My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 67: Borrowed from a Horse

Episode Date: August 15, 2011

Look: You're here, we're here, let's just get this thing done. Just a quick and dirty episode, fired straight from the hip, like guns are sometimes fired. By cowboys. Really, really hasty and inaccura...te cowboys. Suggested talking points: Gorto: The Enormous Man, Jackback and Vid Kid, Fleetwood Maxx, Horse's Heatguts, Couchsurfing, Belly Shirts, Sam Elliott's Moustache, Cinco de Lovemaking, Spanking Party

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Starting point is 00:00:00 The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello, welcome to my brother. My brother meets an advice show for the modern era. Travis has prepared today's introductions himself, which I will permit him to do now. Hello, weary travelers. Take respite upon yon stump by the fire. Enjoy a bowl of stew as we recount some wisdom. I just hate this so much. I just finished my creative writing course at
Starting point is 00:01:16 the adult learning annex. You are really excited about it. The number one ever quest podcast on the net. Who's your favorite race? I like Kunark. Who can pick? I like Elfson Elfton. Listen, you did your best. I want to take a moment, of course, to congratulate Miss Jennifer Hudson, who is now a size zero. If you can believe that. She's invisible? Yeah, that's what I wanted. She's just shrunk out of existence. She has winked out of existence. If you look at her directly, you can no longer see her. She has engendered two-dimensional planes. She has gone from a size 16 to a size zero. She lives in Flatland now. She's like flat Stanley. She's basically the flat Stanley of humans.
Starting point is 00:02:06 That's Jennifer Hudson in that show. But congratulations to her. Looking great. Size zero. Something for all of us to strive for, I think, to get to nine. I'm going to find it. It's going to be hard for me to choose which of those two introductions to edit out. We like to give Griffin a lot of options here. You never know. Hey, GOP race. Bachman, Bachman, Huntsman. It's Ron Paul. Sorry? Sorry? Ron Paul. The GOP. Are you just saying words that you're going to have to get into something funny? Let's talk about the elephant in the room. The Republican elephant. Ron Paul, a Republican party. Tim Polinti. Tim Polinti. Delicious. Tim Polinti is out. Tim Polinti is savory.
Starting point is 00:02:54 Oh, man. So many good options. So Griffin, you just pick. Where's Tim? Where's Tim Placenta? They buried him in the backyard. He dropped out after about nine months. Hey, listen. This is my brother-in-law, my brother-in-law, my shift to modern era. I'm your oldest Smurfs. You've seen that Smurfs movie? And pH is in the mix. Making it rain. Jokes. Travis, please introduce yourself. No, you don't get to this week. Griffin, you go. Travis lost his chance. I'm Griffin. I'm Griffin McElroy, the fire starter of Intros. Twisted fire starter. I am the master mage known as Travis McElroy. We need a new
Starting point is 00:03:34 Travis for next week, so that's just something to keep on the to-do list. Something for my honey do list is to replace Travis. A quick, quick story. While driving down the streets of Austin, one of my friends saw a burn CD laying on the street and he jumped out and grabbed the burn CD and we threw it in the CD player. It said spin on it. Okay. And it was nothing but fucking the most righteous pump up jams you would ever, like Crystal Method and Prodigy and fire starter was on there. Smack my bitch up was also on there. It was a fucking, it was like music to have it a very moody bank heist too. It was fucking fresh. Spin. That's the only thing on it. Spin. No other hints or anything? Just put it in there. Let it go. Let it go. Feel yourself.
Starting point is 00:04:21 I'm really proud of you for putting that into a CD player. Yeah, a little scratched, but yeah, it could have had like, yeah, it could have been something, it could have been bad, man. Could have been when I like the ring or it could have been fart touch. Spin this up. Hey, uh, let's get to some advice. I've been told that I look like Jack Black. It's been happening to me for years and most everyone seems to see it. I've even been stopped by the street by some random lady to be told that I look like Jack Black. So my question to you, brothers, is it a good thing to look like Jack Black Gmail? Is it a good thing to look like anyone these days?
Starting point is 00:04:59 As someone who has been told for ever and ever and ever that I look like Chris Gitan, it's not good to look like anybody ever because you get told once and you go, huh, that's interesting. Maybe a little bit flattered. Maybe a little bit skeptic. You get told a million times. I don't care who it is you look like. You start to like lose your sense of self. Well Travis, to that, to that effect, you seem to have embraced your catanism. Catanism? I guess. You're here catanity because you, you used, you went as mango for Halloween. I did. Well, what happened was I can't full circle. I went full circle from
Starting point is 00:05:37 do I to fuck you to I do. It was a big circle. You can't do much worse than Jack Black, I don't think though. Because a lot of people look like Jack Black. Like Jack Black looks like a lot of people. Not a lot of famous people. Not a lot of people that people like out there doing it look like Jack Black. A lot of roadies look like Jack Black, I guess. A lot of guys who run the Go-Karts look like Jack Black. Not a lot of famous popular people look like Jack Black. A lot of Go-Kart technicians look like Jack Black. I myself have been told by a guy who works at Heritage Station that I look like Jack Black. That's horse apples. How did you feel about, how did you feel about
Starting point is 00:06:23 what happened? Well, maybe this g-mailer, maybe he is, maybe he looks like Justin McElroy more than anything. Maybe I need to take it back my face. Do you think it's just because in the chubby, famous people game, you've basically got Jack Black and Kevin James just sort of living on the edge. Right? I wonder if anyone's ever been told like you look like a skinny Jack Black. Well, that's the problem, right? Like, how fat you are. Like, be glad that people are telling you you look like Jack Black and not like you. You kind of look like Louis Anderson. Or like, you look like, who's that fat guy who's so fucking fat that that's the whole joke, but he was on Last Comic Standing. Oh, it was Louis Anderson. No, no, like this guy's so fat
Starting point is 00:07:09 that like he doesn't need punchlines. He just points to himself. Oh, Gordo. Gordo? You know. I think he wears like gargoyle wrap clothing. And I think it was El Gordo. It was Gorto. El Gordo. He was enormous. Gorto, the enormous man, was his full name, his stage name. Tender, hearted, tender hearted, obviously. Yeah. Can you say on the opposite end of the celebrity weight spectrum, can you say like, you look like Greg Keneer, but like fat, like a fat Greg Keneer. You look like a fat Greg Keneer. You know how Greg Keneer, like you know what his body, like his face, but then with a Louis Anderson body. You look like an ugly Brad Pitt. You look like a skinny, fat Jennifer Hudson. You look like a fluctuating Jennifer Hudson.
Starting point is 00:08:02 After she got her weight right, well, that's the thing though, like if 10 years ago, if someone told you you look like Jonah Hill, he'd be like, hey, fuck you, man. Well, 10 years ago, you probably wouldn't know who that was. We'll say five. Fuck you. I don't look like Jonah Hill. Now it's trimmed down. Now it's kind of a nice thing. Yeah, but nobody means that. Nobody means that, like him and his prime. Nobody means like you look like Jonah Hill. No, no, no, no. Post weight loss. Yeah, I know what it looks like. You look like Green Hornet era Seth Rogen, who looks like he could actually like throw a punch. You look like Seth Rogen from 40 year old version probably, or maybe even one of his fatter movies. I think that there are two ways to capitalize on this,
Starting point is 00:08:43 and one is we had a friend named Josh who looked like Owen Wilson. And so he went to one of the big acting audition conferences and they convinced all these ladies that he was Luke and Owen Wilson's brother, Josh Wilson. It sounds like a real jerk. No, it was funny. Problem is he was actually the only guy I know from college that has gone on to work in TV and film. You can actually find him in a Nickelback video. Oh, bummer. Yeah. Karma took care of that guy. We talked about photograph. Who can keep track? I can't, but I'm pretty sure it is. No, not photograph, because I would remember that. It's one of those other ones. It's one of their bad ones. Oh, okay. And I think the second way to capitalize on it is with this sentence. Hi, I'm Jack Black and I'm robbing this bank.
Starting point is 00:09:36 Okay. Well, hold on. You're talking about ways to make this work for you. You're talking about identity theft. Yes, but like literal identity. Not just like I'm using his credit card, but like you become Jack Black and then run amuck. Yeah. Did you see that Jack Black just stabbed that dude? Yeah. I saw Jack Black sneaking out of your bedroom window. What's going on? And then he yelled, I am Jack Black. I'm definitely Jack Black. Convincing. Because I have no substitute. I hope Jack Black looks like you. I say you've had this face for a long time. He needs to get over it, although he's been around a while at this point. You could shave your head. People never say that again. Just real quick, in this email, they have, there's a typo and he
Starting point is 00:10:27 says Jack Black, which I actually kind of like a little better. Like it sounds like that sounds like some sort of like dystopian future techno hacker name. I'm Jack. I'm Jack Black. Over there in the corners. Psycho. Up there is Lil Doogie. We got Jack Black. We got Jack Black. We got wheels. We've got VidKid. Wait, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You've just skewed into the Burger King Kids Club. Got Hamburglar. Fry Guy. Merrimick Cheese. Don't fuck with Grimace. Don't fuck with Grimace. He's a hacker. Imagine Grimace wearing like hacker glasses. Imagine Grimace hacking this big, stupid purple oven mitt hands. Just smashing against the keyboard. See, now I'm imagining his hands together and there is for some inexplicably knuckle cracking. See, you're telling me all
Starting point is 00:11:21 this and I'm thinking of Grimace in the movie Swordfish and then I'm thinking of Grimace in the role of Halle Berry in the movie Swordfish and then I'm thinking about Grimace's tits. Not again. Not again. That's for the third time today. But conveniently they are filled with grape jam, which is great with McDonald's brand biscuits. Oh no, that's gotta be jelly. Jam don't shake like that. Thank you Grimace. I do love Grimace. Hey, is it ever appropriate or a good idea to hit on a member of a band after her set? That's from Nicky, who has informed us he is a male, which he's coming on a little strong. I don't know. But I believe him that I think Nicky's a male and he wants to know if he can hit on a female. Just go up there and say, hey, killer set.
Starting point is 00:12:13 Rough night. Everybody's kung fu fighting. That should be pretty good. Do you speak Cantonese? Yeah. Do you speak Cantonese? These are Wayne's World references. Yeah. I mean, I thought we might help this guy out for once. Oh, for once? Okay. It depends on the band, doesn't it? Yeah. How big is this band? Yeah, if it's like fucking Fleetwood Mack and you're trying to get raw with Stevie Nicks, then you're probably going to have a hard time with that. But if this is like Jam Band at your local bar and they just finished doing a cover of Fleetwood Mack's song, you're probably cool. Again, it depends on the quality of the Fleetwood Mack cover. Yeah. I would say normal,
Starting point is 00:13:02 a good band is equal to shitty Fleetwood Mack cover band, just by the quality of the songs that they're playing. How do you figure? Have you heard Go Your Own Way? What? I'm saying that there is no bad cover of Go Your Own Way. That's fair. He's right. Here are some Fleetwood Mack tribute bands. Belladonna, Enchanted, Mirage, Rumors. This is getting worse. Why is that? Oh, Fleetwood Mack's. Is it MAX? Yeah, it is. All caps, bitches. Fleetwood Mack. I think that Juice Newton actually started out as a Fleetwood Mack cover person, human being, just a cover artist. Cover human being? We do have cover human beings though, don't we? I mean, isn't that something that pops up from time to time? I just saw on an episode
Starting point is 00:14:03 of Tyler St. Giars, where one of the dads makes a living as a Sean Paul impersonator. Oh my Christ, yes. Yeah, right? My name is Ron Paul. I'm a Sean Paul. Shake that thing. I literally got up and walked out of the room when I saw that because all I could think was, what is the market for that? Theresa exclaimed it like this. The only option she could think of was maybe someone's throwing out a party and they want people to think that maybe Sean Paul was there. Or more likely, I am robbing this bank and my name is Sean Paul. My name is Sean Paul. It's a booming market trap. A lot of our stocks are taking dips, but my investment in the Sean Paul and Shaggy impersonation business. Hey, Sean Paul is just a Shaggy tribute person.
Starting point is 00:15:02 I'm just gonna throw this out as just kind of a wide broad piece of advice. If you decide that you want to become a celebrity impersonator and you look in the mirror and the best you can come up with is Sean Paul, maybe you should go work at your dad's bank. I thought that nobody had seen Sean Paul before. I thought that he was like Flicky. Who's that guy? The spray painter? Oh, Flicky. Flicky the... No, you're thinking of Daft Punk. His spray paint skills. Yeah, nobody's seen his face before. They've only seen his art. So as far as anyone knows, I could be a Sean Paul impersonator. You'd be Sean Paul, you could be Flicky, they could be the same person. Big news, everybody. I didn't want this to be the venue in which I let it come out, but
Starting point is 00:15:52 I am Flicky. Oh my god. I know. No, I am Flicky. I am Juice Newton and I'm sorry I had to come over with this. Because we've all claimed to be Flicky. So now to answer your question. Don't do that. If you have the balls to go up actually to a musician that you've just seen, and say like, hey, I grew up with your style, like actually I'm gonna say more power to you. Because I... Yeah, I think step one, take a long hard look in the mirror. Can you pull it off? Are you attractive? If the answer is yes, fuck yeah, do it. Do it. What kind of face... If you had to grade your face and body, what would we talk about? Write your face. You're saying if you got a B face and an A body, yeah dog, like you are wasting everyone's time by not doing it.
Starting point is 00:16:44 And make sure that you don't, that you approach it like any other circumstance. You start a conversation first, then get to flirting. Plus, like, but do keep in mind that as far as like that natural chemistry or what have you, part of being a performer is being alluring or at the very least charismatic. So like, yeah, if you thought, hey, I'm into that, like they're doing their job, like that's what they're, that's what they're supposed to do. Because there's probably a lot of stage door Johnny's lining up is all I'm saying. So, you know, you should, I think that you should just ignore, like ignore the fact that you just saw that person in concert. I think you should act like you didn't know. Don't even mention like the music or anything. Yeah. And
Starting point is 00:17:29 then you'd be like, oh, I didn't know that you were doing anything. And they'll be like, hey dude, I'm Lady Gaga. Like, yeah, you know, you know this. I didn't see your concert. Why are you wearing a meat mask? This is a weird look. Are those pizza panties? That is my favorite pizza chain. Very popular in Japan with the, uh, in the capsule. It tells the order. Oh, that is so not surprising. Hey, I have a Yahoo. Yeah. Okay. I'd like us to explore. This one was sent in by Terry Dutton. Thanks, Terry. It's by Terry Dutton. Uh, Terry Dutton sent this in. Thank you. It's by Yahoo. It's his user Morgan Gretman who asks that thing. It's Morgan Gretman. Morgan Gretman.
Starting point is 00:18:17 Picking the perfect quote, opinions needed. Getting a tattoo at the end of the month. And I thought, I thought I had the perfect saying picked out, but I've come across a few more that I just love. If I could have all of them put on, I would just need opinions on which one sounds slash would look best. I am getting a horse tattoo on my back. Uh-huh. Not sure if it will be a rearing horse or a galloping horse, but here are the quotes I can't pick from. Elegance, beauty, spirit, fire. Okay. So that's the first one. Not a quote. Not a quote at all. Two hearts, one passion. Nope. Okay. Hoof prints never fade. What? They don't.
Starting point is 00:19:04 Together, scientifically proven. Wait, wait, wait. Okay. Go ahead. Go for it. Together as one. Wait. I was going to put this in the tattoo section, but who would know better than horse lovers themselves? I don't want any big long quotes or anything. Something small and simple, but gets to the point. It gets to the point of how I'm a crazy person. Wait, hold on. Two hoof prints, one passion. Two hearts, one passion. Which I love. Is the passion going? Like just moving forward quickly? Like that's my thing. Also, what about the horse's second heart? Didn't think about that. What do you want to bet? This person does not in any way own a horse.
Starting point is 00:19:48 No, no horse. Really, they want to remind themselves to save up for it. And they think that this is sort of throwing their hat over the fence. Like if you get this, you got to have a horse spirit. I think you're an asshole. Elegance, beauty, spirit, fire. Hey, the way that you ride a horse is really bad if fire is involved in the equation. Maybe you leap through fire as you're going to rescue. What shitty quotes did they have before that they heard these and went, oh no, that's way better. Now I'm up in the air. Do you mind making suggestions or anything? A lot of people are down with elegance, beauty, spirit, fire. Yeah, they think we're rearing. A rearing horse would be better. I really like
Starting point is 00:20:28 hoof prints never fade, but here are some you may like. Oh, Christ. In riding a horse, we borrow freedom. Excuse me, horse, can I give this for a second? That freedom looks pretty neat. Can I just check it? Pardon me, neighbor. Can I get a cup of freedom? And the horse just looks back and says, you look with your eyes, not with your hand. Hey, I am bone dry on freedom. Can I just mount you for a second? Just a little to write up. To write up. Or can I finish? To write a horse is to ride the sky. No, the problem I have with these quotes is that they're objectively untrue. To ride a horse is to ride a horse. That's all you're doing. It's a galloping bundle of bones
Starting point is 00:21:21 and meat and you're riding it. And that's your friends do in fact fade pretty quickly. They barely even think like, what are you doing? My horse is made of clouds and fire and it sucks to be on it. It sucks to touch this horse. Horses. Horses lend us the wings we lack. What? You're making moves up by yourself now. Horses lend us the wings we lack. I'm not making these up because I'm not a fucking crazy person. Hey, everyone quit borrowing shit from horses. They are not good lenders. Neither a borrower or a lender or a horse being. That's why for poor Richard. To see what man has made, one must get in the car. To see what God has made, one must get on a horse. No, to see what God has made, one must get in a horse.
Starting point is 00:22:06 Nice work, Big G. You're really going to screw me out with all these horse parts. Big G, this is some sticky stuff. To be fair, I didn't think I was going to freeze to death out here. Oh, thank you. Hey, Big G, I thought these show up bad on the outside. Hey, horse, can I borrow your life? You may not get this one back. Hey, horse, can I borrow your heat guts? So I don't die. I need your gut seat to keep my bones warm. You're so good inside. Thank you. Here's how about this? I'm going to build a chair from your bones. How about this? To ride a horse is to borrow the entire Billy Joel discography. How do you figure? Because it makes as much sense as anything else.
Starting point is 00:22:51 If your horse was... If this is moving out, then I'm moving out. To fly a horse up in the sky is you are high. You are having a reaction to drugs. This is a different answer. If your horse is a racehorse, you were a great champion when you ran the ground shook, the sky opened, and mere mortals parted, parted the way to victory. We're all meet you in the winner's circle. We're all put a blanket of flowers on your back. Okay, so like a head to toe tattoo. Why were the mortals on the track? Get out of the way. Get out of the way, horses. I feel like horses are kind of like you were talking about with like cats and other house
Starting point is 00:23:31 pets. Can we just leave horses alone? Can we just let them run free and beautiful and I try to capture their essence with your back meat? It's gotta be rough because anyone can become a cat person just by buying a cat. You can buy a cat nowadays and take care of it for its entire lifespan for like 15 bucks, like in BD. Horses, you really got to go for that crazy. You really got to that's a lifestyle change, a crazy, crazy lifestyle change. You can't just casually take off for the weekend. To be fair, have you ever watched Animal Cops Houston? Yes. It doesn't always require a life care. Sometimes you're like, I bought this horse. It's in my apartment now. Oh, shit. I forgot I had that horse. What? There's a horse behind your barn. You haven't
Starting point is 00:24:20 fed it in three weeks. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. I haven't gone in that guest room in a long time. And honey, this is what this has been our sponsor segment where we riff and the humor is predicated on having seen Animal Cops Houston. It's a great show. Yeah, real, real class act. Hey, listen, my friend and I have been planning to take a cross country road trip on the cheap for a few weeks now. Before you finish reading this, I want you both to take a deep breath. Okay, go on. My friend said he had the sleep accommodations taken care of, but when I learned his plans for us, I was horrified. He wants us to spend each night on the couches of random strangers found via couchsurfing.org. Apparently,
Starting point is 00:25:06 this website lets people invite strangers to crash for the night third place. And in my mind, die a grisly death at the hands of a serial killer. Try to dissuade my friend, but he insists what we find, and there's no other cheap alternative. How can I convince my friend he's leading us into certain death? And that's from stranger danger. Why do you want my? Okay, before we get into this to it, my sister-in-law couchsurfed a lot in Europe and Japan and it worked out fine for her. She had no problems. And I think if you cross McGraw, like she's fine. Yeah, she knows crossing McGraw, though. She can handle herself. My friend Jacqueline, who now lives in New York, but used to live in Cincinnati with me,
Starting point is 00:25:46 was part of this underground couchsurfing railroad, and people would like... Hold on. She couchsurfed her way to freedom from oppression? No, no, no. She was one of the stops. Come ride this wave of freedom. I borrowed it from a horse. Hang ten. But nothing bad ever happened. People came and slept on her couch and would stay a night or two. I hung out with one dude. The three of us went to Zinn church together and he was awesome. He was great. Okay, but you're gonna have maybe 99 of those. And then you're gonna have one, you wake up,
Starting point is 00:26:21 and fucking Kathy Bates is looming over you. Like, hey, you are... No, it's not worth it. It's not worth the risk. I organized your spices for you because I thought they were disorganized. Like, even little things. That's gonna be annoying. Why did you do that? It is worth the risk, though, because it's, like, free. Yeah. Like, it's free to get killed is what you're saying. Like, you haven't caused anything either. Well, yeah, but it's just like going to a hostel in, like, in Europe is, yeah, it's a cheaper alternative because security is at a minimum. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's just like... Like, what are you saying?
Starting point is 00:26:53 It is... You're right, Travis. It's just like the movie, Hostel. Like, what are you saying? Yeah, what I'm saying is... You're saying it's free, so there's a likelihood that you'll die. Is that what you mean? That's part... I think it's factored into the cost. Travis, there's no... There's... That's the biggest corner you can cut. Once you have cut that corner and you can cut... How do you mitigate that risk exactly?
Starting point is 00:27:15 Well, my argument comes from the line, there's no other cheap alternative. So clearly we're trying to save money. There is. I can get on fucking kayak and find Motel 8 for fucking $40. Which is $40 more than a free couch. My life is worth so much more than $40. Maybe yours is? That doesn't mean the question askers is. Hey, if you have been planning to take a cross-country road trip, how the fuck are we gonna pay for this is a pretty high-up bullet point.
Starting point is 00:27:42 Yeah, that's another thing you do before you do anything else. Okay, can we afford to take a cross-country road trip? Well, do you mind risking death? Yeah, I do mind that. Well, no, we can't afford that right now. We can't afford it unless... Is it cool if we sleep on 12 couches and on one of them, you don't know which one, but on one of them, you'll wake up with some balls in your mouth. I'm also gonna throw out that maybe your mistake was letting you
Starting point is 00:28:05 skeezy hippy friend take care of accommodations. Oh, man, don't worry. Hey, bro, we just need a little gas to get us across the border. Going to the rainbow. What do you mean you got this? It's like a seven-day trip. Where are we staying? I got it. It'll be fine. This dude says if I suck his dick, he'll take us as far as Los Cruces. It's gonna be real cool. Hey, we're going to the rainbow garden. Can you spray some gas, bro?
Starting point is 00:28:27 Hey, bro. Hey, bro. Can I siph it out? I'll siphon some gas and I'll siphon some other stuff. Need a ride. Going to rainbow gathering in the forest. Actually, I gave, in Cincinnati, I gave some hippies gas to go to the rainbow gathering. That's a good use of money.
Starting point is 00:28:43 I felt pretty good. I gave him like a 15. Anything that gets hippies to go away from you is a pretty good use of money. Yeah, I said drive fast. Drive fast. Don't look back. Drive fast. They're far hippie. I called it a sorry, which I will not repeat on the show. That's good. Sure, why not?
Starting point is 00:29:10 Like maybe your life isn't worth a whole lot, though. I don't know this guy personally. He's using a code name. Like maybe he's not one of the wonders, as Natalie Marchant would say. You know, maybe it wouldn't be no great loss. I don't know. Hold on. I'm going to check something out here real quick. You guys keep talking.
Starting point is 00:29:25 Thanks for the alert. I'm so uncomfortable. I don't like sleeping on the couches of people that I know. I certainly don't think it's surfing or any other kind of extreme sport. Here's what I have confirmed because I thought. The difference here is that the Couchsurfing.org that they talk about is like a forum kind of thing where people go and will sleep somewhere and then get on and say, I stayed at this house and it was perfectly fine.
Starting point is 00:29:58 Yeah. I mean, there's no quality assurance in this thing. Oh yeah. He's a confirmed non-rapist member. No, that's what Couchsurfing.org is, the collection of saying. But this one is safe. Go to this and everybody's like. So they didn't kill me this time, so you're cool. Because you know what serial killers aren't? It's patient.
Starting point is 00:30:16 Yeah, they'll wait. I'm not going to kill this one, but I'm going to kill the next one. I'm going to see if I can get two. This is one of those few times I'm going to stick to my guns because all of my friends that use this, if I on this podcast go, you're the one that will probably kill you. I'm going to catch shit for the next two weeks. Because after those two weeks, all your friends will be fucking murdered
Starting point is 00:30:35 because they slept on some strange couch in Arkansas. Go to the store right now. I'm going to say, it'll probably be like a, how many days? Let's say a two week journey cross country. If you really put pedal to metal, let's say you'll stay with 12 strangers. Maybe 20 if you have to go back. But anyway, let's say you stay with 12 strangers the whole time. Get in line at the gas station with 12 people.
Starting point is 00:30:57 And as you're looking at that line, really imagine all of them one by one turning around and saying, do you want to sleep with me tonight? Do you want to sleep at my house? How many of them would you agree to? Like none. What if the rest of that sense was I'm making biscuits? Like three, three out of 12.
Starting point is 00:31:14 Tops, tops would be biscuit worthy. Can I suggest what might be the funniest new thing probably on the internet is, and I haven't checked this, I haven't looked or anything, but I would like to read the profiles of new, entirely new members on couchsurfing.org. I think that this is going to be a rough and tumble crew of maybe rapists that you can find on the internet. God, this is a tough one. I know people do it and they're fine, but here's what you have to accept.
Starting point is 00:31:44 You have to accept that when they tell your story on 60 Minutes, and the guy says everything started to go bad, when the boys decided they would stay with strangers they met on the internet. Like that's the point where everybody's gonna be like, well, what do they expect? Like of course they're gonna get killed. I bet Chris Hansen, I bet Chris Hansen visits this website and just cries. He's like, it's all for nothing.
Starting point is 00:32:06 They didn't listen. They didn't listen to the things I said. Now, this is the one thing I will say. It sounds like of the two of these people, the question asker is not comfortable with it. The person they're traveling with is. If you're not comfortable with it, don't. You're not going to get more comfortable with it.
Starting point is 00:32:27 Right, especially now if you listen to a podcast where three people are like, oh yeah, they're just going to touch your butthole while you're unconscious. Because I know I wouldn't do it. Yeah, I wouldn't either. And I know that people who actually do this, if you talk to them, I bet they would probably get kind of offended. Like, no, that's not our culture, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I'm sorry, there's not enough QA on this to be able to safely do this.
Starting point is 00:32:48 Yeah, I need moderators. Yeah, like a review, like a Zagats. If it goes down. Can we do a couch surfing Zagats? I need accountability. If shit goes down, I need a manager. Can I speak to your manager, couchsurfing.org? Because I got mouth fucked while I was unconscious.
Starting point is 00:33:06 No stars. No stars. I get this house. No stars out of five because my mouth got fucked while I was asleep in it. Boo, couchsurfing. I'm never doing this again. Hang ten nuts in your mouth while you're unconscious, couchsurfing.org. Get a half pipe.
Starting point is 00:33:28 Have you been to the other side of the country? There's nothing worth getting mouth fucked over there. No. It's basically just they call Hardee's Carl's Jr. That's it. That's the whole bit. So I can't leave Texas. It's just ten hours in any direction of people who want my sweet mouth.
Starting point is 00:33:47 Nothing I can do about it. There's only one thing worth traveling to, in my opinion. What's that, Justin? Well, that's the money. This retake is the money zone is Nicole, a dear friend, Nicole. And she's wishing her boyfriend Steve Marincons. Marincons, I believe. It's M-A-R-I-N-C-O-N-Z, a very happy 24th birthday.
Starting point is 00:34:17 If you're sending in a money zone request and you don't include phonetic pronunciations, what are you, you're wasting everyone's time. It's OK. He's a big nerd. And that's that's her words, not not not ours. And she says, Steve, I adore you, and I hope you enjoy your minor moment of fame on this Mbembe. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Monkey Butt.
Starting point is 00:34:41 Thank you, Travis, for saying. Happy birthday to you, Monkey Butt, from your friend. And a happy birthday, Monkey Butt, to all. Are we greetings, traveler? Welcome, weary Monkey Butt. Welcome, weary Monkey Butt. Your birthday, Jordy's have led you here. Can I do a jingle?
Starting point is 00:35:03 Yeah. Yes. I know I said I wouldn't. I thought you weren't doing it for humans. Well, we've only got the one, and I feel like if people go a week without, I'll make it short. OK. I like the idea of a minor moment of fame. Enjoy your five fucking moments of fame.
Starting point is 00:35:18 It's all you're getting, Steve. That's what you can do for people from now on. Don't love that. So if you want to get on our Jumbo Tron, as we say, just go to maximumfund.org forward slash Jumbo Tron, appropriately enough, and we'll wish your Monkey Butt a happy something or other. Please don't make us say that kind of stuff anymore. We can either do personal messages or business messages. So if you want to talk about your website or your podcast or your webcomic or something,
Starting point is 00:35:52 you can also get that hooked up as well. Have we talked about, did you just mention like a dating ad? They brought that idea up a long time ago. We've never done it. Nobody's ever had the balls to do it. But if you want us to sell you as a sexual competitor. Oh my god. We will do that.
Starting point is 00:36:07 We will fucking do that. So hardcore. I will give you 100% sexual partner, Gare Ron. Guarantee we will get your dick wet. Or your lady dick wet. Hey, have you used getyourladydickwet.comsurfing.org? It's crazy. It's this crazy website where you can travel across the country and stay in beds with people
Starting point is 00:36:27 and you will have sex with them. It's like being a jiggalo or a juggalo. Hey, you know, juggalosurfing.org. It was crazy. I was staying and I was in Vegas and I actually stayed with Shaggy Too Dope. He had Jay Vicious and Clown Nasty. Clown Nasty made me peanut butter and banana french toast in the morning. It was the best.
Starting point is 00:36:54 It was the best. Lady, later on Lady Deathmask came over and we had sex. It was great. What a fun weekend. Can I open up with a y'all here? Yeah, please do. This one was sent in by Jacob Locker. Jacob Locker.
Starting point is 00:37:11 Jacob Locker, the prodigal son. Haven't gotten one from JL in a while but he's coming back to the fold and I welcome him with arms that are also welcome. It's my answering user William T who asks, How do I make a homemade belly shirt neatly? Also, is it okay for guys to wear them? You should ask question two first. I'm a straight guy who loves to wear belly shirts.
Starting point is 00:37:38 I've worn them since I was eight. It feels good to show off my abs. I even run the neighborhood wearing them. My belly is a nice tan. I've made my first belly shirt recently with only scissors. It's nice but it looks ripped up. How can I cut them more neatly? First of all, if you're trying to,
Starting point is 00:37:56 if you have abs, it's like a sweet tan rippling ocean of ab meat, you can't call it your belly anymore. Like check out my sexy tum tum. Like what you see? Look at this gut. Yeah exactly, it's not a gut anymore. It's not a belly. I got some Bradley Cooper fucking ripped, chiseled, blasted,
Starting point is 00:38:19 guts bag. You can't call it your guts bag anymore. Once you're chiseled, it's your abs or your old abadabas. Yeah, your abadabas, I like that. Your abadabadoos. Yeah, abadabarinos. There's a lot of different things. Now as far as making it,
Starting point is 00:38:35 okay, is it appropriate for a man to wear a belly shirt? No, no. Well, I don't know if you're fucking, if you're so blasted, if you have like a butt on your torso, if that's, like that's what it is when you have good enough abs, it's basically a butt on your torso, like a sexy good butt, then like, I think you've earned it. Like, okay, but let's turn it around.
Starting point is 00:38:56 I have the sexiest back. Is it all right for a dude to wear a backless shirt? Like is it? Like a low cut backless shirt. Or crotchless pizza panties. Yeah. Listen, listen, listen, if the worry is, I think by appropriate, he means, are people gonna think he's gay?
Starting point is 00:39:14 Because he makes a point of saying the thing. Oh, okay, well, yes. I'm straight. But like, if you're that chiseled, people, I assume, if I see a fit person, they're a homosexual. Is that biased of me? No, no, no. I think it's a positive image of the homosexual community.
Starting point is 00:39:30 I feel like they're the only ones taking care of themselves. Yeah. That's how they're gonna breed us out of existence. Listen, you can't be upset by that because of the show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. That show existed and be like, hey, we're taking care of ourselves. Get on it, straight people. I mean, it makes sense. They have so much skin in the game.
Starting point is 00:39:45 Like, they're more heterosexuals than there are of them, so they have to be like on fucking point. They have to be at the top of their game. I think that makes sense. I don't think that's mean to say. Well, it's very nice to say. I just don't know if it's fair or unfair to their community. I think it's totally fair.
Starting point is 00:40:00 I mean, I'm blasted and ripped and chiseled. And my core is, my delts, my Delta Burbs are fucking blasted. Right. But I also love the ladies. Now, I'm pizza blasted, but I'm married. It doesn't matter anymore for me. What if you're a real flavor blasted and you wear a belly shirt that just says, I'm straight? But it says, but the straight has been torn off.
Starting point is 00:40:29 Here's the problem. If you're a great, cool, gay person with a really funny sense of humor, a belly shirt that says, I'm straight would probably be the funniest thing you've ever seen. Yeah, we just run past you get it. Do you see, do you see? Oh, that would be funny. Gay people in America suck it in a little crazy.
Starting point is 00:40:55 We're ready. I'm ready for it. I'm ready to embrace you. Listen, it's gotten to a point now where you won gay marriage in New York. You've proven to everyone that you can be polite, wonderful members of society. Now fucking flip it. Now fucking flip that script. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:13 I want you back to like 1992, 1993. Those were the gays. When you could just, oh, you just defiled our expectations. That's where the gays. I want like, I want like Jeffrey too. Okay. Those were the gays. I miss, they're too mainstream now.
Starting point is 00:41:38 Yeah. The correct answer, by the way, is you can't cut a belly shirt neatly. You have to just have it made in half a shirt and then they stop halfway down the torso. It's the really, the lost apprasment shift. I learned that from Jesse Thorne on the belly shirt. Put this on episode. That was a great one. Did you catch that one?
Starting point is 00:42:00 I thought that Lissa Gore did a great editing job on those. Got really some nice tight shots on people's guts. I thought the belly jumpsuit he wore was a bit much. Yeah. I didn't know that you could have a tweed belly shirt either, but doesn't seem comfortable. Yeah, it's making it work though. Yeah, it sure was.
Starting point is 00:42:20 Hey, listen, do you think there will ever be a time again when there aren't weird negative stigmas attached with having a mustache? Or is this just my burden to bear as a dude with a stash in the 21st century? And that is from where of all the good mustaches gone. What weird negative stigmas? You know there is. He means mustache only, I'm assuming, and not mustache and beard. Okay, because I was a bearded gentleman.
Starting point is 00:42:49 I run into only positive stereotypes. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I think here's the thing though. Here's the problem with this whole, the question, this is one of the situations where the answer is within the question. If as soon as cool people like yourself retreat and stop wearing the mustache, the mustache becomes solely pedo territory. You know, it's like you seed that ground to weird beards and then all of a sudden it's like,
Starting point is 00:43:17 oops, we're mustaches, only bad people have mustaches. I, they came for the mustaches of the cool people, I said nothing. Mm-hmm. Then the weird people had mustaches and there was no one left for me to mustache for. Exactly. That was really good, Justin. Thank you. That was beautiful.
Starting point is 00:43:36 That was Langston Hughes, wasn't it? I read off my Starbucks cup just now. I actually have flipped it. I have just flipped it from the beginning of this question where I was like, fuck yeah, mustaches and now I'm like, maybe don't. I think that a mustache can be like a red carnation on a blind date where you can tell who the creepsters are. If we don't, if normies don't wear them anymore, like if I get,
Starting point is 00:44:02 if I get on couchsurfing.org and I do a mustache check, then I can be like, oh, maybe don't sleep on a mustache. I would say like if a place has like three out of five mustaches. No, if a face has one out of a possible one mustache, then that's a sign that maybe I shouldn't stay there. Whatever has more than one. Oh god. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:44:22 Well, eyebrows are basically mustaches for your eyes, for your eye mouths. I'm going to go a more active approach and say that as a cool mustache wearer, it is now your job to travel the world and point out people that should shave their mustaches. Here's the problem. You're like, I've earned this, you shave it. Oh, that definitely exists.
Starting point is 00:44:45 There's a hierarchy of mustache. Yeah, I guess what I'm saying is I think that if you have a glorious full bodied mustache and you see somebody with that sketchy, stender stash that's not quite filled out. Stender stash, I would say, is the bottom of the barrel. I would say the top of the barrel is like a John Hodgman, like a John Hodgman, like a Vincent Price. A glorious stash.
Starting point is 00:45:04 He's making that work. Yeah. Or Sam Elliott. I've kind of felt like Sam Elliott. Oh my god, oh my god, yes. The prototype. If people say like, why don't you guys have more guests on? If I could get Sam Elliott's mustache on as a guest,
Starting point is 00:45:19 I am in a heartbeat. How about just print up a bunch of business cards, right? They just have Sam Elliott's picture with a little quote underneath that says, you need to shave your stash from Sam Elliott and you hand them out. Yeah, like demerits. Like, hey, yeah. You got some acting weird. You did a bad job.
Starting point is 00:45:37 You got some acting weird. You're going to shave it. I thought very briefly, I was at the pool yesterday and I didn't like the feeling of the hair on my face and chin being so moist. And I thought about maybe if a mustache would work for me. I think about it all the time. I'm actually thinking about it right now. I'm thinking about stroking my upper lip hair right now.
Starting point is 00:45:59 I think it would ask you a question. Do you think it would be possible with your recording set up? Could you shave down to a mustache as we're finishing the show? Would that be possible? Probably not. Because my girlfriend would instantly leave me. Yeah, plus we'd also have to turn it into a full blown multimedia, social media, online experience.
Starting point is 00:46:23 Maybe next time we do a live show, you can go to just a mustache? Yeah. I think live show mustache. I think I could do that. You've heard it here. All mustaches. I can do one. Travis can do one.
Starting point is 00:46:36 Justin can borrow one from a horse. I can draw it on. Justin can draw it on. With mascara and a stipple brush. This is going to be great. It's going to be a good show. Hey, my boyfriend and I have been dating for around three months, but we don't have a specific anniversary.
Starting point is 00:46:52 That never struck me as odd, but some of my girlfriends insisted that it was weird and that he and I needed to have one. Is not having an anniversary a slight to romantic traditions, or should we just make up an arbitrary date to appease my friends? And that is from Michelle Mittens. Oh, Michelle Mittens. Michelle, can you not ballpark it for me? Like, you don't remember if it was hot or cold outside?
Starting point is 00:47:13 She did. It was three months. Okay. Three months ago. So that would be May or April? No. March? Let's let's.
Starting point is 00:47:24 I think we just have to. Middle of February. Yeah. Well, is there not an instigating event? Can you not remember? Like, I remember we had that like four hour talk after the Dave Matthews band concert. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:37 And then like a ticket stop. What's your favorite? Mine is ants marching. He said. Mine too. Dreaming. Yeah. He said American baby and he laughed.
Starting point is 00:47:46 He was like, no, nobody's favorite sign is American baby. Wow. I don't think it's that big of a deal when you're dating personally. I think that. But you're just listening. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're wrong. And here's why.
Starting point is 00:48:00 Okay. It's it's it's like when you have a learner's permit. If you can't observe the rules of the road with a learner's permit, you don't deserve a driver's license. Travis, that is that was unusually astute. Are you on PCP? No, I'm unlimited. Have you been taking the Bradley Cooper pills?
Starting point is 00:48:20 I am. I'm on the Bradley Cooper pills. Travis brought some insight from a horse today, I think. I think that we need to pick one for her. What's a good day? What is it? Go with the first. Go with like June 1st.
Starting point is 00:48:34 No, fuck that. We have an opportunity right now, Travis, to create love. Okay. What is a good day for love to be on? She said around three months, right? So we're going May, right? May. Okay.
Starting point is 00:48:48 If you're going memorable, what about May 8th? And then you can remember Mayth. Mayth. May. That's not bad. What about what about Cinco de Mayo? What about Cinco de Mayo? That's what I was thinking.
Starting point is 00:48:58 Fucking. I love it. Yeah. Five, five. Easy to remember Cinco de Mayo. It's perfect. Let's get tequila drunk together and spend some time. Eat some chimmy burritos.
Starting point is 00:49:08 Watch Love, actually. That's what she did. I like this. Cinco de Mayo. Yeah. Cinco de Mayo. And then you can Cinco de Love make. Ooh.
Starting point is 00:49:18 Yeah. We synced up on Cinco de Mayo. That's what you tell people. And they'll retch a little bit in their mouths. That's what they'll say. No, I think you just tell the honest story. And when people are like, oh, what's your anniversary? You say it's Cinco de Mayo because three random dudes
Starting point is 00:49:31 chose it for us. Three randoms chose our anniversary. Yeah. We have a special kind of love. Three guys spread throughout the country decided when we were in love. My favorite oral novel. I wish more people gave us that kind of,
Starting point is 00:49:49 I think of us as sort of the global Justicars of Love. Like, I wish that people would write us and be like, what day was my baby born? Yeah. Hey, I need a new birthday. What's up? Who is my real dad? Hey, Christmas sucks.
Starting point is 00:50:01 Can you move it? Sure can. Oh, shit. I sure can. March 12th. Merry Christmas, everybody. St. Patrick's Day is coming up soon. Oh, my advent calendar's wrong.
Starting point is 00:50:14 Need a new one. Hey, I have a Yahoo. This Yahoo answer is sent in by Cal. Thank you, Cal. It's by Yahoo answers user Helen of Troy who asks. How do people dress? Oh, no, I'm sorry. It says, how do people dress at spanking parties?
Starting point is 00:50:33 Oh, no. I'm not planning on going to one. But I am curious as to what they're all about. Do people dress in role-playing costumes? Can you just sit there and observe all the spanking around and you not have to participate? Good one, Dave. You really got her.
Starting point is 00:50:56 Not for me, Spank You. Do you have to pay to enter the party? Are the parties usually at a private residence? Any answers would be appreciated. I'm willing to bet that if you go to a Spank You party, you're paying in one way or another. Yeah, no one writes for free. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:51:15 Ass, ass, or ass. Ass, ass, or ass. No one writes for free. Which one? What is a spanking party? Yeah, I'm already upset by just the assumption that this is a real thing that people do and not something this person has made out.
Starting point is 00:51:32 Yeah, because there's not a five-paragraph answer that somebody's provided. Oh, fuck. Oh, oops. All right, I want complete silence. Griffin, you have to read the whole thing. Let's see how long we can go. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:51:45 This is Bakka Otaku 30. Good start. Is there some music you can underlay here later when you're editing together? Something kind of nice. Yeah, I'll throw down some Nora Jones. Yeah, that would be great, actually. Having been to my fair share of spanking parties,
Starting point is 00:52:01 I'll happily answer this. Though more information can be found in an essay that I posted on my spanking blog months ago. The link to my blog can be found in my profile, though it'll take some digging to find the correct entry. Unless a party has a specific theme, like teacher-student. Most people will simply wear clothes that are comfortable and casual.
Starting point is 00:52:17 Spankers may tend to wear clothes that are more formal or authoritative, and spankies... And spankies... ...crush... ...spankies... ...and spankies... ...leans towards clothes that are loose-fitting or easily removed,
Starting point is 00:52:40 allowing faster access to bare their bottom. Skirts are common among female spankies, with pleated schoolgirl skirts being the most common. Some people will dress in roleplay though, and there are some parties devoted entirely to roleplay. Yes, you may sit and observe if you don't feel like playing. No one is forced to play, and many parties have the attendees wear stickers
Starting point is 00:53:03 that show the orientation for their night, top, bottom, or switch. I just threw a can across the room because I was so egg... Yes, I gave blood today. This is a crazy sticker, and included designation for observer or newbie. As Phil pointed out, you may be encouraged to play,
Starting point is 00:53:23 but most people won't be pushy if you're new. The best parties will give a new person a chance to feel comfortable before they start playing. Most parties do have an entrance fee, or at least ask for a donation to cover costs, or that the attendees bring a... Not cost! Or that the attendees bring a...
Starting point is 00:53:36 The aloe vera? Or that the attendees bring a covered dish to share. Oh, who brought the fried kale? This is... Ow, fuck, ow! Not yet, Jesus! Fuck, look at my sticker! I'm an observer!
Starting point is 00:53:50 Check my sticker, Jesus! I'm your caterer to this night party! Goddamn! I'm clearly dressed in a more authoritative manner. I am the swagger! I like to wear a trench coat to the parties and tell them that I'm the covered dish. The best parties also offer the least amount of cash,
Starting point is 00:54:12 from what I've heard. Shadow Lane costs far too much for what is available. And I went to a Crimson Moon party and can say that the same is true for all of them. Crimson Moon fuck you! Fuck you, that's made up. The most bang for the... Oh, this is promising.
Starting point is 00:54:25 The most bang for the buck, from my experience, is the Texas Allstate Spanking Party. As their entrance fees are always low, yet the party is huge, particularly the years that it takes place in Dallas. Road trip. Griffin must go. I'm gonna shave down to a mustache.
Starting point is 00:54:39 I'm gonna fucking show up to that. Oh, God. A larger party take place in hotels and resorts. Smaller parties usually at private residences. I enjoy this inclusion of a cabin party. There's something alluring to me at the public nature of a hotel party. Okay, straight up, you guys gave shit
Starting point is 00:54:55 to the people on couchsurfing.org. This is the new terrifying. Listen, as long as you're staying with me tonight, you have to win in Rome, you know? I got some friends coming over tonight. Choose your sticker. Stand into it. Get in the spanketorium.
Starting point is 00:55:09 Choose wisely. Stand in the spank tank with your sticker. Welcome to the spanketorium. You can sleep on the couch if you'd like, but we might be keeping you up. We might keep you up if you sleep too close to the spank dome. Last thing. Two men enter.
Starting point is 00:55:25 One man leaves. One more thing, and this is the most upsetting part. There are also icebreaker games to get everyone comfortable when a party starts so spanking can begin. Demos, vendors, contests, and special events. Hey, guys. It's just really quick. I mean, I get...
Starting point is 00:55:41 Um, like, what's the... What's the... Does it go trust falls, then low ropes activities, and then you fucking punish someone, just punish that ass? What's the court... What is the... Explain to me.
Starting point is 00:55:55 You played the minister's cat. No, it's... No, it's name game. Keep the ball in the air. And then paddle till blood jumps. Just fucking wail on that ass. Punish that student, and then you go back to low ropes. Is it light as a feather, stiff as a board,
Starting point is 00:56:12 and then cat a nine tails? Yeah. I can never remember. See, I like to use spanking to break the ice before I do something uncomfortable. Like, hey, I'm Justin. Low ropes for this thing. Ass to borrow money or something.
Starting point is 00:56:23 You want some Sprite? My favorite thing, and it goes all the way back to the beginning of the explanation, is the line, because I've gone to a bunch of spanking parties, I'll handle this one. Like, everybody was rushing the answer. And they're like, I got this. I got this.
Starting point is 00:56:39 I got this. Don't worry. I got it. I love it. I consider myself. You've come to the right place. We're cool, we're cool. I have a master's sticker,
Starting point is 00:56:46 so you know that I know what I'm talking about. Oh, you brought Casserole. That's nice. How excited was this guy have been to be combing the weird party section of Yahoo Answers and fucking finally someone is ready to tap into his expertise? The punishment part, no.
Starting point is 00:57:06 Master student, no, no, no. Poop eating. Here we go. Ah, a spanking party. A spanking question. This question, by the way, just realized was from four years ago, so if we're lucky.
Starting point is 00:57:22 This person's dead. Everyone is dead. Spanked today. Spanked. Oh, you spanked my guts out. Little to the left. No. You guys understand how this little short story ends, right?
Starting point is 00:57:37 It ends with sometime this week, we get an email from someone who's butt hurt for getting an expression. Hey, listen, me and my spouse. Me and my fellow cheek blasters, we didn't like those things you said. Listen, me and the other rump wrestlers were talking. Listen, tough shit, OK?
Starting point is 00:58:03 Everybody does weird things. Keep it secret, keep it safe. Part of it, part of the weird shit is not getting uppity when other people call you on it because it's a secret, so you're not supposed to admit to it. That's what secrets are.
Starting point is 00:58:16 And listen, no one can possibly use the phrase, no, no, I do this all the time. There's nothing weird about it. Fuck you. By the way, scoop for you. If there was nothing weird about it, you wouldn't prefer cabin parties. I like toughware parties in the middle of fucking nowhere
Starting point is 00:58:35 where another sheriff's not going to come put his big nose into my business. Unless he's into that. Unless he's into that. I mean, he's more than welcome, obviously. All are welcome. All are welcome at the Spank Party. I will say that if the rest of the world
Starting point is 00:58:51 could take on the open-mindedness of a Spank Party, maybe we'd be a little bit of a better place. Yeah. Or the worst place ever. Or the worst place ever. And no one could sit down. Just that chairless wasteland. Listen, I want to hear Griffin's last question.
Starting point is 00:59:07 But first, just a few housekeeping things. Next week, we are going to have a special Back to School episode. All our questions, everything's going to be about headed back to school. About the movie Back to School. Yeah, about the movie Back to School, about actually physically going what's cool for kids,
Starting point is 00:59:24 what styles are cool this year. But that's going to be up to you. You need to send us all your Back to School questions. Um, you know, from college to kindergarten. Here's the sneak preview. Five-star out. Mead in. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:40 Trapper keeper. Done so. Come on if I do. Uh, please, if you get a chance this week, can you just tell a friend, say, hey, I made you a CD. It's got the show on it. Or, and hey, this is a super duper, please.
Starting point is 00:59:51 I see a lot of people ask people on Twitter, like, hey, what's with BimBam? Because you just talked about it. When you answer them, can you please send them a link to our sampler? So that way they listen to it. It's bit.ly forward slash it's mbmbam. And if they hear that, they think, oh,
Starting point is 01:00:05 this is funny. It's an easy way to get people into it. Or just search, search YouTube for mbmbam. It's like the first thing that comes up. Yeah. And also while they're on there, make sure that they check out the, uh, rinse and repeat.
Starting point is 01:00:16 The Saturday morning. The, uh, yeah, they're going to love that. Yeah, that's good stuff. Thank you to John Roderick and the Long Winters for the use of our theme song, it's a departure off the album, putting the days to bed, which is speaking of spanking parties.
Starting point is 01:00:28 Oh man. Just turn that one on in your next. What I love is somebody tweeted, thanks mbmbam and, uh, Long Winters. This, the album is great. John Roderick retreat, we treated it. He was super happy that it was, it was up there.
Starting point is 01:00:42 And he, and he retreated it. He could pitch it. He did retreat it. Hey, you know, Travis, I had a big spanking last night. I think that we should stop advising people to just, just by putting the days to bed. I think you should buy every Long Winters album.
Starting point is 01:00:54 Oh yeah. They're all literally all great. God damn it's so good. We've got a forum. It's maximumfund.org slash something, something, something. But if you go to maximumfund.org, there's a forums button there. And we're there.
Starting point is 01:01:07 We talk with people, talk with the episode, talk about what you liked, what you didn't like feedback, you know, a real dialogue. And of course you can do that on Twitter too. Just use the mbmbam hashtag when you talk about something related to the show,
Starting point is 01:01:19 be it a quote or something like that. Not really the best place to ask us questions for the show. For that, you want to go with mbmbam at maximumfund.org. But we're happy to answer them there. And yeah. Thank you everybody. Thanks everybody.
Starting point is 01:01:37 I love you. Griffin is going to give us one more question, something to sort of think about over the oncoming week. So Griffin, take it away. This one was sent in by Greg Jackson. Thanks Greg. It's about who answers user,
Starting point is 01:01:51 Lord have mercy who asks, why would a six foot three man who looks like Jay-Z be a lot more depressed than a five foot six guy who looks like Jay-Z? I'm just a McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. He's been my brother and my brother and me.
Starting point is 01:02:08 He's my dad. He's the way on the lips. you

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