My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 589: Face 2 Face: The World’s Richest Robot is Back

Episode Date: December 13, 2021

We’re back, baby! It’s the one and only MBMBaM live show of 2021, from the beautiful Grand Sheraton in Seattle for Emerald City Comic Con. Just enough time to feel the Big Dog Woof Woof energy and never, ever experience it again. Suggested talking points: John Cena’s Sink Hole, I’m Gonna Eat this Lamp, Glitch Pancakes, Mr. Tumbus, Buried in the Field, Macro Golf, Gallagher of PerfumeAsian Pacific Environmental Network: https://apen4ej.org/Harmony House: https://harmonyhousewv.com/

The McElroy brothers are not experts. And their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert. But if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. It's my gig, OK? It's all I have. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only. So the babies out there will know how cool they are from listening.

What's up, you cool baby? It feels like life is all It's better, it's better with you My life is all It's better, it's better with you This is you all It's better, it's better with you My life is all

It's better with you Let me tell you something. If you've never experienced that before And then you go two years without it Oh, it starts to hurt Oh boy Oh boy, it starts to hurt, you start to crave it Hello and welcome, my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the modern era I am, they did have to recast me during the break

But I'll be playing Justin McElroy, the oldest brother Sorry, McElroy, it says here, McElroy I'll be playing Travis, big dog, McElroy Oh no, I don't think so, folks How many more live shows can we back into 2021 before that dies off? I just checked, is it, none Okay, apparently it's just this one And I'm Griffin McElroy

And I also want to say a special thanks to the Old Prosvector who came and introduced us at the start of the show Thank you, Old Prosvector Yeah, that's funny, I guess Griffin, what's the matter, buddy? What's wrong, bud? You should be happy we're back here No, yeah, I'm stoked, I'm stoked everyone Did something happen?

Yeah, what's up? Hold on, let me try it This is a sincere, can we get a second read? Yeah, I'll take it, we'll get this in post Okay, we'll get it clean, can we get it clean, please, everyone? Hey, what's, what's up? It's fine, let's just do this, we can do this here No, hey, let's stop this labor, Griffin, clearly something's up

Do you need to talk in private? Yeah John Cena with your ass? Sorry, oh, I forgot the microphone, I'm so sorry, Griffin Wait, wait, wait, Griffin, is he telling the truth? Or is this some twisted game of telephone? Certainly, TV and films John Cena didn't with your ass Not children's prank show host John Cena

It was this afternoon and I'm doing much better now What happened? Well Tell me the true story of how John Cena with your ass Up and down Oh, up and down, you didn't say? Not side to side? No, he got me there too, he got me there too

Poor thing It was just like, it really wasn't a big deal But it was right after lunch Yeah And I was going to the restroom You just finished your Crestless PB&J Yeah, and it was just after lunch and you know, for the bathroom, that's like rush hour Yeah

And so I just like showed up to a bathroom and there was only one stall open But John Cena kind of walked in there at the same time Yeah And he was like, excuse me, excuse me I'm glad you took a second run at that Excuse me As much more Cena-esque No, you guys can joke about this

But I was like, oh hey, great stuff that you do, I'll be real quick And then he started, like what surprised me was how quickly he started just yelling He was like, I should go first, I was the one who did wrestling And then I was like, I understand that, but I'm actually here with But he already was whipping my ass at that point Hey, Griffin, I'm sorry, this is Yeah, no, go ahead and that's whatever you want to know Did the ass whipping ramp up slowly?

No, it was like, it was so, it was, everything about this was so fast He like, before I knew it, and I was already like, oh yeah, okay, you can And like a few more stalls opened up, but he was like pretty focused in on that point Yeah That's kind of his whole thing Yeah, no, he has sort of explosive strength And then he was like picking me up and he was like trying to put me in the sink And he was like, he was like, no, like he was sitting me in it

And then he was like pushing me down and he was like, I'm gonna make you go in the sinkhole Yeah And you're sure it was John Cena It was him for sure You weren't mistaken with another large man We are never going to be invited to this convention again 100% We've done three, no, John Cena just stood up in the crowd and walked out

John, it was a joke We've done three events today and in every one, the majority of discussion has been about John Cena It's only been able to talk about it all day Those other two things were before he whipped my ass inside and out and tried pushing me down the sink Wait, inside and out is new And he was yelling That's a new piece of information Guys, I'm not kidding, it was like 10 minutes of him trying to push me down

What he kept calling the sinkhole and I was like, do you mean the drain? Was he whipping your ass during that? Was it separate? We're gonna get a letter, we're gonna get a letter from someone So did he whip your ass and then try to put you in the sinkhole? Please ask the McRoy brothers not to talk about me anymore He should have thought it, I mean it is my fault, I should have let him go first Like, I guess part of it Did he try going in the sinkhole to defuse it?

