My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 34: Make it Magic

Episode Date: December 13, 2010

Well, you're here, and we're here, so we might as well just do this thing. C'mon. We've only got about 50 minutes to save the world through the power of heartfelt advice, and also the power of saying a bunch of stuff we don't mean.Suggested talking points: Global snow, In Vino Veritas, Still Waters, Fight or Flight, Love Cleanse, Emily Wall Post, Biblebot, The You're Wrong Daily

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? If you change your mind, on the first in line, honey, I'm still free, take a chance on me. If you need me, let me know, gonna be around. If you've got your place to go when you're feeling down. If you're all alone, when the pretty birds have come on the last day, you're outside may indeed be frightful, depending on your location.

There's only one thing more frightful than that, and that's ignorance. So, come sit by the fire of wisdom, the delightful fire of wisdom with my brother, my brother and me. Toasty over here. It's really cracklin' over here. Crackle, crackle, crackle, foley, foley, foley. This is my brother, my brother and me. It's an advice show for the modern era. We record it fireside every week, whether or not you know that. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy. Put another log on there. It's a toasty show. It's funny to me that you should mention, you know, depending on your location, because just this year, I realized that just because it's snowing here doesn't mean it's snowing everywhere in the world. Like, I really... You're noticing Travis? Oh, really? This is like a rap and beats level confession.

Yeah, it really was like winter here is not winter everywhere else, and I had no idea. I just assumed when it got cold here, the entire world was cold, and that's apparently not how the world works. That's like some... Travis, that's like some middle ages shit. Yeah, that's about the goddamn dumbest thing I've ever heard. Yeah. Why, this is my brother, my brother and my pet canary that somehow gave me the ability to talk is the new show. Let's jump right into the advice. My female friend and I just got drunk at a party the other day, and she began to become a little more touchy-feely than usual,

holding my hand, following me around, standing quite close to me, at one point laying down in my lap, which, wait a minute, is she a puppy? Exactly. I'd just like to know if this means anything. I've heard people express their true feelings when they are under the influence. Is this true? This is true. I'd like to know, as I have more than friends' feelings for her, and I'd like to know if this could mean that she does too confused in Callie.

Is Callie her name? It sounds like... Going well. Yeah. Yeah. As far as the whole idea of people expressing their true feelings when they're under the influence, that is true up to a point. As we've used this phrase before, a bell curve, where it's like truth, truth, truth, truth, drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk,

and then it just becomes like, I'm going to give you a million dollars. They're not really going to give you a million dollars. They're drunk off their ass. And love is one of those emotions that's heightened by affection, you know, when you've been drinking a lot of times. Especially physicality. Yeah, right. It becomes like you kind of love everybody. Also, some people are just sluts.

Yeah. I mean, dudes can be, there can be dudes sluts. I'm not being, I mean, there's plenty of deluts out there. It's just that sometimes when people get drunk, they're not particularly showing you the true love that they harbor for you in their heart of hearts. They're just being kind of slutty, and they feel like they have an excuse to do so because they're drunk. It could be friend feelings heightened by the drunkenness. And honestly, what my advice to you, like the action item that I would tell you is to, you can't read anything into it, really. Not at all.

You got to ignore it, pretend like, not pretend like it didn't happen, but you can't be like, ah, check mark, done. I'm in there because you're not. Now, if she had done this sober, well, then yes, holding your handling down your lap, but drunk, it's just hard to apply the logic there. Now, it could be worth, ah, man, see, I was about to say ask her, you know, did that mean anything, but I don't think bring her up. It's awkward now. Yeah, it's like super weird. You got to slow play it. You got to slow play it.

Because this is, I mean, this is how, this is how friendships get in weird, you know, half romantic situations. You got to protect yourself. Here's my advice to you. Get super drunk yourself. And then, then get handy. Get reverse hands. Maybe don't get super like uncontrollably drunk, though, because you might, there might be some lines, there might be some lines that you cross that. Or just fake drunk.

Drink like a bunch of non-alcoholic beer and then pretend to be drunk and just kind of feel your way through and see how it goes. All great relationships start that way. Yeah. People pretend to be drunk. What I would suggest is pretend like you read her mind. And it's not that she was drunk, that you maybe saw a little insight there, but you can't use that information because you stole that information from her. You got a mindfreaker. Yeah.

The mindfreaker. You got a mindfreaker. So you're saying pretend to have extra sensory powers? I'm saying like pretend like you have this information, but you can't use the information. You can't go up to them like, hey, remember the other night when you were drunk? Like you can't ever use it. But maybe that boisterous your confidence and you could say, well, maybe it's time to ask her out. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You acquired that information via telepathy. Right. Mindfreaker. Mindfreaker. You can't drop a mindfreak reference in the non-expect. Well, it's because she did not choose to give you that information.

You probably didn't make the choice. She didn't make the choice. Using mental powers. Yeah, more or less. Okay. Mindfreaker. And then you're a freaker. When you do pretend to be, when you do pretend to be drunk, make sure you pretend to be super

duper incapacitated drunk and not fun drunk. Pretend to throw up on yourself. Yeah. Pretend to throw up on yourself. Really commit. Put up, just put a back scratcher down your throat or something and whore fall over the floor. And then, and then I think this would be good.

Take off your clothes except for your underwear and start pretending to be a baby. Because if she tends to you, like if she continues to tend to you even after you're like, pick me up, pick me up. And like in a fake brief, like a BVD diaper, you, that's love. She's into it then. Like you will have cracked that case. You might be pushing the river there. You might be shooting the cannon indoors.

I think a little bit. A little, just overdoing it a touch. But boy, she loves you. She'll take care of you after that or even look at you in the eye or not. To clarify, don't do anything. Don't do anything. How do I make someone listen to me that doesn't want to or make them do something I tell them to do?

Kitty cat, Gmail. This is actually something I've been thinking about a lot lately. The difference between respect and fear and like the absence of those two things. Like when you tell someone to do something, they're either going to do it because they're afraid of you or because they want to make you happy on some level, even if it's like a minor thing. And this is where the telepathy comes in, right? You use your mind powers, you mind freak them and then they'll do whatever you want.

Travis, why did I just go to Jimmy John's to get you a turkey club? Mind freak. I mind freaked you. I mind freaked you to do that for me. Thank you. Where is my colts law? I think you can't. You can't make anyone do anything.

The only thing you can do is make someone want to do something. And if you first take an interest in that person and show them that you respect them and that you care what they think, then they're going to be more inclined to listen to you, I believe. And also, it comes as far as listening to you, picking your battles and stuff like that, like not just being the person that makes a big deal out of everything, because then you're the boy who cried wolf and nobody listens to you. But if you pick and choose and you only fight the battles that you're willing to fight that are important to you, people will respect your opinion a lot more.

Also, talk less, because if it's a rarity, people will be like, whoa, everyone hush up. They say still waters run deep. Do they say that? They say that. That might be among the things that you can say. Maybe if you just said that. Over and over and over. Yeah, like long periods of silence punctuated by...

While holding yours and rocking back and forth. Still waters run deep. What? Did you say something? No. People will do things that you want them to do if they think that you're like one bad decision away from murdering them. I think that you can create a whole veneer for yourself.

Oh, like a kitty cat, that girl we know who's always close to murder. Just like a step away from murder. We should probably keep doing what she wants us to do for her. Griff, do you have a Yahoo answer for me? I have several. Okay. We should explain. The Yahoo answer service allows awful people to have their questions answered by equally

awful, sometimes slightly more awful people. And we like to comb that service and help those people even though they didn't ask for our help. It's a charity. Let's do one that's going to get us in the holiday spirit. Yeah. This one was sent in by Matt Brooks. Thanks, Matt Brooks.

It's by Yahoo Answers user, Tacobee. He asks, ladies, Xmas gift. Ladies, if you sexual partner asked for you to walk on him with your high heels for Christmas and that's the only gift he wants this year, would you do that for him? Step on his privates for him with your sexiest heels if he proved it does not harm him at all. Man, I wish I could be there for that particular Mr. Wizard experiment. Let's prove the high heels don't injure my journalism.

I have empirical evidence that you're stepping right on my balls with your sexiest heels. This is my hypothesis. Not a scratch nor bruise. I like that he clears up. It's the only thing he wants for Christmas. I should hope so. You can't be like, I'd like you to crush my genitals with your sexiest heels and also a Kindle.

This seems like kind of a shitty present. Yes, it is. By anyone's standards, even if you're into this kind of thing, even if you were the biggest ball crush fan on the planet, this seems like... And I am. Yeah. Not a lot of thought went into this. Yeah.

It's like Griffin really loves mixing bowls. Let's get him a mixing bowl for Christmas. That's far too obvious. That's way too obvious. You didn't think of no love went into that decision. You know what I'm saying? You've got to flip it on him. Make him think that you're going to step on his balls for Christmas and then maybe step

on his butthole. It's a new thing that he doesn't know about, but maybe he'll be just as big a fan. Discovery. That's the real gift here. What she needs to do is Christmas Eve sneak into the room wearing a Santa suit and her sexiest heels and he's like asleep, right? He's conked out, visions of sugar plums dancing in his head and then she just crushes his balls.

Andy's sugar plums. Andy's sugar plums. He just crushes his sugar plums. Do you think that he would have time to get a rouse or do you think like your fight or flight would kick in? Oh, man. Oh, man. I would be out of there would be a Griffin shaped cloud in the bed.

It would be nice to know he's real though. Yeah. That kind of empirical evidence. Maybe not. No. What if all eight of his reindeer like just went to town, just trample your business like trampled your jingle bells? Yeah, man.

There's a lot of, there's a lot of Christmas themed names for your testicles now that I think about it. Yeah. You'll be sorry that they stepped on your balls. I think that it's normal. Is it? It is. If you're, if it's okay to ask if you're, especially if your GF is cheap, man, she'll

be stoked. Yeah. What do you want? Yeah, I'll do that. Step on your balls. Step on your balls right here. Look. Step on your balls.

I should make a remake of Jingle All the Way where instead of a young boy who wants a turbo man, it's like a creepy, pervy, seedy dude who just wants a, you know, a ball march. Just one ball march. Jingle, we'll call it Jingle All the Way to the Emergency Room and an awkward conversation with your primary physician. That's good. There's an answer on this question that I really like. It's by Yahoo Answers user Seedless Hamster who says, I hate the people who use Xmas instead

of Christmas. That's your complaint, dawg? Pick your battles, dude. I would argue in this case that X, X, Xmas is super wherever, but God, what a, people are, ugh, they're wretched. So let's move on to something more life-affirming, an actual listener writing in. It's high school. None of my relationships have lasted longer than three months.

After that initial honeymoon phase, the girl tends to lose interest in me and break things off. Is there something I'm doing wrong? Am I possibly being overromantic or are women just not interested in me after they learn more about me? What advice do you have on keeping the girl in BNBA? Three months seems like a pretty good length for, for a relationship. You can get a lot done in three months.

I would posit that maybe you're not really being yourself at the beginning of the relationship. So three months in, when you start being yourself, it's, it's not the person that they fell for. So my advice would be, be yourself from the get-go. Yeah. It sounds like, I think what Travis is saying, and this, this could be a distinct possibility that you're too good at getting into relationships. Yeah. Also, are you really, are you, this sounds like a long series of, of people.

Are you really into these girls? Like, because what I'm getting the sense from, from you is that they leave you and that's what's bothering you, but not that you, like, I want to know where you're at with them because it sounds like there's a lot of, a lot of girls who are coming and going here and you see more worried about how they perceive you than actually losing them. So maybe. And that might be interesting. If you're so worried about how they're perceiving you and you're trying to be romantic, you're

trying to keep their interest, that's a huge turn off. Like, you know, getting, being yourself and being relaxed with them is much more interesting and much more relaxing for them. If you're working hard, it puts them on edge, you know, because they never feel comfortable in the relationship either. Yeah. It's good. It's a toughy because without actually, without more information, knowing what, but let me

put it another way. You're not necessarily doing anything wrong. You know, it, if, if after three months, someone decides, I don't want to be with this person anymore, then, then that's okay. Like that's their, that's their right, but it's good for you because it's somebody who didn't want to, it wasn't going to work out for you. You know that you can have infinity three month relationships happen as many as you want to.

And when it's right, she'll, she'll, she'll be in for the long haul. And if it, and it, honestly, if it doesn't pan out after three months, good for you because that is not, yeah, because I got out early under the wire. Yeah, really. You, that was, you, you got off pretty easy if it's not going to be the right person. It sounds like you're pretty economically knocking off the dead ends. Maybe it's. I think you're on the right path.

I think if you really want to do something about it, like if it's become like a serious problem for you, go like two years without dating anybody. And then after that, you'll just, you'll want anything, you'll just, you'll just want something. Oh, this took a weird turn. You'll keep it, you'll keep it like a precious flower that you tend to in your loneliness garden. Yeah. It should be a, that's a recipe for long-term relationships.

That's the inspiration. Starve yourself and then give yourself like intravenous love, affection. Hello, brothers. I have just recently made a Facebook and what are your guidelines for friending people? Should I friend only my best friends, my friends, people that I've seen around but don't know too well, et cetera, because I'm getting friend requests for people and I don't even, I don't even know Jack from Michigan. I collect people on Facebook.

Yeah. I have like a collection like, like stamps or, or, you know, like preserved beetles, which I don't want people to get weirded out when I say that. Yeah. Maybe a little weirded out. Now you say you're having trouble getting into a relationship Griffin and you, you have a collection of preserved human beetles. Yeah.

Well, that's, I mean, I'm starving myself, right? Like I'm on that diet. I'm on a cleanse. You're on a cleanse. I'm on a love cleanse. But when it's time to flip the script, like when it's time for me to flip my whole program on it's ear, I've got like 1800 preserved people that I can just like dive into like fucking Scrooge McDuck's money.

You best believe like joke now, but when I believe the humans encased in amber and just insert a straw and suck the marrow from them, or is that their love marrow out them? Like, oh man, I can't wait. I haven't set a date for when I'm going to flip it and just get so right. But I think it's going to be February next year. Oh yeah. I like it. You know, I keep a pretty tight ship of people that I, here's, here's my rule of thumb.

If someone were to tell me what they were doing that day and I know them well enough where that would be relevant, interesting relationship information for me, then I would friend them. But if it's just going to be like, I'm just a stream of people saying inanities that only means things to them and people who know them better than I do, then, or, or Super Jesusy, then I, then they're not going to be friended. And by Super Jesusy, I mean, just it's Facebook, man, it's Facebook. Just chill out, talk about the cool sandwich you had or something, but I have a similar

effort. Like I'll add anybody, right, anybody who sends me a frame request. Yeah. Fuck it. I'll add them because of the people vault, but the first, like, if I see someone who's like, jubama, I'm like, you're done. You're so out. You're out.

What does that even mean, jubama? Think about the things you're saying before you put them on the internet. You're gone. Yeah. People don't, people don't, uh, uh, people don't think before they post. They're not, they're not considering the repercussions of their actions. They're just shouting into the ether. But that's what, that's what the internet is, right?

The internet is a thing that people can just shout whatever comes to, like, whatever floats to the top of the garbage pile that is their mind. And they just throw that on the internet. What's crazy though is Facebook is like, it's a website where people you actually know, like exclusively people you actually know can see, like, the garbage that you think and put on the internet. Yeah. That's what Twitter is for.

There's no censorship there. My, my only problem with Facebook is I, I honestly don't care if you want to post your random rantings about various things. Just don't fool yourself into thinking other people care about what you think. Like, you can throw that out there, but no one's going to respond to it unless it's just say that you're dumb. Um, otherwise just keep that shit to yourself. You're not going to change anyone's mind because of something you posted on Facebook.

I feel like there's so many needs to come up with some kind of, I don't know, protocol, some kind of like, uh, like, uh, like a Facebook catillion where people can learn the right and wrong things to do. Like Emily posts. Yeah. What's that? Like Emily post for, for Facebook. I don't know.

Miss Manners type. Miss Manners type situation. Emily wall posts. Hey. Holy shit. Wow. We're on something now. Quick, quick.

Don't let this idea of fire die. There are some, there's some Emily, Emily, Emily wall posts. What does she tell you? What does she, what does she, what, what are, what are some of her key lessons? Never post anything you wouldn't want your mom to read. That's good. Don't tag images of people that they're not actually in unless it's the, my brother, my brother and me party.

Unless it's the, my brother, my brother and me party, which is now to what, 12, 13. I don't know. And his crew are repping the set, Repping so hard. Please spell check. Yeah. I don't want to have to. I know that it's very tempting to be like, it's snowing with like three W's.

Just stop it. I know. I'm here too. I've heard about this. And by the way, if you see snow, it's snowing all over the world. So we all know. We're all right there with you. All there in that boat.

No cryptic posts about how heartbroken you are. Like, I can't believe you hurt me like this. Dot, dot, dot. I'm okay with those. I fucking drink those up. Oh, the ones that are like missing you. Dot, dot, dot. I sustain myself on people's anonymous sadness.

Like, yes. What I always can see is this is, this is always the chain. You see, I can't believe you've done this. You monster. And then you, right after it, 10 seconds later, a concerned friend is like, Oh my God. What happened? Is it Jeff? Is he okay?

And then she's like, I, my Tivo didn't record real housewives of Orange County. Like it's, it's not as big a deal because this is a good sort of rule of thumb. Maybe not for Emily Walpost, but if you are able to post on Facebook, shit ain't that bad. It's pretty good for you. It's pretty good for you. Like by the virtue of the fact that you are posting on Facebook, shit's okay. You are okay.

If you are listed as being in a relationship and it's complicated, go fuck yourself in the neck. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. That's a shitty thing. Like I'm in a complicated relationship with this very person. Like what's, first of all, what's that, that could mean anything. Second of all, you're just like airing your dirty laundry. Like that's, that seems equivalent to like, I'm in a relationship and we're having some

problems. Especially when it changes. That's my status. When you're like in a relationship and then it goes to, it's complicated. It's like, oh, this is really weird. It's complicated. Hey guys, we're having a really brutal fight. She hates my parents.

They should have an option on the ropes. Down for the count. Down for the count. Swirl in the drain. Oh no. TKO. So there's a whole, there's a whole spectrum of things, like friends with benefits. Yeah.

If you're going to, if we're going to do this. Stalking. Let's do it right. Just making my parents mad because he's black. Experimenting. There's lots of different options. Yeah. Trying something new.

Saying this person is my wife, but really they're just my best friend. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Courtesy. Those are, those are always the ones that piss me off. Like total beard. People that, people that are like, she is married to her. They're best friends.

Like that's, God, I hate that. Can't you wait until, can't you wait until Facebook statuses are law? Like in the future, in the future there will be no wedding ceremonies. It's just like you change your Facebook status. And so like all those people are like, oh shit. I'm married Susan. I've been dating, this is another love, so you have love. Relationships.

Lovey dovey show. Dating and marriage. I've been dating my girlfriend over two years and I wanted to get her a ring for Christmas. Not an engagement ring. My coworkers say this is a bad idea. How bad could it be? Ha ha ha. Ha ha.

So bad. Never, never ask that question. That's how bad could it be? Like if you end an idea with that, the answer is almost always like so bad. Like so. It's so bad that your Facebook status is going to change to it's complicated today. December 26th. Yeah.

And I'll be the one clucking my tongue saying, bitch, we tried to tell you don't do that. That is a bad idea. That's a bad idea. Anything but a ring. Like a necklace. A ring holds too much significance. Orch. Orch.

Or sock up and propose to her. Oh my god. Yes. Yes. This is what we're doing now. This is our Christmas Eve. The thing about a ring is, maybe back in the day where all engagement rings were so cookie cutter, right?

There was like gold band and then a diamond on the end of it, right? Right. But nowadays people are like going to those 25 cent like gacha gacha machines and like buying rings and like it's so romantic. This is from the arcade where we met. Now we're married. That any ring you give her. Yeah.

For like us, even a split second in her mind. It's going to be like this ring has Spider-Man's face on it. But like, is that anything? Yeah. I think he's just been listening to too much Beyonce like he likes it. He does. He does like it. So he thinks you should put a ring on it, but he doesn't understand.

There's a symbolism being referenced in that song. It's about it's about getting engaged. Let me let me walk you through this. Since if you're not getting it, I need to like break it down profiler for you. Here's what's going to happen. You hopefully standing or seated, not kneeling. You give her this ring, this Christmas ring and she opens it. And for a hot second, she thinks she's getting engaged that day.

Her mind fills with the visions of the wedding. She's dreamed of since she was just a little, a little tyke. And then you tell her, just a ring. Yeah. There's and it may be a very nice ring, but she's going to instantly not like it very much. She'll always think of it as my disappointment ring. How about flip side flip side?

You've only been dating two months. She opens up the box. Oh shit. I'm so not ready to get engaged. Oh, it's just a regular ring. That sucks for you though, because you're going to catch that look on her face. Light of me style. It's split second frown.

It has been two years. Oh, it says two years. Doesn't it? How about a big four knuckle ring that covers the entire front of her hand that says not what you think? What? Then she opens it up and goes, then what is it? And you say, it's just a big ring.

That's great, because she can use that as brass knuckles to punch you in your Christmas balls. And maybe that's his fancy. She'll save some money. Everybody wins. Listen, we have a normally when like the steam runs out on a gag, we tend to move on a sort of hop skip and jump to the next question when the comedy juice has been extracted from a particular question.

I'm going to really take a step back here and say, like, don't do that. Don't do it at all. Please don't do that. Like, this is a serious request from your friends and my brother, my brother, and me. Don't do that. There will be that half second and you will ruin her Christmas. It may be even subconsciously, but there will at least be a hitch in her giddy up, a pause in the air where something's going to have to be clarified, especially after two years.

A hitch in her giddy up? Yeah. That's the thing. Are you 80? Yes, I am. If after two years, she's thinking it. So like she's on the lookout. Yeah.

Right. Right. I like Travis's idea. I do. Just propose. Yeah. Just go ahead and fucking do it. Make it magic.

Think about how magical that could be. Oh man. Christmas lights twinkling. Think about it. But like, don't do the other thing. No. Don't do that. Maybe do the engagement thing.

Like soup. Like, don't do it. Okay. Don't do it. How about a Yahoo? Well, I just wanted to touch real quick. If you have other Christmas questions, send them in. We're doing an all holiday show next week.

Kwanzaa, Hanukkah. Ramadan. Ramadan. What? Yeah. No, not Ramadan. Ramadan. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Ramadan. Yeah. So send those in. We'll tell you all the ways at the end of the show. Make sure to include not only your question, but if you have any family traditions, anything like that.

We'll talk more about it later. Also with pagan witchmas. We forgot pagan witchmas. Yes. Winter solstice. Yeah. If you have a holiday tradition, send it into us and we'll tell you if they're weird or not, which they probably are.

If it includes stepping on balls with sexy high heels, badness. Yeah. Send that to my personal address. Griffin, hit me with a Yahoo. Sure. This one was sent in by Modest Madison. Thank you, Modest Madison. Thank you, Modest Madison.

This is by Yahoo Answers user, DearestLove, who asks, friend might be a robot, help. Okay. So my best friend of 15 years might be a robot. She beeps and boops and has a crazy phobia of water. And sometimes she spazs out like a machine overheating. Should I confront her and be like, I think you might be a robot or leave it alone. Help. Now listen, straight up, everyone's immediate reaction is going to be to mock this person?

No, no, no. Yeah. What the fuck? What is? It's an epidemic. Yeah. This is what I'm saying. If we don't listen to these people, we are losing our first line of defense.

This is how they get us. Yeah. When you, when someone someday has a friend who is secretly a robot, when they come and they will, there's going to be at least one person. It has to start somewhere. That's what I'm saying. Like there has to be a first. And everyone thinks it's going to be Will Smith, who's going to be that person who flips

it. But I think it's going to be people like you and me and dearest love. Yeah. Here's it. Here's, here's, let's, let's get the conversation started. Here's a response by Yahoo Answers user James who says, splash her with water and be like, Oh, sorry, I thought you were a robot. If she dies, she was a robot.

Okay. Fundamental problem right here. People aren't using their fucking noodle. If she's a witch, she'll die too. Maybe you don't. Yeah. What's up? Mind freak.

The, the preferred response here is to close her off in a room with no access to electricity or food or water for two weeks or three weeks. Yep. And then if she is able to, if she like dies without electricity or food or water, she's a robot. Yeah. That's fine. You could ask her to divide by zero to see what that does to her noodle.

Oh shit. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. You got to pose a logic puzzle too, right? Yeah. Like could God make a rock so big that he couldn't move it? Like, yeah.

Yeah. If it's a religious robot, I guess, and I have to take a religious bot. I'm bi-believe the Bible bot. I know all the verses. What if, what if you were to say, Hey, Pi, what was Pi again, that number? And then like try to remember it and if she goes any more than like four or five digits, I'm going to go ahead and call robot. Well, she might have that Rain Man thing.

Oh fuck, is Rain Man a robot? Yes. Ah, that would be so much better now. Ask her to watch AI and if she enjoys it, she's a robot. Rain Man is basically minority report now. Now it's like minority report prequel, if you think about it, God damn, but people are stupid. Like, wow, it's, it's getting bad out there guys.

It's getting rough. Yeah. I got a lot. This was a really bad week for just questions that are just the dumbest, like the dumbest people. Just the worst. Like the dumbest, just the dumbest people on the planet. I need to re, re, re-calibrate here.

MBME AM, I'm tired of where I live. I want to pack my bags and move away while I'm still young enough for it to be feasible. I don't know if I should work towards moving to Los Angeles or New York. What do you suggest, aimless actor? Uh, I suggest getting a job. Nah, fuck it. I think he's saying LA or New York. So what between those two?

Neither. You should go to Chicago or Miami or Utah. Really? Yeah. Utah shakes. Huge theater company there. Also Canada. A lot of movies are being filmed in Canada these days.

If you can go to like Montreal or Winnipeg, there's a lot of movies being filled up north. Vancouver. I will, I just want to put in a hearty warning against Los Angeles. I know very few people who have moved there and want to continue living there. And I understand like city of dreams and stuff, like whatever, but like, man, I don't like Los Angeles. I really don't. Those two cities are like the tourist attraction of acting.

You know, everybody shows up, you know, to a place like Orlando and wants to go to Universal Studios and to Disneyland for the traditional Florida experience or whatever. But there's so many other fun places to go where there's not as big crowds. It doesn't cost as much to go there like you're saying, you're saying they should look for the the Dollywood of, yeah, yeah, honestly, like find the place that's right for you. Don't just go to New York or LA because that's where you feel you have to go to work. Can I see just Dollywood? Yeah, I'm sure they have some kind of dance ensemble.

There are so many people there trying to be famous, like so many. And I get that. I get it. New York. Things are happening. Like it's, it's an exciting place. LA, I don't know. I don't, I don't get it with LA, but like stick with New York.

New York is, there's a lot of stuff going on, but there are so many people there trying to eat your lunch. Yeah. Don't you want a place where you can just have your lunch in peace and quiet? You might not be, you may have less of a chance of getting super Omega famous in a, in a, like a regional theater situation, but you'll be able to make a living acting. And if that's, if that's what you really want, then, then maybe explore some of those options. If anything, it's more important in, in your chosen field of profession that you make contacts,

make connections. And if you roll up to LA or New York without any connections or contacts, then you are just like the tens of thousands of people that roll up to LA and New York every day. If you work in, you know, smaller markets at first, you'll meet more people, you'll make those contacts and you won't just be showing up blindly with a suitcase saying, I'm ready world, be prepared, you know, be, have all the tools at your disposal ready to go. Don't just roll up expecting someone to point at you and say, you, you're exactly what I've

been looking for. I'm Mr. Universal. That's a long process. And you can't, you can't like be one of the, the lead chorus members in your local community theaters production of Joseph and the amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and be like, made it. What's next? The silver screen, like it doesn't work like that. When my friends and I talk about games and movies and the like, I tend to notice a lot

of them say things that are just downright wrong. I'm a sponge. So I know a lot of useless facts about stuff. So sometimes I feel like I should correct them. However, when I do this, I feel like a grade A jerk. Is it better to just go on pretending what they said was right? Or is there a way to inform them without being pompous and rude? Is there a way to correct someone without making yourself look like a know it all douchebag

sad in New Jersey? Why is he so sad? Why are you sad? I don't understand why that comes to me. Because he's in New Jersey. And he's a sponge. Yeah. It's gotta be rough.

I have a hundred percent definitive answer for you. Okay. Okay. You should not, when possible, you should not correct people. Ever. Ever. Here's here. Think about the logic of the situation.

Someone says something wrong. Right. Someone says, um, Mr. Mr. 500 or Mr. 5000. What's a Bernie, uh, Bernie Mac movie? Mr. 3000. Mr. 3000 starred Cedric the Entertainer and no, of course it didn't. And you know that, like deep down in your heart, you know that. But, uh, someone says it, if you say no, you're wrong.

It was Bernie Mac, then you might feel a little better about yourself for a second, but that person's going to be embarrassed and they're going to think you're a jerk. Yeah. Best just to keep your mouth shut. Because this conversation happens during your monthly meeting of the Bernie Mac fan club and like, he's going to have fucking scrambled eggs all over his face. And you did that to him. You did that.

You can't wash that away. I mean, you can, but you, it'll take longer than you think the, the, if you need to correct someone, if you must, if it's a situation where their misconception could be damaging or could have some effect, it's not just like a bunch of people shooting the shit, uh, say, put it this way. If I'm going to be wrong, I frequently am, but I think, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Something like, are you sure?

Or I don't know if that sounds right, but you don't want to like jump on them and be like, wrong. Or just pull them, you could just pull them aside and be like, listen, um, I didn't want to embarrass you in front of the rest of the club, but I, I believe you meant to say Bernie Mac when you said that. It's a common mistake. They were, they had a lot of share of movies, but I think what you want to ask yourself is, is this something that's going to continue the conversation or is this something that's

going to awkwardly end the conversation? Because I just called out this person for no reason. Like, if you guys are having a debate about, you know, Tom Cruise movies and somebody brings up a movie that he wasn't in and you want to continue on the conversation, great. But don't just be a douchebag and correct your friends. Why would they be talking about Tom Cruise movies during their Bernie Mac fan club meeting? It's a great question. Well, they had to share the, the hall because it was double booked.

You need to, you need to get used to the satisfaction of knowing you're right without forcing everyone else to acknowledge that unless you are Bernie Mac, unless you are Bernie Mac. And then it's like, I told you I would be back from beyond. What? I say it, I forgot that it really exited my mind and it entered and left really quickly. That's like Bernie Mac in this world, right? Is that a metaphor for how he left us just soon? Oh, I remember now.

I had a great idea. What if you did the exact opposite of what we're saying? Okay. I'm not saying that you correct everyone all of the time, right? Not in the middle of conversation. So maybe this is a play way to handle it. I don't know. Nobody's done it before.

This is untreaded ground. What if you publish your own daily newsletter that you distributed to your friends, right? But it's not news. It's, it's corrections only, right? Every time anyone says any wrong shit, which it sounds like happens a lot in your group of friends, you just send out this newsletter like you, you said, you said George Lopez, but you met George Lucas. That was, that one was on Tommy.

Tommy said that at 322 p.m. on Thursday. Star Wars would have been better, at least the first thing. I'm not convinced that Phantom Menace wasn't written and directed by George Lopez. I wouldn't, because I would, because you weren't fucking chortling the whole way through. That's how you know. Should you wait and collect this newsletter throughout a given day or week? Or should it be like someone says something wrong and you stand up and walk out of the room? Where's he going?

He's going to his printing press. You said something stupid. He'll be back in just a moment. Or maybe there's copies. I don't know. Maybe that's maybe that's something you could use Facebook for, right? And tag everybody who said some wrong shit. No, it's a printing press or nothing.

Yeah, OK, a handset type printing press. An old school Gutenberg. I want you to fucking mimeograph their mistakes and and rub it in their faces with that. You need to come back out with like arm garters and, you know, an old timey apron and your hands covered in ink and just a green visor. Yeah, I like your newsletter. Is this something we could charge for? Is this something that people would purchase?

I think if I was wrong about something and someone wrote a newsletter about it, I probably would want to pay to read it. I would pay for that privilege. Um, I haven't hit me with a yahoo. I feel like we need to get another yahoo in here before we wrap it up. OK, we're probably going a bit long here, but so what? How about? Sure.

You know, I've got two that I'm debating between, but I don't know that either of them will start a particularly good conversation. So what if I just did both of them and we just did like two minute like sliders? Right, OK, like sliders. OK, this one was sent in by Yahoo answers, or by wax catharsis. Thank you, wax catharsis. It's by Yahoo answers user Michelle H. Who asks, I see these beautiful pictures of Vin Diesel on the net.

However, when I try to find posters, dull, dull, dull. Where can I order a great Vin Diesel poster? Or is there a place that I can take a picture off the net and make it into a poster? No. If you go to my brother, mbmbam.com and click the buy stuff link, we have a large selection of Vin Diesel posters that I think. I am not just Vin Diesel posters. I would say that these pictures, these high quality glossy JPEGs,

these are beautiful pictures of Vin Diesel. Artistic, like should be in a museum. But actually ask pictures of Vin. Just this is a gorgeous piece of art that we got. You can you can tell that there are because you can see a little pub. But not like all just tasteful, like a really tasteful amount. A tasteful amount of Vin Diesel's pubes. And if that's not the name of this episode, I'll eat my hat.

Here's the other one. Because I feel like that one's pretty much cast. Oh, this one's also sitting by wax catharsis. This is our wax catharsis block. Yahoo Answers user Zandra asks, is it OK to call a baby girl Poo-D-Tang? My cousin LaShawn calls her daughter Arianna Poo-D-Tang. I tell her that Poo-D-Tang is another word for pussy.

But she thinks otherwise and still calls her that. No, it's a hilarious, hilarious movie. Yeah, they're saying your baby, you make me laugh and you're underappreciated. Is and you're written by Louis C.K. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But to be fair, I also don't think there's anything wrong with little Poo-D-Tang growing up and killing her mom. So yeah, there's that.

Shiloh deserved it. Yeah, like, is that has the word Poo-D-Tang been adopted by the consciousness of the world to see that's a thing. No, yeah, no, yeah, it's not a thing. I've never said that it's a movie. It's not slang for a vagina, not only a movie, but a movie that's like 12 years old. Yeah, yeah, I yeah, I don't think you're right on this one. Yeah, who answers?

I'm glad you're listening because I I think I may be wrong. I frequently am, but I don't think Poo-D-Tang is the name for a woman's vagina. I let me take you aside here. Come on, come with me. Let's let this word, right? OK, let's do this like dictionary.com style. OK, Poo-D. Uh-huh, poo.

I mean, that obviously sounds like a fart. It sounds like some something rectal, right? Yeah, uh-huh, yeah, and Tang. Delicious, refreshing. Also like creepy 1970s, space centric. Yeah, creepy 1970s slang for for vagina. OK, I guess it is.

There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things going on in this word. So what you're saying is she's calling her daughter farty vagina. She's calling her daughter. Yeah, like and if that's not the name of this episode. I or I don't. Yeah, I will name my child Poo-D-Tang and that will be their Christian name. And I will raise them to celebrate the winter souls.

Is there any other Saturday Night Live characters that we can name? Was Poo-D Tang a Saturday Night Live? No, sir. It wasn't, was it? I'm thinking of, no. Yeah, it was just a movie. You're thinking of Mr. Bill, another great product by Capcom Mobile. What about Ladies Man? Ladies Man.

Undercover brother. You guys are bigots. I've been doing the show with bigots for years, and I had no idea. I grew up. I was reared with two bigots. No, no, no. OK, hold on. I think my racial tolerance is is an inspiration. It's an inspiration, my racial tolerance that I was able to grow up

in the same household with you two bigots and and still not see color in the manner that I do is I don't I don't think heroism is is too strong of a word, maybe too weak, actually. So my brothers are bigots and I don't want to do this show. Man, I can't wait to do that Christmas episode. It's a lot of warmth. A lot of warmth in here. There's a lot.

It will be the most racially charged Christmas episode. Yeah. And probably in history. So this has been my brother, my brother, me before we wrap it up. A couple quick housekeeping notes. Mbmbam.com is our website. Mbmbam is our the name of our Twitter feed. If you want to follow us there or we're coming up on 2000.

If you want to order products from from us, we have t shirts and hooded sweatshirts, the proceeds from which go to big brothers, big sisters. You you can get those at mbmbam.com. If you want to get them by Christmas, you need to order in the next week. The 19th is the cutoff for those, I believe. Is that right, Griffin, 18th or 19th? I have no idea. I do know that we only have a few sweatshirts left, a few hoodie, hoodie.

OK, and we have raised you or you guys, we haven't done anything. You guys have raised almost five hundred dollars for big brothers, big sisters, which is amazing. That's enough to buy a big brother, right? Yeah, that is one big brother. If you if you buy a couple more, maybe we can get in some cool shades or something. That's what big brothers are supposed to do. So so get on there, get the get the goods, get the merchandise.

We've got a flash magic eight ball you can ask questions of. We've got forums that are still super active. Lots of people talking about lots of crazy stuff on there. And Griffin and me and Travis dip in from time to time. If you want to play World of Warcraft with us, all our login info is there, so you can just come on over and say hi. Good buffs. God, I'm so sad. I know I'm getting depressed to talk real shit's real, though.

Come get some buffs. You got a you got a buff. Come give me. Can we give me your buffs? And and and that's it. We also have a voicemail, right? Yeah, it's a one is two, zero, three of them ban one. Yeah, call us and we don't like play those on the show or anything, but we listen to them if you need us for there for you.

And all the ways to contact us are on the website. You can also send in questions through the website. It's all there. One stop shopping. It's nice. Yeah. And oh, we love it when people put up quotes from the show. Sometimes they ruin jokes, but that's OK. I don't mind so much. We got people spread the word Oizilla, O-I-Z-I-L-L-A. Out there, spread the word Michael Mani, as always.

He has some people put up some incredible fan art for Bramble Pelt, a lot of people do, but but thank you, everybody who submitted, you know, your Bramble Pelt illustrations. And and and that'll do it for for us. And also just to reiterate, we have the comedy show, the holiday show coming up. So, yeah, it will not be a comedy show. No, it'll be super serious. Fucking super dour like tune in like for and racially charged.

Charged that episode, unfortunately, is whites only. So we're calling it white Christmas. It's called the Ben Bams Christmas show for white kids. Oh, so. Um, just kidding. You know, anybody can get a bag and listen. Like we encourage whites to download it, but we can't we can't. I would like to discourage white people from listening up like that.

Um, so Griffin, we we have one more question. Why don't you why don't you hit me? OK, let's see. This one was sent in by Jairus Mitchell. Thank you, Jairus. It's by Yahoo! And Susie's or Glow, who asks. Is tea just gay coffee?

I'm just a microwave. I'm Griffin microwave. This has been my brother, my brother and me. Kiss your dad. Let's go wear on the lips.