My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 588: Swamp Cats and Dorfs

Episode Date: November 29, 2021

In this special CYBER MONDAY episode of MBMBaM we’re turning our hands into can openers, tuning the ol’ automatic butt clappers, and giving hot tips about the decks that we use to chip through the ice.Suggested Talking Points: In with the Corpos, Puttin' Georgie in the Storm Drain, Digital Love at the Oasis, Algorithmically-Produced Douglass, Big Figs, Justin McElroys’ Lil Fellas, Rick HolesNative Women Lead: https://www.nativewomenlead.org/First Nations Development Institute: https://www.firstnations.org/Harmony House: https://harmonyhousewv.com/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up, you cool, baby I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better It's better it's better

It's better it's better Hello everybody and welcome to my brother my brother And me and if I show from the modern era, I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy I'm your middle-aged brother Travis executing program a big dog a wolf wolf McElroy And hey, what's up? This is Griffin. Oh, oh, sorry guys my butt cheeks servos just became desynchronized Oh, no It's that time of year though, isn't it? It is. Oh, uh, well, welcome to our podcast for Cyber Monday Sorry, I transformed my hand into a can opener which for Cyber Monday, I feel like I could have done

I should have spent more crads on my deck Yeah, yeah, I'm regretting it also kind of sound like you weren't in control of the transformation like it kind of happened Yeah, you gotta get that looked at also. I thought you had a fucking thermo blade on there. Yeah Yeah, it's a combo. It's a Thermo blade combo can opener, so it opens cans with the thermo blade is what you're telling me It's basically a thermo blade, which I learned I can open cans with yeah I'm sorry guys is just tough to get comfortable with my butt cheeks moving in opposite directions Why did you do that? Well, cuz he wanted to be able to clap them. Yeah, well without standing up

Yeah, so when I did my stand up you guys remember back in 30 31 And you know nobody really liked it, but then I was like I could become the guy who could literally make his butt cheeks Fuck sorry guys This sucks. I gotta go get these tuned up So this is our Cyber Monday episode where we're talking about all the different ice that we're gonna be cracking through And the different decks that we're using hey, Trev. Yeah Tell me about your deck. Oh That's a very personal question, Justin. No, don't come on. Don't get sloppy

I just want to know about your deck that you used to break through the ice Mike for Cyber Monday My deck that I used to break through the ice. Yes. I feel like this is a reference when you're chipping when you're chipping in Okay, yeah, and you're gonna you're gonna do battle with the corpus Uh-huh. Tell me about your deck. You fucking nasty board. Oh, I see. This is about like a hacker thing It's Cyber Monday, baby. This is the day that we celebrate All all of us deck heads get together and and celebrate just netrunner culture Well, this is this is actually kind of embarrassing because I'm actually one of the corpos I actually yeah, oh shit. I kind of bought into the whole big big business thing a while ago

And I've been I've been selling microchips a huge markup We just started working on I probably shouldn't share this but we just started working on macro chips Which are like microchips, but they're way bigger and they're more expensive to build But they're a lot easier to work on because you can like seed the things So that's like that. That's just a big set. Hey, if you're interested Griffin, I could get you a position here a Chippy's Inc. Yeah, that's good Griffin. Get you a corner office Do some I'm starting to think Travis maybe has never experienced the new wave or the next wave dream dream wave or

Cyberpunk any of the ways well, I just I'd rather be I'd rather be zeroed They become some sort of nitpick Corpo. Yeah for sure. I got a new car and it flies, which is pretty cool Do you guys have a flying car? No, I traded in all my kibble cards for a few spare eddies so I could upgrade my My input well, they just gave me a 402 K Which is That sounds pretty good though. It is. I would like some mine to tune up my Wheelies and your butt are wheelies, but they come out of my feet. Oh, nice. My actual heels. They actually that's actually included benefit At Chippy's Inc. Is they just like give you they tune up your wheelies?

That sounds good because they keep the wheelies guy when he installs them right under my heels. Yeah, um, he's like now remember Griffin I don't want to have to keep telling you this But you can't use these on the beach and I'm like, yeah, dude Whatever as I smoke my cool future cigarette. Oh, you don't have I have the wheelies with like the extra wide tread So you can use them on the beach? I'm about to skunk you Corpo I'm sorry. What what's that mean exactly? Is that good thing? It means it means Corpo pig fuck No, I got that part the but the Scott are you gonna kill me?

Why have you never done a futuristic adventure zone? We're so good at this No, I mean well me and you aren't about to scuzz this Corpo though I'm sorry, but why do you assume that a hacker a criminal will be the hero in the story where I'm making microchips that people need Because why am I the bad guys dude, dude, you used up all the fresh water and now we have to drink salt water That's why I ain't not me. I'm trying I'm making microchips and macrochips so that we can build new water processing units I'm about to fucking skank this corp pig fuck But like zero if shippies provides 90% of the macro chips for water processing so we can get our clean water back

Why are you hacking us? I'm gonna scuzz this money bag fuck. I don't think you guys are the good guys. I think I'm the good guy Virus scuzz bag we get back in a lot of ways we we provide a lot of funds to the local food banks Yeah, right. We know we do Making us all eat fucking algae for every meal. Everybody eats algae. It's all we've got Yeah, and whose fault is that because you des you salinated all the water, but that was 200 years ago It's not my fault. I'm about to shrimp this fucking pork bag Yeah, I'm all dwarfed out right now do it right. Hey, hey, I feel like can I just say and I know that maybe I'm a corp

