My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 58: Manifest Goodburger

Episode Date: June 6, 2011

Hey, you made it! We were getting worried. Some of the guys, they were like, "Oh, listener? They're not gonna show." And we were like, "No, man, you don't know listener like we know listener. They're good for it." Suggested talking points: Phat Beach Con 2011, Kel's Antics, High Art, Peterin' Out, Normin' Up, Twin Mayors of Birthday Town, Megatoots, Another First Kiss, Verne Troyer Awareness

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Welcome, my brother, my brother. It's an advice show for the modern era. It's June, and you know what that means. We are frantically prepping for the biggest summer event of the year, a week-long celebration of fun and frivolity that we like to call Fat Beach Con 2011. PBC. PBC is the industry insider lingo. Yeah, PBC.

I heard that this year they were going to actually do a panel and they were going to get Alma Collins and Eric Fleaks and Brian Hooks and Jermaine Huggy Hopkins. They're all going to be there guys. Travis, do you possess an encyclopedic knowledge of the people who were in Fat Beach with a PH? Travis is actually the keynote speaker of our event. Actually, we refer to it as the G-note speaker, but you get the idea. I remember my girlfriend's name. You can buy the soundtrack to Fat Beach on Amazon right now on Audio CD for $1.99. I actually can't. I can't do that. That is prime too. Two-day shipping. I need it now. Hey, Fat Beach. Amazon, get it to me now. How quickly can you get it before our Fat Beach Con? My name is Justin McRoy. I'm your oldest

brother and conference scheduling supervisor. I am Travis McRoy, your middleest brother and keynote speaker. G-note speaker. I am Griffin McRoy. I am a Coolio cosplayer. So what we do is we take your questions, both Fat Beach and non-Fat Beach related, and turn them into wisdom. Let's get right into it. Hi, I'm a Bim Bam. I'm contemplating venturing out into the Twitter sphere for the first time, and I feel like I need a signature Twitter handle to mark this exciting occasion. I want to use a variation of my name, Jody Bergs Bacon, and I'm hoping you can throw out some ideas for me. The people who brought us Peepham's Nasty Gum are clearly brilliant at branding. Work your magic, and thanks for your help, Jody. Jody, what a great question.

Mm-hmm. Jody Bergs Bacon. That is your virtual identity. If you think you aren't who you are anymore, you are what you tweet. That's so deep, Griffin. That's like a rate. That being said, burger time. Burger time is pretty good. I give you that. Only you spell it B-E-R-G, like your name is spelled. Mm-hmm. Enjoy. Baconator. The Baconator. The Bergs Baconator. I didn't even consider the Bacon Contingent. There's a lot. God. Damn it. How about Jody1-6xi? What? She's not a robot? Oh. Then I've got nothing. What about like something that plays off her name and the fact that she is going to be talking on Twitter? Something like

J-Jode ideas. Like something that's out there. You know. You know. What about Joe Dialogue? Because it's like Twitter isn't just about me broadcasting to you. It's about the two of us talking back and forth. Having a convo. Yeah. I think if you can get Joe Dialogue, I'd go with that. What about Candace Bergs Bacon? What about Meredith Baxter Bergs Bacon? What about? Two verbose. Good Bergs Bacon. Good Bergs Bacon. Fat Beach. Brought to you by Fat Beach. Brought to you by Fat Beach. God, that movie was Fat Beach, wasn't it? Good Berger's basically Fat Beach. But in a burger shop. Yeah. And more stress. Fuck, that movie is so funny. Well, hold on. Good Berger? Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty good. I wish I could find it right

now because Kel has the secret recipe to a sauce that turns the whole stand around. Okay. Who is that? Neil Patrick Harris? Wanted it. Do you feel like they missed a cross branding opportunity by not making like not making a good burger stand at Fat Beach? Like how did you guys get so fat? Obviously, cross over. Would you guys eat at a real good burger? If that was a real thing, I think that as long as we're speaking about good burger branding opportunities because that is what Jodie asked about. Yeah. I don't know. I think that that's a successful business. I would love for people to just open up an ironic good burger stand and it turns into a chain and it

becomes like a beat subway and is now the most famous like fast food restaurant in the world. Griffin, could you break down for me real quick what an ironic good burger stand is? Well, people are like, like I'm talking right now, like, hey, do you guys remember Good Berger? That was a solid pick. I think you think anyone other than us is having that conversation ever. I think you name your stand Good Berger, but say it's ironic that that's bad, like bad burgers is why you're selling. Oh, yeah. I sell good burgers. Get it? It tastes bad. What did you do this? I just don't know why you're trying to take the wind out of my sails. You're right. I'm sorry. To me, whether or not I would frequent or patronize,

