My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 99: Plunger Practicalities

Episode Date: April 10, 2012

Looks like we've made it! Look how far we've come, our babies. MaxFunDrive 2012 was a raging success, and it's all because you fine folks are so, so good to us. To thank you for your efforts, today's episode is pretty nasty. Suggested talking points: Buried Alive, OkCupid Skinsuit, Swimfanning, Family Nudity, Tower Heisting, Momnapping, Bishop the Thundarian, Bathroom Preparedness

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Thank you gentlemen, welcome to my brother, my brother and me, and my show for the modern era. Griffin, don't stop. For God's sake, don't stop. I'm, but my back is so tired. I've been shoveling. I've been shoveling all morning and afternoon. But we're so close. Don't stop now, hold on. I think I've hit, I've hit the cedar coffin within which this is going to sound like

Justin's dead. He's not dead. No, to let you guys know what's up, as a publicity stunt for the Max Fun Drive, Justin on his request was buried alive for a week to help raise awareness of the Max Fun Drive. And now it's the groundbreaking. We're going to release him out back into Justin. Welcome back. Oh my God. We did it. We did it. We did it, man. Max Fun Drive was a huge success. They said it couldn't be done. We did it. Oh, God. You have no idea how many people donated and said it was just because of your brave, your brave duplication of David Blaine's bravery. Did you, did, um, did a lot of people, were a lot of people, oh, hold on. I'm just trying to get my bearings. Were a lot of people moved by it? Is that why they wanted to donate?

Um, did you, do you have like a contact list for the people that you told about being, did you, do you have like a, did you make a list of people that you told about being buried alive? No, no, you guys were, were telling people that I was, while I was buried alive and that you were, no, no, you were buried alive. Griffin was digging and I made the lemonade and then you were supposed to tell us. Travis did eliminate, look at the list here. This list says lemonade, Travis digging, Griffin, and then you were buried. I was buried. That's like the biggest part of the job. No, I made a lot of lemonade. I made like a week's worth of lemonade. Yeah. And I was using a baby's sandcastle shovel. The last thing I said before they nailed the coffin

is make sure to have, that seems excessive, didn't it? It was a little bit more, one of them getting out, make sure to throw a big charity event and see if Little Richard can come because he really, you were supposed to get Little Richard. He was there, but we didn't tell anybody else. It was basically just me, Griffin, and Little Richard. It was really cool though. He's a really cool guy. He donated, he loves the shows. He did five dollars a month. He did five, which, you know what? I think he could probably do a little bit more, but then again, maybe not. Yeah, not a lot of hits lately. Time's been tough. For those of you, even though you didn't know, the fact that you guys donated so much and did not know I was locked underneath the earth is

extremely, extremely moving to us and it is, it means the world. And I try to respond to everybody who donated and mentioned on Twitter, if you didn't, if I didn't respond, let me know and I will personally thank you because you guys are amazing. We crushed our goal and you really help us to keep the show going. So thank you so, so, so much. You are- You helped Justin face his fear of claustrophobia. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We are not getting into revisionist history here with the stunt. This is not a spirit journey for me. This is not a sweat lodge, okay? This was a boner on your guy's part. You boned it. We boned it. That lemonade was fucking great though.

Thank you. Did you say- Chavis puts a little cayenne pepper in there. So while you're drinking- Yeah, just a little bit of kick. Just a little bit of kick. And while you're drinking it, you also cleansing. It's a master cleanse lemonade. Why would he drink- Hey, let's get to some advice. Our first question comes to us from our friend- Oh, there's no, it's not sourced here. Our friend Gmail platform. Gmail platform. I am Gmail platform. I'm a single male in my mid-20s.

I'm probably whenever I go on a first date with a lovely lady, I consider myself fairly forward thinking and I don't feel as though I should pay dinner, drinks, the movies, etc. Simply because I am a man. Oftentimes the women I'm dating are equally as forward thinking and offer to split the bill, but sometimes it's not the case. How do I explain that I feel two adults, each gainfully employed, should share expenses without sounding like I just want to be friends? Now, this isn't the funny answer, but this is the real answer. Okay.

You're looking at this wrong. How is- You're not paying for it because you are a man. You are paying for it because you invited them out. Yeah. You are paying it. You are treating them to dinner. It is not- It has nothing to do with a male-female relationship. It's the same as if you took a friend out for a birthday or if you took a visiting, you know, brother, sister, or parent out to dinner. You're taking them out to dinner.

That's why you're paying for it. Yeah. And if you invite somebody, if you're looking for- If the question is like, how do I get a read on the situation? I think the right move is to offer, but it's not necessarily like- Like, for me, at least dating isn't connotated on who pays. Like, when I go to dinner or lunch with a friend, we usually- each person will usually offer to pay. And then we'll kind of- I mean, because it's like a nice thing to do. I don't think there's necessarily a dating, not dating thing. I think you offer, and if they say, well, let's split it. Like, I think that that is completely-

I think that that's your sign right there. I think you should always be willing to pay, but that doesn't mean you have to. You know, especially on the first date, you know, be willing to. And then say like, you know, this one's on me with the implication being that maybe the next time you guys go out, it'll be on her or, you know, you'll split it the next time or once it settles into a groove and then you don't have to discuss it every time. You know, Theresa and I, at this point, we've been together two years. We split things and each pay for things all the time. But, you know, in the beginning, I paid for things until that was kind of established,

because it is still, in this day and age, a really hard conversation to have. To be like, so, you're paying, right? You know what really brings a new couple together on a first date, though? What's that? What? Dying in a dashing. Oh! Commit a secret, commit a secret little crime. If you think about it, sorry, restaurant workers, listeners of our podcast. Dying in a dashing really isn't a crime. It's not a crime. As long as you leave a tip. Yeah, sure. It's as minor a crime as you can commit. So, yeah, just do that and you guys

will have a fun story for your kids about how you both went to prison. That's how Bonnie and Kai got started, though, and we all know how that ended with an Oscar winning movie and glory. Is that what you want? You want to be famous? Well, I think you got to, if you're really having a problem with this, you got to get on, okay, Cupid, you got to get on match.com, because it is so codified there that the bill gets split. I think it's in the terms of service of the website, because if you go on a date, you gots to split it. Um, just make sure that nobody, you know, locks you in their car and cuts all your skin off, and then turns it into a suit, a beautiful suit for them.

Yeah, so make sure that doesn't happen. Make sure that that particular, because that'll happen, and you'll say, ah, I wish I would have paid. I wish I would have listened to Griffin. I still have my skin. So it looks like Inside Out Boy. Protect the skin you're in. Don't, just don't use okay, Cupid. Use match. Okay, Cupid's a free service, and it's, it's horrifying. It attracts a certain element as a free service. A certain, I would say, un-moneyed element.

The last thing you want is an un-moneyed element in your dating pool. You want to keep it great. Or in your car, or just your immediate presence, because they have two to four knives on them. My friend keeps calling me her wife. I am in college with two roomies who I am good friends with. What started out as an inside joke between us has spiraled right out of the comfort zone. My one friend will refer to herself as my husband and call me wife or honey in public. Well, she jokes about us sleeping together to others friends and gives us awkward hugs around my waist. Is there any gentle way to tell my friend she's creeping me out and that I want a

divorce? Is that, that's from miserable misses. Oh my god. I need to like take a step back here and just pieces together. Uh, is the, is the, is the e-mailer a guy? No, the e-mail is a girl. Or a woman. Okay. She is of the female gender. She's of the female gender. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So, man, that's toughy. It's, it's not. It's not. You just say, Hey, just, you know, you're, you're a great friend, but you're, you make me, you're making me feel uncomfortable with this because I, you know, I don't, I don't feel that way

about you. And, uh, man, this is a, this is. Yeah, right. Here's the tricky part about it, because if she goes to her friend and is like, Hey, back off this friend will say, what can't you take? I was just kidding. Like what's, is it, is the joke we've been playing? What's the matter? Jeez. Is that this, her friend is definitely, definitely a secret lesbian. That's what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. We know what you're saying. Not necessarily. We've known each other for like three decades. It could also be like a, what's the single white female? Is that the roommate thing? Really? No, it's the roommate. No, I'm sorry. It's swim fan. Swim fan. No, I'm sorry. I know what you did last summer. It might be, she might be

swim fanning her last summer. You're saying that she loves her friends so, so, so much that she will kill her in a public pool. Yeah. It doesn't have to be like a lesbian thing. It could just be like, she's obsessed with her friend a little bit. Come, come to my brother, my brother and me, ask us to fix your problems and we will create much worse problems that you did not even know existed. Yeah. Listen, all I'm saying is your friend's going to kill you. In a pool, a public pool. In a public pool. It could be way worse. Well, it couldn't be way worse. It could be in a public jacuzzi, which are gross. This has nothing to do with, like, if your friend is making you feel uncomfortable, like,

sexuality doesn't have to enter into it. You just tell them, hey, I wish you wouldn't do this, like, in public. It makes me feel uncomfortable. You really don't have to approach, you know, a larger question. Just say, hey, you know, I wish you wouldn't do that. Yeah. It makes me uncomfortable. And then especially start, start with the jokes about, like, you guys sleeping together and stuff like that and just say, like, hey, that's one step too far. And then you can scale back from there instead of trying to tackle the problem all at once. Right. So then start the conversation. So you backpedal into it. Yeah. Well, it's instead of just, like, bursting into a room, like, cut out the jokes, sister. Listen, we want to be,

I want to be your sister now. Pretend we're sisters. We're sister wives. And if that doesn't, if that doesn't work, you just look at it. That's not what sister, you realize that's not what sister wives are about, right? It's about, it's about two sisters that are married to each other. That's not, no. I think that's it. It's about Tia and Tamara Mallory and they're married to each other. And also that's my guys there. Now, Tia and Tamara Mallory are married to the music. That is sister, sister wives. Let's, but what is Taj Mallory's relationship? He's the guy that married them to each other against their will. What are you talking about? That's, this is horrifying. And then he sewed them to each other.

You're welcome, humans, to be three. Good work, smart guy. Yeah, you could, poor, poor smart guy. He doesn't get the credit he deserves because this show wasn't very good. But, so I guess maybe he gets exactly. Griffin, help us out. Do you want Yahoo? This one was sent in by Golly A. Alley. Thanks, Golly. It's by a Yahoo Answers user, David Barnhouse, who asks, how to convince family to become nudist? How can I convince my family to become nudist and I am 14? Oh God. Now you want to talk about awkward conversations.

Hey, it starts with one sentence. Is that hot in here? Yeah. Hey, I found a cool way for us to keep our air conditioning bill down. Get your dick out. Get your dick out, dad and little bro. Hey little bro. Hey, teach. Why are you here, teach? You heard it. Teach heard it was going to get nasty over here. Get out of here, teach, crazy dog. Is there anything we can do for this person? It's so sad, but 14 years old, it might be too late. Maybe if you, oh, did you suggest cranking up the thermostat? Yeah. Just that. I don't think this is, I don't think trickery is going to play into it. So truth or dare? No. Oh Christ. What? Can you,

can you burn all the closets in the house? They come home. You, they come home. There is a mountain of clothes in the backyard and you are standing in front of it naked and screaming. It looks like a scene out of Lord of the Flies and it's amazing. And they're so inspired by your example. And then you, you go to them and say, I'm so cold. Please give me your clothes. I'm a child. And then they give you their clothes and you say psych and you throw them in the fire too. And you, you flip your lit cigarette onto the gasoline. So close. Yeah. Now I just, I just freed you. We just had a near life experience. Call me Tyler Durden. Let's do this. Call me Tyler Durden. I'm 14.

I'm 14. I can't do a fight club. I'm too little. I'm not allowed to watch fight club even. Let's find it on TNT. Get that edited version. How supportive is your family? Because that's really the, that's what's, if you go to your family and you say, listen, mom, dad, little brother, little sis and grandpa, cause let's get nasty. I am, I am deathly afraid of clothes. I'm, I'm just super scared of clothes. I don't like them. I don't like seeing them. I think that they're, you know, when I wear them, it's just like trapping my soul inside my body. When I want to just astral project it into the stars and become the most beautiful thing ever. Can, can you, can you go with me? Can you support me on this, on this vision quest?

Or just take all your clothes off and then your parents come home and you're like, check it. This is me now. Like who's coming with me? You can hop on, you can either get on the train or get hit by the train, but either way I'm naked now. This is who I am. This is our reality. This is who I am. I wish you, I wish you were it too. Do you know who the first nudists were? Who's that Travis? Adam and Eve Griffin. That's beautiful. Adam and Eve. There weren't no clothes in the garden until that snake came on and ruined it all. That's true. All right. God, what if he, if all, let's return to innocence. Returning style. It all else fails. You take remory. Mom and dad, I want to be naked. Live this year with me. Also,

are you my real mom? Let's take a DNA test right now. Also, I can't stop, I can't stop being afraid of bats. Please help me, Mori. This is tied to my nudity. I saw an episode of Mori recently where Mori likes to cure people with their fears about something Mori believes in called immersion therapy, where he, uh, it's like, I know you're afraid of band-aids. It's like, we're covering with band-aids. Wake up. You've been covered with band-aids this whole time. That was a lady who was afraid of her big fear, tigers, and Mori brought a tiger. That's a perfectly reasonable fear. Can we all keep our fear of tigers? Can we not, not be afraid of tigers? Like, that seems like a super, super good one.

Now, Debra, just keep in mind that the tiger is just as afraid of you as you are of it. Oh, no, no, it wasn't. Sorry, I'm dead. But they're acting like it's a problem because like, I can't even look at Frosted Flakes. Don't get Frosted Flakes. Don't go to Frosted Flakes. Don't eat Frosted Flakes. Get the off-blend like, you know, toasted flakes. Get, and, and don't go to Exxon. And like, I think that's pretty much it, right? Uh-huh. Don't go to any bingles games. My day-to-day exposure to tigers is actually pretty low. Now, I don't have to see a tiger if I don't want to. You know what, thinking about them, I might be a little bit too low. I'm not sure I'm getting a vitamin T. Yeah. I need to see more tigers every day. You should just start wearing

like, tiger print pants. You know what, that would be good. And then go visit this woman. Girl. Look at my pants. Girl, I'm your nightmares. I think you just got to, you just got to get naked. And then if your family really loves you, they'll get naked too. Without saying a word. Without no discussion. And no looking. No one can look at anyone else. Please don't. The weirdest Thanksgiving dinner ever. Hey Dylan, here's your, here's your advice from your old buddies. My brother, my brother, me. How about you just keep your clothes on? You're 14 years old. You don't get to do anything you want to. Why is this the one, we're not going to let you drive, but we'll let you start an incest call in your family

and upset the delicate balance your parents have worked so hard to, to create. I'm sorry, you're 14. You don't get to do anything. And this is no exception. It makes me so bad. These kids, these kids today, kids in their nudism with their Inya and their pictures of tigers. Is this an epidemic that I don't, our kids really like, did this happen on Glee? And now kids are like, they already had, they already had, they have so many good kids. They had to have a kid who like pushed it even further, pushed the envelope and that's the nudist kid. It's like soon semester except before who I am. Please let me join the cheerios. I don't have to be close on ever. I'm a nightmare for the sensors. It's hard to get me in scenes. And then at the end, everybody's like,

we're so sorry we judged you. And they sing a hip hop version of, of The Streak. And, and it's Oh God, Ray Stevens deep cuts. And Ray Stevens, it was like there, but like it's not him. It turns out just the kid in the wheelchair with a fake beard. He's like, don't look at them. And then they sing it with them. It's mashed up though. It's mashed up with Madonna's new track. So it's in that episode one of Emmy. It's an Emmy winning episode. Also starting Uma Thurman is on that one. Let's move on. Do we have to? We need to store it by the way, TM story by credit Justin Trouse microwave pilot script. We're pitching it universal can be universal. Please reach out to us Fox. Fox Universal entertainment. Please reach out to us. Come at me. Come at me with your

roof case. Full of money. Hey, I always carry cash. My boyfriend never does. If a place is cash only, I pay, which is fine. Cash shares always hand him the change. And he doesn't give it back to me. When I ask for my change, he books fund me for being cheap. Probably because he comes from a wealthy family and makes more money than I do. Sometimes he'll pay for something with my change and act like he's treating me. Also cashlet never returned. How do I gently convince my boyfriend that money matters? That's from broken broken hearted. Okay, first off, why are you letting your boyfriend hand me the cashier? All the women independent throw your cash right at him. You can pay for yourself. It's 2012. No, no, no, no, no, you're misunderstanding. She gives the cashier.

These cashiers are some pricks because she'll give them money. And then the cashiers, when they come back to the table or something, they give it to the guy. Oh, what? Just as if to say, sorry, sir, you accidentally let your woman have some money. I can't tell you how many times this happens on a day to day basis. When I go to a restaurant and my girlfriend orders a stiff IPA and I order, you know, like a shortly temple, something like some sort of mild pino grays. Yeah. And then they flip them. And I say, I don't like, I don't like what you've done here, sir. I've detract 2% from the tip right there. I have a whole conversion rate for for social and sexual faux pas and how I detract from tips. This is some horseshit and you shouldn't go to that restaurant

anymore. How much, how much do you detract for taking the dish of butter and jamming it into a customer's face? I get bonus for that because that's my fetish. That's how you do it. Okay. Yeah, I'm a buttersight upper is what we, that's what we're called on the forums. Buttersight uppers. How much do you, is it better or worse when after the jamming interface, they say sloppy boy. Way better. Is that way better? Does that's the only way Griffin can finish? It's, I wish you wouldn't say that. Oh, but I did sloppy boy. Say that all you want. Just don't talk about like, but if I say it too much, then why am I out of, you may have to excuse yourself. Because apparently butters your thing. How many places in this world are cash only these days?

I mean, it's getting less, but they're still there, right? Well, I guess the easy answer then is stop carrying cash. I bought some, some Girl Scout cookies outside of the Walgreens and I realized they didn't have any cash on me. And their, their troop leader had one of those square things like an iPhone credit card reader. And I was like, God damn it 2012. I love you so much. He got me. He got me. Now I can buy so many more cookies. Yeah, that's a little, that's a little bit much actually. I'm not sure that you need that kind of like direct access. Is there, is there a correlation between that and the fact that you're counting your Kcals now? Is there? Things got a little hedonistic. Let's just say

February was a rough, rough month for the diabetes that I almost got. Come to hedonism and cookies three. There are no rules. Can we get back to the issue at hand, which is that your boyfriend sounds kind of like an asshole? Hey, well, the thing may not be the, the money. It may just be that he's an asshole. It's just a, that's a, that's a shitty thing. Okay, first off, it sucks that a cashier would come back and give your money to him just because he thinks that the guy paid, right? You obviously handed this cashier the money. How fucking short is his memory? He's like a fucking goldfish. So that sucks. What double sucks is that he takes the money instead of saying, oh, this is awkward. This is yours. That sucks. What also sucks is him using

your money to buy you things and say, don't worry about it. You're welcome. I love you. That's for you. There are like, there are a bunch of things there for people who like, for those of us who've gone around our lives judging people all the time. This judgment is, is it, man, it seems pretty clear cut. I am. The sense that bothers me is when you ask for your change back, like, hey, that changes mine. He calls you cheap because he's rich. Like that sounds like, that's what the, that's what like the bad boyfriend does before like a robber baron does. Can I, can I please have my money? Oh, you poor person and your change. It's adorable. Maybe you can eventually just going to start throwing it at her feet.

Fine. Pick it up. Pick it up. If you don't want to leave this creep, you gotta just tell him like, hey, yeah, you come from a wealthy family, but I earned this money with the fucking sweat off my back. So stop robbing me. If you could do me a favor and stop fucking burglaring me every time we go to Applebee's, that would be fucking great. And stop making fun of me for going to Applebee's. It's all I can afford. Asshole. Jerk. Yeah. If you say that to him once, he's going to feel very bad about it. If he does not feel very bad about it, the door is right behind you, sister. He's trying to pick up stakes and roll on out there because I'll tell you what, he sounds wack. He doesn't sound good enough for you. That's for sure.

Well, I'm not sure about this shit. You ready? You ready for the Cumberbatch? Yeah, Cumberbatch. Your boyfriend never, your boyfriend never carries cash, huh? But he says he's from a wealthy family. I ain't buying it. I think. Oh, shit. Your boyfriend is broke like a bad joke. Are you saying what I think you're saying? He is tower heisting you every single time you go to dinner. You're being grifted. You're dating Alan Alda? You are. Oh, good. Oh, good. Hold on. A tower heist joke for everyone to enjoy. Travis, you know about the transitive property, right? If you make a joke about something that's not even remotely funny, then it's not funny in exchange. But you brought up tower

heist and you opened the door like you're getting in the movie tower heist. You are getting named Lester. Taken to the bank and he is driving the car and you are, hold on, you, you're a bank teller. And he's putting a card in your slot. He's putting a card in there and he, but he says it's your card and he's taking your money and then he's spending it on roller blades or something. It sounds like a boyfriend Ponzi scheme. I don't know what a Ponzi scheme is. It's your boyfriend's name Ponzi. He's a cool guy, but same Ponzi. Everything about this just reeks to high heaven of grifting. Yeah, it feels like a long, it feels like a grift. You need to protect yourself, protect your assets. Speaking of, speaking of protecting your assets,

we would like to protect ours right now. Make a little money in the section of the show. We like to call the money zone. I'll hate you. Hey, what's the matter, Justin? It's, it's not a big deal. I don't think you understand. Oh, no, come on. Let's wrap. Well, I've been going store to store. Uh-huh. I've been looking at all my normal, uh, my, my normal places that, that I, I normally head to. And I, for the life of me, cannot find a leather sleep sack that, uh, properly restrains me for my, uh, erotic play. Well, you're in luck, Justin. So what do you wait? What do you mean? Well, this week on my brother, my brother and me, there is a synergy of the energies coming together.

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is a bastardization of this product message. But do good extremershane.com. You will find everything that you want and some things you didn't know you want and some things you won't be surprised to find out that you do indeed want. How about a yahoo? Yeah. This yahoo answer is sent in by Mark Torecki. Thank you Mark. It's by a yahoo answer user Hailey Grace who asks my mom has changed my name four times legally since I've been born. Hello I'm Hailey Grace and I am 15 years old and my mom has legally changed my name four times since I've been born. When I was born I was called Victoria Rose. Then when I was six months old she legally changed it to Tracy May. Oh no. Then when I was six she changed it again to Rhiannon

and then she changed it again when I was 11 years old to Hailey Grace frowny face. I have moved school five times and have moved house four times. My mom says don't ever say your name out in public. We never open our curtains in the house and I never have friends over to stay. I don't have any other family than my mom. Why does she keep changing my name? Is there a reason? Wait this took a sharp left turn. Yeah. Yeah wait hold on just one. So this isn't like crazy mom can't settle on a name. This is like they informed on the mafia or like or possibly that your mom fucking snatched you from a hospital when you were a baby. See I was also going to go towards they blew up like an animal testing research center in the 60s and she's on the run. No no I'm saying it's definite

baby kidnapping keeping your head on a swivel. Could it be both? There's a really risky mom who both blew up an animal testing facility and stole a baby. It sounds like a really cool mom. Maybe they were at the baby testing facility. Maybe they were doing. They blew up a baby testing facility but they saved one baby. Travis you saved the babies. Have you ever never watched TV? You get the animals out then you blow up the building. Don't call babies animals. I'm saying in a normal thing not like babies are animals though if you think about it. At least Doc can do tricks. Babies just remind you of your failed promise that's not a trick. Can a person can a mom change their kid's name? At will? No legally they have to I mean I imagine there's

some paperwork. I imagine court costs have to come into it too but I bet in this day and age you can do it online. You think a few clicks? Oh I'm sure you can. Amazon? I tried to actually I tried to change my AOL instant messenger name. I accidentally changed my real name to Blunt Lover 87. So that's my legal name now. If you're seeing on Facebook when someone puts like a really funny like middle name in that's legal. I wouldn't say funny. How shitty would it be to have a new name every time like oh I'm in middle school now. Time to celebrate. Now I'm now I'm called Beyonce. Fantastic. Thanks mom. I would love to be able to reinvent myself like that all the time. You'd be like Prince you know people would never know where you're going. You know what would be great

instead of changing your name you just add a name to your name. So like every time you move you just add another one to the beginning. So I'm Victoria Rose Dracy, maybe Rihanna and Haley Grace. Hi. Oh you left. Okay. Could you be the kid formerly known as Haley? Just go with that an unpronounceable symbol that your mom can't hear from you. Now you're just an umlaut over no letter. That's your name now. Why is this mom changing the name? Why won't this mom let her say her daughter's name out in public? Because if she says her name out in public the goblins can take her Griffin. That's what it is. This is a rumple stills good situation. She promised her force worn to some sort of diminutive but vengeful spirit and now if the child's name is ever said allowed or

not changed to a different handle Montana character every few years then he'll come and he'll come and find her and take her away on his big spoon. And you know I see that happening more and more. Giant spoon? It's the giant spoon. He rides around on a ladle. Yeah probably stills good. Oh that reminds me. Hold on I gotta write this. I need to get a big spoon from Extreme Restraints. Sorry go on. Can I tell you something Griffin? Don't go with the fiberglass. You think the splinters aren't going to be a problem? They definitely are. Definitely are. Gots to go with steel. Gotta go with steel. Well careful with that it gets cold. If it doesn't get cold what's the point? Fair enough. So you have been kidnapped. Let's talk about action plans here. Kidnap person.

One do you like your new mom? Do you like new mommy? She may be nicer than old mommy you don't know that. She actually kind of sounds like Angelica Houston in every movie where Angelica Houston plays an irresponsible mom. Like wildly irresponsible mom. How many movies is that? Did you confuse her with somebody? No no no. Several. Several movies. Name one and do not count Adam's family values. I do not count it. Abba fucking Darjeeling limited. And how about uh what was that one movie where oh god there's another movie where she was a mom and she was horrible to her child. Hunger games. I don't think that was it. I'm not sure that's what you're thinking of. X-Men 3. Fuck what was that movie? God damn it. Is your mom Angelica Houston?

Oh that might make sense. She might just be eccentric. Yeah. You know how those movie stars movie stars one day your kid's name Apple the app the next day's name Hennie Youngman. Famous people for you. Choke. It was choke. Everybody it was choke. It was choke. You're right. I was whoa whoa whoa we did not plan this. This is a question from a listener. Oh my god. I was thinking I would legally change my full name after college. I've all of it decided my new first name to be Bishop but I can't think of a last or middle name that sounds good with it. Do you think I should go through with this? If so what should my new name be? That's from Mysterious in Michigan. Are we serious with this? Is this?

This is Haley Grace's boyfriend. My girlfriend keeps changing her name. I think it's a great idea. Yeah. I want to change mine to be an X-Man. Bishop. Bishop. Can I call you Bishop? Should we goof on names to call him before I tell him not to do it? Yeah. Let's get a solid I'll say two and a half minutes of goofing on the name and then we'll then we'll get to the the meat. You can stick with a chess theme and go like Bishop Rookpon. Yeah. That's a bad name. Could you say Archdiocese as a name? Cardinal. Oh Cardinal is actually not bad. Bishop Cardinal? No no no. That's not so good. Major Major? Bishop Laser Killer. No. Why would he kill lasers? No he uses lasers to kill people. Bishop Dino Pal. He's friend of the dinosaurs. Bishop Exploder.

Stop it. What's wrong with that? Bishop the Thundarian. Is that good? Bishop of Mars. I can't go any further. Don't fucking do this. Don't do this thing. I don't care what your old name is. It's your name. If you, you have been saving up. We're big on social currency on this show and when you change your name to to Bishop Rocket Ship or something even more ironic than that you're going to lose it all. You're going to bankrupt yourself of all that currency and you're starting from scratch and let me tell you you are, I don't know how old you are. You're about to graduate college. You are too old to start from scratch again. You can't. I also feel that changing it's a lot like quantum physics. Hear me out. In in observing the experiment you're going to change

the outcome. So in consciously choosing your name it's going to be douchey no matter what. Like I don't think no matter what you choose like because you chose it, it because it's a conscious effort it's not going to work. When I hear somebody say the name Griffin out loud I think that it's kind of a douchey name but I didn't give it to myself. So I have an out there. I can just say my parents gave it to me so it's legit but when I hear other people call themselves Griffin I can't help but think that they are just calling themselves that as a nickname because it sounded cool that one time that they heard it on a comedy podcast or maybe back to the future part two. Exactly. Thank you for summing up exactly what I was getting at

Griffin. Yeah. Concision. It's the name of the game. Bishop concision. Bishop concision that's the name of the person. Don't don't change your don't change your fucking name because there's no name you can give yourself. This is like how you can't give yourself a nickname but to a legal like to the billionth degree you can't you cannot do this. Maybe instead of changing your name you should change your outlook on life. Oh wow. Whoa we just opened up the secret in here. Well I look at this a lot the same way of people saying like I want to like get a radical hairstyle change or I want to get like a giant tattoo on my face like all that stuff is fine but before you do it really sit down and think about what's the real reason I want to do this and I'd be willing to bet it's not because you don't like

your name. What if can we hold on devil's advocate. What if his name right now is like Coney Diarrhea. Do we didn't consider the fact that his name right now might be Coney Diarrhea. So his name is Rock Jabroni. Yeah what if what if it's a real real shit show in there in that name. What if his name is Dennis Shit Show. I'm Dennis Shit Show attorney law. I'm Dennis Shit Show third grade teacher. I'm Dennis Shit Show plumber get it late late night comedy host. I'm Dennis Shit Show your father and you will obey me as long as you live under my roof. You are a shit show Daniel and you will act like it. I think you just got to let it ride. You got to dance with the one who brung you

you know and by the one I mean you're fucking legal God given Christian name unless unless four different names brung you because your mom's a cook. Yeah. Yep. And then in that case I guess go hog wild. She raised you to change her name. So you that's you. That's your identity. But I wouldn't. I don't think it's a good. I mean I think Griffin's right that like the name is not. I mean I think maybe there's like body modification or something you know you want to take ownership but like I don't know. It just seems like cheating I guess in a way. I think we all wish we had names that were really really cool. But but you know most of us don't because we're not secret agents or whatever. Yeah I got a bummer in here. Yeah how about a Yahoo answer. Yeah let's open up the windows

and try to sweep some of this bum around. Don't change your name though. Don't be proud of your name. Change your change your situation. Make people envious of of Craig Shit Show. This Yahoo answer was sent by Lisa Holofield. Thank you Lisa. It's by Yahoo Answers user Nathan who asks. Can I pack a toilet plunger in my airplane luggage. The question is as simple as it says above. I'm going. Oh no it is not. I am going on a trip next week. I am flying to my destination. Usually how it works. I like taking a toilet plunger when I drive so I don't have to call the hotel desk if a quote unquote bathroom issue arises. I know it sounds silly but I truly want to know if I can pack a toilet. I think they need a plunger.

If I can pack a toilet in my luggage. The toilet is broken. I'm putting in my own toilet. Or if I can carry it on board the plane in a bag of course. I really appreciate this. The problem with packing a toilet is that the caulk that you'll need to seal it is probably going to be over three ounces. So they're going to make you throw that away. And it's so hard to travel size caulk. You know what. We like to have a good time here. Oh my brother my brother hear me and poke fun at the Yahoo Answers guys. I like this gentleman. You like him. You think he's like industrious. I think he's revolutionary Justin. Go on. Have you never been in that situation. You've been in a friend's house. You've been in a hotel and you've

clogged it. And you've had just like that horrifying moment of like well I have two options. I can either run away and never look back or I have to call you know the front desk or tell my friend like hey I'm really bad at bathroom and I broke it. It's a weird sort of like you realize that clogging a toilet is not indicative of a deficit of bathroom skill. Right. It seems pretty bad than me. Like you've been training for what for me 26 years. And like when I clog a toilet it's like hey you failed. Gryffin if there aren't if there aren't you know deficit of bathroom skill it's not skill. Why do we have training bodies. Exactly. You got to learn how to hold them know when to fold them you know. I mean your toilet paper. This is guy I'm kind of it I'm kind of with you Trev now

after thinking about this guy because it's like it seems like a crazy thing and maybe it is. But flip side if it pays off if he avoids a situation he is suddenly the smartest guy in the room. That's what I'm saying. He I mean it it's a real high bet but it but again when it pays out when that when the you know comes up all cherries it will make it seem like well why wouldn't you have a plunger with you. I can just write in my head like the epic situation of like as he goes through like the baggage claim and stuff and they're checking his carry on they're like oh is this a plunger bro there's nothing illegal about it but weird what a weird note right. But then then something occurs on the plane or the plane has to make an emergency landing on an

island. Stop it. There's no toilets on an island Travis you just only sound no they need the plunger to like climb up a mountain or something. Why would that what the fuck are you talking about. Use it like suction cups and make suction cups to the side of the tree or something. This isn't an episode of Duck Man. And it starts and it starts Morgan Morgan Freeman's there and he's like why is Morgan Freeman there. There's no toilets on the island. He had the plunger Griffin. He's a pilot Travis. His his friend John Travolta would probably fly anywhere he wants to go for free. Well maybe John Travolta is writing this question and John Travolta wants to carry a plunger. Stupid asshole. No you're not you you're not thinking three-dimensionally you're thinking

you're very small you're thinking inside the box I'm thinking outside the box. There's no box there's no toilets on all eight cylinders and you're you're talking about like a tiny tiny life and you're saying there's so many practical applications for a plunger that I can't even begin to understand. I'm just saying there's more than you think there are like you have a very small plunger concept and you're saying there's a crash on the island you stand in the waves and and let your feet sink into the sand and then you use the plunger above your head you you spear a fish and then you suck. Okay guys stop I'm gonna stop this there's only one way to settle this okay and that is with a plunger usefulness face off here are the rules okay you you guys are going

to take turns each one of you is going has to describe a legitimate use okay for a plunger that might actually arise in travel and and this and through this method we will decide the winner of this particular debate okay Griffin I'm going to start with you okay you poop in a toilet and you do a bad job and you have to undo your mistake okay Travis uh you need it to take down a bat so you swatted a bat with it okay you have to you get attacked by a dog and you have to use it to fight off the dog if that's a thing if that's a concern no points for creativity but the judges Travis go on we could just go else has a plunger and challenges you to a plunger duel at dawn Griffin you could challenge that uh no that's no that's I'm gonna let that one fly okay you your

travelers checks get lost in the plane because the tsa stole them and so you have to sell the plunger for to get money for food it's also a gold plunger the plunger's gold I'm sorry the plunger's gold the plunger was given to you by an old wise man and it's enchanted and it saves the day somehow it's a magic my next Travis literally my next thing was magic plunger okay we can all agree on magic plunge those two cancel each other out um you were too cheap to get on extreme restraints and buy an actual sex toy so you'd use the plunger for sex stuff there's it's got two it's got two uses it's got two pleasure ends so heads or tails literally Travis I want to end on that one uh so you concede I do concede that you could use

the plunger as a sex toy if you're cheap but it's not it's not going to be the kind of high quality product you're going to find at extreme restraints dot com nope with a coupon code middle list awesome fantastic helping really helping people this week really building some bridges I feel like out of plungers out of oh that's another one oh Travis wins god damn it pulled it out at the last minute which by the way by the way if you are using the plunger the sex toy don't wait the last minute to pull it out why would why is that a poster campaign are you afraid of getting pregnant by the plunger I don't understand yes why am I so turned on right now oh god I want to end it all should we in the show there yes yeah we did a great show great

program thanks I feel good about it thank you uh thank you guys so much for again for supporting us through the max fun drive you really are heroes and we hope that you enjoyed all the bonus content and stuff you got um we really donated last minute like if you donated uh on sunday the the bonus content is still available if you're a donor so it doesn't go away yeah so uh so you can totally treat yourself uh still um and thank you to people who are tweeting about the show the Justin cambo soup Iggy K of course the real new or uh undoddly g thomas nanogross everybody who who tweets about the show if you do make sure use the nbm game hashtag and uh throw like our sampler in there and and if you never watched it go check it out

http colon slash slash so hold on wait what was that again it's bit.ly forward slash it's mobim bam bit.ly forward slash it's mobim bam what's the protocol though what's the what's the it is it is a hypertext transfer protocol so um thank you guys so much for your for your generosity I want to say a special thanks to everybody who uh grabbed Justin or I in the hallways of the Boston Convention and Exhibition Center during Pax East this past weekend uh we we had a lot of fun and uh there were so many mobim bambinos there showing support and it was uh it it made my weekend so thanks guys it it uh I just want to say a very special thank you uh to Heather Marion and Abigail McCauley who brought us at Pax a signed copy of Warriors into the wild the the book about uh

Warrior Cats by Aaron Hunter signed by Aaron Hunter to Bramble Pelt the single the signature reads to Bramble Pelt meow happy birthday Aaron Hunter now wait they had to tell these fucking champions had to tell Aaron Hunter that the book is for a cat and this is what this crack that's less weird than explaining the truth that's not how it panned out they asked them her to sign it to Bramble Pelt and Aaron Hunter made the logical leap as anyone would that they were getting the book signed for their cat whose birthday it was hey Aaron Hunter you're too deep in the game you need to back up a little bit you're too deep in the cat game my friend uh I want to say uh also thanks this is a very thankful closing segment thank you to uh John Roderick and the Long Winters for the

use of our theme song into departure off the album putting the days to bed it really starts the hot the show off with a high energy burst of energy and uh and and I don't know what we would be without it we would be nothing so thank you I'd also like to thank everybody uh I've noticed a lot on Twitter and I appreciate this and I know everyone else on the Maxfun network does but seeing someone say like I'm a fan of MBNBAM and they mentioned throwing shades so now I'm a fan of throwing shade or people saying I love stop podcasting yourself and they introduced this to my brother my brother and me so if you haven't yet coming off of uh the Maxfun Drive is a great time to go check out Judge Don Hodgman, Jordan Jesse Go, Throwing Shades, Stop Podcasting Yourself, Bullseye,

all the incredible shows on the Maxfun network. You guys ready for the closure? Oh yes this finally Yahoo was sent in by Lisa Holofield it was asked by Yahoo Answers user oh it was deleted so I don't know who asked it but the question was how would you dance to I Only Want To Be With You by Hoody and the Blowfish I'm Justin McRoy I'm Travis McRoy I'm Griffin McRoy this has been my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips keep your heart three stacks keep your heart hey keep your heart three stacks keep your heart man these girls are smart three stacks these girls are smart play your part