My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 748: Gooped and Gagged, Dad

Episode Date: February 3, 2025

Griffin is gonna be so embarrassed that he isn’t as rock-hard for the alien flying man as the rest of us. He’s hype as hell about Fourth Grade Fight Club and the special carpet dust, but he can’...t muster enthusiasm for the things everyone else loves, like Cincinnati’s Special Cinnamon Me’at Spaghetti. USPS is gonna be mad at us again.Suggested talking points: Non-Denominational Cross, Knife on Knife Violence, Grating Chips at the Pringles Factory, Stuck on Savory CandyWorld Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/

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Starting point is 00:00:00 The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed It's ripened into a precious friendship I could've never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach
Starting point is 00:00:39 My life, it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like It's better, it's better with two. By way of love, it's better with you. Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. Vroom, vroom. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middle brother, Travis the Big Dog, Wolf Wolf McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother and Justin McElroy impersonator,, McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, and Justin McElroy impersonator, Griffin McElroy. I was just, we dressed this up. Yeah, I'm regretting this hoodie,
Starting point is 00:01:33 and I'm so warm. We look like an anamorph, going either from Justin to Travis, or Travis to Justin, and me in the middle, I feel like. I just wear this shirt all the time, even more. I'm gonna wear this until I feel better. That's what I told myself. And I've had it on for weeks.
Starting point is 00:01:49 Hey. Go ahead. No, you. Well, let's let Travis finish taking his fucking shirt off. Now the continuity is all fucked up now, Travis. We're a video forward organization. I wanted to wear a gray shirt like you guys. It's more, it's a dark gray, and there's words on it's a graphic
Starting point is 00:02:06 Okay, man in my you can see my nap line right across my forehead still that's fucking interesting Why are we a video we're not ready for the the jump not video for people no no no you know I mean like we're not video for human. We're audio handsome Yeah, and even that is a stretch. We're a seven in audio. Have you heard my voice? Anyone can be audio handsome. I had an unexpected experience.
Starting point is 00:02:32 I didn't expect this would happen, but this weekend I went to my first, went to my first basketball game where Charlie was cheerleading, leading the cheers with the cheerleaders. I didn't think I'd make a cheerleader, but who knows? Here we are. It's cancer generation.
Starting point is 00:02:47 Dad was a cheerleader. Cheerleader, right. So she was cheerleading and they cheerlead for some of it. And then a lot of it is just watching fourth graders play basketball. Yeah, that's what they don't tell you. Do you think that's how mom and dad felt when you were the scorekeeper
Starting point is 00:03:04 for the elementary school basketball? They loved watching you write down stuff in the book and then like the rest of it. I think I walked. I'm pretty sure I walked to the games. I feel like I walked. I don't think mommies and daddies are required to watch their kids score.
Starting point is 00:03:18 Or encouraged, yeah. No, it's like a lot of it is just watching fourth graders play basketball and man, it's awesome. What's the fundamentals, ladies? Okay, the fundamentals are, first of all, the thing you don't expect, because you think it might be boring, you're wrong. Because the first thing you don't know is
Starting point is 00:03:36 no one's gonna score. We're going into soccer territory. We ended the first quarter of this game 2-2. I was gonna ask the point. Oh my goodness 2-2. I was like, my goodness. So like every basket is a thriller, okay? You're also seeing basketball played at a level where even I can identify the issues, which makes it a lot more engaging, right?
Starting point is 00:03:59 I don't understand why, like Francis, the Spurs beat the Lakers. I don't know why that happened. Yeah, no clue. But I do- It's a flip of the coin as far as I know. I do know Charlie's team was struggling with their one play, which was pass it to the tall kid,
Starting point is 00:04:15 let the tall kid not shoot it, have the tall kid pass it to one of the short kids, and they fall over. And that play, they executed that play 30 times in the game, and they could not get any points up on the board. Well, you gotta, and I know you're not a big sports guy, Juice, but some teams can't do it all. Some teams can only do one thing,
Starting point is 00:04:35 but they do it in their special way better than anyone else, like the Mighty Ducks did. Can I tell you the problem, just real quick, before we get too deep in the paint? Yeah, that's true. Is that I was gonna make a joke of like, yeah, sometimes you can't do it all, and then I was gonna say an NBA team that I think was safe to make fun of.
Starting point is 00:04:54 I don't even have that. What the bad one is? I don't even know. You could say the Bills right now, but that feels- That's not an NBA team at all, Justin. I know, but it's like, if you're bringing like, a team. Oh, I could just say Bills. Listen, but it's like, if you're bringing like a team, I can just say bills. Listen, so it's two, two, right?
Starting point is 00:05:08 We're getting down to the wire and it's halftime and they go out and do some cheers, which is great. I mean, I'm having like, oh, the other thing I didn't tell you, the clock doesn't stop and almost no fouls are called, which is a that's let them play. That fucking trucks, dude, yes, absolutely. They let them play dude. Like they're not calling stuff because like they can't stop. So there's just like fighting over the ball
Starting point is 00:05:31 and getting it back and the game continues. Awesome. It comes about halftime, I'm thrilled, like so thrilled and excited. Well you found a fourth grade fight club, it sounds like, juice. Yeah man, no rules just right. I have to get refreshments.
Starting point is 00:05:44 So I stepped outside at the Boys and Girls club and I'm whenever the refreshments in and I did watch a lady drop a hot dog on her foot, which was just good and then I Come that I got out there condiments condiments condiments mustard and chili. Sorry. I'm in West Virginia So sauce color of shoe color of shoe before color shoe was the white Air Force It was the Air Force one Now she got another hot dog out of it, which I enjoyed but I got my nachos and a soda Nice and then I got a hot dog for you. And yeah, I got the door of the gym They're like I had to wait for like 10 minutes, 11 counting the cleanup for the hot dog.
Starting point is 00:06:29 And I got there, they're like, sorry, no drinks or food allowed in the gym. And I'm like, well, I mean, I bought them and like, I can see. So I just stood at the door of the gym. They, that one dad just standing outside lurking outside the door of the gym. Just that one dad just standing outside lurking outside the door of the gym, kind of half watching the game and eating nachos. Yeah. And he's really eating them fast too. Like his wife is giving him angry looks,
Starting point is 00:06:54 like he needs to get back in the room pretty soon. So he's kind of horphing the chips. Yeah. I think the name of the full name of the club is the Boys and Girls and Hoops chomping down on a good dog club's club. They'd bring pops to a little. Oh yeah. Cow tails?
Starting point is 00:07:15 Just chocolate. Chocolate cow tails? You're seeing those more and more. Really? It's like a chocolate outside with a chocolate cream. Me, I need the biggest cow tail you got. For me to even feel it, I don't need a pocket size one. It's like Charleston Chew rules with me.
Starting point is 00:07:30 I need it to look like a novelty you purchased at the airport. Give me a 50 yard spool of cow tails. A joke of, make a joke of. Yeah, make a joke, like a whimsically sized one. I want a cow tail so big, you could tell they've had to come up with new preservation techniques Yeah, to make it all hang.
Starting point is 00:07:47 They're gonna call like a mammoth tail, you know what I mean? They're not just calling it a cow tail is this way. We're gonna have to wait. While we're at it. Uh-huh. While we're at it. Yeah, go off King. Why do they call this fucking candy cow tails? That's the grossest imaginable sort of textural comparison I feel like they could have. When you eat a cow tail and it gooshes into your mouth, there's a part of your brain that thinks like,
Starting point is 00:08:12 yeah, that's probably what it's like. And that's because they named the candy that. Also locational concerns of where the cow's tail is located on the cow. Right, next to the business end. Yeah. Gross name for a cave, gross. Right, next to the business end. Gross name for a candy, gross. The reason for this is that for the longest time throughout confectionary history,
Starting point is 00:08:34 if you watch the foods that made us, you know this, candy making is seen as a sin. So when you are a candy maker, you try to make your product seem as unappetizing as possible. So you have some of these names like, this is where you get, for example, Caltails. This is where you get Goobers.
Starting point is 00:08:52 That they realize you shouldn't be consuming this. It's a bazooka. Nerds. Nerds. It's a bazooka. It's a- What? What do you call it?
Starting point is 00:09:02 Razzles. You know? Oh, you wanna eat candy, Henry? Oh, Henry. You disgust me. Oh, I see. I thought you were talking to Griffin's son for a minute. I'm talking about my son.
Starting point is 00:09:11 No, like, oh Henry bars. You know? I thought that was about, cause there was such a twist. You invite into it and you'd be like, oh, there's crunchy stuff in here. Those are bad names. I'm saying specifically cow tails is like,
Starting point is 00:09:23 and then the things that cows, and then the thing looks and feels kind of like maybe a shaved cow's tail. I don't know what that is. With the marrow, creamy marrow. The creamy marrow within it. The bones of a cow's tail. It's offensive. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:35 I didn't know how much, I was walking a real fine line for how excited to get about the game, right? Cause if you're cheering a lot, then it seems like you're putting too much pressure on the kids, but if you don't cheer at all, or the thing that I kept getting, I kept telling kids they need to take more shots on basket. And they were really close. Like they're so, they're right there. So I would kind of say like, in the way you would at sport, shoot, shoot, shoot.
Starting point is 00:09:59 And the kids right there playing probably his first basketball game ever in his entire life. And there's this 44 year old guy like, shoot. No, here's what you have to do. That's cool, man. Bibi's been doing soccer for a couple of years now. She's there, she's physically present. So you could say she's doing it. Oh, this is the same kid, by the way,
Starting point is 00:10:17 that one day, middle of a play, walked off the field to me and said, I just feel like the other team doesn't care about our feelings. And I was like, okay, baby, you need to get back out there. Game's still going. That's what the team said to each other in the locker room before every game in Friday Night Lights. I just feel like they don't care.
Starting point is 00:10:36 But here, all you gotta do, Justin, is learn like three or four other players' names of the players' names and then say like, yeah, you got it, Jeremy, or whatever. Like, oh, go, go Josh. And then you seem engaged, but you only need to do that 10% of the time. Yeah, shout their addresses too, Juice,
Starting point is 00:10:55 while you're at it. Yeah, talk some real good. Okay, I don't think that, I feel like at a certain point you kinda figure out their like Minecraft handles. Get their Minecraft IDs. This is, hey, this is an advice show, in case you haven't noticed, and we help people.
Starting point is 00:11:10 That's what we do. That's our burden, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's our cross to bear. Thank you, Travis. I wasn't gonna get religious, but thank you. Oh, non-denominational crosses, sorry. Anybody's cross. Okay, just a general cross. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:22 They crucified a lot of other people. This is what I'm saying. Yes. They never talk about this. Yes, there's cross. Okay, just a general cross. Yeah. They crucified a lot of other people. This is what I'm saying. Yes. They never talk about this. Yes, there's plenty in Superman stuff. Like crosses are everywhere. Crosses are everywhere. Templars?
Starting point is 00:11:33 Templars, that's one. Axes. I'm staying with my- Lowercase T's. Do you think at some point I will stop inviting my wife to watch new Superman TV commercials like it is a limited first run screening of it that she's been exclusively invited to, where I have to adjust the lighting?
Starting point is 00:11:55 Cause there was a new TV spot and I was like, honey, stop everything. No, you have to do it with the same energy that your kids come up to you with like a drawing or something that they made where they're like, look at this. And then you can go, oh, that's great. So when I bring a new Superman trailer to Teresa, I bring it like, Teresa, Teresa, look, look.
Starting point is 00:12:12 So she can go, oh. You gotta bring the energy, not expect her to supply it. That's a really, what Griffin? Audience at home, I just wanna let you know that my whole family but me is so rock hard for this flying man. This one's gonna be it, Griffin. No, no, no, no, no, this one.
Starting point is 00:12:31 Listen to me, please let me, can I? My rock's just super hard for this mission. I don't get a chance to really let this out when we're together, and so I think you guys are so rock hard for me. This is the one, and I mean hell it. This is the one, Griffin. This is the one.
Starting point is 00:12:43 This is the one. Feel these rocks. Are rock hard for me. This is the one Griffin. This is the one. Feel these rocks. Are they hard? Yeah. Feel how hard these rocks are Griffin. Feel how hard are the rocks that I've got. But you guys will share the trailer in our text group and be like iconic, chills.
Starting point is 00:12:59 And it's like the flying man on the ground floor Griffin. Before he takes it off. Before he takes it off but you can't reach him anymore. Do you know, when he lands, when he lands and delivers July 11th, do you know how embarrassed you're gonna be? I'm sure the film will be great. When the Travis and I are like, your rocks are half-mast with it.
Starting point is 00:13:22 Like, when he lands and delivers the July 11th, we're not gonna let you forget it, we're not gonna let you live it down, because you're sitting here saying it's gonna be trash. I believe. I'm not saying it's gonna be trash. I sound like you believe. History settled on this group. I'm saying I have never sent anyone, family member or no, a cinematic movie trailer and
Starting point is 00:13:43 been like, chills. I'm over, I'm gagged, I'm gooped and gagged, dad. Shit. Justin and I are willing to be heard. That's how open we are to love. Griffin, I'm gonna tell you something. You think that you've seen all the different ages there are, but there's not, there's other ones.
Starting point is 00:14:02 And when you see some of the others, you may wanna look for things to be excited about. You may not want young people, millennials say, to kinda like rain on your sunshine by saying that the Superman is not gonna be. Huh? Am I the bad guy in this scenario? I'm not saying the movie's gonna be trash.
Starting point is 00:14:24 I bet it's gonna be great. I bet it's gonna be great. I bet it's gonna be awesome. I got Frazier paraphernalia, so I don't think, I'm a millennial. I think that rules me out. I'm a cusp. I'm a Virgo. I'm gonna help people.
Starting point is 00:14:37 I couldn't even say my own shit. Go ahead, Juice, let's do it. I'm staying with my partner's family for the holidays. Wow, this one's been in the hopper a little bit. It's still a good one. You know, sometimes the questions, they stay good no matter what. Yeah, I'm staying with my partner's family for the holidays.
Starting point is 00:14:50 You know how there's Christmas decorations that you leave up through the winter? That's what this is. Okay. I'm staying with my partner's family for the holidays. Could be Valentine's Day. Maybe. Being a good guest,
Starting point is 00:15:01 I offered to make it dinner one night for Valentine's Day. This, it turns out night for Valentine's Day. This, it turns out, was a terrible mistake. Brothers, the knives in this kitchen suck immense shit. They're all blunt and one has a huge bend in the blade. It's impossible to cut anything. I really wanna buy them some knives that actually work, but I'm worried they'll come across as passive aggressive.
Starting point is 00:15:20 How do I get them new knives without dishonoring the blade? Now we're talking. This is a question I'm equipped to answer. Good ass question, man. This is a good question. It's a good ass question. I've been there, man, you stay in like a Airbnb or a vacation home or something,
Starting point is 00:15:33 you go to like make something, you're like, what is this? And it's just like, there's like one, you know, like it costs three cents when they bought it knife and you're like, oh no. And it's like, I'm more likely to chop my own finger off than cut the tomato in half. I get scared. You pick up a knife that's cheap enough,
Starting point is 00:15:50 it's scary to use. It feels bad holding it. It feels like, ew. Now have I cut myself just accidentally on my very expensive, very nice chef's knife? Yes, of course I have. Yeah. But it's a light cut.
Starting point is 00:16:03 It's a sexy like, boom. Oh, it's so clean. It's so clean.'s a light cut. It's a sexy like boom. It's a light, it's oh, it's so clean. It's so clean. It's so clean. It feels like within the day. The docketers are like, this is so clean. Easy peasy to clean up. Was this a scalpel?
Starting point is 00:16:11 And I say no. No. It was my fancy chef's knife that I grabbed wrong. But there is still something remaining in the life, the life aura of the world. Something very feudal about like if someone gives you a knife, it's like they're disrespecting your family a little bit.
Starting point is 00:16:30 Like you need this, oh you don't have a blade? You need a blade. You can't do, I think you can do one. I don't think you can do a whole set. Absolutely not a whole set. Not a whole set. But if you're gonna buy one knife, if you're gonna buy one knife for the person in your life
Starting point is 00:16:49 that doesn't have any good knives, what knife are you going to get? Budget? Budget? $50. No, $100, $100. $100? Well, you want something okay, but like you don't wanna go crazy. Are, $100, $100. $100? Well, you want something okay,
Starting point is 00:17:06 but like you don't wanna go crazy. Are you asking like brand, cause it's just a good chef's knife, man. No, not a good chef's knife. What, not a chef's knife? Okay. Yeah. I'll go.
Starting point is 00:17:16 Or a paring knife. A really good paring knife, they'd probably use more. No. This is what I'm saying. I feel like you gotta have at least one really good serrated knife. You don't buy a serrated.
Starting point is 00:17:26 How are you gonna cut up your sashimi? Here's what I would get. There's like a Nakiri knife, like Milk Street makes this Nakiri knife. So you are talking like specific blade. He wants specific blades. What shape? Like I want, I want, do you want a chef's knife? One good chef's knife.
Starting point is 00:17:40 One good chef's knife. That's like a hearty base, that's like a hearty base feeling. Check this out. Check it. Pizza cutter. Huh. The one, the really, the blade you need in your home is pizza cutter, I think.
Starting point is 00:17:52 One thing it does, cut pizza. But a lot of people don't know this. That's a really sharp circular blade. It's basically like- You can cut tortillas with it. You can cut naan. You can cut flatbread. I have a TMNT pizza cutter, and I will say I do use it.
Starting point is 00:18:08 I have a CC's pizza cutter where it's the red plastic over a circle that you have to separate to clean that I probably had for 20 years. That's really great. I guess I went, the times I have used knife though, and it was fine. Like I didn't have any problems with knife. Knife works like really good.
Starting point is 00:18:24 To cut pizza? Yeah, it's fine. Like I didn't have any problems with knife. Knife works like really good. To cut pizza? Yeah, it's fine for pizza. You can totally use that. Yeah, but the triangles get all fucked up if you, because no one has a 22 inch long knife. Like the triangles get all fucked up. You pull it through. I feel that once- You pull it through.
Starting point is 00:18:36 I feel like if you're using a rolling pizza cutter, by the time you're three quarters of the way, you're trawling through so much pepperoni and pepper, you're like, you've got a lot behind you, right? You're like tearing a big, there's also a lot of, there's a lot of challenge to make sure you hit those lines intersecting perfectly in the center so you don't get one little triangle nubbin.
Starting point is 00:18:56 Oh, so embarrassing. And you put two lines down, you've already decided if it's gonna be an eight or six slice situation, and you don't even, I hope you were thoughtful about that. I hope you were thoughtful about that before you went in for those cuts. I'm gonna give question asker, this is the thing one of my brothers has used
Starting point is 00:19:14 when doing something like this. And it works every time. Justin will get me kitchen utensils. And as he hands it to me, or as I open the present, he'll say it was rated the number one by America's Test Kitchen. And at that point, it alleviates any sense of judgment on my stuff because it's not that my stuff is bad,
Starting point is 00:19:34 it's that this one's the best one according to America's Test Kitchen. Right, it can't be better than this. Is that this was number one by America's Test Kitchen. So it's like, hey, you know how you've been driving around in a car? Here's a private jet. Like there is such a step up.
Starting point is 00:19:50 That would be so much worse for me to have in my life. I feel like I wish I'd learned earlier that a lot of times it's better to buy a good one that was made by people that give a crap and then you use it your whole life. That's all I'm saying. I wish I'd learned that younger. But it's crazy.
Starting point is 00:20:08 And I think that is a nice gift. That idea is a nice gift. So they say, here, you don't have to sweat knives anymore. Here you go. Now the one thing, other thing you could do is you get a nice knife that kinda looks like their knife and then bring over a sharpening thing and be like, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.
Starting point is 00:20:25 Like don't use one of the easier ways to sharpen. Use like the annoying ones with the blades. Yeah, get a barber's strop. And then when they're not looking, when they're not looking, fucking chuck their knife. Just chuck it. And then bring out your knife and you're like, here you go, I think you'll find this to your liking.
Starting point is 00:20:43 And they're like, wow, even the handle feels, whatever. And then- You could also assuage a lot of sort of like concerns that you're being judgmental. If you do buy them a nice new knife and then you get their knife and then in front of them, you use the nice new knife to cut the old knife in half. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:59 Then they'll know like- Lengthwise. Like right down- Not lengthwise. That's just crazy. Yeah. Like I don't think anyone could do that. Just any clean cut on this old raggedy ass knife should be pretty good to convince them that they should have had this knife. They should have had a better knife.
Starting point is 00:21:15 I will also say this, anybody out there considering getting themselves like one really good knife and really paying for it, it will turn you into a real weirdo. Who like, I have that one nice knife in my kitchen for it, it will turn you into a real weirdo. Who like, I have that one nice knife in my kitchen that's like this one. When I use this one, I feel like the bear. And then I see my wife like cutting up an apple for my kids lunch with it.
Starting point is 00:21:35 And I'm like, oh, that was my the bear knife. We do need, oh, that's not, oh, you're cooking tomatoes in that pan? Oh, that's not really, ooh. We don't use soap on that one, kids. Remember that, remember I wrote you that 40 couplet limerick about which pans we do and do not use soap on to help you remember.
Starting point is 00:21:53 We need to wash that one right away and then try it and then, yeah, we can't. Yeah, oh, how long has that been damp? Oh! Ooh! You could. I also don't like me, listener, don't worry. Yeah, me neither.
Starting point is 00:22:04 Listen, I haven't liked myself for years. I gotta live in this head all the time. You only get it one hour a week. You could also cook sweet potatoes and ask for some help. Be like, dang, I could use some, could I use some help? Yeah, do you mind cutting these sweet potatoes? They'll realize pretty quickly something's terribly wrong with them.
Starting point is 00:22:20 There's also a very good chance they don't know how bad their knives are. A sweet potato. And if you cut them a good knife, they'd be like, oh, I didn't know it could be better than that. I did not know that that was bad. Have the other knife on hand while you're doing sweet potatoes. Oh, this is cool. Fuck yeah, this is it.
Starting point is 00:22:36 Cook sweet potatoes. I don't care what kind. Smash them, boil them, put them in a stew. Yeah, they're so versatile, Gryffindor. They're really versatile. Make smashed sweet potatoes. Put, yeah, put them in a stew. Yeah, they're so versatile, Gryffindor. They're really versatile. Make smashed sweet potatoes. Put, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:48 Call them in, say, I need help with these potatoes. Have them cut these sweet potatoes with their old busted ass, shitty dented, dirty, filthy knife. They won't be able to do it. It's nature's hardiest, most stone-like vegetable. Then what you're gonna do is be like, oh, here, you unfold, you have like your knife
Starting point is 00:23:07 inside of one of those little beds. You know, on Top Chef, they're like, you lost, go home. And they go and they have to put their knife in the little bed that they made for it. They put their knife, just like, it's really cute. You pull out yours and you, you say, give that a try. They do it. And then as you leave, they're like, here's your knife.
Starting point is 00:23:24 And you say, it's yours. It's yours now, chef. Whoa. That's so fucking cool. The bear and West Wing both have similar scenes. Both have gift knives. Where you're passing, you're passing on the blade. It has to be that. That's special now.
Starting point is 00:23:39 That's special. That means something. You've been included in a family story at that point. That's special. It still has the price tag on it, but it's special. You've been included in a family story at that point. That's special. It still has the price tag on it, but it's special. You're welcome. You're welcome. Use the katana. What's the etiquette you have to follow
Starting point is 00:23:52 to buy your upstairs neighbor a new vacuum so they don't wake your fucking kid up? Should I just get it and leave it at her door or something? I would pay whatever price I need for this four-year-old to get in her nap for another hour. We just convinced her eight year old brother he could spend time by himself, meaning without either of us.
Starting point is 00:24:08 We're so close to having an hour to ourselves. Please help. That's from a couple of sleep deprived moms. Do you think, you know what images immediately conjured to me? Are there still people who sell vacuums door to door? Why was it the only thing that we were as a nation selling door to door?
Starting point is 00:24:24 Because I've had long conversations with my friend Jeremy about all of the things that we learned from Looney Tunes that were anachronistic before we were even born. That it's like, oh, I know what that is from this thing. I know that the hook that pulls people off stage. Sure. I've never been to a,
Starting point is 00:24:45 I have never been to a concert where they get out a little hook or a cane and they tug somebody off stage by their neck. That's fucked up. Yeah, I've never seen it. But door to door, like hairbrush salesman and vacuum salesman is just a thing that for a long time, I was like, when there's a knock on the door,
Starting point is 00:25:03 it's like a one in five chance someone trying to sell you a vacuum door to door. I'm looking at the rainbow that we had growing up and it was taking me on an absolute journey. Oh, baby. The one with the water in it, you can see that filthy shit going around on the bottom. It was the grossest thing you can imagine.
Starting point is 00:25:21 It would fill the bottom of the toilet up because it was filterless, right? See, the idea is you fill the bottom of the toilet up, because it was filterless, right? See, the idea is you fill the bottom of the vacuum up with water and then the dirt goes in the water. But they don't tell you at the end of it, you have to empty that water into the toilet and you have to look at what you are. You made that.
Starting point is 00:25:35 This is what you live in every day when you're not vacuuming. This muck sloughs off of your fucking corpse. Just remember that when you put that water in, it was clear. Now look at you. It was clear before your filth! Now look at you. That was one room! What's wrong? We checked all the other houses and nobody's is like this! Nobody's has this beef tallow gravy that you generated with your slimy body.
Starting point is 00:25:58 Look at you. There's so much hair in there. You don't even have a dog. How did that happen? Where did this come from? What's wrong with you? Say goodbye to your brother. There he goes. The worst that would happen is when you're a kid, you would sometimes put off the, like, emptying it out, right? And so you would hook like a corner of a carpet or something and the whole fucking thing would
Starting point is 00:26:22 upend, thereby dumping the gross gravy off the up in there by dumping this the gross gravy Yes move the rug the worst job you could get as a kid where your parents like go ahead Do you remember I was thinking about this actually that earlier we're speaking of like weird vacuuming stuff Do you remember the powder that mom used to put on before she back on refresh? Yeah, what yeah? I'll be fresh that think about? Yeah. What? Yeah. Carpet fresh. Think about that though. When's the last time you saw anybody do that?
Starting point is 00:26:48 That's wild. There's no way that shit is safe around kids. She put more dirt on the ground to vacuum up. A lot, like a powdering, like a quarter inch. She's like, dusted it. I don't think you still do that. I don't think that's a known thing. As a pet owner, I recently like, a year or so ago,
Starting point is 00:27:03 I was like, yeah, we need to get like that powder. Yeah, the powder. You sprinkle out on the thing and then you vacuum. And Teresa looked at me like with, and I was like, yeah, you know, it's spring. And she was like, so it's just like powder that you just like inhaled as you went. I was like, well, when you say it like that,
Starting point is 00:27:17 yeah, there's no way. Like I was probably getting, there's gonna be like mesothelioma, like whatever like ads coming up. Did your mom use carpet fresh? Dang dude, I'm so Dang dude, didn't she hear about all the terrible stuff man That water was so greasy grimy man
Starting point is 00:27:42 I don't I don't want to. I don't wanna salt mom's cleaning game, but that carpet fresh made the carpet a little too fresh. If you asked me. Yeah, man. You knew when that had been applied for a long, long time. I'm looking at the carpet fresh now, and it looks like it is still in production from the imagery I can find, but it looks like it was made in the 80s.
Starting point is 00:28:12 So we may just be still selling our original container of carpet fresh. Okay, this is basically the same question as the last question, only you don't like the person you're buying the thing for. So there are some different kind of societal norms and energies at play. You could just put a sign that says,
Starting point is 00:28:29 from future you, you're welcome. Okay, cool. That's awesome. Yeah, we don't trick enough old neighbors that their time traveling counterparts have come to bestow them the gift. No, you're right, Griffin. Put it in a big, longer burger basket
Starting point is 00:28:42 with a note that says, please adopt me. Like you're leaving the baby at the door. This vacuum, their family couldn't take care of them. A vacuum baby. An adoptable vacuum baby, yes. That's cool. What if in your hubris, in your rush to act, you get a vacuum that is even louder
Starting point is 00:29:01 than the one they have now, but it's even more fun to use. So your neighbor's like, Hey Jerry, man, thank you, I'm really ripping ass of that new factory! It's a writing vacuum! I've been absolutely demolishing this dirt! I love this shit, I live for it! You gotta see this water, man! I sucked up my dog!
Starting point is 00:29:19 And I saw, you were gifted, that's it, I got run up and vacuuming it, I haven't stopped! Don't wait, just steal their own vacuum make your neighbor Babysit your baby Then they wouldn't think to vacuum other than you sneak upstairs There's a vacuum that's cool. You buy the apartment above theirs. Yeah, then they'll realize like that's really loud sucks I hate it get your baby. just used to the vacuuming noise. Just turn back on every time your baby sleeps. My kids are right.
Starting point is 00:29:50 I should go back to living in my own filth. That's what I deserve. What is the point? If it's only like an hour a day, can you ask them like, hey, from three to four, could you just not vacuum then I'll give you $50. Well, yeah, Travis, of course you could do that. But they won't wanna even risk it.
Starting point is 00:30:10 They'll just live in filth. But that's too scary. You know that's too scary a talk to have with a stranger. Way easier. I'm a door-to-door vacuum salesman giving out free samples. Adopt this baby vacuum. Adopt this baby vacuum free.
Starting point is 00:30:23 Free. You've won. Buy him a little tiny rake and say this baby vacuum, free! Free. You've won! Buy him a little tiny rake and say this is what we're doing now. Ooh, it's zen. We're back, rakes are back. Rake, carpet rakes. Carpet rakes, hey.
Starting point is 00:30:35 Oh, start texting them videos of people pulling up the carpet and finding hardwood floor underneath. Oh my God. Until they're just so tempted they can't help it. A hashtag parquet challenge. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And listen, even if they start pulling it up
Starting point is 00:30:49 and it's like, oh no, there's just like old cardboard under there or whatever. It's too late now. Yeah, but then you're gonna hear their fucking footsteps. Every single footstep. And sobs. And sobs, right through that parquet wood. Can we take a quick break? Would that be okay?
Starting point is 00:31:04 And then come back? Only if it's to make money. Yeah. OK, that's now you're speaking of my language. OK, cha-ching. So we've recorded the rest of this episode pretty early, like last Monday, and we did it early because Travis is traveling, but then Justin also wasn't around and able to record, so I'm going to do the whole Money Zone by myself.
Starting point is 00:31:41 This is Griffin. Hello. And I'm nervous. I'm nervous. And I'm not afraid to admit that I am nervous because this is a part of the show that attracts a lot of attention and commerce. And you know, we keep, keep getting nominated for all these awards for it. And now I have to do it myself. Are you sure? Looks that way, but you know who gives me confidence in my time of great need is stamps.com. God damn it. We've crushed these ads so many times in the past and now that I stand at the gates of hell by myself, I'm gonna try and pitch it right over the plate a thousand miles an hour.
Starting point is 00:32:21 I have an unconventional work day, and it's got, that was awful. That was nothing. No one's gonna believe that. I am a person who doesn't like to leave the house. Stamps.com's not gonna like that if I say I don't like to leave the house. I have flexibility in my work. No, stop it.
Starting point is 00:32:46 I refuse to listen to the commands and orders of anyone with any semblance of authority over me. There we go, now we're cooking. I believe in my own personal autonomy, 1 million percent. And that means that people can't tell me where to spend my time. And with stamps.com, tedious tasks like sending certified mail or packages can be done on my time,
Starting point is 00:33:10 not someone else's like the government. Stamps.com handles all your mailing and shipping needs wherever, whenever you can access all the USPS and UPS services, you need to run your business right from your computer or phone anytime, day or night, no lines, no traffic, no waiting, no rules. Just right. You just need a computer and printer. They'll send you the free scale. They're still doing that.
Starting point is 00:33:31 And they get rates that you won't see anywhere else, like up to 88% off USPS and UPS. Have more flexibility in your life with Stamps.com. Sign up at Stamps.com and use Code My Brother for a special offer that includes a four-week trial, plus free postage and a free digital scale no long term commitments or contracts just go to stamps.com code my brother yes that's one now i just got to tell you about factor and i can and then we're all living on easy street and this one's going to be easy because we all gotta eat and factor knows that.
Starting point is 00:34:05 That's why, I don't know why I said it that way, this would never happen if Justin and Travis were here. That's why they make it so easy to get good food. They got all these tasty gourmet meals and they're designed to heat and eat in two minutes. Bing, bang, boom, zoom, zoom, zoom. Get that food hot, get it in you, yum, good, and it makes your body strong. Factor arrives fresh and fully prepared, perfect for any active, busy lifestyle.
Starting point is 00:34:31 I mean, that's not me, but I do, you know, appreciate having some time savers here and there. With 40 options across eight dietary preferences on the menu each week, it's easy to pick meals tailored to your goals. Factor can help you feel your best all day long with wholesome smoothies, breakfast, grab-and-go snacks, and more add-ons." I dabbled, I dipped into the Factor menu, was like, oh, they got popping off this week.
Starting point is 00:34:54 And the answer is, everything that my palette could possibly quiver for. Factor has everything you need, regardless of how you like to eat. They got foods of all stripes. It's a veritable Wonka-verse in there. Only it's not all candy. It's real food too. Eat smart with Factor. Get started at factormeals.com slash brother50off. And use code brother50off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. That's code BROTHER50OFF, and the 50 in there is a five zero. So it's like Brother50OFF. At factormeals.com slash BROTHER50OFF
Starting point is 00:35:34 to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. Mm, la la la la la. School? Yes. La la la la la. Yeah? La la la la la la la la la la la la la la. I want to munch squad. It's podcast and the podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. I was profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. I wanna thank Addison for this important news alert that frankly should have come from Mr. Travis McElroy.
Starting point is 00:36:11 Okay, can I tell you something Justin? You've been doing Munch Squad so long that sometimes something will pop up in my feed and I'll be like, ooh, that seems like a Munch Squad. And then you'll start a Munch Squad that very week. And I'm like, do I know what this is? And I think I know exactly what this is. You know the step that I think you missed in there
Starting point is 00:36:27 was sending it to me. There is a step in there that collaborators do. I refuse to believe it exists in real life. I thought it was a joke at first. No, it's not a joke. It's Skyline Spice. What's that? Yeah, it's Graters is doing a Skyline Chili flavored ice cream.
Starting point is 00:36:45 I have to say what a betrayal this is. Skyline Chili flavored ice cream. I have to say what a betrayal this is. As graders is a shining light of Cincinnati culture. Uh-huh. And this is grotesque. It's got oyster. What does Skyline Chili mean to you culturally, Travis? Yes, Travis. What does Skyline Chili mean to you?
Starting point is 00:37:04 Culturally. You know how when Travis, what does Skyline Chili mean to you? Culturally. You know how when you visit a state or a city that has a, this is the food of this one, right? And there's your diner version, there's the street version, and then fancy restaurants and stuff will be like, here's the upscale Philly cheese steak or whatever. Sure, sure. That doesn't exist in Cincinnati.
Starting point is 00:37:25 There's only the fast food version. It is a meat sauce. It is not chili. A smooth meat sauce. Oh boy. If you're looking for a Cincinnati food, by the way, just my two cents, ghetto is the Cincinnati food. You gotta get to David Guetta's fucking new spot.
Starting point is 00:37:44 Get to David Guetta's fucking new spot. Get to David Guetta's. It makes real good dogs. I like this sweet chili that Cincinnati makes. I always get it when I'm cruising through. Taste of chocolate and cinnamon. I think it's cool. You get a little chocolate and cinnamon there.
Starting point is 00:37:55 I think it's delicious. I think it's cool to have this iconic cultural food for Cincinnati that basically everyone knows makes you blow up a huge chart. I know two people. Like everyone knows it. Two people in all of Cincinnati that enjoy it authentically. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:10 And I enjoy it on a hot dog. On a hot dog, it's great. It's hot dog with sauce. Sure. But you and your two friends know it makes you blow up a huge fart like everyone knows about. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I love that that's just like a sort of brand identity that they embrace.
Starting point is 00:38:23 It's detrimental. Yeah, I... That's what it says right there on the package. Skyline Chili. It's detrimental. It's just like a sort of brand identity that they embrace. It's detrimental. Yeah, I- That's what it says right there on the package, Skyline Chili, it's detrimental. Yeah. Yeah, I think that, Trav, let me tell you a little bit for this press release
Starting point is 00:38:35 from your own WKRC. In collaboration that embodies the spirit of Cincinnati, Skyline Chili and Grater's Ice Cream have teamed up to create a unique new flavor. The creation, named Skyline Spice, combines the iconic tastes of both beloved local brands. Now, Travis, this is the part I wanna highlight. Dick Williams of Skyline Chili acknowledged
Starting point is 00:38:56 that some might be skeptical of the unusual pairing, but assured that the new flavor is genuine. Travis, the man said in the press release, Travis, this is real. No, they tricked me with this before because when Fiona, Baby Hippo was a big deal, they partnered with the Cincinnati Zoo to make a Fiona Hippo thing
Starting point is 00:39:17 and it was not Hippo flavored at all. And I fell for it. Hold on, hold on, hold on. There's no way they said they were making a hippopotamus flavored ice cream. Well, they didn't say it was hippopotamus flavored, but there were hippos all over it. You, your expectation, juice, you're a little lost
Starting point is 00:39:33 in the sauce in this press release, and I need you to really hear what Travis just said, is that he thought that they made an ice cream that tasted like a big zoo animal. Not exactly like, but like, you know, it would be reminiscent, like when you eat a pumpkin fried flavored ice cream and you're like, I get it. Yeah, yeah, hey, so we bought this Sonic the Hedgehog
Starting point is 00:39:51 cereal when the new movie came out and it didn't taste at all like Sonic, like I imagine Sonic the Hedgehog's body to taste. This episode, this very episode, you were talking about how cow tails are gross because they remind you of cow's tails. You're right, Travis. That's not exactly, that's a huge mischaracterization.
Starting point is 00:40:07 He's exactly right. And I'm being a Mondo hypocrite right now. Thank you. I take it back. All I'm saying is that when I saw it, Cincinnati chili, yes, has a certain cinnamon, chocolatey sweetness to it, but it is predominantly meaty. So when I see a Skyline Chili ice cream, I think you can see where the doubt comes in.
Starting point is 00:40:30 You guys gotta hear some of these, okay? So the quote from Grater is from a person named Chip Grater, which is awesome. Awesome. That sounds like a job someone has at a Pringles factory. Chip Grater of Grater's Ice Cream revealed the idea for the collaboration has been in the development for several years. Sure. Three to five years ago, we started kicking around this idea of collaboration of Skylight and Grater's. Which one was it, Chip? Which one was it, Chip?
Starting point is 00:40:54 You know exactly the day it was. There's no paper trail? Check your emails, Chip. William described the new flavor as a subtle blend. This is just the spice, just the spice mix, which people love and reminds us of Skyline Chili, but it's just a hint. And it goes great with the vanilla ice cream. I know. It's not gross. Don't get me wrong, it sucks, but it's only a little. It only sucks a little, I promise.
Starting point is 00:41:16 It's mostly our thing, not their thing. Their thing is bad. So gross. We will let them put just a little of their thing into our thing, but it's mostly our thing, which you love, right? Yeah. And when you add the oyster cracker in there
Starting point is 00:41:28 that's not salty, but it's sweet, it's a great experience. We put a sweet oyster cracker? The duo tested 15 different flavors. I think that's just the Nilla wafer. Hold on. The duo tested 15 different flavors before settling on the final version.
Starting point is 00:41:41 And guys, you have to... We had one that punched too hard with the Skyline flavor and had cheese bits in it. No! Hey! I wanna be there on that day when this dude's like, good news y'all, I cracked it. You know the secret ingredient we're missing?
Starting point is 00:42:00 Queso! He comes in like hair, all about like just sweating, like is this it? It's chilly like just straightening out everything. I don't know. That was the fourth generation. I put cheese in it. That's in this one.
Starting point is 00:42:12 That's that we were all looking at this thinking, hmm, needs cheese. Let's get cheese in it. For everyone who's just kind of been looking at the world and been like, how did we slip into this darkest timeline? It's nice when we see things like this to know, like, there are avenues that we, there are paths that fate could have let us down that would have been a little bit worse.
Starting point is 00:42:32 Is there, is there an ice cream flavor that you guys would be excited that there was cheese in? I'm trying to think of like what that would go with that would make me- I mean, Apple, like a jam and cheese. There's been a mac and cheese. I'm trying to think of like what that would go with that would make me. I mean, Apple? Like a jam and cheese? There's been a mac and cheese. I mean, they didn't we just talk about, they did like a charcuterie inspired thing at Baskin-Robbins.
Starting point is 00:42:55 That doesn't count though. That's a stunt. Graters is above that. Graters is a bit. Yeah, absolutely. Skyline spices right inside the ice cream and then a great oyster cracker that stays crunchy in the ice cream.
Starting point is 00:43:09 This is the most defensive press release I've ever read. Really? Of any of this guy. Oh, and then there's another quote. Yeah, the oyster cracker makes it. Cinnamon, a lot of cinnamon, but the oyster cracker, perfect. The cracker really ties it all together.
Starting point is 00:43:26 Salty and buttery, so Cincinnati, said another tester. He added in the notes, like hit cinnamon hard. They're gonna hear cinnamon and they're gonna think, that's a thing that goes in ice cream sometimes. That's a friend who belongs in ice cream. Cinnamon, cinnamon. No, don't say oyster more. Stop saying oyster, please.
Starting point is 00:43:44 Yeah. Real quick, saying oyster, please. Yeah. Real quick, I just, sorry. I did mean to mention, and it's getting a little greedy, but I wanted to show you guys these real quick, because this is just, this is one you gotta see for yourself, honestly, because I'm, and I, awesome. No, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:44:04 That's not real, Justin. Yeah, I had to check a few times. Enjoy soup like never before. Progresso, your go-to for comforting premium soups, is innovating, it must be a different Progresso, is innovating beyond expectations this cold and flu season with the launch of the first ever limited edition soup drops.
Starting point is 00:44:22 What's a soup drop? Well, it's a soup you can suck on, of course. Any soup's a soup you can suck on, you fucking loser. Okay, we've been doing MUN Squad long enough now that I believe, and I'm not breaking you ground here, but this is the kind of thing, right, that would have been an April Fool's joke like six years ago, right?
Starting point is 00:44:43 Before things fell apart, yes. And now it's a thing that they're like, we're gonna make a hundred of these. So yes, that is a question I get a lot on Munch Squad. Travis, thank you. The difference is we used to have sin. Yes, there used to be sin. Sin and consequences, right?
Starting point is 00:44:57 The two things we're missing. Consequences, culpability. Yeah. Right? And that all used to happen. That doesn't happen anymore. So there are no, what we in the business in the QSR food industry call repercussions.
Starting point is 00:45:08 Yeah. For the judgment. So yes, soup drops, you get a can of soup drops. Yeah. They look grotesque. Is it, obviously it's funny if we take a can of these soup drops and we take a bunch of Werther's Originals and we replace
Starting point is 00:45:22 the Werther's Originals with soup drops. Obviously. And then we take them to the big hotel that Pop Pop lives in and give them to all the old elderly people there. And that's like a funny harmless prank. I'm worried if the elderly get their hands on soup drops, it's gonna be a thing. Like they're gonna get way into them.
Starting point is 00:45:41 Yeah, this could be a huge thing for them. Like they love nasty drops already. They've already been sucking on bullion cubes. Yeah. Now they can just cut out the middle, man. Yeah, with soup drops, soup you can suck on. Soup you can suck on. Suck this, suck my soup.
Starting point is 00:45:58 I'm Progresso. This part's wild, man. These savory drops are arriving for a limited time this month for National Soup Month. Right at the height of cold and flu season. Now this press release came out January 16th, which is halfway through the month.
Starting point is 00:46:13 So they already skipped a lot of it, I feel like. So let's see here. Justin, can I tell you something that's messed me up about this picture? And I think it's just that maybe they didn't. It's horrid. Yeah, it's horrid. Soup drops looks so bad, dude.
Starting point is 00:46:30 They look so bad, I can't describe. On the can, you see a bowl of soup with a spoon hovering over it with a soup drop on it. And then next to it says serving suggestion. Yeah. One. In spoon. So, but you're saying you should serve these
Starting point is 00:46:47 hovering over a bowl of soup? Another bowl, yeah, because they say here, now there's no spoon needed to dive into the classic taste of iconic progressive traditional chicken noodle soup, but you certainly can reach for the real thing if you're looking for that feeling of a hug in a bowl. Now words are supposed to mean stuff. Which one is it?
Starting point is 00:47:09 This sentence says, yeah, you can eat it in cough drop form, but you can still buy regular soup. Yeah, we didn't have to stop making the soup. We haven't like pushed all our chips in on soup drops, the soup you could suck. We suck that soup. We're still. Suck that soup! We're still, we're hedging our bets a little bit on this one, we're not willing to go all in.
Starting point is 00:47:29 Can you imagine if fucking. I mean, Oreo posts just stopped making Oreo O's to make Oreo puffs, so, stranger things than this have happened. Can you imagine if fucking Ludens or Ricola put out a new tagline that was like, suck this shit, suck on it. Suck it to it. Medicine you can suck, asshole.
Starting point is 00:47:47 It's crazy Progresso for you to come out of the gate with, yeah, yeah it's soup candy, suck it. That's fucking wild, man. This energy is wild, dude. Here's, man, here's a real fucking barnstormer of a sentence from the person who runs Progresso. When you're sick, nothing is truly more reassuring than chicken noodle soup. So we thought, why stop at the soup bowl? We took the beloved flavors of our Progresso chicken noodle soup and packed them into a
Starting point is 00:48:21 fun, savory candy soup drop for a totally new way to enjoy the taste you love whenever and wherever you want. Stop say stop justifying it. Yeah. Like you know what you did. Yeah. Like the sentences you're saying are maniacal. It is new.
Starting point is 00:48:40 I think you can stand bad. Like you made of a second. Yeah. You could make a chicken soup inhaler and I still would feel this way. I didn't need it in a different- I might- In a different state of matter.
Starting point is 00:48:52 I might fuck with a chicken soup inhaler. That would be good. If you could get some of those good effects of chicken noodle soup, but like when you're at a basketball game, like in public. When they wouldn't let you have like your food in there and you could just do a puff puff of some soup.
Starting point is 00:49:07 Yeah, just a soup vape I guess is what I'm asking for. I mean, we're close. That favorite flavor of Fregresso iconic chicken noodle soup is packed into each drop. It's like broth, savory veggies, chicken, soft egg noodles, and a hint of parsley have all been stirred up in a surprising way that's sure to wow your taste buds.
Starting point is 00:49:27 And the best part is you can enjoy soup drops anywhere in the carpool line during a grocery run. List off a hundred places. I think just keep going. While folding laundry. Yeah, man. Sitting at the doctor's office or hiding under the covers. The coziness you crave. Hiding under the covers? Listen, guys, the coziness you crave is just one drop away.
Starting point is 00:49:52 These are the drops to reach for when you're so depressed you can't eat soup. Whereas the soup would be too messy because you have to sit up to eat soup. Or if you're hiding in the rain in a tree outside an enemy's window And you're worried that the rain would dilute your soup worry no more That's my that's my issue is when I'm evading the Babadook in my bedroom
Starting point is 00:50:14 Yeah, I can't eat my soup at the same time you're monitoring the kids You're not allowed to see the car in the parking lot across the street I don't want to risk spilling soup on your lap and look like an idiot When you're taking pictures of your wife cuckolding you with your best friend, you can't risk the soup. You need the sans to hold the big zoom lens. They might see the soup steam from your car window. Don't you see?
Starting point is 00:50:38 What if their angle was like, everyone keeps burning their genitals and crotch and thighs with our hot molten soup. We know, we know it's hard and dangerous to eat our food. Stop souping and driving! No more lawsuits, says Federal Mills. You can't sue us anymore for hot soup because you could have had the drops.
Starting point is 00:50:59 Hurt yourself with these drops, babies. Now the problem is, is that the end of the drop experience, it turns you into a bowl of soup and the Oompa Loompas have to roll you out of there. That is, that's the one problem our boys in R&D couldn't fix. Soupa, soupa, doopity soup. We turned another child to soup.
Starting point is 00:51:18 Here's to goop. Hey listen, this is where it gets, I get irritated, is cause you gotta go to progressives drops dot-com Starting on Thursday January 16th at 9 a.m. Sign a liability waiver Yeah With additional quantities released every Thursday for the rest of national soup soup month while supplies last What do you mean why supplies last how many of those fucking things do you have just sell them already?
Starting point is 00:51:42 But they're not even sell them guys each order comes with an actual can of progressive Chicken noodle soup all for just 249 which is the typical price of a can of progressive soup Plus just 99 cents shipping legal loopholes. That's how they get you It's a real Trojan horse. Here's the here's the way this ends Do you think that that's so when you pop a soup drop in and you're like, actually, this is gross, but I do have that can of soup. I've got blue soup balls. Suck up on this soup you can suck on.
Starting point is 00:52:13 No, suck up on this soup you can suck on for comfort when you really need it and really just to say you tried it. Hey, nasty soup perv. And feel soup ordered this cold and flu season. Unless they're like medicated, give me medicated soup drops that are gonna like cool my throat or something.
Starting point is 00:52:35 I'm like, now I'm feeling supported. Otherwise you're just giving me a bad experience. If I could put one of these into an eight ounce cup of hot water and then moments later. Bull young cube, baby. That's what you're talking about. No, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:52:54 No, no, no, no. He wants the candy. I wanted, I want, but then you put it in the cup and it turns into real soup with stuff. I wanna taste the soft egg noodles. I keep going back to when he said it's a savory candy and I am really getting stuck on that because I know you can have savory components, but like, is it sweet? I mean, is it a confection? The closest we've gotten is like black licorice, where at that point it's at most a punishing
Starting point is 00:53:22 sweet candy. Okay. It's like the Swedish salted fish candy. It's an umami, it's a bar. It's an umami bar. I wish I could have had these. I would do anything. For the soup you can suck on? It's Thursday, man.
Starting point is 00:53:35 I really would like to eat one to see what it's like. Set your timer right now before you forget for Thursday to buy soup drops. I'll rely on my droogies to get me my soup drops. That's right my droogies, you'll be there at Thursday at night to get me my drops, won't you? P.O. Box 54, that's a good droogie. Send in a 25706. I'll take all the cans you got. Fuck. Rachel, cut that out. Don't cut it out, Rachel.
Starting point is 00:54:02 Oh no! I want all the beautiful little soup droppies you can get, my little gremlins! We'll be gone, but be back soon! But today, perhaps tomorrow! Send me soup, I can suck on! But be back soon! Here's the problem, I know myself well enough, it would just be soup I could crunch on. Violence rocks a local post office for sure.
Starting point is 00:54:23 For sure. Violence rocks a local post office when the staff, staff once again beats up on the husky boy That keeps doing bad stuff ruining ruining the whole thing with heavy cans of soup drops Yeah, we got a hundred loose cans of soup. You can suck on here They did they just wrote it on Sharpie wrote the address and threw it in a mailbox Yeah, I got some you can suck on podcaster Thanks a lot, pal. Really appreciate these heavy boxes.
Starting point is 00:54:47 Not since you made 100,000 boxes of Kraft dinner get delivered here have we hated your guts so much. No, Daz, I bet the post office is so excited that you're keeping the youngins using the post office. Oh, yeah, I mean, for sure. For sure, anything I can do. Hey, folks, thanks so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you have enjoyed yourself.
Starting point is 00:55:04 In two weeks, we're gonna be in Florida, and you better deal with it too. Yeah, so February 20th and 21st, we're gonna be in Tampa doing My Brother, My Brother and Me on the 20th, and Adventure Zone on the 21st. It's our first ever Adventure Zone in Florida, so don't miss it. February 22nd, we're doing My Brother, My Brother and Me
Starting point is 00:55:20 in Jacksonville. For tickets and info, go to bit.ly slash McElroy Tours. Also, Champions Grove is coming up in May. There's only four packages available. We're playing some board games, table games. You could do D&D with our guests, other games we're playing, meet new friends, explore the castle.
Starting point is 00:55:42 Explore yourself. Explore yourself. Explore your own limits. Emotionally, spiritually, physically. Explore your own limits. ChampionsCraft.com, that's where you can go get tickets. Go check it out. Bunch of merch up in the merch store, including a holographic Dare to Care sticker.
Starting point is 00:55:54 It's retro. 50% of the proceeds from that sticker will be donated to World Central Kitchen. There's also a poetry corner bumper magnet, not a whole bumper for a car, but a magnet designed by Dana Wagner. That's of course from my other podcast, Wonderful, that I do with my wife, Rachel.
Starting point is 00:56:10 It's really rad. Also, you can still get the VOD for Candle Nights 2024. Pay what you want. All proceeds go to Harmony House and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to World Central Kitchen. So, macronmerch.com, go check it out. Now here's what's happened.
Starting point is 00:56:24 We're recording this the same day that the episode in which we announce that we want people to send the fears that they're gonna overcome comes in. So I need one of you boys to step up. Oh. And share a fear. A fear that I'm gonna get over? That you're gonna be faster than this year.
Starting point is 00:56:39 Okay. I'm gonna stop being afraid that I'll let my kids down. Oh, wait, hey, hey, hey! Is that what you mean? That's the kind of thing you want? No, not like I said, I was gonna- I'm gonna stop being afraid that if I take more than one milligram of melatonin,
Starting point is 00:56:56 I'll sleep all day. Because that is a persistent fear, and I know that doesn't make sense, I'm 44 years old. It's like the end of Army of Darkness. If you take too much melatonin- I'm 180 pounds, there's like no way. There's no way it's gonna make me sleep all day. No way.
Starting point is 00:57:08 What happened? Doctor, doctor, what happened? I got really scared. I woke up one. Two milligrams. I just woke up one time after I took one and a half milligrams and I felt like I was hungover. So I'm just gonna, but I'm not gonna be afraid of it
Starting point is 00:57:21 anymore, I'm just gonna like take one milligram. I think that's a decent thing to not be afraid of, but to be like observant of. Yeah, it's like I'm just careful about it. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna keep my head on a swivel. My name is Justin Maceroi. I'm Travis Maceroi.
Starting point is 00:57:34 Griffin Maceroi. This has been My Brother, My Brother, Me. Kiss your dad, square on the lips. It's better with you My life, ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you It's better with you My life, ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you Yes it's true
Starting point is 00:57:56 Ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you My life, ah ah ah It's better with two, but way, ah, it's better with you.

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