My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 594: The Trumpet

Episode Date: January 24, 2022

Ha ha ha! It’s the great Mambo revival over here and we’ve run out of names of people, so here is just 63:51 of trumpet. Enjoy!Suggested talking points: Proto-Vuvuzela, My Good Barley Man, Burger Burger Mushroom, MOOstache, The Chimney ManCenter for Reproductive Rights: https://reproductiverights.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up you cool, baby? Precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better

It's better it's better It's better it's better Hello and welcome My brother my brother and me and advice show for the modern era. I Am your oldest brother Justin McElroy, and I am Archduke Travis McElroy Lord of the Manor And I'm Griffin What's that? That's fancy, man. That's fancy man. Oh, God. Oh, you know what we need

This is a fucking fancy take flight. We need to hire a Herald for the year to announce us for us Yes, I've advocated for this a long time on the show. Yeah Get yourself a personal Herald, and I think that this is the time for it In old-timey art and stuff when they did show like a Herald or town crier Yeah, I always thought that my man had a horn, but I do believe it was some sort of proto Vuvuzela Like some you know what I mean cuz I was coming whip it over his head and be like check out the prince Or something or well no if the prince is already there than the town Herald

Suck shit at his job. You got to let you got to give me fair warning so I can get my kids dressed up And in their finery and get them outside to greet the prince and all that stuff But I'm just saying if he came out in the middle of town was like That was a that good Vuvuzela sound. I would stop what I was doing chopping chopping lumber. Yeah Siding potatoes Rye and yeah, exactly. Can I say such a fucking good like 17th century agrarian like yeah, I mean you have the Constitution for it You got the build you have the sinew the sinew the muscle the musculature if I would be so bold of the iron stomach

They can eat basically uncooked meat. It would be so dope. I think I'd be really good at collecting Barley's to get to kick to give to the king and the satisfaction I would get out of that my family wouldn't have any of the barley that but I would know like mm. I bet the kings eating good today Yeah, I would love that actually probably not make it through the week Griffin if you're ever if you ever see a portal. Yeah, step through and you look around you don't see any cars Yeah, you should just start funeral planning. Yeah Come back through the portal if you can come back to the world we can but if not like start your funeral plan They don't have a modium back then. Yeah, and like that would be my number one concern

They don't have like white noise machines I would love it if Griffin was the one who got sucked through the portal and hello for the magic tavern the portal behind the Burger King It because it would literally just be like an afternoon of him like tripping over a log falling into a sharp rock There's a chance that like the denizens of this world would see him and be like look at that pasty skin and his noodley arms He must be royalty. Yeah, that's maybe that young that young wafers never worked a day in his life I'm also gonna be smirched by consumption. I Have a 21st century immune system. They have nothing that could take me down. That's the first thing second thing

Even if I did get sort of diary is so bad that it sort of became my Sort of defining characteristic if I knew that I was as long as I'm getting that barley to my great king Yeah, and I knew that like he was Stuffed to the gills with this good stuff and I think I could I think I would be okay with it Now here's what I will say driven if you were able to survive The everything I could see you being the wise barley farmer that delivers the barley in such a way that the king is like I'm gonna elevate you like you you not only deliver the body like he wouldn't he'd be like that Barley's my fucking life Yeah, I live for this but the other I would elevate you

But then I'm worried that that would affect the barley supply chain and so yeah, I want you to know Yes, that in my heart. I've elevated you but also if you don't deliver this fucking barley on a regular schedule I'll have your literal head parent heart and left Griffin with the worst barley collecting equipment just to sabotage him It was but then girls was able to do it. He tied two donkeys together and they got all the barley I'm just saying when all the other serfs begin their uprising Yeah, like why does the king keep king keep taking literally a hundred percent of our barley? Come on Griffin. Let's fucking ride. I would be like Y'all go y'all go on ahead. I will I will definitely catch up on this uprising

Catch me on the next uprising for sure. I just got a place a quick phone call to Miley's This is this is a good point griffin cuz it's just occurred to me that like in that way I actually think you might survive better Yeah I think if I went back to the portal and the other serfs are like the king keeps taking all of our barley I'd be like yeah, there's barley any left for us. They would just murder me I think yeah, they'd be like hey

We're real sick of whatever this thing is that you're doing where some words sound like other words So we're gonna just go ahead and kill you and there's yeah, sir Forensics or cops or anything amazing bifurcation of the timeline if the first person to do a pun Yeah, everyone's like kill him kill the witch Yeah, but join him and then there's no puns only the devil could figure out that some words sound like other words It's fine though Cuz if at any point if other denizens of the fiefdom ever did get peo'd at me I just pull out my cell phone and be like y'all should not actually but check out my fucking light rectangle idiots now step back

Let me harvest my barley and give it to my dad. I mean the king. Oops Did I do that? Oh, but so oh man, it's embarrassing me So this is an advice show Well, you're gonna take your questions that you asked us and we're gonna turn them alchemy like into wisdom I Have a slight fever and I'm but I'm not this isn't a question I know sometimes I would free Justin slips into a question and it's hard to tell like is that Justin is that question? This is just it. That's your internal Joke combustion engine. I don't want people to be like everyone's looking for us to slip even for a second

I mean they all coming for the crown everyone's coming for the crown They're waiting for us not me to have not Griffin Griffin respects the leash I think who's got the crown on now is great and I will I will definitely send them all of my all my crop this year. I Work it. Oh, sorry. I'm this is the first question. Give me that first question, Justin How can I be more like captain Jack Sparrow? That's from Maritime, Massachusetts Waiting for an answer Can I ask why you why this is something? Yeah, well, it's so rare that a question comes along but I'm like Oh, that's not what we're asking at your internal machinations. We've given up on a long time ago

