My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 645: Pawn Time Boys

Episode Date: January 30, 2023

If we've learned anything from the dozens of Munch Squad reports, anything at all, it's that someone on this planet has the world's biggest pizza living inside of them, and we have to find them.Suggested talking points: Bank of America with Me and P!nk, Wart, Doggus, and Biff Stewart, Corrections Count as Engagement, Sad Papaw is Down, That's a Lot of Oregano!RAICES: https://www.raicestexas.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? To a precious friendship I could've never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach My life, it feels like

It's better, it's better with you My life, it's better, it's better with you This is true, it's better, it's better with you My life, it's better with you Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me, and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your maleest brother, Travis McElroy. Did you mean to say hello?

I didn't like that. I didn't mean to say hello, but it skipped out. It was bad for me. I'm Griffin McElroy, and I want the audience to know it's bad for me when you say it. It was bad for me too. I have a question for you guys. I was listening to the newest track by the artist Pink, titled I'm Never Gonna Not Dance Again. First of all, I just think a lot of Pink songs lately have been about people trying to stop her from having fun. Who's doing this to Pink?

At this point in her career, who is going to Pink and saying, Pink, you're having too much fun? You're living your life too out loud. I do it on the weekends, and I assume there's other people who do it during the working week. But if it's just me doing it to Pink on the weekends, and it seems like she has five days a week where she could be dancing. But the weekend is when she's going to get the most dancing done, Griffin. Yeah, the funnest dancing. If anything, you should be stopping her from doing the dancing on the week when she needs to get her work done. Weekdays are for getting stuff done and working and stuff, right?

Well, weekends, that's when she can cut loose and never not dance again. Right, but the only issue is that I'm also busy on the weekdays. And keeping Pink from having fun and dancing and having a good time with her friends is a lot of work, guys. It's a lot, a lot, a lot of work. And it's nothing like the way I do it's not gross or bad in any way. Yeah, very respectful. It's a super respectful way of doing it. And we've sort of developed kind of a friendship.

Oh, yeah. Like killing Eve. Is it maybe like a mutual respect kind of deal? It's a lot like killing Eve, except no sort of erotic tension to speak of whatsoever. You really can't stress this enough. How normal. So deeply normal the relationship and friendship I have with Pink. It's just that on Saturdays and Sundays, those are kind of, I call them our days.

And so, yeah, I can't speak for Monday through Friday again. I think she's got plenty of opportunities, but the weekends are our days, me and Pink. Griffin, I'm curious how this got started. Like what's your motivation for stopping Pink from having fun and dancing with her friends? We were at the bank. Oh. We were at the bank. On a Saturday?

We were at the bank of a, no, this was a weekday. Wait, was it Bank of America? Yeah. Bank of America with me and Pink. Which branch? Which branch? Where you got that? Well, I was traveling, so I was in La La Land.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. And so I was traveling and I needed a deposit, a check. And we were both at the counter, like doing our little deposit form at the same time. And when she signed the thing, I noticed she even in her like signature for checks and business and stuff, still use the exclamation point as a I. Yeah, that seems unlikely. And so I was like, first of all, I love your music.

The way that you've sort of modernized that rock and roll sound, it has really informed a lot of my tastes moving forward. But that's too much fun you're having there with the exclamation point. This is a place of business. And then we got into a pretty heated argument. Wow. Yeah, from the Bank of America. And then, yeah, I forget sort of the rest of the stuff that happened, but now I keep

her from having fun on Saturday and Sunday nights. So is it a punishment thing? No. I thought, OK, so this is like a life coach kind of deal? That's probably how I describe it. And I think she would too. Like we've talked about it before. We've had lots of talks.

In sessions. What do you tell her about the week days? Like what kind of guidance do you like? I tell her those are her days and they're my days. I feel like you guys are thinking about this a lot from the perspective of pain. What is she doing for it? What accountability, I guess, is she bringing to your life? Is this music?

I mean, she's not partying on the weekends. That's all I need from her. That's the extent of. Why does it bother you so much? What is your problem with pain? It doesn't bother me. Stop. OK, again, you are seeing this solely from the perspective of pain.

What is that partying on the weekends? I think Justin, you and I started this imagining that this was punitive. But now it sounds more and more like I'd say protective. You're not fucking getting it and you're my brothers. OK, stop yapping. I'm on your side of this. You're not on my side. Stop yapping for a fucking second and listen.

Griffin, I want to support this. It's not adding up. You guys here. Start over. No. You guys here. Oh, Griffin keeps pink from having fun on the weekends. How poor pink.

It's not bad for pink. Yeah. But guys, guys, I'm also not. Do you think I want to do this? Wait, Griffin, is it protecting us? Like, what would happen if pink had fun? Yeah, it was just for. Is there collateral damage I'm not aware of?

I got to turn my fucking mic down because y'all got me screaming because I'm hopping mad. Yeah. Who are you protecting? I mean, why are you doing it? What? Was she parting too much? She asked you to help her? Is what the three of us are doing right now work?

Would you describe us? Would you describe us as hard workers? Yeah. Okay. What are you guys doing? What are you guys doing? Hey, hey, Justin Travis, what do you guys do on the weekends? I rest.

I rest because it is hard work. I need to rebuild my bones and stuff. Yeah. Usually a lot of laundry. Okay. And there's usually some kids' birthday parties we got to take them to. That kind of deal. But some repose, perhaps, moments of peace and relaxation and freedom to the health.

I definitely don't dance. I don't get that. I don't get to do that. Okay. Oh, because of the burden you've undertaken. Undertaken is one way of putting it. Yeah. It's a calling.

Yeah. Okay, but. Have you ever felt called to do something, Travis? Like by the Lord? Call what you want to call it, man. I think myself is more spiritual than religious, but. What do you and Pink do instead of party? It's not some, okay.

So that's a complicated question, right? Because you're assuming that. It didn't seem to, Travis, I don't know. You seemed actually pretty straightforward to me. It seemed pretty straightforward. Like what do you do instead of partying? You're assuming we hang out. Does she know you're there?

Yes. Okay. I mean, it's virtual. It's Zoom. COVID. At this point. COVID changed everything. Yeah.

It started in COVID. We both were like that day at the bank of America, they shut down the next day because of the. That was like the last. Yeah. That was the last day. That was the last day to do any banking. Telecommunication thing.

So I'll FaceTimer and I'll be like, Pink, what's up? And then like, I'll make it so that she basically can't get off the phone with me. Now Griffin, was this to keep her in isolation to stay healthy during COVID? No. It's not any kind of corrective. It's not any kind of, I'm not addressing a problem. I'm not punishing her. It's not like that.

Okay. I keep her from going. If you didn't do, okay. Let's say you don't do it this weekend. What happens? What's that look like? I guess. I guess she would get to go and have fun and dance.

And I could like rest with my family. Okay. Okay. But to be fair, whether it's Griffin's attention or not, if that did happen, what would Pink write songs about? If she's allowed to party and dance and have fun and no one's stopping her. What was she right about in a life without any restriction or strife? I get this.

One time I said, wouldn't it be fun if you kept me from going out and having fun on the weekend? And then she kind of laughed and then she never brought it up again. So I think she actually hated, she hated that idea a lot. Now, do you go out and have fun on the weekend, Griffin? Cause it sounds like you're working the weekend. Can we just move on? Try to understand what I was saying.

Yeah, you got it. Hey guys. I'm getting all flustered again. Hey, let's change subjects cause it's time once again for the sexiest, most ripped game show on four legs. That's right. It's Abnibals. Fuck yeah.

Who we got this week, Travis? Well, that's question number one, isn't it? According to Gawker, some say it was nothing more than a Ninja Turtles ripoff, but Shredder had nothing on the blanks. Sexy Nemesis, the Dark Queen. Oh, Battletoads. There it is. For a bonus point, Griffin, can you tell me which pop culture icon the Dark Queen was

styled after? Which pop culture icon the Dark Queen was styled after? God, I'd have to look at it. No. She came later. Share. Can I, may I look at a picture of the Dark Queen? Yes, you may.

That's my new podcast. That's actually how Griffin Googles every image request. May I look at a picture of Bruce Springsteen. Elvira? Elvira indeed. Oh, these are a lot more risque than I kind of anticipated. I wasn't sure. Hey, Google.

Hey, Net Nanny. I'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought it would be a little bit more chaste than this, Net Nanny. I have been presented with both sides of the Evil Queen's personality. This lady really runs the gamut. I'm going to close this tab real quick. Guys, my printer just printed out one page with a big red X on it.

I think Net Nanny gave me a strike. Oh, no. And keep in mind, this is made by Rare, who also made Conker's Bad Fur Day. So Rare. I'm not sure. They know what they like. No, for pushing that old envelope. Pushing the boundaries.

Okay, next question. The three battle toads are named after what? This is the easiest game in the world. And for an additional point, can you name all three? They are named. Do you know this, Justin? One's Wart. Nope.

No. One's Dog. Dogus? No. Wart, Dogus. Wart, Dogus, and Biff Stewart. Now, one of those is correct. May I?

No. May I? Yes. I know one of them is pimple. Correct. One of them is zit. Correct. Zits.

But we'll accept it. And I would not blemish. And it wasn't. I really thought Warwick was wonderful. Isn't that weird that it's not? Yeah. Is it rash? It is rash.

They're all named after skin conditions. Zits, the leader of the toads. He's a tactical genius and an economical fighter. Preferring fighting methods that allow him to conserve his strength. Pimple, the muscle of the toads. And prefers to fight instead of talk. And rashes the cool cat of the toads. He's an extrovert and a show-off and loves to crack puns.

Do you think Battletoads started as a sort of garage project of somebody who wanted to make another good Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sort of arcade fighter? Uh-huh. But what if they were like nude? 100%. Okay. Well, the turtles are nude, Griffin. They wear belts and bandana, but otherwise they...

Well, frogs are nude turtles, if you think, for a long time about it. Okay. I'd rather not, actually. So, this one, I mostly just want to include to list off his body of work. But can you name the composer of the music for Battletoads? Oh, shit. This man's career is in fucking credible. There's only...

Okay, okay. There's only a few that it could be. I'm going to guess Tommy Tallarico. Griffin, do you have a guess? If you don't get it, I'll list off some of the other credits and see if you guys can get it then. Uh, is it Bear McCreary? No. Here are some other credits.

This is just like a few. Those are the two that I know. Those are the only two. Okay, you know it. Here's just a few of this man's credits. And they range from 1987, Wizards and Warriors, Anticipation, Marble of Madness, Anticipation had the best music. Yes, right?

Marble of Madness, Donkey Kong Country, and all the subsequent Donkey Kong games, Super Smash Brothers Melee. Oh, is it David Wise? It's David Wise, all the way up to Ratchet and Clank, Rift Apart. Holy shit. Yeah. That was a machine. Crushing it. Been working consistently since 1987, and it's done like...

Justin, can you load up on your soundboard that song you were just doodling from the NES trivia game, Anticipation, please? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's maybe the freshest... This is not a video games podcast, but Travis has made it so for the next few moments. Anticipation was, I think, my favorite NES game. It was basically what? Like Wind Loser Draw, or what's it called? The Pick to Grand?

Pictionary? Pictionary. But an NES game, and the music was... Okay, you ready? Yeah. Poppin'. Oh my god, that little rest at the end, that little tease? So good.

Dang. So good. Okay, a couple more. The failed TV pilot of Battletoads shares two voiceover actors, Ian James Corlett and Scott McNeil, with the ocean dub of which hugely popular anime series. Ocean dub? Mm-hmm. I'm not sure what that means. Oh, can you guess a hugely popular anime series?

Dragon Ball Z? There it is. Dragon Ball Z. It was Dragon Ball Z. Now, for one bonus point each... Yes. I had a new... At lunch...

I went to box lunch. They had a My Hero Academia slow cooker. Oh, fuck yeah, cool. Cool. Cool. For a bonus point each, can you tell me what... Can you tell me what was the main character that each played? No.

Okay. So Ian James Corlett played Goku and Piccolo was Scott McNeil. Oh, I thought you're still... I thought you wanted me to guess which of the three Battletoads are them. No, no, no. Okay, fine. So huge things. Okay.

Welcome to the Battletoads... Welcome to the Battletoads' fucking anime countdown. Wasn't... But wasn't that like... That's fascinating. Okay. I'm interested, yes. In the Battletoads game, the three toads were originally human, but were turned into toads

while performing what job? Jerking off. Now Justin, that's a job? Justin's answer is right. They're fluffers. Now they might have been, but that was not... That was not your main to the game. They were surfers.

Griffin, what do you think? I think skaters. They were video game technicians and roommates. The trio tested the... I don't like... Wait, were they... Wait, no, no, no, wait. Were they big and strong before they got...

No. Fuck that. The trio tested the original Battletoads game by playing the game as the toads in a sort of virtual reality simulation. Wait a minute. Hold the phone. Yeah, right? Hold the phone.

Cool. Hold the fucking phone. Yes. They were... How could they play the Battletoads game if they hadn't made it? Yes, Justin. In the game, they were playing the game. Battletoads game and being the Battletoads.

Guys. And it made them Battletoads. They became suspicious of both their bosses and chief game programmer, Silas Volkmaier, and decided to investigate the office at night. Upon finding the video game unit turned on, they tested it to see if it had been tampered with. This was a trap. And they were transported to another planet, permanently transformed into the Battletoads.

That was the first... Who were they playing? They were playing Battletoads. But what? They couldn't be. Because they were the Battletoads. I know. It's all Battletoads.

The universe only exists because the Battletoads cycle continues. Yeah. Now, one last one. Beginning in 2000... Travis, you... That's like the third... You're like Colombo right now. That's your third last one.

This is the last one. One more thing about that. One more Battletoads question. Man. Man, if I could ask you one more thing about the Battletoads. I miss Dark Queen. Oh, one more thing. One more thing.

Beginning in 2011, a massive prank call onslaught was waged, centering around Battletoads and what popular reality TV show? GameStop. What? Oh, fucking... Fucking Pawn Boys. Pawn Time Boys. I'll give it to you.

Pawn Stars. Pawn Time Boys. Yeah. It began on 4chan and callers would repeatedly ask the employees of Pawn Stars, Golden Silver Pawn, if they sold Battletoads, which led to Rick Harrison, who's the star of Pawn Stars and owner of the story, to repeatedly swear and yell at customers. This was uploaded to YouTube. It was so popular that Rare paid tribute to them by having an achievement named Do You

Have Battletoads in their 2015 game compilation Rare Replay. All right. Fun. I guess we can all agree 4chan is good. Yeah. According to Rare, a big thumbs up from Rare. Okay. Can we help someone?

Yes, please. Just for a change. Just for a change of pace. I run a raccoon spotting Instagram at my university. I post pictures of raccoons around campus that I saw or that were submitted to me. How do I explain this to my family? The Instagram name of the format, which is university name plus raccoons was taken when I started.

So I use the internet term forbidden cats instead. The problem is I'm not getting many submissions or followers and I'm starting to think it's because everyone sends their raccoon pictures to the more aptly named account instead of mine because of the SEO. Brothers, how can I make my raccoon Instagram account first in my fellow students' minds preferably without changing the name? That's from a prosynoid chronicler in Canada. Things are really different to the North, it seems.

Makes me really happy that this is such an established pastime that there is an established format for how to name your Instagram account that documents raccoon sightings on the college campus. That's not some sort of tradition established by some secret society, that's just basic search engine optimization. I know, but I love it that they're like the basic format of university name and raccoon. I don't know if Marshall raccoons is taken, but because I don't know the name of this university, I'm going to use it as a stand in for our discussion.

What do you all think, what is Marshall raccoons? Sightings of raccoons are on campus. Does that mean somebody else is already doing it? Do you know what I mean? Are you the second? That's what they said. They said they think that people are sending it to the more popular version and they're wondering how this baby can beat the old man.

That's not what they said. What they said was that the name was taken. But then they say that the reason that they think they're not getting as many submissions because they think those submissions are going to the pre-established university name raccoon. Okay. There is a lot of great options then if you want to, I can think of 15 different great ways.

Go ahead, please. You could make your... Don't let us interrupt. Justin, please. Let's off all 15. We'll take a break. I'll drink coffee. Not 15, but like, you know, you know, a lot, nine or 10.

Okay, go ahead. Just as many as you could do. Okay. Capture all the raccoons. Okay. For yourself. Don't post pictures. No longer post pictures.

No, they only... You cornered the market. There's no other raccoons. Oh, yeah. You have all the raccoons. If someone sees a picture that has like 18 raccoons in it, they'll be like, whoa, this is clearly the superior nature photographer. CGI and Paul Rudd being kind to the raccoons.

Oh, yeah. That's a get. Use Photoshop to put Paul Rudd being kind to the raccoons into the photos. Now, that's going to be tough. Because the only documentation we have of Paul Rudd interacting with the raccoons right now is him being extremely rude to them. So you'll have to do some really specific show. That's why it's such a...

So surprising. And not mean, but just kind of cold shoulders to the office. Like he flipped one off on the set of Wet Hot American Summer. Yeah. It's like, why are you doing... Like no one else is doing... Look around. No one else is flipping off these raccoons, Paul.

You could pay Peter Parker to try to get some photographs of raccoons. I really appreciate all the oxygen you guys are giving me on this. I worried it would be a little bit worse, stressful, but you know. But then I watched your face, Justin, and I was like, what is this? My third one is that you dress one of the raccoons like Cake Boss. Oh, cool. Yeah. And then, but you don't, but you just find it like, whoa, isn't life weird?

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That could go either way though, because you could also just dress a raccoon like Cake Boss and let the other person take a picture of it. And then all the comments would be like, this, I don't want that. Like, this account used to be about sort of nature preservation.

This is, I'm uncomfortable with this. Right. Yes. Yes. And those are the ways that I can... I mean... Okay. Do you rate the raccoons?

Because that's very popular with dogs. That account did great. Yeah. Maybe yours is, that's engagement. Yeah. Yours is the judge your raccoon account. You could say wrong things about raccoons on there. Oh, that's gonna get a lot of me.

Like incorrect things, because that's, you know, corrections are still engagement. That is our mantra over macro family social media. Corrections are still engagement. Here's, oh, almost unassailable. Make up things about raccoon personalities, right? You don't need to know stone co-facts, but you can say like, and, you know, if you look at a raccoon the wrong way, it can lead to a raccoon being very standoffish and like bad mouthing you on like neighborhood watch apps.

Or even better, more direct and to the point, when you post a picture of a raccoon, you can be like, look out, this raccoon is a, this raccoon is a pervert. It's a perverted raccoon. Oh, I like that. Do not give this one any old stale hot dog buns. This guy sucks. What about you give all the raccoons tragic backstories? Like they're a Marvel superhero or DC superhero, right?

And it's like this raccoon was walking down a crime alley with spirits and people are like, wait, this is Batman. I'm like, yeah, exactly. That was a good idea. This is the raccoon Batman. You could list the food that you gave each raccoon, but don't be honest about it. Just say like, I threw him an open bag of onions because no matter what you feed that raccoon, I guarantee there's going to be a hundred people in the comments are like,

that's not the right thing to do. Don't do that. No. Don't do that. It might be one of those situations where you're not supposed to feed the raccoon because then they forget how to feed themselves and then they die like a few hours after you leave. But gosh dang it. I can't help it.

It looks like a little, little bandit. I feel like a raccoon who lives on a college campus has figured out how to feed themselves and it's by being a cute little bandit that gets food from college students. Yeah. Like that little raccoon. Yeah. That raccoon ain't hunting. Like, no, no, no, no.

He's eating all the stuff that all the stone people are dropping. Raccoons are important for me because I feel like they're the dividing line between animals that I'm going to get stressed about seeing in the wild. Oh, sure. You know what I mean? Absolutely. A raccoon, we're okay. Bigger than a raccoon, not loving it.

Not crazy about it. Seeing a raccoon, still kind of wild. Yes. Seeing a raccoon just running around. It's like, whoa, is there anybody else seeing this? One ran down my street a few nights ago. Impossible. Impossible.

Did you say a few minutes or a few months? A few nights ago. And I was like, Joe Biden lives here. There can't just be raccoons and coyotes and vultures. The president lives here. So if we can't keep them out of, like, we have some beautiful parks here in D.C., it's in my blood. But the president and vice president live in this city.

It's wild to me that a raccoon does too. My problem with raccoons is pretty anecdotal, but my problem is how much that the most I've ever been disrespected by an animal was by a raccoon. I remember this. The raccoon started going through, I was camping, tried to go through my trash, made myself big, shook my flashlight around, did like an oogie boogie kind of movement. A raccoon just like looked at me. Yeah.

Just diagnosed that I was a total beta and went right back to what he was doing. Sure. He flashed you his giant balls like in a Japanese painting. Yeah. Just huge ones. Yeah. You're nothing to me. You're fucking 10.

Oh, man. Oh, raccoons. Your nature is bad. First time I saw a raccoon, I saw it skidder across the street and then it jumped into the gutter and I was like, what the fuck are you doing now? We're trying something new. Things don't come back out of there, man. Stop it.

Don't go down there. We're subterranean now, baby. We've been in trees too long. You just change. You don't even know. You change your social strata. You're now like a different, this is a different world of raccoons. Next week on Abnomols, it's Zany Sewer Raccoons, Zany Jacked Teenage Sewer Raccoons.

All right, guys. Now we just need to figure out how to get in the sky. We've got them all. We've got all the trash there is, baby. If we whip our tail around real quick, we can fly, whoa, it's working. Travis, that's Tanuki's. Wow. Wow.

I'm thoroughly embarrassed. Let's go to the money zone. I'm not going to the post office today. You hear that, Todd? In defiance of Joseph Gordon-Biden and all of his friends at the post office, I'm not going today, but they're not losing my business. No, they're just losing opportunity to gawk at this beautiful, beautiful face because I'm going to use stamps.com.

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You can set your business up for success when you get started with stamps.com today. Sign up with promo code MyBrother for a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a digital scale for free. Yeah, man. No longer. It's real digital technology. This part's made it to a shut up. Just go to stamps.com, click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code MyBrother.

Don't get mad at us. Do you need to learn how to speak English like MyBrother? Then good news, this babble, babble. It's there for you. Listen, no jokes here. Fuck jokes. I'm so tired. I'm so bad.

Fuck jokes. I'm so tired of doing jokes. We're not doing jokes anymore because babble, well, it's fun, but it's serious because it's seriously going to help you whether you're trying to, you're going for new travel experiences, new jobs, or just picking up new skills, whatever it is, babble's going to help you learn a new language in 2023. That's a Travis McRoy guarantee, my friends, because they have fun and easy bite-sized language lessons.

You can feel confident no matter where the new year takes you, and you only need 10 minutes to complete one of these lessons. So it's not like you're going to take a whole day or whatever. You're not going to be sitting at a computer for hours and hours and hours. It's 10 minutes. And so you can have real-life conversations in a new language in as little as three weeks. And in addition to those lessons, you can access podcasts, games, videos, stories, even live classes, and it comes with a 20-day money-back guarantee.

So right now, get up to 55% off your subscription when you go to babble.com slash my brother. That's B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash my brother for up to 55% off your subscription. Babble, language for life. They can be anywhere, at your office, in your car, and they are wrong. My mom says that the Grey House didn't exist, but she's wrong. He just doesn't wrong. Someone in your life is wrong about something. Something small, something weird, something vitally important.

Only one person has the courage to tell them just how wrong they are. You know what you did was wrong, but your daughter is a liar who eats garbage. They call me Judge John Hodgman. Listen to me on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. If someone in your life is doing you wrong, don't just take it, take it to court. Submit your case at MaximumFun.org slash JJHO. So get excited about paperclips. Get thrilled about pigeons.

Get all psyched up and running around the room about the imperial system of weights and measurements. For real, there's whole episodes about that stuff. Hear them anytime and hear new episodes Mondays at MaximumFun.org. I have another question. Okay, I would love to do it. My dad has been cutting hair professionally for decades and I don't get to see him that often anymore. So when I need a haircut, I'll travel down to let him cut it and get in some quality

time. This all sounds great on paper, but he almost always takes off too much hair and it looks worse than when I cut it myself. Oh, no. Oh boy. Oh boy. How do I break up with my barber when he is also my dad without making it awkward? That's from holding on to my hair.

You can't. Next question. You can't. This one's too hard. It's too hard. No, it's not hard. It's not hard. There's no like dilemma here.

You're going to just have bad hair and that's because you have two options. Bad hair, sad dad. That's not that difficult for me. I think you go bad hair all day. Is there a way to have sad hair? No. Or bad dad. I don't want any of them.

I think maybe on this show, it would be helpful for us to start talking and thinking and acting more on the concept of acceptance rather than change. This is something that I've tried to do work on. You can make things worse in your brain if you're trying too hard to fix it or change it. But if you just accept, sometimes my hair looks bad, but my dad is usually a pretty happy guy. We have a good relationship.

Yeah. And hey, is it possible? Your dad has been cutting hair for decades. Maybe he does look good and you have no idea. Like you. If your dad was a doctor and removed your spleen, you wouldn't be like, I don't think you were going to remove my spleen the right way. He probably knows better than you.

Travis, you can say that, but you ever look pictures of olden days guy hair and they're like trying to pull it off, but it is pretty wild by anyone's standards. The things they used to do with bangs back in the 60s and 70s is war crimes and that's being done to a human being today. I don't like that. And I know you don't either, but you got to just sort of grin and bear it because that's your dad. What are you going to do to say, please change?

Is there a way to say, I want to try something a little different this time, leave it about a half inch longer. Okay. That's about the worst thing I think you can say. Okay. The way you've been, because you're telling them the way that you've been doing it is wrong. Could you practice it with a lot of like, and I know this is wild.

I know that this is really out there and there's a good chance it looks like absolute dog shit dad. I know this could look like vomit in the sun that's been there for three days, but let's leave it like a quarter to a half inch longer. Can you just every time he goes to take a snip, lean forward, just lean forward a half inch. Just please try this and still get it, no problem. So what was that?

Oh, sorry. What if you brought a flowbee with you and you're like, let's just try it. Yeah. What? Just for novelty's sake. I want to do a TikTok. I made my barber dad. Well, okay.

Hold on. Hold on. The TikTok is a good idea because if you're like, I've made my barber dad cry because I don't like my haircuts or like, get ready with me to fire my barber dad. Yeah, there you go. That's a good one. Then if it's too painful, you can be like, prank. Yeah.

It's for TikTok. It was a prank. Four chance I set it up for me. Four chance maybe. Four chance maybe fire you, but it was just a prank. I love my haircuts. Now this is going to take a little bit of some pre-planning, but what if you went in there, he finishes the haircut and then you lift off the helmet you've been wearing that your

hair was poking out of and that helmet lifted up the top of your head by about half an inch, right? So now it's a half inch longer and you never knew because you got a perfectly top of your head shaped helmet on. What do you guys think? Hi, I'm Travis McRae, sharks, and I'm looking for investors in head helmets. They look like heads, but they're helmets. What do you think sharks?

Can we have a brief moment of silence and contemplation? Because this reminded me a lot about Sad Poppa who made a dozen burgers for his six grandkids, but I'm the only one that showed up. Do you remember him? Yeah. Do you remember about him, Justin? Sad Poppa would make 12 burgers for his six grandkids, but I'm the only one that showed up.

There's a picture of him looking down at his burger and he looks really, really sad. And so I Googled that in the middle of all the flowy conversation and this guy's living the high life right now. He is, there's so many pictures of him eating burgers. He's got a shirt that I must own that says I ate a burger with Sad Poppa and there's a picture of him looking sad, holding a burger on it and I can't imagine how much he's raking in from these shirts. Can you imagine?

Can you imagine being a sad, a sad grandpa that you didn't get to spend your- The picture that he's referencing is taken in front of his six dirtbag grandkids. It couldn't be bothered to show up. The kids, the internet made villains. Wow. Yeah. You can, I mean, I guess all that is to say, if you do make a TikTok of you slamming your dad's haircut, business is going to fucking boom.

And I realize that's a sinister idea to put out into the ether, but I mean, the ends justify the means on this one, I think. Yeah. Money is way better than like having a happy dad. I agree, Griffin. SadPoppa.com is down. I regret to inform you all that SadPoppa is down. But not available?

Is that where you were checking? Oh, wait a minute. No. He spelled it P-A-P-A-W.com. That's chaotic. That's chaotic. That's very chaotic. Justin, you understand that when we were discussing a gentleman in his advanced years, and you

say a sentence like, SadPoppa is down, I remind you, SadPoppa is down, SadPoppa is down. Does anyone have eyes on backpack? SadPoppa is down. Somebody snagged that URL out from under him, and I was about to clown on him, but it's a meal delivery service, so on the off chance they ever want to advertise, I'm going to keep my fingers to myself. That's a good idea. They're from Australia, but you get me too careful on this economy.

Oh my God. Yes. I want a munch squad. I want to munch squad. Welcome to Munch Squad, the podcast within the podcast, profiling the latest and greatest of brand eating, and I have a few quick stories to share with you all, number one, Baskin Robbins has just announced a gender reveal cake. Good.

This year. This year. 2023, good. Yeah. Yeah. 2023. It's coming back around, man. They caught the vibe.

Not our vibe. Not this vibe. No, no, no. No, no, no. The whole other vibe. Yeah. That's weird. I think they've gotten sort of stuck in the riptide of this one, and they've gotten sort

of pulled under deep, deep, deep down into the ocean's belly. Pizza Hut and Air Rack create world's largest pizza. How big? Air Rack. Do you guys know Air Rack? It's Iraq. You're saying the country's so wrong. It's.

No. Air Rack is a popular content creator and YouTube star. Cool. And Pizza Hut teamed up to break the Guinness World Record title for the world's largest pizza. Can I guess? Can I guess? Can I guess?

The diameter? Wow. Fun. You wait till I get there and I'll see if I nail it. I don't know if I nail it. Okay. Until you hit it exactly. Oh.

It's to celebrate the return of Pizza Hut's iconic fan favorite pizza, The Big New Yorker, as well as Air Rack hitting 10 million subscribers. Okay. 10 million feet long. Following its creation, the pizza for the world's largest pizza was donated to several charities in Los Angeles, considering they made it on the ground. I'm sure they were. How big is this fucking pizza, Justin?

It sucks. You haven't told us yet. Well, can I tell you first one brief sidebar is that last week, Big Pizza Hut announced the Big New Yorker. Right. New York style pizza from the 1990s will be returning to menus. Yes. It was inspired by the spirit of New York.

You talked about this last week. Yeah, but I just want to remind everybody that it's got oregano seasoning on top, just like you would get an authentic New York pizzeria. Right. Now, the world's largest pizza, which featured a Big New Yorker recipe, had a surface area. That's a lot of oregano. Had a surface area. Sorry.

I just, I had to get my catchphrase in. It was really good, Trav. That one hit good. It had a surface area of nearly, what, how many square feet, 10 million? No. I'm going to. Do you know how stupid? Yeah.

Do you know? Do you know how purposefully stupid? It was 10 million feet long, but just a hair's width. Just the, just. I actually had to look it up because you said, I don't know, I was like, maybe it is 10 million inches wide. That's a, I don't know, it's 158 miles. Yeah.

I was like, I don't think. Okay. Now that was just for my, like you said, you did say inches, right? Yeah. So you're thinking that maybe it was 2000 square feet long. That's cool. It's a big pizza. Yeah.

Yeah. It's the world's biggest pizza. I'm going to say 40 feet. Okay. You're going to say 40 feet. Yeah. Travis, what do you think? And we're talking about square footage of the world's biggest pizza.

Oh wait. Square foot. I don't know how to do square footage. I think it was 40 feet wide. I need square footage. It's not anything wide. It's a round pizza. I'm going to say 500 square feet.

Oh, I got to do fucking 40 times 3.14 or whatever. Just say a number. 125 square feet. 125 square feet. What do you say, Travis? I said 500 square feet. Well, you're both dumb because it was 14,000 square feet. I'm going to show you.

I have an image here if you'd like to see. I can't wait. I have a picture of, there we go. There's Eric with the world's largest pizza. He looks so, I wish I could get that happy still. He looks super happy. And I just want to say, I know nothing about this gentleman. So if he's like bad or really good, either way is bad, I think, but you know, if he's

like really popular or everybody doesn't like him, I don't have any idea. So sorry. Do you think it's got to be thin crust, right? Just sort of economy of scale. I don't think it's going to be as thick. I think the big New Yorker is a thin crust pizza. So that's the recipe for sure. It's got 13,653 pounds of dough.

Good. How do they bake it? 630,000 regular and cupped pepperoni. Well, okay, now here's what I wanted to get to you guys about. The pizza was fully assembled, topped, and then baked in pieces on site at the Los Angeles Convention. No. No.

Right? No. Okay. If that's the case, guess what guys? I've eaten the world's biggest pizza in pieces throughout the course of my 35 years. I'm happy to announce I've eaten the world's biggest pizza. In many, many pieces. You could say we have made the world's biggest collection of several pizzas.

But if they're baked individually, that is not one big pizza that is not one big pizza. Thanks to my community, 2022 was a big year for our channel. And I promised them that we'd break this record if they helped me hit 10 million subscribers on YouTube. So here we are delivering on that promise. As Eric Decker, also known as Eric. To make it happen, we had to team up with the most iconic and my favorite pizza brand to show that no one out pizzas the hut, which to be fair to him was indeed content that

he created that series of words. Pizza Hut already holds again its world record title for the highest altitude pizza delivery on land. The pizza was delivered to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania in 2016 at an altitude of 19,341 feet. Now I don't want to quibble, but I do. When you said delivered, was there someone up there who ordered the pizza first and then waited for it to come?

Or are you saying someone carried the pizza up the mountain and then sat it down on top and left it there? Because that is not delivered, that is left. This is the highest altitude pizza left on earth, abandoned. I would also say they do clarify on land, which means that it's possible there is a highest altitude pizza delivery in the ocean, which seems unlikely considering what that means altitude wise. And then there's another category, if I'm understanding this correctly, for highest

altitude pizza delivery in air. Do you think that's ever happened? Because that would be a hell of a thing to see someone parachute out of one plane, holding a pizza is probably David Blaine, and he's like flying through and he lands in another plane and delivers the pizza. That's fucking cool. That would be cool. That is so wild that it's definitely been attempted before, right?

I'm already thinking about like, could they deliver a pizza, put somebody on a shuttle going to the International Space Station, deliver a pizza that way, and be like, this is the highest altitude pizza ever delivered, right? What about the lowest? What are we hearing right now? What am I hearing right now? Justin, what are you doing? Oh, no!

Oh, shit! That was so scary! Hello, boys. It's me. I'm Donald with a little jump scare. Yeah, I'll say. Try to keep things interesting on the bottom. Is that a new cape count, Donald?

Is that a new voice count, Donald? Thank you for not. This is how I've always been smoking. It's pretty low. I don't know why it's so breathy. I have a thrilling bit of news for you, boys. Krispy Kreme, which I love to say. I hope.

I can tell. You really made a meal of it. Krispy Kreme. I wouldn't be the first to make a meal of Krispy Kreme. Right. You know what? I'll go so far as to say I wouldn't be the first sad person to make a meal of Krispy Kreme.

Are you sad? Are you sad? What's wrong? Seasonal. Seasonal is what we get, man. The bulbs. Hey, count on. Real quick.

Turn your microphone. You're talking on the side of it. Yeah, you're talking on the side of it. Also, are you taking Vine and D supplements? Because that really has helped boost my mood. I assume we get about the same amount of sunlight. Okay. I'm hiding behind my cape.

It's UV proof. Good. Why didn't more vampires think about that? I know. Tell me about the donut. That's why we have the capes. Okay. Everyone asks.

It's a safety cape. I think. I thought it was what? Okay, now hold on. The security cape. It makes you feel safe. Now I'm curious. I thought always assumed.

Legally, I can have this cape, but Judge said this is my security cape, but legally. I can wear it anywhere I want. I always assume when you took the shape of a bat, you needed the cape to turn into wings because otherwise, like, what part of your body would it be? Arm pits. Thanks. Yeah, actually. The webbing that's in there spreads out.

My own webbing crawls to hilarious scale, and I swore to the end. Listen, Krispy Kreme, press release begins with a quote, we'll bounce back better than ever, Shaquille O'Neal, February 10th, 2021. Well, according to this release, the bounce has begun. Krispy Kreme and its partner Shaquille O'Neal announced today that construction of an all-new shop on the site of its historic Ponce de Leon location in Atlanta is underway. Nearly two years after the original shop built six decades ago was destroyed. Midtown Atlanta residents and visitors can look forward to this new 4,000 square foot

shop opening this summer. That's a big old Dunkin' Donuts. It's a really big Krispy Kreme. You know what I mean. It's almost as big as the world's biggest pizza. The shop will also pay homage to the brand's history serving the Atlanta community as well as the original shop, including a custom interior custom mural and plaque. The shop's design allows for an abundance of natural light.

Oh, that one, I'm so sorry, man. This is so cruel and enhanced in the last one, a cheery bright dining room, and this is the part that is too painful. A dining room and an enhanced doughnut theater experience. Wait, wow, that was unexpected. Now I was already thrown by the dining room because I don't know who's like, is dining in with doughnuts, but then a doughnut theater experience, you say? The doughnut theater experience at Krispy Kreme is when you watch them go on the little conveyor

belt and they get the icing and they look so scrumptious. Okay, I thought the employees were in addition to making the doughnuts. You're an infant. Okay, well, no, it's just exciting. It's called Shaq's shop. Wait, that's right. It's called Shaq's shop. It's not called Krispy Kreme.

Oh, it's Krispy Kreme, of course, but this is. Is it subtitled? Shaq. We've, we've struck about, well, no, this is Dave's channel, excuse me. We struck a balance of modernization and honoring the historical significance of our Pawn shop's location. We think our fans are going to love it, Dave's channel, Krispy Kreme Global Chief Brand Ambassador. The community has shown us so much support and patience as we designed the new shop.

We can't wait to be back with our guests sharing joy and serving delicious, fresh Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Also, Shaq is associated somehow. Shaq's in there too. So there's a quote from Shaq too. We're bouncing back better than I ever imagined, O'Neal said. I can't wait to turn on the hot light. It's going to light up the whole neighborhood.

Get ready, Pawns. Sounds threatening when Shaq says it. I, why, but how is it, Justin, I'm sorry. Is it just colloquially known as Shaq's shop or is that official branding? When you look on Google Maps, it will say the Krispy Kreme. When you walk in the door, there will be a small picture of Shaq. Hidden in the shop. You have to find.

Hidden in the shop. And underneath it will say, this is my shop, so you know. One issue I think with calling it the Shaq shop is that I just Googled Shaq shop and got Shaq shop HQ boutique shopping Shaquille O'Neal Shaq.com, Shaq Shoes, Walmart Supercenter, Shaquille O'Neal XLG, Men's Big and Tall Clothing, JC Penney, Shaq, Walmart, Shaquille O'Neal, Shaquille O'Neal Jersey's NBA store. Shaq, I wear. Guy will partner with any shop there is.

He made Shaq food. He is not above partnership. He won't make it. I have to respect Shaq though, because when he does a partnership, he doesn't just appear in an advertisement. He goes all in. Yeah, yeah. With Papa John's.

He gelatinous cubes over the thing. Papa John's is everyone, everyone hates us Shaq. Will you please be our new Shaq daddy? And he says yes, I will. I would be happy to. You will create a Shaqaroni, the Shaqaroni. And we're going to test out Papa Shaqs and see how everyone feels about that. We could just put you on to a billboard.

No. No. I want my brand to be inextricably linked to you and you're going to build a big ass one in Atlanta. And if you don't like it, fuck clean off. If you don't like it, talk to me. I'm the new general from the general saves the time guy. It's me now.

I killed the other general. I took it. I'm the fucking Borg. When I advertise for people, they can call me. I convinced the general to start selling Shaq insurance. And then I went around and smashed people's windows randomly. It's an upsell, but it's worth every penny. You never know when I'll show up.

I'll never stop. I'll never ever. You can't make me stop. You can't make me stop. I'm Shaq. Whoa. Whoa. Justin's back.

Oh, a little delay there. OK. No lag between the cape coming off and the Justin coming back. It took longer this time. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, boy. Is it going to keep taking it back?

Yeah. Hey, everybody. Thank you so much. Hey, thanks. You got to finish the show. I was going to do it. Justin's looking to get back. Justin does it normally.

So let's just wait. Let's just write this out quietly. OK. Real quick. I'm worried I'm losing something from me. OK. Let him take the time. I'm worried something from me is getting lost.

Well, let's give him a little grace today, Trav. What do you think? Yeah. This is taking time away from my gaming, and that's really important to me. Thanks so much for listening to our podcast, My Brother, My Brother, and Me. We hope you've enjoyed yourself. I enjoyed myself, and I mean, that's a ring endorsement, I think, for any creative product. The Adventure Zone 11th Hour Graphic Novel is coming out February 21st, and we have

a live virtual event scheduled that night, February 21st, 8 p.m. Eastern Time to Celebrate the Release. Got live readings with special guests and more, and an event exclusive. Sign copies available from Brookline Smith and Left Bank Books. Go to bit.ly-taz-gn-live-2023 for more info and to purchase the event exclusive signbook. We also have special editions from Barnes & Noble and Books of Million, and a whole bunch of stuff, and Indigo. So go check that out.

Go check out all the merch at macroemerge.com and get your tickets for the last rendezvous through Fancy Takes Flight Tour. Find out all that information at bit.ly-taz-gn-live-2023. Thank you to Montaigne for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You. If you haven't heard that one yet, you really, I mean, you have, unless you are like the world's best sort of podcast fast-forwarder in the world, you've heard the song. It's great. Thank you, Montaigne.

It's an honor. And that's going to do it for us this week, folks. Oh, one more thing I do want to say. We have a YouTube channel. Search for MacRoy Family. We do streams there and put up video clips. Yes. And we also now have a TikTok channel, MacRoy Family on TikTok as well.

You can also follow MacRoy Family on Instagram. We put up information there, put up clips, pictures, all kinds of stuff. Follow us on TikTok as well. That's it's all it's all great. You're going to love it. That's it. That's that's going to do it for this one, folks. Until next time.

My name is Justin MacRoy. I don't think I don't have the courage to do that. That's it. Now, that's it. We decided we don't have to have one anymore. We're free. Okay. We're free.

What was the reception like when we did the show? What? What was the reception like when we did? You know how something, ooh, you know, I have no way of knowing the internet can't get to me anymore. Well, but like, it can't hurt me anymore. I don't know what they thought. You know, some podcasts do a thing and some podcasts, we do, do the thing where they just

drop like pre-recorded ads into set points of the podcast. Yeah. We should do that with the ending of the show. Meaning. Oh, a post role. A little post role, a credit sequence. A little post Malone. We should spend an entire episode figuring out the ending of the show is.

So if you have a great idea, mbmbam at maximumfund.org, just let us know how we should end the show and we'll figure it out. And if we use your suggestion, thanks. Tough. Oh, thanks. Who in different ways? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, me kiss your dad square on the lips. It's better, it's better with you, it's better with you, it's better with you, it's better with you, it's better with you, it's better with you, it's better with you. Mbmbamfund.org, comedy and culture, artist owned, audience supported.