I would haunt a local real world earth, earth, you know, 619. A tangible, not a good burger of the ethereal realm. I'm talking about a real asked tangible Good Berger. Manifest corporeal Good Berger. My frequency of dining there would depend on how many adjectives are on the outside and the advertising because I'm a sucker for those. Like, I could say to you right now that no, that probably wouldn't be a good idea, especially if I see Kel in there up to his old tricks. What turned up the pot? If they see it, if they have a side at side, this is like beefy or satisfying. Like, I don't know. Juicy. Maybe. Juicy. Like, exactly. If I, but if I walk in and I see Kel and he's in the milkshake machine, like spinning

around, I will leave that restaurant right away. That is not sanitary kelvin. I'm going to say that I think I would, I think I would actually be more likely to go to an ethereal Good Berger. Like a good burger of the mind. Well, as soon as you die, you'll be able to do just that. God, I hope so. Hey, Griffin, you got a Yahoo for us? I do. Here's one. This one is sent by Crystal Whalen. Thank you, Crystal Whalen. Regular contributor, Crystal Whalen. It's by Yahoo Answers user Olaf Simbrini, who asks, looking for a career in genital painting? In what? I assume he's asking for himself with the way he made it sound. It sounds like the start of an infomercial. Like, looking

for a career in genital painting? The other day, I'm sorry, one more time. Genital painting? Yes. Genital painting. I'm going to need some more info. Well, he provides it if you'd give me a chance. The other day, I was with my boyfriend and he asked me to paint the hand of God painting by Michelangelo on his penis. It says wang, but we're all adults here. I think in these clinical terms. Bracket, penis, and bracket. It looks really, really good. And I'm wondering if there's a sort of industry for this thing, because I think it is my calling. Please help. Do you know of any universities or colleges that specialize in this sort of thing? Also, I have pictures if anyone is interested in my work. Check please. Yeah, hello. I would like to get on with that. Yeah,

can you mobimbam.com? Yeah, just send that out. Just send that to our web address, I guess. Send that to Day Express, because I need that. If you get overnight, I'll front the shipping, COD, just gotta see them. I want to say that when you first posed the question, I immediately interpreted it as painting with one's genitals. There's three ways I could see doing this, right? Painting with your genitals, painting on someone's genitals, which is using genitals as a medium for art. And then there is the actual painting of genitals. Check out this sweet peepee that I painted here with my watercolors. Oh, wow. Yeah, I didn't even think about that. I can make a peepee sing with watercolors. I went to the zoo once and they trained an

elephant to paint on these guys' genitals. It's pretty cool. Are you sure? I don't think that's I don't think. I'm almost positive that was, wait. Was that on TV again? No, that was the movie. Yeah, that was the movie. Yes. The Operation Dumbo Drop. Yes. God, that was the best movie. I did not watch it that closely, but I'm pretty sure that that's what happened. There's a really great scene where it's tender and the elephant gets a paintbrush. I would think. I mean, that elephant's huge. It's very tender and the elephant, he is not confident in his painting, but Chuck Sheen talks him through his psychoses and then the elephant paints on Chuck Sheen's balls and dick. You know, people give him a lot of a lot of static for being nuts though, but

you go through something like that. You weren't there. You don't know what that film is. He is operating on a whole other plane than everyone else. And it's because he has had this amazing experience. Also on this plane, Ethereal Good Burger. It's just Chuck Sheen, Ethereal Good Burger. I'd like to point out to the person who asked this question that if you look at, okay, so you painted a Hanagon painting on your boyfriend's dick, is it possible that maybe that skill could translate to a more conventional medium or no, no, no, no, absolutely not. Only dicks. I'll tell you what, it's the dimensions of it. The calm tour. It's like a natural easel. And it's taught, it's taught in canvassie.

I get it. I get what this guy's selling. I think that it is the most perfect sort of medium that we can wear. It's most natural, at least. You know, it's not like the, a lot of the canvases these days are corporate made. And this is like shade grown. What if you painted a dick on someone's dick? Whoa. What if you painted a dick on someone's vagina? See, that's why I'm upset by this question, because it doesn't leave many options for our lady friends, because I don't think you could paint a Georgia O'Keeffe painting on someone's vagina. Sure. Yeah. So did you, are there any responses? Any, anybody have some good ideas? Somebody said, ooh, I want the leaning tower of

pizza. Oh, very clever. For my crooked dick. For my tilted member. And for my sweetie, maybe the grand canyon. Hey dog. Hey dog. That shouldn't, that's not quite right. Yeah. Don't let her hear you talking that way, because that ain't gonna go over well. I have a nickname for your vagina. Honey. Hey, honey. You're gonna love it. Listen to this great dude, honey. Hey, check it, the Mariana Trinch. Get it? I love you. So we got another, we got another club banger, another hot question coming in from a real person and not like the one Griffin read from a monster, an animal, a subhuman. How long do you have to wait after you break up with a girl to start dating one of her friends? I had a Friends of Benefits relationship with a young lady that sort of

turned into an exclusive relationship of a sort, but it's become clear that one of her friends is interested in dating me. How long do I have to wait to pursue this other young lady? Oh my God. Is this anonymous? Yeah. Okay, first of all, it sounds like you're still dating the other lady. Yeah. So obviously not, not soon. Yeah, not this second. It hasn't been long enough because it's been none. It's been no time. What's that rule of something like the amount of time you're with someone divided in half is the amount of time you mourn the relationship or something? Isn't there like a accepted standard for that? It is. Yeah, it's how long you've been together. Divided by half and then you add the number of lunar cycles that happened while you were dating

and your first pet's name and the street you grew up on. And then you multiply it by infinity. Sheila, I miss you. Oh, Sheila. I wish I'd dated a lady named Sheila. I know. I say if there's a special somebody in your field of vision that you suspect has a little, you know, that you don't wait on it at all. You break up with friends with benefits. And then say goodbye to her forever. How's this for a benefit? Bye. Here's your severance package. Enjoy. I got nothing for you. Should've nailed me down when you had the chance. This is why it never works. This is why this never works because right now I'm doing this. So this is a pretty good example of why friends with benefits is not a thing. And then you just go talk to the other girl. What's the matter?

Or a guy? Is it a guy or a girl? Listen. Only guys would do this. I didn't even have to ask. Of course. Girls don't think this way. Only guys would be this monstrous. You got to dance with the one that brought you. And that means you have to stay with this girl that you don't really care for for the rest of your life because leaving her, that would be rude, sir. You don't want to be that guy, do you? Do you want to be rude, sir? Would you rather be civil? God, I miss the Victorian era. I know. You couldn't get away with that shit. You don't have to worry about dating. You said, hey, daddy, hey, mommy, who am I marrying? Tell me who to love, please. You're marrying Carla, the butchers. Butchers. She is the eldest of three

daughters that didn't die of tuberculosis. She's got a fine frame. You're really going to be into it. Hey, I like this girl, but I'm afraid to ask her out because we haven't spent a lot of time together. However, I'm sure if I wait too long, the whole thing might peter out. What should I do form spring? Does he know a guy named Peter that's going to suit his lady? I don't know. Like. So like 58 episodes. This is where I finally admit that like, I don't I don't get these people that like, sometimes we get these questions and the answer is so obvious that I think they're fucking with me. Like, yeah. Hey, hey, just ask her, dummy. Like, just, just, you can't. If you don't ask her to tell you, you can't spend time. How do you think that happens? Like, you're

not filling up like a giant novelty like thermometer on a donation board. You don't have to spend X amount of time before you ask her out. You just like do it hoping you get stuck in an elevator. You want to go ice fishing with me? Hey, I hear there's going to be a tornado warning on Thursday. Do you want to come to my basement and like it'll be hilarious? Do you want to get accidentally stuck in a freezer with me so we can recap all the great times we've had together? Like in that one episode of perfect strangers? Because then I can ask you out. I'm cute. Cute meets. They don't happen in real life. No, they don't. They do not happen like that. You know how you spend more time with someone?

You ask them out. Yeah, just ask them out. You're ready. Peter, which I'm assuming is your name and that you, you know, I hope so. And he uses the phrase Peter out to mean something awesome. Yeah. Whenever he leaves a room, Peter out. I check this out. Check this out, Peter. You wait too long and you die. Oops. I could have loved her forever. Now I can't. You got any big plans this weekend? Yeah, man. I'm going to go to Zaxby's and totally Peter out. Those people aren't going to know what they saw. It's going to be, it's going to be heinous in there. I'm just going to let loose and Peter out. I'm just going to Peter out. I've earned it. I've earned one fucking weekend of Peter out, I think. I've sold, I've sold all the shoes at

Foot Locker. I think I'm going to have one weekend of Petering out. I think they've earned that. They can't take that from me. Hey, hey, hey, you can take as much alimony for me as you want. You'll never, like my, my ability to Peter out was not part of the settlement. Deborah. How about a Yahoo? Yeah, I'm ready. This one was sent in by Jacob Locker. Thank you, Jacob. Champion. It's by Yahoo Answers user Jenna Rain who asks, sexy sailor suit in bed, dirty things to say. It is my BF's dream for me to wear my sexy sailor suit for him. What are some dirty things to say in bed and before to get him in the mood? I'm going to demand that all of the things that we say for the next few minutes be nautically themed.

Okay. So she wants to turn it. She wants to raise his mast. I don't have time to load the torpedoes. Yeah. In a seaman's garb. Okay. Wants to, wants to vagina off the starboard bow. Plunge into my briny deep. That's good. Hoi boners. That's good, Travis. It's very on the nose. He can, he can get a tattoo on his penis that says, welcome aboard like Kelsey Grammer in the hit film, Don Periscope. That would be good. I hope you're ready. Time to swap the poop deck. Oh no. I'm ready for cock Cousteau. Unfortunately, you're not my first mate. Come break a bottle of champagne on my face.