I didn't, I did God, it took so long, I started to get uncomfortable for him And I was like, I'll try to go in the sinkhole How did it end? Where did you leave it? I ran after, I mean I stayed in the sink until he left the room And then when I was outside I grabbed a security person, I was like, hey And I pointed at him I pointed at him and I was like, he just, and then he started yelling like again

And he was like, he kept yelling, I'm invisible today Wait, now hold on, we don't even have time then This is an advice show, we do advice here No, wait, I do have to ask one more question Did you try to fight back at all, did you try to take a swing at him or anything? I did a couple times, but then like, I kind of got invested in trying to fit in the sinkhole It would have been a great story It was collaborative art at that point

And Mario makes it look so easy I know So this is an advice show We take your questions and turn them alchemy-like into wisdom And I realize now that I should have begun Because it's never been more appropriate By saying we're so happy to be reemerging Yeah

Our proud Chilean minors We return here to the Emerald City C-Town, Jet City, the Queen City until 1982 When they officially changed it to Emerald City Wait, no, what? The Queen City Cincinnati That's when they changed it, they were scared Yeah, take that That Cincinnati was gonna cross the country

And beat them up Like John Cena beating up Griffin McElroy Who by the way, John's people if you're listening was the one who told that story Yeah, not us It's very easy to confuse our three voices But Griffin definitely told the story about how John Cena- I told that story, John wrote it with his actions I just and McElroy are still extremely hireable for any work that you may have

What the fuck are we hireable for at this point? I mean, they're making another troll That is true Weirdly, because I'm sure I just want to give you guys a scoop on this No one has Let me check with Amanda No, okay

They're playing coy They're playing coy on this one They haven't reached out yet about that one But I'm assuming they'll Eventually ask us to be in the movie A much larger part, I have to assume I have to assume it's been a lot of- A five-headed tall troll

That will still not incorporate our dad No I don't know if you guys know this, but a lot has changed in the last two years In these trying times In these trying times, a lot has changed I would say that in many ways, I think we've matured Like a third of the audience just realized you were setting up a bit The show has become, I would say, much classier

Oh, God Okay, that one Much more artistic Oh, I'm gonna need another white claw, my man And so I'd like to start this show off With a little high-class segment I like to call Just say it

Work of fire Kidding aside, thanks, Paul Thank you, Paul Kidding aside, before we move on Would it be possible for us to listen to the work of art jingle in absolute silence? So you guys can appreciate What a fucking low-grade for sale Okay, wait, let's all be quiet

Okay, again, Paul Okay So there are There's Yeah It sounds like a fucking keychain It sounds like a keychain you press a button on It sounds like a fucking yak back from 1994

It was a free-use sound effect I don't know what to tell you You're not gonna spend money on this podcast You're not gonna work of art? Are you kidding me? How am I gonna explain that to an accountant of any kind? Now, I see a charge here for $1.79 What was that for? A pay for a fork?

It had to be a good part So my brother's like the bid No, that part I think that is actually a federal crime to lie to your accountant So I don't think so So here's how it works I have to Now really listen

Because the rules are pretty complicated I have some classics here Of different kinds And I will list the description And all my brothers have to do Is give me the title of that classic For example If I sat a genius detective

Who uses deductive reasoning And is also very confident in his penis The Sherlock Holmes Yeah, exactly Thank you Griffin Yeah I fucking hate how good I am Justin, I think you're gonna win this one

Okay You're not But it's because Griffin Griffin and I have kind of the same twisted Southwark style sense of humor Okay So this first one I framed kind of like a

Like a trailer description Oh cool That ought to fix it This orphan wave Having been tossed aside By numerous people Is back And ready for action

He's angry And he wants more revenge This has nothing to do with Using the bathroom Well What's the word for angry? Oh Oliver pissed?

There it is Tied That's a tie point That's a tie point Are you ready? Yeah And don't give us a double hint That felt cheap to me

Humphrey Bogart Has to help Humphrey Bogart Nope I said It wouldn't be that Guys, it's like you've never played A work of art before

Okay, I'm ready Humphrey Bogart Has to help his ex-girlfriend Escape a Moroccan city If only he can stop masturbating Casablanca Yes Wow

And Travis, may I say Just to doff my cap to you, sir The easy one was Acablanca And you didn't walk down that route Not as good Not as good as Casablanca Yeah, that's real good Yeah

We can all agree After being framed For a crime he didn't commit And sent to a terrible French prison Edmond Dantes Is back Posing as a rich gentleman Attempting to get his revenge

On his enemies By shoving his hand Yes, sir Next Next one What's the score? It's 2-2, right? Well, that was all I had

Damn it You son of a gun Come up with another one Right now Come up with another one Fresh Right off the dome Okay, great

Ariel is dying to join Prince Eric The Little Spermaid? In a land filled with flatulence In this I Want song Oh Fart of your world Yes A rare work of fart victory

For Justin McAway Wow, this is huge This is That's weird I like this bit now That's weird This is doubly humiliating Because I didn't have to say

The Little Spermaid Or Or Assa Blanca Yeah I see your true color Shining through So as I was saying This is an advice show

And we're going to help We're going to help some people right now Here we go I'm in the middle of creating A delicious bowl of chili One of its ingredients Being a bottle of lager beer What?

