My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 26: Bases Loaded

Episode Date: October 18, 2010

The Brothers McElroy have returned to you, dearest listeners, in sickness (Travis and Griffin) and in health (Justin). Through a daze brought along by a poorly thought-out cocktail of coffee and Dayquil, today's episode possesses an entirely unique flavor -- a flavor to savor, if you will.Suggested talking points: Jimmy Facebook, delay of baby, Dr. Money Money, deep heads, in the parker, 14 and loving it, Jesus' battery allergy, brunner

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? If you change your mind, I'm the first in line, only I'm still free, take a chance on me. If you need me, let me know, gonna be around, if you've got no place to go when you're feeling down. If you're all alone, when I'm breathing first, I'll be sleeping.

Like Chilean miners emerging from the ground, so does our wisdom. Mubble up to the surface and say to you, hey, it's time to grow. Come, grow with us. Pull my brother, my brother and me. We're an advice cast for the modern era. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. Did you guys watch all the footage of those Chilean miners getting...

No, I saw one over it. I saw one, I was like, I get it. I don't know why the entire time I was watching all 33 of those men be pulled from the loam. All I could think about was, fuck yeah, America. We got in there and we did it. We didn't have to do it, we just got in there and we got them all out. I think it was a real buzz kill, though, when the last one popped up and saw his shadow and went back down. And now we get six more weeks of winter.

I'm glad that they all survived because now we can make jokes about it. Yeah, if they hadn't, it wouldn't have been as funny. No. Well, it would have been as funny later, not now. It wouldn't have been funny. So our show, my brother, my brother and me, is an advice show for the modern era. We take your questions, we think about them, we chew on them all week. Yeah, a lot of people think we just read them and then make up stuff.

We really mull these over. So let's let's take on the first question that we've carefully considered. As always, if you have a question or a friend has a question, we love to get them. We ran a little like this week. So if you've got a good one, send it into us. The more challenging, the better. Form Spring asks, is it OK to sneak glances at the cleavage of women who are sitting down in the subway while I'm standing? I'm over six feet tall, so I have a good height advantage.

It's a victimless crime, right? Brian in a major metro area. It is actually that crime does have a victim. Yeah. It is a victimful crime, I believe. Yeah, I think it is your God-given right. OK, OK, no. How are things in madman world?

Yeah, really. How is 1960? Did you hear about Kennedy? I think it's one of those things where as long as you can accept that they totally know you're doing it, there's never been a dude who's like, ninja-like, scoped out of Jake's cleavage and she wasn't aware of it. And you've never, and let's say that no one's ever scooped a peak of cleavage down a turtleneck. Like, it's a two-way street, OK? I think the thing is to be like, it's a fine line between grabbing a peak, that's what a cool kid does,

and grabbing a weir, because if you grab a weir. You've got to get that smooth, smooth Roger Dodger, like glance out the periphery down. Get out and say what it is and say. If you haven't seen Roger Dodger, you need to, especially if you're in high school, it'll change your world in a lot of ways. It's got Facebook's in it. It does have, it has Jimmy Facebook. Kid Facebook and Johnny Zombieland.

Kid's good. It is good. George C. Scott's son. It's an awesome man movie. But it'll teach you about how to do things like this without being a total monster about it. The thing is, you biologically are going to do it. The thing is, don't be a creep. Yeah, don't be a weird beard.

And always wear sunglasses. Always wear giant sunglasses to novelty sized. Yeah. If you do do it, if you can change your face into the face of a wolf, and then like a big cartoon wolf face, and then let out like a howl while stomping. A luga, a luga. That's good too. If you make your eyeballs shoot, you know, one to two feet out of your head.

This is a good opportunity actually to build some self confidence if you do it properly, because you can get in there for a look, burn it into your mind. Just burn it into your mind. And then look away knowing you could look more. And it's a big self confidence booster. You say, wow, wow, Justin, what restraint? Yep. What restraint you're showing?

You're like a Zen master. And you're not a creepy weirdo. If you had restraint when you not do it in the first place, you're saying once you get a sampling, once you get a sampling of it, then it's a sampling. And then you're like, it's like when you go in a cold stone and you're like, let me try the peanut butter chocolate hoedown. And then they give you a little spoonful of it. And you say, oh, you know what?

Fuck this. And then you flip the spoon at them and you walk out. That's insane. I was going to go get some yogurt. I was going to make that exact same analogy with that exact same flavor of ice cream. Oh, wow. Yeah. I guess I'm not the only fan of this made up ice cream flavor.

My friends, no, sorry, let me start again. Good start. My wife's best friend sucks. Oh, David. Infidelity is not the secret to a happy marriage. All she does is critique that. Oh, not that. Okay.

All she does is critique things and she is way too negative and she disagrees with everything I say. Every time we're together, it's like she's competing with me on who knows my wife better. Also, she always has to one up what I have to say. I usually ignore and I don't indulge her, but sometimes she just pushes away too many buttons. I am never flat out mean to her, but I'm reaching my breaking point. Is there any way to handle the situation without being mean? Oh, David.

I'm starting to get the impression that like half of the questions we get have something to do with a friend of a friend or a friend of a brother or friend of a wife. Just like a second hand acquaintance who just sucks and nobody knows how to deal with them. We should like start some kind of service. Like, you know, where we roll up in a van and we just take that person away. They're not hurt. No, not hurt. Just take them away and leave them in a corn field somewhere.

Yeah, dazed and confused and spin them around a couple of times. Yeah. And then just leave them there with a bottle of water and a granola bar. Pretty sure that's a federal crime, what you just described. That is kidnapping, yes. To quote Spice Girls, if you want to be her lover, you got to get with her friends. Right. I'm having deja vu.

Have we answered this exact same question in this exact same way before? I just think it's such a common problem because David and I might be going out on a limb here, but give me a chance. I think that a lot of the times that you have these problems where, you know, my wife's friend or my boyfriend's friend or whatever, I think it has to do with the fact that there's a dichotomy sometimes between who you are with your friends and who you are with your SO. And I think that sometimes that dichotomy can cause problems.

I often said that the key to finding the best possible person for you is the person who you feel like you could be the same you around your friends and around them. And when you find that person, that's a really good indication that there's someone you can really build a life with. And it sounds like there might be a dichotomy here. And I'm not saying that like you and her are meant to be. I'm just saying that that can cause some real friction because a lot of times you're different people with your significant other and friends.

I also think that if it really feels like she's competing with you, she probably is, dude. This is her best friend and she's married now and she's probably feeling like she's losing her best friend and everything like that. So I think as far as taking care of it without being mean, I think the more you strive and this is going to feel counterintuitive, but the more you strive to include her in things and be pleasant with her and let her know that she's not getting cut out of the situation, you don't have to say it, but you have to show it and be like you're included.

But at the same time, you also need to talk to your wife and be like, hun, your best friend is being a complete bitch and either this needs to stop. Oh, don't say that. Yeah. Why are you? Why not? You guys be out front. Animal today.

Part of the problem is that it's not just that you don't like the friend. It's that you feel like the friend is competing with you for the affections of the person that is more important to you than anything. Which she probably is. She probably is. Right. Just eat that. Just eat it.

There's nothing you can do about it. Get confident. Say there's no way that you can move in on this special love that we have. Oh, yeah. You've won, dude. You've got it. It's over. Yeah, you won.

You've got to be a good sport and, you know, invite the second place finisher to hang out. Yeah. I have so many Yahoo! Answers questions. We've been at a bear's pin of riches, right? I've been flooded in Yahoo! Answers questions. I think I'm going to kick it off with this one. This one was sent in by Thomas Reese.

It's by Yahoo! Answers user LaFue des Salades. That's the fight of salad. Yeah. Yeah. Who asks, help. My water just broke, but I need to finish watching this hilarious movie on YouTube. Is there any way to hold off labor for another hour? I really don't want to miss the ending.

Additional details. I'm not missing the ending. I already had to miss the homecoming dance because of this babby. God, babies are such an inconvenience. They are. They are an inconvenience. The top answer is by Doc Mojave, who says, get an iPhone and hurry. That's a pretty good suggestion, I guess.

Did he mean hurry to get an iPhone or hurry to go to the hospital? I mean, those iPhones are selling out pretty quickly. Yeah. They're banging, right? They're huge. They're going to have to pause it that maybe you should get your fucking shit together because you're about to give life to a human that's going to be your responsibility. And YouTube movies, they can wait.

You can finish that movie later. Can I go? Can I? No. So often, if it's a movie, like if someone just uploaded Save the Last Dance or something, like if there's a copyright infringement claim while you're giving birth. Shit. I didn't think about that.

Yeah. You guys just cat. This is why I think about these ahead of time. This is why I did some legal research into Save the Last Dance and copyright holders and things like that. I'm reading more answers on this and people like nobody's saying the obvious thing, which is what the fuck is wrong with you. They're saying things like stick your feet in the air and elevate your hips.

No. Griffin. She said in other details, she's not missing the end of the movie. That is not an option. She's not looking for that option. She's looking for like a cork kind of solution. I love that she goes so far as to clarify that she's already missed the homecoming dance and everyone knows the second biggest point in a young lady's life is that funny YouTube

video. It's just balanced out. She's not missing that. She's already missed the homecoming dance. What movie is she watching? That takes an hour on YouTube. Yeah. I don't understand.

It's something historic. Oh, no, it's hilarious. Maybe it's about the cleaning miners. They're pretty funny. Boy, I don't know what to tell you other than how late is a late term abortion? Like how late does it go? You're talking like the six minutes till midnight. Which one is closer?

Do they have YouTube at the abortion doctor's office because if so, I think you might have a... Oh, I finally get it. What she's watching is that his vampire is suck and that way she could have two abortions at once. There it was. Hey, I got a question from the Internet. When my fiance and I get married this summer, we'll have been together for over five years.

Everyone says that any good couple will have their fights, but working through them is what makes a relationship last. However, I've never had a fight with my wife to be. Sure, we've argued over where to eat and things like that, but the relationship has been pretty much conflict free thus far. Are we doomed? Is it true we need to fight more? Addled in Ann Arbor.

That's a good one. She hates you so much. She fucking hates your guts in her secret heart of hearts. Deep down in your heart of hearts, she hates your guts. She hates your ever-loving guts, and you might hate her guts a little bit. Other than that, though, you're probably good. Listen, you're talking to three guys who are raised Baptist. Don't talk to us about stuff and your feelings deep, deep down when no one can ever find them,

all right? You put them right in that bottle. You cork that shit. You keep that in like a baby while you're watching YouTube. What does he used to say, Griffin? You stuff them down in a bottle and then you get a bigger bottle? Yep. You know what?

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I think that there are some couples that just don't fight, and I don't think that's too weird. I think that there are types of people who are just non-confrontational and that when two of those people start dating, it's normal for them not to fight. I will tell you, though, that this isn't for better or for worse, but the tenor of your relationship will change after you get married, because some of the things that you can sort of laugh off when you are not permanently hitched to this person for your entire life become far more serious when you get married, because then it becomes issues that affect both of you.

And as things happen, you will run into two problems. I think the only deficit you get from not fighting for this long is that when real conflicts do come up, you're not going to have a lot of experience with resolving them. So I guess what I'm saying is be more serious when you're picking a restaurant. Like get a pros and cons list out and go to a relationship counselor. Yeah, next time you guys are arguing over where to eat, just fucking turn up the heat on that shit. You always think he's G.I. Fridays, you bitch! I will turn this fucking car around and we are going to Applebee's.

I think that the fact of the matter is, as long as you feel like you're not holding anything back that you're saying everything, then you're good. Only you can judge it. That's a good point. Look down deep in you and see if you're getting everything out. A lot of times fights can be, people can put them off. I know I do this by saying, well, that's not worth fighting about. My opinion isn't worth getting upset about. I guess I'm telling you, just be angrier. Get serious about this. Or maybe you just don't care, which one? That's great. That's fine.

There's so many things in my life that I'm like, I could get. No, I don't care. I'm not worried about that. I'll worry about that later. You know the people they are. They're the people who sit and they say, what do you want to have for dinner tonight? The other one says, what do you want to have for dinner? I don't care. What do you want to have? And then they eat their hands. Three hours later, they're like each other's hands. They eat each other's hands. Romance.

Sweet suit romance. Let's do a yahoo. This one's from Gun Blader. Set this one in. Thank you Gun Blader. Thanks Gun Blader. Yahoo answers user Me Moo. That's with like eight eyes and nine o's. They ask, how do I become a prostitute without my parents knowing? I really want to be a prostitute, but no way will my parents even think of it. Stuffy uptight parents.

I think the first thing you need, the first most important thing you need to do is memorize the fuck out of your dad's license plate number. You do not want to make that, that particular mistake. Holy shit. Hey, looking for it. Damn it. I mean, I guess you do it the same way you do anything that you don't want your parents to know that you're doing. Although I imagine that there are more things to consider

when you're hiding your prostitute lifestyle from your parents. Like the makeup. You got to take that off before morning, before they drive you to school. Right. Because they'll know. If you get any shiners during the thing, it can happen. It can happen. You're going to have to come up with a solid excuse for that. You got to be careful about what lies you tell your parents as to what you're really doing because the last thing you want is your mom to confront you at the breakfast table

and say, Debbie, why is it every time you come home from church group, you're walking like slim pickens and you smell like the inside of a whiskey bottle? I imagine the hardest thing to hide is probably forging the parent's signature on the permission slip. Because pimps won't just take underage women. They have a lot of stretch rules. That's what I was just thinking about is how to introduce your pimp to your family without things like that. Now, you say that Dr. Money Money here is your tutor. Is that correct?

What do you teach Dr. Money Money? Do a hard lesson. That's appropriate. I see. Teach this bitch about the streets. I mean pre-algebra. Sociology. What did I say? I'm sorry, Destiny. I mean Debbie. So Dr. Money Money, did you get a PhD or is that like a medical?

Yeah, PhD and hard knocks. What? Do pimps say things like hard knocks? Is that a thing pimps say? Only the old fashioned pimps. Tell her how it used to be. Tell your parents every time you go out hooking, tell your parents that you're going to Science Club

and then when you introduce your pimp to them, tell them it's an android you invented. This is my android, Dr. Money Money. Yo, what's up? He's still life-like. In order for this scenario to play out the way we've envisioned it, you need to have really stupid ass parents. To be fair, if you want to be a prostitute,

I'm guessing that they're not doing a good job so far. For hooking advice on Yahoo Answers, they're probably not a brain trust. I just got sad all of a sudden. It went from being jovial to just kind of sad. That's really a person out there. That's a real person with that question on the internet. They're looking for real advice.

Oh, griffin, prostitutes, heart people. Don't be silly. That's like saying chairs are people. Yeah, that's like saying chairs are people, which is appropriate because you sit on them. Oh, God! And they're made of wood. Don't you wish everyone still wore hats?

Nope. I'd like to rock an awesome trilby, but I'm afraid of the ridicule. What should I do? You've made the mistake of asking three guys who don't look good in hats. Yeah. We're really anti-hat because our heads aren't big enough.

We have long heads. That's a good way to describe it. I wouldn't even say big as much as they are deep. We have deep, deep heads. It's hard to put something on top of that without looking just silly. Whatever the reverse of a chasm is, we have that for heads.

It's like putting a hat on a boat. Yeah. It's pretty much what you're doing. You can't bend society to suit the fashion that you wish you could rock for yourself. There are only two ways to deal with the situation. You either get in line or you just start wearing that hat. Now you run the risk if you wear the hat

of being like, what's up with hat guy here? Who does he think he is with this hat? The important question you have to ask yourself because I was talking to someone about a similar situation last night, are you the type of person who wants to wear a hat or are you the type of person who's meant to wear a hat? Because if you are meant to wear a hat, then you wear the shit out of it.

But if you just want to wear a hat, then you're Billy hat guy and you don't want to be Billy hat guy. That's the thing. Once you put this hat on, once you start rocking an awesome trilby, which by the way, no such thing, once you start doing that, that's what your whole world is about after that.

That's what your whole situation is. Oh, you were in the Peace Corps for two years? Tough fucking break. Nobody cares. You're hat man. You're Mr. Hat. You're Sergeant Hat. If Dr. Hat.

I would like to wear a cape. Okay guys, question for you. Sub question to the question. If you could wear one article of clothing and it would be considered socially acceptable that you can't wear right now, what would it be? A vest. A vest?

Yep, that's okay. Doesn't that glee teacher wear a vest? Yeah. See. Vests really are coming back. Vests are hoping. I would say brightly colored suspenders. Oh yeah?

Like Gallagher? Yeah. Like what? Like Gallagher. Like Gallagher or like more... More. Yeah. Mine's cock rings.

Oh god. Always. That's your good too. Can I ask, if you are putting yourself in a situation where people are commenting on your cock rings, you're doing it wrong. Yeah. Yeah.

I guess what I'm saying is I wish I could walk around with my wiener out. By extension. Yeah, by extension indeed. In the baseball analogy, what is getting to third base? I think it's pretty clear that second base is getting to touch boobies.

At home is intercourse. What would you call third base? I think it's got to be something that has at least the possibility of an orgasm. What do you think, as Seth from Gmail? Well, in my experience, it's when second base is touch boobies. Okay.

Third base is think about the terrible things you've done with your life. Sure. Third base is getting. Yeah. And then fourth base is sitting at home by yourself crying. Third base is getting to second base without having to pay for dinner.

No, for real though. First base is kissing. Kisses. Second base is hand stuff. Third base is mouth stuff. And then a home run is, as you so delicately put it, intercourse. It's like a robot.

And a grand slam is her and her sister and a teacher. Right. A ground roll double is, probably has something to do with premature ejaculation. I'll set that out later. An error is true love waits. And never bunt. Never bunt.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Mall. I feel like there's more baseball analogies. If only I knew more sports. Hey, buying a cotton candy in the stands. What is that? Paying too much for a program.

Well, that's better for Mars. Whatever. Venus. I guess. Going to the bullpen. Oh, what's it? What would be an in the Parker and in the park? What?

Like when you hit a ball, that's why that's why it happens while she's still asleep. Yeah. That took a weird turn. Yeah. Or when you have sex with a girl named Parker. Good luck with that. Hey, let's, let's make this appropriate segue,

which we never do. This Yahoo! Answer was sent in by Jay Phonic, known creator of dope, the dopest beats. And it is from Yahoo! Yahoo! Answers user River Cole, who asks, what does BJ, sorry, sorry, let me start over.

What does BJ or HJ mean in sex terms? Well, my friend used it in abbreviations and IDK what it means. I think that the answer of this one's pretty clear cut, but I just wanted to share it because the first answer, the top answer is the best thing I've ever read. It's from the answerer one who says, well, fun source and the source for their information and the HJs and BJs mean fun.

Their source is 14 and loving it. Okay. So that means one of a few things. One, this person has had 14 blow jobs or hand jobs. And is a fan. A mix and match, I would say. They're still in fact loving it. Nine HJs, five BJs.

Yeah. Two in the parkers. They have bought cotton candy in the stands. Let's just see if you know what I mean. If you know what I mean. Man, the rest of the answers on this are weird. Not bad. Yeah.

I don't know what I should do. I mean, what I'm going to do to you, email me. I'm Teen Boy 13. HJ stands for Howard Johnson's. Yeah. Howard Johnson's. It's when you guys fuck and then go to a Hojo's. What's up?

What's up? Get the scramble. What? Pinch hitters. I'm terrified of what that would be. Yeah. Sit down, girl. I'm going to give you a dusty baker.

This is Jimmy. He's my designated runner. I don't think you have this anywhere, do they? You just got to make sure you wear protection or else you'll get Lou Gehrig's disease. I'm so sorry. Oh, if Mrs. Gehrig is listening. I'm so sorry. Oh, God.

Wouldn't that be a trip if your doctor was like, you have Lou Gehrig's disease? What? No, it's a metaphor. You have chlamydia. Well, I guess it's better. Oh, shit. Now I'm going to have to tell my parents about my prostitution. My long time friend of 20 years has turned into a bitter jerk in the past year.

How can I get him back to his old self again? A frying pan to the head. Yeah. Drop something heavy on him. Jeff, it sounds like you may not have your. We got another question right after this. It says, I've been really depressed for a year and my friend Jeff only thinks about how it affects him. How can I find friends?

Come on, snap out of it. My grandma just died, Jeff. Come on. Come on. I'm trying to party. Let's go get a look tonight. Jeff, I told you. I told you I have Lou Gehrig's disease.

Yeah, but you go to Dr. Gehrig's. No, like for us. Literal. God, someone is going to think, God, these guys used to be funny. But then when they started laughing about Lou Gehrig's disease over a few minutes. We're not laughing about Lou Gehrig's disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. It's not funny at all.

But when you use it as a reference, referencing it like an SCD for baseball metaphors. That sentence was so fucked up. Yeah. That was a real fucked up sentence. I just pieced together there. Jeff, have you considered purchasing your friend on my brother and my brother and me T-shirt available now in bnbam.com? Nothing makes me feel confident and lovely.

Like my brother and my brother and me T-shirt. Jeff, talk to him, buddy. Just say, like, hey, friend. Let's call friend Gregor. Hey, Gregor, what has been bothering you for the past year? Because I feel like you're kind of down. Because you know what? The problem is you're not an advice professional.

We are. So find out what his problem is and have him write in. Or you write in. And then we can help him from there. But until you talk to him and figure out, like, like bitter jerk, OK, that's how it manifests on the outside. But what, like, what's inside that bitter jerk? What's inside that bitter jerk?

Because somewhere deep down is that heart of that guy you've been a friend of for 20 years. You just got to help him brush away all that bitterness and get back to that guy who used to drive you home after you've been drinking too much. Short cut, take him to Vegas. Vegas fixes everything. Also, he's secretly in love with you. Boom, boom, pow. Like, you have a situation on your hands that, you know, you got to talk to him about it

before it develops from a schoolboy crush into a full blown, like, swim fan love affair. Yeah. Now, maybe it's reciprocated in which case, God bless you. Good work. Don't ask, do tell. What? In BNBAM, there's this girl that I like. Original, right?

She's my best friend's, girlfriend's best, wait, no, OK, hold on, wait. Let's try this again. She's my best friend's. OK. Girlfriend's. OK. OK. Best friend.

OK. OK, got it. What should I do? Kind of messy. The best things always are form spring, the best things always are. How else? Like, OK, God bless you. How else are you supposed to meet people?

You can't, you can't eliminate people because they are a tertiary. No, like my cousin used to go to science class with her brother-in-law. So I don't think it's going to work out. It's going to be messy. Her mom is my aunt and no, wait, do rule that out. That's a good one. Yeah. This is, that's too many degrees of separation for you to be worried about it because if

you guys date and then break up, it's not like your best friend's girlfriend is going to, you know, unless you're in high school. Unless you're in high school and you guys all go to class together. Yeah. I, this could, if it works out well, it could be really good because it's like double dating and stuff. And the problem with double dating couples that people don't tell you about is you can't ever break up.

No one can ever, ever break up because then it is a problem. Why is it getting it messy? Why are you thinking about the end of this relationship before you're thinking about the beginning? That ain't no way to love. It could be beautiful. It could be beautiful. She could be the one.

What if she's the one and you let her go because it could get messy? You know what's messy, form spring? Love is messy. Mm-hmm. Love, love. There ain't no rules to love. Untreated Lou Gehrig's disease is messy, for example. Yeah.

Lot, lot of drainage. Just really. Oh God. Hey. She's back trying to get rid of it. Let's do another yahoo because I got like nine more. Hit me. Okay.

Let me pick the best one. Let's do two back-to-back because they're somewhat related. This one was sent in by Dilbob. Good name. No, Dilbob submitted an answer last week, so don't make fun of him because he's a big, big fan of the show and he's a big supporter of the show. He's bad at picking names. He's bad at picking names.

God love him. It's from a yahoo answers user, I am a trolley who says, I'm going to call bullshit right now. His profile image is the shopping cart, which I guess, do people call those trolleys and where is this? Oh, this is from yahoo Canada. Whoa. Geez.

Whoa. They ask, how far could Jesus give me a piggyback before tiring? Now keep in mind, he weighs 75 to 80 kilos and he hasn't weighed himself in a while. Okay. Do we have any idea what that conversion is because that could be like 700 pounds. What we don't have is information about Jesus' upper body strength. Yeah. We know his calves are banging.

I know he's got to be totally ripped. I imagine that working as a carpenter really blasts your core and it gets your delts and your body's just banging, just banging your bustling out of your arm skin. He used to turn water into protein powder all the time. I get why this guy's concerned though because there where there's one pair of footsteps, that is where he's going to carry you. So you want to know exactly how long of a trip you've got. Right.

That's where you were getting an old piggyback ride and some cotton candy. The problem is Jesus will never tell you if he's tired of carrying you. That's the thing because you could ask him all day because he's not going to admit to it. He'll just kind of pass out. He'll just turn the other cheek. This question was sent in by Jay. Thank you, Jay.

It's by Yahoo Answers users are Ask a Mexican who asks, a Mexican who asks, why does Jesus only visits when my camera is out of batteries? This sounds like a guy who has a lot of stories that a lot of people aren't buying. One answerer, a toke lover, he replied, he must be allergic to batteries. That's a pretty good theory, I guess. That's why he hasn't been around for a while. I just love that it's not just that Jesus visited once and Jesus just keeps coming back Why don't you have batteries on hand?

Oh, Jay Sue, it's so great to get the Nikon. Get the Nikon. It's out of, ah, it's out of a, ah. I actually like to think that Jesus knows when it's out of batteries and he shows up that moment and he goes, hey everybody, and then poops out. You think Jesus only stops by at a random interval? No, he waits until you're out of batteries and then he comes to visit you. I actually have used that for a system to know when I need to go buy batteries.

Jesus, oh, hey, Jesus, that time again. All right, I got to get those rechargeables. Your dad, damn it, I should have been ready. You got me again, Jay Sue, got me again, Jay Sue. Let's see where we at. We think one more. Yeah, yeah, one more. We'll do a short one here.

Do you guys have any suggestions for a diet that will keep me working at the most efficient rate? Evan, Gmail. It sounds like you need robot, robot components to keep you working at maximum efficiency. Yeah, you need batteries. That's why I've never seen Jesus. All subway sandwiches all the time.

Yeah, they seem to work really well. I actually get what he's saying. Like, I think that there is a way of eating and taking care of yourself that makes you active. I haven't followed that regimen for a while. Right. Eat exactly the opposite of what your body is telling you to eat. That seems to be the path to proper nutrition.

Be careful of, like, if you get on an end this... God, we're like the worst people to be asking this question, but if you have to make carbs and sugars, then your body's just going to keep wanting those crashing. Yeah, don't eat candy all day. God knows, I've had a two-pound bag of Swedish fish and just like, this is what my day's about now, but you're going to hate it.

You're going to hate how you feel. What you've got to do, and what I've been trying to do, trying to train my body up to do lately, is to combine all of my meals into one super big meal that I eat at around 2 p.m. Super meal. Right, super meal. I call it brunner, which is a portmanteau,

and I get all of my food groups in there, and it takes about an hour to fully eat. Yeah. And then you sleep for six hours. And then I sleep for six hours, wake up at around 9 p.m., and just live the day out. The weird thing about brunner is, or super meal, colloquially, is that if you...

Griffin needs complete concentration to avoid retching in the middle of it. That's why if you call Griffin between 2 and 3 o'clock, you will just hear protracted vomiting noises. And he will not have fever. But that's another handy skill to have. That's just one of the many benefits that brunner gives to its users.

Protracted vomiting or concentration? The ability to not vomit when your body, just everything inside your body wants you to, whenever you're working in harmony to try and get you to X plunge. Yeah. I think the best suggestion is, think about, is this something the Macaroy brothers would eat? And if the answer is yes, do not eat it.

Do not eat it. The opposite thing. Well, let's be more specific. If it's something that Travis would, does, and regularly eats. Or has in the past. Or has or is currently eating while you're asking the question than the answer. Every so often, my lunch consists of eating

an entire Papa John's large thin crust pizza in one sitting. Yes, every so often. See, I was joking about Supermeal. But you really, you really go the whole nine yards on that. Your problem is that you do Supermeal, and then you also do mini meals at around 10 AM and 10 PM. Second brunner, free brunner. I want to hear from the spot of tea.

I want to hear from his last question. But first, a couple of housekeeping things, as always. nbmbam.com is the address for our website. You can ask those questions there. Please ask us questions. I know you've got them. Nobody gets through life without them. We are going to have new t-shirts.

Just got to finalize design for a new design, brand new design coming. It is fresh. It's fresh. Probably pre-orders in a week or so. But of course, we'll give you the heads up on that. You can still get our app. My brother and my brother and me, the App Experience.

It's on iTunes, and there's a link at nbmbam.com. Oh, I didn't mention it on the show, but there was a little bonus on last week's episode. It was the full version of the acoustic number that we had at the end of the show, which was, I can't remember. The guy's name who wrote it, John Paloma? I'm so sorry. I'm sure he's listening, and I just butchered his name.

But thank you. I'll get his full name and put it in the show notes. John, a lot of people like that. Paloma. Paloma? P-A-L-O-M-B-A. Thank you, you guy. You guy, fella.

Thank you to people out there spreading the word. I love to see people who just start listening to the show, and then they go into like a show coma and listen to all of them, like back to back to back. Corey was here, 1212, that's with a K. It said, I just, I caught up on, no, no, no, no. Which one was Corey? Oh, here it is.

Just listen to all 25 episodes, and this show is amazing. That's Corey was here, 1212. Just a new listener on board, and it's preaching the converted. Also, we would be remiss to not mention Eric Smith, who is, if all goes according to plan, currently getting a My Brother, My Brother, Me tattoo. God damn it, don't do it.

Yeah, do it. Do it to yourself. Don't listen to Griffin. If he does it, we're never recording the show again, everybody, just to let you know, this has all been a hilarious month's long prank. We'll actually remove all the episodes from the internet, and we'll make it as though it had never existed.

Yeah. We didn't get too many voice mails this week. colony of us a voicemail at 203 Mubim Bam 1. And just talk to us, I guess. You're so lonely. I guess just talk to us and tell us about your day, and just tell us, I don't know, something about yourself. Anything.

Just open up. Are you calling? Are you calling right now? Are you calling us right now? We were waiting for you, we'll wait. It's not a big deal. Thank you guys so much for listening, as always, and we have a final question, sort of one to grow on,

one to think about over this week, why we are a part, you and us. And of course, we will catch you back next Monday. Oh, if you wanna have a listening party, we got a few people talking about it. Make sure you email us with listening party in the subject line, it's in BNBAM at gmail.com. And let us know who's gonna be there,

and we will prerecord something personal for your party. So let us know and get in contact that way, and we are happy to do it. Thanks for spreading the word to everybody and turning your friends on, everything. Just spread it around, shure it. Spread it like Lou Gehrig's disease, Griffin. This one is sent in by Cal,

who's sent in a few real just bang up questions before. Thank you so much, Cal. It's by Yahoo Answers User, Kane Forever. That's Alcaps, which is why I said it like that. Okay. Kane Forever asks, what is the earliest age that you should use anabolic steroids?

Ha ha ha ha ha. How much money do you need? Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This will fit my brother and my brother me. Kiss your dad, square on the lips. You will never know me.

Scorch Cork! Scorch Cork! Scorch Cork! I... whats steaming so muchïn? Scorch Cork! Steaming so muchïn? Yeah!