I don't like that at all. Or not a play got naughty. It's not a play a thing. Like it's, it's nautically themed. Justin, can I tell you as somebody who on a weekly basis scours Yahoo Answers for things that are funny, there is every kind of play that you can imagine. There's just no kind of play that is out of bounds. I've been, I've been trying to find a way to talk about it on the show. You guys know about age play? Excuse me? It's called age play. I couldn't find a funny Yahoo answer about it because they're all just so, just so crushing. But it's where one person pretends to be a baby. Oh, look at him. Okay, but now like you pretend to be like a senior citizen

and get a nursing home. You can. You can do that. The world is your oyster in the world of age play. Fuck, you just got into the movies for 550. That's so hot. Tell me about that early bird special. We're eating dinner at 4pm. God, I'm wrecked. Do you think that there are people that are like hardcore like goth enthusiasts or steampunks or something and their idea of this kind of sex plays like you put on a suit and you carry a briefcase and like you talk about spreadsheets? They call it, they call it norming it up. Norm. Norm play. So we didn't norm you tonight. Tonight, let's just listen. We're having casserole. I want to play in the perfect eating. Oh, you're going to drink first. I want to,

I want to light some candles. We bought a pack of body work. Oh, and then I want to put on TV. Oh my God, it's a Becker marathon. I want to put on that madman soundtrack we bought at Target. Just go crazy. Well, go restrained on you. And when that's done, I got Colby Calier lined up. It's next on iTunes. I'll open your delicate mouth and feed you some Oreos. Can you imagine? Goth people can't eat Oreos. Goth people can't eat Oreos. It'll be like blood cookies. That's true. From Toll House. Those are delicious though. Those Kevlar Elf commercials are fucked up though. Hey, I'm headed to uni this coming fall. I'm assuming college. Do you mean college? College

is an American show. This coming fall and will likely be rooming with a bunch of guys I have never met before. I actually call it call. I shortened it to that. Okay. My issue is that I am a huge anime fan and will likely want to have anime paraphernalia in my living space. I want to, of course, make a good impression and not weird out the people I will be rooming with for the following school year. So my question for you is how much anime stuff is too much anime stuff? That's tactless and the answer to that last question is one. I don't want to say go out on the limb and say if you have to ask that question, you have too much anime stuff. It is a concern that you have overdone it. You have a troubling

amount of anime stuff. You're looking in your bedroom right now and you are worrying about how you're going to fit all your anime stuff into a space with a bunch of a gentleman you don't know. For real though, I think we can answer this honestly without being mean. I think there's a tasteful way to do it. Let me give you an example. I like video games. That's my jam. When I was in high school, in middle school or high school, on my wall, I cut out pictures from video game magazines and taped them all over the wall. I taped video game pictures all over the wall because I like video games. I still like video games, but what I have now is a poster, a very tasteful poster for one game that I enjoyed that was made by our good friend,

Justin Russo. That's the nod to video games I have. It still makes sense in the space. It's tasteful, but I'm not relinquishing my love of this thing. What you shouldn't do is be ashamed of this thing that you like. You will give you shift where it's not that. This is a time to transition a lot of things in your life. Go into college. It's a big step towards adulthood. Maybe you look around and say, maybe it's time to revamp my approach to these things that I love. Maybe it's time to start getting some books on anime instead of pictures cut out of magazines. The other worry and the reason that we... I think it's very easy to make gags about anime, but we all three of us like some really terrible shit. I seem to remember one episode

where we spent the first 10 minutes talking about Good Burger. That was the hardest choice I had to make of what to do with all my Good Burger paraphernalia. You're going into a time where you're in high school, you're graduating high school, you're going into college. You really will sort of be defined in large part by the next four years. I think you want to go into it without stigma. I think you want to go into it kind of as close to a blank slate as you can and open yourself up to a lot of stuff that you're going to be exposed to for the first time. Maybe you get there and you do the blank slate and you go, I could probably do a little corner of figurines here or a poster here and you kind of build back up to a point that you're comfortable with,

but I think it's best to start at zero and then find where the new normal is for you. Don't define yourself by anime. I guess is what I'm saying. No, Christ, no. Nobody should do that. Or any other... You shouldn't define yourself by anything. No pop culture thing. You're not allowed to define yourself with that, like video games. I really don't like it when people are like super into movies. There's like, I'll check out my criterion collection. It's like, cool. I got Netflix.

Or you're like the music sob or the moving... Figure out who Taclas in Toronto is. And maybe he's not Taclas. Maybe that's what you'll discover. That's what I hope you'll discover. Maybe he's a smooth operator. Maybe he's a smooth dude. Smooth operator with a pension for cowboy bebop. Hey, and remember, you're going in, you're going in and nobody knows you. Like you're a complete enigma. If you, if you lay out all your anime cards on the table,

like right from the jump, people will think they, they've cracked your case. Yeah. You got to go in sneakier than that. You got to go in and put a, put a picture of like a football guy. Nobody else see that coming. What if you went in there with abs, you, you went in there with nothing. No possessions. You just moved in and your room was just empty except for a bed. Okay. That's it.

That's it. Oh, you don't have a follow up. No, that's the end of my thought. He's like a, a wonderer. What are people going to think? Rowns from college to college. They're going to think that he's the pretender. And that nobody knows his real face.

Oh shit, the pretender. You're saying the pretender ploy. I think that I haven't seen that well implemented since the early 90s, but it could definitely still work. And even then it wasn't really well implemented. Not terribly well implemented. Occasionally well acted, never terribly well written. Had a big problem getting reliable guest stars.

