My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 59: Real Talk Live: Face 2 Face 2

Episode Date: June 14, 2011

More real. More talk. More live. We took to the stage at the Cincinnati Shakespeare Company -- which is in Cincinnati, you might have guessed -- to do our second live show ever. Come, share in the yuks! Also, the animosity.

I want you to keep that big grain of salt and be ready to take it. As you enjoy, Justin, Travis, and Griffin, ladies and gentlemen, McIlroy Brothers! From the beginning, he was one of the most impressed, so from your advice, it should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sex group, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Welcome! Don't open that for a while. I am already very sweaty.

And I'm spent. Good night, ladies and gentlemen! Another classic for the record book. We arrived here a couple minutes after Travis. Travis got here, of course, to help set up. Yeah, I just started up with it. We got here a couple minutes after Travis. His coworkers were looking for us. They don't know us. Travis had come in to set up, and the young lady sitting out there said, oh, you must be the brothers. We said, yes, she said, Travis said to look for you. She said that one of you was blonde, and one of you was fat.

I have no excuse. One of you is the dumbest, like, I'm not blonde. I was in a rush. You were so in a rush, you don't know what the fuck hair color he has? And there's other, the thing is, the fact that I'm overweight isn't even the first thing people notice about me. One, he's the best rapper of the three of them. You will hear him drop beats and rhymes. Just forget his homemade toffee. Yeah, if he's carrying a great plate of toffee, that's Justin. Of course, that could also loop back into our original complaint about him being a portly. And he's like, festive, festive. You're never too short on time for manners.

Yeah, there's always time for, if there's one message we try to espouse on my brother, my brother, me. An advice show for the modern era. Hi, I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy, the Bond one. You guys, maybe you can't see this from the audience. I frosted my tips for this show. So I can think of two things that are different for this show than our last live show. First of all, we don't have, like, tangible microphones. They're on our face. They're attached to our face, which is great. I don't know if you guys saw this. I produced the show and I edited it, which I think are the same thing.

I pay you as though they're the same thing. Justin pays. I know it's riding up. What's it doing? Do you ever want to know what Griffin's glasses sound like? They've got a lot to say. Super tender. Like, for a show, that's super tender. We produce a lot of sound that is just genuinely sonically unpleasant to hear. And I catch it, and on our last live show, we had mics. So if we had to make such a sound, we could get away from it, but this is going to be as raw as it gets.

You're going to enjoy listening to us drink. Every gulp, every sip, every belch, every glottal stock. Is that a sound that people make with their mouths? A glottal stock? Yeah. Every sniffle, snort, sneeze. Oh, guys, buckle in. Your ears are about to go on a rollercoaster. So that's the first thing.

I feel like I'm in a boy band. I don't know if you guys can see that. I just have the cord. I'm either a Kings Island performer or a founding member of S Club 7. We also have Justin's sister-in-law, who is in the audience, who is... 10. 10. Far too young to hear some of the words we're going to say on the stage. So... Hi, Riley.

Yeah, hi, Riley. Hey, Riley. They've requested, the Smerl family has requested that instead of using earmuffs, this is the only time we say it. Like, dick or... No, no, no, that one's fine. Or like a vagina. We have to use the term front butt. So as much as we can, we're going to interchange the two.

So just a little pre-show anatomy, terminology. Fuck, it's so hot on the stage, you guys. It's really hot. Now it is. My front butt is sweating so bad. Both of my butts are unpleasantly damp. I have to get out of here. Yeah.

So let's get to the advice. What do you think? Yeah? Yeah. Yes. Let's get it wet. Let's dump this melon. I've given up on clothing.

Instead, I've opted for a uniform because I don't want to think about what I wear. Several black t-shirts and several pairs of jeans. It seems to work, but certain people around me think it's weird. Are they right or am I on the bleeding edge of wardrobe efficiency? Cole from Cincinnati. Cole, are you here? Cole, where are you? Cole, where are you?

If you aren't wearing a black t-shirt and jeans. Yeah! Dedication. I salute you. To the goof. Cole with a K from Cincinnati with a C. Well done, my friend. Well done. So first, before we really delve into the meat of the question, if people around you

think your clothes are weird, but you think it works, that's pretty much the definition of your clothes not working. If you're talking about clothes working, you're covering all your gentle bits. You're protected from your media elements? Like, yeah, I guess in that case. My favorite two tigers and the Ice Age are safe. You're fine. My favorite fashion catchphrase is Tim Gunn, who says, make it work for you.

Everybody else doesn't really matter. Yeah. So that's point one. Point two? I love it. I'm a big fan. I'm down. I think I have maybe five shirts.

Yeah. Five shirts. I have two pairs of jeans, one of them I favor. I favor this pair of jeans. The other one I'm not so hot on. I think everyone has a favorite pair of jeans. Right? Yeah, but most people don't have like a swap out, like a one in one out system.

Like I do. You only have two pairs of jeans? You have like a favorite and then an off court buddy. I do. It's what I call them, my off court buddies. See Travis's jeans are almost exclusive. You were on your only pair of jeans that are not covered in paint. That's correct.

I bought them two days ago. Yes. Thank you. They're much smaller than mine, you see, because I'm the fat one. Oh no. Oh no. That's, yeah, that's the whole show. Welcome to the show, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the costume of M.V.M. ever. Welcome to the grand finale of my brother, my brother, my brother, that other guy and me. Who gets killed off? I feel like I'm getting cut. Yeah, you're getting cut. I think I like I'm down with the whole like Doug funny ideology to wear your clothing. You got a t-shirt, sweater vest, shorts. Unless I'm mistaken, that's our second Doug reference in 45 seconds.

Off her buddies is from, wow. Holy shit. Yeah, yeah. Welcome to the live show. How about Patty Mane? She's a looker, isn't she? Yeah. Anybody in here need more allowance?

Why? Because I do. It's up half of the alienated crowd. How does it face? Wait, do you think anyone in here isn't on board with Doug? You think anyone in here is going, what? Some people might be Eureka's castle. I don't know.

That's fair. So what's up? Have you considered actually investing in a literal uniform? Well, a jumpsuit might work. I like the interplay. No, let's do it. Thank you, Cole. Let's get raw.

I can see a light on you now, Cole. I think, yeah, a jumpsuit, some sort of janitorial tunic. Some sort of oppressive imagery. Some sort of like a magistrate's garb? Right. Or maybe we don't have to go that specific. What about just like a sailor thing? Yes.

And I'm not talking like a modern seaman. I'm talking about like a blue and white sailor. Oh, my. Oh, OK. Wait, now what kind of sailor is that again? Oh, I'm like a sailor. Sailor. Sailor.

What's her name? He's excited. He's excited about his nautical craft. Aren't all sailors? Yeah. They left. Really? Yeah.

