My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 578: Greg’s Upstairs High-Performance Tea Kettle

Episode Date: September 21, 2021

We really tried to hunker down and stick to advice, we really did. But Grimace exists? And somewhere out there a pretend crash of rhinos is fighting a pretend conspiracy of lemurs. We’ll try again next time.Suggested talking points: Fred Jasso, What is Grimace, Most Jacked People are Secretly Lemurs, Detested Orange Chicken Sandwich, Stacked OnionsSupport AAPI communities and those affected by anti-Asian violence: https://www.gofundme.com/c/act/stop-aapi-hateFor resources on anti-racism and fighting police violence: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up, you cool, baby Precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better

It's better it's better It's better it's better Everybody again, welcome to my brother my brother and me and advice you for the modern era I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I'm your mid-list brother Travis big dog whiff whiff McElroy And I'm your sweet baby brother Griffin snubbed at the Emmys once again McElroy This was my this was my year with my show Fred Jasso, yeah, yeah, how is Fred Jasso handling the loss?

Fred Jasso is pretty sad. My boy Dapes and Chacodacus is pretty hard torn up about it cuz he had a he had a star turn Yeah, as Fred Jasso And I'll tell you the thing that's most is boy and girlfriend if I'm a yeah shit Fred Jasso came out two months before that other one and nobody's talking about it. It's bull shit. It's bullshit Because we don't have maybe maybe maybe Dapes and Chacodacus doesn't have an SNL Career to fall back on like you know that he can point to and be like I got the chops You know what I mean? I'm like some other I mean he did college improv. It was pretty good

He did some college improv. It was mostly religious based He was the sort of star of the BYU improv circuit Real quick, I know that you had a bit you wanted to do Travis and I'm so here for it Okay Yeah, you guys know and I this would be the kind of thing that we would talk about if Ted lasso was like a show that everybody was Watching or nobody was watching Sort of in a weird middle ground, but nobody's talking about Ted lasso Did you guys know there's a conspiracy theory that the guy who plays Roy Kent is CGI I do know about this. Yeah, which I know about this. No

He just look he he looks unbelievable. Yeah, he's incredible. I love break old scenes So here's the thing you guys can't tell you the problem. Yeah, yeah, I'm warning my brother my brother and me Because sometimes people are like you guys don't do enough questions anymore. And you know what? Okay? Yeah I put together a list this week and there's some really just absolute bangers in there, but then also Like grimaces a taste bud and like that's really kind of hard isn't it? Yeah Can I tell you so hard? Here's the wild thing about it. I looked it up Do you guys know the story behind this guys here about this? Travis you had you legally, you know, you're right. I got you

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So here's it. Okay. Here's the best part about it, right? Everybody's talking about the fact that grimaces is a taste bud. That's not the best part about it Nobody's talking about Ted Lasso. Fuck Ted Lasso. No Grimaces is a taste bud. So this came from this guy Brian Bates who is being honored as outstanding manager of the year Just a manager of one of the branches of McDonald's or whatever and the interviewer asked him like what is grimace and Bates? Just went rogue and went an enormous taste bud. Okay, but wait, hold on What he shouldn't be allowed to you shouldn't be allowed to do that. What I mean is a manager of the year It's true. I get that but you don't get creative rights for the front. You don't get to arrest the sort of

CCO wheel just because you did a good job running a McDonald's But I'll tell you that's what gets Bates to be the manager of the year that take charge attitude What's like? What is grandma seems like? Well, no, if no one's gonna decide I'll decide right now buck stops here He's a taste bud Okay, I would say a bold call. I mean he could have said Anything else and it would have made a lot more sense. I thought he was like a long. Oh Like what are those like this is what happens when you smoke cigarettes? I thought he was a lung that warned you against vaping. Oh, I see

Yeah, or possibly maybe a very very very sick chicken nugget that fell behind a cash register Or something for 15 years and then they upgraded the cash registers and we're like, what the fuck is that? So McDonald's had to make an official statement around the yeah Tell me if you could tell me which one of these three things Grimace actually is based on the way they structure the sentence Whether he's a taste bud a milkshake or just your favorite purple blob The best part about Grimace is that he means different things to different people. Okay, but he's not a fucking milkshake Uh-huh. He used to be an evil character who stole milkshakes. Yes, but that does not mean that he is a milkshake You know that would be ridiculous

Just because Fred just because Fred jasso runs around stealing all the soccer balls from all the players in the in London That doesn't make him a soccer ball. Do you know what I mean, right? Do you think that McDonald's when they originally had the characters of Hamburglar and Mayor McCheese were angling towards like and then one day The hamburger takes his head off Just steals his head to consume it and they have to like talk about it But here's the thing that I realized reading this this story. Okay, we really know about Grimace Tell me right now. You guys grew up in like the 80s and 90s. Yeah, what the fuck do you know about Grimace? He used to have two pairs arms like a Goro. Uh-huh interesting. That's true. But what do you know about his personality?

He's not happy to be there. He's he's not he's not He's not smart. Oh, he's filling that Patrick star Sort of yeah. Yeah, both sort of he's filling that void both sort of spiritually and physically So what you're saying Griffin is that Ronald keeps them around to make him look smart Didn't McDonald's and their official statements say whether he's a milkshake or a blob we don't fucking know Yeah, then maybe you shouldn't have introduced him to the cannon Well, they also say in the statement whatever he is

We're just proud our bestie makes people happy and that's what got me wondering when you see Grimace Are you like oh, I'm filled with happiness. Oh, I'm so fucking happy right now I would say first off you guys have not put that motherfucker in an ad for 20 years. This is what I'm saying Your besties like corn syrup like it's not grimace I don't even know if they're using Ronald that much anymore. No, they retired all of them when with a bunch of Real party poopers decided to dress up like killer clowns and hide in bushes and scare people Ronald got shuffled aside. Thank you to talk as always. Good job. Again. I thought I think they should just be very Happy that Brian didn't go wilder because he had this stage

Yeah, for some reason Brian was headed the conch shell. My man could have fully been like oh Ronald he's a sapient wolf Oh, what's grimace do well? He's an alien and he's here to impregnate all of our pineapples Or whatever the fuck what won't they a lot people won't tell you is if you lick grimace that gets you high Fuck is and they're lucky. Oh, what is grimace? Well, he's a representation of the darkness that lives in all of us They're lucky. He only stuck to McDonald's Properties and wasn't like he's a taste bud gritties a nut gritties a gritties a gritties a Gritties a nut suck. Ah, I can see whatever

Manager of the year baby grimace is our ideal customer McDonald's. He's got a big fat hole Ready to shove down all the different foods you have and a juicy ass Juicy ass with plenty of burger space as we call it. We love it and he's shaped kind of like a triangle. That's what we want Yeah, cuz is there he's a kind of a kind of a Illuminati, yeah Oh, have we mentioned that we're all in the Illuminati and our heads backs are Ronald I'm Brian Bates out and it seems like mr. Bates It seems like your store wasn't there was no turnover increase affected by COVID and we're just wondering what your secret is

I fucked Louie the lightning bugs Do you think you're gonna get in trouble with the McDonald's higher-ups for these kinds of they'll have to catch me rubble rubble And it's the perfect crime. It's the perfect crime because they can't they can't fire you That would be so you'd be elected president or against prime minister like you can't Fire you for saying the grimaces They're gonna elevate him to a place where he can be silenced right like that's what happened when you start smelling the beans like this Right, it's like what we can't fire him So now he's gonna be like, you know a CEO or like he's gonna be in charge of like food studies or whatever

And we're gonna lock him away in like whatever McDonald's version of area 54 is which is probably just area 54 Yeah, it's not area 54. No, it's not my friend 54 is the sexy club Okay, and studio 51 is the science club where they have aliens that dance all night Area 54 is the sexy club for nerds Wait, does that exist wait fuck does that exist cuz we can have a nice on that Definitely. Um, all right. Listen, we that's that's enough of McDonald Land top. We talk a lot about McDonald Land characters bring back birdie She's a strong character birdie was the one birdie was cookies, right? Birdie well, yeah, she wouldn't we literally times a flat circle. Yeah, it's sure we can't talk about we have

Nuggets who wanted to be we gotta get out. We gotta go. We gotta go. You're right. You're right. Let's do a question Yeah This is It's there's no way my brother means advice shift the modular okay in the before times I purchased an electric kettle for my office with the intention of providing myself and My co-workers with hot water for tea which according to just a macro power rankings one of the top ten reasons to buy a kettle Absolutely hot water. Well, but it's also a power move to do it for others like you're you're kind of Mephias at that point. Sure. We've been out of the office since March 2020 and why I'm being asked to pick up our

Happen I'm gonna get something ripped a stinky beaver, and then you had to reupholster the place What's funny is that there's somebody ripped a beaver in February 2020 unrelated and they got out just in time actually I heard that this beaver was made in the lab Could have made a beef and the CEO is being spread on 5g The CEO's the CEO that come be sending emails every week and like guys. We're all COVID-free. It's aces over here Don't worry about it, but this beaver We can't get it out. It's still due to the carpet. I think we reupholster the place Tuesday

It smelled fine Thursday the beaver came back. We think the beaver is hiding somewhere in the drop ceiling We've got our best people in there So anyway, that happened And now we're being asked to pick up our belongings belongings so the CEO can sell the space good luck sounds like fart This tea kettle still belonged to me and can I take it home? I have a tea kettle at home already The exact same kettle actually may you best love the performance of that bad boy Yeah, once you once you find it you found it, you know, yeah

But I did buy this kettle and leaving it behind would imply it belongs to the office I don't want to disappoint any of the people who will work in the new office by taking the kettle But I don't know if anyone remembers I purchased the kettle to begin with is it stealing to take a communal kettle that I purchased? That's from bubbling in Boston I don't think if the CEO selling the space you do there's no expectation that the kettle would be left behind It's not yeah, it doesn't commute the kettle. I think the easiest solution for this is you do Raise this up the flagpole to the CEO who lives at the top of the flagpole and say like hey I'm not gonna make a big deal out of this. This was a gift for my colleagues

But I do want a slice of the profits They sell the space and the kettle goes with the state auction. Yes, then they should get you know five percent Of this of this of the sale you could just recreate the this communal experience by every time you have a zoom call Just set out like 12 cups of tea and pour it into it And then hold it up to the camera so people can take drinks of it and everything that way you're still making tea for everybody And it won't be weird at all. We're not having enough fakey fake imaginary tea parties on thank you Yeah, we could be having so much more fun with this which are imaginary biscuits Hey, we have to get more work done on these zoom calls guys. We're having too many fucking tea parties

Going under Got a lot of thirsty teddies. I Feel like this is a non-issue and I don't I maybe it's a very very expensive kettle But I also feel like if you have a kettle that is the same kettle already You don't need two kettles knocking around the house But oh, but I will also say has someone who is like cleaned up So when I worked at the theater like and whenever we'd have turnover or whatever people would always have this like Well, I'll leave this behind and someone else will use it and it's like fuck. No take it