Oh, great Griffin I are asking I think I don't want to put words in your mouth there griff But why would you want to be more like Captain Jack Sparrow? Well, that's you're not putting words in my mouth You're taking the words from my mouth because those are the words that escaped my mouth. Just just Captain Jack Sparrow is a lovable rogue. Okay, well and and one of the greatest pirates that one guy's ever seen and He's super clever. He gets out of scrapes He is a real out of the out of the box problem solver And you know, he has his own ship. He makes his own rules

Yeah, he seems more or less like a pretty cool dude to me you guys Let me just for just for folks who maybe haven't seen these films. I'll I'll summarize them real quick. Yeah, there's Captain Jack Sparrow. There's his dad Barbosa who's also a Yeah, there's Barbacoa. There's squid face monster captain and then there's Like Stuck up naval general guy sure and they all take turns sort of trading sides So but at every point throughout the 19 films that was made in this series They just did different match-ups like in this one Captain Jack Sparrow and squid face are teaming up against good guy and Barboka

And then they'll switch the next switch at this time It's Captain Jack and and and Barboka and the good general against squid man And I think that's the 7th or 8th one, you know, it's kind of like grassland in that way Yeah, he is very much so formed in W.O. It was It was fucked up in that one movie where they all were the good guy and they just kind of sailed around for a while Nothing really happened. Yeah, what if none of us are the bad guy? What if we just want different things? That's okay. What if all of our motivations are different and our life goals just don't like line up But we can learn to see each other's perspective. Yeah

And then there was the one movie that was it was just Captain Jack Sparrow and all the other captains were gone and Everybody in the movie theater kept yelling like this This means more captains. Oh Also Orlando blooms becomes a captain and at the end of one of us So there's five captains all started just switching around. I think he becomes undead. Yeah, if I remember Craigie He's a really cool flicks But he does take time Orlando Bloom does take time to get Kiera nightly pregnant before He then goes away for I believe 10 years at a time if I'm not missing it

Before he turns into a bone skeleton and he doesn't have any more I can't talk about Jack Sparrow without relating the anecdote of the freest man I ever met well, I was in a murder mystery and We I used to do these murder mysteries that Really would castle all the time beautiful place. Yeah, they don't do anymore Mr. Denim they used to run them retired But at the end of the day or the end of the weekend once the murders have been solved and the corpse was cold piled Everybody would burnt everybody would stand up and like introduce themselves

Yeah, and there was a guy at one who was dressed like Jack Sparrow and I'd clocked this dude before Captain Jack Sparrow Well, we're on land so he didn't have the Captain sir Captain Jack and he was like I'd clocked this guy before in this exact same Captain Jack Cuz it was like a pretty good Captain Jack. Yeah, and he said I Realized something this weekend. I used to think That when I came here and I got dressed up like this. I was putting on costume But what I realized is This is me and what I'm wearing out there. That's the costume. Fuck. Yeah, dude. Yes, dude. Fuck. Yes, live it

I'm just saying if they need a new kept Jack. He's in yeah, I probably still Ravenwood castle That's so much like that. How can you be more like him? Yeah, we didn't even attempt it We just talked about him for a while. Hey, wait. No no just if that's how can you look like I mean just like how can I be? Oh, you say be more like Jonathan Sparrow That's his real name. Of course Jonathan. So fucking dirty. Yeah, I couldn't I could not do that That life cuz he's so he's so dirty He's not even just like I haven't taken a shower or bath in a while dirty like he's done things Yeah to become

Like more dirty It's a vibe it's a vibe he is doing of just like can I be the dirtiest rascal? He's a dirty rascal. I think that that is rule number one be a dirty rascal I think rule number two if you accomplish something in it like seems more difficult than it really was say it was turtles That's a good one. That's a good one. Say it was turtles They did that one. It was every time every time he was like sea turtles and they're like, oh fuck this dude rules I'll turn to Wikipedia. It begins the characterization section with according to screenwriters Ted Elliott and Terry Rocio Sparrow is a trickster who uses wit and to see our Latino

Are we stirring up the pot? Is a trickster who uses wit and deceit to attain his goals. You're referring to indisputed verbally instead of force Walks with a slightly drunken swagger and has slurred speech and flailing hand gestures. Yes, Sparrow is shrewd calculating and eccentric So that the slightly drunken swagger I think is attainable right now. Yeah, that's attainable today You don't even got to be drunk to do that man. Yeah, you just get a little little swag Also, he's a he's a very good swordsman. I just want it not the best in the movie. You can find though of like all the Character traits to try to embody like I don't think you need that one. Well, I'm not at first

Isn't it fucked up that on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride they did add Captain Jack to it, but they and he looks like Pretty pretty photorealistic. I would say yeah, that's actually Johnny Dabb every time But the other animatrons in that ride still kind of look like a sort of ghoulish Comediadelle Arte Masks of fear. Yeah, but then like you turn a corner and there's Photorealistic Captain Jack Sparrow. Yeah, you have to get me out of here. Yes. Yeah, take me to the Hall of Presidents That would be great by the way, hey Disney if you're listening just starting for raining Jack Sparrow into other animatronic things too like the bear jamboree and

Hall of Presidents anywhere there animatronics just have like sneaky Jack Sparrow peeking out from like behind things and like out of barrels and shit Yeah There's a quote on here, too I just wanted to pass along it says Gentleman Malady You will always remember this as the day that you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow and that is that's the quote that's sourced to Jack almost escapes another sticky situation. Wow. Yeah, that is something that I have tried in my day-to-day life If I go to the post office and there's a big line and I'm about to wait in the line and then I'm like, no

I'm not gonna wait in the line. I'll loudly announce Gentleman Malady. Yeah, I'll always remember this is the day you almost caught Captain Justin McElroy And they're like, were we catching what what was that? I'll say better luck next time and then you'll swing out on a rope never let me down Now here's the way that rope is attached to nothing Justin is just always holding a rope and a saber and if he sees the situation he wants to get out of he swings the saber and Just yells Huzzah and then kind of walks out holding the rope up like you're swinging on it Which is not don't get me wrong. It's a cool move. It works every time it plays

Anyway, that was a lot of talk about Pirates of the Caribbean Travis. You're welcome. That was Just once a year. I need it And listen, I realize I kind of called that in really early this year and I'm gonna be fucking regretting that I'd give anything to talk about it. I get it. I get it, but I needed it Can we push a wizard's throne and make a sweet offering? I brought barley Okay, you what I brought barley. Oh Yeah, the wizard did you forgot your own fucking thing from like he's allergic Travis I didn't forget it the wizards allergic to grains. Well, this is actually this is nut-based barley. Oh

Nut barley, huh? Yeah, I made it from almonds He's not he does paleo Travis. Fuck know that. Yeah. Hey, it's cool. This is meat nuts. I Made I made almonds out of beef and then I used those beef almonds These are these are delicious meat nuts Okay, so this one was sent in by Celia, thank you Celia It's a wiki how article and it's from the wizard He wrote it and it's how to convince your parents to let you wear a thong. Thank you

Well, let's just say let's just say step zero keep your grades up. Yeah Obviously, if you're great slip, there's no way that this is gonna happen Yeah, that's your parents to let you wear a thong may seem like an impossible task with enough preparation and strategy your chance of Convincing them strengthens convince them with persuasive argument that will leave them confident in your abilities. Ah, yes They you know, they're gonna rock that shit. That's like that's terrible. That's like to basically say like do a good job Yeah, yeah, like convince them to like, okay. Yeah wiki how that's why I'm here Yeah, there's a lot of cognitive dissonance in this wiki article and that's like compared to other wiki how articles And so that's saying something part one prepare your argument one plan your strategy

Yeah, what do you think I'm doing wiki how? Yeah It's a combination of appealing to your parents reasonable side and appealing to their emotional side You want to hit them from both angles to show your argument is thorough. Tell them how important this is to you So like is it like a slideshow set to say we're guaffelin is that what they're talking about? So I've got the I've got the details, but also a little tug of the heart strings there. You know what I mean? I think that's the secret in the thongs of the angels. That was lazy. Okay When you play You're not I'm actually listening to you in real time, so I know these are not getting more

There's not more effort going into it Well, this time I was getting there because the thongs would be in the cracks of the angels. Okay, okay When you plan your strategy write down how you'll approach them reasonably. What kind of things do your parents react to on a logical level? What are their weaknesses? Oh Oh, that's great because then you sit down you're looking at the paper which your dad loves all dads love the paper Yeah, and you say like oh, did you see this turns out thongs are really good for the economy? That's great. They were a real Christmas story sort of yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and then explain in really intricate detail How thongs are undermining cryptocurrency and I bet you're not like that to your dad's age

Oh, they hate crypto Okay, yeah, they don't understand it Justin do your parents have a song strong sense of pride Are they quick to avoid fear? These are the kinds of things you should be thinking about that's great Because if this thong plan goes south you you will be multiple steps closer to knowing how to destroy your parents psychologically Is there a kid in your class that your parents acknowledges the alpha? Right because like that my listen my kids coming home every day talk about I don't know Christina Derek I don't know Jamal somebody right and I'm like what did what did they do today? Huh? Yeah, cool Oh, that's so cool man. They did what oh their parents bought them the new switch whatever it is, right?

Yeah, and it's like oh yeah, they were a thong and I'm like what they do Okay, this next part this next part so tight. Let's just get through it Okay, two know why you want to wear a thong an important part of your strategy is appealing to your parents sense of reason a well-reasoned argument Includes persuasive justifications for wearing a thong right down five or six logical reasons why you would want to wear a thong Wow Yeah, let me dongs thongs don't show panty lines The main benefit of this is that it avoids attention to your butt surely your parents can get on board with that I don't want people looking at their babies bottom

No way thongs last longer since there's less fabric to wait they reshape better than regular Ponty's is that true? If you change shape at all It is less likely that you will have to buy new Ponty's saving money and then step three thongs keep you cooler in hot temperatures They are lightweight allowing for better airflow by avoiding sweat in your Ponty's you will also avoid possible skin rashes or blemishes That's three reasons that I did say five or six right, but also there's no fucking way thongs last longer There's no way doesn't make sense. They're here. I'm a flimsy and friction fresher But just like flimsy too, there's less fabric. There's less room for stitching problems

I mean, I don't think let me tell you I I did I dabbled in speaking debate in high school You got to have some counterpoints ready like yeah, what are your parents gonna bring up wedgie problems is definitely one of them Yeah, and this is where you need a counterpoint, right where you're just like yeah, I wear a tight belt oh Interesting no one's getting in there It wells well Samantha if you promise to just wear a tight belt every time you're wearing these things and then every time you come downstairs in a tight belt Your parents will be like oh how responsible Step three step three show them you are responsible prove to your parents

You are a responsible person who makes responsible choices doing this will give your argument more credibility Just put a song on a sack of flour for a while Carried her out with you come on baby. Yeah Wow, she's doing a great job keeping those underpants on the If you have chores or homework do them on time without being asked Grades up for sure grades up save your money instead of spending it on frivolous things and do not stay out late or come home drunk Well guys, I went a whole month without coming home drunk. So I think yes, you're ready You're ready now for those special underwear be prepared to pay for your thong. Yeah, like kidding. The alternative is like not

Not going to work. Look, I'm not like you asked me to now. I need a hundred dollars. I do not do the best thoughts I don't want to sully myself Practice your argument in the mirror. Yeah That's that that's something that would be cool to have somebody walk in on my butt Think it's so sweaty mom What are you doing there? Nothing Approach your parents about the conversation. Yeah Ask when they seem to be in a good way approach them

Want to start screaming through the walls when they're doing Hey hypothetically if I were to ask you about thongs just hypothetically Okay, so part two convincing your parents one bring your notes with you awesome Fucking awesome. You can hide them in your pocket or another discreet place in your pocket is great because you can be like I need to wear a thong because My butt gets sweaty or doesn't get so hold on one sec It says here my butt does get sweaty broach the subject

calmly Try to control the conversation as much as possible the more you're interrupted the easier it will be for you to lose your place and forget What to say that's it. They just want to flummox you. Yeah, that's that that misdirection is like number one parenting secret That's why I write out the bet you have to form them call them by their first names. Yeah Do you uh? Daddy, I really want this new good. You can't say daddy. You gotta say like Jonathan Jonathan well, this is what I'm imagining my children coming to me and asking for the new good jitsu toy And I interrupt and say like but what is a good jitsu?

And then they're like all up in there in there then their mind labyrinth and they just can't escape it Go through your list of logical reasons the sweat. Did I mention the sweat thing and the panty lines? They got to go they got to go Everyone's gonna look at my butt if I don't wear a thong is that what you want fucking weirdo nasty You're nasty for that nasty dad a nasty mom appeal to their emotions this one I feel like you've given us a lot of ammunition for the logical stuff. Yeah, I don't know what that what we're pulling on Heart-string wise Remind them that you're growing up old enough to make decisions about how to adorn your own body

Yeah, I mean that's pretty foolproofed mom dad. I'm 32. Let me wear a thong Invite questions well I Jonathan Alicia Just concludes my presentation. Thank you for your time today. I really appreciate your attention There will be coffee and some snacks on your way out Let's take some questions for oh wait. Oh, I'm getting the light I've I'm sorry that concludes my time. Stay tuned for the next Ted talk about

Macrobiology or whatever Give them some time to talk it over or think about it. No, you can't have a thong Well, hold up your circle back tomorrow think about what I think what does Alicia think? What does Alicia think Alicia? You guys do not seem on the same page about you know Jonathan You never take time to ask Alicia what she thinks We'll go get some wine Alicia we don't need Jonathan for this Start part three reacting to the response be prepared for any response. Okay Prepare yourself for the possibility. They will say no or drive the discussion out

It's a good idea to come up with possible solutions to those scenarios. Even if they do not happen you press the button and Jail cell bars drop over every exit from the kitchen. Yeah anywhere. I had these jail bars installed Until we're done here until I'm done with you react calmly If they respond with an immediate no don't storm off in a huff or raise your voice. Let me wear a thong. No Okay Cool if you feel yourself getting upset breathe check to see if your body is tensing up and relax your body If none of that works and everyone's still glaring at each other tell a joke humor's a great way to defuse a tense situation

That's awesome. I just play this play Cisco's thong song at maximum volume on every smart device in the house Alexa This this one seems like actually a very good strategy ask them why they say no Like I want to wear a thong that's everything in your life, huh? Yeah speak on that speak on that, please Do you think that this is something is this because your parents had no to you for something Jonathan? Jonathan are you just projecting forth your? Your fear of would not being or responsible enough for a thong. I understand that I understand that you've forgotten What it's like to want things Jonathan Thongs Jonathan and that's that's partially my fault since I since I was was born and I understand that that's a sacrifice parents have to make but

Don't you don't have to force that on me. Did I mention the sweat? But why do you want my butt to sweat dad damn? If your parents won't budge off of them a compromise, maybe you can suggest revisiting the topic after you show more Responsibility that's probably gonna do it. It's because I didn't mop enough All right, mom dad compromise I'll wear the thong over regular underpants Yeah Finally step five drop the subject if all else fails accept your fate and walk away to not continue to beg or harass your parents doing that Will only diminish any chance at convincing them later and it will put them in a bad mood walking away from the argument with grace allows you to keep your parents respect, huh?

Seems like you very lost your parents respect because I don't respect enough to let you wear the thong you crave. Yeah I Think also, I'll add a step six on this wiki article. I don't think you're allowed to just I don't think these are up for community edits But you could also just do it. Yeah, and what are they going to do? You know what I mean? You'll have to wash them yourself to not get to if you really want to cloak the situation But like they're not gonna be like mmm Samantha can't help but notice there's not as many panty lines this morning because that's a fucking wild thing to say over the over the in the breakfast nook I

Think that I think that these are foolproof ideas I will also say if if your parents say no instead of just walking away and accepting your fate Let me offer this so they like okay. I hear you. Let's revisit this in Q3 And that's circle back in Q3. I think that that's gonna like knock them off They're groove a little bit. Yeah, so that when you bring up in Q3 They're like I think they're a business person sometimes my kids drop something and that would be the exact moment to attack like if they just like Dropped it like yeah, all right. I would be so sort of like I wouldn't need to sit down on the floor for a little bit Yeah, and that's the time where you like if you change your mind. Let me know. Yeah

Show me the exact date on this calendar where I'm gonna be a lot of way The thing is Q2 Q2 is the summertime and so my butt is gonna be Just just covered with rashes and irritation because of my stupid big underwear Yeah, to be fair Griffin that depends on your family's fiscal year starts, right? That's a fair point I mean if anything just a week after you do this conversation if it fails you sit down in the breakfast nook, and you go Sorry guys Hovered in rashes Chaka block rashes down there. Wow, it's irritated. Oh

man The kids in school they keep yelling at me every time I yell every time I sit down at the classroom desk or lunch table Yeah, and they're like is it your visible panty lines that are doing you rashes sweaty butt? Oh, are you wearing a teenage diaper? Oh, that hurts Barber Diapers Let's take a break and we got all number of the mice in we guess think about that

Hey, can I tell you guys something absolutely wild y'all home I tweeted Lou wherever you are. We need mamba number six now more than ever and Linda Carter aka Wonder Woman Retweeted it quote treated it and said sounds like a fun job for the Justice League What what the fuck does that? How would you say why would you say this when we're going into the money zone? We can talk about when we come back. No, I mean, I think we're in it now. I think you've started it Yeah, we can't do the ads now because we have to talk about why Linda Carter thinks a good job for the Justice League would be to

Find Lou Baker make him dream of a number. I mean a big thing is why this ended up on on Linda Carter's plate in the first place Linda Carter does not follow me on Twitter. No, yeah but there's obviously some degree of Separation there where like somebody retweeted it and then Linda Carter saw that And was like, I don't know who this fucking Travis nobody is but he's got some dope thoughts about Lou Vega But what about instead of Lou Vega? You talk about me What if they said like the de-string Justice League to go find Lou Vega that actually would be a fun idea Go find Lou Vega. Yeah wonder twins and some of the other bad ones that nobody likes red tornado, maybe I think that

The amount of you're you're not thinking I think logically about this because there's still so there is Uncalculable power that exists in the the the Dead Sea mumbo scrolls the mumbo apocrypha of one through four I think that if we got our hands on that that Quadrility it would be enough to tide us over for the next few centuries Lou You have to do mama number six Clark. I told you I I can't return to that life I I don't know that I'm there's no able to wield the power responsibly. There's no more woman names I use them all in five I dumped in too much trumpet. Don't you understand?

It was too much He would there would be a break in mama number six would be like even more trumpet, and it would just be eight Discordant trumpets just all the moon would shatter. Yeah, I knew it The horseman on the mama number five maxi single there are four tracks I'm betting it was a kasingle right it would have to be yeah Mama number five radio edit mama number five extended makes Mamba Havana Club mix. Yeah, Mamba The trumpet and that one is six minutes long. Oh god

I don't know if it's just like hey here's something you could sample. It's the trumpet Mm-hmm, but it's just him saying the trumpet in a bunch of different ways for six minutes No horn is present on the track Okay, anyway, hey, I want to tell you all about stumps calm if you're a small business owner or you're busy Or you work from your house and need to get things to go from one place to another Don't worry about the post office because it can be big lines With stamps calm you could skip the trip and never waste another dollar or minute give the trip and flip the script With stamps calm they let you print official postage right from your computer

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Styles personalized to your size and fit less new subscription required and free shipping returns and exchanges Get started today by filling out your style quiz at stitch fix comm slash my brother That's stitch fix comm slash my brother to try stitch fix freestyle stitch fix comm slash my brother Hey there, I'm Ellen weatherford and I'm Christian weatherford and we've got big feelings about animals that we just got to share On just the zoo of us your new favorite animal review podcast We're here to critically evaluate how each animal excels and how it doesn't rating them out of 10 on their effectiveness ingenuity and aesthetics guest experts give you their takes informed by actual real life Experiences studying and working with very cool animals like sharks cheetahs and sea turtles

It's a field trip to the zoo for your ears So if you or your kids have ever wondered if a pigeon can count why sloths move so slow or how a spider sees the world? Find out with us every Wednesday on just the zoo of us in its natural habitat on maximum fun org Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts Somewhere between science and superstition there is a podcast Look your daughter doesn't say she's a demon she says she's the devil himself that thing is not my daughter And I want you to tell me there's a show where the host don't just report on French science and spirituality But take part themselves

Well, there is and it's ono Ross and Kerry on maximum fun this year. We actually became Certified exorcists. So yes, Kerry and I can help your daughter Or we can just talk about it on the show Oh no, Ross and Kerry on maximum fun dot org You Got really moved at the end of that trap. Yeah, I'm still getting over being sick, but it just gave me a lot of emotion Yeah, that's so beautiful, man I love that. I'm the only one that's not sick right now and y'all are making fun of my

Medieval immune system. So I mean, I'm sick and I was still doing like freeway exercises. So oh I do those every day anyway. Oh, yeah. Yeah, what are you? What are you benching? What are you doing? What's your what's your you doing curls you doing? You know, what are you doing? I mostly just lift him up off the ground as for as long as I can Hold on to him right now. Oh really? I'm building a lot of passive muscle. Oh Yeah, background muscle is what they call it It's been so long Really, I really didn't think Justin would do this because he was sick and like

I think that kind of shows a little bit Squad I want a munch Boy boy boy boy. Yeah, baby. Yeah, I welcome my squad. Oh, thank you. It's good to be here within a pot. Shut up Oh Podcasts than a podcast which profiles the latest and greatest in brand-eating rather than set up today's thing with You know a

spiel I Wanted to play the commercial for it first great and then talk about it. Is that okay? Now I warn you This is two minutes and 20 seconds long. Oh, man. Wow, okay But listen, you're gonna be in such a fucking tizzy when you hear what this is this ad from the year of our Lord 2020 See 22 22. Yeah, you're gonna trip. You ready? Are you ready? Yes Love only please me

Great But with some range, go! Oh, back single! Oh, now you don't want to ask too many questions But it's a guy on the buffalo wing Got on the buffalo wing One day the guy on the buffalo wing Saw a fox in the weeds

He's thinking that fox seems shady No, he's probably harmless enough I'll just let him go And then he found a hedgehog Jammed out in a log and pulled him out And they became best friends They went back to the buffalo wing To snack down those ex-bees

But the food was gone The snicking fox stole our meals Oh, but you know what? I got an idea, says the hedgehog I got something stashed in an old stove Ooh, what the fuck? It's a buffalo garlic-based meal That's what I was just eating

It's tantalizing, let's sit down and eat it Mmm, that's pretty good Guy on the buffalo wing Well, if it isn't the chicken wing piece Sorry, man, I'm a fox It's kind of my thing, truce? Come here, man, we're cool Oh, it's a guy on the buffalo wing

Hey, uh, guy, I don't remember it happening like that Yeah, I don't either Every time he eats ex-bees, that's all he wants to talk about Yeah, I saw the original and it was definitely a buffalo You were riding not a buffalo wing And then it's the... And then it's the original old guy from Guy on the Buffalo I can't believe

Can you believe That bones are their money There's been... Justin, I don't... Go on, Chris I don't think... I've been dealing with this, now you gotta deal with it Well, I'm mostly dealing with the fact that it...

Now it's on our show, now it's on our show So now it's on other problems There's no fucking way That... I would say more than 30% of our audience understands the reference That's... Wait, there's a reference? Travis?

I'm not fucking with you at all, I have no idea what this was Okay, stop the show Okay This is what I'm saying, Justin Okay, Griffin, your math was right I got a 30% I guess 66.6% repeating But that's not a good hit rate, I think

Okay, so back in 2011 There was a series of YouTube videos Called Guy on a Buffalo That took clips from an old show from the 70s I think called Buffalo Jones Of just a guy riding around on a buffalo And mainly just fighting off animals That try to get at him

But now Zaxby's has taken that 11 year old meme And, well, you know I don't know, Justin got fucking berries and cream started again So I guess anything's possible I guess anything is definitely possible Damn, Zaxby's, that's a deep fucking cut It's like 30% of our audience And approximately 0.03% of the TV watching audience

Yeah So Zaxby's launched an ad campaign To introduce its Buffalo garlic blaze signature sauce The new campaign features the quirky Guy on a buffalo wing national spot Which premiered during Monday's college football playoff And will run during the big game On February 13th

Oh, they're still doing that? Yeah, they're still going for it The pandemic numbers are so bad Are you sure they're not gonna cancel it? They're definitely gonna cancel it They're gonna zoom Now I'm tackling you Oh my god, can I just say

A bunch of iPads on robotic bases Fucking watch the shit out of that Sounds better than football, no concussions It's just a bunch of tricked out robots You do have to be careful dumping the Gatorade Because you're gonna ruin a lot of technology that way Yeah, tens of thousands of dollars All these segues are ruined

It's just It's not It's just wild, y'all It would be like if fucking I don't know, Cheerios were like All your Cheerios are belong to us The new Guy on a Buffalo wing commercial Follows a lone cowboy

Writing a Zaxby style Buffalo wing Who discovers a boneless wings meal from Zaxby's That features the new Buffalo garlic blaze sauce The spot is narrated to a folk song I'm not sure that's not how that works Grammatically, composed by the band Jomo and the Possum Posse Featuring quirky characters such as the Bobcat

The Squirrel, the Fox, and the Hedgehog Why are you describing it like this? I mean, that's what it is, Travis I know, but it's not like It's just saying the parts of it Without explaining it at all It's just like, yeah, this is what happens in it Why? Why is that what happens in it?

He says, with, um, Duly Tombras The president at Zaxby's Creative Agency of Record Tombras says, Guy on a Buffalo wing Is impossible to look away from The kind of campaign that will make diners wonder What they're missing and have to try it for themselves Do you guys think that the mindset of But you're talking about it

Has gone too fucking far In this year of our Lord of 2022 Where people are like, yeah, but you're talking about it Like, yeah, but ask me in 10 minutes What the food was That I couldn't tell you But I'll talk about this wild video forever The last time that worked is when they fucking

Murdered Mr. Peanut And I was like, I can't look away from that ad Because my good friend Mr. Peanut has passed away And I thought about it No, but even then, made me not want to eat peanuts Because I felt like I was eating his corpse Where I'd much rather feel like I was eating Mr. Peanut over and over again and killing it myself

I would say, Travis, once you see this man Once you see this man riding a buffalo wing You will not soon forget what this is about But there's several shots where he is eating A plate of boneless garlic wings Buffalo garlic blaze boneless wings On a plate that is on top of his Steed

Which is itself a buffalo But is it a boneless wing he's riding? That is up for interpretation I don't believe so It looks like it does have a bone in it It's just, there's so many things One, the big buffalo wing does look like I would fuck that up in a major way

Yeah, but then you wouldn't have anything to ride on But I wouldn't want to sit a stride a buffalo wing In the first place because some of my top five places That I don't want to get buffalo sauce on The googer is way up Especially if you've been riding that saddle all day And you're getting a little chafed Because your parents wouldn't let you buy a thong

And then you're sitting there And it's just seeping through your slacks Forget about it, my man Forget about it, dude I don't want a spicy googer In the middle of the forest Where am I gonna go? What am I gonna do about it?

Don't get me started on ants If this kicks off a trend of doing parodies of ancient Like ancient, ancient memes I would actually be super into that I would actually like that quite a bit You can have any meal you want At Combo.com Oh, that's good

Yeah They could be like burger, burger, burger, burger Mushroom, mushroom! Yeah, that was me, Star Wars kid But now I'm My male pattern baldness Has made me into more of a Star Wars man Oh, man

Oh, boy Boy, howdy All right All right So that's much fun Give me that next question, Justin You got a button I work at a hospital

Thank you for your service And on the patient food trays They have milk cartons with little jokes Awesome One of the jokes I read one of the jokes to my co-worker Smiling excitedly Only for him to nod and politely stare at me

The joke What happens when a cow doesn't shave? She grows a moustache I feel like I'm in a tomb right now Brothers, was there a problem with my delivery? Yes Couldn't matter, unanswerable Can I show my face again at work after this?

And most importantly How do I up my milk based joke game? That's from Cowardly Comic in Greenville So I figured with this one We're three professional top tier comedians Yeah And I figured that we could maybe do I don't know, some punch-ups

Some coaching here Justin, I do like whether intentional or not How absolutely flat And like soulless You deliver that joke Yeah So that we have just solid flat ground to build off of Okay

Yeah, that was about as worse as anybody could deliver that If the joke is good It doesn't need the help It is a good joke This is a good joke Okay, you deliver it in a way that makes me laugh Hey, Justin Yeah

Justin Yeah Justin Yeah What happens when a cow doesn't shave? What? She grows a moustache See, that wasn't funny still and it wasted more of my time

Well, fuck I would hit it like this Hey, Juice, why doesn't a cow shave? I don't know why It gets a moustache It sucked still, but it like Yeah, it sucked But you're thinking about this as like people who have been free to make jokes

And have fun for the last 45 minutes You're on break at a hospital where like the weight of responsibility can feel crushing And now here's a brief moment of respite Where you're able to goof without feeling like a monster And you deliver this like banger moustache joke The joke sucks shit from the ground up There's no good delivery of it That's gonna make this person who's dying bust up

And forget about it You know what I mean? So you may as well like I don't want to rob them of the precious life seconds they've got Hey, why doesn't a cow shave? It has a moustache That's two and a half seconds And then they're able to go do more stuff

I've only seized their attention for like A really, really minimal amount of time Is there a punch up you can do to it, Griffin That like take this joke and make it work Sure Let me try Hey, what happens if a cow doesn't shave? What?

It gets a fucking moustache, baby That's pretty good Oh, you know what I like? I like the jokes where it seems like a real So you can start off reading the paper, everybody loves the paper And you go like, oh, you see this? You hear about this? You hear about one of these things?

You hear about one of these? You hear about this now? It looks like this cow, ooh, their razor broke She wasn't able to shave Oh, yeah, what happened? She grew a moustache That's dope Let me try this

They're bought into it at that point The cow didn't shave, guess what? What? Grew a moustache Huh That's a thinker Yeah, that one is good That's a good way of doing it, actually

Do you know a cow's favorite disgraced Prime Minister of Italy? I don't know who Mussolini That's good, I like calling Mussolini a disgraced I think that's kind of underselling it, but sure Oh, he's so embarrassed Well, he's not graced That's for damn sure

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah He's not holding his head up high for a lot of reasons Yeah, I like that, that's pretty good Okay, oh, here's a tough one, now it's a riddle You ready? Okay Which of the Mario Brothers is a cow's favorite? What?

Which of the Mario Brothers is a cow's favorite? Who's that? The Mario Brothers, oh, it's two plumber bros This isn't me, obviously I know who the Mario Brothers is Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're friends with Toad You know Toad's friends I don't know anything Toad!

Yeah, I don't know who that is Fucking Toad dude, look at my tattoo This isn't me either This is the person telling the truth Yeah, of course, of course I love the person you've invented Who doesn't know who's Mario or Luigi is But fucking is just wild about the little pervert Toad

It's on my, look at my, look at my face I have a Toad tattoo, like in the corner of my eye Like a teardrop, only it's Toad I got one for everybody I've killed Okay I got six of them What's the punchline? Oh, it's, you could say either

Luigi or Murio They both work That sucks That sucks You somehow wrote a worse joke What's the cow's favorite former president of the European Central Bank? There's a lot of politics here, Justin Murio Joggy

Now, hold on Well, you did just kind of use Murio again Yeah, but mine was like, you didn't see, Travis? Okay, I don't want to be like, whatever, Travis But you can't have the punchline part in the setup Okay, where does the cow go to learn about art and history? The museum Exactly

That sucks But you do it different And I just want to remind the two of you on this call That we can't just deliver purposefully shitty jokes for 15 minutes And then say, put it in the can, that one's done Hey guys, what if we did opposite of jokes today for this show This is a special episode where we do opposite of jokes That sucks shit

What's the cow's favorite cereal? Moosly Moosly No, it's fucking grass It's a cow, you idiot See, that's got some ADC energy that I really like Well, so yeah, I was trying to do like edgy I was doing edgy comedy

Yes We don't do that enough here Yes Yeah 2022, fancy takes flight 20 rendezvous We're having a rendezvous with some edgy Challenging, push the envelope doesn't have to be funny kind of comedy

Yeah, edgy Where if it's not funny to use because there's something wrong with you, not me I made a solid joke What about what happens when a cow doesn't shaver too long? What? They're They're bush goes fucking crazy Oh, I like that

That's a good joke Okay, that joke is funny Yeah, that's a great joke because it's like now you're imagining like where does the bush go? This is true Like where is the bush at? Because I think it's all boob down there I'm not sure It's mostly boob down there

So where's the bush? Oh, that's funny to be like where's the beef but it's like where's the bush? I have one And that's like a second, that's like a joke on top of the first, that's a joke topping I got a joke here and it really makes a statement Yeah, sure It doesn't kick ass? Yeah

What happens when a cow doesn't shave? What? Society applies their concept of what beauty is to that cow and judges it for growing a moustache That ain't it chief Well, so but then it has something to say but I also still got moustache in there Yeah Sure Yeah, okay

This has been an hour, right? I don't know man Write better jokes What happened when the cow didn't shave? What? Who fucking gives a shit? Oh, I like that It's a cow, don't you have better things to worry about?

Cow don't even shave, dumbass That's a good one man Oh, edgy, see you got it in there Yeah We gotta do something else We have to do anything else right now Okay, I got you, don't worry about it Is it a fucking shitty cow joke that we can be ironic on?

Um, no Okay But is that a problem? Wait, but is it a problem? If it's not Does it need to be that or? One, two, three, four, five Mubega

Upside top, come on, let's ride to the builders Out around the corner, the gang's all here And it's time for us to do what we wanna There's a house with a roof that leaks It's an urgent job and it could take us weeks There's dizzy, lofty, and rowdy too Wendy always knows just what to do That's no job too big or small

With stupid money that we can do it all Metal, brick, or wood It's all good and we can always send in the tractor A little bit of timber behind this hall A little bit of lipstick behind this hall A little bit of digging out the rocks A little bit of moving What are we listening to?

You have to stop I did No, but here's the problem Justin When you play things through your computer If we talk it echoes I know, I love that You were holding us hostage That's like Oscar play

Yeah So you just gotta hear Bob the Builder's take On Lou Vegas' mambo number five This is a great idea I'm assuming the show's over by now Was that just like a pallet cleanser you were playing? That was just so good I found mambo the trumpet

And it was just like six minutes of trumpet That's not a joke And then related to that Was Bob the Builder's take on mambo number five I thought maybe this is something So then I played that But you just played it Yeah, I don't have anything to say about it

It's existence is funnier than jokes I was just thinking about how it would be cool To make a song called mambo number 2,340 And the year is The year is 32,000 Like Warhammer kinda Yeah, sure And it's all, it's so far in the future

And we've continued to have new mambo's And it's like this is the 2037th mambo Yeah That we're writing in the year 32,000 That would be awesome And it's like filled with jokes about how The year 32,000 nutrient slurry That everybody eats doesn't taste very good

Oh yeah, yeah And it's like listening to the names And it's like a little bit of beep blop In my life A little bit of foofab In my, and it's just like Even then people are listening to it going Those aren't names

It's like yeah I know But I used to all I've used all of them There's no more names And then somebody's like Hey guys I found this weird old holo vid On YouTube And I just have some questions for you

One, what is a buffalo? Two, what is a wing? Three, what is a guy? Also where can I get this fucking meal Cause it's working Can we get a pill? Get the replicator to make a pill Of a guy with a buffalo

Also guys what happens when a cow doesn't shave? What? It grows a moose stash Stop the fucking show Justin Say the shit that you say at the end of every episode Thanks for listening to our show We'll feel better next year And maybe we'll do better

No we did fine I don't like people thinking they waste it Cause most people are less on 1.25 anyway They're just blowing through to see what How we're gonna be realigning the culture You know what I mean? It's less about the humor And more about just keeping their finger

But if they listen that fast They're gonna miss all the little Easter eggs And like wings and stuff We have planned for the future And where the story's going You actually would miss the sheer amount of time We just let hang in the air After the first reading of that moose stash joke

Yeah it's true Go back and listen to that at like 0.75 I'll aspire a little Thanks so much Thanks to you for listening Griffin do your bit Thanks to Montaigne for the use of our theme song My life is better with you

Thanks Montaigne It's a bopper and a showstopper Literally Make sure you go check out MacRoyMerch.com We got the pen of the month Everybody has a knife Which benefits the sitter for reproductive rights We have Guppy's One Me Blink Shards

Fear Me sticker over there I have been doing some streaming on Twitch Playing Get This Guys A little game called Fortnite And it rules You can check that out at twitch.tv Slash the Travis MacRoy Also Griffin has been doing a regular stream

On Wednesdays on the MacRoy family YouTube In which I believe I'm describing this correctly He plays video games as Guy Fieri No, that's not it No, not even close I'm pretty sure that's it It's cool that you are supporting my art though I really like it Griffin

Thank you Thank you The kids like it too Oh, that's awesome Yeah man, so cool That's gonna do it for us this week Griffin do you have a final yahoo to go out on? Yeah, thank you everyone

Here's a final yahoo that was sent in by Chimney Chimney man Chimney man I'm so afraid of the chimney man Please don't bring him into this It's not that chimney man We've said it twice

So we have to stop him Yeah, yeah, yeah So, thank you, sir So it's written by yahoo answers user Chrispifer Chrispifer Who asks Interesting

Chrispifer asks Chrispifer asks Chrispifer you say He asks Chrispifer asks I'm just waiting whenever Yeah Whenever you're ready

Yeah, we're here Yeah, we can wait all day We're here for you You know what I mean? Yeah Alright You have our full support Griffin Do you remember some of the stuff you said already?

Because I could try to catch you back up Like some stuff I've said like in this segment before This yahoo Well, I guess I could do that Oh, okay, so I said Chrispifer And I said it was sent in by chimney man Oh, not again Oh, no!

That's three Oh, no Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle Shit, guys, I don't have time to do that What, he's Justin McRoy I'm Travis McRoy This is my brother, my brother He was

He was your best friend, the whole list Oh, it's better with you