Lager beer Okay I've Eft up And forgot to get this ingredient But there's good news My neighbor is having a birthday celebration Which he invited me to stop by for

In fact I already did drop by To drop off a few baked goods As a birthday gift Before returning to my apartment To do chores One of which was making this Chili that brings us to now

Would it be weird for me to Would it be weird For me to go and grab a beer From this celebration And then walk back to my apartment It seems like it would look Like a dick move Or at least just weird

But I was invited I did provide snacks And I want to make this chili Which honestly friend You should have listed first Because that's what's driving you What's my move That's from Chili Maker

In Chapel Hill What I love I think we need to like Change Like the way people ask these questions Because I think it should be like Is this a higher level Weird than normal

Weird human behavior Yeah, everybody's at baseline Our baseline for that's Pretty fucked up, Gab Yeah Because we've all done this Not this thick Not this thick

No, never this But we've done a thing That you've told the story Like three years later And seen the look On someone else's face And gone Oh, this isn't as charming

As I thought I thought this was kind of roguish Yeah Okay, here's I think this may be a helpful way Of framing it If you throw a party And someone comes

And they have a kick ass time But then they leave To go do chores And then they Next door Next door And then they come back in An hour and a half later

And they grab a beer And then they leave with the beer As if to say I got thirsty next door And then they drink that beer You would think Pretty inconsiderate friend Does the same hold true

If they walk in And grab a beer And say Don't worry This is for my chili Is it the same? Is it What if you say like

I'll be back with some chili soon That's one thing You gotta return with some Like a sampling of the chili But you're not making enough For a party No way So you're gonna have

A small solo cup Full of chili This is for the after party Of just you and me, Derek Yeah A chili fest style Sample cup With styrofoam

I actually think it's the one Ingredient that it is better If you walked in and said This is for chili Because if you walked in Your neighbor's house And went through their cupboard And grabbed like just a bag

Of dry beans Or like looked through The refrigerator For a pound of ground beef Or something you said Sorry Just need this for chili real quick But if you grab a beer

And said I need this for chili I think there's enough going on That someone will go Okay And then only think about it In this circumstance What you have set up

Is the situation where Somebody's gonna be like Hey Where are you going with that beer? It's like Well You know it's a party So I'm just getting a beer

Well the nice thing is Because you live next door You can go ahead and crack it open Right there Pretend to drink And make like a Gluck gluck gluck gluck Love that beer flavor

Boy I hate to waste this I was so fizzy in my nose I hate to waste this on chili You guys feel me? I'm gonna go drink this Next door So I can really savor it I'm gonna savor this

And if you smell chili later Then I I made another drunken oops I got so tagged off of this corona Excuse me I should have picked any other beer Yeah You know what's funny

Is I actually In my pantry I do have about half of a six pack Of corona That I do specifically keep around For chili based sort of experiences I can't imagine it's for drinking No, not anymore

Not anymore Not in Not in Not today That's a tough break guys Hey tough break to my friends Over at the current foundation Does it

Change it at all If someone walks into your party Grab a beer And says this is for chili And leaves There will still be people at that party Who's like Who's that asshole

But They're probably already doing that though To be fair People love judging people Absolutely But would the same be true If I walked in Like shirtless with a cape on

And grabbed a beer And yelled like Chili And then laughed People would be like Who the fuck was that guy Well grab that And the lamp

Yelling this These are both going in baby This one's for me I'm trying some stuff It's been a weird year This one's for chili And this one's for dad Let's go

Wait which one was which in that example I'm gonna eat this fucking lamp Woo You can just do what I do And just run in Just like Oh no no no no no no And then do it

While you're still doing that Nobody's gonna stop and question you It seemed like an emergency Especially if you say like Quick where's the beer Yeah I have a beer emergency How about another question

Please My sister is getting her nipples tattooed You're starting Chicago Bulls She has many tattoos already And I like to be supportive And encouraging when she gets new ones How do I appropriately compliment Her new nipple tats

Without being weird I already follow her tattoo artist On Instagram So I know I'll be seeing at least some Slightly censored version of the artwork It should be a good regular day for you I bet That's from let's nip it in the bud

That's fun Well I thought So when I picked this question I thought we could do a little scene work Because we are Oh good We're siblings And we all have tattoos and nipples

And we're famously good at doing characters And I thought maybe we could do this like You know And you could pick either one of your brothers To compliment their nipples If you want to And like just pretend Well the tattoo that has been recently applied

I mean yeah it's obvious It goes hand in hand Yeah I guess It's never happened before in my life Oh really? Because our friend Barbary Has a ham tattooed on his nipple I've seen his

I've seen his ham nipple And it's exquisite But I don't think I've ever said word one About the fact that either of you Even have nipples Hey can I say I've noticed that And it's actually weird that you've gone this long

Without acknowledging them Hey guys You have four nipples between the two of you But we won't say between who It is what Alright now Justin say something about Griffin's nipples I'm remaining completely motionless

In the hopes that my brothers will forget I am here Perhaps the podcast will proceed without me And move on to a different segment In which I am more comfortable Participate You guys Who guys

Where to start Making jokes about your nipples That's our job baby Ah boy I love these These guys If you knew them like I knew them These nipples

You gotta be proud Of that What's your favorite part Oh Describe it Don't make him choose Gosh Where they look

They just really shows That you're a Star Wars fan When you go to that length For a nipple tattoo It's actually a Stewie Griffin In a Darth Vader helmet Did you touch that? You got that part

How did you integrate the nipple Into that exactly? It's his left and right eyes That is a big Stewie Griffin That's a real big It's a life size Can I be honest? I said originally I just wanted a Darth Vader

