My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 631: Blastoise is My Dad

Episode Date: October 10, 2022

We’ve got a full-bodied episode with undertones of adult social fears, aromas of spoon-feeding human shaped Pokémon, and a top note of spoiler-free Hoc-Poc-2 Chat.Suggested talking points: They DO Eat Kids Though, King of Gods, Mr. Jeremy Mime, Daddy’s High-Up Stinky Shelf, Sailor Moon This Ain’tFair Elections Center: https://www.fairelectionscenter.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up you cool, baby? Precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better

It's better it's better It's better it's better Hello everybody and welcome my brother my brother mean advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy I'm your miller's brother Travis the unstoppable McElroy. I'm Griffin They tried to get me. I'm Griffin McElroy enough about you. I'm Griffin McElroy but Travis Travis is back. It's I'm unstoppable. He's unstoppable. They came down. I just want to say and Listen, I mean, yeah, I had coven and it gave me a lot of time to think and Maybe some of the threads and the tapestry revealed themselves to me. Oh boy

Here he goes became pretty obvious to me that this whole coven thing was a conspiracy Don't look my thing is don't look too close at the loom So we all make that mistake or the loom looks back. Here's the thing I don't know if you guys notice this. I got coven shortly after Joe Biden was like, okay pandemics done Kind of makes it seem like maybe it was all set up to get to me waiting Until the party don't stop till Travis gets coven and walk in I'm more like jovid because it seems like he said this whole thing up So try to take me out of the game jovid. I wonder if anyone's ever said that yeah

And this close to election season maybe trying to take this key player that out of the game some red flags and Clacksons for me. Well Travis. Yeah about one month before election season Joven finally came to the culmination of his two and a half year plan to take Travis out of the game And we all saw the numbers shift When travel when travi got it Or rather, I guess when it got travi when it got to me, but you know what I fucking beat it Joe Yeah, I got it Joe. We beat I beat it. So Joe Rogan sucks

But got a lot it sort of buzz about him when he got Covid yeah, I'm thinking of those numbers Well, he took off his clothes his clothes revealing his big beautiful body and he did like his secret like You know Alex Jones spa Sesh that he did that helped him kind of like hop over it and so Obviously everything we're about to say is a goof in a bit But is there anything that you want to share about sort of your recovery period? That you could go viral for no pun intended

Yeah, just for that. I mean, I know Joven's over and no one else is gonna get it But I'm gonna get it if hypothetically someone did if there were some key Learnings that you had and this is a joke in a bit. I ate a lot of cookies a good bunch of what kind oh Any kind I could get my hands on really a lot of the soft bake I had some German style cookies from the Aldi that really helped power me through that vitamin cookie Interesting knitting, but the blanket I made is far too wide far too wide Which I'm regretting. This is a scarf. Well, that's a blanket from my child. Yeah, but it's too wide It's a scarf. It's a scarf. Oh, wait, we're doing a bit right now about

Travis is Joe Rogan Alex Jones spa techniques to get over covid But I do actually want to explore Justin's bit that uses purpose, which is like, okay I sort of a tangent. Yeah, we're a random thought bit is like putting it too strongly. Yeah, okay And so wait, so Justin, that's all it was is that if I stop making the blanket now. Yeah, it's a scarf Yeah, okay, and if you had started a while back You know, you would have had a nice little maybe a pot older. Yeah, coaster. Oh Trav, I'm sorry. You got covid. Yeah, I'm sorry you got covid But good news is you had plenty of time to watch hocus pocus, too

And I'm one more like jokers focus to it's part of it Okay, more like crocus You watch hocus pocus, too. How many times I wanted to do a quick count just like how many times we're up to that How many times you're up to? Travis, you probably are gonna put us to shame. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The leaderboard Trav I watched Josie and the pussycats for the first time. Oh And that kind of took up cleanser took up a lot of my time I watched I Watched all of season 12 the task master. Are you gonna tell me single digits? Well, I guess Justin That depends on if you consider zero a digit

Yeah, it's one I guess it's that would be now that the definition of zero is a mathematical value between positive and negative values So I do not think that is a single single number But if I had ten you would say that's a Your shot and you blew it actually dead to me stranger Griffin. Yeah, what's your count of hocus pocus, too? I can't believe you'd even ask me something like that You old dog, what's the number? To is the number at the end of the film hocus pocus you thought and here's what's fucked up. Yeah

It's scary that in the first movie. Oh these three Sorcerers did a lot of pre heinous shit mostly two kids and we have a lot of fun Watching bet fly around on her vacuum or whatever and we love to see Kathy and Jimmy up there Just like making us bust up, but like they were trying to for sure kill some kids Kill some kids. Yeah, they definitely they're they're K. D. Raich Vesau V kids is higher than acceptable limits They killed at least two kids in the yeah This is what I wanted to speak on and I'm gonna try to not go into hocus pocus to spoil too much

But because I know the community seen it, but you know, you never know maybe people's schedule These these these Ladies yeah, really Stretched the definition because they don't act very ladylike. No, thank you. Thank you Travis. So, you know half of their stories All right. Yeah, you know what egg on my face I think became cultural icons, right and it's to an extent where and they were so I would say this is like They're memetic, you know, the younger generation Yeah, the returns of Sanderson's sisters and I just I got a wonder how many times Disney have been like we really wish

We hadn't had them eat kids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right We went pretty hard on them. Yeah, and the first time you see the Sanderson sisters In this new movie hocus pocus, too They are immediately doing a rendition of the bitch's back, but It's the witches. Oh shit Witches are back. That's something that's immediate the three of them and it's like split-screen like do-do-do Yeah, and I was watching with about eight people and everybody's kind of like Hey, this is just gonna bop it around and I'm kind of thinking myself. They do kill killing me

I mean They killed so many kids we had to kill them and then you put them on enough fucking Halloween costumes Yeah, and all of a sudden it's like, well, what's a kid? I don't I bet you could charge and I'm I don't hold me to the timeline of this But it seems to me that you could chart like Disney did a hocus pocus definite 100% kid death and then Subsequent Disney films, especially the made from TV ones. They're like we got a mummy I think there's a werewolf in there either lever gone but zero kid death in them even in like under wraps

The mummy is like pretty chill. Yeah, never kills a kid And it was like they were like we we went hard on that one And everyone seems to love the ones that killed the kids the most Yeah, none of the other ones hit as hard as the three ladies who murdered a child in the first five minutes Everyone's just wild about these these ladies that murdered and what scares me is that they can't they can't be killed So it's like the law of large numbers eventually Every kid is done. So every child is done. So leave no child left behind out of their cauldron Where they will mash them into some sort of pulled an anti-aging poultice

Style yeah style and there's nothing we can do about it because they can't die. It's not fair It's a joke from God on us. Hey, Justin. Can you tell me one thing and this is a spoiler of course But and everybody jump ahead three seconds. He's Salem in it Salem D. Do you mean you don't mean Salem Salem's from? Oh, you're right. Right. Right. The cat rena the teenager Binks Binks Binks factory Binks. I can't believe what a fucking for God that name You remember his first name. Yes, but you forget his cat factory Binks a voice by Jason Martin played by a different actor in the film Which I love because they basically said we don't want it to look like Jason Marsden and we don't want it to sound like you I mean that happened the not since David prowess and James Earl Jones of two actors been so equally unsuited

I Actually, don't know it's inconclusive Travis. Wait, how many times have you seen the film, Justin? I Mean so we haven't said you watch it with a people I will say this infinitely more than you guys Okay, did you did you have to cover your eyes through most of it? Just as it was to none of it was to none of it was very scary Hey, I will I will give you one incredible twist that I did not see coming and this is really gonna freak you out

Sam Richardson is a treasure and a huge addition to the film. So Twist Sam Richardson is bringing his a game and is a delight Doug Jones back as Billy butchers Billy butchers and Billy the zombie Billy for Billy for zombie Yeah, it's good It's uh, yeah, there's probably a lot of reasons why it's immoral to recommend that hookah spoke us to Oh Let's uh, this is an advice show a quick yeti update. I've received

Four offers of a yeti cooler since our last recording. I got an expiring soon Your name came up for a yeti hopper cooler. Oh, you've been chosen for a yeti hopper into any cooler Yeah, please verify where to send the newest model yet. Hurry up Confirm now another yeti backpack cooler. I've won so many of these things Yeah, you all would not even believe so what are you doing with all of them? Yeah, what are you gonna do with it yet? You don't really live. I would say a cooler Lifestyle, you're not usually out in places where you Don't have access to cold

beverages and in fact I would go so far as to say Griffin that Justin has arranged a lot of his like decisions to make sure he's never too far away from a Place where he could put things to become cold. That's a great. Yeah, it's a great question. I've received I have won according to the spam folder of my email I've won 30 40 yeti coolers shit like me. Yeah, man. So hey, holy shit shoes Yeah, but that's how they get you because what they want me to do is pay for shipping I bet yeah on each one. So I'm not gonna do that I'm gonna wait until it seems like the tide has stemmed

Of yeti coolers that I have won and then I will say ship them all to me Oh in one in bulk. I think our I think our nations Dwindling beautiful yeti population is are you having a tough enough time? Yeah, we don't need to be killing them and turning their You know insulating sort of chest cavities into Um beer beer got pretty serious. He really brought it down. You're funding didn't expect it to go such a real place This is an advice show And uh, I'm so thrilled to be here. We were we missed you last week and I'm happy to be back. That's all there is to it Sorry. Yeah, sorry. I got coven

San Jose Denver. We're sorry. I felt so terrible. He really did. He really felt very bad where I was worried about him Yeah, uh, we all feel bad. I had to be with my I had to be with my family all week. I didn't get to go to the winchester mystery house Which I was really planning to let's just but we've all suffered. Yeah, we've all suffered Um, uh, you guys through your own violence by not watching hocus pocus, too. That's a suffering you've brought on yourself I'm good. Uh, I'm looking to get some advice on what to do if you're at a super fancy an official art auction Yes, where people raise little numbered signs to bet on art The best the best the dream the dream. I'd be so paranoid right that I would accidentally bid. Yeah

Keep reading. Justin What if you goof up and dress all posh and then you get yourself one of the numbered bid signs? And you place a bid on purpose that you know, you can't pay but you think somebody will immediately outbid you But nobody does and the gavel is struck. You want it? What's the best excuse? Our way to get out of your poor decision-making. That's from ben who I have to say an extremely specific email ben I'm a little bit nervous, but Relatable I'm saying I think ben may have may have stumbled into this this scenario Maybe what I've got what I've got is a very particular set of skills by which I mean a very specific anxiety

Which I guarantee is shared by like 90 percent of the adult population And that is the specific anxiety of going to a an event a place whatever where there is a very specific Like set the order and of operations in which to do things and feeling like everyone else knows exactly what that is Except me and the chances that I will get in a wrong line go in a wrong door Sit in the wrong seat whatever And even just gently be corrected by another human adult and melting to an alex mac puddle of shame Is so high That it has stopped me from going to many a fancy art auction, which I'm definitely invited to all the time

I would say two things one. There's always a chance That as soon as the auction concludes and you just bought it for a billion dollars or whatever That then the painting frame is actually a shredder like the like banks He did that one time and it shreds up the painting and you'll be like, huh I guess, uh, I guess I can't buy that one. It's all torn to up now Uh, nice thanks. He got me again. He turned it up. And by the way banks. He had to be in the room, didn't he? Like how did how was everybody's first as soon as that auction closed and the thing fell down to the shutter Everybody wasn't like shut the fucking doors lock it down

Nobody's gotta until we find out which one of you is Banksy Hey, everybody real quick raise your hand if you're Banksy got you You did it. Shit shouldn't have raised my hands Um, okay. Listen not for a show, but try something talk to you over here. We should do uh, like a cozy mystery where It's locked and in it right after that and the people in there all the fancy people had to figure out who's Banksy Well, it's funny that you did kind of box me out of that when it was my idea. Well, you might be Banksy Griffin We can't Justin and I definitely weren't there. We read a lot of mysteries. Yeah. No, I'm I only read sports magazines

Anyway, I want to do a cozy sports mystery. We could all work on that together No, I'll do that myself. I guess with with dad and my fellow sports fan I had a second bit. I had I had a part two to my thing Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, which is that um, y'all know how I feel about Banksy shoplifting. Oh This isn't even this isn't even that right? It's not like you're taking the painting and leaving without paying for it If you do accidentally spend a million dollars on the thing and then it doesn't self shred You can just stand up and be like well Whoops and walk out leave. They're not gonna. It's not legally binding. This is true. Are you there? You have no?

Absolutely. No idea. You have no idea if that's true. That is very true. But the idea of My heart tells me it can't be That's how we decide Unless you're signing the equivalent of like a liability like waiver when you go into an auction That's just like if I wave my hand at the wrong time, I definitely have to pay you a million dollars a go to jail But even that Travis even that even that I can still just stand up and leave anytime I want. That's true

There are so few places in this world that you can't just Oops stand up walk out prison is the only one I got bigger isn't is about it. Um The um and a locker room mystery those are the two I can think of I just had this moment of like imagine Like really imagining as fun as it sounds to be in this scenario I just imagined like showing up at one of these and I got all dressed And just walking in the door and just the overwhelming like um, so The signs do I go get one?

Yes, thank you at the table over there Or are they on the chairs or is there a specific sign I need like I wouldn't even make it in this far I would be gone already. I would have you know what I like, you know what I like sometimes I end up at these For like sydney's functions. Sometimes there's an asylum Oh, yeah Love a silent one. Love to scope for deals Someone brought a basket that they thought would fetch a high price and no one's bidding on it. Maybe I scoop in there Oh, yeah

Yeah, get a look get a get a knife then you get your hover going where it's just like, all right the value to 250 I put down like eight bucks. No one signed you. I'm just gonna stand by it. Oh, you're gonna bid on that I wouldn't if I read you wouldn't this is your name silent It's a silent onji. I don't say anything. They don't want to care. They don't want to carry that basket of no of uh Fancy wines and golf tees home. Can you imagine the panic that? Any one of us any any socially anxious person like ourselves would feel sitting in the sea holding the paddle

While the like auctioneer person is scanning the room and you're thinking don't blink don't flinch I can't if I make any move this guy's horny for movement He's gonna be like what you what was that a loss a raptor for sure I saw episode curious George One time where George didn't understand the difference between 10 and 100 And accident because he's a fucking monkey guys. Yeah every moment of his life is a miracle Every moment's a miracle everybody holds him actually way too accountable if you keep Everyone's like George warrior is like he's a fucking monkey guys

Hold the yellow-headed man the yellow-headed man brought him back There's a christmas special that basically boils down to the yellow hat man screaming at him. Tell me what you want for christmas And it's like it's a monkey. It's a monkey dog. He wants banana He wants two bananas. He wants to go back to the fucking jungle where no one judges him for being curious But anyway, there's somebody who can't leave anytime he wants. There's George There's an episode where he doesn't know the difference between 10 and 100 he accidentally like spends a hundred dollars at an auction for some mittens and the man in the yellow hat is like I'm fucking ruined because it's 2022 and he's like a docent. He doesn't have that kind of

Cache just floating around and so what they have to do is they find Like a rich old weirdo that then they sell the gloves to for a hundred dollars So for why so you accidentally buy This painting for let's say $15,000 and you're like, oh fuck and they'll be like, all right Come on up. Bring your checkbook. You go up to the microphone and be like actually everyone the auction's still going Now i'm auctioning it. Oh Turn it right around. We're gonna start at $15,000 But i'm gonna do a way better job of selling this thing than this fucking chuckle clown

If you are in the middle of the auction and it's like going once can you like wait time out time out time out And you go over to the person you're bidding against and you're like, do you want to split it? Like i'll get you get it on monday's and wednesdays friday's how about you bid $1 over what i said and i'll give you a dollar Like we'll we'll just call it even have it at my price. I'll give you a dollar over. Please. Hey, please Please don't do and you see it as a goof And hey, why are you laughing? This is my fucking life I have my work at a bank. I don't have this money man. Come on um

Hey, do y'all want to Approach the wizard I'd love to griff. Okay. This one was sent in by jennifer. Thank you jennifer the wizards familiar jennifer And it's a wiki how article called how to become a loving and caring pokemon trainer with your plush. Yes wait with your plush with your plush Your plush your plush pokemon. I don't think plush is like some sort of um like jensie slang for

A sexual partner or something like that because I don't even know how that sentence would make any sense if that is the case Um, so you're a devoted pokemon fan, right? Yeah, and you want to have a physical part of the game in your life. Yep. Well, this article is going to show you how with a pokemon plush Okay Step one making it real start out by getting your first or second pokemon plush wait. Yeah, I don't know Like what is the first one? Oh, maybe you already have your first one and you're like I didn't make that one real enough Yeah, oh, I chewed way too much on my first one. It is so

It is so heavy with my slobber. There is I have to get a fresh one to start I can't imbue it with any kind of reality at this point Um, this will be your companion for the rest of your journey. You should make sure you will love them forever So choose a plush pokemon character you like And in the picture here, they have chosen what I can only describe as an off-brand Nose-less Pikachu So they don't want they don't they don't need that extra the ip loss. No, this isn't a branded partnership between pokemon and wiki owl. Yeah

Um nicknames are important because that is what your pokemon will go by it may be determined by gender But some pokemon don't have gender so choose something that fits them best. That's cool. What what plush would you guys pick? um Probably I mean mega ray quasi has the highest stats still of all that's not the right answer pokemon about you justin Okay, wow. Well travis you're you are famously the pokemon expert of the family. So ghastly No, it's evie I mean, that's so that's uh a lot of funnier name in pokemon

But maybe we can evie's the best one evie has so much potential. What will it be? That's up to me Whatever I nickname it in pokemon go and to cure is a dog. Is it a fox or do you mean two of the cutest animals on earth? Fucking dog travis Just listen Listen with your listening ears nicknames are important I do want to say that i've played quite a few pokemon games with henry and he has a delightful way of nicknaming pokemon Which is that he wants them to have the strongest sounding name ever

And so every pokemon that we catch we caught one It was a legendary pokemon in his defense, but he did call it king of gods Which felt like Yeah, fuck yeah, dude The same naming convention as like godzilla movies and I love that and then make your trainer name This is what your pokemon will call you. I'm griffin is fine. Yeah, I've been just Making a home find a secret place that pets and siblings can't get to for this will be your pokemon. So um

Don't get in my weed pokemon. Hey Hey, bolt picks get out of there. You're not ready for that. There's one place my my rotten kids can't reach So you gotta keep an eye on my sash pal. It's daddy's high up stinky shelf. You don't No one gets to know get up. We don't talk about stinky shelf. No, no Uh get a pillow And a light blanket the pillow will be the mattress and the blanket will keep them warm so blanket I mean it's a plush doll Yeah

Yeah, so what you were trying to lay on a pillow. That's not comfortable. It's not how much you just get a very how much you Just get a twin bed Come on or a tiny casper a baby baby baby baby baby baby Tempurpedic like a little one like a little guy. Maybe you find a temporary mattress at the mattress store bring a knife Cut a little corner off of it. And that's all of a sudden that's your that's a bed for your wardrobe um and then food Get some fake food to feed your plush such as

Clay puffins pokey blocks berries and pokey puffs or doll food Did you say did you say clay puffins when you mean to say play coffins? Yeah, sorry. Sorry. Yeah, feed your feed your snorlax some play coffins Snorlax Consume he consumes um And so in his favorite food is he just sticks his huge Powerful arms deep in the ground and rips coffins out of them and then just but the fun ones

Play coffins the fun play coffins the ones with toys and games on the outside of it And he just fucking eats them Uh, happy halloween. Um, I do love the Quick just almost instantaneous abandon abandonment of the concept of feed at pokemon food or just doll food Which I don't know what that is Is that just I'll tell you exactly what that is griffin That's the author of the wiki howl article realizing halfway through the sentence Uh, wait, I just said simply this person would have to ask their parents to go buy them some clay puffins

And some fake bear, you know what anything you got lying around will be fine. Don't ask your parents about this Uh, you have to make a nest out of to try this from your home This is fine. This is you can just draw write the word food on a piece of paper and hand it to the big one It'll be fine. Don't worry about it. The the next step is you can spoon feed it to your plush That's all it says and that is where that is I mean, I've taken umbrage with a few of the points of this article so far But I do think that if pokemon was real like I pray to christ every night and make wishes on stars um

That that that would be my reality uh, the idea that my Considerable pokemon collection because i'm not gonna be like I'm not gonna be like ash catch him out there where it's like how'd I do this week? Well, I got a metapod And that's it like I would be out there like grinding it the fuck out trying to fill out the decks the idea that then like every night My friends would be like hey griffin come out and party with us and be like I can't I have to spoon feed

Every single one of my pokemon or they'll they will die Just because they go in the little balls doesn't mean that their body functions are Suspended they shit and piss in there. They need to eat and plus guys if I don't spoon feed mr. Mime specifically he gets Anchoring he gets weird He waits he wakes me up standing by the side of my bed just pointing at his mouth and holding up a spoon That's another great point. You're gonna have to spoon feed even the dude shaped pokemon. Yeah The one that looks like just a tiny blonde woman in a red dress. Yeah the one. That's a dude who moves around Yeah hit monchan is just gonna be sitting in front of you

And he's gonna try to pick up the fucking spoon with his boxing gloves But he can't and so he's just gonna have to sit there like can you please this is so humiliating Gora's brother maychamp is there and he's like feed spoon. I'm big go faster Give you big hug. Yes. Thank you maychamp. I do Thank you bonding have fun together go to parks take it at every place you can't when you can't wait until you can Go back home and have some extra fun What What do you think that means?

I don't want to I don't want to Go to your foot. Take it every foot. What pokemon would you least like this? What pokemon would I least like the spoon feed? Yeah Muck mr. My mind's mr. Mine muck Muck and or his terrible Little brother grimer one of those two a lowland variant traditional muck whatever man I do the last thing that I need is a living pile of slime in my house bigger than I am

We just yeah, I spilled coffee on these carpets that we had put in when we moved into this house in dc And it that's like there forever and I have to struggle with that every time I look down Uh below my desk I see the big brown stain there and it looks like it could be dookie And I know that like my friends are gonna see my cool office and be like wait a minute Is that dookie the the idea that I would invite a big slime monster in my house who would do not only destroy my carpets And get all my stuff all sticky. He would be like food Like sucks. I don't want any part of that. I was recently uh made aware of the of the pokemon

Throw yeah, who looks like just a large man in a karate gi Yeah, and the idea of this just like guy looming over me like just uh Just opening his mouth and me having his spoon feed this giant in a human karate gi It's like that I'd rather have a slime monster in my house So I'm just like that's a monster in my house that I have to appease I was opposed to just a needy roommate. Yeah, it's a man. Justin. Did you have one? I I said mr. Mime. I I I don't like mr. Mime. I don't like the way mr. Mime looks Yeah, I don't like he has anything about mr. Mime. He has a title

Like like he his name is mr. It implies he has a first name. Yeah, mr. Mr. Jeremy Mime Uh, I I recently uh found out about me me cute and I don't like that one at all either Yeah, Travis vc me me cute. No Maybe a long way. I can I can show you me me cute. Hold on. I can't believe it You guys are sending each other pokemon jpegs in the background. This is just what you this is what you dreamed griff Yeah, it's like a it's like it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no It'd be like if a little monster killed pikachu and yeah, it's skin and then war it I'm pikachu now peek at me

Uh, have have sleepovers. It's fun and you can invite your friends and socialize probably not obviously That's we all sleep below my pokemon shelf tonight Cool. Cool. It's super sturdy. My dad put it in real good He said we could have the different shelves too because I don't have that mean pokemon yet Also, keep your grades over mr. Mime. I'm bucket with you Uh, yeah, it doesn't say to keep your grades up, but obviously implied if you start to slip Hey, you got to stop hanging out with mr. Mime. He's a bad influence on you Don't listen to that asshole

We know that pokemon will some if you don't have enough badges Pokemon will not listen to the shit that you say and I love that I think that's a great if you have a pokemon that's stronger than You are as a person and you don't have a badge that pokemon's like get the fucking use hydro pump. Fuck off You're not my dad. I went to college I went to college blast oise is my dad. You're just you're just griffin a dude who threw a ball at me Once and now you get to tell me exactly what to do show and I was pretty drunk on berries at the time It seems unfair. I do not think this is a fair arrangement. Anyway, let me out of the ball

That's how to become a loving pokemon Loving and caring pokemon trainer with your plush All right, let's uh, let's take a quick break. We'll be right back after this Would anyone like to do very would you like to hear a very professional ad read? Yeah Hi, my name is Justin McRoy and when I'm out podcasting I don't have time to build a lot of websites My kids and their friends they all come meet the tech dad And uh, I don't have time to build them each a website about the different things that they like like poppet toys or pringles

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One when you said tech dad made you sound like you're a robotic dad Um, we actually love that if you could lean into that a little harder with some good Also, you are kind of making it sound like you tell square space what kind of website your kids want and they'll build And that is not the service that square space provides. So that's just a quick note From you do have to build it yourself. Actually, I wish you'd let me finish the copy. So can I get can I get through the copy? Yeah, please but do leaning to the robot dad thing. Okay, listen Travis, no more notes. Let me finish. They're just reading what's what's here on the page Like a lot of cybernetic dads whose hearts have been replaced with oil

I don't have the time to build websites for my kids and neither the square space a lot of people get confused about this This ad is to clarify that the cybernads are the ones building the sites The square space is just metaphorically speaking the oil on their lubes and gears and typing ones so I mean, I if you're not sold already then The oil in your heart has gone stayed because It's tech dad more tech dad stuff

Square space is the best way to make a website. That's the that's the really serious Really solemn part about all this so head to squarespace.com slash my brother for free trial And when you're ready to launch use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase or a website or domain Justin, I love that you read it word for word I especially like how you hit the note that they put in here that was like when you get to the part about how square Space is definitely the best Place to build a website get really solemn and serious about it. Bring it down. That's the part We want to make sure you drive home like you're asking for money for hungry kids. Good job. Okay. Okay, perfect

bombast makes socks and clothes and underwear and that's clothes shirts is also clothes um And I think that's pretty bad ass Okay, great. Yeah, absolutely. Do you want to do the bombast ad now? Bloviate more about some of your favorite sock brands. Oh, it does say griffin. I had a note back from the advertiser They said we love how you listed off that they make clothes and then what kind of clothes they do make If you would please clarify some of the clothes they don't make that would really help it make sense for people. They don't make rough

shitty uncomfortable clothes that has tags In it top to bottom because their clothes are soft seamless tagless and they have a cozy feel Um, but did you also know that socks underwear and t-shirts are the three most requested clothing items at homeless shelters? That's why bombast donates one for every item you buy so far bombast customers Like you have helped donate over 50 million items of essential clothing. That's that's so many bombast missions simple They make you griffin bombast's mission is simple make the most comfortable clothes ever and match every item sold with an equal item

Donated so when you buy bombast you're also giving to someone in need That's that's fantastic. I love I love bombast socks. I have many many pairs of bombast socks at this point They keep my feet warm and these harsh unforgiving Nor eastern winters. I was not prepared. It is fall griffin. It is 51 degrees outside That's colder wild Uh, and I need bombast socks to keep my feet alive or else the toes come off in the boot Go to bombast.com slash my brother and use code my brother for 20 off your first purchase

That's b o m b a s dot com slash my brother and use code my brother at check out bombast.com slash my brother code my brother And now a live reading from rachel's poetry corner elephants theramans clifton neopets pourstrips jeppson pine smell jelly beans golly goals Skittles squirrels and the mole celery chopsticks pumpernickel a case of you by joni michael Lullaby's tie-dye the more you know all of these things on our wonderful show All of these things and more wait for you on wonderful every wednesday on maximumfun.org or wherever you download podcasts Did your neighbor back into your car bring that case to judge judy Think the mailman might be the real father give that one to judge mathis

but Does your mom want you to flush her ashes down the toilet at disney world when she passes away now That's my jurisdiction welcome to the court of judge john hodgeman where the people are real the disputes are real and the stakes are often Unusual if I got arrested for dumping your ashes in the jungle cruise it would be an honor I don't want to be part of somebody getting a super yacht I don't know at what point you want to go into this but we've had a worm been before Available free right now at maximumfun.org judge john hodgeman The court of last resort when your wife won't stop pretending to be a cat and knocking the clean laundry over

He's back he's back And just and waited until now to uh go get him. Yeah, I mean I was doing that last ad read basically by myself So reading bomb to have a lot of time Wow, this is Sailor moon this ain't Whoa Hi, it's me richard stank. Hello. It's so good to see you. Hey richard. You look great Uh, I love the beer richard. It's time for new spring into a new fall fragrance

What's up, buddy? Hey richard. Are you wearing the uh snake necklace from never ending story the oran? Yes, so real quick. I had it impregnated With ambroxen. Oh, you can't actually take that long a pause after saying you've impregnated something Hey, richard. Ambroxen also sounds like a chemical. Yeah, richard We you have not been on this show since we started recording The video of it too, right? Yeah, buddy. Yeah, okay. I just wanted you to know that you're on you are Uh on camera right now So you can see me. Yeah. Yeah for sure

Okay, you want to say you look great. I said you look great. Yeah, you look good anything specific You look like you smell excellent. I said I like your beard Oh I said that right it's growing in really good. This is three days Whoa, richard. Wait, I know for a fact that justin has been growing a beard for much longer What does that have to do with me, buddy? Okay Do you have to do you find that you need to apply more scent? Because the beard kind of drinks it up or how does that sort how how is that changed actually a maximum?

If I grab my beard right now and squeeze just Dripping oh, that's horrible. That's bad richard. Um richard just and I know we don't always worry about continuity But I was wondering I believe when we last saw you You were gonna get married to someone who did not like perfume and fragrance where we add on that Didn't work out. Oh richard. I'm so sorry. Yeah, what happened? She she actually It's actually really sad, but we could talk on end if you want. Yeah, we want to be here for you We just got so busy With different things in our life. Yeah, she has a place where kids paint pottery

And then you know, then they buy it and I have fragrance And my walk with christ the big man. Yeah, Jesus christ and uh My walk and her walk were just so different and it's like there's a lot of love there for sure still Like we are I think of her as my best friend Oh, you guys still like hang out and talking stuff. Yeah, the time that we had was really special and kind of breaks my Heart a little bit that we're not Because that she she saw me man You know, well now hold on richard. I'm not sure I'm not sure why you're here

But do you want us to try to patch it up with her for you when I start to it? No, no, no, buddy. It's kind of a lucky break for me because fragrance game is very strong still and it's like I fell off there is a lot happening several releases. There's like one each. They don't want just like completely bypassed But guess what what good news? What's that? I got a game this time a game fucking love those richard Yeah, I know they always are funny and good and I got a game for you my man travis Patrick mackerel. I suggested it to me. It's a good idea and I thought wait a second. Wait, wait, wait How did you how did Richard and I hang out? How did you contact him? Yeah, we text not text. I use signal Yeah, I can't have him on. Yeah, well now that joe biden's trying to kill me the frag

Yeah, we gotta cops are always looking out for me for looking too good You know this man smelled too musky too fresh too sensual. He's not safe on the streets And while I was sick Richard came in a hazmat suit. He's very careful and spoon fed me bowls of hot Cologne, which really helped bring me back Yeah, like lots of it was like a bone stock Mixed with notes of terrapin is the idea that you got sick because the inside was too stinky Yeah, can we play can we play this game? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Here's the game It's a celebrity fragrance guess I'm off and here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna say to you

Uh description of a fragrance and I'm in the name of a fragrance You have to tell me the celebrity Whose fragrance that is I love this. Yeah. Now travis are you looking at your phone right now? Like you're cheating All right Griffin. Yeah, look at your camera hole. So I know there it is Fenty all the perfume Picking up hints of magnolia blueberry geranium patchouli Bulgarian rose and tangerine this scent combines musk and

I thought you had a memorized femininity Rihanna's and oh, I spoiled The inspiration stems from a beautiful garden walk is a perfect fragrance for a warm summer day Rihanna I'm gonna buzz in Yeah, you gotta guess Rihanna one point for you. Okay. Good job. My failing is your gain Early morning breeze all the toilet Early morning breeze out of toilet all the toilet. You guys don't know this, but it's a french way of saying near the toilet That's what you keep

laughter love friends and family all the wonderful stories from Front porch straight from the to our hearts joy and positivity Inspires us to chase a firefly Dancing the mountain mist and enjoy evilly sunset share your dreams Have some fun create your stories Can I get buzz? Oh the toilet is a floral scent with notes of jasmine sandbox

Orange flower and sandalwood griffin you buzz first. What's your guess? I believe there's a dolly parton song called early morning breeze Is it dolly parton? It's dolly parton. We're tied up next one Kim Kardashian Okay, glam up any evening look with the spritz of kim Kardashian. Oh the perfume said the name of it It's a fence way The name of it is kim Kardashian. There's a luring women's scent. Wait, but that's not the celebrity 2009 by its namesake

fashion icon Juicy mandarin orange at the top is reminiscent of a warm summer's day got honey notes the honey suckle nose dance around you florals compromise the heart of this sin including clean jasmine Captivating gardenia, which if you can get the gardenia captivating that is always a choice. It's so hard Yeah, and it's got base notes with seductive must. What's your guess? Is it kim Kardashian? It is man. You are kind of a nose already these I knew you'd be good at this. I hope you haven't been researching. No

You said the name you said her name richard. No, that was just the name of the perfume. God. God. He's a woman. Oh I Incorrect, you know, it's tempting to buzz in God is of course a beautiful man. Whoa, I agree on this I've seen him. He's visited me. He's a beautiful white man. Whoa It's richard. He has hair and he speaks normal He speaks normal. He's a tall white man. Stop richard. Good build richard Good build cool moves. God is a woman. He's not oh the perfume empowered

breath taking natural A breath of fresh air for the senses including God is a woman Oh, the perfume the fragrance by boop Fragrance family kind of a fruity musk. You got ambrette juicy pear in the middle There's auras with turkish rose petals at the base. You got that Madagascar vanilla and creamy cedar wood. Who is it? Uh boop beep buzz Uh, you keep naming her after song titles. That's ariana grande. Wow. That's good

You're tied two two. You are very good. I'm really it's just they keep naming them after song titles So that's you just have to know who did the song This one's harder This one's harder French waltz is dozing off in the garden. What? Wait, no, just say the name of the Only say the name of the perfume and nothing else French waltz

French waltz French waltz Is dozing off is this a perfume by christoph waltz if so you have to tell me Everyone thinks i'm french But i'm not french. It was like ironic nickname. I do a christoph waltz. I meant to tell you guys It's really good. I meant to do him for a joke French waltz is dozing off in the garden

Using the sun as a towel to dry off the leftover beads of lake water. Whoa The smell of damp jasmine petals Sales in the air while hints of mandarin and magnolia amplify Luminous sandalwood Sweet yet floral french waltz is a rose musk made for everyone And there's a heart with mimosa And jasmine and rose and milk. Yeah, holy shit. Okay. This is a good one. Hold on. Has any musician ever Written a song called french waltz is dozing off in the garden. Definitely

It sounds like a tough one. I'll give you a hint a famous person created it. Oh Okay Can you give us any other hints richard or? Is famous and he made a scent once called french waltz. Oh, it's a dude. Okay. Okay. Okay Shaquille O'Neal he does raps In the movie shazam he did no not jack zam the creator of this fragrance does raps He creates lots of things. Oh, I'm gonna say will noz No, no little noz didn't create this fragrance. It's a different rapper. He created it

uh Jay Zed No, no no a different rapper Created it. Oh tyler the creator There you go and french waltz tyler the creator. You're really good griffin you Did he write the copy of french waltz is dozing off in the garden because I I don't follow tyler They actually don't credit who writes the descriptions of the fragrance on here, man I've pushed for that legislation for years. Yeah, we need to credit these artists that are paying the word paintings of a smell

That's incredible talent. We need to credit them. You need to be unionized Unionized the fragrance description writers Wow, I genuinely did not think that that would be a cause you felt particularly strongly about richard I feel strongly about only one thing Fragrance and jesus. Yeah blue seduction. Oh that I can't separate them blue seduction all the toilet exquisite Exquisite and perfectly masculine the blue seduction all the toilet spray has a scintillate Griffin, do you know what all the toilet things near the toilet? Wow

So impressed. Thanks crafted by somebody in 2007 this top note to this all the toilet spray features a luring brun of milk Burgamon melon and black currant. There's a intoxicating aroma of cappuccino nutmeg and cardamom coupled off with the sweet scent of green up el makes a sensual fashion of the heart A sensual fusion of the heart It drives down until you get the drive down with the oak moss woods and brahmer wear this one every day richard. Is this a musician? No, he's an actor Very sexy close friend

Uh Javier Javier Bardin. No no Idris Elba You're so close. These are a lot of sexy men that you guys have at the tip of your companies No, it's like the sexy legend, you know, let me rule out like eight people. Was he in oceans 11? No, not to my knowledge, but I haven't seen a movie for a long time A sexy legend. That's all the french Frank Sinatra Dean martin Oh, okay Is he an older gentleman? No, he's why I don't see age

Yeah, my he's an actor sexy. Ah, can you name a movie he was in rigid? Yeah, I'll name a movie he was in spy kids Is it Antonio Banderas? It's Antonio Banderas. Yeah, sexy exquisite close friend We got two more This one's called manifesto. I like your senses With manifesto a distinguished fragrance from boop this sophisticated. Oh the toilette Travis Oh the toilette got to get your vocab. That means on the toilet

Correct introduced in 2000 designed with the glamorous woman in mind Got juicy notes of bergamot nuance of basil And there's an elegant sweet orange blossom in clean. It's Rachel Bray You spritz on this or five fraggers to elevate your style before date night or special event Here's clues. She's an actress very sexual Close friend. There you go Uh What year did this come out manifesto Travis, you know, it's 2000 manifesto 2000

Yeah, and Jelena Jolie Very interesting sexy confident close friend, but not this time griffin you got anything Uh, Julia Roberts sexy Close friend. Yeah, but not the right What movies name a movie she's sitting Richard death becomes her was it Richard can I google death becomes her i am db death becomes her Oh, is it maryl streep one you get yeah, it's maryl streep has a perfume called manifesto

Like that wouldn't have been top story on new york times goldie hun Come on, bud. Dig deep isabella rosalini Congratulations. Oh man. That was just the next person on the imdb for death becomes her. Excellent. Congratulations isabella rosalini I got one more. That does actually make a lot more sense. That would yeah Adam Levine. Oh shit This irresistible did you hear about his His thing you hear about this Irresistible. Yeah, it's close. I hear about everything. It's life close friend very sexy strong confident. You checked on him

Have you checked on him? I don't when was the last time you talked to him with what he's not on signal I can't get at it. He might hey bud. He might be now He might be there now Listen to this. I don't I'm just telling about perfume. I don't want to okay Adam Levine the irresistible fragrance of adam levine owed the perfume spray for women Plays with joyful notes and alluring femininity I Know Adam

Now we don't know it's him yet. I don't want to give any clues. It's introduced in 2013 But i'm sure it's just as good now as it was then. Yeah, no doubt about it has aged perfectly Perfume opens with the sweet and zesty notes of saffron marigold citruses and spices the heart Is enriched with the sense of elegant rose sandalwood adds a milky soft touch Okay, he's adam levine perfume trails with the sweet and distinct notes Of vanilla and benzoin at the base for enchanting and sensuous feeling adam levine Old the perfume not

Old the toilet right so different. Uh, this means near the perfume Uh, so so How would you describe the body of this of this perfume richard? Yeah, you're gonna have a nice Jasmine flowers sandalwood with the milky soft touch. We all know the body of adam levine I know it better than I know my own name. I've explored every corner of the body of adam levine and I love every note of it Okay, so who but who made it? That's it. I'm gonna buzz in here. Yeah, you need the points trev

It's adam levine by adam levine There it is. Yes. Good adam levine by adam levine. Why did he choose to do it like that? Nobody knows. Thanks for having me on the show. Thanks richard. Bye richard wait Okay, wait, hold on. Oh, I see it the camera turned off. Yeah. Oh god. Yeah. He had to turn the camera off because The bones come out drav when the retrant when he shifts the shift into richard is Painless, but the shift out of richard is I actually was thinking just in terms of camera But I think it might just be like a kind of glass small. Yeah. Oh, yeah dark room

You okay juice? Oh god Oh god guys the smell in here. Yeah. Yeah, richard richard was richard was back That explains the clothes on the floor What god I wish he'd ask Just ask permission. How would he ask? He's in your like he is just a spirit that he's on he's on signal. That's true single chap Hey, thanks so much. I'm sorry that I did richard sing for so long. Some people Hey, no, you had a lot of stink pent up not me, but I'm sorry. He came over for so long

I thought that um, I know some people don't like him. Does he look like a fuck off? Wow Whoa, he's my best friend And now Travis seamlessly pivot from that into asking people to do things Okay, those people can fuck off, but you know who can't fuck off People who go and check out macro and merch.com where we have a lot of cool merchandise for cool people who like cool things that merchandise you ask. Well, that includes Let's see. We got it. It's really good right now. It is really really good out there a garrel blanket in It's very like tapestry looking garrel from adventure zone balance designed by lin Doyle

We got a candle nights wrapping paper. That's back from Justin Gray And 10% of all merch proceeds this month go to the fair elections center Which uses litigation and advocacy to remove barriers to registration and voting particularly those disenfranchising underrepresented and marginalized community and to improve election administration All that merch and 10% to the fair election center at macro and merch.com And don't forget to get your 20 rendezvous fancy takes flight tickets for november Where we'll be in Cincinnati dc at detroit With brennan lee molligan DMing over there dc. Yeah, we're doing dadlands 2

um and sorry again about uh having to delay san jose and denver And mask and proof of full vaccination or negative covid tests within 72 hours of events are is required speaking of events I'm going to be a dnd in a castle Coming up at the end of this month Uh, so we're going to have a special uh halloween special coming out which is very exciting And you can go find out all the details on dnd in a castle at I believe dnd at in a castle dot com Uh, and I I don't know. Maybe I'll see you there. Let me know if you're going to be there

um, let's see what else you can pre-order taz 11th hour, which is out now and The setup episode and the first episode of steblechaser out now Uh GM'd by one justin mackerey. They're excellent. Go listen to them. I'm very proud of you. Justin. You're doing a great job I think you're awesome. It's a it's a it's a hell of a thing test steblechase. Go listen to it. Thank you Hey, thanks to montane for you for our theme song. My life is better with you Uh, if you if you live in the sort of australian region, she's on tour right now And uh, uh, I would love to be at one of those shows saw a clip of uh of montane

Performing my life is better with you in front of a crowd and they were all just screaming and they were shouting like It's so funny. He's still he's got even funnier over That's that's that's fantastic and um, that's gotta be it right Yeah, yeah, so just something to motivate the people griffin. Yeah tap into tap into the energy Inside a tap into the energy inside of your Skeleton A lot of people think about muscle

health Think about all the bone all the energy you have in your bones. You don't have to use it, but no, it's there My name is just a macro. I'm Travis mackerey griffin mackerey. Thanks My brother my brother be kiss your dad square on the lips Oh My life It's better it's better with you It's better it's better with you this is true

It's better with too My life is better with you