My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 88: The Lion, The Witch and the Boyskinz

Episode Date: January 23, 2012

My Brother, My Brother and Me 88: The Lion, The Witch and the Boyskinz We're standing alongside our online brethren as we fight off the oppressive chokehold of internet-ruining federal legislation! If you don't find this week's episode amusing, it's because we blacked out all of the potential comedy. That'll teach you, Congress. Suggested talking points: SOPA, Fourthmeal, Oberstian Punishment, YUUUUP, Creeped Off, Buttsongs, Cake Boss

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello, this is my brother, my brother, and me. It's an advice show for the modern era. This week we are protesting SOPA and PIPA, which are two pieces of legislation that, if passed, could kill the internet forever. That is just as dead as it could be. So this week in protest of SOPA and PIPA, we have removed, we've blacked out, if you will,

the comedy from this week's episode. Let me give you guys an example with what we're talking about. Guys, why are we protesting the Spanish word for soup? See, that joke wasn't very funny. And that's the kind of joke, non-joke you're going to expect this week. It's public domain jokes. It's a public domain freeware joke. This is the one, this is the one I came up with. I don't know what the big deal is, without SOPA, how am I supposed to wash it? See, that's a very open source, free share to play, microtransaction joke that we are expecting to populate the entirety of this SOPA specialization. We can also use jokes that have entered the public domain simply by their sheer age being over

and including 75 years old. So Griffin, if I were to say to you, why did the chicken cross SOPA? I don't know, Justin, why? Betty Gray Bowl! That is an example of an old joke that I can use this week. Okay, I'm getting this just in. SOPA was apparently defeated this week. We did it. We did it. I was really proud of everybody. It's a proud share moment here. You're welcome, Internet. I'm your oldest brother and oldest, well, oldest Victor, if you will. Victor. McRoy. I'm Middle East brother and champion Travis McRoy. I am Griffin McRoy, the flag bearer of the army, the internet army, Internet army. I am anonymous. I'm sorry that it had to come out like this, but I'm him.

I am dead mouse. Okay. And I'm Spud MacKenzie. This is our show. Let's go fight the internet. I am Kilroy, 75 years old. Let's get him. My girlfriend and I were planning to go on a double date last night with a couple of our friends who live five minutes away. Me and the lady hang around the apartment doing for an hour without hearing from them until we get a call at 1040 saying we should just meet at the restaurant to save time. The near my restaurant closes at 11. My girlfriend and I were uncomfortable being party to the under the wire dining habit, so we politely told them we'd have to decline. I feel bad for bailing on our plans, but I'd feel just as bad being complicit in their plan to show up at a sit down restaurant 10 minutes

before closing. Did we do the right thing? And that's from non plus to North Carolina. Of course you did the right thing. Yeah, for a number of people, for a number of reasons. First off, you shouldn't eat anything after like eight o'clock or else it just goes that you just convert it straight into sleep and energy, which is to say fat on your low. That's that's carb heavy too. Proteas, sopas, peepas, sopa peepas, sopa peepas. That's all I get. Another order of sopa peepas, please. Just the cold gazpacho sopa. And secondly, who the hell are these friends that they're calling you at 1040 PM? Okay, let's go grab some dinner. That's not dinner. That's fourth meal. They want you to go get fourth meal. Wait, was this Mexican restaurant?

The finest sit down Mexican restaurant in town. Me and Tracy, we're gonna go to get fourth meal at Taco Bell and then take in a late showing of the crazy homeless guy running around the library. Are you in for this evening of glad? Dinner and theater? I'll be there. Add in theater? Couples of my doubt. The homeless man stops running at 1230 and we should get there right around 1215, so everything should work out just great. From working in at least two restaurants that I can remember right now, there is nothing worse than like you've already started your cleanup and like closing duties and you know you're just finishing out your last tables and somebody rolls up with like a party of people and like, hey, you guys aren't closed yet, are you? It's like,

well, no. They might not spit in your food, but you're gonna get a lot of fuck you in that food and it's gonna affect the flavor. I believe it was Carla in season five of Top Chef who made her way into the final three contestants by putting love into her food. Right. This would be the opposite of that would be pure unbridled spite. They take the love out of the food. Yeah, yeah, so this tastes dry to me and I think advice like for future reference, I think the problem is not setting a specific time beforehand and waiting for them to call you, especially these sound like the type of people that do not adhere to normal person schedules, any fourth meal at 10 40 p.m. So maybe the next time you're gonna make

plans with them, nail down like a realistic time to go eat dinner or just stop making maybe they're not plans friends. Yeah, they can be you can be friends just not like double date friends. We've all been there. Oh, they can be like run into at a party friends or like invite over it like you invite them to all your social events. You just don't make them the only thing in the social event because they're gonna show up an hour and a half late and they're gonna Oh, I forgot to bring beer. I'll get you next time. They won't get you next time. No, he's no next time. They'll bail. Those people would rather move than show up on time. Yeah. You can't build your world around them. Hey, dear macaroys, I'm in high school and there's this certain kid who's a total bully.

He and his group gang up and beat down anyone they so well, please. Both myself and many of my friends have reported him in his group, but he never gets any punishment. Would it be okay for me to get a bunch of my friends to teach him a lesson or would I simply be escalating the conflict heroic high school? Oh, no, would it be okay? Absolutely not. Yeah, it's not okay. Like, yes, you will be escalating because that's the definition of the thing. Yeah, that's the definition of escalate. Do you know how bullies get to be bullies? They have mean dads that beat them up and will beat other kids up. Is that what you want? You want to escalate your problem from bullying to mean dad? And also look at this for the future. If you and a bunch of your friends

jump him, he's not going to go, you know, I see your point now and I've decided he's going to wait till the next time you're alone and him and a bunch of his friends are going to jump you. Yeah, you've got to stride right up to him. You got to tap on the shoulder and say, excuse me, sir, and then deck him and then change schools. Yeah, you leave her alone. I'm your time, your son from the future. And you've been beating me up and I travel back in time to tell you don't do that. But every time I try to tell you before you beat me up. So can we go forward? Let's maybe you should be friend him. This is the C we're getting closer to actionable advice now. You got to I think all three of us can speak to this. You got to lean into it. You got to

ride that wave. You got to ride that wave to graduation day and I swear to you, you'll get through. Are you encouraging him to like demand beatings? No, just eat it when they come. Just take them, have it, ingest it, grow from it. Just like dive at the floor. Let his punishment become the fertilizer for your maturity tree. You don't you don't want to end up like bright eyes and only get beat up enough to have enough material for two to three solo independent singer-songwriter albums. You need to be beat up enough that you could have a career of it. You want a Conor Oberst level of getting beat up in high school. Okay, that's that's where we're headed. We want to make you a star. Let's use Ben Gibbard. That's a way better example. Probably got the

shit knocked out of his face every day. And then what happened? He released a bunch of great albums. Married Zooey Deschanel. That one didn't work out so well, but but everything was a beater up. You left all your goddamn sweaters lying around again, Ben. I'm tired of cleaning. Or you could do what I did when I got picked on and I hit him with a trombone case. So you're talking about you're talking about weaponized school supplies. Yeah. Well, I think that the idea of like getting a group of you all together not cool, but like yeah, challenging him to an honorable duel. Trombone cases at dawn. Yeah. You don't think one on one fight might solve this? No, I don't think that two guys hitting each other with a trombone. That sounds like a mating

call for bullies to come in like a bigger bully to come see that fight. And that's not bullying. I'll show you both of you bullying. Oh, you need to find a bigger bully to bully your bully. Yeah. No, that doesn't make any sense. Hey, why don't you, hey guys, why don't you hire Owen Wilson to come and protect you and your friends? It worked on an episode of Doug. Why don't you get your secret agent dad to come protect you like a cougar dagger? Why don't you call Rick Moranis and help you win the big triathlon sports triathlon? Why don't you get the former fat guy for the fat kids camp to come over and teach you how to be good at volleyball? I don't even know how this helps with the bullying anymore.

Why don't you go and with a bunch of your friends and Christopher Lloyd open up your own summer camp because you hate going to piano camp so much and then on the last day at camp you have to put together a parents day. Did you just pull out camp nowhere? I might have pulled that out of my quiver. Yes. You and your friends just learn how to change into cars and then back into robots and then fight the bad robots because you're transformers. And by this point you've graduated. So yeah, by now you've graduated. Oh man. I'm sorry that we're not more helpful. I don't think any of it helps. If we had to deal with bullies, we wouldn't be in this situation. High school sucks. High school sucks more than anything but then it's over and it's awesome.

Yeah, it'll get better. The bully will get tired of it eventually. He's gonna get worn out from punching you. He's gonna get winded. That's the real victory. And then you curl up into a ball and you cry. You cry so hard. I do want to make this clear though. Don't get a big group of people to fight that guy because then you're a bullet. You're like a gang bully. You're a gangster at that point and that's a crime. That's how people start gangs to protect themselves from bullies. Just wait it out and stay hidden in the shadows. Guys, this Yahoo answer was sent in by Chuck Jones. Thanks Chuck Jones. It's so good. It's by Yahoo Answers user Gary who asks, Thongs for Men in parentheses boy skins?

Hi, I was wondering if anyone knew where the website boy skins is gone. I wanted to buy a thong form there but saw they no longer wear up. I also wanted to buy my son one since he saw mine and wanted to try it. No, I'm not a pedo. He's 15 and can speak for himself. Thanks. Does anyone know where I can buy adult and youth boy thongs? Thanks. Boy skins, if you couldn't tell from my pronunciation, does have a Z up on it. Is there a Y? No Y. There is a Y. At the end of boy but not in skins, not mid-skins. Oh no, no, no, no. It would have been better if it was BOI skins. But I was not so lucky. Trademark ever living. Where did boy skins go? I've been cruising over that website,

not for any other reason than it was a good way to check my bandwidth speeds because there are some high res images. I mean to put it to put it mildly, the phrase doesn't even do it justice. Hey dad, hey papa, I cannot help but notice that stylish man thong. Is there a place where I, a 15 year old lad, could purchase one of those man thongs? Boy skins, you say. Let's check it out right now. What a disappointment. Now I'll have to go bully all those kids at school. Come here, I'm mad at you. My pants are so loose. If only he had the support he craved. I actually, I haven't been on a boy skin site in a while. I was unaware, I had it in my RSS feed. I had subscribed to their updates and I wasn't kidding them anymore. The newsletter stopped coming. It really should have,

that really should have been the telltale sign. Can we not get a group on on this? You can get a group on but everybody has to share the same thong so it becomes very, oh no, hygiene issues. Yeah, right. There's nothing worse than waiting for your friend in a Mexican restaurant to get your thong for the day. Why is, why is this a thing? Boy skin website? Everyone in the answers is saying go to Kmart and Walmart as if that's, how do they, how is that, do they have those there? I know from personal experience that Walmart does not have sock garters so I really doubt they have man thongs. Can we call them boy skins from now on? And also can we call our podcast boy skins from now on?

Hey, in the effort to actually give this person the helpful answer, I just googled boy skins and pointed out I regret it. I shouldn't have done that. And if there are any government agents now monitoring my like DSL usage, I'm sorry, very sorry I didn't mean to do it. Is boy skins, I don't see a website called boy skins. I see a lot of usernames named boy skins and a yahoo, a YouTube channel called boy skins. So I'm thinking that this person's trying to start some branding. Oh, all these accounts are closed. I'm trying to Nancy drew this shit, but boy skins just fell off the face. Well, fell off the butt of the internet. Let's be honest about it. Nope, fuck. No, you can't find boy skins anywhere. There's a there's a blog spot called boy skin.

Oh, no, don't just go to boy skin at blog spot. Oh, it's Dick's all over Dick's for miles. How good this hat? Well, you know, in 20 years on an episode of storage wars, they'll open up a storage container and find this box after box label boy skins. And they'll be looking at going, you know, the money skins are worth. That's like $1,000 a box right there. I'm seeing like $6,000 in thongs. Is that a humble boy skin? I can tell. It looks like a humble boy skin. I was hoping that they were going to find the boy skin website because I was curious how you were going to conceptualize that for me. Main name boy skins underneath underneath this what appears to be an elderly woman sewing table folded up in the shelves here. There seems to be

a website. Boy skins. It's become corporeal. It looks hungry. It seems now this looks like a regular cupboard. But when you open it and go inside, you exit on the other side into boy skins, the website. Have a look around its directories and indexes. You're going to like what you see. You're going to be horrified at the way you look. I guarantee it. So Mr. Tumnus, you look fantastic. Very spelt. How did you get the tiny holes over your furry legs, Mr. Tumnus? That is really doing some, it is shaping you very attractively. That is the most vivid mental picture I think we've ever created on this show because I can't, I can't, it's a lot of, it's like- I can't get it out. And if you could see in my head the look Mr. Tumnus is giving me

is troubling because it's angry. It's not like a seductive look. He's angry that I'm there. I'm forming this sentence with my mouth and speaking it with the power from my brain, but I'm only dedicating about one percent of my brain to that task because the other 99 percent is dreaming up this visage and I can't. I've been meaning to correct you children. It's pronounced ass land. Oh Jesus. Oh God, why is everyone in Narnia in my head and wearing thongs? It's Father Christmas. Mr. and Mrs. Beaver. I've brought you gifts to help defend the kingdom. They're all boys' gifts. A sword? No, a sword sheath of a sword. Do you like Turkish delights? No, but I love some boy skins. Those are delightful enough. Let me- I suppose.

Just write down the line, the witch and the boy skins right now with the episode title. You know what you never find on store drawers? It's never, they never just open it up and it's just a bunch of Wolverines. They open it up and they're just swarmed with like- just swarmed with Wolverines. Do you think they would still bet on it? Yeah. You know, there's money in Wolverines. They're teeth. They're teeth. They're very precious. Is anybody being mauled by Wolverine? Yep. Yep. Nope. Nope. Nope. Christ. Have you ever been in an episode where they open up and there's just like a dead person in there? That's a nice watch. That's a nice belt. Dave found some bones once and sold them for like 15 grand. No joke. Good work, Dave. At one point- Oh, I remember

that episode because at one point Dave commented that there was a hand and then he said, and this isn't even bigger hands, so it's got to be worth more. And the lady's like, oh, that's a foot. Oh man, Dave, you're so fucking stupid. How'd you do this, Dave? You stupid bitch. Idiot. So recently- Anyone got some bones I can have? Can I have anyone's bones, please? They're very expensive. Yep. Bones. Bones. So recently, it's come to my attention that a girl I liked thought I was kind of creepy. She still likes me as a friend, but my awkward attempts at courtship just creeped her off. How do I stop being creepy? That's from the Chicago creep show. I don't know,

that was a tight poem or not, but I'm really enamored with the phrase creeped her off. Creeped her off. He creeped me clean off. Listen, I'm creeped off. I gotta go. Gotta be honest with you. I'm creeped off right now. Do you know what I think creepiness is? I think there's a lot of people that are creepy out there, and I see them, and I experience them, and I experience, I experience they're creepy. I think that it is mostly, no joke, like a lack of confidence. I think if you're not confident in yourself, that's the creepiest, that's like a straight rocket car to creepy town. Well, yeah, but you gotta watch out, because that's like a, you can go over the edge, and then you're into like sleazy.

Yeah, but there's also, but yeah, I think Griffin's right. I think a lot of creepiness comes from second guessing yourself, where people think of you as like a creepier or perhaps a weird beard. It's because you're constantly evaluating the situation, your response to it in a way that's, people don't feel a connection, you know? If you connect with people, they're never gonna feel like you're a creepster unless you're like way deep down to the core creepy, creepy cord out. I think that people are so afraid that they're incapable of making that connection though, that they go the whole like, the mentality of, oh, this is awkward, isn't it? Like yeah. Or you do like even worse, like you pass notes, and like you just kind of

stare at them from a distance and wave, because you're too afraid to just like talk to them. Like your ineptitude in this region isn't, it's not charming, it is creepy. It's how you creep people off, and you should stop doing that. That's how they get creeped off. Yeah, I think it's just like anything else, right? Get interested in other people, because if you can do that, you're gonna be a lot less absorbed with how you're coming off in a given situation. I think that's where that self-awareness, and that's something that a lot of people struggle with, even if they aren't necessarily creepy, that sort of being obsessed with your self-awareness and your inner critic can make you seem off-putting to people.

And just be careful about putting people on a pedestal and just realize that, you know, everybody is equal, and you know, if there's a connection there, you're only gonna find it by like talking to them and approaching them and getting to know them, not from a distance. Also, be aware of some of that creepiness can come from if you get kind of obsessed with a girl or a boy and spend a little too much time, you know, just showing up at their next class and that kind of thing. It's scarier to face the possibility of like just being straight out, shot down, you know, like you walk up and say, hey, you know, I think we should get coffee sometimes, and they're like, no, that's scary. And so sometimes it's easier to just like try to

incrementally get to know them, and that's what's creepy. Yeah, that's a great point. A lot of that can come from this erosion style of seduction, where you're just going to wear the person down through virtue of exposure or time, and it's rarely ever effective. What you usually end up doing is wearing down your own charm because it gets a little exasperating where the person's probably thinking after like the second time, you know, like, who is this person? You know, they haven't even like really introduced themselves to me yet. And then pretty soon, they're looking at you as creepy. I think that this is like anything else that you're as far as self improvement is concerned, you're not going to wake up tomorrow and not be creepy anymore.

You know what I mean? Like all of a sudden you'll wake up one day and realize that you're not creepy anymore or you won't even be thinking about it by that point. But this isn't like, I have decided to no longer be creepy. How do you get out of it though, Trav? What's the, how do you get out of the creepy hole? It's, I think it's just by making the decision today, like, you know, I'm going to be more straightforward. I'm going to be more confident. I'm, and then don't hold yourself to that standard from day one. You know what I mean? Like, because that, that will make you more self critical. Also. And hey, don't be afraid to, don't be afraid to, to change the direction of your affections. Like this person thinks you're creepy. It could also just be the, they don't

know what the hell they're talking about and you're not a good relationship match for them. That's also true. The chemistry is not there. I mean, you know, don't, don't beat your head against a rock. If you're not feeling the, the connection, you're cool too. And I think creepy is one of those words that can be like a really scary buzzword because all of a sudden you feel like, oh my God, I've done the exact wrong thing. You know, it's not like, I don't like him or he's uninteresting. Creepy is, is like this, oh no, I've ruined it. I'm a terrible person. So, you know. Also, don't send people like pictures of you hugging a body pillow that you photoshop their face onto. Yeah. Yeah. That's, it seems like a great myth. Don't, like, don't send gift baskets

to people's parents to try and get them to like you, to get their kids to like you. To Jana, to Jana and Richard, congratulations on your 33rd anniversary. I'm so very proud of you. Your daughter, your daughter is beautiful. Can I have her in exchange for this basket? I need. And hey, barring everything else, you could always pay, pay them. The only way you could do that. Like to say, like, like. No, hold on. Creepy. There's a trend. No, it's like a transition. Like you pay, but like you're paying them to, to not think you're creepy. Let me out. How has you ever seen can't buy me love? Let me out of the creepy jail in your mind. I went out. Here's a hundo. Here's a hundo. Is this bail? Is this creepy bail that I'm paying? And of course,

how else can you get your creepy bail together? Then with a trip to the money's end. You know, who's never creepy? Who? A liqueuse studio's. No, John Cusack. No, John Cusack is freely. If there's a guy outside your window with a boombox in his head, he better look like John Cusack because he is a homeboy. And he better look like 1980s John Cusack. Yeah. Yeah. Not today's John Cusack because today's John Cusack is Alan Rickman. A liqueuse studio's is a little group that tries to make cool stuff that got a web comics. The main one's called aloof. They have a podcast about cool freeware games. There's videos. There's articles. There's games. And there's other stuff sometimes. So

if you're in the mood for any one of those in the last one, so general that you cannot actually deny that you're in the mood for any things in the universe ever in the fullness of time. Open your mind to the expanse of infinity and visit elitecusestudios.net. That's O-L-E-E-T-K-U-S-T-U-D-I-O-S.net. You added an extra S on there. O-L-E-T-K-U-S-T-U-D-I-O-S.net. That's great because now I don't have to do a jingle for them. Good. Got another message here for, uh, this is for my man, Chris Flummer. Most people call him the flum. I call, I stick with, uh, flummer and his gamer tag is flumdinger, maybe. The person who sent this to us, Melissa, his girlfriend, is not apparently sure what the Flummerino's

gamer tag is. What's your gamer tag? It could also be flumdinger, but that makes a lot less sense. It's actually, uh, his gamer tag is all one word flummer starring Robin Williams. She wants him to know that she loves him to have a happy B-day. Uh, he doesn't really like to celebrate his B-day. He doesn't like anyone to give him a gift because he doesn't want me to pick a big deal. But, uh, now's the time to let that pass because your girlfriend, Melissa, has gotten you this beautiful gift. She thinks that she wanted to pay us to tell you that you are flumbelievable and we hope you have the very best birthday ever. Am I actually doing a jingle? So, speaking of, uh, uh, EliteCueStudios.net, uh, here's a song from my man, Griffin.

I think I've done something on K-Po 5 before. Let me drop it down to K-Po 3 and just, like, see, just see where the progression takes me. If you want to watch some videos or read some articles or play some games or eat a sandwich or see the face of your newborn baby before it's bored and if you like planes and cars and skies and rocket ships and planets and cans and glasses both the kind that you wear on your face and the kind that you drink out of. If you like speakers and mice, if you like wallets and watches, if you like iron and calcium, if you like all of the things on the planet, you gotta go to EliteCue studios.org.net. God damn it.

I'm definitely cutting a cut a verse out of that. Cut a MaximumFun.org. The one thing you can't find at EliteCueStudios.net is the hilarious stylings of the MaximumFun galaxy of stars. Here's one of them ashynin' now. I'm Jesse Thorne. Bullseye is all about discovering the good stuff in popular culture that will do nothing less than change your life. You know, I've never heard anything like it before. It'd be like seeing a new color, which I guess is music's biggest asset is that you can hear new sounds constantly. It's the good stuff and just the good stuff in popular culture every week on Bullseye from PRI. Here's a Yahoo! answer that was sent in by Kenan Williams. Thank you, Kenan. It's by Yahoo!

AnswersUser, interesting news who asks, how many farts per day is normal amount? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Go on. First off, let me apologize because there's a chance that we were, we made it onto the AV clubs podcast roundup for the first time and one of their action items was that maybe not so much fart humor in it. So Griffin's response? I'm just gonna peel all of our fart humor off like a Band-Aid. Three. Um, I mean, is this five and a half? Is this person looking for metric weight? Yeah, is it like duration or amount? Because what if you had just like one fart but it was really, really, really long? Is that worse or better than 10 tiny ones? I change a lot about this question. I don't think it's advisable. What's the matter, Justin? Are you

ashamed of your body? In closing four. Are you ashamed of the body God gave you and the sounds it makes? Jesus gave you that body, it's all natch. Don't worry. Jesus gave you farts. Yeah. Art to get the devil out. Farts are an eternal source of comedy as old as history itself. Oh, yes. One. It's like the Don Rickles of, well, it's just like Don Rickles. Like, have you ever seen that painting where like God's reaching towards Adam? Yeah. He's saying, pull my finger. No, Travis. What? No. Travis just, Travis just worked through time to be a dorm poster from the Take that, Sopa. Can we come up? We're not only going to infringe on copyrights, we're going to travel through time to do it.

Sorry, Orrin Hatch. Suck my dick. Can we come up with another word for farts? Because we're going to be saying it a bunch during this question. Philatis. Tutoroobs. I was thinking something more innocuous. Flumdingers. Can we call them stinky bumblers? Can we call them butt songs? I think Nickelbackle sues for trademark infringement. You guys don't like bumpy stumblers, huh? I'll come up with something. How about broken flutes? Somebody in the comments wrote, the government's recommended amount is nine farts per day, and that that doesn't include any long ones that continued over from the prior day,

which is, let it be known, the first funny thing that I've ever seen on Yahoo answers. First intentionally funny thing I've ever seen, but they, their source was www.fart.gov, which I did, which I did click to investigate, and it's nothing. It's not a real website, so they, they got me pretty good there. You just got zanged. I do, I do wish that whenever you click that hyperlink though, it took you to a website that wrote down the names of the people that had tried to access the website. Forever. Or if it was like that cave with the genie in it, and you go into the cave and the genie leaves, and he's like, I got you, only one person, one person has to stay in the cave at all times, and you're here until the next person comes in.

So you have to trick the next person. It's like, it's like the ring. Is that a thing? The ring? That's how the ring goes. Yeah. Okay. So fart.gov, someone please set me free. Please go to fart.gov. Please, I need it. And then sign the petition to turn that into a cabinet post. Can we register fart.gov? I, you have to be in the gov. I'm sure that by saying it, that it's already happened somewhere. Let me check again. Okay. Nope, still 404. Um, uh, zero. If you, guess what? If you fart, you're a fucking freak. You're nasty. Nobody should do that. That's sin. That's, that's sin. That's a sin slipping out. That's, it's that sin that you made. That's why it smells that way, because the brimstone

from hell. So, Griffin, your number is zero. Zero farts per day is the normal amount. Uh-huh. Did anyone, uh, I think that if you have four, then you're probably okay. I think if you have five, then you probably are epileptic. Well, I think, I think what's important is not, wait. I think if you have six, then you have some form of hepatitis. It's really, this is, this is a new sort of, uh, um, medicine. Metric. It's a new medicine break where you, I don't. It's like phreniology. I don't need to cut your hand open to see if you have carpal tunnel syndrome. I just need to know if you fart 11 times a day, because that's your body, that's your body trying to tell me on this, on this, this. That you're pregnant. Yeah. That's, you have carpal tunnel

and also you're pregnant. Congratulations. If you fart 11 times, you have carpal tunnel, you fart 12 times, then you have lupus. If you fart 13 times, then someone in Asia loves you very, very much. If you fart 14 times, you're going to live in a mansion. If you fart 15 times, you're going to live in a shack. You're going to marry Bobby Schmidt. Yeah. This is the way you tell it. This is how you tell your future for now on. I don't, I think with all this, um, I think this is a new field that should be registered at fart.gov. Yeah. A list. 16 times. That's a, that's a bad omen. That's a bad moon rising. Oh, a bad, bad farted. But 17 times is a good omen. So if you get to 16 and it's like 11 45 p.m., start pushing. Nobody, and the bad omen may end up that you pooped your

pants. Maybe what the bad omen was trying to tell you. Hey, by the way, thanks again to the AV club for putting us in the podcast roundup. And thanks for your subtle commentary about how many fart drinks we have. We turned it around to a big come at me, bro. Sorry we didn't take your advice for a series. There is no, um, uh, there's no diagnosis for 18 farts because nobody on the planet has ever farted 18 times in one day before. If they just skip right over to 19. And that's why Adele called her album that. She's so proud. She called it 18 farts. She called it 19. Her album was called 19 because of the farts. I, I'm not sure about that. I read about that in Craig. I'm not sure if it's accurate. The Starbucks, the Starbucks cashier who sold me the album

explained that to me about the farts. The thing about the farts. Yeah, this album's named after how many farts she did. She did this many farts in one day. It was way, way, way more than the normal amount. According, according to the government. That song about chase, that song chasing pavements is about. Set in fire to the rain. Get it? Think, think about it. Um, hey, I'm a straight red blooded American male who in May is serving his best man at my gay best friend's wedding. Ceremony itself is very traditional, but I'm stumped when it comes to the bachelor party. The attendee mix is going to be about 50 50 straight gay with a few lesbians thrown in for color. How do I throw my pal a rainbow colored bachelor party? Please note that my friend by his own

mission is a terrible gay and he's expressed some point on one occasion. I desired to have an Asian lady stripper at his party getting down in Durham. Wow. Wow. I feel like the bulk of it's already planned. This is a lady stripper. I mean, this is a, this is a real tough one. We don't get many toughies like this. Ultimately, the easy answer, which is to say the not funny answer is you give him what you want, what he wants. And I guess an Asian lady stripper. I guess that's what you do. This is my answer. The fun answer. What can't, what can't you do at a gay bachelor party? This is not a, you're right. I, and like there's going to be a 50 50 split with some lesbians thrown in for color. I'm imagining like a, like a colligulant miasma of genital delights. Just a bacchanal.

Just a, what's it, what, what do you want? Cause it's everywhere. The fucking sky's the limit as far as fucking goes. Earthly delights. Put it anywhere. Happy bachelor party. Sorry, Dave couldn't marry you. He died last night. He OD'd on hedonism. Now he's a, he's a weird sexaholic. He was drinking wine out of a lady's hair. He set a pet rock on fire and jetted up a guy named Dave's anus. And now that's the other way he can finish. He got himself on all the harps. Glacerated himself. Oh man. You know, he, he, uh, I think if you get the right Asian lady stripper, then everybody will enjoy it because you got to have one that's high on theater and, and, and has, is just fun. You know, like not as much focused on

like the seduction as they are on the pageantry. If you get that kind of Asian lady stripper, and maybe a little whimsy, maybe some whimsy thrown in. You could just go the traditional route and just like rent out a cabin by a lake and just go there with all of his friends with a few beers and have a classy time. And then everyone just like pops a bunch of ecstasy and then like peas on a beached whale. See where it goes. Just like see where what happens. I feel like we're, I think this is going to be a pretty good party or the last party, either which way you've done your job. We all got butthole tattoos. And also he's in prison. Sorry. Sorry. Hang over three. It's okay though, because this butthole tattoo looks like a shark, so no one's going to get near

him. Are we done? No, maybe a cake. Maybe a cake. I don't know. Maybe a tasteful cake. Some, some balloons. Hey, welcome to Cake Boss. This week on Cake Boss, we're making a big cake shaped like a mull for a cake ice bachelor party with an Asian lady stripper going to pop out of it. We're making a cake. Just thinking about it. This cake looks like a dick going into a cake shaped like a vagina going into a cake shaped like another vagina. Cake Boss. Stay tuned for the littlest chocolatiers by which I mean they're inside the cake. What the fuck? I'll make you date Dix today. Cake Boss. This isn't even for a party. This one. This isn't even being filmed right now. This butthole cake's for Cake Boss. Cake Boss.

This cake's made us sad and also I'm a ghost. Cake Boss. Cake Boss. Oh Christ. Cake Boss. I mean you gotta earn the title somehow. You gotta just throw them a Cake Boss theme at the party. I guess in closing, I mean that's the only way you're going to just throw them you gotta up this game. You gotta beat them in his own game. You gotta outcake Boss the Cake Boss. Outcake Boss the Cake. What was the question? Hey so thanks for listening to our stupid show. My brother, my brother and me, we really appreciate you sticking with us through thick and thin. That is assuming that you didn't turn it off like 10 minutes ago when you were talking about farts. Not that anybody could blame you. You gotta make

it through the swamp of farts to get to those good good Cake Boss goops. Thank you to everybody who tweeted about the show this week with the mbmbm hashtag. Thank you to Good Rider. That's with a R-I-G-H-T-E-R. Thanks to Krista Whalen for tweeting about the show. The Jake of Inc. Thanks to Botherer. Make sure you check out his show Rum Doings or his site Rock Paper Shotgun. He's always been super supportive of us and we certainly appreciate it. Jynxville, the Trisket, our buddy, Tristan the Marine, Mason your face, everybody. If I may, I would like to ask you, our listeners, our friends, for a favor. The theater that I work for is competing in a contest to win us a new set of lights which we desperately need and so we

would really appreciate your support. I'm going to put a link on Twitter after the show goes up and there's also going to be a link on the maximumfun.org webpage and probably also on Facebook too so if you could go and vote for our lighting video it's also a really funny video and I'd really appreciate it. I want to thank John Roderick and the Long Winners for the use of the theme song to our podcast. It's a departure off the album Putting the Days to Bed. It's so fucking good and you should buy the album and then all their albums. Yeah, someone else just bought it. And again, just now. Like just now. People are buying it all the time. That one was John Roderick. He bought it himself. No, there's another guy. Okay. Named also John Roderick.

Uh, you want to close it? Yeah. Do you get our email address? It's nbmbm at maximumfun.org and also check out Bullseye. It used to be called The Sounding of America. We're on it sometimes. It's also at maximumfun.org and PRI and other places. Oh, and start podcasting yourself just if there are 200th episodes. Make sure you check it out if you haven't already. Yeah, congratulations to those guys. We're approaching our 100th, aren't we? Yeah, and then we'll stop forever. Bye everyone. Um, that was a good one. This finally out here was sent in by Keenan Williams also. Quickly becoming a gold status contributor. It's by Yahoo Answers using Amanda who asks, did Kel from Keenan and Kel die? I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy.

This has been my brother, my brother, me, Kiss Your Dad. Go wear the lips.