My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 596: Smartles

Episode Date: February 7, 2022

We’re sure you all heard about the iHeartMedia Presents the iHeart Radio Podcast Awards, but we’re totally fine. Absolutely fine. Congratulations. Enjoy this completely regular episode.Suggested talking points: EIGOT, Seeso’s Tapeworm, Bazinga Boys, Beef Mode, Over-Inflated Sense of GokuNational Black Women’s Justice Institute: https://www.nbwji.org/ Huntington Children's Museum: https://hcmkids.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up you cool, baby? Precious friendship Could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better with you

It's better it's better with you It's better it's better Hello everybody and welcome to my brother my brother mean advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy I'm your Middle-East brother Travis Who gives it? What's the fucking point? Wow gives a shit? Okay? Griffin it macro like what are we what he grew up is referring to and this is why we sort of gathered everybody here Yeah, we have decided after talking with our various legal experts We have decided

And this wasn't easy. This wasn't easy but we have decided to accept the results of The iHeart radio podcast awards. Yeah, no recount in naming smart less as the best comedy podcast over my brother my brother me and The winners the best ad read over My brother my brother now Travis the one that was it's that's one that hurts that one I heard Travis's dog is barking in the background. No, but Travis listen to me Travis listen to me

I don't give a shit anymore. Oh man. It was supposed to be building to this Yeah, it was like literally like 12 years of work Yeah, let let the gum snap in the mouth Let the let the farts just come on out on the on the box Let the farts come out the box let the gum smack in the mouth and let the dogs bark where I mean I told Is it that I with this was all What it was building towards this is the arc we were on right if we had to think about this This is why to think about but and it's always would a cushion up if we had won the podcast award for best ad read

Uh-huh. Yeah, we would have been one Emmy a Grammy and Oscar and Tony away from Ega. That's right That's that's what I'm saying. That's silent in that for podcast award. That's silent. Yeah Well, no, it would all be the I I heart radio I ego and then the you got which I'm pretty sure I could figure out in the anagram war Um, if you if you haven't checked out Smartless don't which you should because it's apparently really fucking funny They put it right there in their Twitter bio seconds later number one pot and comedy podcast in the world Which feels oh boy. It's it's Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and will Arnett

And it's if I could just Sidney point this out to me yesterday and it's like, you know guys know the Wells for boys Yeah, yeah, that's an L. You know poor Emma stones like this isn't for you. Yeah, everything else is for you Why can't you guys just be funny and famous and handsome and just like Leave this to us. This is all we have it kind of feels a little bit. I'm not listen I'm just saying this listen. I'm just trying to get I'm trying to get it out Right so I can get past it It feels like somebody looked at our show and said like huh three white dudes, huh? That's a good concept for a podcast. Nobody seems to be doing that kind of thing

You know what? Let's get like the better funnier handsomer versions of Justin Griffin and Travis and make a podcast with them So that yeah, they can it's like they kind of and I'm just saying it kind of copied The whole thing we were doing and we did it first. They resuaded you Travis. Do you want to walk anything back? Did they they did oh He said well played my friend, and then they gave you a little handshake emoji, which is fucking classic Yeah, we'll or no would have said something kind of gravely and snarky, but it would have been from the heart You know, I mean yeah, and Jason Bateman He would have seemed like he's checked out and doesn't care

But it's just like then a single-tier respect to roll down his line. You're like, oh, he's in it now It really feels like they just put our podcast into the Stefan or Kel machine. Yeah And that's what and they're their better shows will you know, they're they're going to Chicago, you know, they're playing Chicago theater. No, that's ours. The Kings Theater. That's our Washington Hey, those are our houses. Those are our houses that we built smell the chairs, bud That's our house next when you know that we had the smell the chairs, bud Are they performing at the fucking Huntington City Hall auditorium? What the fuck? God just so you guys know and I and I hate for this to get so nasty

Yeah, because it's already like so nasty so nasty, but I Swore to myself last night when I watched that and sobbed to my wife. I said that's it these three guys Fucking boycott. Yeah, I'm done. Yeah, I'm done and after that Absolutely, not the only slip-ups. I've had since then is I watched murder villain Netflix with well or net It was very funny other than this morning I did catch catch that that first episode of the fourth season of Ozark cuz love. Yeah, you know, they love other than that Other than that though, but that's all it cuz I like Ruth laymore. It has nothing every time baby came on I closed my eyes

Don't need it. I think the thing that really stung for me that I was watching the podcast stores I had my whole family gathered around I kept the kids up late Right because I was like, this is daddy's moment. Now. I should say my first clue was when they were clearly they had The winners they seem to be aware that they're going to win and ready to do a simulcast Kind of a word speech. We didn't get that particular email So that was like a clue that maybe but then I saw that they were announcing some like they couldn't make it And I was like, oh, maybe we were so busy. We couldn't make it for the ad read award Right, so I was ready for that right but then the comedy award went up and we didn't win and my five-year-old

BB you guys I think you know where said I'm just so proud of daddy and I said, thank you honey That means a lot and she said no not you Daddy and she pointed Jason Bateman She said that's daddy now. That's right. Yeah, I will kind of say though. Absolutely. You are the wheel on it I'm the Jason. You think well. Yeah. Yeah You're the will girls the shot I get you guys are welcome by the way, let's do like a crossover. Let's get all six of us on one show I don't call it white white white privilege

Why guys getting it done for themselves finally white guys with their mother shine finally a chance for white guys I'll take one of them. I'll take two of them. I'll take all three. Whatever. I'll fight him fight I just know just to apologize I let or let us come on your show doing a concession speech. I know you were like counts You can come on here and take a victory lap if you want it You can come do our ad reads and show us how it's done. Oh, yeah, come show the pros how it's done You show you imagine you want to read in my house. Can you imagine how anger advertisers would be if they're like? Excuse me. Why did you let Willard at Jason Bateman? It's shot. Hazard read our ads

