My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 639: 62 Minutes of Three Men Gnawing

Episode Date: December 12, 2022

Newest Pokemon just dropped! Psychic-poison type, has 2 evolutions, something about eggs. Special move is mansplaining Subway cookies and butting into group teeth-brushing sessions. Yeah, this Pokemon is not for everyone . . . how about even newer Pokemon, CupHolder? Suggested talking points: The Sound of 18 Brushes, Dougbater, Emo Basketball Type, A Little Bit of Ruffalo Coming Out the Sides, Trash Cat, Always a Risk of BeesHarmony House: http://harmonyhouse.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up you cool, baby? I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better It's better it's better

Better it's better Hello everybody and welcome to my brother my brother me an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy Well me I'm your middle as brother Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy Got some new tech. Can you tell I'm looking at your tech? It's so sick, dude It's buttery gone are the days where the microphone was a desk guy now He lives on this cyber robot arm that I can make I'll go all over yeah, you have a mic buddy I've never felt more like daddy than I do right now You mean our daddy not just like the state of being of like I'm not the way internet people say it like us like

I don't know a sexy older person Santa Claus I mean it. I'm We'll get we'll come back to that I mean it like our actual I mean it in the way that God intended it when he came up with the word daddy Yeah, when he was like, I'm your I'm your daddy. I shower you with gifts. Enjoy this these loaves of mana Enjoy this copy of secret of mana that I got at the local electronics boutique. He's enjoy this game box set of Hannah Montana Yeah, when he rained down Hannah Montana down on the

Pilgrims been a while since I've read the old B.I.B. Ellie, but Brand-new tech very stoked about it You guys you guys are more sort of tech savvy than I am well, that's not true But at least for me but go on well in terms of recording gadgets and gizmos I think that you do take the take the cake. Yeah, I've got a light up juice pop that light up for me, buddy He didn't a little bit dark. It is so much better I got a thing that's supposed to make the microphone louder and cleaner I'm not gonna say the name of it because I will disparage the brand and it could be a me problem and not a brand problem

But I plugged this this doohickey in and it introduced a loud hiss to the recording. I said that's unacceptable I reached over to fix it and when I touched the box It started to play radio station at first. I thought this was in my mind Yeah, I thought that it was like a Pete's mom Brainplate that maybe I had a big There's a lot of references for this because I was gonna say like Lucio ball and her fillings when she talked about being able to get like Government CIA wiretaps through her teeth when I was a kid I read a book it was like a young like a beginning reader chapter book about a cat who when he brushed his teeth

He could read minds and get radio stations. Oh, yeah, I see you whatever it There was also the are you afraid I'm never able to track this book down before so if I could use my bully pulpit for a second If this rings in your bells for you because I'd love to track this one down It was in the same vein is like Can you teach me how to pick my nose or yeah bubble gum monster remember the bubble gum monster a monster or kid Might as Geronimo don't kid is every kid might as chalk fucked up by the way Fucked up, but anyway, but I was also gonna reference the are you afraid of the dark episode where the kids in the hearse And he listens to the radio station for dead people and it don't sound like this show is winding down by the way

We got references for another ten years. Do not worry about easy They made a lot of are you afraid of the dark, but there's a lot of there was a lot of are you afraid of the dark spaghetti of the wall? I'm just like is this ain't easy to giant pinball machines the same thing. How's this get us sick so like this could add a New cool, you know how on like daily show The British daily show on HBO like yeah You know how they do sometimes they'll just like pull the newspaper out and they'll be like Oh, you'll hear something and then they'll like do jokes about that that does always feel a little grass beat to me

By the way, when they're like we forgot to write anything Let's just look at the headlines the newspaper and do jokes. It's it's yeah, I mean They are overpaid Hollywood elites, but thank you. I was thinking maybe this could be fun for us I can't control what the radio station is gonna be, but I could just sort of pipe it in I think it comes out of my mouth when I touch the box and then like you guys can listen and make I've removed to the bar I removed the box the boxes. Oh, I thought we could play pretend for a moment Oh, yeah, sure. Sorry. Let me touch the box Uh

Today in baseball news we got a big home runner coming at you from the state of New York City Derek Jeter's back and he's got a big Traffic is traffic time. It's 10 18 a.m. Eastern time and the Brooklyn Bridge is very crowd You're getting a lot of New York radio Even more big bigger breaking news Nintendo World Store at 30 Rock having a big sale got to get down there They have half off Mario's and Donkey Kong is This try this this GD traffic guys the Brooklyn Bridge It's rare that you hear a triple breaking news interruption on the same program the big problem

Enough about the traffic I just want to hear more about Derek Jeter's triumphant return to be bum bum bum Yeah, it was great. He every time he got up there. He scored a point He got up sometimes when it wasn't his turn Is that if one of us is laughing while the other one is doing something they're legally mandated to keep doing it Even when there is no more meat on the bone. They're just chomping on There wasn't meat on it to begin with No, I'm if it's working for somebody but at the center of the bone is where the marrow is and restaurants charge like a 100 bucks for that stuff. That's an excellent point

If you chew on the bone long enough even sans meat, you're gonna get to the good stuff eventually That's our new tagline for this this this show my brother my brother me just the marrow. Yeah, you know Oh, that's interesting. Just the marrow, but no, no, you misunderstand Justin The marrow doesn't come from outside the bone. It's not ever gonna be just the marrow You're gonna have to put up with a lot of like 55 minutes of three men gnawing and then maybe five Then a minute of marrow and then four minutes for ads and announcements Sounds like a good deal. I'm so glad you're sounding if we now Griffin is continuing his streak of using a different mic from Travis and I just to be special and unique

My voice wasn't made to be condensed guys. It needs to be I have a more sort of dynamic personality My voice simply must be contained Safety of all this is not what I sound like in real life. This is only what I sound like in microphones in real life It's so good. You guys like listening to the Lord speak Yeah, and if I do it without Metatron there to like for so which is what I call my microphone Then everybody's ears would bleed because it would be so buttery good and beautiful And I don't interrupt when I'm not on microphone the microphone makes the interrupt people when we say Travis has the voice of an angel We mean it in a sort of menacing

Way like a menacing through dangerous way and I can't I can't have that on my conscience anymore No, this is an advice show We are gonna I want to try to help more people today because I feel like the holidays are coming up It's good to be of service. I want to they're very close when this episode We were recording this one well in advance Yeah, so the holidays are even close like people are gonna think there's a deficit of candle night spirit It's not that we're just like almost two weeks out So I recently moved in the student house and where I share a flat with 18 people own room

Bathroom slash kitchen are shared. What a giant flat. It's a big That's a huge flat. Wait, are you the only one with their own room? Is it 17 people in one room and you? That's fucked up man since I arrived late all the others got to know each other and started little traditions together One being brushing their teeth together every night. Oh, I Like that actually a lot of people That's a lot. It would be a loud sound just the sound of 18 brushes going at it Yeah, quite loud. I think it would vibrate the whole building if you're using even the gentlest quip. Yeah, sure. It's been It's been three weeks and they haven't invited me yet. Oh

I don't even know how it started My question is how do I get invited to their toothbrushing club? Do I ask out right or should I show up without saying anything and that's from at a loss in Amsterdam and This is PS. There's only two sinks and the group is around eight people. So it will be crowded Okay, wait a minute. This is different. This is different. This is you've changed it with numbers You can't this is and this is why I don't like numbers is that I thought I was following the plot pretty clearly here But the numbers of the in suggests that this is a rebel. Okay, is it possible? I wanted I want to take a second Is it possible that this person mistyped the initial 18?

because that is Quite a lot of people sharing a massive kid is it possible But then they did specify later the number again, which they had well But yeah, if it's student housing, we could be looking at more of like a dorm scenario where it's a large Yeah Two sinks for 18 people. I'm just gonna say that's That's a lot with the amount of stuff your body makes in a given day that even when you put it in the right You know holes that go into the ground like the amount of residue

I feel like I've lived with two people two other people before With two a kitchen sink and a bathroom sink and neither one of them Was acceptable was acceptable in the eyes of the Lord or anyone who ever saw it either you know what this situation Reminds me of what's that ref? It's terrace house. I always think about this of like the initial six Always like have time to like bond and do shit together And then like if you're the next person who comes in and you come in and like so, oh you guys do a thing Oh, okay, cool. Can I do no no no? No, I can't do that. You guys already do the thing I would be a tradition guy. I would show up and be like I've got I've been watching on TV

And I've got some great issues that I'd love to start with everybody Yeah, what do you think is the worst-case scenario of you just like rolling up when you see them getting ready to do it? And you just like bust out your toothbrush carrying case and you like open it up and you a simple elaborate toothbrush and you start brushing your teeth with them unbidden Yeah, I mean worst-case scenario is that they all turn and then they take their toothbrushes out and then they stab you with Yeah, that's like worse. I guess that's the worst possible thing that could happen Just below that I would say is all eight people stopping their toothbrushing exercise looking at you with a blank expression like And the foam still in their mouth. What are you doing? Yeah, what are you doing?

Like that's that's even worse. This is our special perversion It is what it is I think that it's weird to think that this perversion of wanting to brush your teeth in a group Also has the limitation of but don't but not more than eight people or else. It's too wet wild and yucky in there Maybe this is an accountability thing Sometimes when it's late at night, maybe I'm a little bit I've been having a good time and I'm feeling a little relaxed party and sometimes I want to give I want to cut loose a little bit Okay, I'm 42. Yeah, so for me that cutting loose

Maybe like, you know, I'll get them in the morning, you know what I mean? Treat to myself like you're already comfy. You got your two race wrist braces on for your carpal tunnel already Yeah, you're a sleep mask with the Bluetooth in it cuz you're like a baby like that needs to be one of the matrix You're super sloppy ASMR piped in yeah, I got my wet my my weighted blanket for my my ziety I'm not gonna unhook I'm not gonna disengage from the Sometimes you lay down your head hits the pillow and then you remember like oh, I started there's a load of laundry in the washer I need to switch it and then you're like, yeah, I'll wash it again in the morning. I'll just I'll just run it It'll be fine. That's stink comes out. The stink always comes out

I think here's what you do next time that all eight of her are brushing you go and brush your teeth in the toilet Like using the toilet water don't be gross, but like they're brushing it looks crowded You get like a quick rinse and then you yeah start brushing and kneel down kneel down over the toilet or standing up Looking down into the toilet early. That's a really good. It's a really good question and Straddling the toilet backwards using the reservoir in the back. Obviously Obviously, that's the cleanest water in the whole toilet. I think with 18 people you need to look for every opportunity You can find a standout. Yeah, I'm being memorable. Maybe you're the one who every time you go into the bathroom to brush your teeth you Stand over the toilet and peer deeply down into the bowl like you are seeing some sort of

Some sort of suspended memory or future future vision The hope would be that they would look at you and say like, you don't need to do that. Come on. Yeah Just get over cherry, but I didn't want to crowd. There's like 18 or eight of us already in here Yeah, I just didn't want to crowd you guys so I'm I'm actually finding the toilet and then make them walk Because they Show off all your elbow room Yeah, listen guys someone someone's got a brush your teeth in the toilet We can rotate out if you want, but you're gonna have to fight me for it. Yeah, I'm I love you guys

I've only just met you much later than you met each other And I know you guys love each other and don't have that for me, but I love you and so I'm willing to be the toilet one Yeah, I'll stand on I'll take that cross and put it on and I know you guys ate my wagyu beef admit it I know you ate my wagyu and that was special wagyu Did you use oil? You don't have to use oil. It's special fatty wagyu. Hey, we're making a lot of deep tears How about how about a wiki how from the wizard for this one? We got a jack-in to the computer space click And This one's for gamers is a timely gamer. This is our second gamer. This is kind of this is another gamer one

Right. We did it wasn't last one about how to um shit talk how the shit talking gaming Well, it's yeah, I mean holiday season is when everybody gets the Xbox from their group from Graham Graham The hand-me-down Xbox. I fused up at all the noobs. Don't I've got a I've got a ten-year Morrowind save on there. Don't touch it dip shit This one's how to create a Pokemon Well, and and and I think they're talking about the individual monsters not how to create your own Franchise like how to have the next but this is like how to create your own whole cloth Imagine yeah, there's already so many of them. Yeah, there's like 900 of these fucking guys and

But that's not for some people not enough Also, a lot of them aren't don't count a lot of them have only appeared in one game and then game freak in Nintendo We're like that's these are keys guys Somebody had took Pokemon. I made my keys and they're like that one's not coming put that one in the Disney vault We're not gonna do the keys one again. That was this is just a big garbage bag guys Griffin is there in Pokemon the concept of extinction like this all that Pokemon when extinct well, there is right because there's like the The fossilized ones, right? Yeah, but then they can just plug them back into a cool machine and then Humanities blight upon the planet can just be reversed. I just don't know how I'd feel about them announcing one day like well

There's no Pidgey's in this game because they were over hunted to the point of extinction We follow with them too hard killed them all can you blame us? Okay, so step one choose what type of Pokemon you want like fire water grass, etc Keep in mind that better designs come out of more unique types. For example, there are no poison slash steel types Really steel steel is immune to poison. I mean one of this article come out this made this. Oh, I mean it was updated a month ago So mine will be a psychic poison. Yeah, that's they rock your mind away. Oh I do like that. How about this is good We can kind of polish it up over the course of the question Justin. What kind of type is your Pokemon gonna be?

Sorry This is gonna be a fun bit that Justin does where he pretends like he doesn't know Griffin just listed off a bunch of them Thunder now under shock thunder type thunder type thunder type emo thunder type, which is also my basketball name okay, I Didn't even want to make that shot. Oh Did we? Mine's just normal buckets are my normal type Think of something you want the Pokemon to portray

Gastly is based on gas. People up is best at based on penguin Don't let this limit your creativity. However, a Pokemon like skarmery is modeled after armor and a bird Obviously, but there are nuances in its design that aren't over the top and make it look unique yet still like a Pokemon I think I want to style my psychic poison one after just like a friend who's kind of a bad influence Okay So there I mean this would be continuing the grand tradition of Pokemon who are By by bipedal humanoid sort of yeah, just got just kind of guys Just a Pokemon that you really need to justify to your friends a lot before you pull it out

There's like no once you get to know this book. I promise he's he's cool man Like it's I know at first it's hard to get to know him, but trust me. He's a good guy underneath all that He's a good guy. I know when I tap the button on this book while it's gonna look like a dude just comes out Of here and that's gonna be fucked up to see I'm not going to lie to you But it is important to know it's not a dude. It is a Pokemon. His name is his name is Ted and He does eat human food. Yeah But if he loves it in here, he loves it in these little guys

I watched a tiktok on the McRoy family tiktok channel and it was okay from a bin-bin and it was About Pokemon and I watched the whole tiktok, and it was just you guys going off When's J-Man gonna bring the thunder Yeah, one of those where you waited to the very end to come dunking in like Shaquille I watched the whole tiktok, and then it started back over again, and I didn't get ahead of that Maybe you will the next time you watch it. Maybe the second loop Yeah, you know for the frequency with which we discussed Pokemon in this show It is wild to think only two-thirds of us have any interest in it and of those two-thirds only one is a passing intro

Like and what's infuriating to continue this this triune Venn diagram Justin actually knows shit about Pokemon, but he plays a character on TV that honey. I swear to God I swear to God to you. I won't pretend. I don't that part. I have played them, but like you've driven, right? You've driven around is there a drive but when you lived in Austin that you made constantly, right? Like you've driven past this like Abandoned pawn shop, you know three times a day. What does it look like? I don't know. I've I've shuffled that off I may room for other things. I don't keep it but to continue the analogy though if I'm driving past this abandoned pawn shop I would look inside and see you

Kind of just like squirreling away little treasures into your into your shirt Justin loves that pawn shop. I paid my daughter to play the new Pokemon game. So I didn't play it for besties. Thank you Okay, choose a name for the Pokemon Justin your excuse from the bit if you want to go No, no, no, I want to continue with the bit. I feel bad. I don't have yeah, like good cool stuff to say That's all I feel guilty Well, just take the stuff that Travis says and then try to put your own sort of twisted skew Okay, got it. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. My Pokemon's name my psychic plays in problematic friend is named Doug Bader

Conceived a combination of Doug and the fact that he likes to debate everybody about everything Oh, I like that and he comes out and he's just like Doug Bader Yeah, like what Doug Bader this dude only says his own name. Oh my god guys guys guys. I'm so sorry This is my Pokemon Doug Bader He got out Again, I swear to God. He loves it in here. He's got a little home gym Doug Bader Yeah, I I actually have my uh degree in urban planning. I have a master's in oh Doug Bader Doug Bader Doug Bader

What why would you? I mean, nobody don't argue. He's arguing. You don't need to insert yourself into this Doug Bader He just said that he has a master's in urban plan Doug Bader Doug Bader Doug Bader Draw you draw you what you want the Pokemon Doug Bader to look like Doug Bader just always has one finger up and he's going Doug Bader. Oh, that's good one moment one moment He's like a squished ruffalo kind of like yeah, you know how ruffalo is like perfect and you just squished him kind of Yeah squished him down like a ruffalo. That's a copy of a copy of a copy of a ruffalo multiplicity ruffalo. Thank you Okay, it's when you squish him down does he keep his dimensions the ratio?

No more like one of those hydraulic press Well, I once again to reference sick dog video as you put you put ruffalo in there, but you stopped him Down so there's just a little bit of ruffalo coming out the sides Don't let it go too far else ruffalo will momentarily disappear and then shoot up in an incredible ruffalo cone That is indiscernible for Hi guys, we wrapped 1000 rubber bands around this ruffalo. You won't believe what happens next And ask yourself this do you want the pokemon to evolve or is it a non-evolutionary or legendary? No, Doug Bader never changes He does not have the capacity to grow

I like that because then in a future generation We can decide to add a pre-evolution of Doug Bader. Yeah, that's just called like Doug. I mean Doug or Dougy Bader And then when he gets Dougy Bates gets old and becomes Doug Bader and then maybe he has a third evolutionary becomes Dr. Douglas Bader Now to reach that point you do have to introduce the rogan stone The rogan stone will force the evolution into dr. Douglas Bader Uh, think of the moves it can learn I can help you guys come up with I mean, there's a lot. I mean there's poison tail. He probably can't do that one

That's why tail whip. I like Doug Bader just shakes his little booty around just shakes his little tushy. I like that Doug Bader use mansplain That could be a psychic type move except it's not one and I would love us to so I can create Doug Bader from whole cloth But the idea of creating specialized moves irks you the problem is you could create a specialized move He's just a Pikachu. He becomes godlike like there's one that you could give poke like Pikachu a move That would make him invincible Hmm

Uh use use eat other pokemon god. I wish I'd said it A pokemon other than Pikachu. I mean it's just like Just any other pokemon would have been great here. I'll give you so much fun here Why don't I tell you some and then you say some out loud We'll get some good takes and then rachel can like chop and screw it so that it sounds like you know good ones So gar chomp gar chomp Try and try give just yeah, don't say it like you're in a french restaurant trying to get the waiter's attention gar chomp

pardon me gar chomp Is this supposed to be room to put your butter because uh Not loving it and if the baguettes are not coming soon Lay tip may be affected Gar chomp. That's good um So this is a paneer bread. Sorry say cup holder conk conk conk older Cup holder cup holder cup holder

This is good. This is good This is a play. It's fun in this space. It's good. Okay. I think it's good in here Let me let me duck my head through this curtain and see if there's anything um It's a pokemon that has cup holders built into it and just walks around with you And carries your drink I can't do you guys now cut out. I can't hear your sound was kind of do hot drinks. Justin What it can but you could see it wincing

Oh, no Yeah, that's good and he can pop out a cooler one. That would be cool too. What about like ice chest But it's uh, it's storage. Yeah, it keeps hot drinks hot and cold drinks cold I like the idea of just a cup holder pokemon that pops out and he's like chevrolet equinox It's like this is my pokemon chevrolet equinox and then Doug Bader gets in And drives the other pokemon Doug Bader. This doesn't make any sense And he holds up his license Doug Bader And then the license says

Yeah, yeah, that's good Lightning round real quick if you want extra credit add catch rate to Doug Bader real quick just a number one Six okay, uh gender ratio Oh, uh hundred percent Male and he's insistent on that. Yeah Announces it loudly. Yeah. Wow Doug Bader is a is a rough customer species game like how for his pronouns. He says i'm all dude Yeah, that's the worst. That's the worst Okay, pokedex number 69

Yeah, yeah egg egg groups What's in this one's you Justin how what's the egg group farm raised? hatch time always always a party height weight Um, and then I guess this last q&a it does say can I sell my pokemon ideas to the company? You can try they may not do anything with it, but it's a good idea to share anyway. So, um, I'm open to it

By the way, if if if nintendo is listening and I know they are and they're like, oh, I like Doug Bader challenging Challenging ideas. I'm willing to sell Doug Bader for a premium I'm already having An anxiety attack thinking about being in a live show and I'm going to look for my A Lime scooter to get home on and I run into a listener who's out the show and they pulled back their Uh, uh hoodie to show off their Doug Bader t-shirt that we definitely sold them And they look at me with anticipation and I give them the blankest possible. The t-shirt will need to say Justin

This is from that time. Doug Bader was a bit It was a bit that you did What can can I get three clean? What are you guys in your head? What is Doug? How does Doug Bader say his own name? Uh Doug Bader Doug Bader Doug Bader Doug Bader I like that one Doug Bader. Oh, that's what he's like playing basketball. Yeah

Let me see no thunder you guys want to hear another question could come in like Mike Jones does on a track where he's just like Doug Bader like yells it pretty loud. Yeah, or you could do like a Jason Derulo thing Doug Bader Uh, my partner surprised me and packed up all our fall decorations this year When I asked where the two real mini pumpkins from the grocery store went they responded which pumpkins all of them look fake Brothers, what do I do? I don't want to undo their hard work, but I also don't want to possibly create a stanky situation for next year not possibly Definitely well, I can't remember if I already threw the real money pumpkins out or not context There are eight perfectly packed boxes with everything wrapped in newspaper already on the garage top shelf

That's from stinker treat in so Cal. Wow. Well, oh wait. Okay. Hold on reaction. That's a lot of fall time decorations Good news. Okay At worst It's only a quarter of those boxes that will be contaminated It will not reach beyond if there's one pumpkin in one box and another pumpkin in another box and there's eight boxes That means six untouched boxes That's a good point or potentially seven maybe both pumpkins ended up in the same box And then it's like that maybe whatever's in that eighth one who gives a shit

You you raise a good point, but like if you can So if you can save future you from opening a box of puke like this is what you'll have right You'll have like it's already a pain decorations in and out who cares But then you open one that's like just vomit and trash That's sad. You don't want or even worse. It could attract pests And the only animal I know that loves to eat pumpkins is a porcupine So maybe that could actually be great. You set a little porcupine Nest up in the in the garage. Oh, yeah, the but the infestation will follow

every every dirty animal loves to get their their paws on Rotten pumpkins. No, that's a big draw. I don't want to disparage your partner here But I've picked up real pumpkins and I've picked up fake pumpkins And the difference between the two is noticeable not many pumpkins Many pumpkins. Are we talking about the little gourds that are like that small because I think those things last forever They maybe could hang. I feel like the tiny little gourds could hang They have a little juice inside. There's no juice. There's not much Pumpkin juice in the little ones if you try to ever eat one of those like a like an apple

There's not a lot of juice to go around Have you think you're good? Did you do that? My daughter's decorated two pumpkins with like paint and stuff this year And they're still sitting on our porch because I can't quite puzzle this one out Can't quite figure it out what to do with these guys. Oh, you throw them away Yeah, but they really like they're really proud of them. Oh, yeah, sometimes though. You gotta teach hard lessons It's true. Take a picture of it. Take a picture of the picture I have to be careful. My daughter made a cat out of trash when she was three and it's still in her

Yeah, that is a good. Yeah trash. Wait, which wait, which daughter? What well, I mean charlie Yeah, that was she was three a long time ago Uh, yeah, trash cats have been there a long time And I'm not he's got a fucking stupid diet doctor pepper body and a cool whip tub head and I hate him He's been in my house longer You know, he's in a house longer than cooper has it's it's more trash cats home than cooper's Does she routinely check up on trash cat to make sure he's still around?

He went here some fucking wild slumdog millionaire. Shit. It's like last year She had a project where she had to make a recycled toy And she didn't tell us about it And then like the morning of she's like, oh, I was supposed to make a recycled toy and guess who was there Yeah, cat and I was like, this is amazing. We're finally I can't believe it. We saved trash cat for a reason But then after that I kind of felt like It's time for funeral with a friend, you know, like, yeah, sure served his part Like this is what he was put here for his uncle now

Like where was that where was that character in charlotte's web? That's like after the big put the thing in the in the web like wow, that's amazing. Well completed his purpose I guess wait, why are you all looking at me like this? What I'm just saying he put the thing in the web pretty cool. He did it. So but that is charlotte's web She's like she's spin. She makes a picture so good with her ass that she can die That's yeah, she makes the picture to save Wilbur right and she does it so good. She's allowed to die Travis is saying that in this story. Wilbur gets the blue ribbon and the farmer is like, wow

Damn first place. Great job, big. You have Yeah, you're done now. You did what you did what all pigs can aspire to It doesn't get better than this You are now sandwiches after charlotte kicks it. Do you how long do you think before they're like? Hey, that pig hasn't spun any more webs in a while. You notice that? Yeah, is he done? Can we can we stop His whole thing if that was you just reminded me of this wild thing that like a talking animal is one thing

But humans who are like god, that's a cool web must have been a cool pig that did it. Yeah, you know, it's like some pig in it It says some pig He's braggy, but I guess he can he shoots webs out of his ass Hey, uh, Wilbur listen some people came by we need you to make another web. Okay, buddy Nobody believes us. Please. He's in six months. The rip people on a single web out of your pig ass, please I'm just saying he maybe had three months. I've just been big spider ham fans Maybe that was it like I can't believe spider spider ham secret identity is well by the pig at our farm We can't eat this delicious boy

It would have been cool if before charlotte Oofed Wilbur was like real quick before you beef it. Can you just write on a web? I uh, I need hamburgers and then Then you can die like I need hamburgers comma There's gonna be a long one, but what else are you gonna do? I need to get your kids on it I need hamburgers comma and then i'm retiring from web making forever

Do you think it do you think he ever had a moment where he's like I don't want to be kind of a shithead, but you misspelled retiring. I do need you to get up there and fix this I don't want them to think i'm a dumb magic pig I want to think i'm a smart magic and if you could have it on my desk my end of day thursday that would be A bad news charlotte. I know it's christmas eve, but pepsi co just paid for a branded web And you got to crank that out by dawn You're gonna be here with a street team jamie kennedy's involved. It's a big cross promotion But you know I sit out at pepsi co. I can't hang out i'm i'm i'm going uh to clubbing with the paul brothers

So I need to go charlotte, but you you got this right right right uh timbleton will help you or whatever. Bye I actually need you to print a redaction to an earlier web. Uh, is that Something that you're comfortable with or hey charlotte. Um, I got into some trouble with the paul brothers last night We got up to no good. I need you to write a lengthy apology for me Ah that could post on instagram. You could actually spin a picture of the notes app If you could do that make it look like the notes app in the web, that would be great. I love that Hey charlotte. I lost it all on cryptos Every time charlotte spins a web it mines one

I don't care what you write just keep those coins coming Hey, we're gonna need to sell your webs as nfts So if you could just make a bunch of I don't know chimps with Make like a million Unique webs. Oh your dead art shoot. Hey kids Hey, baby spiders, you know before your mom died. She told me that her last wish was for you guys to make a bunch of nfts for him How do you how do you spot how do you spell I need a waptop out here? Well, uh, I'll walk you through it What is that comic sans get your shit together spider number six, can I have a name when you earn it?

Okay, wilbur has written it seems to hear it says it says thick lady pigs I guess we have to honor it. I mean, that's what he wants. Was he trying to google search? Oh Search in the web. Okay, let's take a break. Oh, we'll uh, we'll take a quick trip with money, so Hi everybody. Hello. Hi everybody. Welcome to the commercials Oh the best part the part of the show that it doesn't have as many jokes per capita But it's still there, but you got to do it because without commercials Uncle sam doesn't survive

Uncle sam dies That's right in his house cold and hungry That's true But you know what? It can be fun too. Yeah, let's make it fun If you have a good time with it, it can be fun. Justin's not here because he's has he is on he's has a diarrhea He has a diarrhea Babel is our first sponsor And this holiday season if you're looking for a unique gift that inspires curiosity travel and culture

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How much man every year every year? It gets to be like the week before and I'm like, oh, I forgot to buy something for griffin Yeah, every year. I forget to buy something to griffin. You know what I mean? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense because you give me a lot of Like teddy bears. Yeah. Well, I can get those like at the gas station Right and it's and I know always that that's what is happening Yeah, because they still kind of smell like gasoline a little bit because I do grab them on the ground outside And I always say this is gas station, isn't it? So it's like you're not being particularly clever about it

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stamps.com for all your gas station teddy bear needs I'm jordan cruciola the host of feeling scene where we talk about the movie characters that make us feel sea And i'm the show's producer marissa jordan you've interviewed so many directors actors writers film critics And I like to play this little game where I take a sip of coffee every time someone says that's such a great question That's such a fabulous question or they tell you how smart you are I think that you are rather brilliant and of course the big one is when they cry Unexpectedly, yes, jordan. I don't want to cry on your podcast. I wouldn't expect me to cry I mean it makes me kind of want to cry

Feeling scene comes out every thursday on maximumfund.org. Listen already. What are you waiting for jordan? That's such a great question Yeah How lovely here with breaking news on a revolutionary form of entertainment professional wrestling For more we go to our correspondent danielle rampard professional wrestling is the craze that's sweeping the nation Featuring fisticuffs And colorful costumes, but who can help us make sense of this world of body slams? Lindsay kelk has the answer sources tell us of an amazing podcast called tights and fights Filled with discussions of the absurdity of professional wrestling plus all the sincerity and hilarity that you could shake a stick at

Listen to the tights and fights podcast every week find it on maximum fun or wherever you get your podcasts and your old timey radio All right Another question another question. All right, you're the boss Three years ago. I went to my first candle night's white elephant gift exchange at my job. I was gifted a cartoonish 10 gallon cowboy hat crafted entirely from bud light beer cases Sick, that's fun. That's cool Thinking nothing of it. I regifted it to my father-in-law now after the pandemic Folks at work are asking about the hat and trying to track it down

Apparently it was a regift fixture of the christmas parties. Oh, my boss's boss misses it Brothers, it's been three years and I don't even know if my father-in-law has the hat. What do I do? That's from hatless in houston I mean the obvious first answer is ask your father-in-law if he still has the hat We have to assume that's happened already. No. Yeah, actually we don't there's a lot of I would not I mean my father-in-law. I don't think I would ask tommy like you got that hat I gave you that would be well. There's no fucking way tommy would get rid of a cool But yeah, that's true. That's he's a man of taste and distinction He would well because I had around now. I will say I know I flippantly said just ask your father

But you do run the risk of if the answer is no if your father-in-law is the type of person that's like Gonna one tell you he got rid of a gift you gave him and two Does he then feel bad now that you've asked so you've introduced guilt into the mix as well Yeah, it's like pay it backward. It's like this is now your now. This is your burden this guilt that I feel now is also yours I don't know if this helps you as our family Question asker. I don't know if this helps you, but I think it's real messed up for someone to give you a gift And like out of white elephant exchange without telling you the context of like and next time you'll pass this onto somebody else

And then just expecting you to assume That what you didn't know is this cartoonishly oversized 10 gallon hat made out of bud light cases is very important to our company You could tell him actually I gave it to my father-in-law so he could re-gift it at another party and their party Doesn't have as much around the holidays So it really means a lot to them It really meant a lot to them to have a special Budweiser hat that they could pass her on well You see I was wearing the hat because I cherished it so much when I was walking by and I saw a burning building

And there were children inside and I rushed in to save them and the hat valiantly gave its life To protect me from a falling beam. It was actually really sad my father-in-law I gave him the hat and he gave me 24 loose bud light cans That had no container and it's like That's christmas, you know, that's that's Christmas I gave it to my father-in-law and he ate it Can you make a new hat Out of whatever the bud light cans look the case looks like now

Obviously, it's gonna be different. But if you bring it in and some would be like this is a different hat. You'd be like, yeah this one's light This is a light hat. This is an 11 gallon hat This is bud select 11 gallons. This is a much nicer hat. Give this to your boss's boss Tell him it's a nicer hat in every way. It was featured in southern style magazine Maybe you just go around to everybody in the office and say hey I threw away the hat And i'm sorry and here's a $15 gift card to sheets

If you do that everybody everyone there's a large company. There's only six people. There's only six people. Yeah, it'll be fine Yeah, how do you know that? What? How do you know that? That's so funny that you asked that You checked linked in What you checked linked in I interned with the company for a couple summers. Yeah, it was tough It was a tough environment. It was really bad. Did you guys ever see boiler room with with vindiesel all the time? Yeah Yeah, it was I'm just saying it's a sick flick. Yeah, I've seen it all the time Yeah, uh, that was when you had you had a pretty long commute, right? Because where are they based?

Hmm Where were they paced? Yeah Uh, go ahead and say it. Can't scan them. Scanlon Scanlon's Scanlon burger out of oh, that's the good marion. Scanlon burger marion. Okay. Yeah And what and what do they mean? What do they make what do they do? They make life easier for a lot of really deserving customers Every day. Okay, so they just make more than six six customers that need assistance

So what's otherwise they're maxed out. So what specifically did you do? Me what was your job there? Yeah. Yeah, I was the I was the honeycomb guy I was the guy who would come after they put the honey in the jars I was the guy who'd come and reclaim the comb and suck whatever honey I could out of it and then I know it was a paid position It was an internship. I mean, but I was paid in honey So I would suck the honey out of the combs that they couldn't squish out Yeah, and then I would put those in bottles to sell like discount stores stores from your mouth to the bottle

I had a uh, like a dental dam like uh Was there a risk of bees in there? What are we always a risk of bees? That's no that's no different from any other job any I could work on a freighter You know when I was out in Alaska on the crabbing ships and stuff You didn't ask them about bees, but bees were a constant problem On the ship who knows when you're in port at a spoon really like flower boreal Yeah, sure. Did you guys have a ship's bee like they used to have ship's cats? What a ship's bee. Bees can't live in the ocean if they

If you take a bee in the ocean it dies Um, I love Justin how sort of the info you were giving us about your job went from being not specific at all to I sucked honey I Sucks honey. I would shotgun honey out of the the nest and then spit it into jars to be sold to dollar general I found that helpful for me to know what you were talking about. Yeah, I feel like a little context I didn't they said it was top secret the work I was doing Uh, but uh government was a safe safe place. What was it government work? I really I've said too much. I've said too much. We should ask another question. That would be ideal. I think

Uh Hey I want a munch squad I want to munch squad Welcome munch squad It's a podcast within a podcast profiling latest and greatest in brand eating and folks. I'm So excited to tell you we've talked about the subway series If you know this the subway series is not

The the Yankees versus the Mets like that it's the subway series in new york This is a subway series that subway does where basically they were like, we're tired of making so many different sandwiches Here's 12 of them. Yeah, please don't order other things other than this These are the easiest 12 sandwiches to make we can't teach people how to make 13 fucking sandwiches guys We're tired. We're tired of this. We're tired of this So, uh, we have we now have, um Subway creates footlongs made from cookies, huh Subway

The brand this is gonna trick the brand that sells more freshly baked cookies than any other restaurant company in the united states That can't be true I buy a cookie every time I go to say that there's like the great american cookie company where their whole deal Is cookies subway is the number one Fast food franchise in america. There's more subways than anything else. They're number one So it would make sense that they sold cookies. They're the number one cookie place Uh, but let's we're getting hung up on inspired by the subway series signature subs Cookie lovers can sink their teeth into four limited edition footlong flavors

exclusively at cookie way The brand's pop-up restaurant that serves only its fan favorite cookies for so let's talk about Let's talk about a cookie restaurant a restaurant that sells just the four cookies First up is the subway cookie club. Just like the perfect combination of proteins on some ways number 11, which is uh ham roast beef and turkey but this one has

double chocolate favorites Just like the perfect combination of proteins the subway cookie club stacks cookies on this a protein with a double chocolate cookie base And vanilla frosting then topped with chocolate chip white chocolate macadamia and raspberry cheesecake cookie chunks rainbow sprinkles and chocolate raspberry sauce The mexicali Whoa inspired by the south of the border flavor of the number seven The mexicali starts with a vanilla sugar cookie based Smothered in dulce de leche then topped with mole and corn nuts Drizzled with white chocolate sauce and finished with ground coffee to heen and espresso chips

I think I what I don't you guys suffer long enough not being able to see these bad boys So let me just hook you up real quick. That's a lot. That's a lot of flavors. Yeah, it's a complex cookie experience It's a lot of flavors and textures You guys seeing this Is it loaded for you yet? Are you seeing it? No. Okay, hold on. It also bothers me to think about Oh my lord Holy shit gang These are cookie notes

It's a foot long. I mean, it's a foot long. It's a foot long sub. It's a foot long cookie sub Can you describe for the listeners griffin what they are? No, I can't describe what for the listener I can't at all. It's I mean if I might attempt uh, imagine You have a plank of cookie and then Uh, you loaded a bunch of toppings into a cannon And from about eight feet away launched said toppings at your plank of cookie and then a man on a 30 foot high ladder Attempted to drizzle

Stuff on them This looks like a family double dare challenge in cookie form if I could try if I could try I think it looks like an open casket funeral for some gorp made by a psychopath Yeah, yeah Trav look at can you are you able to zoom? Can you see the cookies with any level of specificity? Yes Okay, I'm actually uh Uh, you know what? I'm gonna send you I'm gonna put a link to this image In the um in the chat, right? So I so you so you can just look at this image because I need you to um

Look at this and guess for me. What you think is on the number two cookie Is that the second from the bottom or the second from the second from the top? Oh my lord, just just looking at it pickles peanut butter potato chips strawberries bacon crumbles bacon crumbles, of course sour cream That's marshmallow cream on top of a vanilla sugar cookie base topped with salty potato chips savory bacon crumbles in subways brand new

Dill pickles lordy lu Bringing together two of subways most iconic menu items foot long subs and subway cookies was the only way We could top our celebration of national cookie day from last year when we opened the first cookie way says paul Who works at subway? We wanted to give subway fans even more cookie to love with flavors and ingredients that are just as Cravable as the sandwiches they're inspired Do you think these are just as they may be just as craveable? As a place that that when people said that's not tuna all of america said yeah, that sounds right You know what that's that tracks three out of four of these

Have things jammed on top as though a subway city council decided they were sick of people taking naps on these Yeah These are brutalist cookies pigeons away. Yeah, this is these look like they're designed to challenge you to try to figure how to eat them I find within myself a boiling anger Witnessing these We can't feed everybody in this country, but we're going to do this. We'll just have these benches these edible benches These look like if all six of our children were let loose in a subway cookie factory and given complete reign to do whatever the fuck

They wanted and they started on cookie number one looking for a cookie they'd eat and by cookie number four They were like we're going to force our parents to eat these and it'll be funny as shit It looks like it looks like the thing you would dare little greg to eat at the lunch table for five dollars That five of your friends pooled one dollar in to get him to eat this mess Uh God what a wreck. Thank you so much for listening to our program We hope you've enjoyed yourself and and had a lot of fun and you're having a you know, you're staying A festive in this and well, we're we're you know starting to honor candle lights

I don't know if you are in your heart coming around it to speaking of Whoa, this saturday is our candle nights virtual special um, it's uh december 17th at 9 p.m. Eastern time video on demand is available through january 2nd Uh and tickets are on sale now bit.ly slash candle nights two zero two two candle nights 2022 And all proceeds from that go to benefit, uh, harmony house in our hometown of hunting towards virginia. That's this saturday Do not miss it. It's it's listen We have uh staffing people and they've witnessed many a candle lights over the years And they're like this one might be the funniest one yet

Whoa hell. Yeah Wow, so Take that haters Say sorry haters People who work for us says it's good People whose jobs depend on us liking them say it's good That's not everybody calls their employees staffing people because they forget the word employees. Yeah That's how we do for an unconventional business

We ride razor scooters around the office and some of them look like tiki huts. It's not a desk. It's a bean bag Let's go down to the think tank staffing people Uh Pre-order perks for the adventure zone 11th hour graphic novel are live. That book comes out february 21st 2023 Which is coming up quite soon really good book It's a really really good book you can go to the adventures on comic.com to pre-order and use can submit your receipt at bit.ly slash 11th hour pre-order That's spelled out not the numeral 11

Uh to get a lenticular sticker featuring art from the book. Um It's it's uh travis hates lenticular material, but I love how cool this sticker looks Uh, I'm so glad it looks cool because it feels like hell feels bad to touch for travis Um, also we got some new merch up in the merch store over at macroi merch.com There's a besties ornament designed by evan palmer Uh, there's candle nights mug that uh has been on there before we've restocked that also 10 of all merch proceeds this month We'll go to harmony house We also still have ornaments available the shrimp angel ornament at bureau balance symbol metal ornament and candle nights ornament

All designed by brie paulson all at macroi merch.com And thanks to montane For the use of our theme song my life is better with you Check that song out and all of montane's other songs every single one of them is equally amazing Yep, no no stinkers No stinkers in the mix We'd tell them too. We would tell them for sure We have that kind of relationship we'd say listen you got to polish up the drums on track eight

Um, do you do you want to hear something that i've been thinking about for a while? Yeah, yo, yeah a wisdom like a little wisdom nugget Yes, give me a wisdom nugget When when god when you open your heart to the possibilities of the universe uh-huh You can never keep out demons The demons from getting in Okay, just something to think about

Is there actionable advice in there or? Open hearts and open minds sound great until the demons get in there That's just something to think about and i'm not saying don't have an open heart and open mind But always be on the lookout If you can get ready to bust some demons if they do try to get in there My name is jesse. They're very real. They're very real. Oh, these are literal demons. I'm just I'm traveston. Constantine's a made-up movie. No one can fight a demon. I'm griffin macaroy This has been my brother my brother and me kiss your dad square on the lips

Oh, it's better. It's better with you. It's better. Oh, it's better. It's better with you. Is it true? It's better. It's better with you Maximum fun org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported You