My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 583: Soccertes

Episode Date: October 25, 2021

We thought everyone was agreed that all of October is time for dressing in costume and eating scary donuts that are not actually that scary. But it turns out there are differing opinions about this. Good thing we’ve got Mr. Halloween himself, Joseph Fink to advise us. The King of Horror. The Duke of Doom. The Sultan of Scares.Suggested talking points: Mr. Zucker’s Cooltime Internet, Iconic Eric Pervert Mustache, Spike this Ball, The Shared Finkoverse, Mr. Bone Clown Scare GobblersSupport AAPI communities and those affected by anti-Asian violence: https://www.gofundme.com/c/act/stop-aapi-hate For resources on anti-racism and fighting police violence: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up you cool, baby? Precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better with you

It's better it's better with you It's better it's better with you Hello everybody and welcome my brother and brother meaning if I show for the modern era I'm your oldest brother Justin Tyler McElroy. Let me check my show notes here. Yes I am your middle-est brother Travis big dog who live with McElroy, and this is Griffin McElroy on the cutting-edge Oh tech technology news What's happening? What's the big headlines for technology news today new computers? Yes. Yes new yeah There's a new have you seen computers these days because it used to be they took up like a whole football field baseman

So and now you can hold those dang things in the palm of your hand and eat them And then there's Sony's got a new cyber glove, but that's not already talking about today We're talking about cyber love for cyber love. Yeah, it's for a jacking but today We're talking about the biggest news of all and that's freaking y'all heard of a little Website called Facebook that you can see old pictures. Yeah, they got Nani Well that Nani song it's got Nani and all those old high schoolers that you went to scratch eight eight of our nones Because she keeps getting home my god. Yeah step outside the bit for a second. She does get hacked a lot though She gets hacked all the time. She she's not everything one target

Yeah, I mean she's got any of you are listening. Please don't hack our Nani. We know she's got a lot of anything left there for you Statistically speaking most of you have hacked our Nani at least one of you has a I also want to say so I don't get much tweets about I sound different this week because I'm I had a power outage at My home and I'm here at my wife's clinic recording the podcast It's like the old yeah, and he's doing a good old. He's doing a little bit of medicine help for people who come I'm doing a couple band-aids. What have you yeah? So anyway big tech news exciting thing this big Facebook website that our Nani keeps getting hacked on because she has so much fucking Bitcoin is that it's gonna it's not gonna be a Facebook anymore and

That's been the problem the problem with Facebook is the name. Yeah Yeah, I know that the there's been a lot of sort of reports about how they have fostered an environment that is good for hate speech but But that's going to be different now because it's not gonna be hate speech Facebook anymore It's gonna be something even cooler and safer and nicer. You know how Google Their their company motto is like don't be evil. Yeah, don't do bad things Facebook's is like fuck it. Let's get it wet Right. That's what Facebook's whatever it takes. Is there is their motto? Yeah, Facebook's Facebook's motto is a rhetorical question It's just what are you gonna do? Google change theirs the company that owns Google and all the various Google paraphernalia

Including team Google.com Especially team.com is me. No team Google.com is me They changed the alphabet and it'll be tough for Facebook to find something that sounds as sinister as alphabet. Yeah So what about the Facebook? That's strong. That's right because then that's definitive Right because it's been so wishy-washy like oh, let's check Facebook You're like which one right and if you were just like oh check the Facebook and you're right That would be an issue. No, no, no, okay. We're not changing the name of Facebook. It's very important here that we're clear about this Facebook will continue to operate in its own special way

Okay, but it's so good for everybody as Facebook the company that owns Facebook and Oculus and Instagram and You know probably 35 different ad companies Will change its name the parent company. Okay, so then just change it to Facebook senior. Yeah, it's Facebook's dad Yeah, this Facebook's dad Facebook senior. Mr. Facebook. So that way Facebook can say no, please call me Facebook. Mr. Facebook is my father Good Facebook would be neat because then it's like you don't have to sweat like the ethics of it It lets you know right there on the tin. Of course, there would have to be some behavioral

Changes there. What about really? It's all branding. What about Mr. Zucker's old-time internet palace? Yeah, that's cool. That's got a like that's got a real Geo cities vibe that I'm into. Yeah retro How about O'Callaghan's authentic Irish pub and family fun center? Oh, I like that kicks ass Yeah, if it was if you are not gonna think there's anything weird about Facebook if it's suddenly one day Officially owned by O'Callaghan's our authentic Irish pub and family fun center. Yeah, that's good They should sell it to Jolly Pirate. No, no. Yeah, wait, so Sell ownership sell ownership of Facebook Yeah, the company to Jolly Pirate doughnut and then operate as like Jolly Pirate doughnut is the company that owns

Facebook and Instagram Facebook a Jolly Pirate production You'd be like a lot more down with it. And yeah, I mean it'd be cool to work then get Donut like free doughnuts and it would be nice for nonning to know that on the 12th time she got hacked the 13th one is free A baker's a baker's dozen hacks. Uh-huh I mean Zucks place could be fun. Zucks place is good That would be a better name for the plat see I feel like they're gonna find a new name for the company and they're gonna be like Well, this is so good. We got to change the website's name to Zucks place a

Place for Zuck to come and hang out and let loose Maybe fun suckers Fun suckers fun suckers. Yeah Yeah, man, what's wrong with that? Trying to think of the joke here. There's not a joke. It's just a good fun suck fun suckers What about Dave and suckers while we're at it? That's fun Zucky cheese

These are also good we'll use that in Oculus will become zucky cheese. Yes, Facebook will be fun suckers, of course And and Instagram will be Dave and suckers All all of which are subsidiaries of Zucks place Oh, it's your own bio Callahan's So you open up Zucks place and it's a it's like a animated gif of a map Unscrolling and it's like which which of Zucks amazing experiences would you like to dive into today? And it's like, oh, do you want to do you want to hack Clint McRoy's mom? Good news