We pay for you as a special boys You're the special boys with the lips of gold and we say what you have gold lips and do good ads. Thank you. Thank you So best luck to them Or you can see where they're going to fucking just go You know, it's just gotta go check them out or listen to the show or don't read aren't good enough Don't do an ad read for their show. Bring all the rotten tomatoes. You guys there it is Had it Adam. I didn't even think about the fact that we have dog shit ad reads now Sort of there's empirical evidence. No pressure though. Yeah, that's true. Pressure's offering really phone it

Yeah I'm still gonna do it though because it's the love of the game for me. That's why I do the ad reads You know, I don't need I'm not like Willar net. I don't need awards to feel like a big man I can just do it for the love of the game and do the ad reads from my heart And it's me and Jesus out there doing a good job and that's all I really need is my walk with Christ Yes, and my heart. I'm I'm the Kurt Warner of ad reads I still haven't seen that movie gotta check that out, but I'm the current Warner of ad reads I'm gonna throw the ball so hard. I get two touchdowns. I guess and our dad was a

Beliegered and let's face it mistreated employee of my heart radio for such a long time It would have been so nice to rub this right in his face. Oh, it was so good. Oh my god. Hey Hey, dad, we know that you were treated like literal dog shit by this huge company, but guess who wasn't You're serious. They are dad now, but you know Anyway, couldn't even give us that I Just feel like COVID's taken so much away from all. Thank you. Thank you It's been a rough 16 years after the as hard as COVID has hit us the macaroons Yeah, the least they could do is step aside. You know, I mean

We don't have piles of money to sleep on like you guys do they We need that award They got the one they've probably been out whining and dying it didn't even slow their fucking stride with all the celebrity I've remarked and they've gone. Oh, yeah They got the fucking deep Hollywood reserves of the good. Yeah. Yeah, not this cheap shit that you get a piss mark Like we have to do but the good Hollywood I for mine is my version with a Y which Oh Man feels but it tastes good

We are our okay. Here's a here's a talk about have and have nots. Okay. We did When I current now referred to as a miniseries. Yeah for the CISO network, right kill before it's time all can agree These cats do their shows all through these cats did TV shows did them all we're like, that's good We've done enough of it and then later Uh-huh Just said we want to do more of our TV show and they said yeah That's the way it works. They said we have money left over from the my brother my brother and me TV show that we didn't use here You can have it. Yeah

Anyway, this is an advice. It's revisionist history to say that our TV show was killed and not That our TV show out Outlasted the company that created the TV. Yeah, I know there wasn't no it was a miniseries. That's this what you're right Yeah miniseries, so we did exactly what we set out to do which is complete our miniseries Our mini-series is like a tapeworm that lived inside of CISO's stomach and then CISO died and our tapeworm went Oh, gotta get out of here. Uh, what's going on over here? What's this? What's this over here VRV gonna go check you out. This is an advice show. Obviously This is an advice show. Here's an advice show. Don't don't get into the fucking podcast business. Yeah

Don't buy a dumbass book about how to get into the podcast business because it's just hard It's just heartbreak From start to finish, you know, it'd be really funny. Oh my god, you guys, you know, it'd be so funny if everybody If everybody on earth ordered a copy of everybody has a podcast except you I'm fucking and fucking sent it fucking to smart less and said like her two guys needed this. Oh My god, that's my actual I actually did have this fantasy, you know Only murders in the building. Yeah, that's show about Steven Yeah, this the Steve's Steven. Yeah, Steven. Steven Martin Steve Martin short doing a podcast

I I really want to get our book into the second seat. I want someone to just have it on a guy That's my dream. Anyway, okay, so this is an advice show. It sucks. We didn't win that award though It really sucks man. It really sucks. I had built a show for it. Just for it I Remember that it was on before Travis texted me about it last night I mean that was only cuz Joel texted us and said good luck tonight guys and you said why Now hold on wait a minute. That is true. It's fucking great by the way But from I did I did not catch it live

And I heard that they pulled sort of a strange choice for a clip when representing our show Which I still I I did not see the clip and I'm wondering if this oh, can I play the clip real quick? That'd be cool Yeah, yeah, hold on. Give me give me a second to fight it my brother my brother and me How old were you guys before you had the realization that the if anybody doesn't want them to get married speak now Wasn't actually like a normal part of a wedding Now here's what I did like pretty Travis forward. I'd say yeah this clip I I think that what's great about that is maybe the judges heard that and thought oh, is this like an ironic title where it's my Brother my brother and me, but it's only one guy like Tame and Paula. You know what I mean at least get comedy bang bang everybody was like

Yuck yuck yuck yuck like everybody got yucks on the mix Not even I got a yuck on that mix though. Like that was just an observation. It was a question really I will say though real quick This is the clip that they chose for smart less Smartless he's won an Emmy He's been nominated for three Academy Awards and he doesn't know it, but I watch him every single night on reruns of cheers It's Woody Harrelson. Woody. Hello That's literally

Okay, so they just aren't really great Well, no in that one you get you get everything you need to know They are they are so fucking famous all their friends are fucking famous and they can get them to come on a show Like what we got from ours is that Travis makes observations and that's actually that actually he does track but We're on it. We're on it too Yeah, they should have made that clip a little bit longer where I observed how sometimes words sound like other words And then you guys would say like isn't it funny how words sound like other words sometimes, huh? And I think that would have been a better slice of life really for the show

Um, yeah, but then you could have like then they could have accidentally pulled a work of fart And then we would have been publicly shamed by every that would have been great or anything that had a joke in it Yeah, like something you would To be fair, Justin It is hard to pull Point five seconds of our show that is funny in a way that anyone else would hear and be like I get why that's funny Yeah, but they didn't I mean they didn't do that. Okay, you know what I mean here. We got time Yes, we're getting into