So, Cole, in closing... Be a sailor. Become a sailor. Become a sailor. Just walk around the docks. Like, anybody need a hand? No, don't do that. Actually, no, I thought about it twice.

That would require an entirely different kind of uniform. Oh, man. Something staining. Yes. Something a lot of mesh. Something that really features my front butt. Something that really shows off that FV. How about a yahoo?

OK. How about one? This one was sent in by Jacob Blocker. Thank you, Jacob Blocker. Thank you, Jacob. In heaven. He died and he's in heaven now. It is by yahooanswersuser Jessica who asks,

Am I the only one who has a phobia of hot tubs? I have an epic fear of hot tubs. I was electrocuted by one before and I've seen people on 1,000 ways to die. I die in hot tubs for a few different reasons. If I get, they had a whole special. How many different reasons? We'll get to that. There was a raccoon in there with the rabies.

Maybe you're in a hot tub and someone shoots and stabs you to death. If I get close to one, I have a panic attack. I know it's silly, but I'm so afraid I'm going to die in one and it has nothing to do with drowning. Nothing to do with... I was just wondering if there was anyone else out there who's afraid of hot tubs, not drowning or drains or electrocution, but just hot tubs in general. What?

Get that fucking thing away from me, man. What kind of life are you living that day to day you're confronted with hot tubs to the point that you can't avoid them? Right. I think she works in a cruise ship. Yeah, maybe think before you talk. Yeah. What is the scenario exactly in which a hot tub poses a threat to you?

That's not electrocution. Not electrocution, drowning. I can't think of any time where I haven't looked at a hot tub and gone, cool relaxation is coming my way. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Tell me about that. Cool relaxation? Cool?

Like, this is cool. This is familiar with the concept though, right? You know it's not just like a hot... Okay, fine. It's either... If I got into a hot tub that was cool, I'd be like, oh, it got me. I'm like, this is a, this is a little pool, this is like a tiny, tiny Olympic pool. Look at the place, it's cold as shit, you asshole.

You either get, this is a bowl. A hot, a hot, hot, I don't know, soothing water experience. No! Or, you go on a raunchy time travel adventure with your three best friends. Either way, I- I think that's what they're afraid of. That's terrifying. Yeah.

So they're with Rob Corker and John Cusack, and it is terrifying. Griffin will never forget the time he was trying to make people who paid him to laugh, and he mentioned Hot Tub Time Machine. Because that- A thousand ways to die on stage. Yeah. Like Griffin McRoy. Uh, I don't like-

I think I've been short on advice, like, just stay away from him. Like, don't go to your Hot Tubs, maybe. Like, if you hear, like, rolling- If I was going to go do a Hot Tub, no. I hear jets. I hear rolling water. Have you guys ever encountered a surprise Hot Tub? Like, you turn the corner and it's like, oh, what's that pit of foamy spew?

And it's like, oh, fuck, it's a Hot Tub. No! I've got a Boy Scout- I've got a Boy Scout induction that I want you to- Hot Tub! No, it doesn't- It's always on vacation. How do you relax your joints without Hot Tubs?

It's like a fucking bathtub. Quit being an idiot, Jessica. It's a fucking bathtub that's, like, square instead of rectangle. Do you think she's afraid- Do you think she's- Do you think she's afraid of bathtubs, too? Like, if someone rounded out their bathtub, she would freak out as it was Hot Tub. Do you think-

Do you know what? I have a theory. I think it is the communal experience of a Hot Tub over a bathtub, which I totally agree with because we've talked about Hot Tubs before, like, you're getting your balls particles in a soup with everyone else's balls particles. And who knows, like, what kind of convection is going on in there? I think, though, that if this was a pubic theory, it would be specifically mentioned. I have enough faith in Jessica that she would provide us with these. She's afraid of the pubic-ionic bonds that are going on in this Hot Tub.

What kind of show did this turn into you? We have a ten-year-old in the audience, guys. Listen. You're right. This is weird. People came here for real talk. This is real as it gets. Right. Sometimes, your front butt, you soak it in water.

And what? Yeah. And what? A dinosaur and a foam capsule? Oh, God. Oh, if only. Oh, it's a chicken. It's so much fun.

My wife and I were on vacation, and we saw a very peculiar sight. We saw another couple with their baby. But, you see, their baby had pierced ears. Real piercing. What would make parents think this is an okay thing to do to a baby in arms? Follow-up would fuck, but actually do that to their baby. Puzzled in paradise. Before we get it again, I hate to, like, stall on the wisdom.

How close did you roll up on this, man? That's what I want to know. That was my first question, too, is how do you know they're not, like, clip-ons? Excuse me. Hold on to me. Give me that fucking ear. Yeah. Oh, weird.

I need to just jack my mic. I had it set specific. Can I inspect your baby a little closer? Hey, do you mind if I get right up in your baby, like, by his head, which is, like, his most delicate part? Yeah. And just, like, fumbling around. Wait, what is this? Who's piercing on boy baby's ears?

No, that's how I hit me. Like, we're not talking about... No, no, no, no, no. Listen, you... Our minds went to entirely different places, because you're thinking, like, fucking, like, a porcelain doll, like, fashion baby. I'm talking about, like, a cool-ass surfer-bro baby. Like, like, the Bodie of babies, right? Like, Bodie.

Bodie baby. Bodie baby. He's on his little baby surfboard, and all the other baby surfers are like, Chas, what's up? Like, Chas, where's your... Chas, baby. Chas, baby, where's your face bling? And he's like, I don't... My parents are total squares, man.

Like, I don't know what to tell you. Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Those of you at home, Griffin just did the square motion with his fingers. It's in 1962. I'm bringing it back. Retro. I don't, I don't know. I think if you don't let your baby get an earring, you're male fucking hip-ass baby.

If you don't let that sweet, cool baby get an earring, then you're a fascist. Yeah, whoa. And what about a face tattoo? Whatever that baby... If that baby wants to get a Mike Tyson tribal face tattoo, fucking let him, because that baby... This is my baby, Mike Tyson. How... Thank you.

Thank you for your... How old? How old does a human being? Because that's what they are. Well, like, pocket-sized human beings. Yeah. How old do they have to be before they can start expressing themselves? Let's hear it.

Audience? That's right. Zero. Yeah, exactly. Self-expression. Self-expression begins at conception. In-baby-able right. As soon as seed touches egg, it's like that baby's like... What?

You know, experimenting with... You thought it was a good... I thought it was a good... In-baby-able. In-baby-able right? No? No, we can edit that later. We'll take that out.

That one's coming out in posts. I... For real, though, don't pierce your baby's ears. What are you doing? Although, like, I guess if it's a dude baby, you did just cut the tip of his dick off. So it's like... Oh, God, the tip of his front butt.