It's like a club penguin minigame That's cool. That's awesome. I Want I want all that shit. I'm like, let's not just limit it to Facebook and Oculus and Instagram and all that like let's get neopets on there, but they're called Zucky beasts and there you can have fun with them Mother's occurs. Yeah Now you don't what what would mother's occurs be just the

the Neopets thing. Oh, cuz they're like a ritual caregiver little little mother's occurs Hey, can we do a garbage pill kid mark Zuckerberg thing? What if they bought Facebook? Garbage pill kids. Yeah, what would be a fun joke to say about Facebook About like what kind of name could you get suck into garbage pill kids? Oh, you're saying like what's like a dirty joke? I don't have it. I don't have like a joke wild That's a wild No, I was hoping you guys would have like a funny

Hey, what if you know sometimes on the show Justin one of us does like a bump set spike kind of maneuver and what you Did is you set the ball in the middle of the floor and said wouldn't it be cool? What have you spiked that? Yeah, someone figure You throw it in a garbage can across the street You know like someone figure out how to spike that and get a point like I laid it in a toilet instead Imagine if I had spiked that yeah sure how cool would that be? It's like if there was no ball and you said imagine if there was a ball in the air and you could spike it. Yeah This is good times. This is good. This is good. Hey. Thank you to Mark Zuckerberg for encouraging us to do that bit

I'm sorry about everything. We'll take your money. Oh, thank you. Yeah. I'm not sorry Sorry, you fucked up so bad and made things Griffin griffin zucked up. It is I feel like the zuck sounds like fuck thing is so played like Should we go the other way and say like Mark fuckerberg, right? No guys, these are too obvious for us. We have we we have Mark duckburg What if he replaced himself with a cartoon duck named mark duckerberg and I think inside the duck Yeah, he's controlling it like alter ego that the new Alanis Morissette show. Uh-huh

I feel like he's controlling it and it's an animated duck that he controls named mark duckerberg I feel like if they do that, they don't even need to change the name of the company No, that's gonna do a lot of PR work for them. Yeah, this is an advice show I don't know if you've got Matt. We have a special guest this week. It's very exciting. Yep. It's later though Don't worry about it right now. We're going to help you and we'll do other things too, but first the help I recently started a job that at certain points involves driving a big truck that tows an even bigger trailer Let's take a second just bad ass You know when you see a big truck you're like that's a big truck and then you see the even bigger trailer

You're like whoa. Whoa. Yeah, real nice. I'm not the biggest fan of this job. Stupid. So I was planning on wait Hold on who is stupid the question. I think it's stupid. They don't like that job. You like so cool Oh, I see that's a yeah, if you smash that truck into anything it is dunzo like that's got to be empowering Yeah So I was planning on only keep you this job until I found a new one Unfortunately my second week on the job I was towing the trailer on the interstate and the trailer jackknight taught me fuck The truck rolled twice and landed upside down. I

Got in one little fight and my mom got scared Nobody including myself was hurt. Okay, but now I feel like I can't quit because I told all the truck in a trailer Oh, man Accurate brothers should I stick around a little bit longer or should I just piece the hell out as for career confusion in Colorado? That's a sticky wicket now. Hold on cuz I feel like I thought I have a different feeling It seems that my brothers do because Justin it seems that you are of the mindset that it is now difficult to quit after you Jackknight if it rolled the truck and trailer I on the other hand think that if you quit your job will be like, oh, thank God

Yeah, your boss would be like, oh, yeah, that makes sense you do I actually didn't even know you still worked here after you rolled the truck and trailer on your second week You made a big spectacular Exploder on day 14. It says here in your file. So yeah, I made a big sense that you wouldn't want to be this You did what we in the business call a truck whoopsie and that usually is a fireable offense And we actually just assumed you would quit already What was in the trailer? Was it something funny? Oh, you know like bouncy balls They're like, oh boy. Yeah, this is good. This is good. Where are we going next? Oh a bunch of like KY jelly

Yeah And it's spilt all over and like all the cars started slip sliding around and like porky Huh? Yeah, I think I lost it a little bit I think you should if you don't want to drive the big truck anymore because you crashed it Pretty much instantly in the grand scheme of things. I feel like that's okay I feel like yeah, they aren't gonna keep you there and say like no, you have to you have to stay here and do this Because the only problem is you that you why could she needed the job for a little bit longer, right?

You weren't ready to quit that. Yeah, you didn't want to quit because I was gonna say like that's the moment You jackknife it nobody's gonna judge you for being like I'm done That's it never ever done. It sucks to drive a car this big on the same road It's too big of a car. Can I deliver this in a Jetta? Maybe is the gods God's mistake this giant truck We went too far as a species Time to take it back Yeah, one time I got a job at Pesquart and on my first day of training Halfway through the training session. I got a call letting me know that I was actually supposed to be somewhere to perform a

Play that they had not told me was like, you know a thing that they sent out for you know Like the touring thing and the life of an actor I know so I just like walked out of training and my boss is like, where are you going and I was like, sorry I just got a call. I gotta be somewhere else be back tomorrow And when I came back the next day, they didn't fire me so let that and this question be a combined sign to you The listener it's actually a lot harder to get fired from things than you would think that's like the end of rent trap I mean, I guess if you think about it, it's basically what rents about Hey, do you want to talk to the wizard or the cloud call him up real quick? Yeah, you know what? How come he never calls us?

Good point question. I mean cuz he's the wizard. All right. Let's see what the wizards got for us today. That's tanker I'm right. You know, how is a cool these days not to be like strong Sports type but wait, what? Yeah smart type Man, well, this is gonna help us sort of get there. Yeah, I'm sorry buddy. I just didn't know I Okay This one's gonna make you very popular with a lot of people because it is how to live like Socrates. Oh Yeah, cuz and here's the thing here's what I'm excited about is that it worked out so good for Socrates Yeah, everybody love that guy being Socrates and being like how he is was really great for him

Yeah Yeah, so let's I mean let's hop right into it cuz I think that some of this stuff is just timeless, right? So just start by reading some of Plato's dialogues actually fuck that that's so boring skip That's a bad place that's a wicked place to start. What about that? Can can you start with the movie? Oh, yeah, yeah, the movie of the Keanu Reeves biopic Is that right? No, no, no the movie about Socrates With chain Tatum as Socrates, right? They made like a biopage magic soccer tears. Yeah, I think it was called magic Socrates

I Think it was called Socrates is I love that the end of the trailer But he looks at the camera loads of sunglasses and he's like, yeah, I guess you could say I'm pretty smart Yeah, yeah, I like that. I mean look at it said nothing platonic about this relationship Everybody yeah That's a good flick. I wish I knew more about Socrates. I wish I knew more about magic Mike So is yeah, you gotta read Plato's shit. I guess Plato is like a big soccer tears fan I'm gonna show my hand here. I don't know fuck all about this, dude

Which one I thought about tossing them a quick Google I know either that would throw off the metadata that Google has on me Normally Travis is looking up the voice actors of the show avatar the last airbender and suddenly he's Googling the teachings of Plato do we need to start worrying about Travis beings too smart? Oh, no No, he's back to do googling voice actors of different cartoons. We're all good Hey, here's the second one. This is a good tip for like any sort of thing You're trying to do with your life is don't change your life immediately do it gradually if you do it too fast And you're like, I am now fucking I'm fucking Socrates now like you're gonna burn out too fast

You got to really step into it Griffin is there a heading in there of what to do when you want to be Kind of contendered like the Socrates of say and this is just top of my head But like soccer so you can be soccer tees and you're like the soccer tees You know like the soccer tees of soccer Are you doing the instructions in there because that's kind of what I've always thought of myself as the soccer He's a soccer. Yeah, and that I bet he was also pretty bad at soccer So just start with these plain simple steps. Okay, we're simpler clothes. Oh, that's gonna be hard for me

Oh, yeah, I don't know about that. I'm kind of a peacock sort of a real clothes peacock Eat plainer foods that a dick is swing with I can hang with that Yeah, that's good for advice for anybody. It'd probably be good for my belly And then do not waste your money on material things. Well, I'm fuck. That's it. I'm done. Well, I include like food But spicy foods, maybe foods that are not just very plain Yeah, probably so Nick next tip is to follow Socratic principles and ideals again. It's a real snooze fest Yeah, that feels like a lot of like research involved. Can you just tell me? Yeah, I'll I'll sort of give you the cliff's notes version of it and this is really where the article starts to

Maybe show how There are lots of people especially on the internet who follow Socratic principles and ideals and that nobody likes them Okay, yeah, so just here's how to argue using the Socratic method question everything cool start Do not merely take something at face value or do something because someone says so whether it is one person or a hundred Can you stop what stop fucking being a reply guy and just like Jumping in there whenever anyone says anything and being an asshole and saying like are you sure? But that's what Socrates does it That's what Socrates does it. Yeah, I think health care is a human right

I have to question it like everybody's out here saying it's cool to not die because you don't have enough money But is it though? It's me If you truly wish to live like Socrates then you need to devote yourself entirely to philosophy and searching for truth That person's great too. That person's really cool. If you have a wiki how membership you're already halfway there, baby You're already right now Socrates right now What I've learned basically in the last five minutes He seems like the type of person now who would say like I don't watch TV. Yeah, and I wouldn't really want to Talk to that person. Yeah, yeah, I mean back in the day. I get it right if back in the day. They're like, oh

man, we got to kill a hundred of our own people every year Because the or else the Sun will devour us and so it was probably good for Socrates to step in there and be like Can I maybe suggest that we don't have to sacrifice our people because maybe the Sun won't swallow us up Back then we didn't do anything. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah question all of it, but now it's like We got it. We got we got you know what I'll take it one step further and say back in Socrates time It was also probably really easy not to buy material goods or eat spicy foods because the stuff they had was bunk Yeah, now Socrates is like, yeah, did you see those fucking sneakers, dude? Like I had to buy them

I had they were really cool And I just heard that this new Indian place opened up down the street and I gotta check that shit out Make sure where you debate with others is in a public area. I think Twitter counts like that man There's a lot of people out there trying to be Socrates Never be afraid to voice what you think or more importantly the truth. Hey, it's cool Socrates sucks Like Socrates I I feel like those are different ideas the truth is the things no, no, no I think it's important to be Socrates to know 100% whatever you think is right

Question everything unless it's one of your sweet Question everything except your own thoughts and ideas those Solids truth truth. Hey, here's a universal. This is a badass one and maybe the most I That is number seven never fear death That's why Twitter reply guys are so cocksure all the time is because they don't spend an hour of their day Just thinking about you know death and they're like I wonder how they get so much done. Yeah, they're on bandwidth for other shit

They don't fear death like that's that's daredevil shit Like Socrates is was wasting his time with all the philosophy and stuff He should have been defending the innocent in Hell's Kitchen or whatever right, you know They didn't have kitchens back then one or hell one thing I do know about Socrates is he got sentenced to death for all of his cool thoughts And then the day before he got his his just desserts He had a bunch of buddies who swung by and they're like Socrates We're gonna get you out of here, buddy And he was like nah they got me and then you drank him off and beat it his buddies are like come on dude

We got to go your brain is so special and you gotta help nah they got me fair and square guys. I Ain't scared. I ain't scared. I did a trial fair and square. Yeah, but the trial was like a hundred Extremely religious people who are like no he stinks. They got me go go go go bye Also, I think it's a big assumption to assume that Socrates wasn't afraid of death just cuz he never wrote down like fucking devs I mean shit myself He was just so busy thinking all of his cool thoughts that he just didn't even think to buy and so he guzzled down that sweet Hemlock and then he was like wait a minute. This is This is what

Maybe he sucks so bad his friends handed him him lock and we're like hey, this is like a wheatgrass shot He was like, okay, you guys gonna get me out of here like yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got it but take that wheatgrass shot first and then they walked out like wait I thought you guys are gonna go help Socrates. Oh we tried. Yeah, really tried Alternatively alternatively his friends were like dude. You cannot beef it that is going to stink and he was like well I have to fucking question that damn it I wasn't I didn't want to beef it but now now How bad being dead is and I was like shit. I got a question it, right?

I'm a great philosopher So great. I'm so great Tim Show humility. Yeah, that's not those ideas don't really Mishmash together. I don't trust anything you say, but hey, that's just me My thing is that truth is noble and I've got it here in my pocket The next one is so boring. I don't even want to talk about it, but remember the Socratic paradoxes Oh, yeah Stick to your principles even in the face of death as Socrates did as described in

Fahido Fahido, which I suppose listen book you all know me. I'm pretty cool dude, right? Very if I'm facing death, I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get out of there. Yeah, sure I'll sign anything. I will say anything. I'll make fun of anybody. Yeah, and then later be like I didn't know not true I totally didn't yeah, but anyways, I'm still eating this hamburger right here and loving it Be sure to know thyself that scene if you're yeah, that's yeah, I mean They should clearly don't though because you're like I know myself, but I'd rather know myself as Socrates no one knowing thyself is a lot easier when no one else really wants you to know them Yes, so freeze up a lot of like and I don't actually want to spend that much time letting you get to know me

So you should probably just know yourself. That's probably a better use of your time and Meet distinguished or influential people. Yeah, that's easy enough. Hey, okay. What's up? Is this Zach Braff come here my cool thoughts? The Zach Braff you're gonna love them And finally remember that truth is the most important thing ever and you must do all you can to find it That's it. That's a cool one because I don't think about things that way even a little bit No, like I'm cool truth. Why are they subjective and often incredibly hurtful? Well, I mean, it's good to not live in fantasy times where you think that you know

In fact scenes don't make you jump as good or whatever But there's also so much other cool shit you can do in the world like ride a roller coaster or or VR Experience yeah, I can't dedicate all my time to you know Cracking open the shell the Shelby woo mystery files. You know what I mean? I got a lot of my plate right now. Do you think because Socrates didn't eat food with any flavor and didn't own cool shit. That's why he wasn't afraid of death Because he was like what am I even doing? You know, I mean like I'm filling my time with target you with you Jags Yeah, I wait to get out of here one of those stinkers that didn't like it was like you've never had spices, dude

You got to try this one. It's called him luck. It's got a And you know play you know Play-Doh was waiting in the wings He's like Play-Doh is this you know more about flavors than I do is this cool and play It was like definitely go for it Yeah, let's just make way old man. What do you say nothing? I've written about I've written a cool book about how cool you are even though you're dead And it's I'm kind of in it's in a holding pattern for obvious reasons a lot of publishers interested just waiting for the finish

Waiting for the Ending I would love to look we're gonna take a quick break right now I want to stop doing the hard part of this job and do the easy part which is selling which is my true passion. Yeah It's products. So let's do that now in a little segment. We tend to call the money son You Wrap yourself in a dream That's right. I'm telling you about Brooklyn and and here's what's great is when you say Brooklyn and right It kind of sounds like Brooklyn. You ever notice that hi

I'm Travis McRoy spokesperson and best friend of Brooklyn and they told me that they like me better Than anyone else make sense and it's because I sleep on their sheets not by force my no one's making me do it I chose to that is what you would have to say though No, Griffin. I promise you of my own volition and free will I sleep on Brooklyn Still things that you would say if being sort of no one is here making me No one's standing right next to me telling me what to say with an earpiece and like some written notes that are scrawled in an angry hand Right, I am choosing to say of my own experience how

Comfortable and life life change life changing Brooklyn and can be a lot of people think that their sheets don't stink Okay, but maybe yours do and you should check out Brooklyn Yeah, that's good. Hi. Just a macro. Yeah Travis take a backseat juices got it from here. I think We got a lot of ads to get through and honestly Travis is taking too long These are great sheets if you don't think so you don't know fuck all about comfort and Brooklyn's are great to give us a gift once you experience it It is a actual mortal sin to not want to share it with other people you love. Yeah, I Love every Brooklyn thing I've ever owned more than my next breath

I mean it is the more than Zach Braff more than Zach Braff more than Braff Zachary All more than scrubs. What I'm sorry. That's just the way I feel go There's a gift guide so you can find the perfect present from Brooklyn in every price point You just go to Brooklyn and comm use the promo code my brother and you can get $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100 That's BR Okay L-I-N-E-N.com and in your promo code my brother Brooklyn and comm promo code my brother Justin now that we're out of out of the ad do you want to take back what you said about scrubs?

Yeah, I actually they're not paying me more so scrubs is the best Okay, I'm assuming they were a stop listening so clothes go on your body and make you look cool They make you look not like everybody else who's wearing Different clothes your clothes are gonna be better than theirs though because you're getting some stitch fix Stitch fix is the best because you don't have to go to a building where they are like here's a million shirts Most of them won't fit you good. Fuck They do a quiz for you, but like a fun quiz where they're like what you what do you like? What size what size is everything and you tell them and then you get close specifically for your body your style

You they also have Stitch fix freestyle or you can just pick stuff yourself from a range of over a thousand brands Personalized though to your size and fit and there's no subscription required They offer free shipping returns and exchanges. You got to do it. You got to do it I got a stitch fix box waiting for me downstairs. I haven't cracked open yet stoked out of my gourd So to get started today by filling out your style quiz at stitch fix comm slash my brother That's stitch fix comm slash my brother to try stitch fix freestyle stitch fix comm slash my brother Now listen, we're gonna talk about zip recruiter here and zip recruiter listen. It's it's not fun looking for a job

We've all done it and you know what? I'm gonna say it. It's it huffs farts, right? Yeah, big time Zipper crew has encouraged us now to talk about things. We'd rather do instead of looking for a job And I I would rather Here he goes. It's way the space needle Slowly one bite at a time over 10 years then look for a job But now that I've said that I think eventually I could probably turn that into money or get arrested I don't even know, you know, right like Definitely, so what a quick I'm gonna do a really fun game right here for our listeners

If you can tell me what this ad is about like what the company this ad is for after the last minute of this show And it hasn't like completely glazed over and lost your like Exited your brain. I will send you I will send you two two dollars and fifty cents Because there's no way like I'm look I'm part of the show and I forget what the advertiser is It's about how to eat the space needle. Yeah. Yeah, but like what's the company that gives us at the person who wrote the chat? Oh, right, right, right, right, right? Well, it's zip recruiter and you know, it's it doesn't have to be boring to look for a job They figured out how to make the job process better and a lot easier when you sign up for zip recruiter comm slash easy

It's right there you can create a free profile and get matched to great jobs Plus zip recruiter will pro actively pitch your profile to employers whose jobs match your experience, which is amazing, right? You don't have to do all the work. They're here helping you Unlike other job sites if an actual person from the company really likes what they see They can personally invite you to apply for their job plus if you like the job You can apply to it and many others with just one click. It's that easy So what are you waiting for if you want an easy job search sign up for free on zip recruiter comm Slash easy today and put zip recruiter to work for you

There's no better place to start zip recruiter comm slash easy today Well, hello, I'm Renee Colvert. Hi, I'm Alexis Preston and we are the hosts of can I put your dog and we got breaking news We got an expose it all the beans have been spilled via an Apple podcast review that said this show Isn't well researched Well, yeah, no duh, of course, it's not not since the day we started has it been well researched Guessing an anthropomorphizing dogs is what we do The can I put your dog promise is that we will never do more than 10 seconds of research before telling you Excitedly about any dog we see I'm gonna come at you with top 10 enthusiasm

Minimal facts. We're here for a good time not an educated time So if you love dogs and you don't love research You know what come on in to can I pet your dog podcast every Tuesday on maximum fun network Hey now that's your precursor you remember when we said they told us we could talk about things We'd rather do the look for a job. Yeah, they included four examples and the second one is eat dry salty crackers Yeah, do they know do they know about you and the stuff you're into Do they know about your dry sensibilities? It's like something who's never struggled I feel like it's this was written by someone who's never had actual challenge in their life because like any dry salty crackers that might

I might not even be a negative. Yeah, some people some people like those. I mean they also included watching a documentary about sea slugs We drive it happily do they're fascinating creatures Yeah, and like it also says to hear about my mother-in-law's bunion surgery, which like sorry that I'm concerned About yeah, sorry that I love my mother-in-law so much and she's in pain and she had surgery Yeah What I said Spooky I want a month

I Welcome much squatters podcast of the podcast profile the latest and greatest in brand eating is no longer being sunset It has been revived for season five So I'm so excited to now on Netflix. It's been it's been picked up. It's now streaming It wasn't right for broadcast television anymore, but thanks to all of you who sent in your old hamburger wrappers They picked it up On quibi Arby's I just want to this is quick was like Arby's is gonna launch boneless wings For a limited time this week neat and I just want to say like

They've already got nuggets. Yeah, so actually fuck off. Yeah, like they've actually this kind of thing Okay, I think that was it. Hey boys. Hello. Sorry. I have to take care of just you in a row Count down on it. Well, he said a very I know and also driven a limited window where we get out don't add on and it makes any kind of sense. Yeah, that's fair Breaking I've got the paper. This is late breaking is exactly you I'm very frustrated and when I'm angry. I don't always sound like myself So I'm going to bring the energy down, but no, I'm holding back the range with everything in my body. Okay. All right What's what what's I am coming down? Yeah, we mean. Yes. Wow, you know, yeah

I am cold and summoned if you will when don't let news is breaking in this Segment and last is the killing of Justin part of that or is that just for funsies? I Inherit Justin's body the function Huh, here's the thing. That's a new wrinkle in the vampire kind of mythology. Isn't it? Well, it's Justin's interac me and me and Richard's think shall The vessel when we need how we actually bumped into Richard in here. It was awkward We shared a nice cup of tea. It was pleasant

You know people often ask and I just start at the latest episode of my brother my brother me and I'd say like Oh, you'll be so confused without all the backstory of the different things that inhabit Justin's body, but go on the mythology So, you know last week I brought you the incredible story of All the different Halloween dough. Yeah, Krispy scream all Krispy's go you scared me I wasn't even ready for it. You scared me Well, I was ready to go back into my coffin and die for another year in Justin's body No, the spirit is in a coffin. Yeah comes out. It's like you don't know fucking anything Travis

I'm just trying to get it up for people at home. But then someone lays across my desk That I have which is my coffin Coffee I like that. Are you like do you live in like a tiny house and you just like you're very sort of It's a well, it's a coffin, which is a tiny house. Yes. Oh, so it's a sort of all-in-one Living or an unliving experience if you're trying to ask me if I poop in there. I'll never tell Sounds like you do though Like you definitely so So guess this is killing me. Let me get this off my chair. Yeah

Tim Horton, do you know this man? Yeah Canadian Think he's a hockey player. They do the name after him They put out an announcement on October 19 That they have a Halloween sprinkle donut and I am so furious at these guys This Halloween sprinkle donut so festive yes, it's available October 27th, huh begins October 27th This Halloween sprinkle donut, and you don't listen to this

okay For your Halloween spirit Tim Horton's US restaurants are celebrating Halloween this year with all treats and no tricks I would say it's mean trick to wait a lot over 27 The Halloween sprinkle donut is a classic yeast ring donut dipped in chocolate fondant and topped with festive Orange sprinkles My

Chilling. Yeah, what a festive thing you've done. It's chocolate with orange sprinkles That's a little too much for me even you're in the spirit now. Oh boy, and you say it's available for three whole days Oh boy Look at look at the Frankenstein over here really getting into it This festive donut will make the perfect sweet to serve at Halloween parties or delicious treat to enjoy while carving pumpkins and making Yes, this person definitely forgot about Halloween. Yes saying they definitely forgot. Oh, yeah, we've got the one It's good wait until you hear about it. It's available in the week

And it's a chocolate donut with orange sprinkles. We've been working on this one for a while The boys at R&D the D stands for death They really spooked you out with this one. It's a real crazy scary donut. You wouldn't believe it They definitely forgot him. Just say put out an answer that says oops Oops, we didn't do Halloween this year. I hope you're in these challenging times We forgot to do these Halloween donut. You don't don't try I'm furious. This is what I want to say. This is all it's a terrible donut. It's but the good news is it's not available for very long So anyway, I'm back to the beyond. Goodbye boys. I'm not

How does he bring Justin back? No, do you need me? No, I don't I don't want to let them I you know, I don't just do donut stuff. I have a lot of great. You guys want to talk about doing it's coming out Yeah, tell me yeah, I wanted to read the book, but who's got the time Yeah, maybe you should go My joke was good. I had the it was pretty common mortal you see Oh First but now I definitely do awesome more of a that's the kind of comedy I do more thinkers I have I've loved your stand-up sets. Oh, okay. He's gone

Hey, I'm back. I'm getting used to it being you know what weirdly Socrates. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I don't fear. It's not too bad honestly being being basically dead Okay, cool thing. I'm no longer fear about another question. Hey, can I read a question? I never used to read a question Yeah, I love I wait. Hold on. Are you ready for this level of responsibility griffin? I mean, I'm I read and make up bullshit questions throughout the show and well That's a little different isn't it because now you're using real people's real words. Okay My cousin is getting married on Halloween this year small family wedding vaccine required all chill Thank you for including that because I was right at it

Judge the invitation does not list any dress code and I have no idea how much Halloween cheer I should bring to the event the couple is very nerdy into board games d&d video games, etc But they're not specifically Halloween nerdy They chose Halloween because my cousin's birthday is on April Fool's Day So they thought it'd be cool if their anniversary was also on a pseudo holiday They're even getting married on a classy beach. Oh, surely. I don't just wear a normal dress to a Halloween wedding But a costume also has to be out of the question, right?

Can I get away with a fancy witch's hat a cape a broom from confounded in California? Uh, this this one is tough. I actually know absolutely no idea. I don't know Yeah, I don't know anything about weddings or Halloween or clothes I uh, oh, you know who I could call who mr. Halloween himself The the king of horror as I call it. Mm-hmm the king of podcasting horror The duke of doom the duke of doom the sultan of scares Yeah, and swat and swat. Yeah, five more five more. Okay, Joseph. Thank you. He's one of the nightfall guys There's a lot they got a they got a whole writer's room over there

But he's one of them. Hold on. I have a uh a yellow book of fellow new york times best-selling authors. Let me look at it I love me. Oh, no, that's hank green And if you can't find let's just do dan brown. Yeah, no, no. Here he is. Here he is. Hold on. I'll call Hi, this is mr. Halloween the king of horror podcasting Oh, hey, Joseph. Hey, Joseph. It's uh, you don't adjust in macaroy. We do uh, my brothers and I do A different a different podcast my brother my brother me. I don't know if you've We did pod con together. Is it pod con? It's like a not scary. Uh, I know this is not sure not scary podcast. Yeah, not all podcasts are

They're supposed to be scary ghost ghost details ours is ours is for babies Yeah, yeah, exactly. Uh, so you've been kind of the king of horror for years now What would you we had a quite we do advice on our show and we had a someone ask us what they would wear to a halloween Wedding and we were curious what would be appropriately ghoulish ensemble Uh for that kind of thing Yeah, I mean I through kind of through the uh, the ether I heard the question and I I just want to be so distracting you living your daily lives hearing all podcast questions a real bruce almighty But for podcast bullshit

I just want to first address sudo holiday Think oh, yeah, yeah like Like it's halloween. This isn't this isn't I mean april ful's day. I get but Haul it like respect halloween. I do understand because as far as I know Not a federal holiday. You don't get halloween off Yeah, but it's like job It's it's

I mean, it's one of the big three. It's a huge holiday It's one of the big I will tell you as a jew that there are a lot of important holidays. You do not get off This is fair Excellent point and you know I said that you don't technically get off work But nothing gets done on halloween in a workplace, right? Everybody's they're eating candy and wearing costumes and doing fun games. I assume I don't know. I don't on a day when your sister could turn into a bat Right and

Gremlins can mess up all your cassettes like how are you supposed to get any work done? It's too scary. Yeah anything way too scary Uh to address the question though. I mean, I feel like you don't actually have to do that Don't feel like we rarely do But if you want to take a swing at it for for the novelty, please go ahead Well, they they found the answer. I think themselves which is an elegant witches hat sounds perfect I mean, that's perfect for most occasions. This is true. What if you take you go indoors though? Is it if there's an indoors portion of the wedding you have to take it off then you just have matted witch hat hair

Well, you have a smaller hat underneath. Okay. Okay, or an owl No one's noticing your hair at that point. Yeah, and if they do they'll blame it on the owl Yeah, sorry, but I'm just picturing like the national anthem happens and someone has to take off their elegant witches hat You know disney bounding where people yes, like you're not allowed to wear costumes to the parks so people will Dress up in like outfits inspired by characters that they you are reading my mind so like for for Winnie the Pooh, you would wear like a red t-shirt and like a no pants. No pants

Yeah, so for this I think you'd want to do like Halloween bounding where it's like yeah doffing your cap to frankenstein You know what I mean like an elegant bolt On your a two elegant bolts on your neck. Listen, I'm just gonna say two words that you could halloween bound Sanderson sisters right there little hocus pocus action those dresses could easily Easily translate to an elegant Now it is a beach wedding. So maybe not an elegant ball gown That's the least terrifying environment unless you are afraid of see creatures as I am

But I doubt that there's going to be a swimming portion of the wedding, right? So like it's not gonna be it's tonally strange Yes, could you could you could you halloween bound like a mermaid or a shark? Or a shark victim creature from the black lagoon. Yes. Very. Good. I think very aquatic Uh, this maybe just dresses a shell And you're laying on the beach the whole time. They're like, I can't believe that you know sandy didn't make it And then boom you pop up. Sorry. Wait. Wait. Wait. No. Yeah, I know Yes, I know sandy because you were thinking beach. So sandy is the name you got to Yeah, yeah, it is Justin. It is. Thank you. Okay. And then the shell pops up. It's you. I could have said shelly. Damn it

If you have a wedding on halloween, I feel like you have to address that Yes, and the invitations you've been set up to fail here. You should admit you on that invitations. Look, we know What day this is do not show up dressed up like a big peek at you. I think that's fucked up. I think I think it is Uh morally indefensible To have a wedding on a day that is most well known here in the u.s As a day that one dresses in costume and to say I expect you to be there and not in costume Right that feel if then why did you do it? Like Unless you just decided to get married two weeks ago

Right, and then otherwise you knew you planned it on halloween. Just do it on Thanksgiving or something Like no, it's a weird thing. Yeah, that's sort of the premise of the show. Oh, right. Here's where I'm at. It's like Fellows we've all been married. Yeah, it's a day of joy. It's a it's a very happy day so like You know if someone shows up dressed as a giant Pikachu I'm I'm fine with that. That's an expression of joy like what am I gonna Be upset about someone doing something they love on this joyful day Well, I guess the real question is Joseph is would you let them into the pictures?

That is a fucking actually fantastic question My friend Eric came to our wedding and this was during a period where he had I would say the most perverted mustache Any human being has ever gone on his face and this was for he had this mustache for two months So it was not like iconic Eric pervert mustache. It was Like something he grew on a dare and then is in every single one of the like crowd shots of the wedding photos And it's like it's hard not to When you look at oh, there's my nani and she's she's talking to our friends. That's so

Ah, fuck Look at look at look at there. He is trying to he's gonna steal my grandma with that mustache Well, this is especially this is at kersley now Especially if question asker you decide to go with a very topical costume and you're like get it I'm from squid game or whatever and then like 20 years from now Oh, this person's kids are like looking at the photos and like this is so beautiful. Oh your friend What is that and you're like, oh, it was from. Oh, what was that? Uh Joseph, what's your favorite character from your own podcast to cosplay us? Good question

Um, I like uh seasoul because no one knows what he looks like. So I am always cosplaying. It's as seasoul at all times It's possible that all of us are yeah Whoa I got it. I got it. Okay. All right. Mamoru chiba tuxedo mask Oh, yeah Tuxedo mask of sailor moon fame you go as tuxedo mask You arrive elegant cape tuxedo. Nice. Everyone's loving it. Yes white mask in your pocket Oh

And then you get there you check the vibe you have the rose in the back pocket You're ready to to dress out if the situation is one where tuxedo mask would be appropriate if not You leave the the mask in your pocket and you're just someone in a very elegant tuxedo Right. Sure. What I like about that is it addresses my concern, which is the inverse Sort of fear, which is that you show up in your, you know sunday best But then you show up and everybody's Square game and pq and you're like shit. I didn't realize we were having fun with this one because it's a wedding

Oh, okay, wait This isn't an answer for the question asker But if you are a wedding thrower and you're ever in this exact situation instead of one side for one participant and one side for the other You have a side of the audience for costumes and a side of the audience for squares That's good And then you get two photographers one angling from the squares side. Oh and you oh the two participants You're wearing half costume Half wedding clothes so that when they take pictures from this side

It's all wedding baby and then pictures from this side all spooky halloween fun Hey, joseph, do you got a new book coming out? We help this person enough you got a new book coming out It's a good question. I I do You often do okay. Thank you. That's here's my question. Thank you joseph and thank you for coming on so glad No, wait, I need to know the title of it so that I can sleep tonight. Yeah, that makes sense Uh, it's called the halloween moon coincidentally and uh, it's a middle grade novel about halloween and and the experience of trick-or-treating And then also the experience of when halloween night never ends and it just keeps going and going and time gets stuck

And you have to uh Save the day because you're stuck in halloween forever It's out now. It's a great great time to read it. I mean it's it's for ages 10 and up But I think adult fans who like the spooky and maybe like welcome to nightville will really enjoy it too. Who read the audio? Oh kevin are free from who plays kevin on welcome to nightville and is uh, just a truly wonderful performer Oh, excellent. That sounds very good. Is this a follow-up to mr. Boneclown's scarifying adventure your last your last book

I think of it more as a spiritual sequel Yeah, yeah, you're saying there's ghosts in it Because the mr. The mr. Boneclown series like usually you get his name in the in the title so I was confused about This one. I really I felt like stretching myself this time trying something new Joseph are you getting ready to pull them all together with references from one book appearing in the other series until eventually you the author appear in one and like reveal that it's all been connected and stringing forth from your mind Uh, yes, I'm it's uh, um, it's the shared think-averse now Yeah, Joseph you you you wrote if I'm if I can let me check my

Yeah, this is 37 scare goblers Books for kids and you're finally departing from the scare goblers series Why is this I guess? Why is the halloween moon available now? Not in the scare goblers franchise Uh in answer to your question. I'm just going to tell you my favorite anecdote. I ever heard from the goose bumps guy Uh, I was listening to an interview with rl stein in which he was talking about a fan letter He got after having written I think over 200 books and the fan letter said I've read all of your books and they're all terrible That's commitment to the bid isn't it you think rl stein's one guy well

Oh, you think there's like a Shakespeare thing that Shakespeare wrote them. Yeah, Shakespeare wrote Shakespeare wrote those books Uh, hey the halloween moon is good. I love all your books. Joseph, you know that I after I read One of your books. I like to tell you that I liked it and this I'm sure will be no exception Uh for all of our listeners. They're gonna love it. You know what? I love Joseph wrote a book called the first 10 years With his wife meg bash finder and that that is a very good book as well It's uh, both of them are calling their relationship independently Uh, and how those stories overlap is very touching and lovely and uh, I love that book too

So if you if you read the halloween moon, you want something exactly like it Um Check out that that book as well. Thank you so much guys and night fail. Are you guys still doing that? I feel like yeah I we're about to hit our 10 year anniversary. Yeah, we're in that club or it's like We very justifiably if people hear about either of our podcasts I think are you guys still doing that as a completely legitimate response to my brother me and night fail a tweet I get literally weekly if not daily is wait night fail is still happening It's better than ever. Now's the best time to hop on board. Wouldn't you agree?

What do you tell people if they're like, where do I start because you don't want to go back to I mean, I guess you have to go back to the beginning. Do you y'all ever do that? Like do you ever do like marvel does and do like a cut a universe reset? Our argument is always you can start wherever because yes, it's confusing if you start at episode 170 but it's also confusing if you start at episode one You'll get it eventually. Just start where you want. I like to start in the middle and listen out So like listen to one next and one before and then keep going like that And then back in until the universe collapses in on itself. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah

Joseph this is always has always been a treat Listen to jesus work and read jesus work and support him because he's uh, a real solid person Joseph, can I tell you something? I've never told you before and we've known each other for years now Um, but I didn't want to miss this opportunity to tell you When I started listening to nightville for a long long time I thought joseph fink was a character that you created to play at the beginning of every episode Introducing it. I did not realize you were a real person for many years A lot of people did because we did this we did this fun joking thing where we had multiple people pretend to be

Be like hi, i'm joseph fink and I I just thought it would be a fun way to get people to listen to the ads And then it turned into yeah people That's actually joseph fink is his sag name. Um, because there already was a joey funk, which is Which is his real name. Yeah, um, yeah, and then joey funk changed to bruno mars, which is very frustrating Which is very upsetting because you could have just stayed joey funk And the original joseph fink had to change his name to thinkasaurus rex But all of his albums are available on spotify now, so Yeah, get there. Hey joseph. Thanks, uh for for everything. Thanks for being here and thanks for the help

Thank you so much for having me. This was fun. Boy, can you take this was fun just one more time? But really put a little bit more time I could feel if you could just give me like one more punch up of that Thanks so much for having me this this was fun Even much better much better maniacal Thank you so much to joseph. Uh, think his new book Uh, the halloween moon is available now along with all of his other books

And if you don't listen to welcome to nightville, you really actually should you really what are you even doing? It's good and funny and good. Um, we have an adventure zone live show It's live and virtual november 5th Um, so make sure you get your tickets to that because it's going to be an absolute blast november 5th 9 p.m Eastern time tickets are only 10 dollars It is the third installment of adventure zone hootenanny With your favorite space age country band Um tickets are available at bit.ly slash taz virtual

And even if you can't make it to that november 5th 9 p.m Eastern time show video on demand will be available for two weeks after the show speaking of tickets Get your tickets for our emerald city comic con show. They go on sale thursday october 28th at noon pacific time That is uh some shows in seattle at the emerald city comic con convention My brother my brother and me december 2nd and taz on december 3rd Both shows will be general attendance. So no assigned seating, but there will be a da seating Available you don't need an emerald city comic con badge to buy tickets to these shows And it's also important to note emerald city comic con safety protocols require full proof of vaccination or

Recent negative covid test to attend full safety protocols are available if you want to see what all those are at bit.ly slash eccc safety That's e followed by three c's and the word safety In addition masks are required while on the premises and capacity will be reduced For more info including all full health and safety protocols as well as ticket links you can go to bit.ly slash macaroy tour Uh, we got a pen of the month. It's hell raven, which is del Craven benefiting the national latin institute for reproductive justice

Which builds latina and latinx power to fight for the fundamental human right to reproductive health dignity and justice We got taz notebooks. Yep. We got canonites wrapping paper. Yep I mean, it's like just go to mackleardmerch.com and and rub your wallet on the screen and get ready. Yeah, there's we got some Some stuff coming too. That's what I'm really excited about. Yeah, I mean, don't save your but don't save your money No, don't save your money. Dang it. Don't save your money. It's more it just make more money. Yeah, give it to us Hey, thank you montane for the use of our theme song Uh, it's called my life is better with you You can find that in in any sort of music

Like Trough that you go to to get the music that you get And while you're out there, you got to check out this new track from montane now in space Now in space the music video is is on youtube and it's so fucking good It's a contender here. It feels like montane made the music video for the three of us to enjoy It feels like a dm Music video and it's so fucking good. It's been stuck my head all day. It's a it's a top up And that's it. Y'all want the final

Yeah, oh a real quick. Yeah, sure If you guys if you are listening this and you enjoyed great british bake on Theresa and I have been doing a watch and kind of discussion podcast of great british bake on this is season two great british bake You're so deep in it. It's called great. Oh, yeah, it's called great british bake off But the name of the show is bake on uh, and you know We're covering the new season if you want to check that out just search for bake on in your pod catcher and enjoy Um, okay. Y'all went the final Yes, please. Oh, yeah

And by alf huh I want you guys to know that sometimes I just start I say I say like a phonetic Sound and then just like try to build it in real time And I'm surprised by that revelation. Okay, cool. Cool. Cool. Uh, and by that I mean I can hear you can actually hear your loading screen In your brain as you do it Um, so Yeah, so alf sent this in thanks alf. It's asked by yahoo answer's user

dead Den net den s Den s it's den s den s quade. Um It's wild that it like specifically says here to say den s quade So we've all been saying it wrong all these years. We've all been wrong and uh den s quade says um Den s quade asks yeah

I'm having trouble reading because he's I'm translating it from sanskrit Oh, really? Yeah, I didn't even know yahoo allowed you to do sanskrit den s quade asks um Are there does anyone have tickets for sale for the big New Year's Eve huba stank concert

21 Trying to get out there, but I don't have as much sway as I used to Thank you Thanks for your support This has been my brother. My love denis quade. My name is just a mackerel. I'm trying to smack right i'm griffin mackleroy This has been my brother my brother me kiss your dad school. We're out of lips Oh Maximum fun org comedy and culture artists owned audience supported

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