My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 610: I Don’t Know, My Glasses Were Off

Episode Date: May 16, 2022

We know that our soothing voices are something that people sometimes fall asleep to, and we can’t help just how calming we are, but the point of this podcast is jokes, okay? So we hope sleep-laughs is a thing.Suggested talking points: Glue Yourself to Starbucks Challenge, The Looooove Department, MackleLess, That Hair is Ripe, Uneaten Spider DonutsNARAL Pro-Choice America: https://www.prochoiceamerica.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up you cool, baby? Precious friendship Could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better

It's better it's better It's better it's better Hello everybody and welcome to my brother my brother and me an advice show for the modern era I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. Well me. Oh this guy over here. I'm Travis the middleist Hey, what's up? This is Griffin McElroy the youngest one of them I Think yeah, you're not really bringing it man. Yeah, talk about your energy. Can you speak on that please my energy? Yeah, yeah, can you speak on that please your energy right now is just sort of like sure sure sure

Well, I'm actually that's weird that it sounds like that because I'm fucking turbocharged ready to go Are you turbocharged ready to go? Could you bring something different to the intro then please? I mean, it's just I can't control my voice sounds like but I do want everybody at home. No, I am turbocharged I'm fucking chock full of acai berries and power berries and Protein yogurt and I'm ready to fucking party. Wait. Hey Griffin. Can I check you? I'll just slide you can't control what your voice sounds like. Yeah, really. That's a great SNL character I don't know if you ever If you heard about that, it's also kind of like the one thing we do for a living on a regular basis

It's make the voice sound like something else. Yeah, I mean, I don't know I I Just want everybody at home to know I'm not sad Cuz I ate I ate so many fucking acai super berries this morning and it's got on it. Did you hear me laugh? Yeah, that was better It just came out cuz I was thinking about all the delicious big and juicy I say berries I'd stain my fingers when I ate him like a naughty boy in grandma's garden And so I do feel I feel I feel good and strong and powerful and energetic and That so look but go I have layers Behind my behind the sad the obvious sad behind blue eyes

Did you guys hear about what James Cromwell did? I did actually I don't I don't know James Cromwell from Madden. Okay. Yes, you do. He's the farmer from babe He's the farmer from babe and other things. Oh, all right From babe and he did that'll do I think he was probably in Star Trek and he's in secession Oh, he was definitely in Star Trek. He was the he invented the war in the warp drive for crying out loud But that's not really what's important Griffin. I want to tell you about what James Cromwell did James Cromwell got himself in a little bit of a sticky situation Oh

Cuz what happened griff is that James Cromwell popular old man James Cromwell Superglue himself to the counter of a Starbucks in New York. Yes. Yes Which part of himself Protest the fact that they upcharge for vegan milk All right You see the farmer from babe, and he's like check this out. I'm a sticky bandit Yeah loses hands To be to the counter and that's your day, but it feels like I could get I

could hand my credit card to the cashier and receive my expensive, you know Oat milk latte Like around James Cromwell, do you know what I mean? Like he's got gaps like we could go through the armpit Or between the legs like there's a lot of ways to get coffee past Jim Jim Cromwell. I feel like yeah Jim could you hand me the You know the story stick in your mouth for a second, please thank you Jim if you're listening I understand it is I would say a bad practice because it discourages the ordering of the vegan option

And it's unfair to people who can't have you know, I get it Environment to yeah for sure. I love him, but you know, it's not the person behind the counter who says the prices, right? He you know that right Jim Jim that person with a trendy haircut and like a dyed hair That's not the color that appears in nature here Travis He was not protesting that morning that his cough his personal Superglue in his pocket, and he was like how much for a bit fuck that Actually, he actually loudly announced several times. Don't get it twisted. I have 70 cents The only person he's inconvenient like yes, that's gonna make its way up the chain to mr. Coffee

He's kind of an asshole about it or whatever, but that person that the person he's inconvenient thing is the person He's just like listen, man. I'm just counting down until my break. Please please Jim. I need these tips Jim Please Yeah, what's your all's favorite way to sort of sneak a coffee past James and sticky James Cromwell like well under under the right arm Under the right arm, and then I'd like to stick my arm in there and pretend like it. I'm James Cromwell Yeah, and it's like hi everybody. Yeah, I would do my hand. I'm gonna scratch my nose I would do like a high five with his free hand and then when his arm was up

Like he has made a defensive sort of gap in the in his in his sticky armor, and I would definitely get one past him Did he just do one hand? I Guess he would have to welcome. No. No. He did both hands. I think how did he get out of this? How did he get out of this it says in that he used a knife? Oh, no Yeah, yeah nail polish remover will take care of that Jim I mean if he if you bring nail polish remover to your Superglue protests, you're basically saying like I'm not really committed. I lack commitment But I will also say if he did both hands then someone else had to wield the knife

actor James Cromwell's hands. He uses fucking mouth. He's his fucking mouth Apparently they had Sir Paul McCartney write a letter to the former CEO of Starbucks to ask that they would eliminate the extra vegan milk fee Yeah Because they did that in the UK and so he's probably like all right. Check it out. It's good. Yeah Well, won't you strike it down? Is this Paul McCartney or James Cromwell? Strike it down over over there Which one is this? That was that was Sir Paul McCartney speaking to former CEO Kevin Johnson Which I guess he was like can you please ask the real CEO to stop doing it that way?

It's me Sir Paul McCartney. I'm not sure how business works. Are you his dad? Is that it? But if you would tell him Okay, so I watched the video. He did glue one hand. Okay, just how like just so he did have one hand free Yeah, give thumbs up to local tourists or whatever Do you think he did that first hand and the people behind the counter like waited Expectantly for him to do the second hand too and then when they didn't he was like, oh, oh Okay, I guess I just okay. Oh and the heartbreaking thing is this is an autograph in hand that he glued down So he couldn't even like, you know, it's been some FaceTime with the with the fans

Anyone can draft an email to former CEO Kevin Johnson But Sir Paul McCartney's never gonna glue his hand to the counter of an American Starbucks I think that they I I like to imagine that they had to talk him down to glue his hand to the counter like I'm gonna go into Starbucks and I'm gonna blow myself up like well no James Jim Jim. That's too far He's like, okay. Well, I'm just gonna cut my legs off like now. I don't think so. Okay. I'll cut my hands off No, Jim. I don't want that either. Can I super glue both my hands to the counter getting closer warmer? Just I'm gonna super glue my testicles to the counter. No, we told you a thousand times You can't do that if you want to do that at home. That's your thing. Just what the one hand

I'll just glue one hand to the counter. I was okay. Why would you do one finger, Jim? Listen? I'm drawing the line at one hand principles if I attempted this which I fucking wouldn't but if I attempted this I Could I could if it became a thing Griffin. I would love it if this is the new Starbucks the glue yourself to a Starbucks challenge From the creators of punch your teacher comes the glue yourself to the Starbucks I feel like if I I could go I could not eat or drink for a day I get asked for a day and then slap my sticky hand down on that counter and within I'd say two seconds I my brain would immediately go. Hey piss sounds pretty good right about now, doesn't it?

Like brain, I literally Pissed right before I pissed and then I put the super glue on my hand and then I slapped it down and my brain Yeah, I know but oh, yeah, did you get it all out? It doesn't feel like I had to go to the the you know politics corner Across from Baskin Robbins. Oh, yeah, it happens on election day Yeah, definitely I went with Sid to like do the honking waves thing with cars driving by and she asked me again I was like wait a minute You want me to stand?

For one hour in a unbathroomed locale just like standing there So I couldn't leave to go use the bathroom at home if I wanted to right so one full hour and damned at the first car honks I didn't have to like immediately use the bathroom like I have to be right now. It's it's urgent Yeah, you're a great husband Justin. Thank you for making that sacrifice. That means a lot I'm sure means a lot to your wife. Just piss pants. You oh well that actually I think makes you let me check the chart Oh slightly worse husbands. Oh, no, but I but in the but in the Cromwell power rankings You've moved up there. Yeah, you're still out there But you moved up for the sacrifice, but then you moved slightly down

So a net positive you crammed extremely well. Yeah, you cramped hard My name is that's what he is when he reaches his next level Cromhart. Yeah when you use a moonstone on it Then he's Jim Cromhart you sticky slap Cromhart Cromhart Cromhart use something out. Oh, that's not what I thought sticky slap was Cromhart Don't ever do that move again delete that move put in a quick attack. That's suck Cromhart I'm going to Do railets from this comedy gold for a moment Just to say thank you to everybody cuz I didn't get to say this last week who became a new upgrading or boosting member

And also in case you missed it cuz man, I don't know if you guys are gonna believe this But there's some lucky few who are not on the social media. Yeah, we had to do a lot of dumb shit Because you guys were very supportive That included let's see macro and mix up or my brother my brother me remix whatever we called it Where we did we did an episode In the 300s, I think of my brother my brother me and we switched parts So I was Justin Justin Griffin Griffin was Travis. It was silly. The job is over. We don't have to sell Well, I'm just letting people know

I'm just letting people know that it's there in case they didn't see it on social media But also we had to get each other on adults. Oh, yeah, I just not arrived yet. So are you sure? I got it. I got a deliberate notification Griffin Did you I did I think yours when I come to me because I have to I had mine sent to me Cuz I didn't know if we would actually get to the goal or not. So now you have mine. Yeah, I have yours Oh, wait, so, oh, right. I sent mine to Justin, right, right? Justin do you have yours cuz I already unboxed neutral Roberta sad spirit I do want to say I have seen pics of the dolls and

I I got the spookiest one for you. Definitely. It was definitely I definitely I have it, Trav But I have been waiting for like cuz you did an unboxing video. I've been waiting for like a good muscle day You know, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah I'm like it's today a good muscle day act. Yeah a day where I look not having done anything, but like I Just happened to look jacked and swole. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, like maybe you drank a lot of water the day before you retained all of it and all of it Somehow went right to my muscles. Yeah. Yeah for like a really strong muscle day Well, I actually mean neutral Roberta have really been hitting it off. She liked black coffee and gardening

Yeah, so I give her a little bit coffee every day. Have you heard the night yelling? Yeah, no because I think I've been keeping her in a Pretty good mood So she hasn't been sad. I think that we're getting Emotional state it's like when she when she fills up with uh-huh Spectral energy she lets it out by yelling really really loud when the moon and stars are out Okay. Yeah, so it's like it's less like a Feared yelling and more of like a you know steam escaping a kettle. Oh, okay You're gonna love it though. You're gonna really like the way it feels. I guarantee it now

I have noticed in the listing it says unexplained sounds and movement But I also have two dogs and a five-year-old and a two-year-old so it's always hard to tell Which of those is moving at any time? Yeah, just assume it's neutral Roberta. Uh-huh, okay Now it also says and I love this That a lot of the information about her Comes to the seller via smoke work. I was like hell. Yeah, dude work. Yeah. Yeah No, she does vape tricks for sure. Yeah, dude. I love that Well, we're gonna have these things in our rooms where you can see them and they can see us for one calendar year

So I can't wait to see how we really settle into the space. I am I am I will say this a little confused and Justin You're a bit more of a haunted doll expert. So maybe you can explain this to me This line Roberta is a good spirit. I put the neutral label as she has a very sad disposition If you had a sad friend who is good all the time, I think it would be positive Is it that her sad disposition brings her spirit down to neutral because that's a bummer. It's cuz it's all garbage Okay, great. Yeah, I don't want to punch Down or up or sideways, but the thing is about it is it's all nonsense Um, I think at this point, they're mostly generated by AI

This is my current theory that there's a that there's a robot. It wouldn't be hard. By the way to make a robot. They're just like buys untended Shipping containers full of disused dolls all individually generate a haunted doll drop shipper. It's what you Yes, yeah, they says drones are bringing haunted dolls One last thing I'll say about neutral But it's a real I'm just gonna say a real steal a real bargain cuz she came with her own chair So I got a hot dog and I'm sure now the chair if you watch the unboxing came with I'm gonna say about an inch and a half

Long spike on it that I think you're supposed to jam her butt down on to keep her in place I removed that spike and I'm hoping that will help with her sad disposition. It will certainly keep her more Neutral Yes, if someone said hey for the rest of a training you're trapped in this doll I'd be like oh bummer and also also you'll be impaled as wise I Would not be wild about that scenario remain neutral though while while this happens This is I don't know if you've heard but it's an advice show and what we do is we take your questions and turn them Alchemy like into wisdom

And I am very much looking forward to helping you our beloved listeners. Oh great I'm in a thrift shop checking out some cassette tape decks I hit eject on one and there happens to be a recording tape in it with no markings on it I am dying to hear what is on the cassette, but I'm not interested in buying the deck Is it stealing if I just take the tape technically the tape is not for sale, right? That's from copping cassettes in Colorado. Hmm. Hmm. Well, you take us You take a thing without paying for it, you know, I have a friend who would be really helpful with us And his name is Macklemore

What what what what is Macklemore? How's it going? Hold on it's not good, and that's why no, that's I'm hearing it. It's okay. I said to step away Sorry, that's just how I answer the phone. Hey Macklemore. How's it going? It's going pretty good Well, you sound exactly the fucking same as my little brother It's hard. I've heard that. Yeah, I've heard that before Try clearing your throat. Yeah, I'm a lot like Macklemore. Yes me Macklemore What's up, Justin? Jay dog. Hey Hey, I money. Um, I uh, I uh, what did you hear the question Macklemore? Of course I had the question

I'm always listening, baby. Yeah, you're listening to our live recording. Yeah, baby Hey Macklemore, I want you I would can you say his name again? Don't stumble, please. Yeah, so it sucks Hi Macklemore. I'm Griffin McElroy. Hi, Griffin. How do you like it? Huh, it sucks Griffin McLeeroy, huh? I just wanted to let you know that you talk cool. Oh, thank you so much man. All right, you're back in it Yeah, okay, so your voice is cool in the way you the words you pick is cool. Thanks, dog Benjamin. Yeah, if I may. Yeah, of course Is that okay? Yeah, Benjamin. You just call me Jomin

Jomin And man, it's crazy that you had you changed your name and you didn't make it bin jomin because that like you've been jomin. Yeah Yeah That's one of my best friends call me Ben jomin, okay, so like here's the deal with this is like What is it stealing if you take a tape? Out of a tape deck at a thrift shop Oh

I'd say it's a package deal if it's in there that's part of it, right? You wouldn't find a deck of cards at a thrift shop and say well, I can just take the ace of hearts, right? It's in there It's in the package So is it I'm confused by you by that Shit How's Ryan doing Ryan Lewis? Yeah, we don't talk anymore. We don't talk anymore. We get a phone out. Yeah. Oh, dang I'm sorry. No, it's it's about an eboard

Hey, is it true back of war that you have a a painting of a nude Justin Bieber? Yeah, it wasn't new to start off with but um, I every time I raised her on the No, it's every time I looked away the picture got neuter and neuter And somewhere Justin Bieber wore more and more clothes. It was really weird man. It was totally messed up I don't want to talk to you anymore. What? You do we just started talking about this. I know but I don't really want to talk Hold on. Let me message you guys a nude painting of Justin Bieber. No I already have it. Oh

Too late. That's cool. Why did you send this to me? Because this is a painting mechilwarons Hey, anyways, this tape's probably haunted. I gotta go. Bye I can't believe that we had mechilwar on the show. We didn't ask him About like any of his other works Did his other saw the one song that he did that was just a heal the world. Yeah, that number. Yeah, that's fixed everything Same love same love. Is that what you're thinking of? There was also the time that he said like a great white shark on shark week and that was pretty good

I like that one. Yeah, so we've actually reached I've reached the mechilwar Horizon or I don't know. Yeah, I don't want to mess up way to talk about our cousin you want to talk about a mechilas This fucking hell dude. So yes. Yes. Yes The uh, the wizard sent sent us in this one by actually oh the wizard sent it No, sorry art sent this approach me This is the lowest art synonym that you are it's the lowest score. I've seen this one has a 50% rating I didn't realize there were ratings. There are there are and this is quite low. I'm sorry. That's the lowest you've ever seen 50%

Yeah, so, uh, holy shit. It's got 43 co-authors. Wow Um takes a village, huh? Yeah, if each one of them voted 100 on it, it would definitely be higher than this, right? Who's not pulling their weight? Uh, yeah, I don't I I I there's no credits on it So I can't say but it is how to use chocolate to spice up your relationship. Oh, yeah Chocolate and romance are often considered to go hand-in-hand in the love department. In fact offering a box of different one quick note Uh, could you say love again with a couple more o's in it? No, that was no, that's not what I meant

Too many zeros In fact offering a box of delectable fine chocolates on Valentine's Day to your lover is a common standard Historically considered to be an aphrodisiac and citing passion and attraction. You already know what it is So let's get that cacao and you get rock hard. Yeah, the cacao makes you turgid. So this is the first step Turgid enough to hold up a syrupy pancake. Yeah Hmm He is gonna now you do have to be careful too much chocolate will turn it fully into a pancake You gotta be so careful it'll start to if you get too turgid it spreads out left to right and you were gonna hate that

The way that feels Yeah So first step Out of what is uh, just uh, all of them are so good But the first one is conduct a sexy chocolate treasury hunt Huh choose a choose a time when the kids are with friends and create a steamy game of chocolate hide and go seek Don't tell your significant I mean it does it's just implied right is in my butt

It is If there's the map you had all the clues with the milk milk laminatorium fudge is made you had everything you needed to solve the case Don't tell your significant others just allude to an evening of intimacy and to quote be ready Okay, okay. Okay. How do you allude? To a sexy chocolate treasure hunt without explicitly saying that in a way that's that is not concerning Yeah, I mean if anyone tell if if my wife tells me hey just so you know It's gonna get steamy tonight. Be ready. Be ready I don't like that actually gives me less information

Then if she just had told me nothing. Yes, like that's gonna send me into a bit of a bit of a panic Just get just uh, you're gonna be looking uh for some clues. What did you do? I just uh, I don't worry about it. There's some stuff hidden around what it What did you do the friends are with the kids be ready? Uh create uh purchase a large box of pre-wrapped chocolates Preferably your partner's favorites created either a trail of chocolate pieces and rose petals Leading to the boudoir or devise an interactive treasure hunt. I got dogs. I can't do that Yeah, that's a really excellent point. Well, the dogs are with friends too And with dog friends or with people friends watching them

It couldn't matter less their dog. It does matter if they're with dog friends They're gonna get out to shenanigans and chase rally cats and Knock over trash cans for treasure hunt clues We've both humor and roman romance into the text such as Find your next treat in the place where I take my evening seat a favorite bathroom No a favorite a favorite sofa as a toilet for sure And then leave a small clue with each piece of chocolate until the hunt culminates either in the bedroom Or cozy area of your home where you have a range for a romantic dinner for two

And then I can't stress enough too and I can't believe they didn't include this the instructions Turn the air conditioning way up because you do not want to like hide chocolate like in the couch on like a 90 degree day Or some shit. Yeah, it's like I hope you fucking ruined the cat. What like this is all goop in my hand What have you done? Uh the end of the chocolate treasure hunt could involve you smothered in chocolate or at least with chocolate Other no Like a fucking Waffle House hash brown, baby. What how did he die? Well, uh Smothered and covered So now we're looking at step two which is make a playlist of music featuring chocolate

Chocolate rain on a term chocolate chocolate rain by tazande chocolate rain remix Chocolate rain radio edit chubby rain Just keep going from fucking oh god, is that pluto? No, it was bow finger bow finger. Yeah, Jesus christ Uh, I mean what up gimme chocolate by baby metal? Uh, it's gonna be it's gonna really get the party started Um, a simple search using the term chocolate on music programs such as itunes will reward you with numerous tracks based on chocolate or chocolate themes Um, you know, can I jump back a second to say that individually pre-wrapped chocolates to make a trail is a lot of work I think a lot of litter at the yeah a much more I would say direct and easy to accomplish things just grab like a bottle of chocolate syrup

Start at one point And just like squeeze it into a line Yeah, create a trail. That's a much clearer trail slippery fun trail And then you just walk and you lick lick it off the ground Yeah, like like a dog like a sick dog take a bath in chocolate Skip squeezing the Hershey syrup in the tub and do a chocolate bath the right way While the internet is loaded with plenty of chocolate bath recipes You might try wiki how's own chocolate bath recipe or a chocolate bubble bath

Don't eat the chalk don't eat that it says don't eat the chocolate because your stinky body's in there um So wait, is it literally just first of all the amount of chocolate syrup one would have to buy to fill A bathtub is well. No, I think it's I think it's saying that you fill it with water And then you sort of like make it a hot cocoa situation and like mix. Oh gross I mean, we've all seen that scene where a goosest gloop goes up the tube and you're like god I wish that was me getting squished with a big tube Incorrect. That's the worst

Yeah, because it's that weird white kind of weird milky looking chocolate gross That was not he was not trying that that large boy was not drowned in white chocolate. You know that no It wasn't white chocolate, but it was like a pale tan. It was not like So it was it's rough. Yeah, they I don't think that they could figure out how to make it look right And so yeah, I won't get came up with some bullshit about like. Oh, yeah, this is uh On uh unhomogenized chocolate or something. It's red. It's crazy. Yeah, it looks like fucking muddy river water It does not look like chocolate Yeah, I mean of all the ways to drown that that child who made the mistake of wanting to eat chocolate during his tour of the chocolate factory

We're in a room where everything was edible or am I edible? Yeah, which he was condemned to death Yeah, he was told to eat He's like he was told to eat stuff and then he ate and then they were like now you get drowned and He was and then they sang a whimsical song and he was the first one to go Yeah, not not like the the kid who like or the kid who like went into a room and was like I want to test out this cool technology I'm a fucking child and you told me that this technology can put me on tv Yeah, I want to do it. Anyway, have chocolate on the menu for breakfast lunch or dinner You're gonna be pretty sick of it some examples beef stew with chocolate

Gross, I guess not White knight teeny which I guess has white chocolate in it. I mean you could do like a mole, which would be That would be nice. Chris collars got a real nice recipe for uh, japanese curry that has chocolate. Oh, that sounds so good I love that. It's actually really good. Try body painting with chocolate. No Hmm Yeah, I mean that sounds good to me too Um I found a recipe by the way for chocolate milk bath. If you want to do that

You just dump a cup of powdered milk two tablespoons of cocoa powder and a tablespoon of corn starch That's it to a tub and then you just do that. Yeah, that can't be enough I love taking a bath where I have to take another bath Right after like I have to get directly to the shower and then clean so I don't vomit on myself And then clean the shower because you've left a big a big brown mess everywhere in it. Here's the thing about sticky brown foam The thing about the the chocolate body painting is if you're the type of like partners that would be Into chocolate body painting you've already done it without wiki how about having to tell you to do it

So if you're doing it off of wiki house thing, there's no way it's not weird There's no way there's not a moment like and I guess I'm gonna put it on your Nipple, um Is this doing it for you they provided is as follows 17 and a half ounces of dark chocolate 13 and a half ounces of cream a handful of chopped mint leaves One finely chopped chili pepper and a double shot of espresso. That's going to taste bad and feel bad all on your body Is that for the bath? I'm putting a chili a chili pepper. This is body paint. This is body paint This is no thank you a little bit of a tangle paint my balls with mint and pepper and espresso

I am So awake Let me wait. Let me get real sweaty first and open up my pores go for it. Yeah, perfect Perfect now put the chili pepper immediately on my glands. No Give a gift of exclusive chocolates the fuck I mean wiki how At the end of it. No exclusive chocolate spoke chocolates Uh by the most electable box of chocolates possible or oh, yeah Or

Naughty anatomy chocolates. Oh like a dick No travis like a tibia And a and a elbow Uh and present your beloved with it to help him or her recapture the evening of chocolate indulgence for a little longer yet Please god no more you paid me in and painted me in spice in the spicy chocolate and have burned my nipples so badly Yeah, eat this eat this extremely expensive french dick chocolate. I'll bring it back. Please. No, this is uh, it's called rechard It's french seal the giving with a french kiss involving passing an exquisite chocolate between the two of you gross That's um, you know, that's the most fanatically pleasing sentence

I think in the english language is seal the giving with a french kiss involving passing an exquisite chocolate between the two of you Try saying that. Do you want to you want to trade gum? We could do that too if you want to We could deal with any candy. It doesn't have to just be chocolate. Can I have to just Yeah Like rule number one like advice number one on this should be like before like the most important thing Be so careful not to get into an argument when you have all this planned because can you imagine like you made up all this Body paint and like you filled the tub with chocolate and you like ordered dick shaped french exclusive chocolate And then like you get into a fight about like who's turn it was to like into the dishwasher or whatever and you're like, okay

Fine, whatever Also, like I hate your I hate I hate your mom finally you said it We're so we can't do that. We're too sticky to do this right now. I can't leave I can't storm out of the apartment right now our shower is covered in fucking chocolate I have no idea like wolves outside or something. I don't know man. We live in the woods in this scenario Uh, the last one is visit a chocolate spot, which is certainly something everyone has I just wanted to end this with the community q&a it has uh one question

And the question is why would you do this? My community answer says if you both really like chocolate, this could be a fun way to enjoy yourselves If it's not for you turn the page Wow Deep that's turn the page Um, anyway, that's how to enjoy chocolate with your lover If or how to waste a bunch of chocolate with you're both really gross for me. Yeah, I think so too. Um And there's some extremely by the way if you are looking for some uh good material to

Crank to there's some really great images on this one for you just waiting Yeah, please I do want to go there There is nothing better than a website. There's no sad assemble I can think of that'll say to people I'm somebody and I know where I'm going than a website If somebody asks you your earl, you know, like what's an earl and they're like your url And then you have to explain to them that you don't have one They'll throw you out of whatever building you're in even if that building is a plane Squarespace is ready to step in and say here. Let us help you build a website

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Squarespace Casuals everything around me. There it is. Okay. No, I love that. Hey stitchfix Hey, don't you dare. Where do you dare calling me that? Hey stitchfix. I'm your brother. No, sorry. I was talking to stitchfix Oh, okay. Hey stitchfix You just sent me a pair of like rainbow Funkadelic swim trunks and I love the hell out of them. Thank you so much. I know. Oh god I was just filled with the shuttering realization that I will have to see those at some point Oh, yeah, you will baby because they're perfect to my style

Hey, justin, you know my style and every time you see me you're like travis. I love your style I say travis. That's perfect to your style a thing many people say often I notice how that look that you're wearing perfectly fits your style. Do you know why justin? Why well, that's because I went on stitchfix and whatever your style is now more than ever is the time to rock it But maybe You can use just a little nudge to find out some looks. That's where stitchfix can help you out, justin Can I tell you what to do justin even you justin? I'm a disaster Yeah, your style is a barren wasteland like the mojave desert, but even there you can find life. Hi

I'm travis macroy spokesman for both stitchfix and the mojave desert Huge get yeah First thing you're gonna do you're gonna go to stitchfix and you're gonna Take a few minutes to set up your style profile With a few questions and it's gonna take care of it there And you can do that from the mojave desert with free universal wi-fi located in the mojave desert Stop lying. No, that's coming in 2025. We have big plans Then stitchfix expert stylist will go to work finding items exclusively for you justin

For me even me even you ship directly to the mojave desert where you will have to go pick them up But just you justin everyone else will get them at their homes They'll send you five pieces to try on you keep what you love you send back what you don't the shippings returns and exchanges are easy and Free so sign up today stitchfix.com slash my brother to get $20 off your first purchase That's stitchfix.com slash my brother to get $20 off your first purchase It's a limited time offer purchased within two days of sign up And for the next hundred people that arrive at the front gates of the mojave desert, you'll get a free mugsie bogues bobblehead So don't wait great

I've always wanted one of those you can get it there. It's exclusive. It's a mojave desert exclusive Hi, my name is Graham Clark and I'm one half of the podcast stop podcasting yourself A show that we've recorded for many many years and at the moment instead of being in person We're recording remotely and uh, you wouldn't even notice you don't even notice the lag That's right Graham and uh, the great thing about this go ahead No, you go ahead. Okay. Okay. Go ahead And you can listen to us uh every week on maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts your podcasts Did your neighbor back into your car bring that case to judge judy

Think the mailman might be the real father give that one to judge mathis But Does your mom want you to flush her ashes down the toilet at disney world when she passes away now? That's my jurisdiction Welcome to the court of judge john hodgeman where the people are real the disputes are real and the stakes are often Unusual if I got arrested for dumping your ashes in the jungle cruise it would be an honor I don't want to be part of somebody getting a super yacht I don't know at what point you want to go into this, but we've had a worm been before

Available free right now at maximumfun.org judge john hodgeman The court of last resort when your wife won't stop pretending to be a cat and knocking the clean laundry over I Have another question I would want that I'm a 32 year old woman. Nice No, it's a question. Oh, I'm a 32 year old woman who's forgotten how to socialize in this new world So I was letting my hairstylist whom I have never seen before work away and focus in silence I was quite relaxed with her hands in my hair the white noise of the salon hair dryers The ASMR crinkling of foils in my hair. Yeah, suddenly I wake up to her asking me. Did you just fall asleep?

I said, yes, I'm so sorry She acts like it was no big deal But I'm obviously embarrassed that I'm a grown woman who just fell asleep in the middle of a busy public place Like some kind of toddler. I don't know. I had my glasses off Wait, hold on. I don't think I understand that sentence. I don't know. I had my glasses off Oh, you're not a glasses wearer Justin glasses the removal glasses is often an indication to your body that it's sleep time Yeah, okay. It's like a okay. Got it. I have my glasses off. I was comfy. She didn't mention it again But continue to work in silence. I stayed very awake to the rest of the hair

Can I show my face here again? She did a good job of my hair I don't think a sign would help that you can't just cut us off with the knees like that You don't know terribly tired in texas a sign would help of like a cute chair. I'm going I'm sleeping that's sweet help. I think um, hey things are rough Out there and basically nobody's getting enough sleep. Yeah. Yes, if If somewhat obvious is a different example But I know that people fall asleep to our podcast and that is a great honor because that is I would I loved the idea of being You know this more morpheus. That's why I try to be as boring as possible and not funny

I have a podcast for people to fall asleep to about cereal. It's called the empty goal It's actually intentional like yeah, that one wants it too much. It's desperate for it. Yeah Um, and getting hey check this out getting your haircut feels good as fuck Like especially when they do the when they do the the renzi stuff the renton Um, that feels really good and I can fully understand falling asleep during that I don't think you have anything to feel apologetic for I don't think this is a situation that They were embarrassed or they should be embarrassed by it all I also think there's two different ways for the hairstylist to ask the question. Did they say

Did you just fall asleep or did they say? Yeah, did you just fall asleep? Yeah? Yeah, I bet it was no matter There's a big difference like I honestly like Why did they ask I think it's weird for them to ask They usually just like let it let it slide right like did you just fall asleep? If I fell asleep while my wife is telling me something she would never ask You know if I just fell asleep, right, you know, which is accepts that i'm Uh, a bad person. Yeah Absolutely, maybe the hairstylist asked because for them it's a point of pride

Like I did such a good job that like I the person felt very comfortable with me and they fell asleep And that's like did you fall asleep? Yes And they like reach over and they had a little tally work to the wall. I did it Plus the sooner like the faster you fall asleep that gives them Like an early chance to eat the hair off the off the floor like they don't even have to wait for you to leave Like they can have a little sample of it right here They can taste the hair early to see how much they want to cut off. Exactly Well, you got to figure out if it's ripe or not, you know what I mean? Because some of the hair still needs time on the vine

They might they might finish the shampooing and be like, hey, I actually Usually we don't do it this order, but I am going to cut some more of that of your yummy locks off. I mean You're long your gross long hair That's a good question. Do you think it's is it better to eat the hair before the shampoo when it has all of its natural oils and vitamins Or after the shampoo when you can maybe flavor it and you know, do some infusions asking me but like It depends on are we working with? You know on natural herbal essences shit that is going to make it taste like delicious, you know cucumber melon Or are we talking about some pantime pro v that's going to taste like i'm eating up a lab

chemicals I have noticed that a lot of times when I get shampooed there's like a mint quality to the the shampoo And now i'm thinking that maybe my hair was dessert Oh, that's possible Okay, so That's I mean we've talked a lot about eating here Do we want to do another question or has somebody in fast food done something silly just What

Oh Yeah I've done too much I don't like that. You can do it. Can you please do the same? Oh squad Thank you. You had the complete the ritual Only by you saying squad am I able to take control of your brother's body and send him temporarily to hell I didn't know that that was stated. Yeah, then you weren't paying attention. Yes griffin before I begin

It's me count doughnut I wanted to quickly review my wikipedia page. Okay, wait, what? Well, not wikipedia. It's the fandom.com wiki for my brother my brother and me Uh, I wanted to sort of reestablish counten for myself Uh, I was reading through the page just a quick reminder for everyone My name is count doughnut. I also go by doughnut Dracula. Kevin doughnut chula and count party bake. Yeah, that's true I'm immune to all earthly pathogens, but still wear a mask. I have internal blood syndrome I live in a castle in doughnutvania. Yes, but consider myself a citizen of nowhere. This is all good

I glisten in sunlight I and someone named richard stink both live inside justin and when we emerge justin is sent to hell Until they stop controlling his body. I knew that now. This is what I forgot about count doughnut has a son count rick doughnut june Oh, that's sweet. I approach doughnuts aesthetically and could eat them But prefer not to because of my gluten intolerance Great I do need to drink blood to survive. However, I only steal the blood types nobody wants like the Yeah, great

So I just wanted to briefly thank whoever updates my Wiki page because I I don't need to remind her about my own life. Of course. Yeah, but other people It helps me approximate. Yeah But no more a self congratulatory Nonsense, I've come to talk to you about doughnuts with my favorite name to in tone Crispy What do they do this time? They've released a lineup of honey and spider doughnut honey inspired

I thought you said uneaten spider doughnuts Oh Now my first question before I begin is what is honey? Oh, honey is like bee leavings Well, yeah, it's not the blood of the bee. I mean it's like be milk Geez It's is it the jizz of the bee. Yeah, that's a better way of thinking. Yeah, that's a good Travis. Just go with it. Yeah, that's about it Yeah, there you go. Yeah, that's what they call it. That's my favorite. Joe. Have you seen the jury Seinfeld movie movie? I count the watch movies what?

I get the car sick just sitting in place and watching a movie making a movie you get car sick watching a movie Are you doing like the xd? What is a movie theater? Where are you watching movies? Wait? The only movies I've seen are in the back of Justin's buick His big beautiful buick, right? He sometimes shows episode of loud house back there. Is that uh, Yeah, there's sometimes Justin just sound clear Count on it sometimes Justin puts on an episode of loud house and then goes back in the back of his own buick to watch it While you are behind his back while he drives. How does that work? You're in his body not all the time

It gets cramped, especially after he eats a lot of long john silvers. I guess So you don't have to be in his body. You choose to go in his body and send him to hell It beats walking, baby. Cool body Honey his beach is moving on Fine Crispy cream will have taste buds buzzing Okay, and fans swarming. Oh this month with its first ever sweet and sensational Honey donuts. I don't like the idea of donut fans swarming. There's something about that. It's horrifying

crispy creams. Oh Honey collection It's available for a limited time beginning May 9th There's three different ones. Okay A honey pull apart donut, which is glazed light and airy Whenever someone advertises something being airy Remember that that is air that you have bought

advertising ripping you off You want thick and chewy Honey donut clusters drizzled with salted honey icing Huh a honey bee donut, which is an original glaze dipped in yellow icing and decorated with black butter cream And then finished. Wait, is there honey in that one? Just looks like a big okay. Oh, okay And then a honey cake donut a glazed sour cream cake donut drizzled with honey icing and finished with an old crisp That sounds okay. Hell actually count down. Can I just say crispy cream? I'm gonna say I see through the thin veneer here

Two of these were ideas. Yes, airy veneer two of these were ideas you had And you didn't want to just put out a two donut collection So you said, okay. Yeah, we'll do the pull apart one on this one. Oh, yeah, the sour cream was a oh, we need a third One look like a bee like a fat bee Um, he's adorable. By the way, it looks nothing like a bee. It's amazing. I don't know why they've done this What are they here? Look at this. Look at this donut. What are they trying to oh count donut? This is a picture of Justin Bieber again. No, I've deleted that from slack. I don't want to go to jail Uh, yeah, that's not a that's a circle with stripes and some it's a circle with stripes and vanilla wafer wings

Uh, anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, you love bees, right? Bee Because crispy cream loves honey and the small but mighty workforce that produces it. This is bees The honey lovers doesn't will come with Bee friendly wildflower and seed paper for fans to plant While supplies last thanking and feeding the bees Crispy cream will also plant flower gardens at select shops to create more bee friendly environment. Thank god. Thank you

It is it does make you wonder though why Crispy cream decided to leave their stores barren Undecorated and it is only to delight the bees that they have Festooned them in such a way. I also don't love Getting a chore with my donuts. You know, I'm not going to have an active day. I just bought 12 donuts I'm staying at home. Oh, you'll be a donut. Hey count donut. Are you eating a dozen donuts by yourself? Uh, I'm not eating donuts. I'm gluten intolerant. Thank you for listening our innovation. This is Dave's skin Our in innovation team has been hard to wait. Hold on. Let me do my Dave's skin voice

Also skin evasion, please Yeah Our skin evasion team has been hard at work to create our first ever honey donut collection And so have honeybees. It's like Dave's skin is right here with us So help the honeybees by planting the flower seeds that we give you When you buy these delicious donuts, I'm definitely not like infested with bees right now Controlling my mind in a weird meet Dave kind of situation How would precisely 3700 bees even control of skin bag from the inside?

Throughout the oh honey collections availability and on world bee day on may 20th I'm sure they appreciate this Crispy cream will also celebrate and thank organizations that advocate for and practice stewardship for bees Including the planet bee foundation. I've been to the planet bee I've the planet be where bees are from you haven't been there Yes, that's where they come. This is gonna be so fucking whimsical. I'm so I'm ready It's it's a it's not I gotta fuck. I got nothing. Yeah, I didn't think so Pollinator education environmental stewardship days is a skin again

No, this is clearly debba tamazoo. This is debba. Okay This is debba tamazoo ski founder of the planet bee foundation They have virtual beehives can you imagine? From working with corporation. Oh, sorry From working with corporations and companies like crispy cream to students in schools We're all responsible for the care of our environment So that's what's going on with bees right now Yeah, you can save them by eating doughnuts and then throwing paper on the ground

The solution was in front of us the entire time Mm-hmm Wow, I'm really hungry for doughnuts. I really there's a crispy cream 45 minutes from my house. That's not too far That's great considering it guys Well, just and you can balance out your carbon footprint by driving an hour and a half A round trip to get those doughnuts by then planting a few seeds for doughnuts that will make you stickier than james cromwell Which is As if such a thing was possible. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast

My brother my brother and me it's this one and uh, seriously, thank you for your Support during the drive. It really does mean a lot to us that y'all are still still hanging after what is it? Like 12 years something along those lines. Oh my god Too long if you ask me time to wrap it up. This is our last episode. What oh man. We can never stop All right, uh coming up. Hey coming up. Hey, hey time for mr. Promote to take that's true We have a virtual adventure zone this friday may 20th and 9 p.m. Eastern time Uh, it's listen. I'm gonna say that this is a uh game system that we've never played before And that we could really I think only play in a virtual task

So I think y'all are really gonna dig it. So check that out get those tickets bit.ly slash macaroy tours While you're there, you can also grab all uh, all of the other shows we're doing uh in places like boston and at foxwood casino and uh Salt Lake city portland san diego washington detroit sincenady Uh tickets for the virtual show are only ten dollars. So one more time bit.ly slash macaroy tours It's this friday 9 p.m. Eastern time. So don't wait Uh, let's see dad's book is out Goldie's guide. Yeah, it's so good. It's so so good. Um, so uh, make sure you go and order that at link tree

That's link tr dot ee slash goldie's guide And go check out all of the the merch stuff we got over there macaroy merch Um, you're gonna love it. It's great. You'll appreciate it some of it You'll put on your body some of it you'll put in your home Some of it you'll hand over to friends weird Okay, macaroy merch.com go check it out. Um, thank you to montane for the use of our theme song my life is better with you Um, if you listen to it, it makes you taller and jump higher that is true and be better at sports

Okay, and the inverse is true as well. If you don't listen to it, you'll yeah, I didn't listen to yesterday and I lost the big game So I feel like I feel like absolute shit because I let my fucking team down Anyway, I bet I'm gonna end up doing james calmwell's voice at the end, huh? Oh boy, I hadn't even thought about it, but that's a great idea griff. Thank you. Yes. Okay. Um, all right. Here we go Do that famous line from babe Yeah, I'll do the famous line from babe I hope no one makes jokes about this I

Am being loud on the sound effects at the beginning I think sure sure sure I hope no one makes jokes about this classic What is just about i'm travis macaroy. I'm griffin macaroy. This has been my brother my brother me kissing your ass square Oops It's better it's better It's better it's better It's better you

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