed creators of who shot ya comes the movie podcast Maximum film starring producer and film festival programmer Draya Clark as a woman bound by passion I saw this eight months ago on the festival circuit and I loved it film critic Alonso Derralde as a man Corrupted by greed why watch one Hallmark Chris's movie when I can watch seven and comedian if you want away as a man protecting a love

That society simply won't accept I think Pacific Rim is a perfect movie And if you can't accept that then I want you out of my life from the makers of the movie podcast who shot ya comes Maximum film. That's right. We changed the name of our show to maximum film But don't worry. We're still a movie review show that isn't just a bunch of straight white dudes So tune in to maximum film at maximum fun org or wherever you get your podcast How about a yahoo hit me so I'm sitting by drew a Davenport. Thank you drew test by yahoo answers user D's who asks best battle ever Takes place in the same area that Goku fought Vegeta the first time, huh?

So not not their final battle. We're talking about the first right way the first one the premiere Goku v. Vegeta We're the first time Goku fought Vegeta. Okay, got it. Go ahead So this is in the religion and spirituality section, so we're talking about Jeremiah the The prophet the weeping prophet, you know him You might know him from Kings 50-foot robot Jeremiah with laser eyes and the mobility of eight ten Ability to fly only for three minutes before a charge up of five minutes low-class shields and five rockets Machine gun 200 bullets a mag one minute reload time and unlimited mags versus

uh-huh 75-foot Alan Rickman with tentacles for arms and beefy legs mobility of Five out of ten and mid-class shields machine gun fire from suckers and tentacles Reload and mag size the same as above unlimited mags and mouth laser equivalent to three eye lasers added bonus that he can jump 200 feet higher than Jeremiah can fly but can also smash the ground with the power of three missiles But can only do it twice or his shields will break Jesus such a good question. It's a really tough one. You got Jeremiah in one corner author of first and second Kings Wait, is it possible that by Jeremiah they mean Jeremy Irons? No, they mean Jeremiah

Creator of that joint hit Lamentations Because I would love to see a battle between giant Jeremy Irons now Alan Rickman I don't get the connection between Jeremiah and Alan Rickman. This person needed to put this question somewhere Religion and spirituality. I imagine is a pretty good place for like getting answers on your yahoo mysteries So he had to get some Bible shit in there somewhere. We got Jeremiah. Do you need the stats again 50 feet Jeremiah? He's eight out of ten speed. That's pretty fast. He can fly but only for three minutes He has to charge up for five so it's not like an unlimited thing Alan Rickman can't fly He does have tentacle machine gun arms

He can jump super high though and when he pounds the ground it has the strength of three missiles Can't do that more than twice so or his shields will break though. Can they call it one thing? I know about Jeremiah. Mm-hmm. It's that he was a bullfrog. Don't no come on And he was a good friend of Justin start thinking think that the can I call it can they call in? Reinforcements can Jeremiah call in another biblical prophet can Jeremiah call in like Matthew or Mark or Luke and Alan Rickman call it. I don't know like Jason Isaac Janine Garofalo. Hello, Jason Isaacs Join me with take one of my tentacle arms dislodge it from my body and use it to defend yourself So your problem with this question is that there's not enough specificity in the powers that have been allotted to Jeremiah the biblical

prophet and Alan Rickman who was right I'm saying they are they still human or is this like a mecca like Voltron Ultraman? We might be looking at an Ultraman scenario So robotic cyber Alan Rickman. I think in this situation Jeremiah is Is Ultraman and I think Alan Rickman might be the the kaiju Gotcha I'm gonna have to go Alan Rickman every time He has a significant height advantage He's slower and that's I think the only thing that Jeremiah has going from that extra three points of speed

It's gonna fucking count on the battle. He can he can jump and hit the ground with the power of three missiles That's true, but Jeremiah has five rockets So you throw you throw Alan Rickman in the air. You're basically like skeet shooting at that point Yeah, and you think you think Alan Rickman's about to win But then Jeremiah finds the locket that Alan Rickman bought for his secretary in his coat pocket and he gets so pissed off It's fucking angry Then he turns around turns the whole battle around and Jeremiah brings him down Then Jeremiah reaches behind it between his shoulder blades and pulls the gun that he had duct tape there and shoots Alan Rickman

Well, he didn't do that out the window. Oh, he did do that. No, yeah, you're right No, that was in Lamentations that was in Lamentations five six Yippee-ki-yay, holy father Got one of y'all who answer Yeah, I'm into that this Yahoo answer is sitting by Alan black. Thank you. I'm back a very prolific contributor So somebody who answers user slick ninja 360 who asks Should be pretty good would it be illegal to go into the middle of a forest and build a maze forcing people should traverse it upon entry I Guess yeah, I guess that's pretty good upon entry the entrance would close it would have spikes on the walls tops

To keep them from escaping. I Was also thinking of having booby traps and things like that Once they find the exit they could leave I Don't know about illegal, but logistically it seems like an issue. Yeah, you're gonna have to have some fucking motorized Magical Pans labyrinth magic moss I will say if we can't fix gun laws But we have been thorough enough to figure out our forest maze laws

I'm gonna be very disappointed in our nation if you if If you own the land and this is troubling because I'm agreeing with the top Yahoo response to this But if you own the land you can build a maze wherever the fuck you want I don't know that you can corral people into that. That's where you run into you can leave a trail of peppermints There's no guarantee. This is the beautiful thing about it. If you force people to do it highly illegal Yeah, if you offer people the opportunity, do you want to come in profitable? Yeah, I can't like I I just bought a house and I feel like I have total agency over it

I do not think I can invite friends in and unlock the door and then swallow the key and say I will let you out as soon as you solve my puzzle of flesh And then I would show them my flesh puzzle here. Here's the funny thing about luring I would bet is the flesh puzzle you're doing. That's my balls. Okay balls I would bet that 80 to 90 percent of the people in this room if you stumbled upon What you were guaranteed to be a solvable forest maze that would lock you in and you would you would fucking die if you couldn't solve it If that's a big if Griffin, how many of you would say all right? Yeah, I'll tackle this bitch This is everything I've ever trained for everybody raise your hand beyond if you stumbled upon a pans labyrinth

This is serious Okay, there's a lot of people All those years of playing professor Layton games are finally gonna pay off. You're gonna solve this shit What um, what would lure you into okay? What would lure me into a forest maze the seeing the opening of a fucking forest maze? Right You got it. What if it's a risk of your life though? I don't want you know what the fourth verse of Tim McGraw's live like you were dying Directly references I went into every forest maze I saw

I think I heard a pan flute beckoning me in But there was golden balloons at the end spite traps weren't scared me Why Have you ever heard that song Have you ever heard the song? Great with melodies. That's actually I was singing the harmony. I thought someone would join it Dear brothers Ice cream trucks never pass where I live ever. Oh, so sorry

This is a problem. All right ice truck ice cream trucks never pass where I live ever Today I heard one outside and I booked it out the door. He was driving away from me But I finally caught up with him. Well done good work When I was things those things don't drive especially fast But still kudos to you I suppose than human land speed. I guess you earned your dilly bar When I bought my eye, how old am I how when I bought my ice cream the ice cream guy just gave me this Incredulous face and seem to be annoyed that a 20-ish year old would be so what should you know your age, right? I'm guessing. Yeah, but like I left on a doorstep. He's it's good storytelling. He's not like

Forcing omnipotence and omniscience onto the ice cream truck driver Would be so excited about an ice cream truck am I too old to be excited about ice cream trucks Or was the ice cream guy just a downer and that's from vexed in Ventura question for you audience Thanks for the journey here. Hey, welcome How if you're an ice cream driver and it's 2014 and you're in LA How good is business that you can fucking get judgy on people? I? Don't know it feels like you should go. Do you want anything else? Yeah, please Anything else cold that I could sell cuz I'm dying here

Okay, let's do a quick poll the audience good. This is interesting in the last Let's say three months has anybody seen an ice cream truck that was stationary and selling its product anybody just a quick show A hand stationary okay more than I thought better question better question I know I'll be the first to admit that I fucked up with my judgment I haven't seen a stationary ice cream every time it's just like slowly calm at five miles an hour It's like any painting buddy, and I'm not talking by the way. I want to clarify not talking about a food truck No, no, no ice. You know what I'm talking ice ice cream. I'm not talking about our keys and all like it's going over car That's what you sound like food truck drivers. I guess I don't know what the ice cream truck

Like environment is like here, but I know what it's like in Cincinnati when you see said ice cream trucks is The paint peeling and the pictures faded and it looks like they just killed and sometimes they've got and sometimes they've got like Pikachu on it, and it's like hey guys Let me just like call Nintendo real quick. Yeah, you didn't like go through the right fucking channels to get Fucking Pikachu to sell your iced wares I would I would feel uncomfortable and only because I Would be so worried that I would come up from vector a yeah Sort of like in my periphery out of nowhere would be a kid on vector B

And we would arrive at the same time and you would force the issue like I was here for you know I was here first right hold on. I got sorry gents. We got one push pop left Looks like you're gonna have to wrestle for it sweet. I would just you're really little and I'm really big I would grab their head and just push it below the window so the guy couldn't see them It's all I was done purchasing my novelties You guys noticed that the only people on fucking earth that call them novelties at the grocery store They used to confuse the hell out of me when I was a kid. What's a novel? Just say ice cream shit We all know what you're talking about. You don't get fucking fancy Kroger

So you guys want a yahoo absolutely yahoo was So who was sent in by a man named drew Davenport a legend one might say thank you drew It's by yahoo answers user pineapple lifesaver who asks Why do so many people buy lunchables You could put your own together for a lot cheaper just put some meat cheese and crackers in a gladware container The wolf fucking thanks. I'm sorry update. It's not cheaper though for the tiny handful of food that you get even at one dollar They're using the cheapest quality of ingredients buying some cheap turkey American singles and ritz saltines will give you the same amount of Ten or more lunchables for half the cost. Holy shit. That can't possibly be right

All right first off blasphemy. They're saying ten or more Lunchables for half the cost. We're talking about 20 fucking homemade lunchables per lunchable proper That's a lot of margin has anyone ever bought a lunchable thinking I am I'm a thrifty consumer This is yeah, do you're not and you are neither a thrifty. You're not Fiscally smart. You are not making a good nutritional decision. You are basically just saying I I'm a piece of shit. Well, I want to do things either you're saying like I'm a piece of shit Are you saying like you know what I'm in a little kid treat myself? Hey eight-year-old Travis who only wanted lunchables all the time

But his mom packed him like actual sandwiches and apples and stuff because she cared for him But at the time he would look around the other kids who ate lunchables and think what fun lives are they leaving? If only I was more of a lunchables type kid, but I wasn't so maybe 25-year-old Travis buys eight-year-old Travis a Lunchable and sends it back to him through his tummy We've got to go back adult can an adult not just enjoy a motherfucking lunchable though without those auspices I'd like I You guys are throwing a lot of shade of lunchables right now I knew we I knew we love horses on this podcast, but I did not know we love high horses quite so much

But our lunch was not the same like I put them in the same category as the hot pocket You should do a rooster strudel. Yeah, it's a fucked up Venn diagram. You just weave Pockets a lot of work. You got to push the buttons and and a lot of fiddling But let's let's watch where you have to construct your own they don't just hand customizable kids love that Let's um, no, we're getting away from the fucking heart of the matter And I want to get us back to it and now okay if you want to fucking time travel. I'm eight years old I roll up to school. I bust out a glad ware

DIY It's a Lunchable on it, but you smelled it differently from what the fuck is that it's it's a it's a munchable. It's a what? Munchable dad my dad made it for me and he said it's just as good and what are you? I'm literally gonna cry. I'm literally gonna. What are you all eating? We're eating lunchables that uh, they're brand name lunchables that our rich parents got us at the store What was yours called munchables? What's in it? Looks like some looks like I got some oyster crackers and a nice note

I See what seems to be a hair. It looks like a hair I'm just as one of my as is one of my new dad Jerry's hairs It's the container smells like slimy because it used to have slimy in it That's how we got it. We can't afford to buy glad ware either. We're just reusing the old containers Kenny is this a can I rock munchables in the modern workplace if I roll up and I have a fucking glad ware container and I've written munchables on there in a sharpie and maybe some of the letters are backwards and Just to like really drive it home and I'm just like Jerry from accounting walks in and he's like what are you eating there?

I say oh munchables Yeah, I prefer a fucking snack cracker tower and I eat it from the top down like a t-rex Am I okay? Am I good? I think I think if you if I got to watch you do that Just make a huge stack of crackers and cheese and meat and then just deep-thread it Let's put your head at the top Munchables these what these are munchables. Yeah, I'll make you some I'll bring some in tomorrow The way thing is it's like a the sadness is greater than the sum of its parts because if you just brought in like a Container with crackers a separate container with cheese

So But that's not weird to me But you put it all in the same container and transported that way and it's like a hundred percent sadder Of course context is important in this situation if I eat crackers and then in another room I eat some lunch meat. It's not gonna be a thing But if I try to give it my own DIY fucking Pinterest branding then we have a situation This is an interesting question for you about lunchables if you go to a party Let's say where there are crackers and cheese and little pieces of meat

I don't think there's a number of those things that you would eat at which point you would say well, I've had lunch now Me did you have lunch? Yes, I did you guys are you're I grazed here You guys are now I've had limiting your scope to the fucking snack cracker lunchable Box set there was a lot. There was a lot more variety in there for for our dirty North American bento boxes Essentially is what we're talking about. I don't know if you guys ever sampled the pizza, which was oh my god I got pizza in cold. I can I have very clear memories of watching an adjacent rich kid eat the

Pizza lunchable and being physically repulsed the idea of eating cold all of it cold It and they would call it pizza and it turned myself. Let me take you. Let me take you down the ooble yet to even further Just peer into the darkness with me and we'll talk about the definition of the word soft taco Because lunchables also had that that game wasn't especially on point because you had a round Thing it was the pizza. It was the fucking pizza crust and then they had a cold

Essentially giant ketchup packet, but instead of ketchup. It was ground meat question mark I Don't know how you would eat was a meat was a Inquitation marks. It was also an acronym It was bad news bears. I don't know how you would recreate that for the munchables Brand but I think that there is a lot of opportunity in there with probably get some vegan free option vegan free gluten free no vegan I think all lunchables are inherently vegan free. Anyway, this person has a great point. I'm gonna take this a shark tank. Thank you Yahoo

Hit me this final Yahoo answer was standard bite. Let me think about it drew down in point. Yeah Oh It's by y'all it's in the arts and humanities section. It's asked by monies who asked Who was John Candy? What did he do? Why is he important? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis. I'm gonna McElroy. This has been my brother my brother me kiss your dad score on the lips It's better it's better You Maximum fun org comedy and culture artists owned audience supported