My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 25: Freak in the Bedroll

Episode Date: October 11, 2010

This is a special, special episode, everyone. A very special episode indeed. Not only is it our quarter-of-a-hundred-episode celebration, it's also our first show with the endorsement of world hero, David Hasselhoff. To celebrate, we've got a bunch of free advice, as well as a heartwarming outro from John Palomba. From his guitar, to our hearts, to your ears. Suggested talking points: Wizard Ani, The Hoff, prison pals, the waxening, treeem, insta-baby, mommy's Cosmos, the fightin' Rachel Dratches

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? If you change your mind, on the first in line, Honey, I'm still free, take a chance on me. If you need me, let me know, gonna be around. If you got no place to go, when you're feeling down.

If you're all alone, when the pretty birds come in. Really, the bee a week has passed already, lived, lived, laughed, loved, learned, learned for seven days. And now you are back on for all our loving embrace. We did a bit of eating, did a bit of praying, and did some loving. Yeah, did some. Now a week has passed, the earth is spun on its axis seven times. You have a new set of problems.

New problems. And a new set of skin cells. New skin cells. You shed the old ones, now it's time to shed the chains, time to shed the yoke of your burdens and put that shit right on us, Annie. It's funny because your skin cells today have never hurt my brother, my brother, me. Can you have a whole new person every time you listen to it in my boom bam?

It's your skin's first time. Yeah, your skin, your new skin may not like it. If so, are bad. Yeah, it's like how the new Dr. Who doesn't like black people. Exactly. You never know. Yeah, have you not seen it? It's a really.

It's super racist. It's got real weird. It's a weird direction. They're taking back. He actually just goes back in time to stop like equal rights and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty inappropriate actually. Yeah, but God, compelling.

It's so good. The writing's so good. The writing, you can't find. I like his albino companion. Yeah. He's the whitest man on the board. Drunky. Cranky.

That's what they say, right? Dr. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what they say. And shag. So let's let's help some people. This is, of course, my brother, my brother, me. It's an advice show for the modern era and and now wisdom. Ian from Gmail writes, he says,

my brother wants to name his firstborn child Anakin. Stop. No, no, you can't stop because Ian feels compelled to tell us after the Star Wars character. Thank you, thank you so much. Oh, Anakin Jones, the political leader. It may surprise you to learn that I'm the type of person who's never seen a Star Wars movie before.

That's the is that the one about the missile defense system in the 1970s? I'm confused. Is it a documentary? While I'm mildly amused by this, I fear it could wind up in the same vein as having the middle name Danger. What should I do to convince him otherwise? Or should he learn from his own mistakes? Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Ian, he's not, he's not the one who has to, it's not. Your brother can't just be like, well, live and learn. I regret. Your brother will never look back 18 years from now and be like, man, that was a bad move. Really, should I never name that kid Anakin? I regret that. He's not going to be the one that.

Now that my kid's been beaten to death. Yeah, he's not going to be the one that hangs himself in his closet when he's 10 years old. Yeah, that that's not a good name. You could maybe use this as an opportunity to turn him onto my brother and my brother and me. Hit podcast. And we could just sort of tell him like, don't do that.

Maybe Luke, go with Luke. It's a fine, normal person name. Yeah. Jar Jar Banks, maybe. The problem with Anakin and Jar Jar Banks is that you are saying, there is no room for equivocation. Like it is named after the character in Star Wars. It's not maybe.

I had a friend a couple years ago and she said, my first daughter, I'm going to name Hermione. It's like, no, you don't at all want to do that. You never want to name your kid anything that's that recognizably nerdy. Like this is my son, Cal-L. Sorry, Nicholas Cage. But you just want to keep that to yourself.

Have that be a personal thing in your heart that you don't saddle on your poor, unborn fetus. Maybe Anakin could be like a nickname. And and. No. And you can call that to yourself. No, still not that. Maybe a middle name.

Why don't you name your son Lightsaber? How about Podracer? This is my son, X-Wing. Hi, have you met my boy wizard? He's wizard. Oh my God, you guys. I cannot believe we didn't talk about this already. Why don't you name your son, David Hasselhaw?

Whoa, there is. We got the official seal of approval from Mr. David Hasselhaw on Twitter. I think I want to go ahead and say we're his official source for life advice, but it's really recent. We haven't been guiding every step he's made. Which I think we're working hard now. There are probably a few bad decisions that we could have

steered him away from, like the whole the whole drunken eating a burger on the floor with his shirt on. I do that. I do that. I ain't judging him. Hey, but you don't do that on video on the Internet. And you're trying to get. Have you ever tried to convince a drunk person

to not eat a hamburger? I don't care how good our show is. It's not going to happen. Hey, don't eat that. It's like convincing Dr. Who not to hate black people. Exactly. But all joking aside, I know he's a fan of the show.

I mean, why else? Why else would he be following us? I know he's a fan of the show. And so David, just thank you for God. Damn it. Thank you for everything. Thank you for your performances on the television programs that you've been on.

Thank you for Night Rider. Thank you for bringing down the Berlin Wall single-handedly. That's probably the most important contribution that you've done. Thank you for that. I was talking to some friends and the first thing I did when I found out was contact everyone I've ever known in my life and say, hey, look at this thing I've done.

But I finally put it in context of why it was so amazing. And I said, if I had a time machine, and I could go back in time five years and tell five years younger Travis that in five years he was going to do something that David Hasselhoff not only listened to but enjoyed, there is no way I would ever believe that. It's just the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.

And I've done some pretty awesome things in my life. Just to reiterate, he definitely, definitely listens. Definitely 100% chance that he listens. Yeah, it's 100%. The forecast is 100% chance of my brother, my brother, me precipitation in David Hasselhoff's ear holes. Definitely, definitely no room for equivocation there. So thanks, Hoff.

What was that show where he played a car, where he transformed into a car? That would be a... Fight Rider. Night Rider. Night Rider. Night Rider. Only he was the driver of the car.

It was Mr. Feeney that was the one that transformed into the car. Mr. Feeney was like a friend of his and he transformed into a car when things got hot. No, I think it was hot food. Mr. Feeney was a friend of his and then was killed by a car and his soul inhabited the car. Got eaten by a car. Yeah, how was that?

It's a great show. Check it out. No, you're thinking of the movie Click. The Hoff is a tremendous performance in the future. So Lucas writes this, again, Hoff, thank you, because you're definitely listening. So I just started college and my roommates are friends of mine from high school.

My problem is I realize I'm almost nothing like them. I'm even kind of wondering how I became friends with them in the first place. They think things I like are stupid. They don't understand my positions and opinions on things and often call things I like gay. They often play it off by saying they're just messing around, but it's so awful that I'm really getting sick of it. What do I do?

Lucas, they sound terrible, dude. They sound like the worst. This is an object lesson and the difference between high school friends and college friends. Now that you have grown up a little bit and realized that you don't have anything in common with these people, that's a common problem in that transition. It's time to get out of that friendship.

Maybe this stuff, Lucas Slice, is just gay. Maybe dude reads comic books and gay shit like that. Yeah, how are you doing a bunch of gay shit? Lucas, you didn't tell us. You read anime? You read anime? Lucas, maybe just put away your childish things. Go hit up the gym.

Just go hit up the gym with your boys. Like maybe you're the one with the problem, not them. Maybe you should stop hanging full-size posters of yourself having sex with men. Well, this is art. And in other people's room. This is an intervention. Put down the Twilight books.

Get out there and meet some ladies. No, Lucas, these guys sound like a nightmare. Yeah. You will find other people that you like and even if you have to walk the world alone like that guy in Kofu, you won't have to deal with people calling things you like gay. Nobody has the right to do that.

Just beat cheeks. The other side of that coin though is if they're your roommates, you've probably signed a lease or have a dorm with them. So what you want to do is avoid them as much as possible. Like no joke, just because they're your roommates, you don't have to hang out with them, find some new friends, and just try to see them as little as possible.

You're in college, right? Dude, there's no sense in you getting bullied anymore. It's not happening. Right. Go hang out with other people, sleep in your room, just muscle through it. But don't deal with these pricks. They sound like they suck.

The only reason that you became friends with them in the first place is because high school is like prison. And if you don't get into a group, you'll get stabbed on the playground or whatever. The next time they said they're just playing it off, just tell them fuck off. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah. You don't need their explanations. Just tell them to get the fuck out. You know what? Go back to those prison rules. Shiv one. Yeah. Yeah.

See who's gay now. You know what? Shiv them and then have sex with the shiv wound and say, yeah, you're right. This is gay. This is pretty gay what I'm doing to you right now. You're pretty fucking gay. And you're also dead.

And you're dead. How's your dead corpse? I'm in jail now. And ironically, I'm in prison for that. Or I'm making the best friends of my entire life. I'm making the best friends. We're having such a good time. They get me.

Me and Tiny Love are going to fucking kill you. Tiny Love and I are getting out. I have a Yahoo answer question. It was sent in by Dilbob. Thank you, Dilbob. It's from Yahoo Answers user Desmond Hume. Oh, how nice. So as you can imagine, a Yahoo answer question

named after the philosopher and lost character, Desmond Hume, is going to be very, very well thought out and why are my ears never dirty? I'm 17 and my ears are never dirty. I never have to clean them. I try. Nothing comes out. Why?

Worst superpower ever. That was actually the first answer is you have a supernatural power where your ears never get dirty, rare, but extravagant, lucky. I like that he clarifies that he's 17. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's part of puberty, right? Your ears really don't start producing that man wax until, you know, 2021. Yeah.

God, I want to market a product called man wax. Are you telling me that in the year 2021, my ears are going to start producing man wax? Yeah. Everybody? That's when we're going to have the dyslexic apocalypse and just the wax is just going to be flowing. Yeah, that's a weird part.

At the same time, though, I know what he's talking about. Like, there are those days where you just get a Q-tip up in there and you try and, you know, get some relief and then nothing happens. And that's a heartbreaking experience. I picture him like standing at the bathroom sink just gripping the counter and staring at himself in the mirror and saying, today's the day and slowly bringing a Q-tip up to his ear and then nothing. Like maybe that's the thing.

Like maybe that's like pubes used to be for young dudes. And I guess periods used to be for young ladies. Like all my friends have got their wax already. Yeah. Oh, when will I get the wax? When will I get the wax? Oh, youngling, the waxing happens when you're most ready. We do not choose the time of the waxing.

I can't show my face at school anymore until I get some wax. Everyone knows how clean my ears are. The guys say, the guys say there's Jimmy Cleanier. We're in a locker room. They're all poking fun at my ears. They're all in homeroom just picking away at their sweet laxy ears. I'm just sitting there looking like a jackass. Like a chump.

I can't get any wax. I got all mine out already this morning. I save them in a jar. I'll show you someday. I'll bring it in. I promise. Do you have my mom? Do you have my mom?

When will I get the wax? Soon, my baby. Soon. You know, you should never use Q-tips. Don't give me that shit. You're poking your brain. I'll use anything that has a long line. You should rinse your ears every day with warm water.

Is it troubling that my left ear, when I use the Q-tip, it immediately makes me cough? That's a problem. Yeah, that's a definite problem. I think you've got an impaction of some sort. Great. I've just started this wonderful relationship with an amazing girl. I met through Dungeons and Dragons tabletop.

Don't ever let her go. The problem is I've never been in a serious relationship before. I don't know when or how to display the appropriate signs of affection. Hugging, kissing, holding hands, please. Et cetera. Et cetera. Please help as soon as possible. Dating in dragons, Gmail.

Okay, first off. Yes. Secondly, it sounds like you got the basics down. It goes hug, kiss, hold a hand. Hold, hug, hug me. Et cetera. Hold my hand. All right, listen, let's get to et cetera.

Let's be delicate here. Because this sounds like, you know, this first serious relationship, it sounds like he needs some advice. All right, let's get, let's get serious. Here's what's tricky about this dating in dragons is it differs for every relationship. Or sometimes you've got to have that slow crawl to the top, or you start with holding hands and then, you know, awkward hug and then a kiss. And then, you know, a little bit of hanky-panky, which is the scientific term for it.

And then full-on hanky-panky. Yeah. Some, some relationships. Disappointing hanky-panky. Some relationships, you just got to jump right into the hanky-panky and then work your way backwards from there. Like relationships with prostitutes. Like pretty woman, did you see?

Yeah, hand-holding is a good sort of all-purpose thing, but it says to the world like, hey, we are dating and this is my property. You should also announce loudly several interviews. Mine? My property? Eyes off? And in all seriousness, don't display affection at the game. Your friends will not appreciate that.

Oh yeah, definitely. Dan will kill your girlfriend off and then you'll have this awkward situation where, you know, do you leave the game? Here's what you're going to want to do. When you're sitting on the couch and it's a romantic time, a loving time, if you will, you're going to make eye contact and then you're going to roll a perception check. Travis, you made a TNT joke. I know, I do what I can.

It's the little things. Affection doesn't have to be in the physical ways that array things. It's whatever feels right for you. It's mainly about showing that you're considerate. So, you know, if you know she's had a hard day, you make dinner. If she forgot to get her retainer, you go get it for her. If she needs help hanging up her cloak, that's another thing you could do. Maybe polishing her bow stuff.

You guys are making jokes, but I think that there's an angle to this question we haven't considered yet, which is girls that play Dungeons and Dragons are fucking freaks, yo. Crazy, crazy, yo. Lady in the streets, but a freaking weird. She may ask, what, what, the lady in the caverns. But a freaking the bedroll. I'm saying, I'm saying she's probably so shy, but see, in her secret heart of hearts. She ain't wearing anything underneath that cloak.

See, she is ready. You need to storm her castle. A chesty belt's got a rip top on it, you know what's up. Break away chesty belt, more like. All right, let's get five more Dungeons and Dragons theme sexual in new windows in. I'm actually cashed. Are you tapped out? Yeah, I'm all out.

That was it, yeah. Dear brothers, what is the best way to pick up, wait, hold on before we move on. Did do we fully answer dating and dragons question? It's about what you feel comfortable with. And here's the thing. As far as moving to new levels of signs of affection. You got to have an experience first.

If you wait to be 100% sure that it's time, you will always be waiting. Sometimes you just got to sack up and, you know, move forward. And also she's an initiative. She's a girl that plays Dungeons and Dragons. She's she's ready. Yeah, she's DTP. She's down to party. Dear brothers, what is the best way to pick up ladies in the library?

I'm a college student. As opposed to a homeless man. I just I take my showers at the library bathroom sink. And I've been thinking about a homeless dude. And I think you have a couple of options. Um, you could follow her around, follow a lady around and as she picks up books, just go, yeah, I read that one. That one's great.

He dies in the end. I mean, you don't even have to have read the books. I mean, you probably won't have read these books. So don't don't follow up with with any questions she might ask about the book. Just, you know, say everything. I mean, every single book that she picks up, tell her that you've read it. Also books are heavy, which is something you have to keep in mind, which offers up a couple of options.

One, you just carry around a bunch of really heavy books and it makes you look so, so strong and smart. Or you could offer to carry her books for her. What I what my jam used to be my, my, my old game was, uh, I'd go to the library and, uh, I'd look in the section of the library where, where all the books are about home remedies for penis reduction and then just, just stand there with your hands on your hips and just keep saying nothing. What's the, nothing that works?

What's the Dewey decimal code for that section? Do you remember? B I G. Um, hey, good, I don't know the Dewey decimal system. I'm pretty sure numbers are involved. I don't know what, what is the Dewey decimal system, how does that work? In case you're thinking of sending in a question about the Dewey decimal system and asking our advice, I, we're not going to be able to help you out on that.

This is not the place to come. I've been, if you want Library of Congress, I got that. Yeah. He's got that right on lock down on LOC down. Uh, I've been considering learning to play the guitar. My stepdad has a guitar and would be able to teach me, but I'm not sure if I'd be willing to stick with the lessons in practice. Is it worth it?

How to learn to play the guitar for casual playing? Joey from Gmail. Joe. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. Get on that now and get ready for the, let's say wave of female attention. Deluge of trim.

No, sir. No, we talked about it. No, no dice. Up to your neck and trim. No, we talked about this in the meeting. We covered this. Yeah. We, we went over this.

No. Yeah. Playing guitar is great. It's a, it's a, I, I think, oh, probably Griffin and I could both be described as, as hobbyist guitar players. It's nice to have something that you just do for you and you're not, um, you're not, uh, you know, trying to make a living at, um, just a great way to impress your grandmother. You think it's a hobby for me?

Oh, is it your life? I mean, I, I would say I'm in the business of, of strumming. Yeah. Strumming for trim. Tree. No. No, no, no. I think it's, I think it's a great idea.

I think it's, I don't think the guitar is as hard to play as some people make it out to be. And it's, it's nice. I mean, if you play other instruments, especially it's, it's particularly easy to learn. I went from, I went from piano to, to guitar and, I mean, all the basics, you know, chords and stuff. That all transfers over. The good thing about the guitar is you can really be to a point where you can play a song in your first day and, and that's really rewarding. Like once you're there to, to already have that sort of instant gratification and, you know,

from there you can, you, it's not tough to, to stick with it because it is. I mean, I, I enjoy it a lot. And again, as Griffin, um, I'm sure we'll point out a couple more times, uh, is great for, for wooing women, ladies or dudes, if that's the thing. As the non guitar playing macro, my only advice in the situation is, um, when you do start to learn and you do learn to play the guitar, choose your moments to play it carefully. Here's a great moment to sit on the quad. Yeah. A great moment is never don't be that douchebag who like,

don't be a party and sees a guitar and is like, Oh, I got this. Yeah. Joey, just, just ask yourself, do you want to end up like Travis? Cause if not, pick it up. Cause that's the only thing that separates us from him. But look at that is true. But can I also recommend maybe considering other instruments as well? The piano is great. The sousaphone, the piano is great. But it's hard to get that tram because like you can only play it when there is no a piano nearby

guitar is like a portable. It's like a trim gun. A guitar is basically a portable piano is what we're saying or a keytar, a keytar. Yeah. No, what? No, no, that would be a terrible choice. I'm trying to bring it back. Why isn't anyone getting on board with the keytar revolution? The important thing about the guitar and I Griffin did touch on it. And we just can't hear him enough. The proper time to play your guitar publicly is never, never play it.

You, you, you play it at home to get good. And then once a month you rack up the courage to go play an open mic night. And that's when you, that's when you get the attention, because that's an appropriate, acceptable venue for you to do that. They, they expect you to do that. When they say where's your guitar, you have to look at them confused and say, Oh, I was the impression that I should never play my guitar publicly. Unless you're really, really good.

Or no, not even then. So good. Yeah. Nobody wants to hear it at the party. Trust me. Unless everybody's drinking and there's a campfire, maybe. And even then it's going to be like, there'll be three guys who kind of know how to play and you'll see them like get the jitters with their hands. Like they just want to get their hands on it and just, just drop sweet home.

They just want to drop sweet home so hard. And the formula that you should always keep in mind is for every one person that appreciates you playing, there are 10 people that wish you were dead. So is that a trade off you're willing to make? It depends on who the one person is. Another, another important thing that you have to keep in mind when you start playing guitar is what songs you're going to, you're going to choose to learn first that are going to be like your go to songs.

Because Joey, you are going to be tempted to just get on that Damien rice train and write it to Trium town. But you can't do it. You can't do it, Joey. You should do, you got to do it a couple of times a month, but no more. How would you avoid being in a wedding? A friend of ours just say no. It sounds like you're, yeah.

A friend of ours is about to propose to his awful girlfriend. No one likes her. I suspect he doesn't. And she is rude. And she is rude and a supreme girly girl. The women in our group of friends are worried this girl is going to ask us to be her bridesmaids. We're sure our husband's boyfriends will be groomsmen and we should, we suspect

she doesn't have other friends. This means dress shopping, wearing the dress she picks out, and a nightmare bachelorette party. So how would you avoid it? Thanks, signed. I'm so not your friend. Gmail. Okay, all right.

This is going to be hard for you. I'm so not your friend. But sometimes when things are really important to us, we got, we have to make sacrifices. And so you're going to have to sacrifice your friendship with this guy and knock out his wedding. Yep. You've got to come up with something better than the wedding that

Enlist in the army. Enlist in the army, anything. But because here's the thing like, he's basically dead now. Like he's dead now. You don't have him as a friend anymore because he married like the worst person. And you don't want to spend time with her. So he's, he's not around anymore.

He's gone. Get used to saying, Hey, do you guys remember James? Whatever happened to James? What do you mean? I was at his wedding. Oh, I was not. I was not there. Was it a lovely time?

No, it was awful because his girlfriend is a terrible person. Oh, great. I'm glad I didn't go. I'm sorry. He died. What do you mean? I don't understand. Um, counterpoint.

Uh-oh. Let's go to the fucking wedding. Go to the wedding. It's like one day out of your life. No, but it's not. No, it's not. It's not. It's not.

You have to participate. She has to participate. She has to participate. Okay. But still, how do you avoid being in a wedding, not going to a wedding? Everybody can go to a wedding, being in the wedding. Maybe. No, you should be in the wedding and then sabotage the fuck out of it.

Sabotage? What? Yes, I love it. Yes, we're going to tear this wedding apart. You guys are writing a Jennifer Lopez movie and you don't even realize it. Yes, I do. You can't think. I've been working on it for two years.

You can't be faking that every time they're like, hey, we're going dress shopping. Oh, I can't. Someone died. I have to go. I have to go see their body or. Hey, don't take it. Go on.

Go on. Show me. I'm free. Bachelorette party tonight. Oh, I can't. That someone else is dead now. No, well, you know, you once you have the one excuse for not going to the wedding, I'm pretty sure they won't keep asking you to go dress shopping.

And so I expect someone to be dead on your wedding day. That's I'm allergic to love. I think you'll make me too happy to be in your wedding. I can't do it. I think you should be supportive of your friend. And I think that maybe you should get to know this this girlfriend slash future wife. What if she was like, what if she's had a hard life? And that's why she's so hard at heart exterior inside.

She's like a tootsie roll pop inside. Just break in that shell. Break through the candy shell. Yeah. The griffin's right. I mean, realistically, you should just suck it up. It's not it'll suck. But you know, sometimes as you get older,

I think bad experiences are just as valuable as good experiences as long as they stick with you. Because, you know, realistically, it might suck that day, but the next day it'll be funny. And you'll be glad that you still preserve that friendship. And this relationship will probably self destruct. So, you know, say that you're on the wedding day. Yeah. Don't do that. Yahoo answers.

Yeah. Yahoo answer. Can I drop it? I was about to ask you personally to drop that. Chris Depew sent this one in. Thank you, Chris Depew. It's from Yahoo answers user Prashant Capra. Wait, hold on.

My whole day is about this person's name now because please read it again. One more time. Prashant Capra. Please spell the first name. P-R-A-S-H-A-N-T-K-H-A-P-R-E. Prashant. I love it. That's awesome.

It's incredible. Any future question we get about baby names? Prashant. Capra. Prashant. Or I would also accept Khufredrick. Okay. If you do name your baby this, make sure they don't get on the internet and ask questions like,

how many months dose baby girl and baby boy takes for delivery? Generally, on an average, how many months or weeks dose baby boy takes for delivery? And how many dose baby girl takes? And dose it differ country-continent-wise? Whoa. Are those additional details? Are those months, weeks, counted from first day of last men's seas or from the ovulation? This person is wildly vacillating between being a scientist and being a stupid person.

It's like she's cobbled together knowledge from pamphlets she's read. Yeah, she's just saying things that she's heard like a child. She's like a child or he, I don't know, Prashant? Prashant is, I can't get too mad at Prashant though. I think it's a lady. I don't know. To answer your question Prashant, what happens is, so there's a gestation period and then the fetus crawls into the mother's pouch and finishes its development and then is born with a full knowledge

of the world. But that's not what this question is asking. Let's break out the flow chart and figure this out. In America, in North America, the continent of North America, it takes a baby boy 40 weeks to develop, right? A baby girl takes around 36, 37 weeks because women develop faster than men. That's science. In south of the equator, we'll say south America, it's a little bit faster.

It's about 25 weeks for boys and about 20 weeks for girls. That's because of all the coke. Yeah, Antarctica, it's like a few days. Oh really? Yeah, for boys. Girls is pretty much instantaneous, which I'm not going to lie. It's rough on the women's bodies down there in Antarctica. And also on the men's psyche.

Oh no. And baby. You want to do another Yahoo answer question? I feel like we didn't get that much traction on the last one. Yeah, do it. This Yahoo answers question was sent in by Chris Depew. It's from XX Erica XX Cute. Okay, so it's a man, a 50-year-old man.

Who asks, how to be sexy when you're in eighth grade? Whoa. I want to be sexy and I need a man, anyone, anyone. I think a more appropriate question is, how can I not be sexy when I'm in eighth grade, right? How can I stop finding eighth graders sexy? I am so bothered right now. Oh Jesus. Just getting to Mommy's Cosmos, the magazine, not the beverage, although either one, right?

And just dress like any girl that you see in the book. Yeah, any girl. And when you show more skin, that makes men happier. It makes them think you're nice, I guess. And make sure to tell everyone that you will accept anyone. Any man. Anyone on the internet. Just make sure on the internet you say you will accept any man and you need a man in your eighth grade.

There's nothing men love more than the sweet smell of desperation. Oh God. Preteen desperation. Someone who's, I'm afraid of dying alone. Beating down by life before they've had a chance to live. That's what I like. Yum. I mean, I understand like it gets hard sometimes.

I mean, the Wiggles got canceled. I mean, what are you supposed to do now? What are you supposed to watch? Justin Bieber is dating that one, that one, that bitch. I'm not looking for Mr. White. I'm looking for Captain Feather Sword. Um, literally that actor, if he could get holler at me. I, uh, this, I'm afraid like Chris Hansen is going to kick in my door pretty soon.

Yeah, yeah, at any moment. I got, I got a question from, uh, from Mary via, via Gmail. She says, I'm a student at Dartmouth College. Our official mascot is the big green. With your bountiful wit and charm, might you be able to devise a mascot that is at least slightly more domineering than a color swatch? Mary, I've been thinking about this a lot. And what I would, I would like to suggest is that you, uh, uh, get a mascot who is named after

a notable graduate of Dartmouth. What do you, that sounds logical enough, right? Uh-huh. What if, let me suggest this. What about the fighting Rachel Dratches? Okay. So just, just to clear this up, you did some pre-pro for this question, correct? A little, uh, touch of pre-pro, uh, might I suggest, um, the fighting Alison Finnelly's

best known for her work as Ellen on Pete and Pete. Please tell me that's the full, that's the full mascot name. That is the full mascot. And bring it back. All right. Let's go fighting Alison Finnelly's best known for her work as Ellen on Pete and Pete. See, I, I like to think of what the costume for the mascot's going to be. And I really like the fighting racists.

The fighting racists. Yeah. Oh, they, so they look, they dress like Dr. Who? Yeah. I'll tell you what. They show up in a TARDIS. What, what's struck me. And then just come out.

And hate black people. What struck me, uh, when I read this question, the, the idea that landed in my mind instantly, how about the Dartmouth fancy lads? Oh, just like little gentlemen. Just like a little foppish gentleman with like a sailor scarf and, uh, a beret, uh, and very short shorts with knee-high stockings. And maybe a little bit of makeup. Maybe just a little makeup on his face.

What about, I love it. What about the fighting Chandra Rimes as screenwriter and director and producer for Grey's Anatomy? Yes, Chandra. That's a good one too. Chandra Rimes. Her costume could just be a woman having sex with television and destroying it. Just fucking it up for everybody.

Oh, shit. Oh God. What about the Batlin Ayesha Tyler's? See, now I've got a Wikipedia Dartmouth call. I just, I can get in on all the fun that you're having right now. I've used them up. I'm sorry. It's catching.

Oh no. I don't know. I don't know where she went to college, but the fight in Angela Lansbury's, I think it's just really intimidating. And at the same time, just a beautiful symbol. I have to imagine that she went to college somewhere, European. Yeah, something. It's like, like,

university or something, something fancy. I want to hear Griffin's last question. But, uh, before we, we, uh, move on to that, I did want to tell you that you've been listening to my brother, my brother meets an advice show for the modern era. Uh, if you want to ask us a question, you can do so on mbmbam.com. All the different methods are there. You can also buy our app, uh, the, my brother, my brother, my app experience. Get it on iTunes and, uh, and, uh, you get methods to ask us questions are there.

If you want to buy, uh, clothing for my brother, my brother, me, there are some very few, uh, uh, t-shirts still in the store. We are going to be restocking very soon. The mediums on the logo shirt are sold out. The largest on the logo shirt are sold out. I mean, there are times or it's tight times over there. So if you want something, go over there and get it. Um, uh, the, hey, Jeffrey shirt.

We probably won't be, uh, doing another version of the logo shirt. Um, we will probably do it in a different color. So, uh, if you got any requests, we've got a Facebook thread up that you can go weigh in on and you should join them. My brother, my brother, me, appreciation group too. Um, cause it's a group of really nice people. Um, what else am I forgetting? Thanks again to the Hoff.

Thank you so much, Hoff. Thanks, Hoff. Um, thanks to everybody who's, uh, who's been holding parties. Uh, yes, yes, we didn't, I don't think I got an invite to the latest mon lock, but I'm sure that the, the mon lock party is still rolling as is the Nugent. Um, my favorite stories we've gotten are the people who have accidental listening parties, just cause I like the image of the moment of like looking around and going, wait, I have like 10 people here.

Listen, there's this a party. Oh my goodness. Um, the, yeah, we have an alpha and no, is it, we have a prime and a beta, uh, uh, uh, listening fan club. So if you want to be trace, if you want to be the, the triple, uh, get in touch with us and let us know who's going to be at the party. Uh, we will record something for you, uh, personal greeting for your party. The only thing you have to do is, uh, take some pictures.

We had, we had a newcomer from in the form of Michael Sinotis, uh, that, that had a listening party last week. I don't know if this is going to be a perpetual thing though. He's got to prove himself if he wants that, if he wants that Delta status. Yeah, or no, he would be triple. I mean, he got in there. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, so thank you again. As always, like we, we can't thank you enough. Thank you for rating the show on iTunes and reviewing the show on iTunes and telling your friends about it and, and, uh, and everything we, it, it means a lot to us. I want to thank, let's see, uh, let's do some shout outs. Modest Madison always, always turning out the, the recommendations. Thank you. Thank you, uh, Stackmasters.

Yeah. And, uh, oh, oh, thank you. JD Short, who, uh, reminded me last night that, uh, we had to do the show. I was in a, I was in a drunken fugue state after watching the Reds lose the play. Austin, I had forgotten completely to get the question list together. And he reminded me to record the show. So thank you. Thank you, JD Short.

Also, our brother, our buddy, Brent O'Flaw, spied somebody at New York Comic Con, walking around with an NBNBAM shirt. Oh, really? Yay. Yes. That's awesome. Yeah. And there's a guy right behind him in a surgical mask.

Pretty great big, if that was you, Holler, let us know. We'll be your friend forever. Okay. Griffin, give us the, the final question that question will ponder and think on for the remainder of the week. Okay. This question was sent in by this week's platinum question submitter, submit submissioner, Submariner, Chris DePew.

Wow. Hat trick. Hat trick from the, from the CDP. It's from Yahoo Answers user, Searbearer, who asks, my goldfish are very quiet? Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. He's been my brother and my brother.

May he kiss your dad square on the lips. But it's all over now, toss all of it in, pack up by tonight, toss all of your roles in that Black Sampson night.