My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 72: Propositions

Episode Date: September 19, 2011

This week's episode is all about fresh experiences, like Travis' new horrible segment, or the first Pumpkin Spice Latte after a year of not drinking Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Out with the old, in with the new! (Actually, we're keeping the old.) Suggested talking points: Pumpkin Spice Latte, Open the Briefcase, Stoneymoon, Extraordinary Accent, Sad Libs, Jerk-It Sheath, Bounce O' Clock, Get Busy Living Together

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Welcome to my brother. My brother made an advice show for the modern era. You can smell it in the air. Crisp, inviting, warm set of the pumpkin spice latte. It's back and we're celebrating. I just had my first one of this, of 20 Ot 11. I still have, I finished it moments ago, mere moments ago. I went with the PSL with no

whip on top, went skim milk in it. I love the idea of, I love seasonal flavors, like the idea of like peppermint everything in winter, but if it were like summer and someone's like, do you want some peppermint coffee? I'm like, no, fuck you. Fuck that and fuck you for that idea. I want a pumpkin muffin. What month is it? It's June. Get out of here. Get right out of this town that we live in. Hey, people who say they should have the pumpkin spice latte every year, why don't you start your day off with some birthday cake, asshole, birthday cake? How about a, how about a Thanksgiving, a plump Thanksgiving turkey on your birthday, which is not on Thanksgiving, nor New York. Yeah, how about a birthday turkey?

Asshole. I cannot have the pumpkin spice latte anymore. I'm trying to watch my carbs. Oh, Justin. I know. I don't want to think about it. I might treat you to a No, it doesn't have carbs if it's delicious. If I might have a terminal disease, I might treat myself to one. I'm really more of an eggnog latte man myself. Hey, listen, I didn't come here for your judgment. I came to give advice. It's not winter yet. You keep your eggnog latte to yourself where it belongs. I'll keep my eggnog latte in my tummy. Do you know what I'm a little disappointed in the fact that the PSL lacks any rejuvenative properties. I spent all day yesterday just drinking whiskey and eating Tex-Mex, basically from sun up to sun down. I was alone in your

apartment. Just alone. I was really hoping that a morning time PSL would bring me out of my stupor, but it has actually redoubled my sorrows. You want a pumpkin spice latte with some ginkgo and some beta-carotene and some David-carotene? No, I just want to drink it and then not... Hey, tummy, not doing so good. How about some cream? How about some sweet pumpkin cream? Yeah, I just want to be able to drink it and then not shit my guts out later. That ship has sailed. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McRoy. I'm your middle est brother, Travis McRoy. I'm your sweet baby's brother, Griffin McRoy. I'm really, guys, burning the candle, burning the candle at both ends over here. I'm holding it together

with Scotch tape and floss. This is, of course, an advice show for the modern era. We take your questions and unsolicited questions from the Yahoo! Answer Service and turn them into wisdom, like alchemy, or like pumpkin spice lattes. Boy, one of those would go down good. I wish I wasn't so fat. Here's your first question. I'm a lady who has got her sexy right. No pumpkin spice lattes there. However, I feel weird approaching guys I'm interested in afraid I'll appear too forward and scare them off. My friend, a male, says that this is not the case that men would love to get proposition. Bad word choice. That's a bad word choice. I feel this is a myth and that most guys would get freaked out. Is my friend right or crazy? Mystified in Michigan. First of all,

propositioning someone is what a prostitute does. Yeah. Hey, sailor. Hey. Did you see what I'm working with? Coming to this port often. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, if you're wondering why there there is a battle of the sexes, why the sexes can't seem to agree on anything, this is how fundamentally they misunderstand each other. Make me so angry. A base level. Like this is what we're building from. Do you know what I think it is? I think it's that everyone speaks in generalities. Like the guy said all guys would love this and the girl said all guys would be afraid of this. I think that there are definitely guys that would be very intimidated by a girl walking up to them and hitting on them. I also think that there would be

guys that would be flattered and totally into it. And then I think there'd be guys who wouldn't fucking care. The guys, but Travis, like the guys who would be intimidated by it are also have like a genetic predisposition to propagate the species. Yeah. And like they're not going to like shriveling, shrinking violet. They're going to be like. If you're walking up to them and like grabbing them by the nuts and just saying like, give me these. Yeah. This is my seed. Yeah. I've never, I don't think any dude has ever looked across a bar at a pretty girl and said, man, I hope she doesn't come back to me. It's always, I hope she stays at least 20 feet away. Yeah. It's always, how can I trap her? I need to make a like a nest of leaves and sticks with a big pit. I need to make a bamboo tiger pit

and catch her. Catch that broad. Like, yeah, like I don't know the mind of the woman as my wife is keen to remind me, but I do know that in a man's mind, if an attractive lady were to come up and talk to you, you may have to turn her down because you're otherwise occupied. I mean, like with another with another lady first. I'm playing snake on my phone. I'm sorry. You can wait. You should see how long this snake is. I've got a quickens right now. I just want to check. Doing some quickening. I have to quickens. Yeah, like you may have to turn it down, but nobody's going to be like, leave. I think also, I think that there's a certain amount of when a girl has approached a guy in the past and the guy is like not been interested. What she's told herself is that that guy was

intimidated by her and that's how that rumor like got starting. I think that it is just as likely that the guy just wasn't feeling her vibe. See, that's such a shame because I think it, I don't claim, I also don't claim to know the mind of a woman, but I think that if you're a super attractive lady and you go up to a dude who is clearly less attractive than you are at a bar and you proposition him and he turns you down, you never recover from that. You ain't never coming back from that. I'm sorry. Can we take a step back here? Why is every romantic encounter that this girl has like Robert Redford in a decent proposal? Why didn't we have proposition like, excuse me. There is $10,000 in my hotel room upstairs. You have to find it. My business associate

Reginald has a briefcase with $100,000. I am propositioning you. What accent is that? Half comic book guy, half a Hitchcock. Okay. It was really, really scary. Maybe that's why the guy is intimidated. He has not unmarked much like myself. No needle of tattoo has touched my skin. I'm ready to make love to you. Jesus. I'm so upset. Reginald, open the briefcase. You will see the bills are in your garden currency. They are untraceable. Oh, $100,000 in gold cougarans. This is gold bullion. My associate Reginald will take this gold bullion to a deposit box of your salamence. Oh, God. That brief fleeting love breaking will

occur then. Oh, Jesus. Now I'm just thinking about. Where are you going? I'm thinking about being at a bar and then like, excuse me. The Lord of House Harkinen from Dune like floating over it. Good evening. The Spice's Life. I use the briefcase of Spice. Oh, Jesus. Derek, actually, at the end there, there was some borat thrown in. People seem to like that crazy borat cat. Yeah. Like, don't proposition. Maybe just strike up a conversation, see if you have some chemistry. See if, try that out, maybe. Hey, I'm getting married to the love of my life next year. Freelance writer who doesn't make a lot of money. So all the cash we're saving now is going towards making the wedding awesome, making sure we don't have to live out of a dumpstrap afterwards.

Because of this, our budget for a honeymoon is pretty low. Where are some good places my future wife and I can go and enjoy our new married life without spending a lot of dough? We live in the Dallas, Texas area, if that helps. Britain in Brookesville. I actually have a pretty good suggestion for the couple of my friends got married a year or two ago. And before they went on their real honeymoon, because they were very busy with work and everything, they did this thing that I really liked and they stayed in Cincinnati, but in a hotel and acted as though they were tourists in their hometown. So they went and did stuff that they never do. They went to restaurants and to like feeders that they never go to and like stayed in a hotel. So they did a honeymoon,

but in the town that they lived in, they didn't have to travel, no like expenses to like get overseas or anything like that. So you might try that out. A stunning moon? Is that the? Okay. Yeah. Maybe. Okay. Yes. Maybe you guys just don't even get a hotel. Maybe you just like sleep in a different room in your own house and just like set up a tent. Just like take care of each other. Oh, you mean? Oh yeah. Oh boy. Oh golly. What my wife and I did is we actually, we had already been living together when we got married. So we had most of our like household appliance type things. What we did was we had people, we used this site called, I think it's the big day at dot com maybe, but it lets you, lets people give you money for a trip,

but they're buying you things for your wedding. So like we had a $50 denomination and that was dinner at a restaurant. Now, correct me if I'm wrong. Didn't you also put on there at one point dancing lessons with Antonio Banderas? That was one of the options. And I actually had someone come to me afterwards and say, so how are those dancing lessons? And I had to break the news to them that I'm sorry, I did not actually have that. You just gave me some money that I probably spent on. Because Antonio Banderas isn't real. He's not real. He's not real. He's a computer generated meme. It's got spread around the web. So I joked they went a little too far. He went viral and he went Zorro. And then he went Zeta. Zeta Jones. What a talent she is. Also computer

generated. I have to, I don't want to pat it on the back too much, but we had like two or three legitimate answers to this question. I feel pretty good about it. Yeah. Let me take your temperature Griffin. How do you feel? I don't know. I feel like there's, I feel like there's some stuff, I feel like the Texas aspect. I feel like we could explore that. Well, maybe you could address, of the three of us, I think the best one to address that would be Travis. Yeah. Travis, what's going on in Texas these days? I'm glad you asked. From what I understand, there's just oil being struck everywhere. Okay. And so maybe you could have like an oil themed honeymoon. So you're saying that for, to celebrate their new found eternal love,

they, they, they indulge in some tycoon ship. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Big hats, build big buckles, a bullow tie. Big shiny white teeth. Yeah. Yeah. And like a walrus style mustache. Don't make your wife grow a mustache. Let me ask you this, Justin. I was the only one of the three of us that is married as far as I know. Um, what in your opinion is the actual point of the honeymoon? But is it just like a celebration of, Hey, we're married now. Let's have two weeks of awesome party. I'll let you ask Travis. The point of the honeymoon used to be that you could finally do it. Yeah. Uh-huh. So you'd want to do it all the time. Maybe you remember that hit episode of wings when Joe and Helen got married,

I guess they had never done it before because they really hung out there. He must be a stronger man than I because how can you, how can you resist Helen? Yeah, it's a good question. She starts playing that cello and it's like, don't mind if I do forever. These days people tend to live together and they tend to have a little bit of that stuff beforehand. So, um, I don't think that it serves the same traditional role. I think for, um, my wife and I, we went out of the country. It was a really nice opportunity to sort of, um, get, get used to the idea of being married and kind of get away from everybody and have our first, you know, week and a half, uh, as a married couple sort of figuring that out ourselves. So it's like marriage spring training. It's marriage boot camp.

Exactly right. Okay. Um, you just use, explore each other's bodies. So I don't want to say this anymore. Real, real advice here. It doesn't matter where you go or what you do as long as you're together. Just explore each other's bodies. Just every, exploring each other's body. Honeymoons in each other's bodies. Every crag, every cranny. All right. Just set up a hotel room in each other's bodies and just stay there for a while. It's really good to know it. More than 10 milliliters of pumpkin spice latte. I need you to explore it. Uh, yeah, just kind of, whatever you do, make sure that you cut yourselves off from everybody for a little while. Just really treat yourselves six or seven months tops. You don't feel like that sets up the bar a little high though.

Like I feel like, I feel like fresh off the, the wedding block. I feel that, that you should maybe have like a shit, a shitty honeymoon and then have it get better from there. Do you know what I mean? Like you, you came back from Europe. You were probably expecting every day to be a sweet Irish adventure, but it wasn't, was it? It's true. It wasn't a sweet Irish adventure every day. Marriage isn't a sweet Irish adventure every day. You have to, you gotta come to grips with that fact. I feel like maybe for your honeymoon, you should just have this really acrimonious sort of rapport with your, with your new wife. I think maybe you should go do something unpleasant, like help a friend move. Like maybe that's your honeymoon and then it only

gets better from there. That's true. Oh, help your friend move whether they were planning to or not. Secretly help your friend move and then face the break and nearing charges together as a hop. Yeah. Griff, you know what? You know where no one ever goes on their honeymoon? Prison. Yeah. I beg to, I am adjacent to Logan County. I'm pretty sure some people have gone to prison for their honeymoon. Sir. How about a Yahoo? Yes. Okay. This one was sent in by FaceStyle. Thank you, FaceStyle. It's by Yahoo answers user nerdy game girl doll. Okay. Who asks? She's trying her best. Is it a little extraordinary that I accidentally speak in an English accent? Every once in a while, I slip into an English accent, even though I was born and raised in

Colorado. I can't count to 10. I can't count to 10 with no waiting times without doing it. I've never, what? I don't know. I've never known anyone from out of the country except for Russians and Canadians. And I don't notice when it happens until my friends start to talk in their English accents, which frankly are horrid sounding most of the time. And then I'm not too sure what to do. So could anyone tell me if it's a little extraordinary or odd? Does anyone else do this? Does anyone have any idea why I might do this? Thanks for your help. I have an idea. I am trapped in a douche ice age. You have douche blood in your veins. Yeah. Is your grandmother a half douche? Because that would make you, I think, a quarter douche. I am one sixteenth douche.

And that's why I speak with an English accent sometimes. You know that sometimes they say when they're telling you about, you know, talking to you about writing literature, that you should use efficient language that communicates the most amount about a person, you know, without saying, showing rather than telling. Feeling, doing. That first sentence of this question tells you everything you could ever need to know about this person. That seems like the type of name badge they should wear if you were meeting them for the first time. You can just look down and be like, oh, okay. And then walk away from them and never acknowledge their existence again. Goodbye. Okay. Does this make me special? Am I a special snowflake?

Because oh, I'm blinding Gov. Oh, God. I guess it makes you special in the way that I hate you more than anyone else. Oh my God. Can you imagine trying to talk to this person in real life? So like, yeah, I think we should go to Hot Topic. And then, oh, God bless it. No. You guys just keep happening to me. Apples and pears. Every time I try to have a conversation with you, it comes out. I don't know what. If you know this person, if you in your life are acquainted with this person, do me a favor and start to slowly convince them that not only is it not normal, that it is cause for concern when that happens. Yeah. It's like a really shitty version of the movie Phenomenon. Yeah, like convince them that they need to go talk to somebody professional

about this and like start to get really worried about them and maybe cease to hang out with them for a while. I have a confession to make, Daniel, but you and I have been in a relationship for three years now. I have a condition. I haven't had an episode in over 12 months, but I do have a condition when I occasionally speak in English. Is that extraordinary? I'm taking medication. I've been on a pretty intense therapy regimen for a while now. What do you think? But it could strike at any time. Do you know what medication this person should go on? What? Poison. Nah, she's trying her best. She'll look back at this a laugh one day. It's bad enough. What's worse? This person who is probably a 12 year old who is trying to find her place in the world.

I was going to say 12. Or the person who goes to London with their rich parents on a summer rake and then comes back and then exclusively talks with a British accent. Which one's worse? Yeah. Oh, god. It's like so tiny a difference. Both are so terrible. I think that this person is worse because they're asking if it's extraordinary. Okay, there it is. They recognize they're doing it and they're still doing it. They recognize that they're doing it, but they claim to have no control over it. I just slip into it. What's going on? Am I possessed? Can we do the rest of this episode of our compod? Can we do it with accents and then this will be the accent episode? Would that be extraordinary? We're a little too

deep already. I can only do French-Canadian trapper. I can only say the sentence, I am a French-Canadian trapper and that's the only thing I can say. Well, that'll be the only thing you say for the rest of the podcast. Justin broke out his Baron Harkinen. Can it be the last thing he says? Yes. That would be ideal. Justin can bust out his Baron Harkinen. I will do that drunk beetle accent that I was doing a few minutes ago and then Travis just says that one thing over and over again. Before we take a trip, I would like to throw out, Justin made the mistake of giving me time between the time when we were going to record the episode and the time when we actually did. I played a game with our listeners and asked them for words that they would like to

hear on the show and I ranged those words into a short story that I would like Griffin to read now. Okay, so what I'm looking at is a mad lib. It's a mad lib. Let's not split hairs. Yes. Sometimes we make bits on this show because I think they'll be funny and then sometimes we make bits on the show to antagonize each other. For instance, monthly observances, I hate that bit. I think Travis kind of does too. Griffin inflicts it on us every fucking month. This was actually Justin's punishment for not being ready to record the call when he was supposed to. So now he has to hear this mad lib. I had something really important come up. What was it? It was a cliffhanger. What? Excuse me? It was a cliffhanger. I could just not watch the second half. Of what show, Justin?

Forget it. Was it toddlers and tiaras? Yeah. Inwood lost her foot in a logging accident. I didn't know if she'd be able to perform. This is the epic and moist fable of Bumzy Clown Hole in the Marshmallow debacle. Why am I doing this? Read away. Go stop that. Travis, this is making me hate you and our listeners who sent this shit in. I knew it. One fine and scrumptious day Bumzy was hanging out with his funkalicious friend Batman. They were running late for the big race. The thick freakness. They've been watching the clock when suddenly everything got all timey-wimey, wibbly-wobbly. There's the doctor who you think. So they leapt onto their pegasus, Celestia Sprinkles, and sprang into action, only stopping to get a fish

taco on the way. Slow down, yelled Batman. This is chafing my turgid front putt and giving me lavishest thoughts. Oh hogwash, yelled Bumzy. Stop being persnickety. This is funkalicious. Incredible, sighed Batman. But sadly, the whole thing was a boondoggle. Bumzy died. And Batman was left as the only living boy in New York. That was the end of it, and we will never do that to you again. And I promise you that. I wrote a book in second grade called Grant Andrews Kid Cop that reads better than that thing that you name. Why didn't you do that to him? Why is it that you were trying to punish me, but Griffin ends up catching the brunt of it? Because it was humiliating. I said words in it, but I would never say funkalicious.

You realize that every word I say is like a precious treasure, right? And you just, you just tarnished my streak. A precious treasure. There's only one way I can wash its face from it. I liked it. I'm 30 though. I think old people jokes are funny. Let's go to the Money Zone. Let's go to the Suicide Zone. And then the Money Zone. Hey, Katie. Happy birthday, lady. Thank you for being you. Your boyfriend, Charlie, you introduced him to a lot of great stuff, like my brother, my brother, me, and my show for the modern era, and Catamari Domacy. And now he's returning the favor by saying, hey, happy birthday. You know, there's, there's so much of a connection between those two things,

don't you guys think? Between my brother, my brother, me, and Catamari Domacy? Yeah, because in Catamari Domacy, you roll a ball and you pick up things to make the ball bigger. And in my brother, my brother, me, you roll your ears through our words and it makes your heart bigger. Wow. You're right. That's haunting. Until you, your heart gets too big for your chest and then you die, you die from it and it explodes. Like sea biscuit. That's my favorite trap from the Saw movies. Hey, Charlene, your boyfriend, Adam, is, Gabriel, is having his birthday today and you, you fucked up twice really bad so far. Let me try this. Let me try this. Let's take it apart. The first goof was that you called her Charlene and not Charlene. Okay, that was my bad. You know,

you know who my favorite Hollywood actress is? Charlize Theron. Hey, Adam, happy birthday and anniversary from Charlene. But there was a, it's a soft, it's a soft show. Charlene. I mean, I'll tell you the other problem is that you were stuttering earlier and you said Adam is Gaber and that sounds like now Adam is, Adam is Bieber. Adam is Bieber. Adam Gaber. It's their anniversary and his birthday. They're within about three days of each other. He likes many things but loves bumblebees. I'm going to call Charlene out on something here. What do you mean it's about three days apart? Like it fluctuates? Well, his birthday. Yeah, right. Shouldn't it be exactly three days apart? Why are you acting like this? You know that every day is like incrementally,

like microscopically longer than the last day. You know that, right? Like days are getting longer. Yeah, she's actually far more accurate than you are. Oh, because they started dating at some point during the day and he was born at some point during the night. Oh, so she's got it like down to the second. She knows exactly the second. She just didn't want to bore you with the details, but hey, happy birthday and anniversary. If you'd like me to mispronounce your name, you can go to maximumfun.org or slash jumbotron and get a message up there. But thank you to all of you and happy birthday or anniversary as the case may be. I'd like to come off it with a yahoo answer if we can. Okay. This one, this one's actually old. I've been holding on to this one.

I've had this arrow in my quiver for a long time in the cinema by Jacob Locker. Thank you, Jacob. It's by Yahoo Answers user James who asks, how can I make myself into a human peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Okay. Okay. Okay. I like making messes. And I want to really do this. The first thing I want to do is get covered in a peanut butter type of mixture and then a jelly type of mixture and have like some giant bread made of smaller bread. And also when I get the peanut butter mixture and just a jelly mixture poured on me, she, I lay on the bread and get it dumped on me or just stand up and have it poured on me. It's

your vote. And last but not least, how could I make like a maybe runny, liquidy peanut butter mix and runny, liquidy mix? That, that guys, that, that was all one, one sentence. Oh no. Tell me what you guys think and how could I, how I could make a mess with this stuff. And I forgot to say that at the end, after I get the mixtures poured on me, I'm going to get two giant pieces of bread, cover it with regular PB and J, cover myself up and maybe roll around in it, unleash the ideas and the creativeness. Ha, ha, ha. This will be so much fun and feel awesome. I'm right in thinking that there's an underlying and all the while I'm going to be jerking it so right. I'm going to jerk it in this runny, liquidy jelly type mixture.

Oh, and BT doves. I'm just going to be jerking it. Danny is just one flag away from that trip to Universal Studios. He's made it through the GAC fountain, made it through the car wash. Now he's just got to get this one last flag from a giant peanut butter jelly suit. And oh my God, is he masturbating? He's so excited about that Casio keyboard. That Casio keyboard that he has found the flag. He is using the flag as some sort of jerk-it sheath. I'm Mark Summers and I quit television forever because I am yucked. I am retired. I have now have obsessive compulsive disorder. I know because of this child's lewd act, I am leaving the entertainment business.

And that completes our Mark Summers origin story. Those flags, those flags are for, those are roller skate vouchers, not jerk-it sheaths. Sir. Sir. Sir. Party. Good day. You do, you win nothing. Hey Mark, you want to watch? Hey Mark. I double dare you. I'm going to ask a question. Mark, you up for a physical challenge? Come over here and watch. I might be hoping for too much here when I ask this question. To what purpose? He likes to make messes. But like that's it? Like he's going to do this in the privacy of his own home?

He likes to get super sloppy. Like he's just going to be in his parents' basement, making himself a giant PB&J? I think it's going to take him a while. I think it's going to take him a long time, but not too long because if he wants to make a giant bread out of tiny breads, those are going to get kind of, kind of moldy after. You're afraid of this getting gross in some way. Right. I'm saying that he's got a really small window. If he wants to do this tastefully, he's got to be careful about it. If he does this at home by himself, it's disgusting. If he does it in front of a crowd,

it's modern art. Yeah. Well, that's the idea, right? He wants to unleash the ideas and creativeness. And as a side effect, it's going to be so much fun and it's going to feel awesome. I'm like, I don't deny that. Can you guys imagine how good that would feel? Well, as long as he doesn't use chunky, because that shake gets everywhere. Yeah. That would be kind of abrasive on your skin. You would have to go Jif Smooth. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Totally. Or if you see moms choose Jif for their man size PB&Js. Can I change my either legal name or karaoke name to Jif Smooth?

I think you get Jif Smooth. Who borrowed your car? I loaned it to Jif Smooth. As a misstep. Yeah, I should have known. Yeah. Because he likes to make messes. It's a messy, messy boy. Just smooth. When he says like a jelly type mixture, does he mean jelly? I believe jelly is a jelly type mixture. It has to be some sort of gelatinous, plasmatic substance, something that oscillates between liquid and solid. Oh, like lava. Like a lava. Yeah. Which would be great.

Hey, why don't we do this? I'll wrap you up in a blanket or an afghan, and I'll say you're a burrito, and I'll throw you in a volcano so that we never have to think about you again. That sounds great. That sounds like a real tasty mix. Well, let's guy eat it later. Yeah, that's what I don't understand. Like, is he doing this and then he's gonna be like, now somebody eat me, or is he just like doing it, and then he's gonna be done, and then he's gonna shower, and then go to work at the bottom. I don't think he's gonna shower. I think he's gonna go to work still covered

in, you know, placenta or whatever he is. Jeff, you've been trying to get fired for a long time. I feel like you've finally crossed the line. Outlandish plan yet. Again, or he's gonna do this in the middle of his local park, and people will be like, this is this is Jiff's smooths magnum opus. He'll do it on NBC late nights, and have Guy Fieri give him $100,000 a minute to win it. That's basically what man to win it is, just trying to be here, but I bet. You have 60 seconds to get so nasty. If you can cut yourself a peanut butter, then steal my head riser.

I'm gonna give you $100,000. Let's play Mim to Mim. I have not seen the shot. Oh, he's got peanut butter stuck in his mouth. Why are you licking Jiff's smooth off? Can we create a reality TV show that's like sort of most dangerous game, like or hard target is a better example, where it's just you have to find Guy Fieri and take his headwear. Make it your own. Like a Lord of the Flies kind of thing. Yeah, it would be sort of like the amazing race mixed with hostile because you have to take his head, dude. You gotta take the head of Guy Fieri. Bring me the head of Guy Fieri.

His life power is bound to his head visor. That is the sort of the magical root that animates his golem-esque body. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Hey, you know what? You guys laugh it up. Man makes a hell of a Tex-Mex salad plate. That man makes a great Chinese. For the last year and a half, a friend of our family has been staying on our couch Monday through Friday. He works in Manhattan during the week, returns to his family upstate on the weekend. My question is, how do I let him know he needs to find another couch without being the asshole who stops him from providing for his family? Be Wildered in Brooklyn.

Wow, that's a toughie. Hey, I want to alleviate your guilt, though. You are not stopping him from providing. He's not providing for his family. He's living on your couch. You're providing for his family. You're meeting him halfway here. A year and a half? It's no big deal. No, that seems like the kind of thing you do where you say, hey, I need to do this until I can find other arrangements. It's just 500 days of Devon. Just 500 days of Devon just crashing on the couch. This is fucking you, me, and you preach it. Hey, when people go to look for a place to live, they do that. That's just not how people do. We get places to live in. We find a place to live, and then we live in it every day

of the week. Is he in any way compensating you or paying you for bills or rent or something? Listen, I want you to know something, friend of the show. Guilt should not even be in your... Like, you could not be further from the asshole. You could set the couch on fire and throw it out a window while he's sleeping on it. You still would not be the bad guy in the situation. Yeah, I think all you have to do is say, listen, it's been a while now, and I'd like to know what the permanent solution is. A while? It's been a goddamn year and a half. It's been seasons of change. Winter has melted into spring. A young man's fancy has turned a fucking leaf. Get out of my house. If this living situation were a human being, it would be like

walking and almost talking. Yeah, it is talking. It's saying, get the fuck out of my house. Get the fucking, fucking leaf. I want to sit on that couch. It smells like you forever. It smells like you sleep. It smells like you when you're asleep. I hate it here. I'm moving. You can stay if you want. How is your friend comfortable with this living arrangement? It's a great couch. I don't want to pass judgment here, but I can't imagine living on someone's couch for five days a week, for a year and a half, and not feeling like an asshole myself. I have this theory that living in New York is kind of like living in an awesome, but also post-apocalyptic world where it's like, we just got to survive, man. We got to survive so we can go get to the good

parts. Oh, so it's like, catch his catch can. Like, you find a closet to sleep in and you sleep there. I saw this video of this gentleman who was living in an apartment that was 63 square feet. 63 square feet. His bed turned into a couch with the use of special panels, and he kept his microwave in his clothing closet. Oh, no. That's not an apartment. That is not an apartment. That is a boxcar. You're a boxcar hobo. But think about what a great scene that's going to be when they may do his true Hollywood story because he turns into a famous actor. He was totally happy about it. He's like, oh, I prefer, you know, I just, I go out and do all my business in the city, and then I come home,

I just sleep in here, and it's like, yeah, but that's what like prisoners say. I live in this Iron Maiden. It's rent controlled, so that's pretty nice. It's just $850 a month. No bills included. It's pretty cold. It gets pretty cold in the winter, but my four friends just come in and sleep on top of me. Human peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Yeah. Do you know what he paid for that apartment? Like 800 bucks. Yeah. That's not okay, guys. So, yeah, kick your friend out. Kick him? Hey, you know what? You know what? Seriously, not even a joke. I know this would be an awkward moment for you. Take us over there. Pick us up. Carry us over there.

You're on. Pick up the computer. Love us over there. Hey, friend. Hey, listen. These times, the, no, you know what? I'm not even going to do the nice thing. It's been a year and a half. Time to go. Yeah. Time to, time to fish. What is it? Fish and friends keep for three days? Yeah. What is it? What's the thing? Fish and friends? Yeah. You wrap up your friends in some newspaper and you toss them to people and then you throw them out the door. Yeah. It's company and poultry stink after a week. That's what the quotables say. Please go. Yeah. Now I'm talking to Griffin also. Both the friend, friend, you've been sleeping on the couch. We've all had it some good times. It was the one time when Jeff brought over the whiskey and you guys got really drunk. It was

great and everybody, it's time to go. It's gone far enough. It's time to leave. It's time to go. Are you going? You're still here? Are you out now? Is he gone? Is he gone? Hey, pick up a bag, put your things in the bag. That's right. You don't have any things because you're sleeping on the couch and just go. Go find a partner. Find a bag that's big enough for your things. Collect them and skedaddle. Skedaddle. Just GTFO. Come on. It is. Let me check my watch. Bounce the clock. Time to bounce. Why are you still here? Get out. No, we can hear it. You just pretended to walk away and then froze. We heard you open the door and then shut it. It is dip time. It is time to dip. Go. You're still here. Go. Go. Close the door behind you.

Now, don't come back. Change the locks. Change the locks, quick. Change the locks. Quick. Get a two by four and board it up. Board it up. Now, listen, you've got to leave through the window and you can never come back. They can never see you again. You're a ghost now. You hear me? You're a ghost. Why are you still here? You need to go too. You got to go into the gas station bathroom and cut and dye your hair. Shave off your beard. Change your clothes. They'll never come back. Change your name. Now, quick. Wait. Wait. Come back. Come back. Turn us around towards the TV and put on Steve Wilkos. Now go. This is our house now. Man, this couch chair is comfortable. I get why you slept on

it for five minutes. Oh, man. Free apartment. Are you got any funjos? That's all right. We'll find them later. We'll walk around. Where are the funjos at? Going to dip them. We're going to evolve. So this is our pad now. It's pretty nice. Yeah, it's nice. I like it, especially the couch. I'm going to ask you guys to leave because I have a girl coming over. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, no worries. This way. She's on a MacBook Pro. It's casual. I recently started dating this amazing girl. We only have been dating for the past three weeks, but I can tell there's a true connection. The problem is we're both in our mid-20s, back living at home, trying to get back on her feet. Neither of us are that happy with our current living situation. My question is,

is it too early to see if she's interested in looking for a place to live and if she wants to make a roommate out of her new and super fun boyfriend, lovebirds leaving the nest? I know what my answer is. Yeah. That's a tough one, man. Three weeks. Three weeks is not a lot of weeks. That's not very many weeks. Here's the thing. I don't think it's too early. I just don't know what the rush is. Like, are you about to get kicked out of your house? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Maybe talk about this in a month or two. Yeah, I'm off for a rush today, but you're going to sign a year lease. Yeah, that could be really uncomfortable. Well, Theresa and I, both of our leases, we're ending at the same time. We'd been together for about two or three months,

and we realized that it was stupid to get two separate one bedroom apartments, so we just got one one bedroom apartment together. Can you find a month to month? That's the true, that's the true sign of love right there is a month to month. A month to month is the true sign of love. Yeah, because it's like, I respect you, you respect me. This might work out. It might not. But regardless, if we get angry in September, we can stop seeing each other in October. We don't have to wait until May. We will have to wait till the end of the month, though. Yeah. Try to hold off that fight to at least like the 23rd. Like you terrible bit. Oh, wait, hold on. Oh, it's the 15th. Just you wait.

As you wait. I'm putting this in my journal. You're gonna get it. That would actually be a really good really relationship. Take sure I think if every time you were gonna have a fight, you had to wait till the end of the month to have it. Uh-huh. You would never fight. You would never fight. It would be except on the 30th and then you would fucking explode. Fucking cage match. Yeah. Um, I would say wait at least another month and really just mull it over because you've got nowhere to go. Like your parents aren't kicking you out. But they do, but maybe they have apartments where they're, oh, they're living at home. Just wait another month and think, give this a lot of thought and think about is this a person

I want to spend at least a year if not more with and then start talking about it. You don't have to do it right away. Start talking about it and then wait like another month. Yeah. Another month after that month. So we're saying four months and then maybe consider doing it like six months out. So 10 months. The thing is is living together. It doesn't matter how awesome you think each other are. There are going to be things that they do. Every human being has things that they do that get on your nerves. Some more than others. Yeah. And so living together is what you do after you love each other so much that those things don't matter. Yeah. That you can go, okay, it annoys me that you always eat the last waffle, but I love you so much that I just

don't care. Is that a concern for you, Travis? God, I love waffles. I worry that three weeks in you barely know each other well enough to even consider living together. You know what I mean? I think it's really early, dog. I'd wait. I appreciate the sentiment. I think it's beautiful that you are thinking about it now. I'm happy that you're so in love. Yeah. It's also going to put a lot of pressure on your relationship early that it may not want. But at the same time, maybe you should just do it. But here's the other thing. Whoa. You have to talk about money and who's going to pay for what bills. Oh, love will find a way, Travis. What happened to your heart? Love will find a way. What have Vin Diesel say that you either have to

get busy living together or get busy dying together? I think it's time. I think you know what? I think you're one week late. Ooh. I think you're one week late to the party. I feel like 14 days is long enough to know. Okay, then let's flip the script here and say if he's going to bring it up, how does he bring it up? Hey, you know how we've been seeing each other for approximately 22 days? Maybe we should cohabitate. Because what did Vin Diesel say? He said get busy living together, get busy dying together. And then you have Vin Diesel there to ask her. He says, hey, Mallory. Mallory, will you live and sit with Jeff? With Jeff Smith? With Jeff Smith. He's going to get into some weird things. He's pretty cool. He's a good roommate except for this one thing. There's this

one little thing. So here's my other advice if you're just going to jump in, like full immersion therapy, tell her every annoying thing that you do and make her tell you every annoying thing that she does. Day one, lock the doors. I'm telling you, this is what Teresa and I did after knowing each other for like three or four months and moving in together. I sat her down and said, you know, I am messy. I leave shit all over the floor. He's still listening to them today every Tuesday. Oh, I forgot. Wait, hold on. I thought something else. When I spit out my toothpaste, I just spit it right into the mirror. Yep. And then I draw faces in it. It's pretty cool. I'm a monster. Yeah, just make sure that you both communicate everything even, you know, after

you live together because that's the downfall of living together. If you don't communicate, you will harbor resentment towards each other for the littlest things. If you don't communicate, you're going to communicate. That's what Vin Diesel says. That is what Vin Diesel said. Have you been reading like Vin Diesel books or something? Is he like a motivational guy now? It's 10 tips, 10 tools to being a more effective lover by Vin Diesel. I do find him very motivating. That sounds beautiful Griffin. It is beautiful. He's got a beautiful mind and heart. Have you seen pitch black? I want to hear Griffin's last question first. Real quick housekeeping. Maxfunstore.org you can get Maxfunstore.com. You can get your t-shirts, MB and BAM t-shirts and other Maxfun

podcast t-shirts. There's some really cool ones. Are you guys listening to those? Oh God, I sure hope you are. Yeah, they're all really funny. Jordan Jesse Goh just did an episode with fucking Joshua Molina. Are you kidding me? Josh Molina, who a lot of people say his name is the best part of the lyrics I wrote to the West Wing theme song. So that was quite the get for that. My favorite part is Richard Chiu. You like that part? Look for it on YouTube, everybody. It's there. Just gotta dig it up. What else is cooking? We haven't talked about it a while, but there are some really fun Maxfun forums. If you haven't checked them out, it's a really great community. And every time we post a show that day, like as soon as we post it, there's a

forum entry about us, a thread that starts about that episode. So if you have comments you want to make or if you just want to talk about the show, make sure that you go to the Maxfun forums and check it out and post on there. Some people get in touch with us about us doing guest spots on their podcast. We'd love to do that. Note that it probably won't be all three of us. It's hard enough to get us in one room to record. And outside of the hour we record the show, we really hate each other. Yeah, we really do not do not talk much, but that's not sure I love you guys. But make sure you email us nbmbam at maximumfun.org. Don't tweet at us. Don't tweet. It gets lost in the ether and in the shuffle. That said, if you do have that NB hashtag, set it up because

it is locked in there. I want to thank John Roderick and the Long Winters for the use of their song It's a Departure from the album Putting the Days to Bed, which we use as our theme song in Money Zone Break. If you haven't listened to his new podcast with Merlin Mann, Roderick on the line, they just did their second episode and it's super good. Yeah, we need to get that on the network. I'm going to sign them up. Thanks to everybody tweeting about the show, Douglas Rath 13, Alex Batty, Church's Wife, Back in the Saddle as it were, Fathom, so many, Rastromical, so many great, great people, Trey Cup, back in full effect. Gaudy James, who got engaged. Oh man, he's having a big year. Gaudy James, Gaudy. Yeah,

he's having, firstly put down those riots. Kimba2042, thank you everybody. You're the all the best. Jeff Horner, everybody. You're all the best people. So God bless you and thank you for tweeting about the show. NBNM hashtag, just do it. Is that everything? Fathom is everything. We're trying to get that quicker. We're doing a bad job though. Let's just shut it down. This final question was sent by Catherine Morali, whose name I said very wrong last week. And I would like to take this time to formally apologize. Sorry about that. She just got married too, and her new name is Rude. That's kind of a, I've gone far too long. Catherine Morali, Rude, thank you. It's asked by Yahoo Institution's user,

no chance without Christ Puncher. Who asks? In all caps, so many yell it. Was that dog Eddie on Frasier or real dog or computer generated? Oh, Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. This has been my brother and my brother and me. Kiss your dad. Just go way out of the lips. you