My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 91: Feeding Frenzy

Episode Date: February 13, 2012

We appear to have forgotten that it's Valentine's Week, because this particular episode doesn't include much actionable romantic advice. If only today were a holiday celebrating sword-based home security. Suggested talking points: The Death of Zydeco, Krill Out Ya' Gills, Handsomeness, Dirty Diamonds, Boxing Tips, Budz, Civil Swords, Panic Rooms

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. But today, in recognition of our musical brothers who have been left out of the Grammy awards today, we are going to be honoring, for the majority of today's show, we're going to be picking up the categories that they let go of. Travis, who took home the best new Zydeco of the fourth quarter

award? It was Zydeco Jones. Zydeco Jones. I loved his second album, which was titled? A Movement in Zydeco. Some of my top Zydeco acts are the, I loved the Louisiana Creolees. This year we're great. What about the Creole Opry? I like that one. I like the Zydeco sisters. That was pretty good. I like Mojo Johnson and his Timbuktu twins. I love, they had a great year with, they came out with a Cupid Shuffle and Lil Bootsy. And Three Accordions, One Dream. Yeah, that was really good. They're out of Port Arthur, Texas. They got together while working in an oil refinery. They studied under Clifton Schneer Hill courses,

regarded in most circles as the king of Zydeco. I am going to miss the Zydeco polka that we're now always treat this to every year, combining all the winners into one. We're going to let, this year the Grammys let go of Best Zydeco, Best Tejano album that seems poorly timed, as we are now a largely a Hispanic nation. And the Cajun music album, Out, Best Contemporary Folk, Out. It seems awful, bold and brassy of them to just be like, ah, nobody cares. Yeah, you're Zydeco. Nobody wants you. Maybe that's not real music. If Katy Perry did Zydeco, then maybe it would be the worst thing that anyone could ever hear. Maybe it would be unlistable. It's not even like we're going to announce these like, you know, awards given earlier.

Like, we're just not going to do them. I think it was, I can't believe that they boxed out Best Gregorian chant 2011. Yeah, they got, they got tired of, of, uh, Nickel Creek winning it every year. Every single time. Hey, um, how about Best Band with, Best Band with Nickel in it? Best Band with Nickel in it. Uh, Nickel, Nickelback. Nickel Creek. Nickel Creek. Nickel's Jones, who is another Zydeco. Tommy Nickel's in the two cents. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And, um, Jack Nicklaus. Yep. Golden Bear. Golden Bear things, the gold nits. Hey, I'm your oldest brother, Justin Macaroy. I'm your middleest brother, Travis Macaroy. I'm your baby brother, Griffin Macaroy. We are actually an advice show in addition to a Zydeco fancast. Um, so let's get into the actual

advice and we'll go, we'll circle back around a more Zydeco's yet. Uh, I'm a 22 year old girl. I've recently broken up with my long-term boyfriend. We dated since we were in high school. We broke up two months ago. Our anniversary would have been on Monday, February 13th, the day before Valentine's Day. Do you have any sagely advice for what a newly single girl can do on her not-a-versary that's from new to the not-a-versary? Um, do you know what? You can't cut the problem is you're calling it a not-a-versary instead of what it really is, which is Monday. That is the, that is the truth. You are making a fake, the days are the pits. Any day, if it is a day other than no one's ever said, I had an unexpectedly good St. Patrick's Day. Yeah. Every

holiday is always either a let down or on par, but you can have an unexpectedly good Monday. Like, I don't know. Kind of worked out. I went to the Thai house, saw that, uh, that, uh, for the love of the game on the K1 cable. It was a pretty good Monday. You can't top a not-a-versary though. How do you turn a not-a-versary into a fucking full blown rage? I guess you, see, if it were me, you would start with buying myself an ice cream cake and then end with eating that ice cream cake. Yeah. Maybe you should be celebrating your freedom. Maybe this is a liberate anniversary or something because you're out there looking on the prowl again on the hunt. Sharks can't stay, sharks can't stay still because they will drown in the, some of the

plankton in there, in the oceans. Sharks gotta move. The krill, the krill is so thick. You gotta shake the krill out your gills. It's 20 bucks. Shake the krill out, dim grills. Krills, krills. Shake, well, your gills. Shake the krill out, bear gills. Shake your gills from Saturday Night Live. Krills, krill, get out there and krill it. Shake the krill out, dim gills, and get to sharkin' again. You gotta get out there and start swimming forward. You can't stop. It's time for a new boy. All boy's done. Done ski over. He's in the rear view. You know, now that you said that, I'm gonna throw out a term that you've just inspired me to, Justin. Feeding frenzy. Oh my God. Frenzy. How do you turn a not-aversary into a feeding frenzy?

You are three gobbles away. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Shark, sharpen up the teeth. Get out there. Get your, your pack of ladies together. Oh, all the single ladies. All the single ladies. Make a shark shack, a murder of sharks. Yeah. Just shark pack it. Get out to the club. You want to hook up before midnight, though, because at midnight, you're still single. You're just a lonely heart, but right now, you're a motivated seller. And maybe just crush some hearts. Oh, yeah. Get the free drinks, bite your eyelashes, and then laugh in their face, and then bite them. Bite them in their surfboard. Bite their surfboard in their legs. What's the problem, officer? He looked like a seal. I'm in a feeding frenzy. There was a drop of blood in the ball. I could smell it a mile away.

If you go, if you go on a feeding frenzy, though, you got to be safe and protect it. Yeah. And the, and the cop will be like, oh yeah, feeding frenzy. I heard about that on my brother, my brother and me. Trying to get it started. Feeding frenzy. It's the thing I heard. Move along. Go ahead. I'm pretty drunk. It's also my not aversary. It's my not aversary from sobriety. Sorry. I'm a cop. You're under arrest. I think those are many good suggestions. You're welcome. All this is, of course, coming back to taking a bite of their recovery sandwich. It's time to get back out there, and normally it wouldn't be time, but it's cold. It's cold outside. You don't want to be alone. I don't know. I don't, I don't know how

people do it, you know, since snuggles. It's the body's most natural way of eating itself. Yeah. Yesterday there was this, uh, there was a strange sex marathon on Nat Geo. You really tell me you want to watch that alone. You could handle that. Hold on, wait. Nat Geo is like, check out these freaks. Nat Geo is so dope. Okay, here's the line up on Nat Geo. First, doomsday preppers, where people get ready for the doomsday, and you watch them, and you are happy you're not them. They got undercover police. No, you're happy that you're not them now, until fucking Quetzacodil rears his head out of a dormant volcano. Until they become like the Duke of Las Cruces. Yeah, number one. Yeah, I'm the king. Um, and then they got undercover princes.

They got that. They're crushing it with that. Is it like the Disney film? No, there's like, I mean, it is similar to the plot of a Disney film. These princes want a lady who wants them for them, so they shuck their, uh, their finery, and they get out there and try to meet someone based on their own fairly limited skill set. Uh-huh. Of nothing. They saw Nat Geo just waiting for you. Nat Geo sounds like their shit is just really messed up. But then you said Nat Geo has a show about, like, boning? Fist, fist, well, fisting. Whoa. This is gonna sound like I'm, I'm fucking with you. I watched, I watched an episode of Strange Sex yesterday about a man who's a, his penis went missing. He couldn't find his penis. He had an inverted ego. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. And it's

because he's had such a chub down there. And he said, and he actually uttered the line, I realized for the first time in 15 years, I looked down and I could see my genitals. How is that? How's that a shock? How's that not like a daily like affirmation? Like, yep, still there. How does your penis go missing? It went inside, back inside of him because of the panacea there. There's so much chub in that region. Oh, he's basically like his pubis. His pubis swelled to the point where his penis inverted. Wow. We've just lost every single person. All right, let's talk about secrets now because we're the only people under the soil of our voices. Did his, did his, did his, swap social security? No, yeah, no, his penis solid shadow. Six more weeks of sleeping on the couch, Daryl.

Griffin, why don't you rescue us with a yahoo? Sure. I'll pull us out of this. Pull it out like an inverted penis, Griffin. You could do it. This one was sent by Lisa Holofield. Thank you, Lisa. It's by Yahoo Answers user David McMillan who asks, is it wrong to call a woman handsome? I sort of got in trouble for this the other day, but I defended myself. Some women could just be described as handsome. It doesn't mean that they are a lesbian. It just means that they are not exactly feminine looking, but they are still attractive. Does anyone know what I mean here? Can I get an amen? Amen. Amen, I guess. Is the woman a horse? Because that's cool. There are, I would say, few objects on this planet that I would

reserve the word handsome for. Do you know what I mean? Like a saddle? A saddle or a, or a, oh, those are some handsome slacks, something like that. Yeah, like that's a handsome flower arrangement. But I don't think it, I don't think you can, I just don't think it. Sybil Shepard is a handsome woman. It's a good point Travis. Kathy Bates is a handsome woman. Well, let's not go crazy. But what you're saying is that like, hey, you got kind of a Sybil Shepard thing going on. Oh, I don't think in any way it's a compliment. Well, it does. It kind of makes her sound like a dame, right? Like a handsome broad. I like you get away sticks, you handsome broad. Is Maggie Smith handsome? Yeah, Maggie Smith is handsome. No, she is like a, she's like a

some sort of sea creature. She's a handsome woman. Like, who's a handsome woman? Still somebody, you know, Diane Keaton is a handsome woman. I don't understand, I still don't understand the distinction because I would say that she is, she's just, she's just, it's, I think it's like, I think it's like saying my granddad would probably want to hit it. Yeah, I think that's a handsome woman means, right? It means like she has moxies, she has spunk. No, it's like you could appreciate what's going on there. It's just not for you. You know how sometimes like, old people say like, if I were 20 years younger, I think saying something, someone is a handsome woman is saying like, if I were 20 years older. Yeah, I think that that's true. That's horrible,

though. Yeah, I know. I don't know why you would say it to somebody. It's a terrible thing to say about anyone. Yeah, it's not a nice thing to say about a woman. Although, I mean, like, I, is it, if simple shepherds listening, I meant as a compliment. I was shepherds. Loved you on simple. Sibby, Sibby, you know, I love you. I didn't mean it. Sibs. Chavis, if somebody said you were pretty, I'd take that as a compliment. Yeah, that would treat you, that would treat you well. Yeah, pretty. If someone said like, well, there's a beautiful man, like, they didn't say beautiful, though. They said pretty. There's a pretty man. Well, I do have my foppish ways about me. I don't have a foppish with that. But see, you're, you're, I don't, I don't see, let's just, can we make all,

all like, pleasant adjectives totally asexual? Whatever it was just like, that is like, an attractive person. Well, or we can just say that anything can be handsome, anything can be pretty. Lovely. Just in you. Lovely. I haven't told you this lately, but you are just lovely. You are divine. Now, lovely and divine sounds like something you'd say, like, about your best friend who everybody thinks is gay, but really isn't gay. Oh, he's a lovely person. What if he's a lovely person? Chavis, you are shapely. Have I told you that lately? Thank you, Griffin. Griffin, I think you are polkertudinous. Okay, Chavis. What is that? What does that mean? You know what? You're painterly, I think. You're symmetrical. Okay, that's good. But that's, now we're talking like robot.

Yeah. If you're, if you, if you say something has very Roman features, I think that's good, because that is a nice way of saying like, you don't look nice, but maybe like a million years ago, back in Rome. What's, what's the, which one reminds me? Comely or homely? Which one's the compliment and which one's offensive? Did you say comely? Did you say comely? A comely winch. You mean comely, sir? Excuse me? How did you pronounce it? You said it like it was dirty. Griffin, I need a ruling. Is it comely or comely? I, both are bad. Don't google it. I need to know if it's real. I try to excise that word from as many other larger words as I possibly can, so I'm going to go comely. Yeah. Yeah. Justin, if it makes you feel better, I'm willing to say

that someone needs a homely winch. I, that does not make me feel better at all. I think there is a certain class of, of, of words used to describe female attractive appearance that you can only use if you're wearing like a black trench coat and have a, and have a few swords at home. Like, I think, I think if you, I think if you wear a fedora actively, then that's on purpose. Yeah. If so, if someone's ever said, hey, I can see your vest bulge underneath your black trench coat, then, then, then you can probably use words like comely. Are those new steampunk goggles? Those are lovely. Those are divine. I had them polished just for you, Christine. Please leave, you're my friend. Please go to subway with me. Who is,

who is, who are these people who are complimenting people on the street? It's me. Hey, handsome stuff. I like what, what all you got there. Hey, handsome stuff. You want to buy me a bus ticket? I like here what you're working with. There, Tex. Uh, I, yeah, I think handsome could be misconstrued. It just always seems like it's used as a euphemism. Like, I've never heard someone say it in a convincing way. I've never heard, nobody's ever called me handsome without the words little guy following it. And usually, usually in the interrogative, who's my handsome little guy?

Question. I've, I've never had it handsome unless it was followed by in context, which I might usually follow with comparatively. Yeah. Yeah. In the right light. I guess, I guess for you. Yeah. I think though I would steer away. I would steer clear of handsome. I'm not sure that's gonna, I'm not sure you're going to win that particular. It won't play. Yeah. That ball don't got legs. It don't track. Hey, I'm looking to buy a diamond engagement ring. I would like to get one with a diamond close to one carrot, but a good one that size is currently out of my price range. You have any tips on getting a better price or what channels I should go through to get a better deal? That's from engaged in Edmonton.

Travis, would you choose these questions? What the fuck? Like what about me and Griffin makes you think, I bet those guys got a good line on a diamond. Well, I figured that with your extensive trading and blood diamonds, you'd be able to like hook him up with something. Steve, I guess theft. What the fuck do you, I want the nice thing, but I don't want to pay money to do it. You mind it out of the ground. Are you fucking, you kill, you kill and take. You would like, yeah, you would like to get one with close to one carrot, but you can't afford that. Well, let me help you. You don't, don't get that. Get a smaller one, maybe go smaller. Maybe you're the real prize. All I know, I just know like about,

I know a little bit about like purchasing things. I know how to acquire things with money. So in that sense, I guess I have, I guess I have a little bit of expertise here. If you don't have the money for the thing, then you can't get the thing. That's the problem with it. Unless you get an apprenticeship at the jeweler. That's good. Are you talking about a heist? No, I was talking about like working for it. Like, no, but let's go with heist. Okay. Diamond, diamond heist. Now you're speaking our language. Can you, can you do like a coal? You press it down? Like Superman? No, if you, is that a power that Superman has? He did it once or twice. That seems kind of fucked up. Yeah, doesn't it? Okay, there's a pawn shop, right? You can do that?

That's the thing, right? Oh, you mean like, you can go on pawn stars, go on pawn stars and get one for cheap. Go on storage wars. I hope you find one. That could take a while, but you know, to the shot. Anybody else when they hear pawn stars, they think that it just sounds like a New Orleans Southern gentleman saying porn stars? Porn stars. This is, this isn't very good. No, that's not very good. Kind of climaxed early, but I thought it was okay. I mean girls, you know, girls don't really care about the size of diamonds. If you're going with the size and you don't care about the clarity, you can get cheaper. Oh, that's not a good choice. That's not like a real thing.

You sound like a big, fat, muddy ass diamond. Yeah. If you're all right with some imperfections in the diamond rod, you can get it for a lot cheaper. I got, I got you this ring pop. It's 450 carats. Is it your time? Just the raunchiest, the nastiest, gnarliest, most time. I want a diamond with a fly in the middle. Yeah. Excuse me, waiter. I want a diamond that I can use to clone dinosaurs. You idiot. You're so dumb. I don't make sense. You guys are dumb. You guys are both stupid. This guy's dumb. Oh, what a diamond the size of a can of soup, but I only have this many. How many big, how big a diamond for this many please? None. I wish he'd give me some hard numbers in it because I bet I could get him a,

I bet I could give him a better deal. You see that price line negotiator? Maybe he could help you out. He's not a real man. He's, yeah, price line negotiator. Yeah. You go to their site, go to priceline.com, say, I'm not going to pay a lot for this time. Yeah. And then you, you could pay any price you want. You just got this patient. Here's what you do. You call William Shadner. You tell him you need a diamond real bad. Say, I'm flying from Edmonton to Engagement Town and I need a hotel for life. That'll probably work out. This is dumb. You're dumb. We don't know anything about this. Why do you ask us this? Ask somebody better. Maybe a different setting. Did you think about a crown setting? Maybe a different setting. Hey, what about,

what about white gold? Uh, so I guess in closing, sorry. I guess in closing, like ask, ask somebody else better or ask us. Ask somebody better than us. You either ask us about like farting in public or you ask the diamond podcast. You ask Jared.com about diamonds because that's Jared's focal point. Sometimes the best advice we can give is to tell someone that we're not the best. Yeah, we're like Macy's in, in Miracle on 34th Street. It's actually, it's honestly so rare that we're able to make that distinction. I feel like he's really leaned into it. Griffin, give me somebody, give me somebody we can help. Okay. Here's a, here's a good one. This one was also sent in by Lisa Holofield. Thank you, Lisa. It's by Yahoo! Answers user, Ambie, who asks,

I am trying to learn boxing. The basic problem is when a punch is thrown at me, I close my eyes and don't block. Please tell me drills to do because I really want to get over. It's probably fear because of which I close my eyes. Wow. So he's got one, he punches really good. All right. The punches are on point. His punches are like trains with fists on the end of them. One prop, though, one, one hang up, though, is that when he gets punched, he says, no, no, no. No, no, no. The way he describes it in the question, though, it makes it sound like he's really casual about it because he doesn't block. He's not ducking away. He just closes his eyes like and just stands there. If you can't see the fists and they can't punch you with them

Maybe this should be his thing, right? Like, you, I don't know, man. I just kept swinging and he would just close his eyes and take it. After like three or four, I felt bad. I was intimidated and I felt bad for him. What is he doing in there, little crazy little dude? I kept putting his hands up for him and he would just drop him back down. He looked like he was thinking really hard about how to punch me back and that kind of that kind of cerebral maneuver is, it's intimidating. He had a strategy. He's all over my head, man. Can you be a good boxer and take, and not, I mean, maybe he's trying to learn how to take punches. You get, so the solution is just have somebody punch you a lot until you're not afraid.

It's immersion therapy. Oh, you don't want to fight against Call of Space Jones? Yeah. That's the, that's the, that's the, a lot of, a lot of people don't realize that that's how you become a great boxer. If you can arc it so that you become immune to punching before you die. Yeah. It kills you because they hit some, punch something in your brain and break it. Yeah, if you can, the trick is to take enough punches so that you're not scared of punches anymore, but not too many punches so that you forget how to eat. Whatever you forget how to chew and swallow food. That's why, that's why Rocky drinks eggs. Yeah. He forgot how to eat. I just still don't I took too many punches. I don't want to eat the truth. That's why I sound like I don't want to talk. Hey,

yo, Ziggy. That was Sly Sloan. That was good. I thought you guys, I want to take a bunches. Hey. Pretty good impressions. Great. The important thing is not getting punched. I think maybe if you punch them more. What if you're, if they're too busy blocking your flurry of punches, they're not going to have time to punch you. That's great. They're going to be tuckered. You're just one big stupid glass cannon. I would, I would like to take this guy's story and turn it into like the next, like Rudy, where like the guy goes into the coach and he's like, I want to be the best boxer. Train me. And the coach is like, I see something in you. Let's do this. And they get in the ring

and the guy throws the punches. The coach is like, that was a great punch. Okay. Now block. The coach is like lays them out in the first punch. Yeah. And he's like, Hey, Hey kid, you shouldn't box anymore. And John Favreau comes in the next day. He's like, Hey, Rudy's dead. Yeah, he's dead. He punched him. He punched him a bunch and he didn't block it. Close his eyes. So at least he didn't see his death. So that was merciful, I guess. It's going to be a close casket because he got, he did get pretty cheap. Whoa. Whoa. You punched the front of his face in the back of it. Come on, coach. Let me be, let me box her. I'll do anything to be pro boxer. Will you block? I will not do this one thing.

The one thing I will not do is block or open my eyes. Do you dodge? Well, with my eyes, with my eyes closed, it is hard to see which way to dodge. Can we agree that that like, if you're going to get punched, like you probably want your eyes opened. He was there the whole time. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. They call him corny at Jones. He punches them right in their open eyeball. Actually, that's what that's what happens in some pro fights is a person will get punched in their open eye and he's go, ow, ow, ow, wait, wait, wait, and they have to wait. It's the gentleman's role of boxing. Do you know when they cut people in the corners,

what they're doing is cutting their eyelids off so they have to keep their eyes. Yep. A lot of people don't know that. Why would they do that? It's a harsh world. It is a harsh world. They also have that thing where they run the dry erase marker over their face to get rid of some of the blood that's on there. And then they make them smell like a bucket full of spit. I smell the spit. How do they do that? I don't know. It seems mean. They fluff them a little bit. Just a little bit. Hey, I have three best friends in my city. They're all guys. I'm a woman. One of these guys is also my boyfriend. My question is, is it normal and expected that they're all closer to each other than they are to me?

I have girlfriends that I can talk to and spend time with independently of my other boyfriend, so it's not as if I have nowhere to go for advice and medic. The fact that you just asked us a question to the evidencing to that to the contrary, but we'll continue forward. I just wish I could go to my besties for that. What do you think? Am I expecting too much from my opposite sex friendships? That's from second face. I have my harsh reality opinion of it. No, really? I know, but I feel like, I mean, just based on these facts without any other details, I feel like there's a certain thing that happens where if your friends are friends with your boyfriend, there's a certain amount that they

probably have of just wanting to stay out of tricky relationship stuff all together. Because they're his guy friends, you know? So it's a minefield for them. I know that it rubs some people the wrong way when you assign any sort of gender attributes, and I'm not doing that. We did do that earlier in the episode with the word handsome. But yes, that is, that was different. So we only get one pass per app? Candice Bergen is a handsome woman. I was trying to think of her earlier. I try to think of her often, but specifically Murphy Brown, handsome woman, talented, award-winning journalist. Once you, I think guys and girls can be friends with each other. And I think,

I don't think that's a problem. But I think once you decided you're going to date one of them, you're going to date a guy, you have to accept that you are changing the dynamic. And part of that is when you have a problem with the guy, you can't, like, it's not going to be as cool for you to go to his friends to complain about it. It's just not a safe space anymore for relationship stuff. I don't mean everything, but I think if it's specific to him, specific to your boyfriend, I think you got to go to other girls for that. And I think that even in the most chased purely friendship situation, whenever you enter into a relationship, friendships with the opposite sex become kind of just a little, you know,

a little weirder in general, I think on both sides, because of this idea of like, I don't want to seem improper. It just for some reason for me, it always got weird. Every time I've ever dated someone and also been friends with, you know, and hung out with women, it always just felt kind of weird. Yeah. You know, it really, it doesn't have to do with the fact that of genders, it has everything to do with the fact that they are friends with your boyfriend. So they're not, they can't be impartial. They have loyalty to both of you. It doesn't make them a good sounding board. I mean, even if you want to be friends with other guys, that's fine. Just it can't be guys that are also friends, you know, super close to your boyfriend because they

can't be objective. And they're going to feel weird about, about, you know, hearing these complaints and not being able to do anything about it. Yeah. That was a very funny answer. I just think you got it. I don't think it's sexist to say that every lady should have her shark pack and every dude should have his, his, his bro pack, right? Is that weird that sometimes you just seek out the, the company even briefly of, of one gender? I mean, I do that and like my, my girlfriend does that and all my friends here in Austin have like, there's a lady's night time and now there's dude's time and is that. I don't think, I think that's completely normal. I think that that's, I think that that is, is healthy to have, you know, like just,

I'm not saying like you can't be friends with the opposite gender, but every so often you want to be like, Hey, let's just like, bro out, you know, yeah, or let's have a feeding frenzy. Ladies just want to feed, you know? Yeah, they sort of unhinge your jaws and just eat men. Whole. I think you're, you might be misinterpreting it. I don't think it's that they are closer to each other than they are to you because I would fucking hope that your boyfriend's closer to you than he is to his bros. But, but I just think that it's, sometimes they seek the solace of, of, of, of gentlemen. It is hard though. And I, and I know that you would like to be able to, I know you'd like to be able to talk to, you know, your other dude friends about it, but

you just have to accept that it goes with the territory. Once you start dating somebody and put that into the dynamic, you can't just turn that off because you'd like their, their advice. It's, it's a different, it's a different world now. And I think that you also, it's a, you know, sticky situation because we've also gotten questions from the other side where women have complained that they're quote, just one of the guys, you know, and like the fact that they still see you as a woman and don't include you in their bro time is not necessarily a bad thing. Yeah. It's not as bad as saying bros a lot, which we happen to be doing. So we'll try to break that habit. So he wants to go hang out with his broskies. You know, if he wants to grow an out.

Yeah. Is there a better word for men friends? Like dude pals. Dude pals. Okay. Dude buddies. Dude buddies. Air buddies. But it, what about just buds with a Z and you say with a Z and that's how you know that it's in reference to a man. That's pretty much how I say it about drugs though. Gentlemen call us. Can our podcast now just be called three buds. Buds. Buds and out. In my newsletter, there was a story about a guy that did a Mario mural for his kid and they were quoting him about the, about the, the, the Super Mario Brothers game. And he said, I used to love that one with a kid. Mario and Luigi were buddies. No, they weren't. That's cute. That's adorable though. When adults actually would like to point

out that they're never in the same place at the same time. You don't even know that they enjoy each other's company. Hey adults, when you say buddies, it's adorable. Keep it up. Keep it up. You've earned it. You, you, you went without dying for lots of years. So you have earned the right to say buddies. Griffin, you know what I've earned the right to do? Be buddies with money, money buddies. Be buddies with money buddies. And now here's a segment, money buddies. We are, we are launching a journey today, an epic poem that is really a partnership between us and our new friend Eric Noreen and his project, his, his product, his fucking revolutionary, like, of course, change your life. Change your life. It's called stack. Prepare to kick yourself

on your own ass for being so stupid for not coming up with this first. You're gonna get ready to be an idiot because you did not, you've been an idiot your whole life. You didn't even know that you stuck. I want you guys to know that I really feel like you're talking directly to me. You are a dumb shithead for not thinking of this product, you stupid asshole. Stack is not helping. It is, it is specially created. It's hard to, to describe the shape. You should probably just go to stackshope.com and you'll see, but it's a, it's created in such a way with a sort of divot, I would say. It's pringular, I would say. It's pringular. It's got a pringular design with a divot at the top. You, you wash yourself with this stack soap and then you wear it down to the point that it fits

perfectly into your next bar of stack soap. What? The stack soap, the divot has the word stack in it and like letters that stick out so that it just adheres to the wet sliver of soap that you have remaining and it forms a new bar of soap that you whittle down to another sliver and fit into the next thing of stack soap. I feel so stupid. You dumb piece of shit. Never have a stack, never have a soap sliver again. If you, here's the thing though, we're trying to get this made. He's trying to get a, a copper mold that's one of the last, last components he needs, but it's going to cost a little cheddar. It's going to cost nine grand, but we're all going to team up to get it made. So go to, go to stack soap.com and you'll find a Kickstarter. If you get on board, the first

thousand people can pledge what they want and they're going to get six bars of stack soap, whatever they think is fair and, and that includes shipping. So don't, you know, don't go on, just, just pledge a buck, but the first thousand people that do that are going to be able to, to uh, pledge what they want for a bar of stack soap. Let's see, let's get a six bar, six bars. Let's get on the offensive right now. Right. If you're using body wash, you are just moving your funk around. Right. You're just moving the funk around. If you don't have a solid, lye-based product, then you are as dumb as Travis is. You gotta have a physical, tangible, solid, not a plasma, a solid ass piece of soapy matter. No matter how handsome you are,

if you're not using soap, you're an idiot. You're a child. You're a dirty child. You're like an idiot dirt child. This is the infinite soap bar cycle and you can get on board with it right now. Go. This is like ground level. Like you can get in on the first floor of this. And go to stack soap.com right now. We're going to be following this. This is going to be an effort between, it's a, it's a co-production of my brother, my brother and me and, and the Maximum Fun Network. February and a little bit of March is get yourself clean month with stack soap. We don't have a jingle at this exact moment, Griffin. I want to make it, this is a, this is the longest relationship we've ever had with a promotional partner. So when I turn it out,

I want it to be like a, like a Coca-Cola theme song, you know? Coca-Cola, drink it all day and all night. You remember that one? That little day from the 40s. That was classic, classic. They played it on their radio serials. Anyway, when I turn this shit out, I want it to be like Space Jam 2. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Epic. I want it to, I want it to be, I want it to be in the Grammys. I like you getting garage band and just lay down some tracks. Oh, I've been laying down some loops and I've got a few Samba beats that I like. So we'll see, we'll see what turns up. But I promise stack soap, the best jingle that they've ever heard. I might be so. And why, so go to stack soap.com and why you're getting clean with your new stack soap.

You can listen to another great podcast on the Maximum Fun Network, which you will hear about right now. Hello there, my name's Graham Clark. And I'm Dave Schumka. And together we host a podcast called Stop Podcasting Yourself. This is a file that you download from the internet and then you listen to it in your pod. What's that about you ask? Well, who are you to ask? Who do you think you are? Yeah, get lost, bozo. We're a couple of stand-up comedians in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. And every week we bring a guest on the show. Sometimes they're Canadian, sometimes they're not, sometimes they're a ghost. It's like you're sitting in on a friendly afternoon

chat. Plus we're Canadian, so you get a tax break. You can find us on iTunes or online at maximumfun.org. Let's come back with a Yahoo answer. This one was, Jesus, this one was sent by Lisa Holofield too. Thank you so much, Lisa. Can we just have some money? Yep. Someone give her some money. This is asked by Brian, who asks, is it illegal for me to upload a picture of me with a sword to Facebook? I want my default pic to be one of me with the sword I got in eighth grade. If I do not look threatening, is this illegal? Any ins and outs I need to be aware of? P.S. I will look civilized. Oh, call Guinness. This is the first time dude has ever looked civilized. It's me. I'm wearing a frock and this is my gentleman's foil.

How civil? I'm actually, I'm looking at the Facebook rules right now about posting pictures and it says to do it, you have to have a really intense look on your face and be holding the sword somewhere down around your crotch. You have to have photoshopped fire like Dragon Ball Z fire on the sword and possibly in your eyes and it has to say something above it like destiny. And you have to make sure that you tastefully trimmed your scraggly beard. If somebody could photoshop us a picture of us like that, I will make it my face. I want nothing but Dragon Ball Z photoshopped of us. Fire swords. There's fire and swords, laser beams, tails. Maybe he civilized, which is to look like civil shepherd. I like the idea of civilized

better like us in like full like 1930s military regalia with an epi in one hand and a tea sandwich in the other. Very fancy. Like a gentleman with a sword. Why who gave you one in eighth grade? Who did that to you? Who did that to you? You're too young for that. You're too little. You're just a baby. Unless it was his sensei, his sword sensei. Oh, you're saying once he had learned all the strokes and all the stabs, the cuts, cut one, left word cut. We have it on this show. We take a pretty hard line against people putting things on their Facebook that aren't them such as their dogs and their babies and their dead grandmother. That's the one that's killing me guys. You gotta stop. But I think that if you are the sort of dude that would put a picture of you with a sword on

Facebook, that's probably pretty good. Oh, God. I swear to God, I thought you said sword of dude. Like what? The sword of dude. I had no idea what it meant. I don't know. It's awesome. Behold the sword of dude. No. Sword of dude. I'm more interested in this person thinking he's gonna get in trouble for uploading a picture of him with a sword to Facebook and then somebody being like, is he, is he fucking threatening me? Whoa. Oh, God. In the picture I am covered in blood. Oh, God, I was looking at my newsfeed and I saw a picture of you with a Final Fantasy replica sword and I got spooked because I got your, uh, a Skyler Zuckerberg. You knew, you knew this call was coming. Uh, you fucked up. What is that? A katana naka? Put that down. I, I respect your

people. I respect your traditions. You can't put a sword on my book. I got a call from Spiderman. He said, I got spooked when I loaded my newsfeed and saw a picture of his katana. I saw his epe and I said, nope, I closed the window because I was afraid. Griffin, you have to take inside the bit and tell me what Spiderman is friends with Skyler. Spiderman. Spiderman is the guy who was his friend in the movie. Oh, my God. Spiderman was his best bud. I like to believe that all films share continuity. I know you guys knew that about me. Shortly after founding Facebook and suing for rights, he was bitten by a spider and became Spiderman. Oh, I get it. So that's what, that's what spurned him to fight injustice. Zuckerberg cut him out and he was like, that's it. I'm gonna

fight. Yeah, that's why he's ultimate Spiderman because he's rich as fuck. So when he said, you better lawyer up because I'm coming after you. What he meant was time to start ducking webs. Yeah. Because I got spiders, spider powers in here, spider blood pumping through my veins, which doesn't sound that intimidating when you say it like that. You know, it is intimidating. What? A man with a sword. That's a real power move. Spiderman with a sword. Do you use Facebook for business or just personal? No, it's pretty much just personal stuff. I haven't got a lot of business traffic through there. You should see my LinkedIn page. It's a, there's a lot of, I would say, civilized sword picks in there. I'm available for parties. Yeah. Yeah. I'll spend nontokus

around. I got a whole Bose staff routine worked out. It's pretty sick. Now, I will be honest, I do not know much about venture capital, but I do have, I own many swords. So I'm highly motivated. Here's a reference letter from my sensei. I used to own swords, everybody. I still have swords. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm just not going to like take Facebook. It's like, I mean, there's lots of, okay, I have a crock pot, but if my Facebook picture is me holding a crock pot above my head like, yes, look at it. This is me. This is me in 2012, crock pot, slow about it. Like it doesn't matter. Like putting it in your Facebook picture is, it defines you. I mean, it is your, that is your, your outside message to the world, right? Well,

I think if you're the kind of person that owns swords, then you're the kind of person that owns swords and there's no going around that. You know, I have, I have a sword and you guys want to know a secret? Not. Okay, great. This is really dicey, but I'm going to go, I'm going to go with yes. I would never own a gun, but I see nothing wrong with keeping a sword by the bed for protection. Is this about to get, are we about to have an argument about the lethality of swords? No, no, no. I'm just saying like, I see not, I would like to envision a circumstance in which a criminal breaks into my house and has a gun and I draw a sword. You're telling me you could more easily stab a stranger with a giant sword than you could shoot a stranger.

Like you sever their, you stab them in the guts and then you see it. You see everything. You watch their intestines spill out across your Davenport. I can do a pretty deep lunge and I feel like you'll be really intimidating. That's Travis. That's the most fucked up thing you've ever set out loud. I don't think that's true. Why don't you just keep a heavy rocket next to the bed fucking, you've ordered the fly psychopath. I keep that on the couch. I just want to, I would just like to, I don't want my kids getting hurt, but I would like the feeling of crushing a man's skull with my bare hands. So I'll just keep a big rock next to my bed. Now the floor does open up into a sort of boo boo box scorpion trap. But it's that, I mean,

guns? Yuck. Not for me. Not for me, but I do have a table that I laid them on and I saw a pinches off till they bleed out on my floor. Travis, you do have to do me a favor though. If you ever get into this imaginary situation, you got a tube it for me. I gotta see what happens. Seriously, I will make a whole Bravo series about that night. You did that dumb thing. That's fair. Yeah. I, I, do you, okay. If you have the sword and they are like, they see you, okay. Describe that very next. This is how I picture it going. It's a very slow burn down to their gun. And then they slow burn down to my sword. And then they drop the gun and just start backing away. Okay. That's how I hope it pans out. Why? Because otherwise they shoot me in

the face. Yeah. I mean, no, definitely. I'm pretty well versed in the actual thing that will definitely really happen. I'm kind of curious. I want you to take me sort of inside and why you think they're going to see this. Well, I also have the true faith that like in an emergency situation, I would just immediately be able to have like the Dragon Ball Z fucking superpowers. Yeah, I just feel like Ninja would just come upon me and I would just no fucking bullets would come up on you. You would be dead. You think your hope is that maybe the government will be superstitious about shooting wildly retarded Amish boys. I would much rather be shot than stabbed. I'm out of here. Now, I just want to point out, though, if you were going to get shot by someone robbing your house,

wouldn't you want it to be sword in hand? No, you don't want to go out like that. Like, like, like a Renfarian actor? No, I don't want to go out like that. I want to go out like a man whose house got robbed with dignity while I hid in his bedroom. I want to go out with a wizard wand because I would stand a better fucking chance than you were with your goddamn sword. What were his last words? His last words were presto. I'm a dipshit. Travis's last words were my name is in Diego Montoya. You kill Opsies. That was Travis's last word. He was doing the monologue, but then he said Opsies. He said something about the quickening, and then he bled out. He was dead as fuck.

He was really dead, and I miss him so much. He was my brother. He was, he was a stupid man, but I loved him very much. He was great with the sword. As long as his enemy was not armed with a gun. Or any other weapon, because swords are bullshit. Oh man, gotta tube that for me. My house, where I still live with my parents, was recently broken into. We had some electronics and jewelry stolen, if only, if only it had been armed with. With Sarah Travis McElroy. We had a security door installed to distort. Oh god, let me try again. We had a security door installed to deter any further attempts at theft, and I believe my parents find that to be enough. I, however, would prefer to be more proactive and aggressive towards future thieves. Swords.

So what methods would you suggest for further fortifying my home? Katana rack by the by the bedroom door. Oh, a katana rack. That's good, because, because you're, it's both stylish and efficient. You might be cutting him so many times and not being killed for so long that you can wear down the edge of your first katana. So it's a band of thieves. Oh good, yeah, because you might bury your katana in one of their chests while you're not getting shot. Hey, can I have that back? No, at least I killed one of you. I don't want to distract from my stupidity, but I do have the question as to what is a security door? Is that like a door? I mean, yeah, but I think it's like metal, so you can't get through it. There's a retina scanner. I'm pretty sure. And there's a

picture of Travis with a sword on the front of it. Beware of idiots. And then it says the words inside and then there's an arrow pointing to you. Just wait. This is inside. Stabs a hoi. Beware of swordsmen. It says, it says beware of swordsmen at the top, then at the bottom it says, do you really want this on your conscience? Come on, he's got enough. He's actually six. He has Prageria. This is my son Jack. He has Jack disease. He thinks he's a knight. His shit is fucked. Please be careful. It's a weird thing now. He has a lot of diamonds. So if you're in the market, for a cheap one, he's your guy, which is probably why you're breaking in. But we'd rather you not. So panic room. Yeah, gotta go panic room. You get a panic room and

don't get a half-assed panic room. That's right. If you hang a blanket up over your closet, that is not a panic room, I'm afraid. That is a tiny closet in which you may very well panic. If I knew Travis had a sword in the house, no room in my home wouldn't be a panic room. I would constantly be panicking about it. I hope he doesn't get it out today. So are we done here? Have we helped enough for one week? I think so. Jesus. So thank you so much for listening. Thank you to everyone who's been tweeting about the show. Turbo Toaster, Real Mike Dempsey, Real Nate Miller. There's a lot of real people which I like. DJ Shanti, World Champ Dan, Infinite Brads, Zeck Becker, Ham Doctors, our old friend, Craig C,

Jens Dietrich, so many people, Fitzy Bear, and Casey Fitts, who I guess loves us more than our husband now, which is fine, which we're used to that. I think so. Secretly in their heart of hearts every wife and every husband loves us more than their significant other. It's life. Nothing to feel bad about, but thank you guys so much for tweeting about the show. Just use the mbm hashtag when you do that. Hey, don't forget that the second my brother, my brother, Ami, mixtape by our friend Rocky Horror is live. What's the best way of getting that? iTunes, if you search Hell House, it's a podcast on iTunes, and it's the February episode. Oh, well there you go. That's a fine way of getting it. You can also go to myspace.com

forward slash rockyhorrorfide to learn more about our friend. I don't know if he's still using that or not, but he's also Rocky Horror on Twitter. You can just find him that way. You can probably just ask him. R.H. Club Music. That's his website. R.H. ClubMusic.com. So go there and go get the second my brother, my brother, and mixtape and support him, support all the other Maximum Fun podcasts. Please do us a favor, guys. This week, go to the Maximum Fun forum and just talk about us. Talk about this episode. We'll put a thread up, and I promise this week I'll be better about being in there and talking to people. So if you want to come by, tell us what you thought, talk. We will all go in there and chat people up this week. So find that thread and comment on it,

because the other guys get to talk about their show. They're so popular. They're more powerful than ever, and I just want a little taste of that. Make sure that whatever you do, you go to stacksoap.com and you check it out. Nice and stacks. Tell them we sent you. I want to thank John Rodrick and The Long Winters for the use of our theme song Into Departure off the album Putting The Days To Bed. I saw a lot of people on Twitter saying they bought it, and that made me smile a little bit in my heart, because it's a good album. It's a

great band, and sometimes I just like to think that I'm sitting under the same big, big white moon just listening to the same tunes as somebody else in the world, you know? Yeah. It's a good form and a lunar music connection. That's beautiful, Griffin. You're a beautiful man. So that's it. That's our show. Happy Valentine's Day, everybody. Yeah, find somebody especially you love and just squeeze them.

And keep listening. Go subscribe on iTunes and read us and retweet the tweet about this show and put us on your Facebook if you want. I don't know. Something. But thanks for listening. We love you. Thanks, everyone. This final yahoo was sent in by Gali A. Oli. Thank you, Gali. It's by Yahoo! AnswersUserTurn, who asks, Would Christianity be as popular as it is today if the Jesus was depicted more like Danny DeVito? I'm Justin McAvoy. I'm Cavus McAvoy.

I'm Griffin McAvoy. This is where my brother, my brother, me kiss your dad. Square on the way.