My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 577: Canonically Assassinated

Episode Date: September 13, 2021

Ooh, we’re gonna get Travis with a good old-fashioned prank. We’re gonna hide in his closet and do a jumpscare on him. Or maybe catfish him with a fake love letter. Or maybe tell him he owes years of back taxes to the IRS.Suggesting Talking Points: The Four Morpheuses, Do not Google Jizzard, Dr. IRS, Master of Master of Disguise, Thank You For Riding BüsSupport AAPI communities and those affected by anti-Asian violence: https://www.gofundme.com/c/act/stop-aapi-hate For resources on anti-racism and fighting police violence: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up you cool, baby? Precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better with you

It's better it's better with you It's better it's better with you Hello everybody and welcome my brother my brother mean if I show for the modular there's no spoon My name is Justin McElroy your oldest brother Hey, would you have knocked over the face if I hadn't said anything wolf wolf big dog Travis? God's green earth are you two doing hi? This is Griffin what on God's Griffin I'm dodging all of your judgments Into the matrix

Matrix or resurrections matrix resurrections. We're here. We're getting there matrix for Lana Wachowski is gonna take us Into her world of the matrix, and we're all gonna go on a journey together Into the matrix, and that's right. We back out here. I know what you're thinking folks Where are we just in the matrix? There's no way you could possibly know what I'm thinking at this very moment You're thinking why aren't we just in the matrix, but the matrix here's the thing about the matrix guys one It's way long ago. You don't realize it cuz like you probably just watched them again Yeah, way long ago like It's true right because now it's all computers. Yeah. Yeah, it's all computers online

I can't believe that they're making a fucking matrix film. It's been so long since last one Are you kidding me with this carol reeves neo more like although listen? Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa listen The only real this guy is into his Viagra, you know, all right. No, I wouldn't say I think that's okay, but not at the not at the expense of kind of Reeves I know it's like I'm doing kind of a bit like it's like what kind of jokes are there about matrix Those are the jokes that I have about me. Well, here's the thing. I watched the trailer. Whoa, Jonathan grossed in this bitch Yeah, yes wait don't give away anything else Cuz Griffin hasn't seen the trailer, but Griffin is a huge matrix

Monkey as they can I step outside the bit. Yeah, I really I really do love those films quite a bit Yeah, they're very good. Yeah, they're good. I was like sometimes you do like a ironic like Matrix the first the first no, they're all good in their own way. They're all very good I have like the space orgy underground love that fuck. Yes. Oh fuck. It's so good Griffin What do you think is revealed in the new trailer? The new trailer. Yeah, or the first one. I mean, it's the only one so far if if Memory serves the end of the third matrix movie was kind of a total party wipe So that the Keanu is in this one is astonishing to me

It's a resurrection since right there on the title Griffin. I guess they do say it right there They say it right there on the top. You're not okay Griffin. I know what I want to ask you What do you think is in this trailer? I think there's a matrix in the matrix I think they went one. I think they went one deeper I think that there's the real world in which we are set up like cattle into batteries and the machines love our juices And so they put us in matrix so they can take our juices, but then in matrix. It's like, but damn There's some good stuff happening here, too We're gonna matrix them, you know, they're on there and there and this is what I'm talking about the phones

Tik Tok and tumblr all of us are sort of already Griffin So you wait, have you actually not watched the trailer? There's a scene in the trailer There's a clip where everyone's on their phones and the Keanu's in an elevator surrounded by people on their phones and a guy Loosers fun to kind of chuckles and I guess that's a bad thing to find your phone entertaining Yes, first of all Lana get at me Let's yes

Let's collab. This is fucking awesome. I know someone Lily's taking a step back. You need someone to bounce the ideas off Get griffin in I also I went into it. This is not a joke Like joking to myself. I wonder if they'll catch up with what that cat from the like from the like Deja Vu moment what what that cats been up to right cats in the trailer Cats in the show I you want to lose your mind griffin. I'm just gonna five seconds. Here's the last line of the trailer delivered by Mr. Groff himself Bringing it. Are you ready? Yeah, cuz you might get too pumped. It's okay

It's the most trailer line You're not gonna fucking believe that this is the last line of the trail when you're reading a script as an actor And you get a line like this or like well, that's not getting cut. It's no way. All right. You ready? Mm-hmm After all these years to be going back to where it all started back to the matrix Griffin I know you're thinking is that just a clip from like a red carpet interview that Jonathan Groff did no no no No, that's a scene in the movie film. It's in the movie. That's in the matrix. All right Hesinate Is he the new fucking ages agent Smith or whatever he's the new Morpheus. There's four Morphe eyes

Actually, that's not actually there's the fire more time the water Morphe eye earth Morphe eye and air Morphe eye when they get together Don't think Larry made it for this one. Well, I don't think there's a reason in matrix on line Morpheus is canonically assassinated But are you saying Larry is not in this film because he's canonically assassinated in the matrix online in the matrix on line Morpheus is canonically assassinated and so you get a younger Hipper Morpheus Perhaps part of the resurrections wants more cool cool cool Trinity. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah Oh

Looking great by the way has not aged a day. It's a matrix. Nobody has even count. It's fucking fantastic Yeah, I felt bad about like I had it was so funny. Yeah, we remember Yeah, I liked in the trailer where there was like, you know, there's like a voiceover and you're like always is he gonna be in it? Is it gonna be in it? Is he gonna be in it? And then you just hear Joey pants like love steak In redheads is there a First DLC attack of the cyber machines. Yeah Is there a scene where? Fucking mr. Anderson or Keanu's John Anderson. I think his name Neo Neo Thomas Anderson

He's had a fucking Well Thomas Anderson is at a Panera bread and he gets his bread bowl with his cheese and broccolini soup and He like reaches into the utensils drawer and grabs a fork and he's like wait a minute. Excuse me, sir Where's the spoons and the cashier just smiles and it is the little boy. Yeah Can I just say griffin how you there's no griffin It's weird that you knew about the bread bowls because that is actually the new red pill blue pill Yeah, cuz that got all that. Do you want a broccoli cheese soup? Mr. Anderson, right? All that iconography got co-opted by dipshit. So you can't do red pill blue pill anymore

Yeah, now it's like do you want the red broccoli cheese soup bread bowl or a slur sheet? Can I tell you what's why I'm Griffin what all joking aside there is a clip in the trailer where he's like walking through a cafe and Like looks over and someone's reading Alice through the lingo glass and I think it's like the prophet. I think it's like The lady likes smiles at him. Hey, please go ask Alice is the Little it's a little bit, but it's kind of exactly so fucking good He wears there is I mean, he's wearing a beanie He's wearing a beanie and dropping a bunch of his pills down the sink. Yeah, I like that. I like that I like that. Is there a gooey mirror? Is there a good mirror? Yes? Yes? Yes?

There's a gooey mirror where he looks he looks in it and he kind of looks like Looks like old Leonardo DiCaprio. Yeah for like a second He looks like old Leonardo DiCaprio. It's dead on Justin. It's right. It's weird, right? It's like the move it the mirror is a gushy mirror and is also showing the revenant. Yeah It's a streaming mirror. There's great parts like people do flip Buildings and then the buildings break and then here's a part where someone shoots a rocket and Nio's like I don't think so today whoo. Thanks. And then mr. Moon wishes a rocket in an air in a new fray I'll go there's rocket bending. It's amazing rocket. No more bullets for me. Thank you. Just rock now

But there's a scene but let me ask a question. They fight with kung fu in a magical dojo Okay, but listen in there but listen. Yeah What the fuck is Neil Patrick Harris doing in this feature? Yeah, he's just he keeps looking at the camera saying I'm so excited to be in the matrix. It's why it's why it's amazing There's a bunch of new characters and I swear to God they have this entire like army that have freed themselves from the gender binary It's amazing. Yeah, it's incredible an incredible army of Soldiers it's called Nio and the haircuts Yeah

They're so cool. They're like all the cool. I don't love young Morpheus is the one thing that's gonna be out about Oh, you're wrong about it. Actually. Um, I want to watch it Jada in it from the video game. This yeah, canonically the matrix Yeah, from according to IMDB Jada picking at Smith. Who is not she's not just to the video game. She was in oh, that's right She was heavily chews shirt and heavily featured is what you were thinking. Yeah, man I'm way more plugged into the fucking matrix universe than I assume. Why do you know so much about online? Maybe need to unplug a little bit copper top Love state I love steak

Cool, I can't wait for this fucking movie to come out Fucking awesome a little crimp little crimbo accent coming out on Crembo. Sorry kids I'm a matrix kids hoping that presents are in the living room Dads are in the living in the in the in the movie room watching their revenge. He is back Yeah Indians way up in it people flip in hallways I don't know if I can show my kids all three of the like my kids are gonna have to get through all three of the matrix movies Just and and

Animatrix Justin and Animatrix and Apparently the matrix online cuz my kids are gonna be like dad wears morpheus Morpheus dad. Hold on. Dad's gonna set up a server Somewhere we're gonna fucking VPN into this private server Alliance you can see the dead the morpheus who is canonically assassinated Hey, hold on. I can pull up some playthrough videos on YouTube. No dad Spirits in myself or I won't make me interactive. Come on God this fucking rules. This is the only good thing to happen in the last only good thing is matrix. Yeah

Thank you the matrix. We need the matrix. Hey, maybe it's such a big hit it gets since eight season three Please you never know hey And we're gonna make a second speed racer Oh god, the the Wachowskies in a hundred years everyone be like, how are you people not losing your right? Like why did you all sleep on that like what's wrong with you make a movie? We're fucking Mila Kunis is swarmed by bees who can smell her royalty and fucking there's a dog prince And people are like, I don't think we need to see that one. I think we need to see how where this one goes like The fuck is the matter with you think it's no royalty. Are you sure?

Jenny's a dog man. All right. We don't deserve him. No, no, we absolutely do not I Recently switched departments. Okay. I like setting the thermostat to 69. Yeah, I find it funny It's also a comfortable temperature one of my roommates keeps changing to 70 He's done this multiple times that bumps me out every time. Why does he do this? How can I figure out who it is? What should I do once I know who it is? That's from 69 is a nice temperature Let's settle. Can we settle this right away first and foremost 69 is quite cold. That's well really chilly That is my chosen temp. No, no in your home and you're home So cold there. I love no nice 74

I know you want to live in a rain forest. All right 75 in the daytime 73 at night that two degree difference You feel it. You know it. You love it. You have to have it 69 degree. I mean, I guess it depends on where you live in Texas. I could not I could not maintain No, an internal temperature of 69 degrees in Texas. No 88 is where you need to be for a nice sleep. That's what science says But in the during the day, it's hot outside. It should be kind of hot in your house a little bit I'll plug from the world. Yeah I want fall all year round

