My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 28: The Bagel Bite Tree

Episode Date: November 1, 2010

You trying to get your month started off right? We can't think of a better way to do so than to take the next 48 minutes and 13 seconds, and just like, chillax. It's time to coast through the last two months of 2010 on a soothing cloud of brotherly advice.Suggested talking points: The Calm, speed rail lovemaking, cat genitalia-watching, PDA, Lil' Sleepy Jon, pinochle, the Keith Urban series, Bret Michaels' face, the politics of the centipede

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Let it be now, gonna be your crown. If you've got your place to go when you're feeling down. If you're all alone, when the breathing breaths up on you. Open your minds, open your hearts, open your spirits, open your doors, open your hands, open your wallets, open your wallets, open your iTunes, and your zooms, and your eyes,

and your ears, and your wind amps. Listening is not a two-way street. It's time now for you to relax, breathe, and learn with my brother and my brother and me. It's an advice show for the modern era. I am Justin McElroy. I am Travis McElroy. I am Griffin McElroy. I don't like that idea that that listening isn't a two-way street. You're saying that we shouldn't be having a dialogue with our fans right now? A dialogue is a two-way street, but listening is not. If listening were a two-way street, there'd just be a lot of quiet. Sure, but I just want people to feel like they can come to us and talk to us. They do, but they've already had,

their part of the conversation goes on for literally the entire week except for an hour. This is the part, like this whole, I like to imagine this for this whole week. We've been sort of sagely, like, nodding and stroking our chests. As the world just moans and wails. We just listen the entire time. And then, like, for one week out, for one hour. The clouds park. Just give that wisdom down. So, if you're driving, stop. Go park. If you're sweeping, finish sweeping, and then stop. Give yourselves to us. Yeah, give your entire body 40 minutes. As we convert your questions into wisdom. You can call this period you listen to the show, The Calm. Welcome to The Calm. That's our new name, The Calm. This one comes from Super

Sarah77, which I like for the alliteration. How do I deal with my sweet mate's ruckus, arrhythmic love-making? Her squeaking the bed is getting to me. Her squeaking bed is getting to me. Hi, reading. I've suggested the beanbag, but to no avail. I'd pop in my headphones and listen to my brother, my brother and me, but you don't put on enough episodes. Wow. I personally like that one of the complaints is that it's a rhythmic. She can just find that sweet beat. A steady. It was just like a constant regular beat. She could just find some Tiesto song. Just throw down speed rail and just lose it. I think that's the answer. Whenever your sweet mate starts her arrhythmic love-making, start pounding on the wall in rhythm and see if she falls in line with

it. That would be a fun experiment. If I may suggest, don't listen to us. Don't listen to us when you're listening to your roommate's love-making because that's not a Freudian mental connection that you want your subconscious to make. You don't want, well, maybe it would be nice every time you listen to us to think of sweet, arrhythmic love-making, but every time you hear love-making or participate in love-making, the last thing you want to be thinking about is our voices. Excuse me, Philip. I'm enjoying our love-making, arrhythmic, though it may be, but I believe in order to climax, I'm going to need to turn on my brother, my brother, me. It's a podcast. You'll enjoy it. Maybe you won't. See, now we're getting met.

If the God had it, I'm ready for Griffin's last question. You should talk to your roommate and talk about how gross this whole scenario is, because you have to see her the next morning. There is a reason why we make this show the perfect link for a love-making session. 40 minutes? I am, of course, including a 35-minute get-pump nap for afterwards where you get pumped again. Oh, thank God. I was about to ask a really embarrassing question. My brother, my brother, me. My brother said on a show that we do together, the ideal link for a love-making. I love it when people do stuff like that just to

mess with you. Oh, you mean it takes you less than an hour to climax? That's so bizarre. You don't have a 13-inch penis soft? Well, that must be terrible for you. Penis soft was my favorite software developer in the 80s, by the way. They made a lot of really great racing games. They totally did. How about we kick off a Yahoo? Oh, wow. It's early, but I feel like it might be a good way to get the show started. This Yahoo answer was sent in by Austin. Yeah, baby. The man, baby. It's from Yahoo Answers user JustMe who asks, why does my cat have huge boobs? Only to back to, and I'm positive she is not, nor has she ever been pregnant. I got her when

she was tiny and got her spayed ASAP. That is when I noticed her boobs getting bigger and bigger. Is that at all normal? She's a calico if that matters. Oh, it matters. Fuck yeah, it matters. You know what they say about those callies? Callies. Big front meat on this. Well, I guess on a cat, it would be like under meat. Under meat. God, have you seen that callies under meat? It is off the top. I don't want to sound weird. That cat has some sweet tits. Really just bonds or stuff on there. Yeah, indeed. It's weird because it's just the back too. Yeah. I don't really like her. Is it possible that your cat is a boy and that's its balls? Cats have giant balls. Maybe your cats. Okay, think about this for a second. You've assumed

treated your cat like you've named it Mrs. Snuggle Baby and it's been your cat, your girl cat for years, right? But it's been a boy this whole time and now it's like biologically reasserting that by increasing its ball size fourfold. And so you'll like see them finally be like, yes. And now it's super frustrating because it thinks you now believe that it has giant booms. I hate to do another Yahoo answer. I wasn't going to read this one initially, but the segway now, it just set itself up so perfectly. And I can't remember who sent it in. So I apologize to whoever it was. But it's by Yahoo Answers user, the Coltrane, who asks, why are cats testicles furry and humans not? I would like furry testicles. Thank you. Furry cat testicles look so cool.

Don't you think so? I've had I've actually had that thought as well. I was just just looking not on an actual cat, but on a like a furry, like a furry like a human being dressed up like a cat. Yeah, I'm just saying that that's kind of a cool look. I was actually thinking of naming my new garage band that furry cat testies for a cat. What is the what's the story with with cat balls? Are people looking at these things more than I knew that they were? Is that it's trouble when in the same week I get sent two questions that have to do with cat genitalia. I didn't know maybe that it's some sort of some sort of let's like bird watching. Maybe looking at cat balls is the new watching paint dry.

I don't think that you should I think it's one of the mortal sense to cover the balls of another animal. Isn't that in the Bible or something? Well, no, because cats are an exception because you're supposed to worship them and their sweet tits and their huge awesome balls. God, God, you're what if, oh my God, what if there was a cat that had huge, huge tits and big furry balls? Do you know how hard I would jerk off? Oh, you know, forget you. This will be me. This will be me. Hey, sweetheart, I can't hear our arithmetic lovemaking over the sound of Justin furiously masturbating. Why did why did you send him that YouTube clip? I thought it was funny. It's not funny. He has

to stop jerking off. I'm growing concerned about him. He has he has lesions now. Listen, just toss in a bottle of Gatorade and hope for the best. What Jay from Gmail asks us, what's a sign that I'm being a bit too touchy feely with my girlfriend in public? She's an incredibly attractive lady. And sometimes I just like to wrap my arms around her, Griffin, and pull her close to me. You know, you said my name in there. Yeah, because I feel like he was showing off. That's what I feel like. Well, Jay, I mean, I'm not a dictionary author, but it sounds like you're describing a hug, which I think I think hugs are still kind of cool. Yeah, hugs are all right. The thing is, here's what I think. If they could use your picture

in a catalog to sell sweaters, you're not overstepping the bounds. This is actually a pretty good rule for PDA. If someone could take your picture and someone else could think, oh, I'd like to buy that shirt, then it is OK. If someone would look at the picture and be like, what are these two creepers doing? Then it's gone too far. My rule of thumb is always, would I do this in front of my grandmother? That's a bad rule. Well, it depends. There's a lot of awesome shit in life that you can't do in front of your grandma. Well, yeah, or Jesus, or Jesus, or Jesus, or my grandmother, Jesus, maybe the family name. Sometimes you just can't help it, though. Sometimes you've got some soups of attractive girlfriend. There's literally nothing you can do

about it. It's a foregone conclusion. You're going to just grope a little bit. Griff, can you tack If Memory Serves into that last paragraph when you're editing? If Memory Serves, from what I remember about the female form. I read in a book once. If I learned anything from watching Titanic, it's... I mean, as long as you're stealth about it, you just, I mean, you got to understand, we got this question last week about the guy who has a friend who's too touchy-feely with his girlfriend. Maybe there's a connection here. Just be polite and be conscientious. Don't do it at like, you know, funeral. Yeah. Or look around you and see if anybody else is being a weirdo,

like with the hugs and stuff. If you're in a hug-friendly environment, you'll usually get a pretty good sense of it. And again, this is one of those, if you have to wonder about it, then it's probably already too late. If that thought crosses your mind, you're a conscientious enough person that, you know, you're just going to have to put the kibosh on. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I cannot stand. I can't stand for it. And this was big when I went to high school, is boyfriends and girlfriends who would walk side by side with their hands in each other's back pockets. First of all, when you do that, you become a fucking tie fighter. Like, nobody can get past you. Like, you are twice, taking up twice as much

space as normal. And it's hard to navigate those tight high school hallways. But also, your hands are just straight up on each other's butts. Like, there's no apologizing to that. You know what I can't stand? Creepy tiny kisses. Like, when a friend stands behind another one. When the girl stands on the guy's feet and then grabs his wrist and then walks with him like he's a big exoskeleton. Like, we get it. You're in love, right? You don't need to form Voltron. I hate that. How is one gain swagger when entering a club? I want to become a ladies man when I go to clubs, slash parties, and he tips from swagless form spring. I'm just going to put some 50 cent over this question while you guys answer it.

That would be awesome. I have a seven tiered plan for you to help you get your swagger in a club or party. Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots. Well, I mean, physical inebriation will certainly grant you swagger. Yeah, why do you think people have been doing it? This is why people pre-drink. This is why people go to, like, have a drink before they go to the clubs. They can get that swagger going. Pre-gaming is important. I would say maybe don't do shots. You've got a slow build up to it with, you know, maybe a case of keystone with your boys. Shots should be reserved for when you're drunk enough to not remember how shots will make you feel the next day. Right. You can't go from zero to shots regardless of what LMFAO and Lil Jon tell you.

You really get the impression from that song that they walk into the club and just start pounding shots, which isn't a healthy art. No, because you'll be at that fucking club for 25 minutes and then you'll be untenable. You'll be asleep or you'll be kicked out of that club. Why is Lil Jon asleep? Lil Jon, you just got here. He's had a long day. Shot, shot, shot. It's 7.30. What are you doing? Drinking is good. There are other things you can do, though, to gain swagger. Aside from, like, like a mental swagger, you know, where, like, you know that you, maybe you get a nice haircut and you buy some new shoes. GTL. That will, you GTL it and then you'll be able to swagger.

You could also, I don't know if it's possible. Can you give yourself a club foot? See, I was going to say Pimp, Kane and Tiny Shoes. Well, that would do it. I think that would give you a club foot, right? You want, like, what, no, what is a club foot? A club foot is like, if memory serves, a club foot is like a foot that just kind of, like, stops, like halfway. It's like a foot. Like a nubbin? It's like a nubbin foot. It's not a peg leg because there is something there, but you don't have a whole lot of control over it. But I think that would be, like, the ultimate swagger. So, like, a foot you would wear to a club?

I guess. That's precisely the point. I just Google image search club foot and just got a bunch of pictures of Dylan McDermott. So I don't know. I don't know what the deal is with that. I, yeah, I think club foot would be great. A peg leg, as Tri was suggesting, would also be great. The drinking is good. It's a mental game, basically, is what you're playing. And you need to do whatever you need to do to get your sexy right. Get your sexy right. Get your money right. Everything else will just fall right into place. If you get your money right and then you get your sexy right, get it, like, that's it. Hair cut. Get yourself. Get your hair right. Get your shirt right. Get your watch right and your shoes right. Maybe a little makeup. Get your little man makeup.

And by makeup, he means makeup, like, seriously. Get your makeup right. Get some blush right. Some eyeliner. Right. Yeah. Get all those things. And by get your watch right, he means don't wear a watch because it's 2010 and you've got a cell phone. You are just kidding yourself. I like Travis' idea of getting your soul right, too. Yeah. Whoa. You gotta get clean. Maybe just find out what's going on in there. You think he's got, like, a swagger road bump that's keeping him from swagger? I'm saying he's got a metaphysical, meteorological road bump that he needs to get right before he can get that swagger. Is road bump a real thing or is that a word we just invented? I'm almost saying it's a real thing. I'm pretty sure three of the words I used in

my last sentence were made up words. What is keeping you from swagger? What is keeping you from getting your sexy right? I think this is a job for a licensed therapist. Travis makes a great point. We don't want to be in up in a protracted legal battle. Go to a therapist and say, hey, I need your help. Get your therapy right. Yeah. Get your therapist to help you. We can't. This is too much for us. We can't tell you about your swagger without, do we need videos? We would need a lengthy interview to figure out. A sleep study. Definitely a sleep study. I have swagger in my sleep now, like in voluntary swagger. It makes you very hard to sleep in a bed with. Yeah. I'll wake up. I'll wake up sometimes

and my wife will be kissing me and I'll be like, what are you doing? She said, your hair just looks so baller while you're sleeping. I think you got your sexy right. You're swagger now. I'm like, yeah. Sometimes I wake up with an empty bottle of Yeagermeister next to me, but that has nothing to do with anything. It's neither here nor there. Those two are more connected than you think. Hey, can we introduce a phrase into the consciousness of America right now? Whenever you see an unattractive person, instead of commenting at all on their unattractiveness, can we just say that they have their sexy wrong? Yeah, I think so. Their sexy is wrong. Your sexy is. It's incorrect. It's incorrect. You've done it wrong. It's fallacious.

Take another shot at your sexy. All my friends and everyone in my class are so immature. Anytime my teacher says the word ball or anything sounds like penis, they laugh. Should I suck it up and pretend to laugh? Suck it. Sorry. Tell them to shut up. Benjamin from Gmail. Benji, you're young. If you can't laugh about balls and words that sound like penis, what words are those, by the way? Maybe if you say the word jeans weird. Pencil. Maybe. Yeah, maybe. Peanuckle. Peanuckle, definitely. But if you're 12 years old and you're talking about Peanuckle, you have much, much bigger problems to worry about. Panics. Mincees. I think that this is the time in your life when you've got to give yourself

permission to laugh at balls and words that sound like penis. I know that I actually found that kind of stuff funnier as I got older and just let myself go. If memory serves, we spent about five minutes on this show earlier laughing about cat balls and penises. I do not recall that. I'm going to have to go back and let's go look at the transcript. Let's consult the stenographer and we'll... Doris. Doris, are we talking about cat balls? We did for a long time. I mean, we don't know how old Benjamin is. Benjamin might be 35. This may be like an adult learning program. And if that's the case, this is entirely unacceptable. If this is an adult learning program and people are laughing about balls and penises,

I have bad news for you. You are in a Bill Murray movie and you need to get out. You need to extricate yourself from that unless it's Grand Hog Day. Here's some real advice. Here's what you need to do. You need to parlay this with the ladies. So, within all the dudes laugh at balls and penises, you look the ladies and go, how immature. Am I right, ladies? I laugh at Proust. Who can laugh at anything with this cholera situation in Haiti? No, don't be that guy. Don't be that guy. Don't be specifically that guy, but you can be the guy who doesn't get on their reindeer games and you will seem like the smartest

kid in the room. And that ain't nothing. Yep. Yep. Yep. Talk about a joke you heard on NPR. Will Schwartz had the funniest puzzle last week. Did you hear the latest prairie home companion? Guy Noir is up to his old tricks. This y'all who answer question that I'm reading apropos of nothing, it was sent in by Jonathan Bartram, close friend of the show, which by the way, to earn that designation, you actually have to be a close friend of the show. We don't just throw that around. But it's from y'all who answer user Keith Urban F, who is also a close fan of this show, who asks, wait, Keith Urban. It's Keith Urban F. You're thinking of Keith Urban A.

Well, we've perfected the Keith Urban series. It took us seven iterations, but may I introduce Keith Urban F. She thinks my track is sexy. You silly bitch. No, Keith. That's not Keith Urban. It's Denny McCluskey. Get your country music facts straight. Keith Urban F needs to know where can I find oil? Country oil. I need Budweiser oil. See, now this riffing is going to be funnier than the question is. Keith Urban F wants to know, does sausage have seeds? Of course it does. You think more sausage comes from?

I told my friends at school today that I thought sausage had seeds in it, and they all thought I was crazy, but I've always thought that sausage has seeds in it, does it? Well, if sausage doesn't have seeds, what kind of treat did I fall out of when I was eight and break my arm? Exactly. I like sausage treats sounds like something it's not. Sausage treats is actually a new club for discerning gentlemen that I'm opening up in 2011. A very private club. A select gentleman hole. Gentlemen can come and be gentlemen. And be gentlemen together as gentlemen on each other. Yes, your membership cards from shamanigans will be accepted, so just come all right in.

It's Anas, right? There are pellets in sausage. They're pellets, right. It's gristle. No, it's not gristle. It's like flavor. It's Lawrence Fishburne. It's like seasonings, right? Like pepper and stuff. Coriander. Like peppercorn. But I totally support the idea of planting things just to see if a tree will grow out of them. So just go sausage crazy. Maybe tuck a few microwavable pizzas down in the loam and see if a pizza tree springs up. You don't know until you try. Guys, if I plant a bagel bite and it grows a bagel bite tree, I'm quitting my job. I'm divorcing my wife because I will have everything that I will ever need right there. If you get that bagel bite tree and a she-mail kitten,

you are fucking set for at least 15 years or however long the cast stays alive. As long as people keep bringing me Mountain Dew Code Red, I will live and thrive. What you have to do is you have to cut a Mountain Dew in half and then suspend it in a jar of water and it sprouts off new Mountain Dews and then you can cash in on that. Oh, like a little baby Mountain Dew Arborium. Exactly. I thought we weren't going to turn this into a gardening podcast and give away all our secrets because the problem was when we started. If you want gardening tips, turn it into our other podcast, My Garden. How do you? It's actually a show about gardens that I do with Ina Garden, the barefoot contestant. It's not, it's not very popular. How many episodes? It's

actually, how many episodes? It's actively just like a half. We finished one and she had to go and make some scones for Jeff. My friend recently sent me a picture of his new tattoos and I do not like them at all. We are very good friends and he respects my opinion. I don't want to lie, but I also would rather not tell him the truth. Okay. How should I respond? What a conundrum. Yeah, you've really drawn yourself into a logical corner here. Well, first of all, we need to address the fact this question was sent in by our website, our fresh new website, which if you haven't been to it, it's MabinBam.com. Go to it. More on that later. But there's an input there where you can put in your own questions and make sure you put your name on it

because this guy didn't put a name on it. So how is he going to know that this wisdom is for him? Just a cautionary deal. We know that he's not a friend of one very special gentleman who I think you guys all know who I'm referring to. I believe his Twitter username is L&M. L&M. Forgive him. L&M. That's a L&M. L&M. Penical. L&M. L&M. Aluminum. Aluminum. This gentleman who we will refer to because this is a Christian podcast, we'll refer to him by his Christian name. That's Eric Smith from Rochester, New York. He's a reviews editor at Ebomb Nation and he made the ultimate sacrifice. I don't want to call it a sacrifice. I could call it very much a skin sacrifice. It's like he's in a saw movie and in

order to get out of some trap, he had to get this thing on his skin which he can't use for anything else. I think it's more of a skin contract. Yeah, it's a skin contract class that you have to do this show forever. Thanks, Eric. Thanks, Eric. We're getting ready to wrap up season one and take a three month hiatus. He got an awesome MB, MBAM tattoo with our new little pack your bags guy and you can get his tattoo on a t-shirt coming up soon. You can rip the skin off of his forearm, put it on a t-shirt, and you can just wear it. That's the kind of service that we provide here at my MBAM. Yeah, you've earned that right to rip his arm off. Now, to our question, you have to lie. You have to. This isn't up for debate. You have to lie.

Maybe we should have connected these two points of this guy hating his friend's tattoo and Eric getting a totally sweet tattoo. We're not lying, Eric. We totally love your sweet tattoo, but this guy, it sounds like he's talking about something completely different. Your sweet tattoo and your sweet cat tits, we love them both. Here's the thing. It's one of two problems. Either it is the quality of the tattoo is not good or the tattoo itself is bad. Now, if it's the quality of the tattoo, he can get that redone. He can go and get something over it, anything like that. But if it's just that the tattoo is stupid, like he's got like Simpsons Forever. Maybe he got Brett Michael's face on his face. There's no second draft for

that. That's it. That's what you're wearing forever. Wait a minute. Why are we ignoring the third pretty obvious option? You have to stop being his friend. Oh, yeah. You don't want to be hanging out with the guy who has Brett Michael's face on his face. The only solution is to not be his friend anymore. Side note, unless it is actually Brett Michael's, then it's awesome. If it's Brett Michael's getting a tattoo his face on his face, you've got like the most meta friend ever. What if it's a guy named Brett Michael's, but not that Brett Michael's who got tired of all the jokes and had real Brett Michael's face tattooed on his face? Is that a cool friend? Is that somebody you want to spend time with? I don't know. I mean, I wouldn't say cool. I wouldn't say

cool in the traditional sense of the word. I would say fucking insane and you should still surround yourself with a person like that. And by surround yourself with a person like that, I mean get all of Brett Michael's, not Brett Michael's body tattooed on your body. You've got to up the ante. You've got to get a worse tattoo than your friend, so they're the ones that's uncomfortable, not you. Get a tattoo that says my friend's tattoo is stupid. You can't get mad at me. It's on my body forever. Maybe we need to come up with some sort of I'm a bim bam. I didn't take it. We're like a tattoo like a standard issue tattoo that fans can get and it wouldn't be it wouldn't be quite as large as Eric's because I don't know that any

fan is as diehard as Eric. So I don't think that any other fan would be willing to dedicate so much of their body space to that. So I'm saying like maybe like a tiny like Griffin face. No, no, not even that. Although if you want to get my face on you, go crazy. I'm saying like a tiny little maybe just like the size of like a pea, like a maybe like a little one that you get in like the webbing between your right thumb and forefinger. Just so that like like a secret handshake people know you're building a new society here. I'm trying to and you guys aren't this kind of this kind of creeping me out. Actually, you took a weird turn where suddenly you want to have a you want to like Illuminati style control. That's exactly what it but it wouldn't be it wouldn't be

Illuminati in the sense that we would like plot to assassinate the Pope like or even have regular meetings really. If by episode 300 we have to come up with some sort of conspiracy to assassinate some sort of leading political figure or religious figure. Yeah, I don't know. That would actually be I hope that our show. All right. It's time to let you guys in on something. Go back through our archive. Every third word, write them down, then rearrange them. You get it. Ask Tom Hanks. I hope Mr. Hanks, do you have the codex? I need the codex to decode the shows, the Illuminati plan. This is taking kind of a weird turn. Griffin, do you have a Yahoo question that will like dig us out of this odd, poop assassination path? It seems to be watering down. Yahoo answer question.

And not wondering so much as sprinting towards the assassination of a public figure. I'm saying we're not there yet. I'm staying in like 270 episodes. We haven't earned that street cred to order the path of someone. That's fucking that's like six years down the road. Like we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I'm just saying I want to be part of a community and by be part of I mean lead. In my community, you mean angry cult, Pope killing mob. Okay. Okay. Max Jackman sent this one in. Can we just take a moment to soak that in? Thanks, Max Jackman. Yahoo answers user sideways smiley face asks, is the human centipede real? That was the sound of Dustin taking off his headphones and walking away.

Is the human? We're done guys. Like our, you don't mean to show you mean fucking humanity, people, America. I don't, I'm not going to answer this question. I need to talk about the fact that as a society, we're done. Dog, there are people wandering around on this earth that that were like they were sitting in their den not reading and they suddenly realized like this question is gnawing at me too much. I've got to go ask the internet if the human centipede is real. Have you guys seen that new documentary, the human centipede? Have you seen that docudrama, the human centipede where a mad scientist sews a person's mouth to another person's butt? Twice. Twice. Have you seen that movie? Because it was that's a story, it's a true story.

It was a hard hitting introspective. It was on Nat Geo the other day. So it must be real. I was watching Planet Earth and they were doing a special about the human centipede. You'll know if the human centipede's ever real because you'll see me about six feet away jerking it so right. You have got to get your human centipede right. You want swagger? There's one way to have a swagger is to walk on all fours with two human beings suspended by your mouth and buckle. If you walk into a club with anything less than six legs, your sexy is not right. You've got to get your leg count right. It's so it's so important to have your foot and then ask the DJ to turn on jitterbug. People will never see that coming.

I have a regimen I call GTL NCS and it's a Jim Tan laundry new centipede segment where I cut off the back my back corners and I find a new person to sew to my buttocks. I refer to that as pruning. You just got to get a new person to sew to your butthole every night before you go to the club. And that's what Craigslist is for. We laugh and joke but I'm really sad. Yeah this culture is I'm really worried about people. We make light of these people and this isn't a crazy person. This person is just like way stupid. That's why we do this show because if we had to deal with this shit, if I had to deal with this shit by myself like knowing that these people existed and I just had to eat that knowledge and digest it myself,

I would be driven crazy. Here's a scary proposal. One is that someone saw that movie and thought oh this is probably real but scarier than that is that someone else said to this person you know that's real and they couldn't determine on their own whether that was true or not. What we need, what I've just realized that's very important is that we need listeners to after they've listened to a show track down these questions on Yahoo and then post a show link in there so people like because I need the truth to get to them. What answers did people have for that Griffin? What answers did people have about is the human centipede real? Uh I closed the window because it was bumming me out hold on.

I can I can see how that could be a little depressing to have back there at that kind of Quentin Jeremiah replies yes I seen it in the park and it's real the film's based on that. Wait wait wait he saw a centipede in the park and he got confused or he saw a human centipede He may have seen a human holding a centipede and it freaked him out. Maybe he was saw a human holding a baby and he got confused. Maybe it was one of those Chinese dragons I always get those confused you take off the top and it's just but whole mouth but whole mouth it's awful. Miss replies it would be cool if it did uh no it fucking wouldn't would it would it be cool hey that hey that's cool how you have your mouth sewn to another human's butthole

that's that's a pretty cool thing you got awesome I'm glad that's happening you know you've really got your centipede right you could tell you've really got all your legs your leg count is right where it needs to be so nice nothing like showing up to your high school reunion with your mouth sold to someone's butthole to really show them how you've got your shit together yeah I've only been in a human centipede for like three years but I'm hoping to be the front segment in like four or five but it's really gonna get my gonna get my sexy right gotta it's all about the politics man politics game if you want to be the front segment in a centipede you gotta you gotta eat some doofus from a man's butthole a lot of these new kids that come up out of college

with their master's degrees and buttholes and they think that they're just gonna be the front segment it's like hey get in line I mean literally get in line behind me and sew your mouth to my butthole and we'll see what we can work out for you in a few years but not right now okay because right now he's got a second segment and it's me I'm waiting for Daryl to die and then I'll be the front segment and I'll have a bunch of kids behind me eat my butthole as we all know if you're not the front segment the view never changes that is so true you're just looking at the top of a person's butt your whole second place is first loser and also you eat a whole bunch of poop yeah that's how that phrase goes I've never seen the human centipede does that front segment

person are they just like a sweet deal wow that's convenience they just mostly they just kick it mostly yeah they just like kick it well they don't kick because that could be dangerous but they they don't want to dislodge the person because they got a pretty good deal right right I'm totally yucked out this is like the second week in a row where we end the show it's like I have a serious I have a serious question for you if you're in the human centipede and you gotta get out of it would you rather cut off a person's mouth and have a mouth suck to your butthole forever or cut off a little sliver of your own butthole and then make them have butthole mouth forever I think I'd rather just kill myself you would rather kill yourself yeah that's that's the

coward's way out that's why you'll never be front segment pussy I still say that I would wrap myself in a chrysalis and become a human butterfly now I know that's caterpillars what mommy that's what's up with that it's beautiful and crying its thorax has three torsos why is that why is that giant butterflies middle segment wearing fooboo gear mommy I don't understand um I mean you would still be pooping into mouths but you'd have the the great big beautiful wingspan of a monarch and I think that that would more than make up for it what's what happened to Lindsay Lohan we have to end the show uh I thought we already have been recording this 10 minutes ago I thought the show would basically end up everybody turned it off which is which is

a few minutes ago um so housekeeping before we hear Griffin's last question um mbmbam.com is brand new it is so full of uh games activities for kids uh forums you like penguin you like penguin town we got penguin town it's like the penguin town of websites there is a instant advice eight ball don't stop clicking until you get the special musical uh uh answer you'll know when you get it um we'll have new uh pre-orders for new gear going up in the uh going up in the mbmbam clothing wear can we talk about some of that gear yeah yeah yeah yeah talk talk about the gear I feel pretty comfortable we're gonna have a new shirt it's gonna be a deep heather chocolate brown just a really smooth mellow brown uh of the the new Justin Russo joint the the pack your bags logo

which i'm pretty sure is going to be on the facebook group um also we're gonna have the logo shirt reprinted but it's going to be a cardinal red color this time around so maybe you already have one but you maybe you want a red shirt maybe to go along with all so you can any outfit you wear you can either wear a red or blue shirt with it I remember reading that in vogue uh and we're also gonna do a mug I believe a coffee mug yes which is a great uh a great way to spread the word about the show if you just like leave it laying around the office people also a great way to drink hot beverages also hot beverages but I'm not thinking about your pleasure I'm thinking about mine um there's a lady shirts lady shirts there's gonna be a dark purple lady cut of the t-shirt um

also we uh we've got forums now that facebook group is the old old mess I'm not going there anymore if you want to get down that fresh stuff everybody see not everybody's on facebook and everybody can participate I think I think that both worlds can survive it's just I think that I don't think it's too much to ask that people give their time to both to both outlets you know because that facebook group it's a good way for people to meet people and just like just sync up on facebook and just you know match up and just hook up and look for uh kraghams our our our boy kragh is over there in the forums he's we've titled him the the cruise director so he's uh he's there just to make sure you're having fun if you're not uh if you're not there enjoying yourself then

then let kragh know and he will he will take care of it um we got a fun thread right now full of uh people's costume pictures that they they uh it is fun you guys should get up in there I'm already I'm already down I gotta put my adama pictures in there but that's that's blowing up that threads doing well um and and it's just really fun site and if you want to talk about the show there's lots of people there who are talking talking about stuff and it's it's a fun community of people um and that the pre-orders for that new stuff will be up this week uh just look on the website we'll have threads in the forum and on facebook and everything um as always if you want to send in a question there's a form on the website all right on the front page just make sure you put

in your name that's probably the fastest newest hottest way to do it um but there's always email which you can reach us at mbmbam at gmail.com um you can call us leave a message on our voicemail at two zero three mb mbam one uh or you can tweet at us though we probably I don't know it's hard to get answers from twitter you know it's hard to get questions because it those those don't last forever email that's forever yep emails permanent uh oh and if there's something you'd like the website to do that it's not doing right now uh anything just let us know we can we got a guy now got our guy michael demorro and he will uh he will set it up he also runs thriftyner.com he made the site killer website at thriftyner.com yeah uh and and he made our new website and he

did a really a really great job with it so um thank you michael we love you very much thank you michael uh thank you michael we want to hear we want to hear the new uh the new question from what do you well first off hold on hold on one second experience owners you have a special treat waiting for you oh yeah special especially it's really rad it's a bonus you can get it through the episode bonuses if you're listening to this on the app experience yeah um i'll just say it's a wrap perhaps from a personality we invented last week uh yeah and it was it's a wrap created by liana winternets thank you that's all you guys get though you got it you got it that's all you gotta get you gotta get the experience to check it out um so that's it right yeah i think that's it

out of the job i've just i've been sitting here for 10 minutes there are two fucking great questions and it's like sophie's choice it's worse than sophie's choice because the stakes are real the stakes are real high this time all right um this this question was sent in by jacob locker it's uh yahoo answers user billy reynolds who asks why do chinese people eat food food i'm griffin macaroy this is my brother my brother i guess your dad's square on the lips you will never know me thank you