My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 633: And it Was Fingers

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

Gather round the fire as the boys teach everyone how to make a scary Halloween special, full of ghosts, mummies, that one vampire (you know the one), and that creeping crawling feeling of shame. Suggested talking points: Mummy's Maze, Popular Dads, Now That's What Used to Be Called Music, The No-No Crypt, Shrimp Vortex, Land-Based Restaurant Business  Fair Elections Center: https://www.fairelectionscenter.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up, you cool, baby Precious friendship Could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better

It's better it's better It's better it's better Hello and welcome to the macaroy spook tacky. Sorry Spectacular I'm your ghost with shit fuck. I'm your host with the most sorry. I'm very tongue tied them very nervous Travis make a little Justin's really the one who first of all introduces the show. Oh, Justin. Do you want to try it? Sorry, I normally do like I know what he does like it. He has like a Dracula guy. Okay, Justin. You do your Dracula. Sorry, go ahead. Okay Hello everybody and welcome to my brother my brother be an advice show for the

Machinera, I'd say my name three times and I'll come to your podcast to Dracula That's yeah, that's that was me. That was me. Don't juice. Okay. Yeah, I was gonna go a different I entered I introduced the show and I was gonna go with like a Beetle juice. That's cool. Okay, Griffin. You want to take a run at it? Yeah, I'll do I'll do Michael Myers, okay Okay

Love it Love it never gets all welcome to our super scary He had to have an agent or somebody early days. You like Mike Mike should we change it Mike? There's a pretty well-known guy and he kills babysitters bad guy You want to change it Mike? No, I'll go by Mike Myers. Well, Mike Myers has ever worn a William Shatner mask to Halloween Just like just to feel oh, I say great So What are we doing Halloween special? It's a it's a Travis's idea Travis

I don't want to steal your thunder go ahead and lay it out for us. Well. Well, the idea is basically I'm while you're listening to This in the UK Yeah, I know it's for I'm from the past in the future all at once time is a flat circle and you know what I said Coming up. It's the spooky times. It's just it's yeah, and so it's like let's do a Halloween special We had people send in some spooky Halloween questions, and I assume you guys prepared a lot of spooky Halloween bits Yeah, a lot of great stuff. Oh No, I see her face. Oh, no Yeah, I have I have a mummy game. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I made up a mummy game. Oh

There's a whole cornucopia of delights that I didn't even know awaited me Yeah, I wouldn't have prepped so hard with all my bits. In fact, you know what I'm Deleting them. Okay. I deleted permanently all the great crap that I did cuz Griffin's got this mummy game That's yeah, that'll probably take up 45 minutes at least easy. Yeah. Oh, in fact, I'm gonna erase the question list Let me erase the question list Oh, no, and this and then I'm tweeting the or changing the name of the show to mummy boy mommies boys Yeah, mommies boys and cuz it's just starting griffin McElroy. All right griff. I'm ready. I trademarked it. I changed the show name permanently and legally. Perfect. Let's go

Okay, mummy. Okay. Okay, so this is the first round. Okay of the mummy game. Okay It's called. Sorry. Is it called the mummy game or yeah, okay? It's called the mummy. It's called the mummy's game. Okay, sorry It's called the mummy's maze and here's the first round. The first round is called the first round is called Under wraps. Oh Movie. Yeah, and this one I have a secret and you guys got to have to guess it. Are you a mummy? No, you guys got you guys got to have to guess my secret. That's under wraps the first round of the mummies. Can I try? Yeah, go you didn't prepare anything. No, that's not it next guess

Uh You're trying to bring back your long-lost bride on Nox on a moon. No, that's not it next You're all scarabs That's right. Justin got it. I'm all scarabs. I'm all scarabs inside Sure feels like it some days because That's the first round of the mummies maze. It's called under wraps the second round of the mummies maze is called the pyramid of Shame. Oh and now a lot a lot of lesser people. Yeah said I want to space this out

Let's do some more the regular episode and I'll come back for round no I just want to get I just want to be done with the mummies maze. I came up with it, but I also fucking hate it So it's like one of my bits Yeah, like I came up with it last night in a in a sort of dream So like like the bee Ronan gets and made him up, but then it tortured him. Yeah, he was like this is so good Fuck. He's like, I don't want to make this make it. I don't want to do the mummies maze But fuck like it has to get out. Yeah, I have to get it out of me. So this is pyramid of shame Yeah, in this one we're gonna

In this one, we're all gonna tell people what we're super ashamed about Wait, we have to yeah in the big and the idea is it's a pyramid, right? So you want to start big Okay, you go for a shame a big shame just a huge shame a big shame Gosh, go ahead Griffin. Yeah. Yeah, griff's gonna go first. Yeah, sure. Okay. Um, I Just I add a party Whenever there's a party, I usually don't get I don't get invited to those very much. Oh And that's a shame that's something you're ashamed of yeah other people go

To them and get invited to them other dads. Yeah, I guess I should say now that my boys in school Other dads like really hang out. Have you guys noticed brief sidebar all the other dads know each other each other? Okay, we can agree on this all the other dads know each other correct Yeah, they walk in and the party don't start till that dad's there then yeah that dad Every dad knows every other dad every other dad and this dad and they and they're over there over there They and they're over there talking about like How to repair their like sports projectors? I know how to repair things. I unless it's a car Or not. I know how to repair things unless it's a relationship. Anyway, that's my shame, bro

I laid the first brick of shame. Okay. My shame is that I have mine was real and raw Mine was real and raw go ahead. Just remind you I've been telling the other dads not to invite ruffin to parties Justin, do you know I feel terrible about it? You know, it doesn't work if you're not. I think it's my young in my younger days. I Was not as thoughtful of a person as I like to think I am now and I feel like That if I've been more dialed into that Yeah, like thinking about other people rather than just myself. I would have had sort of more Friends and connections. That's great. Maybe more dads would maybe more dad

Maybe maybe this is an issue we all still suffer from and that's why dads hate Dads hate this one. How to consider the possibility for me is that these same dads We're already popular. Oh, yeah, sure. And then now they're just like still Popular right, but there's guys now and I'm still not in there Oh, here's my shame. Even though I'm really excited whenever a new mission possible movie comes out I don't really have a lot of passion regarding Top Gun Maverick And I don't know why it just doesn't do anything for me But like the idea of like oh another mission impossible fuck

Yeah, but then they're like and I made another Top Gun mom like that doesn't Doesn't click for me for some reason Well, I see people on planes watching it and it seems like they're having a really good time They enjoy it, but I I just can't seem to get interested in watching Top Gun Maverick For this next round. We're all not even rented it. I paid to rent it. I'm on day 19 bathroom paper Go get bathroom paper for then these first two rounds are hard because um The first two rounds are hard because you have to really dig deep and say a bunch of stuff about yourself

That maybe you don't want to say in front of an audience But that's just loosens you up for the third round, which is a fun one And this round is called under wraps But it's not but this round is called under wraps and for this you'll need bathroom now But the first round was called under wraps For this round you'll need to do bathroom paper. Justin's returned Justin has some Um, we are actually rationing it in my home. Um, so I can I use wrapping like can I use toilet paper with the mind? Um, I mean you don't get to play this round. I just say it's just Justin gets to play it

Okay, um, and Justin you have 10 seconds to turn in itself into a mummy ready set go one two three four five six seven eight Nine tens. Oh god. I don't want you to take it. Don't wrap anymore. Stop put the tissue down put the bathroom paper down Okay That's not a very good job. No put it back on the roll though because somebody's gonna use that Now sit there like that for the rest of the podcast. Oh, wow. Wait question though Travis didn't do it. So de facto. Well, he didn't get to do he didn't get to do it

Because he wanted to fake it and he's been faking it this whole fucking time But you my road dog you've been over there The real the realist the realist mummy is what you are Hold on Can we jump back because I don't think it's fair that you get to judge my level of shame about not watching Top Gun Maverick because for all you know, that might be the biggest shame in my life I don't have a lot to be embarrassed by everything I've done is perfect. Hey bud. Hey bud. It ain't There's other stuff. No, bud. It ain't not bud. Oh, oh man

I'm gonna have to let me take a long hard look at Justin wins the mummies maze your uh next year when we play it maybe Travis will get his head out of his ass And actually engage with the sport of it that I worked all night long to prepare Um, that's actually my greatest shame is that I didn't get on board. I'm sorry. All right. Well save that for next year Justin won this time. This feels more. You know what? This feels less like a halloween episode And more like a halloween party at school When I was kind of like and I thought about it like why can't we have Why can't podcasts have like parties a party? Yeah, thank you

This is like our office. This is our office party. This is our office. This is like our office party I don't know why podcasts can't have party episodes where it's just like yeah, they weren't really You know trying to to make it good. It's just like they were just but they seemed like but they were hanging They were having for real. Yeah, they brought in a lot of individually Pre-packaged foods so that it was nice and safe and everybody could enjoy a juice boxes and what have you Yeah, um, let's uh, let's ask one of your very scary questions here. Okay. I need some advice regarding tax on This is cruel Folks, this is cruel when you write them, you know, who reads them. Okay. This is cruel

I need some advice regarding taxonomical Accuracy nails it does the term werewolf describe only the monstrous wolf creature of supernatural lore Or does it describe both the monster and the seemingly innocuous person who becomes that monster is a werewolf Who is in her human form still a werewolf? That's from lady lichen throat labeler in london ontario Well, am I a ghost? No, no

Okay, but one day I'll be a ghost. So like by that logic By that logic, I'm I'm a ghost already. I'm already a ghost walking around and I'm sorry, but I have to quibble all right because Quibi quibi with me. I have to quibi Once you become a ghost you can't go back to being a human unless you have the machine from casper the friendly ghost I'm because you're correct Your your thing is actually very dumb griffin because if you now I didn't say that

Well, I'll let me go ahead and interesting doesn't can say shit like that because he won the mummy's maze And that means that like he's in charge and he can say whatever he wants Um, if someone's like hand me a piece of paper and you get the trunk of a tree And you bring it to them and you say here you are and then I'll say that's not paper and then you say well, it will be That's not that that's nothing That's nothing. Yeah, I do think it's okay. Here's the here's the thing. I do think They are aware once they have been uh infected in some way once they're cursed once they're whatever What have you to become a werewolf, right? And they change uh either at will or

under the uh force of the full moon Whether they are a human form or a beast form. They are now a werewolf That said I think it's unfair and probably a little ghost Probably like ruin a party if you see them in a human form. They're like, yeah, and you're a werewolf and be like, hey Hey, come on. Hey, that's not okay. Come on. But here's the thing that fucks me up all the time Where wereals here's the thing werewolf isn't real vampire vampire isn't real Frankenstein zombie isn't real skeletons walking around dancing skeletons are real. Yeah, okay skeletons are real but

mummies mummies are Re mummies are real in that wild that is wild but skeletons are also real in that way griffin Not walking around not real enough to griffin not walking around though. Well mummies aren't walking around either But they did at some point Guys, I just drank I had an old coffee here from like zombie coffee That's the biggest like just just ripped it nice, dude anyway, um

I don't I think I wear I don't I think if you say Oh a werewolf and you point to just a person That's not that you are not being Helpful you may be being accurate with your language, but you're not being helpful There it is. There it is. Yes. I think that's true. Yes, that's true. Good. That's it feels good to settle one. You know, yeah, sure um Hey, you know who else is real the wizard and he wants us to learn Uh by way of zack who sent it in how to live in a haunted house

um This is uh, you just moved in and now you have had really bad feelings about the place chances are the place could be haunted You may be frightened, but don't be It's definitely not buyers or morse. Don't worry about that And this economy is a ghost reading this article can help you cope with the ghost presence It would be cool if you may be frightened, but don't be was a phrase With any amount of efficacy Like whatsoever. Yeah. Yeah as a parent if I could

Pull out that card from my deck that blue eyes white dragon and slap it down and have one of my beautiful boys be like, oh Okay, that would be so sick But here's how to live in a haunted house step one take a well built guard dog Like german shepherd with you into the house now. Hey, uh, I know that this just step one Like ghosts don't care about dogs. What's the ghost gonna do? Like the dog's gonna bite the ghost leg. Come on Dogs easily detect the presence of the spirits. It will be daring to you also with the dog what

It will be daring to you also With the dog. Okay. I okay. I just feel like Clearly and I think we can all agree cats have much more of a connection to the spiritual realm Well, yes, and so like if I was going to take a guard animal in with me It would be a powerful kitty cat. Yeah, but the cat The loyalty there is a question There's definitely there's a definite issue of like will they just be like, oh nice ghosts No, that's fair. That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah right away

I would want a big I would want like a like a elephant or rhinoceros something that like good Yeah, because you can't see these things you can't see these dudes So you want like something big that can You know law of large numbers eventually is going to impale them on as big You know what if we're gonna do that then just give me a drill bit taylor Give me a drill bit taylor big ol Yeah beefy oan wilson to go in in front of me to protect me from ghosts He looked so big and strong and I'm so fucking ripped in that man. That's so so good. Look like you ate Luke

Remind yourself that before you move anything into the house walk through the entire place Doing this will give the ghosts a chance to scope you out and accept your presence in their home I did buy it. Yeah That's the thing is that buying a house Is virtually impossible um Today and so if that does happen and you've jumped through the infinite hurdles that our

Terrible society has created between you and a home Um, I don't think I'm going to have much patience for a spectral Hurdle. Yes a dead a dead person Who like already had their chance and frankly blew it. Correct. Um because they died Like you had a chance to be the resident of this house and you fucked up You know what griffin you have you have just enlightened me made me realize how much uh, like having a landlord Is like living in a haunted house We're just like sometimes you come home and you're like wait something's different or like you're like you're like should I fix that?

I'm like no we don't change anything here if we if we change something they'll get mad and this is just sort of like a little Marie condo tip from me from yours truly to you is that You should walk through the whole house Before you move anything into the house Maybe before you buy it Before you buy it even like you should you should see the whole house I think before because otherwise you're just gonna like carry in a couch and then be like

This room looks this room seems like a good couch room. That's not a good way or you can walk out like well There's no floor. I should have looked first. I should have made sure this house had floors Remember before moving all your stuff into the place move in as few items as possible at first This will avoid riling the ghost parentheses s Ghosts to the changes going on during the transition from former occupants. Sorry ghosts. I only got my friends one pizza I'm not doing pizza again for them. We got to get everything in on this one saturday I got my dad's truck and my dad normally uses that truck on saturdays and he rearranges schedule I don't know what to tell you ghost. Do you have a truck? No

If it's a malevolent spirit like a the ghost of a mummy or something like that Yeah, oh, that's the way um Then they're gonna be watching you like a hawk and so I do actually think there is some great wisdom to Bringing in the credenza first and then like the two ghosts the two mommy goes to hunt your house being like I'm gonna fuck this dudes whole day up But then the other one would be like josh, it's a credenza like yeah It's just a credenza. He's not gonna do but then you slowly like the next day. Maybe you bring in a futon You know murder by a thousand cuts which is which is how most ghosts

Are made keep in mind while moving furniture or other objects in be alert for any feelings You may have about where an item should be placed If you can make a ghost happy by placing a chair in a particular space it could save you lots of trouble later on Okay, so I guess they're saying that your feelings Will mimic the ghosts Feelings I guess so be aware of your feelings Okay, hey, hey wiki how article are you saying that if my house wasn't haunted and I put a chair somewhere and I said I fucking hate this

Keeping that chair right there. Hey, this is this is the kitchen What are you doing without any ghosts around there's no reason to not put a chair where I hate it Well, we're carrying this couch through the kitchen to get to the family room, but I feel happy So set it down because that's a ghost telling me that Are you sure you don't want to just put the couch down? No, no this is ghost feelings Yeah, you don't even live here. Doug just with the couch couch down. It's good Um try to relate to the ghost by talking about what life may have been like in the house If it is an old house and try to do something former residents would have done in the house while they lived there

Like eating some meals in a formal dining room or listening to period music from the time the house was built I feel like we've we that has come up in a different like dealing with ghosts scenario wiki How because we have definitely talked about that if you try to say like I bet Well, you had a hard time with the plague the ghost like fuck off dude like you weren't there I don't want to hear it. No, but they're talking not talking about that they're talking about get out the get out the the old, you know phonograph And to throw down the fucking charleston and you will hear ghosts just like yes

Yes, but what if it's charleston? Fuck. Yes, it's 2022 What if it's a ghost from the 90s or something who are like what the fuck play some like where's my disc master? Come on, man. Okay. Well, then you're gonna need sort of and now that's what I have called music That's what used to be called Uh But but to the next point Travis try to talk about big events that would have happened while past owners would have been living here For example on october 29th of a year try to talk about how past residents would have felt about the stock market crash in the beginning of the great depression Not great. Thanks for bringing that up

Bad, how do you think I became a ghost you dick? Yeah, what? Yeah You know what you can just you just play we didn't start the fire and if they're from that Like that era they're gonna fucking love it But this wiki hour article sounds like it wants specific day-to-day trivia Which could be cool if you're just like sitting in your bedroom and ghost hovers up beside you and be like, okay Let's take a look october 10th. Hey, it's susan sarandon's birthday. Like the ghost is gonna fucking love that. They're gonna flip That's very grounding for me. Thank you Avoid the area the ghost is in if they are in one particular place try using the room as a storage area and leave the ghost alone

Oh, yeah, the ghost will love that That seems like a misread of that scenario of air wiki how? Yeah. Yeah. Here's my broken rowing machine You sleep in the room with that now idiot. Also wiki how? Don't like I shouldn't pin point don't like it shouldn't have died if I can pinpoint where the ghost is I think I've got a lot more going on here than where to put Like where to put the good tv or whatever if it's like on the ghost also ghost ain't gonna stand in that one room It's a ghost. Yeah, it moves around Does the ghost do you think ghosts have to stay in your house?

We've definitely talked about this before but yes I mean if you we I don't maybe it's been a while I think that there should be a rule that if it's been like three years We're allowed to talk about the same shit again because I feel like there's only so many things But if you see a ghost on the street, that would fuck me up. I need them to be in a I need them to be contained inside of Buildings well, the only way if they have very strong feelings about that street If they are like a crossing guard to like lived to protect that corner I could see that happening that but that's it. That's the only way

But I don't want to try to spend a night in the old haunted Dickerson mansion and then like make it to 1 a.m. And just be so freaked the fuck out that I have to get out of there And then I run away But then old man Dickerson is like floating with me like on my block and I'm like, what are you doing? Like I got out of the house. He's like so what like so what what are you talking about? I'm bored I follow you now But I think it would also be pretty positive experience though if there's someone's like yeah This house is haunted and you spend all night there and you're like, I don't see any ghosts in here

And you look outside and there's like a ghost on the lawn and you're like I can live with that That's actually that's fine. He's out there. Hey try to spend a night in the place Some ghosts try to communicate with the living through dreams the line that goes to get its message through to the living may Put it into the haunting and send the ghost on its way. I would say if you buy a house try to spend a night in a place Hey, give it give it give it a shot It's worth it's worth an attempt Hey, slow down your jet set lifestyle is really keeping you away from your house 365 nights a year Try sleeping that place at least once. Yeah, you have you have a family that misses you

Go sleep in the house. Yeah, except the ghost while this may be difficult for some to do Most ghosts will leave you alone if you acknowledge their presence like okay, you lift it up My whole dining table to the ceiling and then you dropped it. So I saw that I saw that okay like Heard all day heard got it. Thank you. You're there. You are there talk to the ghost Let it know it is welcome to stay if it leaves you and your family alone. Uh, that's a slippery slope. I think why It just it just feels like if they slip up. Does that mean like

It's like it's like they slip a spam spam email. It's like, okay. Listen. I'm not gonna reach out to you anymore Yeah, and then what before you know it like more ghosts show up and you're like, hey And he's like I'm how is me having a ghost party that you can't even vibe with is right from like if you walk through one of us You get cold Uh, like how is that bothering you? Like how am I being a nuisance to you right now? Uh, a living person also bold to think that the concern here is that ghost doesn't know if it's allowed to stay or not Yeah, there's the the narrative here is really shifting But let's end it with this last bit which is remember if the ghost does something scary

Let it know you are upset and that if such behavior continues it will not be tolerated So just like No, no No, hey, listen everyone's allowed to get frustrated. I understand that you're frustrated I get that you're allowed to be frustrated, but we do not swing the dog around the room while going That's not okay. That's not how we express our feelings. Do you understand? Hey, look at me. Hey, we're talking Are you listen? What did I just say? We do not we do not make a gooey portal on the ceiling

Okay, and pull and pull the little girl through it and then she gets in the tv now. Do you understand me? Do you hear me? Do you want to sit on the do you want to sit on the no no step? Yep ghost Do you want to be in the no no crypt? You're going in the no no crypt ghost because you are not listening. We're trying to do what's best for you I see your eyes. That's a good choice. You made a good choice. That's a good choice. Thank you Thank you ghost I see ghost. I I love you so much and it's and it's why I'm not like I'm just disappointed. I guess

Listen, I think I think there's no such thing as a bad ghost. I think there's just a ghost that makes bad choices You know what I mean? Let's make some good choices around here And yeah, we can watch some iPad what do you want to watch? That's fine So Yeah, there's not really any good questions after this a lot of people have because we We really have plumbed the depths at this point And I don't know that there's much else to like if there's more to say about ghosts like we'll be the ones to discover it

Yeah, I'm not somebody on wiki how but that's just that's just how to live in a haunted house You've got to talk to the ghost about All the cool stuff that's happened since the 1930s But then also don't talk to the ghost and don't go near it Let it have its space But if it does try to fuck around then it's tell it you'll kill it again or whatever that ghosts hate You know what no one talks about The ghost flickers the lights and shit and like makes cold spots and it's like hey, man

That's my electric bill and my heating bill. Could you not like please not? Hey, you're scaring me. That's fine. You're messing with my financial I just bought a house. Do you know how hard that is? Yeah Anyway, that's um, that's ghosts I'm having people over to my apartment for halloween and I've realized that I don't know any good ghost stories to tell I want to set the tone for the evening with something Scary spooky, but I'm at a loss. Do you have any good ghost stories? I can use Alternatively, do you have a formula for a?

Bad ass ghost story cursing that's from uninspired in Arizona A bad ass ghost story Cool like a cool ghost like a cool ghost story. I think that no matter what I like the idea of a formula I don't like the idea of sitting here and trying to come up with a ghost story That sounds like comedy poison to me But I mean the formula formula we can work with formula simple right it's got to start with something like oh, you know It was blank years ago. Now. This is where it's tough, right? It can't be too You can see three years. Oh, it was six months back in march

You've lived here since January. Yeah, I know I was When they all got killed I was all I didn't I didn't tell you about this because not only is this a bad ass scary ghost story It's an embarrassing one. But it also can't be so long ago. You can't be like 500 years ago on this very spot Someone yeah, but 500 years. Okay, cool man. Absolutely. Yeah, let's just pick a year 230 Right. No, I think that's too far. That's way too far 100. It was uh, it was 83 years ago It has to be a round number I think because then it also it's like for some reason it's like 100 years ago and goes like Oh an anniversary. What about what about one and you're like, let me tell you about the holy ghost

This guy that's pretty scary. Actually, I did just get scared of being in a party and not happening You know scared means life without him. That's the beginning of this That's the beginning obviously the end of the story No matter what a common great element for a bad ass ghost story is if you keel over dead Yeah at the end of the story and a ghost comes out of your body and Like screams and screams like happy halloween and like flips over the table with the Okay, it was 100 years ago And you have to drop down that at the end. Yes. Now, uh, let me take it a little different. Okay. It starts like this

Okay, it was And 89 years ago and a man he was put he died and he was buried But then three days later. He came back from the grave Read this literature Oh pretty scary. Okay. I am so distracted. I'm so distracted by the fact that you set this You set this bit in 1989. No, it was 1989 years ago Yeah, right because he died when he was 33, Justin. So it couldn't be 2022 years ago I did you I did you the math?

I had to do the math your travis's we record with camera now and I travis went to a Sunken place. Yeah as that work as he works. I was gonna say 99 I mean that wasn't it that would put jesus at a righteous 23 That was it. He was not cool anymore. Everybody knows the calendar begins on the exact day. Jesus is born. Yeah, dude Uh And yeah, they're good ghost story One thing that I always think is very impactful in ghost stories is that Someone is eating something that turns out to be a body part

Oh, yeah, yeah, you know what I mean like and yeah, and the payoff is always like This is I think the moment right before the death of fright is like and it was fingers. Oh, that's yeah, sure Okay, so that's it. Well, no, this is excellent. It was a hundred years ago. Uh-huh Something something something And it was fingers and then Dead dead It helps if it's like relatable if it sounds like it happened to someone like that, you know or like someone And so like just point at anyone in the room and be like they were there

They can tell you. Yeah, and then when they deny it be like maybe you're the ghost, right? That's cool. Like a second person sort of Horror story. Um, Justin almost drank the bag. I almost drank the bag. You really need to tighten tighten it up. It was fingers Oh, wait, is there something in this bad coffee? Is there something in this this like, oh, yeah, say open to the universe Bring 100 years ago to you 100 years ago I died through a party and they're a part two that was so and everybody Everybody drank the punch, but he had put poison in it

And kind of like this punch that you've all been drinking. Let's let's say it was my uncle Yeah, 100 years ago my uncle. Yes, because no one's going to challenge you on it because that would be rude because it's your uncle Yeah, my right. I don't know your uncle well enough to know if it really happened. My dad was a real late No, not my baby. No because my uncle was there 100 years ago My uncle was 70 years old and my dad was 100 years ago my uncle I'm very okay 100 years ago my six-year-old uncle and then it's like yeah Because he's a hundred Six now

Yeah, he started living a good clean life and exercising. No, no, no, no, but on a completely hold on on an unrelated He stopped eating chicken fingers because they were real fingers. Okay, that's so good. That's really good boom dad 100 years ago My very young uncle This also sounds like a pneumatic device My very young uncle just ate chicken fingers then stopped because they were human fingers But I never stopped eating the fingers and now I have cardiac problems

You're yeah, but that's like a you just added like a post credits Don't scare that can't be after the end where you die, right? Yeah, and I was the uncle the whole time and then you die of fright. Okay Okay, then you die of fright. Yeah, that's gotta be and then you don't get up until everybody leaves the party Yeah, that's also important and what's cool is like On different holidays you can use the story too. You just change different parts of it. Yeah so like I so like for um, you know For around christmas time you can be like is it so same it's 100 years ago santa claus

And then something something something and then like be like he's eating fingers And then maybe you don't die at the end of that story because yeah, you become more alive Uh, let's take a quick break Travis, I would prefer if you left Oh, okay, I prefer griffin under these alone. Can I come back after the money's on? Uh, yes, yes, but I would prefer that this money's don't just be something for griffin. Is that okay? Oh, I understand. I actually do. I need to use the rest. I need to use the restroom So maybe justin does it alone. Oh griffin you guys will be recording this in the future while i'm in the uk

Uh, well, I do need to I do need to go to the bathroom. That's something that you can just say as you Yeah, but like hold on. Let me hold on. Let me think about this. Hold on. Let me figure this out because We're recording this early because Travis is in the is not in america right now. He is Right now. Travis is in america right now. We're recording this yes in the but in the episode when the episode comes out He won't be in america. Sure. I need to pee now. Let's just try to calculate He wants to make sure he's not gonna piss on camera He's really really afraid that somehow you're gonna know You can go pee now and then also when you adjust and report the money's on later

If you need to pee then you can also go pee that that's what i'm saying Do I listen to the episode when it comes out and you get to this point the episode this exact point Hi griffin you can pause your podcast layer and go pee then as well Yeah, your options are limitless. Yeah, there's no no cause for concern really But why wouldn't but why won't we do that? Oh, we don't have ads sometimes they come in a little hot Huh, is that what the situation? Yeah, so there's that's one way of putting it. I'm gonna flip it on you We're recording early because we're so responsible Okay, so we aren't in that copy yet

Okay, and so I was setting up a Thing where you and I will record the ads later. We're gonna do it alone because travis isn't not in america travis isn't in ohio Okay, good Are you peeing your pants right now? You do have to tell me Wow, what a great episode so far that we recorded a hundred years ago This is griffin i'm flying solo for the ads today. Let's see if I still remember how this thing works Squarespace is the all-in-one platform for building your brand and growing your business online You stand out with a beautiful website when you use it

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We all do an online shop from time to time And it feels so good when you get a little promo code in there You feel like a treasure hunter you feel like nicolas cage in the national treasure movies um And honey is there honey is like the you know, kind of wisecracking sidekick of nicolas cage in those films Because honey's gonna help you just like automatically get the best promo codes the best coupons that That that is out there because it scours the internet for promo codes

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I saved some bucks on it and I I I did a celebration a private A private celebration. Please don't ask me any questions about it It was so easy to use though if you don't already have honey You could be straight up missing out and by getting it you'll be doing yourself a solid and supporting this show Get honey for free at join honey.com slash brother. That's join honey.com slash brother Still got it I'm jesse thorn on the next bullseye our annual halloween spectacular We'll interview anna fabrega from losa spookies monex change from drag race and the great rl

Stein creator of goose bumps, you know, I don't really get too deep into the real fears It's a lot safer to do a dummy coming to life That's on the next bullseye for maximumfun.org and npr Why is his room filling with smog and smoke? But specifically smog. I don't enjoy this haunted. It's like haunted smog and smoke is just as it's a make pretend Oh Don't I want to munch

I'm gonna put my hood up too. I want to munch Welcome to munch squall. I have a hood too Did you see count donut? Travis did it like you did it. That's wonderful. You're my hero. Welcome. It's a look when I do it. It's like a Like a I'm gonna leave you Yeah, pretty good Thanks Thanks count donut

One great beaver cell butthead reference. Thanks. I love them Welcome to munch squall the podcast within a podcast that profiles the latest and greatest in brand My name is count donut We've established and I'm here to talk to you about the latest innovations In the the donut space before I Indulge

Does anyone have anything they'd like to say? I like your beard Now that is weird because I thought vampires don't like age or grow or change or it's a low game I had it transplanted from somewhere else Oh when you said it's a row game just now It's so fucking weird, but there's this other dude that comes around sometimes I forget his name. It's something like johnny stink but

um You sounded like him a little bit Can I ask you a question? I've always wondered count donut as a vampire Yes, let's begin to the lord obviously as a vampire You don't age just so your hair wouldn't grow right your body wouldn't make so if you get a haircut and you don't like it Is it just as you live forever? Your hair cuts just get shorter and shorter until eventually all vampires shave their head belt like knows brought to you No travis the the hair is

grown But fed with blood So I swallow the blood And then but then that would be my excretions or through my follicles his hair But then your your cells are making more hair, which means they're they're age directly excreting He pushes him out. Oh like a play-doh fun. Yeah, exactly. Oh, okay Fun guy. That makes it all sense. Let's talk about the pink Like what you do you ate that last word donut? Let me try again. Let's talk about pink

Pink box box. That's freaky. Yes. It's a donut manufacturer based in the Los Vegas area. Oh, of course it is Ghouls goblins and the donut lovers are like Can get in there. I'm glad that they've stopped being stuck in a binary. Good job pink box. Well done pink box Yes, can enjoy the spirit of halloween with these not so scary, but oh so delicious treat Be sure don't waste don't waste my time with this pink box scare scare my pants off with your bake Dean if you just want a very long list of creepy donuts of varying degrees of sanity pink box as you covered

First up is the vampire Which I said like bill from true blood for reasons that defy explanation Vampire it's a glazed raised ring with vampire teeth toy And what umpire the core where in the hole Where is it? Did they give the whole? They give the whole teeth and they're not like edible teeth, right? These are plastic toy teeth Please remove them before eating. I'll have my assistant Bula pull up an image for you one moment. Be a lot

Well, this is new cannon I don't know how I feel Bula. Is this like a familiar situation? Does she dance? I actually I see a little rat and it's typing on a keyboard. I don't know why she can't make it a bigger Okay, so we're looking at all the donuts right here. I'm trying to okay. You see the vampire teeth vampire donut Next up. Oh, it does have a little bit more decoration than just shoving some fake teeth in it Yeah, it's not just a glazed donut with teeth in the hole. They're doing it's adorable vampire pool It's a chocolate cake topped with chocolate buttercream covered with chocolate icing

halloween sprinkles and vampire decor and it looks like human fecal Wait, hold on. Did you say did you human fecal matter? No, no, no, no, no, no the name of the I thought you said vampire pool No vampire pool and not the bear Bear isn't it funny? Did you also think you said pool? I did vampire pool Okay, I think my brain vampire poo just be blood. What it is is yes. Oh, no hair. We've covered Wait hair comes out everywhere not just the top of your head vision pumpkin orange frosted

Raised shell topped with pumpkin decor. That one's great. That's a dead-on pumpkin. I see that looks great And you know what what's great about that remove the little pumpkin leaf on the top You can use that for March madness. That's a basketball, baby. That's a basketball right there I want I want now to continue to draw you through my tunnel of horrors next up And Travis I apologize in advance for spider ring It's actually very cute. It is pretty cute. It's a purple frosted vanilla cake topped with spider web decor and the spider ring Oh that one That does nothing for me creepy crawler

Orange frosted raised ring topped with glaze cake peewees And spider decor That one. Uh, that one's pretty cute too. I like actually one is called. I see you And it's a white frosted dog crow topped with eyeball decor Well, that was pro by the way I believe dog crow I

Believed when they realized cronaut was trademarked. They took some other scraps of the word Because those are is also definitely taken Those are just taken so they just got in there and squished it all around Like my good friend Frankenstein um Hey, I just want everyone to know that I didn't see the the real vampire donut and now I'm back to hating it Because it is just a glazed donut with teeth in the hole and two googly eyes on top of that Yeah, and they can make the teeth whatever color they want. It still is a screaming

Donut that bites that does bite back and now but I I do want count donut to keep going because there's a couple on here That definitely don't seem connected to halloween in it. No not at all Next up is boo It's a white frosted raised ghost filled with orange Or yes. Yeah, we see it next white. I'm going to tell you the description of this one White frosted raised shell filled with lemon whip and topped with jack skellington decor Now I mentioned only this because the name of this donut is jack lemon which

Which to me is such a strange choice They must have known it's so specific. It has to be a reference. This is the only reason you would choose this name is jack lemon who died in 2001 This is the grumpier grumpier old donut grumpy old donut. It's not not even someone I would connect To halloween Also, there's no way pink box got the rights to jack skellington They get the rights to jack skellington and jack lemon for reasons that defy explanation. Why is it called jack lemon? Hmm

The loopy halloween orn frosted raised bars topped with fruit loops and captain crutch Yeah, that's the one that's just like they had some of those It looks like a coffin for a clown Okay, oh that would have called it the clown coffin. That's okay But there's 13 donuts on here Frankie bar. They did not need that one. They did not need this mini green Frosted raised bar filled with frankenstein decor. Then there's strawberry mummy Strawberry frosted raised bar with mummy decor and the halloween mummy

A chocolate frosted ratio with cookies and cream topped with Oreo crumble and mummy decor and then lastly at the end There's one called. It's your birthday It's your birthday It's your birthday. They don't want kids whose birthday it is You know so many kids with halloween birthdays they They don't get anything. Yeah, they get nothing. They get no recognition. They get no no attention But now a pink box says it's your birthday. It's your birthday. That's so good. That's great. Thanks pink box and thanks to me Thanks. Thank you. Thank you. No, I can only live for one night a year

What? Yes, this is the one day I could walk about the earth I need you to stay with us and I spend that with you What do you know? I don't really I don't pity you because for you That time you don't feel that time. You know, it's like seven like you just you just you just you go to sleep midnight 2022 halloween you wake up You know, I want the earth every night trying the doughnuts that always cause me to uh, uh, Wretch I'm eating the afternoon and then hair colorate them

Despite my love for them, but this is the day that I could walk amongst the sunlight Yeah, okay That makes I understand now You should check out an aquarium if you have time Yeah, do you know about like human stuff? Uh, sorry. What is the aquarium? An aquarium is like a fish prison Yeah, it's a water a water zoo. What is a fish?

Oh, well, this is actually really interesting because there's not a scientific water kills me. So I but like, uh Well, water kills me. So I've never seen a fish Okay Now wait, hold on. Hold on. Hold on Not even like in a book or like they when you were alive at some point before you got turned What would I read? Why would I read? Why need that read? But you didn't start off as like the spectral form, right? You were alive. It's I don't know why you're trying to tell Count donut things about himself

I forgot how to read and I've never thought to relearn. I have no cause for knowledge You know, I thirst only for blood Have you seen us? Have you seen a frog? What sometimes I see a frog and other times I have never seen if I but you know what a frog I know sometimes but it seems like there are more than I'm registering Hey, yeah, just so you know, that's the universal experience. There's not a human being on earth That's seen every frog, but I suspect sometimes they're in water. So I would have no awareness of that Okay, so now we're dealing with a sort of

Object permanence when something goes in water. It's a cruel trick of fate. I am permanent While the world around me spins chaotically Well, no when the frog goes in the water, it's definitely still It's still there. I'll start the earth rotation. Don't just say hold on travis. Hold on travis. Don't just say yes People feel bad For for me when I have not been on the show for a while But truly they should feel bad for you because this is the one moment you exist when I am perceiving Oh, I see. Oh, no

right Don't know what a skewed one thing about me Oh, I'm thinking yes one thing about me is I lack object permanence So you you do not exist to me when I'm not directly looking at you It's cool that you're aware of that like that's a huge That's a power in and of itself. Yes. I my wife through Barrymore reminds me every morning when I Wait, what? Yes. I live on a boat with Drew So when you say you walk this earth

Try and go there. Well, I walk on to the pier and then I walk the earth. Yes Okay, but every night and then you go back to your boat home Your boat home, which is about as close to living in the water As you can get without living in the water. You've never even looked over the side of your boat home and seen off fish You've never been like, what's that in there? I thought it was part of the water Have you been to red? Have you been to red lobster? Red lobster. I like the red part. I feel like if I create no come on. This is a land

This is a land-based restaurant business. And I know you're very much there I know she's I've seen her even if you're not eating there. You would take her because you love her Yes, I have fine. Yes. We can do this like this if you like I have been I do want to do this Okay, cool lobster. So if you look at the menu highly crave for pole Yeah, great cheddar bay biscuits. We love those but like I look at the menu who must open the shrimp vortex every year During endless shrimp. Okay, so you know that shrimp you just lift my pole Well, I create yes, they're crispy and broiled shrimp The amazing miracle food that comes from the vortex every year during endless shrimp

I must slice open my palm and let three drops of my blood fall onto the tablet We know and then the endless shrimp vortex can open It says it on every menu skip this we know Yeah, skip dialogue next we know Okay, so the miracle is that this food this miraculous food of shrimp comes from the vortex completely prepared And from no discernible source No shrimp. No, no shrimp lives in it's shrimp lives in water for the most part Um, and so they are they are a type of they are a type of fish technically speaking

They don't look I don't want you to look at a shrimp and be like that's what a fish looks like because honestly I would say they are kind of the exception To the to the rule. Um, most shrimps aren't most fish aren't like sort of curvy like that Travis. Yeah. Are you oh your Travis Griffin? Yeah. Oh, are you telling me? Are you telling me they have souls? If they have souls that I am surely damned There is no god on any plane that would forgive the number of shrimp That I have summoned from the vortex if they possess so let me comfort you there count on it

There's no fucking way shrimps got souls. Yeah, there's no way they barely You know They're they're they're like what the fact that they move is all that separates them from like a carrot Deep, you know, you're telling me shrimp don't have souls. No way Thanks everybody, I really appreciate you listening to our podcast It was all building to this the prestige is that I turned down my hood and transformed back into your brother Justin and I hope you had a really instructive time the mouth hole go make the mouth hole donut go the fuck away Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It is there's something about the placement of the eyes that did make that look like it was screaming, right?

Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah Do you tell what if you don't take the teeth out? That seems like a big risk actually anyway Thanks so much for listening to our podcast my brother my brother and me we hope you're have I hope Travis is having a good time Oh, I'm sure I am I'm in a castle. That's my natural habitat and um, I hope that you will come see our Shows if you would like to do that Travis, please help Yes, so we have rescheduled dates for our San Jose and Denver shows, which are very excited about April 27th, San Jose, California, Adventure Zone with Abria Iyengar Then we have San Jose my brother my brother and me on April 28th

My brother my brother and me in Denver on April 29th So get those tickets and if you already have them all existing tickets for rescheduled shows will be honored for the new dates Refunds for those unable to attend the new dates will be available at point of purchase Um, so you can go get those tickets soon to If you want to come to the able shows and if you already have you can just hold on to them Sound good. Great. That's great. Um, also, don't forget in November. We've got shows coming up in Cincinnati, Detroit and Washington, D.C. including a

Adventure Zone in Washington, D.C. with guest DM Brennan Lee Mulligan playing dadlands 2.0 Go check out all the great merch over at macroymerch.com Um That's all I could think of off the top of my head Thank you to montane for the use of our theme song my life is better with you Uh montane they are currently on tour now shredding shredding australia saw a clip of of uh of montane playing our theme song on A stage and people bouncing to it. It was very life-affirming. So

Thank you. Thank you for that and uh, it's thanks to maximum fun from us on the network It's a it's a good time. We're having a great time over here. And then that's it for the show. All right Happy halloween. Yeah, happy halloween. You're but I don't even think my halloween present to you is um, that i'm gonna let you have the final bit and you just kind of say like an inspirational but in this case it could also be like Spooky not scary, but spooky Okay, um Okay, here comes When light

I I had to I had to gin up a whole Mummy's maze. Whoa that wasn't prepared. So No, of course. I wasn't fucking prepared travis. Did you not hear that sometimes I use this like tone of voice that's like kind of like Kind of like he's doing he's not he's doing is not smart voice Um, and that's me like just sort of trying to buy myself time but um

But and now you guys are having me do an additional thing at the end of the episode on top of the mummy's maze That was like 10 minutes of good content So when you guys do this to me, you're basically saying like hey griffin. We know that you've been doing most of the content this episode Justin hey, Justin was count down up for like 25 minutes. That was that was good, but um I feel like we Okay, I want to actually suggest this now that we're talking about it's a how we do this We should do an impromptu who did the least

Oh At the end of each episode we should actually instead of putting on your very dark just decide who did the least Who did the least for my own personal reasons, which I don't need to go into. I'm not wild about that idea It's not important why Okay, uh, I will I will I will close it out this time and just say that Um, you can you could always go trick-or-treat No matter how how old you are if you got costume Every people are home or not if you're people. No, you should but do it all by rules and laws

But you can always trick-or-treat How successful will be I don't know But you can always do it unless it's like a gated community where the HOA is like Please come on. Can we not? But that's my inspirational thing you can always It's more of an observation I'm Travis Zachary. I'm Griffin McIlroy. This has been my brother. My brother me kiss your dad square on the lips Oh

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