My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 90: Dworp

Episode Date: February 6, 2012

It's time for us genuine sportspeople to gather around and talk about the big game that we're legally prohibited from talking about! How did we skirt around these restrictive broadcasting regulations, you ask? Well, we spent most of our time talking about imaginary babies. Suggested talking points: Potatoes McGee, Pleasure Buddies, Potter v. Rodgers, Skilled Labor, Cracker Barrel, Baby Island, Moist, The Creek, Mini-Mini Imaginary Baby Golf

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hey, what's up? It's time for the Super Bowl. No, no, no, no. What? You guys said big game. Why? Because if you say S-U-P-E-R ball, then we'll get sued. Says who? The government. The government. You're making that up. Obama. Obama said so. I know.

Is the football commission, and he said that you're not allowed to say those words. If I understood the rules correctly, I could say Super Bowl, but I could not say Super Base. There are three people in the world right now who can say Super B. You aren't one of them, but Boomer, the sports commentator, is one, and also Damarino, and also everybody who's playing in the Super Bowl. The Super B. The Super. The Super Bowl. Super Bowl. Do you guys get excited for the big game? I'm excited for the puppy bowl. You know, I only watch it for the camera. Sometimes I think that camera goes better than the game. Justin, you actually can't refer to the commercials that air during the Super B. You had to call them TV breaks. TV breaks?

Or very expensive advertisements. My favorite TV break ever is when that lady has the hammer, and she swings around, and then she throws it through the TV screen. You know the one? And from 1984, a lot of people don't know that she poops herself if you freeze straight. But it's unrelated. It's unrelated, but if you freeze straight. I like the one. I think it was during Big Game 38. It was the very expensive advertisement where the overweight woman who married Tom Arnold got hit by a log. Do you remember that? Griffin, you actually can't say Tom Arnold. Oh, okay. The overweight woman who married the main protagonist from the movie The Stupid. Exactly. Thank you. Okay. Thank you very much.

I think my favorite is that one. Have you seen that one? And it's got the animal in it, and he talks, but he says something really funny. And I think it's about, it's either about beer or chips. I like the one for beer chips with Spud's McKenzie. You actually can't say Spud's McKenzie. I cannot say Spud's McKenzie. You can say Potatoes McGee, and we'll know. Okay. Potatoes McGee, the dog, shaped Spokesperson. Thank you. Is that legal? Is that okay? Barely. Barely. Speaking of things that are barely okay, this is my brother and brother there and me. An advice show. For the modern era, I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-est brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your baby brother, Dan Marino. Kenneth Danith Marino.

Kay Dan Marino. Kay Dan Marino Jr. What does Kay stand for? Not to be confused, confused with the football guy. Kick. Kicks. Kick. Kicks with a K. Since we obviously are fit to offer any sort of advice on sport or sporting, let's go to the advice. I'm graduating college this semester, and then I'm up and moving to San Fran. Probably not for good. Oh, no, I'm sorry. Probably for good. The thing is, I've been dating a wonderful girl here in North Carolina for the past three months or so. She's amazing, but we're not about to do the long-distance thing across three time zones, so we're trying to cut it off. The question is, when is the right time for us to stop dating? Right now, we're trying to gradually transition

into a sexy friendship with pretty good results. Help us, brothers. That's from nearly departed in North Carolina. Oh, my God. I think you should do it at the last second. As your car is driving away, lean your head out the window and be like, oh, by the way, we're breaking up. Goodbye. Does she know, right? She knows. She has to know. That doesn't matter, though, because you're actually up and moving to the fucking danger zone. You're in deep, deep trouble. Why? We're trying to transition our love into a sexy friendship. That's going to work out pretty well, probably. Yeah. Have you not seen any movie with Jennifer Aniston in it ever? That's all they're about is how impossible this is. Did you not see friends with benefits or

what was that other one? Friendster with benefits. Buddies. Social network. Buddies with perks. Buddy ballin. Buddy ballin. Bone-in buddies. Bone-in buddies or fuck pal or air buddies. Air buddies or treasure buddies. Or pleasure buddies. Or MVP for most valuable fuck buddy. But smell with a P. Let's smell with a P. P-H-U-C-K. You need to, like yesterday, is the proper time. Is it possible? Is it possible that this dude has found the perfect combination of words to actually make that transition? I know that we all doubt that he said, hey, honey, this is going great, but I'm moving. Let's just be sexy friends. But is it possible?

Well, they're gradually, they are gearing, they're shifting their gears down, right? So it's a sexy friendship now. Next week, it'll be regular friendship. The week after that, it'll be sort of an acrimonious friendship. And the week after that, it'll be like bitter rivals. Right. Arch nemesis. Arch nemesis, and then you bounce. And then you're out with that, that you're someone who wants you to die in North Carolina somewhere. They're plotting your death. Which, hey, actually with the trajectory you're on, that may not be too far off of a goof considering your, yeah, it may end up just like that. I mean, I think you need to decide what you want. If you guys just want to continue

fooling around, but once you move, it never be anything else, you're on the right track. If you want to preserve the friendship, I think you have to stop with the sexual stuff ASAP and start to create some sort of friendship outside of that. Otherwise, the only connection you're going to have is physical. And as soon as you go to San Francisco, that's done. And you also want to think about the fact that like you're, as you said, moving three time zones away. So maybe you want to make sure you have like some free and clear time, like a month or two before you leave to kind of, you know, say goodbye to everyone and just have some like quality time with all your friends and everything without worrying about this, you know, friendship, relationship, you know, sticky

morass you've gotten yourself into. So vital. Yeah, maybe try sticking morass. Justin. What? It was just, Travis said it. I was just saying it a different way. Is it riffing? It's just riffing. Just three, I was riffing. Just three bros getting yuck. Nah, you're fucked. But hey, here's the good news. If you managed to actually pull this off, then you should have an advice podcast that we listened to. Call, I'm a warlock. Yeah. Yeah. Wizard time. I'm a sex wizard. Sex wizard with your friend in North Carolina. Guy. Guy sex wizard. Guy. So congratulations on that. Griffin. Here's a, here's a very timely yahoo that has to do with both football and wizardry. It's sent by Lisa Holofield. It's asked by

yahoo user forever Rogers fan who asks, who would win Aaron Rogers or Harry Potter? I know this is really random and hard to compare, but who would win? There's no specific competition, but you should assume they are not, you should assume they are not playing a football game or having a magical duel, although Aaron could use football skills and Harry could use magical skills. Also who wins when it comes to moral character? My friend and I literally debated this for 1.5 more, more than 1.5 hours. So this is very important. Yeah, it's serious. Just some background for you too. Aaron Rogers is the quarterback of the Green Bay Packers. This morning was named the NFL MVP for the year. Oh, so that must mean that the Packers are in the big game. It is. It's actually

the Packers V Packers. They were so good that they put them right in there twice. Can't you, isn't that objectively untrue though? Like if they had the most value, what are they using to measure value? Here's the great thing is that their offense is so good, but their defense is the worst in the league. So he is the most valuable. If it weren't for him, we would have like a real major league scenario. I guess Sinkhole would just open up and swallow them all. Basically, yeah. He's the only thing keeping them from Sinkhole status. Imagine like a bunch of poop, but the poop is held together by glue. So you're saying Aaron Rogers is the poop glue. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The most valuable poop glue. In their failed playoff game, he got the most rushing

yards of anybody on the field, which he usually quarterbacks don't do. He also got all the tackles. And he sold hot dogs. So who would win, guys? So wait, so the question is Harry Potter versus Aaron Rogers, but not in any competition. Yeah. So they're not actually competing. Well, okay. Or you could look at it like in all competitions. Right. Like what if there, if there was a magical duel, I would say probably Aaron Rogers, because the only way that you can throw that good is with wizarding abilities. Right. I saw him once throw a football through a man. I saw him battle a dragon with a football. Yeah. So I would say that match Rogers. If it's a cooking competition, Harry Potter. Why? Because his cupcakes are magical. Okay.

Have you had, have you sampled his cupcakes? Yeah, it's in Travis's fanfic. Yeah. In his cupcake. It's a, it's a Draco slash Harry slash Ron slash buttercream. Is this buttercream made from butter? Harry, I've become tipped in tips and I've actually rewritten all of the Harry Potter series removed all of the female characters and turned them all into 18th century fobs. Okay. You're going to say you turned them all into cupcakes. Basically it's just about cupcakes. They're cupcakes aren't alive and don't move or anything. It's just about them like sitting on a shelf. Yeah. Getting magical. It's not very good. I think Aaron Rogers would probably, like overall,

does it being real give you an advantage? I like being an actual thing that exists as opposed to Harry Potter. What are you talking about? Did you not see the Harry Potter movies? Like how could they, how could they film? Like I saw him, you know, I saw him. I saw him do magic. I saw him and I saw him do magic. You know, but people said actually I saw this on the back of a Bazooka rapper. Harry Potter is the most successful documentary ever released. A lot of people said you can't release an eight part documentary each of which is three hours. Not since the Seven Up series has anyone attempted such a feat following, you know, young people throughout their years.

But I'm actually surprised that they were able to get David Attenborough to narrate it. Yeah. It's pretty amazing. So he was the guy with the beard. I was wondering where he fit in and why he was there. Well, he wore the beard as a disguise because as a documentarian, you don't want to like influence your subjects. Yeah. But also he fucking loves jelly beans. Yeah. So some real gorillas in the mission. I'm into that sort of gorilla style filmmaking. What if they played football? Oh, okay. Like on broomsticks are no brooms. I don't. That's like saying, okay, Harry Potter, you don't get to use a broom, but Aaron Rodgers, you don't get to use your legs. I don't think we should don't let's not limit these people. So Harry Potter is on a broomstick.

Aaron Rodgers is on his legs. If we're just Aaron Rodgers, first of all, there is no such thing as like one-on-one street football. No, it's me. That's why I have a ghost. I have a ghost wide receiver and he definitely caught that. I gotta be honest with you, from the way you're describing the Green Bay Packers, it doesn't sound that far off. Man, was that a sports joke? It was a good sports joke. I need to go lie down. I've got the papers. I pulled something in my brain. Hold a chuckle muscle. Harry Potter could just use magic to kill Aaron Rodgers. That's what I'm afraid of. Aaron Rodgers could just use football to kill Harry Potter. But he wouldn't. Like what you're saying is like he wouldn't use one of the forbidden curses. No, you just use a gun.

Well, Aaron Rodgers could use a gun too, Travis. It'll be an asshole. No, but I'm just saying like I think Harry Potter would kill Aaron Rodgers before Aaron Rodgers would kill Harry Potter. I agree 100%. You think Harry Potter would kill Aaron Rodgers with a gun? Have you ever seen like an interview with Aaron Rodgers? Like he's the sweetest guy. And Harry Potter is just a right asshole. He's a murderous bloodthirsty asshole. Let's go. Let's go down the list. How many people has Harry Potter killed? At least one, the Dark Lord spoilers. How many people has Aaron Rodgers killed? None. Zero people. He killed my dream. Harry Potter has killed 100% more people than Aaron Rodgers. As far as we know. Yeah. Okay, fine. Yes. I would like to amend this question and make it

Aaron Rodgers or Harry Potter. Who would win in a gentleman's duel at dawn? So with what? Magic? Aaron Rodgers and no magic. Harry Potter gets to use his magic. Aaron Rodgers throws a football. Count to 10. Walk. Turn. Throw. Avada Kedavra. Both die. What a tragedy. What a tragedy. We lost them both. What a senseless tragedy this was. Makes a lot of my brother, my brother, and me. Do we have one listener out there who is not a very big nerd and also is not a very big jock and they're just like, who the fuck? What the fuck are they talking about? What's going on? I'm having an aneurysm. Hey. Hey. Yeah. I got another question. Okay. Are you ready for it? Yeah. Griffin, what about you? Yes, of course. Go. Jesus. Let's do it. Next week, I have to be at home. My

security company installs an alarm system in my house. I was told this could take up to three hours. These house calls are always awkward because I never know what to do. Should I sequester myself in another room and let the security dudes work in peace? Should I make small talk? Help me, McRoy's. That's from Unsure and Newly Secure. No, don't make small talk. No. This is something, as somebody who works out of my home, this is something I've had to deal with on occasion. My general strategy is to pretend I'm an architect like Mike Brady and I'm working upstairs. I'll say, I'm just finishing up some stuff upstairs. So if you guys need me, just yell. And then I hide. Do you know what I almost always do? I almost have like reflexively

is I do chores. Like, I'm working too. I'm working. Like, I'll do some dishes. I'll be like, oh, tell me about it, guys. Woo. Back to stuff. Right? Every 10 minutes, I just come in with like a tray of lemonade and brownies. I'm like, you guys sure you don't want any of these brownies? Wearing an apron and only an apron. You know, I actually, when I worked at Best Buy, I went out on a couple of like installs with our installer and like, you know, went into people's houses and installed sound systems and home theater stuff. And it is the worst thing when the person won't leave the room for two reasons. One, it feels like they're judging every single thing that you do. And like, you know, that like, oh, you're going to put a wire there, huh? Okay.

But also, they're, they're just there because even if they make small talk after like three minutes, the small talk ends and they're still just hovering in the room like a ghost. Yeah. I, you know, it's funny to have the last time this happened to me was Best Buy installers hanging a TV for me. And they, one of them actually made a comment like, yeah, notice, like they had to have me come down a couple of times and answer questions. And one guy actually said like, I noticed you keep running upstairs. What's going on? You want me to chill? Why don't you call it, why don't you call it genos? It's order is on. Just like, get to know each

other. Let's just bro out, you know, let's get a pub, which we're just hungry. I know you've got a ball or TV. I just hung it. Taps you on the forehead and says, let me, let me get in there. And then he taps you on the heart and says, and then here, let me get in there. Let's just eat some zon, watch some tapes. Let's test this. Let me just test this TV out real quick all day. Let's take her for a spin. Let's take her for a watch. Finally, when someone comes in your home to do a thing to it, that home is theirs until they leave. That's all right. It's a lot of land. You might as well just go because they live there for a bit. All right, you guys are going to live here for a tip and I'll just chill.

I say you have like three prepared questions. Oh my God. And, and then. What's the end all in going? Yeah. Do you guys need anything? Are there any things I could point you towards and then say, well, now I will leave you to do your job because you are professionals and I am in the way. And then you stand quietly facing in the corner.

Here's one that you can trot out that I used and maybe you can use. Uh, I said, what are my walls made of? I'm imagining you talking to a spyman with like a bunch of index cards in your hands just like flipping through. I'm like, hey, your shirt is very dirty. Why is that? So do I have a good house? Can I look at your hands? I've been told the hands of a workman are a psycho. What's it like to be a member of the working class? I know you guys were supposed to have blue collars.

I didn't know your whole shirt would be blue. Please explain. What is your tax rate? Interesting. Did you feel ostracized when you went to technical high school? I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to. It's not that this is what's so terrible.

But I'm like, this is the same thing like when I go to the mechanic or whatever. Like it's not that I look down on people who have a trade. It's that I look, it's that I'm so embarrassed. Yeah, you look up. What I do, like people who can like make things and hang things and like know what my walls are made of. It's so far from anything I have any concept of. And I just really want to know those. I like, I would love to be in that part of that world, but I don't, my brain doesn't.

I don't know things. You know what I found? I don't remember what my walls were made of. I already forgot. What I find is that I feel the same way. And it's usually because like in any other situation, I wouldn't hesitate to like expound on my own opinions and be like, oh yeah, that is good pizza. And it's got this, don't I really like, but when I go to a mechanic and he starts telling me

shit is wrong with my car, I just go, yeah, that's probably true. Just take, take me. Yeah. I completely agree with you because I'm an idiot. Whenever you pay for any kind of skilled labor, you're basically saying like, I can't do this. Please do this for me. And I'll give you money for doing it for me. I don't know.

You might as well be crying every time you ask anyone to do something for you. I agree. Along the lines of skilled labor. But you know what else is important? I don't try to improve on that though. What do you mean? Like I'm not trying to learn the skill. I'm such a fuck, I'm such a fucking phony.

You know what I'll throw out sometimes? Yeah, I just don't have the time. I'd love to get in there and just fucking rip that oil filter out and put in a new one. What do you do? Oh, you're doing some soldering, huh? Yeah, I could. Yeah. I just, who's got the time to solder?

Got to go to, got to go to the depot by the solder juice. I'm out of solder. So if you guys could solder those things shutter on or whatever it is that we agreed that hadn't needed to happen. Yeah. My forge down in the basement, it's out of commission. Yeah, I was hammering away on the old anvil, pulled the hamstring. And are you guys going to, I tell you what, if you guys are going to smelt something later,

I'll come back. You smelt it, dealt it. Am I right guys? I'm going to go. Just give me a call when the smelting, oh, my phone's dead. Well, catch you later. What if you did that for, what if you did that for everything? Like you were at, you were at fucking Pier 1 Imports buying some plates and you're like,

yeah, I'd make my own plates, but it's got the time. My ceramics wheel is busted. I got to dry and glaze the ceramic. Like, oh, too busy. You know, the other day, Trees' dad tried to explain to me how to change my oil. Like he was like, oh, you just do it. And after like 10 minutes of him explaining to me, I just stopped him. It's to him, like, I'm not going to do it.

There is a thing, here's the, here's the amount of frequency that I have to do something in order for me to learn how to do it. And that thing is, I'll say four days. If I have to do something like shave every four days, if I had to shave every five days, I'd have someone else do it for me. I'd go pay to have someone do it for me. Getting your oil changed is like, what, every eight months? Yeah.

Every eight months, every 10,000 miles. Like that is not a big deal. You know, every time I go get my haircut, I ask them if they offer shaves every time. And the people at Supercuts are pissed. They never have like a, give you like a massage, like Jesse's barber does for him. Like an electric massage. I used to get that treatment in Chicago, but I haven't found a place in Austin that can

replicate it. But God damn, it makes you feel like the king of some sort of small country. My man, Sonny, I'll wash my hair if I tip him right. It's a weird vibe having a dude washing your hair. It's a weirdo to ask for it because you enjoy it. Sonny, can you do this for me, please? I don't know how to wash my hair. Sonny, I only wash my hair every five days.

So I have to get a guy to do it on a scale I've taken on. I guess that answers that question. Yeah, I guess, I guess that answers that. I'm looking for an activity that my girlfriend and I could do together. We spend a lot of time at home doing nothing, which we enjoy, but we'd like to get out more. What do you suggest? That's from Bored in Burlington.

Bored in Burlington. Literally anything. Well, that's not very helpful. I know, but the question is just so broad. The world is your fucking oyster. Go, go shuck it. I also have no idea what you enjoy. Yeah, what do you like?

Do you want to go to like a vineyard or do you want to go like to a monster truck show? It's hard to say or both. Man, just go get wasted at a vineyard and then pound some brews at a monster truck rally. Or get real drunk by a monster truck and drive it all over a vineyard. I don't know what people are doing these days. Here's what I like to do when I go out, go to eat. Yeah.

That's something you can try. Have you tried TGI Fridays? Have you tried the dip at TGI Fridays? That's pretty good. They've got this three for $60.99 deal is awesome. It's a great deal. And just incredible cheesecake there. What about, what if the two of you learn to shoot pool?

And you go out to local watering holes and you just get really good at it. Hustle some bitches. You, well, at first you can't hustle because I learned this the hard way. You have to get good first. And you just say you're really bad and then you play pool and you lose really bad. That's not a hustle. I tried that once, I saw pool hall junkies. I was like, oh, I can do that.

And I went and I lost some games and I was like, how about we drop $400 on it? And they were like, okay. And I said, rack them. And then I lost, I lost $400. Yeah. You can't just like all of a sudden start using pool lingo. That's not what a hustle is. I thought that for a while.

You can take off your jacket dramatically. Yeah, like take off your jacket and be like, rack them and I'll crack them. And your shirt says best at pool. Best at pool 2003. That would be, that would be a double hustle, which a lot like you, they think you're bad. Then they think you're good for a second and then you go back to being bad. You take off your jacket and they're like, oh no.

Oh, you're actually not. But then you take off that t-shirt and underneath it is another t-shirt it says, but actually really bad at pool pool. This is the 10th time I've ever played pool. I got this shirt made just for the occasion. And people ask what the point of that, the double hustle is. And usually it plays on pity. And you go, hey, that was the last $400 I have.

Yeah. And you please don't take that away. They ask you what the point is and you say, I just, I just spend every night at home doing nothing with the old lady. I just had to do something to feel alive. You know, I, you burn somebody at pool, you hustle them. That's going to sting for a night. If you can make someone wonder why you attempted to double hustle.

That'll last a whole lifetime. They'll be trying to puzzle that out. Yeah. So that's one thing you can do. A double hustle. A double, double pool hustle. Can you, why don't you, why don't you make some friends? Why don't you hang out with friends?

That's usually a good option, right? Yeah. Go to the movies with them. Yeah. You can go to the movies with them. Go spend a couple hours in a cracker bill. Okay. Doing what?

Shopping. That sounds like they're pits. But it'll really make you appreciate your time at home doing nothing. Hey, this is kind of like being at a flea market, except everyone's smells like gravy and everything costs three times as much. I love it here. Let's stay for a couple hours. Is that Kenny Rogers?

No, that's not. Is that Kenny Rogers? Wait, let's hustle people at giant checkers. That's actually a lady. You could hustle people at giant checkers. No one bets on this. That'd be sweet. There's a whole sort of like gang culture.

Like there was around chess. They got a lot of big job breakers there to crack a braille. You could like sample all of them. You could spend time making that mechanical parrot repeat dirty words. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of got a cracker braille on it. Yeah, right?

Yeah, it kind of sounds kind of fun. You know, if you don't like cracker braille, you're an ignu-ray-mousse. Oh, god damn it. Okay, wow. That was a deep cut. Nobody on the planet is going to get that joke. Our dad is going to laugh his fucking ass off. Did you guys know that there is no such thing as a hate crime inside of a cracker braille?

Is that true? Really? If you're in a cracker braille and you do a hate crime, the same hate crime laws don't apply to you because you're in a cracker braille. I had no idea. Why is that? It's just they have the, that's in the cracker braille code of conduct. It's what Obama pushed through Congress last week.

It's just they call it, actually call it an old-timey sunrise, farmhouse opportunity for growth. Hey, some people might see a hate crime here. We see an opportunity to learn about another race. They call it a sunshine corn stock, harvest time, annual autumn breeze. Murder. Murder, hate murder. Hate murder.

It's an opportunity to learn about another culture. That's what they say. It's immersion therapy. I like this idea of being inside a cracker braille and just everything translating into doublespeak. If you're in a cracker braille, for instance, I'll give you an example. If you pay taxes there, that's whatever joke I make is going to be better than the other word I was about to say, which is have an abortion.

So let's keep going with the taxes thing. I don't have one because I made up one for abortion. I backed off. Say the same thing that you would have said for abortion, but for taxes. So when you go to cracker braille to pay taxes, they call it an old-fashioned, sunrise, harvest house, baby dwindling. It's folksy, but at the same time, horrific. And that's paying taxes.

That's what paying taxes is at cracker braille. And they also have a lot of old candy, which is good, which I like. You know, once a courier delivered a paycheck to me in a cracker braille, and I was like, ah, fuck, now I got to get a cracker braille 10.99 just for the state of cracker braille. This doesn't make any goddamn sense. Nothing we've said, nothing we've said. Stupid show, stupid shit, idiotic. Nobody even goes to cracker braille anymore.

Nobody knows what we're talking about. The only person that goes anymore is our dad, so he can get those jawbreakers he likes. You know the white ones with the colored flecks? Oh, yeah. But I mean, if it makes you guys feel any better, dad is also the only one still listening at this point. Hi, dad. Hi, dad.

Hey, dad, we're going to go to the money zone. You want to come along? All right. Hey, Trap, let's do like a call and response like in church. Who is this message for? Michelle. Who is this message from? Dave.

What is the message, Trap? Happy fifth anniversary to my amazing girlfriend, Michelle. Well, not my, it's not my amazing girlfriend. It's Dave's amazing girlfriend, Michelle. You're ruining the rhythm. Sorry. Where does she live, Travis? She lives in Cleveland, Justin.

Where is she earning her master's degree? It's in our history. Where does she live? No, he lives in Cincinnati. Where does he live? He works, ah, fuck. This is Cincinnati, where he works as a restaurant manager. You should find him.

I too live in Cincinnati. What restaurant do you go to and can I get free food there, please? Do you have anything, if you have any fries coated in a liquid that used to be a solid, Travis loves that. Yeah. Cheese, bacon, grease, whatever. Anything, dude. One might say that that is Travis's core confidence.

They, they're both native Floridians. And they met while they were students at Forty State University, Go Knowles. And now it's cut off the end of the sentence here. It says she loves musicals, visiting museums, and watching law. Larry King live reruns. Law and order SVU. Law and order of VUS. So happy fifth anniversary, Dave and Michelle.

Happy fifth anniversary, you guys. Justin, who is, who is our next one for and from and about? Uh, this was for a dog. Oh, no. Is our favorite dog listener, Ebby. This is from Kirsten, who is her owner. And, uh, what does she have to say, Griff? She has to say, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, kibble.

Okay, but translated, Travis, how would you translate that loosely? Happy anniversary, Badooly kitten. I adopted you a year ago and I can't imagine what my life was like before. You are my constant companion, my best friend, and my snuggle, snuggle bug. I love you so much. I'm going to edit out that part of you saying that and just make a looped MP3 that I go to sleep to. Because I think that would make me feel really safe. I'm glad.

Is it possible that this is not a dog animal and that this is some sort of weird domination S&M thing and Ebby is her man dog? Do you think maybe it's like a Randy Jackson dog? It's like a Randy Jackson. It's like a, it's, it's like a. A Timbaland. Is it like a Timbaland dog scenario where it's like a domination dog S&M thing? Only I guess it's like a gentle S&M because they like to cuddle.

Yeah, that's probably exactly what it is, Griffin. Thank you for taking this really sweet message from a dog owner to her pet. Just really ruin it. I petted it. I petted it too hard. He petted the goof too hard. Hey guys, have you heard of Gimo Games? Yeah.

They're making this iPhone game, right? It's called Monster Guru. It's like a hand drawn version of Pokemon. Using the, I know using the iPhone geo tracking, the character in the game moves as you move in real life. And we have a Kamiya. There's somebody in the, their, their Kickstarter video is totally wearing our T-shirt.

So nice. You gotta go find that. They just want you to donate to their Kickstarter. And I don't think that's asking too much. No, I think this game is going to be just absolutely dope. And so you, as the kind of public, should fund it. And to do that, you should go to GimoGames.com. And that's G-I-M-O-Games.com slash fund.

And then donate to their iPhone game on Kickstarter. Is Pikachu in the game? No, it's light. There's like a hand drawn Pikachu. So it'll look like a, it'll look like a caricature of Wilford Brimley, basically. It's basically Pikachu with the mustache. Right. I want it.

You, I know Griffin, you, you're speaking his language, GimoGames. And, and, and Griffin is ready for it. So I'm ready for it. But the only way we're going to get Griffin to play this game is if we go to GimoGames, it's G-I-M-O-Games.com forward slash fund and help set them up. So do that and tell them, you know, that we love them and that you love them and you can't wait to play their game.

I was so inspired. I thought I would write them a theme song. Please do. For their game? Yeah, for their game. Monster Guru! Monster Guru! It's you and me.

I catch you on my iPhone. Monster Guru! You're my best bud. And the world we must defend. Monster Guru! Let's go fight other monsters. My courage will pull us through. You teach me and I'll teach you.

Monster Guru! This is the, this is bad tabulature. Gotta catch them up. Gotta catch all the monsters. MonsterGuru.com. What's the website? That was a original art. That was the original piece of art under fair use of the Creative Commons license.

Did you guys ever watch Pokemon and think how great it would be if every night, if I had Pokemon, what I would do is every night I would poke each of them and say, nope, not ready to eat yet. Because I think that would really cute do on their toes. Yeah. And then just after like a couple of weeks of that, one of them disappears. One of them goes away. How come they never ate their Pokemon?

That'd be a sin against Christ? It's the best sin. Tasty. I bet it tastes so good. I'm sorry. It's delicious. Monster Guru, that wasn't very good. I'll catch you on the flip.

Once you get your game out, give it a record. You're a fresh, fresh theme song. Send me a beta, maybe with a few monsters pre-caught. A little bonus, a little perk for your boy. That's for doing such a great job on our theme song. I just got my guitar restored. Could you hear the quality? Yeah, I could.

What kind of, would you go with Elixir? Nah, I just wanted to play an old Dadarios. You know, the man is the instrument. Hot the strings. How many strings did you put back on it? 12. How about, there's a bunch. How about this one?

It was sent in by Emily Wall. Thank you, Emily. It's by Yahoo Answers user Horde, who asks, Kids stress up as firefighters in order to save people from inverting building. Good idea or not? What? Not. Not.

That was easy. If nothing else, I just can't believe that they've had the proper training. Well, Yahoo Answers user Viva La Raza777 responded, Why not? I think it is a very noble idea, and it will make the kids want to serve the public and care for people and help people in general. A very fine idea indeed. Is it?

So he has a good point. This is like AmeriCorps, isn't it? Isn't this what that is? Yeah, it's like Newt Gingrich's army of children janitors. Exactly. You can pay 30 firefighters the wage of one firefighter, and you will only lose like four kids per fire, I bet. And lots of people know that because of the extra innocence,

children are far less flammable. I think that you could just take this idea and really run with it and be like, children dressed up as doctors. That's great. That's great. And we can have like our own kids crusade, right? We could do that again. This is actually what KidNation was about.

Oh, I missed. Lots of kid firefighters and kid doctors. Kid therapists. Right. It's a bad idea? Well, here's the thing. Sometimes you've got to keep your head down right to get out of the smoke. Kids' heads are naturally down.

That's like the one thing they have on me, is that... Yeah, they're lower to the ground. They're lower to the ground. They require less air to go in their tiny, beautiful lungs. Yeah. You know how you and I have to stop, drop and roll if we catch on fire? Kids that have that down to two steps, they can just stop and roll. Already so low to the ground.

Yeah. And they're not really contributing much to society. So if we lose a couple, like, what are we out? They weren't even paying taxes. Yeah. They won't have families that we'll have to take care of. Yeah. You know, afterwards.

I think that the economy is as bad as it is, because of all these freeloading kids everywhere. Yeah. So maybe we put them to work, you know, like, you know, as doctors, you know, lawyers, minors. Here's the thing, you never hear about, like in the news, like, a dad waking up and the house is on fire, and so he saves all of his kids. You never hear about that. It's always a kid or a dog or a pig.

Right. Yeah. It's always one of those three things. I don't know why that is. Maybe kids have natural fire senses. Maybe it's that they're beautiful, sweet little lungs. Don't need as much air on their heads so low. And maybe they get-

Is it possible that the dads are just really forgetful? The dads, the dads just lay there and like, die. Well, this is the end. Well, this is it. Guess the time for, I knew I should have gotten a dog! That's what I say, please don't follow me. The dads are just happy for a way out. Yeah.

And all I'm like, I thought my stupid ass son would come rescue me. The kids, the kids, they're so low and they get in the heat of the moment, pun intended. They get so diesel and they just pull their dad all the way downstairs. Yeah. They get fully gamma-rayed. They freak out and they get superdies and they just pull them downstairs. And then they save the whole day. Yeah.

You know, when you hate them to be that kid that like, doesn't, and like, dad comes outside and he's like coughing and like, you know, covered in shit and stuff. He's like, where the fuck were you? Daniel! It's so. I've waited in my bedroom for an hour and a half. I want to hit you guys with this.

People say, oh, children firefighters, that's so dangerous. Let me ask you this. When was the last time you heard of a child firefighter dying? Never? Yeah. Hmm. Maybe they were better at it than you think. When have you ever heard of a child brain surgeon killing a person by cutting their brain wrong?

Never. Yeah. They always, they are bad. That and a thousand vis-a-vis brain surgery. Yeah. I think, I think kids are maybe way better at it than you give them credit for. You know, you just point a kid at a brain bullet and tell him, hey, Gullah Gullah, I'll end in there.

Go get him out. Go get Gullah Gullah. Stay, stay low. Stay low. What would Binya Binya do? He'd crouch. What would Binya, shh, like me? You know, I went to a child therapist once and I was really depressed.

And now I eat like two packages of cookies a day and I feel great. I'm so happy all the time. Kids have it figured out, man. They know not to be firefighters because it's dangerous. So they don't do it. Maybe kids are smarter than we give them credit for. If you think about all this stupid shit that we have to do day to day, and I don't, I don't just mean lying to your mechanic that you know how to do things.

I mean, like everything, you know, burying loved ones, paying your mortgage, like kids don't do any of it. And we think that we have to teach them so they can be ready to, man, I think they got it all figured out. They already cracked the case. It's like the Benjamin Button of having shit figured out. Like they are living it a hundred percent from the start.

And then we just whittle that away. Like the wisdom that they have. So yours trying to set up like a Logan's run scenario? Yes. Exactly. That's exactly what I'm saying, where we don't have, maybe we don't have, need a bunch of grown-up firefighters. If none of us know how to build houses or make fire because we're all kids,

then we won't need it. You know what else you don't hear about? Kid arsonists. Yeah, kids are the ones setting the fires, put out your own goddamn fires. You know, got a baby president didn't go to send to the Vietnam War. That's right. So there's that baby president's never gotten us.

How many wars has baby president gotten us in? A baby president, all the baby presidents all together, their careers combined, they kept a balanced budget for our country. It's funny, no baby president got us in Vietnam, but one lone baby soldier got us out. Oh God, I can't wait to see baby brigade this summer. Yeah, me too. Band of babies.

They're making a dirty dozen with babies, but there's only eight of them because babies are stupid. You don't know how many there are, baby. Okay, I've got to show you, I'm going to pitch it to you guys. All right. Band of little brothers. Just a bunch of little brothers. What about a shot-for-shot remake of the entire series of Lost

by everyone's babies and it's called Baby Island? Confusing Baby Island. I'd watch that. Yeah, I would watch that too. The babies are eating each other. The smoke monsters made of diapers. And it's also called Gullah Gullah Island. It's called Gullah Gullah Island, the babies edition.

Except Locke is still an adult, still played by the same guy. Everyone else is babies. He looks like a baby. He looks like a baby. I know. And he's in a diaper, so he's very confused the whole time. You guys remember, honey, I blew up the kids. John Locke looks like halfway between baby and blown up, doesn't he?

He does. I guess I can see that. Like a tall. You put him in overalls and a curly wig. Imagine a tall bipedal baby. That is what we're talking about. It's cool though, because he's got a giant M&M in his shirt pocket. Is it weird that when I talk about babies,

I have to talk in this voice so I don't wake up the imaginary baby in my room. I don't think that's weird. I don't do it. I don't do it. I don't, it's not a conscious decision. Is there an age cut off or imaginary baby that you talk to in your room? I just, I just want to be soft. You know.

Is imaginary baby there right now, Griffin? Babies aren't tough, you know, guys. So don't get rough. Let's not get rough with these babies. Do you ever sit in a, do you have a rocker in your office in which you snuggle and rock your imaginary baby? It's not a real, it's not a real imaginary baby. I'm just saying.

I talk like there is one. I know, I know it's not a real imaginary baby, sweetie. If you wouldn't, if you guys wouldn't mind, just like keep it down. Keep your voices down a little bit. What's his name? It's adorable. His name is Dwarp. Dwarp, Dwarp.

Wait, hold on. Did you name your imaginary baby Dwarp? He sounds like the head of the house of Lannister. Oh God. I like the one where your imaginary baby taught me how to play golf. And Tim Conway has Dwarp. He's short because he's a baby. It's an imaginary baby that lives in Griffin's heart.

Dwarp. You know, when I, when I go kid, whenever I go hiking, I was being a big bag of Dwarp. Delicious. Hey guys. Yeah. I would like to keep the chuckles going. I will leave.

We have some requests on Twitter. I will get up and I will leave the country. People want me to do a sad lib, so I wrote one. I think, I know that you guys don't usually cotton to these, but I think you'll really like this one. I've been, I took a creative writing course into learning on it. Just go, just go, just go, just go. Just do it.

You get it? It was another moist night in Boner City. It's a why so hard to start. Hold on, stop, stop, stop, stop. It's an incorporeal wiener. It always starts with moist. And I think if you're going to do this, you may as well do it right and mix it up.

And I'm just saying it always starts with moist. So if you're going to do this awful thing, do it better. It was another uncomfortably wet night in Boner City. And I was as shitty as an incorporeal wiener. I just ordered another iced dung from the scabby bartender Usher when I fractured my gaze on a hyper-tentious beauty across the bar. Please don't stop listening. I made my way over facetiously.

Pardon my genocide, I defenestrated, but you have the most erect mandible I have ever floundered. Oh, is that an aardvark in your fliberty jibbit or are you just bonered to bogart, Mishu ruminated? Let's ping pong this prestidigitation and get down to Tom Foolery, I rocketed. What's your name, fiddle sticks? Bunny hug Geronimo, she said with a wedding on her face.

And you, maverick, maverick flesh daddy. And with that, we climbed onto my laser comb and cudgled all night long. That was your longest one yet. I'm so sorry. It was a nightmare Travis, it was a waking nightmare. But do you guys like all the dramatic tension? There was, there was build, there was character development.

The vast majority of my friends are male and are all mutual friends. I am a lady. While I care for all of them, I have romantic feelings for one in particular who has mutual feelings for me. However, I get to feel that some of the others may have romantic feelings towards me as well. How do I handle the situation

so that the least amount of people get their feelings hurt? That's from worried in Washington. Damn. Damn girl, vixen. You got to date all of them. Date them all at once, girl. Date them all. Damn.

The tears. Ain't she never seen wings? I love that season where she is dating both brothers. It was a weird season and then Roy got in the mix. Yeah, you know. And Lowell was there. I actually just watched the fifth season Dawson's Creek episode, Appetite for Destruction,

where they have a, the gang has a dinner at Graham's Place in Boston and it's when Jen and Dawson get back together. And of course, this group has like paired off in so many different ways that it makes for an awkward evening. But you know what they do? They hit it head on and they don't, you know, try to keep anything secret. They don't play a lot of games.

They just go for it. And I think that that's the only way you're going to handle the situation is just be really super direct about it. I mean, you don't have feelings for those other guys. Like if they get their feelings hard, that's their own fault for being, getting the wrong message. Can you tell us more?

Can you give us more Dawson's Creek recaps? Because between that and the sad lead, this is, I would say, our most compelling episode yet. It was just a metaphor and something I was using to illustrate at a point. Sure, sure. That's all. I mean, she's got just, I don't think you need to worry about

am I wrong? I mean, I get how this sort of, what's, what's what I'm looking for? Energy, the sort of relationship could develop. But, you know, it's not like you, you owe them anything. Yeah, I think as long as you're being really careful not to like lead anybody on and, you know, as long as these other guys have not gotten the impression

from you that you have feelings for them, you know, if they have questions on you, if they have feelings for you, then that's, you know, that's their issues to deal with. Hopefully the fact that they are your guys' mutual friends, they'll be happy for you if you're happy. That's kind of the thing, right? Like they're not, if they're not the sort of people

that want to, you know, be happy for you when you get into a relationship that makes you happy, then, and they, you know, they were only interested in dating you, then they weren't really your real friends. But that's not how the human mind works. It's not how the human heart works either, but you got to bring some element of logic to these scenarios. What is logical about love, you know,

putting yourself out there and just letting yourself... Boy, howdy. Just get hurt. I think you should just chase your bliss. Yeah. Isn't that what I'm saying she should do? Well, yeah, but you said it in a hundred words. I'm saying it in three.

Chase period, your period, bliss period. Period. Don't chase your bliss period, though. Chase or miss bliss. Mm-hmm. Wait, I said it wrong. No, you did it. Find it.

Get it. It's 20, does get it. Get your love and everything else doesn't matter. Yeah, they're good. If they're your friends, they'll be happy for you. You know what I think? Honestly, I think Justin, your right head on is the best approach because if you walk on eggshells

and like it gives the impression that you're, you know, that it's a bigger deal than it is, you know what I mean? These guys that have feelings for you may read into you trying to be delicate about their feelings is like, she's trying to let me, you know, like as opposed to just being head on and direct and being clear about it, sending a clear message of like, hey, we're just friends. And they may not, they may, you know,

you may be wrong about the feelings for you. You know, it's hard to separate that when you've been friends with somebody for a long time. Maybe it's that it's like a room full of 20 dudes and you. So it seems like that feelings for you because they're going to flirt with you. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what?

If they haven't, if they haven't pounced already on this, on this relationship that apparently this torch that they're holding, they're probably going to be perfectly content to continue holding a torch. In fact, it's even better because now they don't have to feel guilty about not pursuing it. They can just live in, in sort of this tortured, sad agony of love. Yes, a good job. Good work.

20 does. 20 does, you're getting it. I'd like to start a segment every week during this year for the remainder of it, where one of us just talks about how we got it this year. So our sort of self-made motto doesn't seem disingenuous. Okay, Griffin, how did you get it this year? Or this week? Sure, this week.

Yeah. This week, I heard a knock at the door and I went and answered it and it was a stranger and they were holding a clipboard with a bunch of magazines on it and they started talking. And I said, I don't want to waste your time. I am not going to buy any magazines. And they said, thank you and left. You know what I did this week?

I went to the mall to kill some time. And while I was at the mall, I saw the manicure place. And you guys had told me that getting manicures was good, but this is West Virginia. So there weren't any other men in there ever, forever. But I went in anyway and said, hey, I'm ready for a manicure. Yeah. The brother, my brother said, I need to try this.

So I'm just going to get it and 20 does. It was great. Relaxing. How is the conversation? It's what I want to know. Oh, sort of screechy and only half English. Were they like, how's your menopause? Damn it.

No, then Justin just brought up Dawson's Creek and they all had. Travis. Oh, how did I get it? I've been doing my Pilates videos. I share a Netflix queue with Travis. He is not joking about that. Damn it. I'm not.

Oh God, it's real. Yeah, man. I want to get healthy and I'm not ashamed of the methods in which I do. I am ashamed of it because I share it and people see the queue. And they're like, Griffin, did you do Dr. Feelgood stretch, stretchaholics 2012 Abflex core blasters with a Z? I don't mean to shut you down, Griffin, but I do it with my girlfriend and it's very nice and a couple of times together

and we're getting healthy together. We're fucking getting it. I don't let my girlfriend see me sweat. That's true. I mostly just do the yoga. I share a Netflix queue with my in-laws and my 10 year old, sorry, 11 year old sister-in-law. So my Netflix queue is like one really cool movie

and then Sweet Life of Zack and Cody and Riley's like, why'd you put Sweet Life of Zack and Cody on my InstaQ, Justin? And you're like, I ran out of Dawson's Creek episodes. Sorry, Sweet Life of Zack and Cody on deck. It's on there. There was a time where I like to just get on Netflix and watch the first two minutes of every episode of Mullis and Joey so that when Travis loaded up his InstaQ, he had a whole treat waiting for him.

That explains so much. Or the Travis's girlfriend would see it and be like, oh, you watched all the episodes of Mullis and Joey. Oh, in one day. I didn't even know that was possible. To the same one production cost, they actually only filmed the first two minutes of each episode. The rest is 28 minutes of an empty set because they figured no,

it's going to keep watching passes. While Joey Lawrence sweeps it. This is how I earn my paycheck. There's no more show. Go on. There's no more show. Please go. This is where I sleep.

Whoa. Whoa. You're still here. We didn't make it. I'll be washed up on your way out. I'm whomeless. Oh, fuck. That show is on.

What do we do now? Just the worst. Where do we go from here? We could, you know, we should do. Tell me. We fucked up Pryority Bad last week or last month. Are we going to do like two shitty things in one episode? Can we limit it to one shitty thing per show?

It doesn't have to be shitty. Listen, Justin. Thousands of people died last month. Thousands of people died last month. Thousands because they didn't know that it was carnival season. They did not know it was National Radon Action Month. All right. Tell me what February is.

Thousands died. Well, Justin, it's a lot of things. Is there a funny thing that it is? It is Jobs in Golf Month. That's what Dwarp does, right? It is February is Fabulous Florida Strawberry Month. International Hoofcare Month, if you want to take care of your pony's feet. It's your Pull Your Sofa Off the Wall Month, which what?

Wait, what? Hold on, say again. Pull Your Sofa Off the Wall Month. Why? Justin, if that's our job. My sofa is on the wall. I want to keep it there. Why am I pulling it off?

It took me hours to super glue that bitch up there. Yeah. I'm looking up Pull Your Sofa Off the Wall Month and answers.com. Thank you answers.com says February 1st to the 28th. This month encourages people to experiment with and freshen up their home decor through new furniture arrangement. Wow. So not particularly funny.

That's not eat. It's sad. Like this is the country that we're in that people come up with days for this. Like do you realize there are people out there that are starving? They don't have enough to eat. If you put a bag of Dwarp in front of them, they would devour it. And we're talking about, I need to reorganize the furniture in my home that I have. Like what's wrong with us?

Go to a soup kitchen and donate your time. Just put it in the middle of the room, I guess. This could be a really good solution for the guy who is wondering what to do while the people install the security system. Just repeatedly push the sofa against the wall and then move it back and then push it back and then just like shake your head and rub your chin. I love. Just keep doing it.

Let's. For me, if for me, pull the sofa off the wall month is have a wall coated in recent chocolate chew wrappers and dirt. That's all that's back there. It's called sticky rectangle of floor month. Yeah. God. You know what?

I think we should have stuck with jobs in golf month because there's a lot of golfer. Golf pro golf pro club maker grass tender whole digger. Chevy chase Chevy chase in that movie about Chevy chaser. Chevy chaser. Ball dive ball dive. Hey man, did you go out with Deborah the other day? Yeah, it did. Turned out she was a real Chevy chaser.

Also, I am Chevy chase. I ain't saying she a Chevy chaser, but she ain't messing with men who are not named Chevy. She ain't messing with that. No, Dan Acroy Acroy. Fuck man. There aren't that many jobs in golf. February. Nah, there's pretty much just golf.

Golf for guy who care. It helps out golfer assistant. What are they? The club, the club. The club. Club. Yeah. Club or left club or Easter.

Club or Easter. Club or Reno. Golf course designer. What about rich people who live on golf courses to make that golf course seem nicer? That's good. That's a good one. That's a good one. Yeah, and then they need window fixers because of all the golf balls.

Because of all the golf balls. That's correct, Justin. What about what Brian Doyle Murphy does? Murray? Who's that guy? I was gonna, good riff. I was gonna say a golf ball maker, but of course everyone knows that they use eggs. Turtle eggs.

Turtle eggs, because they're so bouncy. That would be turtles. What about mini golf attendees? The people who have to like chase off the team. Windmill winder. When teens are like fucking on the mini golf course, somebody has to chase them off, and that's a job that we can get paid for. Get out of that clown's mouth, you fucking teens.

Yeah. You dirty, dirty, dirty teens. Oh shit. Jesus, it's Dwarp. You kids get out of here, get out of here. I'm an invisible baby. I'm an invisible baby from Brooklyn. I'm an invisible boom boom in my typey.

Oh God. I'm gonna call the baby police to have them come get you out. Baby fireman in the tiny ladders. Oh God. Now I sound like a baby hairdresser. This is baby mini golf, so you can't even see it. It's microscopic. And it's imaginary baby.

It's welcome to Dwarp's mini and mini, imaginary baby golf. I owe it all to my dad, Griffin. It's so weird. Now where can I ash this cigar humorously? Where would be a funny disrespectful place for me to ash my mini imaginary cigar in Dwarp? Next time on invisible baby wall in the family. I, my, my child is Edith Bunker.

I meant to mention earlier. I meant to mention because child is Edith Bunker. So this has been my brother and my brother, our main advice show for the modern era. Thank you so much for listening. Get again. We promise next week might make more sense. What's going on?

mbmbam.com is our website at mbmbam on Twitter. You can follow us there for all the latest scoops and poops. And we haven't mentioned in a while, but maximamfun.org. We got forums over there. So every episode that goes up, there's a forum topic. And you can chat about the show. Talk about all the shit that just didn't make sense this week. Just like, did you guys notice that this week it did not make sense?

Thank you so much people for tweeting about the show. The lovely Heather McCauley, Matt, Mick C1, Fuddy Sorensen, The Sherms, our boy, Mitchie D, Black Nerd, Quiet Alien, J Wiltshire, On The Ren, everybody. I really appreciate it. Banker R, C. Kilgore. Thank you, everybody. I want to thank John Rodrick in the long winters for the use of our theme song.

It's a departure off the album, putting the days to bed. I recommend that everybody buy it every week. And this week is no different. You could do that thing. I also want to thank everybody. Since today, Shakespeare Company won the lights. So thank you everybody who went and voted for our lighting video in the leadco challenge. You have helped us win $20,000 in light.

So thank you so much. Wow. I hope they realize that you're the orchestrator of that. I hope so too. I think they do. I think my stock has gone way up. I'm basically, oh, I am Shakespeare. If you have some free time this week, when you're not listening to all the great,

maximum fun podcasts, get in case of an emergency. It's Travis's other show where he talks about disaster scenarios and how to best survive them. And when you're not doing that, you should check out The Satellite Dish with Justin and Sydney. They talk about, you know, TV and all the zany mess they're in. This past episode, they talk about hoarders. It was dope. Good work, guys. Thanks.

Thanks, Travis. And then you should check out Griffin's podcast. And Griffin, what's it called again? It's called Bathroom Reviews. I go around town, I go around town to different public bathrooms, and then I highlight the best ones, and then I lowlight the worst ones. That's just subterminology I use on the show. It's bathroom reviews on iTunes.

Get it on your iPod. Griffin, can you give us one more, you know, question that we could think about? Yeah. True on this one. It's sent in by Joseph Schmissier. Schmissier. Thank you, Joseph. It's by Yahoo!

It answers user Tyrone, whose profile picture is a bear. He asks when were dogs invented? I'm Dorp. I'm Dorp. I am the Amarino. It's been my brother and brother and me. Kiss your dad. Square on the lips.

Teens. Keep your heart, three stacks. Keep your heart. Hey, keep your heart, three stacks. Keep your heart. Man, these girls are smart. Three stacks, these girls are smart. Play your part.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. You know me, mostly as a stentorian public radio host. And you probably know me as a cable TV cut up. Every week on our show, Jordan, Jesse, go, I would say that we share a little slice of our hearts. Yeah, and dick jokes. We are both complex and aimless.

Leaving you with a empty, dirty feeling after the podcast is over. And a chalky taste in your mouth. But if you start to taste pennies, that's not us. That's a heart attack. And remember, a stroke is a brain attack. Yeah. We talk about important stuff that's going on in our lives, like babies and dogs and traveling.

With some very impressive guests from the worlds of art and entertainment. Yes, Sarah Val, Rob Cordry, Kurt Anderson, they've all had to sit through many, many dick jokes made by us. It's all online at maximumfund.org. Just click on Jordan, Jesse, go or search for Jordan, Jesse, go in your iTunes.