And the plot was kind of a one trick. And the main actor kind of looks like David Copperfield. A little bit like David Copperfield. Just some helpful notes, the pretender, that you can ingest and use next time. On the next series, the new pretender. Starring Shia LaBeouf. Uh, is it time? Yes.

Yes. It's time to take a trip together. To the money. Happy birthday to you. You sing that. So trademarked. Trademarked. I did under 10 seconds.

That's okay, right? Hey, out song is under 10 seconds. That whole thing. Maybe I need a new one. Hold on, let me see it. Birthday song, song for Alex birthday. Gonna get born. Gonna get born, you know.

In a city. 20 years ago birthday, birthday June 10th. Pass that cake fork to me. Give me some frosting. Alex wanted us to wish Janelle a happy birthday. We're putting the jingle horse in front of the message cart. I don't care. This is our show.

Fuck it. Fuck it. Right? Right. Here's what we know about Janelle. She works in product development for a toy company. That's dope. She enslaves our youth with an insatiable desire

for material possessions. She gets them early. She gets them deep. They need that Chroma's Award. Yeah, Janelle made that. And she was never in a podcast until MB&B AM. And she's a little bit older than Alex, kind of. She's a couple years older.

Alex is 13. Alex is a 13-year-old boy. That's not true. Alex is pretty close to her age. So he wants to wish her a happy real 28th birthday and a fake 29th birthday. He's been joking about her age of friends. Hey, Alex.

Ladies love that shit. Hey, Alex. Hey, Alex, here's a special treat for you. Here's a bonus. Check out this wrinkly old broad. I love you, Janelle. This is my old lady. Inverses on the old.

If you know of any advice podcasts that you enjoy, we would strongly encourage you to write in and ask if you should be doing what you're doing. Sneak preview, no. You should not. Also, on the birthday train, Matt wants to wish his brother Alex a happy 30th birthday. 3-0.

Dirty 30. Dirty 30. Flirty 30. If it's Alex, you know him. Shirty 30, because that's customary to buy somebody a shirt on a 30th birthday. Like a nice office bird. And if you get Tweety Bird on it, it's birdie 30.

A birdie shirty 30. Here's what we know about it, about Alex, OK? Different Alex. Different Alex, not the giver from before. Now he is the receiver. He's huge, OK? 6-3. Got a dog named Talon.

Like a thing that, like a sharp foot? Yeah, I think so. A sharp pock foot. But not spelled that way. Good at video games. Street Fighter IV, more combat. He's got all the kicks and punches. Lives in Boston.

How many, can I ask his Hadouken technique? Like, where is it? Where he likes to go is down and toward then punch. So like for a Hadouken? For like a Hadouken, that's his basic game. That's what he's, where he's at. That's how I like to do my Hadoukens as well. But he's 30 years old now and you know what that means.

No more video games. No more games. Put them away. Legally speaking, you can't play them. They've rented a lake house in upstate New York to celebrate, but they have not rented the lake house, which I would recommend. It's an important distinction. So since we've sort of painted ourselves into a corner

by not being able to use the traditional birthday song, Griffin, I would ask that you write a song about these two that sort of bridges the gap, I guess, between a licensed trap and not a track. So it, let's parameters, because I love those. It's got to be a birthday song. It's got to be a birthday song. It has to be like fill in the blanks so that we can use it for future birthdays.

Only this time we will fill in the names of Janelle and Alex. The important thing about this is that it be free to the public. I don't want to try to get into a copyright battle over this. I want you to become like the new Applebee's song. What they come out clapping. What did you say? What could you be saying right now? Give you a free piece of birthday cake and they sing you a song

and it's like happy, happy birthday. Janelle and Alex, this confusing. There's two Alexes in the mix. Don't worry. Listen, you've got to let go of Alex one and Matt. It's a gift. I've just purged you for my mind. Yeah, you never existed.

This is take one of, I'm going to call it birthday town. Good. That's a good, good name. So instead of like waiting to the end of the song to put the names in, what if we just do it right at the jump? Okay. Janelle and Alex, you are the twin mares of birthday. Oh, there we go.

Did your guitar die? That's all very good. I'm liking the whole thing. Janelle and Alex, you are the twin sons that shine on birthday planet. Where it is everybody's birthday every time you go around. One of you is 28. The other one of you is dirty 30. But just because you're old doesn't mean you don't know how to get down.

Hooray for birthday town. I don't know that we can ever use that again. Well, we have to because that's the law. I like twin sons. Although I guess we have two birthdays at the same time. Next time we have double birthdays, we'll take them to birthday town. Oh, double birthday would have been a good song. Birthday would have been a very good song.

But see, that's why I keep, I make the swan pay for my pearls now. I don't just throw them out for free. That's my personal copyright idea. Hey, Janelle and Alex, see you next year. Hey, see you guys next year. I was cool. You know someone that has a birthday coming up for a special message. You can be personal.

You can do business. Contact Teresa at MaximumFun.org. It's Teresa with an H and let her know and we can get that all set up. And you too can have an amazing jingle. If you think you might want to do it though, get in contact with her early. We've had a couple people who've wanted to do something for a special occasion. But we're, we, like for the next couple of months, we're, we're booked. So get in, get in contact with her with plenty of lead time and we'll, we'll figure it out.

Here we go. I was coming home late from the bar the other night. My cute neighbor and a few of her friends were sitting on her porch drinking. But I was unaware of this at first. As I was walking to my door, I ripped a fierce one. It was loud enough that it echoed down my street. Holy Christ. And that's when I heard my neighbor and her friends start laughing.

I can't imagine. You fucking shattered windows. Quiet alarms are going off. I was extremely embarrassed, appropriate, and got inside the house as fast as I could. Is this something that will haunt me forever? Or if I just avoid her for a couple of weeks, will she forget? Toot in Tennessee. Nope.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Maybe it's time for you to become like not tooting in Texas. It just. Normal in Nebraska. You got to absorb this experience.

Holding it in Hawaii. You got to eat this experience and you got to keep it ever present in your mind. Because you fucked up, man. Oh, did you goof? Oh man, is that never a goof? One time I was on a city bus. I was going to college and I completely forgot that I was in public. And then I drove a huge fart.

And so then I bought a car. He could never go back to the bus system. The whole, the whole public transportation game was shut down. There's a picture of him on every Oklahoma City bus. Do not let this man on your bus. The driver's come to refer to him as stinky Carl. We do not know his real name or his little gal. He, but he has megatoots.

They, uh, when Travis finally did sell that car, the car dealership ramped it into a chasm. They're like, we can't sell this to anyone. This is a biohazard. What have you done in here? You're, you were killing us. Yeah, you can't. No, you know, unless you do something

like either a far more embarrassing, I mean, you've really got to take it to the limit. I'm talking like, say something, uh, super racist around the person whose race is being belittled. I mean, like a goof on that scale. Is that better? I don't think so. Can you, can you fall out of your window

while jerking it and land on her porch? And continue jerking it. Yeah, you have two options. You can either fall out of your her window, your window while jerking it and land on her porch. And then you're that guy. Or you fall out your window and fly and no one will ever, ever talk about the flatulence again.

I, you know what I think you should do? Just go right. Which of course is the plot of the boy who could fly. I've never seen that. Go right up to her door, ring that doorbell and she answers the door. I'll be like, it happened. Okay.

Like it happened and I want to move on. Do you, can we please move on from this? My name is Tutin in Tennessee. I'm a person. I'm a man. I saw a copy of the newsletter you sent out and I do not appreciate. I think you just got to grab this bull by the horns.

And you got to. Fart in its face. And you got to fart right in. And you got to just handle it. Just handle it. Because you can't live in fear. If you do that then the terrorist one. I think you should go knock on the door and say,

I just went to the doctor and turns out I have butt diabetes. So you were laughing at my medical condition that is going to claim my life. So sleep well tonight. I have a tiny goblin that lives in my stomach who is slowly killing me. But he also makes me fart. That's what the doctor said.

Do you want to see my x-rays? I'm your man. I'm a person. I'm a person. I wanted you to know that. I'm not just some fart clown for you. No, it's a fart machine. I have a fart goblin.

God damn it, Susan. And it's killing me. I want you to know that a few years back I invited Jesus to live in my heart. So which one of us were you laughing at? Exactly. He's in here too. Just so you know.

Enjoy hell, Susan. Enjoy hell, Susan. And then fart again. And do a little, do like a brief jig and then leave. And then move away. That first time was an accident. This time has to be intentional for you to get the power back in the relationship.

Every day for the next month, greet her in the morning as she steps up to the paper like, hey neighbor, and then you're standing on the porch with a cup of coffee and your bathrobe. And you just blasted. And then you fart in the bathrobe flutters. And you say, see you tomorrow at eight. You're saying fart stalker, basically.

I think fart stalker was Garrett McGavin's finest performance. Oh man, that was too bad. I'm sorry, you do have to move. I've gone out four times with this girl. I'm 16, she's 15, Grace. Things are going great. We always have a great time.

I have not kissed her yet. Since it would be both of our first kisses, I want to make it perfect. Aw. The problem is, I'm fairly new to the dating game. I'm not sure when I can approach the topic of going steady and becoming a couple. Please help me and me and me and Ben from sunny Germany.

I almost feel like we should just skip it. Because we're going to ruin this. We're going to ruin you, Ben. Rabbit and of mice of men. You know, we'll pet it too hard in the next snaps. Ah, okay. Yes, that is exactly true, Travis. That is the perfect analogy.

Ben, you've brought something very precious to us. And if you give this to us, if you give us this thing to care for for you, you will come back in a week and it will be like, what's that smell? Yeah, that was the precious thing that you gave us. We killed it and we buried it underneath the sink. We did a bad job with this precious thing you gave us. We hugged it too hard.

And it's been dead for a while. And Ben, we're so sorry. I have a confession to make. The only reason I still host this show with you guys is that for an hour every week, I can remember what it's like to feel this way. Oh, my God, right? Just to, yeah, it's like, it's vicarious, vicarious innocence.

It's addictive. Do you think he's, do you think he's held her hand yet? Ah, I can't, I can't even think about it. It's too chaste. Oh, Ben. Do you think that like one of their dads drives them to the movies? I can't think about it. I can't think about it.

Do you think she spins on his dick? Ben, this is what we're talking about. If we go any further, then I am going to suggest that you make her spin. You should just spin on it. Like. Still ought to spin on it, Ben. This is what we do, Ben.

We don't have, there's not a different setting. We're going to kill your thing, the precious thing you brought us. All right, let's try it. Let's hold it down. Okay. You got to go slow because this is the most terrifying thing you've done so far. Yes.

Yeah. And it will be terrifying right up until the moment when you do it, and then it won't be so scary. Ben, I have a, I have a new mindset for you. And I, this should apply to everybody. Fear is only applicable to things that you, that are in the future, that you can't figure out. Like if you knew exactly what was going to happen,

you wouldn't be afraid of it. So fear only limits you if you're trying to guess the future. If you are in the immediate, if you're in the here and now, you can never be afraid of anything because you're just experiencing it as it comes. And also think about it this way. You were what, 16?

No one is expecting you to succeed. Yeah, you're going to fail this time. You're going to be super bad at it. A lot of times you're going to fail. So there is zero pressure on you whatsoever. This is the time that you try things and you learn what you do in relationships and what's best for you.

And so, man, you're just not going to be good at this first time, but nobody is. Nobody's good at it at 16. My first kiss was my freshman year of high school playing Spin the Bottle. I received it from a acne-scarred girl from the flag corps because this was a band party, and it happened on the dirty floor of a kitchen

in the West End of Huntington. So as long as you can top that, if you can top that magic, that romance, don't remember her name, by the way, I'll only vaguely remember what it was. Flaggy. Flaggy the kiss-mabot. If you can beat that for romance,

then you are well on your way to a special moment in the church forever. I think the only way that he could not top that romantically is if during his first kiss, he had beef jerky in his mouth. Is that what I think it is? It is.

God damn it, this is so adorable. Can we just take a moment and just soak in this beautiful moment of the human experience? Somewhere in Germany, Ben just said a lot. God, I feel a lot less innocent and less special. Like someone is drinking it. Someone is drinking my naivete

and turning it into evil. So we hope that helps, Ben. I don't want to give you any more questions. Don't listen to us whatsoever. Just don't do anything we say, and you'll be off the races. Do you guys know that in addition to it being fat beach con time?

God damn it. It is also the first show that we've done in the month of June. Son, I want to jump back real quick and say that there was someone on Twitter that got really mad at us because last week's episode did not contain the monthly thing.

It was still May, dawg. Hey, buddy. How about... Okay, I picked it out ahead of time, so we didn't have to do the list thing. Celipusy Awareness Month. Oh, good. So in case people are unfamiliar,

maybe you're just not joining us, can you explain the premise of this bit? You keep subjecting us to... Every month, there is important issues that everybody has to stay on top of. Important things like Firework Safety Month. June is also Firework Safety Month.

I would say maybe save that one for July when everyone uses all the goddamn fireworks. You got to get to him so early though in July. Is a thing. June, you have a whole month to be a dick about it. So this month is... What is this month, Griffin?

It is Celipusy Awareness Month. Our previous question dovetails nicely into this. Yes. I'm aware that somewhere someone is celibate and it brings me great joy. Okay, so how about Celipusy Awareness Month? Don't make a switch to Celipusy Enforcement Month.

My brother, my brother, and me. Celipusy Awareness Month. Ah, it's one excuse. My brother, my brother, and me. Celipusy Awareness Month. Don't get your dick wet. My brother, my brother, and me. That's pretty good.

Keep that dick dry. My brother, my brother, and me. Just jerk it, you goof. My brother, my brother, and me. Whatever happened to watching secretly from the bushes? My brother, my brother, and me. There's always dry humping. My brother, my brother, and me.

Hey. Celipusy Awareness Month. Because Jesus is always watching. My brother, my brother, and me. Hey, were you aware that there are people who don't fuck? My brother, my brother, and me. Okay, a little on the nose. A little sort of like, yeah, like a little direct.

But I definitely think that there's. I don't care if you're married. My brother, my brother, and me. Celipusy Awareness Month. It's like that movie, 40 days and 40 nights. Only 10 days shorter. My brother, my brother, and me. Celipusy Awareness Month.

Seems to be working out okay for babies. They're happy and shit. My brother, my brother, and me. Oh, man. Celipusy Awareness Month. It's the only way to get super good at kung fu. I thought it was true. Oh, I think that was a good ender.

I think we cast it on kung fu. Yeah. Good. I was trying to come up with one about, that involved the phrases, Celipusy Awareness Life and Vern Troyer. Sided to just let it go. It works both ways.

One, he's going to die without knowing the touch of a woman, presumably in the next couple years. And B, if his parents had been celibate, one less thing we got to worry about. How much time do you spend worrying about Vern Troyer? Well, how much time do you spend with your eyes at regular human level? You'd be unaware of a Vern Troyer attack.

So like Vern Troyer Awareness Month. Vern Troyer Awareness always. Because where is he right now? Can we get a tag on him or something? Can we? God, this garbage can is heavier than I thought it would be stabbed. He was in there the whole time. You just got burned.

You got burned. His phone booth seemed surprisingly crowded. I didn't anticipate. Stabbed. Did that teddy bear just move? Stabbed. My mileage has been really moderately worse than normal. Stabbed, backseat the whole time.

And we're not jibing him because of his size. He is a despicable human being. He's not a good person. As anybody who's watched The Surreal Life can attest. Yeah. I want to hear a little bit of the last question. But first, I want to say that mbmbam.com is a website that you can go to and visit and experience for yourselves.

At mbmbam is our Twitter thing. You can follow us for almost a 4k. And whoever is the 4,000th will be. The 4,000th. The 4,000th one? Mr. 4,000. Yeah, like that movie with Bernie Mac. God rest his soul.

I don't really brought it down. Yeah. Hey, Bernie Mac's dead, everyone. Bye. Bye. Hope you liked our show. We've had a voicemail that we haven't talked about a while. Griffin, do you remember the number?

Do you listen to that? I do not. But that's only because nobody calls it. So what's the number? 203 mbmbam1. If you want to just talk into my ear like slow. Because I'm celebrating National Celebrity Awareness Month. And I can really use the ear company.

Yeah. So get in touch with Griffin. Ladies, if you want to give him some of the dirty stuff. That's cool too. It's just read recipes, but do it like softly. Yeah, it's like sexy. What else is going on right now? We got a live show in Cincinnati on Sunday, June 12th.

Our next episode is going to be live. So it may be a day or two late. I'll try to get it up as quick as I can. Hopefully that won't be an issue. But we'll get it up for you, lickety-split. If you're going to be at the show, and you would like a question read there. Oh yeah, and then make sure to put Cincinnati in the subject line. Start sending those in now.

We'll be building the list pretty soon. So if you're going to be at the show, let us know. And it's our first full-length live show. And so we're going to need as much as we can. So if you are like a regular Yaku contributor, like I'm talking to you, Jacob Locker, and Krista Whalen, and Galya Yali, like my people. It's time to really step up.

Little SARS. Gots to step up your game and just send it to me. Like send it to the Mubamama account every time you see one. Because I can really get a need to help. We love seeing people talking about us on the Twitter, using the Mubamama hashtag. Galya Yali, for instance, just said that she's disappointed that I'm on that, like a dog mat, never made it into our lexicon.

So maybe we can bring that back for her. Well, we just did. Yeah, there you go. Beth Tinias Wake, Joanna Eleven, has been talking about the show a lot. We really appreciate. Babylonian, he's sort of a nicks, a new converter, but he's been spreading the word to people. We love that, by the way.

If you could just tell a friend to listen. That's the only way we really expand the listener base is to you guys. So just grab a friend's cinema link to our sampler. It's bit.ly. It's Mubim Bam. And before I forget, with the live show, we're going to have some special live show only posters for sale. Oh, fuck yes.

So they are absolutely beautiful. Make sure to bring some cash with you because we're not going to have like any of them fancy, fancy debit card machines or whatnot. And bring some extra cash because our buddy Felicia Lesby is going to be there selling her CDs and stuff. And what if she's like soups funny and you need a physical. Well, that's not a reminder of that. It's when she is when she is soups funny,

you will feel compelled to purchase her wares. One or more of her wares. After the show, we're going to Arnold's Bar and Grill, oldest bar in Cincinnati and absolute best bar in the world. So check it out. Drunk with my dad. It's going to be sick. Yeah, it's going to be really low.

And hey, if you're if you're at E3 this week and you see me or Justin, say hi. If you see Travis, holy shit. How did you do that? Because he's not there. He's not there. He's not. It's not Travis. That's how you get you.

It's someone doing Travis cosplay. More than you'd think actually there. Oh, we're going to have new t-shirts super soon. So big things. Storms of Bruin. Storm of March is a Bruin. And they still have some stuff on Level Up. Yes.

Search for Level Up Studios and you'll see some some of our I think the red t-shirt is still there. So get up on it. Also, we want to wish a hearty get well soon to Carl. I'm a Bambam fan who is laid out in the hospital right now. But Carl, you get feeling better. And we're all thinking about you, buddy. Griffin.

I'm ready. Should I pull this comedy ship into dock? Yes, let's dock it. This one was sent in by Eric Neer. Thank you, Eric. It's by Yahoo Answers user Tim S who asks, Is it illegal to push a live moose out of an airplane in Alaska? What?

What is this, an acrobat? I'm Travis an acrobat. I'm Griffin an acrobat. This is my brother and my brother. Kiss your dad at school where I'm at. Keep your heart, three stacks. Keep your heart. Hey, keep your heart, three stacks.

Keep your heart. Man, these girls are smart. Three stacks. These girls are smart. Play your part.