My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 585: One Year Closer to Salsa

Episode Date: November 8, 2021

Our nemesis is back in the news, but we’re gonna take him down and put him to sleep with a fast-food themed bedtime book. Don’t worry about how a podcast advice show has a nemesis.Suggested talking points: Shaq-a-Roni and Cheese, That Ice Cream was My Dad, House of a Million Mummies with Vampire Fangs, You’re Acting Like a Child LOL, Can I Buy Our Pork ZoneNative Women Lead: https://www.nativewomenlead.org/First Nations Development Institute: https://www.firstnations.org/Harmony House: https://harmonyhousewv.com/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up you cool, baby? Precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better with you

It's better it's better with you It's better it's better with you Hello everybody and welcome to my brother my brother and me an advice show from the Modgera. I'm your oldest brother Justin I'm your middle-aged brother Travis big dog whoo-woo-woo for McElroy The joy in Justin's voice This is baby brother Griffin background I just I just learned what you all were talking about that we should do for the intro and it's like I've fallen down a well delicious pizza

You guys heard about this Papa John guy Okay, so let's start Justin might you start us off on a good foot. I just It is it is weird It is weird, uh-huh that my brother my brother me a comedy advice show has like a Super villain, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's weird. It's weird that we have a sinestro Yeah, yeah Our energy with his own energy Papa John schnack dirt Probably still calls himself that I don't think I don't think it's schnack dirt

But I do like that. It's schnatter. It's schnatter on schnatter schnack dirt He says he needs Papa John schnatter needs a schnack dirt Papa John need a schnack He's still obsessed with Papa John's cuz he's Papa John or was Papa John until they stripped him of his title Papa John the pizza chain that includes ratty old banana peppers and garlic grease in every pizza He was nasty it has always seemed like they just spilled some banana peppers in the box They were too lazy to clean it up. I can't get these out of here. I can't get these banana peppers out of here so this dude This dude did an interview with Bloomberg Business Week

And this is the like and I credit to them Big ups to Devon littered and the whole team over there because the very first quote of this piece is If you don't know about Papa John by the way, he was ousted from the company Papa John's he found it for being an absolute shit bird Right in a story It was a crucifixion Says John schnatter. Sure. It was unethical. It was immoral. It was evil. Yes. Yes folks They crucified Papa John He calls it an unethical crucifixion as opposed to you know, all those ethical crucifixions

Crucifixions that you've read about in your fairy tales Aggressive elite left wouldn't let me say the n-word while I made pepperoni pizza and it was a crucifixion Here's okay. The one thing that struck me as soon as I saw the title of the piece of Papa John is still obsessed with Papa John's That's the one thing about Papa John schnatter that I thought Yeah, yeah, I get that if there was a restaurant out there that I started called Travis McRoy's and then Yeah, I was McRoy's kicked me out. I'd still think of Travis McRoy's from time to time. Yeah, would you refer to yourself as being unethically crucified? No, no problem. I would I think maybe I might say like I was justifiably crucified. I get it Yeah, absolutely

He blames it on the upper elite left progressive and I don't know about me being upper elite But I'm certainly a left progressive and I have fucked around Papa John's pizza and his garlic dipms from time to time in my youth Not so much these days and even then when I heard the news The big news about Papa John schnatter saying the bad word on a call and then getting immediately fired My response was pretty fucking cool. Yeah You don't have to be elite or progressive to look at this man and say I'm glad he got it I mean This whole thing so like here's the timeline on this dude in December 2017

Papa John was complaining that their shareholders were being harmed by the NFL because they didn't punish black players for protesting racism Immediately after that he was like, okay Well, I have thought about it and I'm retiring as the CEO and you would think that might be the end of it But nope just here Just a year later Sorry seven months. He a word leaked about the the fact that he had used a Racial slur pretty much on one of the real bumming. They're all pretty bad But he is the inward he said on a conference call bad bad job

They're John and he had to leave as the CEO of the chairman. Yeah, and this was on a call Their ad agency had been working with Papa John on a strategy to counter the perception that he's raised us You know something that I've never had to do and Steve Buscemi has never had to do and Tom Hanks has never had to do and Roman Mars has never had to do and you know I can name almost anybody that's never had to come up with a PR strategy to counter the perception that were racist and then and then During said strategy session during said session This is quite afterwards. I wish I hadn't said the word Okay, cool. He had been attributing it to someone else during the call

Okay And he says he accuses the ad agency people of craftily Provoking him into doing so. Mmm. Yes They're different machinations finally tricked me into saying the n-word Yes, the people that you were paying to make you look good whose job It was to make you look good and they were getting a lot of money from you to do so wanted to make you look bad He came after Colonel Sanders saying like he was racist He doesn't the same camp and it's like I mean probably his grandkids say no

He wasn't he was great, but you know in the in the big fast food industry who can tell but he was like So what Colonel Sanders did is worse coming back, baby Papa John, you know, it's all they're drawing parallels Here's an interesting one from Jonathan Mays editor-in-chief of the trade magazine restaurant business Who said the crisis was comparable to the one subway faced in 2015? Jared Fogel its chief spokesperson pleaded guilty to this receiving and distributing child pornography Into engaging in commercial sex with miters. Yeah, there was a difference. There's a slight difference with those two There's a slight difference in this one Fogel thing came down

Subway could dismiss him. Yes try to start fixing things and and frankly the name of the restaurant wasn't Jared the Fogel's place Fogel's great place. Yeah Jared's kids club, it's not it's not it's not that it's not about Jared and Jared's different things just a quick reminder to regarding Mr. Papa is that During all of this and him talking about his let me check. Yes crucifixion He did also drop a tick tock Video in which he took people on a tour of his giant mansion

Yeah, they involved what appears to be like a 12-foot tall statue of two eagles fucking in flight This is this brand now his brand is opulence. Yeah, right? That's his brand now is the opulence of Papa John. Is he going to commission? Is he going to commission an 18-foot tall painting of him as the Christ upon the cross With garlic dip dripping out of his as Shaq looks on as Shaq looks on Shaq you betray you are my protege Shaq and now They so they had to remove his face from pizza boxes. Yeah scrub all references Scrub all references to him from its website

Pictures of shnatter on the walls of its Louisville headquarters had to go to yeah last September Papa John's Last September Papa John's announced it was relocating many corporate functions to Atlanta Physically distancing itself from its namesake. Do you know how wild things have to be for them to be like we have to move away from It's still smelling his muscles in the air drives by every day It's real slow and creepy too I hate it He got half a billion dollars in stock when he cat when he cashed out you could start another pizza chain John if you really want to win us over I Mean no there is no way no

Okay, better pizza better pizza does not forgive your mini trespasses John Better pizza better ingredients still races still Papa John's to Can we just talk about just for a minute just for a minute everyone just for a minute? There's definitely been a Conversation that went nowhere within Papa John's HQ where they were like should we change our name and they're like no He should change his name and like because this has been going on for a while and Papa John's the corporate entity has definitely made the conscious decision at some point to continue to be Papa John's and At first there's one of two ways I feel about this either. That's like why are you still or it's really really?

spiteful towards John schnatter to be like We're still Papa John. We're Papa John. You're not Papa John Here's a here's a here's a quote. God. We have so many quotes about this general this guy. He just don't stop and This is actually I think it's like actually very instructive in your life You may feel like your goal is to have so much money that you never have to think about money again I mean, it's a it's a very American idea, right? But John schnatter is like Definitely proof that you can have as much money as you want and you might still be mad that someone says you can't be a pizza anymore What said he can't be this is what he said to OA and in this is a bunch of that's it was one of the

Oh, that's the one America news network doesn't yeah, that's just the one America news network the woke That's the work mob Doesn't want you to have children's books what as displayed by the cancellation of dr. Seuss earlier this year I don't think that's what that meant now They're apparently coming for your pizza. No dog. That's it either so much better pizza my friend and better I would argue that Papa John's came for your pizza mr. Schnatter Yeah, we came for your pizza you you don't have the pizza anymore

We saw her over here. Enjoy March macaroni and cheese and no one's out there on the fucking Ida March stabbing little Caesars everybody's like yeah, the hot and ready sucks, but it's five dollars go for it's fine during your tenure Jonathan Your shit got overtaken by fucking Domino's. Yeah, how does that feel Jonathan Domino's got better than Papa John's You've lost your way, sir You have a statue of Eagles you don't know what people want in pizza when was the last time John You ate a pizza and didn't do a racist I mean eight eight hundred of his own pizzas in what four months or something that was famously Famously reported. Yeah, that's a lot of pizza. There's this is really good

He's kept the this article talks about how he's cashed out the half billion in stock and he's like just out here It says he's out there jetting in his Dessault Falcon between homes in Kentucky, Florida and Utah Posting highlights and motivational bromines on TikTok. He's projecting his best life Except his best life is the one he no longer has the one where he's still running Papa John. Yeah Wow Devastating it's fucking black suits and his dyed jet black hair like he's fucking Johnny trash I just want to point out this this motherfucker Has five hundred million dollars and three homes

It sounds like and a jet to take him betwixt them and he's still complaining. It's about legacy Travis It's about legacy. You should know about legacy Wait, why should I know that most of all Griffin? This shows are the shows are legacy. It is. Oh, man We should start taking a little bit more seriously. Well, yeah, good name for the Papa Joe and we will move on eventually folks Don't worry. This is not a Situation if we did have to rename the Papa John's restaurant. Yeah My mind went to Papa Pizza Papa Pizza is pretty good

And then it went to Mama Mia Papa Pizza Come and get some diarrhea, which is What about pop-pop John's pop-pop or just pop-pops pop-pop How about Papa Papa Roni and then you only serve pepperoni pizzas What about the pepperoni pizza for dogs? Okay, we're getting a little too. That's like yeah, you know what I say lean into it. It's called Papa Shax It just makes shack the new thing Papa Shax would be who'd be so good I would eat an extremely powerful and and also the most powerful fart the face one could deliver to Papa John's

Would be to keep the Papa part and just change the John part. Yes. I was like, no, this is Papa Shack He's my new dad. Yeah, this is my new pizza dad Papa Shack. I love him He lets me do whatever I want He makes me very happy Papa Shax. This is a I'm just continuing to he Originally when people were reporting about him Trivializing the protest of black players in the NFL hit their PR firm at the time Edelman said that he needed to Not acknowledge it and keep quiet and let it blow over

Y'all are in denial now. Shnatter remembers replied. I'm Papa John. This is not going to blow over Which to In this regard he was correct. Yeah real Nostradamus He was right about that correct. Good job. Maybe not right in the way. He thought he was right But he was correct. His thoughts were wrong But his truth in that matter was was kind of on point It did not blow over even a little bit as evidenced by the fact we've been talking about this gentleman for 15 minutes It's real piece of shit

All right, let's let's let's start. I can't I could actually talk about Papa John all day because I it's just like he's our nemesis The problem is and this is the real problem is it's making me hungry for pop it sucks I know it sucks. It's really infuriating. I would love one of those lights right now. Oh Find a local find a local place a local Papa John. No Out of it. Although now that he's cashed out It doesn't mean nothing you can probably John's now with confidence my local Papa John's They're the sign they have outside has not changed to update with specials for 18 months It has said independently. Oh, yeah

That's the only thing I need to know. Yeah, I can't give me a two give me a double Chakarote All right, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do the show, please. I Yeah, we'll do the show. It's an advice show folks. What? Folks, this is an advice show it is and Justin doesn't have the question list. Oh, I'm pulling it up I get so many emails anymore. I feel like yeah, but the show doesn't sneak up on you I feel like Google's letting a lot of space. Yeah, but I was busy read what I'm getting the same thing very a lot of spam on Google Right. Yeah, it's wild. It's wild. Come on Google. I Was going through the drive-thru a fast. Oh my shit. Wait. Hey Justin. What happy birthday?