Oh, but kind of feels like you guys are making up a lot of this slang as you go No, this is all this is okay. Well then just real quick. Hey, we grew up in this We're fucking we grew up in the streets. I'm your brother And I know that's not true and I grew up in the metro I'm gonna count down three two one go and I want you and Griffin to at the same time Tell me what dwarf means in the concert. Okay, three two one go Synthetic endorsements. Yeah, okay Okay, all right fine. No, I agree. No, I agree with I knew Justin was gonna say that because we're cyber linked through the net wave

Yes, thank you and this is embarrassing We did not want to tell you this because we knew that you would get jealous But now that you're a scuzzy Corpo pig fuck. Uh-huh. It's we can't let you in on like our attacks that we're gonna do on your ice Well, that's actually okay. Yeah, I know I get samurai's after us. Yeah, we don't want any console Samurai's trying to fucking scuzz us How do you guys know about the Samurai's? Cuz we're not fucking that pig Corpo Jerko dirt brain-dead shrimp idiots My work is recently found an alligator in our parking lot

We named her Georgie She's currently stuck in a clogged storm drain you have dealt with the situation Poorly already right like no nature nature has dealt with it I don't it doesn't sound like anybody put Georgie in the clogged storm. I know but he puts Georgie in the store My boss who is not a native Floridian is Determined to become the next Florida man by sticking his hands in the great to release the poor swamp cat Is that a thing so Florida man? It's like, you know when it's a new story. It's like Florida man eats, you know, right case of Red Bull or whatever and then and it jumps

You know, I don't know through a plate glass window to eat a donut, you know stuff like that And a swamp cat is a gator. I guess I guess it's you can use context clues here Yeah, let's go with that. Yeah, I doubt that there is a gator and a swamp cat in this story related kitty. Yeah Well that right there there's gator and swamp cat. They's always getting into scrapes How do I respectfully tell him not to be a dumbass especially since he's the only one Georgie hisses at And that's from please don't pet or feed the swamp cats So apparently this Florida thing is like is it being osmosis? Is that the deal? Is it being? It seeps into the water or something that turns people into Florida man. Well, yes, obviously

But I would say at this point when a human being says I'm gonna reach in there and Grab that alligator. I think that they have momentarily forfeited their right to respect Yeah, and you can just say don't like I don't think you need to choose your words carefully at that point I think that you can just say like hey wait wait stop stop stop stop stop stop stop. That's dumb I don't do that and I hate to play this car, but there is something like Extremely Darwinian about this or it's like if anybody ever has the thought that crosses their mind of yeah I'm gonna reach in that storm train that has a gator in it. I feel like they there is a lesson

Like you may talk them out of this one, but the next time they're like all that Blimp is crashing well, I'll just fly over there in a big kite and try and stop it and they will die They will die in that accident instead like they need they need a little bit of encouragement to be to not do Terrible ideas like this because there's there's like animal control, but I'm also betting in Florida like Private businesses that handle this exact kind of thing. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes, and I doubt that this is very much like a like well Listen, here's the secret anybody can do it. Yeah, why pay 90 bucks to gator getters when you can just get the gator Yourself because oh here. Okay. Ask your boss this. Let's say you reach in there and you get the gator Then what?

Yeah, they're just gonna go right back in there. They found a hot dog that they've been there's only one There's only one thing that happens next and that is you see your boss throw an alligator Yeah, I mean you're gonna see a man throw an alligator is what's gonna happen That's the best-case scenario Justin you are assuming that they will be able to fetch this gator No best-case scenario best-case scenario your boss fishes said gator out They lock eyes a forever bond is made. I love that. Yeah, the gator Yeah, yeah, like uh, he's up onto its shoulder. Yeah, boss's shoulder I mean like like Guapo in the new Far Cry now you got yourself a little gator companion

Oh, who's hanging out with you about the branded content Griffin. I told him about Like they paid us to talk about them once a year and I just I wanted to knock it out here at the end You know what I mean? I wish Sarah Davis was here. She would she would know what to do. Yeah Yeah, Sarah Davis or yeah, this is our social media manager. She's a new Floridian I wonder what her her let me see if I can channel her don't Yeah, this doesn't feel like one that People who know more about Florida and alligators are going to be mad at us for like it has that vibe doesn't it right where there's like a

Oh, actually step by step every kid knows like this is what like we're taught this in second grade if you see a gator in the Drain like this is what you do and We're like whiffing it so hard. I remember one trip to Florida when we were younger and we were staying with our Nani And she lived right next to this big golf course and just by like serendipity earlier Like in the trip. She was like yeah Don't fuck with gators because they can run up to 35 miles an hour on land and then like a few days later It looks crazy. It looks so fucking wild and then it looks like a snake that is suddenly sprung legs out of its body And I was like, I don't know. I think we're out here. Let's do this. He's excited and he like

Dipped his snoot and some trucker speed earlier, and he's trying to get away from his own new scary legs Yeah, but then we were walking on golf course later in the trip and saw a gator like by You know water hazard and we were like a decent distance from it and then I was like, oh, right Those things can run Three times faster than I can I am out of here. I turn walks away Can you imagine if I had not received that warning from my Nani and I was like, let's see how close we can get I wonder what it feels like or if you hadn't looked up from your Gameboy color at that very second to see the alligator You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah

Do you ever think about it's weird if if not, it was like Griffin What piece of advice have I given you in your life that stuck with you the most in your entire life? What has been the most useful? Yeah wisdom. I've shared with you. I mean, it was great when she taught me how to count cards But I would be dead if it weren't for the alligator warning the big and plus counting cards It's actually gotten you in a lot of trouble in Old Vegas. You know what I mean? Yeah, man. I mean There are I mean a couple triad Communities that I am not welcome to anymore. Yeah, not even the quadrats one. I'm at this point The quadrats don't want it

But yeah, I mean I did rack up several million dollars Nani one time when she wasn't prepared for our arrival one morning taught us about our tummies don't know what time it is Which is when she gave us hot dogs for breakfast. That's true. Remember that? Yeah, you know, you can have a lot of breakfast Yeah, she opened her eyes to a lot of the like dope shit I remember one time she took us on a weird Like kind of day trip around the area and a part of that involved going to like Bob Evans farm Evans farm is great But another part was just going to look at some dams and locks with like that was awesome

No execution plan though. So it's just like here's a dam in a lock. You wanted to see an execution Be a very dramatic setting for one. All right Um, Sarah says the hottest take is to let them learn the hard way Thank you If someone is determined to play with a gator then they go with God But there are better ways to become the Florida man for the day But this day has passed and we I actually on this one. I Desperately yeah need a resolution this please send a follow-up email. I need to know

How this how this one all shook out only if it's not Terrible, right? We won't read it if it's terrible Let's say well, I mean if something if something happened to the gator, right? Oh, yeah, the gator is fine Okay, because the gator is just being the gator the gator This is the scorpion here and or yes The gator is the scorpion and your boss is the frog who's like I'll swim you across the water I'll fish you out of the drain if you promise not to bite me in the gator's like, oh, yeah Yeah, you got it. You got it. You got it. You got it

Hey, can we approach the the wizard and Is the wizard a gator? Let me check. No Not no, he's he's mostly human Oh, and he's a lot he is actually and when I say cloud I am talking about the digital cloud because he is like us like a daemon a daemon that exists sort of in the Cyber oasis. Yeah that we like to party yet Have like cool digi raves and stuff where we look at like

We look at animated gifs that get you fucked up and everybody's just like ASL ASL And ASL ASL, but the side the wizard want a cyber want a cyber Monday Yeah, that's the only day you're legally allowed to make digital love at the Oasis This one is sent in by Hannah. Thank you Hannah It is a wiki how article that is titled how to react to to an ugly baby. Oh, no You've just seen a picture of your friend's new baby and well, they aren't the cutest baby you've ever seen Just say like stand by your convictions. They're they are not a good Baby

Now you have to figure out what to do and say to the new parents start by controlling your reaction and find something about the baby You can't compliment. Okay. You say, oh, is that the new iPhone? Oh, boom. You're out of there, right? Yeah Yeah, you're talking about that iPhone and all the megapixels. Yeah, that's that's a really good way to do the whole thing I'm one sort of jump, but I would love to get a little bit more granular One don't say anything at all. Awesome. This is what do you think of little Douglas? When you say nothing the smile on my baby's face ain't appealing But at least it's not his little heart that you're stealing. The truth is he has 14 eyes and 17 years

Say it best Is it oh, okay It's a bold it's a bold both of the this the recommendation of the song and wiki how are a bold sort of No say nothing What do you think of little Douglas's beautiful face? Yeah, I can say It's not great for a podcast. Okay. Let's what do you think of my baby? What's that a groan of satisfaction Okay, next step have a small talk ready. Hey, this is little Douglas. What do you think of his amazing face?

Did you guys see? Kevin Hart last night on The television screen Yeah, but what do you think about little Douglas? He did a joke about His wild kitty cat Um What about just focus on the parents awesome, what do you think a little Douglas?

Wow, did you just get a haircut? I mean, what do you think about little Douglas that necklace is so chunky and beautiful I think you took a great photo. What about that? Oh Man, did you study photo composition in college? So good. Oh rule of thirds man. Nice. Nice. Nice Well, you could go with this like So thoughtful. Oh, he's got a lot on his mind. That's an old soul. Yeah. Yeah, that's an old soul Not loudly announced it's so cool. They're making another Benjamin What do you think of this baby that baby seen some shit? Oh, yeah

Look at all haunted that baby's haunted. I love it. Oh, no country for old babies. Am I right? Uh put yourself in their shoes. Yeah, that's not fine. No, I don't want to do that Remember not everyone has the same taste. I mean Yeah, some people I guess love some gargamel ass-looking babies There's probably a community for that. What about this? What about an acknowledgement that sounds like a positive Okay, like this check out this check out a little Douglas. Oh, yeah, that's a baby right there. Oh, yeah For sure. That's definitely not a baby. Baby. Huh? Am I right?

Let's go on to method two which is complimenting the baby Step one lying. No, listen compliment the baby's expression One thing you can compliment is the expressions the baby makes maybe the baby's especially bubbly or they look very serious and thoughtful Either way use that information Pre I just pre-gogged. Yeah. Yeah, he looks. Uh, wow, what a stern. What do you think little Douglas so stern? Stir, that's a good taskmaster. That's a commanding baby right there. Oh God

God pity the poor criminal who stands before a judge baby. Am I right? Wow Pick something cute about the baby. What do you think a little Douglas great diaper? What brand is that it's so playful very playful diaper on Douglas Sydney taught me about this thing called reaction formation You guys know about this. No reaction formation is I'm gonna read you the scientific thing is Fixation in consciousness of an idea where one's own rejected tendencies and reaction formation turn okay This is too complicated. Yes, but basically it is a reaction formation is a defense mechanism where You have an emotion or impulse that is very anxiety producing or unacceptable and

you deal with it in the in the instant by an exaggeration of a directly opposing Tendency by which I mean You see the the bad baby and you say ah an extremely good best baby I've ever seen And now I've become very paranoid about not doing that and so and now if people are very positive about something that I have Done or a hair kind of thing that I'm doing I will often wonder is this reaction formation because they're being very they're praising me a lot Well, I wonder if this is a reaction formation. Well, you can't assume Justin that every other human being shares Your anxiety so it's possible that they do like the thing you're doing

What are the odds? This is why is there is there a like slightly positive thing you could say that we're like you see it You're like, oh cool, baby and like it's like well if they were trying to sell me a line They would have pushed it harder, but it sounds like that's that's the realest shit, right? Yeah Yeah, like what do you think of my Douglas's? What do you think of my Douglas's little face and you go fuck? Yeah, Douglas Yeah, Douglas looking good, baby. Yum. Yum Complement the baby's compliment the baby's outfit. That's a that one's a dead giveaway. What do you think of my Douglas?

his shorts Get a seal of approval from me That's especially bad if they show you the picture and that's what you're prepared to do and then the baby's just in a diaper And you're like, yeah, the same type of bra. Yeah, say something nice about the baby's temperament What do you think of my Douglas? He's so loud. It's great Basically, I can tell you really cool-headed great great in a crisis even keeled That's definitely that's the baby. I want on my team when I go urban exploring. Yeah, he looks like he's really working on himself You know what I mean? Very introspective, baby. You can see it. There's a lot going on behind the eyes

This is a baby This is a baby. Is this your is this your baby or is this kind of like a Sample. Oh, is this one of those like what would they look like if you had a baby like that you and your partner did and that's why it Looks like the way it does. I said, no, this is your act. There's oh, this is a baby. Oh, what about this is my Douglas That's your Douglas This isn't some sort of famous I Thought that was the platonic ideal of Douglas

I thought this was some sort of fake fake Douglas sort of a You fed all the Douglas's into an AI and this is what it produced Algorithmically produced Surely surely this is just the perfect the perfect example of what a Douglas could be Right that there's a Douglas. That's it. That's definitely a dog Hey, you nailed it on the naming. I look at that how you can just tell he's a Douglas look about Douglas face right there my friend. Oh, I want you to meet my son Douglas. Fuck. Yeah, dude basic instinct Wall Street get it dude. Yeah. Oh, sorry. This was Wall Street to money never sleeps. Good shit

His wife's in Zorro Some community Q&A here this one's pretty wild What if the parents think the baby's ugly too you can laugh with the parents But this behavior should stop as the child grows pretty cool parents. These are these parents. What if okay? Hey, you can get it quite right lookie there. Look at my bait Oh, can you man? Look at this baby and you're ready for your friend to be like, yeah, that's an ugly baby And your friends like oh beautiful and now you're thinking. Oh god. I'm the worst Something wrong with me. What if the child thinks I'm ugly?

That's okay kids can be very loud and opinionated Don't let it bother you if the child is repeatedly making rude comments about your parents talk to the parents about it That's pretty that's that's delicious though. Isn't it if you're like little Douglas I've seen better and then the future like you're you're a fucked up skunk face my man You you stink and you suck little Douglas is saying this to me. Yeah, I deserve it probably that one You definitely little Douglas like you got real Douglas face and then he's like you got Douglas face I'm like, whoa, what's her shit? Oh look at the baby and be like I bet he has a great sense of humor You get also just like make a joke and move on it's like this is my baby. You can be like they're nice

Yeah, he's great success. Yeah, he's crawling now He does just as he's like everybody gets their 15 minutes of borat It's it's can I put on a one-man stage show called borap and It's a different guy, but he's pretty similar and also He does some pretty cool rap. Yeah, he does these guys are good raps That's it. We need to do something else now because we haven't done enough show yet. Hmm. Okay. Well, how about another question? I put together some great ones this week. I would love it. I don't want to brag Okay. Yeah, you clearly do

There's a person in my job who I see every day painting mini figurines or in the parlance mini figs His setup has the whole deal a briefcase with the figures Paint brushes the whole nine yards and I'm wildly intrigued. I gotta say question and ask her Those are the components. I would have guessed go again. Maybe not the briefcase to be fair. Yeah, that's awesome What you just gonna carry him in a tote bag Justin loose just a little a loose Walmart bag. I want to ask him about it However, I don't know how most people we work with would just ask him in a judgy way

How do I ask him about his beautiful minis without sounding like I'm trying to shame him? That's from what you play in there in Wisconsin. There's an aspect of this question by the way here get out loud that I had not considered which is Is your co-worker just like doing this at his desk in the middle of the workday just pulling out some family It's kind of wild Like the boss is gonna come by and want to say something But it will be so mind-boggling that this isn't just like oh, I was playing Peggle on my phone or whatever that it's just like. Yeah. Oh you have a whole

Things that's fucking awesome though. I'm imagining this person like the boss comes out I was like, okay, everybody 30 minutes lunch break and this guy just like Horks it down a you know chicken salad sandwich in like two bites And then so he can pop off his briefcase and have 29 minutes to really do some do some painting I like that. I like that that lifestyle. That's good for me. I think you can't ask questions You have to just do a compliment like a great detail work on the angel wings I don't know what figures these are but like yeah, I mean I imagine it's like

You know D&D or Warhammer, right? Yeah, stuff like that. It could be like little soldiers Thank you Travis. What other little things are there? Okay. Yeah, well, this is true You know, I think that there's a misconception that like if you're if you've made it to this point in your adult life And you've probably heard I would say all the things that people know to say About you painting tiny figures at your desk while you're supposed to be working I think that you've probably made your peace with it, right? You're doing it because you enjoy it not because you think like nobody is going to like Shame you at this point. You are unshamable, right? You've gotten this far. I don't think you should be afraid of that

I think they probably would just like to maybe talk about right. Yeah, I think that seems like an open invitation Right if they were ashamed of it They probably probably wouldn't be like doing it while they're supposed to be flying the plane or whatever You know it is surgery Yeah, right now I will say there is also the possibility that this person's like, oh thank god a chance to work on my figurines And you're like, tell me about it. And they're like, so I have 45 minutes to finish. Please don't ask me questions About my figurine. This is why I hid it in the supply closet. Why do you come in here every day, too?

Fuck can I tell you what I think? What I tell you guys what I think yeah I think If I'm I'm not and I'm gonna be projecting I might be off, but I'm gonna guess on something here I think that this question askers hesitancy if you were to like dig down deep Yeah, because I feel this way too and tell me if I'm wrong why let's just say this but I feel like their hesitancy has less to do with the fact that they

are Worried that this person doesn't want to talk about their figs And I think it's because maybe this person doesn't know a lot about the figs. Yeah the figs And they're afraid of seeming kind of stupid about it because like that would be me Is like I would see like that is definitely within the Venn diagram, right? That's in the atmosphere of things that I would like and I would be curious about but I wouldn't want to say like Some stupid shit. Yeah. Do you sharpies or whatever? You're gonna do. I don't even know what a dumb question is. Is thems from monopoly There's a 90 chance that no matter how much you like practice in your head

I think that you're gonna walk up and you're gonna open your mouth and the phrase so Peyton figs is gonna come out and you're like You could write a whole monologue and still accidentally deliver that one It's a thing. We're like, I think some people misread sometimes or are or are afraid That ignorance will be misread as judges like if I value this I probably would have learned about it by now by by this point I would have taken some time to educate myself at best you might come across as like condescending small talk You're like, oh so figurines, huh? So you have to you got to ameliorate yourself with this individual. I tell you what I would do

Yeah, because I would go into the bathroom with change of clothes. I would throw on A big baggy denim overalls and let one of the straps hang down And I would walk up there with like a old matted up paintbrush and just be like You need any help Hey, hey, Tom need help painting that fence I don't hey listen. I don't like working either Can I help can I please help you have a perfect scam here? I don't know how you're pulling it off And I want to I want to cut oh get on the phone

Right, or you can probably fake this phone call and just like yes sis. Yeah, no I I do want to get into painting figurines. You know, I've talked about this for years But I don't even know where to start like really loudly, but not so loudly that it seems like a bit That's no it is a bit though. It's just I mean, I know listen But why have you been taking those acting classes for years? If not for this moment question ask her I'm tired. I'm tired of you supplicating yourself to this stranger. Oh listen. I need you to take bigger figs Oh awesome start like a Barbie Like big fit. Yeah, like a Barbie like an action man

Like big figs, you know just big big big figs from big boys Centurions are like descendants or like get a full size get a six foot statue a marble statue Get a marble statue and go in there and paint a big fig and be like, oh nice little fig Oh, I see I see you're still at the starting point with the little ones. You'll work your way up to the big ones someday I remember when I used to paint little figs when I was a little boy When I was a little person I painted little figs, but now I'm a big person I'd pay and I've put such frivolous things away and now it's only big figs and big work for me because I got big responsibilities

Would it be helpful to bring some of the people who lie on me? I don't have time for individual little figs I gotta get these big figs done so I could pay taxes to feed my family Would it be helpful if you brought some of the heat off of this person? And whenever they were painting their figs you went over to your cubicle And put on a big puffy white hat and started to throw a pizza dough in the air just going like And the boss would be like, uh, what are you doing and you'd be like my passion my passion and my hobby I thought this was my time break time is my time is what you said and they'll be like you don't have any

Pizza sauce a cooking surface. You're like, no, it's just it's just the it's the dough You want me to start with the sauce then what would I put it on genius Right and if the boss is like you're gonna be written up for this Uh, I I'm gonna go eat now and they walk away and you stand up and look at the the figs guy and just nod your head knowingly And then you're in baby What? I think give them some pizza and one of the same lines you could just go there dashing be like Listen Peterson, if you don't have all my figs painted by the end of the day, it's your job

Yeah, I don't know if you have the ability to fire this that's cool. Or you could just be like come on Jefferson the client is waiting on those figs Um Man, okay. This one's really funny. You're ready go over to wait. I wasn't ready. Hold on Okay, get ready. Okay Go over to him and be like hey That's Seems cool. I don't know anything about it. Would you mind telling me about it?

I wasn't ready That maybe you could be I know That would work on me. Yeah, you know If I was like doing a wood thing at work Maybe like carving one of my famous Little fellas. You ever see Justin McRoy's little fellas on etsy. Yeah, that's you. That's that's me I'm the Justin McRoy from Justin McRoy's

I thought it was the Canadian Justin McRoy that was really in the little fellas. No, no CBC Justin McRoy is not the guy who he paints the little fellas for me Right, that's why if you ever look at the apostrophe after Justin McRoy's little fellas The apostrophe is actually after the X right Okay, got it. Justin McRoy's is little fellas. Got it. Got it. It makes a lot more sense. It's l i l apostrophe, right F a f e l l a z Justin McRoy's is little fellas, right? And they are just they are just little people toys

But they're just the boy ones and the other Justin McRoy paints over them, but you buy them in the first one No, I cart. No, I whittle them. Oh, okay. I whittle them from wood That's the wood part that I'm doing right and then Canadian Justin McRoy or Justin Justin McRoy Uh, he he paints the little fellas now Now I happen to mean to ask you Justin now that I know that that's you. Why do you make them all look like Griffin? Yeah, that's a weird thing, man When I think fishermen, which all the little fellas are fishermen When I think fishermen, I think griffin. Oh, okay. Yeah, I get that

You do make a lot where a big fish is jumping up and like trying to pull down the back of my pants So that my little heiny shows. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's and different houses too like 75 percent of them I made one of those for a special promotion Yeah, one for the March of Dimes And they sold so well that they actually became sort of the default little. Oh, it became like the look Griffin's heiny that became like the the quintessential if you're ever see him pop up on um Oh Entie's weird show

You'll see those refer to as like retro little fellas if they don't have the fish jumping up and pulling down Griffin's pants now you can see his tiny wooden eye I just one more thing there because like I think I wish Justin other Justin would paint the butts Yeah, because they're just perfect alabaster butts. He says it's in the to be fair that does match griffin tiny, but I also um, I think Yeah, no, I like the fact that you didn't give griffin like a cutesy facial expression about that. It's abject horror Out of fish, but like yeah, it's and it's like not a gem. Yeah, right, right, right that this is like that it's that each Individual figurine is a separate occasion of this happening. Yeah That griffin has had to live through it. It's fucked up also that you'd use a sort of photorealistic

rendition of my Gnarled eroded 34 year old face on all of them. Yeah It's it is I mean, it's incredible work and detail that you do but it does sort of make the pose I thought it was really printed frankly. Yeah, people say that a lot This is actually gonna kind of mess up my um My rep but i'm actually not making enough off the little fellas To support my it's a labor of love

Yeah, it's more of a labor of love the little fellas are a lost leader for the big fellas my and if I can say it's my ministry Really, but so as a result, I would like you guys to follow me the money Yeah Stamps I love them you love them Fuck yeah, they're stickers that carry your words And things to places think about that for just one second You're getting pretty hype about these stamps trap. We just I just if you really think about a stamp griffin It's bonkers. Yeah, it's fucked up that these these stickers like the stickers

I collect that have like cool dolphins and shit on them. Yeah, um, they transmit my thoughts around the fucking globe Think about that for like two seconds you guys and then think about being able to do that without having to go Anywhere well, I'm not god. So oh, but you know who is god of stamps.com is god Oh, all right our stamps are some awesome stamps there stickers, but not having dolphins That's my song I wrote about states. I love that as far as I know you there is no dolphin shape stamps Not yet. Hey, you're listening. So Get on board the stamps.com train and avoid all that hectic holiday shopping traffic save time and money Whether you're selling online or running an office or side hustle stamps.com can save you so much time

Money and stress during the holidays and get discounts You can't find anywhere else like up to 40 off usps rates and 76% off UPS If you spend more than a few minutes a week dealing with mail and shipping stamps.com is a lifesaver So save time and money this holiday season with stamps.com Sign up with promo code my brother all one word for a special offer that includes a four-week trial free postage and a digital scale No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com Click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code my brother

Hey, you remember that commercial for orbit gum Oh, yeah, where the people are arguing and the woman's like, who are you calling a cootie queen? You lint liquor Griffin and then they're like I just watched that on on youtube like three days ago That's wild and it's like dirty mouth So I guess anyway, do you have a dirty mouth? Me that's a fun man outside of the context of us doing a quip commercial If I ever genuinely asked anybody, hey, do you have a dirty mouth?

They would get it would I would be removed from the premises of whatever building I was in You also just kind of like name dropped a different like gum brand in there too. I'm pretty sure they're dead and gone I'm pretty sure or thinking but Yeah, the gum Hold on. Let me google because you're right. That will get us in trouble The brand was discontinued after the war ended. What the fuck? Where am I? Or was launched in 1890 orbit was launched in eight. Sorry quip. We're gonna start your commercial over here in just a second Orbit was started in

1899 Okay, yeah, I guess orbit's still out there. Anyway, that's the end of the free orbit commercial. Hey quip is excellent Um, they have the better gum that like cleans your your teeth is better in every way Uh, and that's just me saying that that is not in the copy for oh fuck. I'm sweating now Listen, it's the it's the holidays and your mouth is putting in work right now. Isn't it eaten eaten Drinking up eggnog that stuff gets on your teeth and lives there for a while So don't worry about that though because you got better oral care with quip the company with the best gum They have this built-in two-minute timer that pulses every 30 seconds in the toothbrush not in the gum

Because that would be pretty fucked up if your gum started to pulsate And it helps you clean your mouth the right way. Uh, they have a A cover that your toothbrush like lives in and then you can sort of pop it off and put it right on top of the Toothbrush and it turns it into a little a little protective armor So you can pack up your quip on the go And they also can deliver fresh floss toothpaste mouthwash and the best fucking gum in the business every three months from up to five Dollars shipping is freezing and save money and skip the hustle and bustle of shopping and store during the holidays and into the new Year or for the rest of your life because it just comes to you and right in your hour of need

So go to get quip.com slash my brother right now and on top of their holiday savings You'll get your first refill for free That's your first refill free and up to 40 off of bundles at get quip.com slash my brother Spell g e t q u i p dot com slash my brother quip the good habits company. Please do not tell on me for this commercial Hello I'm peewee herman you might know me from tv But I really want to be a dj

It took some convincing But kcrw finally agreed to give me an hour on the radio to play you some music with my friends Anyway, tune in for one hour of the bestest most funnest time you'll ever have On the peewee herman radio hour I am personally inviting you to tune your transistor radio in to hear me or go to kcrw.com Duh It'll be available for the whole week from november 26th to december 3rd So you can listen to it again and again and again and again and again

Ha ha The peewee herman radio hour was produced by maximum fun and can be streamed on kcrw.com until december 3rd Duh Wait That was a bat, okay, I want a munch How is it I want to munch It is almost december

Hello, yeah I'm here whenever there are donuts to discuss. Okay. This is not the hull. I am not the halloween creation And I am not who you think I am. Okay. Who do you believe me to be? I mean I feel like a trick question because I really believe in my heart and soul that you are count donut Yes, I get that a lot. Okay. I am count donuts junior. What but please call me rick Rick donut This show does not count donut. This is my dad right. He covers donuts me

I cover donut holes. Okay. We do not need more characters or count donut lore on this show Now we didn't Okay, so you're tiered for you're here with some cool holes for us rick Yes, can we call you can we call you rick holes instead for you didn't I'd prefer you call me rick rick holes is good though Mr. Don Jr Okay, fine So I sound like my father. I realized this but try We sound like that. That's one of the difference very quickly. Yeah

Dudes. Oh, awesome. Oh, fuck. Yeah. I know I'm on board, dude Yes, come with me. Why don't you dap on over to this story here that I have for you Tim Hortons Has teamed up with Justin Bieber awesome Yes, it is awesome Griffin. Thank you. He's teamed up With Justin Bieber to make Bieber bites, please No, this is a good guest Travis

Beep holes come on beep holes come on sweetheart you can get one out come on beep holes Sorry, you think it might be people not now not now that I've said it Yes, I might home give gave it away. No, no, they're Tim Beeps So, you know that the team bit is the tiny version of Tim Hortons donut is sweet Succulents not from the middle of the dough. Okay, the true not of the dough. Right ironically So that's what they call the timbeat, but now Make way for Tim Beeps I don't have to move I don't actually have to move that far to make way for Tim Beeps

It's like a little nudge to the left. It's like an inch and a half or you know in canada I Don't think I do not think that that Let's see 15 centimeters to inches is almost six inches Yes I can't He was compensating he's tired of baby baby baby. No, it's big donut big donut big donut. No, it's Tim Beeps. It's small Tim Hortons has teamed up with pop superstar Justin Bieber. This was sent to us by Daniel and the story is on cbc

Home of dragons and other Justin macro, I think And other Justin macro. Yes, if only this had been written By my uh, my friend Justin. Oh, you guys are close I would never kill him. Oh, not in the way that I killed this Justin regularly. Listen This is my first time in this body. I forgot my rich fiction Tim Hortons entire teamed up with Tim Beeps for co-branded merchandise The celebrity endorsement deal marks a departure from the coffee and donut chain's usual lineup Of professional hockey players. Yeah a marketing strategy that could help attract the different demographic

Yes, cbc. I think that there is not a ton of overlap between beam heads And a hockey. Hey, how do you know that count on a junior? That's very judgmental. This is my thing I make snap judgments about subcultures. I don't understand. Okay That's rick. That's rick, baby That's rick, baby The partnership aligns with the canadian singers frequent social media posts about the restaurant Which have ranged from snapshots of a holiday themed tims cup to complaints about the new lid. Oh, okay All right doing a tim Hortons. Hold on. Let me do my beep voice

Doing a tim Hortons collab has always been a dream of mine. Bieber said in a statement I grew up on tim Hortons and it's always been something close to my heart Hope baghazi chief marketing officer of tim Hortons said Bieber's genuine lifelong love of the brand made the collaboration authentic indeed This threat for the Ontario raised performer has shared posts as far back as a decade ago About missing tim Hortons while traveling outside canada Justin is so fervent in how much he loves tims

because he said in an interview That is the perfect recipe for a collaboration. Oh, it's not forced Hope baghazi assures you It's not forced While hockey hope says we'll always be part of our dna She said the celebrity partnership with Bieber will help reach new customers It opens us up to a different audience and a different conversation beyond

Just hockey it sounds like they're doing a bunch of damage control because Justin Bieber's last album was called fuck hockey and everyone who likes it Justin has wide appeal but definitely does appeal to younger guests Nabbing Bieber is a major coup for the chain. The genesis of the collaboration can be traced back to 2019 When the superstar waded into a heated debate about tim Hortons lid redesign By launching a poll on his instagram account. Now. I'm going to read you this verbatim This is Justin Bieber took some time out of his day to write this text I know they could leak But it was easier to drink out of

The coffee would come out better These new lids are uncomfortable on the mouth and you get You guys remember when Justin Bieber let fucking Larry david take over his life You get very little liquid each drink. It's a damn outrage and it needs to be changed back a damn outrage tibia It shouldn't be plastic Find a way to be recyclable Let's change the world one lid at a time Bieber

Love you. That was the start of a conversation because he said he was quite keen to do something with us So it's been almost two years in the making to get done at horse Given 10 bits are one of his favorite menu items the idea of coming up with new flavors Was a natural fit He was super excited because that's his Goal to item because he said We probably started that out with about 100 possibilities

We would send him samples to try and he was very specific on what he liked and didn't like It was months in the making To land on these three flavors. I feel like I'm sensing a bit of frustration from hope baghazi They look I will say What are the flavors count jr Here it comes. Are you ready? Yeah You know what I'm going to play the advertisement Because I don't know if it's good or not, but I will play it and if it's bad we'll cut it out

Does it seem sure? Coffee for you and I'm just going to take you through it. So Justin, no, you've always loved Tim's obsessed, which is why we're so excited to partner with you to create brand new timbit flavors Let's go. Let's go brainstorming brainstorming. He's juggling to imagine if we did a birthday cake Waffle timbit. Oh my yes. Yes. I can't even read my writing. It's so good. Think think apple banana apple No Thinking cap put on the thinking cap apricot latte. Yes. No, that's weird. Sorry. Thank just Yeah, get it out sour cream chocolate chip. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. What if we do a chocolate white fudge? There it is

Yeah, now all we need is a name timbins by Justin Bieber No Justin Bieber's timba. I got it Timby's It's perfect Introducing my new timby's birthday cake waffle sour cream chocolate chip and chocolate white fudge only attends Eat my balls Eat my balls. I'm timby's. I changed my name

These are better than me. So I'm changing my new legacies That was a great commercial. I'm so excited about these three. I'm excited to have my brother back Yeah, I'm good. I'm excited cat donut walked into the sunlight. It brought me back. It revived me. He left and he said The last thing he said was I've got to go play fourth night and then he flew out the window God, what a fucking cool dude. It's cool. I miss him. Frank. I wish I was exclusively In canada and in the united states on november 29th so like I think I got to get to tim's right like

I feel like I'm gonna have to get to tim's. Yeah. Do you have got tim's in seattle? I got tim's up there. Surely Surely right. It's not all starbucks Yeah, I would like that Hey, thanks so much for listening to our podcast. Yeah, we had such a fun time I'm sorry that I used the whole second half of the show It was a good one. It was a it was a good one. It's fun. It's a fun one. It's exciting and I'm so Guys, if you could see these motherfuckers. I'm so they do sound good

I love I just don't know. I don't know that I've ever heard a donut hole described and thought like that sounds like Timbits the timbits already don't holes Are like the perfect amount of donut, right? It's like, oh just a little donut for me. Thank you Well, it's hard to throw a regular size donut up in the air and catch it in your mouth I can't believe we haven't talked about this before but we're doing another virtual candlelight special Did one last year loved us so much Doing it this year december 18th 9 p.m. Eastern time

It's a pre-taped video spectacular that benefits harmony house in our hometown of hunt in west virginia tickets are on sale now For five dollars with an option to give more if you wish bit.ly Slash candle nights 2021. That's the numbers 2021 and video on demand will be available through january 2nd We're gonna have segments from uh, my brother my brother me Saw bones schmanners wonderful still buffering and neat as well as some amazing guests and I don't know If I should spoil any of them, but they're really really good. Trust me

We've outdone ourselves But having cool friends So check that out. That's a good way of saying the friends we had last year No, they were lame ducks compared to these cool friends bit.ly slash candle nights 2021 the full series of zoner adventure imbalance is available on our youtube now You can see all three episodes of the taz mini series dm'd by abria. Iyengar who is at quitty on twitter Also, uh, go to macroi merge.com. Check out all the good merch there

Oh, we got the till death doors blark shirt there designed by tyler reed which benefits first nations development institute Uh, you get the pin of the month the wizard of the cloud Which was designed by dana wagner that benefits native women lead The candle nights ornament designed by kate may that benefits harmony house the candle nights mug the taz dice designed by everwin Which is created in partnership with diehard dice Uh, which also comes with the bureau of balance logo. So a lot of cool stuff there if you Are interested in finding out more about my brother my brother and me and our collection of macroi shows Go to macroi.family and check out maximum fun.org

for all of the other max fun shows there Uh, and also if you missed it, there's a new episode of till death doors blart right now. So go check that out. Yes Uh, I think I will try. Oh, well, no, not you. We saw how to finish the show. Justin. So Like don't do that. But we do want to thank montane For our intro and outro music. My life is better with you, which is available now wherever good music is found Uh, if you haven't watched the music video for that, it's on our youtube too. And I think it's very cute I think it's a real cutie patootie of a music video if you will

Um, now trav griffin had to step away for what I can only imagine is a bathroom. Oh, yeah Uh, but he did send me the text for his final yahoos. I'll just for this. Oh, thank you Yeah, you should see. Oh, huh. Why is it? That's weird. It's it's like in a google doc, right? But like the handwriting is smudged somehow Yeah, that's why he is you can't make it out. Um, You have control. Let me see. Let me see if I can. Okay. Okay. Let me see what is written here Okay, just read just read it. I mean it's still very legible. Okay. Maybe your screen. It might might be Okay, this is sent to us by punks the tawny fill

The sorry the it doesn't say Okay, so it could be any fill. It could be any. Yeah. Um, I mean, I think we're led to believe It could be it's sent to us by punks the tawny fill, but it's written Uh, it's it's written. It's written by Go on. Um It's written by michael angelo Sorry art or turtle Uh, it's written by michael angelo here. Um

Art or turtle? I don't I don't see a difference between those two, frankly, uh, because it's martial arts There's an art when you think about it, justin Fair yes, uh, it says here odd ding dang it A dun went and got pizza inside my shell again And that's gonna make it hard for me to paint the sistine chapel So if anybody knows how to clean pizza

Out of a turtle shell and paint brushes Please let me know Totally too regular a riva durchy michael angelo But it was just i'm churro sakurai And i'm grizzling that guy There he is. This is my brother. My brother made kiss your dad square on the lips It's better it's better you this is true Maximum fun org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported