My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 761: My Other Dad is a Helicopter

Episode Date: May 5, 2025

Grab your hat, we're off to the races for a six-day-long horse-stravaganza! This time, we give even BETTER advice on sneaky juggling, goose attacks, and masonic unicorn shakes that are definitely going to stain the interior of your car for the next decade.Suggested talking points: Temporal Pincer , Can I Cap Your Mo?, Vape Escape, Tapiopica Bubbles, Freaks for Goose ContentCenter for Reproductive Rights: https://reproductiverights.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert but if there's a degree on his wall I haven't seen it. Also this show isn't for kids which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed It's ripened into a precious friendship

I could've never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach My life, it feels like My life, ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you My life, ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you This is true, ah ah ah ah

It's better, it's better with you My life, ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with two. By way of, it's better with you. Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. Oldest brother Justin McElroy here reporting for duty. What's up Trav Nation, it's me your middle-est brother Travis Vroom Vroom McElroy here also, I guess, reporting for duty. Welcome, welcome to the service. Oh, okay. This is Lieutenant Commander Sergeant Corporal Griffin,

built for Tuff McElroy, and guys, I don't know about you, but on this, our year of turbo driving, I'm pulling a lot of horsepower today. Oh! Wait, doesn't the horsepower pull you? I'm being tugged by a lot of horses today. What can drive horses, right? What does it, you still drive,

you can Thunder Drive the horses. You can Thunder Drive the horses. I don't think, if you're pulling horses, then you're so. No, they're pulling you, you're totally right, and you're so. No, they're pulling you, you're totally right. And I do actually wanna stop my bit and just get into the semantics of who's tugging who? Who's tugging who?

Don't tug horses. Don't tug horses, let them tug you. But the derb happened this past weekend. Oh, the derb. I mean, we're recording this well before the derb, but I gotta say, I'm sitting pretty flush, I bet. You think you did good with your bets, your various bets, you're gonna do how much money?

I like to think of them as investments in my, shitty investments, maybe, is how I look at them. What I do. Bad investments. I bet equally on every horse to win. That's cool. That'll at least get you your money back. Yeah, so no matter what, I'm a winner.

Worst case scenario, tie. If you believe in multiverses, it's gonna hit for one of you. That's cool. Or all of us. So yeah, I took my kid's savings that they've been saving up at their part-time kid jobs, and I went to my horse guy, and I said- Centaur. He prefers Centaur, guy and I said-

He prefers Centaur Griffin. I said, what's the morning light odds on American promise? And he got confused by the sentence for a second because he was like, it's so bad. I think all of us would right now, if you said you were betting on America's promise. Betting on the future of America's promise, American promise.

Betting on the future of America's promise, American promise. Oh, betting on. Is a bet, they say the morning light odds 30 to one. So this is gonna be a big, big weekend for me, I'm thinking. How much money did you put down? $200. Oh yeah, oh yeah. It's my children's, they don't have a lot of money. But they said, how do we turn this into more money?

And I said, I have the investment opportunity of a lifetime. It's name is American Promise. Can I speak on the Kentucky Derby for a moment? Oh, please. Please. You have the floor. As a West Virginian, I'd like to speak for a moment on the Kentucky Derby.

Go ahead. And Go Off King. Thank you. Dear Kentucky, it's me, Justin McElroy from West Virginia. You know, right next door. Every once in a while, you guys like to pretend that you guys are fancy over there. There's the stuff with the bourbon

where you're starting to act like that's really fancy. And then there's this stuff with the horses and the big hats. And every time the nation's eye turns back to you, you like to act like you're pretty fancy. And we just want you to know, Kentucky, we see you every day. We specifically. Over here in West Virginia.

Yeah. We see you every day. We know you. And over here in Ohio, by the way, we've got you flanked. Yeah, yeah, Ohio way in. You see Kentucky every day, right, Travis? Sort of temporal pincer on Kentucky you guys are putting down. Yeah, yeah,ian, you see Kentucky every day, right, Trav? Yeah, we see Kentucky.

Sort of temporal pincer on Kentucky you guys are putting down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Trav, when you roll on over there to, well, what's on the, Covington? Is that what you said? Does it feel a lot fancier than where you left on the other side of the bridge?

More aristocratic, perhaps. Bigger hats. That's not necessarily the word I would use, Justin. Yeah, interesting, Trev. Okay. And fewer horses, too. I think I see more horses here in Ohio than I see over in Covington.

Sold a false bill of goods. You think you roll up on any city in Kentucky, it's gonna be equine in that shit. So, Kentucky, all of Kentucky Holistically Speaking, Mr. Bashir, I assume you're a listener. Thank you. We see you. That's it. We see you.

You can't just change the whole kind of like, identity of your state for other people who never really learned much about your state. Cause if you could do that, we could all, everybody in West Virginia could just start acting like robots and then whenever people think about West Virginia, they'll think, oh, the robot state, which is an upgrade I think.

A lot of this I think is coming from a place of jealousy, because West Virginia hasn't figured out how to do that kind of rebrand, and I think it's unfair that Kentucky kind of took the home of podcasting, never caught on. I tried. We did our best. They went through so many state mottos,

I thought we could sneak the home of podcasting in there, but no dice. Hey, one of my favorite movie going memories was being in a West Virginia theater when Die Hard 4 came out, and there's a shot where they drive into West Virginia and you can see the welcome to West Virginia sign, and at that point I believe the silicon

was open for business. Fuck yeah. And that sign came up and everyone in the theater booed. Yeah, it's so good, man. That shit still goes down so smooth. No state has ever been brave enough to be like, please, in their state motto, please, please. Please anything.

Please. But at least we're not like, things have been fancy here the whole time. Right, exactly, we're owning it. We could use some help. We love the horses and big hats and that's the whole deal here in Kentucky. It's fancy, all this, a mint julep for me.

It's so fancy here. We see you every day. You drive here, you drive over here. I see you every day, okay? You're not fooling me. The Derby and the mint julep and stuff, that's your fancy sitting room in your house that you keep clean for company.

We see the rest of the house all the time. Is what we're saying. Griffin, who's favorite- You notice I'm not judging. Yeah, no. Should I see it? Yeah, we do see it. Griffin, who's favorite to win that old Derby? I mean, this one coming in, eighth post, we've got journalism.

Kick ass, kick ass. The horse's name is just journalism? The horse's name is journalism.? The horse's name is journalism. This one's trained by Matthew W. McCarthy. Three to one, Morning Line Odds. I mean, pretty, pretty good stuff. Pretty good stuff there. Coming in not too far behind, we got sovereignty.

That on a horse actually feels a little intimidating to me. Yeah. We got Sandman. Name for Adam Sandler, actually. It's like naming the horse after Adam Sandler's nickname. I mean, people are- Yeah, but if the horse is named Adam Sandler, that would be a little, that would be pretty good, actually.

I think I would really like that. That would make me really happy. Then we start getting to a pretty big gap here of the quality of some of these ponies I'm seeing, because we got Grande, Burnham Square, Rodriguez, clocking in on 10, 12, 1. And then it's like no one, and then it's like a bunch of Snicklefrits.

And the Snicklefrits has the best names, which is the frustrating thing. Cause I wanna see Owen Almighty roll up on first. You know? I wanna see Cole Battle win something. Cole Battle? Cole Battle. Like the-

Cole Battle. Cole Battle. Feels cool to say it. Like the- Coal battle. Coal battle. Feels cool to say it. Admire Daytona, Japan. This one's from Japan, I guess. They put it in the name of it, but it's called Admire Daytona, which is really good. No horse names are ever like,

in the commanding sort of tense. You need- Oh, that's true. You like this horse? Admire Daytona. We need more interrogative horse names. Yes. More questions. Yes.

Do you admire Daytona? Uh-huh. Faster? Render judgment? That's another horse name, without the question mark. America's Promise? Yeah. Uh, American Promise, Travis.

It's not possessive. Oh. Wow, you really opened my eyes if you make me think about, I don't own American promise. All you need to happen, and this is the great thing about horse racing dudes, is it's the great equalizer. Cause all you really need to hit it big

is for one horse to run really fast. And that could happen for any reason at any time. And all the other horses to not run as fast. Yeah, I mean, obviously that's important too, but you just need your horse to be the fastest one. So all you need, you make these outside bets, your horse might go super. Do you know that you run the same speed every time you run?

No, you probably have good runs and bad runs. You might get Rodriguez out there and he might have the fucking run of his life and then you're up $6,000. You're rich. Or put all your money on it and think about all the money you could win. There's no downside to gambling.

That's what they don't tell you. The gambling thing, obviously there's lots and lots of downsides. Wait, what? This is just you know, there's lots of downsides. Wait, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, like really. Oh, fuck! I gotta make some calls.

You can bet to lose. Yeah, this isn't- I can lose? It's not- Not to lose. You bet to lose. Bet they will lose. That's gone.

And it's gone and it's bad. And you can get like really, really into it. So it's like not great, like don't fuck with it. But like knowing your personality, I'm always like stay, stay, stay far, far away. I bet the show. Yeah, but it's okay. That makes sense. I bet this show. It's not gambling. On a horse.

It's not gambling. You just need one horse to run really fast. That's all that it is. It's like a guess. It's like a guess saying, I think my horse is gonna run really, really fast today. Okay, so I could still, we can still keep the show. Okay, that's good.

What a relief. In this example, Travis, was the show converted to a currency amount, and I would love to know what you think that number is. Well, my friend Adam Corolla, who, as far as I know- Move on, Justin, start the show. Move on. Move on. Move on and start the show.

This is an advice show. And before we get started, though, Justin, start the show. Move on. Move on and start the show. This is an advice show. And before we get started though, I did wanna talk about one other thing. And I know that sometimes we just get distracted by stuff. And that promise isn't that. But did you guys hear about the guy they rescued from Mount Fuji? No.

I did hear about the guy they rescued from Mount Fuji. Oh, okay, well. But Travis hasn't, so you could deliver it to one of us and I'll just sit here with my arms crossed. No, I'll just cross my arms hasn't, so like, you could deliver it to one of us and I'll just sit here with my arms. And I'll just cross my arms. Well, now I don't know what it is. Yeah, it's probably better that way. Oh my God, Justin.

Trav, they rescued a guy from Mount Fuji. And I'm saying this guy because they haven't identified him yet for probably a good reason. This guy, Trav, he got rescued from Mount Fuji. Now that in and of itself is not that surprising, right? It's quite a hike. Quite a hike up there, literally speaking.

He's a 27 year old university student. And the only thing that's interesting about him being airlifted out of Mount Fuji is that he had been, um, he had been airlifted off of Mount Fuji five days earlier, Trav. What?

Now wait, I know what you're asking. Justin, how could this happen? Well, Trav, oh man, he got rescued from Mount Fuji, but he forgot his phone. On Mount Fuji. Get out of the town. Yeah. He forgot his phone about Fuji. And so he went back to go get his phone about Fuji.

Yeah. And he was airlifted off after he, the first time he left because he lost his crampons. And I know what you're saying, Justin. What? Yeah, the spiky things you put on your shoes to help you climb ice good, he lost them. Sorry, those are called what now?

Crampons. Crampons. Crampons? Crampons. Okay. Yeah, they're called crampons. Because you just cramp them on when you need them, you know? According to this story, he just lost them.

According to the Nippon TV story, he lost them and he fell sick, so they came and got him. But then five days later, he's like, ah man, I forgot my phone. Yeah, and went on back up for it. Now what I do think is quite courageous is on that return trip to get his phone, that's pretty risky,

because if you don't at least make it to where you left your phone the first time, you're fucking dead, dude, because you don't have a phone. I know exactly where it is. It's halfway up Mount Fuji. Yeah, can you imagine what a bummer that would be when you do like a find my device,

and you're like, it must be in the couch, back on Mount Fuji, oh man! He did, the second time, by the way, it was a different student who just saw him, and he was like, this dude, he came back to town. He's like, hey, you remember the guy from before? No, no, no, he's back. You gotta get back up there.

He's out there on the. Yeah, he is. I think the problem with airlifting people from dangerous situations, you're not letting them learn from their mistakes. So now this guy believes that every time he goes to Mount Fuji because he's lost something, they're just gonna airlift him out.

Just a helicopter parent, quite literally. This is my other dad, a helicopter. He's always gonna get me out of any sticky situation I find myself in. I do think that it is not clear, okay, it's not clear whether or not he did get the phone. So that is something that I will say right now up front, if it turns out this didn't work,

the three of us will go up and get it for you. I'd love to. Please don't go up. Oh my God, are you kidding? Please don't go up again. So beautiful this time of year. I would love to go rescue a stranger's phone. We did a pretty good hiking video. I don't know if you knew,

but we're kind of good at hiking now. Yeah. And there's three of us, which I think increases our chances of living through it and getting the phone for sure. We don't have to get to the top. We just got to get to the fucking phone. That's it.

How do you think the airlifting people would feel if the three of us were going and just one of us was done and we were like, airlift, just me. And then the other two were like, we're actually gonna keep going, but you're're vibing actually. You're on standby. What did you say? We're vibing. Take him to the hospital for sure.

But we're on a vibe right now. But be on standby. Be on standby. Once we get the phone, we are gonna give you a call. We're not going back. My feet are super sweaty, so be ready to deal with that situation with a quickness. But do get him to the hospital.

Let's help people. Yes, finally. I'm a senior in college about to graduate with a degree in game design. Every year I've been in college, I've had at least one class with a particular professor who is somewhat infamous within the department. This professor used to be a professional clown,

in particular, a juggler. Since he first mentioned this in my freshman year, I wanted to see this man juggle, but I can't figure out a way to make it happen without the danger of him thinking I'm intentionally interrupting class. Brothers, how do you get this man to juggle without making him think that it was,

while making him think it was his idea? That's from Craving Clownery in Chicago. Yeah, man. The public persona that clowns have have kind of made random acts of clowning more rare in public spaces. And that's a real shame, this stigma. Well, don't you think if the professor brought it up,

you say, since he first mentioned this in my freshman year, I don't think you drop into casual conversation or into a teaching situation. I was a professional juggler and then think, I hope no one asks me to juggle. Right. If you notice how many of your lessons revolve around four bowling pins. There you go. That's he's begging for it. Maybe just sit in the front row of a class and be like, are you hungry?

Orange. All right, here's another. Here's another. And now he's juggling. Yeah. He can handle it too. Have you guys ever noticed that there's no such thing as like a bad amateur juggler? Anytime anyone tells you that they're into juggling,

they're like, check it out with knives. Like anyone who gets into this gets into it deep enough that they can do like the dangerous stuff. So he's gotta be able to handle whatever you toss at him. I'd like to think, Griffin, that's a result of, I don't think anyone who's maybe tried to juggle twice goes to people and says, watch what I can do. Watch this, I think I can.

So this person, just so I can track the chronology, went from being a professional clown juggler to a game designer, to a person teaching game design, they must just be swimming in it, huh? Justin. You know what I mean? Just absolutely drowning in it. Like money?

Yeah, can we just say yes to that? He's drowning in what, you're suggesting he's drowning in whatever he may want. Whatever, whatever, fill in the blanks, all right? I don't. You're suggesting he's drowning in whatever he may want. Whatever, whatever, fill in the blanks, all right? I don't. He's drowning in it. I don't wanna, man.

I don't want to, Justin. I know we're not supposed to say no and shit, man, but I don't wanna do. That's fine, that's fine, I'm just saying, it's just the truth of the- But we don't know them, and you know that. So just saying that they're drowning in it. That makes it better better if I knew them

I wouldn't say these things these terrible that's true. You about people. I know right Griffin their point. That would be rude. Oh You can't get better at throwing stuff at them like yeah I get better than everyone in the class throw five balls at them But I mean just like but we can't have us out here saying on our show throw stuff at this guy. Throw balls at people, yeah. Okay, then when he comes into class the next time, what's that on his desk?

It's five perfectly placed bowling pins. Yeah. And you're all sitting perfectly like attentive and ready. Yeah. But you're, again, that is gonna seem like a setup. He's gonna read that for what it is. Yes. You've gotta make him think that it was his idea

to juggle, you know? You come into the room carrying a big crate of apples. You're gonna have to do this a few times before you do what I'm about to suggest next, just to throw off any suspicion. You show up and everyone's like, there's old apple crates again, but this time you trip and the apples spill

all over the floor. There's no fucking way. There's no fucking way he can resist that. You know he's gonna put some produce in the air. Okay, okay, okay. You come in, here's your capstone, your senior project, right? You've been working on a game, a bowling game, right?

And when the ball smashes in the bowling pins, they're supposed to go flying up in the air in all different directions. But you just can't get the image in your head right of how it should look. How am I supposed to know, well, cause I throw a bowling pin in the air, it comes right down.

I don't even have time to register what a bowling pin in the air looks like. We have to take important gravity measurements for the video game. For the video game. What am I supposed to do? Have a cut scene in your game where Osvarious, the great sorcerer, is trying to make his orbs,

he's balancing his orbs, but have the animation just be like, booch, like not look all fucked up, and then your teacher's gonna have to be like, that's simply not what it looks like to juggle. You'll fail your capstone. That's the, but that's the cost of doing business. You won't fail your capstone

because what you're gonna do is say, listen, I've made this mocap suit. Yeah. It is black Lycra and I glue golf balls to it. And I don't know how to make a mocap suit, but I made one and I'm gonna need someone who knows how to juggle. Yeah.

So I can cap their mo. Yeah. Can I cap your mo? If you know what the camera setup is for mocap suit, but I made one and I'm gonna need someone who knows how to juggle so I can cap their mo. Yeah. Can I cap your mo? If you know what the camera setup is for mocap, that would be good too, because I just have the suit. I just assumed you- You just have to know more than the teacher. Like as long as the teacher doesn't think that you don't know what you're doing, you're fine. I assume once you put the mocap balls on, the computer does the rest. That's my- that's my understanding. The ping-pong balls of the computers? No, guys, you got it all wrong. You don't have to do anything special upfront.

You could film anyone in any amount of paintballs and the computer will get that in post. The computer will get it, don't worry. It knows how to translate the ping pong footage. Into digital guides, yeah. For sure, for sure. That's what Holy Motors is largely about. For the most part. For the most part.

For the most part. Also, once you cap his Mo, now you can watch him juggle whenever the fuck you want, huh? On your phone, you could have a little app that you make of your professor juggling, and you can turn him into Sephiroth, you could do whatever you want. Whatever you want, you got his Mo capped. You just cap.

And now it's the man versus machine who can juggle better. Where he's juggling against. No, this is not a, the man would do a better job, I think. There would be nothing impressive. Much more impressive, I think. Seeing a computer program juggle on a computer screen versus a man doing it, there's a different level of skill. It's like when a computer's good at chess.

Yeah, guys, for sure. Yeah, I can juggle the better than me, but I can do other stuff. I can love. Whoa, guys, I just got an award in the mail. It's from the National Juggler Society of America. It's most improved discussion of juggling. So guys, we've really come a long way.

They say, like, it's very, they say very tasteful and not as negative as normal. And it's a thank you. They say thank you. Put that up against the- I can like it's very, they said very tasteful and not as negative as normal. And it's a thank you, they say thank you. Put that up against the- I can see it from here, Justin. They love the part where you said swimming in it. That's it, yeah. They said, wait, yeah, we didn't get that part

because jugglers, but like we love it. We loved the bit, the whole bit. Go ahead and put that up next to the commemorative furry friend plaque that we were sent for most improved, still not quite there. That one was a pillow, that one was a large pillow, so I can't hang that on the wall, but. I could put it next to the Spotify plaque we got sent

that I accidentally used as a doorstop for a day. I don't. Next to our awards we've won for best ad read. All right guys, this bit turned sad. Bitter, there's a difference. Bitter, yeah. There's an activation to it. I can wake up tomorrow with bitter.

Bitter'll get you going in the morning. Coffee's bitter Griffin. Yeah, that's a good point. Can we do the next question? Absolutely. I'm a teacher that just started a new part-time job with a company that tries to discourage kids and teens from vaping.

I've been hired to help create instructional activities, specifically an escape room, that teaches kids the dangers. How do I make an escape room so good that the teens stop vaping? And that's from Kristy. This is an immense opportunity for us. And I wanted to sort of recognize that

and manifest that a little bit, that this is an enormous opportunity for us. Thank you to the universe, I guess, for bringing this opportunity. Thank you to God and universe and Jesus and all of it, because the idea of being able to make a anti-vape escape room. Vape escape, there's already like,

the name is kinda there perfectly, like it's really important for us to stick the landing on this. I'm willing to bet that your bosses would frown upon the like, you have to vape a bunch, and you're trying to like, burn them out on it. Okay. Right? Or it's like, oh, they've vaped so much

that they don't ever wanna do it again. How was the escape room? Well, I had to vape four whole carts, bro. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, like, oh, they've vaped so much that they don't ever wanna do it again. How was the escape room? Well, I had to vape four whole carts, bro. Wait, wait, wait, this is good. Guys, this is good, hold on. You're so close to a breakthrough here. A lot of escape rooms don't have clues where you have to vape the puzzles.

I'm saying lasers that you can only see in the vape. Or you have to vape a cloud out to see Yeah, that's really good. Like there's a there. What's that chemical that's coming from the other room? You have to vape it quick to tell what it is. I mean jokes aside I think the three of us could sit here and within ten minutes Come up with 30 genuinely pretty good ideas for how vape and vapor could be included in different puzzles But would the would the participant leave with an overall negative imprint of vaping?

No, because we've allowed them to do a whole heist using nothing but a series of more powerful vapes. Much like my hero Solid Snake, I'm used to vaping in all its many forms. Well, I never knew you could do it digital. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know how we, here's the thing, if they find out that we are trying to deliver any kind of message at all, it's done.

It does have to be subtle, and so- Could it be floor vents? Could it be floor vents? And it's like, you gotta escape- Vaping out the kids, and they're- No, no, no, there's floor vents that are vaping out like poison, but it's vape, right? But there's like pumping poison in the room.

If you don't escape in 60 minutes, you sort of die from the- And you're in a giant lung. You're trying to escape a giant lung and it's going with vape. A cyber lung. A cyber lung, is that what you said? I just feel like escaping from a real lung would be grody.

It would be on my head. And it's also hard to make doors that would look like heart doors, you know what I mean? Or lung doors like fleshy organs. So a cyber lung would be clearer. I think it would be easier if you had a rectangular door. No one's gonna be like,

I don't have rectangular doors in my lung. Yeah, that's a good point. Well, they're teens, and our school system isn't great, so they don't know. I'm just gonna check in here and remind us that this is all based on a reality in which this company tells our dear listener, yes, it's okay to make them vape a whole, whole, whole bunch to get our message across.

It's okay to do it really, really, really, really hard. That will be shut down early, that's a good point. Okay, then what about we go the opposite way, and it's a super fun escape room with an amazing prize, but in the middle of the room, there's a single vape, like on a prize, but in the middle of the room, there's a single vape, like on a pedestal, and if anybody vapes once, you lose.

Automatic failure. So you go to put the key in the door after having just solved the mirror maze, and you turn it and it just breaks, and then a voice comes on and says, you're here forever because one of you vaped. You live here now and you'll never see your parents again. Yeah.

Cool, that could be good. But then you do let him out. You give him like five never see your parents again. Yeah. Cool. That could be- But then you do let them out. You give them like five minutes to soak that in. Five minutes to really stew in that and then you can let them go. I feel like requiring vaping is so tricky because obviously- Yeah.

Yeah, it does. Ethically. Yeah. Hugely affected. A real tightrope. Yeah, it's tough. It's tough, it is because you wanna do, you know, you could have a vape experience

where you're so overloaded with nicotine, you're like, I never would do, I feel so sick. Like the whole carton, you know, vape a carton. Yeah, I think that's what Travis is suggesting is that. Oh, but it's so tricky though, Trav, it is. I see your point, and I love that. No, that wasn't my point. I see the point. I love that you No, that wasn't my point. I see the point.

I love that you want to make kids vape. Now what if you had a specially formulated nasty vape? Ooh, that's cool. And you're like, this is what vaping is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you make it out of the- But it just tasted gross. You make it out of the stuff that Nintendo

makes their cartridges out of. Like, yeah. If you want to educate kids on the dangers of vaping, I think job one is you gotta find some. You know what I mean? I don't think that work's been done for you. I haven't seen the research that says it's bad for me at all. I love this stuff.

Yeah, Justin's like the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland out here. The science is out on if it's good or bad to vape. Just, can I just say, oils? Obviously this whole bit and segment was necessitated due to the lawsuit that we lost against the Truth campaign. And so we did have to do this whole question,

this whole segment. I do think they're gonna make us do it fucking again because of that caveat you've just added to it. So I just wanna say all the Truth exacts. I can't help it, it's tough. They had a check came from RJ Reynolds while we were doing it that they wanted me to get back on board.

Yeah. Maybe throughout just regular escape room, right? No vaping theme, but every so often pictures flash up on the screen of really uncool celebrities vaping. Yeah. And it has nothing to do with the puzzles that are going on or whatever, just a reminder of like this dork vapes.

You know what I mean? Something like that would be good. Do you think that that would get the kids? They might look fucking cool though is the only problem. Yeah, what if the kids are dorks and they see these dorks vaping and they're like, but they look cooler vaping than they do not vaping.

I think any escape room is a vape escape room if the person doing it is discreet enough. They're probably- Like maybe tucks their chin. Doing a little, doing a little. I see that sometimes at the movie theater. I see someone and then just blue light shoots up all over their faces like, I see you cowboy.

I see you, I see you. I see you copilot. I saw that at Dave Matthews band concert and they just lit up the room. It was like a night sky. Well that's cause they were hitting him with all those follow spots when Dave took that huge, huge, huge fucking rip.

Let's head on into the money zone. Let's get that all cleared up. Yeah. Yeah. Let's get that worked out. The doctor gave me a salve. To get it all wiped out. ["It's Better With You"] You can save time in a bottle.

And they aren't letting this secret out, but I'll air it out. You can harness the power of technology to capture your most special moments and put them in a bottle that you can use to relive and think about whenever you want to. It's called digital photography. And it's here and it's now and it's happening

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Hopefully your own, but they don't ask. You can put other people's family photos in there if you want. Give your moms a aura frame filled with pictures of families. That are better than yours, maybe more attractive. Candid family photos, aspirational. You can put pictures of anything.

I think you're limited. You could put pictures of anything. I think you're limited. You could put pictures of all the different Burger King logos throughout the years, and then on a scroll, whatever. Pictures of your mom's favorite celebrity vaping. Whatever you want. That would be so cool. Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day.

For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver Mat Frame. That's auraframes.com promo code my brother. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. I wanna tell you guys about fast-growing trees. Anybody who's seen the video of me recording

knows that I love plants and I like gardening. And I got a redbud tree from Fast Growing Trees, planted it, and this is no shit. Within two weeks, there were blooms on it. Gosh, wow. And it's absolutely thriving. And I loved it so much that I went back and ordered a Meyer lemon tree to grow in my office,

which is basically getting, is arriving anytime today in the next two hours, and I'm so excited about it. Yeah, because you'll have lemons like just there, like whenever you want one or need one, you'll always be able to see them. That's really cool. I'm thinking of like starting an empire, we'll see. Because when life gives you lemon trees,

make lemonade trees, that's what I always say. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Do you also sometimes say the ad copy? Yeah, I'm doing it right now. You keep talking. They have all kinds of plants there, not just trees, flowering stuff.

They got shrubs, bushes, anything that you need. Plus they've got trained plant experts that can help you plan your landscaping, all kinds of stuff. There's really great information about like what area you live in and what would grow well there. It's easy to choose from their huge selection. And this spring, they have the best deals for your yard up to half off on select plants and other deals.

And listeners to our show get 15% off their first purchase when using the code MYBROTHER at checkout. Now's the perfect time to plant. Use MYBROTHER, or one word, to save today. Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply. I want a munch. Squad. Squad.

I want a munch. Squad. Squad. What's that genre, man? Is that zydeco? As a jazz. As a jazz. No, it was like bluegrass.

Zydeco jazz. I heard banjo in there. Yeah. Zydeco, bluegrass, kind of a vibe. It's more a vibe. Bluedico. Yeah, cool. More vibes than notes. I heard banjo in there. Yeah. Zydeco, bluegrass, kind of a vibe. It's more a vibe.

Blue to code. Yeah, cool. More vibes than notes. Hey, listen, I wanna tell you one quick thing before we get into the bulk of the bigger story, because this is just, J&J Snack Foods enhances super pretzel recipe. Wait.

And they just say that like, hey, you know super pretzels? We are just gonna make them. Different. What's a super pretzel? Travis. Travis. You've embarrassed yourself again and your family.

No, I guess I'm just more of the land. I like my pretzels just normal, salt of the earth, salted pretzel, just a normal- When I show you this pretzel, like- Oh, okay, yeah, no, I know exactly what this is. Okay, so like super pretzels, they're just making them better in BD.

Like we're just like- That's cool. That's cool that a company can do that. Like, yeah, and here's the paragraph. And you know what they did for this? This gets one paragraph, and here's what it is. J&J Snack Foods has enhanced its super pretzel recipe for an upgraded flavor, softer texture,

and great taste even when held in warmers. The new taste and easy prep makes super pretzel an easy sell. Ideal for grab-and-go occasions, the new super pretzel recipe remains delicious even when held in warmers, reducing labor. This new recipe will start being produced in June and will be available to serve late summer

with existing GTIN order numbers. Period, end of press release. It's better now. This is something that matters, okay? This is something that, what this means is that come July or August, you're gonna go to the ball field and you're gonna have a super pretzel You're gonna be just a little bit happier. Yeah, that matters that matters that you never never get shit like we never get that It's very rare for a company to make listen, man

We took a long hard look at ourselves in the mirror Yeah, we realize we weren't we weren't doing as much as we could on this. Not good enough. You're telling me you liked those pretzels? Cause even we knew they were dog shit, and you liked them? My dusty old grandfather started serving those to idiots in the 70s, okay?

But they're legit. If you like his dusty old pretzels, you're the idiot now. We're on some new shit now though. The best day to enjoy a super pretzel is not yesterday when they were bullshit. Now they're so. And we added a third hump.

All the other pretzels out there got two humps. We put a third hump in the middle. Third. Same price. If previous Mays and June's are any indication, I will be enjoying at least three to four super pretzels in the next two months. And I'm gonna be, I think, hindered by the fact that I know I'm eating an inferior product.

The shitty pretzel, yeah. Before the glow up. Did they say it all, what they're doing? Like to make it something. Made it better. It's better. I mean, like that's, here's what I love. They're pretzel makers.

You're a pretzel eater. You do not need to worry about it. That's true. You know what I mean? Like don't worry. From the eating experience, it will improve. And Griffin, if you happen to be a distributor of Super Pretzels, they're gonna be a less

than a year holder a little bit. Same skew. Same skew. This one's for the fans and the small super pretzels. They're gonna be a last year holder a little bit. Great news, this one's for the fans and the small business pretzel retailers. This one's the same. You do not need to update your product orders. The numbers are the same. What are we gonna do, write two press releases?

One for the consumer and one for our vendors? No fucking way, man. If you get new super pretzels and you still have old ones in stock, send them to us so they can be destroyed. Humanely. This is also the kind of an Emperor's New Pretzels where if I was a pretzel company,

I would put out a pretzel release once a year with no detail. We did it again. That just says, yeah, we're making them better now. Yeah, I mean, we're joking. Domino's did do this. Domino's did do this effectively maybe a decade or so ago at this point

where they ran commercials just like, hey, we get it. It fucking sucks. It's no good. Wendy's fries did it not too long ago. Carl Laredo owned the fact that Wendy's fries are trash and they're gonna try again. But what I'm saying is,

they not change a damn thing about it. So then somebody goes and eats a pretzel in July and they're like, yeah, I can taste it. It's so much better. Also Wendy's maybe take one more stamp on it. Maybe take one more run on it. You got closer, but not quite. I will say they were good for a little bit

after you changed it. Now you're kinda- Slippin', touchy slippin' Wendy. Got to me, robots making them maybe, I don't know. Yeah, so that gets one paragraph and it will increase the overall joy of the human race by some percentage point. It's not a big one, but it's a micron of one, you know,

whatever. Meanwhile, Sonic is releasing a Unicorn Dreams slush. You're fucked, dude. And I'm gonna show you what that looks like. And it says, fuck you, Justin. Get ready to come here eight times, is what it says here in small print. Yeah.

Get shit, J-Man. We hate your fucking guts. You're gonna smell this. You gotta come here 80 times. You're gonna smell this pink slime in your dreams, dog. You might as well take it and put it in the, go by and large, climb in the back of your big, beautiful Honda Odyssey and dump the whole fucking thing

out on the ground, because that's what you're gonna have in there. What this drink makes me think about is my child and both of them, how they theoretically like the idea of like these little, like, tab tapioca bubbles in their drink. And then when faced with the reality of it, One bubble. They detest it.

This is what it looks like, so you guys can see the- That straw's ineffective, it tapers at the top. There's no way one of the tapioca bubbles are making it up there. We're gonna talk about the tapioca bubbles. The tapioca bubbles. This is not me laughing because you said the word wrong, Travis, it's me laughing because the way you said it was like so cute.

I enjoyed it a lot. Yeah, we only laugh at the way Justin says stuff. Sonic Drive-In is ready to transport fans to, excuse me, transport fans to a world of whimsical wonder with its newest, most wonderful creation yet, the Unicorn Dream Slush. Prepare to be enchanted as the limited time slush arrives at Sonic locations nationwide on May 5th.

But those eager for a little extra sparkle can unlock early access through the Sonic app starting today, April 28th. What the app, dude? So if you order them before that, they're gonna be like, how did you know who told you? Yeah. That's only available through the app.

The vibrant pink cotton candy slush is swirled with blue raspberry flavor bubbles. Topped with a fluffy cloud of whipped topping and a sprinkle of shimmering pink cotton candy sugar crystals. With every sip, a little bit more enchantment fills the air. Your kid's vomit is gonna look so beautiful later on. Never before.

There's unicorn horn straws free with every unicorn dream slush starting May 5th while supplies last. Okay. Not legit unicorn horns though. No, that's illegal. Now, thanks Biden. But the straw itself is tapered to the top.

You ain't getting Bubba through that, no way. No boba, no boba. No boba, no boba, no boba. No boba bubbles. No boba bubbles. I also love that they got their own spin on boba pearls. It's probably the same thing, but you called them flavor bubbles

for the folks who think they don't like boba pearls. Yeah, these are flavor bubbles. Fans are invited to share their own wishes and whimsical moments inspired by the legendary wish awakening unicorn horn straw by visiting hashtag wish sip believe on social media. Wish sip believe? Sorry, wish sip believe? Can I get a quick check from my lead CSI researcher

Griffin McElroy? Pretend I've pulled up to your computer, Griffin, what do you got on this hashtag? Wish sip believe. from my lead CSI researcher Griffin McElroy. Pretend I've pulled up to your computer, Griffin, what do you got on this hashtag? Wish, sip, believe. Enhance. Oh wow, this is actually a breaking news story. It's a friend of the show, Liz Gilbert's next book.

I'm fucking stoked for this one, dude. Yeah, and the secret this time is to make a little wish and then you have a sip, usually of a Sonic Slush, and then you just kind of wait. You just kind of wait for it. Did you say a Masonic Slush? Because yes, Griffin, now we're talking. Okay, drink from the Masonic Slush

and let Liz Gilbert shepherd you to the fulfillment. They produce it in the light of the full moon at your local chapter. Everyone knows how you make a Masonic Slush, Griffin. You don't have to go into it. Here's a quote. We developed the Unicorn Dream slush to be more than just a drink. It's a Masonic pledge.

To devote your life. No, it's an entire culinary experience. Oh. It's bursting with fantastical fun and flavor in every sip, said someone from Sonic. With its playful pink colors, blue raspberry flavor bubbles, and the accompanying unicorn horn straw. It is a treat for the senses and the imagination,

and guaranteed to make every moment sparkle. You know what else I'll remind you, if your Sonic beverage sends your imagination spinning with the light, you should probably go outside more, look at a river, anything. Just anything at all. River's just so badass. Colonary experience is such a fun thing to use

as like a thing to be striven for because you know what else is like a culinary experience? Finding a piece of glass in your hamburger. Like that's a culinary experience. It doesn't mean good. This expands it though Travis. So when my kids intentionally upend this $18 drink in my big beautiful Buick, they'll say,

no, no, no, we weren't supposed to drink it, Dad. See, this is all part of the experience. It's a fun mess. We make these sometimes. Fun, fantastical mess. We're like the river queen fairies of the mess anyway. You get the idea. And you'll be able to smell it in the interior

of your car for the next two years. This, it's all a sensory experience. Be living with it. Yeah, Cooper has been enjoying an Easter bunny that she left in the backseat for a week. And then we had a hot day and I saw her dip her finger into the puddle and thought,

hey, I'm gonna clean that out. It's time. I got to go use somebody. Not her emergency rations. I know. Yeah. Sorry, Coop. How about another question, guys?

Yeah. Do we have time? Yeah. Tell somebody else. I was having lunch outside today when someone came out to eat as well. I work at a large hospital so I never met this person. I was sitting on a bench further away,

but this other individual sat at one of the tables that are near a very obvious goose nest. The goose nest has been there about a week. You've really been paying very close attention to this. Congratulations. I've tried to sit as those tables since the goose nest has appeared, but one of the geese got mad, so I don't sit there anymore.

When this unknown coworker sat down, the goose got mad. It flew at them and started honking and hissing. And the coworker started running around and yelling, but the goose kept chasing. The coworker... Yeah, this part is where it does cross a line. You all right? The coworker yelled, help, and get it.

Help! Get it! get it! At one point they tripped and fell over. Oh, fuck man. I was the only other person around and I was watching the incident, but it didn't really occur to me that they were yelling for my help. I don't know what I could have done

to improve the situation. Eventually other people came out and ushered the employee back inside. What's my responsibility in this goose attack? Should I warn people in the future to just not sit there? And that's from Troubled in Tulsa. No, can't do that. That's too much to put on you

because if you become the Batman of this bench just to make sure, no, don't do it, that goose will go fucking crazy on you. That is not something that you're gonna feel super comfortable saying to a bunch of different people. It shouldn't be your job. You're right, you shouldn't have to make the people afraid, Griffin.

You should have to make the geese afraid. Good luck. The geese need someone who says, hey, if you step out of line, if you come at humans, there's someone watching the humans. Yeah, I understand, Justin. You need a goose costume of your own to be a bigger goose, to establish dominance.

Exactly what I was heading towards. Thank you, you read my mind. Yeah, I get it, man. Bigger goose. Bigger goose. I'd swear on a stack of Bibles, we just did another goose-based, work-based sort of experience. Did we say in there something about

like having your own dro-bilt Taylor goose that shows up to present you for Mother Goose? Rachel, could we just play whatever we said for that goose-based, work-based answer? Cause that would be like, if we could just coast on that for a minute, I'm sure what we said then was funny. The problem is, you're worried about making amends

with the goose. Okay. Maybe everyone else has established goose dominance. Yeah, yeah. How do they do that? Head bunk. That does seem like maybe the only thing a goose would understand. Yeah, you're not going to be able to like show your goose your bank account and they're

like, whoa, man, real high earner. Sit them down, show them pictures of your kids. Like I'm happy. I'm totally satisfied with my life. And the goose is like, damn, you got it all figured out, Reggie. Damn, man, I wish I was you. Shit, dude.

Maybe you're the lucky goose. How much could we charge freaks for an all goose episode of this show? Because I feel like you could stitch together a very, very high quality. Sponsored by Great Goose, Alaka show. Cause I feel like you could stitch together a very, very high quality, very erotic hour. Early in this, early in this series, I also remember we talked a lot about like, like making love with a Goose, like how cool.

Tender, like yeah. How cool that would be. And like thinking about it now, it's like, why would I say that? That seems like a wild thing to say. You weren't a father then? I wasn't a father then. It does occur to me that with 761 episodes under a belt,

we could make clip shows an hour long, themed around any topic I bet that you could think of. We could pull things where we talked about that. The Grinch. Oh yeah. Grinch, hour long Frasier sowed. I mean like, yeah absolutely. Six, a six day long horse, horse travaganza.

That's possible. When they were saying, help, get it. Now they were under duress, we can agree on that. Okay, Travis, yeah, these are two different moments. Right, help, help you might yell at any time without really thinking about it, right? That's impulsive. Get it is like, is where the mood is shifting.

Get the goose? It's a violent request. It's like, you have to use your body to get it. Get it. I can't get it. I can't get it. Its attentions are on me. My ability to get it is nil. I'm too scared to get it. I can't get it. Its, its, attentions are on me. My ability to get it is nil.

I'm too scared. You can get it. I'm too scared to get it. I need you to be brave and get it. Right now. Get it. Like kill it or just grab it. Squeeze it.

Buy it, lift it, now update it. It's incredible power of geese is they can make people forget the kicking exists. Uh huh. Because if you have the power of kicking, no goose can stand against you. It's just that you don't want to kick a goose. Yeah. And that's pretty good.

Yes. This is my theory, Justin. Congratulations. The goose is intimidating psychologically. Yeah. But not physically in such a way that you would feel good about doing damage to it. Listen, a hot shot over here who doesn't have a goose actively attacking him in this moment. If you did, your tone would be different, I bet.

You wouldn't be like, you're not so tough, Mr. Goose. No, no, no, I'm saying I would be terrified of a goose chasing me, right? But if I get home from work that day and I walk up to my beautiful wife who has to love me because we're married and I say, baby, guess what I did today? Kicked the goose in the fucking face.

She's not gonna cheer for me. If that person said, get it, and you ran over and absolutely punted that thing, I mean, housed it, shuck that bad boy 20 yards. Is that person gonna look at you like, thanks chief? Are they gonna look at you like, you fucking psychopath. And you say, you say get. When you say get, I thought you meant shank it 20.

What? What do you think I was gonna do with it? What if, what my, okay, maybe there's a subconscious fear in all of us that we'd run up to punt the goose, kick it, make contact and it would maybe budge an inch and then just turn and look at us as we backed away rubbing our now sore ankle. punt the goose, kick it, make contact, and it would maybe budge an inch and then just turn and look at us as we backed away rubbing our now sore ankles.

I think my greater fear, Trav, is that it would not move, but my foot would just bury the chest of the goose, just exploding it. Like I would just feel its av ambient bone shatter around my foot as the wound began gushing goose blood everywhere. And the cops show up. The cops show up, they're like, he said get it.

He's responding, he's an accessory. He said get it, he knows I'm on a short fuse. And then you gotta go to Randy Johnson's support group. Talk about like, I didn't think that would happen to the bird. Whatever Randy Johnson had the ball at the time, like you're not gonna get me, there's no way. There's no way I can't do it again.

He was so good at pitching, he would get bored on the mound, so he was like, let's see if I can hit that bird. Oh, fuck. Now we could do an episode about Randy Johnson. Yeah, put it forward to Randy Johnson blowing up a bird jar. I think we-

Maybe have Randy Johnson show up to talk to the bird. They have to know, yeah. Hey folks, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed yourself. Thank you to everybody who came out and saw us at the Harmony House Ren Fair last weekend. Presumably that all went off without a hitch. We're recording it beforehand, so I don't know,

but I hope so. Thanks for coming if you came out. We have some new merch, really exciting. Never had anything like this in our store before. We've got some flaming, not poisoning, raging tea of doom, a spicy caffeine-free tea in collaboration with Good Store Tea. I've got some of their tea.

It kicks ass. I'm so excited for this collab. I'm so excited for this tea. And a Plato's Rave 1 Rave 1000 piece puzzle with artwork by Danielle Birch and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So make sure you check that out, macroymerch.com and there's so much other stuff on there too.

Yeah, we got some live shows coming up too. We got tickets on sale for shows coming up in Michigan, Minnesota and Ohio for MbemBem and Taz. All the Taz shows are gonna be Taz versus. We're doing some cons, we're gonna be at Origins Game Fair in Columbus and DragonCon in Atlanta doing stuff. You can find out all of that scheduling stuff and get tickets over at bit.ly slash McElroy Tours.

Thanks to my- We haven't mentioned it in a while, but we got, if you go to McElroyfamily.card with two R's,.O, we have places over there that we have partnered with before and nonprofits that we've worked with and stuff like that. So if you're, I don't know, looking for a way to help or a place to get involved, maybe check that out, macroyfamily.card.co.

Thanks to Montaigne for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better with You. I am personally a huge fan of Montaigne for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You. I am personally a huge fan of Montaigne's Body of Work, and this song in particular is especially meaningful because it's on our show and I hear it a whole lot. So thank you very, very much, Montaigne. That's a good point, Griffin. Thank you for sharing that.

That was very vulnerable of you. Thanks. And I respect that immensely. Good for you, Griff. Who's Got a Fear? Oh, boy. Griffin, why don't you read it this time? Sure, I'll do it. This year, I'm gonna get faster than my fear of giant foods. The grocery store chain?

Or giant foods! You know what? It works both ways. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother, me. Kiss your dad square on the lips. Oh, it's better, it's better with you Because it's true Oh, it's better, it's better with two Boy, oh, it's better with you