His front butt. The tip of his front butt. You just cut off the end of the cheeks of his front butt. Like... It's not like you're gonna hurt... Hey! As long as we're piercing stuff. What's up?

Hey! The coolest baby ever! Maybe with gauged ears. It's like you're gonna only get so wet. Like, you get a brisk going, and it's like... You might as well just like... As long as you're down there. Yeah.

Yeah. Modify that baby. Put a butterfly in it. Pimp that baby's front butt. Oh, and give him, like, a lizard ridge? What? Lizard ridge. Give him, like, a lizard ridge?

Can you give my baby cat eyes? I want... I want a baby... I want my baby working at a record store by the time he's 13. And for every year, sequential. Um... We talked about baby front butts enough. You wanna go to Yahoo?

I would like that. That's probably gonna steer us away from those choppy... Choppy waters. Choppy waters. Baby genital piercing. Gentle. This one was sent in also by Jacob Locker. Thank you, Jacob, as always.

It's by Yahoo Answers user Callie R, who asks... How to start a letter to a friend that's in jail? That's it. That's it? Yeah, that's it. No, like, details of what they're in jail for? Here, I'll make them up. My friend's in jail.

I would like to correspond with my friend, but I'm too much of a pussy. I'm too much of a front butt to go and talk to him in person. Do you have an easy... An easy intro? It can't be like, I feel it. Like, I feel this... This Callie R, because you can't just be like salutations.

Like... Aloha! There's... There is... There are two wrong ways to do this. And the first one is to blow right over the fact that they are incarcerated. But what are you up to? Did you go see Bridesmaids yet?

Uh, you can't see any movies. Um... They let them see prison movies. What do you... Can you explain? Escape from Alcatraz, like that? Now see, I thought that same thing. Shawshank? No, Shawshank, the walls.

These are all escape movies. That's what I'm saying. Like, you don't want to get these prisoners any ideas. Are there any movies where there are people who are in jail? They're like, yeah. I accept this. This is pretty fucking cool. Like, hey, I can lift weights and stuff.

Like, all my friends are not... Well, they're not here, but my new friends are. They show Shawshank, but they cut it at the part where Morgan Freeman wants to go back to prison. And, like, they have a little credits that come up at the end, like, and then he went back to prison and he was happy forever. It was super happy. Turns out prison, awesome. He totally regretted his time with Tim Robbins. Much like Susan Saranda.

Oh, man. What would be great if there was a prison version of that movie where he goes to... Red? Was that Morgan Freeman's name in the movie? Red? I don't know. He goes to him and he's like, can I get a rock hammer? And he's like, nope.

No, you may not. The prison edit. Have fun in prison forever. So that's the first way. The second way is to joke about it too soon. Like, you got a can to rattle against those bars or, like, you got in the middle of the like, has somebody touched your front butt in, like, a way that you didn't particularly enjoy? Yeah.

Soap jokes are, like, right out the window. I don't know. Is there any way that sort of splits those uprights? I mean, you could talk about the awesome things you do on the outside. Yeah. Anything that enjoyed that? Like, I did just see Bridesmaids and it was a revelation. I enjoy the tweeting of birds and the child's laughter.

Like, that kind of thing? Can they not, can they not bring birds into the jail? No. I like your fine face. I'm pretty sure somebody in Shawshank had a bird. That just seems pretty neat. I watched the prison edit, though. It might have been.

Yeah. It took all, all aviary life just got cut right out of that film. It's cut right out. You, it highly depends, I think, on how long they're in the clink. If they've got 20 years ahead of them. You do lie. You gotta catch them up, though. You gotta say how terrible things are.

Shit sucks out here, man. I gotta pray for this president. Shed Bush. What? Tell him terrifying news on the outside. I think that would get around. The sky is lit with fire. Like, not where you are, but everywhere else.

Not where everyone else is. They just circle around your prison. Just take the stand out here. It sucks so bad. You're the only safe one. They outlawed ice cream. What are we doing? You gotta come back.

We need you here. My wife's cousin and I, their wife are staying with us overnight next week. Our house has no guest room. My wife says that we need to offer our room to her cousin, because that's a plight thing to do. I say that they are not expecting extreme comforts, considering the fact that they are, one, not staying in any of the nearby hotels, and two, we didn't invite them.

They called and asked if it would be okay if they stayed in our place. What do you think? This is where fight worth fighting. That's from BRAD. No matter what we decide it's about to be. If you're here, Brad, are you here? Very smart, Brad. Nice job.

Very cunning. Have we considered that BRAD is short for, like, Bob Brad? Hey, what's up? I'm Bob Brad. I want to be honest. I made up that name. Okay. That's good.

Not bad. Did you make up the question, too? No, question. Okay, wait. Is this a bit? Did you make up a name for someone? Well, let's just say I made up the name based off a real name. I think you can put together what that real name says.

Okay, so the guy is a guy. What the fuck? So, like, that's your goof? It's like, I turned Brad into BRAD. Get it? You're off the show. I think I know why BRAD didn't raise his hand now. I'm not going to be that guy.

That Brad is divorced from me now. That's another Brad. It's a parallel universe Brad that calls himself BRAD. Good work, Travis. You created a splinter universe. So is it worth fighting? I think unless your life is in, like, mortal danger, that it's usually not worth fighting.

That's my, you know, my marriage tip for everybody. So we're going to go ahead and assume that, no, it's not worth fighting, but then we're going to go into a pretend universe where we're going to make jokes about fighting. Okay, Brad would never fight about it. BRAD, though, you know him. He's crazy.

He's fucking scrappy, yo. Have you been, like, fucking pulling knife on you? Have you been, like, lying the whole time? Like, how much have you made up in these? All of them. Just pretty much, okay. Listen, Travis did-does-it-know-shit. He's got to be advised constantly

about every single thing on the earth. These are all his problems, you mean. Wow, this is a- Every answer-every yahoo question, too. All Travis. He's got to know about hot tubs. He's very afraid of tubs. You're serious shit.

Yeah. Although that would be pretty scary. So my wife's cousin and her wife- Listen, I- I think it's-it's-it's probably, like, if you fight about it too much, there's probably a good chance you'll end up sleeping on the couch anyway.

So why not just save yourself some time? Well, how tangential that cousin is. Ooh. Ooh. Is it, like, your- Fuck, I don't know what a cousin is. A brother's sister's son, right? Like, a dad's-

And Travis is the bad guy. You don't know what a cousin is. No, like, uh- No, no, no, you still call me fat. You're the fuck right off. Okay. Uh... A cousin is your-is your brother's-

Dad's-your dad-your dad is- Listen, it's your daddy's-Sassy's son or son or daughter. What? Uh, so I think if it's that close, then nah. Yeah, I mean, doesn't it- I think cousins aren't close enough that you- that they get the normal, like, familial privileges. I think that you have to-

How close you gotta be? How close you gotta be. I think immediate family, obs. Grandma, grandpa, they're old. They get the bed. Oh, they need that bed, yeah. Yeah. Have you seen their bones?

