My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 728: Hold-You-Down Christian Rock 'n' Roll Daddy

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

As ground-level investors in a certain streaming platform, we think we should have some say in their hot dog based content. It’s a topic we’re well-versed in, along with comedy routines based around donuts and murder, dentists’ music choices, and the Gary Sinise multiverse. Suggested talking points: We're Dudes Who Wipe, Chestnut Labs, Beloved Cup-Shaped Mascot, Apollo 14: We Fight Back, Sinise-sthesia Equal Justice Initiative: https://eji.org/about/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert but if there's a degree on his wall I haven't seen it. Also this show isn't for kids which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed It's ripened into a precious friendship

I could've never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach My life, it feels like My life, ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you My life, ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you This is true, ah ah ah ah

It's better, it's better with two My life, ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with two. By way of, it's better with you. Hello everybody and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show from the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. What's up Trav Nation? I'm your middlest brother Travis the Big Dog, Woof Woof, McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, meaty, luminary Woof McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, me the Illuminary Gurf of McElroy. Guys, I'm gonna be honest, take you behind the bit.

It is hard to talk to you all and look at you all while there is also an Instagram reel of two adult men slopping down wet dogs also on my computer monitor. Which one has the strategy of dipping the buns? Who dips the buns? They both dip the buns. They both dip the buns. Please, there must be some decorum here.

Can we be serious now? Can we be serious now? Can we be serious? These are competitors. We didn't get to watch Joey Chestnut eat his mini dogs at the Nathan's contest on- Don't like to watch that, it happened. Don't like to watch it happen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know how- I feel like surgery helps people. I don't wanna watch surgery happen. I don't wanna watch surgery videos unless it's like really low-fi 3D models of people that they would show in like the 1990s, like that level where it looks like a sim,

like they're doing, anyway. Yeah. Netflix. The Higgins by Griffin's thing. Netflix is, Netflix has done it. Netflix got these two greats in the room, Joey Chestnut and Kobayashi. And they, but here's the problem guys.

I've never actually watched one of these things. Okay, what are you feeling? What are you learning? Well, I'm learning that I like to think of myself as an investor in Netflix, as someone who has had a membership for quite some time, all the way back to the disc era. Oh yeah.

I think myself as sort of on the board. And the fact that my, I believe now like $25 a month is being spent on so much dripping wet meat makes me feel like my tax dollars are not being spent in the way that maybe I or God would want them to be spent. I think that there needs to be, Netflix, if you do this again somehow, maybe have a Puppy Bowl-like alternative.

Where I can be- There's something in the corner of the screen I can be looking at when it gets too challenging. Oh, like have Spongebob and Patrick show up to like comment on it. Makes me feel a little safer. That would be fun for kids. That would be fun for kids. What I, here's, just just I have the Instagram reel right now

of these two men slopping them down. And it sucks so bad, and I'll start here. They spill a lot of water on their bodies. I didn't think about this, but they are, they don't dunk the dogs as much as they put the dog in the mouth, and then they turn their mouth into like, the devil's cocktail shaker, and they put, they pour water in there,

but a lot also sort of slops down their chest and tummy and it gets them like really, really wet. Can I just say they're clearly kings in this field. Is that really the best? Yeah. That's the best. I mean, the meta is constantly evolving. The meta is shifting all the time, Travis. Now that there's Bloomberg hot dogs out,

it's really all the time, Travis. Now that there's Bloomberg hot dogs out, it's really changing the game. Well, then we got double-jointed Johnny Sausage is really changing the game. What he can do is he can hold a dog between, he can hold four dogs at a time between each finger, eight dogs at a time, and then he sort of does them Wolverine claws out in a crisscross pattern into his throat, so he can jam eight down at once.

But last time he did have to be medically revived. He was dead for two and a half minutes after trying that one. Yeah, from the nitrogens. From all the nitrogen that went into him. They spill a lot of water. I'm watching this, guys. I'm watching.

It goes basically, here's the pattern. Water, dog, water, sorry, starts dog, water, dog, water, dog, water, dog, water, sorry, starts dog, water, dog, water, dog, water, dog, water. I'm not seeing a place for the air to go in. The air's in the buns, trapped. That's why you gotta have a good bake on the bun to have lots of air bubbles in it. Okay, so the sort of glutinous pockets of air

inside the buns, that's how their body's getting oxygen in this moment. Yeah, that's how they're oxygenating their blood with the buns. That's how their body's getting oxygen in this moment. Yeah, that's how they're oxygenating their blood with the buns. It does it like, it's so hard when the other best to ever do it is in there with Joey Chestnut. Yeah. And Joey absolutely flattens Kobayashi

by a good 17 hotdog margin. Apparently Kobayashi ate 67, but they deducted one hot dog's worth of hot dog leavings on the ground. They're shavings. You gotta watch that. You gotta watch that. Joey, who was notably kicked out.

83? Yeah, man. He broke his own record. And perhaps to really show Nathan's hot dogs dogs because he got in trouble with them for Advertising non-meat dogs and so they kicked him out of the competition. He shows up stunts on his own record Yeah, Nathan's record with this a3 and also sponsored by dude wipes Just perhaps Mayhaps the greatest sponsorship choice of all time.

It is like, it's like Master Chief, if he had a thing on his arm, advertising the space red cross. Yeah. Yes. I am both creating the need and advertising the solution. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Two Wipes. And you know you can trust me about personal wipes.

I just ate 83 hot dogs. Yeah, you wanna talk about a rough bathroom experience and how to recover from it? Yeah, ask Einstein. All that matters coming out. I think it sucks that we haven't gotten a single penny of Dude Wipes money. I think it's- How is that?

I don't understand it. I'm a dude- We're Dude Who Wipes? it. I'm a dude. We're dudes who wipe? I'm a dude who wipes. We're dudes who wipe. So you tell me why not? Did we say something or do something in the past probably? Are we not dude enough? We're probably not wipes enough.

Oh, that's true. We would be a great fit for that brand. Not as great as a man who's about to have the worst shit in recorded history. He's got a personal record of worst shit. Don't you think, okay, I don't wanna get too pure aisle on this show. I wanna keep this tasteful.

So if we could try to keep this tasteful. But don't you think that if they're gonna have a competition about who gets it in the best, they should have a competition about who gets it in the best, they should have a competition about who gets it out. Who is making best use of all the? Yes, do it. Who's cleanest? Who's most efficient?

Now this is interesting. Who's tidiest? Because now you might lose time when it's like every two dogs get some roughage in there. Right? Right. You're like trying to balance out. I won't win the eating contest, but I can sure as hell win the extraction.

The digestion, yeah. I can't imagine this juice that they are basically creating in their mouth coming out of a human body in any kind of traditional manner. I have to imagine that at the Chestnut Labs, they have been working on a sort of dialysis machine for digestion, or perhaps maybe even they grow clone bodies of Joey Chestnut that they can transfer his brain into,

and then they throw the old hot dog filled one in the ocean or something. Joey Chestnut is like one of the chickens that we've genetically modified so much it can't fulfill its base purposes. It's just like, I feel, hey listen, I didn't eat any of these hot dogs, I feel great. But if I lie down, I'll die.

You know, rumor has it, there are some who believe that Wild Chestnuts used to be able to fly. They used to have the capacity to do it. But we've bred them now, too heavy. The reason we found out that we don't need He used to have the capacity to do it, but we've bred them now. Too heavy. The reason we found out that we don't need some of our internal organs that we started getting rid of is we started coming out of Joey first. He lost his appendix first just to get more gut room.

More room, yeah. He's fine. Apparently he's fine. He's doing great. He's operating with half a spleen at this point, and he's doing okay. And if you eat enough of them, the liver will start doing hot dog stuff.

Like the liver mostly processes other types of stuff, but if you eat enough hot dogs, eventually your liver will be like, I guess I gotta fucking chip in around here. It is all hands on deck, getting these through the human body. I can never remember which organs we need and don't need, so it's just another,

I really hope the aliens don't take me. I don't wanna be the alien. Get somebody else. That would be so fucking embarrassing. I don't know. Yeah, they would have you like exploded on a table and they hold up a lung and they're like, do you need both of these? And you'd be like, fuck guys, I don't know.

I don't know if I need both. This is how I feel when I worry about being accidentally traveled backward in time, where you'd like to think that all of your skills and abilities and knowledge from the future would benefit you well. But then I'd get back there and it'd be like the plague or whatever and I'd be like, oh guys.

It would be like 1691 and you'd be like, did fucking anything happen, like what happened then that I can warn people? Did you guys look at Reddit? Yeah, you guys. In like 300 years, I can give everyone a pretty good heads up about 9-11. Like I remember some of the big ones.

I imagine that I'm back there, right? And somebody's like, yeah, we think that bad smelling air causes the disease. And I'm like, I don't know if that's right or wrong. I mean, I don't wanna be bad smelling air. Probably isn't good. Yeah, they're like pooping on themselves and they're like, we keep dying.

And it's like, I can help actually with this one. Does any of you know how to invent a toilet? Yeah, you got the toilet. What's in soap? I remember seeing Fight Club a couple of times and, ugh. You see, toilet is a chair with a bowl and it has a pipe that goes like this. And then it goes down into a big tube

that all of your guys' stuff goes into. Shit, hold on, I don't actually know how plumbing works. You will know that I was never sent back far enough in history to invent the toilet because if reality ever changes and everyone starts calling them Griffins, yeah, that's what happened. I invented this, I called it a Griffin.

It's a great invention. How do you know that there wasn't like a Michael Toilet who went back in time? Oh my God. It's Michael Toilet who went back in time? Oh my God. John Toilet. Yeah. So. This is headed my show.

Yeah. I would have just invented the dirt. I just had my first cabinet. The dirt toilet, by the way, should have been a dirt toilet. Oh, this is the first Wednesday of the month. How does this keep happening? We record on Wednesday.

I guess we record on Wednesday. So this is when the air raid siren happens. Yeah, sure. It's not an air raid siren, Griffin. I'm not worried about the blitz this is when the air raid siren happens. Yeah, sure. Not an air raid siren Griffin. I'm not worried about the blitz. It's the tornado siren. Ah! We need Parkopolis to be under constant supervision

of air assault. Kim Jong-un has mobilized against Cincinnati. Scramble the fighters. The terrorists hate our chili. As does everyone else. As does most people. As everyone else. I like it.

For the record. I have to close this video fucking Joe Chestnut. Griffin, how'd you find that, man? Don't leak it. Should we wait for the tornado siren to end before we continue? It'll end in just a second. Nah, nah, nah, it'll end eventually. I just had my first cavity filling a few weeks ago.

My dentist loves classic rock and plays it rather loudly when working on my teeth. He has to stop the fillings to tell me I was head banging to the music and I had to stop. Nice. I didn't even realize I was doing it. It's just what happens to my body when those tasty tunes are on. I'm getting my next filling in a few months. Brothers, how do I stop my body from uncontrollably, automatically headbanging to those crisp classics? That's from Headbanger Headscratcher. That's incredible. I don't think I'd be able to do that at the dentist

when I'm down on the table and dreaming. I assume it's not full blown headbanging. This is like a muted, my head's just kind of bobbing. Like a little, like a bopping, yeah sure. That's enough though, isn't it? Yeah. When someone's got a sharp thing in your mouth. Yeah, it doesn't take a whole lot.

Can you just have some sticks in your hand and just bust out a few paradiddles on the arm rests? Oh, I see. I would probably let you do that three times as a dentist before I'm like, that's also bad. Just don't do anything. I think you just ask them to clockwork orange you. Right, put a strap across my forehead,

put a strap across my chin, maybe put some things in to keep my eyes open if you need to, whatever. Yeah, if memory serves, yeah, in clockwork orange, that scene was the guy was like, I'm sorry, I keep wiggling so much while you guys are doing important dentist work to me. My bad.

My bad, yeah, put the straps on. I want that, I want this, yahoo. That happened when I got a tattoo, let's see, two tattoos ago on my chest. My old frail body is now no longer able to take that physical pain, and my tattoo artist had to put one elbow down across my chest, it was on my chest,

because my body was instinctively, maybe correctly, trying to escape. And he had to like hold me down. So maybe just give your dentist permission. Like if you need to put one head on my forehead and just keep me down, I give you full consent. Oh, sorry, don't ask your dentist to hold you down. Don't tell your dentist to hold you down.

Yeah, that's not in his job description. Not tell him to, but give him the option. Oh, okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, cool. Next time my dentist comes up and is like, you need to get another one of your crowns replaced. And it's like, yeah, man, I don't know what the fuck keeps happening. And he's like, I told you to stop eating

so many Dorito chips. And I was like, yeah, man, I'm doing my best over here. But hey, good news, this time you can hold me down. If you want to. If you want to, if it makes your job any easier. I'm not sure I want a dentist with a hard rock attitude to work on my teeth. I'm not sure if I hear someone like,

shout at the devil or like no rules or breaking the law. I don't need that. I want you to just, I want, if you're singing with like a good Christian rock song, where like I know that I can stand behind your values, but like, I don't wanna hear you like talking about how you love chaos or dead bodies or anything like that.

I want it to just like chill. Yeah, it would be nice though to finally have like a cool father figure in my life like that who comes in and they're gonna teach me how to take apart an engine and they're gonna do fillings and stuff, that kind of thing. If dad was a dentist, he would play musicals and stuff. And that's fine if that's what you're gonna do. But I do like the idea of like,

oh, he tore his dentist sleeves off and he's got cool dentist tattoos. Yeah, that's too much. And he comes in wearing sunglasses. I'm kind of into that. That would make me feel comfortable with that. In summation, we wanna hold you down, Christian rock and roll daddy,

as our dentist is what we're talking about. Well, I don't know if I would necessarily. You would call it a hold you down, Christian rock and roll Well, I don't know if I would necessarily. You would call it a hold you down Christian rock and roll daddy. I don't know about all this. Can I get that in a dentist form, please? Thank you. Well, you're making me revisit some of the things

I've said in the last five minutes, Graven, that maybe I'm not comfortable endorsing. That you want to hold you down Christian rock and roll daddy, you're figuring it. Travis, honestly, it was like 90 seconds of time between those two. Yeah, but you've just codified it with vocabulary in a way that maybe has made me rethink this and maybe I want a very distant, like,

does the job of guitar. Hygiene-focused professional, is that what you're looking for? Yeah, that might be the terminology. Sure, that's kinda what I'm looking for in A Dentist 2, Travis. I'm glad to see that you've joined the winning team here. With your word choices and whatnot. Kinda made it clear to me that my priorities were maybe off base.

Thank you for that service. Thank you for your service. Thank you so much. What's wrong, Juice? Can you just say like, uh- Juice also wants a Christian hold you down, rock and roll daddy. No, I think Can you just say like, uh- Juice also wants a Christian hold you down rock and roll daddy. No, I think you should just say like, uh, this old man music is embarrassing.

Get TikTok. You want to say that to the person who's got sharp implements in your mouth? Now you start with like, I want to announce one thing. You better not start with any of that trash you played last time because I'm the one getting work done. Put it in your earbuds. Yeah. Pass the aux, doctor. Pass the aux. You played last time because I'm the one get work done put it in your earbuds. Yeah past the ox Doctor past the ox. I'm I'm controlling the stereo now and I'm gonna play in ya

I think if anyone's gonna wear any kind of Headphones or earbuds it should probably be you because I want my dentist to be able to hear me reacting to things I think it is important that at least I'm able to communicate with my dentist. That's why he plays it so loud. He's like, yeah, I'm sorry, I play it louder. Otherwise I hear the drill and it freaks me out. Yeah!

Oh, the screaming haunts my dreams. Can you smell your teeth? Oh, disgusting. I wish Iron Maiden Maid smells. This sucks. The music is for the patient, because the dentist is just screaming at what he is having to do in the mouth. Oh no, oh God.

Every room has a popcorn machine in it just to cover the odor. The smell of teeth, the smell of teeth. It's metal. I've been going to therapy for four years now and it's great. However, when I'm in the waiting room, every time the door opens, I immediately look thinking it's my therapist picking me up, but typically it's another client leaving. Yes.

Brothers, how do I be cool and not frankly look at the door like a small dog at home alone? That's from Uncool in the waiting room. Wow. Do I ever? Yeah, I feel this one a lot. Huge. Every waiting room I've ever been in, any situation,

this happens like if I go to my children's school and I need to drop something off or like pick my kid up or something and I'm waiting for my kid to come in, especially weird when it's not your kid that comes in but a different kid and you're like, and you're like, now I'm just looking at that kid, like not that one.

It's especially acute though in the vulnerability zone, which is what this sort of waiting room is. Of like emotions, is that what you mean? A ready room of emotion. Yes. Right. Cause you are, I'm sorry, but if you're in a therapist's office in the waiting room and you're not looking around trying to clock

everybody's thing, I don't know what to say, man, because we all are. You're kinda like, I gotta pass the time somehow. I'm gonna try to clock these people's thing. And everybody's trying to clock your thing. So I get it. It is an awkward scenario. That's why you're gonna come in dressed

as a delivery driver. You're holding a package. You're not waiting for an appointment. You're doing great. Everyone's looking at you, but that delivery driver's got it all figured out. They don't experience anxiety or depression or ADHD or anything.

They're just here to hand deliver a package to the therapist. So the unwind of the grift looks like, the therapist is like, Jack, it's your time. And you like kick the box across the room. You're like, I do feel sad. All right.

Yeah, sure. I've been anxious this whole time, suckers. You could also just dress up like a therapist and when you walk into the room like, and I'm the one doing them. And you shut the door. Yeah, that's right, even therapists need a therapist sometimes.

I'm your therapist's favorite therapist. I'm the one doing them. It's a big package. It's gonna take me about 50 minutes to set it down. I'm gonna have to unpack this package. Isn't it just the biggest package? I hide in the bathroom until I'm almost late. That is when I decide to enter my therapy date.

If someone needs to use the potty, then they're out of luck. Because if someone saw me there, that would really suck. And I don't really feel the way the last one, but it rhymes, so I'm okay. I'm proud to take care of my mental health, and I wanna be safe. Oh, for fuck's sake, of course.

It's like good, but it's like- It's just I'm saying, like, I think that my mental health journey is healthy and- I'm less worried about people seeing me than I am seeing people. If you've just had a very important moment and you are having a response to that very important moment, I can't stress to you, I don't feel like I should be

a part of that moment. And yet if I'm in the waiting room and I see you come out and you've clearly just had a big important moment, and in my mind, I'm gonna have to go, what do they need right now? What affirmation can I give them? I do that already.

You know what I find the answer is? 99 times out of 100, just a big hug. I just stand there with open arms. I'm like, I'm here for you. I don't have to go in for five minutes. What do you need for the next five minutes? Unless, can I go ahead in early? Because I do have things to do.

If I can get started. How many notes do they have to take after what you said before I can go in? I go to a very small therapist's office. So like, it is very clear when the last appointment has ended and when mine has begun. So there is like a, how long do you need to unpack what just happened to you there?

Cause I think that my therapist very rarely is like, let's bang you at McElroy, come on in man. Let's get it started early. I don't need to psych myself up for this at all. No. I have had times where I go in and I'm just like, I feel so good today. I don't wanna waste your time.

And they're like, you should probably stay anyway. I'm like, alright, well we can chat. 45 minutes later, OOOH! You're right! You're right! I suck! I don't go to a good therapist!

Oh yeah, man! It's more of a bully, it's that it's now like... That's why I don't like seeing other people in the therapist office, because when I wake up, my therapist is like, all right guys, I did as much as I could with this cuck. Who's next? Ha ha!

See you next week, sucker. Don't try to fall on your stupid ass. On the way out. That's part of the journey, isn't it? Part of the journey. Is to have them yell so loud at you. They gotta break you down. Don't fall on your stupid ass.

They have to shatter you, absolutely. Rebuild you. They don't. And when the person comes out of the office, just you, exactly what will make them feel most comfortable, cover your eyes, like you kind of shield yourself from them and pretend like they're not there. That's gonna make them feel so good and so comfortable that you're like, ooh, when they walk in the room,

that's what's gonna make them feel like it's all been worth it. I was ruined by the OC because every time I walk into the therapist's office, I think there might be a chance that a handsome, preppy, distant, rich boy is gonna call at me from the corner and be like so what kind of fucked up are you like yeah what's so how are you broke what's

your damage what's your damage and then is now pills is it you stole daddy's car for like and then but then like he's doing it in a way that's like what's this rich kid's deal yeah but then he invites me out to a killer's concert. He invites me out to see the killer's play. And it's like- And there's only like 30 people there, which is weird. Yeah, but then it turns out that he actually does have some pretty serious unaddressed kind of problems

that do then become actually quite dangerous for Marissa and Ryan and the crew. So maybe that show didn't do a great job with its depiction of like mental health. Well, I'm just now realizing this guys, maybe it didn't do so good. Wait, you see? I think maybe it did it not so good.

That's so weird. I do think that there is an underlying Griffin instructional aspect there where if you are in a therapist's office and another patient leans forward and says, like, what's your damage? What brought you here? You probably, that's not a green flag.

That's not a green flag. Yeah, he's so handsome and so rich though. He wasn't that handsome compared to Ryan. Are you fucking kidding me? Don't you dare talk about Oliver that way on this show. That's a real human being, Travis. I'm just saying- Do you hear that actor who played Oliver? Travis doesn't think you being, Travis. I'm not saying, I'm just saying. Do you hear that actor who played Oliver?

Travis doesn't think you're as handsome. I'm not saying he was unattractive. I'm saying you can't say over Ryan he's gonna steal your heart. Come on. You mean actor Ben McKenzie. I don't think so. Looks good. That way I think of him as Ryan, personally.

That's how I think of him. I'm just saying, keep your head on a swivel, guys. Half of every therapist's office has an Oliver in it, and he's gonna ask you, so how are you? He'll say to you the words, it's beautiful how you're broken. And that's when you know he'll take you to a killer's concert, for sure.

There will be some stuff after that that at his family's house in Palm Springs, he's gonna make things really fucking uncomfortable. Was that the guy you played Oliver? Fuck, I'm wrong. Yeah, Travis, that's Taylor Handley. So what were you saying? That's a handsome man.

Look at that hunk of man meat. That's a cool looking dude. Cool looking dude. But let me also just say, this isn't necessarily Jermaine, but before we're talking about instructional thing, don't count out the- No, it's not Jermaine, it's Taylor Handley instructional thing, don't count out the Seths. No, he's not Jermaine, he's Taylor Handley.

Yes, don't count out the Seths in your life, because they might grow up to be like their dad, Peter Gallagher, and you don't wanna count that out. Don't miss your chance. Invest in a Seth now. He might have. He grows up to be Shazam's cousin. Your camera froze while you were doing a fist pump

in the air like the end of an episode of Saved by the Bell at your six that you were so proud of your is not Jermaine joke that you literally, your camera froze. That was good, it was good. Your guys froze when you were laughing, your ass is off at it, I think. Yeah, every episode of Justin ends with him going,

Peter Gallagher! And then freeze framing in the air. So excited is he. Should we go to the- Can we take a break, please? Yeah, please. Oh my gosh, we're so in sync. Can we take a break? We're so in the air. So excited as he. Should we go to the- Can we take a break please? Yeah please. Oh my gosh, we're so in sync. We're so in this drift. We're so in this drift. It's better, it's better with you.

Tell you who's been helping me out a lot as we transition into these chill fall months. And that is the the stitch you guys are my rocks You know the rocks upon which I have beached my ship of opportunity but Stitch Fix has been helping me out sort of with the weather and stuff because they sent me a box of clothes and You know what they've been hooking me up with a lot lately is

high quality Stylish workout gear. That's right. I work out sometimes now Okay, and it's great to have a pair of shorts that don't look like Shit that I can wear to school drop-off Hang with the other parents in my cool workout gear, and then I go to the workout zone, which is usually my office. Yeah, and that's great because they know you're about to go workout. They know I'm about to workout, so like it's huge for me, but I don't, I'm never going to go buy that stuff myself.

Stitch Fix knows that about me, and they have been hooking me up, but you can tell them to send you whatever. You give your stylist your size, your style and budget preferences, and you pick how often you want to get the boxes in. There's no subscription or whatever. And they pick out pieces to send you and you keep what works and you send the rest back. No problem. It's something we've all been using for a long time. And I think it's transformed all of our all of our fashions the shirt and pants I'm wearing right now are both Stitch Fix so thank you Stitch Fix. Make style easy get started today at Stitch Fix dot com slash

brother that's Stitch Fix dot com slash brother. I want to lay out a little scenario here Justin imagine you're a farmer you've been raising chickens and those chickens lay eggs and I come to you one day and I say, hey, do you need any tomatoes? And you just found a really good tomato recipe. And you're like, I do actually need tomatoes. And I say, okay, good deal. I'm going to bring you tomatoes whenever you ask for them. And in response, in return, every month, I'm going to come and just take some eggs from your chickens. And you're like, okay, sounds good. But then you don't end up needing tomatoes again. But here's the thing, Justin,

I'm still coming into your coop. I'm still taking those eggs. Do you like that? It's like a subscription service kind of. Yeah, Justin, yeah. Is man not entitled to the sweat of his brow? The eggs of his chickens? I thought that that was the direction this is about to go.

That's the government. That's the government. That's the government. That's what the government does every year. That's not right. Right. Welcome to libertarians.com. Where? Wait.

A new subscription service that is free. No. No, Justin, my thing wasn't making a big political statement, Justin. I was talking about rocket money. Rocket money. Because sometimes a thing comes up and you're like, this new mobile game is my identity forever,

and I'm never going to stop playing this mobile game. And yeah, I'm totally cool playing $20 a month or whatever for this mobile game, because it's my whole identity. And then three days later, you forget it exists. But you know who doesn't forget? Who? Rocket money. No. because it's my whole identity. And then three days later, you forget it exists. But you know who doesn't forget? Rocky Money. No, Rocky Money's like,

I know you're not still playing Fart Piano DX, Travis, and you're spending $20 a month for not playing Fart Piano DX. Yeah. And please let us set you free from this prison you've made for yourself. And that's true, because not only will they remind you that you're paying that,

they will also help you cancel unwanted subscriptions and save you money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. They have over five million users and have saved a total of 500 million

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And minds can be kind of unpredictable and eccentric. Everybody wants to hear that they're not alone. Everybody wants to hear that someone else has those same thoughts. Depression Mode with John Moe is about how interesting minds intersect with the lives and work of the people who have them. Comedians, authors, experts, all sorts of folks trying to make sense of their world. It's not admitting something bad if you say this is scary. Depression mode with John Moe.

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Listen and subscribe to Sound Heap with John Luke Roberts now. It's time again. Da la la la la. All right. Da la la la la. Yeah. Da la la la la la la la la la. I wanna munch.

Squad. Woo. Oh. I want to munch.! Woo! I want to munch! Woo! Uh oh. Spooky. Welcome to Munch Squad. A podcast within a podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating.

I'm your guest host, Cunt Donut. You're just wearing what Justin was wearing though. Like you didn't put a cape. Can you turn off your camera for a minute? Listen, my cat pissed on my cape again. No! I keep buying more and more expensive, elegant capes

of my terrible cat. Piss on him, I hate my cat. I hate my cat, Reginald. He is the worst cat and he is the devil. It's so funny you say that, Count Donut. He's adorable. I cannot stay mad. Yeah, it's funny you say that, Count Donut,

because Justin actually has a cat that has pissed on two of my winter coats. Not a joke. And had to get rid of those. It is a weakness we both share. It's for pips cats. We force animals to piss themselves from fear. Okay. All right.

At our very presence. This is a lunch squad I wanted to tell you about some donut news. That was sent in by an informant, who shall remain unnamed. Why? Okay. Did they request that, or you just don't want to give him the credit both the second city partners with Duncan for unique comedy collaboration What this is absolutely in our fucking wheelhouse count. Yes welcome Chicago's iconic comedy theater, The Second City, and Duncan, which is Duncan, are teaming

up for a wild and wired live comedy show partnership. The Second City and Duncan present Ring Lights and Lattes. That's the full title of the experience. Ring lights? And lattes? Okay. It blends the second city's legendary style of improv comedy with brand new original material

infused with big Duncan energy and written exclusively for this unique comedy project that can only be experienced live at Second City for a limited time. If we could step inside of Big Duncan Energy for a second, because it really felt there like Duncan Donuts was writing this press release about a comedy partnership and was like, you know, what else is funny? Hmm. Is big dick energy. So what if we did a joke, what if we just like hopped in here and we're like, we can be fun.

Like Aunt Duncan can get crazy too. Yeah, we'll just have some fun too. Like we have a thing, we do jokes too. We're like a beloved joke brand. Well, don't worry, cause they let the real joke masters from Second City do this quote. This isn't just a show, it's a celebration,' said Second City Works creative director Tyler Dean Kempf, stacked with hilarious sketches, improv, and perhaps even a cameo from America's favorite cup-shaped mascot.

Anything can happen and no two performances will be the same. So I ask you, who is this mascot? A donkey? I assume that they have some kind of cup? Uh... The ideal that this man would reference a beloved cup-shaped Duncan mascot, as though we all know this character, this unnamed, who do you mean? Who? Here's- Telly Savalas, Ronald McDonald?

What do you want? We- The cup-shaped mascot, what do you mean? The three of us, by which I mean Justin and Griffin and Travis, we're- Justin and not Justin because I'm Count Donut. That's why I said the three of us when I scooted over here.

We are surprisingly comedy professionals and I know in my life, a lot of people who do improv, a lot of people who do sketch comedy, the idea that this would happen and that these people would have to constantly fight the urge to openly mock Dunkin' Donuts. It must be overwhelming. Yes, exactly.

It is the castle run of corporate jokes. The amount that they must be getting prepped by some kind of Dunkin' PR person. On stage for the entire performance. Yeah, so excited for this. Just a quick list. Like a queer cell interpreter, but just going, eh, I don't know.

Just a quick list of things we do want you to stay away from this. Anything about donuts, anything about the coffee and how it tastes. Just anything. The flavor of any products. Yeah, just don't mention us at all. This next paragraph is bereft of content. Awesome.

Whether you're a fan of the second city's comedy, fueled by Dunkin' Donuts, or both, this collab is next level. What? After all, America runs on Dunkin', and now it laughs with the second city. What do you mean? What the fuck are you talking about? What is he talking about to me? You can't just make it sound like those two things are at all related, because you paid each other to do the thing. You can't trick him. Well, I don't think they paid each other, Griffin. Let's be honest here. I don't understand why the Duncan money is now

America laughs with Second City. I feel like Second City, you know about this. Yes, I think America has been laughing with them for a while, but I also did like, did quarantine hit Second City so hard that they have to take this money from Duncan and Pretend like what a perfect lab. I would take the money. Listen. Hey listen Hey, it's Justin If you guys want to do this, you know, real I'm just jealous honestly guys, you know who to come to for this exact thing again.

I don't know, I don't wanna do that. For I will guarantee, one 20th of whatever they're charging. I don't wanna do, I don't wanna take that challenge Justin. The idea that that check would ever actually make it into our hands once the content had been produced, that's a very small chance we're actually getting that money bud. I disagree if Duncan wants to give us anything, anything.

If Duncan wanted to give us free donuts, if they wanted to give us some of their snack and bacon. Oh no, I wouldn't accept free donuts and not just because of my gluten intolerance. Do you know what Second City is, Count Donut? Do you like know about Rick Moranis? Second City? That's not very funny if I don't, right?

Yeah, I guess that's true. In fact, I am so aware of their work, I took the liberty of going ahead and writing a skit for them to perform. Oh! Awesome, dude. I'm so glad you did. And I was hoping if you two could give sort of the first performance of it. Oh my God, I'd be honored.

And you promised to be kind. Yeah, sure. Okay. Travis, I'm going to send it to both of you. Travis, you'll play the first role, Griffin, you'll play the second role. Okay, and where are you sending it to? I have emailed it.

Oh, electronic mail. Duncan's kit, I see here. Okay, good, yes. Is this written in blood? You're going to be, I got to turn off my headphones. You'll be playing, Griffin, do you have it? Don't read the head, please. I've got it, no. Don't read it.

So I'm playing Duncan? Yes, in you, well, yes. The character's name is Duncan. Okay. Heya there, Lenny, how's life? How's the Mrs.? Now, already we've, now hold on, already. Oh, sorry.

Yeah, it wasn't, yeah. You have to bring your whole self to this. Okay. I took me 17 hours. I'll bring my, I believe the kids will say my trusty. My, my, my Trapp, yeah. Put your trusty in it. Put your ecstasy in it, Trapp.

Okay. Yes. Hey, you there, Lenny. How's life? How's the Mrs.? Ah, you know, I can't complain. How's about things with old buddy of mine? I just felt like dad harder than I ever have in my life.

Oh, I'm fine finer than frogs here. Split four ways and sand it down, Lenny. Yeah, that's just great to hear, great to hear. Oh, Duncan. Is Adlibbing okay? No, it's absolutely not. This is a well-honed. Okay, sorry.

I didn't know how many passes he had gone. I don't mean to over-speak for Mr. Donut, but it's- Yeah, no, no, I thought it was gonna be a sort of joke-a-thon sort of like, okay, anyway. I want them to be able to play in the space. He really doesn't, I'm sorry, please don't. Okay, I gotcha, I gotcha. No matter what he says.

Ah, that's just great to hear. Say, you in the mood for a quick bite? Oh, Lenny, that sounds swell. I tell ya, I miss breakfast, but I'm still in the mood for a place that serves breakfast sandwiches all day. Duncan? What is it? A restaurant.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm trying to pick. You see, I'm wanting a breakfast sandwich, but I'm also looking for the perfect iced pick-me-up. Full of robust coffee flavor, but just the right amount of sweetness. But where's a guy supposed to find that kind of combo? Duncan yeah, what do you need? Did we set up that the guy's name is DUNCAN Duncan? Not in the scene. I said it in the beginning. And also if there's a line In there where it's very clear.

But he says, well it does say house things with old buddy. No I see. Where he says oh you know Duncan you just type that in don't you just added that in you looked at me Like I was an asshole promise to be kind. I know I'm trying to give you notes kindly so Duncan Sorry, he's fucking hissing at us travel covering my eyes with my cape so you don't see me cry. He's gonna piss on your coat. Okay, that was improv. I'm not sad, you are mortal.

Okay. Okay. But me, with a thousand swords. Okay, yeah, what do you need? All the stuff you mentioned, sadistic. You have to back up, you've lost the rhythm. Okay. Take it from here, there, Lenny, How's Life, that's the beginning!

That's the beginning of the script, I really don't want to do that, Donut. Yes, you've lost the rhythm! Now we're just gonna take it from the second Duncan. Okay, yeah. Duncan. Yeah, what do you need? All the stuff you mentioned sounded great to me, pal. So why are you interrupting me if you ain't gonna suggest a restaurant? I'm telling

you Duncan you ain't telling me anything pal you just running your mouth yammering my name like you are my ex-wife trying trying to get me to take her a frosty Wendy's her name was on Caroline timeouts pause hey can I just sayut? I'm having a hard time working with Griffin here. Yes, he is not playing in the space. I feel like I'm getting into a rhythm. I'm getting into a rhythm. If you wanna do a, listen, we're recording content right now, Count Donut,

and I want you to also respect that. This is very much, this is very much meta humor that we're doing right now. Okay. If you would read it perfectly, they won't be busting up. I don't think- Sorry, hold on, Count Donut, I just had a knock at the door. Ugh, Griffin sent me a box of dead fish?

Griffin, are you getting in character again? I told you I don't like this method shit. Look inside of the fish. Oh it's donuts. I don't think Duncan wants us to say Wendy's. So if you would just finish reading my script, you'd keep ruining it. Okay, cool, sure. Alright, let me try it. Wendy's? No, her name was Caroline and you know that goddamn well.

Now pick a restaurant before I plug you full of lead, you big galoot. Duncan Donuts! So now you tell me, Donuts 2? So now we gotta find a place that sells breakfast sandwiches all day. Ice coat, super satisfying coffee, and Donuts too? So now we gotta find a place that sells breakfast sandwiches all day. Ice cold, super satisfying coffee and donuts too? Whose ass am I supposed to pull that from? Just pause, just a quick time out, pause. Is ice cold modifying the breakfast sandwiches

or the satisfying coffee? It's improv. I read it. I can't plan all of it. The audience is just- You read it and I was confused if you were describing ice cold breakfast sandwiches. Ice cold, super satisfying coffee and donuts

There's also this is kindness. This is work. I'm giving you this for free That sells breakfast sandwiches all day ice cold you hear it that way too though, right? But I didn't read it that way Griffin. I improved this wait. Okay, so I should not be held Wait, I'm now I improved this. Wait. Okay. So I should not be held responsible. Do you know- Wait, I'm- No, I need the timeout from the timeout. I wrote it right away as I came up with it and I didn't stop to think about it. But that's not improving though, you wrote it, is what you're talking about. I improved it out and I wrote it as I came up with it and I didn't change it. Okay. But what we're doing right now is-

I'm getting- Sure. Uh, Steinberg. If you could give me, whose ass am I supposed to pull that from? Whose ass am I supposed to pull that from? Duncan? That's it! You're dead! Bang, bang, bang!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, not again! Fuck, goddamn it, not again, I can't go back! Duncan hurriedly tries to press the revolver into Lenny's blood-soaked hand. Hello, police? I need to report a violent crime, my friend, he's been hurt! Come quick! And I'm standing outside the— Duncan peers up to read the sign above him and reads Duncan Donuts, the growing horror of his situation, slowly peels across his face. He opens his mouth to beg forgiveness from the gods, knowing full well they have already turned their back. Duncan...

Oh, fade to black. Well, what did you think of my skit? Hilarious. Is the skit- It also makes you feel think. Yeah, and think. Is the skit a commercial? Is the skit going to be performed on stage at the Second City Theater main stage or small stage? Griffin, the role of the improvisational artist

is not to contextualize. Yeah, beautiful. I simply improvise the work. It is up to the audience to see what they make of it. Okay, but what we just did was not improvisational in nature. It was improv when I wrote it down. And you just read what I came up with.

Can I just say count on it? I thought it was moving and powerful. It made me hungry for donuts The only point of the whole thing. Yeah, it made me think I liked that my character survived. I think as far as I could tell You survived. I think as far as I could tell. Your performance was flawless, if I can say. I did not like you very much. I didn't like that.

Do you think at the concession stand, Second City was like, well, we got to serve Duncan, and Duncan was like, well, there's no need to be hasty. Let's not go crazy. Let's not, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. For money, of course, no. I don't know that Duncan, as part of this partnership,

wants there to be such a heavy emphasis on gun violence. I don't know that that was part of Duncan's original kind of like oath. I think if I had scripted this, I would 100% agree. Maybe we can make it a crossbow. I just had to take what the muse gave me. A crossbow maybe, or swords, would that be better? Yeah, having to kill him with a sword,

and then it can be a Highlander thing, because the name is Duncan. And then you don't have to set the joke up so much earlier because people will see a man with a sword being confused, and they'll be like, that must be Duncan from the Highlander. Maybe he kills him with his bare hands. You know, it's very easy. After the lights are off, and the janitor is sweeping up the peanuts and donut crumbs, it's very easy to say,

here is the jokes I would have made up in the moment. But until you're under the intense pressure I was writing this, you won't know what you'll generate. I can't make sense of it. It's just a direct conduit from the muse to me. It's close. It's close. It's close. Can I just say, and once again, a huge fan, huge fan of the work. I loved it. Maybe one of the best performances of my career.

Maybe there's another twist at the end where this is all on a VR simulation and Lenny has now figured out like, oh, okay, Duncan can't be trusted. Duncan's arrested for thought crime. And this is like 3000 years in the future. Maybe something like that. That's great. Of course, yes. I will write down yours too,

and you can be part of the improv. I love that, thank you very much. And maybe something about the cyclical nature of time and how a doughnut's a circle. Oh, you're an artist at your soul. And something, I think saying cream filled in there would get a good laugh too, a cream filled somewhere. Yeah, say like, when he's like threatening him

to kill him with a gun, say like, I'm gonna fill your ass so full of cream. We'll think about that. Also, I think, was there any fucks, there's a couple of fucks in there, I like that. That was good, that's powerful. They don't cuss at Second City, so you'll need to cut those, you'll need to take those out.

We might need to take this bigger than Second. We might have to see if like, maybe Broadway? See if like the public. I will go, if I must go to the First City, I will if my material is too edgy. Is there anything going on in the public right now? We might be able to get this on to the public. Let's get Matt and Trey.

Yeah. This seems a lot like them. In South Park, they're always cussing and shooting each other. What if I played both parts? What if it was a one-hander? Yeah. Yeah.

Like True West. Yeah. It's like if Malkovich had played both parts. No need for a senise in there. Just Malkovich stepping to the parts, no need for a senise in there, just Malkovich stepping to the left, saying a line, stepping to the right, saying the next line. That's cool, get Travis on there,

he's doing both parts, Malkovich is on stage, but he doesn't say shit. Yeah. He's still a puppeteer, he's controlling Travis. Yeah, and then if you can get Senise there to represent the specter, the grim specter of the pressure that society puts on us. He won't be on stage,

but people should know that he's in the building. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's downstairs writing Apollo 14, the day we fight back. Yeah. Take this, space. You fucked up our air conditioner? We're gonna blow you up, the moon. I didn't get a chance to go into space last time,

but I'm coming this time because I don't have a- And hell's coming with me. Hell's coming with me. It's a solo mission. We've told you, we don't do that. No, I'm riding a male horse space. No, you can't- Get in, Forrest.

We're doing this thing. It's a Gary Sinise meta project. Hey, thank you so much for listening to My Brother, My Brother, Me, a comedy advice show that should not be taken literally. I think if Gary Sinise made a one-hander, it'd be called like Sinise Stesia or something, right? I think that would be where he would go.

Or like the seven deadly Sinises. I get annoyed since I should have a- Seven deadly Sinises is freaking great, but it's seven different characters that he does. And there's like a teen boy who's like worried about his first date and there's like an old man. He's like maybe he's shooting hoops on his back porch. Hey, we got some shows coming up next week.

We're gonna be in Orlando and Atlanta doing Mbembams in both places. And if you want us to do a question there, if you're coming to those shows, if you go to email it at mbimbam at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line, we'll be able to consider those. We also got tickets on sale for shows in Denver,

Phoenix, Indianapolis, and Milwaukee. And Travis and Dad are heading over to MCM in London in October. So go to bit.ly slash McRoy Tours for tickets and more information about all that stuff. Also, we got some new merch. There's some dope Munch Squad apron designed by Tyler Reed up in the shop.

Some really great stuff up for the month of September, and 10% of all proceeds this month will go to the Equal Justice Initiative, so go to McRoy merch and check that all out too. And thanks to Montane for the Easter Themes on My Life is better with you. If you haven't listened to more of Montane for the Easter theme song, My Life is Better with You. If you haven't listened to more of Montane's work, you should do that because there's a lot of it

and it is all extremely good. Oh, also the preview trailer for the new season of Adventure Zone is up in the Macro Family YouTube. Go check that out with some art of the characters there, the new theme song, all that stuff. Go check it out. You should probably say what it is then. Oh, Abnumals, yeah. We're doing an Abnumals season, you know,

as an homage to like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Biker Mice from Mars, Cowboys of Muu Mesa, that kind of stuff. Go check it out. Yeah. How about that wish? I can do it if you guys hum. Yeah, let's do it.

Hing. I wish my cat could know what it means when I flip him off. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis Sackaroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother and Me. Kiss your dad, square on the lips. It's better with you My life, ah, ah, ah, ah

It's better, it's better with you My life, ah, ah, ah It's better, it's better with you Because it's true It's better, it's better with you My life, ah, ah, ah, ah It's better, it's better with two by one. Ah, it's better with you.