My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 80: For and By Dummos

Episode Date: November 15, 2011

This week's episode is a little late, because Griffin spent all weekend in New Orleans. On the plus side, he speaks with a cajun accent the whole time! On the minus side: It is incredibly offensive to everyone. Suggested talking points: Creepin', Vitamin Caddy, Heartpool, Infected City, Arcade Fire of 1972, Dovahkiin, My Gushers, Yellowcard

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hey, welcome folks. This is my brother, my brother, maybe me, and my show for the mon air. We're just heating up for the holiday season. Are we already on that creep? We're gonna record our Christmas episode now, and then can you save it? Promise you don't listen to it until then. Now, every episode is gonna be a Christmas episode.

We love getting into the spirit. My argument is, if Starbucks has got a red cup, I've got the light of Jesus's birth in my heart. That is my one to one. Do not look directly at that birth. That was very bright, but it's like a flash bang. Unfortunately, if Starbucks has a white cup, we're empty and soulless inside. Who's Jesus? Who? I don't know. Tell me, Starbucks. Only Starbucks remembers Jesus. You can get a CD up at the checkout. You want Buble? Did you want Buble or you want Jesus? You know, Buble's putting out a Christmas album. It's a game changer. It's a Jesus and it's Nora Jones together again.

Oh, Jesus. I do miss him. This is an advice show for the modern era. We are on our holiday creep, on the Christmas creep, a slow death march to birth of Jesus. And then to 2012, and then it's all over. And then in 2012, Ragnarok, it's gonna be great. But for now, we still have a lot of people that need our help. And we're going to be here with you until Quetzalcoatl unhinges his jaw. Until judgment day. Until Swallows this world whole. And we will be probably live streaming that when that event happens. But for right now. Quetzalcoatl takes our torsos from us. Yeah, flies them into heaven. Give that back. Hey, hey. I was using that torso, Quetzalcoatl. God, I hope I pronounced that wrong.

It's it's so key. Hey, I'm a married 30 year old dude with two young ones, self employed, good at projects, or complete projects on my own. I want to do a little self improvement, eat better, spend less money on junk food, lose the gut, stop biting my nails, etc. But I always fail to follow through on any self improvements I want to make. Where do I get the willpower to follow through on making a better me Willis in Watertown? You know how to do it. Yeah, they actually sell willpower now in different ways. You just got to seek it. You got to seek it out. Like for instance, I've been really bad about taking my vitamins every day. So yesterday I went to the Walgreens and I bought new vitamins. I bought

some Genesis Today immunity boosting superfruit gummies and some fish oil. And I bought one of those seven day, sort of like one of those advent calendars, but for old people who forget to take their medicine. Yes. And now I put my vitamins in that. Wait, hold on a second. Are you telling me that you, my 17 year old little brother is rocking a pill caddy? Yeah, I got a pill caddy. You have a pill caddy? It's sleek and it's stylish. I picked the one that had this font that's now. That's now and today. Do you find it difficult finding a place to keep that on your rascal? Did you pick the one when you picked it? Did you consider your children or perhaps your children's children reluctantly throwing it away after you die? Oh, he didn't take Sundays.

Look, look at this. This Saturday is the last one he took. I hate to throw it away, but listen, he paws not in that pill caddy. He's up in heaven. Listen, you look at that pill caddy and you think this is an 80 year old man, but you pop it, you pop that treasure chest and you see those immunity boosting superfruit gummies from Genesis Today. You know that this is a young man's game. You know what? I want to get one of those pill caddies now and just fill it with jelly bellies. You're saying these are Tuesday's jelly bellies. If you don't have a pill caddy now, you're not going to live to need one. Are you guys taking your superfruit? I don't know what you're saying. I just exercise. How do you feel about acai?

I feel like your superfruit gummies, it sounds like they might have gelatin in it or some other animal based product and of course that's against my lifestyle, so. Just as a sign up so that people at home know, when Griffin says he's superfruit gummies, he's talking about sour patch kids. He doesn't know any better. Yeah, we told him that those are, long time ago, we told them those are superfruit gummies. If you hear him talk about eating. The red ones make me strong. They're the ones making him strong. If you hear him talk about eating a health sponge, that's a twinkie, what you got right there. He does not know. It's full of life cream. What? Life cream. That's okay. No, don't say that. Look, it's an energy meat on a

supermine. That's a Big Mac. Yeah, that is a hamburger you're eating there. You are. As far as like finding the willpower to do it, I like to surround myself with friends that will just like reach out and poke my muffin tops and just be like, hey, you look fat. You look fat today. I'll get you out there running. The problem is you're trying to fix too much because if you're trying to fix four things, then when your willpower falters, you're going to let one of them go and think, well, I'm going to jettison this, but I'll keep the other things. It's like a, you know, like taking on water, right? You're going to bail something over through your, through your stop biting my nails, boudoir over the edge of the Titanic, just so you could preserve the

lose the gut, uh, uh, armor. So you got to pick one thing and stick with it. And you got to set a reward, a goal for yourself. Say, if I lose these 30 pounds or whatever it is, I want to buy myself a shredden electric guitar. Yeah. You know, something I can, like Stevie Ray Vaughn, like SRV with rock. And then you got to stick to it and you can't be like, well, three pounds. Well, I'm still getting my guitar. I'm going to get a tenth of a guitar. You can't work that way. It's not going to be any good to you. Just cut the bridge. Health is all about tricking yourself and thinking these horrible, horrible things you have to do to keep yourself from dying are really fun. That's why I'm down with that fidocracy jam. It turns like exercise and they're like an RPG.

And it's like, you get 10 constitutions and also no diabetes. No, exercise is a constant battle to realize that the extension of your life by five or 10 years is still, it is infinitesimal in the grand scheme of things. Though university has been around for millions of years, you're 60 years, bumping it up to 70 convincing yourself like that matters is the secret behind exercise. If you guys can figure that out, well, please, by all means, you host this show because I don't know. You know, psychologically, you can't look past giving yourself a gold star chart. Like it's very childish, but man, it works. It feels good to slap a gold star up on the wall. It feels good to empty a caddy. You guys need to get down with my way

of living. I'm telling you, it feels good when you remember like, oh, it's Tuesday. Pop, pop, pop, pop. Nothing better than a clean-pilled caddy. Oh, is that what it sounds like? The sound effects probably help. Get as many gummies as you can because they're the new thing. They're new. They're what's now. They're super frit. Get healthy. Hey, brothers, there's this girl I met in my college class. I really like her. That sounds like something somebody would say who doesn't really go to college. I met her in a college class. We had all the other football studs working on our mathers. Okay. So I really like her. She's seen really into me and she asked for my number. We've been texting for about three weeks. Then I found out she has a boyfriend.

She constantly goes on about how awesome and funny I am. And we've hung out a few times as well as gone out to eat. She's even told me the last time we went out that her and her BF were having some fights and might break up. Is this the way boys and girls act as friends in real life? Or is she lining me up for after love struck in the US? She is playing pool with hearts. Yeah, she's a heart pull. You got your eight ball lined up over your quarter pocket. But she got to sink that four ball first. She's shooting that four ball in a manner that will leave the cue lined up to sink the eight. At best, she is lining you up for after she breaks up with her boyfriend. At worst, she is using you to feel better about the fact that she is having

fights with her boyfriend. Oh, God, she's doubling down. That's not a poker metaphor. Yeah. And at both, you are on the short end of this particular relationship stick, my friend. You are a pawn in this game. Why do people ask us the questions that it would solve their problem to ask the other person? Yeah. Listen, just take this copy and paste it and sex it over to her. Just send it. Like, hey, what's up? What is the question and a picture of my dick? Just real quick. Give you a full picture. I'll give you a scope of the situation. There's a rat. This is one of those. Okay. I think a new good yard stick for problems is if you're not comfortable asking the person this question, there's a problem. Yeah. Like, if you are having

this doubt that you aren't comfortable bringing up with the other person, it's bad times. It's a bad scene. At very best, you are emotionally cuckolding this gentleman. Yeah. You don't want to be that guy. You don't want to be the Mr. Consolation or Mr. You're not a solution. You're not the fixall to all of life's problems. You're just a guy trying to make his way. Especially because it is a trap to be the better than the boyfriend guy. Oh, yeah. Because, one, you're setting yourself up on a pedestal and she's like, you know, she's sitting, this guy is great. Why is my boyfriend more like him? He's great. And then you're a normal guy, just like everyone else. So you got problems, you got shortcomings, just like everyone else. You're not better than this guy.

You're just different from that guy. And then two, she has a boyfriend. Like, do you really want to be with someone that is with someone else and wanting to date you? Like, that doesn't bode well for the future. Yeah, that's a troubling thing about her character, I think. But you might be reading too much into it. Maybe she's not seeing the situation this way. It sounds like she is. But of course, you've only got your perspective, so it's hard to say. Why don't you pump the brakes? And then if she breaks up with her boyfriend, then you can pick back up on this storyline. But for right now, there's too much going on that you probably don't want to be a part of. I'm saying, even let her know that and say, hey, I think you're great and I have a really great time

with you. But until this whole boyfriend situation gets worked out, I think we should just be friends and cool it, you know, with like the going out and hanging out and stuff like that. That's not going to work though, because he really likes her. You can't be friends with someone you really like. First, he has to really like himself. You gotta, you gotta just, there's no way that this situation can unfold. That's not going to end with Joey Greco kicking down your door. Like, hey, hey, I knew all along. Gotcha. On his show. Gotcha. You know, if you go into this relationship and you, you are going in as the guy she left the other guy for it, your bar is going to be way high. Exactly. Right out of the gate. I, I believe personally

that the first two weeks of your relationship should be the equivalent of signing a release form before you bungee jump. As if to say, if you are still here, you fully understand the risks that you are taking on in this, in this situation. I like that. It should be the very worst of you. And if she's still there, nowhere to go but up. It's the on ramp onto the highway. Exactly. The opportunity like swerve into the shoulder. Lady, this is the highway to disappointment and you should probably just pull off and stop at that freshest big boy and drive your sorrows in a cup of mud. This coffee's good, by the way. I'm having some coffee on my own. I really do think that this is one of those situations where you're going to save yourself so much heartache

by just having the conversation. Just you got to be. Also, it's so adult and mature to have that conversation. I think it makes you look really good. If you don't approach it like, bitch, you're playing me. If you're like, Hey, listen, let's. Well, no, sorry. Approach it like, what? I said what I said. How do you think? We all heard. Sorry, let's go ahead. I'm just, I'm disappointed in Travis. I am as well. I too am disappointed in my performance. You got to run away. Run away from a baby because. Run far and fast. It's going to hurt. It's going to hurt even if you come to her and have a convo. How's that convo? Because it's going to be pretty bad. It's going to be rough for you, going to be rough for her.

You've realized the situation. You see this train just screaming towards you. You don't try to have a convo with the train like, Hey, would you mind? Oh, you gingerly step off the tracks and then run away. Right. There is, there is the possibility with the conversation option that you started to have the conversation. She says, I have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah, or she says, Oh, but I don't. And then she pulls out a boob and then you're sunk. You sunk. That's always a danger. Sure. So maybe this is a situation if you just go into it and keep your wits about you and keep your head on a swivel and you know that there might be some shady business going on, like you already leaps and bounds like ahead of everyone else. So if you go into this

going, this could turn out badly. I need to protect myself here and just be careful. You know, it'll end up being great and true love and awesome. I really feel like this is one area where our, you know, our past of arranging marriages and the very sort of direct way that those situations were handled. Like the one sort of leg up it has on our modern system is that by our sort of modern etiquette, there's not even a way to have a con. It's like getting an actor's equity card. Like you can't get into an equity show without the card, but you can't get the card unless you're in one of the shows. That's what like, that's the sort of position we've painted ourselves into with relationships these days. Like you're, you're, we're so used to sort of like

our online interactions and, and, and, and, you know, disassociating through texts and stuff like that, that we've lost that very basic ability to go to somebody and say, Hey, I'm going to have this conversation with you face to face. And I miss that. That's something that business like sort of, uh, you know, I would like to court you. We are courting now. I'm, you can either wear my pen, here is my room. Please sign this document. Griffin, do you have a Yahoo question, a Yahoo answer that you can take? I have five. Yeah. Read all of them back to back to back to back to it. Okay, here we go. Um, this Yahoo was, uh, this Yahoo was sent in by Lisa Holofield. Thank you, Lisa. It's by Yahoo Answers user Matt L who asks cool band names for metal band.

My band has been wanting to do a show for some time now, but we have one small problem. We can't think of a good band name. We are a metal death metal band and our songs are original. Please help. Mercury. Travis says Mercury. Justin, do you have any other Greek gods slash planets that you want to drop off? I was actually going for, uh, metallic, uh, substance. You clever fuck. I know, right? God, that's good. Yeah. It's really juicy. It's a really, it's a really juicy vein of comedy. You struck a real nice vein. Uh, these walls go 10 feet deep. You know what helps, uh, any joke if the person has to have a rudimentary understanding of, uh, the chemical table before they, uh, laugh at it. Yeah. Yeah. Which in this, this day and age, most people do, I would say,

breaking bad. Yeah. Everybody knows most of the symbols now. Yeah. And it is not at all called the chemical table. What the fuck is it called? Periodical table of elements. There it is. You idiot child. Are you sure it's periodical and not periodic? It's periodical. Sometimes it's there. Sometimes it's not. It's a magazine table of magazines. This is a show for stupid. Like we're, it's made by four and by four and by Demos. Uh, do you guys want to hear some of the responses that yeah, who has provided? Yeah, I do. Uh, we just, we says glass rose, guilty witnesses, guilty witnesses, unfortunate, unfortunate residents, holy sins. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Unfortunate residents? This, I love this apartment. The, the, the, the roofing is just terrible.

There is, there is blood everywhere. Yeah. How unfortunate. Unfortunate residents. It's great. Our neighbors are very noisy. Um, holy sins, flesh deep, Saturday night. Well, flesh deep. He's just combining two things that don't mean the same thing. Also flesh deep, it's not that deep. Friend? No, but he's saying that like holy sin. Two things together. This is fire. This is great. Rainy sun. Uh, two and a half blank bodies, knives, IDK. Wait, what? Two and a half men? Two and a half men, sure. Two and a half. That, I think it's a, I think he's saying you should make your death metal band a parody off two and a half men's name. Two and, like two and a half bodies.

Humanities experiment. That's okay. It's, it's me, Drew has some really good ones. Oh God, I was hoping that was the name of the band. It's me, Drew. It's me, Drew, time to rock. And also I need to borrow like 50 bucks. Yeah, it's me, Drew, drops club bangers like gorging through infected city. The city sucks. Uh, engaging fate, burning, burning savior. Gunning down hatred. Get over here, hatred. You're a death metal, like up with the people band. Yeah. We're bringing down hatred. Time to work it out. Let's have a power out. Be nice to your dad. Falling into purgatory, smoke, smoking infection, or maybe smoking infection. Um, what about just trust, trust falls? How that made

me. Oh, it's a death metal man. Ladies and gentlemen, we are hands around the world. Hellbreak. Hellbreak. Oh, it's 1030. Time for a hellbreak. That's what, uh, hellbreak is what Satan takes every time he goes up to produce a new Dave Matthews band album. I'm on a hellbreak. Just chilling. Hey, I like any band name that when your fans come to the fans, I use the term loosely when random people wander, when random people wander into the venue and they go, excuse me, what, what's the name of this? Gorging through. Okay. Cool. What does that mean? I don't know. Um, but I definitely don't want a t-shirt. I'm, I'm just sticking around. Excuse me. May I gorge through? Okay. Your best bet I think for this particular band is to pick a name

that is almost the name of another metal band so that people will get confused and come see your show. Scuttle of mud. Yeah. Scuttle of mud. Did you just go see Metallica's? It's the plural. It's Metallico. I went and saw Spain this weekend. They were awesome. They did that one song. If I could drop a stained parody title right now, that would be really good. I want to see G.O.D. That's good. That's a band, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's a band that's still relevant that anybody listening to the show knows who it is. I'm going to go see 411. They're definitely right. That is Justin. That is not even a, that is so far from a metal band. Amber is the color of your blood.

Let's move on. Hey, Metal, your whole universe is the fucking pits. Just quick side note here before they move on. Your world sucks. It's an affected city over there. I hate it. I just have to make my opinion here known and that is that it's a joke. You're a joke. It's like listening to a 56K modem dial-up. You're a joke. Hey, people say to us, my brother, my brother and me, you guys are good and we like our questions that we send in, but why can't some famous people get involved? I want to hear the quandaries of the superhuman, by which we mean of course other hosts of podcasts. This is part two in our ongoing celebrity feature. This week we have a question from our dear friends,

Tim and Simon, who of course from the UK hosts Tim and Simon's brains bill. Can we title this segment of the show Internet Celebrities? They're just like us. Yes, we can. This is part two of Internet Celebrities. They're just like us with our friends, a Tim and Simon. Greetings, brothers Macaroy. Hello from the other side of the Atlantic. We are Tim and Simon. My name's Simon. And my name is Tim. You may know us from our podcast, Tim and Simon's Brains Bill. We have a quandary for you guys. Yeah, we are only 24 years of age. Yeah, yet lots of people confuse us for being much older, usually in our mid 30s. Yeah, that's mainly you though. You've got a face like a withered old man. You're like Benjamin Button in the early

stages of his life. I am. And it doesn't help that I've had a beard since I was born. That's true. That is true. I was born with a beard. Yeah, I've got no real excuse. I just got a haggard old face. We just both look a bit older than I is. So what we need is advice from you. So people stop thinking they were older than 24. How can we make ourselves appear like 24 year olds and not like middle age men? Tim and Simon, thank you so much for your question. I think your first problem is your dialect. Yeah, I think when people think British, they think been around forever. Old news, old old old empire, dusty, dusty, I think maybe even if we can say dusty. People think of Peter O'Toole like right out the gate. Pretty much every British person is Peter Peter O'Toole

if you have that accent. So the first thing you've got to youngen that up. What are some upcoming ethnicities or regions that they could maybe emulate the dialects of to get it? I think like at the USA level, you're just going to sound ridiculous. You're going to sound like the guy from Avatar because no one can really nail that American sound. No, we're so special. We're very special is the thing. What about Esperanto? Well, another language. So not exactly. Then there would be I mean, it would be hard to understand, which I don't know if you guys agree with this, but I think that youth culture is very difficult for me to understand. So maybe that's an approach that you take. Is is is it possible to say things in the English language in a Japanese

dialect without sounding racist? No, no, it's not. Believe me, I've been experimenting with this for years after extensive testing on the periodical table. Travis has discovered that you can know you cannot emulate a Japanese accent without not only that, but there are a lot of Ruby Tuesdays. I am no longer welcome. Hey guys, maybe just maybe just some baggy pants. What do you think of that? And like I'm with stupid shirts. Just back up your face. Just sag them out and then I'm a stupid shirt. Sag it and and maybe can we can we do can we freshen up those Nick? Can we can Tim become Timmy and Simon become Simmy? Simmy. No, welcome to Timmy and Simmy's brain, Spimmy. I think that what Ollie says young, get a backpack.

Or that also can say I live with my mom. Maybe a backpack or maybe like a drug addiction. That's pretty young. That's pretty hip. Yeah, kids love that. Beth. I whenever I wear a ball cap to a bar, I'm always carted because a ball cap makes me look like not only a young child, but a young sick child. Like your make a wish was to go to a bar. Yeah, like you can't drink you of tuberculosis. Like I promise I don't. Hey, I don't remember. One of you has a beard. Man, listen, I know beard is a rock and look, but nothing says like I'm an old man like a beard. Unless you unless I haven't gotten carted. Unless you braid it. Yeah, throw a pigtail on that bitch. Braid it and then start playing violin for Arcade Fire and you are off to the young races.

I have to stop the show right now and ask if Arcade Fire is the only band that Justin knows exists because every time every time we talk about young people, it's always join the Arcade Fire with you. What you're going to want to do is tell people you're a member of the Polyphonic Spree. Here's the thing with the Arcade Fire. OK, I will tell you the Arcade Fire is great value as a comedy resource for someone who's like myself now 31 years old and a steady descent into 40 and irrelevance like Arcade Fire. First off, nobody knows who's in it because there's so many of them. So that's good. It's an unbearably pretentious name that is inherently kind of funny and two and three. Nobody really knows what instruments are in it. So like you can pick

any instrument and no one's going to call you on it. Do you understand? Justin, did you just say that their name is funny? Unbearably pretentious, I think is what I said. I don't know that it references the 1972 Great Arcade Fire. Is that what it references? Yeah, so many Pac-Man games lost their lives. And Pac-Man players. That's where the term Pac-Man fever came from. That's actually burning up. Yeah, Pac-Man fever is literally being caught ablaze while playing Pac-Man. And the problem is they wouldn't stop playing. They were like, no, I still have like two lives left. That's actually how we had no lives left. That's how we lost Billy Mitchell Senior. That's why he swore to beat every video game. He literally reached life's kill screen.

Yeah, quite literally. And then he leveled up to heaven. So make some jokes about Arcade games from 1973. That could help. Youngup, Tim and Simon. Maybe get yourself like an 18-year-old girlfriend. Hey, it's been working for George Clooney all these years. He still looks great. Yeah, look at that hue after. He is timeless. Oh, that's good. That's a deep cut to have a young man for all men with young women. You really went out to the boneyard for that. Literally out to the boneyard in this case, of course. So guys, we hope that that helps you. And if not, maybe you should have paid for a question much like our friends in the Money Zone.

This week, taking us to the Money Zone is Cash Texts. You can sign up right now at cashtextinvite.com. What they are is a new advertising network that will pay you to receive targeted text message coupons and offers for places you already like. And then you can get more money if you refer your friends. I'm getting texts every day that I don't want and I'm paying for them. This will give you texts that you might be interested in and then give you money to text. So you get coupons and offers for getting... Hold on. You get money for getting money, basically. Yes. Basically, yes. So it's like, hey, you checkmarked Starbucks here. So here's a Starbucks coupon and also a

little cash. Also cash to go to Starbucks. It's like getting a ride from your parents and then they give you $5 when you get there. It's like, oh, you guys got me a ride and also some money for it. So thank you. Thank you for this. Your generosity. I'll remember forever. What is... I'm throwing up your pill, Caddy. What is the protocol for cash sex? Sorry. Give you coupons for one free sensual back row. Yeah. They don't have any dirty coupons is one of the problems right now, but they're working that out. They're still in beta. It's in beta, you guys.

It's in beta. Dirty coupons are still in beta. So go to cashtextinvite.com. You can sign up right now. And just to be clear, that's texts with an S. Yeah. Texts. C-A-S-H-T-E-X-T-S-I-N-V-I-T-E.com. That's cashtextsinvite.com. Go register right now. Get paid to get texts. To get paid to have friends. Yeah. And tell us about your friends. And I'll sign them up. And tell your friends about us. Tell your friends about us. Create a chain. Texts. We'll pay you to text. We won't do that, but... No, we don't have any money. We don't have any money, but we're going to have a little bit

now. Thanks to our friends at cashtextinvite.com. Griffin, how about a jingle for our friends at cashtextinvite.com? I can try. It's been so long. You still got that heat? Magic fingers. Let's see if I do. Hey, that's vintage you like it's on sale. Here's a dollar. Do you need a back grub? Four or five bucks you do. And here's the five bucks you need to get the back grub that we mentioned to you on your cell phone. No, we don't advertise for pro job stores yet, but we'll get around to it. We are cash techs. Oh, let me try one more time. Let me do it. No, that was good. No, that was great. There's no

reason to try again. Okay. You nailed it. Cashtextinvite.com. Thank you guys so much. Hello there. My name is Graham Clark. And I'm Dave Shumka. And together we host a podcast called Stop Podcasting Yourself. This is a file that you download from the internet and then you listen to it in your pod. What's that about you ask? Well, who are you to ask? Who do you think you are? Yeah, get lost, bozo. We're a couple of standup comedians in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and every week we bring a guest on the show. Sometimes they're Canadian, sometimes they're not, sometimes they're a ghost. It's like you're sitting in on a friendly afternoon chat. Plus, we're Canadian, so you get a tax break. You can find us on iTunes or online at maximumfun.org.

Do you guys want a yahoo? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Well, not if you're going to be so shitty about it. Yes! Why do you always ask like we've ever said no? Just tear right into it. Like a, like a fat kid. Hey, motherfuckers. It's yahoo time. Like a fat, like a fat kid eating a health sponge. Just dig right in. In case anyone is wondering, yahoo time is a great name for a metal band. Yeah, so is brain spill. We're yahoo serious time. Let's do it. We are the yahoo serious fan club. This is, this one's going to be timely. This one was sent in by Michael Cornely. Thank you, Michael. It's by yahoo answers user Jamie, who asks, my boyfriend is addicted to Skyrim? Okay, so yesterday my BF got Skyrim, a random game. First off, Jamie, no. It's a fantasy epic

from Bethesda. Learn something. And ever since he's been playing it so much, usually if he gets a game, he would just play it for one or two hours and get bored of it. But he's been playing this thing for at least nine hours straight now. The only things he would get up from the computer is to go to the bathroom. He wouldn't even bother to get food and I was scared that he would starve, so I ordered him some pizza and then he just ate it by the computer while playing. When I went to bed, he was still playing. When I woke up this morning, he was still playing. Usually he likes sex at least twice a day, but he won't leave the computer even to have sex. So since I'm always thinking of him, I gave him a BJ and the whole time he was still on the computer.

I'm so worried. Your boyfriend has the best life. I'm so worried about him. What should I do? Hey, hey lady, your boyfriend's a goddamn mastermind. With the magic by the virtue of playing this, he played the video game so hard that you delivered him pizza and blowchops. What are you talking about? Whilst playing the game, he was simultaneously playing you. Right. Like, and you won. Do you realize how mad you've driven him with, like, he has the power? Yeah, you can never retrieve this relationship. It's over. And while getting a blowtop, it was just chanting,

What are you doing, lady? Have you not been, like, in a relationship before? That's not how you get anything. Here, I got you this pizza. Please be okay. I'm so worried about you. Please, I got you these blowjobs. You just have to live. If you, the only way that his life could have been better is if you had said he had figured out a way to not have to get up to also go to the bathroom. Right. Like, if he had worked out some kind of complex poly system. I love my boyfriend so much that I gave him the human centipede. It was really important to him to. I bought him a chamber pot. Griffin, can you, can you read? Oh, sorry, go ahead. What you gotta do is you gotta get a pizza and make a blowjob face. I'm

not sure how that part would work. And you put it near him and you throw it against the wall. And you say, nope. That's, that's. So you throw your face against the wall? The blowjob face pizza against the wall. Yeah. Griffin, are you on? Get a pizza. Are you on muscle relax? I'm on some sort of relax. What you gotta do is you got to get a pizza and spell out the words blowjob question mark in pepperonis. And you give that to him and then right when he's about to take his first bite, you slap it out of his hand and you say, maybe leave this magical world, this magical fantasy dragon filled world and come get this sex pizza instead. Come get this sex pizza. I'm ready. I, I, I know that this is

in no way what the problem is about, but I'm actually more worried about this guy because usually when he spends $50 to $60 on a video game, he plays for an hour and gets bored. Hey, you're wasting your money. Yeah. Are you okay? Like, are you picking shitty games? Are you just like really, really bored really easily? Griffin, can you read the, I saw this yahoo and someone submitted it. Can you read the answer that was, that was also submitted? The top response. The top response is by McNamara who says, why can't I get a girlfriend like you? I don't think that's the one I was thinking of. LM AO, are you for real? You give him BJ while he's playing Skyrim. Try unplugging the computer and stop feeding him. Eventually,

he gets hungry. There was someone who said he could not be addicted because it's only been playing for nine hours. Please just let the man play. I do like that, that she is distracting him with her pizza blowjobs and, and she needs that. That's the greater concern. There is a rampant problem in this country of people distracting their boyfriends while playing Skyrim. Let's get our priorities straight. Those dark brotherhood contracts aren't going to fulfill themselves, right? Hell no. Right. Exactly. I would like to apologize to the non-gaming part of our audience that we just ostracized. Yeah, we'll move on to something else right now. Whenever I'm over at someone's house as a guest, I always get uncomfortable about asking to eat

their food. Even when it's offered to me, my instinctive reaction is to politely decline, unless everyone is sitting down for dinner. This does not happen with acquaintances, as one might expect, but also when I'm at a good friend's house or even my girlfriend's place. I will end up going the whole day without eating sometimes because of this. What am I supposed to do? That's from Hungry Man. You're supposed to eat. Eat the food. You'll die if you don't. Why are you people doing this to us? I went away for a weekend and I starved to death. You're supposed to eat the food. If you go to someone's kitchen and you pop it open and start hunting for gushers and open bags of Doritos, that sucks. Don't do that. But someone's like,

hey, do you want some gushers? Yeah. Didn't you agree? Can I get you something, my man? We have such an overabundance in this country that it is a privilege. It is a genuine privilege. To be able to share with your abundance. It spans all different cultural groups, but the ability to give someone food and give someone something makes the giver feel good as well. So it's like, hey, man, can I get you something from my home to you? And you're like, yeah, I'd love a PB&J. And then they're happy to give you a PB&J. That is not always true. I got to say, I'm sorry, I've never offered gushers to a guest in a manner that wasn't obligatory. I have never in good conscience given a man gushers. Never. Never before, because I just

can't stop thinking about, you pay like three bucks for a box, you only get six packs in the box. So by eating that, the man is eating 50 cents. Okay, so like, for you, it balances out like if you're giving them some rice or like some grains. Yeah. Oh man, take this, Uncle Benz. It's yours. And that's cool. But leave the gushers, but leave the gushers. Like, if you see me go into my kitchen and eat gushers, I don't want to see you looking at me all doe-eyed like, I wish you'd offer me some gushers. You wanted to ask for the gushers? I don't even want them to ask. I want them to respect the privacy of my gushers time. I hate when I get hungry, when I have guests over and I have to eat my secret special food, because they always want it. Okay, but that's

where the good balance is for this dude, is if someone offers it to you, you don't have to take it, but you also don't have to say no. I think he needs to respect and I think he needs to recognize when the food that person is eating is their special food. If they go in the kitchen and start eating some Ritz crackers, yeah, you can go ahead and ask them to break you off a piece, but if they get into some fucking vanilla dip pretzel flips, then guess what? Keep your grubby hands and your mind hands off those flips with a Z. Here, there's double the pourios you got there? Yeah. Yes, they're theirs. Yeah, they're mine. I'd prefer it if you leave me in peace. And don't- Here's the thing, there are very few things that don't hold true for me, but if I'm eating some

fucking Girl Scout cookie, that comes around once a year, you bitch. Yeah. I have a limited supply of my thin mints. And don't say that there's no difference between foods, you bitch, because there is. There is a difference. There's a difference. Some foods are special and you need to keep your hands off. Like for example, you could have my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but you better not lay a finger on my butter finger. Right, exactly. They're mine, please. If there's an ad campaign about somebody trying to get a certain food, you should probably assume that it's not for you because it's prohibitively expensive. Don't take somebody's tricks. Hey, let me get a guest. Tricks are for me. Let me get a dip of that bigly chew. I don't think so. I don't think so. I went

to Rite Aid to get this. I specifically made a trip to this. My solution for Hungry Man is to just never leave the house without a pocket full of gorp. Just you've always got to be able to carve and protein up with whatever's in your pocket. A camel back full of like tomato soup. I like one of those hats with two cans of tomato soup. You just have to politely find a way to say, those gushers look great. I will settle for a toast. Do you have a toast that I can have? Give me your shittiest food that you hate and will never eat. Oh, I think that's a good transition into it. Can I get you something? You say, yes, the worst thing you have. The thing you will never try. I will take those pickled cherries and I will eat that. Yeah, I got some pickled cherries

and I got some Zatarans jambalaya mix that I thought I would eat, but I don't think I ever will do Zatarans. And some half a bag of dry ramen noodles and some Dusseldorf style mustard. Enjoy. He's my favorite Harry Potter character. Style mustard would be a good name for a band, actually. Another thing about if you call your heavy metal band style mustard. Hey, I'm a lady and I'm crushing hard on a guy playing the same Wrecked League. Let him up. Hey, giantess. We play on the same Wrecked League soccer team, so we see each other and have friendly chats once a week. Our team plays late on a weeknight, so there's no going out for drinks afterwards. He's single, straight, and too Italy dreamy.

Can a girl ask out a guy? I mean, it's 2011, right? That's from crushing in Canada. Let me answer your question. It is 2011. That's your query. This is sexist, almost. Hey, you're a sexist. Of course a girl can ask out a guy. You're sexist. I don't even think that's like a debate question. Is it? That's what I'm saying. I don't think you're going to find anybody who goes no. Like, yeah. Hey, lady, are you not, but lady, are you not laying on thick enough? Does he not know? Does he not know? Do you not? I mean... I am saying that anyone can ask anyone out, because guess what? Everyone sucks at it, because you either do it and you're like, you don't kiss your boobs or, hey, let's do a thing, or you're so fucking rico suave that you give

everyone in like a 15-foot cone in front of you douche chills when you ask someone out. I guess it's more that girls are on point, prepared to be asked out by guys. If you ask a guy out, it might catch him off guard and he will then go home and go, did she just ask me out? What was that? In my experience, the only time I've been able to successfully ask people out is when I catch him off guard. Surprise is a huge element of it. Jump out from behind a bush or pop out of the locker. They can't see it coming. It's gotta be like, do you want to go out and can you pass the butter? Because then it's like... Yes? Yes? Okay? You've got a great in, because you're on a soccer team with him. So you can,

like, dive tackle him and then like accidentally end quotes, touches balls while you both are on the ground. Although if you're on the same team, I don't know why you dive tackle him. Oh, because you saw a bee. You saw a bee and so you dive tackled him. So wouldn't that work in your name? Okay, but who can't use the old bee gag? You had a bee landed next to you. You had a bee on your foot and... Oops! Where's my hand? It's on your balls. So that's a good one for guys, too. Guys, you see a lady out there catching your fancy. Just go ahead and tackle her. Just break her down. Just break your feet at her as hard as fast and just fast and furious.

Bring her down the ground. Unfortunately, that is limited to its seasonal, because you can't do that in the winter. Then you have to tackle her and say, I'm sorry, there was a yeti. Yeah, no bee. Now, since they are both on a soccer team, does the ask, does her ask out have to be soccer themed? Because she have to say, like, I'm ready for you to... I'm tired of shingarding my heart. I want you to take a penalty shot at my goal. Let's go get dinner and then go to the yellow card concert. I want to hear Griffin's last question. Is in anything still? I actually want to hear Griffin's last question. I don't know that yellow card was ever a thing.

I want to hear Griffin's last breath. But more than that, I will settle for his last question. When you do a penalty in soccer, the first time you do it, you get a band called yellow. And then the Super Smash Brothers come out. Wait, who are the... No, Bash Brothers, sorry. Sorry, I was going for a mighty dust there and I said, bye. It was Smash Mouth. That's a great name for a metal band. This is... Everything is happening is the worst thing. Thank you so much to our friends, Tim and Simon. You can get their very funny podcast, Tim and Simon Brain Spill. That's timandsimon.co.uk. Go there and absorb them into your heart, into your comedy heart. And I believe they're also

on Twitter as well. But you'll have to go to their website to look that up. I think they might just be at Tim and Simon. So give them a shot. I think you'll really enjoy what they're laying down. We have a new shirt up. It's at maxfunstore.com. It is a brown Peepums nasty gum shirt. It's a real delight. And people are already posting pictures of them wearing the shirt. Viva LaBetty had her shirt on on Twitter. Make sure you check out her feed and see how great that shirt looks. Looks really sharp. Justin and I are still growing mustaches to raise money and awareness for prostate cancer research. So please help support our dream of curing diseases with only our facial hair on our Movember. You can just go to us.movember.com and search for our names

and we'll be right there. And Justin, I don't know about you, but I am looking fabulous. At what level, if you were going to compare it to a celebrity. Sam Elliott. Wow. And you just had that right off the cuff. Yeah. Well, it's because I've been told I went to a wedding this past week and they're like, oh, I didn't know Sam Elliott was going to, wait a sec, wait a tick. Yeah, it's a boy. Mine's more like Elliott from Scrubs. Thank you to everyone tweeting about the show, Daniel and G, Kimba 2042, Jess Bowie, 23, Z-Force 915, everybody, Daryl XD, a lyrical nuisance, Laura Copley, MG Universe as always. Thank you to Bob Ball who does our intro. You can check out his show. It's called Popquisical, a fun, short quiz show that you can play along

with. Thanks to Babylonian for tweeting about the show. Thanks to everybody. It's Danny Love. All of you, you're the best. I want to thank John Roderick and the Long Winners for the use of their theme song. It's a departure off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. It's so fucking good. He's got a new song with Jonathan Colton called Nemesis on Joko's album Artificial Heart that I have listened to probably a thousand times. What a power duo. It's really good. It's so good. Listen to that and buy that Long Winners album and then all the other ones because they're the best band. Okay. And I say, oh, we got this live show coming up. I think we've almost got a locale. Is that accurate Griffin? We do. I'm going to try and knock it down this week. It's in Austin,

Texas if you didn't hear last week. So if you live there, let us know like on Twitter that you're going to go so you can sort of gauge it. Yeah. But listen, I would follow our Twitter feed and join our Facebook group because when those tickets go live, there's not going to be a ton of them. You want to act fast when those go on sale because it's not going to be a huge venue. So you'll want to act fast when those tickets do go on sale. So anything else? Forums? You want to add an ad? You want a personal ad or a corporate ad? Go to maximumfund.org.com or slash jumbotron and we'll set that up for you. And when you go to the forums, make sure you also check out the other wonderful shows

on maximumfund.org network and their forums and just let them know. I'm sure you're not going to go listen to stop podcasting yourself and when you do, make sure that you go to their forums and tell them that the only reason you listen to them is because of us. Yeah, that's going to make them feel great. That's going to drive them crazy with envy. Griffin, I'm ready. This final Yahoo was also sent in by Lisa Hullivill. Thank you, Lisa. It's by Yahoo Answers user ijr who asks, is it considered cheating if you sleep with the demon that is possessing your wife or girlfriend? Justin McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, me and kiss your dad. School wear on the lips.