My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 95: Giamatti, Go!

Episode Date: March 13, 2012

It's a week of highs and lows for the McElroy bros, ranging from tragic revelations about Golden Corral visits to how great it would be if famous Hollywood actors were actually Pokemon. Stuff it! Suggested talking points: The Sore Tooth, Bat Pelts, Pet Celebrities, The Game of Bones, Making it Dwayne, "Put Your Soap in My Soap," Continental Divide, OG Water

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody! Top of the podcast to you. On top of the morning to ya. Oh, Christ. Okay, but that's the last time. You said it, you didn't do it. Oh, lady, lady, lady. I didn't know. Okay, that's all that you know, Irish one.

Me lucky charms. Okay, that's lady, lady, lady. Okay, well, you said you might try that, but I didn't think you would sort of. I'm doing the rest of the podcast in this. Oh, no, you're not. That I will be. Is it offensive? What he's doing? I can't, I don't know, because like we have some of that heritage. So, like, I don't know if it's like, it's like how people, if you're in a wheelchair and you pass someone else in a wheelchair. He's not offensive, he's me loyal. It's like if you're in a wheelchair and you pass someone else in a wheelchair, you're allowed to push them over. Like, I think this is sort of in that similar vein.

So, are you, are you saying you'd like me to stop? No, I'm saying you sound like a handicapped person. So, what, this weekend, this St. Patty's weekend, what are you guys getting rumpidumped on? Mef? That's not really like a traditional Irish. I'm going to drop it in again. Oh, I see. What do you call that concoction? Irish car death. That's not a good name. No, that's not a good name. How about the sore, the sore tooth? Then that jinx sound like it would be called the sore tooth in circles? A sore tooth? Now, what would be the derivation of the thing? When you do meth, it makes your teeth hurt. So, when you drop it in again, it's a sore tooth

because that's sort of a fun, sort of a fun edgy bad name. Sort of fun take on meth. It's basically the most fun way to take meth, the most like footloose and fancy free form of meth consumption. A completely different note, not in any way advocating the use of meth. Did you guys see, I think it was American Eagle or Urban Outfitter, like got, is being like sued by Irish defamation leagues? No. What? Why? Well, they had a t-shirt that said like, kiss me, I'm Irish or drunk or whatever. Kiss me, I'm Irish or drunk or whatever? Yeah, and they were told that that was offensive to a little bit of Irish heritage, and so like they had to take it off their websites and stuff. Well, and also it's offensive to drunk

people. And also it's stupid. I've never been so drunk that I forgot my fucking nationality. It should say, help me, I'm drunk or Irish or whatever, I just don't know and I'm really scared. I've been looking for my apartment for like two hours now. It's very cold outside. That's how homeless people get their start, usually. This is an advice show for the modern era. I am your oldest brother, Justin McRoy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McRoy. I'm your baby brother, Griffin McRoy. Let's not waste any more time with these blind alleys of racial danger. Let's get right into the advice. I work at a grocery store where we're required to stay clean-shaven at all times. Over a vacation, I grew a beard that everyone thought really

worked for me, including myself, only to have to shave it off. I'm not a big fan of this job, and I was considering getting other work. I'm a student, can be unemployed for a while. But is this a valid reason to quit? Should I risk unemployment to get a job I can have a beard at? Yes. This is Travis. Wait, what? No, Travis. No, no. I'm just saying that if he was already like thinking about leaving this job, if he's not happy with this job, I feel like it would be a real power move to walk into the boss's office and say like, listen, Bill, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm quitting because I want to have a beard. Listen, there's one thing in this world. I don't know much about women, but I do know that the two things that they love are newly

grown beards and unemployment. These are two traits. When you get the scraggle, you know what I'm talking about? The scraggle where you're just growing it. Ladies love that, especially if it's- Oh yeah, especially if it's scratchy and abrasive on their face. When it's attached to a man who doesn't have a steady form of income coming in, ladies can't get enough. A look that says, I have this beard because I can't afford to shave it. In all seriousness, in the modern age, in this day and age, there's no reason to quit a job without having another job lined up. But there's so many jobs out there. I think you can just pretty safely quit and then just know that you're going to get caught by some sort of safety net. Yes, because in this economy,

jobs are everywhere. Yeah, they're littering the streets. And people are like, hey Obama, how about we destroy some of these jobs? Just to reduce job inflation, right? All these spare jobs are sitting around making me feel guilty. I have to get two or three jobs just to make myself feel good in the morning. What jobs do you have currently, Trev? Well, as you know, I work for the theater. I also am a carriage driver in the park. Uh-huh. And I kill bats. Wait a minute. I never knew killing bats was professional for you. Well, you have to turn in the pelts.

For EXP. And then you can turn them into cloaks and belts and stuff if your skill is high enough. I am moonlighting as Stanley Tucci's Waxman. I don't know that I possess that skill, nor that I have that connection with the Tooch as I call them. Justin, I put dolphins back in their place. Oh, man. Now wait, do you mean like dolphins who like get trapped in sewers because they jumped weird? Or do you mean like? Or do you mean the uppity dolphins? Yeah. No, I mean dolphins that start to think that they're people.

God damn it. You take that hat off and give me back my fish. That was in my sandwich and it was unacceptable. Your hijinks have no sway here. I get back in the ocean, sir. And then that's pretty much it. And then I get all sheepish. And that's a job? That's a job. Who pays you to do this? Sharks. Sharks. Sharks. Sharks pay me in apples.

The maritime economy is so strange. They don't know what we use. All these ocean apples. You humans like apples, right? Hey, you like apples? Like, dolphins don't like fish. It's just what we throw at them because they're dumb. Like, sharks pay me in apples. They think that that's the kind of currency. I don't know why. Fucking sharks, man.

Now, don't like, get another job. This should be a good role for everybody. Get another job before you quit the last job, so before beard. Or go in and be like, grow your beard out secretly. Wear a burger or something. Grow your beard out secretly and go in and be like, this is what you are missing. Also, you need to look at this look. You need to take a long look in that deep, dark, truthful mirror and really think about if this beard that you grew over a vacation

is really as critically acclaimed as you say it is. Really think about that. Really think about the influx that people have. The last thing was a six month vacation. Yeah, did they say, did they say, oh, um, a beard. That looks great. I kept it up. I kept a scrowdy, riled, scraggled angle on my face

for a couple of years before I realized that, hey, this doesn't actually look very good. And I had tricked myself into thinking it was all the rage. I still feel guilty about that. Griffin walked around looking like a Bob Denver impersonator, and I said nothing to him. You know from Gilgamesh Island? Also, Adobe Gillis.

Adobe Gillis. Take care of your face. It's the only gift you have. That's all you've got going for you. All you've got going for is your face. Don't cover it up. Don't fuck up your moneymaker. No, your moneymaker's your fucking job.

Don't fuck that up either. Your moneymaker's your bag in hands. You got to keep those safe. Don't worry about your face. I just also want to throw out what kind of fucking grocery sword doesn't let people have beard. Like, I don't understand that. If you find out, let me know and I will attend.

It will be my sole source of grocery. I don't want to buy my Aunt Jemima from someone that's not clean shorn. In this bag, I'm going to put your eggs and I'm going to put your juice and I'm going to put a few of these little chin hairs. This is going to sprinkle them in there like so much oregano.

Maybe he works in the deli or something. Oh, we've got that. That might make sense, right? Don't they make beard nets for just such an occasion? Yeah, but you can't be like walking around with a beard net. It's weird. It's basically the same. You can't be seen by the beard net.

This is a jockstrap, basically. A jockstrap for your chin. Yeah. It's also like saying to the world, like, I've got this beard, but I cannot keep a handle on it. This beard is out of control. It's like boarding school for beards. Like, you can't say like, I don't know what to do with it.

It's got its own mind, mind of its own, I'd say. Griffin. You want to hear who answer? Yeah. This is great. This one was sent in by Lisa Holofield. Thank you, Lisa. It's by Yahoo Answers user, Holly, who posted in the Yahoo Answers rodents category

and asks, how to take care of a duck? I'm thinking of getting a pet duck, but I don't know much about them. Clearly. Some phylum genus action would be good. Maybe just like a dictionary to look up the word duck. Have you seen the duck yet? Respondent Yahoo Answers user CP4 says, well, the first thing you should know is that it is not a rodent.

Oh, Yahoo Answers taking care of our light work since 2003. Yahoo Answers user Matt says, here's a list I've constructed for your consideration. One, let the duck go. Two, watch the duck fly away. Three, go buy a rodent. Four, go about with your normal life. Source, source. I am a duckologist.

Well, the first thing you're going to want to do, so many people neglect, webbing cream. They get a lot of irritation there. Now, is this a cream that you make out of duck foot webbing? Or is this? That would be cruel. No, this is a balm. It's a poultice that you rub onto the webbing of a duck.

So from its day of stepping on pine cones and other irritants, it will soothe the webbing and make sure that it stays unaffected. Now, step two, and this is a tricky one, and it's going to take some time, but you have to train the duck to say, put it on my bill. It's the only good reason to have a duck. Oh, man. What a duck.

What a great duck. Griffin, do you have any duck raising tips? Make it a fucking make it a shirt. Make it close. I guess duck clothes. You don't dress it up like Scrooge with Duck, obviously. That's good. Yeah, I wish I had some of that.

A little spats on its webbed feet. I can't imagine having a bird. I was at a hamburger stand the other day eating a hamburger. Was this a food truck? No, no. It was an establishment. They just didn't have an indoor dining area. They had some shit out back where you could just chill on some picnic tables

and enjoy your frozen custard. And I was there and I was just surrounded by pigeons and finches and sparrows in all manner of tiny woodland birds. And I just had a constant panic attack the entire time I was there. Couldn't enjoy my meal because I was surrounded by tiny birds. And I have friends here in Texas who have like chickens. You have pet chickens. Can't.

Unacceptable. Can't fathom. Okay, because here's the thing. I agree with you, Griffin, 100 percent. And I know of people that have like cockatiels and parrots and that kind of thing. And it's like, okay, they're, you know, they're beautiful birds and they fly around. But a duck or like a chicken, they're just like a big stupid walking around on the ground bird. Yeah.

Like, don't get it. Think about a bird for a second. Like, if you have a pet bird, pet bird, like if you have a dog, it can come and snuggle up on you. A cat can pat its little, little feet on you and, and, and ignore you most of the time. A bird has two methods of interaction with the outside world. Talons and a poker. That's it.

All I can do is. Talons and a poker and yelling. Just like shooting on her. Shooting. Shooting on you. Like those are the interactions a bird can have with the outside world. Why would you want that in your home? Why would you want it as I'm going to offend so many people right now?

Sorry. A dog and a cat. Why would you want anything other than a dog and a cat? You can teach a dog to go outside and teach a cat to poop in a box. Okay. But what about hilariously comically large rabbits? Okay. That's fine.

Wow. And like, and you call them like flopping Stein or something. How about sugar gliders? I mean it. Oh, that's what, because that's been the problem with mice this whole time. Your inability to fly. Thank God for sugar. Thank you.

County fairs all over this great land for putting a race of flying mice throughout the. And also just FYI, sugar glider pelts aren't worth as much as bad. You only make that mistake once. Travis has a chart. If you do, ladies and gentlemen, this is a plea from me to you. If you do buy a duck and take it home to race your own, don't let him drop out of school. There's, there's going to be a real temptation because he won't understand any of it and he

can't write, but a duck without an education, there's nothing sadder in my opinion. And if you, if the duck that you have adopted becomes, let's say, racially and racially insensitive towards Japanese people, then you really, really need to take a good, hard look at it because there's a good chance that you just adopted Gilbert Gottfried. Got it. He is similar to ducks, not only in fashion, but in manner, which is why he was such a perfect choice for the Aflac.

This bit is fucking stupid. Bad news, bad news for you. I'm editing today, so I'm going to frame it. I'm going to frame it with special sound effects to guitarists. Here it is. Griffin's been about Gilbert Gottfried. There's a goof in there somewhere about how Gilbert Gottfried is duck like, but I think the Aflac connection sort of sullies.

The problem, your problem is, was looking for the goof. Like you should just say, I, I earlier, I had something about sharks paying me with apples. Just say the first goddamn thing that comes to your head. Let the goof find you. Then 90% of the audience would hear it and be like, oh, he's making a dumb Aflac goof, but the other 10% wouldn't understand how avant-garde that was. That's how edgy your Gilbert Gottfried goof was. If you guys could adopt one celebrity, who would it be?

Obviously not Gilbert Gottfried. He's going to keep you rolling, right? With, with all the, with all like the zangers, but I don't think that the rest of it would make up for it. Ian McShane. Okay. What would it, what would it pet Ian McShane be like Travis? Mostly he'd just shuffle around the house in a bathrobe cursing. Sounds pretty good.

Yeah, right? Wouldn't that be awesome? And just have friends of him like, oh, don't mind my Ian McShane. Don't let him, don't let him climb on your lap. Ian, down. Down. Ian, enjoy. I'm going to go, uh, I'm going to go see him, Otty.

Oh, he would, do you know why? I imagine him like, hiding up in the corner of the ceiling. Just brought him with a flashlight to get him down. Don't look at him. It's a challenge. Giamatti. Giamatti. Do you know what the problem with having a pet Giamatti is?

He's a Pokemon. Giamatti. Giamatti, go. He's so skittish. Go. Oh God. Giamatti is the human equivalent of a comically large rabbit, I feel like. Oh crap.

Justin. What? You got a celeb? I'm not going to adopt a celebrity to make any goddamn sense. They're people. They live in houses. They are human beings. I don't understand.

I don't understand the question. Hey, I'm a guy and also a monster. Oh, whoa. And also a monster. And also a monster. I started sleeping with a close friend of mine, a girl. Who also plays bass in my band, bass, bass in my band. We were quote friends with benefits end quote for about six months,

but it never really developed into an exclusive relationship. She feels heartbroken because I recently slept with another girl. And this may have ruined a wonderful friendship as well as our band. So any way to salvage our friendship. Probably unforgivable. So I guess the band, the band maybe is not, is not finding the success that he had hoped for. That's maybe not top priority at this.

Right. Hey, dude, you done goofed. Yeah. Oh, man. The number of ways in which you've goofed. You goofed, but if you can keep the band together. Wow, you're going to write some good stuff. Look at, look at Fleetwood Mac.

Oh, yeah. That's like they fought and fit and fought and fought and fit. And they, they didn't stay in love, but they stayed in love with the music. And the pain, you just feel it in tusk. Nothing powers good rock and roll like sexual contempt. Right. Hauling oats. So bitter.

So bitter, so broken hearted. I can't believe you did this to me oats. Dave Matthews band. There's so many members, you know, some people. Oh, let's just say Oats has that mustache to cover a really, really embarrassing scar. And let's leave it at that. I think this is the problem with the friends with benefits deal. Yeah.

Cause it's a fantasy. Yeah. It's, it really is. It's, it's, it's a game. It doesn't work because you're sitting there and you're like, oh, this is so nice. And there's no strings attached and I can do whatever. And then you sleep with someone else and you somehow pissed them off. In that explanation, you actually referenced two movie titles about having sex with your bud.

But you've got a friends with benefits deal with crocodile Dundee. The thing about friends benefits is that it is, it is, um, it seems like a, a, a smashing idea if you're a single person, but the, what's friends with benefits is more is a constant beautiful reminder of the power of biology over us. Like we think to ourselves, Hey, I think that I'll do this friends with benefits thing. And biology is like, oh yeah, good one. No one's ever thought of that before. I won't force you to have emotions about this, but of course you do.

Of course you do. The human heart is not as much, much older and wiser than our, uh, rapidly crumbling morals. Yes. And unfortunately there are certain chemicals and things released in your brain during intimate moments that make you feel emotionally connected to the person. Yeah. Like horny dioxide and things like that. They get out, they get in there and they, they, they trigger the love center.

Boner juice. Boner juice is just another one, less scientific of course, but no less real and actual. Street slang. Street slang for brain chemicals. All right. This is the thing though. Like you played the, you, you played the game of bones and you lost. Like this is how, this is what happens.

You, you tried to, try to, try to come out on top and no one ever does. You in the friendship, what? Except English. Except Pete Dink. Pete Dink, number one. The, the problem, I think the problem is with the, the friends with benefits move that, that, that play is like cheating because you're saying like, I want to have the sex, but I don't want to put the time in the relationship.

So basically I think what you're really saying is I want to do this thing and eventually fuck it up. Right. Yeah. There's no way that there's no good ending to that. The, the arc, if you look at the arc, it just doesn't, it doesn't pan out. The only, the only good arc to keep, and maybe this is my Protestant upbringing rearing his head is just to keep unrealized sexual tension forever.

Yeah. Until you're, until, so although you don't feel that anymore. In the, in that way sexier. In, isn't that sexier? Sort of a puritanical button down, keep it under, keep it under your apron type of approach. Yeah. You get it right under your bonnet. Guys, how about another yahoo?

Please. Do it. This one was sent in by Jacob Blocker. Thank you Jacob. It's by yahoo answers user CD Max team. Bring it. Who asks, how pathetic are the rock haters? Rock haters are usually mostly Sina marks, but Sina fans have no idea how good the rock was,

how good the rock can still be. Everybody knows the rock is holding back and to whoever thinks it's funny that the rock made the Tooth Fairy movie you're dumb because he made more money off that movie than you will ever make in your entire life. Sina hasn't been owning the rock. John Sina is nowhere near the rock's level. And the only reason that it looks like he is is because the rock is holding back to make Sina look good.

Sina's jokes aren't funny. It's Sina's terrible in general. Another argument rock haters have is he sold out. No, he didn't sell out. The only thing the rock sold out. The only thing the rock sold out was Arenas. And he is still selling out Arenas. So what if he left WWE in 2004?

It's his life. Why should we tell him how to live it? Bonus question. Agree disagree. John Sina isn't funny. Bonus question. I don't. There wasn't really a question in there.

Anywhere. Yeah, what was the question? Rock haters is the question. Apparently very pathetic. Like, what does he want? What does he want? What does he want me to say? Okay, the rock is cool.

He made more money than me. He's very rich. He's very rich. And he's very, I guess he's bald now. It's a two-part question. Okay. Part one. The rock haters, what are your just your general feelings on John Sina?

Okay. John Sina. Pay me a picture. John Sina has muscles. Let's get that out of the way. I assume. And he was the Marine, I think. He was in the Marine.

And when he gets angry or he's about to get beat, he rips off his yellow tank top. And in the song, I'm Real American plays, he goes, oh yeah, brother. And he says he's a Sina maniac. I'm a Sina maniac, brother. I've got xenophobia. I've got xenophobia.

Well, that's probably accurate. But the only thing I know about John Sina is that his quote, wrestling costume is a T-shirt and jean shorts. Like he just could not be bothered. That is actually the official wrestling costume of both the Stonewall Club and the New Polo Club in Huntington. So if you're ever around and you're going to do some wrestling there, make sure you get your cut off jean shorts early

because most of the common sizes go quick. John Sina's original wrestling name is actually Jortsman. Or if you will, Jortsman. He wore a mask. I'm the Jortsman. And I'm here to stuff it. Stuff what? Wrestling touchdowns?

His legs. His legs in the jortholes. Check out these socks. You like how long the socks are. Stop it. My Jorts are comfortable and easy to wear. I'm web savvy. It's a meme.

Oh, man. Fuck, the rock is awesome. Has anyone seen Fast Five in this podcast? Other than me? No. There's a scene where the rock and Vin Diesel just wail on each other. They just go crazy. Like romantically?

There's strong romantic undertones, but it's mostly them just throwing each other through walls. And you know what? I watched that. I watched that movie ironically, but I came out with the very unironic position. The rock is actually pretty fucking awesome. I mean, have you seen, is it Walking Tall?

I've seen both Walking Tall and The Rundown. The Rundown, now The Rundown rules. Rundown is a movie where the ending is actually telegraphed in the first 30 seconds of the film. Because the rock can't, can't touch guns because bad things happen. And if you don't know how the movie ends now, then you should turn in your cinephile badge that I made to you last week. When your cinephile badge?

Your cinephile badge. I don't go to the cinema. I go to the cinema. I only see movies starring John Cena. Yeah. Guys, I worked in a movie theater when the Marine came out and the number of cups, like Dixie cups, full of skull leavings would turn your stomach.

Quick quiz, hotshot. Is the Cineplex move that John Cena does? Or a place where you see a lot of John Cena movies? I don't know. I don't know. It's word play. It's a double, a double entendre. The rock, I often forget that the rock wrestler with hair

is the same person as the bald rock that is in movies. The ball rock? The ball rock of a man that is in movies. My brain just doesn't connect them as the same entity sometimes. That's because he's Dwayne Johnson now. Right. Dwayne Johnson, which I can understand, of course, why he changed that name.

It's not particularly memorable unless you put the rock in the middle of it. His original wrestler name was actually the Dwayne. It was the Dwayne versus Jortsman. I would have started watching wrestling to become a fan of the Dwayne. I'm going to stomp you, Jortsman. I'm the Dwayne. Make it Dwayne. I'm going to make it Dwayne.

Bring the Dwayne. I think he should have just gone for the aggro crag. That's what I would have called myself. The radical rock. Come break a piece off this radical rock. Oh, the rock. Do people really get this up in arms about their wrestlers? Is this the way things are going?

It's crazy. It's crazy on the streets, right? I watched WrestleMania for the first time last year and. Did it live up to the name? There were people in the audience who, when their guy lost, they would just commit seppuku right there, just holding up signs. John 314, whatever, seppuku. I'm not kidding you.

It was a fervor that I haven't seen. The Beatles have nothing on some of these guys. The only thing that I could ever took away from wrestling, and I know this is too bad because we talked about Pokemon a little bit earlier, but to me, getting upset about it is like getting upset about Pikachu losing a fight. Because you know what's going to happen is he's going to get angry, and he's going to get his electricity back, and then he's going to come back strong. Just like Hulk Hogan and Pikachu are basically the same story arc.

If you look at Hulk Hogan gets pinned, he's beat, he's down for the count, then they lift his hand up, and he keeps it up the third time. They drop his hand, and he keeps it up because he's got America power. And he comes back, and he just. Does reticenter commercials. Exactly, Travis, exactly what I meant. Pikachu, exact same, gets kicked around. He gets those little pound signs on his face that mean he's been beaten up,

and then. He gets one big sad animates here. She's like, Pikachu, I don't care if you win or not. I still love you. I still love you because we're friends forever, and then he falls into an Earthwile. Electric socket. Murders everyone. This comes back, it's the exact same story.

They're both yellow, they both have ears. Pikachu's original wrestler name was Thunder Boy with an eye. Oh, yeah? It was actually Thunder Boy Tellem, but he shortened it. He shortened it, because to fit on t-shirts that he was selling. Hey, we can't sell t-shirts with Thunder Boy written on them, so. Because it's copyrighted. Because it's copyrighted, so we have to rely on the money.

Guys, let's pull this shit into the dock of money. Oh, money dock. We have, we have been waiting on this culmination of this campaign. When we, okay, five weeks ago, I want to take you back, five weeks ago, we got an email that we were going to be promoting a product called Stack Soap, and the crazy person in charge of this product, which is an infinite cycle of soap. It's a soap bar with a divot in it, so once you've used the first bar up, you can slide the remaining sliver in, and it makes a whole new bar,

and that cycle continues in perpetuity. When we were told by our Maximum Fun Overlords that we were going to be promoting this product, and they wanted to raise $9,000, that was a part of me, I got to admit, that thought, hey, that's. Thanks for the money, stupid. Thanks for the money, dumbo. Sorry, we're really going to give it the old college try, but sorry, there's no chance that this is going to pan out for you.

And in just five short weeks, they've managed to make more goddamn money than we ever made off this show in the entire time we've been doing it. So good, good on them. Good on you, Stack Soap. You've grown too powerful, and we have to destroy you. $17,000 goddamn dollars. It's got to be a reasonable, I don't want to stop you from going and giving you more money, because Eric's doing a great job, and the soap thing is a

brilliant idea, and the Stack Soap is going to be huge. But I'm just saying like, yeah, the 9,000 goes to the dye, and then he could, you know, get some new fragrances and colors and stuff. Yeah, he's going to sample a lot of fragrances, which is code for do a bunch of coke. That extra 8K is going straight up his nose. Which great, you know, maybe that's the kind of juice that he needs to come up with brilliant ideas like fucking forever soap. Yeah, forever soap.

Well, we should come up with that instead of wasting, what is it now, 94 hours just palling around talking about Pokemon? We could have made some crazy soap thing. He didn't even make fucking soap. He made a video about how he wants to make soap. We were like, here, he made hypothetical soap. He made fantasy soap, and we gave him $17,000. He said, I have soap ideas, and we went, yeah, here's the money.

I have a soap concept. I want to whiteboard this with you. Please give me so much money. And meanwhile, we're talking about wrestling and Pokemon, not spending a single moment thinking of new soap ovations. And this guy's getting rich often, but God bless him. God bless you. You guys are pretty fantastic people.

And you have made Eric turn him into a mini mogul, I think. And he is going to use the pledges to start this line of soap. And it is not, well, depending on when you get this, it is not too late. You can still rush in for a last minute pledge. If you pledge $10 or more, you can get six bars of soap. Shipped straight to you, or you can get 12 bars for $25. And you'll be, and I would take round four of something.

Even if you listen to this episode, like in three weeks, four weeks, and you're behind and you've missed the deadline to donate, still check out Sack Soap, because I think it's going to be huge, and I think people are really going to love it. And so go ahead and check it out and find out about it, because you're going to want to know about it in the future, I think. Yeah, it's just SackSoap.com. And as requested, as promised, I should say,

we have got a jingle that is over a month in the making. Don't fucking talk about that. And it's been something Griffin's been sort of working on in his spare time in his off hours in the basement. Five weeks, about 35 minutes of work on it. Yeah, just hours of tinkering. He just wants, sometimes I'll say that, can I hear it? And he'll be like, he's not ready.

It sounds tinny. Bring up the speaker on the bass. It's got hand claps, it's got bass, it's got kazoo noises, it's got layering. It's going to be amazing. So here it is. Both can clean together, put yourself in my soul. It's got a divin' for your pleasure, you gotta use SackSoap. Don't you waste your soap away, you gotta use SackSoap.

Buy yourself some bars today. Don't let your skin get dry, SackSoap, don't use no lie. Sack yourself into the sky, buy yourself a little hope with SackSoap. SackSoap, get yourself clean, buy your soup market. That's where you find it, get it on a kickstart. It smells so fresh. I hope I win the Grammy this year for best soap song. Griffin, I have heard some songs before, but in comparison to that, they're just

random collections of beeps and boops. Yeah, everything else just sounds like audio garbage. I cried soapy tears. I cried soapy tears, because this motherfucker just made 17 grand to come up with a soapovation. Also, soapy tears was my favorite 1950s comedian. He's a toast to Vaat Vela now, he's a storming Broadway, soapy tears. Come learn his signature dance, the scorch. Do you remember that time when soapy tears, there's a big controversy,

because he told kids to go in their parents' wallet and email him their social security cards. Email me and I feel that he's social security, guys. I'm more popular than Justin Bieber, we'll be in eight years. I'm soapy tears, the cleverest. Soapy tears was our nation's greatest prognosticator. Now let's all do the scorch. And it turns out that the scorch was the ducky. Let me teach you how to scorch.

Guys, we have a new brother and sister. Did you know this? I don't know. I'm worried that mom and dad, mom and dad, Justin and Teresa, aren't gonna love us much anymore. They won't. Here's the good news. We have a new awesome hilarious podcast on themaximumfun.org network. This is just as soapy tears predicted.

He said, I thought it was just the scribblings of a madman. He said, one day an actual woman and an actual homosexual will record a podcast together about their plight and it will be called throwing shade and it will edge out the love of the Jesse. It will cut into the love of my brother and my brother and me. They will be cast aside. Not deal with scorch. Travis, can you tell us a little bit more about this new program? Well, it's not a new program, but it's new to our family.

Throwing shade, they take issues that affect the female and homosexual community and treat them with less respect than they deserve. Is that a company line or are you, is that your own? No, that's their company line. I'm not, I'm not judging in any way. I love it. It can be slightly more political than you might be used to, but in episode 18, which was their first Max Fun episode, within the first like 10 minutes,

Brian talks about shoehorning his soft penis into somebody's butt. With, with a literal shoehorn? Like with a literal shoehorn. Oh, I've got to get down on this podcast. So I highly recommend it. It's hosted by Aaron Gibson and Brian Safi. And it's, it's very funny. Everybody, everybody needs to go listen to it and show it the same.

Love that you showed us when we so recently joined the Max Fun Network. I promise. I really think you guys will like it. So make sure you check it out. Yeah, it's good. It's great. And just promise you don't, you won't love them as much. Yeah, promise you.

Yeah, still love us, but love them, but mainly us. Yeah, love us more, I guess I would say. And then less, but still some, but still some, but not much. Not as much as, don't like throw us over overboard like you did with the soap thing. When you describe, when you decided it was going to run wild, like Hulkamania on the soap concept and leave your old buddies just to Gryffin without, without Travis. And well, you're, I've never thought of you as like much of a soap guy.

I feel like Gryffin and I could be in the soap biz. I'm not sure you would, you could. I've been a soap man since before you were born, Justin. If we get any back, I am so factory. I'll have you come by and debat the place. Thank you. My British friend is in her first year of med school in the US and has recently decided that she can't maintain a long distance relationship

with her longtime boyfriend in the UK. Problem is that he's already booked tickets to visit her over spring break and he won't be able to get the money back. Oh, when is the right time for her to break up with him before, during, or after the visit? She's asking me for advice and I'm at a loss would tell her help. That's from Stumptons, Cincinnati. Well, you've indirectly come to the right place.

Man, there's so many issues here. First off, I can imagine like it's, it was tough enough to maintain a relationship in med school when I lived in the same places as my now wife. I can't imagine trying to do that long distance. Yeah, with a fucking continental divide between you, there's no way. Well, we're not telling her anything. She already doesn't know. With all the plate shifting and then the tectonics.

If you can't refund the ticket, you have to take, like you should have known that this wouldn't have worked before you left. So this is your punishment for not ending it before then is you have to, you have to try to keep it up. Really? No. Yeah, you do. Oh, see you.

That is apparently bad advice. I disagree. I think before you got to go before so that they come and then they have the opportunity of they flying to America. They don't have to hang out with you if they don't want to. So like they still come or they say like, fuck it. I don't want to go because otherwise the other thing is if you do it during, that's bad. If you do it after you've just spent like a week with this person,

super awkward and totally not into them at all. God, you're right. God damn it. How much, how much a ticket from the UK to the US is how many, how many euros? I think it's like, depending on, you know, what anywhere from 600 to a thousand dollars, I think to get round trip. So like 20 euros. So like 20 to 25 euros.

Right, exactly. How, I would pay a thousand dollars to not have to go through this. I'm sorry. I think that's a good way of looking at it. Yeah. I would reimburse them. Here's a question, Griff. Do you think she should get the checkbook out and maybe try and meet him halfway on this?

That's what I'm saying. It's worth to her a thousand dollars for her not to go through this. Oh, okay. So she should say like, hold on. Let me cover that for you. Yeah. Let me go ahead and get that tick and talk to you never. Oh man, that's brutal.

Yeah, because if you tell him in advance enough, maybe he could sell it on Craigslist or something. Do they have Craigslist there? Of course they do. They have to sell it on Craigslist or something. Sell it on Lord's Craigslist. The Craigslist of Davenshire. Yeah.

Yeah, you guys are right. I was in the wrong at the beginning of this that you can't, you can't go through with this. Here's the thing. What you're probably trying to solve, person asking this question, is the good way to do it. There is no good way to do it. No. No, and that's the thing is you could contort yourself into

something that you think is the most decent. It's probably the most decent, depending on how long term this relationship is, it's probably the most decent to end it face to face. But at the same time, you could kill yourself to try to make that happen. But in the end, it's still going to be the dude got dumped. I mean, he's not going to think that in a foreign country, while he's stuck with you with like no other mode of transportation or place to hang out or anywhere to go, he can't be away from you.

And you are going to tell him before he makes the trip. You are going to permanently injure his opinion of America. If you do that, whenever he thinks of America, he's going to think of the heartbreak. And we don't need more bad facts. Heartbreak in the heartlands. I want people to think of hamburgers and John Cena and Cena burgers. Like if you're telling that he shouldn't come, then he really should. He shouldn't have any problem.

I mean, like isn't basically isn't a ticket to America like the most valuable thing you can get. There are people in Mexico that would kill for a ticket to America, right? Like anything. It's like a fucking Willy Wonka golden ticket. Right. You come over here. We're going to get you set up. We're going to take you to the Cena plex and we're going to eat Cena burgers.

I imagine Cena burgers come. It's two burgers that come in a pair of Jorts like a happy meal, but instead of a box. The Jorts are made of french fries. Sure. If we want to go there, they would lose. Yeah. They would lose the gene quality. They're died blue.

They're made of blue corn. Okay. Blue corn french fries. I just want you guys to know that in my mind as we've been talking about John Cena, I've been pronouncing it in my head as John Cena and it makes me a lot happier. Okay. You can do it. Sure.

You can go down that. Yeah. Go down that blind alley. I feel like we've helped this person enough. Can we can we jump to a Yahoo? Yeah. Yeah. We helped them like a wicked lot.

This one was sent by Jacob Locker. Thank you Jacob. It's by Yahoo Answers user Marcus who asks, Is it true that the Olive Garden is for poor people? My girlfriend said it was and didn't want us to go there last night. She's a rich girl and knows what fine food is, but we've never ever been, we've never even ever been in there before. So how does she know it is such a low quality place?

This is a sticky subject. Yeah. Justin, didn't you sign an NDA when you stopped working at the Olive Garden? Yeah. As a former, as a former line chef at the Olive Garden, I think I might have to recuse myself in this question because I can't say anything negative about the OG. For an entire three and a half weeks, that was my home. Can I just say that as somebody who shared a house with you while you were an OG line cook,

whenever you came home from that job, you kind of smelled like a poor person. I did. I got soaked in what they, what was colloquially referred to as OG water, which was the, never mind, I don't want to ruin the Olive Garden. Tell me the OG water story today. Well, at the end of the night, the floor was coated in like squished garlic and noodles that had fallen to the ground. So you would have to get on your hands and knees and hose off the floor.

Why did you have to get on your hands and knees to do it? Well, to get underneath the breadstick oven. So you would spray the floor off and you would get kind of soaked in OG water. And your whole clothes would smell like hobo garlic and it was a nightmare. I would say that if eating pounds and pounds of unlimited breadsticks and bottomless pasta pits is for poor people, I don't want to be rich. Amen. I did that gross thing that I just described and you put a plate of chicken scamping from me.

You better believe I'm going to town. That's what I'm saying. You're gonna hurt that bad boy. Something just gotta carb up. Face the days. Take a run. But mathematically speaking though, the Olive Garden offers you infinite food for like 325. So yes, I would say mathematically speaking, it is indeed ideal for poor people.

Right. It's a pretty sweet scene for the poor folk. It's for the people who are too upbeat to eat the pasta at Golden Corral. Right. Exactly. And they think too much of themselves to get down on some... What do they have there? Like beef on a hook.

They don't want to eat the hook beef. No, you just gnaw on it with a bunch of people. Pulling up to the Golden Traw. You make me a spot on the beef hook. You cover it with a nondescript gray sauce. One more gray sauce and the beef hook. The answer is you're coconut guy responded. Olive Garden are for all kinds of people, everyone with all sorts of different incomes.

Go there and dine to enjoy and just have a good time eating there. Hope that helps. Oh, it helps tremendously. So that's a big help. They go there, they dine to enjoy. Come. Nobody can want to eat the Olive Garden. Dwayne The Rock Johnson.

Bet he's not too big. Not too proud. He's a man of the... Well, he's too big to fit through the door. They have to like feed him outside, but he's a man of the people. I got some of the people's pasta on the people's elbow. A few problems with this guy's response. The most glaring of which being that I don't think anyone has ever gone to the Olive Garden

to quote have a good time eating there. I think they go there because they want to make a pasta mistake. They want to... Or more likely it's the only place you can get your grandparents to go. Yeah. That's the only place they love the Olive Gardens because they're with them. Hey, pat pat and gam gam. Remember the old country?

This is basically like that. Let's go get endless breadsticks. Let's go eat pasta until we die. And then, but don't worry because they have wine you can drink to forget the pasta pain. Any time that I've ever gone to Olive Garden that hasn't been prompted by family, it's always been, I've always done carry out. Like I don't want anybody to know. I'll slip in there in my jorts and a mask and just get a big bag of pasta and leave.

The mental image. Like I still pay for it. It's not like a robbery. In my pasta robbery. When you said mask, I imagine like a feathered masquerade mask. See, I picture the Luchadora mask. I wish it was that dramatic. No, it's just, you know, like a regular inside out William Shatter Mask Halloween.

Something for the kids. Keep things lively. But I think that if you get to a point where you, I don't think any restaurant is like, oh, I'm not going to go there because it's only for poor people. Like I think that's kind of despicable. And if I try to make those barriers for myself living in Huntington, West Virginia, I would not be able to eat out a lot, which for my, for the health spectrum, might not be the worst thing in the world.

But I think that the important thing is just to know sort of where that restaurant fits in the, in the world. Like sort of like, what is the level of, you know, what is the level of food here? What is the level of quality you're opening yourself up to? And, and sort of like, where does that, where does that fit? What's the Zagats on all of this place? Did you yelp it? Did you yelp this?

Oh, gee. I would say this, just as a last piece of advice, I, I do not necessarily daily crave the Olive Garden. But if I was dating a girl who, when I brought up the Olive Garden said, that's for poor people, I would immediately dump her. It is not a good relationship you're in, sir. Not that restaurant. That's for the rabble.

That's for the commoners? I'd rather go to Denny's. I only get a spaghetti factory. Are there any restaurants, be honest, are there any restaurants that you guys won't go to because it's just too low quality? Nope. The foods for poor people. You know me too well to ask that.

The answer is nope. I mean, in fact, if they have large quantities of food for very cheap, like, I mean, I'll go to CC's Pizza. I ain't above it. Just to take things a little serious for a second, but not too serious, because we'll come up the other end. Uh, the last time that we all went to Golden Corral was the first Christmas Eve after our mother passed away.

We decided that's the time we've got to get in there and not on the beef hook. That's going to turn us around. We were like, we'll go out to dinner for Christmas and didn't think of the fact that it's fucking Christmas and everybody in their right mind is closed. Everybody's closed, so there's one place that's open. Motherfucking Golden Corral. Well, don't worry, guys, because it was the closest restaurant to the cemetery we had just visited.

Pretty good choice, Golden Corral. How much does this restaurant cost to eat at? Everything. Do you want to know the saddest part? We weren't the only ones there. That beach was full of people. It was full of people getting their holiday nosh on. None of them were quite as in good spirits as us.

Nobody made eye contact. Nobody made eye contact. But you could tell the holiday magic was there because a boy would come up to the beef hook and a man would scoot over a little bit. Come on, Junior. Come on. Get on in here. Watch your hands.

I've already gotten through the pre-grizzle. Really tucked into the meat. All those boys over there, they just made a terrible life choice. They probably could have made spaghetti at home or something. Just slosh your sauce and count your blessings. And do the scorch. Oh, man. I wonder if so many tears saw that depressing, depressing shit we were going to do through.

It was so depressing that he knew back in the 50s that we were going to do it. He predicted the existence of all of the garden thanks to our depressing, terrible choices. That's the thing about being in a depressing situation, guys. And remember this. Most of the time, you could have avoided it. No matter what the depressed like. It's all your fault. It's all your fault.

You went to England. You flew over from England and your girlfriend depressed you and you're walking around all sad like that one seat and Ernest goes to camp where he uh. He's crying in the window. Crying in the window. Yeah, like you could have avoided it if you just asked her like, are you feeling like you maybe want to break up with her? Just so I know before I purchased this very expensive, non-refundable ticket.

We're good, right? Are we good? I feel like we're good. Well, that is our show. Thank you guys so much for listening again. This has been what, 95 episodes? Is that right? Fuck, we better figure something out.

Gotta do something big for our Hondo episode. But seriously, no BS. Thank you guys so much for being with us. You're the most supportive, coolest, funniest community of people on the entire internet and you make every day worthwhile. Thank you for supporting Stack Soap, even though I think you might have overdone a little bit. Thank you for creating the soap juggernaut. This soap, this new force in soap.

The soap we don't talk about a lot. We got a Facebook group. If you search, go to Facebook, search for My Brother, My Brother Me. You'll see thousands of people talking about the show. Swapping pictures, goofy observations, zingers. That's all going on there. So go join up to that group. And if you join, you have to be hand approved by Me, Travis, or Griffin.

So you know that it's like. So bask in it. Bask in it. Meaningful and special. Also, it's coming up. It's that time of year. Coming up is our maximumfun.org fundrive. And once a year, we're going to put out some extra long episodes.

Give you a chance to help support all the Maxfun shows that you love. We're going to be giving away extra content, some gifts and stuff. If you donate, it's going to be a good time. So make sure you check it out. I think that starts the 26th, March 26th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And then runs for two weeks. So make sure to get on board and help support the shows that you love. If you don't want to wait for that, you can go to maxfunstore.com. And we got t-shirts there. Two different styles that you can buy. We got the blue, cool, sort of hearty boys, Vertigo inspired, my brother, my brother, my mother, my t-shirt.

And there's a people's nasty gum shirt that you can get. I want to thank John Rodgerick in the long winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album, putting the days to bed. Just go get it. Go get it. And now we're telling you to buy a lot of things this week. But it is imperative that you get that. Also, if you have some soap that you would like to hawk

or any other soap related ideas, then you too can have a Jumbotron on the show and have us talk about your product or wish somebody like Happy Birthday or congratulations on something. Just go to maxfunfun.org slash jumbotron and follow the steps there. And you can have a message on our show or any other Maxfun show. Thank you to everybody tweeting about our show with the NBM hashtag. Wiki 1978, Elysium, Wesker J, Abigail McCauley, Angie Warhol, Megan Keener, Deemer, Ross Butler, everybody.

I really, Joe Martini, of course, Sport Burke, Herron Bird, you're all the best. And we really appreciate you tweeting, tweeting it out, tweeting this stuff out. So if you want to tweet about the show with the NBM hashtag, maybe throw a link to our, our sampler in there. It's bit.ly forward slash it's mobinbam. That's a great way to sort of spread the word about the show. This final Yahoo answer was sent in by Keith Marnock.

Thank you, Keith. It's by Yahoo Answers user, Jamie, who asked, What does an owl look like and why? Macaroy. I'm Travis Macaroy. I'm Griffin Macaroy. It's been my brother, my brother, and me. Kiss your dad, score on the lips.