My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 629: Millennial Seinfeld

Episode Date: September 26, 2022

MBMBaM 629: Milennial SeinfeldThe Korm saga continues. That’s right, Kaurm, we know what we said. Are there any Kormheads out there? Kormos? You know, it’s a band like Poopastank.Suggested talking points: September Twenty-Fleventh, Bidey Bones, Hotwork (Again), Plumpkins, Pure Corn FrictionEarthjustice: https://earthjustice.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up you cool, baby? Precious friendship Could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better

It's better it's better It's better it's better Hello everybody and welcome to my brother my brother and me and I'm an advice show for the modern era I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother Travis Macabre Oh Roy No Macabre Roy sounds like a Court yeah, and I'm good. I'm the I'm Griffin McElroy's bones

It's the time where everybody starts changing their names on social media and stuff to be like they're spooky like Halloween version of their name And I've never come up with a good one Our name is is difficult to Terrorize yeah, I really thought about this in a long time and it gets it's it's like trying to pick it in August Cuz it's instantly sweaty. It's just as soon as you come up with something. It's one time at church camp Someone called me Griffin door macaroni, and then I realized I would never scare anyone Yeah, I would never impose. I would never be scary or imposing or Impressive the mirror wasn't what tipped you off to that. It was the Griffin door Macalroy moment. No Justin Griffin door Macalroy

That would just want to make you say it again. Yeah, is Travis Macalroy anything is that scary? I don't want to get some afraid of I'm afraid of being smacked. I don't I got smacked one time by a friend in middle school Cuz I kept slapping the bottom of his disposable camera to make the flash go off and he was worried I was gonna overexpose the film and he slapped my face and Pointed at him and I said don't ever touch me again Walked out of the locker room where it this a conflict happened And I just want to say Mike if you're listening name the time and place motherfucker It's I've been sitting on this one I've been sitting on this one for 23 years

Well, he he did show me a pornographic magazine that belonged to his father we were in middle school and I don't I'm not going to give the brand of the magazine free publicity safe to say that it was not the smoothest transition into my sexual awakening that There was possibly other there. There was other reading material that skip to come an advanced level of pornography There was an anatomical realization that came before the erotic one and

It made and the two got real confuddled My foot my 13 year old brain anyway Psyche and then it just sort of took wrong turns in the different roads that they weren't supposed to head down Mike also gave me a heads up that I was being cheated on in college one time So I think we're square Mike keep keep on keep on going strong. We don't have to fight What are we doing? What do we do what Mike? What are we doing? I'm not scary stuff Travis Did you have a comment about scary things like the the beginning of the Halloween season or do you want to officially? Commence it because if you commit, this is a problem with commencing Halloween season is that you have commit like that's the Christmas

I think I think and I have a strong stance on this if I That is shocking to me that you have a strong feeling about the seer part a holiday Benefits from the addition of decorations on your house, which I believe Halloween does it should start Earlier than a normal holiday season because the effort it would take to put up decorations Right should be rewarded with the time of them being viewed and appreciated So like I don't think you'd say like you can't put up Halloween decorations until like two weeks before that's too short I think a window of time of two months prior As soon as we hit and listen you could point it a calendar all you jabronis

So I've recalled you jabronis and say the actual first day of fall is in like September 21st or whatever and it's like yeah, man But we all know September Timber first is false September is not a summer month if anybody out of context said you know the summer months like June July August September, they'd be like what are you talking about? You're like well the majority of September is summer Get the fuck out. They're the way this way. Has anybody ever said oh my favorite winter holiday st. Patrick's Day. No No, it's not that's in the spring

Guys, I love Millennial Seinfeld as much as the next guy, but hey Griffin. Are you just realizing that that's what this show is I Hey, Travis, I fucking refuse to accept that. There's no there's no way Okay, Griffin's in a mood. Let's talk about it Griffin's in a mood where Travis and I find Griffin in this Sometimes where it's like I don't like that joke I'd I'd prefer another joke do it differently. I don't have I don't I don't have an alternative joke Say I have this to say about Halloween The best Halloween innovation in the last decade has been the big skeleton that people I guess have been buying at I don't know where you get big skeleton. It's got a spirit of Halloween

I don't think they have them at your local Costco the sign I At Lowe's yesterday. There was a sign that was like one giant skeleton per customer. It's a real issue so I do think that Mr. Biden if we could get one of those sent to every American household and Then there would be a date prescribed by the government that you do put your big skeleton out And then as you walk around the neighborhood it reminds you that Trick-or-treat is coming costume kids are coming

The grave just to keep that. Yeah, that's a scary grave Then Dracula is all that stuff. That's a holiday. I can get into I would also say I think Biden should pass an amendment That says like when you get your big skeleton up No adorning it with any political statements. No, we don't want him holding a sign or wearing a hat if you know what I mean Like this is a purely a political stance on skeleton awareness Maybe in Christmas, there's a sort of skin wrap You can put on it to make it look like Skeleton you put the beard on it you put the hat on it. No, I'm talking about a full

Epid like epidermis Sort of like a real skit when I say skin wrap. I don't mean a costume you put on the skeleton I mean you make it a real a real boy, but a Santa Claus There was an original draft of Nightmare Before Christmas While where they were like, well, I think I think Jack Skellington knows that Santa should be like rotund So what he's gonna do is he's gonna pop he's gonna pop Santa skeleton out of his butt And he's gonna climb in there and wear a Santa suit and they said well save this for Tim Allen vehicle that's coming up And instead oh Justin's challenge

I just stand up to think about Santa Claus Here's what I'm here's what I'm thinking okay No, no, no, no, this is like this is we're it's about we're about to get rich. Okay. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah, I know Big Santa yeah, I do sometimes sure big Jack Skellington is something I do sometimes right? Yeah, but what about like Like just what if the skeleton could just be a different big man for every holiday? Yeah, sure Right. So like you have big skeleton. Uh-huh. That is spooky, right? Christmas I

Mean makes it so great feet right you wrap the Santa suit on him done. Yeah, it's good huge robe beard scythe Father time sure yours are you like a diaper on the skeleton? He's like no save the diaper diaper at midnight you rip the Toga off the skeleton and it's wearing a diaper now and now it's just like why do we have so many different huge men? Let's have one huge man that you dress up for any holiday you want veterans day making a soldier Memorial Day now But is there always a skeleton underneath Memorial Day back to us back?

What yeah Travis that was gonna be my joke before Travis did make sure to jump right in there and cut that cut that Sorry, I was just I wasn't even making a joke. I'm imagining the transitional period where Between each holiday you do have to strip it back to a skeleton You're legally not allowed to do that why people are awake You have to go door-to-door and knock on everyone's door and say are you guys out and they'll say yeah Then you go and yeah, and you say tonight's my skeleton night So don't come out and do your skeleton because we can't see each other do it. These are Biden issued they call them Column bitey bones because Biden said the pandemic's over. I got all this money

We're gonna do bitey bones and everyone says all right I'm ready and then the bitey bones to start showing up by the truckload every household gets a bitey Family housing every family gets a bitey bone. It's just a yard of skeletons outside. That's fun Now I do like it being preassembled and maybe like it's still kind of warm and the bones are moist and hot like real But I should and Biden's like don't ask questions. I got resources about the bitey bones But let's say I got a lot of these laying around in a certain area in the desert Hold on wait. Hold on wait Okay, yeah, they they say all religions can be on the bitey bones. It's no problem if you want to do

Even if you belong or yeah, if you belong to a religion that is like strictly anti-skeleton Yeah, it said then it's okay. It's still okay cuz you know, okay, you got a special permission slip from president Bitey. Yeah, it's fine. These are a religious a political skeletons That you just like anything you want you are making me so hugely uncomfortable because you're standing but because you're kind of Rocking back and forth. This is my stand Yeah, no, you look like you're a new judge on Shark Tank who does who very publicly does cocaine Also made some bad investments and really needs this one poor cow Wait, where is that?

Where is that episode of Shark Tank where you get the basketball player who's like this will be but and he's but he needs He really needs one of these to work and you say it's a short thing. It's a short thing Definitely want this. All right. I'm willing to invest $20 million in your frog warmers and the other sharks like don't do no. Hey, they can't they can't do this buddy It's like don't do this. It's a short thing. They said so everyone's gonna want a frog warmer 20 million dollars for 500% of frog warmers Let it ride let it ride, baby. Let's see where this thing takes us. This is a this is an advice show where we You ask us a question you send it to mbmbam at maximum fun.org and then we answer it. It's like not a big It doesn't it doesn't have to be a big thing. Don't make like yeah, don't make it like an issue out of it. Okay

I'm currently studying elementary education and I have a lot of experience working with kids on reading slash writing in July my co-worker and I begin discussing the possibility of me tutoring his son in reading He kept setting dates for us to meet for a tutoring session and then change the date at the last minute Eventually, he ended up sending me $100. I guess I'll hold myself accountable to actually following through with tutoring It is now September and I still have not tutored his son The money is still in my Venmo account and we haven't discussed the tutoring topic in weeks I would very much like this money. Is there a point where it's okay for me to take the money? Should I send it back? That's from broken Birmingham. Oh my god

I feel like I'm hearing the opposite side of most interactions people have had with me And it's very very stressful to me I feel like I've been this other person and I've been thinking I'm sure they're not thinking about this anymore, right? Cuz right I'm just I'm just feeling guilty about it all the time But they've probably forgotten and this question is like I haven't forgotten Justin and not only that I was I was confused By what you thought was a very clear indicator that the transaction was over because that's what I assume the hundred dollars is is like You know what this isn't gonna happen, but I feel so bad that I jerked this person's chain So like I'm just gonna like give them the money we agreed on does feel like somebody was like I can't be guilty

I can't feel bad about this anymore. Maybe if I just do my part They'll just find a chance and just find Dirk somewhere in an alley and tutor him I don't know. Maybe we'll seek him out some tutoring on the fly. Hey, hey They never arranged the tutoring but then Dirk just started like crushing it with everything he tried to read like I guess he's tutoring somewhere. I don't know about it, but I'll send him a hundred bucks just to be safe This is a breach of etiquette. I feel like there there needs to be a law About sending people funds and maybe I'm just saying this because people have sent me funds and then be like and now What are you gonna do about that the money I have sent you?

It's a brief it's so it's not a nice thing to do it is just send somebody money and be like you figure out what you need to do for Me now. It's you clearly owe me one Figure out what that is. No, I guess you have the expectation It is a weird in in verse of capitalism if there's an expectation that you will be Repaid in some way for you cuz I was gonna say giving money to people. That's fine, right? We cannot we're still fine with that That's okay. Yeah for sure. Okay, but if you're expecting something in return. That's the problem I think also this one is yours, right? Because here's the thing you take that money at any point if your co-worker is like

Hey, so when are we gonna schedule that thing? Right You already have the money and if your co-worker never brings it up again. You already have the money. Yeah, you should take Does Venmo you have to like take the money? No, you sadly it's in your account Give it to you. Um, so here's what I need you to do get on Craigslist or if you really want to turn a quick buck on this fiver and find a Reading tutor for this boy. Oh, yeah, but get in there at the lowest Possible price point

That you can't find somebody who's just like It's 20 bucks, but I only do consonants And then and then you and then you have just made you've turned a quick profit while also not Fully ripping this person off because now you're just like a tutor eight your tutoring agent to the stars The answer is simple if Dirk's in like third grade you hire a fourth grader to tutor Dirk And then it's one reading level above that and like 10 bucks a fourth grader love 10 bucks

Absolutely, they would fourth graders love 10 bucks Just you look awesome. You look really lost in thinking I was thinking about a story that is related to this that I wanted to share with y'all I don't cut my own grass Yeah, I do most of the things in my house But that's one thing that I decided like I'm gonna pay somebody to cut my grass because I don't I hate I hate cutting grass I hate you have definitely told us about your grass boy That does your you're okay. So um

the my grass gentleman he cut uh, uh I came home and he cut half the lawn And he said and he texted me and he said hey, I'm sorry that I only cut half the lawn my partner who usually helps me um died And I it's been really hard keeping up. I said, oh my god. I'm so sorry. I'll tell you what Let me go and send you the money for the for this cutting and then You know, whenever you can get back over to finish. It's like no, I'd be deal. He's like, thank you so much

But that was like a couple weeks ago now, right? So Well, now I'm in a situation where it's not that my grass is long It's that half of my grass is really long There's two options for me, right? One is Are you still How's it go? How's it going? With everything with them. Yeah with the with the everything or it's just like Find someone else to do it and then he shows up. He's like god damn

Can one thing go right? I got scooped god. I cannot catch a break So now I'm kind of in between those two positions and I don't really know I don't have them my brother my brother and me, you know what I mean? You do have two brothers people forget the pagliacis That we that we are in like what would you guys do in my position? I don't it should this is so key I don't own a lawnmower Like I don't I don't have one I have a weed wacker for when I need to get some intense work done

But I don't have a lawnmower. Do you have a big pair of scissors for me? Yeah Some good ripping gloves I do have two kids. Yeah, there you go Yeah, haven't eaten the grass like goats Get out there and eat the grass like goats. You should just text the lawnmower person Like hey, let's schedule the next time you're able to come out. Are you still by yourself? We could schedule it over two days if that helps

Yeah, that's good trev. Yeah, I it's not a joke, but I can see that this is really bothering my older brother And I wanted to help me you could say like I know you had trouble with the right side of the yard But I want you to know that it's basically just like the left side of the yard, but backwards. Does that help? Does that help? Wait, so your assumption is that the loss of the partner made it impossible to do both halves Not because it was a time issue because when he reached the middle boy is like, but I've never done over there before I had got to a point where I almost asked if I could borrow his lawnmower

So I could do it But then I worried there was a reality when she's like That was real good. I have one other yard Are you looking for a side gig? It's like I do three or four yards because I feel so guilty that it's like wait a minute. I think I work for this guy now And then you find that it's your new passion and it's just like, oh, what do I tell my brothers? How about another you guys want another question or yeah? Yeah, you know what I really do Or you know how we've been talking about starting our own band. Yeah

Yeah The wizard has some help for us Eric sent this one in and it's how to find an interesting name for your band And it can't be the macro brothers because that's actually taken I found out recently There's like three macro brothers who do I believe it's called commercial rock or something which doesn't seem like a thing Well, we do kind of commercial rock. Do we like we well we have sponsors on the show and I think that our comedy style Really rocks. Well, we've covered we do scouting. We do jingles. Yeah. Um, we've done some musicals

Yeah, but we really shred these jokes. Are you looking for a catchy name for your band? The name your band chooses can make the difference between success and failure. Mm-hmm. I think anecdotally I can think of a few bands that Have some of the worst names I've ever heard in my life that managed to really take off. Yeah, um and find a lot of success Like cold play That's not that doesn't mean anything. Anyway, learning the rules of good band names. Keep it short Think about it. How many band names do you know that are more than three words long? Not many that's the rule of thumb. No more than three words long

You want people to be able to spell and pronounce your name? Mostly, you just want people to be sure they remember it. Can you abbreviate your band name easily? That can be helpful for merchandising purposes. That's one reason that nine-inch nails chose its name I'm a can we just all three I'm just gonna a quick test here off the top of your head. What's the most memorable band name? We're gonna I'm gonna count down from three Uh and on go say the most memorable band name. Okay. You ready? Wait the most memorable band name Yeah, the band like when you think of a band name, right? What what's the first one the band itself, right? like

Yeah, the work the just the name of the band Right. Okay. Ready three two one go hubba cherry poppin daddies Humperdink is not a band this is an art is a singer Now jesson you say hubba stink. That's a good hubba stink Hubba stinks. I'll know that for the rest of my life. I'll never not know who was sick and I said cherry poppin daddies, which is uh horrible obviously obviously to hear also that's so interesting Uh to hear you say and you it's not the first time But god something you just got it's memorable really six and now griffin you said a human being's name. Am I correct?

Yeah, that felt fucked up Because this is a real person Engelborg hubba stink Yeah, yeah Okay, I would say red hot chili peppers because it's I'll tell you why four words four words This is a part-time job to say the name of this band. Yeah, I have things to I have shit to do today I have two children I can't go around saying red hot chili peppers all the time

Just then when I said it, I almost fell asleep in the middle of it I almost needed a glass of water in the middle of saying the name of that band They should just call it red hot pep Or just the peppers. Oh, that's good. It would be a better name for the band about it anthony What's up anthony? What's up anthony hit me up? What about key dis and friends key dis I got all kinds of great ideas for you Yeah, there you go amp flea and the rest Let's move forward. Damn it. You're right. Ant flea rest Ant flea etc etc

Make your uh make your name SEO friendly these days You want your name to be easily findable when you search on the internet names are too common hubba stink I'm pretty sure Every one of these bits in this question or wiki how article we could just say hubba stink. Yeah hubba stinks Well, it's like a good name for a band like I don't know anything about the band But it's a good name for a band memorable short Avoid anything with very negative connotations. You have to know how far you can The one I said's out

You have to know how far you can push it Okay, right. All right. Does hubba stink qualifier this is like hubba has I don't think it has well. Yeah, I guess stankin. No, I think thank is right. Stank's not good like hubba like hubba Hubba disarms you. Yeah hubba as a as a qualifier arms up. It looks like grimace It's guys are some like come here, buddy. And then it's like stank is in the back Yeah Corn's a funny name. I know we talk about but we're we're a bunch of bad SEO though Well, except you spell with a k so that's assuming you know that in this day and age grouping

You can't assume people know Because maybe they just hear it and then they're just talking to alexa and they're like alexa play corn And then it plays that corn song from tick tock, you know, no, no, no the one that goes And alexa's like I've called the doctor for a year um I didn't know if there really is a corn song from tick tock, but it sounds Right, that sounds like something tick tock would have on it. You don't know about the corn boy song Find a name that's fresh

You want to avoid band names that are cliched now because of because they were trends a long time ago It's past say to add a number to your name boys two men seem so not now Acronyms are out think in sync putting an exclamation point at the end of your name will date you too Adding an extra d or t on the end of a name is kind of cliched avoid it think rat Rats rats rat to be Uh develop a vision for your band that one we've already done pop young spirited

um hip now sexy And these are words that we can take and fold. Oh, sorry. I was saying that for the band name Yeah, no, that's what i'm saying. So sexy cold play would be a good one a better one Hip young fresh sexy cold play too many words because it's it's pop Cold play lets you know that it's gonna be pop because this band has cold play in it. Yeah cold play with a k. Is that anything? Hot hot play hot work. We've talked about hot work before we have made that no way

Exactly So find a word with meaning to you combine it with something perhaps your favorite candy bar the name of your girlfriend from High school your hometown all these are words you could add to a band name or just uses one Now I say when it says the name of your girlfriend for high school. It doesn't mean like full name Samantha davis three musketeers Ha ha ha ha Cindy score Cindy scores not a bad name for a love a score bar I don't know that I thought that that was a I thought that that was a dipping tobacco thinner heath bar

I thought it was the one was the one that oh zero That's what I was thinking of with the new gets in the white chocolate use a pop culture or literary reference Oh Mikey way was working in the Barnes and Noble and saw the book by Irvine Welsh and titled three tales of chemical romance And then he came up with the name of the band Coldplay this is my band the so-so Gatsby's That's a pretty good name for a band. Thank you. Thank you They're definitely I can't decide if they're emo or punk, but they're one of those two. Can you do screamo?

I always thought that was yeah, I can dude. Yeah screamo. That's perfect Get inspiration from common products or things flowers food sewing machines You name it look around the house to find a lot of common things with interesting names AC DC got their name from a sewing machine Food names can also make good band names preparation hubba stink That's what it's short for now That's what the age stands for Food names can also make good band names think black eyed peas or red hot chili peppers

So which one is it wiki? Which one of those is a good name? Can we take a step back because right now you're telling me that red hot chili peppers is a good band name But let me red hot chili peppers. That's four Are you sure red hot's not one one? In there candy called red hot's and they're just the one word. Oh, that's right and anthony key to stated somebody named chili peppers in high school Um

Pick a random name. Thanks. That's nothing sure use your own name or your initials This is always a possibility especially if your band has a frontman for example the dave matthew's band It's simply based on one of the band members Oh my god, that makes so much it's never clicked for me before So wait his name is dave. There's a real dave matthew's I thought it was like hootie and the blowfish Do you think that there was ever a moment when they were coming out and he was like, what if we just called it the dave matthew's band? and they're like, uh, dave, uh, i'm not sure

We were we were talking about a bunch of cool names to me. Yeah, but wouldn't it be a symbol of we just called it dave matthew's band And like I don't think it would dave um So make up a new word is another one and they give an example Metallica's example of a band with a name that isn't made up word drummer lulls all rick made up made it up while thinking about a Metal magazine. That's a pretty I wish I could live inside that man's wonderful fucking

Imaginarium of fucking dr. Parnassus my palace that he's got going on in there It also says create a new word by misspelling a common word like corn But that's taken unless we wanted to do like k a u are in Okay, what about this? This is the name of our band. It's not it is about corn with the sea Oh, I like that. What's up, everybody? We're corn. Did you say corn? Zing's up a zee zee-ba-zee-ba. This is my band poob-a-stay Are you teddy like what? What did you say?

Oh, man Make sure someone else doesn't have your name. It would be a night ridder without a band Hey, hey, hey, nobody take corn TM TM TM me and jerry got corn Wait, which one did you say? I said corn. Can we be corn? How are you spelling it with a k? Yeah, that's fine. I can't see how that'd be confusing at all That was a competing band Jonathan Davis started corn

And corn was already on the rise corn had been on the scene for like two years corn had a sea at the beginning but an in at the end They were heading up and Jonathan Davis was like, I guess the thing that you need is for your band to be named after corn Uh juice. I'm sorry for this one determine if the domain name is available. So corn dot Gov is humustank.com taken it's gotta be right corn.com is available That's gonna be a big ask though because it does look a lot like corn I I can't imagine how it could be confusing. It's corn with an m

It's different in every way develop more than one band name. No, fuck you No, we have we struck gold here and then trademark your band name with the united states patent office I don't is that It took you a while to find that button because I know you didn't program that last time I did program it last time, but I'd switch the pads over. I know isn't that sad I feel like if we're gonna continue to or get now that That came organically like do we just maybe Think about that corn is a lot more than other people do

Or are we just the only ones willing to talk about it? Just it's 2022 So much stuff Bad stuff. Yeah, bad stuff has happened Yeah, since corn came on the scene That it makes the fact that there was a band called corn that had a song that sounded like goomba Really

Really funny to me. Yeah, like it's like we look back and it's like there were some bad There was some bad times in there And then it's right before it's like I was in available to sit through hippies and stuff And they're like I miss the music was like booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo No, I for us it's I miss when music was like It's not even the music that I missed Travis. It was a more whimsical time. Oh, yeah A simpler and better time last time I wanted to make an announcement about the band cord Okay, last time we talked about corn which it's I'm sure it's been months now

sorry which man just in corn or corn sorry this is about corn and it is from last week okay I mentioned Hedy but the basis of corn is the name fieldy as several listeners kindly corrected me a lot of real corn nose in the audience and I did not know that a lot of cornographers and I am I'm so sorry to Mr. Fieldy if you're listening I'm so sorry there's no way anyone in that band listens to podcasts not one of them there's no way anyone in corn listens to corn with a K I'm talking about now you understand that not corn no there's no way those dudes are way too fucking cool

hi everybody sorry to interrupt a brief program we note the rapture did happen and only Travis was scooped up I miss him so much and when we say only Travis in the in the world yeah he was the only one with a pure soul it was the trap sure it was the trap sure I was hanging out with Kurt Cameron when it happened and he was like wow really unbelievable not me huh that stinks hey you want to save a little cash you know it's about to be the holiday season and you know you gotta be buying gifts for people maybe you're trying to get out ahead of it this would be really really ahead of it and I do doth my cap to you

Malady but matter of your shopping for yourself or for gifts why don't you try doing it with honey it's a free browser plug-in that when you're checking out it's like hey you want me to look for some coupon codes try to save you a few bucks you say yeah absolutely and then it'll it'll look around see what you can find I have saved literally hundreds of dollars making online purchases which probably says just about as much about me as it does about honey but it is it's a wonderful thing to have by your side if you want to try to you know make your money go as far as it can it's wonderful it's wonderful thing you

can get it for free right oh oh oh and it's not just for your desktop you can get it on your phone too just activate it on safari on your phone you can say while you're driving around yeah I mean not not driving but you know riding or what have you if you don't already have honey you could be missing out and if you get it you're not just doing yourself a favor you're doing us a favor too because you're supporting the show so get honey for free at joinhoney.com slash brother that's joinhoney.com slash brother that's right Justin the holidays are sneaking up on us and but this time we're gonna have but this time

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contracts Santa Claus does need our help this year everyone last year we all know what happened we remember we remember so go to stamps.com click on the microphone at the top of the page intercode my brother save Christmas save Santa Claus hi I'm Hal Lublin and I'm Mark Gagliardi and we're the hosts that we got this with Mark and Hal the weekly show where we settled the debates that are most important to you that's right what arguments are you and your friends having that you just can't settle apples or oranges marble or DC fork versus

spoon chocolate or vanilla best bagel what's the best Disney song we got this with Mark and Hal every week on maximum fun we do the arguing so you don't have to oh all answers are final for all people for all time we got this most game shows quiz contestants about topics they don't even care about but for more than 100 episodes the go-factor self-podcast has asked celebrity guests trivia about topics they choose for themselves and introduce them to some of their personal heroes along the way oh my gosh shut up join me Jake Heath fan stratum and me Helen Hong along with guests like DJ Jazzy Jeff

Yardley Smith Roxanne Gay and so many more on the trivia game show podcast go fact yourself twice a month every month on maximum fun here's another question I'm a high school teacher and I just had a student tell me that I look like I eat trail mix I don't really know what he meant by this but I know he intended it as an insult what could you possibly meant why do I feel so deeply offended by this comment what course of punishment does this deserve I can't stop thinking about it that's from muddle to Missouri now there's two I think there's two as devastating yeah devastating harsh I

mean it's so devastating my guess as to why it cuts so deep is that you are a person who has multiple times in your life eaten trail mix but you do not like make it an everyday habit so you can't outright deny it but it does seem like they've peaked deep into your soul to know so like I know that in your deepest darkest hours when no one's around you eat trail mix and it's just like what I haven't really much before yeah you're right I do this is what terrifies me about getting older is I don't know what the thing is that I do that I will be utterly humiliated for and it'll be a totally innocuous thing like eating

trail mix but then somebody will point it out and that person will be half my age and they'll point it out to their friends and they'll all laugh and then they'll get on their hover skates or whatever and drift off and I'll be left standing there like wondering everything about my life why I live the way I live this is a terrifying question to me yeah I would also I would find myself immediately as soon as like their back was turned or I could get away from them googling like is eating trail mix laying for something is this eating trail mix bad to do now is this like from a meme where there's like a cartoon

squirrel that eats trail mix and then like shits themselves like what is this in reference to you can't just be trail mix right can't be no it's not I've always thought of trail mix as a very neutral food like who wouldn't enjoy trail mix there's something for everyone in there and how could they become a bad thing is it about nuts it's gotta be something about nuts right nuts are in there are they saying that I like to have nuts like a testicle is it a testicles thing guys gotta be testicles you gotta tell me the testicle thing cuz it can't be the chocolate candy part everybody loves that they love raisins they're not

telling me I mean I bet it's the seeds it's the seeds it's weird to have seeds in the thing cuz you plant those you're not supposed to eat them how stupid why I've been eating seeds for so long fuck fuck they're right they're right they're right they're right I should expel them before anyone else finds out my secret gets out seed eater never come back to school again just you just couldn't wait could just seed eater plant this belly like a sloppy little monster loves his seeds oh you look like you eat trail mix fuck it does hurt because it's so there's no there's no implication whatsoever so the mind just reaches for

it's an insult that is like it impregnates itself like I don't know what's the worst thing you think about yourself yeah right have you considered that you eat trail mix being the worst thing about yourself you look like I like trail mix I do have commitment issues yeah why how did you get there is it are they okay the best I can figure is that you you have a crunchy aesthetic and by which I mean not because of all of the toothsome legumes that you're shoveling into your mouth during your lunch hour but I'm more talking about sort of your hiking you you eat trail mix because you find yourself on trails a

lot oh you're just like a kind of a trail junkie but it can't be that you actually have that lifestyle like you're not bringing your hiking backpack to class because you're hitting the trails afterwards it's like you wore a flannel and a knitted beanie once and they're like oh okay I like this idea in your head where when a teacher comes to school they leave no hints whatsoever of the type of person that they are are you kidding me that's all I would do the yeah that's what I'm saying Travis yeah because you're saying you would cloak your shit so that your kids would never know anything about you yes how are you

supposed to connect with how you supposed to connect I don't want Griffin we've already established the idea of can it maybe that's it is like you've cloaked your shit so good the best they can infer like I don't know trail mix something about trail mix I think I saw I'm eating M&M's once and I'm reminded me of trail mix I don't know man because here's the thing Griffin as soon as they know any aspect of your life you've given them so much ammunition where they see you and they're like hey cat mom and you're like god damn it to me I feel like if they said that to me I would think about the only times I eat trail mix or when

I'm like traveling and I'm really worn out and it's like you deserve a little treat it's been hard for you and it's like they see me this is like a little baby that needs bottom powdered and it's just like a little little wimp who needs no energy actually hey yeah the only time I eat trail mix is when I am flying to one of our many sold out entertainment engagements tickets on sale right now for the shows this week there's so there's so many left there's so many left but the only time I eat trail mix is when I am jet setting that's true from one city to the next leaving crowds of people stupefied with my great

jokes and so trail mix is not the food of some crunchy waistoid that's someone who has so many other great comedy shows to do yeah they only have time for a handful of food so it better have a little bit of everything in there if I was a crunchy waistoid I'd call it gork because I am a business man yeah essentially who eats trail mix because it has the protein I crave it has the carbohydrates and sugars that my body needs to like get me to my next sold out business entertainment engagement this is a this is a power food for powerful people the only trails that griffin's worried about is Kim trails

the ones being left behind the plane that he's flying in to get to his next thing maybe that's what they're saying is you look like a government chill maybe yeah maybe now see I think I was going a different way where the only time I eat trail mix is like I rip it open and I slam it back like some kind of power pills from a video game that's filling up my energy bar and so maybe what they're saying is you look like you move you move too quickly from thing to thing you're not taking time for you maybe this is a they're worried about you hey they're worried about you you look like you're eating trail mix you need to settle

down make a meal make yourself a knife and fork meal you deserve it eat eat some knife and fork food you deserve it don't just rip open a plastic baggie and slam it like some kind of like on-the-go machine you're not a machine you're a person you have the needs and you know what worse you know what just take the time get a plate separate the trail mix back thank you in the different use of that's a meal that's a meal cuz it's separate you just have well you're gonna use a spoon on the peanuts definitely a fork on the raisins that's where you're gonna feel it what's that oh you've you've melted the chocolate candies into

some sort of fondue that you can dip some that's great you're doing it this is a sort of deconstruction of trail mix I call it trail it's not mixed at all it's just it's just sort of composite you're gonna love it eat one thing and go in a clockwise order around the plate this is my artist intent it's a hundred and fifty dollars it is it took me a lot of time to separate things it's very labor intensive we just we I have another question we just moved the country and I passed by a little farm every day that has a trailer at the edge of their property next to the highway that trailer is full of beautiful plump

pumpkins of all different sizes pumpkins there's a no sign indicating if the pumpkins are free or not can I go take some or are they decoration that's from pumpkin perplexed in Minnesota this will be quick hey hey hey Peter Cotntail calm the fuck down chill it you need to chill the fuck out dude I knew you're new to the country it doesn't work like that sign saying if they're free or not you know what that's applicable to all things pretty much like all things my car doesn't have a sign that says this just beautiful Buick is is taken do not say like what would be the alternate sign do not steal I think if you don't

see an is free sign the assumption is the base case has to be do not steal yeah now but unless unless we've all had that where we've driven past a cornfield and seen these beauties yeah these golden beauties just shimmering in the sun and thought like if I just grabbed one of those one beauty one beauty then there's no way that I would get caught there's no way they would notice it's one corn from farmers I think that the subsidies that my tax dollars provide allow me no no listen steal from farmers as much as I fucking want to you didn't let me finish the thought yeah you're right I'm sorry but that's that's true yeah it's

not stealing because I'm the only one that's doing it so nobody they're not it's not like I'm telling everyone to steal from farmers I'm saying I should be able to steal one thing from every farmer it's statistically a victimless crime yeah it's basically a grand scheme of things is a grand scheme it's basically a rounding now I will now I will say aside from the humble water here you guys you aside from the farmers on board aside from the humble water melt and farmer there is not a worse produce I could steal than a pumpkin because you talk about economies of scale you can grow way fewer pumpkins than you can

grow beautiful corn beauties yeah so that that the bottom line will be more affected in the pumpkin in the pumpkin industry that's why I feel fine stealing one soybean that's something I feel comfortable doing right small living corn even less noticeable I'm fine with us as long as we're talking about corn fields can I make a call to Hollywood stop making it look so fun when cars go barreling through cornfields and I know it's scary or whatever the funnest thing but like every time I pass a cornfield there's this party that's like what if I just hooked left because there's no way you would get your car we get halfway

into the cornfield before it would come to a dead stop oh yeah just from pure pure corn friction would just like it would get wrapped up in your undercare all kinds of corns up in the works shouldn't be there no but it looks like fun cuz it's like what you cannot you don't need us to hey hey friend you don't need us to tell you that you can't just take some pumpkin off a corn off a cornfield or a pumpkin field you know that right they don't want you if they wanted you to there'd be a sign this is another example of a sign would help if there was a sign there that said hey free pumpkin yeah you should take it

otherwise it's just there a decoration right I've got some pumpkins in front of my house now that I put out there because it's the fall and the idea of something like well they're just sitting there and I see them every day when I drive by so they want me to take one right no I would say it's like the you are actually stumbling into the base tenet of society which is if I set this here I don't need to put a sign on it says don't steal it right I'll just people won't steal it it's like a base 10 yeah I have to announce it's free because that is not it's not mathematics that's the natural default also if you

try this to take a pumpkin then burn it at Peter so might come out and make your make your balls travel up yeah with her man with her magic magic yeah I wanna Squash! Squash! She wants to be a long one. I want to munch. Squash. Squash.

Stretching out. Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast with a podcast profile and the latest and greatest in brand eating. And this one makes me so fucking angry because I had, I was just going to do a fun little count donut about some like stupid Krispy Kreme, whatever. And I was just going to have some fun. That sounds nice. It's going to allow me to do that.

Schlotsky's? Schlotsky's is still in the fucking mix? Not in Huntington. The Huntington one closed, but somewhere they're out there doing their sandwich business. Jesus Christ. If a sandwich place can't stay afloat in Huntington, like get out of the full game. Now to be fair, we also lost the Quiznos. We lost the Quiznos.

Too highfalutin. People couldn't wait for the toasting. Yeah. That's true. Then there was a New York Mabel company that announced a place where you drink wine and paint. You pay to do it. Oh, nevermind.

I can drink wine and paint at home. Schlotsky's? Schlotsky's unveils new bear naked pizza. No. Why wait until October 1st to celebrate National Pizza Month? These things are already fake. You can't say like, don't hold off until the fake that like, also no one's doing that. No one's like, fuck, you know what I'd love to eat right now?

Pizza. But of course not until October when it's legal. Schlotsky's is un- Not until the pizza purge beginning October 1st. Schlotsky's is undressing pizza and giving crust lovers the celebratory moment they deserve with its new bear naked pizza. Imagine a pizza, a so bold and flavorful, it can be enjoyed without toppings, cheese, or sauce.

That's bread. In other words, no, Travis, you fucking idiot, it's not bread. It's naked pizza. No. That is, did they forget to order toppings and now they gotta find a way to cover that up? Or is it like, oh, 20 years ago? Look guys, it's bear naked pizza.

No. Guys, it's bear naked pizza. Justin, I'm irate. I'm mad at you. I'm mad at Schlotsky's and for some reason, I'm mad at bear naked ladies. And I know they had nothing to do with this. They were always going to get dragged into this though, Travis, that's a great point. No, it's the bear naked pizza.

You know how sometimes when you pick up a tomato and you say, ooh, naked sauce, it's just like that. It's one step before the thing. So the Schlotsky's is undressing its pizza for a limited time. Customers can enjoy a bear naked pizza at one of Schlotsky's 320 locations nationwide for just $4.99. How much is a regular pizza that's good and has stuff on it? I wonder Schlotsky's deals in like personal pan.

This is not a full-size party pizza. Oops, all crusts, experience. Schlotsky's is undressing its pizza one topping at a time in slow salivating. That's not the way you would make this. There's no way. Travis, let Schlotsky's give us a boner. Okay. Schlotsky's is undressing its pizza one topping at a time at a slow salivating seduction resulting

in limited time only bear naked pizza. The beloved Fast Casual restaurant. That sentence didn't communicate more information. It just wanted to be sexy for a second because it's Schlotsky's and it wants to find it sexy and live there. The beyond. And I want to empower them. I want to empower them to do like, I know that corporations aren't people, but someone

at Schlotsky's is trying to figure some shit out about themselves and they're using the work that they do as the vehicle for that discovery. I think that's beautiful and pure, but I don't want to pay $4.99 for a crust round, a no cheese crust round that is going to not scratch the pizza itch because it's actually a pita instead is what we're talking about. I would also be willing to bet that this naked pizza comes with sauce to dip it in. There's no way that they hand you this without something to dip it in. The beloved Fast Casual restaurant famous for its made in house oven baked sourdough

bread is giving customers another way to indulge by featuring mouthwatering videos celebrating its unique one of a kind sourdough pizza crust on the new bear naked pizza only fans get the fuck out. Yeah, I don't need I don't need to get the fuck out Travis because I'm not lying to you. Hold on. Here it is. I hate it.

The bear naked pizza only does have a page on only fans so you can subscribe to that and see it's dick. So many people were involved in that being on there. Do you know how many fucking meetings? Yes, Travis, exactly. How many meetings are like there's had to be like three or four people who are like, we can't we can't we don't come back from an only fans page. We're schlotzkes.

We're not experimenting. We're schlotzkes. We're not trying to make ends meet. Maybe they are. Schlotzkes. I'm upset. Schlotzkes we're using our expertise in fresh fresh baked sourdough to create irresistible pizza dough that we think is the best in the biz and also some very specific pornography.

That's according to schlotzkes executive chef Jennifer Keele who probably didn't have a hand in the only fans thing. We're so confident in our delicious doughs that we're willing to serve them in their bare naked so pizza lovers can taste our perfectly crispy yet light and airy crusts in all their glory. So it's just the thing is about this is that they're selling you bread. You know. You know it's bread.

They're calling it a different thing but it's it's definitely bread. It's definitely bread and the reason I know that is that they're not selling sauce cup which is a cup of pizza sauce and they say we're so confident about our pizza sauces tangy flavors that we have created a pornography website exclusively for the for this red wet sauce. And we don't think we even need the bread anymore. That was stupid. That was a stupid joke.

The sauce is where it's at. The sauce is what's up now. Sexy. We're so confident you'll love you'll love our pepperonis that we open up our only fans page. And this one is actually really popular. It's just these huge long tubes of pepperoni and we're cutting them in half with knives and people love it.

Which people like that. I don't know. I'm excited for like two weeks from now on slash this is like releasing a press release list is like hey we have to stop that only fans page because way more people subscribe to it than we are comfortable with. It's getting to be a tax issue normally we love the money but what about when you go after this promotion and you're like I have a regular pizza and they're like oh fuck damn couldn't you have it on paper towel because we actually didn't sell all the crust.

Can you eat it on a paper towel that's our thing this month is we didn't actually figure out the supply chain issues so that has to be what this is 100% like they got too much weight pepperoni costs how much now fuck Hey thanks so much for listening to our podcast my brother my brother me we hope you've enjoyed yourself happy fall by the way have we're we're hoping you're you know enjoying the crinkle of the leaves and your PSL's and all that nonsense we've got some important announcements like we said the at this week we are doing our live shows in San Jose and Denver so if you've been waiting to get tickets wait no longer bitch.ly shots macaroy tours

September 29th we're in San Jose doing an adventure sound show with special guest Abreya Iyengar we're going to be playing lasers and feelings I bought my costume for that show last night is the most I have ever spent on a costume oh yeah I could I've already decided I'm not going to show you guys until I walk on to the stage in the costume and everyone will get to be there for the for the bold debut of my brave new vision the game is going to be a Ghostbusters pastiche and boy I hope I'm using that word correctly set in the Winchester Mystery House so come check that out September 30th we will also be in San Jose doing my brother my brother and me October 1st we're going to be in Denver doing my brother my brother and me

and then in November we're going to be in Detroit and Cincinnati and Washington DC where we will also be doing an adventure zone show with special guest DM Brennan Lee Mulligan doing dadlands 2.0 with some brand new innovations from the mind of girth and macroe that you're going to love mask and proof of full vaccination or negative COVID tests within 72 hours of event start is required go check out all the merch over at macroe merch.com including the one squad hoodie the bestest tea and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will go to earth justice don't forget to pre-order taz 11th hour it comes out February 21st 2023 but you can go pre-order it now at theadventuresdomecomic.com hey thanks to montane for the use of our theme song my life is better

with you I'm sure you've listened to the album making it now at this point but have you tried listening to it back awards because that is where the all the secrets lie about the government cover-up of the big expose that you would not believe about the army's secret program that they don't want you to know about but let's just say those superhero movies they're not just they're not entirely works of fiction and that's all I'll say about it and the only way for you to know about that I got two and a half hours of sleep last night the only way for you to know about that it's the listen montane's album making it do it forwards first but then backwards to find out about how the government

that you get it you know you get it my name is Justin McRoy I'm Travis McRoy I'm Griffin McRoy that's been my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips it's better it's better maximumfun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported