My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 609: Face 2 Face: Thirty to Forty Ghosts

Episode Date: May 9, 2022

Fancy Takes Flight with the first leg of the 2022 live shows, from the Orpheum Theater in Minneapolis! Justin is fancy! Travis is fancy! The audience is fancy! The haunted dolls are fancy! Griffin is . . . fancy-adjacent.Suggested talking points: Lunch Smock, Not How I Would Have Phrozed It, Time Pizza, They Thought it Would Be Like 8Mile, Garf Maul, Normal Digestive Systems, I Would Like to Touch the DinosaursNARAL Pro-Choice America: https://www.prochoiceamerica.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts. It's been a while, right? I don't minimize this shit. And their advice should never be followed. Oh, Travis claims he's a sex bird. But if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby? It's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, it's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better with you. Hi, everyone. Welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the Modron era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin Ignatius McElroy.

I'm your middle-aged brother, Travis Jedediah McElroy. No jokes this time, guys, it's just me, Griffin. Yeah, Griffin's lackadaisical approach to his introduction mirrors, I would say, his lackadaisical approach to his garments. He did talk about it before, before anybody packed or anything. I went to Skeffington. Yeah, Justin got himself a tuxedo. I rented a tuxedo.

I packed three different jacket, tie, and shirt combinations. That must be fun to travel with. No, but they're worth it, Griffin. They're worth it, you're worth it, you back there. Yeah, my suitcase weighs 55 pounds, no lie. Matt, poor Matt, had a flat tire on the interstate. You owe it to Matt to dress up. I mean, I bought this special shirt.

Yeah, you didn't rent it. But this is you guys. I can't move my body to the... Yeah, that is true. I can't give a sudden hug. Okay, let's get started. Yeah, this is an advice show. We take your questions and turn them alchemy-like into wisdom

after two years of hiatus. We have emerged like the Chilean miners back from underneath the ground to you. And I don't waste any more time in answering these questions. We can now wait before we start. In the spirit of Fancy Takes Flight, I thought that maybe we could elevate the show a little bit because it's been a little bit puerile lately,

a little bit juvenile. So I thought it would be nice to only maybe elevated things with a little work of art. Yeah. I hope you like bits. This one is all film-related, classic films. A group of teens... God, I wish I didn't get so competitive about this.

But just... Hey, don't shout it out because you will probably... Yeah, don't shout it out. Love large numbers. You'll probably get it before us. Don't shout it out. Also, they're not that clever.

So many of you will get it. Hey, you're not proof of anything. I've been working on these for three days. Okay. Okay. A group of teens spends the day in detention. Each of them comes from a different social group, but they end up bonding over the fact that they all have boners.

The breakfast chub. The breakfast chub. You didn't ding, ding, ding. Ding, ding, ding. It was clearly the breakfast chub. Okay. That's a tie. No, I'm sorry, Justin.

You did not ring in. Okay. You did not fall over. No, you're right. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's the breakfast chub.

That's one for Justin. Okay. Wait, I thought... Oh, for Griffin. Sorry. One for Griffin. One for Griffin. A rebellious patient at a mental institution

when she tries to stop them from taking dumps. Ding, ding, ding, ding. One flew over the doo-doo's nest? I'll accept it. Yes. Well, we also would have accepted one flew over the poo-poo's nest. Either way, it works, I guess. Or it doesn't work.

One more. One more? One more. One more. In this classic black-and-white film, a reporter tries to understand a rich and powerful man's mysterious last words, I need to take a crap. Turns out it was the name of his sled.

I mean... I know the... I know the film you're referencing, but there's nothing... I can't... I can't imagine... I mean, okay. Ding, ding, ding. Yeah.

It's Citizen Kane, but the sled was called Rosebud? No. Justin? Sit. Sit. Sit. I got nothing. The answer we were looking for was Citizen Kane.

Damn it! Motherfucker! That one, that sucks. That's for me and you. Yeah, I can't believe you didn't get it. Did you all know? Yeah, they, of course, they knew there's a billion of them. Now, that wasn't everybody, though.

I would say there was only about 10% in the audience, and you're all terrible, too. Okay, now we're going to help people. I recently got my first job. These are all from your region, by the way, so blame yourselves. Take a look in the mirror. This is what you are. I recently got my first job since the beginning of the pandemic.

It's wonderful, but I've come across a lunchtime predicament. I'm a messy eater and I always stain my shirts. When I was quarantining, I would simply remove my shirt for meals. This worked well then, but obviously I can't continue. Except for the tummy stains. Yeah. Obviously I can't continue this. What should I do?

That's from running out of clean shirts. Are you here? Oh, yeah. I wouldn't fess up to that either. I did think about this when we got that one in. Like, you wanted us to say this in front of people? You want us to read this one, huh? Yeah, because my gut tells me eat better.

Just to eat differently. Do a better job. That's clearly not on the table. Slower, perhaps? Or at least drier food. Eat dry food that won't stain. You don't deserve wet food. Wet food is for careful boys.

Yeah, meal choice is huge. If you don't want to improve your technique, which who has the time? Meal choice is huge. Do you open up your cupboard and there's just a wall of spaghettios? You today, I believe. Oh, no, it's Wednesday. Rib day. Rib day.

Today I'm having red wine rib gravy. Delicious. And of course soup with no spoon. Do you know that it's, you did have the pandemic times and you could have, you know, they say if you come out of this pandemic and you haven't learned to stop eating without spilling all over yourself, whatever you've done. This is your opportunity to learn to work and eat better. And I think that the window is closed.

Yeah. I mean, there's also lunch smock right there. Lunch raincoat. Get a branded lunch smock available at macroemerge.com. It says, it says, I'm a fucking mess on it. I'm a wreck. I'm at disaster. I don't know how to eat food, food good.

That's too hard words to say right back to. Try it again. Yeah. Food good. I can do it very easily now, of course. Yeah. You're focused. With a run up to it.

Yeah. With a little bit of practice. Sure. All right. Can you have to, can you just wear two of the same shirt to work? Post lunch, whip it off. You got a clean one right underneath. Oh, but you could, then you could keep the nasty shirt at your desk.

This is my lunch shirt. Well, there you go. Do not smell. Do not smell warning. Do not smell this shirt. Do not open the baggy with shirt in it. You could also, if you have your own office, you could lock the door and take your shirt off to eat.

But oh God, you got to check that the door is locked. A great conversation starter. But then you get, here's, here's my problem with shirtless eating. Well, hold on. Sorry. My first of 312 problems with shirtless eating is that you eat the spaghetti. You do get the wet red stuff on your tummy and then you put the shirt back on. It's still going to get the wet red stuff on the shirt.

I assume you have a towel, you have a lunch towel. You know, a classic office lunch towel. But it's, it's weird how if you as an adult, and I've done this a few times, if you, if you take the napkin and you stuff it into your shirt, people make fun of you and it's like, I'm trying to be elegant. This is for you. This is for you. I want you to enjoy a clean shirt.

I don't have to see my dirty shirt. You do. Here. Oh, what about this? A cape, right? And then at lunch, flip that bad boy around and now it's on the front. Oh, yeah. That's good.

And then after lunch, stained cape. Can you just, wait, can you just save a step, turn your shirt backwards? Yeah, you know. After you stain the front of it. And then when someone's like, you have a stain on the back of your shirt, I'm like, someone must have been eating messy behind me. Oh, no. Oh, man.

Why do I sit in front of messy people all the time? I bet it was Doug. I would never stain my shirt, but Doug, the person who's in the job above me would. Yeah, Dougie Meatballs, who works in the upper cubicle. I recently turned 21 and I am learning that every time I consume an alcoholic beverage or engage in the devil's lettuce, I am overcome with iceberg. I am profound and insatiable vegetable lust. I'm talking, I take three sips of a gin and tonic and I am on the floor of my kitchen

eating whole carrots from the bag. Okay. No time out real quick for future reference questions and ask a vegetable lust might be confused for something else. Not how I would have froze it. Yeah. No tomato, leafy green or tasty plant of any kind is safe from my monstrous desire. Why the fuck does this happen?

What do I do? How do I mitigate this hog wild behavior with the fact that I drink with friends who are not immediately overcome with my same veggie related needs? That's from the veggie vagabond. Are you here? Hey. You're very close. Okay.

Hello. Are you not normally this close when we do these, but we're going to roll with it. Are you asking us how to stop eating vegetables? Because you've come to the right place. Yeah. Yeah. Just to sum up, your problem is whenever I get drunk or high, I make healthy choices. You're not.

What do I do to stop this? You have, you have a superpower. You don't have anything that needs fixed. Do you know, do you know that when you get high, you can eat loose pepperonis out of a bag? You could eat your child's leftover Halloween candy in April. Have you, have you heard of Cadbury mini eggs in the freezer? Like that's what they're there for.

You could hear your wife say, this box of Girl Scout cookies was full yesterday. And you go, oh, Lily, the dog, there's not a three. Three. You don't have a problem. This is a great habit. Unless, unless you're like vegetable budget is through the roof. That's the only thing. That's true.

You know, in this country, we don't subsidize produce as much as we should and we don't have the sort of fresh local, very expensive. They're not shelf stable. We got it. There's food deserts. It's a whole. You thought they'd keep clapping when you said food deserts, huh? See Spiracy.

Look it up. No. Read a book. Read a book. It would irritate me if I ate on my good roasting broccoli. Oh, yeah. And then the next, the next day I wanted to eat some roasted broccoli and I didn't have it.

I'm like, ah, hi Justin. You got me again. Yeah. Hi Justin. Ain't gonna roast that broccoli. Hi Justin is eating it right off the suck. And now sober Justin has to order crinkle fries from Arby's because I don't have another side dish.

This is a gift that keeps on giving. There's no bad part of it. I'm trying. It's a weird twist on Dr. Jethro. Mr. Hyde. If Dr. Jethro was like, I gotta get rid of Mr. Hyde. He paid my taxes on time and called my mom on her birthday. Curse you Hyde.

Is there such a thing as too much fiber? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I think it probably gives away the fact that I'm not getting enough fiber that I have to ask that. I've never even come close to that threshold. What if you, what if, okay, what if they just really don't like vegetables?

Now think on it, you get a craving, but you don't like them, but your body wants them. Do you like vegetables? Sorry, hold on. This is ridiculous. Do you like vegetables? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, they do like vegetables.

The first time when I was on shrooms, I ate a whole pizza, but that was because it made my mouth taste like a party. Yeah. Sure, sure. That's because it was a Thai pizza and it was starting to slip through the cracks of the universe. You get it. You get it.

You get it. Every pepperoni had Don Knot's face on it. You understand. He had to consume all of it. And the pizza was taunting me. Okay. Well, have you bragged enough? May we move on?

Now, here's what I can picture, right? You're getting drunk and high with friends and you're like, oh, you know what I could really go for? And they're like, oh, a hamburger and you're like some broccoli ruff and they're like, get the fuck out. I can see where that might be socially uncomfortable. Yeah, but like, bring it with you. Bring it with you.

Have it in your pocket. Just have loose carrots in your pocket. I cannot think of a worse thing to do to a high friend than you're sitting there and you're talking to them and you just slowly sneak a little baby. Oh, yeah. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

Yeah. What? Are those Cheetos? Get it? Well, their nature is Cheetos. And the disappointment they'll feel when they cash the bong and they're like anybody else holding any good green stuff and you're like, oh, yeah, rutabaga. What color is rutabaga?

I genuinely... It's kale. Rutabaga's got to be red, right? You know what's weird? I now have a real serious craving for vegetables. Yeah? Yeah. I'd love to eat.

No, no. No. No. You're probably good. I can't get that drunk during a show. Come on. My girlfriend and I have been living in our apartment for about two years now. And our upstairs neighbor is quite obviously a gamer.

Hashtag. He has... You say... I think you have to say it before. No, gamer hashtag. Okay. He's a very nice guy. Welcome to us when we moved in and everything, but he has always been very loud when he plays

games with his friends, stomping on the ground, shouting, et cetera. Standard gamer. However... Just regular old gamer stuff. Classic gamer stuff. However... Textbook. That's not the issue.

A month or two ago, we noticed he hasn't been loudly gaming anymore. That's right. You guessed it. He died. Controller in hand, just like he always dreamed. Howie, I would have wanted to go. Him and Master Chief, Thelma and Louise. The loving embrace of Fortnite.

We act... A choir of Sonic, sing me to thy rest. We actually got kind of used to his noise. It was just sort of comforting and funny to hear someone else around, and now it just feels too quiet. My question is, how do I approach my neighbor and ask him to go back to his noisy gaming for our normalcy without sounding like a freak? That's from a little too quiet.

Are you here? What? How did that happen? You're right behind the other person that was here too. Hello. Okay. Do we have some sort of promotion where if you sit in the first three rows, we answer your...

Okay, anyway. Maybe they had a falling out with their gaming group. With their Fortnite squad. Yeah. Oh, you gotta patch things up. You have to patch it up, rom-com style. Like this game has another patch, and this time it's friendship. Yeah.

Patching up your relationship. You need to do sort of a parent trap, but for gamers, gamer trap, and you lure them into a raid, maybe one of the hard ones, and you're like, I need help, and then they all do it together. Yeah, man. That all sounds like definitely real gamer opportunities. Yeah, it's like gamer stuff. You guys get it.

Sure. More of a books person myself. Maybe they've become a books person. There've been a lot of... Listen, there've been a lot of good books lately. Everyone's always talking about how good books are right now. Well, it's just like book graphics keep getting better and better. Right.

That's true. You need to go up there and just take all their books away. Because if they... Oh, yeah. They didn't burn them. Wait, no. What? God.

No. On to DVDs. Yeah. Is what he was going to say. And then he melt those in a fire. No. God, no. Damn it.

Maybe they're just waiting for a new game that's really fun, and maybe you could make that game. Yeah. Maybe you base it on them and stuff you know about them. Like a cardboard box that you cut some holes in, and then it comes with a little ball, and they have to get the ball into the holes from far away or something. It sounds good. Oh, the look on his face.

Oh, the delight. Thank you. I ran out of games. And you can hang over his shoulder the whole time like, this is Sergeant Bloodmash. Yes. We need you to get the enemy base. They're in the hole number four with the blue circle around it. Yeah.

Kills streak. Achievement points. Uh-oh. Here comes a babe, but you got to have DLC for it. And it's the second box. They have to pay $5. Oh, yeah. The babe box.

The babe box you get for winning the box war. I think the three of us are the only ones who like this bit. You don't. But you don't have a second box, so you have to make it an absolute, like, we're so sorry to let down our minis. We got to delay. We do have to delay box two, the babe box. We just want to take all the time to make it as good news as going to be babe box 3D.

It is. Hey, wait a minute. This ball is too big to fit through this hole. They rushed us through QA, man. Bullshit. This box only has three flaps. What the fuck? Oh, the third flap, we're finishing the fourth one.

It's art. You wouldn't get it. That's part of the experience. It's supposed to be challenging. It's weird. Before we start on it, don't watch. I do need Paul to bring me another white claw. Whoa.

Thank you, Paul. Let's see this beauty. Meet our first contestant, Justina. Oh. Justina is, what you see is in a purple outfit with some rainbow sleeves and some face paint, which you'll find out, she comes by honest. You're purchasing the doll pictured above. Are these two fingers holding her around the waist or is that some sort of...

Oh, boy. Oh, God. Holy shit. That sucks. I didn't even notice that. That sucks. It looks like E.T. is trying to make a few bucks. It sucks.

Meet Justina. Justina, is there a late T? Hold her like this. Do not use more than two fingers. Holy shit. Meet Justina. Normally, I leave out the ones where they have the description of their deaths, but I have two that I do include that because you'll see.

Justina was in her late 20s working at a full service laundromat. Oh. In her off time, she was a face painter for children's birthday parties. Not a very good one. She was getting high on her own supply. Yeah. She was happy, but always anxious to see what was in store for her. Okay.

Did she break something in this picture? Yeah. Is that a bulb of garlic on the bottom? Yeah. It looks like prop bread. One day while at work, a very strange and potent smell came on fast. It caused her and her coworkers to go unconscious. Oh.

Around 10 minutes later, it had built up in the building, causing an explosion. Justina likes to watch soap operas and loves slim gyms. That's the way it's written. The other people who worked there didn't get tall. It caused an explosion. Justina likes to watch soap operas and loves slim gyms. Do you? Okay.

Do you try to see them unrelated? But trust me, you'll see. Does she love them from an aesthetic point of view? Because it doesn't look like she has the apparatus. I eat the slim gyms, Groven. How? With my mouth. She communicates with dowsing rods, pendulum, and balloon lights.

What? I don't know. Please do not adopt her if you have ill intentions, like trying to get free face paint. Do a sp... Wake up. Do a Spider-Man to me. Please. No, I said send me a suit Spider-Man.

Please ask questions before purchasing. I don't think you have that kind of time. Oh yeah, don't even act like she's not 12 inches tall. I have the proof. Also, if you need any loose sequins, I have a couple bags of them. I am selling a doll, not an experience. Oh. I am not responsible for any experience you may or may not have.

That's a fun way of putting that. Please realize, by adopting Justina, you are potentially inviting a spirit into your home. They are not toys and should only be handled by adults. Like this. Light a... With their two glowing fingers. That's a great 180 from like, I'm selling a doll. It's not a toy.

Light a white candle to welcome her spirit. You will receive the doll pictured above. Anything else is a bonus. What? Whoa, I don't want... No, I see what kind of brick-a-brack you're working with. I'm good. I ask only adults to purchase my dolls.

I don't accept cancellations or issue refunds. I can't imagine why not. So, that is Justina. Thanks for coming to the show, Justina. What a pleasure it was to have you. Happy to be here. Hey, can I just tell you all, I don't want to over-hype it, but you're going to love my new boy. Little Spits.

Let's meet Little Spits. Oh, yeah. That's Little Spits, baby. Should only $150? I'm going to watch this shit go up in real time. Little Spits. Hey, what's up, guys? I'm Little Spits, isn't I?

Hey, they're starting to have some fun over here on metaphysical eBay, okay? Little Spits was a kid who wanted to be a rapper when he grew up. No, he did not. Yeah, he did. That's just the doll of his spirit, you idiot. Oh, good point. He listened to all the classic rappers all the time, like Tupac and Eminem. He wrote his own raps.

He made his own arms. He wrote his own raps. He made his own arms. And he would hang out. What can't Little Spits do except clap? He wrote his own raps and would hang out with older kids who thought he was cool because he rapped. We've all been there. This ultimately got him killed as he was...

Did you see that coming? Got him killed as he was with his group of friends and they decided to sneak out and go to a real rap battle. Are these three separate pictures all pose like to give you a full idea? They thought it would be like eight mile. That's not me editorializing. That's what it says. They thought it would be like eight mile. While they were there on the edges of the crowd, though, a car rolled up and a window rolled down.

What are you saying? No, keep going. Hey, y'all, an eight-year-old rap prodigy lost his life. If you could have a little decorum. While they were there on the edges of the crowd, though, a car rolled up and a window rolled down. A barrel of a gun came out the window and someone from the car yelled, Joy Road, bitches. Joy Road?

Joy Road, bitches. And sprayed the crowd, presumably, with bullets. With axe bodies. Hey, Lil Spitz was among the first hit with the bullets, not even understanding what happened. Now he is in this vessel looking for someone cool and laid back. He said, that's me. Also someone who listens to rap music or will at least play it for him. That's Lil Spitz.

God almighty. This is our last item up on metaphysical eBay and we are branching out a little bit. Oh. All right. Tell me more. I've been in the market for one of these bad boys. Well, this is a high-ranking Illuminati Freemason Cobra Ring Silver Antique Vintage Metaphysical. Wait, how is it metaphysical?

Well, it's it. Because you're going to accept this ring into your life and experience wealth, comfort, power, influence, and all the very best things in life. Romance, love, comfort, and so much more. You truly can't have it all. That's why items like this exist. What's on either side of the snake? Well, Travis being offered is a very rare, very powerful Freemason's ring that comes

directly from the highest ranks of the Illuminati. Those who are the real heavy hitters, the real power holders of the Freemasons, those who make up half of the sacred inner circle of the New World Order. Okay. So, Travis, let me tell you. Oh, and it's adjustable, which is nice. That is nice. You would think that they would have them fitted, but no.

Who has the time? Also nice to see that they're hollow in the back. So you can store stuff. From the very moment you touch this piece, you'll realize you've purchased something truly extraordinary that will forever reverberate incredible power in your life. The aggressive power of this amazing ring has been created with forces of magic. What? And otherworldly technology, not only to but a few of the most powerfully connected men

on earth. If only Lil Spitz had been wearing this ring when that drive fight happened. He would be protected. And otherworld technology couldn't make it fit. Fascinating sidebar. You may not know this, most do not. But the government of the United States possesses a memory copying technology, a medical device of sorts.

Of sorts. Which is held at an underground nuclear metropolis in Roswell, New Mexico, long before it became Area 51. Sure. The machine accesses parts of the brain that never dies, but rather simply shuts off when one dies. Yeah. This unusual technology turns it back on, like a light switch, and then siphons those

memories, creating a memory archive for that particular individual. Oh. This wipes the memories of the brain so that no matter what medical, technological, or metaphysical advancements may arise in the future, nobody will ever be able to access the secret information within their memories except for them. Cool. This is encoded within the memory archives of its Illuminati masters. Yeah.

The three men that make up half of the sacred inner circle of the New World Order at the time of its creation. Okay. That was an interesting sidebar. Yeah. This goes on for literally two pages. Yeah. There are no rituals or binding spells needed once your talisman arrives.

Cool. This is completely ready for use. All that's needed is you accept this small magical offering into your life to keep it with you as much as possible. I mean, within reason. That's how I felt when my first daughter was born, too. It's nice. You will have the know-how to anyone or anything that stands in your way of wealth and success.

No level of magic will be able to hold you back in life. I mean, yeah. And it's 100% guaranteed, says faction, and fast delivery. So that's huge. You don't need to wait for this, and it's available for just $80. Just $80, really? It's half the price of little spits. I mean, imagine if you had both little spits and the Illuminati ring.

Yes. Fuck, dude. You have become an unkillable rap god. Hey, we are going to go use the bathroom. You should use the bathroom, and we'll be right back with more jokes. We love you very much. Bye. Bye.

Hello, my friends. I hope you're enjoying the episode. I don't know which one they decided to run, but I bet it was one of the good ones. Not that one. You know, it was kind of a dud. You probably heard a lot of people talking about it. I'm just kidding. They're all sevens because we're professionals.

I want to tell you for a second, I want to talk to you about imperfect foods. You know, food waste is a big problem, and we could all be doing a little bit more. But what if you could do more about the food waste problem and also help yourself to my friends? That is what I like to call profitable altruism, which is a phrase I just invented, but I think it's really going somewhere. Imperfect foods is the best route I can think of to do that. You can also save time in your grocery shopping.

You can eat more fresh and delicious food and you're helping the planet slam dunk. It's a grocery delivery service that offers a whole line of sustainable groceries that embrace the natural imperfections in food. You know, we're all a little imperfect by definition with human beings. Don't you want that same value in your produce? This is fresh. It's delicious. It's just not exactly the perfect fit for the store shelves, but it may be the perfect

fit for your home. And imperfect delivers weekly by neighborhood, which is a unique model. It produces 25 to 75% fewer emissions. Could this get any better for you or the planet? I think not. Imperfect foods got me hooked into some really cool produce that I can't even get in my area. Things that are not available around here and some products I haven't heard of before, but I have become absolute staples in my house.

Try the croissant toast. Cannot recommend it enough if you want one easy slam dunk right now. Imperfect Foods is offering our listeners 20% off your first four orders when you go to imperfectfoods.com and use promo code mybrother. Again, 20% off your first four orders. That's up to an $80 value at imperfectfoods.com. Offer code when you use the promo code mybrother. Join the movement at imperfectfoods.com and use code mybrother.

While you're enjoying all your imperfect foods, you're going to be looking for some new hobbies. You just have so much free time here. I don't go to the grocery store anymore. Why not try picking up a new language? I have been learning Japanese recently because someday I'd like to go to Tokyo, Disneyland. There's other reasons, obviously, but I'm sorry. I am who I am. Babbel has 15-minute lessons that make it the perfect way to learn a new language on the go.

With Babbel, you can choose from 14 different languages, Spanish, French, Italian, German. Plus, they have this speech recognition technology. It makes it easier to improve your pronunciation. It's a really, really fun, easy, accessible, effective way of learning a new language. Right now, save up to 60% off your subscription when you go to babbel.com. That's B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash mybrother for up to 60% off your subscription. Babbel, language for life. Quick bit of housekeeping.

Thanks, by the way. Thanks, obviously. Thank you for listening. Thanks to everybody who joined and upgraded during the Max Fun Drive. Just a reminder, we are in the midst of the Fancy Takes Flight Tour to celebrate 20 rendezvous. Tickets for all the shows are on sale now at bit.ly for it slash McElroy Tours, M-C-E-L-R-O-Y Tours. There's a virtual Adventure Zone next week on May 20th at 9 p.m. E.T. The game is dread.

It's going to be wild. Tickets are $10 and the VOD, that's video on demand, is available for two weeks after the show. You want to see us live in person? Well, then you're going to head out to Boston on June 17th to see Taz. We're also in Boston on June 18th with Mbem Bam. And then on the 19th, we are in Mashentucket at the Foxwoods Casino on June 19th with mybrother. We're also coming to Salt Lake, Portland, San Diego, Washington, Detroit, Cincinnati, now mask and proof of full vaccination or negative COVID tests within 72 hours of event start are required.

Hey, our dad also has a book coming out this week or now. I mean, it's out on Tuesday, May 10th. So if you would like to have a great children's book to share with a kid in your life or just by yourself, you just want to enjoy it. It's called Goldie's Kind of Grandchilding and it is available in bookstores. We're going to be doing some appearances with dad throughout this great nation of ours. Go to linktree slash Goldie's guide. That's L-I-N-K-T-R dot E-E slash G-O-L-D-I-E-S guide to check in on that.

Oh, this is fun. I don't want to spoil the surprise, but we're in a podcast with Batman. It's us and Batman fighting crime together. It's called Batman Unburied. It's a new podcast that drops new episodes Tuesday and it's exclusively for free on Spotify. It's made by Spotify and Warner Brothers and DC and is a thrilling take on the Cape Crusader. And we are in there with him fighting along the side of him, basically. We have new merch too.

You can check it all out. MacquarieMerch.com and 10% of all merch proceeds this month are going to go to Narl. That is a group that fights for access to abortion care, birth control, paid parental leave, and protections from pregnancy discrimination. That's all at macquariemerch.com. And do I have to do a celebrity impression now? Okay. See if you can guess this one.

I've been working on it. What? What's the deal? We love us. It's just mushed up beans and spices. Thank you so much to everyone who participated in this year's Max Fun Drive. If you're a member who wants to purchase additional patches, our annual shop is now live. The proceeds for this year's sale will be going to Trans Lifeline.

Anytime is a good time to donate to Trans Lifeline, but this year it feels particularly important. Trans Lifeline is a nonprofit for the trans community by the trans community. We're grateful that with your support, we'll be able to help Trans Lifeline connect trans folks to the support and resources they need to survive and thrive. The sale will run until Friday, May 20th. Folks at the $10 monthly level and above will have access to all of the patches from the drive. We also have a special network patch starring Nazi that all members can purchase. For more information on Trans Lifeline, visit translifeline.org. And for more information on the patches, head to maximumfun.org.

Hey, this is Alden Ford. And Mujans of Fagari. And we are here with all the other creators of Mission to Zix. Hello. You're not going to say our names too? No, no, it's a short promo. Now with the end of our fifth and final season, just a few weeks away, we want to say thank you to Maximum Fun, and to every single one of you who's listened to and supported Mission to Zix.

Thank you. And if you haven't checked it out, well, Mission to Zix is an improvised space opera with blockbuster quality sound design, a score performed by an actual 60-piece orchestra, and hilarious guest comedians on every episode. And as our final episodes air, now is the perfect time to jump on board. That's Mission to Zix, Z-Y-X-X on Maximum Fun. So, in the house... How can I interest... So, in the house...

How can I interest you, gentlemen in a wager? Yes. It's time to play minion quotes. Yeah. But this time, with a twist. So, if you've never played this game, here are the rules. I, Justin McRoy, am going to read to you an inspirational or hilarious quote. That quote is attached in the mimetic image that has been shared on Facebook by your aunt,

and it is connected to a cartoon character. That cartoon character will have to be guessed by my other two brothers if they guess it correctly. I will have to post this image, apropos of nothing, on my Facebook page. Now, what makes this more interesting tonight, is we are passing it around. We have each selected one quote, so the stakes are higher than ever, because all three of us are participating in the game. Oh, also, I just realized in a second, another twist. I've been locked out on my Facebook for the past, like, three weeks,

because of, like, I don't know, because I haven't logged in long enough, and they're worried about it, and I was like, oh, cool. I don't ever have to go on Facebook again. So, if I lose, I have to figure that out. Your grand reemergence. Yes. Okay. Okay.

Are you ready to play minion quotes? I'm so fucking ready. Oh, mine. Okay, great. Oh, Travis is first. I think he's not first. Travis is first. Travis is first.

Okay. Okay. I'm not looking at your phone. The quote is, I don't care how difficult 2019 has been, but the fact we woke up every day means that God isn't finished with us, which I think is supposed to be inspirational, but could also be horrifyingly threatening. Yeah, knowing what happens in 2020,

it does sound like God is threatening us from a distance. The religious ones are tough because usually it is not who you would think of as being a particularly religious cartoon character. And I would argue the highest stakes ones to pick as the picker. Yes. Yeah. Oh, wow. I really want to get this right.

Yeah. I live life on the edge. Can I have a hint? No. Maybe just one hint? Oh, okay. It's a cartoon character. Damn it.

It's a cartoon character. Can I ask a question yes or no and you have to answer honestly? Oh, you can ask the question and we'll see. Is it a Looney Tune? That's a big swat. That's a Tweety Bird. I'm saying Tweety Bird. Tweety Bird, Tweety Bird.

I'm going to say Bugs Bunny. It's a classic. I'm sorry. Paul, can you swap it? It is Moana. I should have considered the coconut. That was my bad as I didn't consider the coconut. Well, you know how Moana has a close and personal relationship with the Christian Deity?

You know how famously that's what the movie is about. Hold on. Now I'm mad. She literally meets a God of a different religion. Like she meets a Christ. Correct. Correct. A Demi God, but still.

Well, I mean then, Tweety? Yeah. She's interacting with religious figures outside of the Christian experience. Yeah. But our God's not done with her. Our God, the one true God, Father of Abraham. Hey, do you ever have a moment where you're like, oh, all the Southern Baptists isn't out yet? Oh, no.

The Lamb of Judea. Okay. Could beat the shit out of the rocks now. All right. Sunday. Sunday. Sunday. Okay.

This is Justin's minion quote. Okay. Paul, it would be easier if you just put the quote on the screen. I can just read it off of that. Remember how when you were little, you could just rip off your diaper and run around naked. And everyone thought it was so cute and funny. Anyway, I nailed bail money. Fuck.

That's funny. God. So I am going to, because it occurs to me that I slightly cheated. So I am going to tell you, it is not a cartoon character. Oh. Ha. But it is a children's character, not a cartoon character. Is it Moana again?

Now, bud, bud, that's a cartoon. Remember, we just saw it. I want to say Blippi, but I know you wouldn't do that to us. I don't think boomers know who Blippi is. And this has a big boomer energy. Is it children's? Children's character for children's, but not a cartoon. Family character.

Everybody can enjoy this character. God said too much. Okay. Can I ask one yes or no question? I've already given you all the clues you need, Mr. Policeman. Is it a human character? Also, we referenced that snowman movie a lot for three people who haven't seen it. I've barely seen the poster.

Is it a human character? Hmm. I mean, it's an interesting question. That you'll answer now. Come on. It won't be funny if nobody gets it. Yeah, but of the people on the stage, I think I have the least appropriate tribute. The least appropriate sacrifice is I am the only one who's had to do this.

No, it's not a human character. Yes. Okay. Hmm. That's tough. Do you have a guess, Travis? I'm going to say Paddington. You really need to...

Okay, Paddington. Interesting. It's not fucking Paddington. I'm trying to think of the other deep wells that we usually draw from. And by we, I mean, boomers who put up memes on Facebook. Think really hard. I think you can do it. Really?

A live action non-human that boomers would know. Is it Kermit? Yes! Yay! I knew you could do it. Now, Justin, do you want to wait? No. Do you want to wait until Griffin's?

No. We're going to sit right here, everyone. I'm just going to put it on my Facebook right now because it's not fun unless I do it right now. And I will then immediately comment on it. Oh, no. My Facebook's locked. Do you want to load mine up?

Oh, you got that hair trigger. He already had the image loaded. Okay. Hold on. I want to put a link to Sydney's website on here. Yeah, I'm sure she'll love that. Oh, he's doing it. Okay.

Here is my minion quote. Oh, boy. Hold on, devil, not today or any other day, feeling blessed and covered under the blood of Jesus. Like, share, and type, amen. Wow. Now, this is your first time playing, right? Yes.

I also, in full disclosure, I don't know where you find these, but I was looking around for minion quotes and I found one on the Mbim Bam Reddit that somebody posted on there. So, thank you for doing that. So, same question. Is this a cartoon character? This is a cartoon character. Is it a looney tune? That's such, that's so...

You, I gave you... It's not a looney. You see this, right? You see this. It's a cartoon character. You're right. You should be able to get your revenge. It is a cartoon character.

It is not a looney tune. I will not give you anything else. Bart Simpson. No. Oh, he gave us nothing there. That was a cold, dead stare from Griffin. Okay, Justin. Not a Simpson character.

It's not a... Okay. Let me hear your guesses. No, what? Okay. Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks. No. I do want the audience to keep yelling, though,

because I honestly haven't... Scooby-Doo, I heard, which will be wild. No, I haven't heard it. Shrek. Rich, just reveal it. It's fucking Fred Flintstone. Whoa! Now, Devil...

Pretty sure that the Flintstones universe is, like, wicked BC. Like, super-duper-duper BC. Back in the time when Man and Dinosaur lived together. Really, Amanda? Amanda's already commented on my Facebook page. Don't you have work to do, Amanda? You're getting a raise!

Anticipating our needs. So that's minion quotes. Oh, boy. All right. So we asked you all to send in questions that we could answer live, and we have some people picked out. Where's the microphone at?

I was in the bathroom during the soundcheck, so I don't actually know. So we're going to call down two at a time. Can we get the house lights up just like 20 percent? Can we go back to the part where Griffin said he was in the bathroom for both soundchecks? Does that feel like that you didn't let it sink in? All right.

Where is it? It's right there. I'm playing Where's Waldo with this microphone. Okay. Yes, hello. Hello and welcome. Hi. Hi.

I'm Taylor. Hi, Taylor. Taylor, your question... I can't believe we picked this one. Taylor asked, who are you? I'm just here because I bought the tickets. So, I guess we were actually...

We read this backstage and we thought, I wonder how it's going. Yeah. So we wanted to ask you, Taylor, what do you think so far? And really give us the real shit. Please be honest with us, Taylor. Like, what do you think so far?

I think it's pretty good so far. Yeah. You know, it's pretty awesome stuff, so... Now, Taylor, I follow a question. When you say, I'm just here because I bought the tickets on accident? No, my sibling is actually here with me. Oh, okay.

What's your sibling's name? Rhiannon. Hi, Rhiannon. And Rhiannon knows who we are, right? Yes. Oh, okay. It's a very early birthday present for them. Oh, happy early birthday.

Now, have you picked a favorite yet? Oh, good question. Well, I'm a little biased because I'm on Tumblr a lot, so I see Griffin's face a lot. Oh, my God. I will be feasting off the memory of you hesitating to remember his name. Yeah, that was decadent.

But you did pull it, Taylor, so don't feel bad. Yes. Garf-ball. What is it? Garf-ball. Garf-ball. Garf-ball. It's a Garfield dress.

It's Garf-ball. Garf-ball. Yes. This is going to be a completely unnecessary self-own, but which of my many incredible memes that have made it onto Tumblr? The main one I see is, like, you holding a blank piece of paper and people edit some of the text for that.

I think my favorite one is somebody is saying, I'm too afraid. I don't know who the McCullough brothers are, and I'm too afraid to ask. Did you make that one? But no, Taylor wasn't afraid. Taylor asked. I did not make it.

You did ask who we are. Yeah. And that's all that's important. So that's our deal. We're kind of like three brothers, and we do advice. That's the show, basically. And we do like strong.

Like, we're strong. Yeah, we're strong and capable fellows. We're strong, and we have normal digestive systems. That's exactly what I got from everything you guys have said so far. You're getting that. Okay, perfect. We eat bananas totally normal. And...

Well, Taylor, we've embarrassed you now. Thank you so much for being a good sport. Thank you. Thanks for coming. Hi. Hi. Who are you? We've called so many names.

Okay, I'm Lauren. Hi, Lauren. You asked us... Failed my driver's test today. How could I impress the examiner next time? Yeah. How bad do you fail? I drove on the wrong side of the road.

Whoa! Hey, Lauren. Very British. I know the first impressive thing you could do next time, Lauren. For like a long time? No. Well, Griffin, how long do you think it needs to happen? But Lauren said no.

Can you replicate what they said to you in exact replica? Like tone of voice too. Yeah. She waited until I was done with my test. And then she was like, unfortunately, you drove on the wrong side of the road. It just an automatic fail. Damn.

Whoa! She made you keep going? Yeah, she should have said something when you ran over like 80 people. Then you were doing it when she was like, hell yeah, fuck, let's go. Yes, yes. This is how I do it.

Yes, go. I'm feeling something for the first time. This is living. I'm alive. Hold my hand, Lauren. Lauren, are you feeling this? The word that I feel like made us select this question was how could I impress the examiner next time?

And I'm not sure you understand what the examiner is looking for. It's not America's Got Talent driving edition. You already tried stunting, so let's mark that one off. Next. Oh, super cool car. They can't flunk you for knowing all the words to bear naked ladies one week. They legally can't flunk you if you sing the fast part

from Hook by Blues Traveler on loop. Was that it? Was it just driving the wrong lane that they didn't? Because that's an easy face. Is that not enough? No, I'm saying you just don't do that next time and you should be good. Or were there other rules?

Because we're real, like, gear heads. Oh, you know what? Everybody does parallel parking on their tests. Do some perpendicular parking. Yes. That'll blow them away. I'm doing concentric parking. My parallel parking actually went really well,

but that's not good enough apparently. Yeah. I think it sucks because, like, they shouldn't fail you because, like, what are the odds that you'll do that again? Yeah. And also, the fact that you did that and they knew you had failed and they were like, and you still have to parallel park.

Yeah, that sucks, actually. They should have let you go home. Did they keep writing stuff down on the paper? Because that's a wild part of the grift. Yeah, did you see them casually put the clipboard on the floor? I needed that. I won't be needing this.

No, but there are just, like, some random scribbles on the paper, so I think she was trying to, like, make me think I had some hope. Yeah. How long do you have to wait before you can take it again? A week. One week? Not very long.

It's been one week since the fail, but test. Go on the wrong side of the road. If, if when you go back, you have the same tester, spend the whole time, anytime you're on the right side of the road, say, like, I don't know if you noticed. Many people would choose that side of the road, but not me. An obvious mistake. I'm not zooming into the front of the other cars.

Notice how me and the other traffic pass by each other without incident. You're welcome. Does that help? I think. You're going to do it next time. Yeah, you got it. I believe in Lauren, right?

Thank you. Hey, my name is Ellie. Hi, Ellie. You're really putting yourself through a lot of struggle to not burp. Right there. Sorry. Contortions. Hello, Ellie.

Hi. How you doing? I'm doing great. Thank you for asking. Yeah. You asked, I work at a haunted cave that is said to have 30 to 40 ghosts, but I haven't had a ghost experience yet. How do I trigger one?

Yeah. I work at the Wabashaw Street Caves in St. Paul. Yeah. There's fans and every tour guide has had like things move. They've seen people. They've heard bands and. Definitely. They've heard what?

Bands. We have big bands that play and. Ghost bands? Wait. Big bands or big bands? Like big names? Like Glenn Miller Orchestra style big bands? Or just like large bands?

Like Cab Calloway, like Betty Goodman and stuff. Wait, hold on. Wait. You, wait. Your caves are pulling Cab Calloway? Yeah, that's a huge ghost get. Yeah, apparently. Can I say if I was going to have a ghost experience that was totally legit,

I would also experience a Cab Calloway concert. Yeah. Apparently John Dillinger is also around sometimes. Wow. Okay. Wow. When he's not busy haunting other places. What's so dope about your caves that makes every ghost want to be there?

Three people were murdered there? Well, then there should be three ghosts. Yes. Ellie, do these other sightings that the other tour guides have had, are these things that they've told you in confidence or these things that they say when they're giving tours of the caves? So both and they have pictures to prove it. What?

Wait. Like not just orbs, like actual like pictures of. Like you've got a fucking screw. Hold on. Wait. Not just orbs. As if someone came to me and was like, yeah, I work at this cave. Check out this fucking orb.

I saw. I'd be like, just an orb. Yeah. So you're saying they have a picture of like them and Cab Calloway. Hey, Ellie, like you, if your coworkers have pictures of ghosts, that should be all you're sort of thinking and talking about. Like in your life, your question should be like, my fucking coworkers have pictures of ghosts.

What, where do I do that? And not just fucking bullshit orbs. Real human shaped ghosts. You've seen three dimensional ghosts. Like we have one of an old lady walking through a table. What? Ellie, why are you here and not like at CNN? I don't know.

This what's happening in the world when people are like, I don't know if they're ghosts. It's because the people who have pictures are like, I'm not going to do anything with these. What am I going to do? Show these to people? Yeah, I guess. I guess so.

I don't know. We have not even glanced across the surface of your question. So you go to the caves and you loudly announce, well, I finished all my business. I wish there was more business to finish. Yeah. Is there, I wish there was somebody else with business they had not finished on this earth

that I could assist with that particular issue. Cause all my business is finished. Hey, you also, you have the benefit, Ellie, of apparently there is a ghost there who is well known for call and response songs. You can walk into the cave and just go hi, hi, hi, hi. There's also there could just be an echo. Damn it.

You're right. I could try that, I guess. Does the cave got wifi? Yes. Really? Yeah. Yes. We had electricity installed into it like in the 1990s.

Wow. That was your mistake. The ghosts wouldn't like that. They don't like change is what we've heard. From who? They don't know how cool it is. I gotta get to this cave? If the ghosts say they don't like change

is cause they don't know how cool shit is outside the cave. Like we've got a lot of stuff going on. Yeah. I think you could roll up into the cave and plug into cave wifi. Yeah. On your computer and just turn on Netflix. And just kind of wait and be like,

anybody want to watch some new dramas? Now, wait a minute. Hold on. We don't know how wifi and ghosts interact. Maybe they're all fucking flipped out cause they're experiencing the wifi. Like when you switch it on, the ghosts experience all of the internet at once.

Imagine. A ghost in the machine if you will. A ghost in the machine if you like. You gotta get the wifi out of there. Yeah. Step one, Ellie. Go in there tonight under cover of darkness. Remove that wifi single-handedly.

Get a bucket, scoop up that wifi and carry it out. I don't know how wifi works. Does that help? It helps. It does. Yeah. I thought it helped. Yeah.

Thank you so much, Ellie. Y'all look so great. I have to say, I should have thought a long time ago to tell people to dress nice and fun at our shows. What were we thinking? Hey, what's up? Hey, my name's Jake.

Hi, Jake. Are you sure it's not Jacob? Cause that's what you put in the email. It is Catfish! Catfish! It is Jacob. I was trying to be playfully short with the name. Yeah.

The one thing we won't tolerate here is fun. Jacob, you were talking about pancake eating challenge, and I want to know all about it. Yeah. This one, we didn't know if it was fun or not, but we did need more details. So go on. All right.

An hour north of here is the best place on earth, Merlin's Family Restaurant, Princeton, Minnesota. Uh-huh. They got a big stand. Everyone knows that, yeah. Yeah. Not as hot as that cave was. No.

Didn't you think you were going to get cave levels of reaction, Jake? I kind of did. Yeah. I gotta say, if I'm going to go to one of those places, I'm pretty intrigued by this big stack of pancakes. Yeah. How big?

Approximately five inches by 18 inches across. Oh, shit. Jesus Christ. A real chode of pancakes. That's a hundred square inches of pancake. That's a hundred square inches of pancake. If my math is correct. Well, I guess cubic.

Well, I got to run the diameter. Hey, somebody figure that out for me. So what is pie? What's the pancake? No, it's not pie. It's pancakes. God almighty. So the stack being five inches, but there's four.

It's comprised of four pancakes. Uh-huh. Wow. And when you eat them, when you eat them, you get. Sure. Yeah. That's the way I traditionally interact with pancakes. When you eat them, you get a shirt and your picture

on the wall of fame. If you lose, you got to take a picture and put on the wall of shame as well. Oh. So either way, you get a picture up on the wall. Yeah, it's pretty sick. Is it a time challenge or just like take your time if you can eat them at all?

It's great. That's the trick. You can stay for hours and fill yourself. Oh. They don't know I know this hack. Okay, go on. Pancake restaurants hate this hack. Yeah.

And when you finish it, you still have to pay for it? No, no. Actually, you get for free, but it's like $10 anyway. It's just pancake. Wow. Sure. Wow. Any dressings on them?

Any syrup? Butters? One could go nuts, but I don't like syrup or butter. Yeah. If you add to that, it's just more content. So what's your question? My question is, so every time I go, I'm gotten very good at this challenge.

I'm on the wall of fame six times. Whoa! Yeah, Jacob. My brother and my brother made heroes only. Heroes only here tonight. Whether that be just for the party trick of the morning or to update, to get more updated photo on the wall. Yeah, sure.

Yeah. So they keep swapping out. They don't add additional jakes. No, it rotates through. My ones from freshman year are gone. Oh. You wanted to stack it so that you could have a flipbook of you experiencing.

Exactly. Yeah. But in my training, I found I can nearly. Training? Yeah, Griffin, you don't go into a pancake big stack challenge cold. You don't want Jacob to eat pancakes at home? Come on.

Clearly, Jacob loves pancakes. He does pancake challenges. You would deny Jacob home game pancakes? Okay, fine. What if the first time you ate them was at this restaurant? Like, what is this? Where can I find these in the wild? Hey, what's, excuse me, my crepes are fucking so thick.

Take them back. These are the weirdest fucking waffles I've ever had. Your toast is flying around. So my Doritos are stale and flavorless. Sorry, Jacob, what's your question? So now that I've trained to eat two big stacks, this will be accomplished. Am I good if I bring my own photo to be presumably put above

the wall of fame? Fuck yes. What? Yes. I'm glad we wasted so much time during the actual question because the answer is yes, obviously. What are you thinking, Boudoir? Champion belt, I assume.

I will say that if I had just finished two heaping helpings. That's 10 inches by 18 inches of pancake. Then the last thing I'm going to want to do afterwards is a fucking photo shoot. This is tour manager Paul. Right here, I put up a slide that said this is 1,272.35 cubic inches of pancakes. Can I say...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Paul. Paul, I love you. You're a dear friend. That can't be right. I will say, I will say no timer. They're not watching the bathrooms. That's it. They like to do whatever you want.

Jake, let me say, I just want to say thank you for representing what I think is maybe human beings most enduring quality, which is once we've accomplished something, say one big stack, we must continue to challenge ourselves. Yes. Even if others do not. Yes. So you finished the big stack.

Yes. Six times. You went on the wall six times and you said there has to be more in life than this. Yes. You're going to finish two stacks and weep because there are no more stacks to conquer. But good news, Jake.

I'm here to tell you three stacks. No, do two stacks and do send us a picture of that, Jake. I got to see it. Did I help? Yes, it does. The encouragement will help me join my brothers in syrup. Thank you. Yes.

Hello. Hello. Hi, brothers. Hi. Hi. For a second there, I thought the mic wasn't working. Okay. You got this.

You got this. No, I was just scared. I'm Andy. Say them. Hi, Andy. Andy, you're great. I'm glad you're here. Andy got this.

Relax. You asked, breathe through it. You're as powerful as someone who just finished two big stacks. I don't know how powerful is the adjective. You're as sleepy as someone who just finished two big stacks. You're ready to hibernate through the winter. Andy asked, how do I enforce my workplaces, no touching the dinosaurs rule while still letting people know

that I'm cool and I would also. Andy, you're great. I'm glad you're here. You got this. Relax. You asked, breathe through it. And I would also like to touch the dinosaur. So give me a little context here, Andy.

I work at a dentist office. Yeah. Yeah, just a really cool shoe store, actually. Yeah. No. No, I work at a science attraction where we do have real original fossil dinosaurs displayed. Wow.

And they're, it's very cool. You get to be very close. It feels you're immersed in the science. And also the barriers are like exactly sort of at toddler forehead height and that's kind of it. And there are a lot of children and, you know, adults who really, really want, you know, to touch the dinosaurs. Yeah.

I mean, I would like to touch the dinosaurs. I would like my finger grease to destroy the dinosaur bone over time. Yeah. I mean, listen, if time and earth couldn't do it, what are my Dorito fingers going to do that so bad? Yeah. Yeah. Don't hang.

Yeah. Don't put them out if you don't want me to touch them. So, Andy, what's the problem? Well, the, hmm, the problem is that I really, really want to touch the dinosaur. All the time. Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy. Have you touched the dinosaurs? Because I noticed earlier you said a science attraction and not the name of the

business because there would be a revelation you've touched the dinosaurs. Yeah. Yeah. No, Andy. Andy. Have you touched the dinosaurs? Not even an accidental, like, whoa. The more we talk, the less Andy has to admit their crime.

Okay. Moving on. Andy refuses to incriminate themselves. Andy takes the fifth. But how do you let them know it's a normal and natural impulse in life to want to touch the dinosaurs? They're not perverted in any way. I really want to be, like, supportive, but firm, you know?

Yeah. And as dads, I was hoping to help. Okay. You're going to want to do a heavy sigh, and then I get it. I get it. That is the number of times I've said to my five-year-old who is a carbon copy of myself when it comes to impulse control, I get it. Hey, buddy, I get it.

I get it. I also sometimes want to see what sound a thing makes when I throw it at the wall. I get it. So on, Brandon. Can you, Andy, can I suggest this? Could you have one dinosaur bone that's, like, kind of bad? Yeah. And it's, like, a burner.

Yeah. It's kind of an extra one. We got three legs. You want to touch the dinosaur? I get it. Hold on. Let me open my locker. I got one back there for you.

That you can touch all you want. No big deal. Can you memorize the speech that Sam Neal gives at the beginning of Jurassic Park where he scares the boy very badly with a velociraptor claw and just deliver that whenever a child wants to touch the bone or really runs afoul of any kind of rule? Excuse me. Did you just drop that litter on the ground? Let me tell you a little bit about the ball.

That's not how the velociraptor gets you. Here, come here. I'm going to scratch your tummy with this. Andy, could you sell dinosaur bone touching gloves for $5 a pop? On the side. How little private. This would not be an official piece of merchandise. This would be, yes, you would produce them from your jacket.

How straight is the security here? Could you charge people to touch the bones when no one's looking? Probably for a little bit. Yeah. Okay. All right. Does that help, Andy? It does help.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. And thank you. And thank you. Make them go away please. I'm so intimidated.

Thank you. Goodbye. Yes. Make us more. Make them less. Yes. Hey, you all have been outrageously fun. Thank you so much.

Yes. Thank you all. We have done so much stupid bullshit tonight, and you all have been there for all of it, and I really, really appreciate it. Even Taylor. Taylor didn't know what was happening. Yeah. Taylor was eating.

Taylor was into it. But you all have buoyed us. You lift me up so I can climb on mountains. Thank you. We want to say thank you to you. Thank you to the beautiful Orpheum Theater. It feels like we tripped our way into here, which we kind of did. Yeah.

Sorry you guys didn't get to see Jim Gaffigan tonight. I know you were expecting it. So sorry. We want to say thank you to Paul for helping us run the show. Thank you to Amanda, and thank you to Rachel for helping to run the show and doing the recordings and all of that stuff. Thank you to our dad, Clint. Clint McElroy.

By his book, thank you to our families for supporting us here, and let me see. Anything else? Thanks to Montaigne for these four theme songs, My Life is Better with You. Sydney McElroy is not with us. Dr. Sydney McElroy is not with us, but I really appreciate her just being her, I guess. Now, we don't do a final yahoo anymore, as you know, and it's brought a really fun energy because we get to ask you, our beloved listeners, what celebrity impression you'd love to hear Griffin McElroy attempt.

Okay, so on upcoming episodes, you can look forward to Nicholas Cage and Gilbert Godfrey. So what celebrity impression would you like to hear? First five rows. Oh, wait, hold on. First five rows so it doesn't just become... Oh, do you have a walk-in, Griffin? A walk-in? Yeah.

Yeah, I guess. What a kind of shit I like to eat. I like to eat the spaghetti. Oh, shit. My name is Justin McElroy. Travis McElroy. I don't deserve to say my name. I'd rather be because your dad's square on the lips.

Oh, it's better with you.