My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 68: Never Stop Dancing

Episode Date: August 22, 2011

We realize that today's going to be fairly rough on the more youthful portion of our audience, as they'll be forced to march back to the confines of their educational prisons for nine more brutal mont...hs. We feel you, friends -- and that's why this week's episode is geared to help you deal with your back-to-school anguish. Suggested talking points: Get Fit, Chess Team Cabal, The Dean's Couch, Cello Man, Dumb Things Justin Did in College, Figure 8, Kiss Flower, Seven Stars, Sexual Ed, Cursing Cursive

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Starting point is 00:00:00 The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? The trees are beginning to change color. The days are getting shorter. Ridiculously attractive eighth grade science teachers are getting ready to lay their traps, and that can only mean one thing. School is back in session, almost. For some people. A young man's fancy has turned to homework.
Starting point is 00:01:06 Right, exactly. School's back and bonus because they're science teachers. Homework and awkward bonus. So sexy. This is my brother, my brother, me and advice show from the modern era. Today we're going back to school. I am your brother cum laude, Justin McElroy. I am your class clown, Travis McElroy. And I am the valedictorian. You don't get my name. You get a fart sound. So today we're talking back to school, everything school related,
Starting point is 00:01:40 comprehensive back to school guide for the youngsters out there and the young and hard. Uh, just something to help you readjust your class schedule. And the people, maybe the people taking adult learning classes. Maybe you're at the annex, at the annex. Griffin, how did you feel back as a youngster when school would come back to session? I just had a conversation about this. I got really excited when it was back to school time. You know what, me too. I fucking love school supplies so much. I get excited when I walk through the stationary
Starting point is 00:02:14 aisle in, when it come, come August off the stationary aisle of the HEB. And I'm like, oh, gotta get some Lisa Franks. I was straight up packing my backpack like three weeks prior to school. I was the biggest nerd. Yeah. Picking my outfits. For me, it wasn't about the, the institution. I didn't care about like getting wiser. I just cared about like, see and be seen.
Starting point is 00:02:35 Yeah. What fashions are going to be in my classes. And also, um, what, whether kids were going to like my zip off khaki short. And you know, it's funny that stops like three days into school. Like, yeah, gotta get back. And then like, you're there for 15 minutes. And you're like, oh, wait, this sucks. Oh, it's the same shitty people in all my classes who all kind of don't like me because of my fucking khakis at boss.
Starting point is 00:02:57 That's why there was always that excitement when like you're in the middle of fourth grade or something. And there's a new kid and you're like, what the, this could be anything. This isn't that dude I've known forever. And he's just like a little different. And then he's boring. I did like it there when people would reinvent themselves over the summer. You'd come back and they'd come back and they have a French accent. Yeah. Whole new tip.
Starting point is 00:03:18 But, uh, let's, let's get to the questions. Let's see if we can help you with their own back to school, uh, conundrums. I will soon be a freshman in high school. Almost all my siblings who've gone to the school, I'm about to attend. And they've all taken an athletic route without any significant academic achievements. On the contrary, I have chosen to be in marching band. And I'd rather read a good book or play video games than play a sport. How can I deal with the complaints and negative comments from my family and
Starting point is 00:03:46 students who knew my family's legacy? That's from Lothargic in Illinois. So when you say that no, uh, academic achievements, your siblings are just like soup stupid. Like really, really dumb. Okay. I have, I have a dumb family, but I am trying to reinvent myself. Hey, listen.
Starting point is 00:04:05 Hey, you know what? You're about to go into high school. Let me help you out with some advice that makes me counter-intuitive. Just do some sports. Girls love it. You know, you gotta do some sports. You gotta get fit. You gotta look amazing.
Starting point is 00:04:21 You gotta get super toned. You're going to, and listen, video games, good book, great books, whatever. You can have someone add them to you. Privacy of your own home in the dark where no one can see. You'll be probably enough time to read when you're old and married. There's not a video game alive that can help you blast your pecs and core and your, um, arms. You can't turn those arms while playing Mario Kart. God knows.
Starting point is 00:04:46 Stick it sinewy, get fit, get muscly. That would be my, my primary advice to you would be cut it off before it's too late. Stop reading. Stop playing video games. Get in the sport. Get strong and get dumb. Like the rest of your sports star family. Just start buttoning your brothers and like.
Starting point is 00:05:05 Yeah, you've got it in you. Why are you denying your gift? The sports magic is in you. I can hear you. You are from a lineage of sports stars. What about shit like track? You don't even have to be big. You could just run and jump like an MVP.
Starting point is 00:05:20 Come on. Get fit. Get fit. Watch all those balls. Do you know why you don't like sports? Cause you're not fit. Cause you're not fit. You're one of those like 90 pound weaklings and you need to send away for that kit on the back of the
Starting point is 00:05:31 boys life. It's going to make you big. Hey, did you use whey and protein? Do you use protein whey? Slurp down some smoothies. Justin, give him some smoothie tips. Try some fruit in there. Put some fruit in that smoothie.
Starting point is 00:05:46 Try some fruit in your smoothie, you goof. You're going to get healthy. You're going to get some. You're going to get so fit and it looks so good and feel good about yourself. And your family will finally love you and accept you. Have you seen your new kid? Like, like Sephiroth already accepts you. That's, that's how it's going.
Starting point is 00:06:04 Charles, Charles Dickens and Kurt Maugham think you're the hits. Move on. Now it's time to get that bad manning seal of approval. Get fit. Get right. Get, get dumb and get ladies. Step one. Get dumb.
Starting point is 00:06:18 Step two. Get big. Step three. Get ladies. Get ladies. I want you to listen. Now listen. This glory will be short lived.
Starting point is 00:06:26 Yeah. I can't. This is really also important. You are going to really regret this. Oh, then you get into college and it's like, oh, you're failing all your classes. Yeah. And we don't want you on the football team because they're much bigger than you are. You got a pretty good grade in running, but you can't major in that anymore.
Starting point is 00:06:46 Yeah. It's not 1930s. And if, if all else fails, I guess you could compete in like debate. That's not the competitive your family could get behind, right? Oh, that's, that's a kind of debate, right? Like a gentleman's debate. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:04 Do that Lincoln Douglas shit. And you're like pounding the pulpit and screaming. That stuff's awesome. But he's going to break his arm. He's going to break it. Oh yeah. He's going to eat a glass. For baseball season when it comes around.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Yeah. Maybe, maybe get fit with one season and then with the other season, read. Like don't do that. Oh, what if, what if he was the biggest? That's a folly because I go with a two sports schedule. I like to, I like to keep my baseball in the, in the summertime and then when it's summertime hot and then football in the fall winter season. Let me throw this out there though.
Starting point is 00:07:40 What if he became the biggest, bulkiest, fittest debater? Yeah. And he was just a huge like Hulk of a man standing behind the tiniest pulpit. That would be cool. I would say maybe get fit, but don't do sports. Maybe, maybe your family will love you then. It's hard to say. Don't be that fucking, don't be that fucking.
Starting point is 00:07:57 No, fuck that. Listen, I'm having a hard enough time out here as it is in the, in the wastelands. I don't need fucking good looking dudes trying to like take over my, this very small corner of the earth that I've, I've managed to fight off. Car about niche for yourself. I got a little niche. I don't need any sexy good bodies. Like, oh, me sports know how drill.
Starting point is 00:08:21 I like, I could be of course. Yeah, but I'm in a bad now. So I could be the greatest sports. I pretty much just keep it to hacky sack. Pretty much just hack. Just light sacking from during my lunch hours. Hey, I'll be a sophomore in high school in a few days. And while I got good grades my freshman year, I didn't do a whole lot of extracurriculars.
Starting point is 00:08:42 Like seriously, I did jack shit. What are some extracurriculars that you three would recommend? Preferably something that would look good on a college application, but all suggestions are welcome. Austin, North Carolina. Did you guys, when you guys were growing up in, in high school, did it seem like kids got into extracurricular activities and you had no idea like how you even started doing that? Where did that train depart from?
Starting point is 00:09:08 Because I don't know how you got on board with these. Like people are running around doing things and being in clubs that I had no way of knowing. Well, my problem was like, this idea of looks good on a college application. Like that blew my mind. We're like, why are you doing that? So it looks good on college application. I'd be like, they don't give you shit. In my mind, chest team and skull and bones are like the same sort of level of, of shadowyness.
Starting point is 00:09:34 They're both having no idea how. You just stand in the hallway and you're like, I want to be chest team. And someone comes and they grab you and they pull you into a dark room and they put a hood over your head. And then the next day you're on chest team. And you go through a blood ritual to become a mathlete. I guess you have to be able to read. Step one.
Starting point is 00:09:53 Step one. Be able to read. I just knew how to get into the pictures for the yearbook. Like I wasn't in the clubs, but on picture day, every time every club was called. I was like, oh, that's me. That's good. I'm in there. That's good to find clubs that are, that look good, but are not really real.
Starting point is 00:10:09 Like we had one called like scroll and quill or something like that when I was in high school. And just for people who did media classes. It's like, they're fine. For people who love parchment. Yeah. My favorite was doing getting in the picture for like the Latin club and the Latin teacher was looking at me going, um, I don't remember you in any classes ever.
Starting point is 00:10:28 Yeah, I don't believe you were extant. You could do cooking. Student council. I don't even know what they do. Does, by extracurriculars, do they mean school sanctioned extracurricular activities or can this just be like off court activities when you're not in school time? Oh, I don't know. Like 4-H?
Starting point is 00:10:50 Yeah, like fucking boxcar racing. Oh, I thought you were going even further. Like my extracurricular is like crime fighting. Yeah, sure. I think you should, I think you should find make up an extracurricular activity that is not school sanctioned because then it's like, it shows you have stick toitiveness and you have innovation. Clever.
Starting point is 00:11:10 Yes. Clever, clever. Cleveritis. Maybe you start a camp that cleans up trash. In the neighborhood. That's good. Have you considered LARPing? Maybe LARPing.
Starting point is 00:11:23 Did you even consider LARPing? How does LARPing look good unless you're going for a fine arts degree? How does LARPing look good on a college application? If they don't think it's cool, they won't know what it is. That's a good point, you're going to get confused. Intimidated. If you don't know that LARP stands for live action role play, it kind of sounds like it could be like a sophisticated activity.
Starting point is 00:11:48 Like it sounds like something, it sounds like something you do with... It sounds like you're firing with your eyes. No, if you said you were a LARPist. Yeah. Well, don't say that. He's a convicted LARPist. He got convicted on three counts of LARP. It was a fair trial and an impartial judge.
Starting point is 00:12:11 It was a pretty cool case. There's no such thing as an impartial judge or jury in a case involving LARP. There just isn't. Everybody has a bias. That's true. That's true. Are you guys ready for your first Back to School trivia point from the movie Back to School with Rodney Dangerfield?
Starting point is 00:12:26 Oh, fucking Jesus. Yeah, sure. In the original script, Rodney Dangerfield's character was poor, but Harold Ramis suggested that it be changed to make him rich. Pretty much changing the entire movie to a different movie. Pretty much the whole film got flipped on its ear that day, that fateful day. Listen, he's poor and he can't do shit because he wants to go back to school, but he can't.
Starting point is 00:12:48 That's the movie. That's pretty interesting. Let me throw this out. He has unlimited resources and he's able to do it every once in a while. Infinite money, but he still kind of wants to get an education. So just so I'm clear, you want to make a movie about an adult man who is poor because he didn't go to college? That's not a plot.
Starting point is 00:13:09 That's not a plot. That's my auto zone. Jesus. No, that's great. Let's let's do a Yahoo! Answer question. This one was sent in by Pandapocalypse. Thanks, you. It's by Yahoo! Answers user.
Starting point is 00:13:31 I'm all yours. Who says who asks? Best places for sex in college? Just curious because sometimes it's hard to find a good place. I try to do it in my dorm sometimes, but it's not easy because I would never want to do it in front of my roommate. That would look horrible on my part. So please, what places did you have sex while you were in college?
Starting point is 00:13:52 Thanks. Who's on one place to do it? Yeah, in your bed. Dean's couch. Whoa! Sorry, Dean asshole. I just had some sex on your couch, Dean. Hey, big man.
Starting point is 00:14:12 I just had sex on your couch, Dean asshole. Don't sit on the middle cushion anymore. That one's mine. Hey, I could play that with my own human musk, Dean. Unhuman musk is the name of my college jam band. See those wavy lines coming off it? That's my sex steak. I hate you, Dean.
Starting point is 00:14:36 I hate you so much, Dean. Why would you let me in your college? I'm not a student here. This is a conundrum. This is a real pickle. You ask your roommate to hop into the common room and play some golden knife. Well, sometimes fucking roommates suck, dick. And sometimes they'll just kick in the door and be like,
Starting point is 00:15:01 suck, fucking. Like, yeah, I am. You can clearly, clearly see that I'm doing that. At my school, we had two libraries because one closed. And one was for fucking. And one, so the closed one was pretty much just for fucking. And old bus, that nobody read anymore. That's the haunted one, though, right?
Starting point is 00:15:22 The stacks? The stacks, yeah. Every college has a stacks I've learned. Really? And that's a good place to do it if you're not worried about spectral observers. There's one place they love. It's all book stacks. Every episode, it's just either we're talking about killing horses or talking about horny ghosts.
Starting point is 00:15:41 Yep. Now, someday we're going to combine those two. And we're going to have a six. It's going to be a TV series. The last four, six seasons. It's going to start Mandy Butankin as the war. As the horny ghost horse. Whisper.
Starting point is 00:15:54 The horny ghost whisper. The horny ghost horse whisper. First of all, true love waits. So don't don't do it because the last thing you need in college is like AIDS and stuff. But I think that your parents house when you're in your house sitting it. OK, that's a pretty specific situation. When you're can you go to a hotel? Do you have those kind of those kinds of fungible assets required?
Starting point is 00:16:25 You can find them in college. Yeah. Yeah. But you can find like a motel eight for like 35 bucks. And is it worth 35 bucks for you to get your dick wet? They're not in high school. They're in college. This person's on Yahoo Answers.
Starting point is 00:16:38 They're not a fucking idiot. Like I need to have sex. What in hotel? Like they know hotels. If they want to have sex in the hotel, they just listen. But they ask for suggestions. But if they're dating this person and burn it on the reg, they're not going to pay $35 a night.
Starting point is 00:16:53 We're like, are we getting lucky tonight? Should I make a reservation? You know what? You guys, I'm hearing a lot of talk and not a lot of answers from the two of you. I say get out of this hangover, but I'm not one to do it in front of your roommate. I can deal with it. Yeah. Give him a show till he leaves.
Starting point is 00:17:09 Call his bluff. Do you guys know how many people are on the earth right now? Seven billion. Where on the earth can you fuck that nobody can see you? Oh, everyone can see you all the time. Everyone can only see you. Yeah. Think about that at any given point.
Starting point is 00:17:24 There's some satellite taking picture of you for Yahoo Maps or Google Maps. Fucking. Oh, Yahoo Maps? Yeah, I made that up. Have you guys been to Yahoo Maps? It's like Google Maps, except everybody is sort of a crowdsource engine that people can just give you directions to shit. I need to get to Dairy Queen.
Starting point is 00:17:42 By the way, don't have a one night stand with somebody you're in a class with. That's a real good way to turn Math 101 into avoiding eye contact 104. Don't have one night stands at all. Yeah, don't do that. I think it's a mistake. If you want to turn college into something shady and boring. If you do do that. No, do you want to turn college into just a series of pregnancy scares and STD tests?
Starting point is 00:18:10 Yeah, what? Listen, a ship in a harbor is safe. A dick in a vagina is not. No, it's not. Don't say those two words, Travis. Don't, Travis. Don't say that word. It's okay when Griffin says it, but when you say it, you make something dirty and terrible.
Starting point is 00:18:25 Dick and a vagina. You say it, but what wrong? You say it wrong like that. You say like a British dock hand in the mid-1800s. It's horrible. Like a vagina. A holy dick. You stress the eye in a way that is unpleasant to me.
Starting point is 00:18:41 So how am I supposed to say it? Vagina. Vagina. Travis, god damn. Hey, can we, can you talk about anything else? And this is just, I'm still coming up with ideas where you can have sex with us. We didn't give this person anything. I think that can you rent some scuba gear and then like go in a river?
Starting point is 00:19:03 I don't think you need scuba gear for a river. So you know, but you would need to get under the water because then nobody could see you under the under the under the waves of the, it wouldn't have to be a river. Do you know what I'm saying? Like they have scuba classes at college. Take, both of you take a scuba class, go down the bottom of the pool, get that wetsuit off, take some sort of, you will need some something down there. I think you know what I mean.
Starting point is 00:19:29 Like a harpoon? No, like a, it's not going to be pleasurable. Oh, okay. This is utilitarian fucking. Like you're going to need something. You make me so angry sometimes because now all I'm going to be thinking about for the rest of the show is whaler sex. Though or she blows.
Starting point is 00:19:50 Yep. Does she? I heard she did. I'm going to ask her out this weekend. So I hope that that helps you. It's really, I hope it doesn't. It's really rough out there. It's hard finding any place to have sex.
Starting point is 00:20:04 That's why people are buying houses rapidly. There's no place you can do it anymore. Can you get a, can you, can you get a time share with your, with your friends, your collegiate friends, and you can be like, where are you going? To the, I'm going to the lake house. That is honestly, I think that is the reason why people are required to live in the dorms the first year, like their freshman year. I'm like, Hey, let's make it really hard for them.
Starting point is 00:20:27 So we make sure they all get apartments their sophomore year. And then they, it does make it really hard for them though, because you're throwing a bunch of people who have never lived with another person before into a big sexy miasma of, of sweet, sweet opposite sex to people. Like how, how am I supposed, I'm, I don't possess the tools required to handle that. I'm a grown ass man now. And if you asked me to do that, I don't think I could. I think I would just like run through the hallway screaming.
Starting point is 00:20:56 Like so many choices. Partners everywhere. Well, potential sexual partners. Yeah. Hey, girl, if you're still single in a year, that might be a possibility. Maybe a back, maybe a back to school situation. Yeah, that'd be a pretty sad reason to go back to school. I will be teaching a couple of intro level college art classes beginning the day this
Starting point is 00:21:17 episode goes online. Aside from telling me what to teach, because I'm pretty much going to be winging it for the next 16 weeks. Do you have any advice for me as far as how to present myself to the class? More importantly, how can I drop some impressive knowledge on these kids? I.e. keep my job, while also portraying myself as unpredictably volatile character of a teacher, entertaining myself, winging it in Ohio. Does he mean like a, like a fucking Mr. Holland?
Starting point is 00:21:46 Is he talking about like being a teacher from a movie? Is that what it means by a volatile caricature of a teacher? Yeah, I believe he's talking about something like a character you might see on the show community. Well, they're a little wacky and crazy. You see, I see volatile and I think straight up trunchable. Oh, yeah. I get a trunchable vibe.
Starting point is 00:22:07 Like make them eat the cake. Yeah, like, yeah, like throw them in the chokey. This is what I'm talking about. I think that if you throw somebody in the chokey the day one and you make them eat the cake day two, then for the rest of the semester, you can pretty much do what you want. They're not going to shake those images. You can just skip work a bunch of days. They're not going to tell.
Starting point is 00:22:28 They're just sitting there in the classroom quietly. By the way. Still looking for a place to have sex? Chokey. The Chokey. It's a little pointy in there. It won't be the best, the best doing it situation you've ever had. But you'll get the job done.
Starting point is 00:22:42 Yeah. Just keep them told out there. I think you definitely need to wear a tweed jacket, but maybe I'll lose tie so they know you're there for fun. Can you move a little higher? And sunglasses and Bermuda shorts. Like in summer school. Griffin, did you say you might be a little bi?
Starting point is 00:22:59 A little high. But that may be also either way. Did you guys ever have like a really cool college teacher? Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Who? Sure.
Starting point is 00:23:13 This is a discussion thing and you tell me about it. Why would you like do you want it? Do you want to know like different colleges? Like you want names? You want all these numbers? Oh yeah. Tell me what made him cool. Okay.
Starting point is 00:23:24 I will tell you this. Most of the teachers that I had growing up, I, you can tell the teachers that don't know their shit. The ones to me that I always ended up liking and respected had never like never let you forget that they knew like infinitely more about the subject than you did. So I think if you keep that dangling over their heads at all times, maybe ask them questions that they'd have no way of knowing and then answering like they're a dumb
Starting point is 00:23:49 ass. What is art? Drop that shit on them. One incorrect one. I had one teacher and he taught one of the political history classes I took and he had assigned like all these books, probably like 12 books for reading throughout the course of the semester. And one day in class, it was this huge like 75 person class.
Starting point is 00:24:10 He goes, did anybody do the reading for today? And nobody raised their hands and he flipped shit. Like just started screaming nonsense and like pounding his desk and just got up and walked out without any explanation. Whose fault is that? Travis. Well, and then and then the TA just looked at everyone and went, well, I guess that's class for today.
Starting point is 00:24:31 And after that, I fucking did the reading every single time. Yeah, that's how you got to do it. That's what I'm saying. That's what teaching is. Chokey day one, eat the cake day two, and then no one gets out of line. And then you can be cool. They'll just know, they have to know your logo. That's a problem.
Starting point is 00:24:47 That's the thing. You're never going to be their friend. Guys, I hate this, this discussion that we're, I don't think. I, you got to inspire these kids. You got it. You got it. You got to put the art in them. Can you put the art in them?
Starting point is 00:25:01 I want you to like day one, like when they come in, just have a little lump of clay seeing it all their desk and that's good because you can be like, create. And then they'll start making art and then give them butterfly kisses. And then when they're done with their making art, you go around and you tell all of them how what a good job they did. And you go to the front of class and you say, you know, I had to do this. And then you'd be like, cause you guys are clay. I'm going to shape you into better people, better artists.
Starting point is 00:25:28 And you just walk out of the room. Griffin, can I amend that just real quick? Except for one student. Just the one guy. One student just walk over and you're clogged your face onto their thing. Yeah. What is this shitty bullshit? This is vulgar.
Starting point is 00:25:45 Get it out. This offends my senses. Or move one of you each day. What if survivor glass? What if you flip it and you tell everyone that they did an okay job, but then one kid who also did an okay job. You just fucking lift him up to the heavens. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:05 You put him at the end of the semester. Like just so you know, I was bullshitting you this whole time. Everyone look at what Bradley made. Bradley, you are a crazy fox in that cello movie with Iron Man in it. That movie sounds awesome. Pretty good flick. Are you guys ready for another back to school trivia bit? No.
Starting point is 00:26:29 Okay, great. Here it is. One of the last shots in the opening montage is of Rodney Dangerfield golfing. This was taken directly from his first film, Caddyshack. I didn't know you could do that. I didn't know you could just borrow scenes. Yeah, I didn't know you'd be like, Hey, we're about three seconds short on this montage.
Starting point is 00:26:46 Has he been in any golfing movies? Lift it. Cool. We need just a quick three second clip. We're doing post pro right now. We need a three second clip of Rodney as a cartoon dog. Can we just borrow that from you? You know, this Jamie Foxx Robert Downey Jr. vehicle is pretty good.
Starting point is 00:27:08 Do you have any clips of Robert like shooting blasts out of his hands or flying around with rockets coming out of his feet or anything? He's teaching him how to achieve his cello dream. But we also need him in a sweet robot suit just for like a three second behind the back over the shoulder. If he could be talking to Gwyneth Paltrow like that, even better. It's common when actors, they do actually have to do that a lot when actors died during filming
Starting point is 00:27:33 because they have to lift like, um, have you guys ever wondered? Hold on. Hold on. I can do this. Have you guys ever wondered why there's that one scene in Dark Knight? Why the when the Joker kisses cowboy Jake Gyllenhaal? That's why. I always wondered that.
Starting point is 00:27:50 And then he was jousting for a bit, which I always thought was weird. Yeah. Oh, I miss him so much. I miss him every day. I was just thinking about what a better movie that... I should call Michelle Phillips. That cello man movie would have been so much better if he'd been like, and now you're a cellist and you achieved your dream.
Starting point is 00:28:12 Jen Rose got out in the mouth cells. Like that would be... And then he solves the mystery with a few clues because he's also Sherlock Holmes. Hey, I'm entering my final read, fifth year of college. Hey, listen. Hey, listen, I did it too, buddy. Don't feel bad. I've had an amazing four years and I want to make this year the best.
Starting point is 00:28:36 It's a victory lap, I wouldn't have been. Hey, any fun ideas that you guys did in your final year or have you heard of any new college crazy happenings? I'm sick of beer pong and the same theme party ideas. What is it something that will push this year over the top? Graduating. Graduate. That'll really take this year over the edge.
Starting point is 00:28:57 Finish. I heard that college kids nowadays, what they're doing in their final year, is that they are just spending it in quiet contemplation. Thinking about their future careers and maybe some goals and dreams they may have. You got a long road ahead of you, got a long road behind you. You've already done so much. Why don't you just consider the leaves? You're sick of beer pong.
Starting point is 00:29:19 Maybe it's time to get sick of studying for final exams. Maybe something like that. I attended, we would throw an annual beach party in someone's apartment where we would fill it with sand and then have a kiddie pool and then everybody wore beachwear. That was fun. Justin, this sounds fucking. That sounds like a fucking ordeal.
Starting point is 00:29:42 How did you get to stand out? What, vacuums? And it was a, we just, he decided that he was going to lose his security deposit like real early on, early in his tenure. Was this the same apartment that you used to play that game where everybody would go in the bathroom and you'd cut open a bunch of fireworks and dump them in the sink and then light it and then see who could stay in the room the longest?
Starting point is 00:30:03 Yeah, we did that game. Man, you were fucking dumb. Man, you were really dumb. We did the game where we would put our initials in lighter fluid on the carpet and then light it. It's not a game. Not a game. Well, you can certainly lose it.
Starting point is 00:30:16 That's fair. But you know what I did in my senior year is I arranged all my classes so that I had nothing on Fridays, so I had three day weekends every week. That's nice. Yeah, it was pretty sweet. And then Batman Friday was an all day drinking day. Batman Friday. Yeah, you got, you got, let's see,
Starting point is 00:30:37 Bloody Mary's in the morning, Mamosa's at noon, and then beer at five. I love a Mamosa. That's how you're going to, that's how you're going to put, yeah, man, I could go for a fucking Mamosa. I know, right? That is how you're going to push this here over the top is if you find your physical limits. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:54 Oh, wow. Yeah, like pushers, you need to know what you're capable of before you get into the real world. Yeah. Now, do you mean things like, you know, mental infant, like you push yourself in? No, I meant drinking. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:31:06 I was going to say eating challenges. Hey, life is just one big eating challenge if you think about it. Mm-hmm. Can I make a note? After I said that about the sand, I can't remember if that's something we talked about doing or actually did. I just, the logistics of that is really rough. If you went to college with me and we did that, that was cool.
Starting point is 00:31:25 If, if I didn't do that, just keep it to yourself, okay? You have so many things that you did that were wonderful with that, with that group that, with that crew you used to roll. I feel like we could do it. Like that time that Travis gave that kid, gave Brandon McCoy a concussion. Yeah. Which I still feel bad about. You should.
Starting point is 00:31:39 We were playing a game, this is another, this is another game, and in this game, one person would wear a motorcycle helmet, but technically it was a scooter helmet. Uh-huh. Because he bought it to ride it in a scooter and we would put the helmet on and then the, and then another party would hit that person in the head with a bowling pin. Uh-huh. The basher. Now, hold on.
Starting point is 00:31:58 Yeah. What? The basher was the name of that position. The basher. Yeah. So the basher would hit that person and then they would switch. So like, you didn't want to hit them too hard because they were going to hit you. So Travis was hanging out, this first time as a young man, probably still in high school.
Starting point is 00:32:12 And we said, hey, why don't you take a swing with Brandon, who's a sweet kid we all hung out with. And he's even sweeter now. He's even sweeter now because Travis did like a kind of whirlwind over the shoulder windmill. A haymaker, I believe. A haymaker, if you will. And just drilled it, dropped it like a sack of stupid bread. Now, to be fair, this was a time in my life where I was just like coming into my own physically and I had no grasp of my own strength.
Starting point is 00:32:39 Don't try to play it off like it's your first day under the yellow sun. My powers are awakened. Like you just drilled him. I brained him. I brained him real good. You had like half of Mike's heart lemonade. I could feel, I could feel Mike coursing through my veins. Help me.
Starting point is 00:32:58 Say got a concussion. It's no big deal. He's fine now. He's fine now, I guess. I don't know, I haven't heard from him in a while. Since that night, actually, he just kind of wandered off. I like the story where you took Jason's iguana and you went out and you bought a lobster and you had the lobster in the iguana fight and said you would eat the loser.
Starting point is 00:33:16 Yeah, that's true. That's true, too. Yeah, see, this is college. This is what you should. That's another thing you could do in college. That's what you got to do. You got to find a dumb, dumb group of friends and just do as much dumb shit as you possibly can. So you can tell stories about it later.
Starting point is 00:33:28 Yes, that's exactly it. You know what? I want to tell a story about how I need some money. Man, my fungibles are low. Yeah. That's what my fun ends. Travis, will you take us to the Mayhem? Yes.
Starting point is 00:33:55 Listeners, Sam and Gaby would like to wish their friend Nick. Damn it, pronunciations, people. What do you guys think? Sierra? I like Sierra Lea. Nick, Sierra Lea, a very happy birthday. His birthday is August 28th. He loves pug dogs and they want to wish him happy birthday and they miss him so much.
Starting point is 00:34:16 They're, well, they're going to miss him. They're going to miss him. He hasn't left yet, but presumably he's not there with them while they're reading this. Maybe they miss him right this second. Also, hey, listen, this is going out from Liz and we need to talk to our buddy, Emil. He's a fan, which is good, but pretty much we're the only thing in his life that's working out right now. Shit is rough for Emil.
Starting point is 00:34:40 Yeah. He got his house broken into, got a hard drive stolen, and like all his recordings and music were on there. Oh, damn it. Yeah. I know. He went through a bad breakup. Because he found out his girlfriend broke into his house.
Starting point is 00:34:53 Yeah. Hey, hey, lady. That's out of bounds. The receipt for this message got cut off. So what it says here is the dude is SA, which presumably he's sad, but it could, but we want to turn it around. The dude isn't sad. The dude was sad yesterday.
Starting point is 00:35:14 Today, we and the dude are turning it around. The dude is savage. What? Turn it around, Emil. There was this fucking savage. There was a roll of thunder coming from somebody's microphones when you said that. Mine wasn't amazing. That was fucking powerful, man.
Starting point is 00:35:34 Yeah. I hope that picks up. Can the dude also be savory? Yes. The dude is savory. This dude is real good, but he's not sated. He's not going to turn it around. He's not satisfied.
Starting point is 00:35:47 All right. He's not sad anymore. He's not sappy. He's savage. Oh my God. The dude is a Sasquatch. Sasquatch. Can we get Sasquatch going as an adjective for something that's working out, bro?
Starting point is 00:35:59 Disgro. The dude is quatch. Straight. He's so squatch. He's so squatch right now. So squatch. Did you see he just went and went to the big debate and he squatched it? He squatched the whole thing.
Starting point is 00:36:10 He's so massive. To Nick, happy birthday to Emil. Stay savage. Get savage. Ready savage. Turn it around. I miss you, Randy Savage. You know, I also miss Yahoo Answers.
Starting point is 00:36:24 Here's one I found. It's by Yahoo Answers user Quester, who asks, when grind dancing and a boy gets a boner, are you supposed to continue? This is sort of back to school themed, right? Like you, I can't. Oh, it feels like a homecoming dance. Let's say it's homecoming. This is really the only time that you're,
Starting point is 00:36:43 if you've ever been to a club or party or a high school dance, and seen people dancing with their pelvises together, then you've just witnessed grinding. Deal with it. Sometimes you or someone you know has already been grounded. Someone got thrown. Do you know where your pelvis is at? I threw you into the pestle in the mortar, and I've done ground you.
Starting point is 00:37:10 Sometimes referred to as freaking or freak dancing or winding. No. No. Not that one. It's most commonly associated with hip hop and house music, or how most kids do it at my school. The boy is in the back, and the girl is in the front, and they make figure eight movements.
Starting point is 00:37:33 What? Wow. That's really complicated. Do you think that's really focused? Do you go to that fame school? I said left, Debbie. Left. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:37:44 I am in the League of Extraordinary Freakers. I do a figure 16. Amazing. It's basically just two figure eights stacked into end. So I'm sorry, what is the question? When grind dancing and a boy gets a boner, are you supposed to continue? No, you've won. That's the end of the game.
Starting point is 00:38:04 That's a pretty good game. Boner achieved. Yeah. You point at his boner and you laugh, then you run away. There's only three stages. Soft, hard, ground off. If you keep going, the next thing that happens is you're going to grind that sucker. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:21 Into powder. You feel like broken off? Like gone? Yeah. Like grind it off. Yeah. Just be like a nubbin down there. I got to stop.
Starting point is 00:38:29 Stop. Please stop. Oh, God. Why are you still going? Why do you have a cheese grater in there? On there. I just have a, you left me with another Nubby Acorn. Oh, the sequence.
Starting point is 00:38:40 The sequence hurts so much. Oh, God, the sequence are abrasive. Why? Why is this Maxwell song so long? If only we could stop with our own volition. Once you get going. Once you get going, figure eight. You know what figure eight means?
Starting point is 00:38:55 It's infinity. Think about it. The mobius strip of grinding is killing my penis. It's like a snake eating its own boner. I, of course you're supposed to continue. Like that's the point. Why would you do that thing if that wasn't the intended purpose of it? I feel like that scene would play out like this.
Starting point is 00:39:15 Grind dancing, grind dancing, grind. Oh my. It seems that by pressing my pelvis against your pelvis, it's caused some sort of physical arousal to occur. I can't help but notice. How unexpected. I don't understand why a lady is asking this question and not a dude. Like, what?
Starting point is 00:39:35 It's a- Should I make her stop grind dancing on me? It feels- I don't deserve how good it feels. No, I mean like, I'm ashamed. That is a thing that every man in his time has to deal with. Nope. You're wrong.
Starting point is 00:39:48 Fuck you. You wear it proudly. But everybody gets boners when they dance like this, in this manner. Maybe you didn't- I was thinking in the 1950s. I don't think I've ever not got a boner when I danced. Yeah, especially if you get figure eight. A nice smooth figure eight going.
Starting point is 00:40:06 It's guaranteed. That's by myself even. If I catch me in a mirror, I'm like, wow. What are you- It's like young Swayze in there. Come right out to play, stud. But it's me in the mirror.
Starting point is 00:40:18 I get so confused. I'm like a parrot. Just tapping on my pecs in there like, hey, hey, you good looking? That kind of thing. That'll, you know, that'll chestnut. And then do you stop dancing or do you keep dancing? I never stop dancing.
Starting point is 00:40:31 Oh, that's right. I never stop dancing. I don't know what about my autobiography title. Never stop dancing would lead you to believe that I wouldn't at any point stop dancing. You can't cry and dance at the same time. Yeah, you can. Yeah, you sure can.
Starting point is 00:40:52 That is the answer to what is art. I'm a girl. I'm getting ready to go off to college. I'm very excited. One thing that worries me is that I have never been kissed. Is this something I should have experienced by now? Well, my complete lack of experience scare all the guys away. That's from Lucy.
Starting point is 00:41:12 No, that's like the best thing. Yeah. That's like, that's great. You're going to be, okay. College is high school. I don't think is organically built to do a lot of kissing. I think people get some kissing done in there. But I think that college is even a more flexible environment for kissing
Starting point is 00:41:33 to have to facilitate that. Lucy, can I share something with you? I'm going to tell you a guy's secret. And Justin Griffin, feel free to deny this. When a guy meets a girl that he's interested in, he immediately worries about how he compares to every guy that she's been with before in every respect. And if you were straight up like, nope, you're the first one,
Starting point is 00:42:00 that guy has got it on easy street. I'm not worried about the guy in this situation. I'm worried about dear little Lucy here because she's just going to get... High school is good for just getting the shit beat out of you in every way imaginable. Not like physically maybe, but like emotionally, spiritually. Like you are supposed to get fucking hurt in high school. Supposed to get destroyed and build up those love walls. And I'm worried about you in college finding the wrong one, the wrong person.
Starting point is 00:42:37 And that's so late in the game to get hurt like that, to get roughed up, you know? You got to be careful is what I'm saying. You got to make sure you can't give your kiss flower to the first Johnny come lately. And you certainly can't call it that. No. Please fill a lot of God. Did you not like that? Kiss flower?
Starting point is 00:43:00 No. I think that's pretty much the grossest thing ever. I think that's a good way to keep away all the crappy dudes and be like, I'm sorry, I can't give you my kiss flower. I don't want some shifty lethario to come. Oh, God, this is getting worse. You when you're in high school, you know, the thing about the populations is when you're as you get into progressively larger populations of humans,
Starting point is 00:43:27 the chances that you're going to meet somebody who you really, really click with continues to increase. So elementary school, no chance. No one's ever fallen in love in elementary school. That's not true. Most school. Hey, why don't you go? Most school.
Starting point is 00:43:41 No, never happens. Why don't you go watch The Time Traveler's Wife? High. High school. I would rather do that. High school. Yes, maybe. But like when you get to college, the population is so wide,
Starting point is 00:43:53 you're going to meet a lot of guys that are like just your sword. And it's not going to be a big deal. You know, you kiss once. It's like, OK, this problem's over. But it's behind you. Just don't, you know, don't make yourself sick, worried about this is. This is what I'm worried about, though, is that in college, I met so many women who are just like me, except for one thing.
Starting point is 00:44:11 And that was that they were fucking terrible, except for the one thing is that they were fucking terrible people. Like, oh, you're just you like all the things I like. And we have such similar life experiences, except you're kind of a bitch. Like you kind of suck. I kind of don't like being around you. But this is, but Griffin, that's the human dance. That's the experience.
Starting point is 00:44:29 What about this? What Lucy needs is a jaded bitchy best friend. Who is older than her? Yeah, that's kind of straight up when Lucy meets a guy, bitchy best friends. Like, I don't know. I'd watch out. He seems like a real douche to me.
Starting point is 00:44:42 Like somebody got kind of, yeah, a friend who's going to like watch your backs or sassy. I like that job. Because Lucy is going to fall. You're going to fall so hard for the first two that you that you meet that takes your kiss flower. And like you just you got to make sure that he's a good guy. You got to make sure he's a nice guy.
Starting point is 00:44:59 And don't rush in anything you're not comfortable with. Please, Lucy. And in your kids, these days are growing up way too fast. Just tell it. Just promise us you'll be careful. You'll be cool. You're not a freak is the most important part. Because everybody everybody's going.
Starting point is 00:45:12 That's it's an even terrifying playing field going to college. Because it's there's nobody knows what they're doing there. So when I went into when I went into my freshman year in college, I'd never done the but. So exactly. The but is the latest dance craze. Right. Just I never there are very few dances that Justin's not proficient at.
Starting point is 00:45:31 And the but was one of them. Now that number has dropped to zero. Except when new ones are invented. I'm doing the but right now. I'm doing the doggie. Oh, man. Hey Travis, if you get a moment after the call, can you teach me how to doggie?
Starting point is 00:45:46 Um, I'll see. I got some flashcards I could loan you till I'm able to be there. That would be great. I need something that's sort of like your baby can read. Uh-huh. But but your baby can doggie. Okay. Um, people seem to really like it last week when I when I bleeped out a swear word.
Starting point is 00:46:05 And they all wanted to know what it was. So I think this week I'm going to bleep out because there's really too gross to say. Yeah. So I'm I'm sorry everybody. But did you just say it again or for saying? It's going to be a good long beep. Hey, and don't ask me what the word don't tweet at me and text me and ask what the word is because it's a secret for my brothers.
Starting point is 00:46:32 Will you bleep it out if we say it? Maybe let's find out. Yeah, I think I did. Okay. Damn it. Um, so here's another catty. Uh, yeah. Fuck shit.
Starting point is 00:46:42 Hold on. You fucked up. Here's another outtakes. Fuck. So here's another back to school tidbit. There's a scene where Derek distracts the opposing team's divers. It's not included when it's shown on TV because the actions he takes would have gotten him arrested in real life. I feel that that's a funny bit of editing.
Starting point is 00:47:04 If you went through every fucking 80s movie and said, oh no, in real life, that would get them into some serious trouble. Like every 80s movie on TV would be like 20 minutes long. Yeah. Um, that game was real. Doggy doodoo was the law. Wait a minute. You can't put a horse in that bedroom.
Starting point is 00:47:20 Get out of here. Here I am. I'm out of water, mister. Did you guys know that in the film Billy Madison during the academic Decathlon, when Billy pulls his shoe out of the liquid nitrogen after freezing it, it's a right shoe, but he's still wearing his right shoe. What? Little continuity air tucked away in Billy Madison.
Starting point is 00:47:39 So now we switched from trivia to goofs. This is our podcast top goofs movies. Guys, the suntan lotion smiley face on Billy's chest at the beginning of the film changes drastically between shots. Say what? Who's watching Billy Madison going, whoa, whoa, whoa. The frown was bigger than the eyes before. I am that person.
Starting point is 00:48:05 You're not reading these, are you? You know these from heart. Listen up, director Tamara Davis. You need to do better. Because that smiley face tan lotion is changed drastically from moment to moment. Through the course of that one scene? Or like the belly cream is like a frowny face or what's the deal? Guys, I'd like to read you a user review of the movie Billy Madison if I could.
Starting point is 00:48:36 This is one of those lucky cases where the opening sequence of a movie gives you an excellent idea of what you're in for. If you do not enjoy Billy's sunblock song or the bit with the penguin, then you must turn off the movie and stop being such a nag about it. But for those of us who happen to enjoy movies that are silly and stupid, this is one of the best ones out there. Seven stars. Is that a thing?
Starting point is 00:49:02 Yep, 34 out of 49 people found that review useful. I'm going to use that. I want to use that information that I just got. That's going straight into my thesis. Oh, man. This review may contain spoilers. Makes it through school. That's it.
Starting point is 00:49:26 So when Harry and Sally entered the diner in 1977, the credit card sticker on the door reads Mastercard. But at the time, the company was known as Mastercharge and the current name was only adopted in 1979. Wow. Just something for you guys to think about. Awesome. That's not really a back to school movie.
Starting point is 00:49:44 Kangaroo Jack. Jerry O'Connell made the worst decision of his life and was in this movie with Anthony Anderson. He say that, but you don't say that when he gets those $16 residual checks. Thanks, Jack. I can eat this week. He calls it his kangaroo smackers. Oh, Jerry O'Connell.
Starting point is 00:50:12 I wish I could slide you to another universe where you still could. Would that never happen? Where you were still doing it. I just want some more episodes of My Secret Identity. Is that possible? God, he's been in a lot of stuff, huh? He sure has. You can't keep him down.
Starting point is 00:50:26 Seaman Piranha 3D was great. Hey, Griffin. I think he wrote this Yahoo! answer that was sent in. OK. Also by Panda Apocalypse, a rare double. From Panda Apocalypse. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:50:38 It's by Yahoo! Answers user Christian Vaughn who asks, A girl in my science class took my hand and put it on her breast. I don't know her that well. And does this mean something? BTW, I can't find a good category for this one. Oh, shit. He put it in women's health.
Starting point is 00:50:57 She was just, she wanted to check. Yeah. Hey, could you look for lumps for me real quick in the middle of science class? This is science. Palpate me. I need it. I might bleep that one out too. Can't say the worst, aren't I?
Starting point is 00:51:08 Yeah. Does it? This didn't happen to me. I can't tell if this means something. Fucking, of course it means something. How could it not mean something? Griffin, but I'm going to tell you a little bit deeper. What if he's asking, like, does it mean something
Starting point is 00:51:22 in like a DaVinci code kind of way? Does it have a bigger meaning in the user? Yeah, like what's she telling me about myself? I think it means that Jesus had a son. That's what the vision is. The codex has been cracked. You've done it, Griffin. I mean, like, it means something in the most...
Starting point is 00:51:42 It means she wanted you to put your fucking hand on her breasts. Like, yeah, it meant that thing. It means that she's into you and she wants you to... Why are you fucking, you're on the internet right now and you're fucking typing in a question when you could just be squeezing a bosom over and over again all day long? I was a girl in my science class put my hand on her breasts and she said, yeah, yeah, get in there.
Starting point is 00:52:05 Get right in there. I want to be inside this kid's head where he's going, huh. I want to be inside his hand. I feel like this is indicative of something. I don't understand. She's just playing me hot and cold. She's like touching your wiener and you're like, I don't know. What does it all mean?
Starting point is 00:52:23 What is this? Griffin, can you cut out the part where I said I wish I was inside the hand of the kid squeezing the high school girl's boob? Nope. Nope. But I will turn the volume up. Wait a minute. That's the opposite thing of the thing that I needed.
Starting point is 00:52:39 When you heard that audio get pretty bad back there, that was that. Because I had to blast Justin. I want to say I'm not sure about the mental state of this girl when she needs a hand on her boob so bad, she just reaches out grabs the wrist in the middle of fucking science class. And just plants. Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Was this fucking science class?
Starting point is 00:53:01 Oh, that explains everything. Yeah, it's pretty cool. So you're going to get you're going to get some blood down in those parts, like engorging it. It's going to feel it's going to hit your pleasure nerves in your in your pleasure cortex. It's going to fire all your synapses. Is there a worse word?
Starting point is 00:53:19 Didn't go. I don't think so. What if I said in gorged? How do I know if a girl likes me? Guys, I think something is wrong with my. If you have one, there's something is missing. It's a crime of the century. That pink paint they got in there.
Starting point is 00:53:45 What a rascal. What a rascal. Get out of there, you thief. Tricks rabbit got bored trying to get tricks. He stole my. I'm definitely going to miss one of them. Yep. I'm not catching all these.
Starting point is 00:54:04 That was actually the plot of my favorite Atari game, catch all my fall from above and you have a peach basket. Hey, listen, my wife is completing her teaching credentials for the state of California, and we'll begin teaching the second grade next week. It's our first time in the classroom of our own. And since we're both big fans of the show, I wonder if you have some excellent advice
Starting point is 00:54:27 for her to make a good first impression on her students and kick the year off right. That's from Root. Kick a kid. Kick a kid right in that. Right into the Chokey. Yeah. Then make him eat the cake.
Starting point is 00:54:37 That's day two. I feel like that should be on every syllabus. Day one. I'm going to put one of you in the Chokey. Don't let it be you. Day two. One of you is going to eat the whole cake. Can you hammer throw a child out the window for eating two M&Ms?
Starting point is 00:54:52 By her braids. By her braids. By your pigtails. God. There is one person out there who has not seen the hit film, Matilda. What the fuck are they talking about? What are they on? What are they doing?
Starting point is 00:55:02 But I love that in your mind, everyone else's seat is going, oh yeah, okay. That is just the fucking best movie. Any movie with Rusty Roots send me on my way and the soundtrack is pretty much going to be a sure fire hit. I'm really griffin' because that also includes George the Jungle with Britain's Frasier. That was Dr. Frasier's best work, if you ask me my opinion.
Starting point is 00:55:21 Does he have an honorary letters degree from somewhere? I listened to, I listened to that song last night during an eye of rabble rousing. And there is not anything better in music than the breakdown at the end of that song where the Rusty Roots guy's like, like just fucking losing it. Sounds like a hippie ghost.
Starting point is 00:55:45 You know, let's see. She's going to begin teaching the second grade. What did I like from my second grade to me is like the last one before it gets tough. Oh shit, it gets rough. When you get third grade, you're going to get multiplication, division, and cursive. If they're still, you know, breaking it down the way they used to.
Starting point is 00:56:07 They're not doing cursive anymore. What? Yeah, they've stopped doing cursive. No, fuck you. Are you kidding? Shut up. Oh, I swear to God. You can't just stop doing cursive.
Starting point is 00:56:16 You can't because all you got to do is teach a kid how to fucking sign his name. And then that's all, that's all the letters that they're going to need to know. When do you use cursive except just like sign your text? No joke, guys. When was the last time you wrote in cursive? Don't you have to use cursive when you write a check?
Starting point is 00:56:29 That's, no. What? No. Oh, that's what I've been doing. My bad, my bad. You don't do that. What the fuck? That's why it takes me forever to pay off my debts.
Starting point is 00:56:40 Are you shitting me right now? I thought that was a thing. I felt like that was the thing. Like you had to write the amount in cursive or something. Root, I'm very sorry. We cannot offer your wife any more practical advice to set because the rest of the episode is about this. What the fuck, Travis?
Starting point is 00:56:55 What the fuck are you talking about? Clearly, I'm wrong. Clearly, I accept it. No, no, no, no, no, no. We're going to incept this. When did you, when did you start thinking the whole thing needed to be in cursive? I believe it was in fifth grade
Starting point is 00:57:08 when we played the game of life or maybe it was sixth grade. Game of life at Kamak. And we got checkbooks and we had to fill out checks. And I believe I was told it had to be in cursive to count. And maybe that was just for the game, but that carried through the rest of my life. So you can do, and I'm actually, I flipped it. I'm a little jealous right now because if you asked me,
Starting point is 00:57:27 I could maybe do, I'm going to say like 15 lower case letters in cursive and like no joke, eight uppercase. I can do the whole alphabet without thinking. Fuck off, man. That's so crazy to me. Now sometimes I have problems with the S's because that shit gets really tricky. How come the lower case letters are so much easier than you?
Starting point is 00:57:47 Like the lower case letters seem pretty reasonable. Like an N is just like an M and an M is like an M with extra hump. Like I get all that, but once you get to uppercase, it's like when you make a Q, you have to draw a tiny maze. My favorite is things like it's a T and then you put a line through it and it's an F. Like those two letters are so far apart in the alphabet. And so it's like, oh, I can just make this an F
Starting point is 00:58:09 and put a line on it. If you told me that you would kill my cat, if I couldn't draw an uppercase cursive Z, I would just start digging a little hole. Because this is not going to happen. I'm fortunate enough to have a G in my name, which is a real tricky character. It's got like eight loops in it.
Starting point is 00:58:26 It's got like a bunch of loops. And like I sometimes I'll bust out of parties because most people, they have erased the uppercase G from their mind so that they can remember lyrics to a rusted root song. Travis, can you do me a favor? Can you, without looking, write a cursive alphabet and scan it? Can you do that and put it up on the forums so people can see your talents?
Starting point is 00:58:46 When you say, when you say without look, you mean like without looking on the internet? Without doing anything. Without looking at the paper. Yeah, without doing any research right now, not like right this second, but as soon as the show is over, do that. I'd write the whole cursive alphabet out.
Starting point is 00:58:58 Yes. And then I will do this. Scan it or something. I will do that. Put it up on maximumfun.org. Form. I will do that. Blow everyone's minds.
Starting point is 00:59:07 Jesus, Travis, you're killing me. Let's put this thing, let's put this thing in park. Okay, I want to hear Griffin's last question. I'm kind of freaked out right now, but I do want to hear it. This has been my brother and my brother and me. As you heard, we live at maximumfun.org. There are forums there. Every new episode has a place on the forums,
Starting point is 00:59:28 so come and discuss this one. If you have other questions, we try to be in there as much as possible to chat with you. There are many other refined maximumfun.org, maximumfun productions. It's Jordan and Jesse Goh. There's Judge John Hodgman. There's our buddy, stop podcasting yourself.
Starting point is 00:59:45 You can listen to all those. Find them there at maximumfun.org. We're on Twitter. If you like that, that's your jam. We're at M-B-M-B-A-M is our Twitter name. I want to thank John Roderick and the Long Winters for the use of their song. It's a departure as our theme song from the album
Starting point is 01:00:07 Putting the Days to Bed, which I just assumed that everybody's buy at this point because it's like the best album. Well, here's the ED. You buy it, you listen to it, you delete it, you buy it again. Yeah, just keep that cycle going. You got to refresh because the MP3s, they get dusty. They get dusty about a week or so.
Starting point is 01:00:22 They'll start to wear out. Hey, so we want to thank people who, we love it when people tweet about the show. They include the M-B-M-B-A-M hashtag to use the Twitter parlance. Thanks to Jam Collie, Silly Will, Ham Doctors as always, Granny Dany, Dan Napolitano, Napolitano. Yeah, I had nailed it first time out.
Starting point is 01:00:45 Sure, why not? Rory Michelle, Daddy Game, James Gowdy, everybody that has talked about us. We really do appreciate it. Nick. I really want to thank. Nick Reath. Sorry.
Starting point is 01:01:02 My favorite Twitter user is Mr. F*** Face. Is my favorite. I wish you wouldn't say these things to me. Sorry. I wish you wouldn't do that. So just tweet about our show with some quotes or do like some people do and just tweet about random things that are happening in their life.
Starting point is 01:01:21 Like when our buddy Mason, your face got stuck in an elevator. Yeah. Decided to keep us updated on that. I'm glad they got out. I appreciated that drama. Pretty touching there for a while. It was. It was pretty good.
Starting point is 01:01:33 But also you should leave the MBA hashtag search up in your Twitter client of choice because it gets crazy. It gets pretty wild. Yeah. Guys, thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you as always. You guys are the best.
Starting point is 01:01:46 Share it with a friend if you can, if you get a moment. Just like show them our sampler. Just get on YouTube and search them. And bam, it's like the first thing that comes up and just like show them that and maybe they'll like it. Maybe it'll be something you can talk about with them. And if you want to get a personal message or a business message on the show,
Starting point is 01:02:01 make sure you go to maximumfund.org slash jumbotron. And check that out. And just get up on it. And thank you so much. All right. Hit it. Griffin. This final back to school Yahoo question
Starting point is 01:02:15 was sent in by Jacob Locker. Thank you, Jacob. It's by Yahoo answers user Vlad T. Who asks, will a horse poop out a wallet or will it get stuck somewhere in its digestive system? I'm Justin back in school. I'm Travis McRoy. The horse is in school.
Starting point is 01:02:32 I'm Griffin McRoy. This has been my brother, my brother and me. Kiss your dad. Keep your heart through stacks. Keep your heart. Hey, keep your heart through stacks. Keep your heart. Man, these girls are smart.
Starting point is 01:02:48 These stacks, these girls are smart. Play your part.

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