My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 722: Are You Public Speaking?

Episode Date: July 29, 2024

It’s us, your podcast heroes, lurking just around the corner from your cool bumper stickers, ready to make your day by doing our little tricks! We can come up with great Rizz Lines! We can discover the origins of your special mug! We can even decant Redbull. Suggested talking points: You Got Mentos Money, Hot Dog Arms Race, Sisterhood of the Traveling Mug, Classic Travis: So Close But Wrong, Crying Wolverine Palestine Children's Relief Fund: https://www.pcrf.net/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed It's ripened into a precious friendship

I could've never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach My life, it feels like Life, ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you My life, ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you This is true, ah ah ah

It's better, it's better with two My life, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Travis Fokker, I forgot that part. A reserved greeting. Yeah, I had to circle back for it and drop it into the dark episode. You can only hear this. If you're hearing this, this is part of the dark web. Okay, I don't know, that makes any sense, man. Well, this is, because I dropped down here into my lower register.

That doesn't put our episode onto the dark web when you whisper. No, just this part, just this part. It's not a frequency thing. Just this part of it. Not even this part. Well, this is, and this is Griffin. Oh, hi Griffin, welcome to the podcast.

All right. Both wearing buttons on our shirt, I see. Yeah, I noticed that today, me and you are kind of polo boys. Not me, yeah. For me, you got a regatta. Travis is wearing- I don't normally do something this muted.

I felt a little uncomfortable in some things muted. Juice, I had the same thought. I caught a glimpse of myself in this polo shirt, and I was like, who the fuck am I kidding? I can't wear this that's muted. I felt a little uncomfortable in something that's muted. Juice, I had the same thought. I caught a glimpse of myself in this polo shirt and I was like, who the fuck am I kidding? I can't wear this on my Bim Bam. I feel like we're both doing, it looks like we trapped Travis in like a, we invited him to Business Casual

and Travis just ignored it. It looks like Travis is applying for a job with us at our company and we're the bosses, but that Travis has not gotten the memo about how we dress here. I noticed that in both of those scenarios, I'm doing it wrong. And maybe what it is is you guys are like corporate drones

and I'm coming into the office with some kind of big, heavy thing and I'm smashing it into the big like screen. It's all your guys' actions. All in all, we're just direct supervisors. We're your direct supervisors. You must respect that. This is like a Mentos commercial. We've showed up for the job interview.

You guys are dressed like, kind of like Pet Rocks. And I've shown up and I'm kind of an interesting kind of guy here. And the boss is like, I wanna know that guy. I want him on the creative team. The job interview Mentos ad always irritates me because there's like 14 Mentos in a roll. If you have money for Mentos,

you don't need the job that bad. You know what I mean? The rest of us are out here on certs. You know what I mean? We're out here on certs, we're having a big jar of Tic Tacs to last us for a week. You got Mentos money? That's crazy.

Is that the one, the Mentos job interview where they sit down on the park bench and they get the paint from the recently painted bench and they're like, I know, and they flip over to the other side so it looks like a pattern? Cause every time I watched that, even as a child, I watched that and I was like,

that's clearly paint on your suit. Like if I saw that I'd be like, oh, you fucked up the whole suit. Are there any other 100 year old television commercials that we wanna reference or critique in some way? No. Where is the beef? I always wondered about that one.

You guys wanna go off? Have we talked about the you lint liquor before, you cootie queen? No, that one's a good one. See, there's- Yeah, that's a good one. Some of my favorite ads. Listen, this is an advice show.

You can tell that we've been on the road for a long time, peddling our comedy wares all across this great nation. That never makes for a bad episode, but it can make for an uneven episode. That's peaks and valleys. But average it out, I guarantee you're gonna get some primo stuff in this. We're actually recording this intro

after the main recording, because we weren't sure we were gonna have it in the tank. But let me say, you've got some great stuff in here. Out there on the road, sometimes a moment of clarity strikes you. And for me on this one, I was in kind of a fugue state of travel, and I was like, I think I'm ready to get

into Magic the Gathering. That just hit me of it's time. I'm 40 years old, I'm not getting any into Magic the Gathering. Right, that just like hit me of like, it's time. I'm 40 years old, I'm not getting any younger. You know what I mean? And I think it's time, you know? I'm glad you had that post-nut clarity to get into Magic the Gathering. That's not what I said. Don't put that on me.

We had, this was really exciting for me because this is the first time my kids were on this tour and they're old enough now that they can actually like sit and watch. So we were pretty excited about Taz cause it was gonna be an Alice in Wonderland theme thing. And they were like pretty stoked about it. And so we got them like little seats off to the wings.

They had to be near Paul, but what can you do? And the show started with Taz, and we were doing our skit and everything. Yeah. And Cooper said, so when does it start? And Sydney said, well, this is it. And she said, but they're just talking.

And Sydney said, yeah. She said, when do they start acting? Oh. And I think she thought some other characters are gonna be there or something. Oh, yeah. But then she said, well, this is boring, I'm gonna go eat Skittles. And then she left for the rest of the show

to go eat Skittles, and it really helped me to stay grounded, you know what I mean? It really helped me to stay, to keep it all in perspective. Was that a bringing endorsement of our live show for anyone who's never been before? Yeah. You just stay home and eat Skittles. This is also, I will say, this is a kid that I've watched

watch a video of someone squeezing out ketchup bottles for an hour. Yeah. So like, I don't know, you know what I mean? I don't know what she's not, it's not a high bar, certainly. I mean, she'll watch families eating orange food. When we do a live show, right, we have a screen, we've incorporated AV elements.

We need to have gameplay footage of someone like running across the top of subway. Subway surfers above us. Jumping above it, while below it, we're doing our boring ass show just talking words. Can I say, put a pin in it. Put a pin in this idea, yeah. It's worth experimenting with.

Clip this chat, this is worth experimenting with. This is a bold new idea. I mean, let's just cut, we'll cover the- Value add. Yes. It's a value add. You can't, nobody can unitask anymore. We will cover our bases on the screen above us. On the screen above us, we will put clips

of all the stuff our kids are into. Right now, Gus likes watching this 32 minute long video that's just a compilation of different toilets flushing. Yeah. He started with Skibbity, but then he was like, you know, there's a story here that's deeper than the scary man coming out of the john.

I'm more interested in sort of the mechanics of the toilet itself. Won't use it, fuck no, no way dude. Not interested in learning how to use that special chair But I'll watch videos of him flushing for 32 minutes of 13 seconds Guaranteed you know how they might be giants will do like spin the dial sometimes Yes, turn the radio dial whatever song starts playing like man. It's tainted love or whatever. They'll just start riffing on Yeah, we could do that. Mm-hmm, which is kids YouTube just like whatever's on the screen

Yeah, it's just you know, we're just art? We're doing art right next to it the whole time. Dot is into right now children who are in costumes of superheroes and they're giving sketches as superheroes, except whoever is making this sketch has done zero research into the powers or characterization of superheroes. Don't need it. Absolutely. And as a parent and nerd, it's so hard to just like,

oh, I'm so glad you're enjoying this and not go, I mean, actually, so Hulk, okay, so Hulk wouldn't do that. Hulk can't fly, you know that Hulk mustn't fly. If you're not familiar with what's going on with YouTube and kids, what has taking root there is kind of a, I'm gonna say anti-entertainment. You know what I mean? Like it almost strives to not be entertaining.

And I gotta call one specific sub-genre this because there's like the whole, it's a whole genre of like people who, it seems like their house is more fun than yours, right? Sometimes it's family, sometimes it's just two idiot brothers who seem to have nothing else but each other. There's a lot of those, I think.

Careful, Juice. Careful, Juice. Careful. Just saying. This house we're all in right now, the three of us, is looking pretty transparent and fragile right now. This is all, listen, folks, this is all sour grapes. Obviously, I wish this was us.

It seems possible. But you know what you can make with sour grapes sour grapes. Obviously, I wish this was us. It seems awesome. But you know what you can make with sour grapes? Wine. Wine, thank you. But the sub genre I hate is, I put my kids in the strictest school in the world. This is a video that is in like, as a sub genre a lot like-

I haven't seen this one. Today I challenged my daughter, I'll pick any name, Salish, to stay in this school, and it's the strictest school in the world, if she can make it the whole day, I'm gonna give an Apple iPad to her best friend. It's like, so they go up to the school, and it's like, here we are at Sternwill Elementary,

and the sign on the door says like, pinecrest. It's like, well, you're lying already. And then they meet a bunch of fucking central casting actors that then have to be mean, but it's pretend. It's like, and I'm watching the videos with my kids and it's like, kids, you know, I get it if it's like, I don't know, dig a hole in our home and then make a bounty hunter try to find us.

That's great. We fill Papa's car with sticky foam. That happens. We love this. You can look at Pawpaw's face and say, oh, or, you know, I bought a hundred homes for people that needed homes. We love that. Yeah. This is nothing. No.

This is a pretend school. And if they're too strict, they get fired. Cause it's a scam kids. You gotta tell me you understand that. That ain't real. It's not real, your teachers have no power over you. It's all imagined and it is all reinforced by the deep state. There's no such thing as permanent record.

There, I said it. No, it doesn't, no one gives a shit. This is many, many times and I just have to break my daughter's heart over and over again when I explained to her that video where they, quote, spend the night in a bouncy castle, do you notice how they were all fully dressed

in their regular clothes and all the lights were on and the sun was still out, and we really only saw what added up to maybe 15 minutes worth of footage? They didn't spend the night in the bouncy castle, baby. They would die from exposure. Yeah, they inflated it in their living room, whatever, pretended to go to sleep, and then they woke up.

None of this is real. Hell yeah, man. There's a lot of mythologizing among us that's happening. A lot of like, we've turned among us into sort of a Brechtian hell nightmare. And then I saw that adapted. My kids watched a 30 minute long video, I think Griffin's kids were there,

about people playing chess. Oh, that was kick ass. But it was like a narrative chess video. Yeah, it did. I just wanted to say, do you know where to find that one? No, that was cool. We gotta ask our kids to find that cool chess video. Hey kids, find the one chess video, kids. That one was cool. Let's watch that again. That was good. I just wish our kids watched more of our content. I don't, man, because BB learned to cuss

from watching the animatics of our show. True. I learned it from watching you, man. This is an advice show. We take your questions, we turn them out and we like into wisdom. That's our charge. That's how we do it.

That's our eternal punishment. That was the deal we made. Once we've saved a thousand souls. Yeah. I live in a rural desert town and I sounded like I said real and I'd like to try it again. I thought it sounded good, Juice. I live in a rural desert town

and I do a lot of walking for errands or enjoyment. Do not let the fact that I didn't go back and try it again make you think that I think I did that right. Yeah. Okay. On what more than one occasion, my best friend and I have been harassed

by local teens from car windows. They usually just shout something unintelligible, but on one occasion, threw a hot dog at me from a moving car. One day, unfortunately for me, they witnessed my sandal catching a sidewalk crack as I walked. Fuck, that sucks, man.

Fuck. I fear, man. Fuck. I fear the humiliation will continue. What ways can I make them stop doing this? The unfun answer would be to involve police. No. To involve police, come on. It's a hot dog. You're not real good at fuck.

They know. We've considered thrifting a baby stroller to make us look less like Targets. Won't happen. But that would possibly deter the next helpful option of finding boyfriends. That's from Demoralized in the Desert. Here's the-

The throwing a hot dog is beyond the pale. I think we can all agree that throwing a hot dog is unacceptable. It's food waste. If it had toppings on it, that is a whole situation that you have to deal with. The yelling out the car windows, that can be fun. If it's like funny stuff like, the yelling out the car windows, that can be fun.

If it's like funny stuff like, hey, cool dog, or where'd you get? Buy a horse. Buy a horse, yeah. Or something, I mean, here's the thing. Listen, it can haunt you, obviously, but something that's very ambiguous, like look at those pants.

Yeah. And then you're like, was that good? No. Was that good pants, was that bad pants? Now I'll also say this listen It's never fun to have people yell anything out from the outer car even compliments because the whole time you are walking around thinking No one's thinking about me and then they yell at you and like, oh, I forgot I could be observed by human eyeballs and then that's very upsetting but I will also say this in a rural desert town

The options for these kids to have any sort of whimsical, rebellious fun are limited. And if what they've resorted to is simply yelling things out of car windows, it's potentially the least worst option. Now the throwing hot dog that crosses the line, obviously. Yeah, but the best thing that you can do for your brethren on earth

Here is to just become the worst villain and the funnest to pick on That's the thing you can do for the best like a magnet. When you get hit with a hot dog It's fully like why I oughta have you kids I'll get you next time. And it's like, you try to get them in some scrapes, but like they never. Maybe you haunt the old amusement park to try to scare off,

like so you can get the insurance money, or like you haunt the old sawmill, so you can like scare them off to get the insurance money, or you could like haunt the old gold mines, so you could scare them off to get the insurance money. What would be a, I would do their pranks back to them, but in a boring adult way. So like every day at 8.30 a.m.,

you drive past and fling an entire pack of hot dogs. Yes. And then you do, it's every day. Every day. Cause that's what you can do. You have stability, right? That's what they don't have. You have a budget, you have resources to fight back,

and you have stability. You can be in them with a hot dog every single day at the same time for a month, and they will have no recourse. You could rig up, like, a loudspeaker system to your car and a hot dog launcher, right? So, like, now we're in an arms race, but what are they gonna do, right? They don't have the resources you have.

Right? You could walk up to them, hand them back the hot dog and say, I think you need this more than me. Yes. Now you're on an emotional arms race. What if you just walked around with a big bucket of water? That would be off. Those are so heavy. Yeah, but you're gonna need two on a sturdy stick

across your shoulder. Yeah, like on a sturdy stick. And then like, you see someone coming for you, you just douse them, man. That's their whole day. I hate that. Hey, speaking of people and cars, it reminded me of this,

the last weekend of Escape to Margaritaville, we were fortunate enough to have quite a few listeners from the shows come out and watch both of our shows this summer. And when I was at the stoplight at 20th street, remember where the dragon shop used to be? It was all appliances and stuff. At this intersection, I pull up behind a car

that has the, I'm not ashamed of my clown husband bumper. Oh, great. So I'm like, oh, oh my gosh, I'm about to make my clown husband bumper. Oh great. So I'm like, oh, oh my gosh I'm about to make these people stay So I honk at him a couple times juice and they remain entirely motionless and I'm like, oh no But I've already honked you have to explain I have to explain they have to see so I honk again I have to explain, they have to see, so I honk again. The only option is to pull into the intersection, stop the car, get out of the car. Like you're at like-

We're at a stoplight. No one can move. We're at a stoplight. That's fine. Yes. I've now honked twice and I could see the faces in the car looking at each other like, what do we do? We're in West Virginia and this guy is just honking at us.

So I have to let him know it's me, right? So I have to climb out of the car window and start yelling, hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, it's me! Yeah. And then, and only then did the,

there was a moment where they were coming out of a car that I saw a lot of panic, because they did not know what they were about to, but once they saw it was their podcast hero, Justin, who just doesn't know how to handle things in the real world. I think that, and later at the show, they were like, hey, you honked at us earlier, that was so funny.

And I was like, I'm glad you, that's how you remember it. Was there a moment, Justin, that it crossed your mind that perhaps this might be like they borrowed a friend's car and have no fucking idea who you were? Or bought it, used it, couldn't get it off because we make our bumper stickers so sticky. Or maybe like this was like a parent

who their car broke down. I mean, it's definitely, it didn't cross my mind, no. No? Okay. It did not cross my mind. What are the odds? You gotta take chances. You can't let those outliers keep you from a magical moment. You know, Trav? I'll tell you what I like.

Or horrific embarrassment, whatever it ends up being. I'll tell you what move I like, is if you see someone wearing one of our shirts, or see a car with a bumper sticker, you just roll up next to them, and then you're very casually and cool, hey, great bumper sticker. And then you drive off while smoking or vaping.

And then it's like, then you don't, neither of you has to talk to a stranger that you don't know, which is a big thing. That would've been better. That would've been cooler. We do seem cool when we do shit like that. When we're like, no big deal. Nice shirt.

I do wonder what impression it gives you of Huntington. Like, no, no, no, it's not bullshit. I was in Huntington for 10 minutes and one of the brothers was behind me screaming. Leapt onto gives you of Huntington. Like, no, no, no, it's not bullshit. I was in Huntington for 10 minutes and one of the brothers was behind me screaming. Leapt onto the hood of my car. Yeah, started to stare, wandering around yelling at people. You too can get harassed by Justin McElroy.

Just visualizing Huntington. If you hang out near the hardware store, he's probably gonna spot you. He's probably gonna try to get you. How about another question? Is that good or? I want it. How I work as a therapist at a university.

For me, having a good office mug is an important part of the job. It's a great prop to help me seem thoughtful and wise during sessions when I really just have no clue what to say and I'm taking a sip of Red Bull. Hey, quick pause. I don't like that. I don't like that the therapist has to drink Red Bull.

I don't like that. But if it was coffee, that would be fine with you. Or tea. That would be fine with me. There's something about needing Red Bull to power through the human experience. It's not even that juice for me. The idea of decanting Red Bull

bums me out on such a huge. That's what it is! Yes, you're not getting the hit! I actually, I like the cloaking it. Because if they just, kshh, ffff, out of the can during it,

God, that lets me know whatever I'm saying is the boring as shit. But you can agree, right, that I'm not coming up with nothing. This isn't nothing, right? If the cloaking is an admission that there's something that is going to unsettle you if you're like, so it all started when I, pfft, hell yeah.

Yeah man, tell me more. Hey man, however long this takes, I'm here for it, babe, let's go. When I see someone cracking one of those silver, skinny, silver bullets and chugging it down, I make a mental note of like, they are going to be fucking silly later. That's a person whose body is going to be

just pulsating with guarana and ready to take it to the next level. I need to see that. I need that forewarning of like, okay, when you talk to Terrence later, he's gonna be a wild animal. I just wanna say, if you're listening, Red Bull, and I know you always are,

that's a branding issue that you need to work on. Cause I see somebody sipping a cup of coffee, and I'm like, what a grownup. I see somebody drinking a Red Bull, and I'm like, were they up too late, like, partying? Like, what's going on? How irresponsible. But that's their brand, man.

That's what they want. That's why they're huge, that's why they're advertised as stadium spirits, man.. That's what they want. That's why they're huge at, that's why they're advertised as Stadium Spirits, man. That's what they want. Anyway, I didn't even make it through the question. Here we go. My problem is this. My office mug went missing months ago

and I recently realized that my boss has it. How can I get my mug back while staying on my boss's good side? Important info, he keeps it in his office and the only time I see it is when he's giving an office-wide presentation in the conference room. That's from Mean-ing-ful Mugging in Philly.

It's not a novelty mug or anything. It's just a good shape, and my favorite shade of green, and I got it secondhand, so I have no clue where it came from. You don't have to explain yourself. You don't have to explain yourself. The don't know where to get it, a replacement is important. It is important, I guess, but I'm saying like,

of course that's your favorite mug. My favorite mug is a plain yellow, round, little bowl shaped boy with a white ceramic inside. And I like him the best. He doesn't have any crazy shit on him. Justin's got his, I like big butts and small government. I'm drinking one that says, be nice to me, I have diarrhea. I actually- That's a good one.

Oh, I got two of them from two different fans sent into my PO Box, which is cool for my brand. But I'm saying, of course that's your favorite mug. You have to get it back. They have already taken everything else from you. The best years of your life, for sure, you can get this mug back. I'm gonna say something controversial.

The last line of this is, I got it secondhand, so I have no clue where it came from. What you are not leaving the door open for the possibility is that it is their mug. Oh. That this is a- That it is their mug first. This is a mug. If you don't know the lineage, it's absolutely possible that it was their mug. They sold it when times were tough.

They see the mug again, oh Henry. Oh Henry. It's back. I thought you were saying more of this was a mug that moves from person to person as it is needed. That's what I was thinking, a sisterhood. Sisterhood of the traveling pants. It's a sippin' mug! It's a sippin' mug!

Now, I also wanna say that within the context of this, there's a, I would say, indirect admission from your boss of the quality of this mug that your boss used the mug and then said, this never leaves my office. So not to a sink or the kitchen from whence I have to assume it began, that maybe they're bringing wet paper towels

to clean it out or something, I don't know. Do you think this is a sort of office where it's like communal mugs? I've worked at places like that. Because if it's communal mugs, which is the only thing that makes sense to me, because how else did you lose it? Is the boss like sitting on, are they camping the mug?

That's what I'm saying. Are they like, they're not even giving everybody else a shot to get at it. Yeah. Frick that's hard. Cause they definitely are aware. Like if you show up with the mug. Wait, and how long?

I think the one option you have is for this to become your home mug. It can not. Once you do exfiltrate, do not bring this back into the office. Unless you all, unless. Unless. Unless you have a background

in light glazing, in which case you can re-glaze the mug to a different shape, possibly. I don't know the ins and outs of that. I will also say, and I'm sorry, I don't wanna be negative here, but you're right in the question, it's been missing four months. If you go in now and say anything like, that's my mug,

your boss is gonna be like, no, it's mine. I've been using it for months. You know what I mean? Like, there is a certain, if it was like the next day, right, and you're like, oh, my mug, and he'd be like, oh, so I didn't know, fine. But months? Yeah.

Months? You have to convince your boss that drinking hot beverages is bad for them. That they, I read an article on readersdigest.com the other day and it said our bodies are being poisoned every day. Did you say readersdigest.com? Readersdigest.com.

I go there every day, let me take a look. What is, do you not just go todigest.com? Readersdigest.com. I go there every day. Let me take a look. What is, do you not just go to rd.com? Cause I just go to rd.com. You type in the whole thing. This is R-E-E-D. I type in the whole thing. It's for saxophone players. Right. That's what we call ourselves, readers.

I'm a subscriber. So I'll just search the knowledge base real quick. Okay. You're a subscriber. Hot drinks. Do you remember if it was Deborah Fielding or Paul Glazer? It was Paul Glazer, yeah. Paul Glazer.

Paul Glazer wrote it and it said, hot drinks poisoning our bodies and our minds every day. The best beverage in every state, six things you can take from your hotel room. Yeah, keep going. Starbuck's brand new pairings can save you a lot of money. I'm sorry, are you fucking fact check,

sorry, hold on one second, Paul. Are you fact checking me right now about this article's existence? Yes, I am. You are my employee and you've had a penchant for lying in the past. And honestly, it's gotten you in a lot of hot water. Well, you know what?

Well, we're gonna get into it right now, Paul. Who the fuck is this? This is our work therapist. That's me slamming a red ball. We've asked him to come in and try to mediate the situation. You two fight it out. Is that really what you want?

Go! $500 an hour, that's what we need. Come on, I'll be here. Crunch, slam. You've just shoved a baseball bat in my head, like a little Wheeler bat. What is this for? I want you guys to solve it.

You guys have been dancing around the issue for too long. I'm gonna stomp this guy's little ass. I'm gonna take my cup back where it belongs. Hell yeah, dude. First blood wins, go! Is the Joker the master of HR? Oh no, I used the mug to smash it on your head to hurt you for the fight.

Well, I guess that taught you guys a lesson. I guess my therapy session worked, huh? Damn, it's like gift of the Magi, but opposite in every imaginable way. I think it's more like, who is the one who cut a baby in half? And then everyone's like, oh no, we shouldn't have cut that baby in half.

Oh, oh, oh, yes, you go to the boss and you King Solomon it, say, hey, I've got your mug here and I'm gonna smash it. And you say to the boss, yes, you go to the boss and you King Solomon it say, hey, I've got your mug here and I'm gonna smash it. And you say the boss like, how do you think about that? How do you feel about that? Cause I really don't wanna smash it. And the boss is like, I don't care if you, it's like proof, proof positive.

The real owner of this mug, I.E. me would never let it be smashed. Walk by your boss's office, either pretending to, or if you really wanna get this fucking cup back, actually choking, and run in like, looking for a drink, looking for a drink, pick up that cup, drink it, and then walk out, leave, with it in your hand.

Yeah, you could do like a, I'm organizing a cup swap, get to know you thing where we switch mugs and that's how, and then you find the person who has your mug and then you get your mug, but then you do have to quit because you didn't organize this cup swap thing and if the boss falls up on it,

gonna have a lot of questions. No, no, no, no. Travis, you're so close, but like classic you, like, so close but wrong, like, but close,, you're so close, but classic you. Oh. So close, but wrong. Oh, okay. But close, right? Are we saying that's classic Travis? Classic me?

It's classic Travis, so close, but wrong. Huh. Listen. I think I've gotten it right a couple times. I don't know that I would. This isn't about you. I just don't know that if someone was like, summed Travis up in one kind of idea that, it's not about you.

You almost, for what it's worth Travis, you almost get it. Yeah. He says, you keep missing the mug. Listen, you gotta get the boss a new mug that they have to use or your feelings will be hurt. Okay. Like the best possible world's best boss mug. Would you think they would have to use that, right?

Travis's favorite boss. Like make it even more personal. Oh, it's personalized. Yeah, it's so personal. And there's a picture of you two together. And you get one too. Yeah, but you don't use yours. You don't use yours, it's too special.

I think they made a special cut for the Deadpool movie that has Deadpool's butt on it. There you go. You get that, and then just fucking keep it, man. And don't worry about this other shitty cut that you used to have. Now you've got one that's funny because it has Deadpool's ass on it.

And it's kinda cool too, it's kinda hot and cool. It's a mug. It's a mug, but it's kinda like cool too, like it's kinda hot and cool. It's a mug. Yep. It's a mug, but it's kind of got like a bad attitude. Yeah. A little bit. Can you get all the mugs in the office, put them all in a row on the counter, and then when your boss walks in

to figure out what's going on, you hit him with a Last Crusade-style cup challenge and say, if you can find the true cup, you get it. But if not, you age a billion years in a second, you die a dusty old man. Or you could have this Deadpool mug rest his butt. Your choice, your choice. Sometimes I struggle with making fun of Deadpool,

but also feeling like it would be really fun to hang out with Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds on one of the, I feel like that's probably how I laugh. Yeah. I'm not making that up. You know that's not what I was doing just then though, right? Yeah, I know, but I'm thinking about,

Never. You were thinking about, wait, sorry, Griffin was talking about the Deadpool mugwagon's butt, and your thought was sorry Travis Travis His ass thank you And you thought Justin I should make fun of Deadpool in such a way that makes it seem like I wouldn't have a lot of fun Hanging out with Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman together at the same time I think I'm thinking like sometimes we rag on

Deadpool and I think it's some of our most inauthentic riffing I've never ragged on Deadpool. What are you talking about? We do though. We might make jokes that are adjacent to Deadpool that are Deadpool related But I've never been like that fucking whole franchise can fuck itself All right, I you all right, it's but it sardonic. You've been sardonic about Deadpool. I don't know why you guys are pretending like this. I'm gonna have to check the transcripts. I'm gonna have to check the transcripts about this.

You'll find how excited I am that one, Deadpool exists, that Deadpool breaks the fourth wall all the time. So he technically exists in my universe. And I'm excited Ryan Reynolds is finally enjoying himself making movies. He went through so much with the Wolverine Origins and with Green Lantern, and then he got to make the superhero movie he always dreamed of like seven times. And I'm really happy for him. Hugh Jackman's back in the suit. He's back with the claws. I'm loving that, bub.

There's nothing about this I don't love. I saw a report that the day that Hugh Jackman rolled up to the new Deadpool movie in the old classic Wolverine suit, there were grown adult people breaking down in tears. Griffin, I saw this same report, and it's honestly been in my head since I saw it. It's up there with Paul Dano losing his mind while being the Riddler of like, guys, guys, guys,

it's a job, it's pretend work, we do it too. If we busted out like somebody put on a Torsi costume, I don't think the three of us would be like, it's a job, it's work, it's make believe. I'm glad in your mind, Griffin, what Hugh Jackman has done with the Wolverine characters, and I believe 10 movies is equal to that time we talked about a horse with no legs or face.

I'm just saying you can't let it, it's work, it's business. This is the thing. I guess my heart is open to enthusiastically enjoying things and allowing myself to see Hugh Jackman as Wolverine to some degree. And I'm sorry if that makes me and Griffin somehow weak. But I've seen a lot of the reviews of this film and they're like, I don't know,

I feel like Jackman gets lost in the sauce. Like he's in a reverie the entire time and a lot of the jokes don't land and a lot of the line reads are weird. And he leaves the frame a lot. He leaves the frame a lot. He pretends to sniff something, like a scent weird. Cause he leaves the frame a lot. He leaves the frame a lot. He pretends to sniff something like a scent and then he leaves the frame.

And he'll be talking to Deadpool and he'll be like, yeah, let's fucking cut that dude's dick off. But then he'll be like, and he starts crying falls down. Crying makes you weak. Is that it Griffin? Crying is a weakness. I mean, yeah, like it's okay to do it,

but like, yeah, it's weaker than- Not in front of people. If you have two wolverines, and you have to pick one of them to be your protector and your guardian through the night, and one of them is crying, and one of them is not, I'm going to pick the not crying wolverine, thank you so much. I wanna say, guys,

I don't think- It's the way, hold on, Justin, hold on, sorry, this is a weird question. Griffin, is the not crying one visibly holding it in? Like is the not crying one really like- That's so sexy. You're camping in the woods. The Sentinels are out to get you.

They say, all right, Wolverine, you stay with Youngblood here. And the two Wolverines are like, which one, bub? And one of them's crying, and they're like, all right, Travis, you pick. I want, okay, what I have to say- Is it crying for, Justin, I'm sorry, I have more. So horrible.

Is it crying for a reason that I can discern? Has it maybe been through some stuff that it hasn't been ready to talk about until now? What's the other Wolverine's emotional state? Normal. Normal, like angry? You see, it's just that it's not Hugh Jackman was not the one crying, it was the other people.

Hugh Jackman didn't walk up and be like, look at me, look at me, I'm doing it, the one from the cartoon, it's happening, look at me. If Hugh Jackman wanted to see himself in that costume, I bet he's got this scratch to help that come together, huh? I bet he didn't need that visual is the one crying seem like he's in the middle of the crying thing They're identical there, but is this is is it is the crying thing like why he's really processed a lot And he's almost done the other one's sweating so much that you can't Know the other one looks normal. He looks like normal Wolverine,

it's just the other one's crying a lot. They're both sweating. He has a clone next to him that's crying. How is that, he's normal? I'm taking the crying one, because he shouldn't be normal in that circumstance. He's some kind of alien or something. He's a robot, because if there's a clone of me

next to me weeping, and I was like, this doesn't affect me emotionally one way or the other. Something's wrong there. Always got something, juice, same question. a clone of me next to me weeping and I was like, this doesn't affect me emotionally one way or the other. Something's wrong there. Always got something, same question. Which was? Crying or not crying Wolverine to protect you from the Sentinels.

I've already, I want a crying Wolverine. I want somebody who's not pent up. You guys have changed. I want somebody who's experiencing the moment live, who's there and present and cares about me. I want those tears to be about what if something happens to Justin. I want those tears to be about what if something happens to Justin.

I want them to be experiencing that so he can keep it from happening. Trick answer, I'll take Gambit. Oh shit, I didn't know Gambit was there. All right, listen, we gotta take a break. We're gonna go to the money zone. Come back, we're actually gonna help somebody. Guaranteed. Stitch Fix.

What is it? Scientists are unsure. Some scientists believe that it's a service that you sign up for and you answer questions about yourself and what sizes you like and like what your budget is and what kind of styles you're into and then they send you those clothes and you try them on and you only pay for what you keep. Now other scientists think it's a wormhole and we're not really sure which one it is.

I tend to lean towards the first one because that's the copy. Well, you don't even understand, you don't know about like string theory and dark particles. I mean, there's something about wormholes connecting quantum particles or whatever Cause that's the end copy. Well, you don't even understand, you don't know about like string theory and dark particles. I mean, there's something about wormholes connecting quantum particles or whatever, and time travel, and I don't know me.

Okay, you get the basics. Yeah, but I'm there. But I like to think it's that first one, cause that's the copy that I have that I can read and they paid us. That's crazy, I got the wormhole copy. Oh, that's so wild. Okay, my copy says that you sign up and you get a stylist who understands you That's crazy, I got the wormhole copy. Oh, that's so wild. I'll do my next.

Okay, my copy says that you sign up and you get a stylist who understands you and sends you the stuff and you get like five items in a box. And then you're like, this fits great, this looks great, not wild about this one. And you send that one back and you only pay for what you keep. What's yours about? Pictures of worms. Huh, worms holes? No, just a bunch of worms. Huh, worms holes? No, just a bunch of worms. Oh, okay.

So if you want style that makes you feel as good as you look, get started today at stitchfix.com slash brother, that's stitchfix.com slash brother. Go check it out now. One of the worms is called Reggie. Oh, that's cool. The copy says to mention him specifically.

He's the biggest worm. Yeah. You know, it's never too late to chase your dreams. I think we all remember the film, Mr. Holland the biggest worm. Yeah. You know, it's never too late to chase your dreams. I think we all remember the film Mr. Holland's Opus. Yeah. I have not seen it, and I've been meaning to make a website about that lately. Yeah, I've only seen the first half,

but I've seen it a lot of times thanks to my middle school band teacher. And class only being 45 minutes long. Yes, my driver's ed teacher showed it to us in part because he looked like Richard Dreyfuss in that. But the important thing is that driver's ed class is- Was it Richard Dreyfuss? Richard Dreyfuss wants me to tell you about,

hi, I'm Richard Dreyfuss. I wanna tell you about Squarespace, the all-in-one platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and tell everybody that they haven't seen all of Mr. Holland's opus. You wanna engage people with that message. You don't wanna let it sit on the ground like a floppy fish. You wanna pick it up and shove it in people's face.

With web design, you can. And you don't need to be an expert in HTML. They pre-make the templates. They make them look beautiful. All you gotta do is put in your text and your soliloquies and your pictures of yourself and Richard Stratus, whatever you gotta do is put in your text and your soliloquies and your pictures of yourself and Richard Stryfus, whatever you got on your hard drive. You could put it on the web with Squarespace,

not saying you should, but you can probably, with Squarespace. So go to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. The following pro wrestling contest is scheduled for one fall. Making their way to the ring from the Tights and Fights podcast are the baddest trio of audio, the hair to beware Danielle Radford.

It really is. Great hair! The Brit with a permit to hit. Lindsay Kell! The Queen is dead! Long live the Queen! And the fast talking, fist clocking Hal Upland! See I can wrestle and be an announcer.

Get ready for types and fights! Listen every Saturday or face the pain. Find us on Maximum Fun. Now ring the bell. Ding, ding, ding. Hi, this is Biz, and this is the final season of One Bad Mother, a comedy podcast about parenting.

This is going to be a year of celebrating all that makes this podcast and this community magical. I'm so glad that I found your podcast. I just cannot thank you enough for just being the voice of reason as I'm trying to figure all of this out. Thank you and cheers to your incredible show and the vision you had to provide this space for all of us. This is still a show about life after giving life.

And yes, there will be swears. You can find us on maximumfun.org. And as always, you are doing a great job. Well, Dicky Dreyfuss stepped in it recently. Ah, beans. Well, dicky dry fist stepped in it recently I want to bunch squad gamers alerts. I want to much Lululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululul the Breakfast in Bedwars, a Fortnite Whataburger event. Huh. That is happening right now. Hey, can I just say, that was a lot of words

in a combination that my brain could not process. What Sucks Travis's Mind did, and that makes me sad about my brain and what I've done to it. Breakfast in Bedwars. Yes, it is a themed event held within a Fortnite about Whataburger. No. All right. within Fortnite, but about Whataburger. No. The loser has to buy Whataburger, right?

It sounds like the stakes are high, as Whataburger unveiled its brand new Whataburger themed Fortnite Bedwars map. The new map launched today at 11 a.m. Going live alongside the announcement of the Breakfast in Bedwars, Whataburger's first ever Fortnite tournament. Are the stakes high?

Is that high? How expensive? The stakes are higher than ever, Travis. The stakes are incredibly high. I'm gonna just hold on one second. I mean, have you ever had a honey butter chicken biscuit from Whataburger? Like, have you had one? Cause they, oh my God, they go so hard.

Yes, but I don't know the exact price of things at Whataburger, but I can't imagine that they are exorbitant. No, but- I'm gonna show you guys the- Better be a picture of a honey butter chicken biscuit, cause I would love to look at one of those glistening things. No, I don't have that.

I will talk to you about those in a moment though, but okay, you ready, Keece? Yeah. Yeah, so there's a map code. You jump in with the Wattaburger challenge. Cool. And it is a whole themed map that's just about Wattaburger. So what does that mean?

I'll give you some specifics. Breakfast and Bedwars presented by Wattaburger will take place on a daytime map, focusing on early morning coffee runs and breakfast foods to jumpstart the day. Throughout gameplay, the tournament will feature iconic Whataburger characters and restaurant items such as custom Whataburger beds and restaurant island bases.

What a guy featured as non-player character in PC. Whataburger inspired consumables, including breakfast on a bun for quote HP, hot coffee for quote shields, spicy ketchup speed boosts, and a honey butter chicken biscuit signifying the high risk high reward item. Fucking incredible. Like stellar. Absolutely the correct choice.

Whataburger inspired power ups, including ice coffee, taquitos and breakfast burgers, Whataburger tabletip vault keys, other boosts and buffs earned by engaging with the map, such as walking across a floating Whataburger tray, jumping off a Whataburger breakfast burger, and interacting with ice coffee cups. Awesome. Interacting with them, you say.

The person who wrote this not only didn't play this map, didn't experience this, has never played any video game or pretended is the other thing they've never done. Nobody from, now this is rare, no one from Whataburger put a quote in this. And that is, I think it is very aware that they went around the entire office and they were like, would you like to give us a quote about Fortnite?

I will be sending it to Justin McElroy personally myself, it will be on his desk by the end of the day, no matter what you say, it's gonna tear you down. So does anybody wanna weigh in about Fortnite and Whataburger? There's $25,000 on the line though. Whoa. Y'all, this is not a joke.

You gotta compete in the Whataburger-fueled experience. Four teams of three players will strive to defend their beds while simultaneously launching daring attacks on their opponent's bases, all for a chance to win $25,000 in cash prizes. So this is a Whataburger themed, I'll give you the map code in case you wanna dip in folks, 661-983-135969.

Get in there, fight the breakfast battles and- Can I tell you guys something a wild here? Please. Yeah. I saw this and I was like, my first impulse was the true OG Fortnite gamers are gonna hate this. They're gonna talk about it, sell out, blah, blah, blah. So I did some Googling and I can't find, across several different Reddit pages and social medias,

I can't find anybody talking about this at all. Yeah, yeah. I found maybe a combined two comments. Well then. You might argue, Travis, that maybe Whataburger is perhaps seven to eight years late for this to be a relevant thing that has happened. Yes, perhaps.

We are extremely, the only issue I think with it is that it is so unbelievably far away from the time where this would have made a splash or an impact. Yeah. Unfathomable, right? If Merrill Lynch was like, we set up shop in Fortnite, you'd be like,

really just now? You guys are just not getting to that. You didn't set up a few years ago? For Whataburger to come in at this point and can be like, really, just now? You guys are just now getting to that. You didn't set up a few years ago? For Whataburger to come in at this point and can be like, can you fucking believe it? Ketchup in the game! It's like, yeah. Yeah, guys, we've had like Mike Tyson

fighting the Incredible Hulk. Like, what are you talking? No, I'm not excited about this. I thought you guys were already in the game, if I'm being honest. We gave Peter Griffin a light-saper. We've seen everything that Fortnite has to offer. I have a video of me playing as John Cena

airbending around the map. I don't care about your burgers and iced coffee. That said, I would like to depend on this. I mean, if nobody's talking about it and it's teams of three people, I think we stand a pretty good chance of winning 25 big stacks. Yeah. And with that kind of cheddar,

we can make ourselves the next Mr. Beast, right? We're spending that $25,000. That's how he started. I think so. He won, back then it was Minecraft and Wienerschnitzel, but I think that that was the combo. Wienerschnitzel gave Mr. Beast $25,000 to be so God dang good at Minecraft.

No tournament, no competition, just MrBeast, playing Minecraft. Weiner Stintle saying, great job. Hey, let's continue alienating the older members of our audience by doing a WikiHow article. Oh, fuck yeah, Ohio skibity. And this one is, I'm actually gonna actually put a, I'm gonna put the kibosh moratorium on referencing,

tangentially, things associated with youth culture, like Skibby or Ohio. Oh, those are the only two I got, so don't worry. Right, and so, but do you maybe think about the fact that you only know two of them is maybe reason why deploying those isn't the strongest. If our dad knew two words that we knew, right, and he only said those two words over and over again,

you would start to worry that he had. Right, and not only that, never used them in the correct context Just said the words just sort of said the words out loud I mean to be funny to be fair. They're funny were like skippity's just fun to say no, but it's It's that interesting this isn't the wiki how article can we please get off of my nuts and You have it Griffin hasn't read the title yet. It could be about how to get on your brother's nuts. How to establish a little vacation home

on your brother's nuts and never leave. So, Nix sent this in. Thank you, Nix. It's a WikiHow article called The Ultimate Collection of Funny, Cheesy, and Romantic Riz Lines. That's okay to say because it's like in the article and we're using it.

If I was just like Riz, Ohio, do you know what I mean? There's a- Yeah, Rizzo the Rat. Rizzo the Rat is looking for a Riz line that will sweep your crush off their feet. Riz, short for charisma, is a slang term. That means you come off as attractive and suave and have no problem picking up the people you like.

Riz is not just about looks. Fucking helps though. Yeah. And also it's also about confidence in your ability to banter. You gotta have strong bants. Let's there's so many freaking pickup lines in here guys. Um, almost 90 and I'm going to read every single one of them. Um, no, I'm only going to read the ones that are completely next level, off their rocker.

Are you just gonna read all of them to us or can we take turns? I think we could take turns. I don't know that Justin has the article pulled up. No, I do not. Okay, well then here's what we'll do, Justin. Griffin and I will each pick a line and you tell us which one you think would land better.

That's cool. We're not doing these to you though. That's important. Okay. You're just the, you are witnessing these pickup lines. You are not on the receiving end of them. You okay? Yes.

I thought I hurt your heart by saying that we weren't gonna say pickup lines to you. Okay. No, I think I strained my muscles. I've got my first one for public. I wanna attempt. Okay. Let's do my first one for public. I wanna attempt. Okay, let's do them. Maybe let's go category by category.

So like pick your favorite smooth Riz line. I did. And I'll do my favorite smooth Riz line because there's a lot of categories. Okay, and I'll kinda judge which one's most Rizzy. Okay, here we go Justin. My parents told me to chase my dreams. I guess that means you better start running.

That one's. No, okay. Griffin, let me hear one from you. No, I'm not 14, but I'm the one for you. Okay, so we have two entries here that both have massive problems. I will talk Travis first, because you were brave enough to kind of step out front. We actually don't love anything about chasing.

Like physically, running, running. And I said it out loud, it's incredibly threatening. You are a stranger to them. Okay, Griffin, yours was so good in the second half, but in the first half, it's really weird that you said you weren't 14. It's just as an opener, it's a really, really bad one. So I leave both of those.

Also, if you were 14, now you're lying to the person, which is a terrible way to start out. And what if they're a police person, you don't know. Now you've lied to a police person. Does that mean that you aren't 14 yet, or you're way older than 14? Both of these are bad. Okay. Okay, both of you lost one point,

so you have negative one each. Okay, I'll start this next one with a funny Riz line. And I'll hit you with this. Are you the school stairs? Because you take my breath away. I have serious health and breathing problems. So you saw the problem on your own that time. That's growth.

No, no, no, I'm saying a fact, which is that I have stairs breathing problems. Right, I gotcha. And you know that about me, that's why the pickup line works. Okay, here's mine, Justin. Hey, I'm Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?

Okay, so the one thing that you've told this person is that you're a dork. Yeah. I don't want, you don't want them to know that you're trying to riz them. These are both not good, because I think you're a dork and I think you're an asthmatic dork.

I think you're both dorks. The best, the Microsoft line, the best you're gonna get, the best results you're gonna get is, oh, okay. It's also incredibly, it's incredible. I don't like a pickup line where they ask is, can I spend the night at, hey, here's a joke. Can I spend the night at your house?

Hi, nice to meet you. Here's a sexy joke. Can I spend the night at your house? I'm gonna sleep. Were you playing up tonight? I need a place to stay. I didn't plan this out when I got in town tonight. Can I crash at your place?

You gotta remember folks, the mind is incredible, but not everything in the mind is located together. There are distances. If you ask me to go to the place of my brain that does puns, it is really, really, really, really, really far away from the part of my brain that has to respond to a stranger asking me if they can stay at my house. So that's the part that I am over-addressing.

My brain has to deal with that first. I can't even go back to your pun. I'm really focused on the fact that, okay, now I have to navigate this incredibly perilous social situation you've created. So mine one? Yes, you're at zero. How about it, Travis, you got a cheesy Riz line?

I'm so worried, Griffin, that this is the same one you picked. Of course it will be. Okay, are you a vape pen? Because I'd never use you. That's... unbelievable. I mean, it would be such a gigantic, gigantic play. You are assuming a huge level of not just vape abstinence,

but like vocal evangelical vape abstinence. When you roll up with this line. This says a lot, and it says, I would love to, my parents are fighting a lot. Can I sleep at your house tonight? And also, I don't vape, and I expect you not to either. Do not support me. I don't vape, and I don't like people that do.

Man, there's not really a good backup option. Of course, that was the one I would have gone with. Are you Lego? Because I'd never Lego of you. There's gotta be a way to pronounce that word in a way that makes it sort of make a little bit more sense. I'm gonna throw out this one. Is your name Elsa because I'll never let you go?

That's not what she says. The entire one, she does, and two, it's it, right? So that's more of saying like, are you Elsa? Because if we ever had a fight, I want you to know I'd never let it go. I will hold onto that shit forever. But even then, Elsa let it go. Yeah.

Doesn't work. Let me hit you with a flirty Rizz line. Okay. Are you public speaking? Because you make me really nervous? So that one is cool because asking if someone's public speaking, the noun. Public speaking? My brain has like, I'm next door.

Like, what does that mean? I'm rightfully through boxes. What could that mean? Saying that someone makes you really nervous could also mean that this person is doing something dangerous for themselves or perhaps you. That is- I do also think that this person has missed

sort of a fundamental step of a, in my day we called them pick-up lines, you see kids. But now you call them Riz lines. It's a different world out there. But I think the thing this person's missed is that some part of it should be complimentary. Yeah. Yeah. Like, cause a lot of these are like,

hey girl, are you beef? Cause you're really ground up and cooked for me. It's like, well, none of that was like a positive thing. You didn't really, there's not a nice thing you're saying. Yeah, I'm gonna say- You make me nervous. I also like that there's a category on here of flirty rizz lines, which at which point, what have the rest of them been?

But this is the one I've chosen. You better tie your shoe. I don't want you falling for anybody else. That's cool. That's like cool. Because some people like that. Some people are like it when you're like, you're mine. You belong to me.

You belong to me. I don't when you're like, you're mine. You belong to me. You belong to me. I don't want you, and also, you should tie your shoes on. This one's a mixed bag, isn't it? Cause the first part is great. You should keep your shoe tied. Hey, baby, hey pretty lady, you should tie your shoe, cause I don't want you to trip and like hit your head on like the counter or fall down the stairs

or something like that, cause then- Here, I'm gonna try to sell this one. Now it only works if their shoes are actually untied though. If their shoes are tied, you just sound stupid. But if the shoes are actually untied and you're like, hey, you should tie your shoes. And then they're like, thank you. And you're like, wouldn't want you to fall in for anybody else.

Then you're like, just kidding. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm Microsoft, do you mind if I crash your place tonight? I untied your shoes when you weren't looking, fuck. Stupid. I untied them, I didn't tell you. There's a really good romantic Rizz line here. I did share the image with you, Justin, in Slack,

so you can see the image they've chosen to go with the romantic Rizzlines image. Just two people standing in front of a giant flame. Just two people watching the world burn down around them. I think I see from Scavengers Reign. Yeah. Can I hit this one, Trav? Yeah, go for it.

Melt their heart with a captivating Rizzline. How about this one? I must be a time traveler as I can't imagine my future without you. It doesn't make any fucking sense, dog! What are you talking about? Are you a time traveler? Cause I can't imagine my future without you?

I must be a time traveler. Are you the ozone layer? That's something, right? Do you have a name or can I call you mine? Now what? That one's like- That's romantic actually. Yeah, sweet.

Do you have a name or can I call you mine? Establishes a binary option in which they'd be like, no, I have a name and you're like, oh shit. So I guess I can't call you mine. And they're like, nope. Nope. Do they do that? I didn't see Call Me By Your Name,

but do they do that in the movie where they're like, what's up, Jeremy? And then the other guy's like, hey, Tony. This would be like if Call Me By Your Name was because he had recently been cloned or created in a laboratory. And he's like, I don't even have a name. And it's like, oh yeah, I'll just call you by my name.

You're also Tom. Steamy. That is what the film is about. Get steamy Riz lines. These are, these might be a little too hot for TV. Yeah. Do you wanna go first, Travis? This one, are you a sea lion? Because I want to see you lion in my bed.

Wow, that one actually, if you delivered it with like full confidence, if you came 100% exact and like folks, I'm talking like close up magic levels of repetition that you have to say this line over, not a single syllable can be out of place. Yeah, yeah, this one's huge. Are you Ronaldo?

Because I think we should get messy. Oh. That's good. This was awesome. Cause the first part is like, if someone walks up to you and is like, are you Ronaldo? You'll be like, what?

What is this person saying? And then they hit you with a, cause I'd like to get messy with you. That is, that's strong. You don't usually reference sort of the mess that you make in the lovemaking process in the sort of sales pitch for the lovemaking. Now, another interesting headline here for this section,

creative Rizz lines, which once again, what have the rest been? Yeah, these have all been kind of a stretch. Okay. It's time to pay up because you've been living in my head rent free. Travis, I can't believe that's the one you picked from this category.

It's one of the peekiest ones. I left that one for you. I left that one for you, Griffin. Let me hit you with, are you China? Because I'm China, get with you. See, Griffin, I thought you were gonna do, are you John Cena? Because I've never seen a girl like you before.

That's good, but are you China? Cause I'm China get with you. It's fucking so powerful. It's like not how anybody talks. No one has ever said it like that before. And the arc of this is so perfect because if someone hits you with a, are you China? You're like, I don't know what the next thing is gonna be,

but it's gonna be fucking bad, dude. But then they hit you with a, cause I'm China, get with you. That's fucking great, man. Ooh, I don't know. It's a real, it's a dicey one, I don't know. I'm not sure I'd attempt it for real. All the clever Rizz lines are bad,

but I do, I wanna go down to cute Rizz lines. Yeah, let's hop it. Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie. None of the good ones are gonna be good. When I was a kid, I used to have to chase butterflies. Now you're over here bringing them right to me. You're like Brenda Fricker in Home Alone 2. Yeah.

I used to chase birds, but now they are always on you. They flock to me. You could have done something about them being in your stomach. Now there's butterflies in my stomach every time you're around. Yeah, but that's what it's saying. You give me butterflies.

No, it's saying you bring them over here. You've got a cloud of butterflies following you like Pigpen has dirt. You're too specific. It's not one of the greats. I'll grant a cloud of butterflies following you like Pigpen has dirt. You're too specific. It's not one of the greats. I'll grant you. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

Poetic, poetic Rizzle. The poetic ones are all good. If you died, I'd be jealous of the earth because she'd get to hold you forever. You could not get out of the room fast enough. There is not a hoverboard in the world that would get you out of that room, out of that building, out of that zip code, quick enough if someone said that to you in real life.

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I'd only have one because you never left my mind. That's not very many roses. Yeah, what is that even trying to get? If I had a nickel for every time time that I've thought of you, I would have the singular nickel. But it would be really big. It would be a big nickel.

It's like imagine, you know in the Batcave, there's the giant penny, but I like that for nickel. You stole my heart, my eyes, and my thoughts. All that's left is my last name. Stole my eyes? Steal my last name? No, hold on. Stole my thoughts. All that's left is my last name. Steal my eyes? Steal my last name? No, hold on. Steal my heart.

Okay, cool. That's a freight. You stole my eyes. Am I the mummy from the mummy who steals that guy's eyes? Hear me now, soothsayer. You've taken everything from me for nothing. The sequel to Call Me By Your Name is Steal My Last Name, and it's them trying to get their names back

from the way that the witch cursed them to switch names forever until they learn a valuable lesson about being themselves. According to WikiHow, this right here is a classic Rizz line. If you were a Transformer, you'd be Optimus Fine. That's pretty good, actually. That's not classic? That's bad. Optimus Fine, it's pretty good, actually. That's a classic? That's bad.

Optimus Fine? It's like, it doesn't even rhyme. No. Sucks. Do pick a better one, but do a better one for Transformers, Trev. Oh, okay. Hey. Go ahead. You. Go ahead, Trev.

Just anyone. Okay, hold on. Hey, are you into autobotic asphyxiation? Oh my God, Trev. Maybe not that one? No, you got it. You perfectly got it. You got it one, baby. They'll cut out the eight and a half minutes

of you thinking. Oh, thank you, thank you. They'll cut out the call you had with your lawyer. Yeah. Can I say this? Is this cool? Why do I have to listen for this one? Hey folks, thanks so much for listening to our podcast. We so appreciate this time that we get to spend with you and we think that you're just the best.

The bee's knees. The bee's knees. We got some exciting announcements for you. Yeah, well, when the new month starts, when August starts, there's gonna be new merch over on the merch store, including a Trav Nation pin designed by Riley Woolworth, and a Munch Squad sticker designed by Tyler Reed,

and 10% of all merch proceeds this month go to the World Central Kitchen. Also, this week on August 1st through the 4th, me, Griffin, and Dad are going to be at Gen Con. We're doing a Q&A at the Suffering Game book launch event and a bunch of other stuff, so make sure you check that out. You can send questions, by the way, for that Q&A to social at themacroid.family and put Gen Con in the subject line and you can find all of our other stuff at macaroy.family.

And if you go to bit.ly slash macaroy tours, you'll see all the tickets for our shows in Portland, Oregon, Orlando, Atlanta, Denver, Phoenix, Indianapolis, and Milwaukee, and all kinds of other information. Go check that out now. Thank you to Montane for the Ysrael theme song, My Life Is Better With You.

It's a great tune that you're gonna be vibing to all the live long day as you work at your job. Also, we have a graphic novel out that you can go get now, because it's out. It's the sixth one in the Adventure Zone graphic novel series, it's The Suffering Game. It is exquisite, it's exquisite book, and you are, you're gonna be moved by it.

You're gonna love it. You're gonna love it, please get it, help us get it. You're gonna love it. We've got a wish here that I think we should elevate for fung lore if you guys would be. Go right ahead. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh I wish immortality was real so that Columbo could be on TV forever Buddy's just a backer. I'm traveling. Why did I go second? I don't know. I'm Griffin McElroy This has been my brother my brother may kiss your dad square on the lips It's better with you

My life, ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you My life, ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you Yes it's true It's better, it's better with you My life, ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with two By way of It's better with you