Warwick grandpa territory and I'm I actually feel pretty comfortable in those waters right now Let's let's take a few passes At do like recording for the the next award show the next one nominative for Like the clips that they can play that represents us And here's what here's what we have to get across in it and those clips are what 10 seconds max So like keep an eye on your on your doll and so we can time this out Well, but I would say first criteria. We all have to put some sauce on the mix. Okay. Okay. Okay. This is our word show clip We just yeah. Yeah. Yeah, gotta gotta. Yeah, and we need it should be

In the least bit entertaining or stimulating Okay, can I can I take first not just travis talking about uh how you don't actually interrupt weddings? I'll take first pass and you guys just jump in and get a hand on the ball. Okay. Okay ready? Well, let's cut Let's come into it all talking. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Like satisfy that criteria. So we'll go I'll go three two one and then we pick up after one. Okay Three two one What happens when a cow loses its razor not a joke, we don't actually do It grows a moose stash

And that's not representative of the show it grows a moose stash and also it was shitty and that's not what we do here Okay, okay. I think I want Travis. I want you to think about what it is. We do here. Is that what you think it is? Can I try again? Yeah. Yeah, go for it three two one Yeah, man. Yeah, right. Oh my god. I know right. Welcome to mizinga boys. Justin forgot. Justin forgot. Now Justin forgot we're gonna take that again three two one

Welcome to mizinga boys. Yeah, you know So the marble statue was sad because he was afraid everyone took him for granted. I'm gonna flush t-shirt for you What? Now Justin I feel like that's not representative. We don't talk about We don't often talk about big bang theory. I'm not gonna say we haven't I know we have for sure we have before but check the transcripts But like if you reached into or 600 episodes of our show to pull a core sample The chances that you would pull out any

Any big bang theory in there is very slight Let's okay I know the I know what we need to do. Okay. Okay. We need to do an episode in 10 seconds Oh, oh, that's that could be good. Yeah No introductions or outros. So then there's context Yeah, so let's workshop it. Let's take one one quit. We got to do names. Uh-huh. We each have to do a bit. Sure We have to get out. Okay. That's it. Okay, great. It's in seconds. Okay. Yeah This is easy. This is actually easy. Okay. Here. Yeah, sure. Okay ready three two one

Justin Griffin. Yeah, these nuts Burgers rid on me piss what cow you just said the name of a You can't say the name of it. It's got to be a sort of it's got to be a funny gents. Okay. Okay. Okay. Funny show. Let's try again Justin Travis phase nuts what cow? Moose stash is actually Travis that is your perfect That's your perfect contribution. Maybe I should just laugh. That's pretty good Yeah, if you can sound like you're having no choose don't you're not some straight man on the thing on the on the on the cut Give us a count. Don't I don't know Travis. Can you I feel like maybe

With the way you stretch out moose stash. You're being a little selfish. Okay We don't we're not working with much time. So maybe you can even just shorten it to like to one syllable that okay. Yeah. Yeah Let's try again. Okay Give me a count. Please Justin. Thank you three two one Just Just Oh, you said no Travis. Did you cut down the syllables? Yeah, driven said one syllable. So I got it down to moose stash

I was trying not to take too much time self-contained what Griffin said I was taking too much time trying to make it shorter There's three of us. There's three of us each Travis. Okay. Okay. Here's how we make it So we don't elongate the syllable Travis. You just say the word mustache Okay, but I feel like then that I don't know that that's representative of my particular style of comedy But I'll say funny. Oh, yeah count. Don't know. Oh great. Good. But let people know that was a joke. Oh, yeah, okay Great. Okay. Here's here's another way. We could do it. I'm gonna set a timer for three seconds on my phone Well, 3.3 repeating right. Well, yeah, that you can't get that quite that granular with the apple Clock but I will uh once I start talking I'll take my three seconds

And then when you guys hear the beat that means it's time for the next guy. Okay So are we gonna go Griffin Travis? Justin, we should establish that beforehand or that's Time line three two one Justin Moustache piss piss another great joke Travis Justin, I don't know how to turn it off That was it and that's great too because we don't have to record another like promo for max phone for a while

We can just put that clip up. It's the whole show. That's the whole show. That's what you're gonna get That's what you get. Okay, like it or not Well, if you don't like it, don't you don't need to it's not required. This isn't summer reading Uh, let's actually help isn't it fucked up now. I'm not done yet. Okay, isn't it fucked up that This was a podcast awards. Uh-huh And they're called the I heart radio podcast awards. This is strange. Yes, this would be like if somebody was like I It's this year on the I love vr. Pornography Tony's

It's that's right. Is the Tony's but that name of the company is a different medium sort of all together Um, it's technically our heart media Is that what they've changed it to no, I'm sorry I heart media celebrates the best in podcasting during the fourth annual I heart radio podcast awards So it's I heart media presents the I heart radio podcast. What's not clear? What's not clear about this guys? Why don't you get it and they're they're they're their podcast network there is the I heart podcast now Yeah, so so there's a lot and you can only listen on jukeboxes And it seems cruel to radio

Because it's like video did kill the radio star, but then about 40 years later the podcast star came in with the fucking alley-oop over the the rotted out casket of radio star And smashed down into it and got like the bones and goo on on their on their new cool podcast It is a good point grove in because it's like podcast said well video killed the radio star But we can't take it on video, but you know Radio star is still there We could we could act like we got a hand on the ball of killing radio star, huh? Yeah, right? It seems it seems fucked up to me at least podcasts could try to take on book star

Come on podcast. That seems like an easy one. They don't even televise. Oh, you say that kidding me book star isn't strong But it's wily Oh, you got fine. We haven't yet. Nobody's been able to whip books quite yet. I was meeting books man They've been around long around even then podcast is like i'm gonna get you books and then books said I'm gonna have people record me and you can listen to it. Yeah on the thing. Yeah, fuck Podcast said we're gonna whip your ass books and the book said actually I'm going to whip your ass I'm podcast now. What I'm podcast now only my podcast is badass stories about wizards and space and sexual Can't beat that. Mr. No one's telling stories on podcast. We should start doing that. Oh my god. You guys

stories on podcast That could be good. Yeah, like use a podcast to like tell a story like you would use a book to do Yeah, I like this even videos not doing that What you doing juice? Um, just what just wait just wait in the show Okay, I'm ready to fire it up. Yeah, you ready to go. Where do you think we should start? I feel self-conscious talking about this because I don't think people I feel like the longer we talk about inside baseball It gets too inside baseball and I want I don't want people to think that we actually like

We're upset about this. I mean you always want to win I'm fucking My both my sons Justin have been crying since 10 p.m. Last night Even the baby one whose brain isn't smart enough to even understand things like award or podcast or Like anything, do you know what I mean? I griffon I'm I can I say I'm actually kind of jealous that your kids are sad about it because this morning I went to play the you know rhythm of the city video that has been my daughter's favorite for three years

Uh, and she said no play that great clip Uh on youtube where they interview woody harrelson and I said we never had woody On our show and she said no with real daddy with jason daddy And it was that was really painful to me. I kind of wish my kids were crying I wish they were sad and said they're laughing their fucking asses off at smart loss And what sucks shit guys. Yeah, I would love to have woody harrelson on the show, but he's all used up now The smart list guys got their stuff all over him and I don't even want to play with woody harrelson anymore He's only got like old cheer stories now that are half remembered and you're like

Wait, was that on cheers or was that on frazier? And then you're like, I don't think our audience cares about either of those woody and he's like I'm gonna start telling people they have to choose. They have to choose. Yeah. Well, you can't be on both I'm worried about that justin because like it's like smart list has the cool house With like the pool out back, right? And we're kind of living, you know, and we're Ours is more of a studio apartment right now. Just because we're cheesier than they are Well, I'm you know, I'm just saying that I'm afraid that I'll get woody. Yes I don't think you will I don't think you will if you say you have to choose

I don't think they're picking us jay man. I also don't fucking want That just scuzzy used up woody fucking Harrison He's gonna show up in our studio and he's gonna be wet and sweaty And he's gonna be tired and he's not really gonna be in the mood to play around because it'd be like, oh, sorry boys I just played around with the smart list boys and he's gonna be fucking tight. He wants to he'll want to take a nap Fucking people on this. Okay. Tell okay. Who avoid a little bit like freaked out now they've had some fucking you know like

My belly my belly Connor made a whole podcast about trying to Catch Tom Hanks in his beautiful net. Yeah, and they just headed him They they had two weeks where they had Tom Hanks and then Jerry Sunfield like what's happening? I mean sure. Listen at this point. We fucked up bad guys. We gotta walk this anybody Anybody could get that combination Anybody could get that common it. Oh, you're what's that back to I yeah show me a difficult one They got they had the Canadian prime minister. Fuck really they got Trudy They got David Burr, man. Oh wait, is one how many of them are Canadian?

Is I'm pretty sure will and it's what's fucked up is that they don't they're like Wait, hold on fuck. Okay. Wait call the iHeart media people because I think what we've got here We got some Canadians on the podcast, right? And that's right. If I remember the rules correctly Yes, that should that's a thing right because it's or else they don't podcasting yourself would have been nominated and still would have beaten us Well, what's that? Why I he's not the best of them. Hey juice. Hey juice. Hey juice and trap Do you guys really want to play in this space With Sir Paul McCartney or Tom. Hey, so that matter. Do you think we're gonna invite Paul or Tom into

Our little space our little South Park human space. I think Tom would get it It's not even like a pretend podcast. You know, these celebrities do like I've got eight I do eight episodes a year whether I want to or not. You know, they're like they're like turning out weekly Huge gets massive. Why are they doing this to us? I don't get it. What do you do? Doesn't this feel like I know why I guess when they waded into the water what my took a little Took a little everybody's least favorite bug Everybody's least favorite bug cover is strong in the room and everybody with a microphone feels like they can step up

Right. Hey, jesson. Okay. Can I ask you a question? I want you to look way way back in your past Was there a time Where it's possible you might have offended either Sean or will or jason or Some combination of those three and they've simmered for years waiting for the opportunity to get back at you and take away from you The one thing you love. I eat the only this podcast You think that okay now You have concocted a world in which our podcast is cancelled because no no no it's too pop

You've also concocted a world where justin Would be capable of doing anything that would even make the slightest impact on the lives of my butterfly wings For a hundred thousand years it wouldn't flick a single drop to do on the on the shan's face You know, i'm just saying I could see a conversation You have with jason bateman Maybe you don't even remember this because it was so minor for you But you would say something like jason seems like you have everything going for you and he's like yeah

I really do and you're like, you know, I don't have a lot going for me But at least i'm the best comedy podcast of the world Look at joke and then and then jason but you just seem like then that's the one thing I'm going to take away from jason that he has dedicated his life to just taking This one thing that you had that you felt good about away from you. Is that possible? I I think I know. Oh, what is it? It was in our It was it was early mabin bam days like double digit episode eras and just in one time said horrible boss is more like horrible movie Oh, man, okay. Do you remember when you said that when you said that?

But it's not even like it's not even all your fault because me and travis busted up so hard. We shit it Now I did though after that I went out to talk about how much I enjoyed christmas party office christmas party It doesn't it's too late at that point And so jason bateman had that podcast delivered to him on a silver tray I buy his butler like he does every morning with every podcast that mentions anything He's in or related to and then he listened to it. He said, oh, I'm so excited my three favorite brothers talking about my magnum opus horrible bosses

And then he listened to it and he was like, well now i'm going to take away everything justin loves Oh, man. Oh, i'm just saying I here's all i'm saying Yeah, is if they would take the time to record a video acceptance award For the i heart media podcast presents i heart podcast telegraph awards Incorporated if they would take if they would take a second to do that the least they could fucking do is just send us Some audio that's like, we're sorry. We podcast. Yeah, you know what I mean? We're sorry. We'll stop if you want

We're sorry. We podcast we realize now how much this is kind of stepping on your thing Do you know when they're new episodes? Come on guys hit monday Fucking monday dammit. I hate mondays. That's our day I'm we should start putting it out on sundays. I don't we really don't care about it Well, i'm sorry. It's like a it's funny. No, no, no. Well. Yeah, I am worried. We will work ourselves up into it I feel like I could I've been looking at their faces for 15 minutes now and I love all three of these performers. I hate their fucking guts Clockwork orange ourselves

This picture of them is them staring directly at me They've got these grins on their faces like we took that what you most trash. Yeah, we've turned professionally speaking sin Sorry, but like professionally speaking, right the a-block of our podcast has become the 32 minutes. Hey God damn it. You're right Oh boy, they guessed it on our show without even yeah, they haven't put down their fucking Caviar snifter. Yeah, you know, they asked or projected into our shit fucking woody harrelson's in the ether like, uh, idiots Got you even my good stuff No, but they seem like fun. Hey, let's hey, no, hey guys. We're not walking it back now

No, no, do you know what time it is? It's time for us to do our shitty dog shit idiot ad reads that no dumbass has ever listened to And bought any garbage we fucking said was good So let's get out there. What is it? What are we doing this time? Who we got this time? Who's on the docket? Who are we gonna fucking disappoint with our shit? Probably our dad Well, I mean beyond that our family friends and family are already like yeah Yeah All right, let's let's let's go. Hey, let's go to the money zone

We need a new name for it because we're we definitely time for time for the second rate money's time for the nickel city nickel city Let's go to nickel city second rate. Yeah Imperfect foods And more like imperfect podcasts. Yeah, I bet they get to cover perfect foods Yeah Hi, I'm woody helsen. I'm Look at this apple drink it in

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Just stuff that's like a little different perfectly good But maybe it just is like it look a little busted a little bust Maybe it looks like a little bust it but not, you know, if uh Greg universe says if every poor shop was perfect who would have hot dogs And they don't I don't know if they have either those products, but they do have a lot of great snacks They have a lot of great produce. Um, they fill up your basket, but you can take stuff out and put stuff in whatever you want And they'll ship you in a big box. Now. I know what you're thinking shipping Oh, that's not great for the psych and perfect delivers weekly by neighborhood

Which is a unique model that produces 25 to 75 fewer emissions than individual trips to the grocery store Not like perfect good foods now, which like rides single a fucking single clementine to your door on a big hog I uh rolling coal I've found a lot of stuff of three imperfect foods that uh, I couldn't get around here There's like produce that I can't typically find at grocery stores or just like new Stuff they have this croissant toast. What that my kids are. Yeah, that's it's honestly like one of the best things I've ever eaten right now I'm perfect foods is offering our listeners 20 off your first four orders

When you go to imperfect foods.com and use promo code my brother again 20 off your first four orders That's up to an $80 value at imperfect foods.com offer code when you used the promo code My brother can I can I try to tell you about square space? Let's I think this is gonna be the one where we like Oh, yeah, I heart radio go like right. Oh, what the fuck were we thinking? Have you ever wanted to make a weeb site? Fuck God damn it I mean, I did I did I did put together that my hero academia fan site

That is just mostly me and a lot of sort of like Patchwork cosplay that is mainly just clothes that I already had That I did cut up But then I am up there, so you know like with saying like, how'd you make much today? Been each one of them. I'm sorry guys. I'm so sorry. That's all right, trap I blew it square space is a place that you go to make a website to showcase your work sell products and services of all kinds And promote your physical or online business, you know, and there's more stuff that you can do with square space We've made many websites with square space and each one of them have received

Many real awards They got the beautiful customizable templates created by beautiful customizable designers And everything is optimized for mobile right out of the the box And they have analytics and what are those numbers you can host a say more I yeah Need you say more? There it is. I had I need I literally do you see the highlighted copy? I need to say that part or we don't get the we don't get the 100 dollars That we share three ways so um free and secure hosting

What is that? Oh, you've lost the context of what that means, but it's good And you don't ever have to patch or upgrade it go to square space dot com slash my brother for a free trial When you're ready to launch use the offer code my brother to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain I wrote this song about square space That was good I build a website. Oh on geo cities Just like every website on geo cities On a day just like every day pretty sure they don't want us to say the name of a This isn't the added new art now. This is just a regular could have used magazines

Just like every magazine. I think magazines are the main competitor to websites. You'll forget it to make geo cities wait They say website visitors. They do have no memory What because their lives are much like mine Kind of feels like you're just taking an eye to franco. So I'm gonna put a website in it And like there's some very dangerous copyright issues happening here Yeah, it's completely different. It has nothing to do with that. I'll need to let me just pop this I don't even know the one that you're

Yeah, I just want to step in here and say both to square space and the people listening to this show any iHeart media iHeart podcast radio podcast awards ceremonies That just it was actually saying geo shitties and so it was actually a parody That was after the ads. I'm allowed to talk about whatever I want fair use Did your neighbor back into your car bring that case to judge judy Think the mailman might be the real father. Give that one to judge mathis but Does your mom want you to flush her ashes down the toilet at disney world when she passes away now?

That's my jurisdiction Welcome to the court of judge john hajman where the people are real The disputes are real and the stakes are often unusual If I got arrested for dumping your ashes in the jungle cruise, it would be an honor I don't want to be part of somebody getting a super yacht I don't know at what point you want to go into this, but we've had a worm been before Available free right now at maximumfun.org Judge john hajman the court of last resort when your wife won't stop pretending to be a cat and knocking the clean laundry over

Hey kid Your dad tell you about the time he broke steven dorf's nose at the kids choice awards In dead pilot society scripts that were developed by studios and networks But were never produced are given the table reads they deserve when I was a kid I had to spend my christmas break filming a psa about angel dust. So yeah, being a kid sucks sometimes Presented by andrew reich and ben blacker dead pilot society twice a month on maximumfun.org You know to show you like thank hobo with a scarf who lives in a magic dumpster Dr. Who

Oh, wait, oh, sorry, hold on real quick guys bb just walked in let me What honey? Yeah, no, I'm still recording the podcast. Yeah, no, I'm still doing it even though we lost Yeah, no, I can't drive you to jason's house I don't even know what jason lit. He's probably in california probably Well, if you love him so much why don't you call him and I'm gonna pick you up Get out of here get out of here travis. That's why she wants jason Yeah, you can't talk to your kids

Even as a podcast joke Just where you gonna do a munch quad Munch, huh? Wait I want a munch One two munch What kind of munch quad it's a podcast within a podcast Profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. I love when the big game is coming around the band

Is that is that coming? The big game is on the way And uh, I couldn't be more excited about the big game. Are you waiting for justin me? Oh, I'm not allowed to say the names of the team or the sport. You could just you could just describe their mascots if you wanted to The burly tigers. Oh, you like the burly tigers, huh? So here's the thing To celebrate this subway. Oh you fresh is uh

They got some introducing sandwiches created by nfl stars now with tiger meat Yeah, you can eat tiger meat or ramy whatever you want to eat And whoever gets the most votes Gets a 50 dollars So they got three different autograph signature sandwiches from three of the biggest names in the nfl You shouldn't eat sandwiches with ink on them March on Lynch Russell Wilson and Trevor Lawrence March on Lynch, of course, so funny in the second episode of murderville Uh, who's probably you know, I think about March on Lynch is one time he was late to a game

Uh, because before every game, uh, he would eat basically like an entire family sized fun bag of Skittles and then it made him And then he he showed up a couple minutes late in the game because he was busy throwing up his skittles Our um our athlete partners are some of Harmo's passionate subway fans Says says carry wash. I don't understand. I don't know how to parse that exactly I think what she's saying is football players fucking love these subs Um, so it's a natural fit to create a collection of their favorite sandwiches and super bowl livy

Is the ideal location? I guess subway is allowed to say super bowl livy because they're like an official partner Fans visiting the subway vault at the super bowl experience Will have a chance to meet March on Lynch Russell Wilson and Trevor Lawrence and instead of sports memorabilia The nfl players will sign their respective signature subs Uh, it's important to note that March on Lynch refers to Skittles as power pellets Okay Russell wilson And i'm not going to tell you what's on these sandwiches because it's negative funny, but

Russell wilson's is called the danger witch Fuck Trevor Lawrence's is called the sunshine sub hell. Yeah, and March on Lynch Beef mode It's really good really fucking good Uh, so i was extremely excited about those nfl players Getting getting their do you know what i mean? Yeah getting their getting their thing. I'm happy for him beef mode Beef mode is really really good Let me on the mic. Oh, okay

Hello, you rarely just kind of But in like that, I think I'd like to take a turn at the podcast. Okay. It sounds like worse than what we do It sounds like Justin's death was pain. Oh, yeah, by the way count done. Did you hear we lost big time, baby? What are you talking about the podcast the i-harps the i-heart media i-heart radio i-heart podcast award smartless one Just for that I will never appear as a guest On their show. Oh, that means a lot to us. Justin, of course would be thrilled Not interested this is we've never encountered this before but does that mean that you have some kind of access to justins like thoughts of feelings

And stuff like when you're in he leaves notes for me. Oh, he does that's fun If he needs heavy lifting around the house, he leaves not asking me to do it because of my incredible strength Oh, you're flexing now No, this is how I've always spoke. Okay Did you are you excited for the big game? Yeah, man I hope it I hope it airs after nightfall It probably won't because if it's during the day, yeah, I can enjoy it. You see

Because the sunlight is a poison. Yeah, man. Yeah, dude. We know you've heard you. Oh our secrets Secrets of my people have been revealed to you. It seems let's count done it We're all in a pretty like tender place right now And I think it we've been trying to bring our a game at least since the b-segment started Um, so if you have a doughnut to tell us about uh, I don't have a doughnut to tell you about of course You think I'd come here without the doughnut to tell you about in honor of you know, you could right? We like hanging out with you. Yeah, we don't you don't have to just be the the doughnut vampire Yeah, this is I'm it's expensive to get me here. Yeah, it does cost just in a year of his life every time so every time

Every time this but this one's worth. Oh, okay, right box Donuts have launched treats For the big game. Okay Diehard fans and commercial critics are preparing for the big game So you can show some love for the whole squad With this new lineup of pink box doughnuts Two of them you see

Look like poops I don't know why But two of them look like poops that say rams and mingles on them wait intentionally or Okay, I'm gonna need to see this. I'm going to send I'm going to use Justin's body to send you an image of this in case you wish to see. Yeah, we you don't have to say Ha Yes, so there are poops perhaps the idea is you get a poop if you hated the mingles You get the poop of the mingles and you say here brav here dog here fat cherry here skinny steve

It is delicious bingles doughnuts. Yeah, because we hate them and they look like a poop But that's but also I don't like That's a fun prank where you're like, I hate the bingles. So I'm giving you this bingles poop doughnut I don't know what I'm I don't know what my reaction is supposed to like I don't want because it also doesn't look enough Like poop to seem offensive or like a doughnut Really? That's also true. It doesn't look appetizing though. It's very shy. I would eat the fuck out of that also that one that just says I'm just here for the commercials. That's can you not spoil my whole thing. Sorry you go on you can do it Oh, no, I can see why smartness hates you so much. Oh boy. Okay. They didn't don't hate me specifically

Well, they hate all of you. Oh, okay. Wait. Have you been over there? I Look outside there. You said you wouldn't do that my time Waiting for the moment when I am invited in. Okay. Hey. Hey This doesn't have to be on the show but between you and me like you're a vampire, right? So we'll earn out of vampire Fuck he's we'll earn out of vampire. He's got it gives me some of those. He is a satyr a satyr A satyr. I would have thought Sean if any of them was a satyr now. Sean's a kelpie. I think

Sean is a kelpie bateman is an earth angel Now, I mean you didn't need me. You didn't need to tell me that. Hey, see that hair. Look at the hair Now I do want to say now that I've broach the subject of the I'm just here for the commercials doughnut This is called Half time show is the name of this donut white frosted ray shell top with red lettering I'm just here for the commercials is what this now That's a lot of writing for an employee of this doughnut place to have to do over and over again It is indeed it is indeed and I

Would love to see how the pinmish ship appears in the real There's also game ball chocolate frosted rays football shell filled with bavarian cream And topped with it says here football decor Ha ha ha They they forgot the word for laces and they just went, you know, uh football the corn football stuff Big box continues to flaunt its incredible football knowledge with 50 yard line

A green frosted raised bar topped with numberials I like that one and and 50 yard line decor now this doughnut is precious. What they've done is they've put Hundreds and thousands on the edges to make it look like a little crowd that is you're all watching the big game That also seems like the one that's easiest to make for the employee of this doughnut franchise You do not see all those fucking non-period, but that's just dip dip. They're not putting them on there with like tweezers Like by hand I mean yeah

They also say the guests will have the option to kick off their day with a special pinky and poo To wrap their favorite theme Featuring a chocolate or vanilla cake topped with deliciously themed bottle cream But then what's the poo there? What's is there like a is there someone at pink box having a little bit of dirty fun? someone at pink box who This there's not a better way to put it having a little dirty fun with us I

Don't know it's a fine question. Hey, how often do you think smart list talks about poop on their show? Probably never. I don't know. I mean, but what he probably did Like covered them for a year, but it was probably tasteful. Oh, it's probably so well done. Yeah Yeah Uh, okay. I must go you may have him back now. Thanks. Yeah. Okay. You're used up Little brother. Okay. We should probably um Hey juice. Yeah, can you do a question? I'm getting used to it, which is actually scarier. Yeah, you know what I mean? Um, maybe we should do one. Why is there a picture of donuts on my? Oh that count donut was here

Oh, okay. Did he did he take the trash out? I asked him. He did and he lifted up something really heavy. I think Yeah, the heavy truck. It was heavy. Yeah. He said I'm getting the heavy trash can full of all my wood scraps Oh, no stakes though, right? That you they use your big boy garbage bags for wouldn't that be embarrassing if he was carrying a box of wood scraps and it tipped over Not like this. Yeah That's how we found him. Uh Hey Listen, it's not every podcast audience

Though it hang out with their podcasting. Wait, are we really not going to do one question? I mean, doesn't that this is always the problem I have with a grandpa episode is like A war with grandpa episode, excuse me. It's like, um It starts to feel hollow, doesn't it? I mean it gets to the end and you're like it's sort of like when the When the worst idea of all time guys were like 30 episodes in to sex and city And they wanted to quit but then he realized like you eat 30 you watch 30 times and it's like Nothing, you know what I mean? Like you do 50 minutes of Of non-advice and then at the end you're like, oh no, we did a question. Yeah

Well, yeah, I guess but I mean we I feel like we could do something else Okay Well, what are you thinking? Hey before we before we dip. Can we can we do talk to the wizard? Yeah, I guess we have to break the news to him, huh? Yeah. Oh, hold on. He knows I can tell just by the way. He looked he's looking at me Um, this one was sent a little bit of pity You know mixed with no, it's all just it's all disappointing. He has no like skin in the game Um, he also provides

Like his wisdom to to the smart list guys, uh, which I think is fucked up, but no really he double tips He I mean he does it forever for everyone. He's a wizard that lives in the sky So this is um, this this is uh, how to fight like Goku, which is dope because if we do end up In a in a like physical match with some other podcast hosts This would be a good thing for us to be able to how to fight like Goku Yeah, and Goku is the famous Brawler from the dragon ball

franchise of I've been meaning to get into that. I I don't know where to start. Yeah, baby. Now's the perfect time Everyone's got dragon ball fever So be a good puncher and kicker is the first one huge This seems weirdly attainable because the next thing it says is practice 100 punches per day Hmm. That's a way practice. How? 100 do 100 punches. But what if I'm practicing them wrong? Uh, well the practice will

Make it better. Do you know what I mean? I mean sure, but that assumes that I know what I'm trying to do Be like Goku. Oh right I don't know why you're being really obtuse right now because I'm trying to get us to be like Goku strong and it seems like you Don't want to go beef mode. Okay. Um, so I need to practice punching like Goku Well, but don't rush into it if you can't do 100 punches yet Do baby steps and eventually work up to 100 punches slash kicks Does it say for how long a time period to do these practices or is it just like no I guess you could life hack it to just like do 100 punches as fast as you possibly could

But I'm saying is it like practice 100 punches every day for two months or is it like for the rest of my life? You're saying you're gonna hit a point we're like, oh, okay. I'm Goku now Time I don't have to maintain this incredible. I mean not at the same pace Do you think fucking Goku wakes up every morning and does 100 punches every day? Yeah, I think he probably does trav. He's good. You know what this bit was a mistake You guys don't this let's let's into the show and we'll try this one again Maybe in a year or two because if you feel like we're not appreciating I feel like if you guys don't know how much like Goku puts into

His fitness in his and his craft fit in the life of it. This is nuts in his mouth Travis, can you fucking can you stop it for once? You know what you're doing to him? Fitness these nuts in his mouth Come on Trav fitness what sucks trav is that nuts is plural a lot of it sucks a lot of it sucks But that nuts is plural and so you had to say fitness these Say fitness nut in his mouth and one nut because we wouldn't see it and we wouldn't know which nut you were talking about You had to butcher even your own bad thing by saying fitness these nuts in your mouth

And that sucks man Where some of us are trying to redeem ourselves in the eyes of the eye heart I heart media podcast radio tv show awards on youtube They didn't even have the guts to release the show as a podcast. Come on guys. All right. I'll get I'm just gonna go I'll just yeah, just practice it. Oh, no. No tells how to fight goku group. Okay. Um Be sure to use proper form. It will not tell you what that is When your punches get good enough add wrist weights or dumbbells, but be careful. They can hurt your joints Yeah, goku would crumble under this slightest amount of joint pain

Then you can work out hard till you do 100 push-up setup squats pull-ups And when you get strong enough work on variations like one arm push-up or pistol squat, etc That's where you do a squat But you're holding two pistols like a cool john wick guy during it Oh, yeah, then practice handstands until you're able to walk on your hands for at least 10 seconds That is that is a wild escalation increase your jumping power whether it be Plio plyometrics or jumping over a chair just strengthen that explosive power. What do you think I've been trying to do? I mean, yeah, the problem is that jumping over a chair is so

fucking scary when you're over the age of 33 years old that's true because the stakes are so high. You know what I do high small chair I guess that's fine. Yeah Spar with a friend but remember to use boxing gloves and protective equipment go all out, but play it safe Sure, I can do both those at the same time. This is the tricky thing about that though And I've been trying to do this for years You got to find a friend who's at the exact same level of effectiveness as you are because if you get in there and they're like Well, they're almost goku and you're barely goku. They're going to destroy yourself confidence

But if you get in there and you're almost goku and they're barely goku now you'll walk around with an over inflated sense of goku Right. Yeah spoonful of goku makes Learn to block grapple dodge and trap practice drills with friends or homemade dummies Um, that's cool because it's like that step is like learn to fight like goku Yeah, and ask your friends who probably already know how to fight like goku Stretch five to seven days a week for ten minutes till you can do the splits She seems like a will not actually

It seems like goku could not be able to do the splits and still achieve like 99% Of his of his dreams. Yeah, um, you would probably worry about hurting his dragon balls Just go ahead and say what what go ahead and say what bullshit merch we have a sale We'll say on we'll say big big ups to montane Uh, big big major ups to montane and max and fun. Gotta love it griffin. You have finally yahoo. Yeah, here it is this This yahoo was sent by shon haze and it's asked by shon haze. It says why's your shuck? Why's your show stink and suck like shit so fucking bad?

Uh, this is this is probably really not the only thing to tell people what they're doing I mean, we're doing it We're gonna do a virtual live show. No, we don't no no no no no no no, but up but up but up We don't get to promote our shit But it's just that like this is don't deserve it This is our first time to announce that we are doing a virtual live show on february 26 at 9 p.m Eastern time. It's called fartless called fartless Well, no because that implies that we don't have far far more far more there it is tickets are 10 dollars

You can get them at bit.ly slash mb mba in virtual So february 26. It's gonna be better than this. I already did the fine. I already did the fine y'all. We have a merch to merch.com I mean, that's it. Yeah, we had a good run. Um, and oh wait, sorry. Hold on. I'm getting a call Sean Oh, hey, buddy. I haven't talked to him forever Nobody saw this coming. Oh, what you're sorry You're sorry about everything like us take you taking All of our shine away. You're gonna give us the award and a thousand dollars each

I think this isn't I think it's another one of our you're crying really give me that could really give me out of some You wait. Fuck you murdered jason bayman. I shouldn't talk about this on the show. No, I don't like this energy either It wasn't it wasn't really shan hei's just It was will our net pretending to be shan hei's He's a fucking master and he got me. He got me. He's the king He built a shan he's out of legos and then he flew the voice It was a facetime call and I could not tell the difference normally when people say where should I start with my brother My brother than me. I tell him just hop on wherever but I think from now on that should be this episode

Hop on wherever asterisk not the one where they complain about smart It's weird to have a lost episode while they thinly veiled their desire to be acknowledged by any of the three hosts Absolutely, it's weird to have a lost episode that appears in your feed and is easily findable by the audience This episode will be called smart. Yeah, like I it was just called smart list So maybe at least maybe some seo, you know, we'll take away one s and just call it smart This show this episode whipped ass. I busted my gut the whole fucking time through and so I was loving it Man, I'm glad you gotta keep it fresh. We say that in our podcasting book Which I don't know why we were even and you got to eat fresh subway ad read

We ended the episode a while ago. I think so. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, this is welcome Or my brother my brother be post-show fancast Uh, my brother my brother and you Oh, that's good. Oh, that's actually good deuces That's our new sign off deuces deuces beef mode who cares My name's just Travis McRoy. I'm not doing we I already said it

This has been my brother me kisser dad score on the lips beef Oh Maximum fun org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported