My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 648: 200-250 Catchphrases Per Episode

Episode Date: February 20, 2023

This episode we’ve got some classic life hacks™(dot biz) like insider trading of niche domain names, getting taco bell tips, and buying discounted chocolate, with some bonus fit and sexy rodents to boot.Suggested talking points: The Trashcan that is My Body, Illegal-dot-horse, Justin McElroy Solo Mish, Asphalt Jack McCyber, Bike, Butt, Brie, Ceiling Fan Panic Button, Isaac the Child ChocolatierFoundation for Black Women’s Wellness: http://ffbww.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? To a precious friendship I could've never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach My life

It feels like It's better, it's better with you My life It's better, it's better with you This is true It's better, it's better with you My life It's better with you

Hello everybody and welcome, my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the Modunera I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy Uh, yeah? Dominique Potry? I'm your middle brother, Travis McElroy And it's Chelsea Steyo, he has risen, it's Griffin McElroy Dominique, anything goes Yeah baby

Hey, can I? I want to talk to you guys about one of the reasons I love capitalism so much Oh good, yeah Yeah, you're always talking about these stuff I love this shit And you're saying like really bad stuff about the other one that's not capitalism Yeah, right, right, right Um, I have a yearly tradition

I wake up early, it works out well now too because I can like chain it together and combo it with dropping kid off at school Yeah Go to, uh, it could be like a drug store, grocery store, whatever February 15th, break of day, get that discount Valentine's Day candy And here's the thing I love most about it, hear me out Yeah Hear me out They made the decision, they're like, we got a big bag of peanut butter M&Ms

We put some hearts on it Oh shit, it didn't sell, now it's 40% off And that feels like a win for me, right? Yeah, but I guess I do want to clarify, this isn't a bit No Because this was independently relayed to me via Teresa Correct

Who explained that they don't get their kids anything for Valentine's Day Because Travis goes the day after and swoops the deals Now that makes sense Thank you Now, let me clarify, I made my kids heart shaped pancakes for breakfast And we gave heart shaped pasta for dinner That's all you can ask And then on the 15th

The adventure continues on the next day Yeah man, my kids don't know how a calendar work Like for BB Valentine's Day is all week, baby Like it's a whole thing And so I love, man I got so much good I got discount little Debbie's, bud They didn't Valentine's Day little Debbie's and I'm in there, I'm out The first time

Yeah Someone on the internet wrote a blog post That was labeled life hacks Right This was the first entry on the first one of those in 1994 Yeah And this is across the board If you're willing to go your first Christmas as an adult

Decoration list We are By those decorations to the 26th 26th, we say we understand Kids, we're doing it on the 29th this year So we have four days to put up our discount decorations The one exception what you're doing Travis, it's just not good It's not good, it's not good

I'm taking advantage of capitalism in a way that capitalism has been taking advantage of me My entire life, Justin Right Griffin shoplifts and I buy discount candy the day after Valentine's Day The same exact level of naughtiness I'm sticking it to big business by giving them 70% of the money I normally would have given them I will say though, Travis, also, to be fair You are keeping that candy out of our landfills

And putting it into the landfill that is your Your stomach and toilet As Dr. Charlie says, the trash can that is my body Yeah Exactly That's where leftover spaghetti goes Yeah, trash can In the trash can that is her body

Okay This is what I'm saying, I'm providing a service The service is something that has been provided by Buzzfeed Hackwise.biz Hackwise.biz Whoa, fucking All the big ones Seth's Scoops

And this is one where Seth gives his little life tip I'm saying everyone knows about this You are talking about it on our show as if you are some great Dracula sort of king Did you guys do it? Would you guys say Hackwise.biz is with a Z or with an S? Oh, no If we don't say then we don't have to buy it, so don't

No, I'm worried if we don't clarify It's not a bad address It's not a bad address It's good to say Hackwise.biz Hackwise.biz I don't know It should be Haxed Wives Wait, not Wives

Not Haxed Wives Don't do that For sure not that one Hey guys Have we ever gotten video of Justin securing a web domain before? It's a rollercoaster of facial expressions I assumed he had sort of like flip down sunglasses Someone else get Hackwise.biz

Do the right thing But don't Oh, we could get Hackwise.com That seems much For $6,375 So that's not an impulse But that's an investment, Justin You might have learned one thing from crypto and NFT

Wait a minute Yeah I just had this idea I think I've just independently invented insider trading Okay Say your idea We go live back Live back, insider trading

Fuck, fuck Buy your candy on February 15th Fuck that Everyone knows that This is guaranteed original If you do a podcast You can buy up a bunch of web domains of random garbage words Like ostrichfart.gov

Right And you buy that domain for like $1 But then you like make it a thing on your podcast Yes And then you've generated buzz Obviously like I think to get the kind of scale The amount of Or increase we can put on any of these things

Will be relatively minor So it's going to be a scaling game for us We'd always do 200 catchphrases per episode So we can move all these sites I, yeah, Griff I have been doing sort of some testing on this idea Oh, interesting

I mean, since the inception of the show I've never paid more than $13.99 for a URL Okay So You got any offers? And let's check I'm going to read just through the URLs real quick By the way

Justin, before I forget Teamgoogle.com is about to expire If we want to renew that one, we got to get in there Yeah, I got that one auto So let's see, we got Carpatrol.com No one knocking on the door for that No

GriffinSpaceJam.com That's too odd If you put your name in it It's not going to That was a mistake on my program MySmoothFace.com BooBooNanny.com That's good

DadYelp.com No one's come for DadYelp How would DadYelp not take Carobis.org DadYelp is a service that I would use A lot in my life Which one? Vapes

Derricks-trap.pizza Blapren.com Tristink.com Now these are some of the URLs that we created To make, I think, to dunk on sponsors To make our own It was, I believe, our own Vanity URLs for sponsors Yeah

It's still... I mean, BigBurgerParty.com That's great That's really good Haunted.pizza Yes, thekojack.com I don't know why we have the kojack I think there was a kojack reboot

When we were trying to get in early Oh, yeah Oh, that's right sexygoiders.com No offers Well, that's not Yeah, that's disgusting I hate that we said that at some point, I guess

No griffin, they're sexy Okay, just a few others that I still have not gotten offers on pollenstorm.xxx How much you want? Hold on, Juice How much you want? I got 20 bucks on me right now No offers on DietColora.com

Nothing for PlannedParrotHead.com PlannedParrotHead? Sorry, PlannedParrotHead Justin, that's PlannedParrotHead I don't think that originated in the show, Juice That wasn't us, bud That wasn't us, buddy Justin, that was so low, man

PlannedParrotHead Are you at your house where you live with your family? Just sitting there thinking, PlannedParrotHead, is that anything? I better buy it Where are you going, honey? We're in the middle of dinner If I don't buy PlannedParrotHead ParrotHead, someone else will The rest of us use the Notes app on our phone

when we need to remember something in the morning Justin just buys a web URL like he's on Memento or something Still enough, I mean, even stuff like easy stuff that should be like trickchurchcandles.com or non-discountedyachts.com I mean, there's just no

Griffin'sIncredibleSon.com is just sitting there JuiceCities.com We own JuiceCities.com I know it's ready to be offered on any of these Oh my god No accounting for taste, I guess This is what I'm saying, though On this episode, we casually work in the term

JuiceCities Yeah We casually work in Big Burger Party? Dot-com Dot-com I don't even think we need to say the dot-com We didn't casually work these in What I'm saying to you is we announced these URLs

held them up as worth having But they never mentioned them again until now Yeah, we didn't use them again enough Okay, but now we know this is our annual summit We're in the red And if we're going to turn this thing around we need to start buying a bunch of novelty URLs and then alienating our audience by saying

200 to 250 catchphrases per episode Yeah We've been doing a second half of that for quite some time We just need to start making money off it We need to be more direct Speaking of catchphrases, animals It's not really catchphrase It's just a mine

The name of the thing Hyper fixation game It's early in animals life Well, this week We're talking about biker mice from Mars, boys Ooh Were they fit? Oh, yeah, they were fit

Yeah They were animals with abs Now, first off, right off the bat Leading question And I think this is going to be a standard first question on a lot of these now Are they mutants? Oh

Oh, that's fine I think they're aliens because they're from Mars So I think that Mars probably one needs moms and they need the moms to kill the giant rats That will be my guess

They're mice, Justin Justin's arguing that aliens can't also mutate and I think that's close Wow, that's true I mean, that's a good point, Griff Because I would say that the the monsters are mutated aliens

That's a great... Travis with the appropriate slam dunk Yeah, from downtown That was incredible That was amazing At the buzzer You know, I'm going to go the opposite way

I do think they are mutants What other explanation could there possibly be? Justin is correct They are not mutants They are a race of anthropomorphic mice who, before even reaching planet Earth enjoyed motorsports and had a very similar culture

and society to that of human beings Their planet was conquered by the Plutarchians You mean Mars? You mean the planet Mars that we live next to? Yeah And then they crashed And we missed that somehow Yeah, they escaped

We have dudes up there We have like a little robot dude And no one's like Check out these fucking like these ramps and shit everywhere Yeah And they clarash landed in Chicago and discovered a...

Well, we don't look for ramps We look for water That's the problem That does explain how we keep losing our little like drone buddies up there They're taking cigarettes They're little solar panels tilt the wrong way and those mice just can't resist

Now, Biker Mice for Mars shares five actors with the main cast of what popular 90s live action drama? What? Yeah So you're saying five cast members from this same drama also did voices on Biker Mice for Mars?

Correct Fuck I mean, I gotta go with... Hold on NYPD Blue I'm gonna say party of five It was 90210 Oh

Brian Austin Green as rimfire Jason Priestley as asphalt Jack McCyber That's a no Stop Say it again Brian Austin Green as rimfire You know I don't care about that

Jason Priestley as asphalt Jack McCyber Jack McCyber You can't There's no way we didn't write this show There's no way we didn't Luke Perry as... You definitely came up with the name

Jack McCyber Nope Luke Perry as Napoleon Brie Tori Spelling as Romana Parmigiana Romana Parmigiana? Great Yep And Ian Ziering as Vinny

who was one of the titular mice Oh, wow Now, I just want to point out Additionally, featured in this show is Brad Garrett, Michael Dorn, Leah Remini, Mark Hamill and Malcolm McDowell Okay, so a couple... Everybody loves Ramons in there too

Yeah Which of these characters is not a villain? Uh-oh The Loogie Brothers Slauber the Mutt General Carbine The Cycle Tars Mudfish Murdock

This is a... That was a lot The fact that four of those are correct is heartbreaking This show had in 65 episodes like 25 different main villains I'm gonna say that's so many more episodes than our TV show got

Yeah, so many more Correct So, I'm gonna say Cycle Tars That's actually where my head was going to So I need the list again if we want it to be different The Loogie Brothers Slauber the Mutt

General Carbine The Cycle Tars and Mudfish Murdock That's gotta be Cycle Tars Yeah, I'm gonna go with General Carbine General Carbine is correct Oh, wow She was the leader of the

Mars Freedom Fighters voiced by Leah Remini The Cycle Tars driven were a race created by the Evil Limburger Combining the DNA of Biker Mice and the molecular structure

of motorcycles So they are mutants Oh, that is cool I didn't know that motorcycle had DNA Molecular structure What do you guys think we should point

jackmickscyber.com to? Jason Priestley's IMDB page IMDB page, yeah That feels right Yeah, one last one I knew it as you were saying it I knew it as you were saying it

I'm gonna have you fill in the blank here boys and you can work together on this one This is a iconic quote from one of the main mice, Throttle In this wild and woolly universe there are three things you can count on Your blank, your blank

and your blank Your ride Your tail and your cheese and your Mars That feels really really good I'll give you a hint

I'll give you a hint It's a little hint It's a literative Oh Okay My bike My Bike is correct

Butt tail Buds Brows Brows is correct Your bikes Your brows and your Bike again Your bike for real

Bike, brows and your Brie Fuck, I wish that was that Bike, brows and your Babe No, your brains, your brows

and your bike Okay In that order, huh? The bike In that order I mean, bike is the last thing Very cerebral show Yeah

Cerebral It also should be pointed out that all of them have malfunctioning cybernetics I don't know why the creators of the show are like and they don't work

Well, yeah, they're like, you know coming up with nuanced character flaws is hard So what if we just make it so that he has a, I don't know his nose connector is shorting out

I don't know, man It's fine, it's whatever Kids are gonna love it This one's mean because he has a mean virus I don't know I don't know, man How about a question?

When someone said Jack McCyber out loud Something like, but clearly not They closed their eyes and they were like just waiting to hear that they'd been fired What was the full name?

Asphalt is a nickname In quotes, Asphalt, Jack McCyber Asphalt, Jack McCyber It almost seems like if you wrote that out it would seem like you were talking about some sort of futuristic

heavy machinery hardware tool This is my Asphalt Jack It should be It's the McCyber model So it should also be noted that character is human So zero percent chance that is his real last name

So we have to assume that this guy who is good with machines and computers and stuff was like Yeah, no, my, call me McCyber Not Asphalt That's my road name

According to the Wiki Jack McCyber is an old acquaintance of Charlene Davidson in the original series A computer expert and inventor who is skilled to make his own virtual reality helmet Where no one makes fun of his name

In my world This is a normal name like Johnson Hey, how about a question? Yeah, I'd love that, Griff I work at an airport Kid Rock frequently travels to his private jet

When he is here I help carry his bags and take care of his car It is customary for people to tip but Kid Rock never does What can I get him to do to fork up the dough so I can get Taco Bell later?

P.S. I'm in flight training and may one day have to be his pilot Does this change how I should approach the situation? That's from mooching money off musicians in Michigan What a menacing

little suffix there A really, a P.S. that really put a chill in my spine Yeah Does it change things that one day I'll hold his life in my hands Like a baby chick in my hands

Could you include that in the thing again? I'm actually Mr. Rock Oh, Kid Kid I'm actually in flight school so expensive

So yeah, but hopefully I'm one day fly your plane I'll control the plane you're in but right now it's so expensive I have to go to a cut rate I want to go to a good flight school I'm at a cut rate flight school The discount plane school

I have to pay extra to learn how to land There's a pilot shortage so they'll hire anybody I just wish I had more to get a better education Yeah Mr. Rock As it is now

it's mostly just a lot of video games that have flight aspects in them I've been doing a lot of pilot wings right now but teacher gave me an A You could maybe just kind of do you rub your fingers

like he doesn't Good Like he doesn't home alone too You know What if Kid Rock gives him a stick of gum Oh, that's funny If Kid Rock gets offended

you could just be like that was a I was doing a bit from Home Alone 2 You didn't get it Now you're the asshole But then Rob Schneider's there too because he always hangs out

with Kid Rock and he's like Hey, you did it wrong Let me show you how you do it Travis That is the rightest thing you've ever said on this show Of all the things that you don't know

but you did say Yeah That's the correctest one Thank you very much They have It's not just like they run in the same circles I'm saying that

I don't know Kid Rock is Rob Schneider's godfather It's like a movie In a movie you know sometimes they'll be like someone out there is like

your chosen destined one you're drawn together by fate and like when you find each other that's when your true power that's Rob Schneider and Kid Rock

May I please Google This is when I live I want to say I think I could even envision Rob Schneider like and this is my spiritual advisor Kid Rock

Yeah Kid Rock says actually Rob you're my spiritual advisor we're spiritual advisors for each other I never knew That actually would explain a lot

frankly Rob Schneider Guys when are we gonna get well Griffin's Googling when are we gonna get a spiritual advisor is that a phase

of our arc do you think where it's like and now they have a spiritual advisor I think it finds you you know what I mean I'm not finding anything guys Oh well

what do we have to do to get these two together Yeah we need these two to hook up this is the meet cute America Craves Maybe just start calling him

Tip Rock and then going sorry sorry Kid Rock Sorry Kid Rock Sorry Tip Rock

No sorry Kid Kid Rock Sorry Um Could you do it better Oh wow Yeah Fucking grab those bags

and just watch him at the car Normally I wouldn't but this is exceptional service Oh like bartender so you're gonna like flip his bag behind your back

and catch it in front of you and then pour his clothes out Uh or bring an ASP to work and then as you're carrying the bags you open up his bag

and pretend to pull the ASP out and you can be like Kid Rock Someone's trying to fucking kill you dude Another plot foil I heard the ASP

through the bag in my keen senses that I've developed over years of this job Yeah but then Griffin what if Kid Rock's like I'm gonna hire you to be my personal

like snake catcher because I guarantee you Kid Rock lives a life where that comes up It'll happen That comes up often that there are snakes in places

Yeah Um Kid Rock I know you're listening please tip this person better so they can please fucking just do it

Listen I get it We don't always carry cash like this has become harder and it feels weird to just like Venmo you you know

five bucks for carrying my bags or whatever but you got to man You're Kid Rock At the very least tip him some of the Taco Bell

you were eating on the plane Just get extra That's it Just cut out the middleman who works at Taco Bell and just give him some of the Taco Bell you carry with you

everywhere you go Kid Rock please Come on Guys you just mentioned the question asked her wanted to get Taco Bell he's not saying that Kid Rock has any Taco Bell

No but I assume Justin he and Rob Schneider are having some crutch-wrapped supple-eams on the plane Sorry Justin No Rob

here's what I'm saying we should get a whole meal named after us Yeah It's the Bob and Rob Bob and Rob Areta Bob and Rob Areta maybe That's something

Can I just juice Rob Schneider and Kid Rock are having a meal together What is that meal if not Taco Bell please tell me now What is that meal

that they're eating the two of them alone and no service No They're comfortable with each other at this point

by the way to sit in compenable silence and occasionally just do like a mmm mmm and like they'll slide it across

and they trust each other you know so they'll slide it across and they you know they both mask when they're in public places so they feel comfortable eating

they're fully fast they're comfortable sharing a meal They grabbed it and growled right this could be fast food they could just be

making something at home but this is not they are not eating I could see I could see the two of them across from each other with a plate of onion rings at a Chili's to go

and Kid Rock's like if they want it to go they shouldn't make it so nice to stay and everyone's like yeah we love it when you guys are here this is probably the best

best Chili's to go in the entire Baltimore airport and we got a big show tonight and we just wanted to fuel up on I am worried about I know Kid Rock

and Rob Schneider are worried about this too the carbon footprint of landing the jet in the Baltimore airport no matter where they are going to get that Chili's to go right

but they do a lot of carbon offsets on Kid Rock tours I know so they actually it's the meal they always get at the Chili's to go

it's the it's the carbonara offset and it's you order it and it costs several thousand dollars but they do offset your carbon credits yeah

and free bread stick right in there which is nice one free bread stick that they share between I'm like lady in the trap exactly

next question hi brothers this summer I got a ceiling fan that's all it says yes there's more I saw it installed though right

not just like bought it it's a it's a fancy one with no cords and instead is controlled with a remote this would normally be fine except somewhere in my neighborhood

someone else has a remote for whatever reason also controls my fan it will randomly turn on the high speed or turn the lights on I hate the feeling of air blowing on my skin

so this bothers me for a bit how do I find out who has a magical second remote or stop my fan from being hijacked that's some fan freak in Texas

I want to say before we go any further I do not like the delineation of a remote control fan being the fancy one when we got our house it had a remote control fan

in the bedroom I can never find that piece of shit I and I'm like man I wish this had at least the option of cords on it

so that I could do it and not have to like I want I would love to turn the light on in this room but it's dark so I don't know where the remote is

it's I'm just saying it was an it was an innovation that was not needed bring back cords I guess so

uh no cause cords are dangerous for like birds and stuff hey Griffin so are ceiling fans bud

I would say between the two it's not the same I would rather a bird crashing to a cord but the ceiling the cord is just

bait for this terrible trap that you that you have set um you can change the frequency on these things that think is the not

fun answer I'm gonna pretend like Griffin didn't say that I want you to walk around your neighborhood with your remote because their remote controls yours

your remote controls theirs and you're gonna start clicking it until you hear someone go whoa and then you'll know you could just press

the alarm button over and over again on your just walk around with the alarm what if you did have one button on there that would detach it

so you could catch like intruders with it like you get one shot at it it dropped it down like a claw machine like a night trap yeah

it's like a double switch thing um I do love in this question that they say I hate the feeling of air blowing on my skin you bought a ceiling fan why'd you get a fan

we have zero ceiling fans in this house that we moved into zero ceiling fans and sometimes it feels on a cold day

like a toasty hot setful curtain here it is it is gets pretty stale so count your blessings also you are passing up

pretty nonchalantly I'll say a pretty primo haunting prank opportunity whether it's just like flashing the lights on the fan in such a pattern

that they do like a full joist stranger things in the other person's home I thought you were saying Griffin like

invite someone over to your home or your bedroom promise them it's not a weird thing my sweet you know that you could do that without the situation

that this question asker has described you can I could do that I could do that right now just by like turning my lights off

and on with my hand but you're talking about in another person's home you got this you got this remote you have the power but you don't know

whose home it is Griffin and I think that brings us back to the idea of just walking around the neighborhood don't do that no do it at night

wow it's problem solved you got bad again ah damn it why don't you just roll with the changes yes it would be fun to have a little like

you know how when you go outside it's never it's never feels the same like it's always different sometimes it's wet and sometimes it's kind of just normal but inside

inside you get all the choice you have so much control over it it would be fun if just one day you walked into your house and it was like you know it's really

it's pretty wet and cold in here that's a decision a stranger has made for me with complete control of my thermostat and ceiling fans it would be a pretty fancy ceiling fan

if it could make rain happen in the room too that would be a feature I've never seen yeah I guess in my in my scenario I guess I'm thinking that this person

is like some sort of like home smart assistant dominatrix sort of situation where it's like I you're in my hands now

you are powerless who's gonna be hot and dry today in the mornings with a chance of ceiling fan in the evenings

pleasure is not part of it doesn't have to be I think listen I'm not in the scene but I think if you're not enjoying your relationship with your dominatrix

maybe it's time to move on you know get on Angie's list and find a different option yeah let's take a quick break I would love that

the other money's hooped and just like make it happen let's talk about websites you want to build a website that goes with bigburgerparty.com or Dad Yelp

which by the way if you make Dad Yelp if you can make it like this feels like an adult cool restaurant to be at we will give people

our pitch for Dad Yelp when we're not doing an ad for a different company I know but they could build Dad Yelp and it would be like this is a cool restaurant

that pays attention to the fact that you have children oh with Squarespace sure yeah Squarespace build Dad Yelp please on Squarespace

so that I can use it to be like I'm here and this feels like a real restaurant but they have a kids menu with crayons out of this world thank you

Squarespace is the online platform for building your brand Dad Yelp and growing your business online give a website and get engaged

to your audience and sell anything I kiss your audience kiss your audience with your content and romance them with your product oh no you know what

actually don't do that don't kiss your audience unless it's pollenstorm.xxx that's the only one it's allowed otherwise do not you can talk with that one

if you want to create pro level erotica pollenstorm based videos you can do that he is our colleague they are our colleagues and friends

and friends and so I'm trying to promote them I'm saying if they want to do it or somebody wants to do it to promote them alright alright you can do it with the

Squarespace video studio app yes it helps you make and share engaging it doesn't say oh it'll be you will not click away from this content

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and they're optimized from mobile so you can enjoy this yeah wherever wherever you go on a train in public for short and it automatically adjusts

so that it looks great on any device do not visit this site on your home computer no no no it can't stress this enough you don't want to get tracked on this one

my friends so check out squarespace.com slash my brother you'll be able to sell the home after it'll be as if a murder

has taken place absolutely it will have a bad energy like when a when a psychic walks into a place and they go something bad

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theme resort steeplechase you know I've been seeing more and more reports on the blogs that our beloved park simply isn't safe anymore

murdered them I'm gonna wreck it they say they got mugged by brigands in the fantasy kingdom of ephemera I mean I could have a knife

my papa said that I needed to do a crime friends I'm here to reassure you that it's all part of the show these criminals

were really just overzealous staff trying to make things a little more magical for our guests we're just as safe as we've always been this is an

accounting fair dreamers this is steeplechase the adventure zone every thursday at maximumfun.org I cannot wait to see what is going to

be on the screen when Justin turns his video camera back on he went away he did go away that's not great not a great start

hmm here he comes here oh boy da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da I want a much

squad squad I want too much squad I don't want to scare him away hello my name is Isaac

I'm the child Chocolatier hi Isaac a prodigy since three years old but you have not to fear I love the beans

I love the cream I love to podcast I'm the child Chocolatier hi Isaac hi Isaac hi welcome

I'm Isaac hi Isaac Justin said I could be on to talk about chocolate yeah cool do you want to adjust the camera turn the camera

tilt the camera down little guy and then that way it'll see all of you I'm standing on my tiptoes yeah no you can adjust the camera so it's facing down

I can't reach it oh that's a shame we can't even see the bottom of your face can you adjust it for you he left he left

Isaac describe the bottom of your face cherubic okay can you see the top of my mama called some

smile lines yeah those are some hairy you can see the top of my smile lines it's how you know I'm smiling do you know

why I'm smiling Griffin no I don't know why because today I'm coming to you to talk about chocolate oh yeah

hey did you know that if you go to the drug store on the day after Valentine's Day you can get all that chocolate for a pretty cheaper okay

yes we do we all know about that I thought so too it's something it's kind of it's something that I don't know mama buys

most of my candy for me she just says I can't handle money yeah that's a good follow up I make my own chocolate and I don't need

anybody's help at all oh I'm really proud of you Isaac yeah thank you so do you know how old wait how old are you

it's rude rude to ask that I've been a chocolate prodigy since I was five years old you said three in the song Isaac

I've been a chocolate math is different in my country and don't whoa wait hold on wait a second in my country

math is different that's freaking funny Isaac that's really good there's a dude who used to do like say that exact stuff before you were born

oh Jesus are you okay Isaac is it a whooping cough Isaac my my thing I was gonna read won't load

and I'm getting frustrated about it oh yeah that does sound frustrating but do you want to roar that's what Daniel Tiger does I like to do some

dog's breathing we call them lion breaths oh we call them like rainbow breaths but yeah okay just what does any of that

Isaac are you awake okay it's really hard to tell buddy because I can't see the bottom of your face yeah bud I'm looking for the thing I was

gonna read to you about chocolate you're doing a really good job do not worry about it I think that this this is just as good as whatever the

bit was going to be Isaac okay I found it good job bud do you have you ever tried Reese's cups yeah sure those are great

I haven't tried them but I think they're supposed to be good you should you should try them if you're like a fan of chocolate candy

you should try Reese's cups Reese's it doesn't hey Isaac I was pretty cool to you earlier when you fucked up

no I just don't know how to say it right now Travis is trying to dump your ass and I was like hey back off he's a kid and then

what you just did to me was not reciprocal I thought it is Reese's okay give me one second cuz it's fucking shit

I'm trying to find a fucking thing wow Isaac's going off over there I did not know he was capable of that Isaac's using some big boy words

yeah I I think I may have started that Travis cuz I cussed at him but he was yeah but hey was I

in the wrong there he was being kind of shit he came in real hard and you were trying to be very I gotta say for a chocolatier

he's got a lot of nuts there in the background it looks like can I just say you're doing some really good gentle co-hosting trying to

maybe we'll do like good parent bad parent thing no that I've actually learned with my own gentle boys

that that does not that's nothing you basically do it all the time uh no matter what I gotta change things around um switch it

flip it what about good parent great oh shush shush okay hey bud well did you reset

your router yeah okay I figured it out what happened no you don't have to tell us thanks

new racy's big cup stuff with racy puff cereal is the epic collab everyone needs so wait it's a collab between racy's and racy's

and itself yep okay true success is self-made which is why the racy's looked within for its

latest collaboration including racy's big cup stuff with racy puff cereal that's a tough that's a real tongue twister I think you're saying

that really good the classic combination of peanut butter and chocolate collides with fair favorite racy puff cereal creating an

absurdly unique racy's experience yeah it might be the most meta mashup ever mic drop

it says that it says mic drop it says mic drop wow this is a really good press release Isaac it's a powerful move I didn't even know

that the mics were involvement since mic drop yeah that's not the tool I use is it the chocolate candy or the chocolate cereal that's speaking into a mic

yeah it's both both I find this is a life changing fusion whoa who's life that's sad

the guy who came up with it racy I guess I don't want I don't hope nobody ever picked up a racy's big stuff cup stuff

puff stuffy cup and was like I need to change I need to fix this you know what I'm gonna I'm gonna call her I'm gonna apologize no I'm not

no I'm not so the racy puffs cup will have head spinning and mouths watering just spray just spraying saliva

everywhere as they spin didn't expect an even more chocolatey and peanut butter version of your favorite chocolate and peanut butter snack

well why would I like, let me finish didn't expect even more chocolatey and peanut butter version of your favorite

chocolate and peanut butter snack well Guess what, it's coming. Oh. Well, we know what you're thinking. Reese's deserves a massive pat on the back. That was not.

Geez, Reese's. That was not our thing. It's good to celebrate yourself when you make great chocolate. Okay. My papa tells me that I've made fine chocolates every day. I wake up at 4.13 a.m. to start preparing the chocolates. Really early.

Do you have to do it before school? I don't go to school. Oh, boy. I hope one day on my 15th birthday to eat a chocolate. Okay, it's not 15, it's between 3 and 15 for sure. On my 15th birthday, I hope to try chocolate for the first time. Do you sell your chocolate?

Isaac, I'm sorry, I don't mean to get into it. You do sell your chocolate. Papa sells it. What do you think it tastes like? Oh, I think it looks like dirt, but papa says it doesn't taste like dirt, except when I do it wrong or too long. Yeah.

You know? When you make chocolate too long. This is dirt, Isaac. You failed me again. Okay. Okay, Isaac, get in the weeds a bit. Let's get back to the old press release. Yeah, this is outside skill.

Collaborations are quite popular. Wait, I need to do, this is a different person. Collaborations are quite popular. Wow. But what we are about to unleash is next level. We knew the ultimate mashup was already within the Reese's. We knew the price. We knew the price, and we did it anyway.

The sacrifice was well worth it. We knew the ultimate mashup was already within the Reese's universe, so we made it happen. Not a mashup. Henry Hancock, senior associate brand manager at Reese's, who sounds like he's gunning for a bigger role. Oh yeah. With the enthusiasm he's bringing here.

It's life changing. That promotion. Chocolate and peanut butter fandom to a new stratosphere by adding Reese's Puff cereal to our Reese's Big Cup. Okay, yeah, we got that. We understand just one sentence. The big Reese's Cups is gonna have cereal in them now. You don't even, if you think about it,

you don't even need to announce to the press. You mainly just need to put it in sheets so that people buy it or don't. That's it. This epic mashup of Reese's and Reese's will create a Reese's experience and explosion of chocolate and peanut butter, unlike ever before.

Reese's lovers' minds will be blown when they find out there's yet another way to fuel their Reese's fanaticism. And it says here, Reese's has outdone itself. They've, wow. Wow, the amount of harmony within this, it must kick ass to work at Reese's. You're leveraging different sort of like products

in one way for complete harmonious fusion. And everybody's high-fiving each other and like cheering like they landed on the moon for the first time. What if we put poison in them? No, you're right. Good idea, no poison. We kick ass.

What if we served them a hundred fold in a big toilet? Nah, that's a bad idea. You're right, great work today, fellas. Woo! Well, I only have one story about chocolate to tell you about. You did great. You did a really good job, Isaac.

I'm super proud of you. How did you get? How did you go take a nap? How did you get here, in here? Oh, he took a nap. Oh, gosh. He's a sleepy boy. Should we end the show early?

I mean, I don't wanna wake him up. I feel really bad. I would too. You know, when you wake your kid up in the middle to be fair, though, might be 14. He could be 14 and three-quarters years old for as much as we know. Did you think it was weird

that he hadn't had chocolate yet before? Hey Griffin, there's a lot of that that I thought was weird to highlight any one moment. Oh, hi, Justin, welcome back. Hey, Juice. Well, your voice is muted and your hair is slicked back way far, like way, way, way far.

Well, I had to take a business spa. Some of me and the boys had a back nine and me and the other grownups had to go do a little get a nine in, get a quick nine in, and then we hit the sauna on our way out. Now there is a kid asleep on the floor here. Cool. I made him a little bed out of magazines.

Cool, that's Isaac. He's new. Was it again? Isaac, he's a child chocolatier prodigy. Yeah, you'd like him, I think. They'll never guess. Wink. I'm winking at the camera,

but this is still audio mainly, but like, they'll never guess. Wink. Oh, Griffin, hey, can I talk to Griffin for a second? Yeah, yeah, sure. I think it was Hannah Montana, Miley Cyrus kind of situation. No, because Juice already has done that before.

No. What? He's done that before with another guy. So it's not. Who? I mean, I think he's count down on his husband all the time. What the fuck, really? I took in a takeaway order that wasn't for me

and then got stuck on what to do. It was pitch black outside. Nothing going on. I got a knock at the door and I thought I heard the man saying it was an Amazon order. He passed it to me and he got back. It smelled like hamburgers and said hamburgers on the bag

and came with a two liter Coca-Cola. Before I took it and he got back his car before I started waiting for him to hand me, it was a McDonald's bag. Now, what should I have done? In the end, I just stood at the end of my drive with a torch until someone's, man, I hope this person's British, right?

Yeah, takeaway and torch is gotta be that. I'm not just like, oh! Yield! Should I have gone door to door or just eat the food or something else entirely? You didn't eat the food? No, they stood at the end of their driveway with a torch for two and a half hours

waiting for someone to come outside and rescue them and the cold McDonald's they were holding in their hand. Walking up and down the street, knocking on doors and saying is, hey, is this your McDonald's? Is not it. I will say though, if it's my order, that shit is Happy Meals and it's dinner tonight

for two rowdy, extremely time-eating, sensitive boys. And so anything you can do, it's me and Henry. It's why they have the little handles on them because Happy Meals are just for when you need to chuck food at your kids. Yes. Like into a lion's cage. It's rarely the first choice, but it is like,

fuck, we got, I don't know, 10 minutes, we gotta have just Happy Meal. And then if that doesn't show up, I'm ruined. Professionally, personally, I'm ruined in this house. That said, I can't give my kids food that they took over to a stranger's house. Oh, wow. You know?

How do I teach my kids? You're a really good parent, Justin. Yeah. How do I teach my kids? You gotta be, you know, we love and respect people and we wanna be friendly and welcoming, but you do need to be careful with stuff that strangers give you.

And one, except every once in a while, that'll get a fat sack of birds from just a rando that lives down the street and then hook you kids directly up with them. Could you impersonate a Door Dash delivery person and just put it in front of the door and like ring the doorbell and then hide? And now it's either that person's order or their problem.

I don't know, I try to be pretty hard to imitate a Door Dash delivery person. They have those pinstripe three-piece suits that they always wear and I don't know. I'm not sure that I could pull it off. Yeah, we don't wanna get into a stolen Valor situation either, you know, get that. Yeah, yeah.

Listen, hey, hey, can we? Can we get serious now? Let me be frank. When you were handed a box by someone who you thought was an Amazon delivery driver, handing you the box, I'm gonna start listing off the potential sensory experiences that you may have had in that moment.

Maybe not all of them, maybe just some of them that would have clued you in that it was not a box with something you would order from the internet on it. I'll go first, it was probably warm. And it was a bag. And it was a bag. And it was a bag. It was a warm bag.

I'm willing to overlook that it did probably have some McDonald's branding on it, right? Cause it's in the heat of the moment, who could say? It was COVID supply lines, people are having to use whatever bags they have. Yes, I get it. If you're handed a warm bag, that's not, that is local, that originated local.

A salty smell even, the insoles you ordered from Amazon is not gonna be in a warm, salty bag. Also, question asked, I'm sorry I put you on black, but unless it was pitch black outside and inside, why did it take you so long to notice? I think if we're being serious now, you were handed this McDonald's food and you had a moment of like, this isn't mine.

But how much better would my life be if I had a free McDonald's meal in it right now? There's a little part of your subconscious that's like, I guess I want a contest. Like it just, one second. It'll come up with anything to explore. It doesn't even want you to eat the meal. It just wants you to have the time you need

to explore the options of eating the meal. And in that hesitation is when the driver got away. I would also give you that there's a chance because I think that this would happen to me if I'm being honest. I open the door, I take it and for half, long enough for them to have turned to walk away, I would think, did I order this?

Or that you're so flummoxed by the situation that you're simply frozen. That you're simply like, this is, like what is happening now, my brain is having a hard time processing. The fact that a stranger just knocked on my door and handed me a McDonald's bag and walked away. Now think about that in reverse,

when you're walking around the neighborhood, knocking on doors, they would feel that same. The chances that the first door you knocked on would take the bag and then the cycle would begin anew. You could also just take it to your neighbor's house, any direction, leave it on the front porch, knock on the door right away as fast as you can. That's their problem now.

Now that's similar to what I said. It's that doors did not involve- Yeah, but mine's easier because you do it once. It's a bad thing you're doing, but it's once and it's quick and it's done. And you're on to the next problem. Mine involved an elaborate, pretending to be a door-to-door delivery person ruse.

No, mine requires zero human contact. Okay. So we're gonna go with mine on this one, I think. Next time we'll circle back on- Congratulations Griffin. Thanks, yeah. Let me put it up on this one. No, I'll be a good winner.

Let's go to Drew Carey to check the scores for this episode of my brother, my brother and me, a scored variety show. How fun would that be if we just had one episode of the show where Drew Carey gave us each a score at the end? He didn't say anything the whole time I recorded, just one sort of post game. That would be great.

Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed yourself. We certainly enjoyed having you around. Travis, is there anything going on right now? Why yes, there is Justin, very excitingly, in fact. Tomorrow, if you're listening to some Monday, the Adventures on Graphic novel, the 11th hour comes out on the 21st.

That's tomorrow, Travis. It is tomorrow, if you're listening to this on Monday. And we've got a live virtual event on the 21st at 8 p.m. Eastern time to celebrate the release and video on demand will be available on our YouTube. It's, we've got live readings, we've got special guests. And there are event exclusive sign copies available from Bookline Booksmith and Left Bank Books.

Go to bit.ly slash Tazgnlive2023, T-A-Z-G-N-L-I-V-E-2023. For more info and to purchase the event exclusive sign book. It is wild to pronounce that 2023 and not 2023 the year that it is now. Yeah, it's a wild way to say it's a wild, wild. I wanted to be clear. Also, we got new merch over there. If you haven't checked that out yet,

we got the 20 Son and C sticker designed by Lucas Hess behind. We've got the That Space Baby sticker designed by Cedric Wolfe. And we've got 10% of all merch proceeds this month going to the Foundation for Black Women's Wellness. So check that out at macroymerch.com. Thank you to Montaigne for these front theme songs.

My life is better with you. It's, I listen to it every morning just to kind of center myself. And then at night to sort of get myself off the, it gets me pumped up. Yeah, it really fucks me up at night. I should stop that one. And I've included a quote here from Jack Johnson at the end.

If you guys, one of you guys wants to read it this time. Yeah, I see you've pulled this off quote fancy. Yeah. I like this. Probably my favorite website for this. We should have some sort of bed underneath this. Like, like seagulls and waves. Maybe we add more beds to it every,

every time that we do it. By week 10, it's just a horrible orchestra of distant barges and crashing the seafoam. Right now Rachel has just turned down the volume so she can pretend she did not hear that part. Yeah, you have to pause the video. That's an outrageous thing. Anyway, when you move like a jellyfish, rhythm is nothing.

You go with the flow. You don't stop. My name's Justin McRoy. John Jackson. John Jackson McRoy. Evil Jack Johnson. Jet Jack. The famous Jet Jacks.

The famous Jet Jacks. Jet Jacks. Doesn't it look like my brother and brother? Kiss your dad's square on the whips. It's better with you. My life, ah, ah, ah. It's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you.

It's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, ah, ah, ah. It's better with you.