My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 663: Comedy Comes from the Balls

Episode Date: June 5, 2023

We’ve heard some positive affirmations about that Naming of the Year episode energy, so have we got one with that same energy for you, smack dab in the middle of the year! You know, as a check-in, just to make sure those vibes are still there. Suggested talking points: Mr. Big Jeans, Webs n’ Posies, Farm-to-Table Anesthetic, Observation Veto Power, Schrödinger’s Joke, Hurtling towards Seinfeldville Equality Florida: https://www.eqfl.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? To a precious friendship I could've never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach My life, it feels like

My life, ah, ah, ah It's better, it's better with you My life, ah, ah, ah It's better, it's better with you This is true, ah, ah, ah It's better, it's better with you My life, ah, ah, ah It's better with you

Hell Oh, everybody, you're welcome I didn't like that I'm allowed to say hell whenever I want Whoa, look at his big jeans over here Hell? Oh, and welcome That's still got me stuck at piss

Yeah I won't let me go past piss I'm allowed to say shit But I can't put the tea on it I can't put the tea on it There was a character in Masters of the Terrorist Kassai that was named O.R. And I would yell that Welcome, my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the modern era

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy I'm your middleist brother, Travis McElroy I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy And this is our podcast, My Brother, My Brother and Me Uh, Jun's in bloom I'm excited we're recording this June 1st Spring has sprung Summer is here

Happy Pride Month Happy Pride Month to everybody To those who observe Well, that's weird If you don't observe and you're listening to this podcast I'm not exactly sure what you're doing Yeah, that's a weird bubble We can get the fuck out

You're a weird little You're a weird little crescent of a van diagram archer What are you doing? How'd you get in here, you weird fucking little goblin? Listen, I just stay around for the Jack Johnson quotes I love that guy You can listen a little bit better, friend Maybe take some more of it to heart

Not to us, to anyone To others Can I tell you guys a little It's time for Parenting Corner I took Beebe and Don to go see Little Merman Up where they walk? Up where they run And now here's the thing

I can't stress enough how Beebe was not commenting For the first like 20 minutes of the movie And then during part of your world When Ariel sings Bet they don't reprimand their daughters Beebe turns to me and goes They do And then goes right back to the movie

Right back to the movie It was said, I can't stress enough It was not said with judgment to me But rather judgment Just an observation Just an observation They do Just pointing it out, they do

They kind of swing in a mess from Ariel actually Because they At some point A child will be reprimand At some point a child will make a Uh oh Or a selfish Uh uh

Act And you should try to correct that behavior So the idea that In the sea that it represents some kind of Ungentle parenting Then again I have never gone into my son's room And blowed up all of his toys

Oh you haven't And statues and statues of babes With a big laser statue You gotta do it at least once a week I just do it to keep the place clean frankly Like they accumulate Sometimes just trash in there You know and I'm like

No Blast blast blast blast blast Okay Now let's start over Here's a new music box Right? Yeah sure Uh I have a fun and challenging new game

For you guys Oh Are you excited about it? It's not simply the game you brought last week What? No It's a fun and challenging new game Okay It's about kids bop

Hey Justin Can I just say that That's a sad state of affairs That we've done simply the guest once And you no longer consider it new It's one time It's still new It's old

I'm a shark baby I'll keep moving forward I keep moving forward This is my new This is a new kids bop segment About kids bop and lyrics Uh and it's called what Unfortunately I'm going to fucking destroy this

Cause we listen to kids bop like it's Like it's gospel in this house Oh I can't wait This segment is called webs and posies Can I um I wrote a theme song for it Can I play it for you? Yeah please please

Webs and posies Make that pull out gang Wee So welcome to webs and posies This is our uh This is a new game I came up with Where my brothers Travis and Griffin

Are gonna work together Or apart Ooh To uh To uh Guess how some lyrics In the web In the kids bop franchise

Uh have been changed Oh man I love this Okay are you ready? Yes Yes Okay so ready So ready First up is

Ariana Grande and the weekends Love Me Harder Oh The lyric Maybe you should have just Passed on that one kids bop There yeah Kids bop

That one is maybe a bit challenging It's specifically about Dry humping I think Can you feel The way that they turn Genuine's pony into like A celebration of dressage I think it's uh

Very cool You're little You got a star face I love your pink mane My pony Uh listen Here's the lyric Can you feel the pressure between your hips

Can you feel the pressure between your hips And now your question is What was the original lyric Before they censored it What did kids bop do with that one Oh no Yeah What did kids bop do with

Can you feel the pressure Between your hips That's about like um Kind of pushing a butt A back butt Against a front butt Yeah yeah The lady is like

Pushing her butt On the guy I think In this song Or something And then The kids bop's like Oh yeah Oh juice

We know exactly what Nineties kids Love it Nineties kids love it Nineties kids love it How would you fix You guys are You guys are

In the kids bop Family You just got Higher freelance How would you fix This one up Uh Don't overthink it

You guys I always overthink these games You make them audio poison Can you say it one more time Justin Can you feel the pressure Between your hips Can you feel

The thing with your fingertips Can you feel the thing With your fingertips Is what you think Kids bop Thought was less troubling That's not good Um

Can you feel The party It's about to begin Interesting Can you hear the song Singing in my heart It's what we were looking for That's what they thought

Conveyed the same message Can you hear the song Singing in my heart Uh yeah On Ed Sheeran's Thinking Out Loud There was a line Uh

Which I didn't think Is that much He said Will your mouth Still remember The taste of my love You didn't think It was that much Justin

Will your mouth Still remember The taste of my love Now he could be Talking about just I grant you Could just be Smooches right

The taste of my love Smooches That's where my head goes I think smooching I think that's where Edward Ted was at But kids bop Still didn't want to risk it Uh

Oh can you still remember The taste of my special ketchup Ah give me a hint They changed one word in this one One word Can you still remember The taste of No will your mouth

Still remember The taste of my love Will your mouth Still remember Your heart Still remember The taste of my love Okay Travis

Will your mouth Still remember The taste I don't see how they Don't change mouth I don't see how they Don't change mouth Will your

Ah see I want to say It's like The taste of my drink Okay Your Will your mouth Still remember

The look of my love Huh Now will your mouth Remember The look of my love Now listen I have said Many times on this show

I'm not a doctor But I'm pretty sure There's a different organ Within the face That specializes in looking Will my ears Still remember The smell of your voice

Oh kids bop Kids bop That one's Really really bad Really bad Okay that one is Really bad I will get

I don't want to Listen this is going to be An unpopular position to take I think AI could have done A better job with that I think AI could have gone

To his fucking Rolodex of every word That's ever been Written on the internet And be like Actually kids bop Might I suggest A word that

Describes a sense Traditionally Applied by the man Will your mouth Still remember The whistle of my love That's better That's better

It's not anything But it's better Can I Can I highlight Justin just Hang a little lantern On my favorite kids bop Scissor ship

Which is in Bruno Mars No wait Can you do it at the end Because we may cover it I don't know I'm pulling this From several sources The billboard elite daily

A lot of others Have put this Sometimes I get so into A game on this show That I forget It is an audio The podcast That's an audio

Yeah I'm too hot Hot damn Oh Oh Oh I've heard this like Just

I'm too hot Hot yeah Yes Griffin I'm too hot Hot yeah Hot yeah Hot yeah Hot yes

Powerful That was not The line in there That I was going to reference Because my favorite is Uh Okay Guys

Justin don't look Okay The original line is I can tell you exactly what it is Fill my cup Put some liquor in it Yeah What is it

What did they change it to I'm asking you No you don't get to You don't get to Become the gay master They fill my cup Put some water in it Which is great

Water in it So you got to hydrate When you're bopping You got to hydrate Hydrate Truth hurts I got a two from truth hurts I just took a DNA test

Turns out 100% that American You know that wouldn't fit them I know that's not it I'm 100% that That kid Yes that kid

Good job Griffin Wow Um I've heard this I've definitely heard of all of these You could have had You could have had a bad bitch Non-committal

Bad kid No You could have had a Travis You could have had A great kid Mmm Non-committal

They just got that one You could have had A good friend Non-committal Now That's not That's not a good friend That's not traditionally how I

But describe a good friend Particularly good Uh Rihanna has a song Called Love on the Love on the Brain And it's got this lyric Which it's wild That this one even

Kids bop even Knocked on the door And swung by Yeah sometimes Hey kids bop Sometimes you can just leave A musical break Like if you hear a song

That has a lyric like It beats me back Black and blue But fucks me so good You might think This isn't a good fit For the kids bop Like there's lots of songs

That could just be Ten seconds of static If you wanted to But this But kids bop Is not one to To shy away from a challenge It beats me black and blue

But it fucks me so good What is the lyric That kids not changed This has to be Profoundly Profoundly different Unrecognizable In meter and rhyme

Yeah Okay It treats It treats me It treats It treats me pretty good But I And what's the second line

But it But it fucks Fucks That stays the same It beats me black and blue But it fucks me so good It treats me really good And it

And Not even close I'm gonna say Yeah, it's pretty hard to do But it makes me feel real good It's Travis, you are closer It makes me feel

It's true But it tricks me so good You tricked me so good Lover You tricked me so good Yeah Yeah Lover, you tricked me so good

What I love Halloween time What I love about this Is it gives me the idea That being a kidsbop sensor Might just be And this is There's a lot of debate about this

The easiest job on the planet Like, certainly the best Certainly the best job on the planet When somebody asks you Like, hey replaces You Vomit out some words And they're like, yeah

Yeah, sure Yeah, whatever, man Yeah, man, that kicks out If you have any If you have any ideas that you love Feel free to email Justin at mbmbam.com With your favorite swaps

If you want to throw in an audio clip there To save me a little leg work I certainly would appreciate it If possible I have But I wanted to mention that one Because I have one last one And it's really hard

It's a Bruno Mars It will rain If you ever leave me, baby Leave some morphine at my door Because it will take A whole lot of medication There's no religion That could save me

We are testing so many Third rails In this song And yet kidsbop Will not be deterred Yeah, I've heard kidsbop Change the word God In a song

Because it was used Like Blasphemy adjacent And so I do know that like Religion is a third rail For kidsbop There's actually six rails In this line

Yeah, there's so many rails I'm gonna, to make it a little easier Because there's so much I'm just gonna give you I'm gonna ask you to fill in The words that were changed Okay Oh, that's good

If you ever leave me, baby Leave our At the door If you ever leave me, baby Leave At the door Our puppy Leave a puppy at the door

That's great, Trev Leave our Memories Oh, it's memories Leave our memories at the door Because it will take A whole lot of medication They didn't change medication?

No, that's the original Okay Because it will take A whole lot of blank Whole lot of I need that next line To have the sort of the context It'll take a whole lot of medication

There's no religion that could save me It'll take a whole lot of meditation Oh, that would actually be very good, Travis But it is not that It'll take a whole lot of It can't just be time, right? It parallels your original answer, Griffin It parallels my original answer

Leave our memories at the door It'll take a whole lot of Forgetting Remembering For some reason Yeah, it's remembering There's no blank that could save me There's no

There's no religion? No, can't say that on KIDSBOX Superhero There's no superhero, incorrect There's no Deadpool that could save me There's no Deadpool that could save me With all these great jabs and jokes and japs There's no roadblocks that could save me

No There's no Is it also associated to the first two months? No No, okay It's just a war they chose There's no There's no

Cocaine No, probably We're looking for Decision Is what? What? Decision Now that is a lot about religion

It's good Religion Decisions I like that Kickass It's good Actually, it's better I'm just saying, hey, Bruno

Bruno Bruno It's better It's better, actually It's better if you think about it KIDSBOX, fix it, Bruno It's not fixed Hit them up

Your mistakes Just their 25 carry You and Mark Ronson Not John Ronson Which I often swap those in my head Or Don Johnson

Or Don Johnson Okay, this is an advice show Are we taking suggestions on the name of the segment Because I feel you're missing a great opportunity By not using time Time to get a little bit Silly This is an advice show

Um, and we're gonna take your questions and turn them I'll give me like into wisdom If you have a question that we can help you with and it's not just like a story You know what I mean? Hey, Justin if you need time to pull up the question list To me shut up. I'm getting a right now. You don't know how I Explains your demeanor. I'm getting a vasectomy as we speak and the camera only like a cool today show segment Yes, everyone get your vasectomy. Okay. I'm getting a vasectomy in a few weeks and I need some jokes to tell during it You know, I remember at least one of you have gotten sterilized too. So I I trust you got something for me I just want the doctor nurse to think that I'm cool. That's from soon to be spayed and or neutered in southern

Indiana now listen here. Thanks. Some of those words you use dirt. I don't actually think I know the word vasectomy is Appropriate I don't actually know if I don't actually know about those other ones sterilized seems right. It's a little It feels loaded. It's what it feels like little loaded listen Obviously and Justin touched on it Justin the reading of the question if you there are times There are times when you want the professional Doing a job entirely focused on what they're doing and god damn it if getting a vasectomy isn't one of them You want the steadiest hand you don't want him busting an absolute Cuz he might bust an absolute nut

Now listen that covered I went through the process I Cannot think of a time when I felt less cool Yeah, then that and capped off by Whilst paying for the procedure at the end they were a fan Oh Travis yeah, what yeah Travis This happened a while ago. Yeah, man Yeah, and you've never told us that that that detail it just never came up

Did yeah, well, that's why you get to visit stop it. That's not what happens. We are better than this It's science. Oh god Justin. It's not how it works, buddy. You gotta never and it never went up again Listen, listen shut up. Listen guys for once God. I Had a lot of good material going into this my vasectomy. I had a lot of jokes planned Um, I had a lot of really good jokes that I was gonna do during it because it's like a twilight surgery So it's not like you're not or at least for me I was not completely out, but I was not completely there and I had a lot of good jokes plan What I ended up serving up was this little bon bon

I Think I'm awake. Oh god. I think I'm awake. It hurts and I think I'm awake and I just said that for like a half hour Actually, they were done Yeah, listen, I was over but that was my big joke that I said was oh god I think I'm awake. This really hurts. I I went local anesthetic Because I always need to be ready local Table in a set it was it was small business Saturday. Yeah, well I always need to be ready in case of attack. And so I didn't want to be I didn't want to be

Knocked out during it. So I was yeah fully aware And listen, I will say this the doctor made some jokes and I didn't appreciate that like that It was Tuesday. Hey, yeah, but Justin to me It was the worst day of my life You've established that the person who did the procedure was a fan No, I might have just been no the person that I paid at the end at the desk Travis you must understand that your phrasing before was so Awful hey great. I said the person I paid when I paid the person was a fan

The doctor didn't finish the thing and then pull out like a card reader and go you can swipe it anytime That's actually fair. That's a good point I was you can just tap it you could just have it if you want no not those no the car I can't imagine the stress of of doing of a sexy moment on my favorite podcaster Just knowing that with one wrong turn of the wrist I could sever one of its funny nerves that he used to make comedy juice I don't know where it comes from. Maybe maybe maybe our friends in Italy are right and humor does come from the balls And I'd be so worried

Anything I'd be so worried about that. What? I don't I've never heard I haven't heard that you've never seen the godfather Oh, oh, okay. Yeah, no, they always talk about that like how humor I in good fellas and godfather A character says the comedy comes from the balls. Are you sure in those movies? It may have been analyzed that now that I think on it Not analyze this You know what it might have been meet the fuckers now that I think about it It might have been the the tv series meet if you do a tv series and meet the fuckers. Who would you?

Fuck It's good. Who would you get for the the denier? I mean, I think at this one is it hankers aria Is hankers aria gonna be the deniero? Is that all right? That's interesting. I could see that I mean, we're probably gonna need to sub in for dustin as well Oh, I didn't want to deal with dustin and babs. I didn't want to deal with them. They're they are as far as I'm concerned relegated to the That is just their sign. It's like they'll be like if you wanted to deal with like mel Gibson in the daddy's home franchise

It's just not and I don't I don't hey, there's a couple people in there. I don't want to deal with Just there's a lot of people. Wow. I'm watching this movie get I'm there's a ton of folks in here that I don't want to go around with they just put a lot of them out there It's wild. Um, how about another question? Kevin sorbo plays the baby. Can you fucking quiet? Does he do the voice or uh, no, they he's they just do a welcome to wienerville thing quiet man I Topical reference

I'm kevin sorbo and I've got a new quibi. It's called look who's owning the lips and I'm a baby I'm a baby who's owning the lips I got a tiny puppet body in my big old stupid head body and I own the lips It's a boy Why is kevin sorbo? I bought quibi for $150 and now we use it just for alt-right entertainment And we call it quibi or not. Oh, it got cancelled again I can't shit. Oh, no. The one thing is it's not quibi length. It is a 90 minute nightly program 45 minutes of it is an intense documentary the other one funny puppet humor

We just show that swiftboat movie about john carrey every night. Hey, listen. I love it How about another question? I know we would normally visit the wizard at this point, but I I have uh, one that I would love to talk about Recently I have found that I absolutely love salads Okay Something about the combination of crisp veggies and rich tart dressings just really made me feel like Yeah, why are you trying to sell me on salad cut it out? It made me feel like a healthy legend. However, I had a recent wedding where a delectable caesar was served

I became horribly aware that I am the messiest salad eater on the planet And I found myself practically scooping croutons and cheese in my mouth like the kid from a christmas story Please brother just help me gain some salad eating etiquette so I can resume and join these vegetable medleys in public That's from salad scaries in mimphis I I when I salad I don't know if you guys do this when I salad I will Make do a big old mix them up With my for right when I get the thing right if sometimes if I get takeout and it comes like one of those little plastic clamshell containers

I'll open it up take out the dressing pour the dressing in close it back up give it a good fucking shake Oh, but you gotta have a good grip on it. That's so important get it all I have lost one salad to that And in an accident I will never forget a day that will live in infamy The day I threw a salad to the ground is if it had wronged me personally in some way for reference That's a good time to have dogs by the way that makes clean up so much easier Once it's all done a mix them up You can really fucking jab that fork in there because you need a little bit of force to get through and into a crouton Not too much force because if you break it you're back at square one now

Here's what you cannot do because when I read this question I pictured someone pulling out a knife to like cut bites of their salad and my brain Restarted it like it had a terminal glitch and was like no, I can't handle this. I couldn't I couldn't picture Someone cutting a salad unless it's a big wedge unless it's one of those big wedge No, it's not a salad it's a chore. We didn't take the time to make this a salad but you do it

The idea of going out of Caesar salad and cutting it up is uh, I can't I can't picture it Well, maybe maybe that's we can't judge anyone the way that they decide to attack just attack it attack the block Um, can I make a judgment call on Caesar salads? Oh boy, that feels risky, but go ahead. All right. I love a Caesar salad. No good. Good. Good fine good, but It's just like iceberg lettuce and then other food. There's no other vegetables in it is iceberg lettuce and then Cheese and I don't think that this is worth. It's not worth saying. I'm just saying hey Travis Travis This observation is not worth not worth saying. So you're making a judgment on my judgment

No, I'm saying what you're saying is not interesting enough to record it I think you should not be recorded and preserved. I didn't know we could do this I'm high on power right now. Oh, we should play this card against each other more often Just like that is that is that that was time that observation Yeah, that's lost and I feel like anytime you start talking about conscience of salad you are Fucking hurtling towards Seinfeldville like we have we've established few rules on this show but I I okay I I uh, I Acknowledge and agree

Good good glad we could um glad we could make peace on that Um, I love a salad and I think that if you're eating a salad Nobody can judge you for how messy it is because you're eating how the ancestors would have eaten Yeah, our ancestors just had uncultivated grains. All they had is whatever leaves they could scavenge They didn't want to eat horses because they didn't know what was in them and wolves were too scary So all they had was leaves and various vegetables. That's like the wolves turn them into meat. Yeah, and that's fucked up I don't even they don't understand what if you eat the wolf and then you become a werewolf you think about that That's highly possible. No one knew how that happened, but they knew it happened. That's how our ancestors ate

Nobody can judge you who's gonna look down on somebody eating a salad every time I see somebody a salad. I'm inspired every time Every time and I you know what? I love a salad. I don't do dress. I you know what god. I just don't do dressing I just wharf a big dry load And chewed till i'm tired, you know Salad can we get the kids mom editors in here, please and like I have to change kids mom Right here Matt Chris is wharf a dry load

uh eat a Eat a dry Show no fuck come on. Come on Randall. Eat some dry oats. Eat some dry oats. That's great print it Just chew until you don't it's a dry ass salad We're gonna take a break and get out of the money It's better If you want to copyright something that you wrote a great joke or a great observation on salad And there's only one way you can do it. Yep

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Yeah, the fuck does that mean stamps.com this section is mandatory But I would have said it regardless avoid the hassle and get started with stamps.com today Sign up with promo code my brother for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage And a free digital scale No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com click the microphone at the top of the page and intercode my brother Stamps.com big stamps for big kids It doesn't say that I might have gotten different copy from you. That's weird. Um stitch fix is incredible

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That's stitch fix.com slash brother for 20 dollars off today stitch fix.com slash brother Greatest trek is the podcast for all your modern star trek means it's funny informative and now it's also timely That's because every friday right after the release of a new episode of strange new worlds a card lower decks discovery or prodigy We bring you a review of that episode. There's some great new star trek coming up and we're gonna cover all of it You'll like our show because we're both former video producers So we bring a lot of insight into the production and filmmaking aspects to these episodes And we also have a very refined sense of humor So we make lots of delightful fart jokes along the way

So come see why greatest trek is one of the most popular television recap podcasts on all of the internet Subscribe to greatest trek at maximumfund.org or in the podcast app. You're using right now Hey there, this is drea clark. This is Alonzo Durali and this is sparta iffy Listen, I got 300 on the brain. We just watched the movie 300 in honor of our 300th episode of maximum film That's right and to celebrate this major milestone. We brought back original co-hosts ricky carmona and april wolf But just for this one episode, right? Oh iffy, you know, we could never replace you Some of the voices have changed over the years. Heck the name of the show has changed too But through it all maximum film remains the movie podcast that isn't just a bunch of straight white guys

Deal with it find this and all 300 episodes of maximum film anytime on maximumfund.org So Two houses down for me was having a pool party for memorial day I did not get an invite as it seemed like mostly teenage boys. Now a question asker you Assume that we know you're not a teenage boy. We don't know you you have to know you at all You have to establish your own character first before you start Anyway, I did not get invited mostly to teenage boys. They were playing music and sound like banger after banger Unfortunately, I couldn't hear it quite well enough to discern what it was to use live shoes shazam when they play music again

How do I figure out what they are listening to yell at them and ask them to turn it up? I'm afraid to directly confront a group of teenage boys ps I'm a 30 year old man that actively avoids confrontation regardless Of if it's teenage boys or not. That's from music mystery in the midwest now What you could have done just a question ask her if I could help You lead with it. Here's what you do. You lead with it in the question first part I'm a 30 year old man that actively avoids confrontation regardless of if you buried boys or not It's this confrontation. It's not it's it's what?

It's confirmation. It's it try not to I was it might be it might be confrontational to say that I An old man enjoy your music. Oh, I think that might be a negative. You have to confront some things about yourself. Maybe sure Teenage boy. Is that neil diamond? I love it. But um, I don't think saying hey that music is really good. Who is that? I don't I don't see it's weird man. It's no man. Imagine it everybody's in the pool No, good and you're cutting up and somebody comes in over in his dungarees. It's like hey guys love these jams Yeah, can I get a can two and text me a lick this Spotify playlist? Hey teens What's this cool music? Hey, is anybody holding drugs? Anybody have any drugs on them? No, this sounds great

This sounds like a pretty funky pandora mix. What the fuck are you talking about guys down with this from napster Like avatar. What's your fucking problem old man? Everyone splash him splash him splash his ass. I said napster to travis, but then I realized that this 30 year old person is actually in the gap Between where we would be old, you know to me like they're like a younger old than us. They're old for sure Hey, hold up. Hold up. Napster grandpa Uh, do you mean uh bit bit torrent? Is that one?

Do you mean the pirate pirates booty? Do people still use shazam? Is that a thing a teenager would even? Jamie fox loves shazam get to contractually I get this a lot. You know where I get this I get this when I'm in a restaurant a lot of times if I'm in a restaurant or bar They'll be playing music that is not english language music like it's not in english and all I'm just like Absolutely transported. This is the music. I want to hear all the time I don't know what kind of music it is or where to find it, right? But it's like It's like good. It's like really good. It kind of like oh, yeah, you know what I mean? It's like it's good I don't know how to find any of it. Like I think the closest I got was like

One time I asked somebody and they were like, I think it's bossa nova And so I sometimes I'll put on like a bossa nova. That's kind of it But uh, I I I don't like that feeling when there's like a whole world of music out there that I don't know how to find the stuff I like so I sympathize. Oh my god. This is I've just never what is this? What is that? It's it's britney spears It's toxic. It's wrong. You're toxic man griffin. Do you have anything to share about this? You've been awfully quiet just for like 15 seconds, which I know on this show feels like an eternity But trust me guys, that was a totally don't be that guy. Don't be that guy

That was a totally normal amount of you Quiet reflection you can show up with a big uh plate of pizza rolls guys. I started doing I've started doing 10 whole minutes of yoga in the morning So I'm sort of all about quiet reflection now I have I take time for myself and my body and mind that sounds can I just say fucking terrible 10 minutes. Yeah, that's an eternity griffin 10 minutes in morning. Do you know how tight you are? Yeah, but after you sleep and the bad dreams come and the bad dreams make you feel bad tights

Um, you gotta stretch that shit out in the morning for 10 a whole minute. I don't want to be loose Travis Yeah, what's wrong? Everybody's got bits and skits. This is a little Unusual, but I would like us to take 10 minutes right now And figure out a new closing bit for the show. Oh, that's why that's good. Yeah, actually trav We've been so busy lately. It's nice to have one That's a little slower so we can't get that sorted

Let's figure because how do other podcasts in their in their shows. Okay, so we're okay I'm just trying to think of like Joe Rogan just goes on a tear at the end. We could just do that You know, he rips he rips one out Griffin Newman at blank check he references something that that happened in the show Okay, that seems exhausting. Um, that's not the only reason that won't work for me Is that I forget everything I say the moment after I say it on this program now in off menu They keep notes and then they like list the menu back to the maybe we can say the answers we gave Or the or the every joke that we said that episode we say it again to remind everybody that this one was a good

This one was good. This one was good We give time codes at the end of like if you didn't want to listen to the whole thing You can just jump to these couple seconds where we said something funny That's cool because people usually put a table of contents at the end of the book Like if you're curious next time next go around 99% invisible always ends with I'm roman mars Who's your daddy?

And I always thought was weird when he would put who's your daddy at the end of it But yeah, that's one option that we have when at first launch. She would say i'm roman mars Suck it jabroni That was like who's even talking to yeah with that. Hey jabronis. Have you ever wondered how turnstiles are made? No, wait turnbuckles both. Have you ever wondered about turnstiles and turnbuckles you jabronis? You dirtbags Like suck it up. Here comes the interesting. What's the fucking deal with like bow buckles and shimmer, right? You guys think about that, right? Here's one of my brodies didn't our pants just fall down all the time

We were fine with that right it used to be better Bell buckles are so fucking fascinating. You want to hear about it for 45 minutes? I do actually roman This is a part one of an eight park series. I'm belt buckles You dirty Suck it down Wrap your mouth around the the thought pipe and get all this good info Orph down a dry load jabronis Horsed down a dry load

Dry load jabronis In the style of a different celebrity No, see this is what we do. This is how we fuck this up every time because we have to make some Is is your problem that we have to make something up every time? Is that the issue? That's uh, here's let me list my issues in order Okay, wait, okay, actually not a not a joke. Can you give a very brief history? Because not everybody used to do a final yahoo where I would pull an answer One yahoo that was just like a funny Goofy thing at the end of the show then they killed that fucking website

And so for a while I pretended to come up with yahoo's and that was the most Emotionally taxing thing I've ever done Especially I also want to highlight None of this is our fault Yeah Like we are this was situations forced upon us by yahoo We had a wonderful symbiotic relationship I would say where we we fed them they fed us and we were both eating good

But that had to that had to go uh because the bottom line. So then uh after after that I mean is that when we switched to jack johnson two years. No, because then there was inspirational Something to think on inspirational. That was that was a big nothing burn. Yeah, that lasted about six seconds And then jack johnson for the last like four months It's over. That's over. Yeah, that's over now Can I list my second problem here? Well griffin has to do his problems. Yeah, one of the problems If it's something we have to pre-plan and do ahead of time It ain't gonna it ain't gonna get done

um Number two missions or missions anything like give people missions to complete people missions Like a special quest that starts to feel a little too Tyler Durden for me big man A little prescriptive in a way that we will you know, but like fun support a personal affirmation type missions. Yeah Yeah, like like attack a card dealership or something, you know, I mean like fuck out. I love That a minute and a half ago just was like and then we did personal affirmations. Those were fucking nothing. Yeah quote and I quote verbatting A total nothing burger and then but we could what we could do is instead

Do tell people nice things to do Let it breathe. Just let it breathe. Let him cook Not affirmations, but like people saying good things about themselves to believe it and do it now that Here's what I find interesting fellas about this problem. We've created for ourselves At the end of the show We do announcements. We do housekeeping then We've created a bubble All right, then we say our own names and dad said and joneson says kiss your dad's grand lips

So we do have an ending. We're not talking about the ending. We're talking about we need one last Okay, we're so we're actually doing it. Are we actually doing it? Okay. Here's here. Okay. Let's come on inside Come inside come on and step in listen The announced part is it funny and the part where we say our names. Is it funny? Is it funny? So we have to put something funny Maybe maybe funny. Maybe listen to the announcements and we'll just turn off the podcast There has to be a little something right? There has to be a shreddinger's joke that may or may not be funny

We don't even know till we open it. We don't trust you not to listen We have to rub a little peanut binder on your fucking nose Just listen to what we're gonna be in phoenix That's not our fault again Okay, how about that? Can I can I switch? What if we fucking get let's boys Here's the box Griffin bring that box back. We need to go it's scary out here I have a huge pile of boxes behind me right now that I could bring in here if we wanted to do proper

The issue that has been outlined is that we do a bunch of kick-ass jokes for like 50 minutes or so fucking Rockin out dudes And making them making america fucking laugh again Yeah, and then we're like and then we'll be in phoenix. Please come it Do we've sold 15 percent of the tickets and the guy who runs the theaters? We've picked and we really need you guys come on the phantom of each theater makes fun of us so hard you guys

One of us because of how few people show up um And that takes like 11 to 15 to 30 minutes sometimes depending on how many shows we're not selling good And then we have to reel them back in with a kick-ass joke and then say our fucking names They're just like what's that even right the shows are selling fine by the way Don't wait to get tickets. There aren't we're gonna act fast to get the best now We're whipping at there was a lot. We're whipping ass now. We're whipping ass now. Anyway, um, so the issue Isn't

We have to have this kick-ass joke at the end. We do plenty of those. I'm not some greedy little pig That needs to ring every Like inch and ounce of laughter out of every I guess watch both. Justin and I have a visceral reaction to that Well, you don't want to ring every right right now The way we're doing it gunning it for 50 minutes gunning it for 30 minutes and then we talk do commercials Which are I think pretty funny sometimes don't skip them and then we gun it for another two-time award-losing Yeah, two-time webby nominated

I heart I heart webby's that's a good pitch for for companies Two-time sure two-time losers and we have some heavy hitters. We've lost to the best in the bits Yeah, the best in the business So here's what I'm suggesting instead of gunning it for 50 minutes with some of the best jokes these people ever fucking heard Yeah, and then slamming on the brakes and talk about phoenix for 11 to 30 minutes And then fucking river to right back up and then pumping the brakes one more time What if we Seed the announcements throughout the span of the show we give them a joke

And then we really quickly mentioned some of the new merch that we have on our side They're really excited about and then more kick-ass jokes and then when we hit the end of the show It's just done Everyone's having oh great one. I'm just in macaroy deuces like done. That's really good. Here's the problem. Yeah one When I get on a fucking tear Get out of the way right, you know get out of the way because I'm coming for you The other one is just to do the announcements that we have right now We have to have a a written list that is handed to us

They may as well fucking tape it to our t-shirts And then like just to make sure we really do Say all the things we're supposed to say At the end there is no reality in which we would just like Remember to toss out like these announcements throughout the show will net would not happen I'm sorry. I I wish we were that kind of professional that could just be like Great. Hey, you know what I'm thinking about it Here's the thing though Justin. Here's the thing though

If we turn it to a little game For the three of us, uh, I think it could be a hoot and a half. I think we could have some real fun I think what you just did Was inspired just it really I think so Oh So can you give give us an example griffin? I want to hear you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah You've you we have the announcements here. You can see You can see the announcements. We're supposed to do this week. Yeah, okay

I so you would make a kick ass joke and to seamlessly transition into the next one I'd be like wow juice. That was Raleigh funny. Did I say Raleigh? Speaking of we'll be doing shows there We'll be doing shows there move in bam and test June 23rd and 24th. And then if you I'm feeling rich mon No, no June 25th. We'll be doing the bend there and then Uh Guys, I dropped my waffles at the beach. So I guess I have some san diego

Hey speaking speaking of we'll be there in july more in dot l y slash macroi tours I do that at like minute 12 and listen None of that is going to be hard for someone to remember in their mind Like all of that was so easy to parse and cross the rest of their lives It is more the rest of their lives everybody under the control of my voice right the sound of my voice right now We'll remember we have a show On june 25th at richmond virginia. I I say you know what you're suggesting I think if I'm getting this correctly is like the problem is we're going full bore

Hilarious Yes, then it stops being funny for the announcements and then we ramp it back up What you're saying is like rather than making the last five minutes Unfunny and then a funny five seconds and then the end what we should do is have a last 10 minutes That's Decreasing in entertainment value like we're slowly little ramps Cool down like we're cooling down with some it would be so seamless. They wouldn't even realize. Oh wow I mean listening to your example. I can definitely

Did you hear the thing I said about san what dropping my waffles at the beach? That was fucking great It was good and it was rooted in reality. I've seen you do that I'm always bringing waffles to the beach and I can't I mean they're so slippery because all the stuff I put on them I know it probably feels like we're ripping you off trying to um Troubleshoot our podcast while we're recording it, but like when else do you want us to yeah We'll make sure we start picking a year name not recorded too because uh, we just we just love giving it away You know It's got to be something. Let's just let's just agree. Can we agree?

Can we just agree we've been doing this since we've been serious now for a while So we don't have to be serious. We've been doing this is has been serious 2010 Yeah, we're 13 years in now I don't want to have to come up with something for the end of every episode right? Yeah, I mean I don't want it We don't we're done. I don't want to do that. Maybe it's interactive. Listen. Maybe it's we reach that point We leave a little bit of silence and then you guys can like post it on tiktok and you say something in that silence I don't want that. You don't want that. They don't want that Can we edit in 10 seconds of another podcast that's good

Can we do the car talk don't drive like my brother thing and and to make up a law firm Do we cheat him and how that is that it's like our law firm they have like, you know, that's what they do That's interesting to talk about They do they did the same joke at the end of every episode where they would have like a minute of jokes that they did every time And it was comforting Yeah, it was kind of what jack johnson is is the issue No, no, no, they would say the exact same words Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

So maybe we just pick one jack johnson quote No, okay. See you what you've done is you've taken this back to yeah, let's do one yahu answer Groovy just pick with something on the yahu answer service That's cruel what you just did two years So I think we really nailed it. Hey, what about notes? What about just sort of notes on how we did for each other for the episode for each other Hey, any notes on this? Maybe maybe we just maybe it's our chance to say hey

I want to highlight something that you guys did on this episode that I really liked Don't have to be funny. Maybe it's just uplifting and I say like hey, Justin When you talked about eating salads, I really enjoyed that them. That was great I think the problem is if you're listening to show you see us as one collective and it's self-congratulatory, right? It's like You know what I mean? It would be like it would be like if if keenon came out and he was like, hey, mickey day I love the characters that you did in this week's episode. I would love that on the show. It would be nice Maybe we need to complete one jackass style challenge at the end of every episode That's what you're making is so much harder. It's gonna be easy

Taser each other's balls at the end something like that Hold on Now you're getting somewhere How about we read one line? Okay Don't Don't shut me down What if we read one line of a great book? And then the week after we read the next sentence from the great

And then by listening to our podcast you could also read the brother's karamazov Finally very very very slowly That's good. Is that it now? Hold on not funny, but it's valuable. We're dangerously close to something right now And that is if the end of each show Did in with the sort of oprah's book club moment of like and just so everyone knows for next week We got to make sure you read Nancy rake Reagan's book of erotic poems. She released in 1991

And it's called You are jelly beans with a z and a joke now you're having to write a joke you're right now Justin to be fair though for 59 minutes of the episode. We are making up jokes. That's true Yeah, but if you're gonna do it, okay, but again come inside. Okay. I have a smaller tent inside the tent We've never let them back. Come on. Hey guys. It's too intense Travis is good. Listen. It's the thing is okay. Fine. So we'll do that where we have to Okay, somebody has to write a joke. What's the problem with that? Because all three of us are trying you're gonna try to get one of the others to do it

Yeah, and if we take turns we'll never remember whose turn it is So it does have to be someone's job and then it's like a whole It's not fair right that they have to do the joke every week It's not it wasn't fair to Griffin and it wasn't fair to Travis. It's not fair What we need to do if it were me, it wouldn't be fair to me We need to find like it never a 1950s like big joke for boys Book and just read one big joke for boys a week. I like that. I do love a traveling document That comes with us that we can earmark

Okay, that is that is a level of preparation Let me see if I got any job books just like at hand. Hold up Like the brother's caramaza caramel Okay, I got some I want to try Okay, you couldn't find a job book, but what I did find Is these fx9 worlds of power? Fuck yeah, I got off. I knew that's what those were through the grainy webcam footage of you carrying them into the room So I thought maybe we could try closing the show with a selection

From one of these worlds of power books. Okay, so let's try it. You ready? Okay, so Griffin already mentioned seamlessly, by the way The Raleigh and Richmond shows but go get your tickets for that if you haven't already because it's coming right up Also, we got brand new merch this month a schlebetheny pin Which is from uh taz steve will chase and it's really great a thanks for vibing and keeping it tight tank top and a saw bones 10-year anniversary coin and 10 percent of all merch proceeds this month go to equality florida Which is dedicated to securing full equality for florida's lgbtq community Also coming up

We do have the san diego shows in july and you can get all those tickets at bit.ly slash macro tours and next week Griffin and I are going to be at awesome con in washington dc get your tickets at bit.ly slash awesome con macros That's the 16th through the 18th. Uh, I don't know if that's next week, but you get it the 16th through the 18th Thanks to montane for these for a theme song my life is better with you I'd like to close this week with a selection from uh bionic commando by fx9 from the worlds of power series As jack been into his pizza he read the note Look for flare bombs on the second story of the video arcade. You'll need them later

jack looked at heather and nodded slightly as he started to walk out of the restaurant He would try to contact her on the communicator As soon as heather was gone jack began to wolf down the pizza Somebody in san gennaro knew how to make a good pie the flare bombs would have to wait I'm trying to sack right Before I say my name Is this conversation over are you comfortable with the amount of prep work that is going to go into as long as we understand I will not pick something that's funny

I'll just pick the first thing I turn to can I can I I know we haven't out but this is an important conversation And I want to make sure that we're all okay with it because I also had an idea That I think has promised both in a studio and in a live environment We are thinking too close mindedly About what we can offer Through this medium to the listeners not just jokes not just advice We we can provide healing. What if every episode we ended with just a no listen to me?

Don't shake your head. No, I hated that energy travis open up a sound bath That we three work together on in simultaneous harmony or in a live environment The thousands of us all collaborate on to just sort of clear it out clear it out and Move on with a wave of energy at our backs. That is extreme griffin. You got it That feels pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, then all we're coming up with is a funny sound Can't get easier than that. We harmonize. Maybe sometimes sometimes that I'm sure it'll be good and it'll work Okay, let's just um, let's just try it one time Do the thing about montane again

Thanks to montane for the use for a theme song. My life is better with you. And now and now You're healing sonic bath Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy I'm Griffin McElroy. This is my brother my brother me kiss your dad score on the lips fucking got it, man You Maximum fun org comedy and culture artists owned audience supported