My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 64: Giant Scott Bakula

Episode Date: July 25, 2011

We took a brief breather from our tightly-regimented schedule of collecting Archie backissues and stalking Jon Favreau around the San Diego Comic-Con showfloor to break you off a slice of wisdom. Come, throw on your Spike Spiegel costume, and let's get this party started. Suggested talking points: The Fattest Doctor Who, Chlamydia Day, He Who Shall Not Be Invited, Cooking, Space Camp, Quantum Leap 2, Creepin'

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Live from the floor of Comic Con, it's my brother, my brother, me, and the vice show for the modern era. I'm Marmaduke. I'm Naruto, is that I think? Yeah, you're Naruto, I'm Marmaduke. Travis, who are you cosplaying as? Beto Bailey. Oh man, Travis won it. Sarge is back on the case. Going after Travis again. Travis has actually matched up Beto Bailey and Big Bad Beto Borgs,

which everyone knows we're all about, especially Beto Bailey in a robot bug suit. It's Big Bad Beto Bailey. Yeah, if this is supposed to be a comic convention, there should be way more stink lines floating around this place. That's all I can think is like if this were a comic book, you wouldn't even be able to see the signs, you wouldn't be able to navigate the floor. You're talking about like pig pen-esque stink lines. Pig pens, stink lines. P.U. flies. I think there should be more P.U. flies. I think if you wanted to cosplay something, you should just have visible stink lines emanating from your body, because come on man, look at yourself. That's a slippery slip though, because if I ever went to Comic Con,

I would just walk around and be like, oh your P.U. lines, oh your stink lines, oh no, you just kind of have, that's just the stink of the con. We're not actually there, but we can, through the magic of audio and imagination, we can be there. I'm really happy to see all of the Kevin James cosplayers this year. I bet Kevin James is there. Everybody's dressed up like the fattest Dr. Who. Yeah, it should be tough to find a fat guy at Comic Con, but I feel for him. Dr. Who took my lasagna, starring Kevin James. Dr. Who moved my beef butter sandwich. I'm starving. Dr. Who could ever love a man that can't put their arms around. That's a pretty good cosplay, Comic Con cosplayer. So this is

obviously an advice show for the modern era. I am your oldest brother, Justin McRoy. I am your middleest brother, Travis McRoy. I'm your youngest brother, Griffin McRoy. Griffin, who's transported coming here for the first time in beautiful Austin Tech house. Such a lovely city, so lovely, so arid. I love how arid it is. Is everything Adobe? Everything is Adobe Photoshop and Premiere and sound booth. That sounds nice. It's a little software joke for everybody. Hope you enjoyed it. You'll expect much more of that in the hour to come. Griffin, you said it was arid, so with your blonde hair and blue eyes, you must be fitting in really well. That's not what that word means, but it's close. You kept saying I really want to move there. It's arid and then

you would wink and I wouldn't understand, but now I think I finally get it. So you might call it the master state and I would wink again and they'd be like, well, now you're just, everyone knows. I'm not even being clever anymore. Hey, let's get into some advice. I've got the best group of friends. Problem is they're all guys. Did I mention I'm a girl? You didn't. You know you didn't. You just wrote that as two sentences and you know you didn't. It's deep. You didn't know. Of course, you're a girl. It said right there and you knew that going in and this question is a trick. I'm not sure I want to read. What else are surprises? She has a twist. I'm a girl. Follow me. Follow me. I feel like she's wild and out. Oh, you think it's a punk situation where the rabbit hole just

keeps getting deeper. Well, let's see. I've always gotten along better with the opposite gender, but I'm getting sick of all the testosterone. I really need some female friends in my life, but don't know where to start. What's the best way to make some girlfriends without appearing desperate? That's from tired of the sausage fest. Who do you, who the fuck do you think we are? Yeah. Yeah. Why do you think that we have any, any wisdom to impart to you in this particular situation? You could like braid each other's hair get mannequins. But you've got to find, you've got to find someone to braid first. You can't just walk up to him. No, you can just do a try by, you can do a try by braiding. Let me see those

locks. We're going to be real good friends. We're going to get real close. Let's go get our nails dead. Getting your nails did is good because you can just open a nail salon and then befriended your, your, that could be a really, that could work out really well. Just, but that's, you don't have to open up a small business to make friends. That, well, that's true. That that's quite an investment on, on something that may not pan out. Um, maybe go to the, go to the gym, enjoying like a spinning class or something. The problem is like you're, I don't know how, if you, if I knew how to meet girls, yeah, like I may, if you can crack that particular case, then, then we'd have something, but I, I, how does anybody meet a girl? I don't know. I don't remember how I met my wife.

I just knew her and then we were wed. I believe I've always known her. Yeah. She just was. She just was. And then I married her, but I do not remember. I don't think we actually met. I don't think I've ever met a girl. Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever met one. I would say that I think that making new friends, no matter what gender, kind of follow the same rule of thumb as trying to find like a boyfriend or girlfriend or romantic relationship, which is if you go out looking for it, you're going to scare all of them away. You know, if you roll up and you start a conversation with a girl at, you know, Starbucks or something and you're like, so can we like hang out and be best friends and stuff?

She is not going to want to hang out with you ever again because you are scary. I don't think this listener would do that, Travis, what you just said. I don't think. Well, she asked, you know, how to do it without appearing desperate. And I think, you know, you build slowly the same way you do any relationship, you know, you hang out a couple of times, you make plans, anything like that. Just, you know, if you meet someone and they seem fun and, you know, you would like to hang out with them more, just ask them. I feel like you should just embrace the situation you have now. I feel like that you, I feel like you could have a real Queen of the Nile situation on your hands if you play your cards right. Oh, really?

Sort of like a weighted on hand and foot, Queen of the Boys type situation? Like carried around town on a Palinquin. Like I think this could all, I think this would all be really, really good. Don't any of these guys have girlfriends or sisters or anything? Oh, that's a good connection. Yeah. Or moms. Or moms. Moms are great friends with their, with their, uh, they've got a lot of good stories. They have those jeans. Sure. They look like that. This sucks. We don't have like, I don't know any girls. I'm almost certain that they don't exist. This is one of those things, though, where we get that question all the time. How do I make friends? I don't know. What's your skill set? Like what, you know, I need to know something about you. What are you bringing to

the table? Yeah. Are you funny or maybe you're really smart or you're rich? What are your strings that are going to draw people into you? Because there's only three and they're funny, smart or rich. So which are you? Which, which is super attractive for super attractive is the other one. Maybe you have this army of guys that follows you around that can lift heavy things for them and help them move and stuff. Why don't you send those guys out? Like, like care, like birds of prey and say, go bring me some women. Fetch me women, men. I think we've, I think we've probably constructed a far different relationship between her and her male friends. It's kind of a hive mind thing here. Yeah, right. We've established her as quite the queen bee. I'm not sure it rolls

out just like that. But I think that I think asking them like, like trying to hang out with like, if they got a sister or mom or something, I think that that's actually pretty good. A pretty good play. You know, me and people through people is always easier than making that initial connection. Everybody has a hip aunt. Everybody's got a cool aunt Julie. A lot of my friends and also my brother are trying to tell me to live with my fiancee before we are married. I don't like that idea because I'm trying to follow the biblical teaching on the situation and I've told them this on many occasions. Could you please help me with this? Yeah. Well, Mike, for people trying to live a biblical lifestyle, you'll certainly come to

the right program. Let, let me walk you through what my Bible says. Of course, my Bible is the, the hit gift book, the bro code based on the hit television show, how I met your mother. This is supposedly written by Barney Stinson, but I'm pretty sure they had a workshop of ghost writers. That's, that's my Bible and my Bible says, just go for it. Bro. Really? Yeah. That's what it says in my Bible. Just live with her and then, and then they've got like a picture of, of Barney from how I met your mother and he's just sort of sitting and he's kind of winking at the, at the camera, but you kind of know what he's saying. Is he wearing a suit per chance? Yeah. He is. He has suited up, I think, to, is how, is how you would say it. It's a, it's a great gift book. It's

available for $14.99 at your local, well not borders, but Spencers. Spencers gifts. Spencers is filling the borders void now. They're just selling literature and blow up fuck dolls. Is there too? I don't think that Spencers sells blow up fuck dolls. Oh yeah they do. They do, but it's a goose. Yeah. They're not like sexy blow up fuck dolls. They're like, like Queen Elizabeth. Like, get it? I'm with you. Hey, Mike, I would tell them that they need to back off and, and you're going to do your thing and they're going to do their thing and then later, where they're in hell, burning forever, then they can get back with you on whether or not they you made the right decision. But for right now, no dice. Don't judge Mike. I don't think, I don't

think it's a terrible, awful idea to live with your fiance before marriage, but if you don't want to, like, sure, right, like you're asking for what, what I think you should do, what I think you should do is live with somebody before you marry them, but, but I think that what you don't need right now is more people telling you what to do in your life. Like you don't need an advice show. You need a show called like back, back off Mike. Yeah. Or just guys tell people step out my grill, get out my grill, starting nobody. Yeah. And everything and like every major decision in your life, there will be just countless people that think they know it better than you because they've done it before or they've seen it in movies or they've read it in magazines. Tell them just to

back the fuck off because it's your situation. Like advice is always welcome, but at the end of the day, it's your decision, not theirs. At the end of the day, step off. Yeah. I'm gonna, can I, I'm going to interject here and just say that ignore everything that Justin and Travis are saying, uh, because you gots to live with them. Oh, you totally do, but you just don't need to listen to your friends and brother. Listen to us. You gots to listen to us because you gots to listen, you gots to live with her. Oh man. Cause she does some shit. She does some shit that you don't know about yet that you need to know about before you get betrothed. Like what if she like, what if she like poops in the shower? That's not something you're going to get until you

share a residence with her. Mike, can I throw this out? Eat two bedroom apartment. You're thinking that'll keep it holy. Yeah. I'd say he can live with her without necessarily caving in on the, the biblical teachings. Hey, hey, Travis. Hey, Travis. Uh-huh. Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, is not an RA. They're not trying to fucking thwart the Dean here. Okay. Like it's Jesus. He knows what's up. He's not fucking fooled by your chicanery. He knows the score. Like, he's not like, oh, looks like two different apartments from way up here. Where I said, this seems pretty kosher. You got to get a, you got to get a three bedroom apartment, right? And then you guys sleep on the

outer perimeter bedrooms and the middle bedroom. That's where the Holy Spirit sleeps. Oh, go leave a little space there. He'll appreciate the gesture, even though he will continue to help forever. My body is ready for yahoo. Let me see if I can help you with that. This one was sent in by Gabriel Pinto. Okay. Usually these questions are just like super bad ideas, but this one is actually like, this one's actually a really good solution to an important problem. It was asked by, ah, fuck, A-S-D-F-V-B-S-D, which I think that he took his name selection pretty seriously. And he asked, why don't they STD test everyone all at once? Okay. Like to kill off all of the

treatable stuff and alert people with non-curable ones so they can not spread it and also treat it because like now there is super gonorrhea that isn't curable yet. And this is going to happen with every curable STD eventually. So he's saying like just massive people round up. He's talking, he's saying, hey, everyone on the earth, it's chlamydia day. Okay. And then everyone goes to the doctor and they get their chlamydia cured. And then guess what guys? Chlamydia is gone. So, okay, wait, hold on. So on one day, everyone in the world, chlamydia day. Yeah, thank you. Everyone in the world simultaneously go to the hospital. Yes. This is the concept. And they would have, so the world grinds to a halt so we can get

rid of chlamydia. It'll be like the rapture, but for Wiener disease. Is that what you're saying? We got three and a half billion dicks. We got three and a half billion vaginas. Let's just get them all peeped at the same moment in time. And then where did all of our diseases go? Where's, I don't know where my chlamydia went. And by my chlamydia, I mean the earth's chlamydia, it's gone. Okay, but real quick, just brain teaser here. Okay. Who checks the checkers? They check each other. They check each other. What are you, I think here's the, one of the infrastructure issues you're going to run into here is that you got to already have a lot of beautiful people getting treated for chlamydia all at once. And they are, there's going to be a line

of other people waiting. Oh, no. Yeah, they're going to re hook up in that they're going to go to the coat check room at the hospital, at the hospital, the coat check room, the coat check room, the champagne room, the lab coat check room. Uh-huh. And they're going to, they're going to hook up. Hey, quick side note, not to derail us too much. Did you know that doctors sometimes prescribe beer? No. They have prescription beer at the hospital. Like if you're alcohol, you're fucked with me. They don't want you to have like the DTs there, you know, why you're, why you're getting treated for something else. So they have prescription beer. Is it in GD 64? They will like prescribe you a cold one. Oh, it's got to be the war. It's got to be like schlitz, like he needs 30 seasons of schlitz.

Shasta beer. This is Fego beer, like beer. Um, but yeah, I proceed, that's only going to help fuel the chlamydia day fuck party. Oh, yeah. Right. They're going to open all the prescription beers and they're going to get crazy. So what you, what, what we've established here is that by trying to cure chlamydia, we create a perfect storm. Ground zero of white, white squall of, of peepee diseases. Yeah. Uh-huh. To the point where it like becomes corporeal and takes human form. Oh, gross. Like Mr. Yuck. Like, and then you've got to call the ghost muskers. Exactly. Obviously. Obviously. Guys, what kind of world do you live in? Let me ask, there's two worlds that we can live in. You can, you can decide. Um, one. I don't want to be in the one with the

man made of chlamydia. Well, option A. Do we want a world with a, like a Golgotha-esque demon made of, of venereal diseases? Or do we want to live in a world where super gonorrhea is a thing that anyone can get at any time for sitting on the wrong toilet seat? That's a, that's a, that's a really, when you, when you make it the point like that, it seems a lot more compelling actually. You can stay away from the Golgotha-esque demon. You can stay away from him. Yeah. The good thing about the demon is that it gives us something concrete to fight. You know, so, so often you have people say it's time for us to fight AIDS, but now it'll be like no really. Oh, if you could like fisticust, just like go round and round with

AIDS, get a gun, hide behind the sandbags and help us fight the AIDS. Do you hear about, do you hear about Jim? Oh no, what? Totally took out AIDS the other day. Yeah. What a single handedly. Beat the ever loving shit out of it. Way to go. I'm uncomfortable with this question, but I didn't know diseases can become super diseases if we let them go unchecked. Like that's horrifying. Oh yeah. Yeah. Well, in our over reliance on antibiotics, we'll make a lot of things untreatable. As in they evolve. Yeah. Well, do you know what we can do? Like Pokemon. Do you know what we can do is catch them all? No, you know what we can do is get everybody to go to the hospital on the same day and then just cure them. Let's do another Yahoo. Okay. This is

the questions, of course, that we've taken from the Yahoo answer service. Stolen. Stolen-ish and purloined and our answering them. Dragooned. How about this one? This one was sent by Elizabeth Clevin. Thank you, Elizabeth. It's by Yahoo answers user Haley Judd, who asks, do you think it's a bad idea to name your kids after characters of your favorite movie? I really want to name my future kids after Harry Potter characters, but not too overbearing. I was thinking names like Ivana Luna, Aiden James, Hermione Evelyn or Evelyn Hermione, Lily Charlotte. What do you think? If you're Harry Potter fans, add some of your opinions of names, polls. Okay, I like Harry Potter. Don't fucking do that. This is my son Cookshanks Dobby. Yeah,

this is, this is Dobby Cookshanks. This is my son punching right in the balls in, throw me in a loft. This is my son uninvited to every party ever. This is my son fart in my mouth in gym class. This is my son getting jacked on PCP and threw himself out of bedroom window. He's had a rough life. It's maybe dates back to time to pinpoint the exact moment, but it's probably when I decided to name him Hagrid, uh, Bernie Botz, Every Flavor Beans. Hi, I'm, um, I'm Steven Voldemort and I would appreciate it if you, if you just stop bullying me just constantly. And if you do not mind, please stop saying my name. It's disrespectful.

It is troubling. Sorry, I'm not better at sports, but. And please, it's Steve, he who shall not be named. I'm Steven. He who shall not be named. He who shall not be kissed. He who shall not be invited. Don't ever. He who shall not be successful. Don't ever do this. Don't do this thing. Don't do this thing that you're saying. This thing you've said. Don't do this. Haley, don't do this thing because for the reasons that we've just outlined and also Harry Potter's a book, not a movie. You dummy. I mean, it's also a movie, but it was a book first. And thirdly, there's so many other better movie names that you can use.

Sure. I mean, Condor Man. It's right there. Condor Man. T-Rex from Jurassic Park. Yeah. It's my favorite character. I mean, you could pretty much go any direction. This is, this is my son, Val Kilmer Batman. Yeah. You have to be so specific. Yeah. You really do want to be, you don't want it to be George Clooney. You just swar them around with the swarviness as that Batman. You want that Val Kilmer Batman. That's a recipe for success. No Nipple Batman. It's the best Batman. It's the only Batman. The only Batman. What other thing, if you name your kid like Hermione anything, like, who do you think you're fooling? Like, isn't going to go, Oh, Harry Potter. And you'd be like, no, no, no. No,

I was way into that name before Harry Potter came out. So the promise you might be able to extract a name that would work for you, but you would have to get to make it a name that's not immediately identifiable as a Harry Potter name. You'd have to get so deep catalog that I think the effect would be lost. Yeah. Don't definitely don't name your offspring Hogwarts, because that's not an attractive name. Also, I think that tomorrow everybody should go to the hospital at the same time so we can finally cure Hogwarts. I have warts just up and down my hog. It is a bad scene. It is a bad scene down there. Up until two weeks ago, almost all my meals were provided either by my loving parents or the surprisingly excellent dining facilities at

my university. Now, however, I've been living in an apartment for the past two weeks. And in that time, practically all I've managed to put into my body is an embarrassing amount of delivery pizza and chain restaurant burritos. And fuck, I'm hungry. I'm sick and tired of this. And I need new things to eat. What should I do to broaden my palate? That's from culinary child. This is, this is, oh man, God, your first two or three years out of college, you're going to eat like an asshole, man. I ate like a fucking, I ate like a jerk. All I do is eat bacon and drink orange soda. Griffin would, would come over to my house after he got out of college. He would come over to my house sometimes and he would have things that were like, he would have bags from

fast food places that were so scrawny around. I didn't even know they really existed. Like, like those places you see, like, but no one ever actually eats there. Like, did you get a frost top? What are you doing? Chompers? That's not even, that's not even a restaurant. Who goes to Chompers? Griffin, where the fuck did you find a racks? Not only that, but I mean, I ate a lot of ramen. I would put hot dogs in the ramen and be like, oh yeah, protein. What's up? It's such a bad scene. You got to, you got to do that though. You got to learn. You got to be carefully taught. The, the two things that I can actually recommend is one, find yourself a, a, a cooking guru to, to, to use a popular phrase.

Is it popular? Or somebody on TV or who writes books that is sort of at your skill level because there's different, you know, different people are sort of doing, you know, different television shows, different books are at a different level. I like Out in Brown a lot. You can get on board with him. And there's another guy, his name's the cooking guy, Sam Zien, I think, Z-I-E-N. And just start making some of the stuff that looks the easiest and, and you build from there. If you vote, if you go to the store, there are countless books that are written to be easy that are like three ingredient meals and, you know, 10 minute meals, that kind of thing that are designed for people that are just starting out

and cooking and have no idea what they're doing. The only thing is to be prepared that it takes some forethought to do any kind of like cooking meals where you can't just throw a frozen pizza in the oven. Like you need to make sure you have all the ingredients. Get on board before you're hungry. I mean, get the, get the wheel going before that. I actually prefer the culinary stylings of Paula Deen because she cooks and eats like she's, like she's gonna commit suicide later that day. Yeah, like, fuck this. Like, ah, fuck it. I'm gonna make a burger out of doughnuts. Fuck you and fuck me. She eats and cooks like her parents named her Severus Snape. She's ready to just wrap it up. And she drinks pudding pretty good. Out of a goblet. Yeah, so, so another good

one is find recipes for things that you like to eat at restaurants. You know, like a taste just like or, you know, copycat recipes, things like that, where you have something to weigh it against. Like, okay, I'm getting there because this tastes kind of like that thing I know I like. Do you guys have, do you guys have a meal that you, like your go-to meal that you are like super good at making? That was one of the first things you learned how to make? Like for real? Yeah. You could do, it's pretty easy, like Italian sausage and like chopped up, you know, bell peppers and some Parmesan cheese and noodles. And like you make like a pasta dish. And it's like four ingredients. It's really, really easy. That's a good one. I make a, you boys have had it. They're like

Chimmy Ritos. Like half chimichang and half Paritos. Make them the other way. Remember that? That's good. If you want that recipe, I'll make sure I get in touch. Actually, I stole that from Sam Zee and the cooking guys. So, track him down. My jam is bacon wrapped dates. Super easy to make. I mean, you can't eat it for a meal, but you can make it for a party and roll up to it. Like, what's up? Who brought this food? And be like, I made it. Did you really do that? Yeah. That's pretty cool. We had it up there that one time with Jordan and Jesse. Jesse was like, oh, you can make those. And then I made it. It's like, you can just make them. This isn't very funny, but it's. No, it's true. Everybody make bacon wrapped dates. They're going to blow your mouth.

Do you know how I got started cooking? I got started and it's kind of cheesy and funny, but this book called A Man a Can and a Plan. You've talked about it before on this show. Yeah. And it's, and you can make it with like three canned ingredients, you know, and then I got started and I got started on that in college and making everything else, you know, but my advice right now is go to the store and just kind of walk the aisles and look for things that look interesting to you. And if you're like, ooh, maybe a pasta dish night and then go to the internet and look up different pasta recipes, you know, find something where you like don't get that recipe off Yahoo. No, no, take your sister's hair and then you can, you can go to allrecipes.com.

That's the one I normally use. I have my own, I have an account there and I have a little digital recipe box where I put all my jams, all my hot jams. Have you unlocked enough food points to get any cool avatars? Yes. All I do is browse recipes and give people comments, helpful comments like too much pepper. I unlocked the Mario Batali mustache yesterday and that really lets people know what level of cooking skill I'm working with. Listen, if I want to eat this week, I'm going to need some money and to do that, to buy the food with the money, I need to go to the money. Travis, who's driving this car? Well, first, Joanna would like to wish her boyfriend Robert

happy, belated birthday. They've been together four years. She's a biomedical engineer technologist and he just finished a web page design course. He's going to be 24. They both love video games. Oh, he's also a guitarist and they live in Newfoundland, Canada. So is he a birthday our neighbors to the north? Is he a shredder or a plucker? Does it say? He's a shred plucker. Plucker That can't always make sense. I don't know if you could combine plucker and shredder for a long enough. It would be some pretty righteous profanity. It was playing her out in my mouth. I was like, I don't know what I'm going to put out of here. Shrug her. Newfoundland is, of course, where Great Big C is from, or fine band. Oh, yes. Okay. So if you say hi, see them,

just say hi. Jesse Wilson wants to congratulate Jordy Hoyt and Jill Krulik. Was that good? No, it wasn't very good. Krulik? Krulik. Growler. Jill Hermione. Oh my God, they got married on Saturday. Oh, yeah. Talk about recent. Jordy is a programmer at Amazon. Jill's a scientist and they got cats and Jill loves squirrels and Jordy loves beer and their cats loves when squirrels drink a beer. I made that last one up, but they were roommates originally and then they fell in love. Aw. Yeah. But they said they started liking each other. But when I read it, initially it said they started killing each other. That's not what happened. It's like, oh, they have a Mr. and Mrs. Smith thing going on. That's adorable.

So congratulations to Jordy and Jill. Oh, and one more. Tim Harrison is one of Andy Turino's closest friends and it's his 23rd birthday on July 19th. Tim's awesome. He got a job at Formspring. He introduced Andy to our show, this program, and they're both maximum fund donors, which we love, and it's Tim's birthday. It was Tim's birthday. It was Tim's birthday. We missed it by about a week. Sorry, Tim. Do my best. Do my best on the program. When Tim met Andy, it was in primary school. I don't understand what that means. Well, it was like, you know, a wizard school works. Yeah, okay. Tim met Andy and the first words he said to him were, you have holes in your brain, which I think scared the shit out of Andy. Yeah. Holy shit.

Was that a quantum leap reference? I hope so. I hope this friendship is founded on the back of Dr. Samuel Beckett. Oh, you have Swiss cheese brain. You have Swiss cheese memory. Oh, with America's treasure, Scott Bakula. Thank you. Thank you, Scott Bakula. Thank you, Scott Bakula. Thank you, Money Zone. Thank you, Andy and Jesse and Joanna. You guys are the best. Give us a map, Scott. Also, a quick, quick correction. We fucked up last week. We goofed it pretty hard. You may remember the plight of Kim, who was honored in a message by Hayden. I said that Kim was a speech therapist and also in law school, and then I commented on how she was doing too many things with her life and how she needs to settle down, girlfriend. Turns out that Kim is a speech therapist and Hayden

is in law school. She's just super lazy, I guess, and can only handle one thing at a time. So we're marginally less impressed with her than we were last week. More impressively. We are completely comfortable saying when Griffin was wrong. Yeah, I was super wrong and I'm so sorry, and please forgive me. But hey, I want an upward. I recently moved. Hey, wait a second. What? Ah, motherfucker. I can't do it. I don't got my geek. Joe Annelos Robert. Robert loves data and design and web page design. Jordy works at Amazon. Jill is a scientist. They love their cats, I guess. Hey, Andy. Hey, Tim. Did you fall in love? You didn't. You fell in friend.

This song just got bought by John Cooke or Mellon Camp. He said it's like one of his. He said, just so it doesn't rhyme, doesn't need to rhyme when it's about America. Capturing the American dream. I'm sorry, Kim and Hayden and America and John Cooke or Mellon Camp. Thanks. He listens, you know. Yeah, he's a big fan. So I recently moved into a part with two other wonderful people and trying to come up with a name to refer to it as the ranch, the old place, but nothing is really stuck. My roommate, my roommate and me are getting desperate. Help us. That's from Tom. I think that the ranch and the old place and like the commune and stuff, that's pretty cool. But let me pitch this. What about like an old timey southern plantation name?

Oh, wow. Like if you call that like Bel Rouge. Oh, my God. I love that. Listen, none of us. This is my home, La Croix. In our lifetimes. The main point here is that the reason for naming a place is that it's easier to lure members of the opposite sex or same sex, if that's your bag, into it without it sounding like, let me come to the place where I sleep and make duties and showers. I think it's important that this place sounds safe. Safe. Don't go with, do not go with the kill cube. Whatever you do, avoid the honey trap. Yeah. Welcome to my layer. Welcome to the, let's head back to the layer. Ooh. The fortress of Bonatude. That's bad. Pussy torture zone is awful. Don't throw it that one. Yeah. Chuckie cheeses. You can keep the government off your tail

by calling it something that is already prominent. Like if you say the library or something. Can I see that word? Or McDonald's. Ooh, what if you just call it like the church of the divine light? Oh, shit. Yeah. Very clever. Kids camp. Great. Come on. I'm going to make love to you at kids camp. What's that with a Z? Ooh, call it space camp. Everybody wants to go to space camp. I think space camp is probably the best name. And then you can make like all kinds of like, and I'm going to take you out of this world. Yeah. I'm about ready to launch. Houston, we have a, Houston, we have a problem. The problem is that I already launched. That's my bad. That's on me Houston. You could get a console set up like a whole. Oh yeah. Lots of knobs and switches in there.

I love that. And then pretend like you're talking to Houston just constantly. Yeah. T minus nine, eight, seven. Yeah, these are all. This is all going to work out super well. Yeah, this is going to be great. Listen, NASA has discontinued its shuttle program. We've got to have somewhere to go from here. The dream of interplanetary exploration is alive in my bedroom. So come, come let us extend our national dream of traveling through the stars as I make brief love to you. And then later, I make you something from the kitchen, which we call the galley. We call the galley, technically speaking. Can we just name the house a person's name and then have it sort of be a character in their story?

Like this is Steve the house. This is Dennis. This is my house, Dennis. It's very spacious. I live in here. And then you pretend like it's like haunted and you talk to it and like Dennis, it's cold in here. Wait, is Dennis your butler? Well, it's more like a house spirit. Dennis, your spirit has, your ectoplasm has given me a chill. How can you ever move though? Yeah, you leave Dennis behind. You've got to burn it down. Dennis, as with all friendships, when you have to leave one of your friends, you must kill them. If I can't have you know I can, Dennis. Is it, was Dennis the name of the house? I forgot. Dennis is the name of the house. And it's going to be awkward because every time you walk into or

out of the house, it's like Dennis is either eating you or throwing you up. And don't go in the back door. Hey, hey, listen, I've had a great time talking with you tonight. I'd like this to continue. Do you want to crawl inside my friend Dennis's mouth and have sex? Can we go in and out of the back door repeatedly and have sex with our house, Dennis? For Dennis sake. Why are you trying to have sex with the house, Dennis? Why can't, why can't we not just at once have a question that's about houses that have names? Yeah, like, why does it always have to have to turn so pornographic? You guys ever seen the monster house? Uh-huh. It'd be like that. It wouldn't, though. I mean, if you think about it, it wouldn't

be like that at all. Have you guys ever seen the movie, The Money Trap, starring Tom Hanks? You're thinking of The Honey Trap. The Money Pit, you mean? The Money Trap pit. The Money Trap pit. Are you thinking they should name the house The Money Pit? Can they name it? Scott Bakula. Can they name the house Scott Bakula? This is my house. America's Treasury Scott Bakula. Scott Bakula. I live in him. I live inside Scott Bakula. Can we take it to the next level? Okay. Can the three of you, assuming you're not on a long lease, that you would be penalized for leaving, can you just go live inside of Scott Bakula? Like inner space style? Like inner space style

live in his guts. Are you saying they need to invent shrinking technology? Shrink technology. Where do you live? Just send that letter straight to Scott, just PO Box Scott. And I've attached some notes and stuff to his eyeballs so I can read it too. Don't read my mail, Scott. That's weird. All these letters just keep getting mailed to me, but it just says Scott on it. Oh, that's mine. Just eat the letter. I'll get it. If I can control Scott Bakula's body from the inside, starting inner space, quantum leap to day one. You guys don't even know. Leap it again. You're like, oh boy, here I go again. Tiny people in my body making me make this poor decision.

Scott Bakula's manager would get a call and he said, hi, is this a manager? Yes. This is definitely Scott Bakula. These definitely aren't people inside of Scott Bakula. So wait, wait, wait. This is gone from living in Scott Bakula to controlling it like meat Dave style. Yeah. Like your inside Scott Bakula's head piloting. That's where we're at. Just keep up. Exactly. That's exactly the situation. Can you put me on a TV show? What kind? You know how we've been itching to start on quantum leap to the sequel to a TV show? That thing that of course people do all the time. If they're bringing back talents, can't they bring back? I mean, they're bringing back. I'm willing to bet they wouldn't call it

quantum leap too. I think they could just call it quantum leap. Quantum leap colon some more. As everyone knows, he took a brief sabbatical and never returned home. He's still out there leaping. He is. That show had a very ambiguous ending. I'm saying it's up to us to shrink ourselves. So Lipton Scott Bakula's body and control him to create quantum leap too. Still leaping. Yep. Leaped again. How much money? How much salary do you want me to push for, Scott? Just the regular, regular amount. However much I normally get from shows. Can we three times that money? Can we triple it and then split it with your and then shrink it? I got a lot of mini mouths to feed. I have mini mouths to feed. I mean, by which I mean tiny mouths. Can we make Scott Bakula

giant so that we don't have to shrink down? We just blow up Scott Bakula. Oh my God. You guys have just set up a reality where we can have a battle between giant Scott Bakula and giant gonorrhea. Waging a war. Like laser shooting out of his eyes. He's leaping. Although I don't know why he would have laser technology. He's just big Scott Bakula. Well, you know, bigger. Why not? I mean, if you're going to shoot for the stars, shoot for the stars. Yeah. Don't limit yourself here. We got a dream big. So we're all going to go to Scott Bakula, get inside him at once. And what if we just gave Scott Bakula the antibodies to fight gonorrhea and then it would just live in you would live inside him and be cured. Okay. So he's like an incubator.

He's like a water slide is what you're saying. Like every every person on earth would have to go through Scott Bakula's body and then they would be free of diseases. I don't understand what you're saying. Yeah. Scott Bakula needs to eat everybody. Giant Scott Bakula. Not regular Scott Bakula. So to answer your question about what to name your apartment, Scott Bakula should eat everybody in the world. Glad that we could help with that one. No. Giant Scott Bakula should eat everybody. Sorry. I meant to say giant Scott Bakula. If if regular Scott Bakula eats people, he's a he's hand-elected. Oh, and then so he absorbs all the gonorrhea and then flies into space and explodes saving everyone on earth but sacrificing himself. This rain is really weird.

It smells like Scott Bakula and gonorrhea in a rain form. Why did we come out today? Let's stop this game of catch. I'm over it. Let's do a Yahoo. All right. This one was sent in by Joseph Hennessey. It's by Yahoo Answers user Ryan who asks, how can I successfully become a creepy person? Hi, I would like to become a creepy person, not just to the eyes of one other, but for everybody. What procedures should I follow in order to become an effectist creepy person? Thanks. What? Excuse me? I feel like getting on Yahoo Answers is a good first step in the right direction. You are a fucking halfway there. Are you kidding me? I think that beginning your Yahoo Answers question with hello is a good

step to hello internet. Hi. I know in particular. It's me. Talk like that. That's good. There's a the best answer I was voted by by Yahoo Answers users is their username is just period. It's just one period and they said, never frown even when you're sad because you never know who's falling in love with your smile. So basically just do that. Like basically just do what that person just did and said to you. Say those things to people in that exact order. The secret to being a creep is to imagine a reality in which Paul Giamatti has no acting talent. And if you could act like that, like like Paul Giamatti, but without the redeeming quality of his his wonderful acting, that's okay for a second. I thought that you were just saying if you want to be a creepy person,

the attitude that someone would have if Paul Giamatti didn't have any acting. Yeah, Paul Giamatti had never acted. Paul Giamatti sucks at acting. Oh, that guy's you're such a creep for saying that. I thought that that was what you were saying at first. No, no, I hate Paul Giamatti. Oh, get out of here. Get out of here. Oh, I thought you were talking like an alternate reality kind of circumstance where if we lived in a world where Paul Giamatti didn't have any acting ability. Oh shit. Or he just never tried it. Yeah, that's fucking that's fucking f1. Listen, giant Sam Beckett, Paul Giamatti is never going to act. You've got a convincing to go to the audition. And then Oh God.

Sorry. Let's stop the show. Oh, shit. Here's the thing. If you ever see me in person, just walk up to me and say giant Scott Macula and I'll start. I promise you I will always find that idea entertaining. You know what the worst part about doing the show is? I'm going to have to walk out my office door and I'm going to walk into a world where there isn't a giant Scott Macula and here in this fear. Can we stay in this dreamscape forever? Well, listen, we thank you for coming into this dreamscape with us. We were so happy to have you and so happy that you guys have stuck with us.

If you get a second, tell somebody, you know, say, Hey, listen, this show is going to start slow and then at the end, it's going to really go on a journey. So I need you to go on it with me because I can't do this alone. I'm afraid. And share the show, share the show, which I mean if you know Scott Macula, can you, can you try and get them on board? Because I feel like we had some pretty good ideas for him. Some real advances we want to make to his career. I think we're really going to turn this over. We're really going to blow them up. And then we're going to blow them up. And they're going to blow up his cell because God, everybody wants a piece of him and they can. He's large enough that they can get a sliver. This is my chunk of the Berlin wall

and this is my chunk of Scott Macula that I took. This is my glowing piece of that radical rock. This is my piece of the aggregate. Your mantle is fucking weird, man. It's so weird, man. So, dude. Got some weird ass Choskies up in here. If you go to maximumfund.org forward slash Jumbotron, you can do just like Joanna and Jesse and Andy did and say something to a friend, corporations. If you're, if you've got a business you want us to plug, we do that too. We got forums. It's also at maximumfund.org. As long as you're there, you can check it out. If you want to send us a question, a question or a Yahoo question, our email is mbmbam at gmail.com. You can just choose one there. Or mbmbam at maximumfund.org. Yes. Either one works.

Thank you so much to John Roderick and the Long Winners for letting us use the song. It's a departure as our theme song. It's on the album, it's on the album, Putting the Days to Bed, which no joke is a fucking phenomenal album and everybody should buy it. Say thanks to, John Roderick is just at John Roderick on Twitter, so say thanks to him. Say, hey. Hey, you rock really good. You rock so right. I see on here that isolated in Indianapolis, Oasis of Cheesecake, is this accurate? Yeah, she let us know that, you know, we talked last week directly to her boyfriend and told him to move. And then she, I think, made the mistake of listening to the episode with him and now he is moving to Indianapolis to be with her and she informed us

that her cheesecakes are, in fact, amazing. So in my opinion, she owes us, but more specifically, me a cheesecake. The good news is we helped save this relationship. The bad news is that someone did one of the things we told them to do. Yes. Which we cannot stress enough. You really should not do that. Unless you are Scott Bakula. Speaking of which, thanks to Bob Ball who does our intro. Thank you, Bob. We love him. I went to Red Lobster with Bob this week. How would you get? Cheese rolls? What? Do you get some of those cheese rolls? Do you end the shrimp? What do you eat? Do you end the shrimp? A day with a Red Lobster is without cheddar bay. What's the point? Are we talking scampi?

We're talking fries. I did a little bit of both, you know. Very nice. So thanks to everybody. We love it when you tweet about the show on Twitter, which seems like the best place to put tweets. Just use the MBMA hashtag. People are... The best thing about it is when people don't tweet anything about the show, just something that's going on in their life, and then put the MBMA hashtag for some reason. I like that though. I like that. Just keep it going. Share the show with people. And hey, if you're telling somebody about it or if you're tweeting about it, put a link to our sampler. It's bit.ly forward slash it's mobim bam. So do that. Thank you, everybody. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. We love you. Griffin.

This is finally Yahoo! was sent in by gollyayolly. Thank you, golly. It's by Yahoo! AnswersUser question mark who asks, did you ever guest star on The Golden Girls? I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, and me. Kiss your dad. Here are the lips.