My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 654: With Great Car Comes Great Babeability

Episode Date: April 3, 2023

It seems like the Tetris movie is getting critical acclaim, but it’s definitely not the adaption we were expecting so, hear us out: We’re pitching our own twisted version. The pieces live in The Puzzle, which is like The City, and the shapes are the characters. Timothy Olyphant as the line! Bono as Right-Facing L! Glen Close as a T? Or maybe Left-Facing S? Suggested talking points: Terrible Spaghetti Power, The Subway is a Runway, Powerful Mic Arms, Moon Over Travis, April Fools Creep, Sloppy ChickenTransgender Law Center: https://transgenderlawcenter.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? To a precious friendship, I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels love. My life, it's better, it's better with you.

My life, it's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better with you. My life, it's better with you. If they can complete this challenge, they'll have another episode. Join me, won't you? Don't forget to smash that like and subscribe button. Smash that like, stand in this circle, touch this, touch this Tesla. Hi, this is Justin. I'll just get it started. My name's Justin, some J-Dog, they call me.

Listen, I'm going to tell you the plot of what I think Murder Mystery 2 will be about when it does hit theaters, home theaters, that is. On Netflix and DVD and just Netflix, March 31st as the crow flies, it has already passed you. So you, this probably seems to lay with hindsight, but here is what I think it'll be. There, we're on. Okay, we'll be right back to Justin, but first we're going to jump over to the Griff-Man. I've been prepping all day, eating nothing but spaghetti all day, all day, no sauce, only spaghetti all day, ready to fucking party. And of course, I'm Mr. Travis. You think you fucked with the best of them? You don't know yet, but you will soon. All the spaghetti I've eaten has given me terrible power.

Let's begin, I can't wait to win this Tesla car. I had never met you to Tesla, that was okay, cool. I'm Mr. Travis, of course, eat this hamburger and strap in for another podcast challenge. Don't forget to click that like and subscribe and leave a comment if you learned something new for this video. So, what was that? Oh, sorry, I've been watching a lot of people who talk about how YouTubers got successful. And it's just like, it's a lot of stuff like that, there's a lot of challenges. We don't do a lot of challenges. Sure, people love those, touch the Tesla, stand in the circle, don't shit for 72 hours. People love these videos.

Don't shit in your Tesla. Don't shit in your Tesla while doing Tesla. Hey guys, it's Justin McGrath, I'm trying to go 10 years without shitting in my dad's car. Damn, starting over. Had to reset a couple of times to go out. Why did I put this video in my dad's car? I tried to get all my shitting in my dad's car out of the way before we started. Turns out I had some more in there. We're going to start this video over again.

Let's get a clean edit. Hey guys, I know we don't normally do a lot of D&D chat here on this show. Fuck yeah. But can I say something? Is there a narrative line, through line in reality, right? In the reality that we're in, is there a narrative through line right now that is more surprising than all the critics saying, New movie about Dungeons and Dragons? Good. Good movie actually. Nothing has surprised me more in the past calendar year than American critics lining up and saying,

This movie with the Dungeons and the Dragons? A good movie. Let's just say beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. This is a movie watch Dungeons and Dragons watch. We're Dungeons and Dragons watchers. And I never thought I would have done it with the other ones. I've been able to avoid other films in this franchise. That seems strange to say. I don't, I don't, I don't enjoy the whenever anyone does the rhetoric of like when I was your age or when I was a kid or whatever.

But I do feel that way because this is not the first time they've taken a big old Hollywood sling at Dungeons and or Dragons. A big Hollywood sling. I think we can all remember when I think Jeremy Irons and Marlon Wayans decided. And that other guy who they really tried to make happen in the 90s. You remember that guy? One of those guys we tried to make happen. What a flick that was. We try to be fairly positive on this show as much as possible and not try to dunk on stuff that people may like within reason.

But I have, I do feel like I've discovered a bit of a loophole today with this Dungeons and Dragons thing. Because I can say apparently it's good, but the more, but I can still sort of give a gentle ribbing with the level of surprise that I am bringing to that. The level of shock that that announcement has brought. Well, let this be a lesson to you. If you want to launch a movie, right, based off of a thing. First, plant a seed some 20 plus years ago, right, of disdain. So that way, when you're actually ready to make the real movie you really want to make, expectations will be so low that you'll do a solid 78 to 82%. I don't know. I haven't seen the movie once again.

And people will be like, this is the fucking greatest thing I've ever seen. And you guys hear about this, did you guys hear about this Tetra show? It feels like the 80s are, I feel like the 80s are back in such a big way. Sorry, is that actually more surprising than the Dungeons and Dragons movie being good? Is that apparently the Tetris movie? Also, we're into, we're loving it. Now, I will say this, when you guys first told me there was a Tetris movie coming out, I did like picture it like the Adam Sandler Vehicle Pixels. Where it was going to be like big blocks are falling from the sky. We got to push it together to build a new society or whatever.

Starring Kevin James as the two by two. I would love that. Walton Goggins as the L shape. I'd love that too, Griffin. God, get Hollywood on the phone. Wait, if Walton Goggins would be, okay, hold on. Which Tetris piece would Walton Goggins? He's the four block, he's the four block line. He's the tall?

Yeah, I could see that. I think that's fair. I mean, if we could get Tim and the Olifant and Walter Goggins back together, Tim and the Olifant has the L shape. Tim and the Olifant is the L shape to me. He would be the one face, one L shape. Okay, this, now, this is something we could talk about. We are going to have.

Now, this is something we can talk, jazzing on the D&D movie. That's done. We're going to cast this movie. Tim and the Olifant is the four in a row. You think he's the line where you put Goggins. T shape? I think Goggins and Olifant can be opposite facing L's. They can be, do you know what I mean?

Like how there's two. Oh, yeah, I like that. I like that. That works for me. That's cool. You're playing on the justified thing though. If you're looking at the entirety of the actors that we have available to us. Yeah.

Like, I want to give you guys this. Olivia Coleman as the square. She doesn't give square vibes to me, Justin. I would give it the S shape or the T shape for Olivia Coleman. Olivia Coleman, you would get the T shape. Okay. Cause the thing about the square, the square type is somebody who's like, listen, either there's a slot for me or there's not.

I don't rotate. I don't change for anyone. The S shape and the T shape. Right. Like so versatile. The T shape is giving me prestige. It's giving me drama and prestige. I have a random celebrity generator pulled up here.

We are going to, this is like the inverse of dream casting. We're, I guess it is still. We're having fun. Let's really though think about who would actually agree to be cast in our Tetris. No, we have to know the random celebrity generator is going to give us a celebrity. We're going to have to then cast them as a block in Tetris. Yeah. Which block would they be?

Okay. Cause the first one that's cooked up for me is Bono. Bono has been dipping his toe a bit into the acting. That's true. Yeah. He was Clay Calloway in sing two. Wow. You know the name of that character.

My kids are way into sing two right now. I figured. Yeah. Um, I'm really trying to simmer in it. I'm really trying to let, I want it to be, I don't want to just like say a shape, right? That feels cheap. I want it to be like when I picture Bono and then I twist his body into a geometric shape. That's what I'm doing.

I'm flipping Bono around in my head. Yeah. This is what I'm saying in my head. I'm feeling like right facing L where it's like, I was going to say right facing L. Cause he's like bent over the mic. That feels classic Bono to me. That feels like a classic. He's not an S.

He's not an S. He's not going to be prestige drama like Olivia Coleman as the T. Like I don't think anyone else is going to grab the T. He's not the, he's not the square. He's not the square, not the long. He's not left facing either, right? Cause that's back towards the band. Right.

And I feel like for Bono it's all about the fans. Yep. That's right facing L. Okay. I'm going to write this down. Next. This is the whole episode. No, it's not the whole episode.

I only want to play this game. Okay. Hold on. Okay. I'm just trying to try. There should be one of these, but only for non-problematic celebrities. Oh, you got Glenn Close. Glenn Close.

Glenn Close. Glenn Close. Glenn Close is next. Glenn Close. Now see, Glenn Close could be a T or an S for me. Glenn Close has crazy flexibility. I present to you hook where Glenn Close appears uncredited as one of the- As the Boo Box pirate.

Yes. Pirate. Glenn Close has huge flexibility. I'm saying S. I'm saying the S shape hits through me. When I think Glenn Close, a filler. A filler, Glenn Close. Oh yeah.

Not just a filler, but the thing of the S shape that I think is different in many ways from the T shape is the S shape fills and creates a piggyback opportunity. For the next line block. Right facing S or left facing S. I'm going to say, so like the top part which raised the face, it faces right. I'm sorry guys. It's got to be T. There's a versatility there that the T shape represents in my mind because it has no counterpart.

You know what? I'm picturing Glenn Close standing like presenting yourself in a T shape. Yes. And that really works for me. With a gown, like a gown with flow. Yeah. For sure. We're always happy to see the T block too, aren't we?

Yeah. There's always- We are. We love T block. We love the T block in this house. You're never stuck with a T block. You're never like, oh no. In my head, I was imagining a big craggy puzzle with a perfect T shaped spot in it that I

could do just a sort of T turn into. And I just imagined Glenn Close's body kind of occupying that space. Okay. Hank's area. Ooh. Ooh. Kind of funny. This is an S to me.

This one's kind of funny. This is an S to me. See, I was going to say, I feel like Hank's area would be cast as left facing S. And then you'd be like, I'm not sure. You know, that's not really my lived experience. Yeah. I'm actually going to step away from the project. I'm not sure that-

I'd rather be right facing S. Left facing S. That feels more- That feels more authentic. That feels more authentic. I'm really trying really, really hard. As long as we just do like- Hold on.

Let me put this out to you. What if he is left facing L to Bono's more serious right facing L? They're brothers. Oh, wow. They're brothers. I love Bono. I like that. They're serious brothers.

I do too. I don't- Ooh. Okay, this could spawn its own side movie away from Tetris. We start with Bono and Hank's area as brothers in a movie. Look who's trying to get Tetris extended universe. Yeah. Yeah.

Have you seen- The whole Tetris canon is Tetris U3, which is the name of this movie I've just come up with where they add Hank's area to U2 because he finds out he has a long lost brother. That thing writes itself. Yeah. That's it. I've only gotten a hopper so far. As long as you all agree.

Well, yeah, okay. I think left facing L for sure. Okay. Kevin Neelan. Kevin Neelan. See, Kevin Neelan. That's an utility player, right? That could be a straight line.

He's a tall drink of water. He is a tall drink. Oh, I love Kevin Neelan as an eye block. Okay. Like, Trav, that's really good, actually. Thank you. Real quick, Randy Quaid. Where we put the Quaid dog?

I don't know. I think we're going to put him to the slide and maybe save him for a different project. Guys, that makes more sense. Can I say something, though? Randy Quaid is giving me prestige. He is giving me drama. Randy- Wait, Randy.

Are you thinking of the correct Quaid Griffin? Randy Quaid. Randy Quaid T-Block. All day. We had a redemption arc in this house. We love it. Griffin, are you sure you're thinking of the correct Quaid? Olivia Coleman.

Glyn Close. Randall Quaid. T-Block's all. I don't know. Do we feel like we could have a discussion about Tupac Shakur, who is the next celebrity that has been generated here? Now, that's interesting. Could we use, I'm sure there's a lot of recordings of his voice. Can we use some of those recordings?

Not because he's- That's wild. What a wild thing to suggest. I'm just trying to play the space Griffin, which is what Tetris is all about. Yeah. I don't know that we could do that. Okay. Yeah, that seems okay.

Cake Boss is the next one. Oh, that's a square right there. That's a square. Yeah, that's a square. Is that sort of up and down? He's Brash. He's Brash. He's bold.

He's got a powerful voice. That's a square. He doesn't change himself for anybody. He's also kind of like a strong foundation to like build a row on. Yes. You know what I mean? Yes. You get one of those first, you drop that in the far left corner.

Yeah. You know what you're doing. Yeah. Sasha Mitchell, Cody from Boy Meets World. Oh, sorry. He's from Step by Step. Oh, okay. That's not-

No. No. I got nothing for him. See, I can't do any of these guys. Can't do Matt Lauer. Can't do Lance Armstrong. Kristen Wiig. Is she a-

No, Julie Roberts. Where would you put Julie Roberts in your Tetris movie? I mean, obviously T, but like, let's pretend that there's another right answer. Now, here's what I'm also saying because I'm thinking villain. I'm thinking two steps ahead. What if the villain's a circle? Now, now, now we've found it. Now we've found it.

It's, we're in the puzzle. The puzzle is like the city where all the Tetris guys live. I'm talking Olivia Coleman. You're talking Randy Quaid. All of them live in the puzzle, which is what they call the city. And there's gaps, but they know. They see who's coming and they know. But then there's a glitch.

And who comes falling down from the sky, but an enormous spherical Julia Roberts. There's no, there's no space for that. There's no space for that. And so she comes down and it's like full arm again. But then who shows up through a magic portal to help save the day is Minecraft Steve. Ooh. And he's like, and he's like, I also don't fuck with circles. So, and-

And he fights Julia Roberts? Listen, I don't want to, I don't want to get to up our own asses. Yeah, for sure. We could use this as a little bit of commentary, right? Oh, yes. So she comes in, she's a threat because she's a circle. And they're like, there's no space for that. And so they think it's about changing her, but no, no, no.

Now we're dealing with catamari domacy kind of thing where it's like, no, it's not changing you. We make space for everybody here. Tetris 3D. I am ready to move on for this topic, but I do have to ask before we do. How would you guys cast Steven Tobolowsky as in this movie? I'm not 100% sure who that is. Oh my God. He's a character actor guy.

Steven Tobolowsky is one of my top five Stevens. Easy. He's Ned Breyer. Oh, Breyer? Like Steven Tobolowsky, guys. I mean, he's an S. Memento? Yeah, no, he's an S to me.

He's like a great S. He's a podcaster. He's one of the great utility players anyway. He's an S. Okay. That's fine. We take your questions on the show and we mix them up and give them a little bit of that. And then they become.

Well, that was 18 minutes. Oops. We talked about Tetris a lot. My work place needs me to be on Zoom a large portion of the day. So as a result, we're given very nice wired Jabra stereo headsets to use. Not a sponsor. Not a sponsor. Can't stress enough.

Not a sponsor. Yeah. So I'm going to be using my large mic arms, mute LEDs. The works. Powerful. Powerful mic arms. The battery life of these things is that no, let's get to the, okay. I've been meaning to buy a good pair of headphones for my commute, but haven't been interested

in chilling out the money. I've been thinking, would it be weird to use these as on the go headphones as well? It's not against policy to take them home since it makes remote working easier. But how weird would it be to be caught on the train with these on? Would I look like too much like a lost telemarketer or an NFL football coach? Tell me how I can rock these sweet sounding cans without having to shell out my own cash. That's from your call is important to us. It's easy.

Yeah. Okay. Go ahead, Griff. You can't wear headphones with a long microphone arm on them anywhere where that you're not at like the school computer lab or the booth at where the Cincinnati Bengals play football. Because that's, you're going to look like you're some sort of operative. I worry. Yeah.

I have a piece of information, Griffin, that you don't. Okay. Because it didn't fit with the name here, but they are in a little city called NYC. And I'm going to tell you that if you're on the public transport in NYC, nobody is looking at you. Nobody cares what you do. They are uninterested in what you're doing. Travis, that may be true in Cincinnati.

But in the big city, people are always on their fucking grind looking at the, looking at the scoreboard, which is what they call the subway is in a subway. It's a runway. It's runway. C and B scene. Right. It is everything's image. That may have been the case.

There's probably three people talking in there right then. Right. This moment. Yeah. And we're watching and we're subscribing and we're commenting. And we're clicking and we're clicking the blocks into place. I, now I'll say this outside of like them seeing you, let's address it as a work question. You're taking work property.

It's fine until it isn't. And then it's going to be a big problem. You lose these, they get stolen. They get damaged and they're like, Oh, what happened? And you're like, well, You accidentally poke somebody with the long mic arm. The long powerful mic arm. Yeah.

You have to be careful with these powerful mic arms on these headsets gang. They'll punch. Wide berth. They'll punch right through somebody's skull like a fucking xenomorph. You got to be so careful. It's true. They're really strong. Especially with a job.

Jabra. Oh my God. Jabra arm. That'll fuck you up dude. Oh my God. You'll punch through and never apologize. Do you think fans of Jabra's equipment call themselves Jabranis? Yes it is.

Cool. Do you think Oprah's ever chosen Jabra as one of her favorite things? Yes it is. I hope so. At this point, she's cycled it through. She's back at the beginning now. She's been doing it so long. She has too much power.

It's like now it's just choosing things that could directly benefit for her. Like one of my favorite things this season is corn futures. Yeah. This is what I think everybody. One of my favorite things is when people just hand me large bills. Yeah. My favorite options is a hot thing. This is my favorite thing.

My new sort of favorite thing is Oprinium which is a new sort of rare earth element that the guys in the lab are really excited about. Hey can I do what I believe may be an all-time wiki cow that Siobhan sent in? The wizard. Siobhan's on a street. Siobhan's on a road. A really, really hot street. And this one's how to act like a guardian.

Huh. Like yes. A guardian is someone who guards someone else while having a magic and type. Acting like one is fun and easy. Get started with these simple steps. Wait. While having a what? A magic and type.

Huh. So wait. I'm confused by the order of the words. The guardian is someone who guards someone while the guardian has magic and type. Not while the someone is having a magic and type experience. This is a long article so let's just start sort of learning as we go. Step one, thinking things over. Decide what type of guardian you are.

There are the types below. This article also describes how to act like all of these guardians but just act like one of them. There are magic guardians who guard all the magic in the world. They have the power to use all magic. Sure. Rebel guardians who guard someone in need. They have a lot of powers. Oh.

Dream guardians who guard dreams at night. They have the power to control dreams. Life guardians who guard all kinds of life. They have the power to raise the dead. Animal guardians who guard every single animal. They have the power to talk to animals. Maybe we should be critiquing these as we go because there's a lot of them. Being responsible for every single animal?

Really? Every single animal? That gets tough too because there are animals that eat other animals and that's going to be a conflict of interest for you. Absolutely. What about the proverbial, like the paramecium? What about neverbugs? Little ones. Yeah, we're supposed to be responsible for all these things.

Let's also, magic guardians have magic. Great. Rebel guardians have a lot of powers. That could be magic and others things. Dream guardians can control dreams. That's kind of cool in an inception way. Life guardians have the power to raise the dead? Huh?

Yeah, but Griffin, I would be led to believe that a magic guardian could also raise the dead because they can do all magic. They can do all magic. Why is anybody worried with, why do we need the other guardians? Yes, thank you. Yes, thank you, Jesset. Okay, plant guardians who guard every single plant. Even the broccolis? You know that they're getting in fights with the animal guardians?

Because the cow walks over and is like, I'm going to eat that grass. And the plant guardians are like, not so fucking fast, dude. Yeah. But then the animal guardian steps in and is like, hey plant guardian, get the fuck out of here. That cow is hungry. You killed my cow. Well, sorry, it's me and life guardian. I got it.

I got it. Season guardians who guard the four seasons. They have the power to control. Like the hotel? Space guardians who guard the universe. They have the power to control the universe. The guardians of the galaxy. Yeah.

Fuck yes. I've seen that. It gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And then ocean guardians who guard all sea life and seawater. They have the power to control seawater. Now what about, okay, but the animal guardians are already covering all animals. They're covered. Guys, listen, there's a lot of fucking overlap, okay?

Because we can't just have one guy responsible for all seawater. You know what I mean? Like that's going to be covered by the space guardian. That's going to be covered by probably magic and rebel guardians as well. Can I just say, I don't want to get too serious here, guys, but who guardians the guardians? You know what I mean? Like when the guardians need guardian, who guardians them? I'm going to go with season guardian for me.

I like that. Which one's that again? Well, me and my sort of posse, we guard the four seasons. We have the power to control the weather. That's cool. I'm not responsible for anything. Like guarding the four seasons, I don't really know what that means necessarily because... Probably a lot of climate change.

Climate change, right? Cool. I would love to fucking get my hands dirty with that with some fucking sweet powers. Just grab the ozone hole and just squish it. Or open it? I don't know where we're at. I'm not sure which one we're supposed to be doing on that one. I think it's getting too thick now as though I was reading climate change for babies to my kids

and it seems like maybe there's too much greenhouse gases now. Too much air. Then it seems like the hole needs to be bigger to let them out. Yeah, we've got to let that out. Have we considered that? Have we considered that ozone hole is nature's way of shooting the stinky, stinky greenhouse gas that we make as a people out venting it out into space? Now, are we worried that if it only vents out one hole, it's going to push the planet out of orbit?

Is that maybe we need more smaller holes? I think this is the plot of three body problem. Decide if you want to become a guardian. It is a hard responsibility. Do you want to protect something on Earth? Do you want to help? Do you want to gain powers? Think it over?

Those are different questions. We want to gain powers. I don't want to be on call all the time though, right? Yeah. It's fucked up. It sucks. I'm watching Spider-Man. Yeah.

And I see this guy get bit by Spider and I get pretty fucking scared. But then he gets like incredible powers. Yeah, he's having fun with them, right? He's having a lot of fun and he's getting all the babes. And then his uncle really kind of brings the hammer down on his ass for like no reason. And he's like, well, you got powers? Well, now you also have a full-time job. A full-time, unpaid job, Peter.

Yeah. I mean Spider-Man. Can I rob banks with it? I would rather you didn't. You can't actually. We all agreed that you can't actually. What if I robbed the banks and they're covered, right? Because they don't insured.

And then I take that money and I take it to people who like need to buy medicine and food and stuff. Ooh, that's a tough one, Pete. That's a tough, Pete. I don't know. I'm going to talk to Aunt May about this one and get back to you. This would be like if a genie gave you a cool Bugatti. Yeah. Or a fancy Tesla car.

And then your uncle Ben was like, but you have to give me rides in it whenever I want. Yeah. That sucks, Ben. That's exactly like that. You know, with cool car comes great responsibility. That sucks, Benjamin. With cool car comes great babes. That's great babe.

Ability. What? I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, man. Hey, Peter, I'm not going to say it again. With great car comes great babability. Again, Uncle Ben, I've asked you to clarify this. I'll be straight with you, Peter. Peter, I did think I was going to die from this gunshot wound before I had to finish that thought.

I didn't mean, I didn't intend to recover. I thought I was going to, I was going to kind of fade from the coil like mid-sentence and then the mystery would be on you to solve. Even, even babability was a bit of a flyer, Pete. Yeah. Wear something according to your chosen guardian. If you're a magic guardian, if you're a magic guardian, wear a white jacket as a cloak. Oh, sorry, guys, what guardians are you? I'll go through this again.

Magic, rebel, dream, life, animal, plant. See, don't do season, I'm season. Space, ocean. Now, here's the problem. I like the term rebel guardian. I think we all do. I think the problem is that one seems dependent on me locating someone in need.

Yes. And that interview process I think would be quite awkward as I'm going around and being like, hey, I saw you. I look like you were getting bullied earlier. And they're like, no, those are just my friends and we play pranks on each other. Oh, are you sure? Is it like in a, are you like fully on board? Oh yeah, we love it.

Maybe you don't love it though. And I could go beat him up with my magic. Yeah, that's no, yeah, that's no good. Okay, so that's the one you're not. Yeah, I'm going to go, uh, I'm going to go with dream guardian Griffin. That's cool. That's that was my backup. I'm minored in dream guardians.

Yeah. I like, I like because it's the one that you could really try to convince people of credibly, like credibly convinced people. Like if you had a cold, you were about to have a nightmare last night, but I was there and I stepped in. I'm only doing it in the evening hours. I don't even really get to sleep. It's kind of sad.

I'm either taking care of my rotten kids or answering phone calls at the office that I work at or guarding dreams. Now what, what I like about guarding dreams, the stakes fairly low. If you fuck up and the person wakes up and it's like, yeah, I had another weird nightmare. You're like, well, I'll try again tomorrow. Like, sorry man. Sorry dude.

As opposed to like life guardian and like animal plant guardian, that's real life stuff. That's the issue. But dream guardian, like, sorry, I tried to give you as much candy as you wanted and you got buried underneath the candy and couldn't breathe, but then you broke, woke up and we'll work on it. We'll work on it for next time. Okay.

So you guys are dream guardians. Your main style is the night where black and dark purple try having a moon or star on your t-shirt. Travis, are you meeting all of these criteria right this second? Um, Travis's main style is the night. I have purple hair and I have black pants. Okay. There's a, I have a western gear t-shirt on.

There's gotta be a moon somewhere on you. There's gotta be a moon on your body. A moon somewhere on my body. Moon on my trap. It's big boy love to be with me. What kind of underwear am I wearing? No. No.

I mean, I got my butt. My butt is nature's moon. That's cool. If you're a seasoned guardian, dress according to the season. Well, yeah. I'm not doing that anyway. Let's see. Yeah, that's Griffin all over.

Just following the trends. In spring, wear a pink short sleeve shirt with a flower, blue capris, and tennis shoes. No green in there? What are you talking about? That's, it's the seasons, Travis. I'm not the fucking plant guardian. Uh, you know what? Excellent point, Gerva.

Yeah. We're jewelry in your chosen symbol of your guardian. Dream guardians wear a star or moon necklace. Season guardians wear a sun necklace in summer. I leave necklace and fall a snowflake necklace in winter and a flower necklace in spring. Do I have to have four necklaces? Ridiculous. Could you have a four-sided necklace that you just turn?

Oh, that's cool. Lazy. Well, ambigram emblem. That's cool. Life guardians wear an earth necklace. That doesn't feel, I feel like they should have to have like a skull. Well, that would be a death guardian. I would say you have to have a full human face with all the features and everything.

Wow. Anyway. Cool. Yeah, definitely. Um, help someone you need according to your guardian. Uh. A list is below. Um.

That would be the worst part of it, right? Yeah. It's great to have powers and cool style. And then it's like, now use it. And you're like, oh man. Yeah. Dream guardians help people with their dreams. If someone needs comforting of a nightmare, comfort them.

I have three people in my life. I can do this too. Yeah, man. And no one else. So many people on earth. I can't do this too. And three, I can swoop in and be like, seems like you had a nightmare. Are you, let's talk about you.

Okay. Oh, that's okay. Yeah. It's, that sounds scary for sure. I can't do that with anyone else because why would I know? I try that sometimes. I'll text my brothers, uh, Justin Grover early in the morning. I, you know, 6 a.m.

Like, did you guys have any nightmares last night? Let me comfort you. Yeah. And, uh, they usually have, you know, to serve turned on, uh, until about 2 p.m. And even if I say, please do comfort me. There's, there's nothing coming back. Like, no. I sometimes send a meme.

What about a meme guardian? Oh, that's funny. Yeah, man. Season guardians guard seasons. Appreciate the beauty of all seasons to help others see the joy in all seasons. You guys seen these fucking cherry blossoms? I do do that though. You do.

You've been talking about nothing other than these cherry blossoms. I've heard a lot about these cherry blossoms. They're so pretty in there. But that's why you chose to be a season guardian. Yeah. Like, who doesn't appreciate the seasons and is like, I think I'm a season guardian. Yeah. I fuck it.

I tell you, I hate it when it gets too hot or too cold or too wet. Uh, but yeah, man, I love the seasons. I love them. Um, can I, can I be a season guardian if I have season all effective? Well, I think maybe that's the problem. Is that okay? Is that okay? I feel like maybe that one's going to get you a mark in the old job interview.

People with season effective is sort of really are just people who don't appreciate the cold. Think about what you could do. Wow. That's huge. Well, maybe if you appreciate the cold a little bit more, then you wouldn't have. That's a huge generalization that's going to fix a lot of stuff, I think. Yeah, man. I, you know, I always say that when someone's like, I have depression and I'm like, okay,

be happier. And they're like, well, fuck yeah dude. And they start glowing and they lift off the ground and they hover about six inches off the ground and then they land back and like everything's fixed. And I'm like, you're welcome. And then they wake up and they still have depression. And that's how dreams work. We're all having fun.

I'm just having fun. I got a special lamp that gives me sunlight directly to my body. So, oh yeah. We're doing okay. I have a special lamp that projects stars onto the ceiling. I keep it in my children's rooms. That's nice. I have a special lamp with a little guy and it makes me wishes.

Oh, whoa. That's cool. How many you got? I think he means wishes, not lamps. Just the one little guy. Yeah, not little guys. Wishes, I think. One a day.

Hey Griffin, I live in this world with you. What have you been using them on? How's it been going? They're not, he can't do like big ones. Oh, because he's a little guy? Well, yeah, he's just a little guy and he doesn't like have powers. He's small. He lives in a lamp.

And so if I'm like, I would love, I don't know, a subway sub for lunch. And then he's like, well, shit. And then he has to like figure out how to use my phone to call an Uber. And it's dangerous for him out there, guys. So when you say he grants wishes, he's at your back and call kind of deal. And he'll do one favor for you a day. Yeah, he calls them wishes. He calls them his little wishes though.

That's really nice. I mean, it's cute. What do you give him in return? I mean, obviously, like a roof over his head. A lamp over his head. Yeah, for sure. Why wasn't there one episode where PWS John B for income equality now? Yeah, thank you.

Worldwide income equality now. So that's Guardians. There's more, but I mean, it's just sort of more of the same. Like you got to have moons and stars. And hearts and horses. This is badass. Actually develop a guardian personality. Remember to still be yourself.

Keep your grades up. Dream Guardians are very night time. So always act like it is night. I am Morbius, the dream guardian, the eye, the protector of slumber. Now you're going in a sort of vampire direction with it that I don't love. I just said it's even wilder is just pretend it's night all the time. Yeah, that's going to that's going to make it hard. Everything make everything so much harder.

So just a lot of yawning. Well, we have a two year old who hasn't slept through the night in over a month. And it's always feels like it's night like right before bedtime for me all day. So I might actually switch. I might be a dream guardian because it says here season guardians love all seasons. Learn about weather and how it works. I don't know that. That's homework.

That's homework. That's science. Keep your grades up. Yeah, it's too late for me. My grades are never going to change. My grades are set. They are etched in stone. Can we go to the money zone please?

Yeah, let's go to the money zone. I want to tell you about stamps. Hey, young man. Yeah, you over there. These are my stamps. Yeah. Well, your stamps are busted. Oh, yeah.

Actually, you say that. Yeah, you got busted old stamps. These are just stickers. These are just happy face stickers. Those are happy face stickers. They won't get anything anywhere. You dumb shit. Wow.

Yeah. This is called negging. And I'm going to neg you until you're ready to sign up for stamps.com. You dummy. I'm sure they love that. Yeah, I'm sure they want that. Now look at my fascinating hat. It's big and bold, isn't it?

You're walled into it. That's right. Now let me tell you about stamps. Not stamps you're used to, like your stupid stamps. I'm talking about stamps.com. You don't have to leave your house. You can print them out right from your computer. They'll even send you a free scale.

Why haven't you done it? It's everything you need to get started. And get this, young man. Stamps.com has huge carry discounts up to 84% off of USPS and UPS rates. And it comes automatically. It automatically tells you your cheapest and fastest shipping option. So like, what are you doing? Why are you just sitting in here?

According to the podcast. You need this tax is weird because there's long times where I don't need stamps. This service I want for when I do need stamps, it's just there. Yeah. Which is the real selling point of stamps.com. That's what stamps.com does. It's there for you when you need it. Right?

But you can't bully people into needing stamps. I'm not bullying people. I'm bullying you two. Okay. Let me try this. Stamps.com is there when you need it. Do you like that better than stamps.com? Need it now.

No, this is more like. Go need stamps. Go need stamps. Hey, need them. Harder. Need them. Stamps.com. Need stamps.

Go. Set your business up for success when you can start with stamps.com today. Sign up with promo code mybrother all one word for a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com. Click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code mybrother. Go.

Need them. Need them now. With Max Fund Drive in the books, we'd like to welcome our new members and say thanks to everyone who's supported us over the years. Welcome. Thanks. And now on to the sticker sale. A lot of this year's drive gifts and live streams focused on food.

We love how food can bring communities together, but not everyone has access to the food they need. So we'll split the proceeds from our sticker sale among five U.S. food banks in areas disproportionately affected by poverty. The sale ends Friday, April 14th. Members at the $10 monthly level and above can purchase any stickers they'd like. There's also a special Max Fund sticker featuring Nazi the squirrel that all members can purchase.

For more info, head to maximumfund.org slash sticker sale. And thanks again for your support. Her Majesty served Great Britain and the Commonwealth loyally for over 70 years. And while of course we feel a profound sadness, we must remember she lived a long life and died in such a way that I think many of us would want for ourselves. She was at home, surrounded by her family. And of course, she was listening to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is a multi-award winning comedy podcast and you can find it

at maximumfund.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Diggity digity digity. Diggity digity digity digity digity digity digity digity digity digity digity digity digity I want a Munch Squad. Just kidding. Oh. Oh. What?

It's April Fool's Day Sectacular here on Munch Squad. Oh. That was my turn. So we are going to do a Munch Squad then. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. No, I'm just confused where in lies the...

Where the prank is, I guess. Yeah. I'm kind of going with the vibe this year of not really understanding how April Fool's Day. I'm loving that. That's cool vibe, man. Yeah. It's a good vibe.

Let's talk about Krispy Kreme. Back at it again. Pumpkin Spice. I can't wait to see what they get into. Pumpkin. Pumpkin Spice. It's back. Okay.

You can fall for this one. Shit. Okay. You can fall for this one because it's not a joke. Krispy Kreme is spicing up April Fool's Day by returning its fall favorite, Pumpkin Spice. Fuck yeah. That's good. That's a good joke.

I like that. It is a good joke. It's a good joke. It's a great goof. It's a good gag. For two to... April Fool's in the second, they're kicking off Pumpkin Spice season. It's Pumpkin Spice season says the quote, hurry in for our pumpkin spice original glazed

donut, Krispy Kreme. Kidding, not kidding, says you know him and I love him, it's Dave Skinner. No. It just seems like a weird time of year to put out a Pumpkin Spice donut, but okay, yeah, I'll go get one. Yeah. That's real. I'm really looking forward to it because I like Pumpkin Spice, so I'm really excited.

I do too. Yeah, they definitely did. What day is it available? When can I go get it? April 1st and 2nd. And guys, it's not a joke. You can really do this. Yeah.

This is funny. It is funny. I can imagine you're dealing with some pretty skunked like Pumpkin Spice flavoring if they have... They had to turn on the pumpkin spice machine. And you're really supposed to let the Pumpkin Spice machine run for like 48 hours before you use it because there's like a burn, it has to burn off all the... You gotta get all the tar.

There's gonna be a lot of, there's gonna be a lot of cruft in the first couple donuts there, so be careful. You don't eat the first one. You don't eat the first cut of the sediment on those first couple donuts is really bad. That's some tooth-breaking cruft right there, guys. That's some bad cruft. They think... Yeah, I heard they feed them to dogs that they wanna make angry.

Yeah. Yeah. They wanna raise up mean pups. They wanna raise mean pups with stronger bite force. Let's go over to the doghouse. I love that place and I can get from doghouse all the time. And now it's even better this month because they're creating, as part of their absolute worst series, calling all sausage and pizza fans, this is not an April Fool's joke.

Doghouse Worshmaster, Adam Gertler, has done the unthinkable yet again and created a new legendary creation for the absolute worst sausage series, the pepperoni pizza sausage. All right. Mmm. It's not an April Fool's joke. It clarifies here, it's a sausage that's about pizza. Wait, what? Yeah.

Is there pizza stuff in it? It's sausage about pizza, so it's got... It's a delicious link packed with pepperoni, mozzarella, tomato, and oregano and blended perfectly with traditional pork and fennel Italian sausage. Okay. So it's... So it's a pizza sausage? Pepperoni pizza sausage, man.

They're doing it. You don't... That seems like a lot of wet for a sausage friend. Yeah, I don't see his bringing structure to that party. The absolute worst sausage series has already exceeded our expectations and I'm excited to keep it going by introducing this new twist on an Italian classic. Since pizza is one of America's favorite foods, this one is sure to be a huge hit. I can't wait to share this sausage with Doghouse fans in April.

No fooling. No jokes. Now here's one thing that I think is interesting about this series, the absolute worst series. It says here, each Doghouse location will receive approximately 200 of them. That doesn't seem like very many. That's not... Yeah, it's not a lot. It doesn't, right?

It says sausage lovers are encouraged to buy them early and often. Well, yeah. And that will sell out. One person couldn't buy it 201 times. So that's not very often. Are they limiting the number you can buy at once? Could I roll up and buy it? Oh, that's a good question.

Because I feel like America loves pizza. They love sausage. You combine them. We're going to have a big... That's a no-brainer, man. Yeah. It's going to be a Sichuan sauce. It's going to be Sichuan sauce all over again.

They should implement a waiting list system. My third favorite entry, and this is probably the one that I care most about, Little Caesars gets out there. Did you guys see this? No, man. See this? You hear about this? You guys don't follow this stuff as closely.

Little Caesars gets out there on March 22nd and says, hey, we're bringing back the crust that you crave. Okay. Okay. So, and everyone's like, hell, yeah, pretzel crust is back. And they do an ad where they're showing all these screen caps of people demanding that pretzel crust is back. Uh-huh.

And they're like, America, we hear you. We've got the crust you crave. It's corn cob crust. What? That's pretty good. They announced, but here's the thing, guys, they announced in mid-March that corn cob crust is finally coming, and they did it in mid-March, right? Yeah, sure.

And then in March 27th, they said, just kidding, we're not doing that. Pretzel crust is coming back. Oh my God. Slam dunk. But it's, guys, that was in late March, so you didn't even have the strength, the strength of your convictions to make it through to April 1st, the day that this kind of shenanigans is supposed to occur. Now, Justin, what this is, what we're looking at here is the Christmas creep version of

April Fools, where it's just like, yeah, listen, it's going to be, the market's going to be flooded with April Fools on April Fools. We got to get in there early. And then we need to get out early, so we're not just associated with all the other losers. So we need to start mid-March and get out pretty soon. We will be April Fooling before Christmas, yeah. I did also want to, I want to give one more bit of credit to Little Caesars on March 16th. They tweeted a picture of a Little Caesars mascot, just give me a thumbs up and saying

that he's fine. Oh, good. On March 16th. Oh, I get it. Yeah, it was pretty good. That's funny. I do like, man, they're funny over there. It's funny over there.

They're having fun. Man. Guys, bad news, though. Oh, no. I looked at the pretzel crust pizza for more than 30 seconds and now can't think about literally anything else. Hell, yeah, dude. Little Caesars is one of the, I don't willingly seek out Little Caesars, but I feel like,

sometimes it gets into my like a earworm, but for your belly, we're like, I actually have to have Little Caesars. I'm going to lose it. Do you still have Little Caesars up in D.C. Griffin? I mean, it's not, not within like a five mile radius of my house, sadly. I know I wanted to get some for my, for the fucking BYOP pizza party we did. That, that was, yeah, I thought about that.

I do love a Little Caesars. But now, now it's all I can think about is Little Caes. I just picked up the Popeyes order for my D&D group. Popeyes got a strawberry biscuit coming soon. Get out of town. I had requested their black and ranch on the app, but the rest of the group wanted other sauces. Popeyes employee didn't ask about any sauce, so I completely forgot to get the extras.

I'm very driven away and I'm running late for D&D. Do I go back now to get the extra sauces or show up without their sauces? Can I still use black and ranch on my spicy chicken sandwich without extra pickles? Or do I lie and say they didn't give me any sauce? Oh, you fucked up so bad. I know you know this. Like, I know that I'm you've written to us in a very vulnerable place. So I fucked up really bad.

You don't need to kick you while you're down. Yeah, but here's the problem. But what do they do? Because, listen, you didn't get the sauces for them. We got the sauce for you. Are you going to eat your chicken without that black and ranch? Why didn't they request sauces on the app too? Yes.

Why, why, why didn't they do that? They are the ones. They'll understand when you tell them, hey, guys, I don't know. You fucked up. Yeah, you told me to ask them for it and I didn't. But in the first place, you didn't either. So anyways, watch me eat my sauce. No chicken dipping in it.

I'm just going to eat it with my finger. Watch this. I'm going to love it. You got to you got to do some loaves and fishes action. You got to get them all. You got to say, y'all, I know, I know, and I know what you wanted. I know what you're hoping for today. But if you want to get it wet,

we're going to have to split this stuff up. I'm going to spread it real thin on this napkin. If you want it wet, we're going to spread it thin. OK, let me pour some. Let me pour this into a bigger bottle, put some water in there, shake it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we're going to shake that up and then brine all of our chicken for a while.

Now, I know you don't usually brine chicken after you fry it. But that's what we're going to do here. Have some sloppy and slightly flavorful chicken. Have some have a little bit of sloppy. Let's see what I got in the fridge. Worcestershire sauce. Anyone anything apple juice, apple sauce, anyone? Any takers? It's pickle juice.

Oh, expired sour cream. Anybody? Anyone? It's extra sour. Do you guys know what oyster sauce is? You have oyster sauce as a sauce for usually for oysters, of course, but maybe anything. Try something different. What's that?

My character has been killed off. I understand. Oh, no. Oh, the healer. You're not healing me. OK, I see the fury. Yeah, like they will look at you across the table like, oh, I guess I forgot to prepare any healing spells. I see you've picked up the die for my saving throw

and turned it towards death. OK, you're cool. OK. I'll just go if I bring back sauce too late, too late. OK. All right. But in order for sauce delivery, that's what they should. That's what they should do. That's what you should do. That's not a service that I think anyone offers.

Now, let me ask you guys this. Let me ask you this. You're, let's say you're the rest of the D&D group, right? I come, I'm like 25 minutes late. And you're like, man, you're late and like, where have you been? And I say, well, I picked up the food for you all. And then I realized they had not included your sauces. OK. And I was like, not for my friends.

And I drove back there and I got those sauces. I mean, for where I'm at in my journey, if I somehow move heaven and earth to get a D&D night together with actual human beings in a tangible space, and one of those people is 25 minutes late, that's that's going to be probably the worst vibe for me personally speaking. You can't make us call like that unilaterally, I think. Yeah, I'd rather eat dry chicken and do the thing that we plan to do on time.

I don't think you can take your sauce in there. I'm sorry, I know that's hard because you had the forethought. I got it. You sit down at the table. You say shuffle up and deal. You slap that black and branch packet on the middle of the venture board, put it in the dragon's horde, and then whoever can whoever's a little sneaky rogue or little warlock or whatever gets in there first, gets the black and branch for their their patron, who is whoever wins D&D gets

an NCT and D that day. That's cool. That's a good call. I like that. I think that's that. All right, gamify, Popeyes. Y'all, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. Thanks for if you were able to support us last week for the Max Fun Drive. Thank you for doing that. It was very nice to you. Appreciate it. Huge. Huge. We want to say, oh, there's a lot of new merch this month and all of it's amazing

because now we started a new month here in April. So it's all real. It's all real. This is all real. I know, but it's all real. I promise we got Richard Stink's room spray and it smells good. It's just it smells a lot. And it has a sense of marine, pineapple, lavender, bamboo, dark musk, amber, vet, vetiver, what is that? Vetiver, vetiver, cedar.

It smells good just a lot. Just try it outside first. Yeah, there you go. And we also have, I think, a really great keep your grades up. An animal pen that you're going to love. Thank you. An Omnir to be nominated airbrush style t-shirt. Wonderful. What is that from? When we talked about getting nominated for that, it's Omnir to be nominated.

And 10% of Omnir's proceeds this month go to the Transgender Law Center, which employs a variety of community driven strategies to keep transgender and gender nonconforming people alive, thriving and fighting for liberation. So check out all that stuff at MapRainRidge.com. Also. Can I talk about the live shows? Yes, please. We're doing Moontower Comedy Festival. Next week, April 13th, 7 p.m.

Tickets are on sale right now at bit.ly slash McElroy Tours. Very exciting. Get back to Austin, Texas and have their breakfast taco and other parts of the city. Nice. Tickets are also available for our rescheduled shows in San Jose and Denver, which are just three weeks away. April 27th, San Jose, doing Taz with Abrea Iyengar. April 28th, we're doing Mbem Bam in San Jose.

And then April 29th, we're doing Mbem Bam in Denver. All existing tickets will be honored for the new dates. And then we've also announced more shows coming up in the 20s Sun and Sea Surf, the Vibe Tour. We're coming to Columbus. We're coming to Milwaukee. We're coming to Raleigh. We're coming to Richmond.

We're coming to San Diego. More info and ticket links at bit.ly slash McElroy Tours. And hey, thanks to Montane for these front theme songs. My life is better with you. It's it raises me up. It lifts me up and raises me up. I like that Griffin. So let me tell you guys something I realized this week, going through the Jack

Johnson quotes on Quote Fancy. I noticed there were a lot that seemed to be related to boxing. And I thought I had no idea that Jack Johnson had been a boxer. And then I remembered there was a pretty famous like a boxing champion from like, I think the like 30s and 40s named Jack Johnson and Quote Fancy doesn't see another difference. So there's a good mix of them in there. So I I have this one shit Travis.

Yeah, I have this one here and I'm unsure which Jack Johnson said this. Oh, cool. My friend told me later he got the chicken pox. I told him I caught politics and never got over it. Jack Johnson, which one? The he any one of them. My is just a macro. I'm Travis McIlroy.

I'm Griffin McIlroy. He's been my brother, my brother, me kiss your dad square on the lips. It's better. It's better with you. My life. Oh, it's better with you.