Take it away because no one else will use it and it's garbage, right? So like don't leave it that they're selling the space. So if you don't take it no one else is gonna take it I don't want to zoom in though I think what the person is saying is that They didn't develop a strong. They didn't do a good job of branding the kettle as Greg's kettle Yes, right. They didn't make a big and honestly everybody had a lot on their mind I think when the kettle was first introduced They don't clarify when that they just say that they bought it and then so if this was like March 1st

Yes, good point Justin. It probably got buried underneath some other news That's true But I wouldn't say let this be a lesson to others if you're gonna buy a communal tea kettle What's the point of doing that if you're not using it to raise your profile in the office like I like that water got pretty hot I'm pretty quick. That's thanks to this guy. Don't burn your mouth on my super hot water. Yeah, let go of the material goods You don't know another cattle. That's good. Don't leave it there Someone else will have to take care of it Not someone else will have to take care of it like it just you don't need if you get a second kettle

What are you gonna do upstairs kettle? No one has to move We all love the idea of having a second coffee station in our home somewhere We all love it, but none of us have it's like it's like you see people with a bar in their house Like what you got a whole other set up there. You got a bunch of other glasses Yeah, let's move to the other room, right exactly the party continues there. No, it doesn't you gotta carry everything Especially when you're as old as we are the party will dissipate in eight steps. You can't do that Yeah, here's what I'm gonna say though Justin No one's gonna come through this office space like touring it to see if they want to purchase it to be like and does that

Ten cup kettle come with the space is that right? Is that included? No, take it the home and give it to somebody else But why why does it's your responsibility? You brought it into the space to take it out No in crutch you gave it a gift to the office. It is the CEO's responsibility They're gonna sell this office. They're done with having a physical space to their employees fine But they have to figure out the problem with the tea kill you did a generous thing and brought it in an office honestly I think not providing a tea kettle to your place is against OSHA. Yes, probably. Yeah, you've convinced me actually This is the CEO's problem. It's a CEO's problem not yours. They're liquidating Take care what what what the fuck else are they doing? If not you figuring this out

You know what I mean like they they they deliberate all the other shit out and other people are doing it And so like to give them something to do so they feel like ah a good day's work. I threw away tea kettle Hey, should we approach the wizard? Yeah Yeah, sure I got teeth sweaters, you know, yeah, you don't want to You when you supplicate yourself before the wizard of the cloud you do need to Have the freshest the freshest well and the wizard always likes it when you bear your teeth In a sign of submission, he thinks it's rude when you don't show your teeth that absolutely A lot of people sent this one in over the course of the last couple months. So thank you to everybody who did that

It's it's well, I can't find it author info on this one So let's say is anonymous, but there is important question because they ask how to form an animal pack. Oh Do you love animals and dream of creating a pack of them with your friends? Yes, now you can now you can wait with your friends with your friends now you can You can role play as any animal as long as you know how to form your pack and how to make it fairly realistic I'm not interested anymore. Oh fair fair did they type FA IRLY or F-E-R-A-L-L-Y

Fierily realistic like fairly realistic or fairly realistic No, they just mean sort of real like we're gonna have fun with our friends and form an animal pack But we're not gonna be like digs digs about it I thought that this is gonna be about how to form a pack of animals Actually way cooler wiki how a way cooler and way more useful practical wiki how article because here's the here's the thing I don't need them all the time No, but I like the idea of like oh man some shits going down to me And then just like yes, you know a pack of wolves shows up like you called Travis and I'm like yes tonight. We hunt

Yeah Yeah, I would do birds probably some sort of bird of prey some sort of raptor of this guy like a hawk or something like that Just so I don't have to like keep tabs on them when I'm not Raven would be cool. Are you kidding me? Ravens yeah, okay. Anyway collect members. We don't know how to do that. No, no, we don't know how to Collect Ravens. No like to gather a pack if we as a species knew how to have a pack of Like collect a pack of animals. There'd be a wiki. How about it? That's a good point

But this is how to have fun with your friends like at a park at a park or something One collect members if you want to be an outsider and live with up to four people or less You are not a full pack and therefore your miniature pack does not have to have a name Members who want to be part of a pack should join a pack with at least five people or more So just to start things out with if it's less than five people You are not a pack. You don't deserve a name and get the fuck out of here Get the fuck out of this part because this is for real animal packs only Decide right in there. Can it be a virtual pack Griffin? Like it can we it absolutely cannot be a virtual pack Travis

That fuck it sucks. Thank you. Thank you for your terrible question, but some of my pack lives in like San Francisco Okay, listen in your pack. Yeah, these days listen. Hey this article Take some twisty turns Decide ranks for your pack miniature packs don't have ranks another reason why if you're rocking with less than five people Yes, you got a clown cluster. That's not a pack We can all agree that that is something that has come up in real life for that person who's writing this article, right? Yeah, and Jerry before you fucking ask me again. No three is in a pack. Okay There must be a leader and the fairest way to do this is to hold an election, you know like wolves do

Remember not that No, remember not to vote for yourself If there is a tie have a mini wrestle or rock paper scissors battle then let the audience vote for who they think is the best So, yeah If animals any animal could vote for itself, it would absolutely do that a hundred Can I vote for myself? Existence is voting for yourself. I every day. I think I'd be a great leader We're like that's not a rule that exists in any other election ever like yeah

Oh, yeah, president lost by one vote because they didn't they weren't allowed to vote for themselves. Shit. That's embarrassing The rest of the pack and decide whether they just kind of drop the word audience by the way I assume they mean the rest of the pack, but ones they're watching yeah There is a chance that if you're hanging out with your animal pack at the park There might be a bit of an audience. Yeah, I would guess I mean they you see people watching the SCA People down at the park, you know, yeah, it's a similar thing society for creative animals Decide what animal the members in the pack will be and this includes many packs hold an election if there's a draw Have everyone top on the vote on the top two very democratic process forming an animal pack is yeah

I have to say this this is this is where I feel like this person writing this article is not done the this because I feel like I Have a hard enough time getting friends together to like Play a board game without a very clear idea of like what game we're gonna play There's no I there's no way you could get a bunch of people together to do this Unless you have the specific animal ahead of time to To lure them into this activity

Yeah, I also really feel like just by the very nature of this The there should be a step in this wiki how that's just like hey new slash if you're the one reading this wiki How you're the leader you're the leader and you get to pick the animal and everything right? What are you gonna do reach out to somebody like hey, I want you to be in charge and pick the animal I just really love the idea of it. No, you're in charge take charge Who's deciding who the president of the animal pack is and then deciding what the animal says because that's a good way to Get stuck with being like king idiot bird or whatever Well, you know, I have different friends though. Dixell is the leader of different animal groups exactly. Thank you. Yes

Name your pack if then I would make you the leader of like a parrot type group. Oh, I'll just repeat those shit That's real nice trap. No because of your beautiful plumage. Yeah, sure Because you talk good Justin I think I would probably make you the leader of you know like Wow, you can't even think of it Okay, Giselle bunch. Yeah, I would make you the leader of a bunch of Giselle's Okay, yeah, and I think I'd be the leader of like some really cool like wolves do yeah But you can't vote you can't vote for you can't vote for yourself though

Okay, I'll be a werewolf then. All right name your pack. This one's optional for many packs I'm so glad cuz I wanted to form a mini pack and I thought after the first point this article was not going to be for me But they keep breaking me off little crumbs and I appreciate that try to use creative names instead of a more common one Hold an election for the pack names and if there's a tie let the leader decide again unbelievable How what what is the leader's job if not to decide these things? This is where the shit takes a turn decide your character's name gender appearance and backstory You don't have to but it's more fun and makes your pack more realistic. Okay So all right, I need my boys together for the wolf pack. Oh, oh first of all, we didn't vote on the animal. Okay, you're yeah

Okay, you're right. I want to be kangaroos. Okay, we're a kangaroo pack. Who's in charge? I'm in charge great My name is Mephistopheles Christikov, and I am a gray kangaroo with a jet pack Okay, okay Can we do it like a quick note session? Do we vote on that? No, we do not shit Kind of a hat on a hat. I mean a little bit. It's gonna be hard to convince people that we're kangaroos Did you as the kangaroo make the jet pack or did like a scientist give it to you? I found it in a cave Why it's a magical jet pack. Okay now. Okay, Derek Derek real quick. Can we step outside the bit for a second? It's a magical jet pack. Yes, I'm sorry

You lost the alpha kangaroo election, but like you're kind of being an asshole right now right now You are and my jet pack. Let's me control the mind of other kangaroos. Okay. All right. No, that's great, Derek Okay, so map out your territory. Whatever this Get ally packs once you have about 10 to 20 members. What the fuck try to form alliances with other packs After all there's strength in numbers. Yeah, you know how you've heard of other people doing this thing Yeah around you not good news. It's it's a jump after a jump because it's like once you have Invited 15 other people. Hey, yeah, me and my friends do this thing It's pretty cool and 15 people join you're like, oh damn. Did you hear about this rival group of?

20 Fake koala bears. Let's let's go get them. Let's go beat their asses though Because that is actually sorry spoiler alert the next tip get rival packs once you've got 20 to 30 members Start start turning down offers for others to join your pack or let the leader decide Doesn't say vote on it on this one, but I do think that that's an option if you decline you could suggest they create a rival pack I Would like to address the big fake elephant in the room. Okay, and say that if anybody's reading this and thinks Actually, it sounds like you're a furry and that's fine. Go do that. That's fine. That's fine. But like why are you putting it? I bet they're hurry

Several furries. Let's see this who are like that sounds like so much fucking lot of work How about just like a costume and you like live your life? Yeah Can you imagine going and they're like I'd love to be an animal pack and then they're like, uh, yeah We're fucking kangaroos and like no, I'm not I'm actually not You can all be kangaroos and I was adopted by kangaroos and I'm a marmoset or whatever like Awesome, I'd watch that I'd watch that unlikely animal friend story. I think about that. Actually, it's really cool Like I'm a cheetah cub those adopted by kangaroos. I protect them now. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, actually you don't need to kangaroos are fucking terrifying Yeah, they're really scared

Uh, it all kind of culminates here. I mean, there's more tips after this one But tip number 10 is have battles and border raids. No These can be acted out as once again many wrestles or rock-paper-scissors battles Actually, I take that back. I would love to watch that a mini. I would love to watch adults have a mini wrestle on the quad That would be good for me. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, but here's my question. This is very important. It's not clarified here Yeah, if there is a border dispute Yeah, it's say a gang of rhinoceroses Yeah, a gang of kangaroos when they mini wrestle

Do they have to wrestle in the manner of kangaroo kangaroos and rhinoceroses or do they wrestle in human manner? first of all the the Collective name for rhinoe rhinoe is a crash of rhinocerite. Okay, very good. And you gotta respect that You guys don't I don't think I think you may have accidentally backed up into what would be the best sort of animal squad Like if a crash a crash is coming your way, you don't want a mini wrestle with a crash of rhino This is what I'm saying. What if it's like a bunch of lemurs, right? And you're a gang of rhinocerite and you're like a crash, excuse me And you're like, oh, we can take lemurs, but then they show up and it's like some like six foot eight

Absolutely built human beings who like we are the lemurs and you're like fuck Most jacked people are secret only lemurs. This is I'm saying and here here you are like a hundred and twenty pounds silk and wet Rhinocerite and like you're like fuck, you know what we've ever played our hands I do not want a mini wrestle and once again Travis you have brought up a Really interesting edge case because a group of lemurs is called a conspiracy of lemurs and that's tough That's tough to beat a conspiracy of lemurs versus a crash of rhinocerite is I actually that one's a fucking toss up I want to say two points. The first is We basically did what they're describing in our safety town episode of my brother my brother. I mean, yeah, absolutely

Yeah, it's a real thing. Yeah But the other thing I want to say is that you guys know how many spider-man villains have done this exact same thing. Yeah, I Kind of trips you out when you think about it like that one guy got armor and he's like, I'm a rhino now Everybody's like, I don't think so Okay, you want to challenge me cuz I'm gonna fucking hit you in the face with myself and you're like, yeah, right? You're involved you you say no way. Oh, look at him. He's up there Fuck my arm. Oh shit. My arm fell off. Oh grew back and lizard now He's saying that they're more they're like this with their more committed like the because they're able to deliver on some of the animal abilities

It's like less. Yeah, I mean listen if someone was like, I'm a rhino You're like, no, you're not and they charge us to like a fucking concrete wall. You're like fuck You might be there if you charge through a concrete wall You might be a rhino I just say man But there are certain abilities that someone could demonstrate in front of me that would make me say like well fuck I got you know what? We'll get you differently from no one. Yeah, you are a fucking if somebody's like I'm a vulture and I was like, no, you're not and then they like took off into the air and then buried their heads into a rotting carcass

I'd be like, well, fuck. Okay. Oh fuck. Damn. Cool. Man. I'm not gonna challenge you anymore. I'm so sorry Michael Keaton's eating a dead buffalo that's been there for a while. Holy shit. I knew awesome That guy's awesome as fuck Can I also say that there's part of me the 12 year old and maybe even older than that Travis would have been like Yeah, let's go fucking be a pack of wolves in the park. That sounds fucking awesome that's like I would have totally done this and I Maybe have poked fun at this thing that I would sincerely want to do. Yeah, sure Just to burn down the rest of this let everyone know about it is step 11 with posters all around the campus

No, no, no, no, no, no. Hey, let me say as a person who has cared about things before don't do that Don't do that Get the leader to make about three to five rules that all pack members must obey. There's no way that that could go bad Now that is also the best best part about being an alpha wolf in any wolf pack is having to make and enforce rules Yeah, I get all the spaghetti Charles. I don't know what that Means, but it's on the it's on it is on the ledger So only six beers per night per person per day Charles. That's a lot That was only seven beers. You just you just said six Charles. I'm thirsty. I know what I said

Grimace is a taste bud. You can't actually put that one You don't even work at McDonald's anymore established anymore It's not says you smash through the wall of the break career charge. I feel like about how you are a rhinoceros Established a lot of rhinoceros cred. Yeah, yeah And you and don't and Jerry McGuire style You did pull a lot of people away from that company to join your your rhino company But you don't seem to have any kind of like business plan and we all kind of thought this would be a rhino business Yeah, and you know what we were wrong, but we didn't know we were also confused and we breathed in so much dust from

Yeah, the plaster you had shattered into the air and we're all can we go back to work? Hey Charles Can we go get our jobs back? You know these alt-right goofballs are calling a lot of the more traditional conservatives Rhinos like Republican in name only and do they not realize that that's like That sounds awesome. Yeah, like you're so you're being a real fucking rhino right now Like you mean the big strong animal with the horn that charges and blows up a Jeep by running into it. Oh, thank you very much Anyway, that's some that's on the political hold on and that's some of hold on and that's some of my political humor Can we take a quick break and come right back with more great comedy? Um, are we gonna I mean are we gonna do ads?

Yeah, yeah, I mean, that's another way of saying it. Okay. I'm just trying to spice that up a little bit Well, you just made it sound like we were gonna like Take a quick break and then let Justin and Travis the girl for take up the commerce boys Yeah, they cause money, bro. And then and then we'll come back sort of the fun. We'll be like get out of here You're a business business finance bros Yeah, I don't think you can I don't that's taken actually Uh, okay the word now come on. It's time to go to the money zone

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See if it's for you This podcast is sponsored by better help and my brother my brother and me listeners get 10 off their first month at better help dot com Slash my brother. Have your first session in under 48 hours at b e t t e r h e l p dot com slash my brother Door dash go and get it to your door no matter what it is. What do you need? hamburger Dishwasher soap liquid dishwasher soap liquid Taco Bell

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This seems like a way this seems like Mule territory. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I see that. I see that. I see that You know, I'll keep working on the bugs here and I'll get back. Yeah crack them crack them Door dash connects you to with the restaurants you love right now right to your door and guess what? You can get grocery essentials you need with door dash to drink snacks other household items delivered in under an hour With the contactless delivery drop-off setting. I also just saw on the freaking app that they're they're starting to do like Like national shipping. So if you want some, uh If you want some cats as deli they can they can get that to your door in a couple days

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It's 25 off up to a $10 value and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the door dash app in the app store And enter code mabimbam. Don't forget that's code mabimbam for 25 off your first order with door dash subject to change terms apply Congratulations, you've won a ticket to attend an exclusive opportunity in a relaxing environment with two lovers Wow, well, this sounds like a sort of proposition of sorts, but really it's an ad for our podcast Wonderful It's a show we do here on maximum fun where we talk about things that we like and things that we're into I'm rachel macaroy and you just heard griffin macaroy and we are excited for you to join us as we talk about Lubies and music and books things like sneezing or the idea of rain

Can you get news or information you can use? Absolutely, you cannot because we're here to talk to you about pumpernickel bread. You can find new episodes on wednesdays So catch the wave Uh, how about another question? Sure I recently moved to a new state What no jokes no, uh, none of your your cut-ups. I know your classic cut-ups. Okay. No, no cut-ups Uh, I recently moved to a new state. I didn't Justin

But that's enough of the question for the question asker to recognize it out of my podcast Come on I want a bunch squad I want a bunch squad squad I was kind of going for a bc boys. No, I got that but the problem is the question asker listening to the show Like oh my question. Oh, no I already decided we are not gonna get it. There's no way we're gonna get that back to it. Yeah, we're gonna get back to it Okay, we're gonna do it two minute months because these are quick. All right. This is quick ones

Um panda express to test orange chicken sandwich. This is just to say wait. Hold on wait Did you say panda express to test orange chicken sandwich? And this is just to say how fucking dare you We're trying to hear I thought you said detests That they just they came up with it. They were like, yeah, fuck this awful Also, just from that headliner in the chicken sandwich wars. How dare I just from that headline I would like to think that the test is like can we even do this Wouldn't it be great if the panda express is like we were going to and then we realized we can't do this And we wanted to announce our restraint. No, here's the problem guys. The orange chicken. It's all sloppy

We put it on the sandwich the breakfast all slow. We don't know what the fuck to do with this I hate it. I hate this falls apart You know the chicken sandwich wars were attempted to be ended by Popeyes, right? Right. This is like a month ago. It's still fucking going panda express is like, can we get up in this? It's like, please. I'd rather you didn't not taco bell is like, I don't know if we're in it or not Then and now you got um jack in the box, which is introduced the new cluck chicken sandwich and a bbq cluck chicken Okay, not right. So so the reason i'm Jack in the box when the nation

That's all right Hey, if you need a minute Jack in the box announced the rollout of its new cluck chicken sandwich and bbq cluck chicken sandwich a company by Thank you for pronouncing that correctly by the way. No one ever pronounces that word right second cheek marketing campaign Meant to poke fun at the infamous chicken wars, which I will remind everyone as I tried to every episode has claimed human lives Mm-hmm Along with the significantly bigger And crispier upgrade of the cluck chicken and this new cluck bbq cluck chicken and a bbq deluxe cluck chicken

Imagine standing before another human save species as you and say oh me i'll take a bbq deluxe cluck chicken sandwich The brand broke the news last week with a humorous video press release announcing the jack box Try again, I guess is the name of the company because it just says jack box here, which I thought was a different thing Yeah, all righty thing Purchase the town it jack box had purchased the town What of chicken alaska? Effectively owning chicken And winning the chicken wars

For good. Okay. Okay. No. Yeah, great Great. No. Yeah, great There's nothing nothing bad could happen out of that right to uh to have a company town Like a whole tiny coal field five years from now when jack box fucking secedes Yeah, or when jack box only pays people in chicken alaska with company script to get more chicken fries To announce the rollout of the new chicken sandwiches the brand leaned into its playful and comedic identity With a campaign surrounding ceo jack boxes purchase of the small town of chicken alaska in exchange for Now you may take a moment here to think about america's own troubled history with purchasing land

for uh, rather ridiculous Things that are not money So, uh, now I'll complete the sentence and said that it bought the town of chicken alaska in exchange for 10 000 collect chicken sandwiches. Oh boy. Oh boy. That doesn't that doesn't seem like a lot of money It bought it's no money. It's 10 000. It's a good point juice It's 10 000 sandwiches, right? Yeah, and thereby they they'll allowed the brand to own chicken for good jack box solidify the deal after a friendly negotiation with current chicken town owners

uh sue and max Which I would love to be in the negotiation. I'm assuming that started at 8 000 chicken sandwiches Sue and max got them up to 10 which good for that You gotta be so careful in those the guys because this could be genie rules, right? Where you ask for that and then they deliver them all at once and you're like fuck I can't eat 10 000 chicken sandwiches by the time this goes bad. And you're like, well, you should have worded it more carefully You want one chicken sandwich every day for 10 000 days. That's how you want to phrase it my friends Yeah, you should yeah, I it is not clarified in here how these will be like

doled out What's the population of chicken alaska? I'm betting two Um 12 Damn hold up 12 what 12 people live there So i'm gonna chicken alaska. Yeah, only 12 people. So let me just run some quick numbers 10 000 divided by 12. This is gonna be crazy Eight hundred each one of the members of the chicken community gets 833 and a third chicken sandwiches. That's so many

They're gonna be so sick Oh boy, yeah So they did yeah, they did this whole ad about it You sound fucking bummed out juice. Oh man, this one's hard because jack the box Usually I love all their antics I'm gonna just get play a little bit of the commercial one goes the whole thing obviously, right? Okay jack Chicken is the french Riviera of alaska. Okay, and by purchasing chicken alaska Not only will you win these so-called chicken wars, but you'll also get the chicken creek saloon

The chicken creek cafe the chicken mercantile emporium right on cozy cabins and much more interesting Okay, hear me out My new cluck sandwich is bigger crispier and better than ever and I will straight up give you 10 000 of them If you let me own chicken plus I'll throw in a commemorative hat Wow 10 000 sandwiches. Is your sandwich that good? What can I say? All right jack you've got a deal chicken is yours and it's just that He didn't just buy it for 10 000 sandwiches

Why don't for 10 000 sandwiches and a half? Yeah, and that's pretty messed up also because there's two people on the phone I Get it on monday wednesday friday Fuck you know what I love about that ad is that this spokesperson for chicken alaska named several small businesses The chicken mercantile emporium the chicken creek saloon the chicken creek cafe All of which will probably be put out of business by the input by the importing of 10 000 chicken sandwiches into this town of 12 Yeah, that's uh, I can't do the math of that But it's a I just gonna say it's a lot of sandwiches per person

And then what really what really chaps my ass about this commercial which by the way in the 13 days since his release has had 2354 people view it or one guy view it a lot of times Uh, there's a message at the end where it says no, we didn't really buy chicken alaska with our new cluck chicken sandwich Come on. Oh, that's ridiculous. Just like the chicken wars are ridiculous. There's nothing fucking funnier for me When you do a big crazy campaign like this, there's nothing funnier than when you're like Also, we were joking. Hey everyone. You get it, right? This is a joke And when they say but we're proud to call chicken alaska our new friends and partners. Okay

But they just and then they did Then and then it says while we don't own chicken alaska Because they're king guys This was a joke that we did for a laugh to promote chicken while we don't own chicken alaska We did donate $10,000 to help the town recover From the pandemic. Oh, could you give them money, please? Money they did I said I was still thinking about 10 000 sandwiches. No, although I mean an act of largesse like that. I'm sure would have been very meaningful at the beginning

You know because the dollar value, I don't know what these sandwiches cost, but it's probably more than a buck, right? You would think they could give you would think You would think if you're gonna do a bit where you give them 10 000 cluck sandwiches in exchange for your town That maybe you could give them the cash equivalent Of 10 000 sandwiches, right? Yeah, maybe you would think that would be kind of a nice It's not but it's not as clean. Is it It's just not as clean. I guess. All right. What's that price on that bbq cluck sandwich? They're not gonna show me on the website. Are they? No, it's not

We don't have a jack of the box around here. So I don't even know what I'm saying. I guess it's at least what two and a half three bucks Gotta be gotta be this is a this is a big boy with I see I'm looking at a picture of it four pickles on it That's yeah. Yeah, that's not free I recently moved to a new state and I don't have any friends here with children Do the pandemic scouts aren't posting up outside grocery stores to take your cash. How do I secure? How do I secure access to Girl Scout cookies without an existing kid connection?

That's from still mad about savannah smiles in savannah How do you get? I mean There's there to put jokes outside of the room. There's an app There's an app. Is there an app for that? There's an app for that. Yeah, it's a it is called the cookie finder And it's they'll help you they'll help you get where you're going here. Now. Are you gonna have to drive? an hour and a half to get there maybe

but um Then how do I boys worth it? How do I bet it? Yeah Because that's the thing. I don't want to give my cookie dollars To like a Girl Scout who's not gonna appreciate going to camp or maybe it's just a real jag Yeah, and also, I mean you gotta be like I have uh, uh, you know I have my my squad that I go to because I trust their product But you can't just like go to you know, stop outside of some cds or you see somebody who might be selling, you know

Cut cut tag alongs absolute snivel friends. Yeah, you don't know. Sorry. Is this is this? Oh, it's just baking soda What the fuck? Yeah, there is baking soda. You put coconut in this That's if you don't like coconut and it's in something that's not supposed to have that right. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, I got I got That's a you know, you almost wonder if coconut was the right thing to pick. Yeah, right Explain that you didn't really buy chicken Alaska um Yeah, I mean there's there's there's it's 20 21 There's digital resources for your literal every human desire

So it's tough. It's tough to deal with a question like this knowing that that is always 100 percent going to be true um, I was so disappointed because I I uh, There's a thing on the website that says you can text cookies to 59618 And then what happened? Well, what happened was they sent me a link. Yeah, and what it did was They it just sent me the Girl Scout cookies website. What a disappointment. Yeah That's such a just you kind of just want a text and automated text response to that to pop up that says we're on our way We know what you need Justin. We're on our way Can I just say as a parent can I don't like to play that card very often as a parent?

I searched what the cookie rewards are for Girl Scouts to sell these motherfuckers This is this is some Chuck E cheese prize counter level bullshit Yeah For the amount of work that I the actual person i'm going to have to do to deliver these fucking cookies And you've got inflatable ottoman on there come That's some garbage. That's but a mini disco ball Fuck you

Come on a cookie shake blanket sack. What the fuck even is this? The fuck are you talking about you just ran into a spencer's gifts with your arms outstretched You just knock some shit off the shelves into a basket and say go for it Fucking horse apples Oh the frisbee Afraid if you sell 65 boxes or more you get a fucking frisbee a butterfly Carabiner for 90 they have placed a butterfly carabiner above a glow-in-the-dark flying disc Fuck

I do want to point out travis That the gifts are really just a way to say thank you. You're not buying the gifts What you're buying with this is the sense that you're helping a great organization. The fuck i'm not buying the gifts Justin, it's not about the gifts. You're too old. You don't remember what it was like out there selling the deal On your church people Oh This fucking sucks when I sold the most vedalia onions in chacoire. You know what I got 200 dollars cash I remember this now and it's just now as a 34 year old man hitting me is weird

That you guys did sell onions. I I sold boxes of vedalia onions the sweeter than an apple vegetable was the slogan very confusing Not and real either also not true and not not a fact not very sweet vedalia onions And here's what they don't tell you when you sell the most boxes of vedalia onions At one point you will have in your house a lot of boxes of vedalia onions many onions. Yes And then like a reverse loan shark you have to hunt down the people who gave you their names at some point and say Hey, do you remember a month ago when I tricked you into buying a box of onions? It's your problem now You need to act on this my house smells like shrek swamp. Please

Hey mom and dad load up the fucking chrysler the voyager with some boxes of stinky bitter apples We're gonna take him to church and hope The judy will be there because she got 10 of these motherfuckers for some reason And if she's not there bad news load him back up Ah She definitely thought she was just buying 10 onions Not 10 boxes of onions, but that's the fucking judy's problem now now imagine If for all this work I brought home an inflatable ottoman

It's not even a chair The girl scouts figured out the game though like they have the cookies there And they're like you could be when I was a kid and I had to make money for band or whatever It It was a really wild system where you would show up at someone's door and you'd be like, hey, um Do you like caramel turtles? They'd be like, yeah Oh, that's really exciting. You'd be like, do you want to eat some in six weeks? I guess and then I'd be like, all right, give me 20 dollars. What now? Yep. Yep, and I promise that I a child

Well, yeah, I bring you this candy. I a child will bring it to you and then you say Then six weeks later, which is I will say though adults if this does happen This is an amazing gift you could give to yourself Because it is so rare that a child just walks up to your door bear like here's the candy like oh Hell yeah, thanks past me. I appreciate it, but it's a wild system Like remember when you bought some caramel turtles from me? No, absolutely not. Oh, they died in the intervening six weeks So I guess that these are my inheritance now. Thank you very much

The other system that was very broken was here is a box of candy bars You a 12 year old with no impulse control are now in charge of these candy bars And we expect you to sell all them for one dollar and what that translates to you is hey mom and dad I'm gonna need 30 bucks because I ate all of them Because I'm a child and I was given a box of candy and no oversight Yeah, sorry. I would eat it in my profits constantly. Yeah, I got high on my own supply mom and dad Thanks so much for the 30 cold ones. I was crunching right into a fucking vedalia onion like an iron chef does it? Oh, why'd I sell so many of this stinky bad? Fuck you sold a lot of onions though trash

I think that's a testament to your charisma That you sold a lot. It's a lot. It was a lot. I used every trick in the book in the vedalia onion selling book Thank you guys for joking, but they do do this with like oranges. Yeah, you know, oh wait, we're not juice We're not joking you're joking about onions Wait, really? I did that. Yeah, bub. You did that? I thought you guys were having some fun You were no better sweeter than an apple vegetable. I sold like 120 boxes They were stacked up in our dining room. How do you know they were next to the air conditioner That's so much funnier that it's real because I thought it was a joke for podcasting. I thought it was a little bit

I shit for my sensibilities, you know, to be like, I would have been like Fuck it buy a case of sex dolls. There's something to do for the podcast Do you want to get it real? I shared a bedroom with Travis during these trying times and it was like living is like sleeping inside of a giant's armpit It was tough stuff Especially after we had had some of those boxes for like a week And it was getting harder to track down some of these dead beats and it was like, hey I'm worried that by the time I get these onions to them the products gonna be

Just ruined and who's that on is that on me? Is that on them? Do I have to replace it? What is happening? Oh, we ate a lot of onions in those days Yeah, um, let's let's scoot. Let's scoot. Yeah, let's scoot. Hey, thanks for listening to the podcast We very much appreciate it the the top story Right now though is september 24th at 9 p.m. You're gonna be watching Sawbones and my brother my brother and me in a virtual show Uh, it will be the first My brother my brother and me thing of fall. Oh, yeah. Oh, I oh, okay

bit.ly mb mb am Virtual is the link you can get a vod available for two weeks after the show Uh, it's gonna be everyone who has attended these has Uniformly said they had a lot of fun at them. Some of them say changed your life. Some of them said like the crops grew After years all different things that are very good. Yeah, we've also got some new merch over at macro merch.com We got our pin of the month the dr. Shack pin which benefits the world central kitchen We've got the phantom c coast co pin

We've got an adventure zone temporary tattoo flash sheet designed by lin Doyle Which benefits the asian prisoner support committee? Uh, and also, uh, we got a lot of other fun stuff over there You should check out from past Seasons our past season Lines that you're gonna just absolutely live. Uh, I I uh I do some streaming over on twitch been playing death loop recently. I'm gonna play more of it too because they have fucking rules Uh, you can check that out at twitch.tv slash the travis macaroy. You guys want to like uh push any of your specific projects or I'm just happy. Yeah, man. I'm just honestly. I do it for the craft

Hey, thanks to montane for the use of our theme song. My life is better with you. Check out that track. Check out the video Um, it's on title. Maybe And do you want to final yahoo? Yeah, I'm so this final yahoo was sent in by Dave growl Uh, thank you, Dave. It's asked by one of the other foo fighters guys Whoa, who says and asks with the question?

Who's Who is trying to uh Who's trying to go to pound town on this trampoline with me? From foo fight the guy from foo fighters sting. Isn't that slash Buckethead bucket man. Who wants to go to pound town on a trampoline with bucket man me from foo fighters. I love you What is What is just that has to be the last you can't keep doing that

I can't keep There's a lot of money on juice You can't keep doing it. There's a lot of money or juice. There's like there's like there's google bites of them left on here I haven't even touched my name is Justin McRoy and my brother can't keep doing it. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy It's been my brother. My brother me kiss your dad square on the lips It's better it's better you It's better you Maximum fun org comedy and culture artists owned audience supported