But because of sort of the wing span It looked a little more sort of And a lot of it was just following The natural contours of his body It kind of actually looks like a very tired Darth Stewie Griffin It was free handed It was a lot of it

Travis actually did it It did It's so cool It was my first one And I really appreciate the trust you put in me For my first tattoo It took a long time It looks like it took a long time

It was a labor of love I got that vibe So what do you think of my handiwork? Why is it still me? Do you think? Why am I still like Tattooed Griffin got the tattoo

Why is it still me? It feels like other people should have a tart Everyone is sort of feeling bad for What do you think about what Justin Thinks about your nipple tattoo? Hurts my feelings a lot Justin, you want to address that? I think it's important to remember that none of this

Have it You remember the part where he thought it was just Darth Vader And not Stewie Griffin We were supposed to have fun This was fun I was enjoying it at first The show, not this bit It sounds like you really hurt Griffin's feelings

Is there anything you want to say? Say it to me now People grow Yeah I actually heard that was going to be a problem People change For the tattoo, the dimensions People change

One second Let me Yeah, yeah, yeah Think about it Let me see them again Is that him? Is that him? Great jokes

Us from last week Hey Griffin here And I'm here to tell you about our sponsors this week Like, for instance Brooklyn I don't know about y'all But the holidays done snuck up on me this year

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So go to bombas.com Slash mybrother And get 20% off your first purchase That's B-O-M-B-A-S Dot com slash mybrother For 20% off bombas.com Slash mybrother I'm gonna go quick with the announcements

Very fast We have a virtual candle night special Coming up December 18th at 9 p.m. Eastern time You can get tickets at bit.ly slash Candle Nights 2021 It's a virtual show It's lots of fun

All the podcasts did segments for it We got lots of friends And family members who did stuff for it And all the sales for that The tickets are $5 With an option to give more Go-to-benefit harmony house A wonderful organization in Huntington

That goes to support people Experiencing homelessness We also have the Zone of Adventure Involvement series That's all up on the youtube.com Slash the McRoy family And a bunch of new merch Over at McRoyMerch.com

Including the pin of the month Which is Steely Van Sales for which benefit The Asian Pacific Environmental Network There's a mybrother and mybrother And the man who ruined my FYP sticker Referencing Justin's incredible Summoning of the berries and cream

There's a Zone of Adventure enamel pin There's so much stuff At McRoyMerch.com Hey there beautiful people I'm Travell Anderson And I'm Jared Hill We are the hosts of Fanta The show where we have complex

And complicated conversations About the gray areas in our lives The things that we really really love sometimes But also have some problematic feelings about Yes we get into it all You wanna know our thoughts about Nicki Minaj And all her foolishness We got you

You wanna know our thoughts about gentrification And perhaps some positive question mark Aspects of gentrification We get into that too Every single Thursday You can check us out at Maximumfund.org Listen

You know you want it honey So come on and get it Period Here's another question Yeah please The kid I tutor broke his hand And wants me to paint his cast for him I'm not super artistically gifted

But I don't wanna let him down What could I paint on an atheist's arm To make him look cool But not super difficult to do That's from in way over her head In North Texas Why did that kid ask you to paint Like what

Maybe they only know one adult That's entirely possible That's sad but fair Let's see I mean this is a great question for us Because we definitely know what People of that generation are super into And think it's cool

Eventually they're gonna lose Interest in Fortnite And then I'll really be lost And that's it Yeah Wait They seem to like pinatas And Minecraft

Yeah Oh no I'm hearing some nos Okay Well put me in the casket pecs Legends I'm done I don't think that either Could you

Instead of painting something Or doing a picture Do some lettering To make it look like a Fortnite branded cast Oh that's cool People like that brand That is it

Massive Is that it No shit Supreme Supreme is definitely it A supreme cast Pretty close though I think we can all agree

They practically rhyme those two Very similar words Oh fuck that was embarrassing I want to say something But I'm really trying to Savor this for a second And then You used to be the young cool one

Yeah you were the young cool one Yeah We need a fourth one now We need another one who's young Dad Dad Um What'd you, what I mean

Drugs Just Just write the word drugs on it Real big You could, you could write Ask me about drugs There you go Yeah I know a trick question

Cause they'd be like Tell me about drugs And you'd be like They're bad I have some literature for you You fell into my trap Yeah I keep him stuffed in my cast

Sorry I broke your arm Love John Cena That's good That's really not his style though I don't want to talk about it again I feel like his lawyer So I might just now be losing interest I mean

Maybe you could get like Maybe it's like Get it branded so it says like Hey Sorry about your arm But make sure to check out Matrix Reloading

Coming soon To HBO Max That's not the name of the film Then what have I been waiting for Could you Draw a smaller cast Alright 0.5% smaller

So it's just kind of fuzzy at the edges I saw That's dumb Did you guys see what they're doing with the Matrix The What's the new Matrix Resurrection

Thank you Yeah you're welcome So Paul Suboran Of Paul and Storm fame And I went to go enjoy The Ghostbusters Afterlife yesterday

In a regular theater Justin No It was a 4DX experience Every time Slimer farted My butt shook Now Justin I know for a fact Don't spoil the movie

We talked about this Yeah we talked about how we can't spoil the movie And whether some Slimers may Or may not appear in the film And maybe you may or may not have lost a bet To Paul regarding that fact I may have bet Paul a sum of money That Slimer would be in the movie

Without requiring Paul to match said bet Yeah So the best case scenario was You left with the same amount of money you began And got to see Slimer Yeah exactly But the beginning of the movie They have these

They're like commercials for other movies And they did one for You say you've seen this Okay They had one for Matrix Resurrection Yeah And before that

You said erection Thanks Travis I actually think I said Rections Which is now the only way I'm going to say that word Not that I say it a lie Rections It's like a mere erection

Hello hello what's all this then This is one of those erections I've heard about There you go So Apples and pears We were watching the commercial for the movie But Before it

It was There was an ad that's like Denny's has entered the Matrix And it's like Denny's has glitch meals Featuring your favorite Matrix characters And it's like

I guess Matrix isn't cool anymore Because that made me feel pretty old Because I'm kind of excited about our new Matrix But if the only brand partner They had him work with Denny's For this new Matrix flick For their glitch meals I like that their branding was

Uh oh meals We've only made you glitch meals There's a glitch in the Matrix There's no way we'd give you this much bacon Is that pancake A square Must be a glitch meal And then it's cats

There's black cats in it In the In the commercial Or in the pancakes It's in the pancakes They're shaped like black cats And it's like Whoa, I know kung fu

These Matrix jokes Aren't landing Not bad One, not jokes Two I feel like now that it's tied to Denny's Maybe the shine is kind of off the proverbial Apple a little bit on Matrix

Maybe Matrix isn't gonna I guess my box office prediction is Matrix is not gonna do As well as some people might hope Coming soon to HBO Max Check it out God this is good shit Antlers

It's like we never missed a day Antlers are super cool This is a statement of fact I would love to start incorporating different antlers Into my outfit rotation Problem is You could guess for a thousand years And you would not guess

You could think like Problem is clothes lines Problem is leaves blowing in the wind Problem is animals need them Problem is I take Confused hunters Confused city hunters Problem

There's deer near my house Cause I live in West Virginia on a hill And every Literally like every West Virginia guy Of a certain inclination and age When he sees them He's like

Man I'd love to come back up here with my bow And I Usually have to ask him like Do you mean to kill deer at my house? I don't know if you're not Thank you Also they're not just carrying their bow with them Come on

Come on it's in the trunk Problem is I take public transit I told you Anything I wear is at risk Of becoming an invitation for fellow passengers To strike up a conversation with me Some risk higher than others Yeah in this case I would say

Would be their legal rights Even if it's just to say Excuse me Are those antlers? Is there any way I can wear some dope antlers That does it Includes strangers Butting into my podcast time

That's from not as horny as I'd like to be I mean no? Yeah But that's not funny If someone says like Hey what's up with those antlers You could just read What?

What not again? Just pull the bus brake cord thing That I don't know if it does It's been a while since I've been on a bus But I don't think it brings the bus to a crashing halt No if anything it just doesn't Notice every passenger has the right to stop the bus Wherever they want to

That would add to the bit though If you're like What no Why isn't this working Not again I mean you could have some small tasteful antlers That maybe they don't notice Some fashion antlers

Well I just mean perhaps under a hat And then someone comes on the bus And you tip your hat to them Just for a brief wink of a moment They think Excuse me are those antlers No it must have been my imagination And now you've given them a story my lads

Yeah Oh you're not going to believe this story I have for you The wildest thing happening today I met Mr. Tumnus I think At first I was like Why does that person have like A wild Dr. Seuss Jamierquai hat on And I was like at first like

Maybe they have antlers under there He called himself Mr. Tumbus And I thought that was a little on the mouse I guess like why If you want to keep it incognito There are many accessories That are not antlers That I would recommend

Like a flower or a hat Those are just two off the top of my head I bet I can listen to many others Giving the opportunity Give it a shot What? Hot shot Regular shirt

Okay I wouldn't call it Regular shirt and accessory On your wrist wrapped around your arm Like a You know like a That's not a regular shirt It's a regular shirt that you've wrapped around your arm Like Bruce Springsteen

No I would say that that inherently makes it irregular Regular shirt weird place Name some different places you can put shirts Where people will be like I don't think so Could you when they say hey What's up with those antlers You just look up at them and go And I'm gonna say after that

Awesome joke That I don't know what sound a deer makes It's also a good way to guarantee No one tries to talk to you for the rest of the trip Yeah unless Unless They're like a secret cryptozoologist They're like oh shit actually alright

May I sidle on up next I never thought I'd meet a goat boy Here on my own bus Especially one with deer antlers What a bold choice Traditionally goats have what we like to call horns You can wear a shirt this is to ask you about my bucket watch And then when they ask you you be like I don't know what

What are you talking about What are you talking about I was gonna ask that guy about his antlers but never mind He seems like a bit of a pill I'd hate for this to be another pocket watch situation Our show is funny and good And everyone's lucky to be here It's a weird regular thing

It's a regular thing you're doing Folks it's a hot This just came across Travis thank you for seeing that This just came across my desk it's a haunted doll watch Sorry Honestly guys I'm as surprised as you are Haunted doll Chloe Kardashian lookalike Wait what

What Haunted doll Chloe Kardashian lookalike succubus entity Sexual spirit Nympho Nymphomania Just what it says on the ebay list And guys I don't know what to tell you Haunted doll Chloe Kardashian lookalike succubus entity Sexual spirit Nympho Nymphomania This all resembles Chloe Kardashian

And it's haunted by the spirit of Chloe As she calls herself What are the odds I'm convenient Chloe was a huge fun of reality TV star A huge fun I'm just reading the listing Was a huge fun of reality TV star

And spent thousands on cosmetic procedures to look like her You heard it Huge fun of reality TV star Period And spent Was the cosmetic work before or after the dollening If I could if I could just read the next sentence That's dumb griffin because there's no way it costs thousands of dollars to paint a doll

I just want to say that she died due to complications arising from plastic surgery Yeah But not really because it's fake Travis Her looks helped her become a successful high-end escort in Las Vegas Chloe says it took a long time to find the right vessel But she's happy with her choice And finally feeling like her true self

A doll I guess she lives to be the center of attention When you give her all of your attention She will shower you with affection It isn't hard to get along with this spirit All she asks is that you are real with her Hey Tony cut the shit okay Hey hey

It's me It's Chloe man Be honest Oh When you get her Don't forget to give her a gift of something girly Maybe something to do with fashion and beauty Doll is 16 inches tall comes with a stand

Smoke free Smoke? Oh okay The household where the doll came from was smoke free You're going to As I'm required by eBay's policy on the paranormal To indicate eBay prevents the sale of intangible items in this listing Is only for a tangible doll with no promises

Why wait why Why is this shot included So you can see the ass It's for entertainment purposes only But no wait friends I don't just have one doll for you I have two dolls for you I have another doll

But wait This next doll is named Kim Thank you Chloe Thank you for your service Oh fuck no Oh that I'm Chloe's friend Haunted doll

Spirit vessel Negative entity Dark presence I go everywhere Chloe goes I'm Chloe B Do you want a kiss This is This is B

Chloe and I have to be home by 10 She can't stay This is B B's vessel is pretty an unusual vintage small bisque doll In good condition Bisque In good, I don't I'm not going to decode the doll stuff Travis

In good condition for its age This doll is full of soup But with some signs of age And where to be expected B is a dark and confused spirit She came to me recently in spirit form only And was causing much disruption to my electricity Hence the lighting

She's a lost spirit And to help her I found this vessel for her to take over As these do help spirits Which cannot pass to the other realm To find some form of comfort or grounding Why is this the doll you put on me I'm sure that spirit is stoked

I said no pictures We have communicated with B via Ouija And dowsing rods She was a farmer's wife You've been doing what? She was a farmer's wife And advises that she died of quote Poison

Travis can you confirm there is There are quotes on the word poison Correct When she was 43 That does sound like the poster is like She's obviously lying Whilst We have not yet got to the bottom

Of how she ingested poison We know her death was very unpleasant Hey, had you died of poison How? She says that she has buried quote In the field And that she cannot sleep There's much work to be done with B

And many things to be discovered We'd like to find her new keeper Someone who can work with her to find out her story She will disrupt electricity By way of interfering with the picture on the TV How spirits love to do this That's a different doll And bulbs may go in usually quickly

In succession Which we all know if you've been watching She has eyes that will follow you around the room And at times her presence can be quite overwhelming And chilling In hands Why do I see a reflection of myself Asleep in her eyes

Anyway, it says this has all been lies And he may make some say it's lies How much? Paul, can you pull up the listing I don't know where it's at right now It's great It just jumped up significantly I would wait here in the last five minutes

Great British pouch Wait, raise your hand if you bid on this dog Oh my god, okay Justin posted this listing That would be a good grift And then they were arrested on the weirdest Insider trading charges ever She can be quite rude at times

Sometimes not talk or communicate at all Or just swear So she won't talk for you a few days And then from your weird doll closet You'll just hear Shit Bastard I'm in the fucking field

I'm not gonna tell you how I was poisoned Get off my case That's my business Refresh it, refresh it, Justin We have to get it somebody bid I'm not controlling this It's 69, folks, we did it Oh boy, that was a very great doll

Throughout the pandemic I've really been trying to work At my physical fitness I'm also an avid golfer My fiance said she wanted me to take First picks out on the golf course Fellas, how do I take sexy pictures On a golf course?

You've come to the right place Put your balls in the hole That, I'm gonna There are like four different angles On why that was a bad joke Which one will you be exploring first, Griffin? Both the metaphor Of that image

First of all, okay If you put your balls in the The hole that you try to get the golf ball in It would be hard to see, I think, what you're doing Well, it's a look on your face that sells it They would just be like Why is he laying down on the golf course? You bet you would have a look on your face

It's like, what, me, worry? Right I'm a bad little boy I'm a stinker Yeah, I'm a stinker But I also don't know that That's a thirst trap, right? Yeah

I also don't know if it's like Even if it was very literal Especially sexy to say I'm gonna put my balls in the hole Oh, my Promise? You could do the thirst trap and the sand trap Yeah, that's a good one

Those are two words that sound alike So I said them I don't really have a follow-up I just wanted to say that Could you lift a golf cart? Can you lift a golf cart over your fucking head? Yeah That's the end of my joke

Now I'm still going with balls in the hole Alright Could you do a hole in one In a picture? Is there such a thing as a thirst jiff? Maybe just like a nice, like If you're playing at like sunset Just a nice picture, you smiling

Maybe like a knowing smile I got a story to tell you when I get home I just got my balls out of the hole I want to give Where are my balls, man? I'll never tell I'm being forcibly removed from the golf course Can you guess why?

That's right, I've done it again We have to move cities I want to give I need you to take me to the emergency room Because I put the balls in the hole But someone played through I want to give quick credit To this question asker

Because they must have thought for so long Before landing on throughout the pandemic I've really been trying to work on my physical fitness Do you know how many times there's this little like I'm fucking cut I look fucking good Everybody loves it Look at these fucking abs

Fucking sexy and swollen Everybody loves it Help me, sad brothers Help me, dough siblings What can I do? They actually wrote here And don't say put your balls in the hole It's like don't tell us how to do our job

Yes, you know Maybe you could just like pretend to hump the windmill That's fun, yeah Because it's definitely a mini golf course Wait, there are other ones? Yeah, they make these boring ass golf courses Where you have to hit the ball wicked hard Before you get to the fun stuff

Major golf, yes Macro golf This is actually very awkward Can I run to the restroom? You guys got this? Thank you Okay, I mean there's another question Hey Paul, could I have another beer? Thank you audience for confirming that I can

Hey, give it up for Paul And Paul Could you check on Justin He's in the bathroom for a really long time And I'm worried about him Can we say a big thanks to the Sheridan Grand Seattle A beautiful hotel that I love I've stayed here a few times

And I hold it so near and dear in my heart Because it's the only hotel I ever stayed in That's fucking across the street From a cheesecake factory Also very exciting Let's give a big cheer for Rachel Our editor This is the first time that Rachel

Has been here to actually help run the show So we don't have to worry about it And it's huge, thank you Rachel And to Amanda and Danielle And to everybody who's helped us do this show this evening And my wife Rachel And my wife Teresa And our kids, and our dad

And Paul Saboren I don't think Justin's ever coming back I think that's entirely possible Oh Oh god Justin, I mean Richard No, Richard Hi everybody

It's a good thing Richard isn't sharing a room with anyone this week Yeah, Richard's flying solo Wow, some people smell the divan there And they wave it away They wave a smell away It's like a fucking Gallagher show in here You can taste it I can taste it

I'm right next to Richard Hey guys, it's so cool to be here Either I'm already starting with the jokes These cut-ups But it's like Hey Richard, was there a point halfway through Spraying yourself 19 times that you thought This is too much?

No, there was a point where I thought This is not enough I need 20 more sprays But I'm running out of music Yeah, so it's so cool to be here with you guys You made my beer taste like it, Richard I like the thought When I heard you guys were doing a live show

I was like, yes I gotta get there Because I love Comets You do? I'm like a total nerd about this stuff Who's your favorite superhero? Don't make me choose

You can say like 5 or 6 Just anyone, yeah Red Villain? Yeah, yeah, yeah Your favorite superhero is Red Villain Red Falcon I like this book, yeah

Red Falcon I actually don't know if that's the one These guys know, they're geeks And in order to say love it So what I want to do, right Because it's not winter yet Normally I'm only allowed to come once a season Which is like, I hope you don't like array things

Yeah, man I wanted to talk about some superhero fragrances Because I don't know if you know this It's like not a joke But there's a lot of them If you google later Not now, but these are like all real And I love them

And they're really good for me Fucking compliment machines, man Whoa, hey, you get out there You spray them People are like, yes Here's the first one I got I wanted to try on you guys Yeah, it's just like

Yeah, this one is I do like that it came out of a cap school That's cool, right? Yeah, gamma rays You're fucking great, Richard This first one is This first one is Spider-Man Sorry?

This first one Is Spider-Man This is, it says here The web king is back With his great original smell Notes of vetiverberry Can I see it? The web king is back

The web king is back With his original smell Can I read where it says that, Richard? Do you guys know the nose on this one? Is it spiderweb? Spiderweb? No, it's the nose You're thinking of notes

Right, the nose like the person Who made the smell Oh, it's Andrew Garfield No, correct Wait, mixed message Grib? Gribber Yeah, sorry

Sorry The nose on Spider-Man Everyone knows they'll know it Don't give it to him Oh, yeah, Hugo It's Spider-Man He did the scent himself I do want to take a close look at that

Through the mask, he did it It's notes, I'll give I'll do like one small spread No, alright, we're going to pass On that, but this one's Spider-Man It's like notes of Edinburgh And some wood and oak And Spider-Man's the nose

And he loves it, and his wife Mary Jane Loves it too, they all love it Does it smell like Spider-Man? I have to smell it, can I hold it? Yeah, you can just smell it Give me quick thoughts on that It's just that there's no branding on it They're sample bottles

Your TSA If I can say this here I don't even let me bring my seven ounce bottle Of Spider-Man Cologne They take it out and say this is too big I say I'll check it But I think that doesn't even smell back in my pocket They get very like

You know how this does Give it a quick smell No, it's just a Spider-Man Cologne Yeah, it's like notes of Edinburgh And almonds Next up is Superman Clark Kent is back Clark Kent says here

Where was he? Clark Kent is back from the dead with a new smell That'll wake up the sexual animal in you What? Why does it say this? No sexual animal Clark Kent Clark Kent is back with a new

Known boner machine Clark Kent Do you guys know the nose on this one? Is it Clark Kent? No, it's Paul Lagartier The nose on this He put in notes of Spray it right up your nose

No No, he didn't Oh, God It's bleeding It's like How you doing over there Richard? It's challenging It is challenging

When you do like that Richard It's like everyone's wearing Superman Cologne It's like How did it go? It's like you wanted to It's got almond in it You can tell

It sounds like melting brain There's some blood I want to move on to Iron Man Just a Kind of related question When Superman did get killed By Doomsday I think In that comic series

Where's fucking Clark? Has anyone seen Clark Land? No, they covered it because Supergirl Pretended to be Clark Kent Okay, ask and answer Thank you Travis Can I tell you about Iron Man? I'd love to hear about Iron Man

This is a robot that everyone's wild about He's the world's It says on here the world's richest robot Is back Why is he always back? It says the world's richest robot This is back Everyone's favorite

The nose on this is also Jean-Paul Le Quitteriatier I swear to Christ You put some new syllables in there You put a steak on there Richard This one is like I mean like I smell this And I think money I think robots

I think rich robots Do you want to take a little whiff gripper? Do you also think It smells like the last cologne To spray up your nose? Do you smell the spice though? It's like a spicy Iron Man So rich robot

It does kind of smell like motor oil They love this at my church They go crazy for it How is your walk? Stronger than everybody I noticed your necklace there Is that a religious symbol? I did it for the geeks

They love this never ending story What does it say on the back? Um Now my man Clint bought this for me On the show floor thanks Clint Well you said like I had to leave my crucifix at home Clint will you grab me a crucifix And what your man Clint came back with was

Was the orange from Little Shop of Monster What was it? That was a never ending story Did you smell that gripper? Did you spray it on you? Did he? I didn't see him guys Did he spray it on him? Did he love it? I did

It was very non plus Why is everyone wearing a mask? What is happening? You can't smell any fragrances I'm sorry What? Still? What?

Oh god That's so sad Anyway there's lots of other great ones I got Black Manta Wait they made a Black Manta Green Lantern But anyway that's all the fragrances I got

I feel like the three of us can just bring it home Let's wrap it up Justin's dead white man We don't even need him around Yeah man You did drop one on the floor and if it broke open We would really never be invited back To Washington State

Wait I have one No no no I know that this one We're here I'm breakable Richard I know you're the guest here But do you want to take a swing at thanking the audience And getting us Yeah man thanks you

Thanks Abba for the great music Thanks I haven't listened for a bit Yeah no I get that It's actually Montaigne now This is our first live show With that as our righteous theme song Let me think

Okay Me and Travis thanked most people While Justin was Thank you Clint McElroy Thank you Clint McElroy Sorry I heard you goofing on John Cena You want to say anything about him like sorry

Or anything like that No not until he says it first That's cool Yeah Justin asked me To a mirror We use to talk to each other Awesome fuck yeah

We have a mirror We use to talk to each other Yeah definitely Everybody knows this They all know this I actually heard Richard last time we met You had like a really small Napsack that I could hear

Like Justin screaming from Was that that Yeah it's a huge Mirror I keep with a small napsack And it's got Justin we talk to each other And it's just That's all and he just told me to ask you He said that you had

He said a Whip ass final yahoo For us From The final yahoo answers Which is weird to me because like it doesn't work anymore When I try to go to the site It's still in my RS

Have you like updated your password for yahoo Alright no I do That might be it I do throw a VPN Yeah I've just actually left the tab open For a while now I connect to a VPN at Paul Reiser's house Because I don't want my

Activity to be monitored So I hack into Paul Reiser's internet And I call my sites Through there Wait so you do it at Paul Reiser's house No I hack into Paul Reiser's house And let me tell you He is mad about that

Griffin I'm done with my Paul Reiser story You can finish Oh thanks to Jesus Christ Obviously Without his love None of us would be here Huge big ups to JC My walk with him has never been stronger

Please keep me in your heart and prayer So this final yahoo Was sent in By R R L Stein

Thank you Dr. Goosebumps Please That's just what they call him on the court Thank you Dr. Goosebumps It's from yahoo answered I can say that would be as funny As anything Richard Steink has done

Since he crossed the threshold of this Just being myself, read the quote Just read the one you have on the screen It's yahoo answers user Don Sheena Don Don Sheena

We heard of that party Do you think there was a boy where a manager Or someone said should it be Gina Because of the jeans Hurry the people gotta go home Yeah sure Don Sheena My dad's the light guy He says he wants to go home

Hey thank you man Thank you for the ride over here dad Love you I'll see you soon We've gone so long Don Sheena asks Yes Don Sheena asks Does Does

What Don Sheena asks Just read it Don Sheena Don Sheena asks Does Does

Muscle milk Make Does muscle milk make an invisibility Potion flavor My name's Richard Steink I'm Travis McRoy I'm Kevin McRoy This has been my brother My brother because you're dad's score on the lips

It's better, it's better with you Because it's true It's better, it's better with you My life It's better with you