My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 62: My Dark Twisted Pretzel Fantasy

Episode Date: July 11, 2011

Instead of accepting and moving on from the fact that we missed last week's show to celebrate our freedom and heritage, we're just going to make-pretend that it's still last week. Which we're going to have to do every week until the end of time, we guess. We're not big on exit strategies, here. The Zookeeper Collapse, Virginity Bandz, Malldate, Carrot Top Canary, Earth Girls are Easy and Deeply Submerged, Yu-Gi-Oh-Yeah, Stankadank, Cake Boss: The Dog

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Good morning America, happy birthday. You did it America, good work. It's your 200th and 40th anniversary of being a thing. Your inevitable decline is, well I think it's still pretty much on the way, like you're still, I mean you're still on it, but it hasn't, the ride hasn't come to a stop yet.

Well we've had a good run though. We had good run America. So eat a hot dog and watch our country slowly pass away. I watched this movie. I watched this movie about the collapse of America yesterday, and it was called Zoo Keeper. It's all about how we're just done, we're all just done here. This is my brother or brother me, it's an advice show for the modern era, I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I'm your middleest brother Travis McElroy. I'm your precious moments baby doll Griffin McElroy. Sweet little porcelain baby. All right my sweet little porcelain angels, today we're going to take questions

from our readers and we're going to give them advice about them. What do you think about that? I hate it. Yeah let's change it up. Just, it's just like dear Abby, is she still alive? I hope she's still alive. Can we, I would like to rename her column and just call it, hey Abby. Zup bitch, this is my column Zup bitch. People email me and they're like, some of this bitch? I'm like I don't know where. Bitch my shit is fucked, fix it. Hey Abby, you bitch. My shit is, my shit is so fucked. My shit is fucked to four miles, fix me. Open up that stupid burp machine, you call a mouth your whore, and just give me some fucking advice. Dude we take a weird turn right off the top there. Like a weird anti-deer Abby turn.

I don't know if I should. Possibly an anti-women turn, all together. Was it an anti-women turn? I don't know, let's ask half our audience. Oops they're gone, they already left. Click, it's off. So let's get right into the questions. Hey, I had sex for the first time. Yay, yay. How was it? Tell me everything. Do tell, spill. Hey, how would my girlfriend feel if I told her this? She knew going into this relationship, I was inexperienced, but I don't think she knew the extent. I'll take my answer off the air. Sexed insult like, hey bro, she knows. I bet she knows. She knows, buddy, she knows. What, but you are a fantastic lover. You are a wonderful lover. It is glaringly obvious that

was your first time making love to a female. The fact that you stood back going, hmm, where to start? Let's see, there's a good chance that you yelled, I'm doing it, I'm doing it. If that is the case, then the cat is out of the bag. Well, the crimes do come true. The crying, I think, was a big tip off. Yes, did you go, ooh, that was my jam the first time. Oh yeah? Who knows what's going on in there? Yeah, ooh, yucky. It's upsetting. Sorry, Jesus. I'm sorry, Jesus, don't look. This is happening, don't look. Don't look, Jesus, I can't help myself. That's why people use sheets. I think, I mean, if you were going to tell her, you needed to tell her before. Yeah, absolutely. I don't think you can, I don't think you can spring that on. Plus, why didn't girls love to take Guys for

Genity? You should have told her. We're really, she really enjoyed that. Wait, wait, wait, wait, really? They love it. They can't get it out. Yeah, they collect them on like necklaces. No, that's virginity. That's untrue. How many virginities do you have? Oh, they collect them like silly bands. Yeah, yeah. You see, if you, actually, that's what they make scrunchies out of. Oh, yeah, that's what scrunchies. It's made of a man's virginity. I think, I think that you've, you can't tell her anymore. I think that you have to keep this live forever. I think you can tell her if you started off with, oh, by the way, funny story. Hey, I, you know, I was thinking about it and I don't think I've had sex before this.

I checked my diary and it turns out. I thought I did. I thought I had sex at Lollapalooza last year, but I didn't. I just saw the Neville Brothers in concert. Wait, here's a really important question. How old are you? Uh-oh. Wait, because there's just, there's a window where this question isn't creepy, right? Yeah, yeah. That window is like 15 to 18. What? Yeah, like 15 to 18. Bad news, everybody. According to Travis, if you haven't been down by 18, you're a mutant. You're some kind of monster. That's good, Travis. That's a really positive message to send to America's youth. No, no, no. All I'm saying is that if by 18, like, I think that at that point,

you can get away with saying it after, I think after 18 in college, you need to say it up front and before. Why is it any of her business? I don't understand a thing you're saying. Yeah, wait, you're, you're watching. It's not, I think this is one of the situations where you're just saying things and even you don't believe them. Is that where we've wandered into? Yeah, more or less. All of the best advice is birthed from that place of ingenuousness. Travis sometimes will just decide, I know the words I'd like to say right now. Well, once you get halfway through that Zen's, you can't do a U-turn. You gotta follow that road. I think, maybe sometimes you're hoping there's a joke there, but instead you just say something

that's wrong and you just let it, let it lie out there. Yep. They can't all be winners. Listen, listen people, it's a free show, okay? Free podcast. I think that you can say it, I think you can safely say it afterwards, but it has to be immediately, like, I think you probably, it has to be immediately post-coitus, like, so that was sex, huh? That was it? That's it? You've been waiting all this time for that? I think you could tell her and I think it'll be okay, but if not, then, you know, maybe you weren't meant to be with her. Why don't you look her dead in the eye and say, hey, Tracy, I just want you to know, you're the best I ever had. And then we can get her and she can read into that

however you want. If she gets it from that, God bless her. If she doesn't, you try to tell her in your, in your way, in your own way. Hey. In your shady, sneaky way. In your shady, sneaky, virginic way. Your way is terrible. She probably would have been more forgiving if you told her beforehand, but now the damage is done. Hey, she'll be relieved. Maybe she'll be like, oh, God, okay, because it was terrible. If you think you're about to have sex again, I want you to look her in the eye and say, I want you to know I've never had sex. And then she'll be like, well, wait a minute. And you'll say that, wait, that was sex. That was it. I need to go. I'm hungry. I've been talking to this guy for a while and it seemed like we were hitting it off. I got sick of waiting for

him to make a move. So I just asked about myself. I've never asked a guy out before. And as such, have never been responsible for first date plans. So far, the playing consists of doing something. Also, uh-huh. Also, I feel like since I did the asking, I should be paying for the date, but that because that's what classy broads do. I'm kind of broke. What's a cheap first date idea that won't make me seem completely lame? How do you like it? Take his virginity. Do you live in Salt Lake? It's free and he'll have a great time. Uh, what about museums? People like those, right? You got pay, though. Got to pay? Some, some of the effort for most of them. Well, it depends if you want to go to a good museum with

all the best art. You got to drop, uh, you got to drop some scrilla. Oh, art, art, no art. I was seeing the Science Museum, go to Cosci. Oh, we got friends there. We're connected at Cosci. I've taken the Science Museum. Check out that cracker jacks, uh, display. Oh my God. There's so many different cracker jacks there. Make a music video. Write a bike backwards over a tightrope. There's rat basketball and everything. You want to learn about Prima Street? They got you. I do believe Cosci cost money, though. I'll have to check, but I'm pretty sure they need money to, to, I mean, to pay the rats first of all. Yeah. Yeah. So we don't get the lock out. Yeah, especially LeBron. Exactly. The one rat named LeBron. He got a real picnic after that.

Picnic. Uh, picnic, we've, we, I think a picnic is a great idea. No, I think the problem is, I think first day, that's, it's a little too intense to go for a picnic. I think this time of year, you don't want to do it. People say, how was your first day? And you say it was muggy. Yeah. Very sweaty. You can't control like the, what if it rains and then it's like, well, I guess our date is canceled. You know, I guess our love is canceled. Yeah. That was our shot, I guess. What happens if, what happens if, and by if I mean when a bear attacks you and takes your, and takes your, your stuff, takes your picnic basket and, and your wallet? Yeah. Bears are mean motherfuckers. They will rip you off. Maybe you should just ask him why he,

uh, I don't think this guy's worth your time. I, why did he ask you out? Yeah, fuck it, this guy. He just sent it for a free meal. I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, maybe you're shy. Maybe you're shy? Well, but that gets tricky because they'll be shy. The best for first dates are the one where you get to know each other and you go and talk and like, and actually hang out. Absolutely. I don't, I don't think movies are good first dates because you just sit there and they're not talking. No, fuck no. Um, but if he's shy, it's going to make the whole thing trickier because you're going to have to do something that kind of draws him out of his shell. No, no, no, no, no. Cause you can, you can be functionally shy, right? You can be functionally

shy, but that doesn't mean that you're socially shy, right? Like I'm functionally shy. Oh, I see what you're saying. I'm terrible at getting people together to do shit. Um, but once I'm at the shit, like I, I can be sociable. I think that's, there's two different kinds of charisma there. I, you know, I think he may have the important one. I'll tell you what, I think it's good. I think going to the mall is good because if you go to the mall with like, well, you go with like a purpose, right? Like I need to get a belt. So let's go to the mall together. The mall is very good because A, lots of stuff to talk about. Um, B, you can transition pretty well. Like if things are going well and you want them to keep going, you can sort of transition it into dinner at the mall.

Oh yeah. Right. And, or if it's like, and there's always a movie theater around the mall. So you can go after you talk and hang out and everything. Right. Yeah. If you want to continue things, there's a lot of options there. I get to go to the mall, which was always fun. I think. Gotta know, you've got to know her position on pretzels. What's she working with? Is she, uh, is she an Auntie Ann's lady? Is she, uh, is she a Twisty McGee's? Is she down with Twisty McGee's? Cause if not, she got a kicker right to the curb. Did she like my dark twisted pretzel fantasy? I don't know. You might think you've peeped these pretzels, but these real pretzels are far, far too tasty. No one should have all these pretzel

dogs. I'm full. I'm extremely full. Can we, can we get much fresher? So fresh. So salty. So yeah, that, uh, that, I think the mall, that's my official recommendation. Don't cost anything. If, if your first dinner date takes place at the Chick-fil-A at the mall, I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna urge you somehow. Well, the bonus of the mall is if you walk in and he's like, but first I gotta hit up hot topic, then you know instantly to get out of that date and go home. Why? They got good shirts. They have good shirts and all finger rings there. But that's his first priority. Gotta go to hot topic. Well, you want to get the first batch of all finger rings and steampunk goggles. You guys get the first batch because they're the best batch.

They might say something. What if he says something like, I'm just going to dip in the Hollister real quick. Like, I'm gonna, you go ahead in there. I want to go to the car and I'll be, and I'll be waiting for you in my house. Hollister has good beach sweaters. So I don't know what you're complaining about. What if he just wants to duck into Clairs? Clairs has good lady accessories. I don't know what Clairs does. Lady accessories, like, like diaphragms. That's gross. That is gross. Griffin, why don't you give us a palette cleansing? Let's get the taste that last question out of our mouth. This one was sent by Johnny Wags. Thanks, Johnny Wags. It's by Yahoo Answers user, Mary Martin, who asks,

My 17 year old son wets his pants when he laughs too hard. Should he wear a diaper to Carrot Top's show? It really turned around right there at the end. Carrot Top is my son's favorite comedian. He's 17 and loves to laugh and dreams of being a comedian. The problem is that once he starts laughing, he can't stop and he often loses bladder control. He wants to wear a disposable diaper to the Carrot Top show. I think it's okay, but my husband thinks that if he can't control his bladder that he shouldn't go to the show at all. Who's right? This is a disease that affects, this is a disease that affects a surprising amount of population. Finding Carrot Top funny. Yes. It's debilitating. So many people. It's terminal in most cases too, because you just

chuckle yourself to death at his goofs and his props. I think you should have, if you will have so hard a Carrot Top that you pee, I think you should have to have pee pants forever and wear that. With a shirt that announces why, I wear pee pants because I think Carrot Top is funny. This is my futuristic destiny, Bill. No one touch me, please. Incontinence sucks. It sucks to be that young and have this problem. But if you can say the words in your life and have it be true, I laughed so hard at Carrot Top that I evacuated my pee pee into my adult diaper. And you're done. Like you're done. You don't have anything else left that you can do. You're done. Let me have, let me have fun check out at the grocery store. No,

yeah, I'm going to see, uh, go to see Carrot Top. Gotta pad up before the C Top show, because I'm afraid that I will urinate in my pants. What if, what if Carrot Top does some hilarious adult diapers goofs? Hey, man, the hospital had an adult diaper tonight. Hey, buddy. Raise that show. What if you, and then what if you meet him at his show and you're like, Hey, Scott, listen, you're, you're joke up there about the diapers. It really hit home at a very personal place for me because I love your work. I don't know if you noticed, I laughed so hard, Scott, that I peed in my, I made pee in my pants because of the jokes you were laying down up there. And when you poured those frozen peas in your pants and you said, I just peed my pants, it made me cry a little bit.

And then I peed a little bit. Is Scott Carrot Top's name? Yeah. Do you think people, I was thinking about this just now. Do you think when you're backstage, you're the stage manager of the Carrot Top show? Do you say like five minutes Carrot Top? Mr. Top? Mr. Top? Just five minutes. Just five minutes, sir, till you fucking unleash your comedy rodeo yet again. That's a good question. Like, what do you call Gallagher? You call Gallagher? Oh, is that his name? Oh, wait. You call him Mr. Gallagher? You call him a racist, right? You call him a bigot. Uh-huh. Hey, bigot, tell us. I know you're right to show. What do you call, what do you call, I don't know, Carrot Top's really in a league of his own. Did you, his bit rolling league of their own is really good.

That's one of the rare moments when he plays a plucky out, plucky outfielder, Denise Williams. And she looks kind of like the Wendy's girl. And she's, she's actually played by Carrot Top. It's one of the- You know who I love in this? Carrot Top. In this scenario is the dad who's like, the dad who's like, his, my son has a problem and it's serious and it's, it's gonna affect him for his entire life. But you know what, son, if you can't get your shit right and you don't get to go to the Carrot Top show, I think that this dad is the only one with a fucking level head on his shoulders. Cause he's the only one on team, let's not go see Scott. He jokes on a stage about his props. He's looking for any excuse not to go. Maybe this, maybe this kid hates Carrot Top.

This is the only way he could think of to get out of going to the show. Like, yeah, if I will go, but I'm gonna wear an adult diaper. I feel like 17 year old son is gonna fucking hate his dad. Fuck you, dad. I just want to go see Carrot Top. Fuck you. But when that kid's like 30, he's gonna be like, yeah, one time my dad showed me some tough love, but he kept me from running to see Carrot Top. He saved my life that night. I think we're gonna get back together and, and work out our differences. By the way, uh, I really enjoyed zookeeper three. You don't have any adult diapers on hand, do you? I, I, I've pretty much ruined mine. It's like a, it's like a, a wad of toilet paper you dropped in a sink in here. It's just really swimming.

This kid, this kid watched chairman of the board and he peed the entire theater. Excuse me. I wet your theater. I wet everything. Everything is moist. Damn you, Carrot Top, and your, your props, your goofy props. You prince of props. This poor, that poor dad. Can you imagine? We should look out for a younger answer where someone asks, if they can simultaneously divorce their wife and their son to save on the lawyer's fees. Hey Steve, how's your kid? Oh, yeah, he's good. He's still doing that thing? Yeah. Yeah, yes. But only to Carrot Top now. He's like a, he's like a canary that they send into theaters to tell if, if there's Carrot Top movies in them. It's too dangerous. Carrot Top movies naturally produce methane gas,

which, which kills everybody in the audience. You produce methane gas, Carrot Top's hit character, Dr. Fart. Did you see that movie that he did, Dr. Fart? Yeah, yeah. He's got, he's got one of those party whistles, like on the back of his pants, so that every time he does, that he does break wind, it blows out and it makes a honk, makes a honk sound. Oh, fuck, I peed my pants. Just talking about it. Oh, no. You know, the, the sort of Himmler inspired character, a hair freshener that, that was played by Jeff Conway was actually his last screen roll. A lot of people don't know that. That's, that's because it's very sad. You see hair freshener. See, I regularly get into an argument

with a friend of mine about a habit of mentioning the reviews of a movie before I see them. Example being I read a review or I don't think that got very good reviews. He argues that some should see movies about themselves before they pass judgment. Who is right? I do the same thing. That's the whole point of reviews, right? I'm such a busy fucking guy. I can't afford to go see a movie that I think is going to be a jam and then it ends up to be a clunker. I, what I do is that there are some movies where I'm like, listen, no matter what kind of reviews this gets, I'm going to go see it because I love the franchise or I love the actor or I love whatever. But the majority of movies, I'm going to

check first and be like, oh, this is getting like a 10%. I ain't going to see that movie. Yeah. I think you just wait for it to come in on DVD or Netflix. Even in a movie. I'll watch anything on Netflix. I'll watch some bullshit on Netflix. But going to the theater, you can't go to a theater and spend less than $35 and you can't. I find it a babysitter for the kids. You got to get an adult diaper because you're seeing a carrot top movie. You got to get popcorn, soda, an extra large soda because fuck it. You know, it doesn't matter. Have you guys noticed how big these movie theater sodas are? I think that as someone who writes reviews professionally, I think reviews are grand.

I think you should always read reviews. To be fair, though, I think the difference there is, I mean, yes, movies have gotten expensive and everything, but it's still not 50 bucks. Like you're still not doing that big of an investment. There are some movies that I think you just get to risk it and go see. Anything less than 50 goddamn American dollars is that's not even money. I'm saying that if it is a movie that I watched the previews for and I want to go see, like there is no amount of bad reviews that's going to change my mind on that. I can't fight that feeling where I see a bad movie and I know there were better movies in the theater. Like for reasons that I won't go into here, I saw Bad Teacher a couple weeks ago. Why? Do you know how that felt?

Are you sad? It was sad because I knew that there were like better movies playing. Like, you know how sad that made me? Like we get sad. Yeah, but I also, I always think about the fact that like I want to go see horrible bosses, but everything is telling me not to. And so maybe I'll find it really, really funny. But you do like some really bad things though. I do love bad shit. That's the thing is like I've learned from Netflix that I love terrible, terrible movies. And Travis doesn't like the fun way that normal people like him. Like Travis bumped that, that what's that movie where the guy does Kung Fu? Oh, are you talking about Kung Pao? Yeah, Kung Pao. I mean, you guys, you guys bumped that one. You wore that different out. I still own two copies

of that. Yeah, you can't get enough, right? No, I love that movie. I love, I share Travis's Netflix account. I have it hooked up to my PS3 so I can use his account to watch movies and the recommendations that pop up are probably my favorite thing like on a planet like here's, here's more movies like Earth Girls Are Easy. Thanks, dude. Thanks, Netflix. To be fair, the funny thing is I love really terrible 80s movies and Gryffin loves horror movies. So the recommendations that they come up with is some of the most twisted shit I've ever seen. It usually just gives up. It's like, fuck it, you get kangaroo jack. Watch it. I hate you guys. You broke my computer brain.

I love, I love those recommendations though, because it's like, here's some movies like Earth Girls Are Easy, Cocoon. Well, I'm not actually sure that that's 2001 is Space Odyssey. Netflix, just because it has space in it, that's not, there's two different things. And also to be fair, real quick, while we're talking to Netflix, I've noticed in Netflix that sometimes they'll say shit like, recommendations, if you liked Earth Girls Are Easy, check out Earth Girls Are Easy. That's some weak ass shit, Netflix. Netflix, are you sure that I'll like that dumb, lazy bitch? Oh, that reminds me. Have you seen Earth Girls Are Easy? I have, Netflix, you know I have. Netflix, I watched it on you. I used you to watch it.

You know that. You know this truth. Can we go see Earth Girls Are Easy? We can't, because we just did. Seconds ago. I got a theatrical cut. That's the same one. I watched that one with you. You loved it. This one's even more Jeff Goldblum sex scenes, and he's furry in him. And how about you like that? Oh, you like furry Jeff Goldblum sex movies? Here's Earth Girls Are Easy. Perfect. Hey, have you seen DOS Boot? Let me start it up. What the fuck? This is Earth Girls Are Easy again. You just changed the picture. You changed the book, right? Actually, now that I've examined it here, I can see where you've just hastily scribbled DOS Boot and crayon. Just darkened everything so it looks like it's in a submarine. I was trying to watch the pianist,

but I see that you went ahead and you just loaded up Earth Girls Are Easy. By the way, if someone makes an Earth Girls Are Easy sequel in a submarine, I think I would be Earth Girls Are Easy, and oh my god, there's so much water. That would be Earth Girls Are Easy, and deeply submerged. Like, I would watch that. I would watch that movie, I think. Who would be, okay, who would be the aliens? Like before it was Damon Wayans, Jeff Goldblum, and Jim Carrey. Who would be like... Oh, Christ. That's such a power pack. That's like the... I mean, you gotta assume... That's like the new Hollywood rap pack. You gotta assume Dax Shepard weasels his way in there, right? Who's that funny fat kid from Superbed? You gotta get two scoops of Dax.

You gotta get Dax up in there. See, I think Jonah Hill's too big now. Jonah, oh, he wouldn't fit in the submarine. Idiot. Asshole. I think Dax Shepard, I think that, I think that DL Hugley could use a job. I need one more. And Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey. Jim this summer, Jim Carrey, Dax Shepard, and DL Hugley learn that Earth Girls are easy and also underwater pretty deeply. They learn how to steer submarines and also how to please a woman. Bring a backup diaper because who's that driving the submarine? It's Carrey Top. God, this is a good movie. When does this come out? I really don't want to see it. I'll wait and read the reviews. Somehow the moment, I think, somehow the moment the ideas of

Earth Girls are easy to equal and Dax Shepard entered my head, I knew that it was too terrifying a reality that it would not come to pass. It's just too horrifying to joke about. Griffin. Yeah, I got you. Give me. This one's sent in by Adam Cole. Thank you, Adam Cole. It's by Yahu Answers user randomdude1003 who asks, is my little brother normal? I'm trying to be the person to explain to him any questions about puberty, but he doesn't want to know how to masturbate. Is that weird? Oh, no. Just come over here, little puppy. Sit down. Why don't you want to know this? This is like the best. This is like the most important thing. It's like puberty 101. You got to know this one thing or none of the other things will work out very well. It's a piece of stone. If you remember

if you get in within 30 feet of a female between the ages of 13 and 60, he will attack them like a rabid dog. He will leap across the dinner table and gobble them up because he will not learn how to masturbate. To be fair, his little brother is five. Gross. What are you saying? Are you saying little brother is going through fire of puberty? What are you saying? Hey, Mike. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm going to watch some Yu-Gi-Oh Yu down. You got to check this Saturday morning lineup. We got Yu-Gi-Oh. We got Phineas and Ferb and SpongeBob. It's fucking sick. It's fucking killer. I spilled Capri's son on my jam jams. Fuck. My whole scene is fucked, Mike.

Hey mom, throw my jam jams in the dryer. Got Capri on them again. Fuck. This wouldn't be so frustrating if I knew how to jerk it. Fuck this. Fuck everything. There's always three again. Shit was so easy back then. I think Justin left, so in his absence, I'm going to suggest we make a trip to the Money Zone. Today we're in the car with the Super Brophy Brothers. It's a webcomic. They've got brothers in it. Brothers are involved. Griffin, is that correct? That's all you really need to know. I mean, if you're listening to the show, you're obviously a connoisseur of sibling-based entertainment. And this is what you're going to get with the

Super Brophy Brothers. They're a webcomic. They're also a podcast, so they're trying to step to our game. And all I have to say is if you step to this face, then you're going to get cut up. Where they go. And you can find it at superbrophybrothers.com. That's brophyb-r-o-p-h-y brothers.com. Get in on the fucking ground floor of that joint. By the time you get there, though, they'll probably be all cut because they stepped to our game and tried to cop our swagger. Sorry about all the blood on your comic that you make. Also, there we got Mark Montalvano. But Addy calls him Man Bear Pig. That's a strange little pet name. That is weird. They hooked up in

07 while they were working at a cool nonprofit together. And then they got married on a mountaintop on a way to an eagle. When you say hooked up, you mean met and became acquainted, right? Not like they fucked because that's way too personal to put it. They became lovers. July 10th, 2010. So they've been married a year yesterday. And she wants him to know that he is her best friend and she'll love him till death or zombies. That's precious. So we love you two and now Griffin. Take it away. He's got to play a little jingle he wrote for everyone. Can't get enough of that brotherly love. We are offended but you should still listen to that other podcast. The Super Brophy Brothers podcast.

Perfect. Great. Good. Now the other one. Now the other one. Man Bear Pig. It's three things. I think that's great. That's just Man Bear Pig. He's three things. I think that's great. So thank you guys so much for taking us on that journey. If you would like to give on the Jumbotron on our fancy new multi-million dollar Jumbotron, where do they go Griffin? What's the address? It is maximumfun.org slash jumbotron. And you can just go there and it's easier than our previous sign up process. Get in there. Get your mention. Get your special occasion noted on a Max Fun Show. Well, let's be honest. Our show. Fuck those other guys. We need your zinny. We're on that paper

chase. We're on the paper chase and we need to get paid. Is it okay to take my shoes off at the office? I think you're very warm and even with powders and potions, I suffer. They are not odorous, just uncomfortable. I think this is reasonable to do under a desk. If Fred maintains, I am a barbarian. Please help, brothers. That's from Gmail. I don't think that's appropriate. I don't think it's ever appropriate because then people don't even have to really smell anything. If they see you with your shoes off, you're Stinky Dave or whatever, Stinky Dylan or kindergarten Dave. Like go put your shoes in the cubby hole, you fucking toddler. No, this is a place of business. What if a client comes in? Hey, hey, listen, we've got a client coming into business today

and you have got to put your shoes on. He's not going to want to make business with us anymore if he sees you out there with no shoes. I think there's one way you can get away with this though. Three words. Well, two, two words and they're hyphenated. The first two. There are two hyphenated words, so that's one word. Can I guess what the three words are? You're going to guess them right away. So it won't even be fun. Okay, let me try. Imaginary shoe thief. No, but good. Listen to this. You ready for this science, this knowledge? Gold toe socks. They're the business shoes of 2011. It's business cash. Are these gold toe socks? Because you can just let those puppies bark and then your gold toe socks are even fancier than whatever loafers you wore into the opposite.

Can I just say that it took me a second to put together what you were talking about, and for some reason at first I thought you were talking about the socks that are like individual toes? No, no, no, no. So like you could wiggle your little toe fingers there, but they were colored gold and that's what made it okay. That might be acceptable if you work at some sort of incense boutique. We're talking about a real place, a business place where clients come to do business. If you're working at stinky sticks, then that's exactly. If you were working at stinking smoke, then you can make that work for you. I think you're looking for stank and dank. Stank and dank. If you're working at stank and dank, that's acceptable. Otherwise, go gold toe.

If you're looking, because those are the most expensive that says I'm ready for business, I've made a conscious aesthetic choice with my sock wear. What about socks that say I'm ready for business? Just written on them, you mean? Yeah, and like what the sock says I'm ready and the other one says for business. You could also just write, you get a marker and write the words Calvin Klein on your leg and socks. Hey, that guy's ready for business. Nice business socks, Dave. We haven't even considered sock garters. We didn't even think about those. That's a cool look. That's a business professional casual look. Yeah, you got your Birkin socks and socks and sock garters. There's a lot going on down there. For anyone who appreciates sock garters,

he's got to be wearing shorts or rolled up khakis. You know what? Let's take it two more steps towards business cash and we'll say jorts. Okay. We're saying jorts. We're saying gold toe socks. We're saying sock garters. Is a mesh athletic tee too far? Sleeves or no sleeves? No sleeves. I don't know. I think no sleeves is pushing it. Okay, sleeves. You gotta get everyone in the office to do it. Yeah. The more things we add, the harder it's going to be. If you just want to get everybody wearing gold toe socks, no problem. When you throw jorts and sock garters in the mix, you're going to have a hard time getting Debbie and accounting on board with that. Sure. Unless you brand them. If you put your company name on the sock garter. Are you grossed

out by my lack of shoes? Good. I've got your attention. Here's the pitch. We put our thing on socks. Jorts. Jorts. Are you saying that this is a company that sells jorts? Because if that's the case, then I think that would be sort of complicit in their company guidelines is that everyone has to wear their jorts all the time. I think you could, if your boss tries to hassle you say, Hey, I'm Japanese, you bigot, or I'm half Japanese, depending on what you pull up. Culturally, yeah. Justin, it's your way. That may be in a weird way the most racist thing I've ever heard in my entire life. Are you saying that Japanese people only wear jorts? Why didn't jorts have to do this? Why didn't they do it to the grade at all?

Clearly he was talking about the Asians love sock garters. He doesn't want to wear shoes in the office. So if you're not wearing shoes, you can tell your boss. You can't derail, you can't derail our above ground jorts train and then jump back to a thing we were talking about 10 minutes ago. We were on jorts. I just solved the problem. Yeah, but to tell you that you're trying to make your boss feel like he's not culturally sensitive is a good way to get him off your back. I am so angry at you right now. We were on a Jorts tear. We were on a hot Jorts streak. I'm 30 years old. I don't know what Jorts are. I'm trying to. They're jeans, shorts, you dumb dick. Use your context clues. It starts with J. What else starts with J? Jorts, you fucking rages.

Forgive me for thinking that you would in some way be talking about the goddamn question that hand. Japanese shorts. This is the question that breaks our show up because you don't know what Jorts are. Japanese people wear them. That's really nice. That's really nice shorts. Yeah, they got a cell phone in them. I got them in Japan. These shorts are a cell phone. They're also made of denim. Don't look at me. Don't look at me. I see you buying my garters, sir. Respect my proud heritage. Eyes above the waist, please. If you don't wear pants, no one's going to notice that you're not wearing shoes. Just go naked waist down and be like, there are all our questions in. You guys notice that? What? I have a small problem and we go from

small solution to just get your whole dick out and wear nothing but sock garters. I think our strategy is sort of create a bigger problem that eclipses the smaller problem. Sure, sure, sure. It's like when you have a bug bite and then your dad breaks your arm so that you don't pay attention to the bug bite anymore. Exactly, exactly. It's one strategy. You're not going to see Abby trying that one. She's going to attack the problem head on. We're going to sneak up behind it and slit its throat. That's our style. That's our way. I think our shit is pretty practical. I think that if you roll up in your office wearing sock garters and gold toe socks and jorts and maybe long underpants under the jorts, that everything's just going to be 100% copacetic.

I am a guy in his early 20s and I recently started using online dating. Within a week, I've scheduled three dates over the weekend with three seemingly very nice ladies. I've never been in the situation for and I'm unsure if this is in polite. I haven't mentioned this to any of the girls I've gone for dates with and if I go on a third date with any of them, I'll turn down the others. Is there a proper etiquette for this situation? This is from Curtis in Colorado. You're playing a dangerous game, my friend. You've got hose in different web addresses and this house of cars that you're built is going to collapse right on your head and it's not going to hurt very much because it's made of cards, but it's going to hurt them. I think this is one

of the things, like if you imagine that, okay, say that this turns into one of these women is the one and you guys are together forever and get married and stuff. So the story you're going to tell is you were dating three girls at the same time and decided on this forever. That's kind of nice, right? I had my choice of three and I went with the stakes. I had an old and corral of ladies and I went with the stake. I think this is okay because statistically speaking, one's a guy. Like one's a guy. Yeah, one out of three women is a guy. That's stats, basic stats.

One is a guy pretending to be a girl on online dating because that's how he likes to get his jerk cookies. Exactly. One is a horse pretending to be a human. So good luck spotting her. And one is a woman pretending to be a horse pretending to be a guy pretending to be a woman. You cut through those layers enough. You're going to get something real nice. It's basically a small three-foot tall woman operating a horse in a woman's suit with like mechanics and stuff. It's going to look like a scene out of the Wizard of Oz, but really bad Wizard of Oz. Really upsetting Wizard of Oz. You're not doing anything wrong. It's casual. Casual didn't get much more casual than first dates. I do like that you've left that

second date window just to see what happens. He's not going to tell me the first date and he will tell me the third date, but on the second date, I don't know. He's not going to tell them that they're on a secret version of the bachelor. I'm playing covert bachelor with you. It's the bachelor meets candid camera and it sucks. It's the suckiest show. Everybody just gets their feelings hurt. Victoria, I'm sorry that you have to leave the show. I don't understand what you're talking about. Excuse me? I'm on a what now? You just picked up a rose and then you set it back down on the table without giving it to me and I have no idea what's going on. I'm so confused. And who are those two other women? One of them looks pony-ish. One of them is my fourth grade

gym teacher, Mr. Perkins. So I think you've done a bad job. We've got a dog in a sundress, so I don't know what you're doing anymore. This is the best date I've ever been on. Yes, I'll sue. I'm glad we're at the mall. We go see Zookeeper and maybe get a pretzel. From Kanye. Griffin. Jimmy. Another Yahoo? Yeah, I think so. This one was sent in by Lisa Holifield. Thank you, Lisa. It's by Yahoo! Inserts user Emily W, who asks, big tough dog names, please? I will be getting a big dog soon and I need a tough, sexy, hot name to go with it. Haha. Male and female names are okay. Please know Fluffy or Mr. Snuggles. It won't be amusing

no matter how funny you think it might be. I won't care, so really. Some tough names for a tough dog, smiley face, thanks. She needs a tough, sexy, hot name for her tough, sexy, hot male or female dog. Vin Diesel, the dog. See, my mind went to the very same place, Travis. Really? I swear to God, I was going to say diesel. What about Condoleezza Rice, the dog, because she didn't take any gut from anybody. Oh, she is. She will bite you, clean through your neck. Are there some suggestions? Did people have any good guesses? Ichabod. No. No. What? Pirate. Fuck you. No. Zeus. Zeus is all right. Zeus is pretty good. Buddy, what do you even say? That's not... That's like the opposite. Blaze. Ice. Laser. It's my dog Durbo.

He loves to keep a metal ball and roll around. I think we could come up with a hundred tough sounding dude names. What I think is really going to be tricky is coming up with a a tough, sexy, hot female dog name, because I see a female dog and I think, you know, Daisy or something delicate. I don't think laser or something like that. What about Kathleen Turner? She exudes strength, which still has that femininity. Okay. How about Kathy Bates? Kathy Bates. Maybe not as much with the sexy, but definitely tough, tough cookie. Bite your tongue, sir. Have you seen Harry's Law? It's like you haven't even seen Misery. That shit is a

Femme Dahmer's wet dream. Gross. I am creep up. Snack these ankles, Kathy Bates. I have been a dirty birdie. Should I write a story? I'll write a story about how rock hard I am right now. It's going to take a full book to express how around I am. You can't hobble my legs, but you can't hobble this boner. I think that of those dog names, I feel like the best one is Snoopy. Now, hear me out. Okay. It exudes strength because of longevity. Yeah. And if you want a dog to outlast you, that's what Snoopy did. He outlived his creator. That's that's strong. That's strength, right? And Snoopy, no one knows if Snoopy's a male dog or a female dog.

Well, I would say that if it's female, you can go with Snooki. Sexy. Which is everyone knows is the female version of Snoopy. There's a whole world of reality television that we could dive into. Sure. Oh, male or female, the situation. This is my dog. This is my dog Cake Boss. This is my dog Countess Luanne de Lisseps. This is my real housewife. Oh, yeah? Oh, tell me more. This is my dog 18 kids and counting. No, you're just saying things now. Yeah. This is my dog the Duggers. This is my dog 19 bites and counting because I'll bite you

all the time. This is my dog, dog, the bouncy hunter. Yeah. Oh, god. I want to hear Irvin's last question. But for super quick housekeeping stuff, mbm.com is our website, maxfunstore.com is our new t-shirt that you can buy. I know some sizes are sold out right now. But our friends at Topotaco have told us that they are Topotaco. Topotaco, there it is. At Topotaco. Topotaco, right? That's right. Simpatico. Yeah. Simpatico. Our friends at Inception have told us that they will get it in super quickly. Topotaco, there we go. They will replace the size. Topo Gijo. Topo Gijo. Topo Gijo has the softest shirts. I hope, John Paul. So men large and medium and women's large are no women's medium or out.

Tupac Oprah. Tupac. Tupac. Tupac Ducaro. So be sure to get it. Tupacaria. Our neighbor Titoro. Our email address is mbm.atmaxfun.org. We have a phone number that I think Irvin might listen to sometimes. Tier 203 Mbim Bam 1. Give it a ring. I think formspring.me for such an MBAM is another method where we get questions. And Twitter, thank you so much for talking about our show there. Use the MBAM hashtag, like our good friend Church's wife. She's out there constantly spreading the word. Stacey Mom, Crystal Whalen, Skyliner 12, everybody. You're all awesome. That's Sports Babe,

Kay and Christ. People are spreading the word. And right now, we have got, B. Frank is making, that's Bridget to her friends. She's stitching something in MBAM related. I can't wait to see that. If you don't care to this week, can you tell a friend about our show? You point them to bit.ly. It's Mbim Bam. That's our sampler there. Or just send them to the website. Burn them a CD of some shows if they're not into iTunes in a whole bit. If they are, if you are, subscribe and give us a review. I'm going to take a much more aggressive approach and say that if our listenership does not double by this time next week, we quit forever. No, he doesn't mean that. We'll never quit doing the show. We might miss it. We'll never die.

We'll never die. I promise. And thank you guys, as always, for all your support. Remember, maximumfund.org.com. You can get up in there. And I think that's everything. Our final question of the day was sent in by Rachel Rosales. Thank you, Rachel. It's by Yahoo Answers user, Handy Leatherette, who asks, Hey, what's the best kind of tube comb to use? I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother and me. Kiss your dad, square on the lips. You