My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 576: Several Iguanadons

Episode Date: September 6, 2021

It turns out that Travis has a weird secret superpower that works perfectly for helping people and pleases the Wizard. Now if we can just figure out how to monetize it. Suggested talking points: I Miss Breathing on People, Congratulations on Your Attitude, The Time Well, Slambourgini, I’m a Ketchup EaterSupport AAPI communities and those affected by anti-Asian violence: https://www.gofundme.com/c/act/stop-aapi-hate For resources on anti-racism and fighting police violence: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up, you cool, baby Precious friendship Could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better

It's better it's better It's better it's better Hello everybody and welcome my brother my brother me and my show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Layla No, it's me Justin. It's Justin. Okay. I'm your middle is brother Travis big dog whoo-hoo-hoo Layla. Oh my god What is it go behind this is Griffin to go behind the bit somebody was like Hey, let's do an intro about Eric Clapton and I without knowing like like okay. I guess the man's written quite a few songs Talk about here. I was like, yeah, sure Let's clap tin it up, baby, and then I it while my brothers were introducing themselves

I did Google the gentleman's name and did find out that he has released. I was a Let's see the independent calls it a controversial new anti-lockdown anthem. This has got to stop that sounds fucking good I Okay, cut cut cut cut. It's the most sort of like listen. Here's the thing We don't know exactly what we're upset about but we know we're upset about it Yeah, I'm gonna break down in tears cuz I can't take off my mask Well, the whole time I met the California pizza kitchen your song sucks shit Like you're protesting that someone asked you to just like chill at home

Like I'm mad that cuz they won't come to all my great Eric This is like if during like the Blitzkrieg Someone in in London have been like it's bullshit that they're making us stay inside and like hey That's not the problem. You know that that that is a Solution to a bigger problem, right? You know that right? Oh My god, he just suck. He's so wild. He sucked for a long time This is not new by the way Eric clapped to this stuff for quite quite some time the jazz man Yeah, he had a

He's got a new song out cuz enough's enough with this covered stuff. And I you know what on that front Yeah, I'm with I think we can all get behind Him on that thing if it had been like can we just yeah, can we just move? Can we just get if the song was like hey COVID sucks and we need to do whatever we need to do to stop it But instead it's like COVID sucks, but also I miss breathing on people That's special Eric Clapton way I breathe up if I don't breathe on people I can't feel alive. This is BS you guys I love to breathe on people and I and if I can't if I can't huff other people's breath Am I even Eric Clapton anymore?

Eric Clapton what a weird like and one last thing Love I love all I love 100% of Eric Clapton shit Everybody who's enjoyed my whole thing over the many many years now just if I can just I know what you're thinking is this gonna be a song about how I look like the guy who vetted a tarik and everybody in my Band looks like that guy too and the answer is no it's gonna be a whole It's gonna be a whole fucking anti-covid Protection we're all anti-covid I just hope that this leads to a bunch of like

Controversial but very tight like maybe Billy Joel will release a song called remember when we used to smoke on planes And I just think about like how much Billy Joel hates and he doesn't even smoke But he thinks it's bullshit that other people can't you know this fucking dude last year by which I mean Eric Clapton did a track with Van Morrison That was called a stand and deliver that was also about lockdown woes And I part of me wonders if they actually got together to collab on that track or if these two fucking Dinguses wrote two separate anti-covid lockdown songs that they just realized hey if you play these at the same time They fucking harmonize because we're both fucking smooth brain Jasmine idiots

Eric Clapton this line should have been released and the whole thing was just about like I wish I had some hobbies Besides huffing other people's breath and standing on a stage Does anyone know how to knit? Could you teach me about sourdough cuz I'm bored of shit guess I want to hear some of the comments Yeah, yeah, I would love to they say to always do the comments Yeah, wait what on what platform are you reading these comments? Good question? Okay on his official video These are people that have wandered into the fucking

Like you don't think they sought it out Justin You think they just stumbled into Eric Clapton's anti lockdown. I mean I found it somehow. This is not important here Yeah, one thing. Thanks, Eric. Great job. Mm-hmm. Awesome. Excellent song and brave message nice energy and bounce to it This one's good. This one you're fucking this is this one bounces This one's kind of how I could grind on the dance floor to this song enough enough about this COVID stuff also Bold message is it? It's just a bold message. Congratulations on your attitude That's Congratulations on your good attitude that sounds like something a 12 year old says in the heat of the moment

And they can't think of like a good retort and then it's just like oh, yeah, we'll Congratulations on your attitude Here's one it says Yes, new Clapton. Wow. This song was absolutely horrible and propaganda I don't know if they were typing that like as Like yes, yes a new joint a new joy from Eric Clapton Okay, I just I get these comments just say hey Pfizer. Do you listen? What? Hey Pfizer, do you listen? I guess to this song to Eric Clapton. Hi, my name is Jeremy Pfizer and oh shit

Yeah, the jazz man's got a new track out. Let me just pipe right in. Oh shit. Hey guys. You gotta come listen to this Have we fucked up pretty bad? Now here's the interesting apparently I've not watched the full video for the song The video also includes like imagery of a world on fire. And so it's like anti-lackdown but also Pro like environmental reforms. Yeah mixed messages. Fuck. Yeah, let's get into this now Fuck yeah, this is a gift that keeps on giving New Yorker did do a send up A little a little a little political cartoon by Barry Blitt called Eric Clapton enough is enough And this subtitle says the listening party for Eric Clapton's new protest song

And it's an unflattering image of mr. Clapton and then you got uh, let's see Jim Jordan and Louie Gomez in kiss makeup You got Daffy duck a brachiosaurus van Morrison goofy bozo and several iguanodons Got him again end of joke. What's that? Okay. Goofy is a fucking emblem of an idiot bozo a clown, right? Van Morrison, we have covered my feelings about this gentleman. What the fuck did Daffy duck? What the fuck is Daffy is Daffy duck notably anti-vax? No, it's anything Daffy duck is the one I appreciate the most in the Mickey Mouse universe because he's the one to say like

This is dumb like goofy will throw up some dumb bullshit and Donald's like no And I have sympathy for goofy because goofy doesn't goofy doesn't know and goofy gets on the internet And you see somebody saying like Bill Gates wants a microchip and then you're like, okay Oh god, well dude read it. You're about this. No, but Daffy duck is fucking Daffy's Daffy's doesn't need to subscribe to that No, and also why bring the fucking brachiosauruses into this? What do they do for real go of it? Yeah, let's let them several iguanodons I get that

I feel like I should this is felt venti No, it's fine. This feels venti. I feel like you feel like we're punching down an air collected Well, no, I mean, no, I mean, no, it's like kind of sideways. I bet we're about I'm the guy that uploaded berries and created big talk. I thought I'm about equal to Eric Clapton. Yeah, sure Yeah, 27,000 times that has been used. We're sitting next to them on the airplane And uh, like violently fighting over the armrest just very passive aggressive. That's us and Eric Clapton for sure For sure for sure and we're masked and he's not it's important to know The fucking gutless headlines of the people right except for the fucking new yorker who came in was like look at this

Fucking doofus. He loves Daffy duck. All the other ones are like um, let's see this almost uh guitar website Just I could which is called guitar calm. I guess Eric Clapton's new single This has got to stop seemingly voices as anti-vax sentiment. No, does it daily news? Eric Clapton Appears to criticize coven restrictions and song I don't want to put words in his mouth, but at the part where he's like astrazeneca. I don't trust you It's like I think let's talk about this for a second. Eric. Let's talk about your bad boy anthem here How's bad boy anthem where the third line is I can't take this bs any longer. Oh damn, dude

Fucking zing them. Did you say bs got him Fucking when dylan was like lighting shit up in the 60s like this bs Uh, these jerk-o-wads have done enough with my privacy. I'm real turds all of this crap And I'm like not everybody in the audience if you're sick of this crap, dude, dude Let me hear you put one hand in the air It's like when raging as a machine was like hey f you I won't do what you tell you know what I mean It's like whoa. Yeah, some of those that work forces A real stinkers

Are real pills Like Eric, what is happening to you? Like because if just like I live in west virginia And everything just seems to be progressing as normal here. I see no souls being claimed Everybody's just kind of going romper room on it over here in in west virginia I don't know man. I don't know what's like over there. I don't know who's trying to steal your freedom Because if you're talking about the freedom to like do concerts Well on this one Eric, I I think that you know

But it sucks. It sucks don't it It's pretty bad to keep wanting to do a show and it's not safe to do the show I wish Eric could just call me To complain about it rather than having to do a song about it because nobody's taking your freedom Eric Do you think that the first uh, the first draft of the song was like it sucks that I don't get to do concerts But I do understand and then someone's like, I don't think that's bold enough Eric He's like, oh got it. Got it. Got it. Let me take another pass at it. This is bs He doesn't even have the guts to like say what the

Like it's all this like what the song is about like it's like Yeah, it's and it's the most limp like I just was it it's like it's the passive voice protest song It's like be nice fit stuff. Yeah Sick of it or whatever. I'm not gonna do agree with what you're saying Like it feels like something like that uncle would post on facebook But then not like respond to any of the comments from people like what do you hey? What do you mean? He's like, yeah, it would be like if it said this song was titled cocaine if he had called it like silly stuff

It's all right. It's all right. It's all right fun dust Mr. Claptain, did you write a song about cocaine? What? No, it's called fun dust It's different anything Could be anything On your spun cotton candy powder It sounds like a cover of the song cocaine that you did not write. Yeah. No, I know but I switched it with fun dust So it could mean anything Can we okay? I am this is who it's getting a little war with grandpa. You know because we're at 16 minutes

Yeah, we got to wrap it up. I uh, although ironically we are currently at war with grandpa To be fair, uh It is there a way that this song okay Is there a way that we can reclaim The kids song this has got to stop To make it about something else because it's so sort of empty and hollow What are we what is a something that we can rage against with these uh, uh, let me look at the lyrics here Yeah, just imagine the most boring

Boring pointless set of it. You can Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, okay Uh-huh Okay. Yeah This is this has got to stop enough is enough. How about I just bought a top Uh I just bought a top Uh, and it fits really great. It's just about a good shopping trip that he had

That would be a bolder stance. I think then the one he's taking here. I don't think it's salvageable And if we did I can't take this ibs anymore and it's it's about fine We have to find a cure for ibs without changing the lyrics. We just decide it's about something else. Okay, wait I can't take this video soon. It's going far enough. You want to play me slowly or come break down the story Uh, yeah, okay. So this is about um, your friends are like, hey, you're watching too much ncis And you're like, I'll never watch it of ncis. You'll have to come and break down this door If you want to take away Ncis for me and that would be a bolder statement than what he's saying here. Hmm

This is an advice show where we help people. Um, and I feel that he may be beyond beyond that point Beyond our powers are considerable advice giving powers. Hello brothers jacket hanging up at my work I feel like you guys didn't respond to that. Yeah, it's yeah, but I'm reading that's an email Okay, hello brothers. Hello jacket Hanging up about work that as far as anyone knows is ownerless But is it ownerless as someone must have left it there when they quit It's been like eight months at this point The thing is it it's a pretty cool jacket

It won't fit me But it would fit my friend and they would definitely like the style I've asked my co-workers and no one has claimed it's theirs So it's just sort of in limbo Hanging on a shelf untouched. Can I Take this jacket and how do I do it without being weird? That's from the sierra nivada jackets nature. Now. This is the kind of thing where is there a picture? No

Do they include a picture? Probably not No, no picture included The only reason that a picture would sort of put any English on this ball Is if the jacket was like the fucking scorpion bomber jacket from drive Like yeah, like like some real ed hearty trash That somebody would see you wearing it and be like is that the Is that the forgotten jacket? Is that the abandoned jacket? But they're not wearing it. They're taking it to give to a friend

It will be called never see it again off the place it again To the point where I would say griffin even if that were the case people would be very excited once that jacket was gone It would be an imperceivable like freedom Granted upon the office as everyone breathed a little easier now that the jacket was gone I mean shit. Yeah, I mean you can't tell your friend where you got it if you do this Unless it was the right kind of friend Yeah, the right kind of friend that's at a party who uh looking for a come up. You know what I mean? Yeah, sure. I think that's what you're describing here is

You know, you're gonna pop some tags. Yeah, you see this and you just take it. You know what I mean? Yeah Now here we'll be just say you want it. Here's here's one method. You might try I call it transient motive what this means is With someone's around when you pick up the jacket you you create a motive for that moment Do you understand? Yeah. Yeah, so you're like wait, is this dry clean only that does this and you start talking like that Like as you're taking it and walking away and in that person's head they're like, why were they so interested if oh well I'm moving on with my life. Right and then At that point you're clear, right and then it's not like why are they holding the jacket. It's just sort of

Accepted at this point. You are holding the jacket You you could also style yourself as like a hero in this moment and loudly as you pick it up announced like fine I'll take care of it Yeah, that's good or or like if no one else will do it I'm taking it to lost and found right and then you start walking away and people are like where is lost and lost and found But that's the name of your friend who's legally changed it to lost and found so then you're not lying I'm taking this to the jacket kitchen where you can donate your your used jackets

to be eaten Fair now I will say that the only hiccup here Is if this is a very seasonal jacket, perhaps like a green bay starter jacket from 1998 or like mary arbor day sure and This uh, it has been there for the eight months since the end of that season Right and we're just about to come back to the season at which it will be appropriate

Because then the previous owner may for the first time realize they were without it. However at that point I would say if nine months or so passes The reasonable like statement of no one knows where your jacket is So like makes complete sense. Yeah. No, I don't think that the person who owns the jacket is coming back for it It is this thing of like The nobody wants to take the initiative and I think that's where you could kind of Have a little wiggle room here like it. You're just making some space. Yeah, you're just making a little space It's one less thing for people to have to work

For people to have to look at absolutely It's like if if like there was a car parked on your street for like eight months and no one improved it So you just stole it, right? Because that's a parking space that someone else could have right? Absolutely. Shit. I got it. Okay I got it go every day you come into work You take a little bit of the jacket Every day you come to work you take your jacket off put it on a hanger leave the jacket there

eventually You will arrive to work And there will be no available hangers And you will say hey, is this anybody's is it okay if I move this so I can hang up my jacket one of my other they're gonna be like Yeah, go for it and then You take it down. Uh-huh off the hanger. You can take it away. No one will question it now. Listen and then you hang your jacket up

Now you have a problem. This is a brilliant idea. Just a little bit of frying pan frying situation. There's two issues here Now, there's 20 jacks Well, but the problem is is that they work at The coat hook emporium and so they're always worse. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the number of jackets you're gonna have to invest in here Who it's gonna make for a heavy lift, but at the end of the day I gotta throw a wrinkle in his question. You know me mr. Wrinkle tosser I love to get into these questions and add a wrinkle. That's why they call you that. Yeah Hello, brothers. There's a jacket hanging up in my work that as far as anyone knows is ownerless

that the phrase in there as far as anyone knows Suggest that you have gone Cubicle to cubicle and said do you know who owns this and every single person without fail has said no, I do not There is no way that you have conducted such a such a canvassing You are I there has to be a layer of assumption here of well I don't know who this belongs to and a couple of people I've talked to doesn't know who this belongs to

So nobody here knows who this belongs to it got there Somehow someone must have left it here when they quit, but you don't know wicked for sure though Because what if what if there's a chance that that was somebody's and then they died In like a horrible accident and now the jacket is left there as a memorial and it's been there for years and years and years So only like the oldest employees remember but god damn it They remember and you haven't asked them because they're in upper management now because they put the fucking time in Which you wouldn't understand kids these days But if you take that they're going to be like who took old bills jacket

No, that was old bills old ed hardy jacket He loved ed hardy As much as he lived loved saving kids from car wrecks You could come in dressed up in a costume big You know leather vest big bushy beard a clown cap on Fucking wellies on your feet and fucking cool disco pants

And two different gloves and you walk in and you pick up the jacket and you said there it is And then everybody else who's there would be like oh, I guess that's I guess that like Really weird guy is who that jacket belonged to Well mystery solved can't wait for fucking tyler to get back so he can tell wait a minute Was that just did that person was that person roughly tyler's size? But dressed up in a bunch of wild garments that they've been stealing from all the other jobs. They've ever worked Damn almost got away with it, too I don't know that we're gonna be able to help with this one, but I think I do have

We tried really hard. I do have one that we might be able to help with and it's um It's if we do approach the wizard, uh taylor sent this in thank you And it's a wiki how called how to choose a nickname for your car Oh, thank fuck Yeah, my I've had a I've had so many fucking cars now like braggart three and um, I don't I have not gotten nicknames for any of them Oh, um At least none that like I would like put out into the world. Maybe in my heart of hearts

The problem for me has always been that I didn't know their given name, right? So like if I wanted to call Johnny, right, but what if their real name isn't jonathan, right? And now it's just fucking weird Right, and it's like also that I don't drive that much like I use my computer a lot more And I don't I didn't nickname my computer Oh, you didn't No, it's no, it's just a computer Mine's jeremy bits

Jeremy bits, okay. Yep That was also my uh stage name during my ill fated stand-up comedy I wouldn't call it ill fated juice You're a runner-up season three of last comic standing You got a comedy central 30-minute stand-up special. I did lino, but it's when he was at 10 p.m. Yeah, I thought it was fucked up though how lino really made you censor a lot of your darker stuff Yeah, there was a lot of stuff and it wasn't even like that the words you were saying were like banned by you know Anybody was just the concept. He didn't like the idea. He said he said so challenging. I don't like the ideas

You really make people think about their deaths. Yeah, I don't like those ideas do different ideas And it's like Jay, that's not really how do some cars ones. Yeah So here's how to brainstorm speaking of cars ones here's some good ways to come up with car names Think of the name of a beautiful person Okay, one of the most common ways to name your cars to think of a celebrity or model you like and give it the same name Awesome. Oh us car isix. It's perfect Travis i'm worried juice that travis is gonna be freaky good at this

Yeah, I don't like it already the way it's going some good names include Claire stella brock and venus bright good I don't know that you can just be like this is my car Claire Yeah, well then you should travel you may want to just chill for like five minutes Because you cannot scrutinize this wiki howl in that way. I'm just saying that that's not a nick name though That's a name. Yeah Name the car after your favorite musician or cartoon character If you're looking around for names that aren't commonly used for people

Carlos Santana Fucking hell travis Turn yourself off and here's the thing. It doesn't matter what maker model it is. It could be literally anything Car names that are based on musicians or artists include sid Beyonce and bono now, but they Bono, but here's the thing in the picture the horrible pictures that wiki howl has they got like a blue corvette And then there's a picture of donald duck just like hovering over it. This is my corvette. This is my corvette donald duck The duck from micky add a prefix or adjectives to the name adding a prefix like miss or mister

We'll add some character to the card name that you choose and there's a picture of a man And he does have a goatee and he's yelling mr. Donald What this is my corvette mr. Donald. This is my corvette mr. Donald. Hey, uh, excuse me valet Could you go pick up mr. Donald? Please good adjectives for your name include colors like white black or silver mr. Blue donald mr. Blue donald here Whose car is this there's a bumper sticker on the back that says white mr. Donald Good starting adjectives for your car include things like super baby or old Hey, whose car is this it says super baby white mr. Donald on it

Hi, uh, I'm looking for my car. It's named super white mr. Donald. Wait, is there a comma in there somewhere? This next one's awesome because it's coming in at the very Middle of this wiki howl article search online for other popular card apes. I don't fucking know man I got a key of serento. I tried calling it white mr. Donald duck, but people have hated that name. So Mia Torvino Um, did you mean Kia Sorvino? That works too. Yeah, okay. I'm taking Travis take it clean take it clean take it Kia Sorino Thank you

Use an online name generators next one. That's the same thing matching the name with the style of the car Based the name on the shape and size of the car. Look at the body of the car If it's blocky bulky or powerful more masculine name make Oh, if it's sleek sexy and mysterious a feminine name may suit it better. God again, wiki howl Uh, and so there's a picture of a big what's that car's ass do? And here's a big like scary suv And it says wolverine and then there's a check mark and then it says

Christine and then there's an x Even though there's the most famous scary car ever Is named Christine From the john carpenter film those two also are not comparable Like no one has ever said, uh, yeah, i'm having a baby. Uh, if it's a girl christine and if it's a boy wolverine Yeah, include the maker model in the name. This is just you can make a like a camry Can but might so I have a super that I call ruby sue Yeah, that's good. I mean, that's a good one. Choose the name based on the type of car that you drive. That's you already fucking said that

Yeah The slambergini by the way if anybody I don't know if anyone who listens to this show has a lamborghini But slambergini is just a great thing to call. It's a pretty good one Uh, for instance, you wouldn't want to name a slow truck with the name supercharged or red hot because it doesn't represent the aesthetic of the car Bullshit they have a picture of a truck here. The word that they have been blazing over it is big rhino That's pretty good But i'm just saying that this person who's written this wiki howe article Uh, has a very little concept of ironic nicknames where you know like a big guy tiny because calling, uh, like a very slow

Truck Like yeah, like calling it like hot pepper or something is fucking baller. I love that and then name it based on color Names include nightcrawler cherry bomb mr. Freeze cookie monster frog or mean green and creamsicle hop in the car Oh, wow. Have you guys ever tried to actually get like It's pretty hard to get a nickname going for your car. I've done it for myself a lot. Yeah, I know pity hoops the kid Mr. J Yeah, that one we need to talk about by the way that one hasn't caught on it

It's hard for your car because like the only way to get it going is to like Sheepishly admit it to your wife that there's a nickname for it And if she's gonna mention it be nice if she okay never mind honey, I don't know why I'm sorry. I don't know why I brought it up Ignore me stupid. There's only one why I call my I don't know why I call my honda pike a pilot sully I thought it was funny because the pilot sully. Yeah, no, you didn't think it was funny funny though, right? I was like not funny, but kind of like nodding acknowledgement Kind of feel you know, I mean there's a mystery amongst some of my friends where our mutual friend bobby had this white car

And he went back home for a weekend and when he came back that white car had across the windshield the gambler and now bobby claims That the white car died And he bought a different white car that weekend and that one happened to be the same making model It just said the gambler across that was the only difference And and I have no idea to this day if that's true or not But that's a good way to get a nickname going for your car to just add it to the windshield

Yeah, can I call my car? The michael dukakis 1988 presidential election campaign bus Yeah, how would you? I mean, yes, is that that? Oh shit. I shouldn't people might like find me at life shows now Damn it travis Fuck The only other shit on here is like really think about it And really think about it

And then there's a picture There's a very ferris bueller looking cartoon man laying on a pillow and there's a thought balloon and inside the thought balloon It says silver surfer bio silver chroma That's a cool fucking thing that I wish I could shut out the fucking demons Bio silver. I wish I could shut out the demons and I have for a minute and think about shit like bad car names Sometimes it has come to you unbidden. You don't have to think about them. It's just how your brain works Yeah, you definitely have a like a disease. Yeah, it's called ad Oh boy, howdy trap car the car did the what car juice? You don't have to cut you don't have the glow ad car ad

No So we're gonna go to the dd because it's like all-wheel drive. We're going. We gotta get the fuck out of here We got to go to the fucking money I need to hire some people Yeah, perfect thing but here's the thing It's hard to pick things. I have a hard time Making a decision as to what shirts to wear in the morning a thing that has no impact on Barely my life let alone anyone else's

So the idea of having to like pick a human being to hire for a thing is one of the most imposing Like terrifying like decisions. That's why I'm glad that there are things like zip recruiter Right because zip recruiter is the adult who will help you hire somebody Right, right. They're the parent or teacher that can come in and make it better Yes, because they're going to make sure all of the like qualified candidates come right to you Uh, and you can invite your top choices to apply for the job through zip recruiter Get in here mark. Don't be shy. I know you're the man You're the one man mark could have a feature that shows you the employee that you had dreamed of was inside you all along

Is that an option where it's like that's a premium service They also have one where a group of teenage girls ask you questions about like what house do you think you'll have when you get married? And that helps you choose uh, the right employee for you. Uh, but that's that's It's like a billion dollars. That's like a billion dollars for that Um, but you can sign up. Do they have a thing where they'll take an employee that already works there? And they'll take off their glasses and they're like, maybe this is them. You know what I mean? Like extra for ponytail removal Yeah, right They have a feature on zip recruiter where you can pick an employee from a different company that you'd never hire

And then they take that employee away and make them really cool and beautiful and make them prom queen And you're like, oh man now I love them and you hire them And then they also have a service where if you can't find the perfect candidate that has all the skills you need They will find like three or four different candidates that have some of the skills you need And then they put them in a big tub full of proprietary fluid and they don't tell you what the fluid is And that's probably for the best and then nine months later out pops a single amalgamated Business entity. Yes, it does. It's not it doesn't the shape of it is not

Recognizably human But it does do like 130 words per minute. So that's pretty good So that's you can't beat that and you can sign up for not that service But the other ones that we talked about early on in the ad before We went some places If you go to zip recruiter.com slash my brother You can try zip recruiter for free. That's zip recruiter.com slash my brother Please don't tell them about a lot of the stuff we said. Please don't tell any of our oh my god blanket statement

Don't tattle on us to any of our advertisers because then the then the then the shit's gonna get boring They're gonna have to be like a zip recruiter does a business one if you get that you get 10 But dollars snooze effect, right? Hey, do you know what's exciting for me though my dreams? Oh, my dreams anything? I have great dreams every night playing laser tag with michael dukakis And recently there was a crossover between full house and buffy the vampire slayer

And I saved uncle jesse from a vampire trap and that was pretty good. Yeah, that's definitely who would save who If you two were in a vampire trap together Squarespace though helps make your dreams a reality except for the dream that travis had which I think we can all agree is total bullshit They will Help you build a website that can showcase your work cell products and services of all kinds to promote your physical or online business Oh man more and they do that with these beautiful customizable templates created by world-class designers Everything's optimized for mobile right out of the box. So don't really get about it. Yeah, sure And if you want to know if your website's sick, they got analytics for it and they do free and secure hosting

Um, so that's there's just nothing to really worry about Except like how you're going to spend all of your website money that you're going to get when the big bucks are rolling in So go to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer code My brother to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain I'm jesse thorn this week on bullseye david bern on the talking heads Easing back into live performance and the magic of doo-wop. You don't get it very much people doing dip it A dip dip whoa, whoa, man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a you don't get a lot of that Listen to bullseye for maximum fun.org and npr

Let me reach into the fucking time. Well, hold on. Oh, no, I fallen down into the time. Well, oh, no, he's an old man now Just oh no, he went too far the other way and he's a baby He's a baby. Yeah, let's see if we can catch him right in the middle. I'll grab him by the back of his collar and pull him out Whatever dad. Fuck you. No, damn it. I got him when he was 45 Yes, do you not have a lunch squad my friend? I have like too many and it's starting to feel like This predictable thing it felt too predictable. Well, it used to be a fun energy. You know what I mean? And now I'm having like back I love it. I love the energy. Maybe first of all, do the fucking song Play the song Eric Clapton. Okay

This is a new theme song. It's pretty good Why don't you just give us some give us some log lines and then like let me and travis be your sort of navigators Through this wire and if there's something that don't fucking trust you guys to do that. Okay. Oh, okay. Honeybaked ham has a new okay first off I have a Just sort of an addendum a correction Okay, what'd you do? And a quick addendum to not a correction. I didn't do Um, the no nothing what you put up. I I did ask John Hodgman

If the Taco Bell crispy chicken sandwich taco where they're trying to get beef going Hodgman has made basically his entire career is based around deciding whether or not a hotdog is a sandwich I noticed I asked him to like wait Way in on this and he said And this is sort of like official As you can hear on his podcast touch it on Hodgman. He makes these sorts of rulings all the time and they are binding It's a taco inspired by a sandwich. That's what Hodgman told me. All right. That's so that's official I like that. He said it's like, you know, like the famous Ruben taco

Uh And then like an hour later he texted me or a tuna melt taco We get the concept. I think we got you Do you know what happened with that last one is Hodgman thought about a tuna melt taco and he's like, fuck that'd be delicious And then he just that's what he actually said like now. I'm thinking about yeah, I think he made himself I think so too. I think he practiced the secret. I think he was visualizing Um, honey made ham is doing pumpkin spice glazed turkey breast. Yeah It sucks, right? Yeah, that's great. What's what's wild is like in preparation for this limited time offering honey baked

Uh, uh Did a survey And they're like the results reinforce the demand for fall flavor starts now 69 degree fall has the best seasonal flavors. Yeah, in fact 70 of people agree pumpkin spices is an essential part Of the fall season. Okay, but those are two different things Those are two different things because you're saying that a lot of people love fall flavors and They acknowledge that pumpkin spice is essential to fall not that they love Pumpkin spice 65 percent of people said pumpkin spice flavors should be available august through october

That's true and 15 percent want the flavor to be available all year. So 65 percent 59 percent said spending time with family and friends for gatherings is a favorite fall activity Okay, and 71 percent of respondents said they feel disappointed when they miss out on experience What? They're had so they're having me worried like what did you ask? I'm sorry. Well, I said one more time. Sorry. I said that I just asked if you're feel disappointed when you miss out on experience. Do you mean a honey baked hamster during the spirits or just in What was this forget she says for ham can you yeah, did you say 75 percent? Chaucer

71 percent of The respondents said they feel disappointed when they quote. I'm just reading miss out on an experience I want to meet that other 29 who are so comfortable with themselves. They're like, I if I if I miss it I didn't need to be there. I guess It's like I would have just fucked it It probably wouldn't even been nearly as good an experience an experience an experience Oh man experience not good or bad. Just you 30 percent people are like Yeah, man. I swear. God the aliens landed

I was not present at the point pleasant silver bridge collapse Damn it. Yeah fuck damn shit And I heard there was some really good ham there afterwards The pumpkin spice they're doing pumpkin spice ham. Yeah, okay. Sure. Why the fuck? I Yeah, why not? But that's not really what I'm kind of the thing I actually want to talk about I just think that that's funny. They did there's like guys. There's like A whole thing about what would you do? Here's what pumpkin spice lovers are willing to do

To make it a year long year round thing, right? I'd murder 28 28 percent of people would shave their head bald Okay, 27 percent of people would go a month without internet access. No, you would not 27 percent of people would give up their smartphone For a year bull shit. Just learn where to buy It's a combination of flavor you could do it yourself It's like just not a good cinnamon. They sell it little that you can get bottles of it in the spice aisle with everything else Anyway Wendy's unveils hot and crispy french fry innovation. This is what I'm talking about. I'm gonna stand up. Yeah

This is what I do munch squad for because this is actual news. Okay. It's been fucking 11 years Okay, for the first time the chain is updating its number one selling product which is of course The french fry the french fry The wendy's french fry now It's been 11 years since we've we've touched this recipe and now we're going back to the jungle We're gonna change it The tag that they're using

They're sort of like in the drive-by you see a lot of drive-by fast food coverage and it's just like we just need a quote So what do you think? And they're like, uh, yeah, it's like a lot of places do it bad And we're gonna do it good. They say the fast food chain The developed is new fry offering to put and quote end to the disappointing Inconsistent fry experiences that other places still serve. Yeah, you see what they're doing here? They're putting the they're they're fuck up on everyone I'm changing it. You're right. Not because we fucking up but like

Other places do yeah. No, we're gonna carry a bit more of the weight Then we have the balls in the balls in their court Uh qsr magazine, which is sort of my sort of like secret source my number one source for like when I want to go behind Behind the headlines. Yeah, it's your secret sauce source. Yeah So, um, this is it has an interview with john lee the wendy's vice president of culinary innovation Who um is probably a genius at his job, but probably Is one of the wilder interview subjects I've seen a lot at john lee's work and it it gets pretty wild every single time

Here's the example It's basically one of those things That's already a great start. It's basically one of them One of those things where there were good fries out there, but there are not great fries out there and we collectively got Together and we told ourselves two and a half years ago. The good is definitely not good enough now earlier in this interview He says that they've been working on this recipe for months So I guess it was like two years. They were like we gotta do something about the fries. Yeah Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna lie to me. I'm gonna even start

We're gonna go full court press and figure out what's the best way to have our customers backs If fries are the most ordered menu item We're gonna create The best possible fry. So they they asked john lee um How uh, uh, tell me how your team has been approaching reinventing the fry and to land this new hot and crispy game changer so Hi, my name is jester mackroy. Uh, I'm gonna do my my uh dramatic monologue is john lee's answer to this question

Uh, and I'd like to read it for you now. I do. I'm sorry. Do you have a headshot that we could uh, peruse? Yeah, thank you Yeah, here. Okay. Thank you. And do you I'm so sorry to I don't want to break your flow. Do you have a butt shot? No, uh, it's on my instagram. It's just all butt shots. Can you show me your butt? This is what you want You gotta make it make it make it clap. Hey make it clap Uh, you gotta get the right potato Once you get the right potato

You gotta make sure you're applying the right process And we have a signature proprietary process that allows us to Get the fry. Oh, yeah That's the way he puts it You got to do it in a way that our customers want So there's so there's a whole bunch of forms What we've done a lot of research There's a whole bunch of shapes what?

And there's a lot of different routes we could have taken to create new news. Oh man sliding doors The problem is to say chewed our heritage and the roots and what dav thomas expected in terms of the perfect french fry And then based on the research of what consumers really want, which is a fry that is hot and crispy We actually landed on what we have today So it looks like your standard french fry. It is not your standard The reality is sometimes they got it right the first time out in regards to shape There's specifics around how we cut our fry. It was done right the first time around So we didn't have to do much to fix that

But applying a proprietary process and being really careful about the partners we choose What and having the right raw materials coming in from a potato perspective. Oh my god Gets us out where we're at today. Okay now, and then obviously we have our ops partnerships, too They do a fantastic job. We are trained properly We've got that We got certified people working those fryers and they care and are as passionate as we are About making sure that the guest experience is awesome. Why am I every time they bite into a friend? Why am I standing up and salute?

Like i'm saluting with my hand over my heart and I don't know Like how I got to this position. I eight listeners I want you to rewind back to the beginning of justin doing it and then listen again And this time I want you to picture justin standing in front of several like cork boards with like string wrapped around Like thumbtacks going from thing to think as he points out and just imagine that john lee has been awake for Four weeks I'm a but i'm a catch-up eater I'm not afraid to admit it

I'm a catch-up eater I'd like to take our pouch and I like to squeeze on a little squiggly drizzle on each fry And soggy fries don't make for a very good eating experience when you try to do that Using fries that they created are perfect for this So if you include the delivery expectation of 20 minutes typically 20 to 30 minutes They're so crispy, which is mind boggling It's my the mind the mind cannot conceive of the crispy the mind cannot. Hey, can I say something? It is a it is a razor thin margin

between pleasantly Floppy and way too crunchy for fast food french fries The way this man is speaking makes me think that these are going to shatter my jaw bones. Oh, yeah, baby Fucking crispy and they're heated internally. I guess like those like hand warmers that you crunch up and then put in your gloves There's some kind of chemical activation from inside of them that 25 minutes later. They're still warm And can you I don't want you to go back because this is no hot guys. You have to keep pressing forward. This is a question You had a freight. I really guys. I really don't know. Please don't ask me for context. I don't know what is what is happening in this specific part, okay

You had a phrase around the coding that was great that included the word whisper And that you didn't want it to have a barrier to the potato Can you share just a little bit about that philosophy there? The reason why the whisper came out Yes, thank you. Thank you so much for asking. I was hoping you would bring up the way Oh, thank you. Actually, that's so stupid of you. Yeah The reason why the whisper came out was because there are a lot of our competitors And options that we could have looked at that had heavier battering

But the beauty of our research was that it told us something very clearly that consumers really know their french fries I love the french fry for the fact that it's natural sort of potato texture They want with the very light contrast and texture crisp on the outside fluffy baked potato in the middle It's how we always talk about it in our kitchens You cannot do that if you start applying a whole bunch of batter, which may make it more crispy But you end up changing the actual Overall eating experience of the french fry. I know this gets deep into french fry. Does it john? But this is what we do

We talk about french fries like this if you bite into a heavily battered product I guarantee I guarantee it says I guarantee they start to get gummy And they lose that baked potato fluffy texture in the center. Our research tells us most consumers that is not good John honey, please come to bed You've you've been up for days john, please the children miss you come home Mr. But mr. Lee, why should they not be married? Oh Sorry, uh, yeah, no, no, no, uh, I love her

I love her or something. Um Anyways potatoes to all I've got to be off the change is in regards to the actual battering process that we use and finding the right level batter which sounds like it's easy. No Try doing millions and millions of pounds of french fries. There's a lot of science involved, mr. Lee calm down Please put the knife away There's a lot of engineering. So we had to get it just right. You think you could do it

Oh john It this is truly the combination of our own science on a product that seems so simple when you compare it to something That looks more complex. It's actually probably the most complex project that i've worked on in my entire career It is fucking sounds like it It sounds like it john and I love john can I say we've been having a lot of fun here on our comedy podcast? But I love the passion. I love it I love the passion you ketchup you fucking ketchup eater The only thing that makes me sad about this now that I think about it is how much passion and love john

Lee has split into these french fries and how most fucking plebes are gonna take a bite of it and go That's pretty good. And they're not gonna appreciate. They're not gonna Appreciate about it. You know what else tickles me is that this recipe is being rolled out and should be in all windies by mid october I think that you should in the future Not denigrate your current product while you still have apparently so much of it, right? I feel like people should just show up because now if I you think i'm gonna go to a windies Before this new incredible fry is available You say people prefer it two to one to mcdonald's i'm not gonna waste a trip to windies right now

And you're still serving that garbage. This is your last chance to stock up Let me get a baconator combo meal But just keep the french fries because I wouldn't eat that fucking shit with my worst enemy Could I get an iou for the french fries that I can turn in in like mid october? Actually just take the french fries and pull out your waistband like a silly clown and dump them down your pants because you're a clown Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and dance and say i'm a bad fry clown boy. Thank you. Thank you Perfect. Oh, is it too late to order a small frosty? How about they are gonna be pretty good though. Oh, yeah, it sounds great. That's gonna be great. They know what they're professionals

Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed yourself We hope you're gonna rush out and get some of those windies fries. They did not pay us to say that Start waiting now. You got about start waiting now. Don't get any fries. Yes. Don't you know falls just around the corner. So You know, do you got any uh questions for Richard stank? He's gonna be You know, the new season means a new visit from Richard stank. So if you got questions questions about fragrance You know, please be sure to pass us along. Hey, we have some really exciting news We're doing it. My brother my brother and me live in virtual september 24th Take that air club. Yeah, it's gonna start at 9 p.m. Eastern time

With saw bones opening, which is very exciting tickets are on sale now for 10 dollars at bit.ly slash mb mb am virtual And there will be video on demand available for that for two weeks after the show So even if you can't make that time, go check it out bit.ly slash mb mb am virtual Also, we got new merch over at macroi merch.com. Our pin of the month is dr Shaq from adventure zone ether c which benefits the world central kitchen Which uses the power of food to nourish communities and strengthen economies through times of crisis and beyond We've got a phantom c coast co pen, excuse me and some adventure zone temporary tattoo flash sheets Designed by lynn doyle uh and benefits the asian prisoner support committee

Which provides direct support to asian and pacific islander prisoners and to raise awareness about the growing number of apis being imprisoned detained and deported Hey, thank you to montane for the use of our theme song. My life is better with you Uh to jam a bop uh slap it rips completely and fully you can listen to the whole Version of it now watch the music video Uh that we participated in uh on the macroi family youtube channel and thank you montane It's it's just it brings me such joy Um

Is that it though? Is that it for the show? I mean you need to do your final yahoo. Yeah. No, I mean other than that. You're a final yahoo. Yeah, sure. This one was sent in by paul McCartney, whoa Yeah, he listens And he's he is really plugged into he's a very active yahoo user. He has a hundred thousand yahoo points Uh, thank you paul sir paul. Uh, it's asked by yahoo. He answers user tramp ter kins

Trambedur kins Trambedur kins, okay, uh, and trambedur kinsen asks I'm thinking about starting A new i'm thinking about starting A new Hello I'm thinking about starting

a new I Just do it. Just read it. Why off your screen. Sorry guys. It's gotta I gotta the one you gotta scroll down the fucking wire came loose. Hold on Okay, here. It's loading now Okay, good Uh, hello, where do I start a new? Oh never mind. I have a different question Where can I download the all nude episode of according to jim? Ah

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