My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 35: Teach Me How to Holi-Dougie

Episode Date: December 20, 2010

We've got a tight little stocking stuffer for you this week, friends. We're talking about all your different holiday traditions, and we're doing it while trying as hard as we possibly can not to curse. (Except for the first minute or so.) Share it with your loved ones! Thanks to Drew from Toothpaste For Dinner for the fresh intro song. And thanks to JPhonic for the bonus track for premium Appsperience users! And thanks to you, for listening, and being so generally rad. Happy holidays!

Hello, friends. This is Griffin. You're about to listen to my brother, my brother, and me's here to for Untitled Holiday Special. As we promised, it is relatively free of cursing if you want to listen to it with your family, except for, oh, I don't know, the first minute or so features a song that is full of quite a bit of cursing. So just a heads up, if you're watching this with Mama and Papa and Lil Bro and Big Bro and Sissy and Unky Dan around the fireplace, and you don't want to hear any curse words, you may want to skip forward by about a minute starting right now. Fuck you if you don't like Christmas and Kwanzaa. Fuck you if you don't like Aiden Hanukkah.

Fuck you if you don't like Thanksgiving. You gotta be grateful. Fuck you if you don't like Goodwill to men. Fuck you if you don't like presents in the den and stockings hung by the motherfucking fireplace with care. Fuck you if you don't like working for a living. Fuck you if you don't like the spirit of giving. Fuck you if you don't like yams from a cannon. Fuck you if you don't like Honey Baked Ham. Fuck you if you don't like eggnog. Fuck you if you don't like other kinds of nog. And fuck you if you don't like reindeer dogs. Fuck you if you don't like Christmas. Fuck you if you don't like Christmas.

Fuck you if you don't like Christmas Fuck you if you don't like Christmas Ho, ho, ho That's it? That's what you're bringing? That's your super original? That's why Christmas heat is to say ho ho ho at the beginning As true today as it was in Santa Claus' day My original thought had been to say ho ho holidays That's the worst Justin

Oh my god Pretty good right? Were you struck in the head with something? Let me try again I'll just start Let me start over Let's just fire off like nine or ten different Born unto us this day is a child named Wisdom

That would be the star of knowledge and enlightenment While three wise men named Justin Travis and Griffin look awesome I said that's a vein that we can tap into Yeah definitely Let's try again Make the three wise men more of a focal point The three wise men were the true center of the first Christmas Every 25th of December we get together and celebrate

Three wise men appearing unto Jesus So there's gold, there's frankincense and there's myrrh Which one of us, which gift would each of us have brought? Because I think I would have brought the frankincense Yeah I think I would have done myrrh Because I want to budget But see gold seems a little too gaudy for Justin Me, yeah, no I would, no I was back then

Could it be frankincense, myrrh, and Pokemon cards? Justin and I would probably both bring myrrh Because we didn't talk about it beforehand Yeah I would bring gold because I would be super into my Joey Badafuka face I would just have chains and stuff That was me back then, that was a long, I mean it was literally Approximately 2,000 years ago

Not approximately Griffin, we know exactly how long ago It was 2,009 years and 360 days Is that how long ago? So this is my brother, my brother and me teach me how to holoduggy This is an advice show for the moderate era There has to be a better name for it than that I don't think there is The only other one I could come up with was teach me how to snuggie

I feel like that's right in that same vein Griffin you're talking to a man whose best intro was Holidays I'm not going to be able to come up with a better name I don't know, I appreciate the candor of your terrible, your terrible holiday references So what about It was called the episode Christmas time What about

Christmas time Holiday Snowdown Holiday Snowdown, sure This is, like I said, an advice show for the moderate era Where three actual brothers, my name is Justin McIlroy I'm Travis McIlroy And I'm Griffin McIlroy And we're trying our darndest

And you'll know, you know it's true because I said darndest To do a holiday show A family holiday show appropriate for all ages And so this is going to shake out one of two ways If you're listening with family members Either you are going to share a really nice 50 or so minutes Or you're going to share a nice 25 minutes Followed by 25 minutes of awkward silence

Now, we kind of screwed that up with our intro song But really, I feel like it was so delightful and light hearted That profanity, you know, it wasn't vulgar No Using the FCC's regulations for vulgarity Okay, yeah, I had forgotten about that So, sorry already I guess That's our buddy Drew Toothpaste

His name is not Drew Toothpaste His name is Drew, he makes toothpastefordinner.com A delightful webcomic You should go buy his merch And you should follow him on Twitter And he's at Drew Toothpaste And maybe just say like, hey, thanks Thanks for the license

Thanks for letting the brothers use your tune I'm a big fan, fan for life I'm your biggest fan now Yeah, just turn swim fan on him Yeah, that's good Yeah, go full swim fan Follow him around, leave dead sparrows in front of his car Yeah

See, I'm a big fan of your show And he'll be like, what show? And then disappear like a ninja Hey, so let's get into the questions Let's dip in What's the best way to introduce your significant other To your drunken family at the family holiday dinner or party? Happy holidays from Mary in Manhattan

And that's M-E-R-R-Y Love it Love it This seems ideal to me This seems like it cuts down on a lot of the pressure Sure, yeah That you undergo when introducing a significant other to a group of people It's like pressure-free

Because first off, they're only sort of going to remember it Yeah, there's like a built-in reset button Yeah That's a double-edged sword though Because your significant other next time they see your family members If your family members are like, oh, hey That could hurt a feelings or his feelings There's no greater gift than the next social engagement you're at

You know you're going to have a leg up because the person won't remember you That puts them on the defensive That's a priceless form of social currency Sometimes when I introduce myself to people, I say, oh, hi, I'm Grisha And then I got all the power I hold all the cards in that situation And that's what the holidays are all about, holding all the cards Especially if you're playing Skitbow

Skitbow Holiday Skitbow You got a whole family together, the cables out You got this wassel, a big pot of wassel And you don't know what to do Why not Skitbow? That's a freebie Skitbow, for the holidays That's the free one

That's the new slogan That one's for you, Skitbow Company Thanks for the money, suckers I think that you You know, you say, hey This is Deborah Letter into your heart like you let Jesus into your heart 2009 years and 360 days ago Yeah, I would say unless your family is like belligerently drunk

It's not any different than introducing them to them at any other time Now if your family is belligerently drunk Might I suggest not No, screw that noise Might I suggest drinking contests with your new, like, prove her or himself to them Oh, I like that actually Or maybe you just show up to the party with like a whole carton of three buck chuck Like, hey guys, yourselves right now

I'm gonna take you to full on Blackout Town Let's go to Blackout Town for the holidays I love it And yeah, this is a good time to introduce new loves in your life because Is it? It is because strangers are almost like to be expected Yeah It's the only time where I think it wouldn't be weird

Um Yeah, but there's a, I mean Ceremony Especially if you've got extended family because you don't know them that well Maybe that's why, I mean the ceremony of the holidays There's so much ceremony and everybody's ceremonies are different That's kind of what we're talking about today is people's, you know, what they do for Christmas What's their normal, their normal style

And when you introduce new elements into that, I don't know, I think it can be weird for them But it sounds like this person's tradition is drinking heavily Which I think most people can get down with The most important thing for you to do is to explain to your significant other What they should be prepared for Because really, like, I think the concern here is not your family accepting them So much as it is your family is drunk at a family holiday party And you're bringing your significant other there and they are getting introduced for the first time

So just make sure that they are prepped and ready to go for, you know Your drunk uncle, your drunken hanging out on the table Yeah, you know, it's a trick beer You just can't help yourself Let's move on What are some cheap gifts for Hanukkah? I can get for my friends without seeming cheap I am in college and super poor

Any advice? Kara, Kara, sweetie You done missed it What about Bible? You done fell off Travis, are you suggesting that she convert to Christianity and that be her Christmas present or Hanukkah present? No, I'm suggesting she convert other people She'd be a force

She'd be a force to win souls to Jesus Is that what you're saying to me right now? No, of course not, that's bigoted Happy holidays, I'm changing your religion Um, no Man, maybe it's Hanukkah's winding down You're like, boy, this has been fun But wouldn't it be great to celebrate again?

That's when you need to make the switch Let's just keep it going Folks, if you're gonna switch from Judaism to Christianity You have to do it December 19th? Yeah, like right around there And then, surprise I think you should, whatever you get

You should go to your friends and say I'm sorry, I got you terrible Hanukkah gifts I asked three Baptists what I should get And they didn't They said I should convert you to Christianity It did not come through It did not play like how I thought it would You know, I used to think that nobody could do this successfully

Like the I used to think like if you do not have money Around Christmas or Hanukkah You're just effed There's nothing you can do there But lately I don't know, I've seen some people actually make Some really nice things

For other people that Scarf would be down Yeah, scarf, a nice shawl Never underestimate like Making dinner for your friends You know what I mean? It's a big group present It'll cost you like 20 bucks to cover everyone

And you know, if they're Poor too, they'll probably appreciate the food More than they would appreciate A lighter or something I don't know, what do you get people on Hanukkah? No, that's good, that's good Because I think college is an appropriate age Where you don't have to worry so much about

Like killing it With actual tangible gifts Like actual shows of affection Are just as appreciated You know that little saying It's a thought that counts I like to extrapolate that To its logical conclusion

And give people gifts that they won't let me give them To it Try this, when Christmas time rolls around Tell them you got them two months of maid service And then they'll be like, wow, that sounds really nice And then on the first day Show up in like an apron With a duster and just look really sad

And start cleaning their floor There's no way they're gonna let you do it Now, let's dissect that What thought went into that Like diabolical The thought was I'm gonna get you two months of maid service And I'll do it myself

And the best gifts are the ones you make That's a thought that counts Also it's implying that your house is really dirty Turning yourself into an indentured servant Is The thought I had is that you might like Their house to be cleaner That's creepy

It's not like a do anything It's not like those dirty maids It's like a regular maid service Still Oh, another great gift dirty maid service If that's available in your area It's major metropolitan right now But I think it's really

I read in Readers Digest Readers Digest really? That's where I read about that Someone took an advert Another great cheap gift Readers Digest They're like three bucks a pop They're at every doctor's office Just get them from a doctor's office

Hey, it looks like you can't handle A real magazine Here's this little guy The thought was I was gonna read a bunch of magazines And cut out the best parts And tape them together for you But instead I let these people do it for you

And I stole this from a doctor's office My crazy aunt Has made a list of things she wants from her Relatives for Christmas She even made my grandmom, her mom Buy a pot she wants Money for it for me for Christmas That's a lot of stuff

What do I do? What? I'm not even sure I understand Incept this for me today Her crazy aunt Has a Christmas list A list of things she wants for Christmas She made her grandmother By which the question

Askers mom by a pot Until I get the money Okay, so the person asking the question Gave her mom money Buy a pot for her aunt for Christmas Not an ordeal I don't see the ordeal here I think the issue here is the specificity

Of the list And to the point where it is less A list of suggestions And more like the aunt said That's the pot I want Buy it now and then just get the money from her later I think it goes deeper than that I think she's saying I want the question

Ask her, let's just call her Debra I want Debra to get me a pot Christmas Debra That seems almost like That fetishist My Christmas will be ruined Unless Christmas Debra gets me that pot

Just go ahead and get it now Before it's sold out Get it now, get it today She has to buy it at 9.46 I have had holidays ruined Because people didn't bring me the pot they promised That I can sympathize with But if she gets the pot

From Debra's papa Is she going to freak out At that point? If my dad gave me pot I would freak out Absolutely This leads to a good discussion about List List, such a holiday conundrum

On the one hand It's kind of It's kind of like a kidnapper You're making really specific demands And you put things on there specifically So certain people will get them for you But then there's without a list It's a complete crapshoot

Oh yeah, it's rough Accent on the crap I have so many things now The sliver of things That I want Of material possessions That I would value is so small I'm a

White American In my early 30's I have My 20's, technically It's like very late 20's The Twilight years The Twilight years are my 20's And

I have most of the things That I would need Including Twilight Here's the thing Papa McElroy and I agree That Christmas time is a test It's a time to like prove how much You love someone by how well you know them

By what gifts you can get them It's not how much you get them You're absolutely right How well do you know me If you guys get me cookware Actually I could actually use some cookware That's about it It's a moving target

That's the problem I think this is one area That I excel at I don't want to toot my own horn But I think I'm pretty good at identifying What a person wants and needs I'm feeling that desire I'm pretty good with knowing what girls want

And girls need But as far as just regular people Whatever makes them happy sets them free Absolutely I can't believe I knew the second first The second line Can't believe I didn't follow that up That's my Christmas gift to you is that knowledge

Remember that on Christmas day Because you're not going to get as much as everybody else I think this is a Classic question But what do I get my boyfriend's parents for Christmas We've been together for almost two years now And I've actually spent more time at his parents house In the last two years than at my own

I'm in grad school and he lives much closer I want to get them something that says Thank you for letting me sleep in your son's bed Without judging me too much But not hi, I'd like to be your new daughter Thanks, confused at Christmas time Ooh Fine line, gotta walk that line

Gotta walk it Have you considered a card Like just a nice Card maybe you can make it yourself That says thank you for letting me sleep in your son's bed Without judging me too much A little literal for my taste Yeah, but I mean it's Christmas time

Cut out the middle man Cut out sentimentality If you've been with this dude for two years Why are you afraid of a gift that says Hi, I would like to be your new daughter Don't you want to be? Let's not bring a Christmas show down By talking about how this person has

Commitment issues What I'm saying is you sleep at their house You spend more time at their house Than at your own Maybe it's time to accept the fact That you probably don't need to worry about What you get them for Christmas Well you should actually

Reverse of that, have to worry more and more Each year It expounds Oh man, I missed the boat Can I, I think a lot of times People You think too much about Who you are relative to the gift you're getting

And I don't think that matters to people so much I think if you Think about them as The person and what that person might like Then I don't think you send The only time I think you send messages with a gift Is if it's like a ring or a key

Or something I don't think people read into it that much Maybe that's just me Don't do frame photos Stay away from frame photos Here's the thing If you are having trouble Identifying

Your potential Parents in law Your potential parents in law What kind of people they are What they might want Maybe you should spend some more time with them And get to know them a little bit better That's a great present

It sets you up for ease of use For future gift buying things Ideally You would know them as well as you know Your own parents and you would know What they get them Everybody has that main thing That people think about

When it comes to getting gifts for them He really likes dogs so I'll give him something dog themed You want to go for the second level That less people know But they still really enjoy And then get them something Nonspecific themed to that I know you well enough

That I know you like this thing But you know I don't want to be your new daughter That can really bite you in the ass though I know you like books Here's a Barnes and Noble gift card For parents For potential parents in law

I don't know You can go more specific than that I bought you a Barnes and Noble Yeah I brought you to Barnes and Noble To pick out whatever you want Get in the car it's Christmas I'd like to let you guys in on a little

A little Justin McRoy jam A little secret from me to you If you're spending a lot of time at their house Get them something That they can keep at their house That's going to make your life a little better A couple years back I got my in-laws The surround sound system they like it

I love it because I'm there all the time Watching movies Getting a real Sensory experience That I got nothing to those happy holidays Like something that's going to make you happy too If you want more specific For the dad get the new

Mark Twain autobiography And for the mom get the snuggy It's a gift everybody wants but nobody will buy themselves See I was going to say roller skates, roller skates Roller skating lessons Okay good couples activity Couple's activity Strengthen their marriage

And embarrass them Embarrass them on the street because Let's be honest we're in roller skates Matching sweatsuits Matching track suits I love it, that's a slam dunk Hey guys, you know what Griffin do you have any

Can we yahoo? I do have a yahoo I only have a couple that are holiday themed So I'm going to save those for maybe a little bit later in the show Let's do this one This one is sent in by Bridget Thank you Bridget It's by yahoo answers user Jesse Who asks

Why do I feel like I am a car What? For some reason I have an obsession Where I know I am a car Mostly in Mercedes Benz or BMW Like I will be running And stop all of the sudden While doing my tire brake sound effect

And act like I am slamming on my brakes on the interstate I also like to make the BMW face While taking off really fast And doing the sound effect Wait what? What is the BMW face? I feel like I am truly born a car Like a BMW or a Mercedes

Is it normal? No Although it's not normal What? It's opposite of normal Here's a good normal Acid test If anyone ever has ever said anything like what you're saying It's normal But that is not your case

Like you're the only person What is a BMW face? You don't know? No I don't like my Vocality Yeah guys I'm just making a BMW face Oh it does

It sounds classier I think Should I make it for the rest of the show? Okay I have a question for you What would be less creepy This person who says I know I am a car Or someone who wrote in saying I like to pretend that I am a car

I would almost prefer They have the commitment to being a car Like this person does I know I am a car I mean what could possibly lead to This is obviously some sort of deep deep delusion That he's been cultivating for years What could possibly

What was the seed, what was the inception That really got in his noggin And planted this idea in his head He watched Turbo Teen and he saw Turbo Teen eat something hot and change into a car You're gonna have to explain Because that sounds like some obscure 1980s cartoon

Stuff Okay then you already know It sounds like you cracked this case already Turbo Teen eats something hot And he turns into a car Do you say he eats something hot, like spicy? Yes Or he gets hot

He turns into a car That's the crappiest superpower It's awkward It happens if you're on a first date But you're at an Indian restaurant And you eat some chicken tandoori And make you What about when you get into

Like later on in the evening You get into that heavy petting and all of a sudden She's got a handful of chrome And also more importantly she's crushed to death Underneath your car That you are The sauna is another weird one Because you're just there with a bunch of naked guys

And all of a sudden there's a car in a towel And they just crushed all of them Because it's not a big sauna So I have to know more about this question Are there answers? There are two This one is by a Yahoo Answers user

Come on people who says It's completely normal What's not normal is how you think your a Mercedes Benz or a BMW Just face it, you're a Chevy like the rest of us Bleh Yahoo Answers user Nightwish Responded

I'd rather eat worms than drive a Chevy And this is what it evolves into Yahoo Answers user Yahoo Answers user He says you sir are a complete lunatic There Thank you, we got back around to it I like to think that's my brother

My brother and me listener Who is coming through Yahoo Answers And found this question and answered Hey, you're crazy balls Is there a more perfect symbol For the internet The one human being says I am a car and another one says

I like different cars Didn't you hear the first thing The thing that just happened If you guys were cars Let's open it up Any form of motorized Locomotion What would you, what do you think you'd go with

If I was a form of Doom Buggy Travis really? I don't get that, you don't seem like you're a big fan of the dunes No, I just want to be a Doom Buggy They're awesome Is this like a what Yeah, it's like a psychological Like association test, like what

What argue, what attribute I would be a derailed train That's pretty poetic Travis That's deep Justin, anything Me? I'd be a A hearse that used to be a hearse

But then somebody turned it into a pizza wagon I like it Maybe a segue No, that's good Where do you want to order Where do you want to order from We're going to download that, we're going to do pizza hut Yeah, that would be really upsetting

Because you get so excited for your pizza to show up Like you know how like when you see the pizza wagon roll up Like it's the most exciting moment of your life Why do you always order a pizza funeral That's my least favorite place The pizza graveyard And you always order from there Although their corpse crust is just

Really, it's out of this world I would of course be a G6 Or like a G6 Yeah I think I'm G6-like, the way that I like to fly so high Hey guys My sister-in-law is pregnant Not only does she want to put one of her sonogram pictures

On her Christmas Christ this year She wants to fetish off a little sandhack On her unborn child Yes, yes, yes she does How do we politely explain to her That this is the worst idea ever You don't do that You don't do a thing

In fact, I would suggest like A series of these Doing different things Like a little cowboy hat Maybe he's playing a little flute A little pan flute in there I like that Ask her to make it good

For a bunch of different religions And like photoshop a little yamaka on him And put happy hanaka because that would be adorable I mean it depends on how far along he is Like if he's still like just a little A wee little zygote I do not think that That particular form of human being

Is capable of doing many things Although I don't think you could capture that In a sonogram that might be a little... And if it is a zygote An inappropriate response is to go Not too late And that's like, don't do that Will Santa visit you

In the womb to Santa? Absolutely There's a tight fit There's some... You don't read that Christmas story Very frequently It's pretty apocryphal What's the chimney?

Does he turn it on you Like doesn't go the way you expected Like does the nose? No, it's your butt It's your butt Santa's a little kind of on the... It's a little literal He's not a creative man

It's not the best story ever It's not It's the most upsetting story Listen, you're going to have to be pretending that you Really can't get enough of this kid For years to come You might as well start now You might as well just...

Keep it to yourself I watched Die Hard every Christmas Eve And have done so for the past decade or so It's been a long standing tradition After one year when it was the only Remotely Christmas related movie Okay Nothing gives me more pump for special day

Than watching Bruce Willis kill German thieves Would you consider Die Hard a Christmas movie And is this tradition as awesome as I think it is Or is it just plain weird Simply... Sincerely McClain at Marymus Yes Yes, what?

It's awesome, I do this too And of course Die Hard is a Christmas movie It's the best Christmas movie It's a Christmas movie in the same vein As a Christmas movie Or Love Actually is a Christmas movie They aren't mired in Christmas themes But they do take place at Christmas

And they get me Christmas Eve feeling Down deep Down deep in my gut Where your heart used to be Doesn't Bruce Willis at one point kill a dude And put a Santa hat on him? Yeah, there it is There's your link

I got a machine gun, Christmas Ho ho ho holidays The Christmas traditions Are by and large whatever you attach value to And if you Have like, you know, if that gives you That traditional feeling, that Christmasy Nostalgic feeling to watch Die Hard with your family

It's totally appropriate And not weird at all Hey, do you guys want to try and guess My favorite line from Die Hard? Uh, tell me Oh my god, the quarterback is toast Is that your favorite one? That might be my favorite line in any

That might be my favorite sentence Ever spoken I like the old classic Yippee-ki-yay, buddy Christmas to that one Weasel lover Mother plucker I feel like

Around the holidays People start crushing harder on others My theory is that the cold weather increases The like factor Am I crazy for this holiday like theory Or do you find it true as well, Griffin? What? What?

Or do you find this true as well, Griffin? No, I guess, no, he has a point I'm the only single person, I'm the only batch Left on the show, right? I hope I'm the only one who's still crushing Unless you guys crush on your wife And girlfriend respectively Which is still very romantic

We're required to Yeah, that's a thing It is, right? It's because you're so lonely You're so, oh man How lonely is it today? Let me check, the barometer Super, super lonely

And like, it's cold outside Which sucks, so you want to be With someone in a cuddle position And also like It's Christmas and like, you don't have Any presents, like, none You have zero presents Yeah, yeah, that's a totally a thing

It's not a like factor It's a I don't know, it's a quiet Snowy desperation That is my Favorite, Sofjan Stevens album, by the way Quiet, snowy desperation The funny thing is, you can put

A time limit on these relationships And they'll go from about November 20th to February 15th Yeah, it's Groundhog Day, that's actually why Groundhog Day was invented Because it gives you an idea of how much Longer this

It's on shadow baby, I'm sorry See, I usually push it back to spring training As soon as spring training starts That's a baseball Reference Then I usually, I know it's about Quitting, it's closing time She doesn't have to go home, but she absolutely cannot

Stay here It gets weird though, because it's like I've lived this day 20 times and I keep having to break up With you on it I don't know what to do here I'm pretty sure I need to get out of the relationship I should learn to play piano That is the trick

Hey guys I'm driving with my best friend Who's like my brother from NYC to Ohio for Christmas Normally other people are there So I just sit in the back and read with my iPod on Since it will just be He and I, I'll have to interact What are some fun things the brothers

McRoy do on long Car rides, road trip and Gmail Good question I did this yesterday With Evan Our buddy Evan Menzker This is going to sound like a joke But this is why

This year I started listening to podcasts And it also happened To be the year that I started doing a podcast But seriously It saved my life Because I used to live in This kind of crummy suburb of

Cincinnati Where there wasn't anything to do and it was 30 minute drive From Cincinnati to do anything So I started listening to podcasts Seriously, there's no better way It has turned my Driving experience Into an absolute

Treat Is that a good shared activity? The best thing about podcasts is They take care of the talking for you You're going to run out of things to talk about On a 12 hour drive You talk for the first hour You pop on your podcast

Even if it's with your best friend It's still a lot of conversation To do So you take the burden off both people And listen to a funny podcast It's good to have Sorry, go on No, it's good to have that

Absolutely As a backup plan You should have Some in there To mix up your repertoire When the conversation slows I also really like stand up comedy CDs

On a sorry is One of my favorite road trip CDs To listen to That used to be my jam, I think that Podcasts have replaced that need for me though Most of my things revolve around that Books on tape Podcasts

Stand up comedy, it's all pretty much someone else Doing the talking for me Some games There's always spot the car It's fun Spot the letter We used to play a game called ghost Which

We played ghost on the line Ghost is a game where you Take turns This game is so fun It's a good holiday game You take turns Each person gives a letter In sequence

You go in order And each person gives a letter And the idea is to work towards spelling a word But The first person to actually spell a word Or To Use a letter that could not be

Used in the word Is out Or penalized So let's actually, you know what We'll go in order of age descending Okay S T

O C Yeah So at this point Travis has the option of Saying K and spelling stock Which he will lose Or trying to play it off Like he knows another word

But see Travis is also sitting in front of his computer Which has a whole new level of ghost No I'm going to say K Let's end this game over Not necessarily the funniest bit we've ever done But I feel like Not a classic mbm moment It's not going to make the tape

But we just gave everyone a present Because you can play that game at any time of day There are probably nerds shouting At their radios right now Like he should have said age Stotching There are other road games you can play You can play hide the carrot

That's fun Will he notice Will he notice is a great game The Badger's secret That's an old Victorian Parlor game One of these is poisoned You start clapping everybody claps

And they say the Badger's secret Is that I'm alone I've gone to two Christmas parties For the past three days Where I suggested that we play that game I couldn't think of the name of it Like the game from the Albert Finney version Of the Christmas Carol

And people looked at me like I was a madman And it dawned on me that not everybody has seen The Albert Finney version of a Christmas Carol To be fair Griffin if you had said Let's play the minister's cat They still would have looked at you weird Right the minister's cat is a lonely cat Hey Griffin

Downstairs I got that DVD Soon as we're done with this let's just watch that Fire it up It's just befuddling That some people haven't seen Scrooge track it down My husband's family Has a Christmas morning tradition

Of putting the baby Jesus Into the crib in the intivity And the whole family sings happy birthday to Jesus Uh huh Oh no I think this is strange My husband grew up with this tradition So he thinks it's normal Could you guys clear things up

And tell us is it weird Uh Man this is so half and half I think That Like I almost feel like we've done this once Like but like as a goof Because who would do that

Here's the thing if you were singing to the actual baby Jesus In a crib That's the thing my hang up with this They're singing happy birthday to Jesus Is that they're singing happy birthday To a tiny little baby Jesus statuette I'm against singing to inanimate objects In any form

But aren't we supposed to imagine that he's like floating above them And like approvingly Clapping his hands along Or nodding or whatever Then they could like sing it to the heavens But to say it to a little clay figurine is weird Yeah that's idolatry dog That's sin number one

Oh that is true They start singing you pick up the nativity And smash it on the ground And you yell idolatry No false gods You very, very like forcefully try and drag each of them to the oven And burn Shadrack, knee shack, and a bendigo style

Keep it down Shadrack I'm taking you to the oven Um This is at George Foreman Grill You cannot begin this I'm gonna do you very slowly Put half of your hand in here Um

A friend of mine recently told me She's planning on getting gifts for me And a few of her friends for Christmas I told her getting friends gifts Wasn't a thing we usually did And she said she just had some ideas Of mine and rarely gets to shop for guys And she isn't expecting or wanting something in return

Should I run out and get something And tell our friends what she's planning Or just let her give gifts as she pleases Stumped in suburbia Oh god this is so tough This is tricky It's the unspoken contract of gift giving You don't have to give someone a gift

Just because they gave you one But you're gonna feel like a douche If you don't This is why you should have You've got to This is a warning for everybody You've gotta have some backup gifts Just some random wrap

Like a snuggie Everybody wants one Got all the wine in the back of your car Oh sure Cheese tray, something like that What if your 5 year old nephew Gives you a gift You can't be like hey son

He gets the snuggie Yeah I guess But if all you have is wine You get this great juice I like to have a tin of dance Butter cookies Say hair, eat these Baby

Have you guys ever received one of those Bonus presents and like You know Of course you know To answer your actual question The impetus is not on you To fix this Gifts are nice

It's nice to get gifts If your friend's gonna do something That might make people uncomfortable You are not gonna be able To fix this situation Think about this company you have to have A gift It's bossy and nosy

You have You don't have an excuse You have to get her a gift That's not an option For you You know what else is good scarfs It's a good multi-purpose gift I believe it's scarfs

No scarfs Like Garfield does lasagna scarfs Scarfs This is a good object lesson Not for our listeners Stumped in suburbia but for the type of people That he's talking about Don't get random people presents

It's really nice And everything like that But you're gonna sideswipe them And come out of nowhere and And then you're not gonna get anything in exchange And I'm not saying that's the point But it will make the other person Feel uncomfortable because they don't have anything for you

Unless you get them a snuggie And then they will feel comfortable For all of their gifts How about a yahoo answer This one was sent in by Maddie B Thank you Maddie B It's by yahoo answers user raw Who asks

Would your parents explain sex If you put it in your Christmas wish list There's additional details But I feel like we need to address the first Question first Would your parents explain sex If you put it in your Christmas wish list It sounds like he's asking

His parents never explain sex Uh huh He's requesting on his Christmas list That they do To learn about sex That they do the birds and the bees talks See this is another good reason not to have lists Because you can put some crazy

Crazy stuff like that in it I mean that seems like a pretty important present If they skipped out on that I don't know about you guys I received a series of lectures Yeah I think it's funny that he has to outsmart his parents about it Like oh

You got me Alright I guess you gotta have the talk now You did put it on your list Good call Is this question asked or wanting this information Like are they in need of this Like they know how to ask yahoo To ask their parents

Let me bust out the additional details Okay I'm 20 and still awful at it Oh no Now We just broke through the crust Into the creepy creepy mantle of this question Wow

So you are wanting sex tips Like no You wanna go to your mom and dad And say hey mom and dad teach me how to doggie Like is that what you're saying I mean he is saying Something like that I'm still terrible at it

I need mom and dad to teach Hey daddy I love you happy Christmas Papa Do you enjoy your bowling ball Good I'm trying to rearrange some guts And I could use some pro tips

Daddy Yeah Happy Happy birthday Jesus And I know it's Jesus's birthday Nothing's as a family get together Like sex tips

And everything but I'm getting laughed at over here I'm getting some Coital giggles That I could really do without So If you have a strategy guide That I could crack the spine of

Hey daddy After Rudolph could you jot me down some charts Maybe some diagrams Just jot me out like a Venn Diagram Of What to do and where to do it Yeah How to do it, how you do

Hey but listen If your wife's pregnant stay away from the buck That's Santa's town Get out of there That's Santa's town tonight You're blocking Ho Ho's exit He's got a lot of houses You can't stay in your wife's uterus

Please Please let's get out Let's get out We hope everyone had the foresight Who was listening to this with their family To head that question off at the past Yep Let's just slow it on down

I need Idea for a new holiday tradition For me and my husband This is our first Christmas as a married couple So go crazy brothers We're looking Sorry, so go crazy brothers We're looking for fun. Thanks

In need of holiday cheer, Gmail This is awesome. I've been doing this So much up in Chicago Because I don't know too many people up in there Except for my two roommates Um And we've had to make our own Holiday experiences

Didn't follow through on a lot of them though But we had some good ideas Well, why don't you Don't keep us in suspense We almost went to the zoo Okay How was your Christmas? It was good

We almost went to the zoo Pretty good Our Christmas Eve tradition Is On Christmas Eve The three of us And our papa We go on a walk

Um And We've been doing that for Literally two decades Every Christmas Eve we'll go We'll take a walk Travis isn't going to be in this year We think we're going to have to have him on speakerphone

We'll Skype him in But he has to promise he's walking in the cold That's a pretty dumb tradition Because wow, it is cold It's so cold It's a new type thing Um That's the nice thing about any holiday tradition

Or any tradition to begin with It really can be anything You just have to say like Let's do this every year Your tradition can be to eat hot dogs And watch Rambo every year Or Die Hard Oh, another one

Me and my roommate watched We were going to watch All of the extended Lord of the Rings movies Huh Maybe your tradition is falling through Yeah It beat me to it So

There's that, what about I'll tell you Some of my favorite holiday traditions Baking, I was going to say, baking That's always good, let me give you a quick recipe Third cup of butter 40 big marshmallows Heat them up on low until they're melted

Teaspoon of green food coloring Then six cups of corn flakes Mix that all together And then you shape it into a wreath Put some red hots for berries I use mint M&Ms Red mint M&Ms to make the berries Put it on some wax paper

Make a wreath shape You got a holiday delight there That is good I want to see some jpegs of people who actually made that Oh yeah, make that Christmas wreath And this is just, I made this last night And it was My favorite

I don't know any other people that do that After our Somebody looked like I was Explaining the miracles of Birth to them, they were amazed Well it is flavor birth Practically Chewy flavor birth

I want to hear your thoughts I can tell you want to end the show, but I have another yahoo That really needs exploring Okay I know we're going long, but it's Christmas It is Christmas This is a yahoo answers question That I found by myself

Which I haven't done in a long time We're very proud of you You followed through on something It took me a long time, I don't know how people Keep doing this, because it's really difficult Thank you so much for sitting in your questions It's by Yahoo Answers user, BallsW

Who asks Oh man How can I tell My nine year old son I'm not going to like his Christmas present I found my Christmas present in his room When I was snooping, how can I tell him That I don't really want a mug

Bitch I don't drink coffee I don't like my brother, my brother and me Why don't you get me this mug That's going to be a really rough conversation BallsW, because It seems pretty contrary To the spirit of the holidays Hey

Stop crying, stop crying Henry, let's Have a chat I don't want to Act surprised on Christmas Or delighted, but I know about the mug You goofed You goofed? You did a bad job

You don't have to Do I look like a man Who has a lack of things To bev out with Because I have plenty of A wide array of Turvus tumblers Of cups, handled cups

I'm all set on that front You know Henry, it's gifts like this That made your mother and I get divorced So good job Henry, am I on the naughty list What have I done To get on your personal naughty list What did I do, where did I go wrong

You know you should do With it right on its ear And give him presents that he doesn't want Just give him mugs Okay, here's TurboTax2009 edition You're gonna love it I guess you just learned a lesson A thing or two

I guess you really taught him Now no one's happy, Merry Christmas I think if you don't like a mug You gotta wait till you open it And smash it against the wall Cause that would be such a great visual image That he will live with I'll tell you, if you

Take your 9 year old son's Christmas gift It's a mug You take it, you look at it You make a face like you're retching inside And then you smash it against the wall That kid's, I don't know if he's gonna grow up angry Or generate, but he's gonna grow up special He's gonna be a special person

A light, a special person in this world He will be unique Henry, why are you acting like a car Oh you see when I was 9 My dad didn't like my Christmas gift So now I'm like my BMW face Uh listen, PB Bad news balls W

Nobody under the age of Let's say 15 Has ever bought a Christmas present for anybody That they wanted You don't learn how to do that You don't learn how to divine people's You know, desires Until at least age 15 I think

And even that's pretty ahead of the curve What kind of budget is your 9 year old working for Yeah, right I have a sister In law And she's a youngster She's just now turning 10 And I wish I had a museum of the Christmas presents

That I got from her They are awesome And if you don't like A little kid's present that they got you You're probably a monster I would like for you to die Hey can we curse? I really want to curse this guy out

No it's a holiday It's a holiday Earmuffs parents Earmuffs parents Q Balls W Well worth it What are you hearing Griffin's last question But thank you

For tuning in to our show That we almost made it through without cursing This is my brother My brother meets an advice show for the modern era If you're a new person You can find us On bnbam.com Subscribe there

You can talk about us on Twitter We'd love to see holiday quotes If you want to get us something for Christmas Spread the link to the show Around on your Twitter feed And your Facebook And pretty much everywhere Share it with somebody you love

Burn it on a CD Burn some episodes on a CD Check this show out I got it for you Merry Christmas It's the Christmas gift that says It's a file that I burned You can email us if you need us nbmbam at gmail.com The day has passed

For orders on the store But maybe if you want to get somebody a nice After Christmas present Or a new year's present You can buy him a t-shirt A good callback Yeah that's a nice one And

I think that's it Thank you We'll probably have one next week But Thank you guys So much for this year Of support And attention

And listenership And everything you've given to us It really means more than we can say This has been the best thing That has happened to me this year Is this podcast Thank you everybody That's an awkward finish

I mean I don't have a lot going for me Okay Listen, time's been tough Maybe Let's throw it off to Ludacris I would actually rather Listen to dad teach me how to have sex

Then Listen to you do this sad Sack business again So why don't you give me that last guy Are we going to mention After the show There's a special treat Not after the show but if you get

MBMBAM the experience We haven't talked about this, it's on the android store You can get MBMBAM The experience and the android store You get all the bonuses and crap That we release And we'll probably re-release some of the older ones Just so you android guys can check them out

Am I the only one who thinks that the android store Isn't nearly as cool as it sounds It sounds way cooler, yeah you're right But we got a song from our boy Jay Phonic It's that Christmas creep He turned it into a full song You'll really enjoy it So check that out

And remember you can gift someone the experience If you want That's a gift that says I tried And That's it, Griffin Hey everybody, happy holidays Absolutely, Lily Travel safely

Yeah, and we love you This one was sent in by Dante Thanks Dante, it's by Yahoo Answers user Shane Fargo who asks My veins Spell out king Is this common? Any significance? I'm Justin McElroy, I'm Travis McElroy

I'm Griffin McElroy It's been my brother and my brother and me Kiss your dad Here are the lips Hi, I know this sounds kind of awkward or crazy But on my left wrist my veins spell out the letters K I And on my right wrist my veins spell out NG My middle name is, in fact, King

notice this for the last two years and it will never go away, it seems like. I know my family is related to royalty. I just want to know if this is common or if I'm just a king without his crown. What'd I do? Happy birthday Jesus.