My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 602: Eeyore Eeyore Eeyore

Episode Date: March 21, 2022

This week we are standing in our truth, cursing in front of each other like the adults we are. But also for real, please don’t tell Timothy’s parents, because they’re fuckin’ narcs, and we don’t wanna get in trouble.Suggested talking points: Hot Riddle Head, Murderer (Clown Themed), Big Monty, Please get off the calculator, The Normal Woods, Tomorrow’s SinkholeThe National Asian Pacific American Women’s Forum: https://www.napawf.org/about\Harmony House: https://harmonyhousewv.com/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up you cool, baby? Precious friendship Could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better with you

It's better it's better with you It's better it's better with you Hello everybody, welcome to my brother my brother me if I show through the Modgenera I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy Okay Not hot doll watch it is a bad movie watch Batman watch Batman's back new another one the newest best Batman yet They're saying Ben Affleck. Fuck you Christopher Nolan eat shit idiot cuz this Batman is The original Batman by which I do mean the twilight gentlemen

Have the bat the passion sin if Robert Pat Rob Rob Pat's is up in it He's the new Batman which is funny because he was a Batman before. Oh I see cuz he's and that's the first joke that that said has been said about that and that's thank you fucking great That's real quick. I want to highlight something wonderful about Robert Pattinson. I'd love to he recently revealed that Often in interviews he lies and I didn't know that was a thing you could do Okay, okay, I didn't know that when an interviewer is like, what are you working on? I'm like, what's how's it going? You could just like I'm in six movies or whatever and like nobody checks it I like when you tried to describe the plot of Final Fantasy 7 to Zoe Kravitz during an interview and she was like

Why do you think why do you think I give a shit about that Rob? Pat's anyway, he had an interview once that he wanted to open his own spaghetti restaurant Yeah, he's having fun out there, but you know who's not having fun Paul dano Well, wait Paul dano is a person He might be but he's the Riddler this time around which is Such good casting cuz when I look at that man, I think He's got some twisted shit up in there. What a mystery. What was it you have for me? We're watching him the small yeah, and

He was in a skit Where he cuz they had Zoe Kravitz the Catwoman on there and he was in a skit where he popped out from underneath the couch Funny this skit. It was it was funny and he was like, I don't know no matter what he said He had a joke. I'm looking for change. Let's just say he said that and my wife Sidney small macroi who is not Super duper plugged in. Yeah, culture said now. Who's that? Like I can't it only is Paul dano, right? Obviously and yeah, but it must have been so weird to have someone pop out from underneath the couch Yeah, that you don't know who it is Raymond Rhodes for like why is that man? Why is that Paul dano? Yeah, love Paul dano doesn't look like a lot of the people you would see on

Saturday Night Live or television or the big movie screen but he's having a tough time of it because he is playing Riddler and He did an interview and we're talking about a lot of interviews But this is an important one because he was talking about how the Riddler playing him and inhabiting him and being him Fucked him up Paul dano you forgot to act he said you gotta act my dear boy He said there were some nights around that I probably didn't sleep as well as I would have wanted to because it was a little hard to Come down from the character takes. Oh my god takes a lot of energy to get there

and so you almost have to sustain it once you're there because going up and down is kind of hard and What what I felt was the opportunity that director Matt Reeves was giving with a villain in this film was more real potentially more terrifying My head was just throbbing with heat He said later about being encased in plastic wrap. I Went home that night after the first day and I couldn't sleep because I was scared of what was happening in my head Riddles in there I would Riddles where there weren't riddles the guy asked me if I wanted paper plastic and I was like, oh what a kind of I think that if the next Batman director comes to you and is like hey, man

Huge you're gonna be calendar man in this one. You should probably just say no fucking way Doing it. I'll do other. I'll do other acting fit shit because those won't fuck with my head and make my head all hot So I can't sleep. Are you kidding me? Do you think there's a time where Danny DeVito's like I can't get the penguin out I'm more penguin than Danny DeVito at this point He was a pleasant man before the penguin happened and now and now he's Tancrous because the Riddler. I mean the penguin did make his head so hot Fuck I also just want to take the second to apologize to everybody who I ruined the Batman for

Because they watch it in the Riddler's in and all they think of his room. We piss. Yeah, sorry. This was not my intention I apologize to the default you know, right? I don't know family the sure and family Well, I the whole Dan family I feel like that if he does he is a serial murderer in the film though And I do feel like if you were there. Yeah, and if you murder a lot of people and Ask some riddles here and there they should call you the murderer The murderer who does riddles. Yeah, maybe maybe like the question mark murderer Maybe we're like murderer. No, I was gonna say murderer question mark

But that was some ambiguity it does you're are kind of burying the lead a bit the thing You know have to know about this guy is he loves conundrums and delicious Yeah, there's also a little bit of murder a lot of it Does he murder more than he asked riddles. Yeah, they didn't fucking zodiac puzzle man. They did. Yeah, that's true I mean, they're not is the code boy code master Now he's a murderer kind of first the killer That all of the Batman fun should be murderer brackets riddles Brackets clown theme

It's weird. It's weird that I want one Batman that doesn't is like I'm not doing the bullshit You don't do riddles. You're a murderer. I'm the riddler. I'm not calling you that. Oh the one with birds I'm not playing around. I'm I'm so busy. Do you think I have fucking time? I'm really busy Well ask you this Batman. What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter? You're strangling someone, right? I'm gonna stop you strangling him for a mom and then we can address the riddle you've asked me The answer is a hole. I read this one in highlights when I was eight. Please stop strangling the chief Chief are you cool? Really, it's a hole

Give me a second. I was gonna get there Want to do it on my own as we know the one the doctor was his mom fuck fuck being strangled sucks stop him He's But Batman's doing great at your theater we need him and well can I just say that it does confuse me a little bit? It surprises me a little because we've had a lot of Batman films we have There's been a lot of Batman films and it it is weird to me because this one happens to be three Goddamn hours I don't understand listen

I'm a nerdy guy in his early 40s like I should be target demo, right? But by the same turn, I don't know how many chunks of three hours I have Ahead of me and I'm very surprised at so much the American populace is like Batman. Let's go I'll take three hours of that. Sure. Let's go three hours of the bat. I love it. Give me a heat three hours though It is weird to think that it occurred to me We have more living actors who have portrayed Batman Then there are living presidents and that is wild to me in my lifetime in one generation

Yeah, well presidents keep fucking beefing though, don't they yeah, but like said we got seven If you include the the prominent voice actors, which yeah, we've got seven Batman's Well, but Batman film is can I push back against something the Batman film is rated PG-13 and he's a serial killer Wait Batman is no the Riddler. Oh, okay. How does that portray like well? I oops a lot of people I solved a lot of people Unlocked their chests This is getting too grisly for a PG-13

Those people I can't tell you Riddle I really can't you don't know what happens after death The afterlife is the greatest I Thought for a second just like you they were saying that Batman was a serial killer in this movie And I was gonna be like well that is a gritty turn, huh? That would be a weird change if the Riddler looked at Batman like you have to calm it down I love I love Mac Macaroy and but the man's been texting me and he's like

You want to do Batman today? And like guys? I do legitimately have Like even when I do have a very little bit of free time. Yeah, I just can't sit down For three hours and watch Batman. Here's what we need pretend. Do you know that? Yeah, I've been thinking about this. I Pretend I got the two kids and finding a window of time where I can go watch a PG-13 movie even for three hours It's impossible. So here's what I recommend movie theaters sell special old folks tickets for 38 year olds like me Where I can watch it an hour at a time, right? And then I pop back in for hour two on another day

I pop back in for hour three on a different day and you like punch holes in it just show like oh Don't let him in for hour one He's already watched that one and let me watch it in three chunks because the chances that I will that my window of time that I have three hours three free and Three hours worth of energy and interest in my body that will never align that will never happen We're please let me watch the movie in chunks or let me watch it at home because we've been doing that the last two years It's pretty great. You guys good guys like we get it like is bet you gotta see the big worm when it's big Yeah, but I'd rather see it small than not see it because it doesn't

Just doon have a Paw Patrol Timothy shall I may it doesn't then I can't actually go see it on the big silver screen Unless you put a picture and picture on the big silver screen and the big pictures Paw Patrol little pictures doon and I have one headphone in and the other one out so I can go Oh, yeah, but oh, yeah, oh more popcorn. Can we pause doon? Yeah, can we pause doon so I can go get my child more popcorn because they dump theirs on the seat in front of them like an idiot Anyway, Batman get there three hours Having fun with our friends get there. I bet it's three hours non-stop to your man pet There's no fat on no cropped on that definitely not all we know champ definitely

What do you think the odds are it is the first reboot of an of a new Batman franchise, right? And so what are the I wait since when Griffin because like the first reboot in the last Most recent reboot of the Batman franchise does it end with like and You hear like of the Riddler gets, you know blown up or whatever by Batman's cool Missile and stabs something Batman stabs him and kills him But then in his pocket what it is he find it's not a riddle It's a picture of a clown because Joe is the next one like it's got to be something like that where it's like Oh, I've decided to move on from riddles now

I'm doing jokes and then in the next movie Paul Dano's gonna play the Joker and he's gonna be We can't recover from we won't be able to salvage Paul Dano after that There will be too many broken pieces of Paul Dano to try to glue him back together if he plays the Riddler and the Joker They should let him play they should let him play Batman next to balance it out Yes, no, like Superman let him play somebody who's like super light and fluffy next Okay, and it's just like if you play a Batman villain in a great Batman movie Yes, you get to be like captain Sam There you go. You know fucking Levi or whatever his name is like every day rolled up to set like

How you doing there's that pretty good man, I'm Shazam Are you sure you're in the right headspace to play Shazam you got I just won Mario Kart Paul are you okay? You look like shit. No, man. I couldn't sleep but it's not to brittle sweet my head so hot Here just take a break break playing Mario Kart. I can't don't you understand? To turn my mind away from the riddles for a moment is to betray my sacred charge Anyway, I Listen a lot of people were hoping the walking Phoenix Joker would show up Oh, that's what it is then then you walking Phoenix like fucking moonwalks onto the screen during the credits like

Catch you next time bats But I have an article here from game rant that explains why it can't possibly happen Oh, I want to run through just so you guys are prepared for the the different okay So in 2019's Joker the Joker does not even face Batman And in fact operates in a Gotham City that appears to be without the Cape Crusader. I have noticed that yeah That is that yeah, but you notice how Batman's not in it I didn't actually reference Bruce Wayne as a young boy. So that's that they don't have one So here's the first problem high tech versus no tech. Oh, yeah

He has he has about being a billionaire gives one access to technology that the rest simply cannot Yeah Wait, hey, sorry article writer. I'm sure that there's a good insight in here But yeah, you've just summarized the whole point of Batman as a superhero in the Batman's new trailer Batman uses one of his gauntlets to Electrocute and take down the enemy combatant Conversely while King Phoenix Joker barely knows how to shoot a gun Yeah, if the two would have been in combat the fight would be over yeah with one use of Batman's grappling hook Batter eggs or a few punches the sea would barely be enough to fit a trailer let alone a tire film next bullet point

Batman can fight the Joker cannot yeah, yeah, that's a great point to shit I didn't even know I was never is there a scene where Batman and the Joker fucking do Phoenix's Joker is easily kicked to the ground by three smug civilians in white collar clothing Hmm, how would this iteration of the Joker fight against the greatest melee tactician in Gotham City? He simply would not next point Batman is young and physically fit The Joker is older and not physically fit. We get it. The Batman would kick the Joker's ass Can I read here's another interview with

Allergic to Batman here's one with here's an interview with walking Phoenix or he's talking about playing the Joker as humans We're so malleable. It's probably how we survive and adjust and adapt when making a movie my whole life changes I go to a new city. I'm living in a new place. I don't have any photos from home or anything that reminds me of my life I don't know that you I don't know that you know how it changes you or whether it does But I certainly don't have any great actor stories about having nightmares or stuff like that Honestly, I had so much fun making this Meanwhile, Paul Dano Hot as pants are so wet from nightmare piss is someone stopping walking Phoenix from bringing photos of home

Yes, you could hey walkie You know you got to take him off the chain and just turn that dog lose What a weird thing to throw out like I'm in a new city. I don't know anyone I don't have anything that reminds me of my life I burn I burn my I burn my driver's license I bury all my clothes in the desert in an unmarked grave to signify the death of the old me off the grid Um, the last point that I did want to touch on from this game

Yeah, yeah is that walking Phoenix's iteration of the Joker is not really the Joker. Oh, yeah Yeah, I mean he calls himself the Joker and once everyone to call him the Joker and lives a gothic city It does crime. No, no, no, you're being stupid because it says here The Joker is a character who has a tragic backstory that no one is entirely sure about sure But eventually he falls into a vat of chemicals. Yeah being chased by bad. I know he emerges physically and mentally warped becoming the Joker Yeah, he is not just a clown at face paint. Well, okay Furthermore Phoenix's Joker is not a cool little mastermind nor an anarchist nor gangster He is really just a man who has lived a less than ideal life and has some unaddressed issues

Yeah, yeah, I didn't see Joker with walking Phoenix, but that does sound like That sounds like a role you would take I saw it over someone's shoulder on an airplane and I made that was my takeaway from it Yeah, because there was can I just say there was no point where he squirted someone with like acid out of a lapel flower There was no point where he didn't have like a big mallet that like a bomb came out of or something And the Batman from what I could see the person in front of me kept like moving their head around But from what I could see Batman Only appeared eight times in the movie, but never never as the Batman It was always someone who I was like that could be Bruce Wayne and it like but he never put on the suit

And it but it was like George Clooney was in it. Affleck was in it Pattinson was in it. They did like it was like a you know in that one scene in Doctor Who where it's like it's all the doctors Yeah, it was that but it's like it's all the Batman's together. You did dream this. What yeah, man Listen, I'm really worried about how long we talked about Batman every morning every morning I sit inside my friend's car with her and another friend before school Yeah, yeah, the other day we were getting out of her cars to start heading to class She said Autobots roll out Under her breath. I feel like something's being lost here

Yeah, people listening may not have followed that other day when we were getting out of the car to start heading to class She said Autobots roll out under her breath When she said saw that we noticed she said that she hadn't meant for us to hear her and she became embarrassed Mistaking our genuine joy at her statement for laughter at her expense Even though we've tried to explain that we legitimately liked it She won't say it again How could we convince her to say it again or even say it every day or is it better to just leave it and not bother Her about it. Have we already ruined it by drawing attention to it? Yes

I would love to start every morning with my friend saying Autobots roll out But I don't want to press the issue Phil just annoy her How can I get her to continue saying it without accidentally putting her in an uncomfortable position? That's from anonymous Autobot in Orlando, Florida Your friend your friend is not Bart Simpson Like with great catchphrases That they say every day every episode till I get the crowd rolling But why not Griffin?

Yeah, why not if I have the chance to be a Bart Simpson ask catchphrase machine That would get Pete all I'd have to do is say Autobots roll out and my friends would just bust the fuck up Yeah, this is the thing though is like yeah, I want to tell you the microwave handling this It's a perfectly good bit your friend doesn't want anymore now. It's your bit It's your bit You know that this bit works it already crushed right right and they don't want the bit anymore So that's your bit now you are the one who's like Autobots raw You're the you're the fucking curing cup of coffee that's getting everybody's day rolling

Oh, the good little jumpstart also Mac Roy away Let me tell you how to make it better cuz I'm me Make it a call-and-response you say Autobots Right, and then if you do it like that and leave that little what at the end you have to I mean like you just have to you They'll say Exactly Autobots Roll out right and now it's a thing because what you don't want to do This is the tricky thing about making it your own bit Justin is you don't want to make it seem like you're making it as an in-joke

Making fun of oh God Travis is actually a good point. Yes weird cuz now because it would be easy wait wait It would be easy for your friend to see it is like well now it's a joke about the fact that I said it now They're junking on me. Yes, but if you make it a call-and-response now it's saying we're all in this This is all of us here. This is an exciting thing that the three of us can share Every morning before we got to go into Miss Dinkins class, which we all know fucking sucks Right, we can have this one brief moment of joy in our young lives as we all share the this reference Which if you're going to school, I don't know why

Autobots roll out as a reference any of you get but congratulations on being so fucking cool That transformers are still Not in I don't think in the Sam Whitwiki movies with the Shia LaBeouf working Sam woodwiki I don't think they ever say Autobots roll out. Do they guarantee they do it's gonna be in like the fifth film though And he's like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all his loss. It's right after the all his loss He's like Autobots roll out as he dies. Why did you say like he was dying as as he melts? Oh Hey, if I ever saw people doing a color spots Autobots roll out regardless of where I am or what the situation is

I will I will I will start going to wedgie school to learn how to do it the best I can possibly get out you would get in the car with them if there's an empty seat You would hear them and like jump in and be like wow, I'm part of it, too I know you Griffin you clearly don't you clearly don't wedgie you would wedgie rather than join You're what's wrong with society Griffin. I don't think that I am actually on this one I don't think that this is one on this one. I don't think it's not I'm not ideal for society in this example But I don't think I'm the the you know the main cheese I just got excited because I thought there's probably somewhere someone that sells like

I can get an Autobots like hood ornament So it looks like my car is a transformer in disguise and I'm there's no joke here I'm just really excited about the possibility of this. Okay. Um, oh, I want it so bad Now imagine what if someone looked at my car and said he's the new Sam win wiki the wizard is I'm working shire the buff. Are you okay in his throne? He wants us to approach him if yes, can I just real quick? I want you to Frank, but I just want to talk about Peter Cullen real quick. He's the voice actor behind Optimus Prime and He's very focused a lot of voice actors. They're kind of bouncing all over the place and I got to give a shout out to

to Peter Cullen I'm gonna read just real quick. I'm just gonna read down his lists of credits. Oh, please in recent years, okay Optimus Prime Optimus Prime Optimus Prime Optimus Prime Optimus Prime Optimus Prime Optimus Prime You are Optimus Prime Optimus Prime Optimus Prime Optimus Prime Optimus Prime Optimus Prime Optimus Prime Optimus Prime Optimus Prime Optimus Prime Optimus prime temps prime Optimus Prime Optimus Prime Eier, Eier, Eier, Optimus Prime, Eier, Eier, Eier, Optimus Prime, Eier, Eier, Eier, Eier, Eier. Okay, now we're proib. The Eier has lost all meaning to me now?

Eier, Eier, Eier, Eier. And an error message in a fancy robot. Captain Nathaniel Flint, Treasure Planet. Ha ha ha! Kaka ka ka combo breaker! He got a fucking 20... That was in 2002. Treasure Planet whipsass by the way, I saw it for the first time a couple weeks ago.

ago and maybe fucking Gryffin have you seen Trevor Pannon? Wip's ass Michael Jackson. Wip's ass. Wip's ass. Do you think that he got to Captain Nathaniel Flint and he started to do like a Otter's prime voice and they're like no not that one and he started to do ER and they're like not that one and he's like wait what? Fuck do you want them?

Wait. Why am I here? Wait. What one? Maybe he loved the role of Captain Nathaniel Flint so much that he was like this is it. I'm retiring from voice acting forever and they're like you're still gonna do ER right? He's like you know I'm still gonna do ER.

Oh fuck yeah. Fuck yeah I'm doing ER. Why don't you let me bro? I love that sad donkey. Disney acquires Hess bro bringing the Transformers under the Disney license okay and this will happen. That means Kingdom Hearts 4, this lucky gentleman gets to play ER and Transformers. Man isn't Treasure Planet a Disney movie?

And Treasure Planet guy yeah. Fuck yeah. That's gonna be. Hey can the wizard, can we talk about him real quick? Oh no no please yes. Of course of course I did send the wizard. I'm so sorry I didn't mean to give you a waiting. I'm so sorry Wiz.

Yeah this one sent him by the other wizard Ben Cant, thank you Ben. So it's just the wiki house staff sent this one. Wow they wrote this. Last year it got 63% quality vote from the audience. Not great. That's a bad score. I mean it's passing. Yeah but the riddles.com audience are miscreants.

This isn't riddles.com. Griff it's not pulling these wiki hour articles from riddles. I just got a wire, I got a wire cross. It's not a big deal. Okay. Well yeah but I'm sorry guys I try to stop thinking about riddles and my head gets so fucking hot. Your head's so fucking hot it sucks so this is how to use bad language without getting

in trouble. Yes. Nice. Very important. Part one, staying out of trouble at home. Ask your parents what you're allowed to say. That's I guess it takes a lot of the fun out of it but I guess you can do that where it's like hey how do we feel about bastard?

No? What if I say it like this bastard? Can I say kick ass or when referring to a donkey father how would you prefer I refer to a donkey father? This is good because you can do the slow erosion method here where it's just like ass is okay. Great. Okay well I'm going to say kick ass and then I'm going to say is it cool if I say shit? Well what if it's just like in the moat right and you're going to do basically what we have

done to cable TV where eventually it's just like what are the fuck ever man I don't have the energy to care anymore. I remember the first time someone said shit on cable TV and we were all like whoa. And now they can say things like you know really naughty words. Well like South Park County episode where they had a counter going in the corner of the screen and they counted how many times they said shit. That's so fucking twisted. It was so twisted.

They said like a hundred times in like a half an hour it was so cool. Okay so you might want to say something in a polite tone such as I feel like I'm getting old enough to say certain things I wasn't allowed to say before and I want to run this idea by you and see if you think there are certain words I can say now that are less offensive than others. Hey Pop. Pop. I'm 10 now right.

I'm 10 now. Yeah. I want to say fuck. No son. No son. That's 15. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. What about shit. I see where. I'll meet you halfway. We'll do piss. We'll do piss. We'll do piss and ass until you're 13 and then we'll see.

If you can show me you're responsible enough to handle piss and ass we will circle back on shit. Piss and ass? Can I call people and ass or do I can I only say that kiss my ass? Oh boy son. I think referring to your own heiny as an ass is okay. Okay. All right.

Okay. And son if I find out that you went at school and said I got to take a piss or I got to take an ass piss which is nothing son. I got to piss out my ass. Is that anything? I'm really pissed out. You've lost it now. You've lost both.

Okay. Can I say asshole? Absolutely. You could say asshole. Okay. Be conscious of who's around you. If you swear at home you're giving everyone in your home the capability of hearing you. Make sure your parents are several rooms away before uttering a bad word.

Awesome. They're both in the kitchen having another argument but you're in your bedroom just going ass. Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass. Ass, bastard. Shit. Shit. Well maybe they're in their bedroom and they're saying dirty words quiet too because they

don't think they're allowed to say them and it's like you have more in common than you don't. Maybe it'll be cool if all the parents and kids just got together. We just cursed in front of each other. This is what I'm saying. No problem. Choose your... Like Justin and I have never cursed in front of each other and I think it would really

Let's do together at Justin would curse right now. Choose your words wisely as culture change. This is a quote But it's not it's not gonna curse. I wanted to hear Justin. What? He did he said it don't make him do it twice Fuck all right. Choose your words wisely as culture. This is a quote unattributed as culture changes. So does what is taboo? Somebody probably said that it must have said it at some point I mean it sounds like something someone would say it's best if you determine a list of curse words that you find acceptable and won't Accidentally offend someone that doesn't exist. Make up your own curse words. Oh, how cool is that? Oh? Piff oh

shooty Shig Piff my blink. Oh Oh Blonde everywhere So anyway, do not curse in that I want to say in that circumstance I don't know what Blonde was standing in. Yeah, it's a little smurphy. I've belonged everywhere. You should ever Do not curse in front of your parents friends

Even if you're not home other parents and adults may relay what you said back to your parents It should have an asterisk there. This one's actually a pretty good one because I remember I had friends and We were in their car listening to the big Monty musical soundtrack and they were like Did I say big Monty? Which I think was a pizza you could get from Monty's pizza So anyway, they were doing the big Monty which meant the whole ball is in everything and Singing along the full Monty is everything the big Monty is just one testicle One night. Yeah, so you're holding back one testicle

They were seeing along with all the cuss words in everything and I was like, okay So we're cussing then but then there's a part that talks about smoking a joint and I sang that part out loud And they were like whoa Griffin that's drugs and I was like so wait a minute. Anyway Using bad language at school one avoid cursing during class or to your teacher a lot of these are just like Here's how to curse don't do it in front of anybody do it in your own secret hole Kind of cut a hole in a sheet and fill that with your Christmas hole in the backyard and lay Lay the astroturf over it to make your own secret space where you can say those words Don't do that because if you curse in that hole and then cover it up you might grow f**k tree

You don't want to do that. Oh Happen to Eddie Murphy and it's exactly what happened. I'm referencing that movie every episode Use bad language during busy times or class changes cool Time to head to f**king math What? It's good math that you have no jurisdiction over me. Damn it I can't I Do apologize if a teacher hears you sometimes it feels natural to let a curse word out

If you drop a book your backpack rips open Yeah, yeah, in those cases if a teacher happens to overhear you and starts glaring at you It's best to be sincere and apologize for the up first. Um, especially if it's your cool teacher Mike Who doesn't want you to call him like mr. Samantha? He's just like calling me Mike You could probably curse in front of Mike as long as it's not the effort and you keep your grades up That's how he tricks you actually Mike is actually a cuss cop and he wants to catch you So he wants you to think that you're he's like cool, but he is not cool

Not Mike It is misdefined to me I want to give a quick shout out to parents who have decided that it is worth policing profanity Because like I honestly guys there's so many things that you have to fix about kids. Yeah, it's just a game of triage Oh, yeah, and like we we want them to like be kind to themselves and to other people And even that has been a multi-year failure. Oh man like It is a fucking sinkhole of energy and time and money And it is going nowhere and it has been the one thing we've tried to do is make them decent people

And you can't it's like going nobody we're at less than zero and I feel like Shout out to you if you're like, I'm gonna do that. But also they can't say fuck Like I really I don't have the energy god bless anybody who can but I'm I'm barely getting I would rather have my daughter Be be stand in front of a room full of the judges people on earth and yell fuck with abandon If I could just stop her from awkwardly standing on top of every unstable service. She could find yes Like I would be like, yeah, honey. Say whatever the fuck you want. Just please get down. What are you doing? Please get off the calculator, honey. Why would you stand? Why do you stand on daddy's computer?

Don't stand on that even though I do that much, honey. Like paper towel roll. What are you doing? Yes. Yes Yes, you can't stand on that. It's not load bearing Um practice being polite to school administrators. It doesn't say keep your grades up But I think we all know I mean that's implied there So do you curse in a polite way? You're like, well, fuck you very much. I'll be moving on. Thank you But I think if you're like a super polite valedictorian and you say fuck a teacher in the public school system is thrilled Right, like imagine what a long game that would be if you're like in your vector Valedictorian speech and you're like anyway in closing a fuck

Nobody can say anything. You're the valedictorian. Apparently cursing is good and cool, right? Well, if you're 18 at that point, what are they gonna do? What are they gonna? What are they gonna do call vassar and get me kicked out? No fucking way, man I'm vassar when this goes viral Yeah, can you remember when you guys started college and that freshman class and you just realized like I can say fuck here. Like they're not gonna call my parents. It actually wasn't it wasn't something I was waiting on Oh, really? Yeah, um, all right, let me finish this uh because we just got to the fun part of the article which is swearing with your friends

Oh, yeah, make sure your friends are okay with cursing Oh god, it was almost fun for a second or it's like do you mind? Hey, pardon me. Do you mind if I Say ask. Oh, thank you, Timothy. My best friend for life. I do have to ask you these questions Ask your friends to keep it a secret and then there's somebody winking and putting a little shish finger up like sh Timothy Don't tell your parents are mine Timothy because your parents are fucking narks Timothy Uh, don't get too used to cursing with your friends Sometimes you get too comfortable swearing with the people you trust if this happens you could end up accidentally cursing around your family

This is a quick and easy way to get yourself into trouble. That's true, man. That's so to summarize How to use bad language without getting in trouble Do it in a room that nobody else is in no one's gonna hear you but Jesus And he can definitely keep a secret He can hang man. He can hang man with the best. I mean this dude hung out with fishermen and these people had Real dirty mouths Do you guys remember that commercial for that gum? You

Still think about it all the time. I think about fine commercials Like most. Oh, yeah. Do you ever see those cavemen? I love I actually prefer the sentient money pile from Geico. Oh, yeah. Yeah That lizard man still gets me. He's cool. Like I would hang with him. You know what I mean? I kind of like sexy too. Like funny and get like I wasn't gonna say it, but I'm so glad you did I'm looking at oh, we have ads Oh, cool. Okay. Well, let's go the first one here's for Geico. Oh They specifically say don't insinuate you would fuck the lizard. I didn't insinuate. I would fuck the host stop stop stop stop

I'm a married man I can appreciate Sexual lizards. I can appreciate a mascots You know, he's you know his raw power without like I would never if I was you know We sometimes not these days, but we once when we had a television show for six episodes We did move in circles where we would bump elbows with celebs. Yeah We used to see that gecko everywhere. Right, but if I ever did like, you know sit on him at like, uh

You know a hollywood party, uh, I would not like follow that up with like, uh, you want to get out of here? You know what I mean? Yeah Um, what if he asked you Griffin if he asked me Maybe we should maybe just go to the money zone. Okay. All right. Uh, let's let's do this. Let's go. Let's let's go make some money Door dash they bring you doors wherever you are on travel. I think you may have been misreading it I'm not Justin. I haven't looked at the copy. Mind you, but just by looking in the name I can tell you are you somewhere where you need a door? Maybe this is a neverware situation or maybe some sort of, uh,

Gremlin has stolen the door off of your house. You had the morning birds incorporated This is another door based movie another Justin, I'm not done. Let him finish monsters incorporated. Griffin's made a great point Maybe you need to get boo back to our house before randall the weird lizard like monster I'm losing. I think they're gonna torture children. That can't be it. I think that's right actually. Oh boy. Oh boy Justin take the reins. Uh eat my ass. There's no way at this point I have been dismissed from the ad you will find the pivot sir. I try to know if you want to eat Justin's ass

You don't have any of Justin's ass in your refrigerator Check door dash to see if you can order some of Justin's ass to eat and have it delivered directly to your door By one of their door dashers. Now, I know what you're saying, but I can't get Justin's ass at a restaurant Which is still available on door dash, but you can get Justin's ass CVS at CVS at Walgreens all over the place And that's right door dash can deliver you household essentials like cleaning products or You know toothpaste or Justin's ass right to your door In 30 minutes or less with door dash

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I have a gift Shmanners now definition Rules of etiquette designed not to judge others, but rather to guide ourselves through everyday social situations Hello internet, I'm your husband host Travis McElroy and I'm your wife host Teresa McElroy every week on shmanners We take a look at a topic that has to do with society or manners We talk about the history of it We take a look at how it applies to everyday life and we take some of your questions And sometimes we do a biography about a really cool person that had an impact on how we view etiquette

So join us every friday and listen to shmanners on maximumfun.org or wherever podcasts are found Manor shmanners get it How about another question yes Yeah, do it. I'm a senior guy at a small liberal arts college in may I never thought something like this would happen You're probably wondering My my tan rift body All eyes on my glistening pecs Glistening through my shirt they were my butt my butt good pert prominent cocky

My pert prominent cocky, but okay at the beginning Signaling all that I was ready to rut uh At the beginning of every semester our outdoors club. Oh and outdoors. Oh, yeah, amazing Tell me more the leads incoming first years on trips into the main woods. I the main would not The primary woods, you know when you think of woods The the normal the other woods the normal woods I led one of those trips last august

However, after coming back and doing my laundry I realized that one of my co-leaders sports bras had accidentally gotten mixed up with my stuff Clothes sometimes get misplaced among tent groups on trips about I let her know this had happened and she said she'd come and pick it up That was seven months ago. It has not been picked up. What do I do? Do I say nothing? Do I remind her to pick it up? If so, how have I passed the window? Which this could have been done painlessly. Yes. I desperately don't want to be creepy But I feel like any route I decided to travel now would be perceived as such

This from bra boozled in brothers look man And I do want to I do want to sympathize with you before we just start trying to fix this because this is extremely challenging You did try to do the the uh responsible adult thing here But the problem that you now face is You have held on to this person's bra for seven months or that because on the one hand But intentionally I know you were every day like patting it on the head as you walk out the door or something Well, like you have kept this bra for a long time. Yes. Yes The problem is because yes, jocelyn you make an excellent point because I was going to say

Like you you told them they left it there But but but you count it because I don't know what they're supposed to throw it in the fucking garbage can because it touched their boobs No, no, no, it's not it's but you're not Immediately supposed to do that But there was a day and I don't know how you would have divined this There was a day when you should have picked it up and taken it to the trash can I don't know what day that was though. Yeah, it wasn't seven months for sir It was a sir. We can all agree you've overshot. I would say definitely the change of seasons

like like if you are I know in maine right you got seasons you're pulling out your winter wardrobe and the bra's still there That that was the time That was that when you're going through and you're like time to put away the bermuda shorts and you know Hawaiian shirts that we all have and wear a lot time to put those away and also Like chuck this bra like that's the time I would say that's the sweet spot That's what we call that because you can't contact them again

Can't oh No Hey, I've had your bra for seven months. You're gonna come get it or am I just gonna leave it on this hanger next to my tuxedo Like you absolutely can't still hear you can't do that It's still here. Still got it. Hey, don't worry if you thought that I wouldn't cling desperately to your discarded bra I'm definitely i'm doing but you can now throw it away with that because the chance that another human being will contact you and say Hey, remember seven months ago when you said you have my bra. You still have it, right? Yeah, that would be that would be wilder

Um, I think that you're okay to after a month I think that you're okay to throw something away Where you don't mind reimbursing the dollar value of it. Yes. I see that that that's a get out of jail Like if somebody's like, hey, I asked you about bra like six months ago. You don't still have it The only sane answer is absolutely not like no, there's no reality which but I would happily Reimburse you for it because I did this I was entrusted with it. Well, and I discard I disagree there, Justin I was not entrusted with it. You fuck it. It got mixed up in my shoe. You didn't hand me your bra and say protect Yeah, but if that person was like

The person wasn't like drop it on the ground. Don't touch it. Meet me on a bridge I'll be on one side. You be on the other side They said I trust you with it And then every day that went past was another vote of confidence that you could handle this responsibility And you will have failed it Because you didn't get it. Sure. I am worried we sound like three real porky boys though in this exact moment I would say this about any garment. Yeah, I would say literally about anything Right if someone left a book at my house and it was a seven and I said, hey, you left this here come get it

And seven months passed because here's what I'm thinking, right? Yeah I think the expiration date for lack of a better term of when you can like get rid of something Is the amount of time where you feel you could reasonably respond to the request to have it back with I have no idea Where it is Right because like someone leaves your something at your house You say, hey, I found your book and two days later they come to pick it up and you say, I don't know where it is You fucked up someone leaves a book at your house. You call six months later after like life has happened And you're like, I've cleaned up so many times since then that book could be anywhere is a fair response to

It's been six months, dude. Like I I I think I'm getting really impassioned about this. I can tell you're I don't know where anything in my house is at any given time Sure, let alone something that's not mine and I have no emotional or spiritual connection to Can I ask you something that like this is gonna seem weird when I initially say it give me a second before you sweat it down what about like Just putting it in a bag and leaving it on their porch. Oh, that's great Now, is that what kind of what kind of bag? Because the details are very important right now

Nope. Nope. Not a used Kroger bag. That's a threat what you just described But I have so many of them and I care about the environment with cycles that take them back to Kroger They have a bag or you can't reset dude. They have a bag or cycler there. They can turn them into like, yeah Well, I keep them. I mean, I don't want I don't need to do what you're saying I keep them and use them for lots of stuff like threatening people with gloves. I make make shift gloves and boots You know, okay. Wow for my kids. Oh boy. They go. They go so fast. They don't outgrow garbage bags. Yeah, that's fair Uh, but you just put it on a put it in cargo bag. No, no, and then you leave on a door. No, like what's wrong with that? It's a threat Justin. It's not a threat Travis. What are they threatening?

It feels what would be a threat feels somehow because okay I feel like sometimes we blow past Travis's bad idea so fast that he's not forced to Reinforced I see so speak on this. How is it a threat because after seven months the chance that this person is forgotten That you have their sports was very high So now and I'm assuming here. You're not leaving a note Incorrect, but okay, but the possibility that they have forgotten is there you they have forgotten. Yes, you hang the bra In a bag they open the door It's there

Someone has left an article of clothing that They might remember is theirs On the doorknob in a bag a plastic bag and it's just a loose bra in there No, they see the bra. They'll immediately you are assuming that No, a hundred percent. I feel very certain. Okay. Well, then let's say they do remember Justin and then it will be weird You're right. You'll be weird hearing you lay it out like that. I realize Okay, we'll bring bring Tom Did you did you?

You know, I remember now that I thought about did you just come and without like ringing the doorbell and just handing it to me You left it in a used koker bag hanging from the doorknob for me to find the next time I went to exit my do you hate me? What about this? What if you say, hey, I'm moving and I'm getting packed up And I ran across this old bra of yours and I brought back so many great memories I didn't mean to keep it I promise I just didn't throw it away. I found it in my roommate's room. He's a real creep No, it's not creepy. It's just like do you want the bra? Do you want it back? It's no big deal. It could be yours

It could be yours. I think that the window if they wanted it back They would have come and gone when I'm saying is you have to invent a fiction Where you've encountered the bra again. Yes, but what if you don't move? There you are old friend It's a lie. No, you're not moving. Oh a new place for a new place A new place felt there couldn't swing it. Yeah, unpacked everything opened up underneath it You probably heard about it in the new you didn't hear about it. Oh, you might hear about it tomorrow I gotta go. I gotta go make a scene. How do you make a scene? I actually get an early edition So you were seeing that show the cat is on the paper and I yeah, I get I get early editions

So I'm thinking of a sinkhole tomorrow. I gotta go. Uh, hit me that shovel I gotta like prevent it or whatever. Where's your car parked? Yeah, you should move it because that's sinkhole country I was gonna move across the street. Bye Do you think he's ever like Okay He's got an early edition It would be so cool because you could do this and then you could put it like Hi, it's justin. Hey, justin. Uh, this is the newspaper. Oh, okay. Cool. Um, can you put in a classified ad that said?

Hey, justin. It was weird with the bra Don't just forget about it and throw in the trash. So that's what you want the classified ad to say. Yeah, uh, yeah Yeah, put it in the paper. Okay And then you would get it That morning. Oh, you've hacked the early edition conundrum, right? Yeah, you really on early edition They never showed him like looking at the sales ads And it's like, uh, tomorrow it's very oh look at this. Where's the winning lot? Come on. No, I think fissures fissure. Stevens always wanted to use the winning lot of numbers

but then uh Kyle from friday night lights knew that if he did that Then he would lose access to the paper at most he would do like Here's the solution to yesterday's job. Yeah, and he'd be like aces guys I just got a notification on my phone that the last listener stopped the show I think they're rebooting early edition. I think it's just it's just us. You guys want to talk Do you guys want to know my social security number?

I hope they reboot cupid for a third time. Nope. Yep Okay, okay, Jeremy Piven in that originally a rock block of rebooted fantasy island Yeah, let's so you're saying as long as yeah, I mean, I guess if nobody's listening We can talk about all the projects. I have to go use the bathroom. I have to use the bathroom to start Right now. It's not a bit. I'm going. No, I don't want Jeremy Piven to be in it again He wasn't in it when they rebooted it the first time. Oh, what was the one driven with the dude who uh, was super lucky and like oh human target No, that was a separate one human target was really good. This is one where he had like really good luck

And he would like help people in london. You remember lucky buck. I think it was called lucky buck I think it was called lucky buck deer He was half deer half man. Yes, and it starts on candy But he'd like what but like a kick-ass john candy. Hey, so let's wrap up the show while jesson's gone When that means uh, do you think we are able do you think we're responding? I don't I feel like we shouldn't do things when jesson's not here because he's like the He's kind of like this the director of the show of the he's like the grown-up Well, not the great. He's the most grown-up

Yeah, I mean, he's the oldest of us. Yeah I mean, I could talk about a couple things while he's gone Yeah, go ahead and do that because I know he hates that part. Yeah, when I when I talk no Go ahead and do it. Okay. Um, well, we got a couple things coming up that are very exciting in my opinion Uh, first of all the 20 rendezvous fancy takes flight tour tickets for all shows are on sale now at bit.ly slash McElroy tours We got stops in st. Louis, Kansas city, minneapolis, boston, mash and tucket Salt Lake City, portland, san diego, washington, detroit, cincinati and a virtual test show in may

For those mask and proof of full vaccination or negative covid tests within 72 hours of event start are required Also, i'm doing a virtual speaking of cussing a virtual cuss show which stands for the cincinati underground society show Um on april 1st at 9 p.m. Eastern time You can get those tickets at cincy ticket dot com slash cuss cares Raising money for two great organizations here in cincinati. One is bethany house Which has focused towards families experiencing or at risk of experiencing homelessness As well as a couple free fridges here in cincinati and right across the river in kentucky that we're going to stock with covid tests and masks You can get those tickets at cincy with a y ticket dot com slash cuss cares

We're going to have some great guests including rob cordry and christina ariel and Adam brody. It's going to be really really fun Also, dad's got a children's book coming out called goldie's guide to grandchilding It comes out may 10th and you can pre-order at link tree. That's link tr dot e slash goldie's guide Over at the merch store. We got the mystery pen of the month, which is a random pen of the month from the past We got the candle nights 2021 video on demand Which is pay what you want all proceeds going to harmony house and you can find that at macroe merch dot com Um, thank you to montane for the use of our theme song. My life is better with you

it Has I don't want to say oh montane's gonna be on on the cuss care show too. Okay This song has changed the heart of the nation and that's what I was gonna say Okay, it fixed so much. Uh, also if you haven't been over to the macroe youtube channel recently You really should we got fun stuff over there griffin is doing a randomized link to the past run We're with one hit kills uh called trial by fieri because these character It looks like guy fieri if you can imagine and uh, i'm doing a stardew valley playthrough called take me home stardew roads every Just so what are you? What are you live streaming on youtube channel? Yeah, good question. Get up on there

I need I know I need to step up my game Um, it's a little bit like an elven ring run. Is that something people are going to be fun? It just you should speed run fmv games Oh, yeah Bring back fmv quest Yeah, that was good. I don't know how to do the different I know how to put me on in the video And I know how to kind of put the video game on the video, but doing both at the same time seems a little Where do you even put it how you make everyone watch it like you put your phone on the screen?

How do I make it come up on there? I have a cool team who helps me set all that up. Um, oh you use brice? Yeah, yeah, brice is great. Yeah Is the I tell you the biggest thing is flying him in from austin Yeah, yeah, but it's worth it every week. One time my email was like weird and brice fixed it Oh, yeah, I mean he's good for that too. He also knows where to get drugs, which is cool Wow, that is. Yeah, actually So it's at cvs. Well, that's all the pops up my prescriptions for me. So that's the podcast. Yeah, why are you? For today's ending bit. I got something really special lined up. Oh, okay

Another improvisational Yeah, well, this one's gonna get a little political because I thought I would do. Oh, wow I thought I would do a political guy this time So I've been working really hard on this one. Okay. Here we go griffin. Yeah So you guys remember chris christie? Yeah Yeah I think he sounds a little something like this

uh The turn the turnpike, uh I'm gonna I'm gonna do it No Uh, that's what that's what obama would say That's That's gonna do it for us. Why don't you show some macroi? That was not a good. No, you did. That was not a very good one This has been my brother. My brother made kiss your dad square the lips

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