What oh, yeah, oh my god. Oh my we could have talked about that for the intro But John stole that from us. John stole my birthday. I think we can all agree. This is the worst thing he's ever done I was just going it's it's oh, it's just nice to have one that you know, you know what I mean Yeah, you're not gonna get the rug pulled out from under you Right, like when you find out Guy Fieri is secretly a pretty good dude I'm not gonna get the whole rug pulled out from under me right on this one We're not getting any tweets like I think you guys were kind of unfair. It's too hard on Papa John. Oh, he sucks Guy Fieri. I'd love to be on the show. Please read the question

Please if you're there, I'd love if you're there. I Was just going through the drive-thru of a fast-food chain restaurant. Just say Shaq's place Yeah, where I ordered and received an ice cream code. Okay, that's not Shaq's It is to my delight very tall and yummy However, as I was pulling out of the drive-thru I got a little fender bender from another car I need to get out of a car or call the police and exchange insurance details, but I'm holding this ice cream cone So fucking awesome. Should I just keep licking my ice cream cone while I speak with the person I just rear-ended? Should I stay in my car until after I eat it more good or I guess they don't say this but presumably should I write an email to you guys?

Okay, I'm sure this already happened and they want to check to see if they did the right right This is extremely awkward, but I don't want to miss out on my ice cream code. It's delicious Wait, hold on. That's from awkward ice cream in Atlanta. So maybe they're maybe they're varsity. Maybe What is amazing about this is that there's a secret third option, right? One and two is you stay in your car just fucking Cold-staring at this person while you lick your ice cream and you keep giving them like one minute one minute It's creamy it's creamy and sweet. So I'll be out in a minute or you hop out there. You're like, oh my god. I'm so So sorry Oh gosh, yeah, I just actually got this

Repainted oh god, okay I'm so the third option is you step out of the car really concerned and you look at the damage to your car And look at their car and then they walk up and like hey, are you okay? And you Take your ice cream cone and realizing that there's no good way to eat it while talking You throw it to the fucking ground and smash it so that it's not in a way anymore That's even that might be the worst of the situation if you do that though. You could be like Maybe we shouldn't involve insurance in this because we've both lost a lot, right?

Yeah, sure. We feel like we've both suffered. Oh The back of your car is fucked up and the front of my car is fucked up But I also lost an ice cream cone in the exchange. So who's the fourth option? Oh, wow They get out of the car you direct eye contact eat the ice cream cone in like one big bite And keep a straight face maintain eye contact. No brain freeze face nothing This is an intimidation play you've engaged in they're going to watch you How Like you're going to pack me on that ice cream and then say do we really need to get insurance involved in this?

Just an asterisk asterisk on that option. It is only possible for travis and travis like Humans to pull that one off. I've been training right all my life for this Could you oof fifth option step out of the car and be like oh, oh shit. Oh, fuck. I really fucked up Here you go and you give them the ice cream cone And then you get in your car you get your car drive away. Yep. We're good. Stop stop stop stop stop come back here No, no, no, I gave you the ice cream cone We're good. Bye Did you not want the ice cream cone because I'll take it back

But I do want it on the record that I was willing to give it to you Sixth option. Holy shit. There's so many Before they see you after the big accident smash that ice cream cone on your face And you walk outside and you've got to be crying covering in your creamy face And you're like my ice creams and they will not they'll be like, okay, you're crying. Don't worry about it Let's just drive. Can you four things? Seventh option around seven Yeah, quickly before they see you scoot over to the passenger seat and put the ice cream cone in the driver seat

And make it look like it's the ice cream's fault What he would you didn't see him stop come on. I'm just sorry about this eighth option Do what travis said but instead of putting the ice cream cone in the driver's seat Smash it on the windshield in front of the driver's seat and just start screaming inconsolably Dad he just got his learners dad. No Is the ice cream cone your dad? He was in fact my dad He was like dad I mean one of those movies where my dad dies and then becomes an inanimate object

But is now animate and it was that ice cream cone and he was delicious Not ninth option. Can you just slowly hand it to them and say here? I'm really sorry I got this for you because I figured I would probably hit you and I'm sorry. Yeah, this is for you Oh, let me get like a prank show now. We're square I wasn't gonna get anything at this dairy queen But then I saw you in front of me and I was like, I'm gonna ram that fucking idiot So I bought you the ice cream cone in advance I'm looking for a good conversation starter because I wanted to meet you and here it is maybe I got two spoons

Let's do this. You hit me really hard. Yeah, I'd yeah, it's a new car. I was excited getting used to yeah Hey, are you feeling this maybe you feel this vibe? We're vibing, right? We're vibing. This is so nice Now we're sharing an ice cream cone. Hey, hey officer. Does it seem like we're vibing the two of us over here? Could you loosen up these handcuffs so that I can hold their hand please wait? No, just watch the ice cream, please Please please you do please do not finish it until the police arrive. Yeah, they have to see you Yeah So they know you're not intimidated admittedly that if you're still eating ice cream when they arrive That might remove any doubt of whose fault this was right if one person is just like well, sorry. I can't put this thing down

Sorry, I was very clearly driving one-handed. No question Actually, uh, if you look down, you'll see my special necklace that holds the ice cream cone for me so I can eat it It is prescription. So you cannot ask me about that necklace. Thank you Hey, can I do a quick wizard? Yeah, I visit the quick wizard. He's the wizard of the clouds brother, but he's much faster But not the wizard that sounds like something travis would do. Yeah, of course Okay, fine This one's coming in a little bit late

But you know lock it's good to learn this shit and remember it for one year because this one's about how to avoid ticking off the actors in a haunted house Oh, I actually have insight into I've worked many a haunted house And I don't want to hear any of it because you don't want to hear about when I fell asleep in a coffin No, no, no. I only want to hear what the wizard has to say. I love you travis But you are not the wizard or the quick wizard I got slapped by a child once we know all the stories you've told all the stories It's time for the wizard to share his insights. This was sent in by laura. Thank you laura Step one going through the house avoid pretending not to be afraid if you don't want to be targeted

What acting tough or saying I'm not quintuple negative I know acting tough for saying I'm not scared indicates to the actors that you actually are Which will likely try they will likely try even harder to frighten you or and this is a phrase They use a lot in this article pick on you Yeah Now what's great too is the the opposite is true if you walk through the house going like I'm so scared I'm pissing myself Then the actors are like look at that brave right so brave. You can't show strength or weakness

Some they they the quotes that they use here is what not to say at a haunted house Are they even trying to make this scary? That blood is obviously fake if I worked at a haunted house and I heard someone are they even trying to make this scary I would jump out at that person and be like i'm gonna fucking kill you greg just to boost it up way too Way too far. Yeah, I'm gonna kill you and everyone you love right? Yeah You'll go a little too fast walk in the middle of your group. So the friends get scared first as a diagram they've showed A five on like a six-sided die and pointed at the middle dot and it says you

So that's good. If someone's hard. That's hard to order. You need to practice that out in the parking lot first Yeah, like you can't start doing that once you're in the house. Yeah kind of kind of fucked up If you're like Oh, here comes a mummy with Dracula teeth get him Tommy and you push tom towards them if you have four big brave friends I get it. You know, yeah, if you're kind of the uh scooby-doo of the group I get it. They could be like get away from Ralphie. He's really scared right now He's going through a rough time in his job We're trying to cheer him up

Refrain from scaring other housegoers Which frustrates the actors that sucks boo Tommy got you and chainsaw man's like you fucking stepped on my line My line was boo Tommy. I got you shit Um pretend not to see an impending scare so you don't annoy the actors that that would be the worst That would be the worst. You're just up like a mummy with Dracula fangs and someone points like here comes a mummy with Dracula fangs I'm not even scared at all above this now But you can then give some constructive criticism

Yeah, like after everyone else has walked out like hey, mummy uh with uh vampire fangs I could see you ahead of time so you might want to just take like one quick step back. Oh, yeah, right there That's great. There you go man. And just maybe stop saying With your regular voice here comes a mummy with vampire fangs because it really gives away The scare a little bit. Let me recommend. Let me recommend There's no mummy with vampire fangs over here and that will mold them into a false sense of security So the next one is move at a quick pace so the actors have less time to prepare scare I love this you're at the front door the ticket takers like prepared it into the house of a million mummies with vampire fangs

And you're like, uh, see you soon Just fucking full blown sprint Whoa, slow down Hey careful man, there's steps. There's steps in here Um Interacting with the actors avoid asking the actors not to scare you don't scare me mummy with vampire fangs. Please. Please. No Wait, why not? It says here in like a sub note which should be a main note

Keep in mind that usually if an actor notices someone is genuinely upset or very frightened they'll back off I don't know why they don't say that in like the first step of just like act Genuinely pretty fucked up Like you're having a real episode right now and they will not come near you from experience to griffon I know you don't want to hear this but It can often be uh, just a little note from me a former haunted house actor Just as scary if a terrifying scarecrow tries to comfort you Because the the difference between scaring and comforting when you're in a scary scarecrow mask. Uh, it's a pretty thin line

Let's all just make believe Like Yeah, that's great. Um, do you need a hug? Not it does it just just don't Um, don't push them. Yeah, uh, don't try to scare the actors I think though if you do if you are The you know a vampire mummy and yeah a house goer comes up and you and is like Boo, I'm the scary one and you get scared. You have to quit. Yeah, you have to actually switch places That's the only way to be free from working on a haunted house. Uh, let's jump over to dressing appropriately. Awesome. Thank you

So important, uh, where where dark colored clothes so that you're harder to see Oh, that's annoying. Yeah, okay. Yeah, don't do that. No, it says do do that Where dark colored clothes so that you're harder to see that's awesome If I do hiding from the people that are trying to escape. Why did you go? Why did you go to stay home? Watch the simpsons tree house of horror again. What are you doing trying to look brave for a partner or potential partner? We've all been there you got to crush and you want to scare the mummy vampire before it can scare you so then your crush is like Damn, I want to engage in consensual goings-ons with this person. Right. Okay. These next two tips are I don't want to blow it out of proportion, but some real fucking all timers

Okay, cover up with a long sleeve shirt and pants to hide your goosebumps Yes Yes You get goosebumps goosebumps when you're scared So those tiny dots all over your arms and legs are a dead giveaway to actors. How brightly lit Is this fucking hot in the house? Even if it's excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but I can see your fear It's are you okay? Do you need a glass of water? I feel like if somebody's like I see your goosebumps

You should be allowed to like light a flare in that room and call time out time out This guy's really fucking creepy in a real non-haunted way Um, and then the next one, which is also very good Choose a large puffy coat to look more intimidating. Hell. Yes. Get that starter jacket, my dude. Yeah I'm going to get oh shit. You're huge. Goodbye. Wave your arms in the air Are you so big? Yeah, I don't know if you saw this guy while we were you know hiding in being spooky vampire mummies But this one dude came in and I was like, I'm gonna fucking get him

But then I saw the side the size of this lad this absolute unit. I was like, I can't he might hurt me In fact, he should play football. I'm thinking about like Managing him to try to get him into the pro baller career His head hands legs and feet all look pretty small But this dude's core was gargantuan And then finally leave the masks at home. I don't it's like disney world rules You can't show up being a you know being a uh a chainsaw You know mommy

And then if somebody comes in and is like also a chainsaw mommy that would be confusing Mm-hmm. I wasn't scared the shit out of jonahill. I just wanted to throw that out. Just that doesn't seem particularly difficult Yeah, he's from his films. He seems like he seems jumpy. He would be a little scared. Yeah, uh some q&a What if I already did one of these things? Oh, you're going to jail try to avoid doing it again Honestly, the actors will probably understand if you slip up and do something silly Push punch kick. Oh, it's okay. Is your first time First time is my fault. I'm a pretty scary vampire movie. I get it. I think would be to hit me and honestly I saw your goosebumps and got a little overeager. So um, it's it we both can share the blame

And hey, here's another important, uh haunted house fact One out of every hundred vampire mummies is a real vampire mummy So like I understand like it's not wanting to push and hit someone who is attacking you Not a bad impulse in any other circumstance. Yeah, uh, I'm sorry guys. There's so many good q&as in here What do I do if you have medication but no medicines or prescriptions are allowed in the house? What welcome to the house of a billion murders? No medicine Is that an inhaler? Put it in the bucket. Can I get it back at the end? No

One of our chainsaw mummies is very allergic to medicine One of the scariest things I can think of is a disbelief in science leave your medicine at the door Medicine at home. This is an awesome one to the actors like to scare homosexual people Huh, whoa Again back room after a hard day of scaring somebody's like, yeah, I saw his goosebumps. You know what that means How many hey, hey, mommy. How many do you get today? How many at least 12? At least 12 of well 12 and a half because one of them was bisexual So yeah one what if an actor knows me and breaks character to stop and chat for a bit

Oh, shit daryl, what's up bud? I think how cool that would look to your crush if your crush is like, huh, they're on those Vampire mummy. Ooh a lot. He's really connected another cool one. What if someone scares me get the fuck out of the Don't go in the fucking building Can't get over the medicine We feed all the pills we get from to the creature from the black liquid He just gobbles up any pills right and you slip into one of the zombies But the zombies for texture for their makeup was using peanut butter. Where's my epi pin? You couldn't bring it in

No, i'm dying. I know that's the ultimate spooky scare Pretty scary admit you're scared. We'll use your skeleton for the haunted house. Thank you very much Thank you. That's where skeletons come from. Exactly. Where else are you supposed to get them? Just lock that in for one year folks Yep, sorry that it's a week late. Yeah, bless travis. Everyone bless. I'm sure you'll remember everyone at home. Bless travis Thank you. Thank you. Thank you and also with you Uh, let's take a quick break and we'll uh head on over to the money zone Can I tell you guys before we start the money zone? Um after last week's episode

I realized that I had to at least for a while leave the website. I had built bad Because if I fixed it After the episode thursday and then people went to look at it monday and it was really good Yeah, and people would be like what adjusted a griffin talking about this website. It's great That's a tough one. So you guys are welcome. I left it up so that you guys wouldn't look like assholes Yeah, hey, can I talk about pretty much the only kind of socks I own? Yeah, yeah That's a bad setup because that sounds like it's going to be pretty boring

Like if anybody else came up to you on the street and was like, let me tell you about all the socks I own Um, let me start. It's pretty much just socks from the uh closed down trampoline park. Um, yes That's pretty much all I wear. Yeah, sometimes I know those trampolines. They static them up and they just shoot right up into the air But no, I want to talk about bombas because bombas's mission is simple Make the most comfortable clothes ever and match every item sold with an equal item donated this holiday when you give bombas to someone on Your list you're also giving them to someone in need. It's a give-give I just want to throw out. Hey bombas if you're listening That's a great mission

It's a wonderful mission and I feel like you've done a lot to achieve it And now I think you should add like a second part to the mission. Yeah, it's like do that and also Uh, we're gonna find life on other planets or something whatever you wanted to be You've got the first thing unlock like it's you know dream bigger bombas isn't just socks anymore by the way guys It's shirts and underwear too and they designed all of it Sock shirts and underwear to be the clothes you can't wait to put on every day Everything they make is soft seamless tagless and has a luxuriously cozy feel. I've been wearing these bombas like Um, I forget the name of them. They're not like no show

They're just like the step above that because I'm not that brave What little show little show and I not not a joke pretty much all I wear is these bomba socks Uh, they are cozy, but mostly like they fit so fucking right That it's I have that problem socks too big doesn't feel good socks too small. I hate it bombas. This is just right Uh, they make for great gifts. I have genuinely given bombas as gifts before Uh, because you know, they're really they're really good and everybody really likes them Um, hey bombas another idea if you're listening because it's starting to get a little chillier now What about socks, right? Yeah for your hands

That's cool. They even have little places for like your fingers to go. No, no, no, no, no, no Because that would make them just like everybody else They're just socks That go right on your hands for your hands. What about socks that already have the puppet faces on them? That's awesome, too So go to bombas.com slash my brother and get 20 off any purchase during their big holiday sale That's b o m b a s dot com slash my brother for 20 off b o m b a s Bombas.com slash my brother b o m b a

No, it's not there. Nope not at all Justin brooklyn and me, uh, you know where uh, I have lots of sheets at my In my home. Yeah, I don't want to brag but like I have lots of sheets in my home and yesterday I had that moment you guys know this adult moment where you're like, when's the last time I watched the sheets? You remember, you know this thought and you have the thought you can't immediately picture a time frame And that's when you're like, I gotta watch the sheets when I watch the sheets So you know what I did did I get a different pair of sheets from the from the closet? No, sure didn't I washed my brooklyn and sheets and then we'll put them back on the bed afterwards nothing weird about that

Are the only there it isn't they're the only sheets I use should I buy a second pair probably That's what I do when I have my favorite outfit I just take it off and then I stand a nude in front of the washer Until that's done and then I stand nude in front of the dryer. Do you know when it's done? Oh when the washer's done Okay, I thought it was just like you had to feel it They got a weighted blankets because you robe. I know brooklyn's got options for everybody on your on your list Got eye masks candles Accessories they want to make beautiful high quality home essentials that don't cost an arm and a leg

Like some people have started charging. Hey brooklyn and if you're listening, what about weightless blankets blankets that like float in the air Huh, everybody's doing weighted blankets Weightless weight less blankets. That's awesome Uh, right now you can check the gift guide to find the perfect present at every price point Go to brooklyn.com and use the promo code mybrother to get $20 off of the minimum purchase of $100 That's b r o o k l i n e n dot com and enter promo code my brother That's brooklyn.com promo code My brother

I feel like I gave away all my best ideas for free. You certainly give away some ideas for free Hi, it's me Dave Hill from before here to tell you about my brand new show on maximum fun The Dave Hill good time hour which combines my old maximum fun show Dave Hill's podcasting incident with my old radio show The goddamn Dave Hill show and a one new futuristic program from the future If you like delightful conversation with incredible guests Technical difficulties and actual phone calls from real life listeners. You've just hit a street called easy I'm also joined by my incredible co-host the boy criminal chris gersbeck. Say hi chris. Hey, Dave. It's really great That's enough chris and new jersey chicken rancher des say hi des. Hey Dave

Dave hill good time hour brand new episodes every friday on maximum fun plus the show's not even an hour It's 90 minutes take that stupid rules. We nailed it I Want a month I want to I have a very special munch quad for you today because it is a So Taco Bell That's a good start. Always a good start was worried about people getting enough rest

Um, and so they're trying to make it so that you remember they have breakfast, which is I mean if you've ever Woke up disliking yourself rather than waiting until 2 a.m. To dislike yourself like a sane person You can go straight to Taco Bell to get the breakfast that you crave It's just Taco Bell food, but they say that it's for breakfast now. They put eggs in it um, you can get They're doing a lot of stuff to help remind people about it. Um, they've got

On october 21st, this is past, but they offered a um a wake-up call By texting wake up to 1 8 6 6 wake up 3 Fans can sign up to receive a pre-recorded wake-up call from Taco Bell To kick start their morning with a reminder that free toasted breakfast burrito awaits them. That's right. There was a free breakfast burrito free toasted breakfast burrito They also have a sleepwear collection Wake me up Taco Bell and then they have some Taco Bell slippers to help you like get some sleep So you wake up early enough to get the Taco Bell the understanding. Yeah, I get it. Yeah

Who do you think recorded that matter? Was it just like the CEO of Taco Bell? Did they get a name to do it? Couldn't matter less Uh, oh, it couldn't justin if you're telling me if benedict cumberbatch could call you and be like Justin I just want to talk about baby. It's I remind you that your free toasted burrito is ready for you uh The most important thing that they did and the thing that brings us here today Is and the reason I wanted to bring the tone down a little bit is that they also released a um A bedtime story for adults to help you go to sleep. It's like sexy

Yeah, that nice like a grown-up. Wait Travis has a good point. Is it a sexy? It's not sexy. Um, but I am going to read the entire thing for you here Well, it's it's not for kids. I mean, I don't know. Oh, it's just listen to sw It's called sleep tight get that bite. Oh good. No, it sounds kind of sexy sleep tight get that bite no author credited Some nights you just can't close your eyes, but a restless night means waking up past sunrise See waking up after breakfast means you've gotten up too late You can miss your hot and toasty breakfast burrito date. See which we'd hate Staying up late is always rad but getting shut eye. That's the new fad

So if you want to snag a toast to your breakfast burrito Follow these simple sleepy secrets. Let me go. Oh good Before you venture deep into breakfast burrito land where baha blasts are always in hand Your first spicy secret to a good night's sleep winding down with a baha bedtime nightcap forget the sheep Sorry, I just need to clarify something real quick Talk about do you think it's a good idea to slam a bomb last before Let me check mountain dew baha blasts a very caffeinated

Highly caffeinated by mountain dew baha. The sweet the sweetness didn't make you crash. Don't fret the next spicy secret We'll put you down bet It's a tip that's been staring you right in the eyes and it'll keep you warm and toasty straight through sunrise Roll yourself up into a burrito like so melt into a cheesy state of mind. Let go Start off by wiggling your toes then finish off by scrunching your little nose Your little nose Your little nosey Hmm still staring off into that existential abyss. What what don't worry. Let's try out some auditory bliss

No, wait, go back to the park. We're talking about nose. I think about death every night Imagine sizzling bacon while you close your eyes breakfast salsa awaits on the other side and that's all You heard me still here. Okay. Well by which we mean alive One last chance time to count some burritos while they dance repeat after me like you're back in grade school Get it because you're acting like a child Like that's the they got that and they're like it's done put it in book one burrito two burrito three burrito four Melty cheese and crunchy potatoes are in store five burrito six burrito

seven burrito more Now dream of that breakfast. You're gonna score but i'm still awake when you rise Wipe that sleep from your eyes Hear your stomach rumbling. It's ready for a surprise Taco bell burritos await. Don't you fret? Breakfast is served seven to eleven a.m. Get ready to jet now kiss me passionately hard on my taco lips that's right the narrator has been a A taco this whole time and now we're gonna bang

I really wish uh I really hadn't heard that no i'm glad I read the story because it was like cool and A good poem it was hard because I fell asleep Yeah, so restful rachel is like a good poet and knows a lot about poetry I wish I could you know just sort of bounce bounce that off of her and see if it like would do good in a school of poetry So probably tweet about it Um, that was the that was a that was an absolute trip It went into the deep dark corners of my psyche and where there were

Voids that my sort of mortal mind couldn't possibly fill they filled it up with salsa and cheese and rice Yeah, it's better now. It's better. I feel like calmer now. The one thing that's still kind of uh, The one thing that's kind of freaking my being is I can't decide if an endless Uh, just like salsa filled plain is supposed to be heaven or hell or purgatory It's but it's all it's all people. Yeah, that's beautiful. Am I like a chunk in it or am I still crab Isn't that the question? I mean we can all aspire to that can't wait. Yeah But now it's just replaced my other existential dread with now just Literally burning salsa a picante existential dread. Yeah. Yeah, which is fine. Which is good. That's better

I would rather think about salsa frankly. It's pretty sure. Yeah, um The let's uh, let's ask another question or no, no, no, I mean we ask and answer the questions here So we'll do both in one And yes, I did lose the questions again. So here we go I recently moved to a new city with only the contents of my car and in the course of making friends here. I made some Friends You know Wink

Wink Actually, I'm 40 and I don't a little you're 41 now, Justin Oh, fuck you. Thank you in the context of the conversation. We just had love being reminded I'm a 41 one year closer to salsa Okay, man, I know one of those friends told me that they're shopping for a New mattress that part's not in quotes. That's not a euphemism. Would it be weird to ask them if they would Sell me there. I'm just you made it very confusing Would it be weird to ask them if they would sell me their old mattress? It was very comfortable

That was from sleepless in chicope. Where's chicope? Why would they know how Their mattress feels because they're oh because they're Winky friends wink friends like friends because they know You know, I can you know, like in they do it in minnesota, which is where chicope is They engage in consensual coitus gets cold gets cold up there. Yeah, so would it Be you. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Now that I understand what friends in quotes means I have a very clear answer, uh, which is yes, it's fucking weird

Why is it weird if you go to pork city? And you're like damn this bed is is that memory foam? How much? That's well, I don't think that's what's happening griffin. It's not like you're not buying it mid mid That was a great test drive. I'll take it This is this is when they're like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna buy a new mattress There's nothing weird about saying like what are you doing with the old one? I need a mattress. Can I buy it? That that's that makes like oh man, it hits. It hits. Why? Thank you, just I gotta clarify. Hold on

Okay, do you know what it is? Yeah, I might be wrong, but I'm trying to figure out in myself why it hits weird I think that on some level maybe it could feel like I was very happy in that bed And that's a treasured time in my life And I would love to keep that bed as a memento Of the time when I went to adult city. Well, yeah, no, hey, definitely don't say it that way

No one would say it that way. I said it that way for emphasis on a comedy show, but there no you don't necessarily I mean How man, it hits weird. I don't think it does. I think that this is one of those things where It like, you know how much skin Do you know how much skin is in a bed? It's mostly skin and maybe that's the problem. Oh, no. Hey, listen, listen, listen, listen I'm not saying I'm wild about the idea But if this is your option as far as like affordability goes and it's a comfortable bed I like what the other things are gonna do is throw it away, right like

Okay, let me ask this. Let me get your gut check on this Wait, what is the it also but okay, wait, wait, let me ask you this Travis, but I was gonna ask you Let me ask you. Okay, doesn't it kind of feel like Well, why are you getting rid of it? Like you didn't even stop to ask that, you know, I mean that would be like Oh, I'm starting to hear you broke up with your boyfriend. I need a boyfriend. I'll I'll date him That is like different and you know that's not different. It's not different. I don't think that's that different now But here's what I was going to ask does it hit different? How do you feel of can I buy it versus

Can I have it? Much worse for the can I have Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Because then it does sound like uh, I've taken you And now I will take this as a trophy That's not what it sounds like at all. Yeah, one thing that I think is bad if you're having a Just sort of like a fun sex time is at the end of it be like can I have this That is not

Travis, I don't know why Travis is endorsing that folks. You shouldn't listen. Oh my god. You shouldn't claim beds You two are so socially awkward that can I buy your old mattress has transitioned in your mind? I shall take this to remember the time when we port Can I buy the seat? Can I buy our our pork zone? That's not what it is Can I buy our sex area? That that's so wild So to you to you on some level this person realized it too or they wouldn't have asked the question

If you have to ask if it is weird it probably could hit weird because it has already hit you a little bit weird So yes 100 you're running the risk that the other person will think it's weird Yes But but how comfortable is the mattress? Is it worth a little bit of weird? That you're gonna get a discount comfortable mattress and all you had was the stuff in your car I don't know what you're sleeping on right now Right, but it might be a little weird, but maybe it's a lot comfortable I like I like this idea of somebody who has just moved to a new place

And rather than buy a mattress they just decide to make love to different people who already have mattresses This is there I you could say I've been sleeping around Wait, you didn't wink. Yeah. No. Yeah. No I've I've meant literally and if any of and listen, hey, I'm doing it for the right reasons But also an additional right reason That uh, the bed's comfortable. I'm sleeping. I'm sleeping. I'm sleeping. So I sleep on the mattress Everybody's enjoying it. Hey, I'd love to make love to you tonight

But what about some of that afternoon delight tomorrow after a nice long rest? Great comfortable bed. Also once we're done, could I have it as a trophy? No Conquest Damn it. I wasn't supposed to say that part out loud One of my favorite podcasters Travis Dracarys said you should try to claim trophies for people Not what I'm advocating. Have any of you ever sold a mattress before a used mattress that you have used No, I I did when I moved to Austin Uh, I brought a mattress with me for some reason from Chicago

And then I slept on a little bit and I was like, this is not gonna do Anymore it is a bad bed. And so I was gone crazy. It's like anybody want to buy my mattress for cheap And a woman came and explained that she was going through a divorce and needed a needed a mattress for that And I was like, oh, okay, and she's like have can I take the price off a little bit? And I was like, yeah, of course you can have it for a little bit less than I asked She was like, thanks. And as she walked it out of the house. I was like Enjoy Dummy, I've been riding that bed and putting it down wet for a fucking 15 years dog. Are you kidding me?

There is so much of me in that bed that you could stick a knife in it and my voice would say ow from the bed So, uh, yeah 100 dollars well spent Enjoy Are you sure? Are you sure? I was a teen in that bed There are things that mattress is a scene that only god knows about and god said bad No bad

But good luck That bed that bed has seen showgirls more than elizabeth berkeley We're done. You don't want it. I'll tell me you 100 to never mention this again Hey, thanks so much for listening to my brother my brother me an advice show that we make for you Every week as always a lot of exciting happenings over here In the macquarie family house that we all share together metaphorically speaking Uh Go for it travis. Let it fly first. Very exciting. We've got calling mr. Promotions. Okay, we've got zone of adventure

imbalance Uh, so you can go see the trailer now For this on youtube.com slash the macquarie family. It's a adventure zone miniseries dm'd by abria ayengar At quitty on twitter, uh, and we're returning to balance. There's three episodes episode one drops wednesday Uh, it's very exciting and very Fun. Thank you to everybody who joined us for the adventure zone hootenanny live and virtual show I don't recognize you and you do this. What I just don't You get so like you get so business. Well, it's because i'm trying to enunciate because I have

I know but it feels like you're trying to try to sell me a mattress like for yourself. Okay. Hey video and demand's available for that That's the travis, you know, that's uh, I mean loosen up Uh video and demand is still available for that show for $10, uh for the next two weeks You can get that at bit.ly slash taz virtual check out the new merch at macquarie merch.com There's a till death duos blart shirt designed by tiley reid, uh, which benefits the first nation's development institute There's the wizard of the cloud pin of the month designed by dana wagner And that benefits native women lead which revolutionizes systems and inspires innovation by investing in native women in business You can also get the candle lights ornament, which is designed by kate may which benefits harmony house

And there's also a candle lights mug there. So check that out. Can I do this next part? Sure Tickets are on sale for our shows. Mbembe met taz at the e triple c baby. That's emerald city comic con They're on sale right now. Mbembe's on december 2nd taz is on december 3rd I will say this we're recording this on The thursday before you're hearing it and tickets are selling pretty fast Uh because there is limited seating one of many sort of covet precautions that they're taking You require proof of full vaccination or a recent negative covet test to attend Uh, there's no assigned seating, but ada seating will be available. You do not need an emerald city comic con badge to buy tickets for these shows

Um, if you want more about the full health and safety protocols that are going to be in place Uh, or if you want tickets because you will need those, uh, they are available at bit dot ly slash mackle roy tour Also, there's a new podcast uh out that I executive produce It's hosted by tibie diskin. It's called chasing immortality And it's all about the true stories of people throughout history who have tried to cheat death in a myriad cheat the salsa Yeah, cheat the salsa the first episode is about a guy who believed that you could become immortal By simply not believing in death So he attempted to raise a baby to be immortal and the second episode is about cryonics and fm 2030

Who is currently I believe frozen somewhere in texas Um, you can check that out by searching chasing immortality In in you know your pod catcher or you can go to bit dot ly slash chasing immortality Hey, thanks to montaigne for the use of our theme song. It's called my life is better with you and it's a jammer and a slapper Uh, real blaster And thank you to rachel our editor For helping us make this show and cutting out all the dumb shit. We said they that's a weird thing to say because it's Yeah, and I don't know why I said it's so angry. Yeah, and the listeners would be like not all of the dumb shit

Yep, so this is a final yahoo. This one was sent in by rupert grant Whoa, wow. Yeah, wow huge big yet Uh rupert grant sent this in thank you, but it's not asked by him is asked by I hope it's being directed by fucking Y'all hear about chris pratt's good voice garfield Yeah girlfriend, that's like you you can't just

Rupert grant and mario rupert asks. He's mario and garfield. What the fuck? Where's all the jobs for rupi, baby? I got a good voice This is my voice This is what I rupert grant truly said. Why don't you hear my garfield impression? monday's fuck Fuckin monday's Fucking waffles on you. My name is justin mackerel. I'm travis mario. I'm Griffin mackerel

This has been my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips Oh It's better with you maximum fun org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported