My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 670: Face 2 Face: Hey You, Learn How to Juggle!

Episode Date: July 24, 2023

Live from the dreamy Carpenter Theater in Richmond, VA! We bring together the forces of Richard Stink, The Minions, and a prayer circle to ask the audience the most important question of our time: What is the milk of Cars?Suggested talking points: Successful Creep, Keep Your Pants Up, There’s no Angels in the Playoffs, Tailgate your Lunch Break, I Don’t Drink Fragrance AnymoreWorld Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/

The Maccoroi brothers are not experts. And their advice should never be followed. You know what Travis and Sissy is a sex expert? But if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listen. What's up you cool baby? What's up, you cool baby? It's a side of something beautiful.

A small quaintant has blossomed and trapped into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach My life, it feels like It's better, it's better with you My life, it's better with you, it's better with you It's better, it's better with you, it's better with you It's better with you, it's better with you

Hello, welcome to my brother and brother, me and advice show for the modern era. Save some for later. I'm, I'm your oldest brother Justin McAray and all my muscles feel just as good as they did. One minute ago, I promise. I'm your middleist brother Travis McGray at a combination of 30 seconds of exercise and Indian food for dinner has left me, oh, wind-aid. Yeah. And I'm sweet baby Navy Corporal Griffin McAroy.

The more you wear it, the more you give off like a Shirley Temple vibe. Yeah, my son told me backstage that if I was his little brother's age, I would be really adorable, he said. Henry has a way of delivering lines. Oh, it's so devastating. So devastating. Very good, though. Well, I didn't call you his little sailor, man.

Yeah. He said, as the elevator doors were closing, as I went up to the stage, I'll miss you little sailor, man. It was very cute. So we're about halfway through the year of the sun and sea. I'm just wondering, quick check in how you all are feeling about this theme and this experience. I haven't seen the sea.

No, that's not true. What on the cruise? How's the sea? You saw the sea. I saw the sea. I've seen the sun. Yeah. Boom.

All the, yeah. I haven't seen the sea unless is that what the title basin is. Fuck. I don't know what the title basin is. Oh shit, never mind. I would say that the C part of our vibe is having a moment. The C is gotten a lot of attention recently. Oh good.

Oh good. Well, all good. The brain equalizer they call it. Let's say this. The C. All good. Well, all good. All equalizer, they call it. Let's say this. The C is on brand. It's just Poseidon has the one thing he does. He does. The C is on brand.

It doesn't. That's great. Tell me about it. They've never called it the really forgiving. I totally. I totally chill C. If this episode is released even a month from now, people will say, like, what the fuck are they talking about?

What is this see? It was having a moment. What do they mean? This is an advice show. I haven't watched the costume all year. Oh, no. Okay. Can I tell you, Griffin, my assumption is it's dry clean only.

My view would have to interact with a human being to do that. No, my assumption is that if any heat is applied to it, it will just disintegrate. I guarantee you whatever company, like manufacturer sells that costume, if you said I'm going to wear it more than once, maybe like that's not advised. Yeah. Check the label. Dispose after use. Maybe like that's not advice. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm kind of pot committed juice. It's the son part to go with his C part.

I'm like a cool navy guy like you would see on Jag. They couldn't have come up with a better name for that, huh? That guy, a real Jag. Okay. And it was a team, I think it was a team like CSI. Where the Jag squad. I, this is the questions. No, we're gonna start I was so close and which I said no because I remember I had a segment

Yeah, that was great. Whoops. Okay, so this segment is called With Special Guest. Yes. Yes. Where I'm gonna give you the host introducing the musical guest on Saturday Night Live, and I need you guys to tell me the vibe with which this introduction takes place. Our first one, Paul. Christopher Walkett.

Oh my God. Introducing the Weezer. Oh my God. Introducing Louise here. Oh okay easy. He does it like Christopher Walken. Yeah, but he's got a lot of different modes. I think I like a long pregnant pause in there. I think we're gonna get one of those out of Academy Award winner Christopher Walken. I didn't. Hey, just go ahead and just say what it'll be like. Oh, you want me to do a quick walk? Give me a quick walk.

Don't overthink it. Don't overthink it. If you ever think it, I just fucking over thought it, because it took too long. Okay. Well, lady, lady. It's not there today. Ladies, Joe, man.

You heard it. You can't... You've heard it. Ladies, you've heard it. I forgot what it was. That was the hours ago. Ladies and gentlemen, Weezer. No, a little Ray Ramona. Let me try it.

Okay, okay, okay, man. Let me try. Let me try. Ladies and gentlemen, what is there? Was that it? That was actually it's Pat. Oh no, shit. Yeah, very problematic.

I think I have given my answer. Ladies and gentlemen, please. Okay, here's what he did. He added an age. Please, please. That's right. I've never watched so many of these. I don't know what he's looking at.

Jesus. I have never seen another host like introduction. And then to the heavens. To the heavens. To the sky ball. Next call must have asked if that was the only coat they had, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Next one, Paul. I brought my coat. Jonah Hill. Hill introducing future. I mean, I always feel like Jonah Hill is introducing the future through his many... I once times scared the shit out of him in a haunted house. You love that story so much, it's so much.

I fell to the ground clutching his heart. I saw Jonah Hill and he said, I once had this shit scared out of me and I wanted to help. Hey, Leo. Here brother is a successful creep. All right, successful creep. Let me see.

Joni Hill introducing future. I think it's gonna be like party DJ, get the party started future party. I think this is around his more dramatic turn. So I think he's gonna be giving like huge serious actor energy. Maybe my favorite one ever. Oh wow.

Ladies and gentlemen, future. Yeah, it's just two Styrofoam cups, I believe. He was definitely in the toilet, right? He had the attitude of someone who was just on the toilet. And maybe wasn't done. I think mine's done. Yeah, okay, yeah, I'll do it. Can we see it again?

I want to see it. Ladies and gentlemen, future. It looks like he's telling everyone I'm drinking a cup of future. And he does look like there's a moment where he seems like he's going to cry after he says it. Okay. Future. Keep going a little bit, scrub for it just a little bit, Paul.

Just a little bit. There's a moment where he, that, ah, he's like about to cry just for a second, I think. My future is I'm going to turn into a Styrofoam cup. That sucks. Okay, next one, Paul. Phil Hartman. Bush. Now, it should be noted, this is a once again.

I mean, it's Phil Hartman, he's excited. He's feeding off the energy of the crowd. Consumant professional though. I think he's just going to go very standard. Ladies and gentlemen, once again. No, once again. Once again. We don't have any of the voices up here tonight.

That wasn't even a voice. I was just trying to make it. Can I make an outside guess? Yeah. I think he's going to do a character. I think he's to make him push. Can I make an outside guess? Yeah. I think he's gonna do a character. I think he's gonna do it in character as one of his great characters in this analysis. Paul before you show it,

Justin, you're my brother and I love you so much. You whipped it so hard, the polar opposite Paul please show. Oh no. Oh no. Push. Whoa. I love him so much. That's rough, Phil Hartman.

That's a tough choice. That's tough, buddy. That's tough. I miss you so much. I miss you so much, Phil. Now, there was another one. There was another one that I didn't play where he was doing it as the unfrozen caveman lawyer.

You're not. Yeah. You sensed it. You sensed it. One segment on. Next one, Paul. Wow. Paul G. You sensed it. You sensed it. One segment on the next one, Paul. Oh, wow. Paul Gianmotti. One of my faves.

Louder Chris. Okay. Okay, I'm going to do it. Ladies, looking down, like as down at the ground as he cam, still hitting his camera, like, ladies and gentlemen, Louder Chris. Okay. I think we're going to quiet mode Gianmotti, Ladies and gentlemen, Luda Chris! Okay, I think we're gonna quiet mode GMOD-y because he's just put a lot of energy into his skits.

Oh yeah, he let it all out a little bit. He's a little bit worn down and it's kind of like Ladies and gentlemen, Luda Chris. Paul, please play it. Bear in mind, this is another once again. Yeah, okay, okay, okay. No. Once again, okay, okay. No. Once again, ludicrous.

He's a pro. He's a pro. He's a pro. All right, now the weirdest one I've ever seen. Okay. This is so many. Winnith Baldrow introducing Sealo Green. Mispronunciation.

Oh, okay. Chelo green. That's performing. Like he's a dear friend. Okay. Play it, Paul. Ladies and gentlemen, Celo Green. What is she doing? I understand none of that. I don't either. And what's interesting, isn't it? Ladies and gentlemen, Celo Grimit. It feels like the party struggles with renunciation of is, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, sure.

Hey. Ladies and gentlemen. I will take the point. Yeah. Griffin wins. Ladies and gentlemen, Celo Grimit. Thanks, everybody. I went to the theater and I wanted to dress up.

I forgot, however, the pants I chose were my stand-in pants, not my sit-in pants. It's incredibly uncomfortable and distracting to sit there in my tight pants. And it's pretty dark once the house lights are down. Brothers, is it socially acceptable to undo the top button of your pants in the theater for more comfortable viewing experience? That's from restricted in River City. We can't give permission for this one person to do this because it's going to, then the next sound we hear from the audience is just like, that's true.

Well, they're doing it. This is why, so belts serve a lot of purpose. One, keep your pants up. Yeah. Two, keep your pants up. Keep your grades up, ah fuck. Three, you can keep the belt on. I'm buttoning, I'm buttoning.

Yeah. No one's the wiser. I can always tell. Can you? Yeah, I can always tell when someone is hiding their undone top button with a belt. I can always tell. What is hiding their undone top button with it, Bell. I can always tell. What?

Is it a facial thing or is it a body like that? Yeah, it's a facial thing. Because you know what it is. You can't hide for me that you think you're getting away with it. I'm just hearing you in this. No, it's not. If it was that, then it would kind of do micro expressions. Oh, yeah.

Like lie to me. I don't know what that is. Is it TV show that I've watched? Because it's my thing. Don't. I don't. When you're not really looking at everyone else around you when you're in a theater environment where it's dark, right? Like hopefully, you know, you're all focused on us. All eyes up here. But I will say if you do catch in your periphery, the slightest of just- The slightest of it. It just meant happening at a certain threshold

then you're gonna go like, the fuck are you two? Yeah. And there is, there's a lot of people in this audience and the thing in your head, if you're a lot of person next to you, just undo one single button. That's a real trajectory shifter on the YouTube channel. I went through a period where I enjoyed a big belt buckle. And I don't know how people do it regularly.

It cut into my tummy. I had to undo it, and then I would stand up and redo it. And every time I think, no one's here, and out of nowhere, a church lady is just, literally they're like, oh my gosh. I get a smaller belt. You could do what I'm doing right now, which is wear a pair of pants over a pair of pants.

That's good. Then you can have one button. You could have the top layer button and the bottom layer unbuttoned. You could be fully unzipped under there. It's a real, you have your own choice. It's my favorite part of the Devil Wars Prada where Miranda Plurese explains to Anne Hathaway

how fashion is wearing two pants. Yeah, right. Now, you just think you decided to wear two pants. But two years ago in Malal, I'm also trying to imagine sit and pants being anything other than like super roomy jinko jeans. And I'm not getting anywhere. Those are sit and pants.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. OK, the sit and pants show off the goods. Show off the goods. Yeah, for sure The good exactly your wallet is for big box. Yeah, right. Okay. How do I politely tell my mother who I love very much They're the new job I got was because of the work I put in not because of divine intervention from her prayer train Can I get a little more Justin in my monitor, please? I think.

Because it sounded like he said prayer train. And that can't be, right? Like it or not, you're the engine of this thing. Yeah, and up along. I'm not saying you didn't work very hard. But how do you know? Yeah. That it wasn't a little bit of a bump set spike

from our Lawrence and Savior Jesus Christ. Yeah. Cause I would say a lot of people out there work hard. Yeah. And you need that little extra something push you over the top. Maybe it's a reference letter from one, Jesus Christ. You know who else thought they accomplished something great on their own was the Los Angeles Angels baseball team that won the game. Technically they did. Well, no, I'm saying they all probably were like, fucking a, I'm great at baseball. But by the last game they were.

Because their angels didn't show up. But there was a long period. There's no angels in the playoffs, Griffith. I think we can all agree. I know that there's no angels in the playoffs that they were a subpar baseball team at best when the angels were helping them. Otherwise, why would they need service and... But they're confidence, Griffin! They put in the work. That's the point.

Both can be true. You can put... Listen. You're right, John. I don't know why we're fighting. I love you so much. I love you, John. God opens a window and he hands you a shovel.

Yeah. And he says... dig this window out. He says, bro, he says, hey listen, little guy, I can open a window, but you gotta dig the whole outside. Yeah. Both can be true. Both can be true. But your mom and a bunch of friends.

And if we can bring the lights up, we're gonna play some music now. If you guys wanna come down to the front, just have a little show. That would be a wild up like come to Jesus song to play just like everyone eyes closed. Also we've talked about it already once on this tour a different kind of heel turn we could do. Yeah, sure. Hey, and now we're going to pull a little insane clown posse minimum. Actually, there's old time.

It's just glorified. We're going to see. I think it's cool that you have the power to grant prayers for people. Maybe they weren't praying that you would get the job. Maybe they were praying that you would bring it home for them. You know, they were like a rooting, then

like getting in there and messing with it, the gears of fate. A lot of people don't tell you this about prayer, who are pious, is that whenever you pray for something, good to happen to someone else, and then it happens, you're like, fuck yeah, I did it. Yeah, fuck yes, I totally, you got that job? I fucking did it.

Me, you're welcome, you're welcome for that. That's the best part. And then Jesus shows up and goes, I fucking did it. Me, you're welcome. You're welcome for that. That's the best part. And then Jesus shows up and goes, I'll take 10% of that by the way. Yeah, yeah. Jesus, wait, hold on. Yeah.

The tithing is like a talent age. Okay, stop. No, I got you a job. Yeah, yeah. I get 10% of that. He is uniquely incentivized to improve the economic class of people that are really into him. Is that right?

They're earning more his 10% That is what angels in the And if you can get a friend into Jesus now you're earning more Hey, I brought shaped Steve. Hey guys, if we start pointing out their religion is like a pyramid scheme I'm worried the police are going to arrest us forever for being actually two out there and two punk rock. You're never going to believe this.

I just, but there might be Ausmex and religion that are all about the money. I want, whoa, they're coming. Woo, woo, woo. I want to say that when I was in high school, I found out I had a blind spot in one of my eyes. Yeah. And why the blind spot? Like the blind spot. Like the moving?

You mean the blind side? Fuck. Travis, you just... Can I tell you what you just did? Embarrassed himself. You just took a shot at a pretty...I would say precarious joke, and you missed by a whole bunch. I was gonna talk about you having a DVD in your eye. That would have been good.

Ah, yeah, I regret it too. No, she was called the book. Yeah. Anyway, a bunch of people from our church laid hands on me, and it's not what it sounds like. No, it was like a prayer circle thing and they were like, go team, but I was in there. You were the air underneath the high-five.

Yeah, and then later that day, I did win a Nerf football in a Nickelodeon sweepstakes, male in sweepstakes. I hear that, I'm just like, he's busy up there for you. You know what I mean? He's busy up there for you. Hey, listen, I can't do it all. Yeah, eyes, those are weird sacks of jelly, man.

I don't know how those things even work. But here's a football. Prayer has consolation prizes sometimes. You know, it's like, I can't get you that. But let me look around. One quarter of my left eye versus a fresh, nerve football from Nicholas. It was fucking free.

It was the best part of it. And it looked like a big foot. Yeah. That wouldn't work. It was a football. It's like a funny thing. I understand that, but there are certain design elements

that go into a football to make it throwable. Yeah. And one of them is that it's not shaped like a foot. Travis, it may surprise you to learn. I didn't use this bad boy for sports. Mostly used for just set it up in my room. Like, that looks neat. That's what prayer gets you.

Thanks. Get you. Thanks. Brothers, how do I bring in a personal use microwave to my workplace? All the company supplied microwaves are in dire shape, so I'd like to bring my own. However, I don't trust my co-workers to not destroy it. You could have just stopped after I don't trust my co-workers. Yeah, but this person basically, there's a few break rooms, one of which isn't often used, but through the close friends of the department, do use the break room. I would rather they not know about my secret microwave.

That's not gonna happen. That's awesome. You gotta under your chair right now. Maybe. Can't leave this at home. First of all, you are going to be fucking jacked within a few months, I bet. No matter how you're getting to the office, carrying a microwave around with you everywhere you go, as if it is some sort of sissy and task that has been placed upon you by the

gods. I'm pretty sure their plan was to keep it at the office not to commute back and forth with them. I, I, this, this is the world's weirdest lunch box. I swear to God that thought did not cross my mind. Because, because what do you, when you said the office, you don't have a microwave anymore at home? I don't think so. It does raise a question, huh?

It's weird that you love microwave, but you're willing to do without, as long as you can simultaneously own your coworker. Thank you, Dan, for using your great microwave. I have never seen an office microwave that wasn't just fully red inside it. Yeah. It wasn't there at first when it came into the office.

And then someone cooked a few. It wasn't just one person's fault. It's fully red inside of there because stuff that went all over. Yeah. And nobody's job is to there because stuff that went all over. Yeah, and nobody's job is to get in there and get the split getty. I am actually, I'm of the conspiracy theory that there is never once, no matter how high class the office is, a new microwave was not brought into it. That's a hammy down second wave microwave.

Of that microwave started and someone else's, how holy shit. I've been looking for a reason to get rid of this. I'll put it in the office I'm building. Steve Jobs. What if the secret office microwave is how we are feeding this system. Eventually you'll leave it there and then it'll just become not secret office microwave.

It's a regular heavy-duty microwave. Because, okay, so if there's three break rooms, yeah, one of the break rooms isn't being used that much. There's no microwave for that break room, right? Yeah. Because if you're like, there's three microwaves and three break rooms, you wouldn't bring a second microwave

into a break room that already had a microwave. Also, three break rooms, what do you work at, Apple? Yeah. Come on, that's crazy. Yeah, you know what? Keep it in your car and plug it into one of the slacks of your car. Yeah, I'm actually a Jessica, a car adapter. Yeah, man, Mountailgate, your lunch break. Now hold up.

I was about to say Mounted under your desk, but that's probably not where you want Brady radiation. We still don't know the effects. Listen, I'm not saying that microwaves are dangerous because I've never bothered to look at that information up myself. If it was dangerous, they'd tell us. How do fucking dudes on those podcasts do it

where they just like make shit up like that where they're like Yeah, man, can't microwave your balls, dude Okay, that's I was like I don't know this information I'm about to say so I'm just not gonna say anything at all, but it was way easier to your point Griffin I don't know if it's dangerous for my balls. Yeah, but if someone said You could have a microwave here level dangerous for my balls. Yeah. But if someone said, you could have a microwave here level, here level,

ball level, foot level. Now ironically, I would opt for foot level. But that's never been an option for me whatsoever. Now, in time, I'm like, oh, just microwave that. Been down?

Been down, it's on the floor? And he tried there next to the dog's food. He likes the warm, kibble. You could tell people about it and then give them yummy coupons when they do good jobs at work. And you say, like, you've got one yummy coupon. You can use to cook one thing. And my special clean microwave.

Look inside. Yeah, there's a few pink spots. I did a spaghetti accident there once. That's how it's driven. This, you can have people pitch you on it. Like, this is my Nana's special sturggin' off. And she made it just for me, and then she moved back out of town.

And it's the only one I have left. And I really want to give a good experience. What are you making, Rebecca? Oh, Campbell's tomato basil bisque. Get the fuck out of here. I have a hot pocket self-contained. Get in there. Get in there.

You're good. No red foods. No red foods. No red foods allowed. Hey, what about Coin Slot? Like in the bathrooms in Camdenburg. Whoa, wait, when you think Coin Slot, that's the object that you think of having Coin Slot on it? I think if one thing is going to carve its way into your memory,

I'm actually a good boy. Yeah. Having to pay to pee? That's it, bud. Yeah, sure. And I also, because of the people and everything, I tried to pick a funnier way of saying it than like, a vending machine or a parking me.

A Nickelodeon to watch a fine video. I tried to be like, random. Yeah, for sure, for sure. Because of you guys, because of you got you all here. Um, hey, we, we have a, we have a special game that we like to play. It's a visual game. So, it's the last one. And um, it's like dangerous for one of us. This is minion quotes. one of us. This is minion quotes. I will say this. I spearheaded this the last time we did it and it was the first time I had done it I think. And I posted on Facebook for the first time since I think my second son was born. And I saw a lot of people come out of the woodwork to interact with me whose

mental projection of me is shaped entirely by the failed minion quotes that I put up. He had a son and two years later. A lot of stuff changed. A lot of stuff changed. A lot of stuff changed. And boy, how he does, he like Garfield the cat. Here's what's weird about- Oh, wait, wait, if you've never seen minion quotes, we're going to show you a Facebook

meme that somebody made that has a cartoon character on it, but they're gonna be censored and they have to guess who the cartoon character is based on the words on the thing. And if they get it right, I have to post it context-free to my Facebook wall. Yeah. Now, here's the wild thing, which has just occurred to me.

Yeah. Just in created this bit. Yep And then unprompted After he failed a couple of times and I had to post it. I took it over no one Masked me do it. I was gonna let it lie and then both these guys are like someone's got to make the sausage though You know, like two years once again no discussion unprompted, just like two, two or a go, Griffin was like, I'll do a minion close. What? What is happening? Let's see the first minion just keeps passing down the line. Here we go.

The one who falls and gets up is so much stronger than the one who never fell. Who, who, who did the blurring me? Okay. I, there's, I did a lot of false misleading that's black silhouettes. You're begging for minions. Your eyes are screaming minions at the top. No, that's what he's going for. Take tax shape, silhouettes, no way. No, he's going for that.

SpongeBob SquarePans. No, I'm gonna go on the nose and say Charlie Brown. Charlie Brown, Travis, what's your answer? Bunch ball square pants. Show him the answer. Fuck yeah, it was minions. Trust your gut. Catch you slipping.

Catch you slipping. Catch you both slipping. I blame my older brother. What was your fucking full like, oh, he's gonna do a minions. It looks like a minions couldn't possibly be minions. It was fucking minions. Okay. Justin taught me out of it.

And it was a minion and a San Francisco 49ers have for some reason? Did the 49ers fall down a lot? Yeah. They did when they start letting minions play. Can we see the second and the second? We should give him pads. No, he's fine.

When someone you love dies, you never get over it. You just slowly get through each day. But you always keep them tucked safely in your heart. Tweety bird. Kama. W-W-W-W-Dotface. Now, Griffin, I know you both is from one of my favorite places to pull me in because shut up and stop talking.

Yeah, shut up and still talking is really on top. I was the original title of our podcast. Sure. Yeah, this one is, this is Tweety Bird. Tweety Bird says Justin. I wish you wouldn't re-say my guesses, because I feel like I can tell. There's one answer that they are looking for,

because I've been on the other side of it. There's one thing they want to hear me say when they say their answer. And that word they want me to say is, fuck. Yeah. Tweety bird, huh? Okay. Hello, Kitty.

No, show the answer. Hello, Kitty's a wild out there thing. It's bashful. It's bashful. Aw, shucks. When someone you love dies. You knowucks. When someone you love dies, you know what? When someone I love dies,

makes you feel pretty shy. Aw, I shouldn't. I miss my dad. Aw. Shut up. I'm still talking about my dead love one. This is the final image of the game. Should we confer on this one?

If you can't read it, it says passing you the blunt. Have a happy Friday. Okay. You guys know, hold on, it's tour manager Paul. You can fucking get this. You know this one. I don't like this. I don't like it. They don't need help.

Do you understand what this would mean for me and my brand personally? I absolutely do. You guys need to bear down. Make your guesses smart. I fucking hate this energy right now. I don't want to put this on Facebook for all the people who used to get this.

You can't just fucking do this. Get in our hand. You don't want the blame. That's it. How do you go first? I'm going to have to hand in my ears. OK. Griffin want the blame. That's it? That's it? How do you go first? Is that happenin' in my ears? Okay.

Griffin, I'm gonna say Shrek. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, we'll be back in 15 minutes, come buy some stuff and we'll do more show. Hey, I'm going to interrupt this real quick. Well, hey, let me step in here to tell you about the food my cat likes. We are doing this every week.

Now this time I really mean it, because I have a really impactful food, and it is small, and it made my life hard when I introduced it to my cats. I'm gonna be honest with you, because these cats, they like food. Yeah, yeah. I put out some of this,

and they looked at me in an accusatory fashion like I've been withholding from them You got to try smalls is a protein pack cat food made with preservative free ingredients you find in your fridge I would eat and this stuff no problem. Wait now hold on just what you're saying hold on if I can get back to the premise You've you gave your cats a better food than they normally eat and your cat was like where has this been? Yes, that's true And did you tell them that small says only for winner cats who try their best?

They have to really, they have to put in the effort every day and get good grades at cat school. When you open up this, you'll be braced for a stink, but it is not there. What? Really? Yes. With half the traditional things.

Wet cat food stinks, not this stuff. It smells, I'll, you know, ditterbell ring ring ring. Thank you, that's sure. We made it the table. No, I didn't feel pressed to eat it at all. Well, you do what sounds like you were You want to eat it. You would love a shinier coat and softer fur. You are always talking about that Yes, I would like that that the other cats Mr. Saffelies all the game make fun of me and I'll finally be able to My cats look great and they love this food and it's wet and they're wild about it. Are your cats ready for the heavy side layer?

No, my cats, not anymore. They might have been more than I've tried smalls. They want to stay on earth. Higher quality ingredients mean a healthier and happier life for your team. No, wait some, because now I want to do a version of cats where at the end someone brings smalls, food and they're like,

why don't you light one up here? I don't want to go to heavy side layer anymore. This stuff rules. So head to smalls.com slash my brother and use promo code my brother check out for 50% off your first order plus free shipping. That's the best start for your fine, but you have to use our code my brother for 50% off your first order. One last time that's promo code my brother 50% off your first order

plus free shipping. One last thing before you get back to the episode we've got a bunch of merch at the merch store this one if you haven't checked it out you gotta go we got candles we got hot yes stickers we got garril plushies at 30% off and 10% of all merch recipes this month go to world central kitchen and I'm going to be at jincon next week so if you want to come see me at Jincon and see all the cool stuff I'm doing, you can go to bit.ly slash macrory tours and while you're there, you can also get tickets to some of our upcoming shows. Okay, now, back to the old show.

You get it. You get it. I'm Jordan Morris, and I'm Jesse Thorne. On Jordan Jesse Go, we make pure, delightful nonsense. We were open awesome guests, and bring them down to our level. We get stupid with Judy Greer. My friend Molly and I call it having the spaceweirds. Pat Noswald.

Can I get a Balrog burger and some air-gorn fries? Thank you. And Coole non-Giani. I've come back with cat toothbrushes, which is impossible to use. Come get stupider with us at MaximumFun.org. Look, your podcast apps are open, just pull it out, give Jordan Jesse Goatry. Being smart is hard, be dumb instead. Okay, Zebras, Arangatans, oh!

Sorry, hi. You know you see animals talking for you. Yes, my name is Carrie Poppy. I co-host a podcast called on a Ross and Carrie. This is my co-host Ross right here. Okay. We investigate spirituality, claims of the paranormal, and we were wondering if we could get on the art. You did come to by two. I appreciate that. Thank you. Though most of the things I'm letting on the art don't talk. I'm gonna be talking all up on this boat. Do you mind boat? I prefer arc or bar.

Okay, I'm not listening, but if you let me on, then I will make my really good podcast on your boat. Can you at least help clean up all the poop? Yeah, I guess I don't see why not. Well, check out the podcast, where do I find it? Tell MaximumFund.org. No, no fucking way. We got him!

We got him! We got him! He doesn't need him, man. Hey, bodies, high, my name is Richard Stink,, I'm a expert with fragrance. Can I, I feel terrible. Justin is a huge Richard Sting fan. He's got massive diarrhea right now. He has turbo diarrhea. He's so sick. If he could be here, Richard, he would, but he, the only way he can get off the toilet is when the pressure of the diarrhea is having lift him up off of the seat. Yeah, yeah, like a genie coming out of a lane. It's terrible, Richard. It's so bad.

So I was going to do my bit over here because I don't, it's a lot to be next to. Yeah. I agree. Even the brief sort of the way. The way the visible lines of the various layers of fragrance I'm wearing, yeah, buddy. Yeah.

But the thing is, there's no monitor here. So I don't hear your words. I'm just kind of somewhere, aren't you, buddy? I hear you. But the thing is, there's no monitor here, so I don't hear your words. I'm just kind of nodding, right? Like Travis, I'm nodding and waiting for you to stop talking and then I do a bit, right? So I'm kind of doing that because I can't really hear you. Oh, really true.

Why are you barefoot? Yeah, it's a great lineup today, Travis. I'm a cut. I didn't want, can I approach the throne though for real? Yeah, for sure. I don't want to sit in the Kings. No, there's no diarrhea in it. We have to.

Save. Yuck. No, it's not yuck. There's no diarrhea. Well, it's a break up a new season, buddy. And we're going to see what your fragrance game, Griffin, what are you planning on? Oh, yeah. I'm so glad you've asked.

This season of fragrance, I've decided to go with Old Spice Pure Sport Deodorant Smell. The normal good smell. The normal good smell of Old Spice your sport. What's the number one thing I say on my channel? If you thank you Jesus for the smells, yeah, if you need to order it, your clone game is off. Right? I don't use the order for that very reason. It should be layering. It should be layering though. How? What about you? I rub lemon juice and blueberries in my armpits

on my chest and my neck. That's great. That's great. That's great. That's a huge waste of time. This isn't a joke to me. This is real. You only fragrance recommendations.

It's a new season. You want to smell like your idols. So I've got the easiest game ever. What does your idol smell like? Oh my God. I'm going to like my religious. Well, the rules of the game are coming right at you. I'm going to do great at this.

I want to tell you fragrance. You tell me the exact celebrity middle name, first name. Last middle name in that order. I know. I was first name last middle name in that order. I know I was first name last day first middle last no I don't need middle names this is a middle initial is okay I'm sorry I thought you guys still did joke we hold on update my notes okay you don't have a pin, Paul. Paul. There he is. Looking extremely hot tonight, Paul. Hey!

Richard, can I say I followed your Instagram account? Oh, right. You have a lot of photos hanging out with Paul. Yeah. Like a lot. Paul's a cool dude. Yeah. Paul gets it, man.

You changed the name of your Instagram account to Mr. Fragrance and Paul. No, that was I got one of the bots The Russians they got me shit, man. Yeah, it's tough. Are you okay? Yeah, I'll be okay when you guys get all of these exactly right not pause at all Tom Ford, great Fediver We got I got I got clues Oh, Fediver, we got, this is, I got clues. Oh, cool. Fediver, masculine, classic.

Yeah. Fediver's an in the name, so that's a little bit of a double, but I didn't want to confirm that there's a very powerful Fediver. Just name the idol that wears it. Wait, thank you. What happened to you? What did you do that sentence? I want one name of the idol that where is it? Wait, thank you. What happened to you? What are you doing?

I want one name of the idol who wears it. Richard, one thing I need. No, yes. Takes too long for you. You should have already said it. Can you tell me what they are an idol of? Like what? What an indistinguishable.

No, with this one I can't. All right. I'm going to let it rip. Liddy Kravitz, okay. Tom Holland. No, change it, mine's shred. No, you're all wrong, you're so embarrassed. It's a wolf man. You're a shack, man.

Now hold on, what is a wolf man? It's an idol, I mean, you couldn't say movies. No, because he's also idol of state. Yeah, that's a good point. You're right. You're a richard. The small screen, huge does it all. Wolf, Wolfman.

Wolfman. Wolfman. He's a problematic circus guy. He's the dad of the boy. Dad of the boy. Yeah, sure. He's more like greatest smell man. Good kid.

Wolfman. He was in that short-lived TV musical about Las Vegas. Next up, Asevage Perform. These words are. Oh, I know this one. This is Johnny Depp. Okay, Aasavash Parfum. You didn't even let me describe so the nose.

The nose on this is Francois de Mache. Uh-huh. The nose. Oh, wait. I think this one is Francois de Mache. I think Travis said the answer really enthusiastically. I have no feeling inside of me. That rivals that. That you're saying this is so embarrassed for Travis.

Said I'm trying over here, not the piss. So. Wait, it's way, way, is it not Johnny Depp? No, the poll. And I'm a guest. What? I'm a guest then. But Johnny Depp is a poster child of Sivash.

Okay. My Christian Deore. This is Oshavaj Barfub. Completely different. You sound like an idiot. Stupid. This opens with Pategrain. The bitter oil of the orange tree.

Oh shit, you didn't say it was the bitter oil of the orange tree. That's true. There's a lot of shit in your idol. What are they an idol of? I'm gonna say, uh, Brad Pitt. This is a stat, these are all like film guys, most, no. Are they all guys? This is a film guy, yeah, this is a film guy.

Okay, Brad Pitt, no. Wait, who do I think sounds like orange? Paddy grain. This is nothing! Give me one more, what's the nose? What's the nose? France, what's the marchet? France, what are they marchet? This is Channing Tatum.

Standing Tucci. Antonio Banderas. That's your idol smells like classic orange oil. And the most topical photo we can find of all of Mr. Banderas. I just figured all these guys that want to picture are they look the coolest. Like if he's a wolf man or a Zoro. Yeah, sure.

That's when they look the coolest. I did that for all these. The one, O-D-T. Ooh. This is a deep dry down with tobacco. Is this, is this drink half cider, half Guinness? I want to drink whatever that is really bad. That's rule number two of the channel.

You see, I make a lot of videos about this. And the subject title is always, I don't drink fragrance anymore. There's a lot of reasons for that, that are prescription. Why I stop drinking fragrance, feed your Mr. Beast. All right, all right. Don't shake a bottle of one.

Don't shake a bottle of the one. You miss, you miss the beast ever do anything? You ever smell Mr. Beast? You know the answer to your question. I've never met the man. He seems so calm. Now hold on. It is my surprise, Richard.

I've never smelled Mr. Beast. I thought he made everybody smellin' for $1,000. I saw that, I've been, everybody, or smell me. I can't move on. He made everyone pay $1,000. I give him all a hamburger if That's how it's funny. All right, don't shit going on the one you're wasting time. Come on.

This is dry down the deep tobacco. It's rich, sexual. Oh, sexy, sexual. This is a leader. This is somebody who's not afraid to get in there. It makes it up. They shake up the boardroom. They shake up the court.

Are they in a boardroom or court? Haven't we? Jared Leto, okay. He does shake things up. This I will mention now is a, is a sports star. God damn it, why? Richard. He didn't ask.

A sports star. Sports star, huge influence on movies, sports star. LeBron James. It is LeBron James, congratulations Griffin. This is a cool thing about LeBron James. It is LeBron James. Congratulations, Griffin. This is a cool thing about LeBron James. Did you know that this man, the Spiderman, the Bugs Bunny, you know Spiderman, he knows Matrix. He's friends with all Warner characters.

Did you know about this? No, that kicks ass. Man. Awesome. What is Spugs Bunny? He's about like Richard. What? Carrots. Next stop, John.

Ugh. John Carrot. John Varvato. Oh. What's wrong with John Varvato? That's just a hip flask. This is a so, this is like, this is strong stuff.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. What does that mean, Richard? Toilet. No, no, no, I know that's toilet. But what's it mean? Oh, the toilet.

That means of the toilet. No, no. It does. Yes, but your toilet from where I am, that's like a whole bathroom routine. Okay, cool. John Farfaydos, yes. Mediterranean spices and tobacco

I'm telling you if you fucking shot up Tobacco and I don't know if I've ever heard you curse or shard. I am really sorry about that. Jesus He's been so busy in my life lately. Yeah, he's been working for me. Obviously working for you guys. Yeah, yeah So I got that promotion. Yeah, and John Farvello, tobacco, Mediterranean spices. We're all so impressed. You're very classy. Always the idol of yours, Griffith, you love this guy. Oh man. He's an idol. He's an idol and I love him. He's a way out idols. You say to me all the time, I want to be just like him and do You say to me all the time, I want to be just like him and do everything. I do it all.

Songs, skits. Fucking, it's not Shrek for sure. You know it can't be Shrek, right? You know, Shrek is not a real guy. He doesn't count whatever. And he smells like swamp water. He smells like onions, I hate him. You hate him?

I have been sitting here trying- You don't know what? You hate Shrek? Who's your idol that wears John Barfayot don't know what? No. You hate Shrek? Who's your idol that wears John Barfayot? I'm kind of curious why you hate Shrek. No, I- It's nothing.

Is it like a religious thing? No, we're cousins and it's like weird. Ah, man. So when you say he's not real, like he's a figure, he does a lot of- It's weird, like, no, it's like everybody wants me to like get in contact with him. Oh, it's like-

He's your cousin, right? You're related to it. No, sure. When I was growing up, I had a bus driver who was in the band Savage Garden. Yeah. And it was all he talked about. And everybody tried to get an invite to meet them. This is they had some hits in America.

Did you have well? Yeah, we got Savage Garden. Savage Garden. It was great. We call it Sovash Garden. John Barbados. John Barbados. Come on. That was great. We call it Sovosh Garden. John. John Barbados.

John Barbados. Okay. I have been sitting here. I had an actor pop into my mind and I could see him extremely clearly but I couldn't remember his name for about a full minute and a half. And then when I remembered his name, it was John Stamos which kind of sounds like John Barbados. That's where my stupid fucking person was.

John Barbados. I got a Griffith. That's what I was like. John Stamos. And that's where my stupid fucking person was at. I got a Griffon, that's what's like John Stamos, it's this guy. I'm gonna say Benjamin Diesel. Okay, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, it's Griffon's idol, Jimmy Fallon. God! Damn, Jimmy, $30 a bottle, you spoil us, Jimmy.

Thank you so much. What a treat for the nose. David Beckham. Well okay. I have a guest. Step him stepping to the web. Step it's spider to the fly. David Beckham. Okay wait, Trav. One of the two of us has to say David Beckham. Just so we don't ever drive. Listen, I confidently said Johnny down and I will You really hate shit everybody here thinks you're so Like it like we need in your reminder of that I'm gonna say David Beckham the athlete That's correct. Yeah, I

That's great. I don't know why I would be the seat is the sin and I already did a curse of the week So I'm not going to- Sure, yeah, yeah. Alright, last one. He's David Beckham okay in this photo? He thirsty. This one's a twist. He's trying to get a bug.

The last one is Givenchy playing a little like a microphone. I bet you guys love this. Yeah, for sure. We love those things. This probably gets you going, right? Because it looks like a microphone. Yeah, no, I'm rock hard. You probably already you going right because it looks like a microphone. Yeah, no I'm rock hard you probably already want to you probably want to talk talk at it Just looking at it, but no it's a whole for fragrance to come on goddamn my brain says Mark mariner. There's no way that's it

Come on Jason Bay. It's too obvious. I made it too obvious is Is it given given tree give ventures no Travis this is a star this talk about a triple threat this guy star stage screen not stage well god damn it what a roller coaster you take me on You're gonna do it all. Football. Did he do football? Did he, okay. He has done football.

At least one time I can say for sure, not for money. What the fuck? I can say confident, right? He did football for fun. At least one time he's done football for fun, never for money, starved stage and screen. Is he a star of stage? Yeah, but not like Broadway.

Buzzing. Like around. He's a star around, and he's gonna crazy to me. I say, Gavinchie, play, and you're not like slapping the table for a buzzer. You don't have. I say Gavinci play and you're not like slapping the table for a buzzer. You don't have. Ira Glass. Very good.

Vain football one time. Josh Groban. No, it's Justin Timberlake. Thanks everybody, that's my time. He's already gone. When he was unsure about stage, yeah, those Richard Stink, not no of concerts, Count Estates. Yeah, I don't know, man. Cause I would say, as many people have seen him on stages. Yeah, yeah.

Backstage, he's always wearing headphones, but I swear to God, there's never anything coming out of it. They're not even plugged in. I don't think he knows about new things. Like football players who are trying to avoid. Oh, cheers. Hey, how has your butt Ruined you just missed it. No, not again. Yeah, one

Richer is rich sting. I've met him. I never met the little boy though. I'd love to meet the little I said the child chocolate here. Yeah, maybe someday Okay, we're gonna go to some audience questions the microphone is wait Justin do you want to be the audience? It has be the next thing that we say. Don't come down to the microphone unless we call you, please. OK, now you can. Justin, do you want to win? Get the audience about Richard? No, I don't know what you're talking about. I know the microphone is missing.

Oh, there it is, Paul. There we go. Thank you, Paul. So we're going to call down your name and your seat number. People sitting in the questions in advance, we thank you very much for that. So I'm going to call a few people down, just line up here in the aisle.

When you get here, tell us your name. If you want to tell us your pronouns, that'd be great. And your pen number. And your brief. And a brief summary of your question. Let's a brief summary of your pen number. Just the first two numbers will get it. And just like, where are you right?

We'll take it from there. Hello, please approach the microphone. Hey, John Jay. Hi, John Jay. It's an on So not John. I took a guess that I was writing this line when he said John and my brain went certainly not that Maybe that maybe John, what's your question John? So this is a question more of a scenario posed by my oldest son. Oh great. Yeah, yeah so kids do say the fucking darnedest things though. The weirdest thing This is a question more of a scenario posed by my oldest son. Oh, great. Yeah.

So kids do say the fucking darnedest things though, don't they? The weirdest thing. So the question is, how much milk is too much milk to pour out into a parking lot to be socially acceptable? Yeah, sure. Josh, even though it is your son who asked this question, this must have some sort of practical use case where milk was being dumped into a parking lot,

and one of the adults present was raising a sting on it. Said, hey, that's too much. You're too much milk to dump out in a parking lot, to which your son replied, well, what's the good amount of milk? Because, John, there's a lot of debate about nature versus nurture. Let's say a sig with John, because I'm pretty sure it's just John.

John, there's a lot of debate about nature versus nurture. Your five-year-old was not born wondering how much milk is too much to work on a bargain life. Yeah, sometimes it's okay to put your hand on the rudder and guide away from certain Conundrums. Is it white milk or something? It's white milk. Oh, well that changed What kind of parking lot in your mind's eye? What kind of parking lot is it? Where is it to is it great?

What's the gradient of it? Is it gonna run into some kind of water table a flat parking lot? Let's say apartment complex a power complex is bad because there's a lot of people who are watching every fucking car that's going to get in the way. Can you get up on the mic, John? Yeah. Okay, John, here's what I think. I think bigger than a foot puddle. Bigger than a foot puddle.

You're what I'm saying. If the milk is smaller than a shoe in the puddle, you might step on that and be like, ugh. But if it is bigger than your shoe, and it begins to get into the various folds and sizes of shoes, that's no good. That's no good. Nobody wants that. People wear canvas shoes these days. Have you seen this? So listen.

Bigger than a shoe too much, because that could ruin someone's day. That's my great answer. I'm also going to say there are areas of the parking lot where it's marked anywhere between cars, not okay. But if you go to like the car aisles, however you want to say it, where the car drives plenty of room to avoid. But if I get out of the car, how the fuck was I supposed to know there was a puddle of

milk, which is my a puddle of milk, which is my favorite puddle of mud cover band. Puddle of milk. They turn on the lyrics. Yeah, that's probably for the day. They cut out all the squares. This is where we, this is the part where we would do that with a puddle of mud song, except.

There's only one thing that's stopping us. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no bit. But if you pour it out, where cars drive over, cars don't care about milk in so many ways. Now, Jim, I would say all the time. That's why in the cars movies, when they drive over milk, they're not like, what just happened? Whoa, is that a mammal? Why do we have to drive 5,000 years? Is this car milk?

What the fuck? It in my mind. Oh, mine. OK, which fluid? No. So, thank you for going where my brain wins. So, I think windshield wiper fluid. No fucking way. Hey, listen.

It's grease. Do you wash your face with milk? Thank you. That would be windshield wiper fluid. But the car's got to make it itself. Oh, oh, oh, it's becoming about this. And you guys can feel it too. Hey, John, listen.

No, no, which secretion from an automobile would count as breast milk? It's got to be something the car makes itself. If the cars are mammals in this world, what is a car made? Grease! We could cook cars don't make. It tastes in oil and everything else and makes grease. Your body needs other things to make milk. It doesn't make it without it outside.

The right very feature of milk is to keep the mammals alive. Hold on there, Brian. Without butter, it keeps them here. The gears grind together and lock up. Seems like you're mad at her, see you over there, partner. Let me go and screw you out some grease, get her, then. Okay. Yeah.

The other thing I wanted to say, you all know I'm fucking right. Is that the liquid matters too. Yeah. Diet Coke. I will dump the biggest Diet Coke you could imagine. Is that true? That's what I mean. No, regular coke, I don't dump out because that does drive bees crazy.

Bees don't care about diet coke, but they'll go wild for regular coke. Full sugar, don't dump that out because bees will go wild. Yeah. Some bees like milk too. It's true, big bees. I know, big bees.

Big burlin bees. You're big burlin bees. You're big burly bees. Have you seen any big bees flying around? Don't dump that milk out. You gotta take that milk out to a cow pasture and be like, I fucked up my arms for a minute. Don't dump it in front of the cows. No, you give it to my...

Can you imagine you pour milk out in front of a cow? They're not saying you pour it out. I'm saying you give it back to him. Like, I got too much. You guys, this is yours. Johnny also definitely, definitely, definitely matters if this act is observed or not. Yeah, right. Because I think the amount changes a whole lot.

If you have a faster of like thousands of gallons. Did I say, if you have to like keep a thumbs up the entire time you're doing it, that's no good. I actually think it goes around the other side. You brought out a little milk and so it's like, what the fuck? But if you keep boring out jugs and jugs and jugs after while they're like I don't get it But I get it you look at them you say it's fucking unpasturized keep your mouth shut

Do you think it's weird if you could talk to a cow? Yeah, and you said this milk my past and it just can't understand or talk back to me at all And you said this milk is pasturized and maybe like all our milk is passed. I can, it just can't understand or talk back to me at all. And you said, this milk is pasteurized, and maybe like, oh, I'm milk is pasteurized, is it a pasteurized? They would be pretty much like that. I know it's a different thing, and they're like, what are they all? I honestly would never tell a cow that that would be so embarrassing for them to be like, oh, yeah, your milk, it's great. We definitely drink it right, like you make it.

It's great. No, the way you guys are doing it is perfect. So, so, so, so, John, does that help? No notes. Yeah, so so so John does that help? No notes. Yeah, hey John did that help very much. Thanks. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What automotive fluid do you think would qualify as the milk from a car?

What's a car's milk? And John, keep in mind if it changes anything because we have to acknowledge there are car bugs. Yeah, and the cars because we have to acknowledge there are card bugs Yeah, and the Christ because we see VW bugs Don't fucking confuse this John what of the car fluids is milk windshield wiper fluid that's thank you. Thank you. Thank you John you're so wrong you John come at your seat Well look at you. Okay. Hello. Give us your

Your names your pronouns, and what you think the way her milk is. Yeah, hello. Hi, my name's Rebecca. My pronouns are she, her. And I think the car's milk is, you know, when you run the air conditioner and the water comes out. Yeah, that's good.

That's good. That's pretty good. Hey, that's very good. That's pretty good, actually. Condensed milk. That's good. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's pretty good, actually. Condensed milk. Yeah. Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo- Do you need a reminder? No, I've got it. So last fall, at the end of festive gourd season, I took my pumpkins that were starting to get mushy,

and I threw them in the compost pile, and forgot about them forever, the way you do. That's what you do. It would be fucking bonkers if you did anything else to the seven comps. And now, six months later, I still wistfully scare. I'll never forget you scrambled eggs I did in the eat! No?

Don't put scrambled eggs in the fucking combo. So what are you talking about? Worms love that shit. You can do eggshells when I'm eating. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I got you. I got you. I got you.

I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. The surprise this spring, I have a huge pumpkin patch. Every single one of those little pumpkin seeds has made a pumpkin plant.

And I have pumpkin vines everywhere, including through the chain link fence into my next door neighbor's yard. Uh-huh. And they're rooting through your Ruta, Pegasus. Yeah. So. So, uh. Yesterday, as we were walking to a museum my dad and I referenced into the

woods and Griffin fucking made fun of us. I didn't know such thing. Shame. So they found out. The next door neighbor's two cute little girls saw this growing and said what is it? And you know there was one little tiny pumpkin on the vine that was on their side of the fence. And I said, well, that's your pumpkin. That's for you guys. The problem is this pumpkin has grown so, so enormous. It is dwarfing all of the other pumpkins in my now very large pumpkin patch.

It's twice the size of my head. It's only June. It's only going to get bigger. That's fucking a big pumpkin, please. Yeah, and that is the power of a child's love. And I think that's so beautiful. That's so beautiful. Which brings me to my question, which is how can I tell them this?

Write a script about this, you can pitch to Hollywood, that's like the Magic Pumpkin. Starting Jennifer Garner. Oh shit Hollywood that's like the magic pumpkin. Sorry Jennifer Garner. Oh shit, that's good. Yeah, the magic pumpkin that I want to unoffer to be a little change. You want the pumpkin back? I want the pumpkin back. I want it for like the really good pumpkin.

There are so many times you fucked up here. He's right. Rebecca, first of all, to go with the plot we've been writing of this magical pumpkin story, you didn't even mean to plant these pumpkins. But second of all, it is on their property. That's true.

Legal claim is the kids. And then you told them they could have it. So like, imagine, possession is nine tenths of the law. Like the other tenth is you saying, you can have it. You could have it. So like, imagine, possession is 9 tenths of the law. Like the other tenth is you saying, you can have it. You can have it. So like, those are the only two things you need to possess something.

Let's put this a different way Rebecca. Your dog has puppies. The kids go, can I have one of those puppies? And you say, yeah. You say take it? Yes. And then that dog grows up and starts winning a bunch of awards and races say yeah. You say take it. Yes. And then that dog grows up and starts winning

a bunch of awards and races and shit. You're like, actually, I won that dog back. That's my dog. I think it's dog so clearly I need it back. Oh man, hold on, wait. I don't know how plants work necessarily, but can you not go in, pop that pumpkin out? Wow, hold on, wait, can I say something?

Wait, how little do you know? The fact that it has grown through a fence has added an almost literal brain teaser element to this, right? Because you could take the big pumpkin and swap it for a little pumpkin that's shorter on the vine. But you got this GD fence in the way. This is fucking great. Yeah, you gotta get some green duct tape and just put on another one there. Get one at the store, that real pretty one.

And just swap them out. No problem. But how do you get it through the fence? You have to go over there properly. Wait, how old are they? Five and seven? Yes. Travis! Travis! No, no, no!

Hey, I got a six and three year old. I could tell them. Yeah. Hey, the pumpkin got up and walked away And if I sold that hard enough, okay, but wait, wait, wait, you don't want to harvest this pumpkin, right? It's it's only fucking June. Can you imagine how big this is gonna be? By the time it's all high lows you but listen, you don't want to cut it off the vine So how do you get it back past the fence? It's on the vine. Now you're fucking getting it. Wait, hold on.

You know what? What would you do with the pumpkin? Well, let it grow in the prize, right? What prize? Yeah, like maybe it's really big and it wins a prize or maybe it's like, it's not worth it. Biggest pumpkin trash. Where? Now hold on, what the fuck?

The fact that West Virginia Pumpkin Festival that has the biggest pumpkin, you sound so stupid right now. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, on, Rebecca. The fun was Virginia Pumpkin festival that has the biggest pumpkin. You sound so stupid right now. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. I know that there are biggest pumpkin awards, but Rebecca, everything I've gotten so far is you have a hypothetical award in your head. I could win an award.

Yeah. It is there. You have a passing fascination with pumpkins that happens to have struck fucking gold. and you're looking at how you get best These the moment but these children are gonna put a top hat on this pumpkin and it's gonna become alive Yeah, it's gonna be their best friend and win an award at a talent show Could you submit it tell them you're gonna take it to awards and They'll get like and tell my gal tell all the awards people that it's your pumpkin

that's good to award for you a couple bay blades on the ground they'll just fucking right on they don't give a shit about your pumpkin anymore just up into happy meal and that's all you have to do sometimes oh wait the pumpkin went away and it grew happy meal look what was under this giant pumpkin bugs and happy meals go figure back at us is that help that helps a lot. Thank you. Thank you Hello, please a person microphone Hi, hi, how are you good great good? What's Carmill and then wait, hold on? You want to give us your name our pronouns? Okay, Carolyn and she, her and Car Milk.

I don't know. Yeah, that's a good one. Don't look at them. Don't look at them. Please stop me. This is about Car Milk. I'll do anything. It's a secret.

I'll just say any car fluid and then bullshit some answer. It's said gasoline, that's beer. Well, when water and oil mix together, it looks like milk. That does look like milk. I might accept that answer. Thank you. Now, how can we help?

OK. So I went, I fell into the river kayaking a couple of weeks ago with my family. And I was actually stuck in the water in the rapids for three hours. Oh, no one died. Oh, what? And now I'm not entirely in the rapids for three hours. No one died. What? And now, and not entirely.

You're out of there, right? I'm getting some details now that weren't in your email, girl. I just had about three hours. I just had it at the three hours. Just three hours. The vibe we're surfing has just radically shifted. Now, we're the ones in the raging waters.

Oh, I read it exactly. I fell into a river kayaking two weeks ago, almost died, and later my dad sent me a reel of a pro-kaiiker and much more advanced rapids killing it. How do I respond? Hey, Carolyn, hearing it again out loud, can I say it's kinda on us? Cause you did say almost died.

Yeah. And we were like, probably not. And I say something, this may be a value judgment on what I think of our listeners. But I would assume that if one of our listeners said, I almost died whitewater-acting. They probably fell in the water a little bit. Not for three goddamn hours, Carolyn!

You were a little bit like, yes, I'm an American hero. Yes, they're already developing the movie about how it is attached to the film of my friend. Three hours! Three hours? Did you get bored while you were dying? I did.

You almost died and got pruny skin. I said, yeah. You could send him a video of Tom Hanks. And this is what a better dad looks like. I meant cinema. And then send him a video of Tom Hanks. And we're like, there's what's Sully Sullenberg that looks like. Was it, can I devil's advocate this even a little bit

and ask, did he think it would be like, for next time when you find yourself in the situation, here's some helpful strokes you can use to not be in the rabbits for three hours, right? Graffind? That's my question. I got this one, Carolyn. Carolyn went whitewater-raafting with family. Yeah. So I had to

assume the father was there. Yeah. Three hours later was reunited with Carolyn. Wait, is that true? Was your dad there? Yeah, he was tying it with me. Okay, they saw the presses. This is a line. You need to send handsome videos of fast fucking rescues from rivers. Yeah. How to rescue. How to rescue one of your homies a little bit faster, Dad? Send them all the compilation of like, dad reflexes.

Yeah. Like catch your batch of homies. Send them some fucking video of the Olympic runner who like totally beefs it at the finish line and his dad jumps out of the sand securing him across the finish line. And then be like, what the fuck, man? That guy didn't even have water around him.

His dad's reflexes were quicker. I was about to ask you of that helps, but I know in fact it does. Yeah. Thank you, Carolyn. Thank you, Carolyn. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Hello. Hello. Hi. How's it going? How did your dad fail you? Oh. And what is Car Milk? We are going to get to that. What's your name? Mary. Hi, Mary.

Out of a really weird set of circumstances, I did literally dump milk in a parking lot yesterday. Okay. Mary, it was in a parking lot yesterday. Okay. Mary, this is a truly unorthodox vibe. It was half a cup and I dumped water on top of it to dilute it. Perfect! The perfect crime! Hey, thank you very much for answering that question. I appreciate it. Yeah, yeah.

Mary, what was your question? So, okay. My dad. What is it? I forgot what the classroom was, but as I heard out of fan, Mary, what was your question? So, okay. My dad. I forgot what the class year was, but as I heard that, failed you and you're like, well, I was like, oh shit, oh shit actually. I know this is a sensitive subject to y'all.

He's a bit of a juggler. Hey Mary, I know that's a fucking lie. It's not a bit of a juggler. I also, it does sound like a weird 1940s, like euphemism. There's something, yeah. Yeah, my son, bit of a juggler. He's a bit of a juggler, he can be a bit of a juggler as a tree. I think we can all, so what happened?

He has two world records in Juggling. He's a bit of a jugular. A little bit. Juggles a little bit. Juggles a little bit. Anyway, so he... It looks coolest. Even a little bit cool at all. Look, he was invited to a Juggling Club. And he turned him down. He's like... He's been invited to a Juggling Club. Yeah. We've all come back to our park cars to find a fucking flyer on the windshield that says come join our Juggling Club.. He's like, he's been invited to the show. He's been, yeah. We've all come back to our park cars to find a fucking flyer on the windshield that says come join our juggling club. And I was like, I'm not in for the money.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm in it for the art. But he's. Most kids board simultaneously. He brings his juggling stuff anywhere he goes. And whenever he meets my friends, he's like, hey, you learn how to juggle.

And I'm afraid that I can't do it again. You can't pay. And I can't do it. Every like that, right, Mary? I can't be like, hey, you kid. I just need it. I just need it. I just need it. I just need it.

I need to be able to isolate it to use it as my text tone. So if one more time. Hey, you learn how to juggle. OK. All right. So I'm going to look at Nick movement. Yeah. If nothing else, coach your dad as he gets older, learn how to juggle. Okay. So I'm going to look at Nick movement at the end of the video. If nothing else, coach your dad as he gets older, you should see that much better.

Hold on, man. Are these the two guns your dad is holding? Like, hey, you better fucking learn how to juggle fast. Hold on, hold on. Well, you know how some dads, it's like you're afraid they're going to take your, you know, significant other home and they're going to be like, father with a shotgun. I'm afraid my father is going to be like, hey, can you juggle worse worse in so many ways hold on

This is a legitimate fear. You know one of those is actually worse, right? Do you like do you know how hard a fucking legit two-time award-winning juggler can throw a juggle ball? I'm saying guns don't kill people juggle balls thrown very hard by-winning juggler can throw a juggle ball. I'm saying guns don't kill people. Juggle balls throw him very hard by a professional juggler. He had to register his body with the CIA. He had to. Living weapon. I have a particular set of skills.

Very particular. Mary. He has to get a concealed carry license to put his balls in his pocket. Oh boy. So, Mary, is the question how to make your dad kind of cool it on the juggling stuff? My question is, what do I do if I bring a significant other home and they, my dad tried to get them to juggle. We all are married. True.

And if I, the first time I met my now father in law, he was like, oh, by the way, watch this. I would have been over the fucking moon. It's totally so fucking. He has years of the same thing. When sometimes grandparents will get our kids' presence that are like very dialed in on like oh you like dinosaurs Here's a thousand dinosaurs and yet if my father-in-law was like I like juggling. It's like I mean okay

Let's go ahead and do this. Let's put the tiger on the table my father-in-law likes the Beatles and the St. Louis blues Can you guess what most of my gifts to him have been about? Those two subjects that I know about him? This is great. You would just give your dad juggle presents all day long. You could, if you're significant other, could learn to juggle. That would be a huge moment. Huge. Are you kidding me? To know I could win my father and laws love that easily? No, I'm just saying it's God. Not to say it's easy to learn how to juggle three whole balls, wink. I'm sorry, do you have a world record?

Hey, what? No, no, no, no, no. Oh, so you are proud. So you are proud of each other. So you are proud of each other. You love your dad. You love your dad. You love your dad.

You love your dad. You love your dear dad. You're a dad hired us. Thank you, Mary. That us. Thank you, Mary. That's all to you, Mary. And now let's go ahead and adjust those lights. Thank you all so much for coming to our show. This has been so fun and a good one.

Thank you so much, Richmond. Thank you to the Carpenter Theater for having us. It is truly one of the coolest theaters we've ever played. Yeah, man, it's beautiful. Overly beautiful, I would say. Yeah. It's mocking us with the beauty. And the dumb shit that we said on the night.

Thank you to Paul. Thank you to Amanda. Thank you to Rachel for the incredible sound work to make this make sense to people who aren't here. Thank you to Liz, you did my make up for tonight. Yes. Thank you to Dana Wagner, who designed the poster. Thank you, Dana Wagner for hosting this

and the last chance to buy those ever. So don't sleep. Thank you to our dad, to the DJ Dr. Roy. Who has been helpful not just on the stage, but also helping Rachel watch the kids. It's really great. Really great, granddad. Having Rachel, of course, McRroy, here's Benetree,

and hanging out with her. She says, Benetree, so let's hear for Griffin's family. We're as great. Great family. Great family. Now, what do you think, Montana? Thank you to Montana for these for a theme song, my life is better with you.

It's a fantastic track. And we're going to do our new thing here. We're very excited for so So it works. We're going to we've done this once live in Raleigh and it turned out I'm actually gonna stand up Can we stand up this time? Yeah, that's good Okay, so we're gonna leave you in a beautiful sonic bath I am claiming that from this aisle over his mind. Hello. Obviously I've got you. I'm your middleist brother. Can we do a harmony this time? I don't know how that happens. That's great. That's the right answer. Okay.

You start, Griffith. No wait. I'll start because I have the lowest voice. Please don't start. Okay, you'll start because I have the lowest voice. Please don't start. Okay, you go ahead and start with the lowest voice. Oh. Everyone here in this section, I should, okay. I'll make a noise and you also make the same noise. And Griffith is going to do the same here just like that. Okay.

Justin. Justin La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Don't get Perfect that's too long Perfect Perfect I'm There's no more further but brother me kiss you that square on the lips It's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better with you. Audience supported.