My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 651: Face 2 Face: Structural Xboxes

Episode Date: March 13, 2023

Live from Washington, DC! Instead of thinking about how weird it is to just drive and walk past the White House all the time,  we're answering live questions about professional mummy touchers, distant-cousin discounts, and Luis Guzman's Mystery Box.Suggested talking points: Lived Inside Chevy Chase, Ron Paul Carwash Song,I Would Pay To Touch a Mummy, Baby Yoda Waves, Can’t UnCut the Hair, Five Dollar Foot Deeps, The Machine In your House That Makes the Stink Go AwayEquality Florida: https://www.eqfl.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis claims he's a sexpert, but there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so you babies out there know how cool you are for listening. What's up, you cool baby! It's the start of something beautiful, a small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rapid into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me, hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach, by life. It feels like life, it's better, it's better with you.

My life, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, it's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better with you. Hello everybody, welcome to my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the Modranero. I'm your oldest brother, Justin Tyler McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis Patrick McElroy. And I'm the deice's favorite son, Griffin McElroy. Two hometown guys in this one, because while Sid studied at Walter Reed, I lived inside Chevy Chase for a month.

I've said that in the weirdest way possible. You meet Dave's Chevy Chase. It was more of a being John Malkovich situation, just Justin in there. Before we come out, Paul asked us what we wanted to drink. And I had a little bit of a caffeine headache, so I said I'd like a Diet Coke and White Claw. And then Paul said, okay, and he came back two minutes later and he said, when you said you wanted a Diet Coke and White Claw, did you mean in separate cans are mixed together? And I had this thought like, how bad have I fucked my brand?

Yeah. That like, it requires clarification. Justin, you invented the white wine. Yes. That is red wine and white claw. There's a precedent set, which I believe one publication asked, is it the drink of the summer? No. Well, when summer concluded, I think the jury didn't work out.

I want to give a special end of tour. This is our last official show of the 2022 fancy takes flight tour. Thanks. Thank you. My brother, my brother and me. Yeah. Our friends, the McElroy family will do the adventure zone. Yeah.

I meant for my Ben Bam and I for one cannot wait to get out of this monkey suit. Oh, the starch involved special commendation for Paul, who during wonderful, I was introduced to a song called the but and the thing about the but great song, pretty long intro. So I asked Paul if he could, the verb choice I made was bad. I asked him to scrabble to the but by which I thought anyone would understand meant fast forward scrabble scrabble to the but. But the problem with the but is it's a loud song. And so Paul heard me say scramble due to but.

And so when I asked Paul, can you fast forward in my mind? I from my perspective, it was the energy from me was Paul, can you fast forward to the chorus of the song we're listening to right now to but and what Paul heard from his perspective, which is fully legit and I am not trying to like dismiss that was. Hey Paul, do the but my my coworker. I demand you come on stage and you performed a but for everyone and he did. He did do it. Yeah, it was a terrible, terrible comedy of errors that has that has for forever shifted

the power dynamic between myself and Paul. So boring, an excellent test of loyalty that we don't do that I didn't want. Yeah, but now you know it's too much. I shouldn't be allowed to demand that anyone do the but at any time. Highlighted a tour for me. This is an advice show. What we do on this show is we take your questions and we turn them out to me like into wisdom. We're so happy to have you here.

So many of you here. Thank you so much Washington DC. You're you're really wonderful but enough flattery. Whoa, I'm with the show. Isn't it weird to drive around and just drive past the White House? It should be hidden. I feel like this feels like you shouldn't just be able to look at a I recently bought a house and the previous owners left an Xbox behind.

Nice. The Xbox is an original Xbox. I don't think so. Tiffany's. Clearly the Xbox itself is mine now. Yeah, clearly. But it's a built in. Yeah.

Do I need to log in? It's a load bearing Xbox. That's my favorite part of every fixer upper. Yeah. When chip games like we need to put a couple of boxes over there. As I beams one has like six inches short. Oh, wait a minute. Are you done playing banjo?

Cause you're done playing banjo Kazooie. Great. Do I need to log into my own account? The old owner had streaming subscriptions that I don't and and this is the Xbox that they had here for when they rented their house out on Airbnb. That's from Shay Lynn. Just because of how causality works. I'm assuming you've already been wheezing the juice so to speak and have not been waiting

on our permission to do so. Oh, I can't wait to start locking key as soon as the McRoy brothers say okay. Okay. Um, I would pause it from moment that those streaming subscriptions in the Xbox are like of a previous owner left like flower bulbs in the garden. This is something that's going to keep giving over and over again, right? Or like buried treasure underneath or like buried bodies underneath the floor. Either one.

Yeah. It's your problem to deal with one way or the other. Maybe they're fucking Katie ratio is so garbage. This is the only way they could get rid of it. They left it with a note of like and place them halo if you have time. If you're not a huge free Xbox going to meet up with my friend master chief. But then you log on. It's like your Katie ratio is trash.

Wait. The Xbox says yeah. It's been a while since I played Xbox. It's they got all kinds of new features now, including a human mouth that appears on the Xbox and says your ratio is trash kid. Give me the cheetos feed me a cat. What were we talking about? I think has there has anybody ever gone to a place where there is a rented like an Airbnb

situation where many people have been allowed to use a streaming subscription where the algorithm has just been ruined. They have no idea what you are. Like if you push the wrong thing at this point they will call the police. You're not a person. The YouTube search in particular is a rowdy. Oh yeah. Because that often becomes a stream of consciousness.

Yeah. Where it's just like Marble Run crypto. Marble Run crypto Ron Paul Carwash song. What? What? Bobby Flay meltdown good hat. 2009. Mine of men see a season three part one.

Best of. Best of. Uncensored. Obviously. If you are going to pull this grift your two main options are starting a new sub account on the account and but pick the name settings. That's just one that I learned on the internet. Or you watch only what they have watched most recently which is a fun a fun con to run where

it's like what's on tonight. Mind hunter again. Why do they only watch season two? Why do they only watch season two? They keep just the middle four episodes. They keep start. They started the crown and came right on back to mind hunter. I was getting really into the crown.

I'm currently in college studying forensic sciences my major. I specialize in forensic anthropology which is the study of bones and dry remains. I love that show. Overall my parents are very supportive of this however there is one problem. My mom is convinced that at some point when I'm studying ancient skeletons and unsolved murders, I'm going to get haunted or be the victim of an ancient curse. I've tried convincing her that ghosts are not real to no avail. Brothers had arguments with my mother that I can protect myself from these ghosts and

curses. What do I tell her to calm her superstitious worries? That's from deadly desperation in DC. We haven't proven that life on other planets exists. But I bet many people in this room believe that it might be true. Are you equating the existence of aliens and the existence of ghosts? Because this is not chop-o-chop house. Now Griffin, I will say, and Justin, you probably don't.

Please welcome to Neil DeGrasse Tyson talking about aliens and ghosts, baby. We're fucking our whole thing up tonight, baby. We didn't fucking know germs existed until like 200 years ago. Yes, Christ, we're tiptoeing toward the threshold, toward this very real conversation, Travis. But I'm just saying that you're being wildly blasé. Yeah. When your mom... Okay, it also just hit me hearing the question.

Dead bodies. Great, great, great. Unsolved mysteries. There is a danger there. Yeah, I'm studying an unsolved murder, but I'll be fine. I've watched a lot of TV shows and movies, friend. I know this is like all mummy-all-mummy stuff. Like, it's all long time ago crimes, right?

Okay, but here's the thing. It's like mystery crimes. You make an excellent point, Justin, thank you. Ghosts might not be real, but you know what's definitely real? Mummies. Yeah, mummies and skeletons. Ghosts isn't the only threat. If you've ever watched the hit documentary The Mummy with Brendan Frazier,

then you'll know that he was not a ghost. He was but a mummy who killed. Right. Yeah, sure. He was a fleshy, wrapped skeleton. Which do exist. They do definitely exist. Yeah.

And sometimes the Discovery Museum is like, hey, we have a special mummy exhibit. Bring your son. And I'm like, are you out of your fucking mind? That's a real mummy gang. That's like they're like, hey, you want to see a dead body? Hey, it's us, Nat Geo. You want to see a dead body? Well, a lot of time has passed.

Hey, it's old. It doesn't even count anymore. Bring your five-year-old. In a thousand years, are people just going to go around digging up graveyards? They'll be like, we put this in a museum now. You want to see a dead body? Oh, that's a whole dead body. I'm out of here.

I would like to challenge the part where you say your parents are very supportive. Because if they think you might be murdered by ghosts, I hope they're not very supportive. I think that's like a mild support at best. That's like a grimacing sort of acceptance that your kid is in great, great danger from ghosts and mummies. There aren't too many careers that would be on the front lines of a mummy-esque massacre. But mummy specialist is high on the list. Oh, I'm a professional mummy toucher.

If you want to give your mom the respect she so richly deserves, she raised you. I would give yourself a few ground rules that you do try to follow for her own piece of mind. Number one is, of course, don't have sex on the sarcophagus. That's number one. If I may, number two, don't bring someone back that you met at a party and you're both drunk and you're like, look at this cool mummy I've been working on. Don't make him pretend to talk or rap, please. They will kill you for that.

And I know the word play is fucking hysterical. We get it, okay? Don't eat a hamburger on the sarcophagus. Don't do anything on the sarcophagus. In fact, don't touch it. Don't touch it. Actually, your mom's right. Yeah, you know what?

On second thought, maybe get a real job. Yeah. Come on. So hostile. Oh, like podcaster. Yeah, right? How much money would you have to be paid to touch a mummy? Mount doesn't exist for me.

I'm not sure. Oh, I would pay money to touch a mummy. Okay, never mind. This is a bad question. Yeah, you shouldn't ask that. It's more different people fundamentally. It's very different people. My hairdresser is my cousin's daughter.

Oh, it feels like a good time for a bit, though, doesn't it? Okay. Hey, I've got a game. Yeah. The most dangerous game. A little thing called minion quotes. Okay. See, Paul, that one's good.

It doesn't work. That's what I like. So here's the way this is going to work. If Paul has done his job correctly, then we're going to show some images with the character erased. Did you do that, Paul? He's shrugging. Okay, great. There will be a caption associated with it, funny, inspirational.

Who knows? Moving. And moving, deeply touching of mummies. And I'm going to read it and you guys will guess what the character is. If you get it correct, I will post it to Facebook and Instagram because apparently they posted the same place. Oh, that's great. I've learned in retrospect.

And if you lose, absolutely nothing happens to you. Oh, good. Yeah, I know. I love it. Yeah. Okay. And for some reason you're like, sounds good. I'll do it.

It's a very bad game for myself. I'm sorry to have such great fortitude. Quote number one. Now this one is a pallet cleanser. Okay. What does that mean? Dear God, I want to take a minute not to ask for anything, but simply to say thank you for all I have.

Why is it a pallet cleanser? Because it's not a cartoon character? No, because I wasn't going to post it. What if we get it though? We'll see. Okay. So you is Bart Simpson. I'm going to stick with Minion.

Damn it. Travis. Now I'm I will Travis you've never pre-lost before. I'm I will say I'm proud to post that one because that is how I feel. Okay. That's why it was a pallet cleanser. These are the real ones because I would have posted that one anyway. Because we don't take enough time.

Yeah, it was already up there actually. Me and Nani agreed to cross post it. That's where he found it. Okay. Quote number two. These are the real ones. Same shit. Different day.

Fuck. I mean instant pallet tone is like I'm loving your sanity Sam right now. It's giving you a sanity Sam. Hey guys, it's it's tour manager Paul. Can I ask a quick rules question here? Yeah, technically this minion quote image has two different characters. Correct. They can get either one.

Thank you Paul Travis. You should have said that. All right. Thanks Paul. If they get either one if they get one. They can eat my shorts. No, if they get one. Wait, is it Bart Simpson?

If they get one, I'll post it. If they get both, I'll post it this day again next week. He'll post it weekly until next time next year. Is it two Griffin? Do you think it's the two? The two? Is it like a pair? Do you think?

I'm going to say and look at Travis's face when I say it. Is it Tom and Jerry? You would never say Tom and then sit there. And not say Jerry. You would never say like Tom. You know the cat Tom. So I maybe Tass and Tweety. Okay, let's review.

Oh wait. Hold on. Wait. Yeah, so we're two for two. This has never happened before. Yeah, that's Sylvester and Tweety. So far, Justin has gotten both. Yeah, yeah.

I'll try to do that. It's going to be a fun day on my Facebook. I hate this game more and more with every second. Quote number three. Is it okay to lose your shit sometimes? No, no, Travis. It's not a question. It is okay.

Oh, it is okay to lose your shit sometimes because if you keep your shit, you'll end up full of shit and then you'll explode. And then there will be shit everywhere. A shit storm and nobody wants that. Gandhi. Famous character, Gandhi. Oh, what a character he was. Gandhi.

Shit. I really want you to post this on your wall so fucking bad. Okay. Okay, Griffin, I'm going to think it really hard. I'm going to try to help you that way. This is great. We've never done ESP on stage before. I feel like you're not actually sending it.

No, I'm thinking it's so hard. It's good audio. It's good audio. Justin, what's your guess? I'm still, Justin, Travis is still sending it. I'm still thinking it's so hard. I'm getting fucking theta waves just like filling. I'm like really, I'm torn between bugs and Stewie.

That's where I'm like, but the only reason I'm not just saying bugs is because the shape of the words feel like Stewie. The gap feels like a Stewie gap, right? It wouldn't be a bugs gap. It would be a Stewie gap. Oh, I know what it is. Is it Donald Duck? No.

Fuck, fuck. I'm going to say, is it one of them? Don't answer that. I'm going to say Bugs Bunny. Reveal. I was thinking Grogu so hard. I was just saying Grogu. Grogu.

And I heard it, Travis, but that's not a real word. And so I was like, what is he really? I'm hearing Grogu, but that's nothing. So he must be trying to tell me. The last one, please, Paul. Damn it. You're going to afford it. Good morning, fuckers.

Let the bullshit begin. Jane Seymour. What? Not Jane Seymour. I didn't say Jane Seymour. John Cena. John Cena. Jane Seymour.

Hi, everyone. I'm John Seymour. Ba, ba, ba. These are my morts. Good morning. Read it again. Good morning, fuckers. Let the bullshit begin.

Is this one also baby Yoda? That's not my real guess. Live action or cartoon? Can you give us that? No. Okay. Then it's live action. Yeah.

I'm going to say baby fucking you. You had a look on your face when I said baby Yoda. That made me think. It's because I was thinking it before, Griffin. I'm still bouncing around the room. I'm just now getting the baby Yoda waves, Travis. I want it. I want it to be Dwight from the office.

I want it to be. I'm going to say that. Maybe it'll happen with the power of the secret. I'm going to say. Dwight from the office. I'm going to say fuck. I want it so bad. You want me to think it again?

Yeah. Yogi bear? No. I couldn't say if it was cartoon or real life because it's both. Travis, clearly not. That's Kermit the Frog baby. He is not rendered in moving illustration. But he was in Muppet babies.

And ironically, the cartoon all stars against smoking. Wow. This is bullshit. You guys beat me two out of four. I know I wanted more though. You wanted more than two wins? Let's start the question. Yeah.

Next question. I'm current. Okay. Please post those by the way right now. I don't have my phone. My hairdresser is my cousin's daughter. We are. No.

My hairdresser is my cousin's daughter. Wait. My hairdresser is my cousin's daughter. We can't already be lost. We are close in age and definitely knew each other when we were younger, but haven't been to family events at the same time in many years. Her grandma, my aunt posted her work and I decided to start going to her to color my hair.

I have now been going for a year about four appointments and the fact of us being related has never come up. Neither of us has ever mentioned it. Should I bring it up? And if so, how can I colorful hair in the Carolinas? They definitely, when you left the first time, their first thought was, why didn't they mention the fact that we were related? That was really weird.

And then you probably thought, why didn't they mention the fact that we were related? That's really weird. I'll do it next time. Yeah. Okay. Wait. I'm going to ask one follow up question. Just yes or no.

Do you have the same last name? Okay. I did say yes or no. Don't get me wrong. That additional information was extremely helpful. Huh. It's important no matter what you do that you do it after you have paid for the haircut. So it does not seem even like a little bit like you are like, let me get that kind of

cousin's discount. Could you just like unprompted be like, isn't it weird that we're related and haven't talked about it yet? Again, after you've paid for the haircut or else it's going to seem like you're sort of half acidly trying to. Can I say though, I think the paying for the haircut we're goofing around about it, but I have a feeling that's what happened here. Let me take you back.

Okay. No one knows what a haircut is going to cost ever. Yeah. I'm not even sure what happens during one. My eyes are closed. They don't talk about it a lot because they know after your hair is cut, they got you. So no one knows what a haircut is going to cost. You can't uncut the hair.

Can I cut my hair? It's done. They got you. But I think that both of you are. Can I just say, sorry, you've just made me think. Sorry, Justin. Justin, if I may interrupt you for the first time. This better be the funniest shit ever.

It's up there. Get ready. Hold, brace your asses DC. You're about to hear the funniest shit ever. I think. Hit them with it Travis. There should be a precedent set. That once your hair is cut, if you don't want to pay, they get another 30 minute go at your

hair before you get to leave. So if either one of you had brought up the familiar relationship, you would have immediately realized, man, it's going to be weird when it gets to the charging them time. Because they're going to be wondering, should I charge them? And I'm going to feel bad about charging them, but not that bad because I did cut their hair and it is my job. And so like, I'll talk to them after. And then it's like, they signed the thing.

And then as they're walking out the door, like, and you're my cousin, remember? This was a weird time to bring it up. You're already leaving. Okay. I won't. I'm not going to say it. I'll just think it. There's no time before the exchange of money that would be not weird.

Yeah. I'm actually thinking now when it is the time. But I'm just saying is like, when is the best moment? Is it like you're reading a magazine? You're like, huh, isn't that weird? I didn't know these two people were related. You know, like we're related. I like, I like, um, how's your, how's your mom?

Now without any context though, Justin, that sounds like a weird come on to that person. So how's your mom doing? Okay. You have snipers positioned outside there. You already know how the mom is doing. Yeah. Yeah. But you better nail this haircut.

Now give me the codes to the museum. This is there for a heist. I'm doing late. Okay. Just let me talk. Yeah. Go ahead. There is context cause you're related and you know that.

Yeah. But that's the context of your, how's your mom? That if the cousin doesn't know that they're your second cousin. They do. How they do. They definitely do. The assumption is that they do. No assumption.

They know it. I can tell. Wait. So does it. There's no assumption. I can tell. You just look at it. He was there.

You can look at the text on your computer screen. And now look between the lines. It's there. You know, but no assumption. I wasn't assuming. You're just reading between the lines. I had no assumption between those. There are no assumptions after the gigantic assumption that Justin has just made.

On stage. You can tell from the way they answered from the audience. They need. Yeah. So why are you even asking? No. We can tell by the way you answered. You already know that they know.

This is a fucking mess up here and it didn't need to be. Why did you make us fight like this? This is your fault. You bring this bullshit to my house. Look at my brother. Look what you did. He's embarrassed. He's so embarrassed because of the thing you brought to our doorstep.

What about tell me about your mom? Make sure you say it like the Joker like Justin just did for some reason. What about chasing your mom? How about catch me up on your mom? Your mom hasn't been posing on Instagram lately. What's she going to do? Oh, hey, wait. What's the 411 with your mom?

Your mom's still doing those sick kickflips. You can just tell if you look at it, they know they both know. Yeah. Of course they know. For sure. Definitely. You can just tell they know. You can just tell.

Do you have a bit? My house caught. Yeah. No. My house. It's been so long since we did a bit. It's been five minutes. It's been five minutes.

My house caught on fire, but it's chill now and half the house is getting restored while I'm living in the other half. So the question is, how do I coexist and not embarrass myself in front of the people fixing my house? Should I interact with them or leave offerings or can't? Do you know? Can you tell already the one that you shouldn't leave offerings or can I just hide the whole time?

That's from burning question in Pennsylvania. Hello. Okay. Let's say how much I love the word choice of restored, like your house is a great masterpiece painting. Yeah. I enjoy that immensely. So I burned down half of my house and now it's being restored to its original.

You don't leave offerings. You know that. You know that. Well, hold on. They are not some bountiful spirits come to, or a friendly magpie. I know myself though, and if I made too many scones, yeah, I will be the guy who's like, knock, knock, knock. Yeah.

Knock, knock, knock on this plastic sheeting separating Travis. That's why I said knock, knock, knock. Knock, knock, knock. I got scones. It has been my experience whenever people who are far more qualified and skilled than I am to fix or do anything in a house that they do not really want my assistance or feedback at all. Or presence.

Presence. Really. You will be so tempted to just be like, it was more square than that. Mmm. Going with wood for that. Good choice. Have you thought about wedging a few Xboxes under there? Structural Xboxes.

Load bearing. I had a lot more built-ins. I love built-ins. Yeah. I tried to make it into built-ins. You know my problem now is whenever people are doing that kind of thing, it's hard for me to not be like, teach me what you're doing. Yeah.

Teach me how to do that. I want to learn how to do that. That's part of this, right? Is that you'll teach me your whole craft? I don't know if that would be like knock a few bucks off or charge double for my assistance. Oh, see, my biggest fear is that someone working on my house will ask me a basic question about how I want something done and I will instantly in that moment realize I don't know not just how to answer but what they're talking about and I'll go to the left and then you

run out of there. Use the nails. And then they'll be like, I think this is actually my house now. You don't deserve this. Wait, how do you want your hot water heater fixed? Make it hot. Oh, I love that. How does your water get heated?

Is it gas or electric? And there hasn't I've been asked that question probably 20 times in my years on this earth. There hasn't been a single one. I haven't been like, let me go down there and look. I'm going to go down there and put a grill on it. Someone will ask me to turn a breaker off and I'll go to where the breakers are labeled and it'll just say like receptacles and I'm like, well, that could be anywhere. That's nothing.

Wall. What the fuck? As soon as I get in front of the breaker box, I start like ticking clock in my head. How long it's taking before they're going to jam a screwdriver into something? Oh, yeah. I better flip that breaker as quickly as possible. One specific one off or I'll fucking die. I went down there earlier.

I know you have one labeled to F. So I'm not feeling great about my chances. All right, Griffin, you're all alone. You can do this. You can do this. You don't need your two brothers. They're holding you back. You can sell products and services easy.

You know what would make selling products and services even easier though is if I had a website to do so and I don't know how to make a website. I think it's like you draw a bunch of pictures and you upload them online and then you add little clicky spots to make the pages move. But Squarespace actually knows shit about what I just said. They're the all in one platform for building your brand and growing your business online. They let you stand out with a beautiful website, engage with your audience and sell anything, your products, content, you create and even your time.

I've actually used Squarespace before to make a couple of websites and it is easy. It is like the easiest way to make a website in my humble opinion. You can try drawing pictures and adding clicky links, but that isn't, I don't think, actually anything. They also let you create pro level videos effortlessly. The Squarespace Video Studio app helps you make and share engaging videos to tell your story, grow your audience and drive sales. They got blogging tools.

They got optimized for mobile stuff. Content automatically adjusts to your site looks great no matter where they're looking at it from at. So I want you to go to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Yes, baby. That's one.

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Hey, while I've got you here in the Money Zone, I'm going to tell you all about some upcoming events we've got. Of course, we have the Mbem-Bem Live in Virtual 20 Sun and Sea Kickoff Show this Friday, March 17th, 9 p.m. Eastern Time. Tickets are 10 bucks and Sawbones is going to be opening and we're going to have video on demand available for that. We're two weeks after the event, but hey, we've also got some actual live shows, like in-person ones coming up soon, and all the tickets for the stuff I'm about to say go

on sale this Friday, March 17th at noon local time. We're going to be doing Mbem-Bem in Austin, Texas at Moontower Comedy Festival. That one's actually on sale now, but we're also coming to Columbus, Milwaukee, Raleigh, Richmond, San Diego. Tickets for all of those things are at bit.ly slash McRoy Tours. We also still have some tickets available for our rescheduled shows in San Jose and Denver coming up later next month, so again, bit.ly slash McRoy Tours. Come see us.

Also, we've got new merch. We've got generic podcast merch over at MacBoringMerch.com. It's very good. People are going to give you like 100 to 200 compliments when you wear them, so go check that out too. Okay, bye. Do you want to know where our security's going to be from dairy all day? Max Fun Drive.

Hey, chef, we got another one. Another Max Fun Drive. People know it's the best time to support the shows they love. You tell them I'll meet up days back. Sure did. They wanted to know about the live streams though. Those are finishing up right now. We can even send one out on the first night, March 20th.

March 20th, chef! I'll give them a heads up. They also wanted the limited time thank you gifts for new and upgrading members. Yep, and we got some fresh episodes ready to go too. Alright, we got exciting live streams, meetup day, fresh episodes, limited time gifts, and bowl cup. Yeah, okay. Let them know that Max Fun Drive 2023 will be ready on March 20th, and it'll only be

two weeks. Two weeks, chef! Max Fun Drive starts on March 20th for just two weeks. No problem. Order up. Shoot, I forgot their water. And now, a live reading from Rachel's Poetry Corner. Elephant's Theramans Clifton, Neopets' Porstrips Jepson, Pinesmell Jellybean's Goalie Goals,

Skittles, Squirrels, and the Mole, Celery Chopsticks Pumpernickel, A Case of You by Joni Mitchell. Lullaby's Tie-Dye, The More You Know, all of these things on our wonderful show. All of these things and more wait for you on wonderful every Wednesday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts. Welcome to Munch Squad, it's a podcast within a podcast that profiles the latest and greatest in brand eating. We normally, at the beginning of live shows, will ask if it's the first time someone has

experienced my brother, my brother and me. We didn't ask that, but this segment always makes me think, for the first time we're hearing a crowd of like 4,000 people yell, Squad! Yeah. After Munch, they're mostly like one person's like, what the fuck? But then they go home and they're like, yeah, they all got really sad by a hamburger press release. I love this show.

I'm going to get a tattoo. I'm going to talk about Subway a little bit. Real quick, they got a new promotion where you can pay $15 for a month and be in the sub club and you can get 50% off footlongs every day once for a month. That pays for itself. Yeah, but you are really making a lot of choices right there. Well, it sounds like you're making one big choice every month of I'm going to eat a fucking lot of Subway in November.

Well, it's $5.00, that's just six subs in a month. I'm not sure that... $5.00 footlongs. Yeah. You're paying $15.00 for half off. That's six. So, 12 footlongs? Go ahead, Juice.

Go ahead, Juice. Thank you. Gosh. So, I want to talk to you also about the Subway series, which is the 12 best and most craveable sandwiches in company history. Subway is offering nine of its biggest fans a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make this all-star lineup a permanent part of their history in more ways than one. Subway is hosting a block party in Las Vegas at Bad Apple Tattoo where nine super fans

can get a real tattoo of the Subway series logo from two-time Ink Master Champion, DJ Tambay, or a member of his team. I would like some clarity on that, if I may. What is he doing? I mean, I'd like to wait for him. Tattooing eight other people. Depending on the size and location of the tattoo, fans can earn. This is where it gets rough.

For life is if you get a foot long, the foot long, that's a 12-by-12-inch tattoo. A 12-by-12-inch tattoo? They don't call them $5 foot deeps. So that's the foot long. The foot, the 12-inch-by-12-inch tattoo on sternum or back. Get the fuck out. They're that specific about it? Where else?

I guess you don't really have a whole lot of... I'll also say, this from the company who said you're in the sub club, you get one a day. How many is Slubs for Life? Yeah. I'm going to need some clarification. Yeah, I don't think they have the specifics. But here's where it's rough, is if you get a three-inch-by-three-inch tattoo on shoulder blade, forearm, or calf, you earn subs for a year.

But a tattoo for life! Subs for life is the foot long, 12-inch-by-12-inch. No, but I'm saying... Yes. Because it fade away over a year. No, but I'm recapping because for a two-inch-by-two-inch tattoo on wrist, bicep, or foot, you get subs for a month. That's still a pretty big chunk of flesh.

Yeah, it's so fairly permanent. To clarify, because they specified the Subway logo, they decided that getting a small Subway logo tattoo on your body is worth subs for a month. About $38. They... That's... Why did you get that tattoo? Well, it's so I could get free Subway.

Oh, nice. 30 days later. Why'd you get that tattoo? No reason. No reason now. No reason at all. Had an awesome... Had a kick-ass reason.

I love Subways like mathematics there of like, well, we want someone who loves Subway enough to get a tattoo of Subway, but doesn't love it enough that they don't want more than a month of subs. Not one foot by one foot of love. The thing is, guys, the 12-inch by 12-inch is like the grand prize of this. You have to win the opportunity to desecrate your fucking one body. It's like if you did hands on a hard body who can keep their hand on the truck the longest, but you had to sever your own hand and glue it to the truck.

But you win. The truck hits you going full speed. Tattoo... Here's the quote. Tattoos hold a special meaning for my customers. They come to me to celebrate the things they love the most or to commemorate... Wait, is this the tattoo guy or the Subway guy? This is DJ Tambay, tattoo artist.

Okay. I thought you were talking from a Subway guy who was like me, the CEO of Subway. Every time someone comes in with a tattoo. But if someone comes into one of our restaurants, I know they're an ink freak. Whether that's the first time trying the Subway series or simply eternal love for Subway, I'm here to make that a permanent part of their lives and something to showcase. Unless, apparently, I'm too busy, in which case my assistant, Greg, will do that. Sorry, DJ, you're willing to give this tattoo to someone who's trying Subway for the first

time. Yeah. Let's hope it's not that. You won't let me get a tattoo drunk, but you will let someone go, I don't know. Man, I've heard good things. Wouldn't you love to hear from some of the people that would actually do this? No, Paul. Well, lying along beside a walk at Bad Apple Tattoo, all these people here are just waiting

to get a very specific logo. Yeah, not just any ink, a tattoo of the new Subway series logo, and now one man will get free Subway sandwiches for life. That's right. Jeremy J. Ford spoke with the lucky winner today. Subway is here promoting the new Subway series with 12 new delicious sandwiches and a chance to win a lifetime of free Subway. I have been thrilled to have made it this far and actually get the big tattoo.

James Coons came all the way from Colorado to be the first in line to get a foot-long tattoo. I'm a huge fan of Subway, so I thought about it. Just to clarify, you said you're a huge fan of Subway. That's good to hear. I would be terrified. I've always been miltose on Subway, more of a Quiznos guy myself, but I tell you what I am.

Budget conscious. Yeah. All right. Go ahead, Paul. Sorry. Made it this far and actually got the big tattoo. James Coons came all the way from Colorado to be the first in line to get a foot-long tattoo.

I'm a huge fan of Subway, so I thought about it and I was like, well, maybe I should fly out to Las Vegas. Not much, right? Arriving on Monday, he waited outside of Bad Apple for three days to get his first tattoo. You can't just say. Tattoos hurt, but they don't hurt, and now I kind of get that. Because we have one of the best artists in the country that works here. Making the partnership with Subway a great promotional opportunity along with the blog

I've never been as sad after a month's squad as I am in this moment. Listen, a lot of people say we are in the late stages of capitalism. I feel like this baby's about to rally. And now we're announcing a rally's tattoo and we have emblazoned over us for the remainder of the show the fucking wild banner of prove your dedication with ink. No, because people will do it. Don't do it for us. Do it for Subway.

Do it for Subway. Which is also what it says at the Army Recruitment Center. Prove your fucking dedication with ink. Hey, we're going to call some people down to the microphone that it's directly center house center stage. Center. We have received your questions via the email platform, and I'm going to start calling people down now.

Hello. You can angle it down. You can angle the microphone down. It's very close to the stage because they didn't want people to trip on cords. So that's why you're where you are. You're probably thinking this can't possibly be right. I'm so close. I'm behind a speaker, basically.

I mean, I can still see you guys. See, Justin? That's what matters. Okay. All right. What's your name? So my name is Rachel. My pronouns are she, her, I live here in D.C., woo.

Nice. I've heard good things. Still waiting to check it out. Okay, so my question is, my husband fridges his shirts. Yeah. He kills them off to motivate a comic book hero. And how do I articulate that that's weird? Okay.

So we go over questions backstage when we get done. This is exactly what I was going to say. This question came up, Griffin read it, and he goes, that's nothing, right? And me and Justin are like, no, no, no, no, because I get it. Yeah, Griffin. And Justin and I were like, why are you so blase about this? We have feelings. Can we get a show of hands of people who've heard of putting shirts in a refrigerator

before? Oh, shit. There really aren't that many people. Yay! For you listening later, there's like six people. Okay? Griffin treated it like you would ask, my husband, he's putting jelly with peanut butter. Hey, raise your hand if he's all dumbo in the theater.

Okay. So Tim Burton, I'm, hey, don't be afraid. It's okay if you saw Dumb in the Theater. I thought it'd be more people than your weird thing, but no, it wasn't. How many people like the movie Big Fish? Okay. Let's not. Why are we going on a full?

Okay. Listen, you put the shirts. You know how sure sometimes you wear it with your body and then your body puts a stink in it? Yeah. Because your body fills it with microbes and the microbes make a stinky smell. When you put it in the refrigerator, there's cold. If you don't let me finish this scientific fucking deep dive, slow your roll and let me

finish. Please, please. Let me finish. Yeah, please. It makes, it makes the microbes die because they get too cold and the stink goes away. There is another machine in your house that makes the stink go away. Not in everybody's, now wait, hold on. Hold on.

Not in everybody's house. There's another machine that exists in the world. Right. Do you have a clothes washing machine in your... Maybe do, but it wasn't because it's, well, it, it smelled bad, but that's not why he fridged it. He likes the cold. I have wasted everyone's time.

He put it in the refrigerator, or pause. He put it in the freezer because we were walking and it was a very hot summer day. Oh fuck. I'm actually, can I just say, I'm more on board with that. Does that seems like, can I ask you a question, Rachel? More than once? It's so weird because he did it. More than once, Rachel?

He did do it before we dated. Wow, what a great tone of voice to say that way. Does he still do it? Does the... He hasn't done it in the like four years we've lived together. Is that you know him? Do you make him refreshing like a cool treat to look forward to when he gets back from running?

I think that's exactly why he did it. Because it was very hot, so he wanted like to cool down, but it was very strange to see him go away, come back shirtless, and then watch him like in the kitchen just pull a shirt out of the freezer. Or when you go to get a popsicle, and there's, there's a nice Oxford in there. When I just say Rachel, and I wasn't expecting this when this question began, when we talk about it backstage, it seems like Irvin and I have switched musicians. You come back from a hot sweaty walk, throw your shirt in there for a couple of minutes,

how chilly and refreshing, completely reasonable to me. It's the only cold zone in the whole place. It is the coldest zone. It's the coldest zone by design, thank you, yes. There's lots of things that make stuff hot in the house. That's true. Right, yes. It makes things instantly hot, yes.

They see me dishwasher, big dog laying against it. Yeah, sure. Only one thing makes it cold. I'm just saying, I'm actually, Rachel, you're wrong. Does that help? I think you're right, Rachel, for what it's worth, but this has been a really, yeah. Does that help, Rachel? It definitely helps.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you so much. Hello. Hello. Hello. My name is Tyler. Hi, Tyler.

Hi, Tyler. So my question is, what should I do about Louise Guzman's box that's been in my parents' attic for the last 17 years? Yeah, that's what we said. Yeah. Well, normally, if someone's like, I don't actually need advice, but I do have a pretty wild anecdote, normally those go in the bin. This one, we were like, we're going to need to hear a little bit more about this.

We are going to need some details. Tyler, go ahead. Well, okay. So we got this house in Northern Vermont, like 17 years ago, and we got it from Louise Guzman. Cool. No, okay. You can't say, I got it from him.

Because I had a high stakes poker match. Well, he owned it, and then I guess never really liked it. You squatted it. Yeah, I'm going to be honest with you, Tyler. You have immediately sucked a lot of the magic of this question out of this. It's a mysterious box, and we've never... Well, no, because Louise Guzman owned the house before you did. And so if you would send us a question in an email box, and it's like, hey, I bought

Louise Guzman's house. He left so much shit behind. I don't know. We would have called you. I bought Louise Guzman's house, and he left his Xbox behind. Tyler, admit you've opened Louise Guzman's box. You've opened it. Narnia's inside.

Huh? Admit you opened it. I've never seen inside of it. My parents looked at it. That's a very interesting way of answering my question, Tyler. I've never looked inside of it. It's my... But you've smelled it.

I had a proxy remove the contents. I put my hands in it like a Halloween thing with the peeled grapes as I bought. That kind of stuff. I have felt Louise Guzman's belonging. I've bobbed in it with my mouth, but I was blindfolded. Bobbing for Louise Guzman's VHS tapes. But my other senses were heightened. Yeah.

So what did your parent say is in the box? Like some clothes and some... But it's buried in the deepest corners of our attic. But they know where it fucking is, though, for sure. They do. Okay. We don't need a reference photo of Louise Guzman. You're like bad Siri at this point, Paul.

I think you were talking about... You could have pulled up a goose man. Tyler, there's nothing for you here. Here's what's rough, Tyler. I would say Google how to get in touch with Louise Guzman to return his belongings to him, but I'm pretty sure the top result would be a wiki-how article. And I'm not comfortable with sending people there volunteering. I'll try to get in touch.

Does that help? I appreciate it. Yeah, for sure. All right. Hello. Hello. My name is Jana. Hi, Jana.

Hi. Hi. Hi. My question was how do I get my ex's dad's French toast recipe? Is it... It's a great question. Would you like more context? Well, yeah.

But first, I do want to say when I read it backstage, I did think that it said how do I get my ex dad's French toast recipe? I'm sorry. It's not that complicated. Toast recipe. And then we... Yeah. Anyway, yeah, more context would be great.

So I went on vacation with... When I was in high school with my boyfriend's family and his dad made this really good French toast in being a high school, I thought we'll be together forever. So I don't need to ask for this recipe, but then we broke up and I never got it. And so like we talk sometimes about video games, but that's it. I don't know how to segue from like Mass Effect into French toast. Yeah. So like I need some help.

Jana, how long has it been since you had this French toast? It's been like seven years and I'm married now, but I'm still thinking about the French toast. Yeah, I don't blame you. Hey, listen, I know how that can feel sometimes, but if you found a new love, you should leave the old French toast in the past, even if you get the recipe, it's never going to be the same. It's not going to be the same.

It's not true. It's probably... It was really good French toast. Oh, but Jana, that French toast is seasoned with seven years of memories. Yeah, you should leave it. You're going to eat that French toast now, and there is absolutely no goddamn chance it lives up. Unless...

Unless... It puts you in a little boat headed back in time seven years ago when things were so much simpler, weren't they? So why'd you guys break up? Don't say, don't say, don't say. I already know. I will say this, you said that you talk about video games sometimes, it's hard to transition from Mass Effect to French toast.

I will give you that. I would counter with, it's probably a little bit easier than going from absolute radio silence for seven years to starting with anyway, hey, things didn't work out, obviously, but what is it, vanilla extract in the milk before? What's the... At least the lines of communication are open. It's not like you're calling Louis Guzman after 17 years. It's saying I still have your box that you didn't know about.

That's good. There's probably some people who saw the first picture of Louis Guzman and were like, I don't know who that is. No, I do like that this is a good representation of Louis Guzman through the years. It looks like Louis Guzman's Facebook. More like his vice face. Yeah, probably. Can you say you've entered into a French toast contest and you're really...

Listen, I normally wouldn't hit you up after so long, but I'm in a pretty intense French toast contest. And then you can write back later when they're like, how did it go? You go, it turns out it was a toast contest in France. I fucking blew it. That's perfect. Thank you. Glad we could help you out.

Thank you. Thank you. I've done it along. I'd love to make it. We can take the house lights away. Make them go away. There's too many of them and they make me scared. Disappear the strangers.

Sometimes when I see you all, I'm like, don't wave at me. I'm so scared. You can... When it's just like this, you can pretend it's just you joking with your brothers, then you see everybody and you become very aware of the fact this is a show. You have just talked about subway for a long time. Boy, you talked about subway for a long time, boy, I'm glad you couldn't see their faces Thank you so much to, gosh, Amanda and Rachel and Paul and wonderful.

Thanks so much. Thanks to all bones. Thank you. I want to say thank you to Saul for helping us sell posters and Amanda will sell posters. Please be patient. Saul, he's doing his best. There's a lot of people who really want these posters. They're flying off the shelves, speaking of which, designed by Kaylee Turpo.

Thank you very much. Thank you, Kaylee Turpo. Beautiful, beautiful posters. Thank you to Montaigne for the Use for a Theme Song My Life is Better With You. I think that's it. I think that's it. Thank you so much, DC. Thank you to Paul.

Should we thank to Paul? Yeah, Paul. For sure. I feel like legally we should say thank you to Louise Guzman just to like... Yeah, for everything. Yeah. And Griffin, you had... And every time we end the show, Justin does a little inspirational quote underneath a

shrine that Paul has quickly constructed of Louise Guzman. This is what you do every episode, so just do what you do every episode. Just do your normal thing. Just spit out your normal stick. Why are you milking it? The stars... Yeah. Harf.

The stars? Harf. The stars. The stars. Yeah. Good start. The stars, my friend. The stars, my friend.

They are out there for the reaching. Keep at it and at them forever. Oh, man. Thanks. I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother Me.

Kiss your dad. Square on the left. This has been My Brother, My Brother Me. Kiss your dad. Square on the left. Oh, it's better with you.