My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 618: Face 2 Face: Lovely Feet

Episode Date: July 11, 2022

Some of us are out of town, so we present our first live show of the 20-Rendezvous Tour, in St. Louis, MO! Keen listeners might be able to sleuth out what unofficial holiday this show took place on. Hint: it’s not 7-11.Suggested talking points: The Whoopsie Stamp, Reverse Burglary, Paul & Storm & Bradley, Smoot, Jersey Dave, Bidets and ConfusedTrans Youth Equality Foundation: https://www.transyouthequality.org/

The McElroy Brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis claims he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool babies? Welcome my brother, my brother, me to my show for the modern era, I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy, and I am Travis the Middleist. I don't need it, I already had you in the opener, I don't need it, I'm Griffin. I don't need it, I already had it. Yum yum seconds, he's second breakfast, yum yum.

I hate to embarrass him, but Alan, is Alan here? He's got to be more specific than that, he does not. No, Alan, he was my Uber driver, I told him I'd put him on the list, he drove me from the airport, Alan. Alan, my Uber driver, he said he definitely- You drive for Uber, and your name is Alan, and you had somebody- No, no, no, I'm sorry, Lyft, Alan from Lyft, and that was the confusion. Can you imagine Alan was sitting there like, oh, but I was Lyft, it must have been different. Alan, I put him on the list, Alan. Did he say I'll be sure to make it?

He said I will definitely try to make it. Oh, what's that, Justin, your family's not traveling you with you this time? I'll be there, don't worry. Yeah, I'll be there to support you. I'll be your family, Alan. He says his own name like a Pokemon. It might have been Alon, A-L-A-N, Alan. I mean, any form of that, Alene, Alan. And if you drove me in your car, Alan. Is there an Alan here? Alan? Hey, what's up, Alan? Hey, a little shaky ride today, please, thank you, Alan, if you could try to not take those turns quite so tight. Thank you. Sorry to have put you on blast.

I actually did meet a fellow at the Atlanta Airport today. Hey, what's going on? What? He did come, and I saw him, and he was like, hey, are you Justin Schmacher? I was like, yes, I am. We exchanged pled and truths, and he said, I'm going to St. Louis. I said, me too. I said, you should go to the show. He said, yeah, I should. And before he could say anything else, I said, I'll leave you a free ticket. And then as I was walking up the stairs, I thought, why did I do that? I should have made him buy a ticket. I didn't give him a free ticket. You took money out of our pockets with that. Yeah, that was rude of me.

Like, it was rude. I'm glad you could make it, though. So this is an advice show. But this is the last bit, I promise. This is the last bit for the evening, I promise. Is anybody here in town for what is called Shutterfest that just happened to also realize there's, okay, yeah, there's a photography convention happening at our hotel where we live and sleep and eat and walk through the hallway in our pajama pants, like a big foot on a Sunday afternoon. And the number of times I have just lumbered through a door into like a wedding shoot or a bourgeois session in the middle of a hotel hall. The bourgeois sessions are wild. There is a restaurant like 10 feet.

I'm just trying to go eat some buffalo chicken sandwich. And there's a bourgeois shoot. I have bourgeois. It's a hotel buddy of bourgeois. Before I knew that the thing was going on when we first got to the hotel, we came up and we got out of the elevator and I'm pushing a stroller and I just got off an airplane and I feel like a big piece of crud. And right as we open the door to like try to squeeze our stroller through, there just appears to be a goddess just like standing. I was like, oh, hi. Hey, uh, and she just goes, oh, you can go. I was like, okay, let me just thank you. Thank you for this blessing. Oh, this thing. Thank you. Thank you.

What should I do now, man? Okay, so we asked you the people of St. Louis for questions that we could help with. Holy shit, y'all sending a lot of stuff through. This is either like a very participatory, which I love, but you also have a lot of problems that you a lot of socially uncomfortable slash awkward stuff happens in St. Louis, it seems. Yeah, a lot of people need St. Louis. You need help. Oh, thank you for asking the original. The original name of the film was Mimi in St. Louis. If it's convenient, I mean, if you're already going to St. Louis, it would be cool to hook up, but it's fine if you're busy. And once you're there, we have some stuff to talk about. We got it. We got to shoot some real shit. So here, let's get into it. Okay,

please. Oh, wait a minute. It occurs to me that we've been off the road for two years. So I can say now that much like the Chilean miners, we have reemerged from the depths of the earth to appear before you here in St. Louis. Now we can begin the show in earnest. I celebrated my five year wedding anniversary in November. This not just I did it. This is someone here. Don't cheer for them. They're not up here. They're not up here. This is who's that? This is important to the story because I found the thank you notes I wrote for my wedding gifts in my garage when I moved earlier this year. They are all get this written, sealed, addressed, and even include postage. Somehow I just forgot the last step, sending them. The easiest step. The most satisfying one. What's

better than that? Literally the only step someone else does for you. You hand them off to a government worker who takes them away and takes care of them for you. They took hours to write and I want to get credit for all of that work. But I also don't want to remind my judgey family that they never did get those thank you notes. I bet they've been talking about it behind my back this whole time. They have. Brothers, do I send these old super out of date notes anyway or should I cut my losses and toss them? Hoping no one remembers by now. That's from everyone remembers. Everyone remembers. They'll never forget it's the worst thing that's ever happened. That's from losing some laurels in Lake St. Louis. Are you here? All right. Now it is possible that the family has

forgotten, but they've only forgotten on the surface level and they're deep in their subconscious. When they think about you, they're like, no, I don't like them. I don't know why. I don't enjoy them. I'm going to save you a lot of time. I can actually fix this one. Okay, great. Get on internet, go to the stamp place where you get rubber stamps, not stamp stamps and rubber stamps. That's confusing when it comes to envelopes. That's why I clarified get a rubber stamp that says post office error and then stamp it on every single one. Just stamp it. This is doable. This is doable in practice. This is foolproof. One question though. What agency will then deliver those for real? I had not thought about that. Okay. And also, Justin, in this rich fiction,

you've created the post office. It was also like, oh man, we fucked up. Get the stamp. Let them know we fucked up. The whoopsie stamps. Why not just dip it? Unless there's a second government agency that just looks over what the post office doesn't go. Ah, they fucked up again. I think that's what the post master general does. I'm pretty sure. I'd love to hear what else you think the post master general does. Well, when people come to wage war on the post office, he commands the troops. Also, he's in charge of the court marshals. Right. You could also dip it in old coffee and then dry that out and like burn the edges like a old treasure map. And I don't know what the story is there, but people will receive him and be like, look at this busted ass

old male. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like get you need a postmark from like Borneo or something. Barely get that at the same place. You got this remember stamp this post office there. Just stamp that on there. Like, oh, they must have sent it to Borneo. Yeah. Another post office error. Yeah. Right. Thanks for the free mail. Hashtag pirates. Yeah. I don't know why they would put a hashtag. A dash trying to build up the SEO. Right. Can you just hand right a little note then this is like sorry. Post office Greg like sorry says post office Greg. I'm sorry. My fault. My fault. Please don't tell the general. Oh, what about this? You're gonna, this is gonna, you're gonna need to travel a lot for this, but go to each of their houses individually,

slip it somewhere in the house and then be like, you got that letter. Right. And then I never got it. And they're like, are you sure? Check around. You're gonna be under that book. You are gonna go to all of their houses individually. Yeah. You're gonna invite yourself over for no reason at all. Yeah. And then they'll be like, uh, who is this? Oh, I actually don't like you. I don't remember. I'm pretty sure Travis is suggesting a reverse burglary. Yeah. Right. You could also just throw it in the window tied to a brick and they'll be like, what the fuck? Oh, it is the thank you note. I have been waiting on that. Yeah. Just drive by and chuck it into their lawn or behind some ferns or something. But really? Let me help you look for it. Yeah. Tear it up.

Why is that better than what I said? What? Because yours is inside the house. You can tear it up a little bit and put it in a dog house. And then it's a dog's fault. That's good. Dogs love that to eat mail. It wasn't me. I swear. Why do you think the attack postal service workers is because they want access to that delicious mail? They're the ones waging war on the post office. The post office general fights the dogs. It's science. Look it up. Read a history book. How about another question? I would adore that. I want it. I want it so bad. Okay. The other day some pal, just a t-shirt, huh? The other day some pals and I were watching. I don't know where you get us to.

Is it 35? Is it still the Macy's clearance rack? I went to Skeffington's in Huntington. Did you expect? You know, Skeffington's. There's some Skeffings in your house. Your Skeff head. Their slogan is, when you're too far from B&E men's wear, come to Skeffington's. Because those are the two stores that you could do a tuxedo in Huntington. So I went and she, and when I walked in the door, she said, are you here? Are you here to get something for the prom? Huh? Am I here? Am I here to get, you see me, right? Am I here to get something for the prom? No.

I'm a 41 year old man. No, I'm not here to get something for the prom. So they hooked me up with this. It looks, you look like a million bucks. Yeah. I asked for tails. They didn't have them. Next time maybe. Okay. The other day, some pals and I were watching TV at my friend's house. One of my friends left to use the bathroom. And a minute later, I felt someone lean over behind me and whisper, what are you watching? Assuming it was a friend, I put them in a one arm headlock without looking back. After a moment of dead silence, I look back to see I was holding my friend's dad by the neck. I apologize profusely, but I can't. Why? But I can't help. You did the right, you were correct. But I did, but I can't help but feel like I have screwed up irreparably.

Brothers, what can I do to repair this relationship? I go to their house all the time and I want to be able to look in this man's eyes without dying of shame. That's from strangling in St. Louis. Are you here? You did nothing wrong. Yeah. Hey, listen real quick, PSA. If you're sitting behind that person, keep the whispering to a minimum because apparently they're headlock happy. Just go, wearing birds. Don't do that. Don't do that. I also, and this is not a criticism of the two question askers so far. If anything, I'm so delighted by it because it's been a while since you all have been to a live event. But the screams of acknowledgement have been so anguished. Well, it's when you hear your problem said out loud in front of a lot of people. I also have not

been asked to scream in a large crowd in a while. I don't know what would come out of me if the moment came. Okay, we do need to clarify. We're going to get to the advice in just a second. What were you watching? Our flag means death. Excellent choice. Excellent choice. Been enjoying that lately myself. That's not relevant. It's just a good show. The father of your friend needs to figure out how to look in your eyes without dying of shame because you got him. You got him. You're so fucking good. You got him. He was sneaking up on you trying to get off in your business. Got him. You got him. That moment of silence that you thought was awkward because you got someone in the headlock was actually awkward because he was thinking, oh, that got me. Oh,

it got me good. I have been gotten. That moment of like, I don't lean forward and ask them what they're watching. Oh, I don't want to scare them. I'll ask you quietly. Grab, oh man, I fucked up. Is exactly what they were thinking. I guarantee it. If anything, you've done him a service because he needs to know that that is not accessible under any situation to lean close enough to be able to grab someone in a one. That's right here. Yeah, if you're in the combat zone, you will receive combat. That only is okay if you're the parent that lives on my shoulder asking me what I'm watching. That's the only time that's acceptable and I'm still going to get that guy in a headlock. I am so appreciative of you came tonight. I was thinking about pirates. Yeah, sure. I'm so

appreciative of you came tonight and for your patronage. I wouldn't suggest humbly. It may be time to revisit your headlock policy in general. Just broadly speaking, there is a very different version of this question. It's like, I just asked my friend what they were watching and they put me in a headlock. Is that okay? Is that normal? There is a wide gulf, Justin, between what are you watching over there and... See, I wanted to do it. You see? He almost did it. There is also a different scenario in which you uppercutted your friends done and instead it was just to want our headlock. So I think you got off easy and so did he. Yeah. Was it a particularly raunchy erotic scene of our flag means death that you were like kind of like you got caught watching

something that had like a, you know, a breast or... Have you watched the show? No. You're saying it doesn't rock like that? Not as a rule, no. It's more subtextual. Okay, all right. Oh, that's a shame, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is this? So this is my new guy. In the two-year break, I've been working on this new guy. Tell me all about him, I'm obsessed. Well, you know what he's into, so I don't know what else there is to say about him. Hey, can we talk to the wizard for a moment? I'm just mighty thrilled. Paul, could I have some white wine components? Thank you. And may I have my other can? Thank you. This is my first ball. It's not a race, Paul. I don't need my ball. I'm drinking responsibly, like it says right here on the can. You didn't

see him backstage. Don't applaud for him. He's an animal. Thank you, Paul. Thank you. No, no, no, please. Thank you. Watch what Justin does. One sec. Oh, rip that shit. That is the sound of comedy. Now, if you've been watching Justin swirl his drink, just know that this is what he's been swirling. They know. They know how we do it. It's to avoid the stratification. White claw and red wine want to stick. It's a white, you just leave the can. Thank you. Can I keep the can? Thank you. Red wine and white claw like to naturally separate. Yeah, so he has to keep them. But it's fun because you can float quarks. Sorry to interrupt, but while we're at a stopping point, because Rachel has long since pressed pause on the recording. Bradley, are you

here? Make a noise. Cool. I totally have your debit card. Okay, wait, and you'll have to fight him. Hey, Bradley, stop. Everyone be quiet. Everyone be quiet. Bradley, can you move again with the knowledge that has been important to you, please? That's good. That's right. Bradley, just repeat your reverence. If you're in an event like this and someone asks you to make a noise, you have no clue what's about to come. Timber it like, yes. Because it could be like your car just flipped over. Let's also be clear how I phrase that. I didn't say I need to give you your debit card. I said, I totally have your debit card. He's bragging, if anything. I mean, that sounds like the beginning of blackmail to me.

Seriously, though, just come like down to the stage just once the show's done and show me some ID. With your head hung in shame. Bradley, did you think Paul was going to be like, hey, good news, you won $1,000? Um, Pia gosh, it was came through. You're my son. You're my son now. I've adopted you, Paul and Stormen Bradley. So a lot of people sent this one in. And I feel especially equipped to try and answer this given the photography convention that I've kind of attended. Yeah. So thank you, everybody who sent it in. It's, it was co-authored. Oh, it has a name on it. Tracy Halverson. Are you here? Probably not. Who is a modeling agent. Okay, so this is going to be a lot of good info because it is how to be a foot model. Are you all going to be fucking weird

about this whole thing? Or because I can stop right now. We are grownups. They're just feet, people. Foot modeling, type of parts modeling, an important part of fashion modeling. That's all he said. A type of parts modeling. Oh, that can't be it. Okay, this is the whole sense. Foot modeling, a type of parts modeling, an important part of fashion modeling. Period. Many large designer shoe companies require foot models for their advertisements. If you have one more time, please. If you have that was urgent one more time, please. If you have lovely feet. Okay. Now I don't want to yuck anyone's young. People do have lovely feet. Sure. Name them.

I am submitting a formal request to the government that you do not name them. It's been denied. I'm sorry. The Post-Mexical General said no. He needs to hear this too. If you have lovely feet, you might, this sounds like, I'll get through this sentence. I swear to God, but it does sound like the start or maybe the end of like a lawyer commercial. That's like, if you have lovely feet, you may be entitled to. If you have either mesophilioma or lovely feet. Or lovely feet. Or both. They're not mutually exclusive. My mesophilioma gave me lovely feet. I wouldn't change a thing. If you, if you have lovely.

If you have lovely feet and mesophilioma. If you have lovely feet. Come on, man, you can do it. Everyone believe hard enough. I just got to fucking ramp it. If you have lovely feet, you might be able to make extra money or even an entire career as a foot model. Here we go. Oh, there's a lot of cartoon feet happening on this page now. Any sponge bombs? Yeah, a lot of good ones, sponge bombs. Practice using your feet to articulate emotion. Many of the most sought after feet models have more than just beautiful feet. I'm assuming they meant lovely feet. They know how to use their feet to evoke emotion during a photo or video shoot to help sell a product. Your feet may have to look like they've just been tickled

or your or your curl toes might need to convey excitement. Practice striking poses with your feet in the mirror and quickly changing between different foot positions. On the set of a photo shoot, you want to be able to immediately follow the instructions you're given about how your feet should look. Curl your toes in ecstasy. Holy shit, pop it. That was so fast. They're the one. Smooth. Create a portfolio. Smile with your foot. Smooth. No, that's smangling. You're smangling right now. No, that's smooth. You're smiling with your toes. You're smooching your boots right now. That's not right. Create a portfolio of your feet. This will help you to find modeling jobs and have pictures on

hand when you need them. Someone in the audience is trying to cover the fact that they're taking hasty notes right now. I got that. I got the portfolio of my feet. You can keep this portfolio organized online in a website or even on Instagram. Password protected. Include an about me page or a list of your work, history, and modeling. Make sure you have pictures from different angles and various styles of lighting with, I'm assuming, different emotions expressed by each individual foot. Don't confuse those. Man, I hate to see a sad foot with happy lighting, right? Because I'm like, what could possibly be happening here? Look at that lighting. Get it together, foot. Sign, this one's easy. Sign with a modeling agency in your area. In my area, it's Skeffington's,

weirdly enough. You can sign with multiple modeling agencies there, hot feet, to book more jobs when you are first beginning. Sometimes there are specific agencies for body part models, like foot models. Here's the deal. We only do middle toe and pinky toe. That was all that's that's odd department. Any other toes you go down the street, throw up the horns. No, not like that. Nope. The downtown horns. Oh, sorry. You're looking for happy toes? That's next door. That's next door. It's for children. We only have adult models, tasteful, discreet, adult foot models. Can you really sign with multiple modeling agencies at the same time? I don't think that is right. I don't think it's right. One gets the right foot, one gets the left foot. But what if they

was competing shoots on the same day? This one's name is Jersey Dave. He's the bad boy of my feet. He does. He does a lot of S&M and leather stuff. And over here, this is Daisy. She's the good foot. Sorry, I thought Jersey Dave was a sandwich shop. Jersey might be both. Okay, consider moving to a city with a lot of foot open a sandwich store. And this is my foot. It's a sandwich. What? Consider moving to a city with a large advertisement market. It doesn't say or also with a lot of feet, folks. You'd love to think you could do it all from home. Get that with the zoom and everything. But you really got to go where the money is, where the foot money is. How is the foot money not on the internet? How is the foot money not on the internet ascends?

Well, I thought I actually would say I'm not surprised. I think all of us have said that sentence out loud at some point with the exact tone of voice that you said it. This says, for example, parts models located in New York is one of the largest body parts modeling agencies in the country. So wait a second, because that's I feel like that sentence needed a comma in it somewhere. We got the biggest feet here. Parts models. The more you say it, the more it sounds like some dexter ass shit, right? Oh, we model body parts. You mean like on people, right? Yeah. Well, how much you got? This is where the article really betrays itself, except other types of modeling jobs. When you're beginning your modeling career,

you may want to diversify the types of modeling positions to seek out your consistent work. The rest of my body is fucking gross, but my feet. Oh, my feet. What's great is in the ad sidebar right next to that was a picture of Buzz Lightyear. What are you talking about? What's going on over on this article? Determine what type of foot model you want to be. In all sectors of modeling, you can be either a fashion model or a fit model. A fit model works directly with designers to make sure that the shoes fit to size and look good. Fashion models work on advertisements and photo spreads with companies and designers. That's me. Oh, no, I pivoted into learning. Grim and help. Sorry, Justin. Okay, here, we'll move on to caring for your feet. Exfoliate that shit. Yes.

Oh, man. Actually just moisturize that shit. I'm going to speed through these. Exercise that shit. Rub your feet or have them massage regularly to keep the circulation good. You should be doing that anyway. And we're comfortable in protective shoes. As a foot model, your feet are your source of income. In your daily, everyday life, you want to do everything you can to keep them free of strain or marks. Yeah, I guess if you could kick a rock the wrong way. But I like to think if you're a foot model, you wouldn't be taking chances like that with a devil. If you're the bad boy of foot modeling, like me, I want to buy shoes from a foot model where the feet have like been through some shit. Yeah, they got like character. They're like cow, like cowboy

feet that are all fucked up. Yeah, like a horse kick this foot. Yeah. The open range. Yeah. A real American foot. Loss of toad in gangrene in the Adedirah by my shoes. The exact ones I was wearing at the time. Anyway, this segment got a lot grosser and judgier than I thought it would. And so I'd like to apologize on both accounts. When my boyfriend and I moved into our current rental, the toilet seats were super cheap plastic seats that allowed us feeling unsupported while on the throne. What are plastic? What are toilet seats traditionally made out of chrome? You know, it's just you can have a nice plastic, you know, a nice thick, durable or like a marble.

No, I don't think that. No. Just like a like a circular hibachi table. Mother of pearl inlay. Right. So we purchased two new toilet seats that were a few steps up in quality about $25 each. Ooh, la la. I asked the landlord if she wanted the original seats back. We have no storage space. And she said no. Flash forward to now. Can I wait just real quick. What else was the landlord? Hey, do you want, do you want to hold on to these? Yeah. Do you mean that someone has used flash forward to now we are moving in a few months to be closer to work. My question is this, do we have to leave our toilet seats since we trashed the original crappy ha ha seats or back in there? Yeah.

Pause for laughs. Continue to pause. Or can we take our toilet seats with us since we paid for them and leave the rental seat list. That's from toilet seat stress in St. Louis. Scream like you're being tortured. Oh, someone doesn't want friends coming over to use your incredible toilet seats. I respect it. I do. My problem with taking the toilet seats, just one main problem with taking the toilet seats is that it presupposes a reality in which you arrive at your new domicile and it has everything your heart could desire except toilet seats. What are you going to do with your new spare toilet seats? I think Travis and I pay it back. Pay it back where baby. Pay it back where take those new old toilet seats from the new place. Make them the new

toilet seats of the old place. Wait, don't cheer. Stop. Absolutely cheer. Wait, so wait, are you saying in your mind's eye that the new toilet seats at the new place are worse than the purchase because like $25 is like good. I don't know toilet seat prices. I don't know. Wait, wait, wait, wait, can you do this bit standing up so everybody can see the tuxedo what you're wearing so you can talk about fucking toilet seat quality. And I want everyone, hold on. I want everyone to just sort of think about the sort of putrid. Your fly is down too, by the way. It's extremely down. No, fix that. I want everyone to just sort of think about the rotting corpse of late stage capitalism as Justin speaks about the $25 toilet seat and how

they are unsatisfactory. Have you, uh, have you heard about this bidets? Now they got bidets and thanks for giving it a drink. I'm just trying to poop over here. Pretty good. This is not the character I thought it was gonna be. Justin, say something about bidets and confused and see if he went and back. Um, imagine where, where is anybody even buying these things? Nice. Good start. Where's any, it's so hot. Do you feel like it's so hot? Where's anybody even buying? Talk about toilet seats. Probably Home Depot or Lowe's. One of the two. Whereas I wanted to leave the new

throne. Some from Mrs. I think he's crying. I think he is too. Something. Check it off. Airplane food. Huh? Yeah, that's right. Bring it home. That's my time. Thanks. We really didn't give you much to work with when we sent you out there and I am sorry for that. Go on. I'll be fine. I've seen a little red wine. I'll be fine. There is no reality in which you can leave the next tenants of this place you have lived in for a while now. Zero toilet seats. Yeah. It runs the risk of starting a change reaction in which when you go to check out a new house or a new apartment, people having to with a straight face ask the question, and do the toilet seats come with it? Do the toilet

seats commute? Are they included? I think when this is how they get you, we have to pay extra for the toilet seats. I've been on the block. I think once you make a capital improvement to a rental property, you have to accept that as like that sunk cost. Like that, that money is gone. Like it's like national parks rules. Like leave it better than you found it. That's what we expect. Don't take the toilet seats. Don't take the toilet seats. You're improving it. If you had repainted, you wouldn't like lick the walls clean before you left. What are you? This is my pain. I paid for it. I'm going to eat every drop. So illegal right. Is that what Willy Wonka did when he had to vacate the factory?

Hey, everybody, lick the walls. This just is like paint. Yeah, but keep going. That's what that's what he didn't tell Charlie. Like it's all yours, Charlie. All of this. I'm going to take the fucking toilet seats. I'm going to tell you. Do you think I'm just going to leave you the big room where everything's made out of candy? No. That was free, Charlie. I'm taking the umbilupas. I hope you know how to make candy because and the boat's a lease. So, so Hi, everybody. It's me, your middleist, and dare I say Travis brother, Travis McRoy. I'm here to tell you a little bit about, I was going to say sponsors, but maybe even friends.

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And what's that in my mouth? It's babble words. There it is. Yeah, right? I have a dream of someday when the kids are older, right? Being able to go to France. And at the very least, talk to people and not have them think that I am just an absolute, you know, baby. And so I've been working with Babble to try to learn some French. And you know what? It's fun. It's easy. And I actually think for once in my life, I'm actually retaining some of the language I'm learning, right? So if you have any, you know, travel plans, or maybe you just want to pick up a new language, whatever it is, Babble is the language learning app that sold more than 10 million subscriptions. With Babble, you only need 10 minutes to complete a lesson. So you can start having real life

conversations in a new language in as little as three weeks. Other language learning apps use AI for their lesson plans. But Babble lessons were created by over 150 language experts. With Babble, you can choose from 14 different languages, including Spanish, French, Italian, and German. Right now, save up to 60% off your subscription when you go to Babble.com slash my brother. That's Babble.com slash my brother for up to 60% off your subscription. Babble language for life. I also want to make sure before we get back to the show, you know about our upcoming tours next week, we're going to be in Salt Lake City, Portland, San Diego for my brother, my brother, and me and Taz. Now I got to warn you that Portland

show and the San Diego, my brother, my brother, and me are sold out. And there's only a few tickets left for the San Diego Taz. So get your tickets now for Salt Lake City and that San Diego Taz while they last bit.ly slash McRoy tours. And then coming up, we're going to be stopping in Washington DC, Detroit and Cincinnati. So get your tickets for that mask and proof of full vaccination or negative COVID tests within 72 hours of event start is required. Pre-orders for the Taz 11th hour open now, it comes out February 21st, 2023. Just go to theadventureszonecomic.com to pre-order. We have our approach, the wizard shirt designed by Dana Wagner. You can find Dana as Dana Wags on Twitter. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will go to the Trans Youth

Equality Foundation, which advocates for transgender, gender nonconforming and intersex youth ages two, three, teen. Get that merch at McRoyMerch.com. And now back to the show. Hi, I'm Janet Varney. And just like you, I survived high school and we're not alone. On my podcast, the JV Club, I invite some of my friends to share the highs and lows of their teen years, like moments with Aisha Tyler. But when you're a kid, the six are just pretty low. Go to school, try not to get in trouble, get laid. Jamila Jamil. I watched television probably every waking hour during that time when I was f***ed on medicine. And Dave Holmes. We talked and talked and then everybody laughed. It was just us two and I was like, I love you. Learn how you too can be a

functioning adult after the drama and heartbreak of high school. Every week on the JV Club with Janet Varney, find it on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. This is a judgment free show. Hi, I'm Biz, host of One Bad Mother. Whether you're a parent or just know kids exist in the world, join us each week as we honestly share what it's like to be a parent. I signed my stepson up for a camp that is actually in another state. I feel really stupid and I don't think we're going to get the money back. And then he found out that the car manual is a book about cars. So now he's reading our car manual. So join us each week as we judge less, laugh more, and remind you that you are doing a great job. Download One Bad Mother on MaximumFun.org and

yes, there will be swears. I want a munch. Welcome to Munch Squad. It is a podcast within a podcast. We're profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. And we got a lot of excited. I don't know if you guys looked at the calendar, but it's 420, baby. It's 420 and I wanted to take a moment with you. Wait, sorry, what does 420 have to do with anything? It's 420. Yeah. And I wanted to take a moment with you to tell you about all the great specials that are happening now in Earth about weed. Oh, yeah, because it's weed day.

Doghouse rolled out stony baloney items and on our 420. I swear to God, when you started this bit, I was like, none of these are going to get me. And the first one out the gate, stony baloney, stony baloney items. They're coming out for 420. In honor, satisfy your munchies. The absolute worst way with Doghouse's new stony baloney. I don't look. Oh, it's worse. I thought there was like this shit's terrible. This shit sucks. Our joke sucks. We suck. Please help us. In honor of 420, the award-winning gourmet hot dog sausage and burger concept, just say restaurant, is launching two dope menu items. It'll be available through,

wait for it May 31st. Yeah, bro. How about have some string to your convictions? That's cocaine day, bro. These one-of-a-kind creations will turn any case of dry mouth into a mouthwatering craving. It doesn't matter what it's on. There is a stony baloney breakfast burrito, which is three count them, three sunny side up eggs with a beef patty, beef dog, chili, white American cheese, cheese sauce, crispy tater tots, onion and spicy mayo and a flour tortilla. Don't, if you're not high friends. Does it cost $23? And does it come with baloney in it? In addition to the stony baloney menu items, Doghouse is offering its 2022 mixologist collaboration cocktails. The best part for each purchase of the featured cocktails, Doghouse will donate one

dollar to its national charity partner, No Kid Hungry. A strange addition to this particular press release. Listen, it's not all fun and games. At Doghouse, we take every opportunity we can to craft unique creations and 420 munchies. We're great inspiration. Says cool dude. Says your dad. Says your dad, Shavadam Gertler. We're offering these through May to make sure all our guests get a chance to try them. We look forward to hearing what everyone thinks about the items, all while giving back to a great cause. Where's the strength of your convictions? If you're doing one about weed, be more like Cheeba Hut, which is a restaurant about weed that doesn't actually sell weed. It's so important. Cheeba Hut. Cheeba Hut toasted subs. Cheeba Hut is offering plenty of deals

of patrons to celebrate weed enthusiast's favorite day of the year. They just said it. They're offering, yes, Cheeba has the strength of his convictions is what I'm saying. They don't do a wink at an odd. They're like, you like weed? We like making money. Here we go. They're offering 420, 4 decimal, $24, 20 cent food and drink specials, giving out grinders and over a thousand rad prizes. Rad prices, you said? Rad prices, like free food for a year and a tubular and a dream Colorado vacation. Dude. It's all part of their 420 promotion with top shelf deals that go on for the entire month of April. The food special offers 420 nugs served on a special edition 2022 frisbees.

You guys like this too, right? They had to be like, hey, do we have any sort of just weed stuff lying around? Well, we got a bunch of frisbees from that summer promotion that failed back in 2003. Yeah, get, get, get those, get those. Wastoids love flinging that fris. They can wash down their mail with either a delicious paps blue ribbon draft pour and a side shot of fireball. That's your day. That's your day. A side shot of fireball or two PBRs for the fitting price of 420 as well. This is another example of how we are your basic sub shop. We have awesome bars within our huts. We're not a cover for the government. We've teamed up. We've teamed up with some great partners this year, like Pabst and fireball. No, get out. In my experience, those

two working together rarely leads to a satisfactory outcome to bring our 21 plus crowd some insane drink specials and sweepstakes. And that's from Mel Bannister. I don't know if you'll know. Mel, are you here? Well, that's not all. Each location is offering a special interactive grinder. What? Each location is offering a special interactive grinder. I mean, I interact with most sandwiches that I get my hands on. It's interactive grinder to the first hundred people to stop by on April 20th, which is has a QR code that is scannable until July the 10th. Wait, to do what? Does it start an ARG? That can't be right. Is it? Is it? Hey, honey, where are you going to throw in this wrapper? Jesus. Okay. I'm getting around to it. I'm gonna scan

that QR code here in the next three months. I was envisioning. I was envisioning. I didn't know it was on the wrapper. I thought I was envisioning somebody like a sandwich artist having to like draw out the QR code with mustard on each. This means something. The grand prize is a vacation to Colorado for one person and a guest with flights and activities like white water rafting, horseback riding at the Garden of the Gods, and a cannabis tour included. Customers will also be getting hooked up with Willie's Reserve rolling papers. Every store will have its own special events going on. So be sure to stay plugged into your local Chiba's. You can't just sneak in that you're distributing paraphernalia and they're like, yeah, what's up, waste oids? Do you want to come

skateboard with me? A cool adult? Anyway, we will give you a big fucking bong and like half an ounce. Is that a lot? I don't know. Do you think you have to take the rolling papers? I just wanted a sandwich due to my lunch break. I'm on my lunch break. Oh, come on, man. Scan the QR code. No. No. Give me until you have until July. I'm throwing this away now. Wait, so you want me to scan something and then register all my information into it as you hand me these rolling papers? Totally cool. Just put your home address and previous criminal record, dude. Got any ties to any shady groups you should know about? Go ahead and put your thumb right on the screen, dog. Del Taco is rolling out new iteration of 20 under $2 value meal menu and new popper

strings as inflation continues to skyrocket. Prices on everything from gas. Who cares? Tell me about the weed stuff. I mean, Del Taco doesn't really need to say, hey, weed friends, come and get it if you're high. I think people who are higher like Del Taco, I'm sold. How do we get high people in here to eat our cheap tacos? Guess looking to try the new chicken cheddar rollers are in for an additional treat. To celebrate the rollout, Del Taco's Del. Yeah, rewards members can get five chicken cheddar rollers for $4 and 20 cents on Wednesday, April 20th. And there's three asterisks there, I guess to stand in for eyebrow raising. Get it for one day only on what dial taco is calling roller days with a Z. Additionally, fans unable to pop into their

local Del Taco restaurant for the one day only deal can access the offer and free delivery through the Del Taco app. Del Taco's 420 roller days with a Z deal is time to coincide with the unofficial national cannabis holiday. God almighty. It's so great because it goes from like you have over here Chiba Hut who is clearly a cop to this side where it's like your friend who just bought marijuana for the first time ever is like, yeah, I've got some of that stuff. It feels like you want to come over on. I understand what Del Taco is saying, but I do have to ask, what would it take to make it the official cannabis holiday? Are you envisioning a reality where our incredible are incredible by Camaro house is join join hands for one gleaming moment

and say let's make this baby a visit. There's a lot that we don't see eye to eye on. We can all agree that we can agree on today's the funny weed day right. Let the children out from school ring the bell. AOC Lindsey, you're with me right. It's the funny weed day. Have you seen these fucking values at Del Taco? Make it official. The first unanimous vote across all of government city to federal. It's coincide with the unofficial national cannabis holiday to fulfill those mass munchy needs, but whether you wake and bake or don't pertain. Fuck off. Like seriously? Oh, thanks for letting me know. I can buy Del Taco even if I'm not high. What are you talking about? Del Taco, presumably you write every other press release for people who don't smoke weed. Why do

you have to include them in this one? They can enjoy a smoking deal, but wait, our tour of the nation's 420 deals would not be complete without DJ Khaled. DJ Khaled. Another one, virtual brand DJ Khaled's virtual brand. What's that mean? It adds base swings. His first. Sorry. Hold on. Sorry. We've talked about DJ Khaled split. We've talked about his restaurant before, right? Yes, I thought so. Virtual brand. Right. Oh, it's a ghost kitchen. Okay. Because I would like to think that I have something that resembling a virtual brand and I did not know I could just add chicken wings to it. I am going to say some of the proper nouns from DJ Khaled's restaurant, as if it is the first time I'm saying them, but I want you to know I'm saying it because they

delight me so much. DJ Khaled's another wing. Unveils like wings. New plant-based additions to its U.S. menu in partnership with like meat, a live kindly collective brand. The unique collaboration marks like meat's first ghost kitchen partnership, et cetera. Like meat's juicy and delicious plant-based wings come smothered in another wings signature flavors, including u-loyal lemon pepper. Wow. Honey, honey, hot honey sriracha. Sorry. Did you add the extra honey for a... Honey, honey, hot honey sriracha. And my personal favorite, they don't want you to win truffle-o. To celebrate the launch, another wing will co-host a pop-up wing dispensary, aptly named another wing dispensary in partnership with the flowery in Miami's Windwood neighborhood on April

20th. Oh, yeah. Shit, all these are today. It's too late for me to get any of this stuff. This is DJ Khaled. This like wings collaboration is an incredible opportunity for people who don't eat meat to enjoy the incredible flavors of another wing. As you know, I'm very picky about what I eat, and I'll eat these wings. This collab combines the flavors of another wing with the plant power of like meat, says DJ Khaled. Let's win more. A noted power expert. Let's win more with like wings. Is it like meat? Is that the bit? Because that's not a good name for it. All the other ones were taken. We've already gone beyond meat. What else do we have? Beyond meat. Is this meat? And they said, it's like meat. I'm good. Michelle Colette, the head of food service for

like meat, says, we're flying high with this new partnership and are beyond excited for another wing's fans to try these awesome like wings. The next time the munchies strike. It's not fun anymore. Yeah, weed's not fun anymore. We's not fun anymore. Let's change it to another day. Let's make it July 13th or something. Just change it. July 11th, just after the QR code runs out. This is like July 11th. That's 7-11. 7-11 would love that. Come on in. God damn it. I don't think that could be the weekday, too. It's fine. It's 7-11. You know, I stopped at the Fast Mart on the way up here, and I got my snacks and my drink, and they said 7-11. And I said, no, it's not. It's Fast Mart. That's good. And the guy gave me nothing. I thought it was pretty

anyway. This is like meat's first flight into the ghost kitchen world, and we're in it to wing it. That's not a good thing, though, described as the world's most ambitious restaurant launch. Holy shit. Another wing debuted in November 2021 across 150 locations and three continents at the same time. So DJ Khaled has plant-based wings with his great flavors. That's the story. That's all of the 420 that's happening out there. Probably, there's probably much, much, much, much more. But every person... No, there's actually not. That's all... Oh, okay. You found it all.

Yeah. A lot of people said I would never be able to find all the weed stuff, but that's everything. Good job. I am a law student. I've been told by multiple attorneys and professors that it's very important to have lawyer face, i.e. not showing any reaction or emotion. The problem is, I have an extremely emotive face. It's not a secret that what I'm feeling at any time. Brothers, how can I develop a lawyer face? Do you have any tips for practicing non-reactions? That's from straight face in Saint Louis. Are you here? That's perfect. Nice. That's a good start. Appropriate. Objection.

Even that was a little too... Maybe you could just pick one emotion all the time. That's great. I'm super motive, but it's always confused. No, wait, that's a terrible... That's the worst lawyer emotion that you can possibly express. He got hit by a big truck? There's a video of it? Oh, no. But my guy's the truck guy. Oh, no. Gryffindor's raised at a fun point. He was drunk? That's my guy, though. Maybe your thing... This is bad. Maybe your thing could just be the one super emotive lawyer. You could be the one who's like, ah, man. Boys, it always disappoints. Your honor.

And I have here the call logs from that evening. And you just hear from the back of the place, ah, man. Oh, cool. Oh, dang it. Oh, you were right, Doug. They found it. They got it. You were right. You said they wouldn't have it. I said they definitely wouldn't. You're right. Oh, man. I know. You said they'd fight it. I was like, no, man, Steve Jobs locks that shit up. And then you were like, Steve Jobs famously died a long time ago. He said, what? Hey, Vicki, straight up. I've got to give it to you. You were a good lawyer, for sure. I wouldn't have found it a million years. That's so choice. At least you didn't find the bloody clothes, though, didn't you? Yay. Ah, damn it. Oh, man. Let's call it a tie. Hey, judge.

We will take that plea deal now, actually. Yeah, actually, now that we will do it. Is it too late to turn state's evidence? That's not a thing in this case. Okay, I would say that all lawyer commercials are the same, which is usually a big lawyer standing on top of a truck holding a hammer or some shit. That's just that one lawyer in Austin. No, but they're always, they're like throwing lightning bolts down. Smiting their enemies. Smiting doctors. Or like a truck is, there's a lot of trucks, like a truck is speeding at them and they just hold up a hand and the truck flips over them. See, in Cincinnati, there's one guy who just is like, how hard I'll fight for you. And he has

boxing gloves and he's punching a punching bag, which I was like, do you think, listen, if things go south and it doesn't look like we're gonna win, we're gonna fight our way out. But if there was a commercial that for a law firm where everyone in it was crying the whole time, I would be too curious to go anywhere else for my legal needs. I guarantee that if that was your thing, like in court, if you get any bad news, I'm going to break and do huge tears. You'd watch the judge like, I'm going to have to rule. Oh, please don't cry. Oh, no, no, no. You know what, innocent. I couldn't. There's an attorney in Austin, I'm sure I talked about on the show before called David Comey, the attorney that rocks. Yeah. And he's here. He's God, I would fucking love it.

If you are here, David Comey, just just come backstage. And if someone tries to stop you, push them aside because you're very big. But he does look like a guy co caveman. And I've seen so many billboards with this gentleman on it and been like, that's who I would that's absolutely who I would rock with if accused of a crime. He may be bad at being a lawyer, but I'm so curious that's a good way to hire anyone. Yeah, right? Yeah. How bad could it be? That's that's the first he has good billboards. He rocks. I know he rocks that you can't just say that without proof. What's up guys? Juris butte prudence. Do I have how many points do I get for that? I'll find anyone in here. Kick your ass, judge.

You have to do something more distracting than your face. I don't have a rest of that paragraph. Yeah, you could be the masked lawyer. Oh, it works for magic's greatest secrets. That guy. Yeah, we never found out who that dude was. Or magic. I mean, there's mass singer. Yeah, that works. That's never turned out bad. Everybody who's like, here comes the masked lawyer. I know is Rudy Giuliani. How does mass singer keep the magic alive? They wouldn't hire him if they thought it was Rudy Giuliani. Well, that's why he wears a mask. Of course they wouldn't hire Rudy Giuliani to be there. Didn't you see Borat too?

He's a bad person Travis. They wouldn't hire him. He's bad and mean. You guys are right. I really blew that one. Remember the Four Seasons? Yeah. He's like bad. Yeah, they wouldn't hire him. Do you remember when the evil ran down his face like Zerg, you know, like Zerg or Fifth Element? You guys remember. We're gonna lose some fans here, guys. Rudy Giuliani's bad, and that's the end of this. That's it. We'll say it. The cheapest. Our dad came out here in a fucking blues jersey, and that was the cheapest request for applause, I think, that we've ever done. I want to help more people. I'm not done. I can't stop. I'm the mother of three grown sons. This is a question. I'm the mother of three grown sons. People seem to enjoy asking which is my

favorite, or even telling me who they think is my favorite. I don't have a favorite. How can I convince people I love all my boys the same? A good, good mom? Are you here? Okay. All right. Loving them all the same is not the same as not having a favorite. Thank you, Travis. Travis speaks from experience. No more to be said. I got two kids. I love them both equally, and they're both my favorite at different times. Yeah. I love my kids equally. I like my kids different. One of my kids only refers to me as the big baboon. And folks, I mean exclusively in good times and in bad, feast and famine. Even when she wants something from him, which is fun to watch. I am the big baboon. So guess

which of my kids I like better? Yes, it's that one. I have self-esteem issues. What part wasn't a joke, but okay. You can't tell me that in the history with these three grown sons, there wasn't a time where two of them were acting like assholes, and one was being totally chilling cool, and you didn't think, thank you. If you like one more than the others, sometimes don't say anything. Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. I got you. I have a favorite brother. That's Paul. He brings me drinks. Yeah. Everybody has, I mean, it's, I don't think you need to love people. You can love somebody. That goes deeper than liking. I disliked a lot of people I love sometimes. You know,

it's normal. Why are you looking at me? It's normal. I also think though, anybody who looks at you and goes, who's your favorite? They're an asshole. Yeah. It's an unso good thing. We all get it. Sometimes you look at your kid and you're like, fuck you. It happens. The other option that, sorry, unless. Unless. You could also, next time you ask that question, you say, well, let's take it to the leaderboard, and then you have a big leaderboard with points. I have one of those at home and I'm like, Henry, I wrote here elbowed your dad right in the penis while you were flossing minus 50 points. Wait, what kind of flossing? The dance. If you could stand up and demonstrate real quick, just like. He really showed you Justin. It was a little

frenzy, but I'm really excited. You, will you teach you that later? Cause my kids keep, I will, I'm a good deal. Teach you how to floss. I'll teach you how to Dougie fair. That sounds totally fair. I abstain. Yeah. Um, that's why dad likes him the least. I remember going up and dad would look us like Dougie on three and I'm like, well, I can't that. No, it hasn't been invented yet. The Cali swag boys here at nursery school to step outside the bit. Justin's been talking about Dougie a lot lately seemingly to it's been like recursive thing where he said, Oh, I'll do this thing right. Teach me how to Dougie. And we said, no one talks about that anymore. And he took that as a challenge to talk about it. I feel like he got a promo code

from masterclass to learn how to Dougie, which you know, we all get promo codes for masterclass all the time. Right. And that's what you elect to spend yours on. There's no, do you want someone to ask you? Is that the problem? I don't want anyone to ask me. I just, I want to scale the 7,000 steps of his sacred mountain to find his temple at the top where he awaits waiting for the true pupil. There you'll find Justin, but wait, it's till the Swinton and Justin outfit didn't expect that. Did you? Oh, shit. She knows just pick a favorite son. Hey, thank you so much for coming to our program. We appreciate you very much. I want to say thank you to gosh where to start. Clint McElroy, who's, who's a lovely book Goldie's Guide to Grandchilding. I think May 10

10th order it. Don't throw it on the stage and piss on it. I feel really bad. Pretend to piss on it. Both equally bad. I think thank you to Paul. So boring. Thank you so much to Rachel and Amanda for being here and helping to support us and recording our shows and making sure the, the trains run on time. Thank you. Thank you to my evil theater. Thank you, Steve. Beautiful. Thank you to my wife, Rachel, for my wife. For, for everything. Thank you to my partner, Teresa. I'm not going to give you the setup of my wife. My wife. Okay. My wife, Teresa, for being here and being supportive and to my kids for being here. Justin, anything you want to say? When I walk through the airport today,

I could not wipe the smile from my face. Everyone would ask me, Justin, how's it going? And I'd say, I'm traveling without my kids. If you want, I could fly. And so I love you guys. I hope you're doing good. Thank you to, thank you to Montane for the use of our theme song. My life is better with you. Okay. Now we need a celebrity. Impression. This is the dump. How did this first like three rows? Yeah, just raise your hand. If you have a good one. Okay. Yes. Yeah. Right here. Oh, the ladies. Yeah. Dearly departed. Gilbert. Goughry. Go ahead. Whenever you're ready. Hey, please tasteful. He's a little respectful. Please. Griffin. He's not dead. He is dead. Yeah, Griffin. I wish we'd let him do it before we told him. Griffin, go on.

I'm so sorry, Griffin. Now, this, I will say, we've done a lot of live shows. This is a unique energy to close on. Please just one sentence. Griffin, do anything. Griffin, please end the show. Just end the show. Just say something like Gilbert Goughry. We'll talk about it after. Please. Please, Griffin. Listen, folks. Shut up, because this is a fucking tribute now. I feel it too. Listen, folks. I made a few mistakes here and there. Told a joke or two. I shouldn't have told, but it's me, your friend, Iago. Remember me forever. My great contribute. I can't do it. This is so good. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This is my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad's square on the lips.

It's better with you. It's better, it's better with you. This is true. It's better, it's better with you. It's better with you. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.