My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 30: Dub Step

Episode Date: November 15, 2010

We're celebrating 30 weeks of non-stop advising (except for those two weeks where we stopped) the only way we know how -- by using our hereditary gifts of gab to help guide the world's lost sheep back to the warm stables of wisdom. Also, we learn a little about ourselves along the way. Also, we inadvertently curse like, a lot. We don't know why, but we're sorry.Suggested talking points: Letters from Ho-o-ome, dead talking furniture, family ties, The Babby with the Dragon Tattoo, a new weekly segment, home movies, Jonas Pleasemoney, Patrick Stewart's boner, fursecution, Reggae Rave

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? If you change your mind, on the first in line, honey, I'm still free, take a chance on me. If you need me, let me know, gonna be around. If you've got your place to go when you're feeling down.

If you're all alone, when the pretty birds have come, honey, I'm still waiting. That's our 30th episode. Yeah. It's our 30th episode. That's not it. That's not the thing. That's the thing. CMA Awards?

Is it tonight? No, we missed it. We missed it. We missed the CMA. From a very disappointed McElroy family, we just realized that we missed the CMA Awards. This is my brother and my brother and me. Maybe it would be a little more down tempo than you're used to hearing. How many of those bad boys do you think John Michael Montgomery locked down this year?

All of them. Yeah, going once, going twice, they're all sold to John Michael Montgomery. I'm sorry about, again, to all my CMA organizers and producers. I'm sorry again about missing the show. We promise. We were supposed to perform. My bad. Oh, were we?

Yeah. Which of our tracks are we going to do? John Michael Montgomery's Letters from Home. And we're actually going to do Letters from Home's John Michael Montgomery, too, which is a less well-known song and band. I bought it up and put it in my shirt. Pick up my gun and get back to work. Please don't ever do that again.

You guys want a few more bars? Of course. When did Aaron Neville get into that? That's my question. So this is my brother and my brother and me. It's an advice show for the modern era. We take your questions, your queries, and we convert them through a secret family recipe into wisdom.

So here is our first question. It comes to us from Gmail. It's from our buddy Nick. He says, I've been trying to sell my house so that I may pack my bags and move away for the past three months. But I haven't had a single person so much as come by to look at it. How can I flip this, bitch? Well, right from the get-go, one of the most important parts of packing your bags and moving

away is the immediacy of all of it. You got to just leave everything that doesn't fit in your bag behind with just reckless abandon and just move on. So, I mean, if you really wanted to go that path, man, fuck that house. Don't flip that, bitch. Fuck that, bitch. Get out. Burn that, bitch.

I smell insurance. Yes. Insurance money, paper checks. You're doing it wrong. You're moving. You're not packing your bags. You just got to get out. Now, as far as the house goes, as far as getting somebody to look at it, have you tried to

assign it to a free house? And then when they come, they're like, this is amazing. And you say, well, not like free free, but thank you for coming to look at it. Is that even a good idea? I don't think. Tell everyone it's haunted. Yeah, it's all about making it stand out. So you can do that in a number of ways.

Like Travis said, you can say that it's haunted and then get that sweet sci-fi channel money when they pour in there and have their dudes wander around with flashlights or whatever it is that those ghost shows do. I don't watch those ghost shows because they're too spooky for me. Too spooky. It is spectacular. You could also, you could paint it bright red and white. And then maybe people think it's like a barn, which would be pretty cool, right?

So maybe like a bad deal on a house, but a pretty good deal on a barn. This is a pretty fucking good deal on this barn. I'll have to knock out some of these walls. Yeah, I'm not sure where the livestock's going to go. They don't need bedrooms. Just fill it with animals. And then when people come to look at it, inform them that the animals come with the house. They come standard.

And say, I'm moving away in two weeks, but the animals are staying here. So you'd best buy this bitch quick because these things, they die if they don't eat. They're like people. They're like people. If they don't eat, they die like us. If you don't buy this house, the blood of these farm animals will be on your hands. If you do buy the house, you can name them all whatever you want. Also talking furniture.

Did you get, did you even think to buy talking furniture? If not, then that was not a good investment. Yeah. I feel like we're having to hold your hand. Of course, Gary, I'm just going to assume that you already have talking furniture. The talking furniture needs to eat too. And again, like two weeks and I'm ghost. So like it will die as well.

So this is kind of a, I don't mean to put a gun to your head, but you know, but I do have a gun to your head. That's another idea. That's another idea. I do have a gun to your head. Buy this house! I would also suggest upgrading your cabin tree because that can be an inexpensive way of getting some more bang for your buck. Maybe, maybe rip up that carpeting and just, you know, just polish that wood. Get some beautiful hardwood underneath there.

A new coat of paint goes a long way to really spruce up the place. Just spruce. Speaking of spruce, have you considered spruce hardwood floors? Just polish it and give it that funky veneer. Have you considered a scale model of the spruce goose? Howard Hughes is ill-fated. I'm going to say once our show reaches its third spruce goose reference, it's over. Then we should be number one at iTunes.

Yes, I agree. If we're not number one on iTunes by the third goose, we're done. Nick to recap. Spruce it. Spruce it. Polish it. Goose it. Ghost it.

And talking furniture. All right. Let's kill fire battles. Yeah. Done. Form spring. We just saved the economy by the way. Yeah.

Hey, you're welcome Bob Vila. Do a new job for you there. I always seem to rule out girls that have the same name as me or someone in my family. This includes extended family like cousins, etc. Since I think it would be awkward if I brought her home and introduced her to my family. Hey Susan, this is Susan. Guess why I picked her. Did you guess yet Susan?

I'm only buying one of you. You pick which. It's not what you think. If what you think is that I did it for a normal reason. It's not that. It's not what you think. See this seems like one of those things where the act of thinking it makes it so. Yeah, right, right.

It's that reality field where like it's sort of like when you when we talked about kissing your dad, like the moment you wonder whether or not it's weird. It's just as bad as doing it because you wondered it. So like it wouldn't be weird if Griffin were to date someone with the same name as someone in our family because he's never thought it. But now that you've thought it would be weird because you'd be like making a choice. I do like that you specified that the same name as you or someone in your family. Who are you encountering?

I like I could see that with like Ryan and Ryan. But like my name is, you know, Steven and this is my girlfriend Steven. Like is that a problem you have a lot? I am also named Derek. Hello. I am Derek one. She is Derek two. Sometimes in this world, Travis people who are a certain gender will be able to develop

feelings towards people of that same gender, which I know is a strange concept to wrap your mind around it first. But but it is a real thing. So it is possible that maybe he doesn't want to date like he doesn't specify gender. Maybe he is a gay general man and maybe he has weird feelings about dating a dude with the same name as his dad. Yeah, like boats get that. Yeah, that absolutely is not weird.

That sounds like a good now. Okay. But see here's the problem and this is where all this always falls apart. Do you I mean you is this a general rule? Like is it okay as a general standard? Sure. Should it keep you from somebody who like you're crazy about? Probably not.

I mean, that doesn't even make sense. I mean, but as a rule, like you're just standing the herd. What's the name is grandma though. This is like maybe that's me ma. Hey, listen, Jerry, would it? I know things didn't go so well between you two. Would it be weird if I was to date me ma? Would it be?

And now I do not mean your ex-girlfriend. I mean your actual me ma. Your literal me ma. Would that be okay? See, here's the thing. Going into this question, I was straight up that no, that's not weird. You shouldn't date someone that has like the same name as your brother or something like that.

But now I feel like that's like you pointed that out, Justin. And now I'm wondering like how far does that rule go? Like if you met an amazing girl and then like you found out that she was going by her own name and a real first name was the same name as your aunt. Do you break up with her? Here's this hypothetical. I'm going to put on you. Kathy, this isn't working out.

I'm going to put this hypothetical on you. Okay. Give me. I have met at least one female named Griffin. So could you date a female Griffin? If she was, I mean, if you weren't married. I mean, she had already had her like her talons removed and things, right? Yes.

No, no, no. Like I'm like a real, genuine, fantastic woman named Griffin. Would that be weird for you? Yes. If you guys weren't dating. Yeah. See? There it is.

I was going to, I was going to like try to qualify it with like, do we get along well? Do we have something? But no, that's just fucking weird. It's just weird, man. It's just fucking weird. Like I've, I've met female Justin's no fucking way. No way. No way.

0% chance. No way would that ever happen. You know what? Spring. I flip. You're right. Good standard. Stick with it.

Don't do it. You're right. I got a yahoo. Gimme. Hold out. This one is by Yahoo Answers users slap before. Sure. He did it with Roman numerals too.

So let everyone know. It's like a movie. Slapnacious. He asks, what will a tattoo on a babby look like later after the babby grows up into adult? My child will get a dragon tattoo. It is the tradition in my family. However, I am wondering what it will look like when he gets bigger. Will it become big dragon or be all spread out?

This is posted in babby names because his name is Merrick Powersword. First, first things first. Yeah. What is the first thing? If you could illuminate that for me, I would appreciate it. People on the internet don't learn how to spell the word baby. I'm going to cut off my own head and throw it in the river. Baby.

Four letters. If you start out life as that thing, you would think it would be like the very first thing you learn how to spell. Like, what am I? When you first become self aware. B-A-B-Y. I got it. Here's what your thought process should be.

B. Okay. So far so good. A. Doing great. B. Okay. B. Whoa. Whoa.

See, now you jumped it. You did one too many. I know it's a nice letter. It's got a sweet curvature, but you got to chill out on that. So it's going to look like silly putty. That's exactly what I was going to say. Yeah, that's what it's going to look like. It's going to look like stretched out, silly putty.

And your baby's going to be like, I wish I'd had a choice. Like when you took Prince Caspian and you just smeared his face out, it's going to look exactly like that. I think that you guys are thinking that this baby is going to be capable of logical thought and comprehension after you give it a fucking tattoo when it's like four weeks old. I got a tattoo when I was 18, 19, and it hurt like a bitch. Can you imagine being a baby and just for a solid half hour, just the most excruciating feeling?

Yeah, but what is this life? I don't like this anymore. When you were a baby, somebody cut the tip of your dick off. Yeah, I guess that's true. Oh, that stings. That stings a little bit what you're doing with the needle, that ooh, ooh, it's like a bad sunburn. It's not as bad as like a few seconds ago, you cut my dick off.

Not quite as bad as the breasts I got, but this. I want to meet that awesome tattoo artist like, you got a baby? Yeah, fuck it. I'll do it. Yeah, fuck it. Tape him down. I just read one of the answers. It's from user Katumble, which is K apostrophe tumble.

Katumble says, get him a lizard. It will grow into a big dragon as the baby grows. First of all, don't fucking encourage them with the baby talk. Second of all, you dumb bitch. What are you saying? Do you think they're going to do that instead of this? My child didn't get a dragon tattoo. So instead we haven't, we let him ride this giant iguana around the house.

We bought him a Komodo dragon. No, I think he's saying tattoo a lizard on his body and at, at, I guess, like certain intervals throughout that children, that child's life, like it'll grow into a dragon. Like first of all, lizards don't just become dragons. And they don't like live in a tattoo. I mean, it'd be pretty fucking sweet if they did. Fuck, that'd be sweet though. I would get one.

If someone said, Justin, if you get a guana tattoo on your baby, by the time it's old, it will be a sentient dragon tattoo. I would do it. With any monkey's voice. Yeah. Yeah. Malon. From Malon.

Let's, let's, we, we got one from us. Well, I don't want to give it away just yet. I smoke a small amount of marijuana on occasion to unwind after a long day of work. This clearly bugs my girlfriend on an ideological level. I don't bug out or need to be taken care of. She just doesn't like the idea of it. When she wants to relax, she drinks wine. I try to argue that despite its illegality, it helps her relax.

She has a pretty negative association with the drug since she knew some pretty unsavory types who did it in college. I don't want to sneak joints since I'm a grown ass man, but I also don't want to disappoint her. What should I do? Stoned and stumped in St. Paul. Those two things like, they seem kind of like they go hand in hand. Yeah.

I can't figure this out. I don't know what to do. No kidding. In my opinion, if she gets to drink wine, you get to smoke weed. Tell her that you will stop smoking weed when she stops drinking wine and then ask her about auto related fatalities that were caused by wine and then ask her about auto fatalities caused by marijuana. Ask her how many marijuana addicts anonymous groups there are.

Zero. You guys are ignoring like, if maybe she doesn't, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. Maybe she doesn't want her dude coming home from Target every day with a new beanbag chair. Right? What happened to the casserole I made? I ate the entire thing. I ate the whole thing on my bed of beanbag chairs.

You spent our baby's college money on hostess cupcakes. I thought it was babby. No, that's because you're a pahead. You're on Yahoo! answers. This is all societal, right? There's a connotation to be someone who smokes marijuana every day and it's not a positive connotation.

Wine is very glamorous, I think, or at least has been classed up considerably. But you're still getting drunk. Right. The end effect is the same. Your teeth are turning red. It's gross. It sounds like her hang up, honestly. It sounds like something that she really needs to get over.

I think that if she cares about you, and it's important enough to you that you're like not most things when you're in a relationship and they irritate the other person, you just stop doing them. Right? Like how many things do you just like, okay, I don't care. Yeah, fine. I'll put the soap in this tray instead of whatever. But this sounds like something that it's important to you.

And I think that if she loves you, then you expressing that to her saying like, hey, this is something that I enjoy and it's meaningful to me and I would like to keep doing it. Can I make another suggestion? She should respect that. Yeah. Just go outside and look into the sun for like, I don't know, as long as you can, an hour or two high? No, no, no, but you will get wicked cataracts.

And then you've got to get on that week then. Oh, you've got to get a prescription. Then it's like not even your choice. Then if she says shit about it, you can be like, baby, it's medical. It's from the cats. It's from the cats. No matter what you do, don't sneak joints because that shit smells like you're not going to hide that and then she's going to know and you're going to know.

And if you're sneaking it, then, you know, you're pretending that she doesn't know. And I find that slightly offensive. So just do it and be like, baby, here's what I'm doing. I'm sorry. I know you don't like it, but I do. Do you know what's offensive? Do you know what's offensive? This is against the law.

Why are you even talking about this? This is an infraction. It's illegal. It's illegal. Stone and stomp. Maybe your wife doesn't want to go to jail for harboring a drug terrorist, which is basically what you are. Do you know how strict their weed laws are?

Probably super strict because it's got a saint in it. Like the saints, I guess, don't like weed. I don't know where that that logic was going. Except for St. Mary Jane. Woo. Woo. What? It's illegal.

I don't even want to talk about this anymore. I'm disgusted with this. I've called. I just called the cops. I'm calling the cops right now. Shane. Shane writes to us from Gmail. He says, I've packed my bags and moved away all the way across the nation.

In fact, New York to Oregon. But I still find myself thinking of my ex-girlfriend. We were together six years daily. What do I do now? Shit, man. There's not a part two. I guess move back and try again. Don't move back and then move away again.

Yeah. I mean, we can tell you some cool shit's doing in Oregon, I guess. I hear there's the Rocky Mountains are like right there. You got to get back. You got to get back up in the horse. Got to get back up in the horse. This is what you're feeling is utterly natural because you did not just let go of a girl. You let go of six years of your life that you spent with this person.

You create a whole identity for yourself and that part of yourself is gone too. But it is gone. You got to get a bite off that recovery sandwich and get back on the horse and go. Go get down. Get into it. Get out there. Get drink deep and don't waste another second on this girl that you're done with. Especially if you just moved across the country to a new state where you don't know many people probably.

Harboring feelings for an ex. That's not the way to lay down roots in a new town. That is true. I think that part of thinking about her daily is kind of a self-fulfilling privacy is because you keep thinking about her. You keep thinking about her. And I know that this sounds kind of off hand but you got to stop thinking about her. You got to get a hobby. Go explore your new city.

Make some new friends. Go to a concert. Just take your mind off it and your mind will be off it. You won't think about her as much. Ask anybody who's ever been in a long-term relationship and then ended up who's been in several relationships and ended up in the right one that you don't miss this person. It feels like that but what you miss is being in a relationship. If you miss this person, you wouldn't have ended it. Now if they ended it, either way, you've got to convince yourself that they weren't the right person for you and what you miss is being with somebody who you care about.

And that is not the futile position that you have put yourself in right now. There's nothing you can do about the situation you put yourself in so that you got to change the rules. You got to change the dynamic of this problem until it's something you can action. You can. And also be careful that you're not going hunting for that same level of comfort immediately. That's not going to happen. You're going to want to make it at the same level that this six-year relationship ended up at and that's not how this works. That's why you get people who rebound and stuff like that because you're trying to force this to be that comfort level and you just got to go out and have fun, brother.

You just got to get stoned and stumped. I just had a great idea. What if to help him cope with this, you know, the pain that he's obviously struggling with. What if we brought Shane on the show every week and we did a weekly segment where like if we found like a really bad Yahoo answers question or if somebody sent in a question where it's like, I'm cheating on my wife. How do I, you know, like something just like, oh, you're a terrible person. We get Shane on the show. We do a segment called Shane on You.

It could be just as simple as just getting Shane. Like we read the question and then we get like maybe just a clip of Shane just going a Shane on you. Shane, if you want to send us an MP3. Don't be banging. I got a Yahoo. Yeah. Give it to me. Oh, wait, wait, wait.

You mentioned people and the show and you reminded me. Our buddy Tristan. He's back. The Marine is back. He's better than ever. He's faster, stronger. I mean, he's like cut from glass. Oh, he looks like a chiseled, like an Athenian god.

He's wearing a small, hey, Jeffrey shirt and he looks like a, like a, like a some sort of superhero, like a war superhero. It's incredible, but we're glad to have him back and we're glad that he's. He's shipping back out for more training, I think. Well, good Griffin. Later this month. No, I'm just saying, but we have a nice little, we have a nice little two week window here where we can just like, we can just chill with. And then he's off to kill again.

Yeah. Off for more murder. I think he's going to training camp again. So I'm not sure. Training for killing. Training for murder. Although I loved all of his, he's got a new perspective on life. And that much is clear.

He's the Trisket on Twitter if you want to follow him, but he's got a new perspective on life. Like he went back and listened to all the old episodes and heard that people were complaining that we didn't do an episode on Labor Day. To which he responded, I got four hours off on Labor Day. The rest of the time I was, you know, crawling through human excrement or whatever they make you do in marine training camp. And he was happy about it. He was totally happy. You know why? Because he loves fucking freedom.

Woo. Griffin, yahoo me. Thank you, Tristan, for everything. Thank you, Tristan, for the freedom. Yeah. This one was sent in by John and Tony Magickers. No. What?

That's not even the yahoo answer. That's like the guys who sent it in, but it's from one email. We have the best names. I know. I guess they share it. But thank you, John and Tony Magickers. They're the Magickers. I love it.

Yahoo answers user Chelsea Ann. There's a whole bunch of like punctuation marks in there that I didn't read because I wouldn't know how to like verbalize them. But we'll just boil it down to its core components, which are Chelsea Ann. Chelsea Ann asks, when a movie star watches a movie with them in it, is it like watching a home video of themselves? Oh, it's so awesome. Can you imagine like? When Robert Patterson watches Twilight and he's like, this is when I was a vampire. I remember that.

Or like Will Smith watching any movie he ever did, like I have the coolest fucking life ever. He calls up old gold bloom. He's like, gold bloom. Remember when we took down those aliens together? That was awesome. I don't remember that well. It was in a movie. No, no, we totally did it.

I have video proof. Welcome to Earth. Remember when I said welcome to Earth? It was awesome. Now Willow, when I was 29 years old, I stopped the robot apocalypse from happening with a robot Alan Tudyk. It's like after Liam Neeson's been been watching his home movies at his house, he walks up to Jewish people and just says, you're welcome. No, no need to thank me in great. Do you think I put your parents on my list?

Do you think Adam Sandler watches his home movies and is like, what's wrong with me? Why did for a brief period in my early 30s, late 20s, was I a mentally handicapped gentleman? Do you think it really confuses Bruce Willow so when he watches Armageddon? Yeah. He's like, oh, I'm dead. Oh, he watches Six Sense and he's very confused. Shit. Oh, shit.

You want to talk about mine? I've been dead this whole time. Yeah. You want to talk about somebody who's surprised? Elijah Wood. That was weird. Real good. What a sweeping adventure that was.

Don't remember that. Sam Jackson, not in the belly of a shark. No, well, half of him isn't. Yeah. I don't think that there's anybody who really, maybe Polly Shore does that and gets a little sad because he was always doing things that I think were more important than when he was actually doing. He was always joining the army or running a family farm. Or wheezing the juice. Or wheezing the juice.

We send the juice. Maybe he was fighting for ecological equality and biodome. That was a pretty important issue that he just tackled head first. And then he made some trouble in that bubble. He did make some trouble in that bubble. Who was that? That was Stephen Baldwin. Stephen Baldwin.

It was actually Alec Baldwin. No, it fucking wasn't. That would have been way better. Are you kidding me, Travis? No, I just wanted that to be true. I know this. I wish. I just wanted that to be true.

He's so slick. God, he's so cool. Such a slick guy. I mean, he just leaves the biodome and like, well, I'm not staying here. I'm Alec Baldwin. I've got to go. Be rad. What are we talking about?

Like, what are we even doing on this show? I'm going to ask an actual question. An actual advice it. Advice it up, as they say. I need some professional advice where you can at the right place. My coworker who has a level above me in my project group. Just whoa, I'm getting away corporate here. I'm going to slow it down a little bit.

My coworker who was a level above me in my project group. Just let the company and I have inherited all of his work. I've been doing the work of two, but still getting paid the same. I'm hoping NBNBM can advise me in how to make more cheddar overworked and underpaid strike. You got a strike. One man strike. One man strike it. You may not be able to tell from our conversations, but we are union men.

Through and through. Yeah. We are pro-union. You got to make a stand. You got to draw a line in the sand and show them which side you're on. Just anytime someone goes into your building, call them a strike breaker. Call them a scab. Although technically no one can scab because it is a one man strike, so there could not be a scab.

It's just you. You have to guilt them. You wouldn't be able to physically stop them. You'd be like, oh, come on. I'm trying to make a difference. Come on, I'm having a hard time of it. Right now you're doing the work of two men, getting paid for the work of one. You got to do the work of half a man and just wait till it evens out.

Yep. You've like, to balance sheets are clear. Have you considered creating an alternate personality that collects a separate paycheck, like wearing a mustache and a darker shirt and walking out and going, I didn't get paid this week. Yeah, that's how jobs work. I'm Jim's partner. I'm Jim's partner on that big project.

I didn't get paid. You go to the money office. I'm at the payment office. I'm working on the big... The boss's big project. What do you have a big project that I, my other identity is also definitely really working on it, but I'm pretending like I don't know the name of it for some reason.

Oh, my name? It's Jonas. Please money. Jonas, please money. Hi, I'm Jonas, please money. Please ignore my monocle and the fact that my, my mustache, the spirit gum is peeling off and causing it to fall off my face. But I will need that paycheck now, please.

I do need my paycheck. The police money family isn't going to feed themselves. Did you try to ask your boss? Because that's what I would do. Say, hey, this isn't fair. And you know what? I'll be super straight with you. Things are not so good in the economy right now.

Yeah. So they're probably doing this because they know it will be very difficult for you to find another job. That sucks, but there's probably not a lot you can do about it. And sometimes you got to do crap like that so that later you can say, Hey, remember when I did that crap? Like think of this as like storing up, you know, ammunition for when you come up for your yearly review or whatever happens in the corporate world. And you say, you know, I've been doing a lot of work lately.

I've really been picking up the slack. I think it's time, you know, that I get promoted and say, you know, like this guy quit, you didn't replace him. And honestly, I think it's fair that if I'm going to do all his work, I should get some of the money. There's nothing wrong with asking that. Like they, managers and owners go around all day hoping you don't ask that. Like if you don't ask that, then that is what they would like very much for you to do or not do.

Especially if you're doing this much work. I mean, you know, fear of bad economy aside, if you're doing this much work, you're probably helping them out a lot. So like they don't need to pay you twice as much as you're getting paid now, but you know, just throw some bones your way. 100% raise. 100% raise? Are you walking? 100% raise. When do we want it?

By next Friday. Pretty soon. As soon as it can be, you know, matriculated through the payment system. I gotta go through HR and I understand this a long process, but as soon as possible, please. And then, and that's not a good chance, but it will have a good effect. I have a problem with severe awkwardness. And now a question. No, I have a problem with severe awkwardness.

I feel awkward for people on television and they get into awkward situations. I also have trouble conversing on the phone. I hear it ringing and I go hide until it stops. You know, it can't see you. I often try to diffuse awkward situations by jokingly stating, well, this is awkward. Okay, that's not helping. There's all kinds of ways we're going to be able to help you, but let me finish the question. The only problem is I'm usually the only one feeling awkward.

Me stating that makes the other person feel awkward, resulting in me feeling even more awkward. How can I stop feeling so damn awkward all the time? And this is from, of course, awkward person. It's just like a snail shell. It's all just so recursive. You're your own worst enemy in these situations. Maybe you're just constantly afraid that you'll accidentally drop a racial slur. Maybe that's what you're super afraid of.

It's really not a problem, except you're making it so. It's like thinking about kissing your dad. Let's address this piece by piece. Feeling awkward for people on TV. I think we already addressed this in the home movie movie star question. They're not real people. Yeah, don't, don't sweat it. I understand what you're saying.

It happens to me, too. There's a name for it that I don't know who first started this, but people call it Washa. That feeling you get where you're like, oh, God, this is the worst. You got to just, I get it too, like real bad. There's a lot of things I can't watch because it's like, oh, that's too awkward. It makes it hard to watch the office. That's for God damn sure. See, the office doesn't bother me.

Griffin sent around this interview with Jake Lloyd. Oh my God. A little Anakin Skywalker all grown up and it is the worst thing I've ever seen because it's like, the interviewer wants him to be Anakin so bad, like wants him to be this wreck. And he is fighting it. He's like, no, I'm just, you know, I'm really into editing now. The interviewer's like, so you keep in touch with any of the old cast? Bitch, like, I just, yeah, I called up my, I called Nat Port the other day.

I was like, yo Nat. What's up? I want to come to the edit bay and chill. I got some hearties. That is just a type of entertainment that you don't enjoy. If you see that and it's happening, you got to get away from it. The phone, dude, I get it. I'm right there.

I hate the phone too. I usually let every call go to voicemail unless it's like Travis or Griffin. Cause I don't want to deal with, I can't deal with it. But see anyone who knows me well knows I don't, I don't make phone calls if I can help it. I text message for that very reason. Text message. I can just say one sentence and I'm not going to get like trapped in a conversation when I really just needed to ask what time the party was at.

As far as like the awkward in the situation, I get that cause like my sense of things being awkward is so finely tuned that I'm constantly thinking that things are awkward when they're not. That happens to me all the time and I, the only solution I can give to you cause I, I haven't cracked this particularly not in my own life is to try to figure out what like the awkwardness fine, but try to get deeper and figure out like what it is that's upsetting you. Like what it is that's making it seem awkward to you and then try to deal with that cause

a lot of cause I think awkward is like a symptom. Like for me when I feel awkward, I usually just, it's that I'm worried about looking stupid. That's exactly what it is. I'm worried about saying the wrong thing. It's not an emotion, right? It's not like a causal thing like awkwardness. It's like, it's like fear. Like you, you have it.

It's, it's something that you create based on the situation that you're in. It's possible that never feel awkward your entire life. If you just like, if you run into an awkward situation, like you make a joke about somebody's brother and they're like, oh, my brother's dead. Then you just got to like, you can feel awkward or you can, you can, you know, try and play it back, try and roll that ball back. I think what you should keep in mind is situations are not awkward. People are awkward.

Like the situation is not inherently anything. It is your interpretation of the situation that makes it awkward. So, and I know that everyone's going to immediately come up with some situation in their head and be like, well, what about this? That's inherently awkward. Well, no, that's just everyone reacting to that makes that awkward. If everybody who's just cool with it, it's not awkward. A lot of the times the way you get out of situations that are awkward is by acting like a phony.

I'm like, I hate that because I get in my own day to day. I try to be really honest in my, in my interpersonal interactions. And I, and I, a lot of times that you just got to do it though. You just got to be like, say things you don't mean to get out of a rough situation. Yeah. I say, I say our new motto. You remember them? No phonies.

Okay. No phonies. No phonies allowed. Phonies allowed. Hey, phonies. Shane on you. Shane on your phonies. We're going to go back and edit in Shane actually saying it though.

Yeah. You got to stop saying, well, this is awkward. Like you, you have, you have to stop saying it. That is the action item. That's a bomb. That's what we could. That's like a bomb. When you say that you were making it awkward for everybody in like a two mile, this entity

of you. Yeah. Hey Griffin, do you have like a cracker jack yahoo that you've been sitting on that you're just like here. This is what I made for you. Uh, I have bangin. I have a few. Um, how about this one?

Uh, this one was actually sent in by two people. Like they, one person sent it in and then another person sent it in like an hour later, which is insane. Uh, it's, it was sent in by Lowell's to miss prime and Patrick toy. Thank you. You too. Uh, it's by yahoo answers user a great white shark. Uh, usually whenever I read these, like I try to like just read it in a very, uh, just

my standard, you know, voice. Uh, I try to enunciate and make it clear. I think I have like a certain voice. I've gone back and listened to, to old episodes and I do definitely have a voice when I do these, but I think for this one, um, maybe. Maybe we should read it in the style of like the person who actually wrote it. Like what I imagine him sounding like. Is this going to be horrifically racist?

Uh, no. Okay. Does drinking tea make my dick bigger? Tea has many health benefits. Is this one of them? I noticed a difference lately. This is just my imagination. Whoa.

What's going on down there? I don't know what I've been slurping that chamomile down like crazy. Is that, I've got. He's drinking that dick tea. I got extra thickness and half down there. Is it the tea? It's like a hefty thing. Are you not peeing?

Is that the problem? Wow. I do so big. It's purple and I want to black out. Why don't I drink so much tea? They're right. This is not a sipping tea. This is a gulping tea because if you sip it, your dick won't get big as fast.

Maybe he just has tea boners. He just loves the tea. It's such a good tea boner. Oh, this chai. Boner. I had someone say to me the other day that they, like we were having a conversation about boners like you do. And they said, oh yeah.

And like, you know, when guys get bored, so they get boners. And I was like, what? That's not a thing. That doesn't happen. What? When I get bored, I just get bored. I just want to check that that's true for everyone, right? That there's never a time like God, I'm still bored.

Boing. I get boners in two, there are two things. Okay. Two catalysts. Two boner catalysts. Tea. Tea. Tea and things that are sexy.

Yeah. Right. If I get, if I see both, like if I, if I'm drinking tea and like a lady drops something nearby. Oh boy. Or if she drops a tea bag. Oh. Oh boy. If I wasn't so bored right now.

Yeah. You'd be in trouble. No. No. Tea does not. Tea does not. Can you imagine like the UK? Like, oh my God.

It's all I would do. Well, all I do is just compare. They're half. The trick is not if you drink it. You got to pour it right on there. Sorry. You just pour it. Boiling hot.

When it's straight out boiling hot, just dump it right on there. That was actually the plot of the fourth Austin Powers movie. They abandoned it. Dick T. Dick T. Yeah. With 524 T on his dick. Yeah.

Who answers user JD responded. Hell yeah. That's all I drink and I'm packing. Maybe. What? Maybe like. Maybe big dick gentlemen are drawn to tea because they can. It's like a reverse Corvette sort of thing.

I don't care. I drink tea. It's like a snail shell. It's it's recursive. I. Is it like a snail shell? It's like the Spruce Goose. Spruce Goose made of snail shells.

Guys, I got to say I drink coffee like exclusively. I'm. Am I missing out on a. Yeah. An opportunity to. I'm actually sipping a delicious Earl Grey right now and enjoying my massive boner. Oh man. Patrick Stewart's boner out of this world.

Forget about it. Get it. This world. Star Trek. Fuck. If you don't drink tea then you'll just have nothing down there. Yeah. There's nothing.

You got to get up on the tea because you're a bigger, a wang. Don't put honey in it. Don't put honey. Don't put sugar in it because that's that's counterintuitive. Don't put honey on it and don't put sugar on it because that is sticky. You're not going to enjoy that. That's not going to help the size, the size issue either. In December, I will be performing for the first time on stage in my school's theater

production, knowing that at least one member of your Trinity has knowledge of the performing arts. Is there anything I can expect from my chosen extracurricular activity? Also, is there an easy way to cope with the often indignant, oh, you're in the musical remarks? Thanks for the knowledge, jobbing, John. Oh, John, you're in such luck. You're in such luck.

All three parts of this Trinity have been in Oklahoma. Yeah, we've been in sound and music. You, hello, Dolly. I'm proud of it. Yeah. Well, John, everybody in theater is secret gay. Now, hold on. Now, let me follow me.

Let me follow me. Some people aren't even taking forward in the word. Some people. Yeah. The people who are in theater are embracing that secret gay side of them. The people that make fun of people in theater are the ones who are secret self-hating gay. Like you look at us. Last week, we talked a lot of yay about furries, but to cover up the fact that we are all right

now as we record this show wearing free costumes. That is true. This is true. What are you guys? Itchy show I've ever recorded. I'm a sexy cow. I am an apologetic tiger because I feel bad to our furry friends. I feel wicked bad.

Not like our furry friends like forest creatures. I mean like friends that are furry. Here's the thing. Let's put this question on pause. We'll get back to it because we need to address this. I think that hatred comes from fear and fear comes from a lack of understanding. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate.

I've learned so much about that community in this past week from people who sent any emails like, hey, I wish you hadn't said that you wish I would die in a fire. Like maybe we did jump the gun a little bit in that respect, but I guess there are people who are, who enjoy like that idea of people with animal heads and fur and shit, but not in like a sexy man fox just railing on a lady rabbit. Like maybe there's no sex involved in it at all. It's just like an aspect of nerd culture. The sexy ones are called yifters, right?

I have no idea. I did learn in a new term, there's someone on our forums who is a furry. He goes by the name Root and he jokingly referred to us as fur secutioners, which I thought was great. The most valuable thing they have about them is their portmanteaus. They will drop them like nobody's business. I guess like only like 5% of that community actually dresses up like animals and bones down on each other. So I think we made some assumptions last week and for that I am truly sorry. I am sorry too.

Now John, now Secret Gate, John, that's a whole other thing. If you're in the musical, people are going to think what they're going to think. You have got to focus on the things that are not those people like the magic of the stage, the smell of the grease paint, the roar of the crowd, the thrill of the footlights as they create a path for you to Broadway glory. That's the kind of thing you need to be focused on. Do you have your tap right? You got to get your tap right. You got to get your tap right.

Listen, Glee, what's up? Yeah, what's up with Glee? That's it. Being in the musical is cool now. Well, being Secret Gate is cool now, but either way, you know what's up. Okay, and when your friends or your not friends give you shit about being in the musical, explain to them that there are also women in the musical that you get to hang out with backstage and drop words like dressing rooms. Yeah, and just straight up be like what?

That's an infantile way of winning. Yeah, I peep dressing rooms. You saw so many bras. Checked out a lot of bras during... You should see all the bras in the room. John, I want to help you out with this seriously. This is the serious we're going to deal with this problem together. We're at a point in our society and our history where being a homosexual person is not something to be derided.

It's not something to be like hated or judged or feared or anything. It's just a way people are. If you deal with it, people like that, then you are going to elevate that conversation. You are going to win that every time if you say, well, no, I just like performing musicals, but what would be wrong with it if I was gay? Oh, you could... Then, oh boy. Straight up say, oh no, I just actually enjoy expressing myself and don't have to belittle others.

Yeah, yeah, like that. It kind of sounds like the end of a scene from Full House, but I think you should try it. But in a Full House episode where Michelle's like, hey, go fuck yourself, bigot. Yeah, right, right. Uncle Joey, that was awful what you just said. Fucking bigot. Get out of here. Cut it out.

Cut it out, bigot. Comet, you fucking racist. Comet was a racist. Joey was a bigot. Danny, really in the S&M. No, you're ruining it. Uncle Jesse a furry, but not like a cool one. But like a cool one.

He didn't dress up like it. But even if you dress up like it, guys, to get back on that point. To get back on furry. Don't listen to us. If you want to dress up like a sexy raccoon, just do it. Don't let anyone, even us, tell you not to do it. We're uncomfortable with it, but fuck it. Fuck it.

Maybe we're bigots. Who knows? Just do it. Just do what you want to do. Maybe we're secret furries. Who knows? Just don't be a phony about it. Do not be a phony whatever you do.

No. No. Phonies. Allowed. M-P-H. M-P-H. Wait, I saw that wrong. M-P-A.

Damn it. Oh. Oh, you tried your best. You tried your... I was thinking of Neo Patrick Harris. Yeah. John gets derided, but Travis is having Freudian slips on Neo Patrick Harris. And John's the gay one.

Now, keep in mind, we're saying no phonies allowed. Ponies, totally okay. Or people who dress up like ponies. I want to hear... That's cool, too. I want to hear Griffin's last question, but we have a couple of little housekeeping things. First off, one of our biggest download week ever last week, just from you guys talking about the show, tweeting about it, voting about it.

Not voting about it, just voting for it. And various forums reviewing it, critiquing it, talking it up. It's just because of you guys. We are so, so, so, so grateful. We are this week rolling out a new line of... Are we sure it's this week? I'm almost positive that it will be this week. Our buddy, Sean at Ninja Bot, told me that he would have it ready for today when the show goes live.

But it may, you know, maybe it'll be Tuesday. But it'll definitely be this week. A new line of my brother, my brother, me, gear, merchandise. We have five items, I think, for you. Lady shirt, red shirt with the logo. We have the brown shirt with the pack-your-bags. We have the coffee mug. And we have a hooded sweatshirt that will be navy blue.

And we're doing something kind of neat with that. All our profits from the hooded... We always invest the stuff we make back into the show to try to make the show better, more popular, and more enjoyable for you. But on the hooded sweatshirt, we are going to donate all of our profits to Big Brother's Big Sisters, which we thought was a thematically appropriate charity. Because some people ain't got brothers. Yeah, as a fact, we're going to pay for brothers. You're making a donation to buy a brother for someone.

But if you want those, make sure you pre-order them. Because we're only making as many sweatshirts as we pre-order. So if you want stuff for Christmas, like this is the round to get it in. And you want to guarantee you're going to get something you want to pre-order with this round. Or want them to buy something for you, make sure to tell them to do it right away. We'll keep some extras of the other stuff in stock, but the sweatshirt you need to pre-order if you want it. And like I said, all money for that goes to Big Brother's Big Sisters. So it's a good cause you're helping too. People see you wearing that.

They know that you've got not only a warm torso, but a warm heart as well. They'll also think you're rich because it will be expensive. As far as garments go, it will cost a premium. I actually talked to not a crazy amount. No, it's not going to be 80 bucks. But anyway, all that stuff is going to be on the site, so make sure you check it out. Also wanted to thank everyone on Twitter. Not only for mentioning the show, telling your friends, spreading the love,

but apparently there's some stuff going on at podcastawards.com. Apparently the Academy, thank you. Yeah, thanks for doing that. Well, we do appreciate it. You guys are great. Yeah, thanks as always to Bob Ball, who reads our, comes over to my house every Monday and reads the announcement, the disclaimer at the beginning. Super inconvenient for him. Like he lives on the other side of the nation. He's making slides.

And also, if you haven't done so already, get down on those forums. Get over there. Things are happening. And you want to be able to say that you got in there on the ground floor. We have hundreds of people there talking, chatting, learning, living, loving, growing. And you do not want to miss out on that. I learned this week. I learned about furries in the furry community. There's a difference between furries and fur suitors. Guys, it's happening over there. It's like school. It's like college over there.

It's a learning opportunity. Thanks also to, uh, to everybody who mentioned us this week on the Twitter gaming salon and Chrissy 23, Cheresy. I don't know. Hybrid misfit just gave us a shout out. Thanks. Yeah. What's up? So, okay. Oh, and we straight up got to mention from a girl with a porn site. Maybe really happy. I own a grace. Wow. That's awesome. I thought so.

Hey, should we talk about that DJ? Oh yeah. What's up with that? What's the story there? There's, uh, we got an email from this DJ, uh, who goes by the name Rocky Horror. Um, and he, he takes like, he takes mix tapes. He makes mix tapes based on themes. Like he made one on lost, which I guess mixes like homespun jams with like cuts, like lines from loss. Like deep cuts. Like deep, deep cuts from lost, um, but of like people talking,

but they each mix tape has a theme and he wants to do one based on my brother, my brother and me. Um, so he's going to be touring with that. And like just like spinning it in the clubs in the warehouse raves. Um, so like if we can just riff for like 30 seconds, like give him like dope things to say, uh, we need to say his name, Rocky Horror and, uh, his co DJ bird flu. Okay. Um, we have to fit that into it somehow, but we got to, we got to think of some dope things to say that like,

when you hear it in the club, you're like, yeah. And you, you'd like to flip your light sticks around and shit. Yeah. You're like, uh, uh, like Rocky Horror. This is bird flu dance all night. Bird flu dance all night. We got to dance. We can't talk. We can't talk. You should like over each other though. Cause you can't. Okay. I'll go first and then we'll just go in a round. Okay. All right. So I'll say something dope and then try to listen.

Okay. Rocky Horror is the DJ. Bird flu has the best shoes. Look at his shoes. Rocky Horror four on the floor. Yeah. Dub stop. Bird flu make it dance all night. Bird flu make it dance all night. Bird flu. Don't stab. Don't stab. Don't stab. Boom intellectual. Uh, Cranston Dumbo.

Rocky Horror late night party in the city. Turn it up. Not down. Getting loose. Getting tight. Spruce goose. Spruce goose. Bird flu spruce in his goose. Buy her a drink. Don't be cheap. Bird fat girl off the floor. Bird flu. Be responsible. Call a cab.

You're on ecstasy. Call a cab. Bird flu. Don't be a fool. Wrap your tool. Dub style. Dub step. Everybody be smiling. Everybody be dancing. What kind of rave is this? Is this a reggae rave? Lose yourself in the sound of a steel drum. Where's the minute ball? Right.

Oh shit. So hopefully that's enough. Celestia be good I guess. Can you read the last question? Yeah. How do I don't know? I don't know. Dub step. Dub scale. We got a lot of raves. Sure. This one was sent in by Jacob Locker. The Yahoo Answers user Dan Spee asks, What is good etiquette when dumpster diving for food and other items?

Behind stores of course. Shit. I'm Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. This has been my brother and my brother and me. Dub step. Dub step. And kiss your dad's grown lips.