My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 637: Face 2 Face: The Hairy Food that Everyone Eats

Episode Date: November 28, 2022

Live from Detroit, MI, it’s our best show ever for no reason at all. Not trying to make up for anything that may or may not have happened 4 years ago in Detroit. Just pure excitement about bringing ...sophisticated fart jokes and horrible ways of eating fruit to the fine people of Detroit. Suggested talking points: Egg Pervert, Jpeg of a Fart, Scrape and Lick Method, Loaded Cyberfries, Luke spelled BRIANNA, Firefighter Fighter, Scootin' on my Block North American Indigenous Tribal Food Systems (NĀTIFS): https://www.natifs.org/

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Starting point is 00:00:00 The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up you cool baby? Oh It's better it's better with you It's better it's better with you this is true It's better it's better with two
Starting point is 00:01:14 You Let's talk about the chairs for one second we have everyone agrees the most visually boring show That you could possibly go see and someone took the agency to give us some artistic chairs This is a first we have these beautiful clear chairs. They're beautiful and it has spiced up the show visually hi Very welcome my brother my brother mean if I show for the modern I would say cold lucite And uh, I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy And I'm your middlest brother Travis McElroy Etc so and I'm your sweet were you really
Starting point is 00:02:08 were you Really about to start this show after your introduction Feels on bram. It does a little bit I'm your sweet baby brother and 30 under 30 media luminary griffin mackerel I Paul help i'm not on the wi-fi paul you gotta help me Can you help me help me? I'm not on the wi-fi trap help me, but I will admit This is not the reception. I was expecting. Yeah, let's take a second to talk about it. Um
Starting point is 00:02:46 I would actually like to recognize our if we could actually get house lights on Uh on uh the house lights if those could come not the balcony though the balcony turn the balcony off Continue these sort of like kevin mcallister tableau of human beings and the balcony sort of linked up Please if you were at our previous Detroit show I would like you to please stand and be recognized For your valour you you have all given so much for your country This day of all days is important. We were wait. Is there lightsabers?
Starting point is 00:03:31 Thank you some lightsabers People repping the star Oh Okay, make them go away We were talking. Bye. We were talking too scary deep down. No. No. No. What? Yeah Say we can send jokes out of the room for a second. This is about the same number we had at that show I do think we we have I mean, I think you can say safely this way. We have demonstrably Reduced our audience draw in the city of Detroit, michigan. Oh honey. They're coming again
Starting point is 00:04:04 Are we gonna go see that show? Probably talk about babel on five or some nerd shit, babe It's a perhaps never more applicable that it is now like the chilean miners. We have reemerged from that disaster To be here with you. Oh, maybe you're I still think if that is a good day because I saw in game afterwards Yeah, no infinity Yeah, no, I saw in game after eating too much at a brazilian steakhouse Uh, that's how I'll always remember it
Starting point is 00:04:39 What do you think of in game too full? If you're a new Fan of ours, and maybe you don't know what we're talking about with all this star wars stuff One time he came to Detroit did a star wars show and kicked so much ass It kicks. It was such a kick ass. We definitely didn't bail out super quick on the bit. Yeah. Yeah, definitely one of us Didn't bail out instantly for which the other two of us were actually pretty angry the next day Travis no what? Yes, because I'm the one known for bailing on a not funny thing. It's been lost to history
Starting point is 00:05:12 We published that episode. Sorry. Was my propensity for not doing things that aren't funny just used against me as a criticism Justin it was your original idea. It was your fucking idea, dude. You tweeted it without consulting anymore. Okay All I'm saying is if the richest man in the world can do a dumb thing that he doesn't think through I should be allowed to do it too, right? Thank you. Otherwise. Otherwise. It's classist. It's rich dad poor dad Podcaster it's the whole you got to have the mind mentality. We were talking about this backstage because that was also the first tour that our business manager Amanda Who is the really the backbone of this organization went on with us? And so we were like, hey, welcome to the company We blew it. We fucked up so bad
Starting point is 00:06:00 And we were talking about the next morning on our way to the airport We took a lift and it was uh a like a sedan So it was like driver Amanda all three of us together like we were on a road trip with our parents What the fuck was wrong with that? And it after that show we changed the way we did live shows No more themes. I you know, we're having fun now But I do not wish on any of you the feeling of sitting in front of 2000 friends and realize you're dying You're dying and there's no force on earth that is going to make that timer go any quicker
Starting point is 00:06:38 Not even the force as it turns out I do Now that it's been four years, uh, I do just want to apologize to the people who were there You did not get a good show, but you got a you got a weird show for everyone else on the planet It's funny that that show happened to you So that show happened a long time ago In a in a theater that was here. So that bar doesn't work. We've grown. We've grown Except in terms again as Justin demonstrably stated earlier
Starting point is 00:07:13 Of audience following ability to sell tickets here in Detroit Don't look at the balcony. Let's go. No one. Let's do the damn thing. Oh, yeah So we actually decided to do the best show we've ever done And that's the power of marketing, how do I stop my co-worker for me? Oh, it's also not too late. If you have friends in the area who aren't here We'll keep the doors open. We'll cut them a good discount You say no, okay. Yeah, I made it says no no discount, but they are welcome Say you ever seen a comedy podcast show from up up higher in the theater and farther back
Starting point is 00:07:54 It's just three guys at a table. So you'll have to squint to see them But you'll love it. How do I stop my co-worker from using the communal kettle to make hard boiled eggs? I'm not a person to keep someone from enjoying a breakfast meal But I use that same kettle she boils eggs in to make my tea. That's from agoraphobic in Ontario Welcome to america That question is weird enough that I don't know what parts are canada weird and which parts are america weird There might be some parts that are canada normal in there like making eggs at work Is it the communal kettle?
Starting point is 00:08:30 I think just to sort of skirt this whole thing in the future. Um It's illegal to bring Ingredients to work Yeah I was done food and cold food are the only two the only the time you spend poaching an egg In the cafeteria is time theft. I believe right you are cooking now Um, I just also want to say what type of person is the type of person to stop someone from enjoying breakfast food That seems like a very specific thing that someone's into like off. I see it was it depends on what kind of burrito it is
Starting point is 00:09:06 The one the thing that really upsets me the most about this question is that they're better cold Hard boiled eggs. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why is this person not making my home? It's so they make it for the next day Oh, I'm gonna be enjoying these come lunchtime you wait That's why that's really where the friction is coming from It's that they can never make tea because those eggs are always in there. I like to make 45 minute eggs So Why would you bring we've agreed that there should be no ingredient to work? Why would you bring an ingredient where there's a high likelihood you get to work and make the noise? Oh, man
Starting point is 00:09:46 Oh, no all the eggs man. Okay, wait just in griffin, which one's weirder? Bringing a whole carton of eggs or bringing just enough to eat that day A whole carton of eggs That's so many okay, but you're thinking about it. Yeah, I am thinking about it Because if I'm going to make a hard boiled eggs, I'm going to make six. I love those guys Right. So the idea of I brought a raw egg. Yeah, a raw egg. Oh this Um, I'm either going to eat it for lunch or see if I can build a parachute that will safely land it from a second story I'm going to eat it for lunch or keep it alive for a week to teach you about being a parent
Starting point is 00:10:23 Because it's basically one in one take you from three parents babies eggs same. Yeah, as long as you're not dropping, um, babies are fine I would actually In many ways rather drop a baby, but the egg That's interesting. Huh. We don't need to go into it. Um, the I don't understand I don't understand how they're getting the eggs to work. That's all I could think about. It gotta be a hand It's gotta be it's gotta be a hand, bro. Got to be one egg in a hand I don't know. I trust if I can't see egg It has squished already
Starting point is 00:10:57 I I think that this is a point where you can go to the boss of this company and say Hey, I think you're requiring this person to get to work too early They don't have time to boil an egg in the morning because if it's breakfast food Then it's like get to work first thing you do pop on the kettle and boil an egg I want to talk more about means of egg conveyance. Yeah Here's what armpit is the safest and it might have sure I would say, um, maybe they're door dashing it I don't know if they got that cannon It's where they bring you things like an egg like one egg
Starting point is 00:11:29 No, they get a they get them door dashed every week. The guy's like, uh floor 12. Yeah, send me on up. I got the eggs Hi, Valerie. I'm here with your weekly eggs Man, I'd love a heart bullet egg right now. God fucking if I've ever seen an example of why hr exists It is that this person. I'm just like, hey, I don't mean to be a pain But Debbie is boiling eggs in the teapot. It's like, oh, yeah, that's an easy fix. Yeah, I'll take care of this This one's fixable. This one's easy. It's easy. There's some way more complex things. We've got to deal with Don't boil eggs in the teapot. I've got this one. Hey next white elephant Uh gift exchange you do just throw a teapot in the mix. It will solve the problem no matter who it ends up with
Starting point is 00:12:16 Ideally it ends up with the egg pervert and then they can do their stuff at home Maybe that's it. They're embarrassed. They don't know where to buy it. How does the water get this hot at work? Jesus christ Anybody notice the water gets so much hotter here at work It makes bubbles like there's a little guy under there blowing water Guys guys check this out. I put a raw egg in but watch this Peel it doesn't goosh everywhere. Not goosh not chicken hard. What? This only happens at work Call the science guy person, you know, whatever the canadian version of bill nai is
Starting point is 00:13:02 That brief pause was all three of us trying to think of a funny version canadian version of go nai Coming up with zilchow and moving on William nai was the best I had not wasn't it? That's nothing. Yeah, I know. I'm glad you didn't say that out loud. So let's raise We're gonna raise the cultural bar a little bit here in detroit home of culture fancy is taking flight And I thought that maybe we would make things just a little more adult Uh and and discuss some works of fart I Hate the stanger
Starting point is 00:13:39 I hate the stanger For this bit so bad griffin. This is tour manager paul. So if you've never heard travis I've got some alts on that opening if you'd like. Oh, okay Yeah, if you don't mind if you have one that the bit rate on the fart MP3 is not like I don't think it was loud enough for these rifts to land. So I'd love to hear it cranked again Yeah, yeah, everyone. Listen. All right. This is my first new one, which is actually the one I just Paul that sounds so bad my man
Starting point is 00:14:15 I love you make paul you do make music So like you know what it sounds like when it sound is pleasing to the ears. Paul wrote the music part. That was pretty good Okay, the music part was great. Do you have any with a fart that doesn't sound like it is coming through a pay phone paul saborean That was a high quality Okay, wait I want fully lossless audio codec. Please paul quick quick paul to my ears. That was a pretty high quality You it seems you Wait, do you need comparison? Here's the original cue that you used to always bit more of I want to hear it original
Starting point is 00:14:55 I can't That's such fucking that's a that is a jpeg of a fart All right, here's here's another roll try this one third option. Hold on Don't fucking clap for that. This is why you guys deserve the fucking star wars show if this is what you like The amount the amount of The amount of hiss on the high end of that fart sound sucks so bad paul And what drives me crazy is I know you know that
Starting point is 00:15:44 I got one more paul don't okay, wait one more one more one more Part I honestly prefer it All right, here we go the way this works. I am going to describe the thing a dumb fucking podcast Go ahead and then grieve and adjust and I'm gonna guess what it is. So Uh might be moving might be I forgot we were doing work of fart for a second I was having a lot of fun with paul over there And so I was like embarrassed that we played the fart sound so many times
Starting point is 00:16:19 And then I was like, oh good that part's over and now we can get to work of fart A governess helps a single father raise his numerous children by teaching them to harmonize their farts The the sound of music. Yes, justin gets it That's one point for justin It's gonna say the sound of mu shit, but that's not it isn't that's not it. I'm slipping This joseph heller novel examines the absurdity of war and military life while extolling the virtues of mutual pleasure Fucking Cannot you give me a hint of who that fuck that is
Starting point is 00:17:04 I mean, it's okay. Can you read it one more time this joseph heller novel? Examine the absurdity of war and military life while extolling the virtues of mutual pleasure Catch 20 catch catch 20 What catch 20 goo Listen mutual pleasure Catch 69. Yes, it's catch 69. No, no, no someone in the audience someone in the audience said it I get that's no points justin's still up. Okay. Thank you
Starting point is 00:17:36 Okay This 70s rock album was recorded in the aftermath of relationship breakups among the band's members and heavy bathrooming Both of which shaped the album's lyrics Pumers. Pumers. Yes, justin. You're getting a little Predictable in your twilight. All right. All right. All right. Oh rumors. This is our rumors. Okay. Okay Perhaps tollstoy's greatest work This novel focuses on napoleon's russian invasion and features three main characters who pee on everything war and peas close
Starting point is 00:18:15 Worn piss. Worn piss. Yes. Let us correct ribbon Okay, it's down to the wires two and two Everybody scoot back. You're on the edge of your seats This joist classic Is the story of a day in the life of leopold bloom as he travels dumbling and goes about his business. Is it police? Yes You didn't let me finish. I didn't even get up. Can I finish? Yeah, please a lot of poo ones this time As he travels dabbling and goes about his business attending a funeral buying soap going to the library walking by the beach
Starting point is 00:18:55 Going to the pub, but mostly his six hour epic long shitting session Poolyssies. Yes. Yes. Justin wins. Oh, that was it. Let's hear for justin If it's gotten to the point Where we can just take any Media with a title that has the ooo sound. Yes, right. That is the power out when the boy's been at. Yes Okay, cool. I'll remember that for next time. I that's that's when I've got you I work at a pizza place delivering. No, you don't it's a Please go ahead justin. I work at a pizza place delivering said pizzas to people's homes
Starting point is 00:19:38 I also moved out on my own recently. So money's been tight. I make and deliver pizza. Thank you for coming I appreciate that. Thank you. I make and deliver dozens of orders a day This is normally not a problem except for when I'm hungry Then the hunger comes and I crave the greasy pie Brothers, is there a way for me to get free pizza from my job without leaving my customers short of a slice That's from delivering in Detroit. What I love about this is I know it was raised it in such a way But what you're asking about is can I take a piece of pizza out of the box before I deliver it, right? Yeah, trap clearly that was the context of the question
Starting point is 00:20:16 But because you can get free food from a restaurant you work at that happens all the time just make the beat You made the pizza wrong. Yeah, and then you get to eat it. That's the rules at pizza But I don't think they want that they there's something about it That gets your motor running isn't it eating somebody else's the elicit pie that they wanted the opp that's what it stands for Oh, is that what it's always wondered the whole time. That's what it stood for So here's my first pitch to you Bring bring welcome to pac-man's pizza home of the famous pac-man pizza Where every pizza looks like pac-man?
Starting point is 00:20:51 Uh-huh. Yeah, it's a promotion Uh-huh. Yeah, the promotion that we named our business It's a promotion that was so successful. We named our business after it. Do you want um for the for the little dots? Do you want red bites or pepperoni? Sorry? waka waka waka waka Pacaroni they make us call them pacaroni, but that's confusing because it sounds like macaroni but Welcome to elijah's pizza where we leave a slice out for our boy
Starting point is 00:21:25 Just a big stack of them at the end of the day and then but then when none of us are looking they disappear elijah Loves fucking pizza man loves that stuff Which once you give them their total you just say and we have a way for your order to be One eighth cheaper. Would you be interested in that promotion today? Wait, would you be interested in built-in tip? Yes, welcome to pac-man's where you'd never have to tip Because we already took it out of the box on our way over I think there is a reality in which you could swing this just based on facial expression
Starting point is 00:22:00 based on Just sort of like guilt non-verbalized guilt just like yeah, and here's your pizza man. Oh, thank you. Thanks for the tip Oh, that looks really good Yeah, man. Yeah, man. You guys are gonna love that. It looks so gooey and delicious. I wish I had pizza. Damn. I wish I had Just even a little bit of that pizza Wouldn't it be dope if they made it so you could easily separate out a small little Set like a segment of the piece of the pizza that I could have
Starting point is 00:22:32 Anyway back to my car that smells like pizza, but doesn't taste like yeah Maybe you could try like and when you're whenever you're done just leave whatever you don't want on the porch. I'll come back We have these new Tupperware boxes so it all keeps and I'll just come get it from you. No problem My number just texts me when you're done. If you also if you have any batteries you need to dispose I'm happy to grab those too. So as I'm here Or even if it's just a couple pepperoni stuck to the box man. Yeah, let me know. Yeah, also like old paint I'll come get that. Anything you got, but whatever you need me to get rid of I'm trying to think If you take a piece out, but then you get like a circle
Starting point is 00:23:18 Out of the very center of the remainder of the pizza Can you just squish it back together? I don't think no, you can't no not that way not that way. No way you could do Is that like a cone you could take one? Rectangular slice. Oh, okay. Wait. Okay. Try to push people into square cut pizza when you square cut their pizza Take the column of squares from the center. Yes, and then smush the halves the remaining halves back together I've seen two shows. I saw the Star Wars one and the one where they were helpful It's amazing. Those are the two I've seen. Maybe you could do pizza origami and be like I can turn it into a beautiful
Starting point is 00:24:04 Florida Lee One slice is worth of pizza. We'll have to hit the cutting room floor in order to make this complicated An artistic cut. Yeah, or like a pizza like tesseract, right? We all think of it in a circle Sure, sure. But what if it was a series of triangles forming a non geometric shape? That is what a tesseract is for sure It's even battered to the thing from a wrinkle in time. It's both. Yeah, for sure. You got it Hey, um, could you take a slice and then fold the pizza in half and try to insist is the calzone and the missing slices on the bottom The missing slices inside. Yeah. Well by the time they realize that you're gone, maybe They'll never that's the other thing
Starting point is 00:24:47 Wherely have I ever had a pizza delivered and I open it to check Before they leave. Okay, but I do do that because my kids like cheese and no sauce Yeah, and then cooper likes sausage and no cheese So I do have to look at him because everyone assumes we're kidding No, they didn't mean it. They didn't mean that can you deliver the pizza Take three places in the other direction and turn around and be like my lord. Wait Let me test the pizza. There have been assassins The assassin's guild has been active lately my league. No, not the end chovy. Those are usually safe. I want the good one
Starting point is 00:25:29 Let me lay down mine life for you my liege I would love you to just start trying when you drop the pizza off just be like Can I get a slice? Yeah Hey, man, if I notice you open the door. I look inside. There's one chair face of the tv You're not gonna finish this whole thing. Let me get a slice. I'm not gonna come in or make it weird Just let me get a slice Any pizza you've ever gotten that would or turn you correct 100% of the time. I'd be like, I'm so old
Starting point is 00:25:55 Logically, yes. Get in there. I'm emotionally. No, no someone brings me a pizza and goes Let me get a slice. No, I'm calling it would be a request It would be a request like kind of slice before I go rebrand the entire business Like burgle boys pizza factory And the promotion can be our pizza is so fucking delicious That our own delivery people will try We'll try to sometimes our pizza is gonna show up incomplete. It's because our pizza is so god damn delicious
Starting point is 00:26:29 Let me throw this out pizza and pal Where it's like, hey, man, you feel like playing mario kart or pizza They'll show up eat the pizza with you and play mario kart with yes I cannot stress enough how much there was a very narrow period of my life where I would have wanted this very badly And then every other period of my life where I would very much not want this very very badly Give me a slice of pizza. I'm gonna play mario kart with you. Fucking. Yeah, whatever you say, man It's a it's a it's a sustainable model. It's just like we delivery My friends and family hate how I eat fruit
Starting point is 00:27:07 And here's our next question No, primarily how I eat kiwis like when we eat an apple skin and all They also hate my and now you're about to hate it scrape and lick method of eating banana Where I I don't utilize Either of those verbs when I eat a banana traditionally It's where I scrape my top teeth along my banana to collect and enjoy the sweet aerated banana goo Hey You know, I just had a realization
Starting point is 00:27:41 There is at least one person in this room that can relate to what it feels like to Filling this room full of people that are disgusted by you And I'm so happy we could share that that feeling with you Um, how do I get them to see the right and proper way to eat fruit? That's from fruit muncher in michigan. Okay. Okay Right and proper is a stretch Justifiable fringe option is the best you might get. Hey, what's up? Oh, right Griffin
Starting point is 00:28:15 I'm your friend You can trust me You came to my show. I'm griffin mackroy. I'm your friend You gotta cut this shit out because No, stop. Hold on. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen You think What's a few times eating a banana I'm funny This I'm a complicated person with a lot of stuff going on
Starting point is 00:28:50 I'm a new york times best-selling author and yet Everyone knows me as the guy ate a banana. We're one time You It's listen We didn't we didn't say your christian name. It's not too late We are I am three ghosts Of christmas from different times stop it
Starting point is 00:29:22 This doesn't have to be you there There was a time to back griffin up where you did this the first time. Yeah, maybe by accident Maybe you didn't know better. I don't know and you did it and people reacted in horror. They loved it And you made the decision of I'm gonna buy into it. Yeah, and that decision was wrong. It was a bad wrong decision Although I think we can all agree The best way to eat a banana
Starting point is 00:29:51 Squeeze it from the bottom let the banana pop out you catch it in your mouth Yeah, and then you smile the bananas in your Banana smile. Yeah, you swallow it. You see a shape of the banana in your throat. It's hilarious Do it 30 more times. Yeah hilarious right in front of them in that one sitting We're kind of just ignoring the kiwi part, aren't we? Because there's no justification for that. That's what beyond the pale No, no, no, no, no That came from a different point in the audience
Starting point is 00:30:21 No, listen that's the hairy part If you tell me any food stuff you eat with the hair on it I will sit and I will listen to it. Don't say peach. That doesn't count You know, it doesn't count. You know, it's different and you want to shout it anyway what? I'm not interested in what hairy foods you eat Detroit! Especially when frankly it's one or two voices of thousands. You must know if everyone's not shouting something you shouldn't shout because if you're the only one shouting out the hairy food that everyone supposedly eats, they don't! Stop it! We're
Starting point is 00:31:07 trying to save you! I cannot imagine an axis that one would eat a banana upon where scraping it with your teeth is remotely acceptable! There had to be at least a few times where you scrape too hard and break it and it falls on the floor. Unless you only peel off one section of peel. They scrape it with their teeth! Yeah you peel off one of four sections and then you scrape down. It's all bad! No it's not good I'm just saying. My daughter breaks up an MF like it's a strength contest. That's great I like that. Hannah and Dodd just goes, if your problem is that the fruit you're eating isn't light and airy enough, don't eat a banana!
Starting point is 00:32:01 Famously a thick fruit! Most of them are just kind of water and like latex. That's about what most fruits are. Orange, like gone. Bananas can't be that for you and it's weird that you want the banana to be that for you. There are also plenty of fruits that are designed to be eaten weird like we had to work at a pomegranate. We all had to get on board with the way to harvest a pomegranate and agree it was worth the trouble. Banana easy to eat! Yeah that one's got the whole system built right in. It's like God in his infinite wisdom put a handle on it. I would love to watch you eat a banana in front of Kurt Cameron and turn him
Starting point is 00:32:45 into a stone cold atheist. You're right you're right it only says! I know what I said but wow! It is a broken system. I've never cussed before but holy shit! If you're anything like me around this time of year you typically find yourself saying wow I really wish that I had just prepared even a little bit. Just just a little bit of advanced preparation and this is earlier. This is now. You're in that moment and there is no better partner for that than Stamps.com. It'll make it so easy you'll want to get out ahead of your holiday shopping that you need to do. Stamps.com is a one-stop shop not just USPS fine service that it
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Starting point is 00:35:58 Listen you like podcasts right? Sure you do. Don't try and lie to me. You're listening to one right now so why not try a different one called R1 The Flop House. Uh-huh and on The Flop House we watch a movie and talk about it. And then sometimes we also do other stuff. It's all meant to be funny and fun and we think you'll have a good time. And just to be clear the name of the podcast is not R1 The Flop House. It's just called The Flop House. I do a lot of correcting Dan. The Flop House. A lot of correcting Dan. Hey it's John Moe inviting you to listen to Depression Mode with John Moe where I talk about mental health and the lives we live with all kinds of people. Famous writers. David Sedaris welcome to Depression Mode. Thanks so much for having me.
Starting point is 00:36:40 Movie stars. Jamie Lee Curtis welcome to Depression Mode. I am happy to be here. Musicians. I am in St. Paul Minnesota. I'm talking to Amy Mann. Great to talk to you. And Song Exploders. Rishikesh Hirway welcome to Depression Mode. Thanks so much for having me. Everyone's opening up on Depression Mode on Maximum Fun. I want to munch. I want to munch. Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast and a podcast profile. The latest greatest brand eating and I waited as long as I could because I got two different huge topics to cover in the first one. You know we're going to talk about it. Detroit. I went to DoorDash. My father is incapable of using without ordering from Georgia
Starting point is 00:37:50 I've saved this by the way. He's told the story multiple times this evening. There's a moment when you try to order from a different place where DoorDash goes. You're pretty far away. So you know that went never mind. Oh well. We'll figure it out. Hey guys let's talk about the crypto grill. If you go to DoorDash here and I don't think it's a real place you can go to which makes it probably the wildest ghost restaurant I've ever heard of in my life. Let's talk about the crypto grill. I have no context for any of this but they do have a lot of different crypto themed items like the NFT milk like the crypto burger.
Starting point is 00:38:34 That's the best you've got. Yeah it gets worse but loaded cyber fries. But then also curly fries. They got curly fries or loaded cyber fries. The beef you order the curly fries from the crypto grill. Fuck you man. Do you remember like two decades ago when if you call the place crypto girl it was about spooky stuff. Yeah that's why I clicked on it. I thought I was going to get a big foot burger. No nice. Damn it. Cyber fries is good. I will patronize them just for the cyber fries though because what do they have in there that makes them cyber chips. There's the beef. There's the beef Dono. The ball dana. The bite coin. The bite coin. Bite coin is good. The ethyra parm sandwich.
Starting point is 00:39:24 That sucks. It's so bad. It's so bad. I will gladly write you new blockchain good jokes for your the blockchain burger. Ethereum makes drink with ramen. Yeah there we go. The litecoin and then they have brisket loaded waffle fries which I looked at for a while and then thought that's just that. Yeah then there's also an item on here called the crypto let us surprise you sauce. I don't believe I will actually. Thank you for asking. Let us take the best sauce for what you ordered. What in our relationship do you think I trust you with anything with anything. I love the crypto sauce are the only words in there outside of quotation marks says crypto quote let us surprise you quote sauce. So crypto has nothing to do with it whatsoever but they also
Starting point is 00:40:17 have a Superman cheesecake which has nothing to do with crypto with a specific reference. Don't be cowards by the time we come back here and perform in four more calendar years in Detroit Michigan I expect them to have their act together. Yeah I did want to talk about you know because we want to make this show special. I want to do a much squat about one that's just good. Okay this is Burger King. I was thinking about him recently like you don't hear about them getting the mix. They don't get nasty so much. They had that one foul up with the black burger bun that it gave everybody weird poops and then they quit. It was a pretty it was a pretty big whoopsy they made I will say. Yeah but like you know Burger King you guys one weird poop food and Taco Bell was like
Starting point is 00:40:58 call me when you master that. I literally I had a thought they got to do something to get back in the game and then they I found this press release from October 6th. It said today Burger King unveils its brand new positioning and campaign kicking off with its modernized tagline. You rule. The work is part of the change destination I will experience as the brand implements its reclaim the flame plan which means that no one likes to work. Now hold on listen reclaim the flame as a slogan announced by let's say many groups that exist within the U.S. of A is a terrifying statement. Yes it also could be like Ashen one. You must travel across these blighted lands reclaim reclaim the flame. So there's a skeleton horse of some sort. So reclaim the flame is the superstructure and then
Starting point is 00:41:54 this is part of the fuel the flame advertising co-investment between Burger King and its franchisees. It's the you rule who's hungry campaign. It's a key part of their positioning that will impact every guest touch point. It's about so. My touch points. It's about celebrating everyday royalty and puts the guests at the forefront of everything the brand does and as I might feel pampered in this Burger King tonight in a partnership in a partnership with our new creative agency. Oh Kirk it's actually it's okay sorry it's okay RP. We've developed a simple and meaningful articulation of how Burger King celebrates our guests. It embodies our purpose embraces individuality and elevates have it your way something our brand has always been known for. OK RP is the review we get most
Starting point is 00:42:43 often on Adventure Zone on iTunes. It's fucking mean yeah. Now I know there's this here's the quote advertising at its best. Is this is most relevant. I feel like Don Draper is click clicking through a slideshow. Yeah. So when you celebrate them first not the brand and that's just what we love about you rule. It invites people in with an approach that recognizes their world not just sells them stuff. That's great. Now OK. You would now we're given that this one's pretty rough. We're giving them permission to feel like winners. Holy shit. So they know what they're doing because I was about to say have it your way. Reflects on the eating experience but you rules just like hey. Hey man. We're we're giving them permission to feel like winners with Burger King as just a small award
Starting point is 00:43:49 that makes their day a bit better. Hey Burger King congrats on the self awareness. That's a huge first step. This is going to make your day. Is it going to fix everything. Nope. Nope. Nope. A little win though a little W for the but I also like it. You know that this isn't a healthy responsible choice. This is the little win and let's face it. The song is irresistible. What. The song is irresistible. We're hoping it'll be the earworm. You can't shake off. And that's my gift to you Detroit. Paul Bud. Let's bump it. Have it your way. If I want a special we're just playing the choice I make is my domain with every order I can reign
Starting point is 00:45:01 and have it my way. It's all burgers. The BK men you make show my stomach plaspers on your rings chicken fries and wiper any food I think is proper. I can have it my way. Get off the table. I just can't stop dancing Justin. Have it your way. All right. Right. It's good. It's really good. That's all. That's like the song. I tell you like to hear it youth. That's the important thing. I think if I love chicken fries. If I walk into a fucking Burger King and I say I would like the chicken fries value combo special meal please. And then they're like that's 489 and then I'm like I'm not I am not going to pay
Starting point is 00:45:47 because I have very recently been informed. I'm in charge. I'm the Burger King now dog. I know what you're wondering why did I walk inside of a Burger King and it's because I'm claiming this Burger King for myself. You should have to assassinate the Burger King when you walk into every Burger King. Yeah. Why did you do that? I rule now. I rule. I rule. I have something of my own. Give me chicken fries until I tell you to stop. I've had three of them. Stop. I'll ask the king. The king is dead. I'm your king. I'm the king now. That's your Munch Squad for this week. Thank you so much. Should we turn it to some audience questions? We received some questions from the audience. We are going to call you down and just approach the mic. It's here. Center
Starting point is 00:46:47 stage. It is facing us but you don't have to use it that way. Please turn it. So you're looking at us. Yeah. That would be fantastic actually. Hello. Hi. My name is Luke. My name is a he him. Hi Luke. What's your question? So I'm an OB doctor. I deliver babies. Yeah. Nice. Like the person who delivers pieces. We get it. Right. Yeah. Very often babies are born that don't have names and occasionally the parents will ask me what my name is and it's always a little awkward. I don't even know. I don't know if I should say my real name or if I should give a fake name because I don't want the baby to steal my name. Sure. Yeah. No, no, no. You don't want that because the baby is like could be a Baba Yaga who's going to steal. Thank you. And have power over you. Does the parent
Starting point is 00:47:36 say it like this? I don't have a name. What's your name? Hey, like how do you bleed like I don't that's a risky gambit because you could. I'll say this. Luke. Fantastic name. Could have a really shitty name like Griffin. And now that's Griffin's good. I think it would be kind of cool to know that your namesake. I bet I can make myself cry on stage right now. I think it would be kind of cool to know that your namesake is out there wandering around like sometime you might see them just look them in the eye and say, Luke, I am your doctor. Justin, that was no, no, no, no, no. You you crept toward the line, the precipice and you peeked over it, which I applaud you for. It's very brave. You did make a Star Wars joke on stage. Right. But it's tasteful. And
Starting point is 00:48:28 that's what you forgot. You could have made, I'll say this gang, he could have made that joke at any show and not, it wasn't just for your benefit. It just happened to be right. This is how recently I was talking with my daughters and they're both named after people. And then BB said, who are you named after? And I go, I don't know. No one. And like my parents threw a dart at a board and picked travel. I don't know. I think the being named after someone, even if I think being named after the doctor, imagine if in like 10 years, it's like the most popular kid named Luke. And it's because of you. I don't know how many babies you're delivering in a given day. Is it enough to move the needle statistics wise? Start insisting. Hey, do you have a baby named big doubt? Don't even answer. It's Luke.
Starting point is 00:49:12 Next. Nurse, write down Luke, Luke. Nurse, you misspelled Luke. Does that R.I.A. N.N.A. pronounced Luke? Does that, does that help Luke? Yeah, thank you, brothers. You're very welcome. Thank you for joining us. Next. Approach the crucible. So I am Phil. Hi, Phil. What is your, your question? How can we help? So my wife's fire department is hiring. Okay. And they've had a few too many recruits who have just shown up, taken pictures in all the gear with all the equipment and then left. Yeah. That happened with us in the fourth brother. No, I get it. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. So how can she recruit new firefighters that are interested in more than just a few good Instagram pictures?
Starting point is 00:50:11 Well, welcome to the biggest problem we have on earth. Yeah, how to fight off people. It is, it is, I appreciate your help. Firefighter fight off Instagram influencers. Yes, it's firefighter stolen Valor is probably our biggest issue. I think they have to fight one before they can do a picture. If it's your first one other firefighter. Yeah, you have to fight. No, you have to fight a fighter fighter. And listen, here's what I'm saying. If you gotta take it from one of the other ones, our volunteer and professional firefighters, they're heroes, right? If I'm going to get a picture of myself, I want one of me doing the fighting of a fire. Like if I'm only get one picture, I want it to look cool like I'm doing the fire stuff. Otherwise, I was just
Starting point is 00:50:56 really good at ordering costumes. I want to get one one under the belt. Yeah, one where fire is going. I don't know how you guarantee that though without arson, but you okay. I was going to say you could start fires anywhere, but then that's arson. Yeah, it's fucked up, isn't it? I hate that they were upset. That's illegal. Hey guys. Arson is generally frowned upon. Yeah, she have a pressure you to join. She essentially doesn't want me to because that's her thing. Yeah, but you do look like you have beat a fire's ass. I because I would she's way tougher than I ever. She looked at a picture of a fire in the paper and be like, dang, Phil, wish somebody had gotten there, huh? I want you to know, Phil, I don't want you to be a firefighter.
Starting point is 00:51:42 Yeah, you seem very blase about it. I'm just saying it's not a quality I look for in a firefighter. I don't want a firefighter's like, yeah, okay. You seem like you seem like you when pressed, you might actually join the fire. It's making some good points. Oh, no, this new firefighter recruit we got just became more fire. Yeah, but I'm just saying, did you see some of the political science in that house? That's the opposite of what we wanted. The media has misrepresented the fire in a pretty major way. Okay. If you take the time, I've got fire makes a good point on its Twitter. Um, does that help, Phil?
Starting point is 00:52:36 We'll go with yes. Yeah, sure. Thank you, Phil. Thank you, brothers. Hello. How's it going? Hi, I'm Bell, my pronouns are she, her. Hello. As per my email, I run a lark. Chill, I last up my spine, Bell. All right. Sorry about that. Go ahead. I run a lark chapter in Toledo. I've been trying to great get more people to join my part with the Venn diagram of dorks who want to sword fight and people who want to go out to a park on every afternoon of every Saturday. It's kind of slim. Sure. Right. How do I get more people to join? How many do you need? I'll take as many as I can. Yeah. I mean, try to see us for that
Starting point is 00:53:24 questions to just have a fucking just like non stuff. Okay. You say swordfighter. Yeah. I think there's a lot of other things going on in a given village. Sure. That you could be like, Hey, do you want to sleep but in old timey clothes? Yeah. We teach a lot of like craft stuff, other working sewing stuff like that. Rune crafting. I say this is someone who is now 39 and I have no idea what the answer to this is. Is that something that looks good on the college application? Rune crafting? Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. I know people at the park they started back in Texas that will actually have like, yeah, I've organized all kinds of events like on their resume and it looks good because it shows that you know how to like organize stuff.
Starting point is 00:54:12 For sure. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You don't need to recruit people. You need to go to a busier park. And then everyone there is here. Yeah. You, hey, listen, I will say this, you hit someone enough times the foam sword something's gonna happen. Yeah, that's great. That's great. If you throw them a foam sword and then you start hitting them furiously with a foam sword, you have made a larper. Yeah. Yeah. They learned to defend like now they may not stop when you blow the whistle or whatever it is. The ocarina. There will be a role that is being played in a live action setting. So very true. I mean, how far is Toledo from here? That's about an hour's drive. Hold on, how many people here
Starting point is 00:55:10 live in Toledo? I think your group probably expanded by at least one to two people tonight if I was guessing. Awesome. How can they join the group? I have a Facebook group called just if you Google Bright River. Yes. We meet on Wildwood every Saturday at two. Yes. This is it. We're turning this show into Craigslist. I love it. Thank you, Belle. Does that help? I know it helps. That absolutely helps. Thank you so much, brothers. Thank you. Hello. Hello. Hello. Who are you? I'm Rebecca. Hi, Rebecca. First of all, primo merch. Fantastic 100% podcast shirt. Still the funniest thing we will ever do. It's the only t-shirt of our merch that my wife wears. Yeah, it's very good. Okay. Sorry. What's your question? So I recently got an e-scooter. Yes. Nice.
Starting point is 00:56:03 Wondering when I see other people out in the world on their e-scooters, how I should greet them. Yeah, sure. When you say e-scooter, this isn't like, I'm sorry, Lyme or like that kind of thing, like you. I own it. Yeah. Customize it. You put himmy on that bad boy? Or do you put just like streamers on the handlebars? You all got those scooters around here? Yeah. I know how I'm getting home tonight. Nice. Real nice. I know more than one person who has exploded their collar bone on an e-scooter. Oh, no. But I don't know if that's part of the culture or not. Could you like high five collar bones in midair as you mass each other? Or just like when you both stop the same thing, just go, my collar bone. Yeah. Anybody up here on the electric vehicles?
Starting point is 00:56:59 I have an electronic bicycle now. How do you greet other people with an electronic bicycle? Except for running into them. I usually slow way down until they're out of line of sight. Because I think they probably know what they're doing way better than me. Okay. Can I tell you guys, so BB is dying to get a skateboard. Yeah. And I've started entertaining it and said, yeah, I'll look for one that's like good for six year olds. And then I realized I have zero percent information on how to ride a scooter. I might have to hire somebody to teach you how to skateboard. Please record it. No, to teach my daughter how to skateboard as I stand off to the side going, you're doing great champ. Oh man, no, you have to do it and also record that because I do want to
Starting point is 00:57:45 see you be like, oh, I don't know. Christ, what if I'm amazing at it? Do you do many tricks? Do you know many tricks? How many tricks do you know? The scooter like fell out from under me the other day and I feel like I laugh. Well, no, okay. But yeah, it's a scooter. It's an electronic scooter. That's what it that's what they do. But you're still here. So yeah, you defied death. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. How many times do you see someone on electric? Actually a lot. Yeah. And I feel like I try to like, like be like, yeah. Now, wait, wait, no, no, no, this is important. What's your use? Give me, yeah. I try to be like, you know, like a little nod. Okay. Because the first thing you did
Starting point is 00:58:26 for the people at home, the first thing you did when showing it was like a deep court jester bow. Yeah. And that could work. You're coming at this the wrong way. Because you're saying to us, when I see other people on e-scooters, how can I ingratiate myself and form a human bond with them and not like, how do I intimidate and scare every other person who dares try to grind my block? Get extremely territorial, Rebecca. Yeah. That's the first thing. If you see anyone fucking scooting in your block, you take their battery or whatever. Take their battery or whatever it is that powers those things. Wease their juice as it were. Does that help? Yeah, that's really good. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:59:22 So this is when we wrap up, if we could bring down the lights. But first I want to say our poster by Kaylee Turvo. Yes. Really good. And you can buy them in the lobby. It's one of the best posters to do that. Sure. Upsetting. In a fun, good way. But that's my whole set up. Sure. Yes. Yeah. So those are available. You can buy those limited time only. Thank you so much to the Masonic Temple here for having us in their beautiful. You guys see these fixtures? Oh my God. Did you see these fixtures? When the lights come up later, make sure you look. I'm sure you'd probably look before. Thank you for letting us back into your city. Yeah. I really appreciate it. It was, there were some tense moments. Yeah. We were supposed to do another show here at some
Starting point is 01:00:07 point and then gosh, and COVID happened, I think. Yeah. Yeah, man. It shook out. Anybody else? Thank you to Amanda and Rachel and Paul and our dad and Sawbones. Yeah. All of them. We're going to do the show without. Thank you to Montaigne for the use of our theme song. My life is better with you. Yes. And thanks to you. Thanks to you for coming, giving us a second chance. I hope we didn't fucking blow it. Griffin, do you have any final thoughts for everybody? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Don't say anything to the person with you. No, I won't say that. But if you, hey, it's me, Griffin, if you say you're going to do something, then do it. Don't say you're going to try to do it. What do you, Justin McElroy? No, hold on. Let Griffin keep going. No, no. Why not try?
Starting point is 01:01:10 Because soon you won't do it, man. Yeah. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. Griffin McElroy. My brother, my brother, my kids, your dad's square on the left. To my life, it's better with you.

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