But then that doesn't make it exciting when fall comes and there's there's a slight chill a slight chill by which I mean, it's like 82 degrees in the morning in Texas here now and I'm like fucking ready for it flannel time But if it's if it's 69 in my house all day all The reason your roommate does this they're a pure all day Justin 40 years old Justin day in do you have an I've been going or is this too personal? No, no, no, Justin. Come on Travis. No, let's focus on Travis. It being 60 not like that temperature Travis too low, but it's too low You're too low, you're probably I would I'm hot-blooded check it and I was shuttered to look at your electric ball I would shut her no because it's a maintaining a constant temperature when they want to hit that temperature

We have let me be clear everybody very good windows. They really keep that in we've got blackout curtains We're in Ohio. It ain't bad. You've made a cave like you've made a damn din That's not something to brag about is that that's what I want Oh, if I could have phosphorescent lighting and that'd be it Oh, there's just a massive to answer the question like there's a like, you know how But we only put a value on things like a million because we have ten fingers, right? It's like it's all you based in I mean, I think if you saw a million like bricks, you'd be like that's a fuck ton of bricks No matter how many fingers you have

Yeah, but you wouldn't be more fuck ton of bricks than like 900,000 breaks you would still you would look at that and be like damn It's a lot of you don't think you would notice a difference between a hundred thousand saying you wouldn't notice a difference I'm saying that when you put that millions for millions brick on the pile You would turn around and be like everyone. I've done something and we're all I see okay because of my ten fingers I have achieved it. You know what I mean? I know you did. Okay. I feel like 69 and 70 is A large there's a large psychological gap because in the 69s it could be in the 60s It could be chilly in the 70s

It could be darn right hot and it's like you're in the like that one Sliver of a degree is actually there's a big psychological difference. Oh, so maybe the room is just like god. It's freezing. I'm just gonna turn it 70 says you are absolutely right because if somebody says it's gonna scoot it up a little bit if somebody says oh, it's 69 degrees outside I'm like, oh, it's like jacket like 30 seconds. Yeah, it's like so funny. Yeah. Yeah, I don't feel like 70 degrees I'm sorry. I'm like oh short sleeves got it. Okay, cool. You're absolutely right Justin 70 degrees is short Okay, it's it's really tough run hot. I know you do. I know you do I I'm struggling with this question because and I think probably a lot of our listeners are too because

70 degrees to me is also still pretty cold But it's not as funny griffin cuz it's not the sex number It's but that shouldn't be the reason That shouldn't be the guiding force for how you regulate your bio rhythms and shit It shouldn't. Okay. No, because then I would set my thermostat to 420 degrees and burn my family alive No, you can do that all the time. It's the whole time. I'm 25 degrees. You're right I fall as that always fucks me up Yeah, but it would be I would be burning alive, but cackling because it's like

And then I would be reduced to ash I'm just saying if there's somewhat like a thermostat manufacturer listening create a mode where they are yeah Anywhere between 65 and like 75 no matter where you set it. It still reads as 69 Right, so that way we can still get the effect. Yeah, we still get the job You can even put it in quotes on the display 69 right just paint over it Yeah, and then you don't you're like your body doesn't shit my body definitely My body can tell the difference between 75 and 70 you think if we blindfolded you Yeah, I put air plugs in or something and then yeah, like lowered it or raised it by a degree you back

Oh, that's 71 if you said it just if the thermostat was set to 74 degrees and then you covered my face and Like with a bag with a bag and just like got rid of all senses, but touch right and then Either lowered or increased the temperature by one degree. I could for sure tell you like which direction Oh, we're gonna have to work on that's not does yeah, like that's but that doesn't even seem that astonishing to me That seems like something I don't think I'd notice Okay, all right, but I don't know how to test that Like well raising lower at me and being like still fine Yep doing great

Guys, I worry with all this 69 talk that things have gotten a little pure aisle So I thought I would like raise the brow a little bit. Oh, man. Oh, wait. It's been a really long time Do you know what I mean? Like it's been like a yeah, right? So it's like ready to come back with some work of art of all of them of All of them to come back. I think this was well Come back Griffin, I just had to think a good one, so it took a little while because street cart named these nuts Really took it out of me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So just a reminder how this works Can I offer one thing just before you move forward? Sure? Sure? Sure?

It hits it's good there, too. It hits really good there, too Back in the matrix after all these years So just a reminder, this would be I'm going to describe a classic work of art and Justin and Griffin will just give me the title. It's that simple. So like if I said Can you believe this is only the third time that Travis is I just googled Mbem-Bam work of art Which the Mbem-Bam Wiki describes as Travis modifies the titles of classic books into bathroom jokes And if I said like Sun Sue's classic guide to fighting a battle and also a little toot slips out And it would be the fard of fard of war very short of war

No, I just had a little like yeah, I heard of beats and thought zebra here. We go the first one Frank Elbaum's classic story of a quartet Attempting to get what they desire but also the author focuses a lot on how the scarecrow makes semen That would be the just a lot of us. This is correct. Okay. Now. They're gonna get more difficult as they go Understand though, please understand your brother that jizzard is not a word Please understand your brother. Please understand jizzard is not a word. It is It's the it's a wizard of jizz. Okay What's ever said the word jizzard

Oh, I'm sure they have There's no Just it at the very least I want to see the word gizzard and mispronounced it. Okay. Oh Griffin is this your first day of the internet Now round two. Yeah This F Scott Fitzgerald classic involves Nick Befriending a wealthy born vivant and man about town who's in love with Daisy and also poops himself a lot Great shots be I'm sorry. Good. What was that? The great shots be that's correct griffin. Good job

Griffin, you're so good at this game. You're really good at this game I wish I could come up with this pure ass as quickly as you try at Griffin. Okay. I got one more. I'm twisted. That's one more This Charles Dickens classic tells the tale of how ebony's or Scrooge's life has changed when a series of ghosts Inserts their closed hands into his butthole Griffin I'm so deeply impressed by how quickly you got Not difficult it's not it's a rhyme with the worst word you can think of Justin was hours behind you on that. Just I'm still trying to get I still don't get gizzard of Oz Yeah, but here you are griffin before I can even finish like oh fist was killed. You were so excited by are you finished?

Are you finished Griffin? Do you want to come up with something? You're so good at this? I bet I could but yeah, I really don't want to yeah, maybe on the next oops all bets Yeah, that would be great. I would love to do this would do to switch Well, I mean this is actually a great I would love to come up and see her for Travis and I found just the way to do it Let's approach the jizzards Nice This one was sent in by omnipresent millipede. Thank you. It's a wiki how article that is Entitled how to prank your brother. Oh boy. So

So maybe oh, maybe Travis just as I pay back for that You can do like not you just like step out of the room for a bit and me and Justin can play in a big one Okay, yeah, I promise you won't listen. I'm plugging my ears for sure Juice number one playing a big attack from the closet This is an absolutely brilliant plan first pick a time when your brother doesn't think you're home and nobody else is there then hiding a closet Maybe your own and quietly call the house from your cell phone and when he answers the phone So you need him to go in your closet and then when he opens it you jump out and you're like boo And then he won't expect to see you there and he will freak out

You'll be able to hold this one against him for years. So you want to try that real quick? Griffin got Fistmas Carol right away. Yeah, getting the closet juice. I'm getting Travis. Hey, Travis. Yeah, I left something I left my I left my backpack for School in my closet. Can you get it for me quick? Which one is that? Mine closet get it out of the backpack look like purple Purpose to have any characters on it or your name or anything. Ah, this guy's sewer sharks. Ah sick, bro. Yeah, I'll get it Okay, this closet. Yeah, okay, just let me open it here. Oh, hey Justin. Hi, Jeff You don't seem surprised. No, you're just hold on. Wait. Hold on. Wait. Just do a big attack

What was that Wait, I didn't knock you unconscious. I punch my microphone really hard. Oh, I'm not your microphone, Justin No, no, but it was the audio me. Oh, I'll do it again. Okay. Okay. Hold on Oh Wait, hold on Second, what is that? Is that you like playing a nap? I was giving you like, oh do it again. Oh You punch it in the no, okay. I'm on the ground stop I don't think I would attack. Are you supposed to physically attack it? I'm actually gonna get I'll get on juice

I'll get on fiverr and find somebody to attack strong just Google strong strong person attack brother To attack my brother on to attack brother strong person do attack brother. That's actually like if I could say as far as pranks go Hiring someone to hide in their closet and then attack them. I Could still do the cell phone thing and they could see me I could like be like come to the window and look out. Do you see that I'm here? Yeah There's any way I'm in your closet right now and they're like, I don't think so. Yeah, and then the attack I watch a lot of like police procedural dramas and I would just I would point out that hiring someone To hide in someone's closet and attack them. Yeah might might

Crest past the line of prank and you know, yeah, perhaps felony. Yeah, it's I mean it says big Yeah, right there on the table. Yeah, let's let's try something else real quick. Try to go ahead and step out of the room again Okay, I'm gonna go have peanut butter Sammy. Okay, Justin. I'm got this big box Out in front of his front door and you're gonna hide in it and I'll ring the doorbell and when he opens it You want to jump you are gonna jump out and this is guaranteed to make him scream. What do I do? I mean, what do I do? So I'm gonna put a big cardboard box Can you cut the cross off in front of the house? Yeah, and you're gonna get inside of it and then when he opens You're the best when he opens the door you jump out. Okay, you're always there

Travis ding-dong something's the front door for you Travis That at my front door your front door yours open it. Okay. I'll have Mrs. B. Open it No, you open it up in the front door. No Travis Travis Travis. Yes, you have to do it But that's what Mrs. B is here for Mrs. B is nice to go Travis Miss B. Let Travis open the door because we don't want to prank you Travis open the door just give me a minute Surprise I was Mrs. B the whole time Hi, I'm a tax investigator

Why are you in a box? You're in a big problem today Hi, I'm Dr. IRS with the IRS. Did you get the package Travis? Yeah, I send you a tax. I send a tax investigator because you're busted big-time, baby If you open it illegally you've been served You've been served for tax money. Mattress box It was the only one we had laying around the office Yeah, but it doesn't matter a calm box. You don't have any paperwork or anything look in here

Okay, you're not wearing any pants. Yeah, that's my middle finger flipping you off. Oh Consider yourself pranked. I Got pranked by the IRS. All right, stop this one sucks Travis get the fuck out of here and also hold on wait Travis for this next one You you have to dead-ass go to sleep. Okay? Hold on give me a moment. All right. Let me watch 35 minutes of ASMR videos. Yeah. All right. Oh There he goes. Hey Justin put whip make him put whipped cream on himself. Okay Wait what?

Yeah, is he on his he's not he's waiting. He's sleeping on his stomach flip him over, but don't wake him up Now whip now make him now make him whip cream himself now Damn that is some really rough fully That bottle is sick. All right Travis don't Travis don't wake up. Don't wake up feather feather feather feather feather Ah Sorry, I thought a bird was attacking me. Okay, Travis go back to sleep. Okay, but touch your face

like this And rub that good cream all over. Oh, that's delicious Sucks working. I'm just eating the cream now. He's just eating the cream Is this low-fat? Fuck you It's it's ready. Justin quick. Give him a wedgie wait until he turns away from you. Good luck I'm not wearing underpants. Oh god. No. I keep reaching lower and lower. There's nothing You're fine. Justin don't give up. It's in there. Can you scratch right there though while you're there? Oh god Justin quick. If there's an actual suggestion

Stick paper on his butt What why well as a quick and easy one you get a piece of paper that's similar color to a surface like a couch or chair And then you put glue on it and when he gets up, he'll be walking around with a piece of paper on his Did they literally stop there? They didn't say like write something on it Well, they said this is an updated version of the always effective kick me sign. So that's not always effective It's never been effective Okay, even there's a whole time somebody put a kick me sign on someone's back the other person He saw was like, oh, come on. Let me get that for you

There's a whole subcategory called bathroom pranks, but none of them are quite as ribble as you want them to be Yeah, so let's jump straight to food pranks. Okay. Do I need to go to sleep again or it doesn't matter You haven't fallen for any easier like Neo. Yeah, just always dodging them Justin can make a sponge look like cake But not an actual spot like it's not a edible my gosh sponge like a cleaning one but put chocolate on it So it's like a cake Travis. Well, I'll just save time. You know what? I'll just I don't want to have the excellent in the sponge I'll just make up like a sponge cake like a nice. Oh, you know what why you make a cake look like a sponge That's really popular Griffin is that prank?

Then I go to like clean the dishes and it's like what it was cake Travis drink this milk No Travis drink this milk. Well, the human body is not really developed to drink milk Griffin drink Drink this milk though. How long has it been sitting out? Hold on I'm gonna move this hold on wait. I have to move this trash can close to you now drink this milk I'm following this wiki our article Travis and it says to have a trash can close because he might Knowing thank Griffin. I'm definitely not gonna drink this milk, but this is regular milk. You're part of the control group I'm actually gonna prank Justin. Oh You're drinking there's vinegar I put vinegar in it. I love that

You liked it didn't even work. It's really good for the system. Can we try again? I'll put salt and pepper in it, which is a very nice idea. Okay, try this That's good Cool, you put just a little bit in which I appreciate I don't need these are like hand me your TV remote Travis Hey, what do you want? Do you want the one that does like the Apple TV or like the regular TV remote? I have one that's for like the box that does give them both give them all to me. Oh, it's like four different ones Master controller. I got him. Thank you. I got him snap snap snap snap. I broke all of those. What the fuck?

Yeah, I broke your remote. You broke you broke my remote some of it. I don't like yeah Yeah, that's the cable company. Hey, let's play some video games together. What do you say? No? You broke my remote. No, it'll be okay. Let's play some a let's play a little Smash Brothers, baby Just your video game controllers right over there inside of Jello like the office. Wait. Oh my god. That's funny How did you get my controller to put it in Jello? Yeah Hey, Travis got a love letter here for you and this is a real one. I didn't write. Oh, is it from my wife? No, oh, then I don't want it Griffin. I'm a married man. Yeah, that's what's fucked up, huh? You should read it. Hey read it though. It's real. No, cuz I worry that like he might read it for you

I'll read it for you spawned it read the read the smut to him. I'll read it Hey, hold on Hey, dr. Hey dr. Hey dr. Big balls. Yeah, that's what they call me. This is me Hortense and I love you But I work with Hortense and see now this is gonna change our dynamic. Where's your where's your butt at? I know It's in the back of my pants like it always is I know that the letter says responding to the words you say to it. Yeah Yeah, so that's pretty good pranks. Wait, that's the wait. Hold on Griffin

Yeah, that's it write a fake love letter to someone um Make a fake love letter sign from a girl in his class that he also has the same name girl In your class and place it in his book bag. He'll find the love letter and either confront the girl or tell his friends Sooner or later, he'll tell you guys tell him that you have a girl that has the same exact name And likes a boy with his name. He'll feel so embarrassed because the girl said she didn't and he told his friends Wow, that's machiavellian Ah twists and turns eaters all that was coming Jeremy count of montecristos

Wait, hold on guys. Could you explain that? Did you prank me or what's happening? What's going on your love note from a girl who has the name of the same girl in a class? I'm in but she likes somebody who has the same name as you but it's not you and you just told your boys You fucking dumb ass. Is that why you're breaking me up behind this cask of a montillado? Yeah, I'm breaking you breaking you right to pieces What a good pranks article thanks everybody pranks article a great a lot of fun And think about it that I mean even if there weren't a lot of laughs

We are that much closer to matrix four. Yeah So that you killed a little bit of time that way, you know, yeah, sure Knives out too also. Yeah, but I was going to look at it mostly anticipated. You know, yeah, man Let's take a break and go to myself I love sheets

Man, I'm not even lying like this is not one of those things of like I'm going to put on airs to be like Oh sheets are the best like I just got a new mattress and so I was like time to order new sheets Uh, you know, it's been 20 a lot of people challenging you'd be like, you don't actually like sheets Well, like, you know, sometimes you're like, I love sheets and they're like, well, you enjoy sheets I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't understand love. I need sheets. Yeah, that's why I love brooklynon Because listen brooklynon. I know what you're saying travis. You just talked about how much we love sheets We know brooklynon does great sheets. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. They do now imagine Accompany with the commitment to detail and comfort that they show to sheets bringing that

to lounge wear I'm afraid to think I'm afraid to imagine that I know I know but let your mind dwell on that for just a moment Griffin because it's true because well the implications of that are are Are profound. Yeah, it's gonna feel like you're wearing Bedding but in a good way, right? Yeah, and then it's like am I awake? Am I asleep? Like I don't know. I don't know if I'm awake or asleep anymore. Is this the matrix? Nobody knows And brooklynon offers bundle deals on lounge wear so you can get more comfort. Did you say bundle deals bundle?

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You got to have a pretty strict net nanny on this one just sort of locking you into stamps.com make that your home page And then throw away the keyboard and the printer cannot be connected to the internet which is tricky so you got to like Put this stuff you want to print the postage on floppy Discs and then print it out that way But they offer you deals at stamps.com. You can't get anywhere else like up to 40 off usps and up to 66 off ups shipping rates

And we got to get back together with this thing Um using this postage that you get off the special offline version of stamps.com that you downloaded. Yeah So don't go to the post office stop wasting time there go to stamps.com instead There's no risk and with our promo code my brother you get a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage And a digital scale do not connect that to the internet either Yeah, um Because they will get in they will get in there They're all just those little spidery robot guys. They're all they'll get in don't worry. Yeah

So there's no long-term commitments or contracts Just go to stamps.com click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in my brother You don't have a keyboard anymore Do tech text to speed speech to text speech to text go to yeah So type in my brother with speech to text that stamps.com offline promo code my brother speech to text stamps.com Never go to the post office, uh again We have wasted this world Our magic put a storm in the sky that has rendered the surface of our planet uninhabitable

But beneath the surface Well, that's another story entirely In a city built leagues below the apocalypse Survivors of the storm forge paths through a strange new world Some seek salvation for their homeland above Others seek to chart the vast undersea expanse outside the city's walls And others still seek What else

Fortune and glory Dive into the aether sea the latest campaign from the adventure zone Every other thursday on maximumfund.org or wherever you listen to podcasts It just occurred to me the other day guys that the title of the movie first wives club And i've never seen it but it has nothing to do with like the president of the united states I think Right, it's like a play on words because they're like the first wives and like they're divorced in another second one Oh, that's interesting because like i always i also always assumed it was um presidential

I've never seen it before so that's just my anybody who's seen that indelible film would not make that mistake So i'm assuming you have this that indelible. I know i haven't seen it. I've said several times that i haven't seen I'm learning a lot about movies this episode. That's not gonna stop griffin Okay Because great news finally we're able to retire munch squad We hung we hung the jersey up. No more much. Oh it's up in the rafters No more munch squad this week because there weren't any good ones But I did want to take a second to start as a brand new bit for this week only it'll never happen again

All right, it's called master of master of disguise And it's where there's the film the film master. I have to thank ryan for sending me one of these Uh, one of these reviews of master disguise of which on the service. I am to be there 24,000 now jesson Just to be clear. This is master of disguise a movie which i'm going to guess came out in 2000 Very very close 2002. Ah, you know how I you know how I know that for a fact The easy way to remember that master's guy in 2002 is that The turtle club scene was being filmed on 9 11 So the when you see the turtle club scene that was being filmed on 9 11

So that's one thing you can remember about turtle a lot of things every time he says turtle. He's thinking about like A 9 11 is happening. Yeah, should we take the rest of the day off? Should we stop for the rest of the day and dana carvey was like don't or no We look guys if we stop filming master of disguise now the terrorists have one so Yeah, so just i'm we're just kind of this is kind of like be more breezy and holistic because I can't read All these reviews. Here's a one star one. It's possible I just want you to know jesson because I want you to understand the weight of the responsibility that you're currently bearing

There's a very good chance that there are Uh, uh many many people listening this right now for whom this 19 year old movie This is their first time being aware of that Probably not the master this is from this is one star from 2020 The master disguise this might as well be called how not to make a movie This film is yet when I say it like that I'm using air quotes because a lot of people do it when they're talking about the same

This film is yet another one of the top 10 worst movies i've ever seen I remember when this film first came out. I was at elementary school back then I was kind of interested in seeing it, but I never got around to it Almost like you were the target audience at that point or even buying it on video Yep, that was still during the vhs transition dvd era I never saw it was first released and just over 10 years later I saw it on demand for free. So I thought why not? I think i'll give it a watch. Yeah And then uh, the it goes on from there um, uh for

Pages upon pages upon pages Um, here's uh, they didn't even like the turtle club scene by the way That sucks one thing to point out the most popular scene is the turtle club scene that supposedly Is supposed to be the come comedic highlight It appeared the most frequent all the commercials and trailers believe me. I know But when I watched it, I was very disappointed big shock It's nothing but dana carvey who plays the main character Pistachio discazi. No, seriously. That's his name

Spoiler before before I tear apart dana carvey's performance I just want to say one thing and this person goes on and on and on. Here's here's um, here's here's a here's a one star From 2005. Oh dana. What in goodness name were you thinking? Oh, my Was this a stinker I tried to give as much of a chance as possible Because you cannot believe everything you read from critics And you cannot believe everything you hear with the master of the skies everything you taste

You can oh, this is awful. I don't really think they meant it to be awful. Probably not Listen, we haven't yet tried to make a movie here at microwave brothers hq But I don't think a lot of you are like, hey, let's really fuck this one up Oh like in a fun way in like the room or like a bad like the scary movie movies. No, no, no Let's just do a shit job No, no, no, no I don't think they meant it to be awful. I mean the story sounded good I'm sure on paper

To a bunch of film executives who are drunk at the time they heard it Then it probably got a By a bunch of other folks in various forms of development who thought this could really be a silly little film that would catch on But it wasn't and did it In some other universe, I wish there was a better script to punch up the story But there were like too much on danis characters that were god-awful and unfunny This movie was painful to watch painful to see talented people on a film in a very untalented movie Someone should have pulled the plug cease production for a decade

Something anything, but here we are this film is a major pass under any circumstance That's fucking neat like they're just being mean now It's this one's this one's just mean and I feel like we should like look at like a better one Can I also just say that like maybe I don't know if this is the thing that people do But maybe we like the three of us could do a punch-up pass on it now post-production Way post-19 years post-production 19 years later. We could do our own that's something to think about Let's put that on the sticker board while I read this one from Jerome, but this is from 2004 The best impression ever 10 out of 10 stars. Nice. All right. Good. Come on guys. This movie's great

It has about a dozen moments that would make you laugh to death. That's not a lot. Oh, holy shit Holy fuck. Wow Dana Carvey's a fantastic comedian He does a lot of impressions in the picture that make the movie worth a higher grade about a seven I'd say now this is from a person who did just give it 10 out of 10 stars So maybe they're just trying to write the ship a little bit cool and the scene from Jaws Almost made me laugh. What holy shit. They just cut a scene from Jaws I've never seen this movie, but I didn't know you could just do that

Also, the actress that shares the screen with Dana Carvey as well as Brent Mr. Data's spider made a good supporting crew now. Wait, you couldn't go ahead and find out her name there reviewer The actress that shared the screen and now yeah, you're you're hey You are on IMDB right now. I know it I believe most people thought this should be a more serious comedy wait more intellectual But no, it's just simple and good jokes Come on. You guys should evaluate this movie better. Funny Very funny movie. Okay. Cool. Hey, um, I have

A widescreen monitor and I have as I want to do when I'm cruising the net I have it split in half where one half is one Google chrome window and the other half is the is another google chrome window And I have just sort of absentmindedly. I now have the wikipedia page for the master of disguise open on both halves You just organically Two of them. Can I read the last line and about the post credit scene and master of disguise? It's good Spoilers everyone. Well, yeah, there's by the way master of disguise. There's three Awesome three post credit scenes. That's good. Well, here's one of them a spoiler skip ahead 30 seconds

If you don't want to I'm just gonna read it verbatim In a post credit scene pistachio discovers that the slappy domey which he used earlier in the film has a little man inside They proceed to chase and slap each other but later share a drink together before saying goodbye to the audience Fuck I love that good film It sounds good It sounds good. It sounds like a good film. I'd like to see All right. All right. Good bit over 50 thought it was super funny dan and carvey is brilliant See him as a turtle and try not to laugh

He does al Pacino as a saturday night fever dancer who flips all over The other crowd cannot understand this movie, but we thought it was hilarious. That's awesome Do you think he was still chant like right in that 9 11 wave would they recorded that scene too? Do you think he used it? That was part of it. I wonder if they took a break for a few hours I mean they they had they shot this thing in like a three week shoot like it was tight So like they did not have time to really process What had happened?

um So he had to use it, you know, what other choice did he have? That's a good bit. There's no cursing by the way. Awesome. You didn't ask All right, there's no fucking turtle Oh my nuts our turtles not oh shit my nuts Oh, I just got slapped in the fucking face. I'm a turtle I think we just punched this one up. All right. I think so. Yeah No, it's also because it is also easy to remember what year anniversary you are in with the master of skies

Like I know without you thinking about this is the 20th anniversary of master of disguise being released in theaters Like today Not the best definitely not the worst. Okay um Should we do at least one more question you think? Yeah, cool. Yep. Yep. Is it sort of master of disguise theme? Yeah All right, I'm ready then I'm a nanny for a nine-year-old who is just going back to school Last year the bus driver called me by my college's name as a nickname. Hey

insert school name here But I have since graduated to grab the this year the bus driver has taken just call me the graduate Which is significantly worse in my opinion How do I get this nine-year-olds bus driver to give me a cooler nickname? That's from vexed in virginia That's awesome. Yeah, that's awesome. That kicks ass The graduate are you fucking kidding me? I would give anything if you were a highly paid assassin The graduate would be an amazing. Oh Yeah, oh, you don't want to be the graduate. Is that to you? Oh, you're fucked

Here come here comes But they obviously based this on you were wearing a shirt or something with your college's name on it Like that's where this came out of So like be grateful that they got there with such little information Right Yeah, because they wouldn't just be like uh-oh here comes the sandwich eater because they saw you eating a sandwich Yeah, they were like, uh-oh here comes mr. Dooley's clown college for sinners. Yeah exactly

Now you're the graduate. You're the graduate. That's great, man The problem is the bus driver doesn't have more information about you should just start giving that bus driver more information about you Oh, yes, all your information social security home address Give them all your dates. You just try this is a new way people have it's a new fishing scam Right where the the fisher makes you want to give them your personal information. Yeah, you could be oh here comes fucking point extra glasses neater Uh, because you wear because you are you wear glasses and I assume you need them That's all I know about you point extra glasses neater

Here's what I know about the school bus driver. Yeah They they're they have two jobs one Safely fairy children from corners to school Second try to lure adults onto the bus Huh, because it's so embarrassing. Oh, I see. It's like you basically get like 20 points for every adult that you can lure onto the bus Hey, what do you do? Oh, what fuck you head of downtown hop aboard? Just hop aboard. This is a regular bus and by the time you're like already walking up the steps like wait a minute

This seems like it's full of kids. Whoa And you're already halfway to school if they bring you to the the bus depot Then they get 20 points for every adult that they've already the bus and you have to walk home They'll know if you try to get an uber And you have to start school over from whatever is like the youngest grade of the school that they brought you to Subjects of Billy Madison. Do you guys Do you guys ever wonder Because bus drivers the the school bus drivers pick up the kids in the morning drive the kids off of school

Then they pick up the kids at school and they drop the kids off at home Yeah, you summed it up pretty well. What's that window in between? What about school bus drivers doing well Travis they're training and I know it's a wonder for what? On ways to lure more It's their passion. They do it for the love of the game. You know what I mean I think that there should be like a school bus, right between the hours of let's say like nine and two They can give rides to adults, right? And the and no penalty there, right? That's fine. Whoa. Whoa What if there was a different like lift an uber?

But it was only between like 8 30 and 2 30 and you could like Call a bus like a school bus and you like roll up and it's like, yeah, this is my whip It's a school. We just saved a lot of musical programs in elementary school Yeah, oh man. It says there's a fucking 13 minute wait for an uber. We're gonna we're gonna miss our flight Hold up. Let me get boop boop boop. Let me open up boost Yeah, I got a 4.9 star rating on boost. Did you say you got a bus? No, no, no the app is called boost It is school buses. Now, uh, I can get you to the airport, but I do need to make a couple stops before that

Yeah, okay schools and it's dope because sometimes you get those little halo tangerines that they're just rolling around on the floor Oh, yeah, kid forgot it. Oh, shit. I just found a blast oise Fuck yeah, they know lots of shit like see that farm over there. They'll let you pet fucking any cow you want It's not even a big deal That's over that way is a is a kick-ass crayon factory. You just guys gotta check it out I can never do this with kids, but you want to see me ramp this I can ramp anything I can ramp anything with this baby even if I miss it's long enough I'll still make it man. You see they don't hey you guys see speed. It's like that

Hey, um, I know this is your first time on boosts and one thing you should know about the They're two fucking chicken shit to tell you but if you give me an extra 20 dollars that I'll let you drive the bus Yeah, that's pretty it's a cool service that we provide here on boost Don't put that in the app. It's kind of like an awful label Yeah, one of the actual review options is let me drove drive the bus They did let me drive the bus and if you pick that I do get fired immediately So don't it's a trap. That's a trap review option. So please don't pay you have to pay an extra five bucks to smoke in the back But the options available to you you want

If you want it this thing goes really fast like they don't let me go that fast, but like You see how you see how big it is now imagine how fast it goes Because of how big it is and let me tell you folks people get out of the fucking way Yeah, this baby's coming I can I can pop out this stop sign any time I want to hear And it functioned people because I can leave that stop sign out as I drive around So people are like is that stop sign coming towards me? Fuck and it's like a funny prank. It's awesome. Good guy I love boost. Thank you for riding boost. I do you have to go pick up some kids now? Can I drop you off after that? What time? What time is it? 3 15? Fuck yeah

Get out right now get out you're walking Um, right real quick before we go. I did one let you guys know that burger king Removed 120 artificial ingredients from its meat. Oh, wow. That's a lot It's like I just that's a lot. Justin. That's a lot that we're in there, huh? Happy halloween Also, I just want to let everyone know that mcdonald's uh has confirmed that grimace is the taste bud Um, so say that can we circle back? Can we please circle back on that mcdonald's has also agreed to take all the artificial ingredients of burger king Won't use anymore. Are you gonna use this?

This salad tastes fucking amazing. It's so good Uh, so very exciting uh next Next week now for everybody friday september 24th 9 p.m We're doing and my brother my brother me live and virtual event with saw bones opening for us It's very exciting tickets are only 10 dollars and they're on sale now You can go to bit.ly slash mb mb am virtual and get those tickets right now Don't wait unless you're driving and the good news is even if you can't make it on september 24th 9 p.m eastern time

Then video on demand will be available for two weeks after the show. So check it out Um, we also got a bunch of merch and macro merch.com if you're enjoying taz ether seat Then you of course know and love dr. Shaq. Yeah puffer fish the puffer fish neurosurgeon that uh Is uh as a beloved character you can get a pin with him right on it and sales for that benefit the world's central kitchen Which uses the power of food to nourish communities and strengthen economies through times of crisis and beyond There's a pin for the phantom sea coast co and we even got taz temporary tattoo flash sheets on there now those are designed by lin doil and uh sales for those benefit the asian prisoner support committee Which provides direct support to asian and pacific islander prisoners and to raise awareness about the growing number of apis being imprisoned

detained and aborted And uh, hey, thanks to montane for the use of our theme song. My life is better with you uh Just grab grab that grab that tune grab that track Um And and dance to it and hold on for the right of your fucking life. Okay Oh yikes, uh griffin. Yeah, what you were gonna come up with something to replace the folly I hope I actually did find some people have said I've actually read now some feedback where people said that this is

The bit on the show that they understand the least that they don't actually understand why yahoos are the way they are And there are some people who and this is kind of like a deep web conspiracy theory thing But people who think that maybe you're not even really reading Them that you're just like making it up seem right it's fucked up. All right. This last one was this last one was sent in by randals Okay, the grocery store randals Uh, there's ceo whose name is randall Jandall and thank you randall jandall. It's asked by yahoo answers user stef

stefamy Asks stefamy. This one is asked by yahoo answers user stefamy who asks Hold on wait. It's loaded at downloading. It seems like it's downloading. Give me a second. Oh, okay. All right Uh, hey guys Hmm stefamy asks. Hey guys Anyone up for a little anyone up for a little one-on-one basketball meet me at Meet me at the park at 4 p.m

My name is stefamy and i'll be there wearing a wearing a blue shirt And shorts for and shorts and shoes for basketball You should be wearing an orange shirt And but also basketball gear And we'll be very and nobody will get hurt

Thank you And god bless you and god bless our country Love stefam love stefamy My name is jesse macaroy. I'm travis macaroy. I'm Griffin macaroy This has been my brother my brother may kiss your dad score on the lips Oh It's better with you Maximum fun org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported