My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 632: Thank You Monster God for My Rockin’ Bod

Episode Date: October 17, 2022

Travis is prepping for a trip abroad, so he’s brushing up on his English by reading children’s classic books like Sticky Ricky Hat Stack, Come Get These Masks, and Strong Shaggy.Suggested talking points: The Juice is Loose on This One, Vacation in the Nature Valley, Arby’s Has the Brain Meat, The Mall is International Waters, Emotionally NudeFair Elections Center: https://www.fairelectionscenter.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up you cool, baby? Precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better

It's better it's better It's better it's better Hello everybody and welcome to my brother my brother and me an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy, I'm your middle is brother Baby brother Griffin McElroy took too long you took a little too much state We were trying to do like a your 1995 Chicago bulls kind of stuff. I wasn't on that took McElroy You are in England oh

Yeah, and I think it sounds a little something like this. Go ahead Justin Go ahead Justin wasn't England sound like around him. Yeah, you want me to like yeah, do you like what it's the horse clumps? This is like a village. Yeah, I got your scone breads really gov That's good. Cool. That's what it'll be like there Travis. It's so weird that you're in England Yeah, right now I mean not why you're recording this but like when you're listening to this probably you're in London Oh, wait when I'm listening to it. Just I don't listen to our listeners listening to it. You're in England. You're in England, dude How lucky I have you prep? How are you preparing?

Okay, this is the thing about us a lot of people we don't talk about it enough No, we don't talk about Bruno. It's like it's like Bruno. Yeah, don't talk about it enough We all work out of our houses and thus are not acclimated to Like outside play Outside our house or the sun in the world clouds. We have to have extremely specific nion hermetic conditions correct to sort of follow us around if we are to Perform in the way to which people have become accustomed right Travis. You are like you're leaving the bubble in such a major way right now I've done a couple things. You know how you're compensating. Yeah, I've done a couple things to repair

Did you ever see that you can't you're you're gonna try Travis? I Don't want to get too worked up about this But you're going into a situation where if you were in discomfort or inconvenience President Joseph Gordon Biden himself Could not intercede on your back Risking major major I moved to DC so I could be Closer to the support of daddy. I mean Joseph Gordon bison by the president

So that like if I get hurt or uncomfortable Like daddy would be I mean just born by would be right there for me Yeah, no J. G. Biden gave me diplomatic immunity when I get over there. So that's gonna help a lie That's gonna help a lot and Also, I learned I don't know if you guys know this every McDonald's in the UK operates as an American Embassy So if I go there, I say that's nice So the two things that I've done to prepare is one I got those Their shoes that are like rubberized and they're like toe socks, but they're like rubberized shoes

And that's gonna help me walk on the cobblestones. Well, I Well, did you really get this the sock shoes well I got it just in for the cobblestones for the house. It helps with the grip. Did you see free solo? So fucking funny. Yeah, did you see solo? I really expanded the cannon a lot now The second thing I've done. Did you ever read that children's book where the man sells hats by stacking all the hats on top of his head? Yes, it's I've done these come get these hats I've done that with masks. So what I'm gonna do is I've got a stack of masks about 10 masks deep that I wear on my face Yeah

Each one more powerful than the next and did you say sticky Ricky hat stack juice? Is the name of that book? Yeah, then the monkeys coming sticky Ricky is like you took my hat stack I don't want to do that. I just said sticky Ricky had second to oblivion and my track could be lowered at that point We're gonna have Rachel raise it up and lower it out by the way tricky Ricky hat stack Not sticky Ricky that makes a lot more sense. Yeah, that's the vivid entertainment version of it I it sucks at me and Justin are just stuck here in stupid old America That's okay. You can move it down. I've been here for we've been here for so long and Haven't gotten a bro. Haven't gotten a break like you're about to get hey

I also just days ago just two days ago. Remember that I needed to dig out my power adapter for the plugs Can we get this shit together? Can we figure this out guys? It's metal and electricity I'm not saying it has to all be the shape of America's plug I'm saying how can we not as a planet universally decide on a plug shape. Let's talk about it Let's get into this. Let's get into it countries get electricity at different times. There's a chart I'm sure well. Yeah night. You don't need it. Can none of them. Are they so Hormy for electricity that they can't wait to ask the next country like how did you guys? How did you guys? What was your plan? We were just gonna. Oh

They get it at different times throughout history not that everybody takes turns using electricity throughout the day Oh, I mean like there is there is someone who did it first and then there's so it didn't suck it Right. Yeah, and there's so and the person did the second looked at the country that did it first Yes, and was like well fuck that we can we can do a better plug But that's not how science works That's not how tech works where you fit you do one thing and then you rock with it Although that is how we've done plugs. I think it sucks Every place has their own plugs and they all sometimes is easy to get them twisted up and because there's different shapes of prongs

I want just one big prong on it. Yes one big prong one big hole not I guess big enough for a Kid finger, but like You're going to the promise like because the UK just made a rule every plugs gotta be usbc no more lightning over there Oh really ring plugs they threw away all the lightning Travis you could be Prince. That's a weird thing King Charles King Charles first thing Yeah, the first rule and then the only thing then he abdicated and handed it to William like that one thing was bugging me a lot What people don't realize is that Queen Elizabeth. Yeah made a law that it all had to be

Micro usb and and actually it was it was initially a yeah, yeah, it was mini usb They're really chunky boy. Yeah, and Charles and like sit behind her like mom I can't charge my Nintendo DS mom Please make it so that it's you the first thing you did when he's King He's like what's up. Give me all your lighting plugs. They're going out bonfire. Yes, sir And what is your second proclamation? I didn't think me on this I didn't think I didn't have a lot of time to think about it just like the last 70 years But I've decided I'm done now William. Oh, take it. Oh, the crown owns all the usbc

Courts, so mm-hmm. Those are all owned by by the by the TV show the crown. Okay. Bye You know the king now owns all the swans in England, right? You know this thing where yeah, it's all the swans Yeah, now the king now what I The king the queen The monarchy of England the Queen of England. Yeah owned all the swans They legally belong to her correct if you fuck with any swan in England The Queen can come to you like you know, that's my swan. Yeah As long as we're on this note

I also want to establish a graven in case you didn't know it at the Tower of London There is someone whose job is like I take care of the Ravens and like that's his deal. That's fine That's one one birdkeeper is fine. I don't know that do this did the swan sign off on this She also owns all the whales people don't talk about that as much, but it doesn't come up as often She owns all the whales. It's rare Justin that you're driving too fast down the motorway and hit a whale Like she's not as worried about those well She's not as worried about anything anymore. Is she Travis you think she's dead Griffin? Yeah, you accept it and move on Do you think when King Charles got the crown?

He found some swans that he had had particularly bad interactions with it was like what's up now. Yeah, yeah now What's up now now? I owns you Justin I actually think it would happen. He's got the crown and he went to sleep heavy head by the way Let's establish and then he was walking in the middle of the night. Oh, that was oh There was a bit to fall but this crowd is quite heavy It's made of lead or something and he was woken by a tick on his nose And there was just like a crowd of of the swans around him. We're like, all right now that she's gone We've got some demands. Yeah, we want to make sure that you're looking out for our whole deal

Yeah, if you could bring back long necks is a beautiful thing. I think that that love that There's a narrative that is spreading that you're not supposed to give bread to birds and we hate that Don't like that. So if you could bring a bread and throw a lot of peanut butter M&M's in there We love M&M's we never get to eat those and we've wanted to declare war on geese for a while And if you could like back us up on that if we could form some kind of alliance of Britain and swans V geese that would be really huge They all have a straight face for a long time and they all bust up like I just kidding geese and swan are the same birds

Yeah, we got one of us is pretty and one of us is ugly, but that's just like humans. All right, look around Some of you are prettier than others, right? We call them. So where's mom? What what happened anyway anyway? That was I think actually the most moving part of her state funeral is when all the gong all the swans in England showed up They're pay their respects. That's really beautiful But Travis you're in in England. I hope you're having a good time. I hope you're enjoying. I hope I am too Justin Yeah, it's the future me. Do you think you'll come back with an accent? I actually think I'll come back with less of an accent than I have now

Okay, what and what's that? And what's that gonna sound like Travis like hello more and on us This is Travis on I am talking Yeah That's less British. Is this more pleasant for you griffin Kind of actually When Travis leaves the country Griffin and I become functionally unemployed This is and thus and such we have had to record a lot of content in the past week true And I honestly I'm feeling sometimes that goes one way where it's like I have nothing. I've never been funny

Right, it's right Right, it's right about everything It goes the other way where I just start feeling loose. I feel like this is my default the juice is loose for sure The juice is loose on this one. It's an advice show We're gonna read advice We're gonna do more than two questions this week. Let's go. We only did one last week. I'll I did one last week That's a huge that's a I mean a hundred percent. Can't be a hundred percent Well, I believe the conversion rate Justin is one American question to 1.2 British questions

I've been setting up. Okay. Yeah, by the way though, I will say exchange rate You're going at a real real choice, baby I don't acknowledge the importance of money, so I guess that just doesn't matter to me one currency one prong One prong for all Uniting us. Thank you earth dollars earth prongs. That's what I said prongs big prong big prong There's one prong for the blockchain Okay, I Worked the graveyard shift at the chain grocery store

Typically my job is to put things on shelves and make said things on shelves look nice Good use a planogram do some merchandising. Oh, yeah, I plan a gram love that. Oh god What I wouldn't do for a nice plan a gram right now. However, I Also find myself Bringing damaged goods to the damaged goods pile choice. So another guy can scan it and the store can get that money back Most of the time these are things like denture leaking cans crunched up boxes and exploded jello cups However, sometimes I will find an open box of granola bars in the back of the shelf with a few missing probably because someone decided Just stealing one or two would be easier than stealing the whole box

My question is would it be morally okay for me to also take a granola bar from that box? It's not that they can go back on the shelf and the skinny guy just thinks of the box itself But also like it is stealing that's from conflicted in colorado. Okay. Okay. Okay. Griffin is right. Here's the thing What you are asking is the wrong question question ask her. Is it morally okay? Yes, absolutely Might you get in trouble if you get caught? Yes, that is because business practices rarely line up with morality listen, listen Listen, they they expect you they almost want you to steal the granola bars

And I'm not even gonna say the word verb steal anymore. It's you work being you Your labor has value and you understand that and your employer understands that and I can almost guarantee That you are not being you are not receiving fair compensation for that So but they can't tell you like you're you're going to be paid 1150 an hour, which is like not enough money for anything And also wink wink if you want to swipe whatever's not nailed down If you want to take that also we offer a vacation we offer vacation time to the nature valley And where you'll have a crunchy time

They can't say that you need to take the granola bars you need to Compensate yourself with everything that you possibly can't Okay food dates Expiration dates they're made up. So we waste lots of food that way in montana in montana They made a rule to protect the dairy industry there that you Have to throw milk out 12 days after pasteurization, which is a massive incredible waste. You can't even turn stuff into They can't even turn the stuff into cheese anymore because the processing plants for those who've moved out of montana

It's such a ginormous waste and the people who uh, they were talking to a grocer on plant money Who's in the system and it's illegal for him to donate the milk to homeless shelters illegal for him to donate the milk so you But he You know what he does He doesn't it hates the milk

Because it's the right thing to do And the right thing for you to do is to not let these bars end up in a landfill Except unless that landfill is called Reggie's tummy and your name is Reggie and your body's already and then just like take all of them Eat one of them hand out the rest to people you see who needs them who need a granola bar and can I tell you something? that's Pretty much anyone Could eat a granola bar at any time. That's why they exist. I mean a granola. No one's ever like i'm starving

I can't wait to get home and eat a granola bar. You have the granola bar with you because that's your moment to be like I'm not hungry, but maybe I could be hungry in the future That's the that that is the tagline of granola bars. Absolutely. It's like you don't want to eat this But if you don't eat something you're gonna throw up right that is to reach for nature valley Nature valley. It's literally better than nothing Um Hey, do you all want to go on over to? Visit my friend and yours the wizard

I feel like we were just there Okay, well, we were just there we do this every week uh summer symptoms and thank you and this is a skid This is another just like I see the wizard more than I see our dad And I don't know how I feel about that I feel I mean our dad doesn't have magic wisdom Um, not magic wisdom, but I mean he's seen a lot. Is that regular world war two? I think Yeah, he would definitely did one of them, right? Our dad's our dad did one at least one more right in one of them Did he do wait?

Hold on. Wait. Is our dad a draft dodger? No, um, dad's not a draft dodger. He would he was Extremely close to being drafted And then the war ended so he didn't get Get get it uh draft how can how convenient As a result of this as a result of this specific one only thing Dad used to extol the virtues of Richard Nixon as a president because He did take

Whatever else He did this sure thing, right one of our worst presidents save for our daddy Okay, uh, so they live in as a beneficiary Yeah, I there's a very good chance the three of us either wouldn't have been here or might have been raised by a very different man The different Clint McElroy You okay you hit your elbow having some no i'm having Uh, uh, the idea of our dad on a battlefield is giving your son. Yeah, same dude doing his spud rimshot voice as he's being shot at stop

stop Oh, man, in at least one of the planes Clint McElroy has probably been anyway, uh, our dad's not a good soldier This is uh summer sent this in it's wiki how the best soldier how to take care of a monster high doll If you have a monster high doll, but you don't know how to take care of it This article can help. Do you all have any of these in your house? Yes, I have monster high dolls. No, I don't allow representations of demonic figures into my home Okay, uh, we just watched uh the monster high movie There's this thing now with kids entertainment where they turn cartoons

Into real people like like the really loud house You know that that rig uncanny valley real people as the cartoon characters loud house Christmas That's a series now like why do we need to bring cartoons to life with real people? It's very upsetting See, I thought you meant like uh where they were like, you know how you love my little pony Frenchers magic Let's make them into more people now. They're called equestria girls And it's like we're just gonna ignore the fact that they were once horses and are now people. It's normal. It's fine Don't worry about it. I saw one. Hey Arnold, but it was the equivalent of looking at diva They're it's the equivalent of them looking at deviant art and like taking one strap off the shoulder like is this what you want

Okay, we'll we'll make it more human like I guess Anyway, I was gonna make a great hey, hey, Arnold joke at that time is past now We're gonna learn how to take care of a monster. Hi doll tending to your doll comfort the doll Make sure she's not shy or afraid cover her eyes when something scary is happening and read about her online to make sure She is comfortable with any activity you might do with her Wait wait that last bit. Yeah Well that hey start to finish sometimes there's a roller coaster of emotions in a thing This is like a roller coaster of like questionable except you just kept going down further and further

If there's gonna if there's necessary Care steps to the toy I've purchased at target for 15 dollars I expect that documentation to be provided alongside the toy. I don't it's not like in fucking gremlins They're like look at this little cutie pie real cute. You got to take good care of them figure Like get online call the help on check the forums. You'll you'll get there not that what a fucking mattered Yeah, that kid he had three fucking rules. Dude three rules together Hey, you know what? I own a dog. There's way more rules about keeping that damn thing alive Billion rules. Don't give it grapes. You know what? I haven't done yet given my dog grapes. Yeah, you're you couldn't keep

Track of the fucking time. All right. Do not feed them at your goddamn midnight. You lose her. I know I know um Change the dolls. Here's the thing that I don't like what griffin I want to acknowledge is something in that go ahead says Make sure your doll doesn't isn't scared of things Yeah, but also cover their eyes when something scary happens and that just seems to me like I'm Teaching the doll to be afraid and also aren't they monsters? They're right. Yeah, they're frankincense and jackals and mummies like Why they're not scared. Yeah, but famously I guess frankenstein famously not afraid of anything Except fire and fire like a little girl one time and water and a shadow Is a werewolf afraid of the moon or silver bullets or like

Does a werewolf acknowledge if those things are scary? It's afraid of how much it loves the moon. It's like, oh, there's that thing again I need it. I need it Change the dolls clothes. You don't want to be in the same outfit for two days and neither does she That's two assumptions. You've just made there that are both Equally incorrect by her new clothes at a toy store or other shops You could also use other doll clothes that fit you can even try to make your own also have a container or such to keep Her clothes in you don't want to lose them Duh as a parent that last bit is actually clutched. They should listen to that get a container folks

Get a container and make sure you keep all the clothes in the container somehow my children have like sort of Shorts dead drops all around the house so that if they if if things go wrong And they we need to bug out Uh, they have So they have options available in every room Yeah, take her outside that um One of the things that I was not expecting as a parent is how many different spaces you need throughout your home for barbie shoes

Like every room it's like a fire extinguisher except for like barbie feet Yeah, it's just like well Yeah, in case there ends up being a barbie within six inches of any place make sure that there's at least one pair of shoes in there At least according to my children That's the deal also for some reason chapstick has to be fucking everywhere kids love this shit You guys heard about this kids love chapstick and acorns I mean, what if you know acorn flavored chapstick or chapstick shaped like acorns rich man

Because what if skipper drops a glass And it shatters and now all of a sudden barbie don't like it cuts on her feet and you choose everywhere take her outside They need fresh air like we do they don't if you bring draculora outside make sure she has a toy umbrella or sunscreen So she doesn't burn if you bring laguna make her wait in the sun screen How embarrassing if you bring laguna make her wait in water make sure you always keep an eye on your doll as not As not not lose it during your excursions Um, that's true because if you're not careful hawk swoops down picks it right up down. We'll eat draculora whole

I don't it's fucked up that in the same paragraph is like they need to go outside But draculora will die outside There's it's a high risk game for draculora. She needs it, but she will die if you do it wrong She'll burst into flames And that'll be on you Um, the the wet one must stay wet It says it's a spooky spooky season, right? I feel they more and more these days vampire lore is getting pretty loose with the ability to go outside

If if I could take an umbrella out It's not that restrictive as a vampire, right? If that's covering it Then it's just like, oh, look, I guess i'm fine now I can wear a big hat and some I believe the word was sunscreen and Never once in vampirina do we ever see her feast on human flesh? And I know that seems like a big jump But it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately and now my almost six-year-old daughter started to question like she's a vampire, right?

Yeah, so she drinks blood and I don't know how to answer that you she needs to know if she's outside Dracula won't get her like yeah, that's why we love summertime Treat the doll like a child you are her mom So you need to take care of her give her food baths and basically follow these instructions to make sure she is a happy doll Keep the doll safe Keep the doll safe. She might get broken if you don't or worse. What's worse dead dead

Yeah, lots of lots of love bear might throw her into Uh, a big fiery pit with all of your childhood toys and they die down down a great Where you can see her but you can't oh that would be the worst Bad, right? Yeah. Yeah feeder to a penny wise Yeah, or another kid eats your doll right up another kid takes her From your hand to the playground because the kid's bigger and stronger than you are and but they don't know To go to wiki how to find out how to keep back Dracula alive So like that's a fate and you don't keep your grades up

Undress the doll in a private place like a bathroom or closet or she might get upset the other monster high dolls saw her naked Thank you. That's base. That's basic. Thank you. You actually should not be there either You should leave the doll on the floor and then leave the rim until you think the doll you need to use the You got to use tools that like mechanics use to like get into your car when you lock your keys in the car to change The doll's clothes from like under the crack of the door Now I think though there should be a like step above that where she was like ask your monster high doll Does she want the other monster high dolls to see her naked? Because maybe she's just like I love this. I'm proud of everything that monster god gave me

Um, thank you monster god for my rock and bod. That's what I say every day when I wake up I step out of the shower and I loudly announce. Thank you monster god for my rock and bod Yeah, and then and then I loathe it up This is me talking by the way, not a monster high doll. No, this is important. That's travis saying How he does his moisturization Create a humbly and proudly and devoutly And resoundingly and it was sounding it's kind of like the opening monster god for my rock and bod and then I flagellate myself in private. Yeah, then I apply the lotion. Yeah

It's basically like the opening to american psycho except there's like a swamp blob outside like yes, my child. Yes, my child Good good good anything else pancakes Create a home. Where is home for your doll in your drawers under your bed? Well Imagine this a nice house for your doll to sleep in at night a place to have parties with friends or dressy pizza Um, I'm not gonna this is a this is such a big Part this this paragraph is way too big for me to read and have it be funny But basically if it's a water doll make it look like water if it's a wolf do in the home in the home Yeah, and then make sure the doll likes her home fill it with furniture and make sure there's a bathroom

You may also choose to give it a theme if you had Draculaura You can make the walls black slash pink and make sure she doesn't have any windows design the house depending on what the doll is like I'm worried about The re what you're doing to the resale value what you're doing to your equity in the home if you remove the windows so that your vampire doll Doesn't tie Like that's the you're assuring at that point the house will only be sold to other Draculauras, which is you're really limiting yourself

That's a much limited market. Um, are they talking about like in your actual home? No, there's a guy like a shoebox. They got like a they got like a shoebox and they've um taped up some pictures of scary stuff inside the box, which is Oh, yeah, they love that but not too scary. Not just careful Um, there's those hair Draculaura gallons of blood Yeah, poor right all over her. She'll love it Um, I'm gonna shoot through this next section real fast brush the doll's hair Style it to make sure it matches her outfits give the doll a bath

Remove grime with nail varnish slash polish remover and get some q-tips do be careful with that because you might also remove eye and mouth and face parts of it, um Change the clothes. We already did that. Thank you Clean the dolls clothes routinely and clean the dolls hair just one more time I'm gonna get in there and make sure that that hair is very very clean um

This is a baby This is a Baby. Oh what you're what you're doing is taking care of a baby. Is that what you're saying? Yes This is a yes, baby Yeah, and maybe there's something to that because it's like that's part of the simulation and that's what's cool But also the baby is uh, you know can turn into a You know a some sort of litch or something um

Also, um, I just want to say we're we're all three pairs if one of the the girls in monster high could turn into a litch What would her name be? Oh, yeah, this is a good one I don't know the naming conventions of monster high. I think legina sure sounds great Sounds like regina Well, I'll come back to okay the author of this wiki how article we're all three kids Or we're all three parents at this point. We got kids And the author of this wiki how article is assuming that what children love most about toys

Is the amount of restriction and responsibility that come with them I don't think that's the case like my daughters both like having like dolls and baby dolls And then they mostly spend a lot of time swinging those around and dropping them off stuff and like just really kind of Fucking them up in a way that I don't think they're like better be careful of the sun Oh, gotta make sure I bathe these things so much as they're like look at this slide and then drop them from like four feet off the grounds Um, this article is so much longer. The next segment is all about individual tips for each monster high doll. So maybe um, We'll just like shoot through if you're playing with rachel goyle Um, make sure you give her a good pet

um, I assume that means uh Like a familiar or a creature and not to like Pet the doll hard or something like that um For with frankie stein This is an important one and don't get these switched up if you play with frankie stein You can't give her a boyfriend if you want um, but if you're playing with um, abbey bominable abbey bominable

If you're playing with abbey bominable Don't make abbey flirt with any boys. She says is not honorable that's abbey bominable says it's not honorable or Don't make her flirt with any boys that she says is not honorable. Like that boy's not honorable Please don't like this this boy. This trash bag is honorable This is this trash bag over here. Leave that one for frankie stein who will eat up the trash because she will date whatever If you're gonna give frankie stein a boyfriend, you should make it out of spare parts of other kins or something, right?

Like I think you'd really appreciate that That feels like a thing frankie stein would be into make me a boyfriend. This is a huge one if you are playing with claudine wolf um, make sure that when you turn off the light claudine goes crazy and you may be wondering How do I do how would I go about accomplishing that? um, and the answer is I guess you tape her to a rumba I Like sensitive rumba and then you you know shout the command word that makes the rumba go just like fucking ballistic ape shit Just absolutely ape shit

um I mean if you're playing the way just in speaking of rumbas I just watched hocus pocus two. You did not tell me what a significant plot Importance rumbas have in that movie. Yeah rumbas are a huge part of the plot Um, if you are playing if I told you yeah, I told you yeah that In hocus pocus at one point kathy the jimmy can't find a broom So she duct tapes to magical rumbas to her feet like a hoverboard I you think that I was making that up as a joke for our show or that i'm saying apart from the movie hocus pocus

That's good. That's good. That's good and a good joke and I bet you can't say something I bet you I bet you kathy fucking sold it. I bet you she made you bust up with that Oh, she's having the time of her life. What if I tell you that there is one prolonged shot in the movie as The characters on screen are very minimal in the foreground and mostly the focus of the shot is just a glowing wall greens And it is a wall greens and it lingers on it for what feels like 30 solid seconds And then wall greens is referenced multiple there are multiple scenes in a wall greens There's a wall greens once again plays a pivotal role in every shot is framed So it's like kathy the jimmy bet middler and a huge red w

It between them like always separated and framed by wall greens logo. They replace sarah jessica parker with the wall greens logo Yeah Hey guys if you're playing with clio denial feed her grapes and if it may seem like she can't But if you push the grapes Into the into her face hard enough You can make pretend anything. They will go away. They will go away eventually um If you're playing with toro li sometimes she might scratch the furniture

That's it like you know that that's what you're going to go with if you're playing with gulia yelps This one's this one's great because if you are playing with gulia yelps This will be my last tip for the for this halloween segment. You got to feed her brains and fast food kill kill living things that have a brain in it to give to your doll and or Hit up arby's

If arby's sold brain if arby's sold brain meat Which their motto would make you think that they do they got to me Yeah, you'd think you should be able to go into arby's and be like for me I would like a big cheddar boy a number 60 a number 16 cheddar boy combo meal And for this one gulia yelps and you put her up on the counter. You say you know what to do with her You take her back at the back or where you keep the The bad meats the meats that you maybe don't want people to know that you do have on offer and you make sure she is sated Yeah

Thank you, of course. Thank you. She'll die without it and she's my best friend What about cauliflower? Is that the doll cauliflower brains fuck off? Uh, oh, I thought you were saying there's a monster high doll called cauliflower That's awesome. All the other dolls are like a pestage. No, it would be griffin. It would be karla flower Thank you very much But what would that be reference a child is what great monster is that that's fun? If there was one of them that was just like vegetables. Yeah

Yeah It could be anything just it could be swamp thing it could be man thing could be audrey too from little soft horse It could be a man eating plants all over the fucking place read a book charlie got these toys for her for her birthday, uh riley got charlie this um stuffed guinea pig in a in a cage and the thing about it is that it's um Pregnant with other smaller baby guinea pig. Oh, cool. Great, but the birthing happens

automatically Huh, so on a certain timer over a certain you turn it on And eventually the first baby Uh, well what it does is it pops out of the top and then just kind of lands on the Mom guinea pig and rolls off and she had a baby and the mom eats it Normal now mom does, you know, you open that it's like a surprise toy, right? You see what kind of guinea pig Just like real life And it's set to do this over a 24 hour period

Where periodically over this 24 hours, this thing will just give birth Does it at least make a noise? Can you set it in a corner and tell you hear it go like And then you know like oh honey, yeah, this one's not again There's a hundred percent birthing noises a hundred percent But if you bought this gift for somebody who does not have that kind of attention span like say A child Um, there is a switch on it. That's basically like hold up turbo mode. Oh, wow Here here we go

He like you can't flip this switch to make this guinea pig just go into like turbo It's probably the wildest option uh that that I have seen on a toy is like let's just kick this birth cycle into overdrive And crank it up Let's go on money zone time. Yeah, let's go to my zone You know guys with my international travel I have been studying up a lot using babble and I have been studying English So I now say yeah, I've learned how to say like bangers and lift and I say like biscuits and flat How did you pull this off travel? I know that you don't really apply yourself to stuff

Well, I already said Justin. I used babble. Uh, that's an uh, it's I guess I was going to drill down on like maybe what even Is that at all? Oh, okay. Well, it's uh, like an amp. It's a language learning app That's sold like more than 10 million subscriptions and it's not just english I should point out you can also do like spanish or german or italian or french or portuguese or swedish or turkish or dutch polish Indonesian norwegian danish russian and yes english We need to get the animaniacs at this point. There's too many. They got to come up with like a I mean, I just said, okay with babble

You only need 10 minutes to complete one of their bite sized lessons So that you can start having real life conversations in a new language and it's little those three weeks Now this is a problem because I did just start uh, learning english Two days ago, right? Uh, so but by the time I get back Now other language apps Use ai the movie for their lesson plans, but babble lessons were created by over 150 language experts Those are human beings not some phony baloney computer

Brains. Yeah, fucking jude law over here. Just just like repeat after jude law Yeah, you know how jude law went around Telling lonely ladies about language and stuff. Yeah, man And it's voiced by real native speakers not computers Who needs them with babble? You can choose from 14 different languages that I've already listed right now get up to 55 off your subscription When you go to babble.com slash my brother, that's b a b b e l dot com slash my brother for up to

55 percent that's a lot of percent off your subscription babble language for life Her majesty served great britain and the commonwealth loyally for over 70 years And while of course we feel a profound sadness We must remember she lived a long life And died in such a way that I think many of us would want for ourselves She was at home

surrounded by her family and of course She was listening to the beef and dairy network podcast The beef and dairy network podcast is a multi award-winning comedy podcast And you can find it at maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts You're in a theater the lights go down You're about to get swept up by the characters and all their little details and interpersonal dramas You look at them and think that person is so obviously in love with their best friend wait

Am I in love with my best friend? That character's mom is so overbearing. Why doesn't she just stand up to her? Oh god, do I need to stand up to my own mother? If you've ever recognized yourself in a movie then join me jordan cruciola for the podcast feeling scene We've talked to author susan or leon on realizing her own marriage was falling apart after watching adaptation An adaptation of her own work and comedian harry con de volu on why herald and kumar was a depressingly important movie For southeast asians, so join me every thursday for the feeling scene podcast here on maximum fun That's okay, we'll get there maybe one day No, I'm doing the second question now. Oh, that's what I that's how it is just a little flourish for it

Nope Now we're doing the second question. Maybe I'll change my mind. Okay. Now. I had to think about it My six-year-old son recently discovered pokemon hell he is and is obsessed My husband and I know nothing about the cards the game or the universe The head the headspace the experience. Yeah. Yeah the lifestyle the lifestyle The agenda I may be so vulnerable. Yeah, recently my son got a mute mute mute youtube star griffin. Yeah, sure Mute to v star v star rainbow in a pack. Oh fuck

Oh Our giggling says it's a pretty valuable cause. Yeah, that's putting it lightly Yeah It's power charts are the thing is he's six and he's mostly into the game for the trades If we let him keep this card, he will trade it for lord knows what god. Yeah What's the protocol here? Let him make his deals Protect him from older kids taking advantage Sell the card now and buy him a bunch of other packs of cards with the proceeds

That's from poke perplexed and pittsford. You've come to the right place indeed The economy. Oh, okay is fueled by suckers Yeah, and it's that there's a circle of life Around this whole thing. Yeah, it you are correct in that if you do not intervene One day your son's gonna leave the house with a mute to v star rainbow worth It's gonna swoop down take it

Put it in its nest or the toy dolls Uh According to the I mean the recent sort of like You know pokemon trades that I've been reading values that one at about $5,500 Wow If he leaves the house with it, he's gonna come back with a fucking scratched up moldy ass do gong with a fucking bent ass corners and People have written like custom attacks with marker on it like one water energy

150 damage and this always hit like Fuckin like your your nephew your dumb ass Friends nephew kyle is just gonna like walk away whistling $5,500 richer I congratulate you on having the clarity of mind as a parent to look at your six-year-old child and say like Hey, this kid's a rub. Yeah. I mean look at this kid. He's a hundred percent. He's got mark written all over him I did my best, but I raised an absolute maroon. This guy's absolutely I love that. He's so wide-eyed and open to the world, but this kid's gonna get taken Cleaners and kyle's gonna have a little

Little nice day for himself. You know what I mean? Like it's it's a service that your son is providing to kyle I Was the recipe I both gave away some real beauties and also benefited from Some real some real dummies and that's but that's the that's the way of things Isn't it? Gryff's been the kyle and he's been the your child. I've been the kyle. I've been the your child I've been all over this great world of ours, but he's never been to me. That's I've never been I've never visited justin

Once no grape and he meant he's never been to main It's uh, he's never been. I have never been to main No, we went to main didn't we doesn't it feel like we should have gone Fox was no fox was Um, so The answer is simple You let him make the trade to shady kyle and then you bump into kyle as he walks away And he's like ha another great deal, but then he goes to check his pockets. What the card's gone

That's right. You got it because you've been taking pick pocket classes at the y Yeah, and child child pockets are the toughest ones to pick so little so little So you did have to you had to study for a couple years uh to get good at it Luckily you saw this coming a mile away because of your, uh, son's easygoing demeanor And you looked at him when he was three and you're like, um someday this kid's gonna get taken to the cleaner So I better start pick pocketing now long con Long con. I think oh, wow. Hold on. Wait, let's hear it. Let's hear justin out

No, I just meant it's the long grip like you've been planning for a long time to rob this kid Yeah, whatever whenever kyle whoever kyle ended up being yeah The deck was stacked against him from the beginning. Yeah. Yeah, kyle thought he was in charge. No, no, no No, no, no, you're the director of this little play now Kyle is really your puppet. Yes, and and this is all to teach You are just so so naive son of lesson. I think uh, you know, my kid's almost six And if I said if you give me this I can then turn it into a lot more of the things you like

That feels like a slam dunk explanation, right? That if I say this one card I could use this to buy you many many packs of cards Wow, right like that feels like something that kid would be way into right Yeah, you can also just take a picture of the card and let him carry the picture around There you go Because then you can you can have a bunch of those you know what I mean You just trade those to kyle sell the card by a laminator Print it out make a new card. You know, there's nothing illegal about making your own fake pokemon cards and selling them. Yeah

It's not illegal. There's no they're not legal fucking tender. It's not money. Yeah What are they gonna get you on counterfeiting come on? Take their canola bars sell the fake cards fake cards. This is america, baby Because that's good because sometimes you have an idea like what if there is an even smaller pikachu named squeaky chew And then you can make him you can make him be real with a printer and a and a laminator And he's got an attack that costs no energy Does 300 damage and ruin someone's credit score And if it's a a card game, then it's not fan fiction. It's a mod. There you go

Oh, this is dlc This is a velma and shaggy kissing. This is an expansion on uh on the velma and shaggy universe Exactly a modification an upgrade If you will if you also I gave I gave shaggy big pecs Because I love that I like a shaggy pecs What could we do a shirt? Do you think we can sell a shirt that has a strong shaggy on it? It's like strong shaggy, but just because it wasn't me. I think it's a meme I think actually strong shaggy is a meme like

For whatever reason kids like Like shaggy if he was like really strong. Yeah, I don't know why but this guy keeps popping up in my youtube videos And every time I see him being very strong and you know beating up huggy wuggy or any of the other sort of fucking video game degenerates And the kids go crazy and it's like that dude is high on drugs He is casey case him. Yeah, he has no friends. He eats dog food steals people's sandwiches Steals people's sandwiches. Please do not aspire to be this man. He has wasted his potential What if we made a t-shirt that was just a series of pictures of like shaggy on a sofa

Shaggy on a counter shaggy in the shower Shaggy being caught on camera What do you think in the shower? Yeah Uh, but we saw him in the shower. It wasn't me. Oh, I oh, okay. Oh, because he's shaggy, right? But he's on the sofa. No, I get the joke now I guess in my mind when I heard you say let's do a t-shirt with a nude cartoon character Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I should know this isn't like a joke. This is a separate business I want to start where we are selling these like a hot topic or something

I think that these would actually do really well in that market Not as like a macroi brothers joke thing But to like branch out into actual like more like memetic t-shirts You couldn't sell it at a hot topic. You could sell it at A kiosk outside of the hot topic because as far as I can tell from mall kiosks Anything fucking goes anything goes you can have yeah shaggy's dong fully on display in the shower You fully fully can it's like international waters if you're in the mall Yeah, we've got we've got shaggy nude on t-shirts and pelotons come on in

Now this just says pelican tawn Yeah, it's my it's my version of it where you're riding the bike and there's a video behind you of a pelican chasing you It's an expansion to the peloton. It's not a rip off Yeah, it's I trademarked it myself. I wrote the idea on a piece of paper and I mailed it to myself and I haven't opened it So see you in court. This is legally binding my neighbor recently removed the hedge on their side of the fence between our properties This fence is around two feet from my house and it's not very tall This means that the neighbors now have an unobstructed view through my window into my bed Even though I keep the blinds low, I still prefer to keep a fan in the window

Which requires them to be open far enough that i'm certain my neighbors will have a line of sight from their windows straight to my Junk am I still good to sleep in the nude? Should I let their Decisions to remove the privacy hedge decide how I dress at night or do I give this? Provenly nosy neighbor and I fall in hope she plants a new privacy bush. That's from brett bed time bush and premerton But you chose to work use the word bush You chose it. You chose it. You could have said something else

But you didn't um This feels tricky to me Oh, it does Feels fraught travis don't just travis tell me what they should do and don't just say Plan another taller bush next to their bush. No, it just it strikes me as like um I If you are not bothered by it, right? If you're not like, oh no, what do I do now?

If it's just like well, you made some decisions And this is where your choices have brought you. I will continue on my momentum Like uh until unless acted upon by an outside force, you know what I mean? Yeah There are two different kinds of naked Okay, there's you don't have clothes on and you're worried. There's any chance in the on earth Someone might see you. Mm-hmm or there's the times when you're naked and you're just like you That's who you are. You're in your body. Uh-huh. You're you're feeling you're sexy, you know Yeah, yeah, and you're saying thank you monster god for my rockin boss

God for my rockin bod And this person is never going to be able to get into that second headspace, right? Because there's always the possibility You could be being perused. It's not about the neighbor. It's about you. You need to be able to be Not just nude but indescribably Perfectly nude Nude soul as well if you will yes nude. Yes emotionally nude Okay, so what do you do then Justin?

You plan a second Now hold on. I was explicitly told I just didn't want you to take mine I didn't know we could do that. We've been doing this show for over a decade I didn't know we could say like an eye call dibs on this answer. I just came up with it I was like, I don't want to interrupt him. I'll just put a bookmark in so he doesn't take mine That's so good, dude I should have if I was gonna invent that rule. I wish I'd done it for I was about to say a better joke, but like a joke. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah

The idea you get you know what about are any of us truly nude in the dark huh If you're in the dark in the darkness and no one can see You're privacy. Mm-hmm. Are you even nude? huh Do you think when the darkness Band was in the green room anyone ever leaned in and just like shut off the lights real quick and slam the door And the band's like, oh here we go again. Yeah, sure

Then so there's always a joker. Is it there? Yeah, for sure Uh, thank you so much for listening to our program Uh, I'm sorry that my brother's denied you that wonderful A munch squad. I was definitely really going to do save it. Do two next time Um, but uh, you know, I hope you had fun regardless That's all we that's all we ever hope for you. Let's you enjoy yourself. Is that all going on? Wait, is that all we ever hope for it's all we ever hope for? Oh, man. Okay. I'm learning so much on the way Maybe would it kill you to buy a shirt from time to time? You know, there we go. There it is

Maybe a but maybe a deluxe blanket. You know speaking of that, jesson. It's so funny. You should make that We have a garyl blanket on sale in the merch store designed by lindoyle and this is like a beautiful I'm gonna say tapestry-esque Geryl blanket over at macro merch.com. We've also got our candle nights wrapping paper back designed by jesson gray And 10 of all merch proceeds this month go to fair elections center and listen, it's not just that It's all the other merch there and it's time to start thinking about that holiday season It's creepy and then I know I feel it I feel like my my children now each got a garyl the garyl stuffy same same and so they are really enjoying

talking to each other and Then constantly forgetting that he's a bina cord, which is fun. They keep calling him a rhino corn, which I enjoy Immensely, let's explore that. Yeah. I mean a rhino is already kind of a rhino. Exactly But imagine if you said this is a unicorn except it looks like a rhino. Yeah, sure. So this this is gonna be a thanks for montane Okay, thanks montane for the use for a theme song. My life is better with you Um, uh, it makes you stronger to cure it. That's and if you have if you have fear Any anything any fear any weakness the song makes it go away

Oh Yeah in the like scariest times The song makes you strong enough to face it. Wow That's cool. Yeah, it's amazing. It's how do they do that? Is it like a binaural or like a under, you know, like a subconscious thing Yes, both of them. That's amazing. Hey big news Uh on the tour front The shows in san jose and denver that were postponed have been rescheduled April 27th san jose california adventure zone

That's still with abria, which is very exciting. It's gonna be super great April 28th san jose my brother my brother in me in april 29th denver my brother my brother in me All existing tickets will be honored for the new dates if you can't attend the rescheduled dates Keep an eye out for an email from your venue or a xs And you will have 30 days for when you get that email to request a refund And if you don't have tickets but want to go you, uh, we will be selling those tickets You can get those on sale now Travis promises that you won't get covid this time. Yeah, also promise cross cross my lungs

um november shows in uh, washington dc with brennan lee mulligan DMing dadlain's two We got the shows in detroit and synzani And mask and proof of full vaccination or negative covid tests within 72 hours of event start is required And don't forget to pre-order taz 11th hour now Go to the adventuresomecomic.com to pre-order and those are coming out february 21st faster than you think Yep, that's it. Everybody stick to your guns I'll do it. I feel like I didn't contribute much this week stick to your guns. No, that's not what we went with We had something different. What was there a new thing? I think it was whoever didn't contribute the most test

No, we decide would Travis ruled that out fairly wisely Then we had a new thing. What was our new I don't know. I don't know I don't know but it's also from a future episode for the halloween special I don't think people have heard yet. Okay. Well, then I'll just say that I'm let me do it any way Okay, because I have to go in 30 seconds. Don't ever compromise for any reason My name is just a macaroy. I'm travis macaroy. I'm griffin macaroy. So my brother my brother made kiss your dad's brother lips It's better. It's better with you. Yes, it's true

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