There's- They're- They're everywhere. They're everywhere. They're literally just a janglin and a jinglin. I thought you meant like, what's this in my refrigerator? Oh, it's grandpa's bones again. The bad news is if you-you will have to sell your mattress afterwards

because they're gonna hold it up. Oh, god. It's gonna be- You're not gonna- You're never gonna get rid of that smell. That new old person smell. You can't get that out. So Brad, long story short, be rad, you mean.

Be rad. You are right. If that's what you want. You are right. You shouldn't have to give up your bed. But you're gonna have to give up your bed. Yeah, right. It's not-this is not a battle you're gonna-you're gonna win

or it's really worth fighting. I mean, it'll be- You know what? Sleep under this car. Maybe-and then maybe you can make a wish that your cousin's not there. Make a wish I didn't have any cousins. I wish I'd never pulled him out of that lake

when he was seven. A revisionist history there. That's not Brad, though. That's Be Rad. Be Rad's an asshole. Be Rad-Master Brad would never-would never allow that. Like, Brad Prime. We're having a crisis of infinite brads.

It's pretty bad. You know what I mean. I think you need a Yahoo answer. This one was sent in by Jacob Locker. Thank you, Jacob Locker. I swear, I-I thought I arranged these so that it wouldn't just be the Jacob Locker show, but apparently they did better.

That's all right. Hey, you-you didn't call me Fat today, so you're on a road. Rest of my life. Uh, we're gonna change the name of the show to Fatty, Toehead, and Mean Guy. I would-I would be-I would be satisfied with just Fatty and Toehead, actually.

I mean, as long as we're making changes. Whoa. Whoa, got real. She got real. Got real, real. Got really real. I-Did you go about that show, my brother and my brother and me? I saw the last one.

It was pretty-pretty sad. Jacob Locker is here to save us from this moment. Uh, it's, uh, Yahoo Answers by Yahoo Answers user Mike, who asks, Is it possible for a guy to dress a girl up as a boy and sneak her into his home? You wanna open her? Uh, is it possible for a guy to sneak a mistress-slash-girlfriend

into his family, parentheses, wife, mother, kids, et cetera? What's the et cetera? Wife, mother, kid. Cousins. Visiting cousins. Visiting cousins, yeah. Is it possible to sneak a, uh, mistress-girlfriend into his family home by dressing her up as a guy pal

and have her stay for a few days slash weeks? What if you have her dress up in heavy clothes to cover her breast? Irf. Hey, your guy friend looks like Wicked Weird. Like, what's up with his chest area, because, uh, and give her a hat to hide her hair? I would never do this, but I wonder,

could a guy actually pull this off and succeed? So many problems with this question. That's a lot of... Number one, it's the same question as the last one. Uh, oh, you're saying that the sneaky cousin- I'm saying Be Rad's sneaky c- Not Brad. The sneaky cousin is the best thing I've ever heard.

Can that be a sex move? The sneaky cousin? The gay with the sneaky cousin. The sneaky cousin is when you sneak a woman dressed as a man into your house. She's all that? Is that what that movie is? Yeah, yeah.

Uh, she's all that style, into your house, and then, uh, for weeks at a time. Uh, and then you guys touch front butts. Well, one of her breasts hang out, one of her concealing, like, oh, God, what are you saying? Sneaky cousin is also my favorite EVE Barclay side project. What's up?

Uh, I mean, no. Yeah, like, no, that's not possible. I think the nation would be executing this move if it were feasible, right? Like, it would get weird. You think this would catch on, like, wildfire? If it were physically possible? Have you been on the internet?

Like, people spread weird- They're pliking! Come on, you don't think this would? How is this less weird than laying flat? Oh, man, oh, have you seen my Flickr gallery? It's all just, I'm she's all thatting, all over the place. I have so many problems with this question. The first performance being like,

first of all, how are you gonna pitch, like, this is my buddy, like, Zach. This is my guy pal. I'm gonna be in his room for hours this time. This is my guy pal, Zach. I know he's got one female breast, but let's not talk about that. He's got his chainmail shirt.

Listen, we're gonna chill. We're gonna chill up in my room for weeks at a time. And, um, like, maybe just slide some- I know I've never mentioned them before, and I have no pictures of them. I think it looks like a chicken dude's clothing. It kinda looks like my friend Sheila, who you know, and are not too fond of.

It's gonna sound like we're porking, but we're just getting really good at foosball. Also, I'm gonna buy a foosball table. And we're also really proud of how well we're doing at foosball. Yeah, good job, yeah! Also, you'll never see the foosball table. If you look at a direct- Psychic foosball.

Yeah, psychic foosball. In person clothes style. If you look directly at the foosball table, we'll not be there. What's up? Somebody on Yahoo! One of the answers- Oh, yeah.

Answers said, Watch She's the Man. I fucked up the name of the movie. I got corrected by Yahoo! answers. If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom slitting my wrists. Yeah. Get that gum metal taste.

Well, you're done? Done with that question. I'm embarrassed now. You're embarrassed, and you're sure we're moving on? No, no, no. Let's- I mean, if we have more things to add.

On the She's the Man. Yeah, I think- Well, I think we could probably do, like, infinity things, like, the worst idea. I like that mother was included there, just in case anyone was wondering, because if you can get it past your wife,

that's cool. But if your mom goes, What's the deal? Well, she's got maternal- With your effeminate friend. She's got maternal insight. She knows. She knows when you two have been-

Okay, Jesse, demonstrate. Come on, just rub two hands together. She knows when you've been working on a plan to kill Superman? I've- I've worn glasses since I was three years old, but recently I've been

feeling like they're keeping my sexy back. I've- I've been thinking of maybe ditching them in favor of contacts, or Lasik. But at the same time, I'm a total nerd, and I feel like the glasses

kind of reflect some street cred there, in a sense. Glasses? No glasses? Hell, skeptically be spectacled. Are they here? No.

Then fuck them. Listen. Whoa! Straight up. I don't care what you do. I usually don't, but don't get Lasik. Like, don't get Lasik.

And I'll tell you why. It's a terrifying idea. It's because they cut off the tip of your eye with a laser. Right? Like, that is- It's like an eyebrow. It's like a ninja,

when the sword comes in, it's like, I'm just going to take a little off the top, and it's like a barber. He's like a ninja barber, I guess. And like- So, wait. Just to come back.

Tiny ninja laser barber. Yes. And he cuts off the tip of your eyeball, so you can see better. Okay. Like, do you know how laser works? As far as I know,

no, no, no. I read, I saw a documentary on Discovery Channel. They get a tiny ninja barber with a laser beam that cuts off the tip of your eyeball. I don't think that's accurate at all. That's what you're sitting with?

That's- That's my story. I've read 1984 a few times. I'm pretty sure that the people who, when they go to the place, and the guy says, I'm going to shoot your eye with a laser,

but trust me, it's all cool. Those are the people that are first with their backs against the wall when the revolution comes. That's all I'm saying. If you'll buy that line

of, of laser propaganda, double talk, I think you'll believe any. I think Lasik is double plus good. You think it's double? I get, I get,

if I were to get some sort of correct advice, surgery, I would definitely get it at the Ministry of Love. Anybody got any other in 1984? Anybody? You want to go animal form from the audience?

Fucking. Did you guys have my brother and my brother? You mean the last one? Yeah, I was there. It was good until they got into this Orwellian, Orwellian bit. It went 20 minutes.

And then they ended and they said they were done forever. It's one of them called the other one, fat. It was weird. I, I, thank you.

I don't, like just wear the glasses. Glasses are like a watch for your face, if you think about it, because they're, like what other accessories, no,

like I'm not on your team. Fuck you. What other accessories are you allowed to wear here as a, as a gentleman? Ladies get all kinds of things. They get,

unless you're a cool surfer baby dude, you get earrings. You're saying like, like mouthguards, like, like a permanent mouthguard? Yeah, like you're on a wrestling team

or football team. Okay. So like, hold on, no, no, no, let's get back to this. I patch. Is this a, is that a fashion statement

or is that a security concern? Are you afraid that somebody's going to come in and jack your jaws? At any given moment, you have to protect your teeth? I'm asking why you're wearing a fucking

mouthguard, Travis. Answer my question, because you know how I love it. Hold on, you would answer my question, you're spittle covered mouthguard. Nice style, Paco.

Nice fashion, nice fashion mouthguard, although if those do catch on copyright. That's alright. 2011. Can we get him branded? So like, what's yours say, juicy?

And it will be juicy if you have it in your mouth. I used to wear one of those, an Invisalign, and there is nothing less attractive you can do at the high school lunch table than like,

oh yeah, hold up baby. What were you saying? No, don't smell that. No. No, no, no, no. I had to put these in the lead vault, I keep in my fucking backpack, it smells so bad.

And you wonder why he's spingled. Who would think that a tiny, who would think that a tiny petri dish you keep in your mouth for 18 hours straight would adopt an unpleasant scent? Yeah. Wow,

wow, what a turn this show took. What a weird, funny, I guess, turn this stuff into your mouth funk. So Griffin,

this one was sent in by Golly A. Olly. Thank you Golly A. Olly. It's by Yahoo Answers user Dean. God too, is everyone dead? Thank you Golly A. Olly, and God,

who gave her the inspiration to find this question? They're not here, they're dead to me. Golly A. Olly asks, and this is good, there's a lot of hostility in this episode,

I think we can work it out right here. Okay, good, good. Dean asks, what would you say if you beat your brother in a wrestling match LOL? Couldn't get through that question without a gaggle.

I'm cracking myself up, time for this. Good one, James. If you had a wrestling match and you won, landing on their face and pinning them down for the three count,

but you were sat on their face so their nose went up in between your bum cheeks, like this, and then he is drawn on the modicon to, it's like a greater than sign,

and then two inward facing parentheses, so it's like, like, that's not what my, like, that looks like you're putting, like, candy corn, maybe? Does he sell it though,

but is he selling it? I mean, it's pretty good. You buy it, like, in the console? Yeah, I appreciate the diagram. Target achieved. I appreciate the diagram because without it, like, the physics of that,

like, my nose is not sharp or broad or rigid. It seems like you'd have to commit. Unless your bro was a real gaper, I'm not sure. Can I say real? His real butt. His real butt.

His back butt. I'm talking about his back butt, and not his front butt urethra. We're straight up talking just his back butt. What would you say to them at this point to humiliate them and rub it in that you won?

All in fun. This is just a survey. You asked, you have to rub it. Yeah, like, hey, what's, my butt smell like, like, that would be a good start. This is the best survey ever, by the way. If they came door to door like,

hi, I'm just a brief moment of your time. If your brother's nose is in your bum cheeks, what would you say to them? You done won that fight. I liked it in the concept you have to say something to humiliate them. Yeah, like, I think it's done, done. Like, you got them.

Yeah, you've got them already. Tough answer. Tough cookie. Shh. Who let the fucking tubercular person in here? Did you go to that, my brother, my brother, my brother, my show? The live one?

Yeah, it was good except for it. They did a 20 minute Orwellian bit and there was a longer. We all got it. It was totally bubonic. We all got a case of the consumption. We all got the bubonic. Got a case of the giggles

and a case of the consumption. Tough answer. Tough cookie, sugar. Sugar? That's what this question needs more homoerotic overtones. The second highest answer by Mark V. Answer

says, ha ha, I won. Gay. What's up now? What's up now? Tell them, bro. You got me. You got me. You're practically performing

analangos on me. Gay, what's up? I win. An arresting match. I don't like this. Trust me. Fuck. Fuck.

An arresting match means just like sitting on his face while he was asleep. Yeah. Good morning. Good morning, I win. I think that what you say is let's never talk about this

ever, ever again. Super secret. Listen, go wash your nose. We'll fucking like, dad and mom are gone. They don't have to know. I am moving out. I'm moving out.

I'll see you in 20 years. If anyone asks we're playing a psychic foods bowl. I am bummed out now. Let's move on to a new question. Yeah, I'm a little bummed too. My ex-girlfriend of many years recently broke up with me.

Oh, good. This will pick everyone's skirts up. Yeah. Can kick me out of our apartment. Obviously, it didn't go over well then, but all is well now. My problem is that now, whenever I get on Facebook,

she messages me and tries to catch up and tell me about how our life is wonderful. I try to just log off when I see that she's online, but it cuts into my time catching up with people who are still very important to me.

Do I confront her and ask her to stop? Do I ignore her when she tries? Or do I just keep doing what I'm doing that's incommunicado in Indiana? Are you here? Is incommunicado in Indiana here? Let's get real.

Yeah. Yes? Did she break up with her or did she break up with you? Okay. Oh, right. She broke up with you? Oh, man.

Oh, fuck. I wish it was the other one. Yeah. All the air. Hold on. Oh, no. Oh, no. Not that.

No. No. Well, maybe if you took off. Is she here? Okay. Oh, yeah. Fuck her. Fuck her.

Fuck her. Fuck her. What the fuck? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Does she listen? No. Fuck her. Fuck her.

Hey. What the fuck? So she breaks up with you and she's like, doing great, by the way. Went to TJ Maxx, found her really great. Fuck you.

What are you doing? Found her new with a really sweet front butt. Remember that time when I noticed my bum cheeks? Because I do. Enjoy TGI Fridays. Fuck.

Stupid. I forget the question as I'm so angry. Yeah, you, I think you mentioned this when we were going over this list, but I'll remind you, there's nothing you can say

that to overvalue the classic, bitter, icy gesture of an unfriendly. She goes. There's a slow burn. It is tantamount. It is tantamount

to murdering somebody on the internet. Because it's like, hey, where'd Becky go? She's fucking gone. She's gone. She's been imagined away. She won't know about it

until she logs on her front page. And Facebook says, hey, I recommend you be friends with this guy. Pretty good recommendation. I thought I was already. Nope, you done fucked up. You're incorrect.

You used to be, and then you fucked it up because he's cool and here. There's also the option of coming back with when she tells you how great her life is. Just top it. Yeah.

Like, I'm president now. I found a test to go over. Something that maybe she couldn't check up on. Like, yeah. What is your guys deal with like trying to invent a new president?

I changed my name. It's Barry Obama now. You may have heard record stuff up in DC. You know, why don't, why don't you just tell her, well, you're on Facebook.

So not that good, I guess. Cause she's. Not that. It's not that. Good for you. Good for you. Playing some Farmville I see. I hear you.

How about Mafia Go? Maybe a bumper crop of radishes. Good, good. Glad to hear it. You want a yahoo? Uh, yeah. I think so.

Frillo, fuck that bitch. Yahoo answers. This one is sent by Golly. Thanks Golly. Did we give him any practical? Yeah, we gave him some good stuff. I feel like that bitch is about as practical as it gets.

Wow. Lion say you're the president. That's the rest. She'll never, or go with Mantis Evasion. Apparently it's a proper answer too. That one's too busy to talk. The mantai are really keeping me busy.

Oh, is that not cool there? It's totally cool here. Yeah. They'll get you eventually. Um. That's what I thought too. They'd never get here. What's that?

Golly A. Alley sent this in. Thank you, Golly. It's by yahoo answers user. Oh. Renizmee Osmond. Thank you for the backstory. Excuse me? What was that?

What is that? It's a Twilight name. It's a Twilight name. Twilight name. Uh. Renizmee Osmond asks. I salute you by the way. Uh.

I need, oh fuck. I need someone to play a Donnie Osmond fantasy game with me. Wait. All you need to do is respond to this

as if you were the hot man himself. Donnie, I love you. I'm only 15, but I think you're a cutie. Do you like me? I like you and your music. I often listen to puppy love.

Will you dance with me sometime? I always dance around my room with a pillow pretending it's you. I know this probably sounds strange to you, but I just think you're so handsome. I can't stop thinking about you. Oh man. The first man to travel the space

to inhabit another planet will be Donnie Osmond. Because you can't know that's out there and not this. I'm out. I have this who in it. Get off this planet before I'm shuffled off this planet. My favorite thing about that question is the phrase,

you probably think this weird. Now, as if there's a circumstance in which that isn't weird. Right. That's normal. I would say Vegas, over under a new finding this weird. I don't know, three to one?

I feel pretty good about you thinking this is weird. Let me know if this affects the odds. I dance to puppy love with a pillow, which I have put... I've put a wig on the pillow to simulate your flowing flowing. The coolest thing about the internet is you know the old bit that like comedy

is tragedy plus time. It reduces that to zero. Oh God. Comedy on the internet is instant tragedy. Instant tragedy. Like the worst the better. So here we go. 15 man starting out slow.

Who the fuck is a 15 year old in love with Donnie Osmond? Yeah. I'll tell you what it is. She sounds like a hipster, right? So it's like instead of... What generational gap knows who Donnie Osmond is? I'm saying that generational gap

has moved forward a bit. So if I wanted to be a hipster, I'd be like, oh man, it crossed me stills and nash, right? But like for her, it's all Donnie Osmond all the time. I feel like that's a really specific genre of hipster.

Well fuck out specific. Like she's fucking crazy out of her mind. I want to know what Twilight character got her into Donnie Osmond. Where did she make the leap between like... I like Edward. Wish he was a little whiter.

I wish he had a sister who he like maybe fucked. I'm a little bit country. I'm a little bit vampire. I'm just... I'm a little bit all alone. This is her. Oh now, it'll only be like that

for her whole, whole life. I think it feels a cat named Donnie Osmond. I don't know, in a few years... And by the way, it's a puppy is the gag. You dumb shit. Dammit. It's right there.

I feel like... Let's give it three years, okay? Okay. She's 18, she's of age now. Literally nobody else knows who Donnie Osmond is. Not even Donnie Osmond. Fucking... Riddle with all sides.

Fucking Marie Osmond is like... Hey, what's... Oh Donnie, God, I'm so sorry. Merry Christmas. Because it's Christmas time. Yeah, right, right. It's like you've built a world for your bit. You've built a whole Donnie verse, if you will.

It's working out great for her. Yeah. The Donnie verse that she's built for herself. It's more of a present. Like a permanent, emotional, forever present. It circled around again, by the way. It was funny and... That's great.

What is the appropriate way to deal with an ex at a wedding? The situation is this. We were together when a mutual friend got engaged. We split up six months ago. We have not really spoken since then, so I have no idea if she will have a plus one or if she's even going. I've since begun seeing someone else, and I would like to invite her to come with me to the wedding.

I'm concerned that if I bring a date and my ex is there alone, it could potentially upset her, and I wouldn't want to do that. At this point... At this point, considering just staying home to avoid the situation, but I would hate to miss my friend's wedding, RSVP Reluctant. Are you here RSVP Reluctant? What? Whoa, it got weird.

Fuck it. You won? You won? Fuck it. How is this not a contest? Yeah, it's always a contest. You totally... You already have the winning handle, unless she shows up with two dudes. Or a dude and a half, if it's like eight and a half feet tall.

Jesus, I'm a bit stupid. What if it's dude and Vern Troyer, like, then you're... Or just Donnie Osmond, who I would consider a dude and a half. Yeah. Or a pillow covered in tears, either way. That's negative 10 dudes. Alyssa, you gotta beat her. You gotta win. Gotta win.

Gotta win. You have to assume that she's gonna show up to that joint with Bradley Cooper on her arm. And it's like... You got it. What? I'm saying maybe she knows Bradley Cooper. I'm saying maybe she knows Bradley Cooper? Oh, okay.

Now, I'm saying she knows Bradley Cooper. Not Mr. Cooper. She's not hanging with him. She's not hanging... She is? She's gonna make that joke at the wedding. Cause it's gonna be awkward. She doesn't know Brad very well. Oh. Because she doesn't know Bradley Cooper. Like, she is... Hanging with Bradley Cooper.

You mean B. Bradley Cooper. If she shows up with Bradley Cooper and B. Bradley Cooper, then you're in trouble. Cause that's a splinter-verse situation. I would say you just go. Like, I think you've passed the point of... It's nice of you to care, but... You don't have to. Yeah, you're done with that. Listen, you did that all in the relationship. You don't have to care now.

What you do is 6 billion people on this beautiful globe. A good percentage of them, you gotta say fuck it. Am I right? I don't mean... I don't mean that like... I mean, you just gotta... Your heart is this big. You don't have room for people that aren't in it anymore. So they're kind of over there.

You should be busy caring about your date. Yeah. Yeah. Your eyes are gonna be weird for your date. Cause then you gotta... Don't even worry about that. All you gotta worry about is getting your front foot wet. That's... That is the truth.

That's the more raw truth. I like that. Cause you don't have to give a shit about her. Here's what you do. You worry about your front foot and that everything else is just gonna fall into place. Cause either one or two things is gonna happen. She's gonna beat you. She's gonna show up with Bradley Cooper. And you can't...

There's no female on earth that's equivalent to Bradley Cooper on the other end of the spectrum. Right. So she's like wins with a trump card. Unless you become the guy that beat the shit out of Bradley Cooper. Let's get realistic. He's not gonna happen. No. There's zero chance.

He is a dreamboat. He is a dreamboat and a pugilist. There's some iron in that guy. You learn how to fight from Quentin Rampage Jackson and Liam Neeson. They told him the words. Your other option is to get Quentin Rampage Jackson or Liam Neeson to go with you just as moral support. Don't you think you're gonna turn them? I think you could probably do it.

They'll defuse the situation much like I imagine they defuse the bomb in the hip-filmy A-team. I haven't seen it. No. I'm told it's excellent. Your third option is just try to make her feel bad for you. What's up? Like... Whoa! Reverse!

Fine solo this time. I see you brought Bradley Cooper Bradley. I loved your hangover. I haven't seen a hangover part two, but I assume it's good. I've been trying to get a girl to go with me to it, but you know, go to the movies alone and such a... It's hard because I don't have your, I mean, your good looks or your self-confidence. Your money? Your money, your fame.

Or your love-making skills, I'm assuming. I don't know Bradley Cooper. I'm gonna wait in line for the aperitifs. Susan, it's great to see you. Bradley, it's nice to meet you. Putty in your hands after that. Yeah, right. She'll leave Bradley Cooper to go...

Brad, I gotta go check up on him. I'll be right back. But she won't. She won't. She's yours. What are you doing? I'm the puppet master. I thought you were, like, massaging her like that.

I'm pretending to massage Bradley Cooper. I will tell you the truth. Wow. He has the tiniest shoulders. That's option four. You got a lot of... That's option four. Whoa.

This seduced the fuck out of Bradley Cooper. I love it! I love it! I love it! How's your date? Better luck next time, Susan. This is mine. This is my scoop of man candy.

Make sure you tell your date beforehand with the plan. Yeah. Like she won't be down with it. Check it out. We're gonna get in a weird three-way with Bradley Cooper. We're gonna hang our balls over... From left to right. Each other.

Our... Are you laughing at us? They just wrapped their balls. They just dangle. They just dangle. They dangle. You see the thing, you spin the thing. It goes clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack.

Like a child's party toy. Hey, how about a Yahoo answers? Yeah, please. Great job. How much time do you have left? 10 minutes. Go. Jesus.

This one was sent by Blake. Thank you, Blake. It's by Yahoo Answers user Idiotic, who asks, If drugs are legalized, does that mean I will find needles and used items in my hamburger slash food? When legalization passes and heroin addicts are accepted into the service sector? Hey, of course. Hey dog, what do you think heroin addicts are doing now?

Oh, that's a good point. When they legalize it and they have to quit their jobs as professors and doctors. Right. Exactly. Reggie, that's a pretty sweet score that you have there. What are you up to nowadays? Oh, I'm a bank manager slash heroin addict. I manage a Chase bank on the corner, and on the weekends,

I just fucking pound that hammer at it. Just heroin it up. 2007. Yeah, they do work at McDonald's. That's a lot of people didn't know that. Not exclusively McDonald's. Like people who work at McDonald's are necessarily heroin addicts. And not only that, when they work at McDonald's,

they put their used needles directly in the bag. It's on the best pop. Just fold the burger patty around it. No one will notice. This feels like more than a quarter pound. Yeah, I put a syringe in there. Enjoy that. It's got its full of special sauce.

Okay, point one, if they work at McDonald's, they don't have the money to just be throwing needles away. They're going to second use those. My more direct question is what conversation is going on in America right now that's like, maybe we should legalize heroin. Is that a thing that's going on? Did I miss the conversation in Washington? Here's why you'd pass it.

Heroin is the only drug I can think of that is not a gateway drug. It is a live way drug. Now it is the fucking dog that you get to after going through nine or ten gates. And it's like, well, I'm here. I'm not going to get any worse than heroin, you guys. Unless you consider the fun and excitement of working in the fast food industry and drug, I'm hooked on my car. The problem is, if we pass a law that says heroin's totes cool, go crazy,

somebody is going to invent crack-a-win, which is, you just take crack and you pour it into heroin. Like, that's the next step. Crack-a-wins are actually the proudest tribe of Native Americans. Uh-huh. That's true. It's history. It's hard to judge.

Like, it's hard to, there's no metric for pride, but we're pretty sure it's the crack-a-wins. Yeah. Mmm. Mmm. That's good. That's good stuff. I hear that, uh, you remember racks? Yeah.

Racks shut down because it was a hundred percent heroin addicts. Really? Couldn't show up on time. Couldn't get that roast beef carved. No. Uh, no lig, oh, sorry. Uh, y'all can answer these users. Richard Karn.

Wait a fucking second. No! From home improvement fame? Yeah. Keeps it, keep on, Richard Karn. Like, he's probably on the, he's probably on the stuff, right? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't want to, this isn't the basis of a libel suit,

so I'm going to say this is a total fabrication, but Richard Karn definitely uses heroin. Yeah, he loves heroin. I know Tim Allen got it hooked on. Do you know what? Might have been Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Do you know what? Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

That's the home improvement fame song. Yeah. Uh, just for you guys, a musical bit. Listen, Richard Karn went to Tim Allen, fellow definite heroin user, and said, I need more power. And then he grunted, but he wasn't like doing it to the same thing, it was because he was like shooting heroin into his arm.

Right. So you grunt, because it hurts. Richard Karn has to watch Jonathan Hurley just butcher the family feud every Thursday, Wednesday. He's every week, day, night, he's there. It's not how I would have done it. Gotta live. There's no Wilson across the fence telling him,

hey, don't do that. Hey, you know what? I wouldn't do that thing you're doing. Hey, neighbor. Hey, neighbor. Jacked up on the stuff, neighbor. Hey, neighbor, I see your track marks. Bad idea.

Get clean, neighbor. Wilson's been around the fucking block. You wouldn't know it, because you don't see him outside of the confines of his backyard. Right. He's been around the block a few times. Covered in tats here. Just covered in tats, track marks, and heroin stains.

Oh? Excuse me? That's why he was behind the fence. He was riding the, riding the lightning, riding the... Is that a thing? Please tell me if it's a thing, I've... No, he's right in the line. All the heroin users out there don't know how it is.

Hey, hey, users. Straight up, H is, we need your help. H heads. H. H. That was a test, you, pal. Yeah. We have SMACO.

We have Sky Marshals in the audience. I think we have two of those and one of these, so maybe do another one of those. Yeah, sure. You gotta move quick, though. These people got to do it. Yeah, so it's written by Peter Ermsteng. Thank you, Peter.

It's about Yahoo Answers user, Ad diell, who asks, my writing instructor told us, we need to touch the horse's vagina before we can ride it. Who wears this front putt? Before we can ride it? That makes no sense to me at all. Is there any truth to this? I mean, it's gonna run back.

Before you ride a horse, you gotta earn its trust. We are on a stage right now, a theatrical stage. With the poet of the spears lording over us, what if we just did a quick performance of Equus? Like, righty on the stage. Yeah, that would be cool. I don't know who we're gonna get to play the horse, as I will have to... The audience here is no one from the audience.

Equus is... No! This is not the proper... We've never done audience participation in the show, but when we do, it will almost certainly not involve one of us touching a front butt. I'm gonna leave a 95-96% chance. You're right, Justin. The horse will go faster, I imagine, because horses are very long and they can't...

But what kind of circumstance do the horse goes... Listen. A talking horse. A talking horse. Well, yes. He'll give you a... Or she will, because dude horses don't have vaginas. They have front butts.

Characteristically. They both have front butts, but go on. Different casts. Right. Different casts of front butts. Different genuses of front butts. Okay, good. It'll be more than this look.

I think it will be a little bit more incredulous than that. I think we'll give us like a... Hey. Like, here's what's up. Horses are very long. They're very long creatures. Most equestrians, extraordinarily long. Okay.

They don't know the left hand, or in this case, front half, doesn't know what the back half is doing. So if a human hand touches their vagina... Front butt. Front butt? If they feel like human grass on their front butt, like... Whoa! Whoa!

What is that sensation? I think it's going to... I think somebody's on something. Just real quick, though, to break that down with the whole separation between the front and the back. You're saying that if a human hand touches it, it doesn't register as horse masturbation, and they don't know what's going on. Not to the horse.

Okay. Have you seen a horse? You have seen a horse? Yes. Is there any... A horse's amastricht? No, I'm not going to... A horse is on a horse.

Okay. Okay. Okay. So you're a horse. Okay. So you're a horse. I'm a horse. So you're a horse, and this is it.

This is it. Right? But the neck is longer. Okay. So I'm a girl. I'm a 13-year-old girl who's like... So fucking... No!

It's too old! This will be fine. This will be fine. Be cool. Be cool. So this is the hand of a 13-year-old girl. So I'm right here. Like, I'm a horse.

Okay. My neck is even longer than it is. So you guys are going to have to use your imagination. Okay. So like this... This hand is right here. Okay. And here's the stable master.

And the stable master... Very cool. Can we go? Okay. We're cool. They're shaking. They're shaking. And here's the horse and the saddle's sad.

Okay. Down under the... Wait. I'm going to test the hand to the bone. Damn it. Sell it. Sell it, Vicky. Sell it.

What's going on? Where is that? It's not a hand. Ladies and gentlemen, equest. Thank you. Thanks. I want to hear Griffin's... I want to hear Griffin's last question.

Fuck. Real quick. Heather, Jen, and Kevin. Are you guys here? Heather, Jen, and Kevin. Hey. Evans. Evans.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Evans.

Evans sends his love from Germany and he says we owe you guys some hugs so, make sure to collect on that. Speaking of finding us, we're going to go over to Arnold's after this... It's the best fucking bar ever. Yes. Arnold's? Arnold's bar and grill, check it out. They opened just for us?

We got an address on that? It's on 8th Street. Just go that way. Yeah. It's cool. Come on. straight up from the top. I am not, if you buy me a drink,

I'll throw it in your face. The last three hotels I've stayed at, this is not a joke in a row, three hotels in a row. I have like projectile vomited at because of Maximum Fun listeners who are so great buying me drinks and getting me like just wrecked. So I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm cool. Yeah, we've got a merch table outside

buying my posters there, and our friend Felicia Gillespie is still here, I'm assuming. Thanks. Let's give it up for fucking Felicia Gillespie. Right, Jesus. Right. God, she fucking killed it.

So buy her CD, buy our poster, and we super appreciate that, and we'll be happy to like sign them if you want, or whatever, they're all signed and numbered by Justin Russo. It's this guy right here. Yeah, Justin Russo made this poster. He's amazing.

He signed all these and numbered them. There's only a hundred in existence. So on the planet, on the whole planet, there's a hundred, so you want to get this. The universe. And the whole universe, there's a hundred. Thank you to... And the Brativerse, and the Donnyverse.

And the Splinter universe. Thank you to Clint McElroy, our emcee. He was just... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Thank you for providing the seed, which found purchase. Oh. And... What? Thank you to Sidney and... Can we not talk about our dad's seed?

Yeah. For once. Sidney and Riley and Theresa, I guess they're working the merch table. Thank you to them. Make sure you find your posters and... Hey, number one, thank you guys so much for coming. Fucking Jesus.

You guys are the fucking best. We sent some shit up here. That was straight up not funny. That you laughed at. What's up? That was a test. Test of wills, and you lost, but we were appreciative.

But the friendship test, you passed. Flying colors. Flying colors. Griffin, hit me with the last question. This final question was sent in by Nefariousity. It's by Yahoo Answers user Stormy Weather, who asks, if you could take a walk on the sky, would you do it with a smile?

I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. It's been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad. Square on the lips. Keep your heart, new steps. Keep your heart.

Hey, keep your heart, new steps. Keep your heart. Man, these girls are smart, new steps, these girls are smart. They go far. Thank you guys.